When Should You Say ‘I Love You’ in a Relationship?

One of the most common early relationship experiences is deciding when to say “I love you”—that is, of course, after you figure out you are in fact in love withyour partner. It’s not just timing that’s an emotional struggle. There’s where to say it, how soon is too soon, and what to do if the other person doesn’t say it back…ever.

Yep, dropping the L-bomb is a tricky romantic milestone. To get clarity on the exact right time and how you’ll know you’re ready and really feeling it, we reached out to relationship experts. Here are the three guidelines they advise.

Consider putting it off at least 3 months

Of course, every relationship is different. If you truly believe you’re in love by the second date and your heart is about ready to thump out of your chest if you don’t share the realization, then by all means, go for it.

But more often than not, even if you think you’re in love, consider waiting. That’s because the progression of love takes time, at least three months, Rebekah Montgomery, PhD, a therapist in private practice in Washington, DC, tells Health. If you think you feel it beforehand, it’s probably lust, infatuation, idealization, or chemistry.

This is because romantic love has a lot to do with amassed experiences with the person you’re dating. “How deeply do you know them—like, really know them?” Montgomery says. “You can fall in love with someone when things are going well and you’re having fun, but how about during stressful times, extended periods of time in each other’s company, traveling together, or when one of you is sick, vulnerable, or not at your best?”

Make sure your mindset has gone from “me” to “we”

Let’s say the relationship has lasted and you’ve been through less-than-ideal circumstances together. When you start reconfiguring your world around the other person, and you feel comfortable letting down your guard and sharing your deepest fears, needs, and desires, “it is likely love,” Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, relationship researcher and author of From First Kiss to Forever, tells Health. “When you constantly think about the other person, and you value the person for all of their strengths and faults, it is likely love.”

Wait until you won’t care if they don’t say it back

This one is a biggie. “The most critical aspect of deciding when to say ‘I love you’ is waiting until you feel comfortable with whatever the outcome is,” Montgomery says. “You want to feel good sharing how you feel, even if your partner isn’t quite ready to reciprocate.”

Montgomery emphasizes that you shouldn’t panic if they don’t return those three little words right away. “In fact, it’s even good to let the other person know you don’t need them to say it back,” she says. “It’s unrealistic to expect that two different people would experience the same exact emotions with the same exact timing.” In a relationship, you will be ready for things at different times: the first kiss, sex, moving in together, etc. “It’s about navigating the natural differences in timing,” she adds.

Also, a person’s definition of love may change with time and age, or over the course of a single relationship. “Infatuation, or the period of time in which you are totally absorbed in another person—see the world through rose-colored glasses, potentially ignore red flags—has been shown to last up to two years,” she says. “It’s not that a person needs to wait two years to say ‘I love you,’ but the ‘I love you’ can communicate different things, and the meaning behind it will evolve.”

Just don’t worry if they don’t say it back right away. Unless your partner explains that they don’t see those feelings coming at all, it’s more important that they’re putting forth effort to grow the relationship and they take their time to say those three little words. An honest, sincere “I love you” from someone you’re sure you love is worth the wait.

 

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Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 6

I met the three of them downtown. We exchanged hugs and greetings.

– “Ee,” I said, “it’s really nice of you to host us all for the long weekend.”

– “Are you kidding?” she replied. “You guys are doing me a favour. I can’t close the cottage by myself. As for the murder mystery, Teresa is doing all of the work.”

– “It’s going to be so much fun!” enthused Claire. Was she looking at me when she said that?

– “Epic.” said Leo. “C’mon, wingman – let’s get this show on the road.”

It was fun. Leo found his costume quickly, because he knew exactly what he wanted: Jack Sparrow. I tried to talk him out of it, but for once, Leo was right. He looked like Johnny Depp’s shorter and uglier brother, but he did bear a bit of a resemblance to Keith Richards. He also insisted on every accessory he could find, stuck in his belt, tucked into his sash, or somehow dangling from his coat. He looked like some kind of pirate Christmas tree.

The overall effect was quite comical, but the more I looked at it, the more I began to think that it might work. The girls laughed, of course. But then Eliza said: “You look great!”. Leo turned to me with a look of pure triumph, and preened like a peacock.

With his gear stowed away, we could then turn to a more enjoyable pastime: watching the two girls try on costumes. Eliza didn’t think she could pull off a pirate, and they didn’t have much in her size anyway. But then she had an idea.

– “What if I went as a tavern wench? A tempting trollop, or something like that?”

