5 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Respect You

Respect is so often thought of as the key ingredient to a great relationship, but it’s a concept that’s hard to define. When it comes to respect, most of us know when we’ve been disrespected.

What we expect when we ask others to give us respect is harder to define. Respect may mean different things for different people. There’s the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. And then there’s the Platinum Rule. Basically, the Platinum Rule is the ultimate definition of respect: Treat others the way they want to be treated.

In order for someone to treat you the way