– “A tempting trollop?” I echoed. “Did you just say that?”

– “Shut up Colin. You know what I meant.” She punched my arm playfully.

Eliza tried on a couple of costumes, each of which featured low-cut tops. I’m not ashamed to say that Leo and I both stood up to get a better view.

She found a pair of high-heeled leather boots, and a brightly-patterned skirt, with a fluffy petticoat. Then she uncovered a broad leather belt, and a supple leather vest. It was probably a couple of sizes too big for her, but she needed room for her oversize chest, and the belt held it all together. The piece de resistance, though, was the frilly white shirt. It left her shoulders bare, and revealed a considerable expanse of her bosom.

Leo and I were too afraid to say anything. She looked … scorching hot. Did I mention that costumes were an aphrodisiac? If this had really been the 17th century, I would have wanted to take her into a back room, bend her over, flip up her skirts, and fuck her from behind like a madman. Forget the 17th century – I wanted to do that now. I glanced at Leo. From the look on his face, he was having similar thoughts.

Claire saved us. “Oh, Ee – that’s it. That one.” Her neighing laugh broke the spell. The girls went for a closer look in a mirror.

“Ho-ly shit.” whispered Leo.

– “Amen, brother.” I whispered back.

Luckily for me, Eliza kept her provocative costume on while Claire continued to go in and out of the change room. Lucky, because Leo’s attention was occupied while his sister put on a show. And what a show. The little minx kept trying on more and more revealing combinations.

Claire found a scarlet head scarf, and a huge pair of hoop earrings. She really liked a dark red skirt with black trim, and liked it even better when she pulled up one side and tucked it into her little belt. This revealed one leg to the knee, but the other leg was uncovered to mid-thigh. If you’re old enough to remember Cyd Charisse, you can imagine what Claire looked like.

She added a little black bustier with laces that looked like crossed bones, attached to skull-shaped buttons. She found another shirt like Eliza’s, with short, puffy sleeves, that left her shoulders and upper chest bare. She wasn’t showing much cleavage, but the little bustier lifted her boobs and thrust them forward. That’s when I noticed the magic of the shirt she wore. It did nothing to hide her breasts. Instead, it simply accentuated their shape.

Claire looked incredible. Just looking at her made me think of sex. I would have to rethink my costume, if I was going to have an erection most of the weekend.

– “Jesus, Claire!” said her brother. “How much skin you gonna show?”

She struck a pose, with one hand on her hip. “I didn’t hear you complain about Ee’s costume.” she said.

Eliza and I moved a bit further away, to let the siblings have one of their traditional arguments.

– “Is this too revealing? What do you think, Colin?” Eliza asked me, indicating her costume.

– “Ee, you look fantastic.” I answered. “Very, very sexy. A tempting trollop indeed.”

– “What about you? What are you going to get?”

– “Already did.” I told her. “It’s at home.”

– “Aww.” she said. “You get to see ours, but we don’t get to see yours?”

– “You will.”

If Eliza and Claire were going to look like this, I could only imagine what the four other women would be wearing. I was going to be rock hard the whole weekend.

 

 

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=260

 

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Cherie – Chapter 7 – Lion and the Scorpion – Part I

“Do you want more children, Cherie?”

After our epic 10 hour date last Saturday, we decided to go again this weekend. This would technically be our 4th date, but it felt like our 7th. I knew I couldn’t top last week, but I wanted to come up with some fun activities to do with my latest lady.

I looked online for any happenings. It was Halloween weekend, so I figured there must be something fun to do. The pumpkin event at Headhouse? No. Mini Golf in Northern Liberties?  Fuck Northern Liberties. The weather was supposed to be nice. Maybe we could get on the big red double-decker bus and tour the city. I know the city pretty intimately, but it would be fun to get the official tour and be out in the fresh air on one of the last warm days of Autumn.

I go online and buy a pair of tickets. $60. Not bad. Here’s how it works. You go to 5th and Market Streets. The buses run every half an hour. You give them you ticket, and get on the bus whenever you want. That ticket is now good for the next 24 hours. The bus tours around the city and stops at 15 different landmarks. There are even tour guides on every bus telling you what it is you’re looking at. One of the best parts of this tour is, you don’t have to stay on the bus the whole time. You can get off at any number of stops at any time. Why didn’t I ever think to do this with Michelle when we were together? (See: Michelle – A Brand New Day) You chill on the tour, hop off somewhere. Grab a bite. Have a few drinks and then get back on. You could literally eat and drink your way around the whole city for a day. All the while learning things about our fair city. It would be like having your own personal driver and tour guide, while you get hammered all over the city. Genius.

But it wouldn’t be like that with Cherie. She’s a different cat all together. I tell her to meet me at 5th and Market at 1:30pm. I’d like us to start the tour around 2pm. So I have we have this thing called “Cher-time.” I always allow her an extra half hour before we’re supposed to meet at a proposed time. She’s driving down from Pottstown. There could be construction, detours, weather, etc. I’m hardcore about the clock and being on time as you well know, but I’ll make an allowance here. Because it’s she who is driving all the way into the city to see me.

So, I ordered the tickets and printed them out on Friday night. Within an hour, I get a text from Cherie, that she is having babysitter issues, and she won’t be able to get down to Philly until 4pm. That throws a wrench in things. If it were summertime, it wouldn’t matter if we got on the tour at 4pm, because it stays light until after 8pm. But this time of year it’s starting to get dark at 6pm and it’s getting colder at night.

I call the Big Red Bus Company. I tell them my dilemma. The really cordial guy who answered the phone tells me those tickets can be used at anytime. They’re only activated when I actually present them and step on a bus. I was afraid they would expire or I somehow wasted $60, but no. I can use these tickets for another future date, with Cherie!

She doesn’t know any of this is happening, it’s all behind the scenes. I think she’s just a little sad she can’t get down here sooner. I tell her I have everything under control. She says that she loves a man in control.

I like her words.

She’s on her way down and texts me that there is a detour up around 307, because of some rowing event. I tell her not to worry, and just take her time and be safe. She later texts me from 23rd and Cherry. I tell her I’m waiting for her at 21st and Pine. Somehow she gets a little lost, but finally gets to me. I hop in the Saab and off we go. I tell her about the bus tour thing and initially I could tell she was sad that it was too late to do it. I’m looking at her sweet pout lip. I tell her not to worry because we can use them anytime. She’s happy about that. I tell her it’s another day of dating that’s already paid for. I told her if we’re up on the top-level of the bus it may get a little chilly but we can sit in the back of the bus and cuddle to stay warm. She says she’s down for that for sure. I ask her if she has a problem sitting in the back of the bus. She laughs and tells me she does not. It’s not racially insensitive if the person you are with is intelligent and you’re dating her.

I don’t really have a plan at this point. It’s 5pm now. She drives up to a parking lot back out at 23rd and Cherry streets, It’s pretty deserted. She pulls in. There is no attendant. There are some signs up that say weekend permits only. It almost appears we could just park here and nobody would even know the lot is so empty. But being the honest person Cherie is, she pulls up and leans out the window. She starts putting cash in the machine. I glance over at her. She’s half way out the window because she didn’t pull close enough to the machine. Her shirt rides up her back and I see a horizontal patch of lovely brown skin. Framed above her jeans is lacy turquoise underwear. Is she doing this on purpose?

We pull in and she picks this isolated spot. It’s still light out but dusk is approaching. We’re chatting and catching up. But that slowly turns into dreamy kissing. This goes on for a while and becomes quite passionate.

It’s getting dark and Cherie seems to have no interest in going anywhere or seeing anything around the city. She’s content to stay here and be with me. So I start to feel like something is about to happen in the moment of passion. I feel like a teenager again. Making out with a pretty girl in a car in the dark. And then it happens.

The C-Block. The CB. Doesn’t a Police vehicle pull into the lot and circle around and park about 30 feet away at my 10 o’clock position? Just sits there. Motor running. Headlights shining outward. I can’t believe this is happening again. Cherie says the cops can’t see what her hands are doing below the dashboard. She also notes that the idea of law enforcement parked there while things are happening in here heightens the thrill.

It has become clear to me at this point that Cherie is very interested in me. I’m happy about this. I have been on this dating odyssey, and it’s as if I had to go on all of those dates for this woman to be delivered to me. I’ve learned much on this journey. But like she once said to me…” Be careful for what you wish for.” She’s intelligent, funny, easy-going, beautiful, fit, and on the right side of thirty. I think I just checked off every box on my list. Now it appears there is only one box left that needs checking.

But not in front of the cops.

I suppose some of you may be wondering why I don’t just take her back to my apartment and throttle her. I didn’t want to mention this before but I have a 19-year-old daughter. She lives with me. When she came to me during her senior year in high school, I was single. Technically I still am. I don’t want to start bringing strange women into the house just yet. I haven’t even discussed it with her. If she were sitting on the sofa and I just came rolling in with some young chick, and took her back to the bedroom, that just wouldn’t be cool. Maybe when I know the place is clean, and my daughter is away for the weekend for sure. I’m sure the situation is the same for Cherie. Her son is 6 years old. It’s just weird bringing a strange man into mommy’s bed. I have a lot of will power and am a very patient man. I’m not worried. We’ll figure it out.

Anyway, we’re getting antsy. Cherie suggests we take a walk. I agree. It’s a nice night. This way the police sitting there for the last hour doing nothing will see that we are clean upstanding citizens. Not some interracial couple that has to hide their forbidden romance in some vacant lot on the outskirts of town.

We walk a ways. So I figure maybe I’ll take her somewhere and get her something to eat. But she has other plans. We walk a few blocks and end up on this small street with very little on it. We get to the middle of the block and she stops. She just wants to hang out and make out. I can’t believe this is happening. When I think of all of the drinks and dinners I bought for these other women, and felt nothing, this little vixen just wants to play with me. This goes on for about 45 minutes. It’s a deserted street. We’re right in the middle of the block facing each other. So I can see if anybody is walking up the street or if a car is coming. She can do the same in the opposite direction. Again, I feel like I’m 17 years old and I’m out at night with my 14-year-old girlfriend, Anne. We’re just holding each other and chatting and kissing and gazing into each other’s eyes.

Feels like love to me.

From the very first meeting we just sort of clicked. I thought she was great chill girl. She liked that I was a white gentleman that made her laugh. Yes, I did gather more intel on this date. Her son’s father clipped her when she was 17 years old. He was in his 30’s. He was white. She said they waited until she was 18 to have sex. I agreed with that idea. (Avoid those pesky statutory rape laws.) Apparently he was married and has 4 other children! She says she was not the home wrecker. They bet in a bar but I didn’t push her for details. I asked her to describe him. I didn’t know what to expect. She simply said. 5’9″ okay looking. A douchebag. Also she seems a little sore that he doesn’t spend as much time as he should with his son with her. But he does pay child support. So kudos, buddy. But put some more time in with your boy, asshole. You only get one chance.

They’re only children ONCE.

But here’s the best part of all of that. She works in a pediatrician’s office as one of her two jobs. She says she loves children. She wants to be a doctor that practices pediatric neurosis when she finishes her education. That’s awesome. So I’m assuming, young woman, loves kids, already has one would probably want another one or two to round out the dinner table. Based on these stories you know that my last 3 relationships all ended for that reason. I already have been married. I have a child. I have paid over $125,000 in tax-free money to someone who is not a nice person and hurts those around her. My ex-wife has already burned through her second marriage and has another kid.

But I digress.

Oh sure, I could get married and have another kid and live happily ever after. Sure that could happen. But based on my track record, it’s a sucker’s bet. If I did that and somehow fucked it up again. My child support payments would be coming out of my Social Security checks. No. Just place the gun in my mouth and gently curl your finger so that everything I ever was ends up on the wall behind me.

So I pull the trigger. The lynch pin in this lovely, seemingly perfect romance. Because this way I don’t have to say my last 4 relationships ended for the same reason. I can still say 3, because this beautiful flower that has grown between Cherie myself in the last few weeks will be stomped into the earth under the hob nail boot of reality. Doomed from the start. Destroyed before it could ever flourish.

“Do you want more children, Cherie?”

Tune in 2 weeks from now for the chilling conclusion to this deal breaking tale!

 

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Cherie – Chapter 5 – Be Careful What You Wish For – Part I

Don’t be a guy.

Be a man.

Saturday arrived. I woke up relatively early. Philly had periods of showers but the rain was supposed to stop around 1pm, so that was good. I didn’t want another rainy day date with Cherie. But actually I was looking forward to seeing her so the weather didn’t really matter.

I stopped by the salon to drop off some detergent and bring my friend Trish some fives for the register. She was hung over from a night of Jameson at Tattooed Mom’s with her friends on South Street. She stopped drinking alcohol about a year ago, because she said she didn’t like how she behaved on it. Said it made her angry. Trish is angry anyway and I can only imagine what a nightmare she is on booze. That’s probably part of the reason she can’t function without smoking marijuana everyday and drinking oceans of coffee just to get through the day. I’ll be writing a chapter about her in the near future but for now I’ll stick to the events of today.

I give Trish the fives and she hands me a twenty out of the register. I’m walking across the lobby to take a seat and chat with her for a bit when she says. You have a hole in the back of your pants. I’m like, “Stop checking out my sweet ass.”

“Seriously dude. You have a huge hole in your pants. Don’t you feel that?”

I reach back and sure enough, there is a pretty good-sized hole there.

“I didn’t want you going out on your date today with a big old hole in your pants, dude.”

I joke that maybe I could guide Cherie’s hand to it in the movie theater for some cheap thrills.

“It’s the 3rd date!”

“I hate that shit!”

I tell her I agree. I don’t know if you all know this but a lot of young people are under the impression that the 3rd date equals sex. Which I find stupid. In all seriousness I would rather get to know someone and if there is a mutual attraction, the sex should just happen as a celebration at some point. There should never be a deadline related to intercourse. That almost sounds predatory.

So I head back to my apartment to put on another pair of jeans. I grab a pair and realize I haven’t worn them in a while. Like two years. They are a 36 waist. I now wear a 32 waist, but can do a 34 with a belt. They’re just too big and I look ridiculous. I grab another pair. Another hole in the seat. What’s going on here? Did I wear out the seat of two pair of jeans? I know I see the occasional mouse here in the building but what sort of butt munching rodents do we have around here?

I find a pair that are in decent shape with no holes in the seat, and put them on. This will have to do. I go downstairs and summon an UBER. While driving down to Columbus Boulevard to the multiplex, I chat with my driver, Hanna. She asks me what movie I’m going to see. I tell her the lady I’m taking likes scary movies, so we’re seeing, ‘Ouija: Origin of Evil.’ Some how she gathers from our conversation that my date is younger than me. She asks, and I tell her she’s a little younger. She tells me about a male friend of hers, who is 50 something and was dating a woman in her 40’s and just wasn’t happy. He said that women his age were all carrying all the same baggage. He’s now dating a woman around 30 and says that younger women are just more fun. I say that I agree, but when you date younger women they all eventually want to get married and have kids.  She says that her friend is always up front about that sort of thing. Maybe I should have been clear about that in my last 3 failed relationships. And here I am being driven to what could possibly be a 4th similar destination.

She lets me out and I go into the lobby and get in line for tickets. The movie starts at 1:50 and it is now 1:30. I get the tickets and as I turn to wait for Cherie, she appears. On time. Early. I like that. It’s really nice to see her. Even though it’s only been four days since our last encounter.

Her hair is up in a bun, exposing her lovely slender neck. makes me think about how I kissed that neck on Tuesday. She’s wearing a yellow blouse, and light brown slacks. They cling to her shapely legs.

We are about to enter our auditorium and we notice the floor is really sticky. Someone must have spilled a soda there, and they tried to mop it up but didn’t get it all up. Now I’ve been to plenty of movie theaters in my time, and have jokes about the sticky stuff and detritus that is on the floor of the theaters, but this was really sticky. I had to laugh out loud. I practically had to curl my toes to keep my shoes from being pulled off by that sticky floor. Just a classic ‘out at the movies’ moment.

We go in and decide that we both like to sit in the back of the theater. I ask her if she wants anything to eat. I suggest some delicious buttery popcorn. She says it’s ok but doesn’t like how it can stick in your teeth. She says she likes chocolate, but not dark chocolate. I tell her I love dark chocolate. She smiles and knows what I mean. I really do prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate, but I also love the color of her skin. I go and mortgage my house at the concession stand on exorbitantly expensive snacks. Medium popcorn, medium cherry coke, bottle of water, and a bag of snickers minis for baby. $21. The food was as much as the tickets. The kid behind the counter even told me I could upgrade to a large popcorn and a large soda for $.50 more. I compliment him on his up-sell, but politely decline.

I get back to Cherie. I get all of our snacks and drinks squared away and sit down. “How did you know I loved Snickers?” she asks. “Well I’m funny and you like to laugh, so I figured, Snickers. she smiles and we settle into the previews. There aren’t many people in the theater. I like that. There’s also no late arrivals and no one is sitting in front of us. I love that as well. People are getting seated and chattering a little but that’s acceptable during the previews. We’re whispering closely. Then we kiss. It’s really nice. I feel like a teenager. I haven’t smooched in a movie theater in years. It was so sweet to hold hands too. She rubbed my arm and caressed my hand, and I was even so bold as to rub her leg and knee. It was all very gentle and romantic. What a refreshing difference from the crap women I went on dates with a few months ago. But I’m really enjoying this elegant romantic odyssey.

There is one rub that I have to mention. It’s happened a few times since then. We call it the C-Block, or the CBs. Cherie and I are in the very back row of the theater. All the way in the aisle to the right against the wall. There is only one way out. Doesn’t some pair of fucknuts sit at the very end of the aisle? This couple just sort of drops it there. One row down would have been fine. But they are right now, in OUR aisle. They could have sat anywhere. There weren’t that many people in the theater. It’s just a human thing. Homo Sapiens are such social animals they have to be together all the time. I can tell Cherie doesn’t want them there and neither do I. But there’s nothing we can do. Nothing but make a bunch of trips to the snack bar and the bathrooms. This way we can thrust our delicious firm buttocks right in their stupid faces.

Oh, never mind. It’s just annoying, we just wanted some private time to neck in the back of the theater!

The movie was a pretty by the numbers horror flick. I’d give it a solid three and a half stars. Demon possession, scary children, and good sudden frights do make you jump. We shared the popcorn and the candy. It was lovely. I was happy to be there sharing this Halloween treat with her.

After the film, we went outside. The sun was out and the rain was gone. It had been warm during the week, but had suddenly turned chilly in the last couple of days. Cherie always has trouble finding a place to park in the city, but down by the movie theater there is always loads of parking spots. We walk over to her Saab, and hop in to get out of the chill. We’re chatting about our next move, (which I have already planned) and more kissing ensues. She tells me she was hoping I would agree to sit in the back of the theater so we could neck. It appears this girl really likes me. She says she likes how soft my hands are. It makes me think of Captain Quint when he grabs Matt Hooper’s hands in the film Jaws, and says “You’ve got city hands, Mr. Hooper, from counting money all your life!” That, and the scene in Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men” when one of the men on the farm puts petroleum jelly in his one glove to keep is hand soft for when he touches his woman. I don’t know why my mind flashed to those two images but for a moment they do.

I suggest we go over to Dave and Buster’s to go play games together. She likes the idea. I will say this about my lovely neuroscience major. She is very bright and quick of wit, but extremely laid back and easy-going. She’s from California, and this chick is chill. I always compliment her about her sweet disposition, because I really like that about her. Peaceful is good. She tells me, that between her two jobs, going to class, and taking care of her son, she has to make many decisions every day. She says she likes how I take charge, and just tell her where we’re going and what time it’s happening. I always have a plan and take the lead. She finds that attractive. So take note male readers, many women like to be told what you’re doing with them and where you’re taking them. Women are great negotiators and communicators, but when it comes to picking a lunch spot, just tell them pizza or sushi or just take them somewhere they serve different stuff and go. I have to give thanks here to my late father in regard to the clock. If he told you something was going to happen, or we were going to be somewhere at a specific time, it happened without error. He taught me that your word is your bond, and always be punctual. Like Beau Bridges says to Michelle Pfieffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys, “Punctuality is the first rule of show business.” Life itself is like a giant long series. You’re the star of your own show. Make it a fun, exciting show if you can. To sum up: Girls like a take-charge man.

Don’t be a guy.

Be a man.

 

 

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Andrea – 2014 – S&M Girl

“Hi Lorelei. Daddy’s just going to take this fat, drunk bitch back to his room and tie her up. Then you’re going to hear a lot of slapping and squishing sounds. You’re also going to hear Daddy say a bunch of really foul sexually degrading things to this woman, so you better put your ear buds in and crank that shit up.”

One night a couple of years ago, I was out with a friend of mine. We were having drinks outside at Misconduct at 15th & Locust. He was telling me a story about this girl he met on Tinder. Pure hookup. She comes over to his apartment. Sadly, she doesn’t look like her Tinder pics. Which is not good. That’s like seeing a photo of a car you want to buy in the Auto Trader and when you get to the lot to check out the car, it’s an older model and a little banged up and maybe even a bit more car than you saw in the photos.

But he was drunk and up for the foul deed. He said she was a thick girl but he went to town on her anyway. Like my tinder profile says: “If you don’t look like your photos, you’re going to buy me drinks until you do.” So he said it was good sex except for one thing. He didn’t like that she wanted him to spit on her and hit her. There’s nothing wrong with what two consenting adults do with each other behind closed doors. Especially if everyone’s on board with what’s happening. But he didn’t like it. Just not his thing.

He told me that he wasn’t comfortable with that situation. He said at that point no matter what he was into or what he would do, he couldn’t do that again.  It just wasn’t him. (He didn’t spit on her or hit her at all) At that time, back in the beginning of 2014, I had just come off a break up and told him to send Andrea pics of me. Because I was up for whatever she wanted dished out. The key here is when it comes to dominance, be firm…not mean. There’s a big difference. I would discipline and correct her if necessary. And remember, the submissive party is ALWAYS in control. They have the safe word and hold the power to cancel the fantasy at anytime. That’s the rules of S&M play.

Well, nothing came of it. Until earlier this year when she connected to me on LinkedIn. LinkedIn of all places! Can you imagine with all of the dating websites out there, LinkedIn brings me the crazy S&M chick? So we chatted and did some texting. She wanted me to text her all of the things I was going to do to her, so I did. I have a pretty good imagination. She said she was getting really turned on and that we should meet.

I set it up that we should meet at the Ranstead Room. It’s just a good spot normally to hideout with somebody. I get there and I’m just chilling with a drink. She arrives shortly thereafter. My friend was right about her. In her Tinder pics she looks really hot, but in real life she is a lot bigger, and what was with that low tranny voice? Not good. I just wasn’t feeling it. I would have to drink a LOT of cocktails for Andrea to start to resemble her profile pics on Tinder. So I figured what the hell, I was already here and the drinks were flowing. She wasn’t that hot but at least I was someplace where nobody knew me.

Then the manager from the restaurant where my daughter works suddenly comes through the door and walks right up to me and says hello using my name.

Now I’m made. He can see who I’m with and now everybody there knows my name.

Andrea starts telling me about her life. She hates her job and wants to leave Philly. (Probably a good idea for us all.) She was seeing some crazy drug dealer loser guy. He’s suicidal, and does tons of coke. It’s bad, and she’s not much better.  I always thought if you did a bunch of cocaine you were skinny. Certainly not the case here.

After awhile we’re getting pretty tipsy. We went outside for a cigarette. She was on me like a northern pike hitting the bait. So I’m making out with her and people are walking by on Ranstead and she just pulls her boobs out. She’s losing her shit. She wants to take me back behind the building and give me a blowjob.

Yea. Great. I’ll just go stand behind my daughter’s manager’s Mercedes-Benz and you can give me oral. What if he walks outside and sees that shit? That’s not going to be good for me or anybody. Now, if this was Los Angeles and it was 1982, yea I’d be down for that, but not now. That’s gross. Sure, I’m flattered that she’s turned on enough from my words and the alcohol to want to blow me in a filthy alley, but no. Just no. I don’t roll like that.

She’s drunk. We go back inside and we’re in the vestibule and all sorts of things are happening with lips and fingers. If somebody comes through either door, we’re going to jail. So after that brief encounter, we go back inside. I kind of want to go home. In the right environment, some S&M play could be fun with her, but I’m just not getting a good vibe from her in this moment. She’s calling me daddy and all that shit. She says she loves older men, etc. I tell her I have an early sales meeting in the morning that I have to travel to so we should wrap it up. (A bold-faced lie)

She wants to go back to my place and have sex. Great idea. I can see it now. Me walking through the door to my apartment with Andrea and my daughter sitting on the sofa.

“Hi Lorelei. Daddy’s just going to take this fat, drunk bitch back to his room and tie her up. Then you’re going to hear a lot of slapping and squishing sounds. You’re also going to hear Daddy say a bunch of really foul sexually degrading things to this woman, so you better put your ear buds in and crank that shit up.”

No. Not happening. We pay the bill, and we walk over to 18th Street. I hail her a taxi and send her on her way. I was actually relieved when she was gone.

If somebody I met and was in a relationship wanted to experiment with some things, I’d be down with that, but Andrea just isn’t that person.

Update! She appeared at the salon tonight for a tan before she goes to L.A!

She’s leaving Philly for good!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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Julia – 2016 – Snack Girl

“I’m sorry I can’t see u today I feel not good I got diarrhea.”

I matched this cute kitty kat on the dating site, Ok Cupid. Please excuse any grammatical errors. They are her words not mine. Here is her profile:

Julia

30 – Philadelphia 39% match on ok cupid

Straight, Woman, Single, 4’11”

My self summary

I really want to have serious relationship at this time. cuz I don’t have time for playing the game..I’m not interested with multiple dating.. if u want to know to know about me pleaseee make sure u already clear with your past relationship. im sensitive person too. I like the guy who can talk more open & honest event that’s hurt (need to have respect each other)

I don’t like mommy boy I like the guy who is mature & independent (cuz I’m independent too) I have full-time job I work mon – fri 2- 11pm. I have house… I don’t have drivers license.

What I’m doing with my life

Working, relaxing, snacking etc

I’m really good at

Negotiations

Six things I could never do without

Phone

Snack

Money

Friends

Alarm

Key

On a typical friday night I am

I like stay at home at usually … snacking, watching TV etc.  But if my friends asking to hang ut it’s ok too depends on my mood that time,

You should message me if

If u ready to have serious relationship. NO ATHEIST & independent.

———————————————————————————————————————————-

So that’s her profile.

She certainly likes her snacks, right? If I bring enough snacks and a bible on the first date, do you think I’ll get lucky?

Here’s how our first conversation on the site went. It’s over several days and there are huge gaps of time between daily texts.

April 8

Me: Hello! It’s a match!

Her: Hi

April 10

Me: How was your weekend? I really like what you said in your profile. (A bold-faced lie. I don’t give a shit. She’s hot. But I know she’ll like that I read it.)

Her: My weekends its ok .. what I said make u interested.

Me: Would you like to meet up?

Her: ok no problem

April 11

Me: When can we meet? May I have your number?

Her: Next Sunday?

Her: (Gives me her number)

Me: I could do Sunday after 4pm.

Me: (Gives her my number)

Her: Sunday 23

Me: Ok

(That’s two weeks away)

(So normally once the phone numbers are exchanged both parties switch to just texting each other to make a plan to meet and no longer communicate on the dating site. Makes sense, right?)

(So I text her on her phone.)

April 11

Me: Hello!

Her: Hi

Me: Hi, I’m looking forward to meeting you on the 23rd.

Her: ok

April 12

(For some reason she writes me again on the dating site)

Her: U not sleepy yet

Me: How are you? I texted you

Her: Good thanks… hbu

April 13

Me: I’m doing great. But we have each other’s numbers. Shouldn’t we just text?

(Then it switches back to regular phone texting)

Me: Hello I just saw your post on Ok Cupid early this morning. Couldn’t sleep?

Me: Hello!

April 21

Me: Hello. Are we meeting up Sunday after 4?

Her: Who is this?

(How the fuck did that happen in a week?)

Me: It’s (My name) from Ok Cupid

Her: Can u send me pic please

(Now it’s getting weird)

Me: (Send her 2 photos of me)

Her: I’m sorry this sunday I can’t because I think u cancel cuz you not text me again.

(I don’t need to be in constant text/touch with anyone once I’ve made solid plans with them. We’re adults for goodness sake!)

Me: Ok. But you remember me now? How about this coming week?

Her: Oh yes u said u live in ritten house right

(Again. Sorry about her bad grammar)

Me: Yes. Are you still interested?

Her: ok next sunday morning 12 its ok?

Me: I work on Sundays till 4. I can do lunch during the week or Saturday anytime or Sunday after 4, or Monday night or Wednesday night.

Her: Monday morning?

Me: Ok. Can we meet in center city?

Her: Yes

Me: Lovely. What time?

Her: 11/12?

Me: Ok. so lunch! Do you have any dietary limitations?

Her: No.

Me: Any favorite foods?

Her: (Smiley face) We can go to simple coffee shop.

(I has hoping she’d say she wanted to go to a Snack Bar!!!!!)

Me: Ok

Yesterday

Me: Ok, so what time tomorrow and do you have a coffee shop you prefer?

Her: Oh yes. 12

Me: Is there a coffee shop you prefer?

Her: I prefer around center city.

Me: Meet me at The Last Drop Coffee Shop at 13th and Pine at 12 noon tomorrow.

Her: Ok

Me: Looking forward to meeting you

Today

Her: (My Name) I’m sorry I can’t see u today I feel not good I got diarrhea.

(Who plays that card before a first date? Do you think it’s from eating all the damn snacks?)

Me: Oh dear! I’m so sorry. I hope you feel better.

Her: Thank u… don’t know why I eat alot of fruit & yogurt last night … I try not eat rice.

(Gross!)

Me: I hope you’re feeling better!

Her: Thank u

Me: Is there another day you’d like to meet up this week? Tomorrow? Wednesday?

Her: I’m not sure for Wednesday cuz I need go to home depo in morning time my house have little bit construction stuff.

Me: Well, I’m out-of-town Thurs – Sun.

Her: its ok don’t worry about that


 

So for now I will end this chapter here. Hopefully I can get a first date with her even though she doesn’t seem all that bright. But beauty is forgivable and I will keep trying to make this happen. But so far it’s been brutal just trying to communicate with this woman so it may already be a fail.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly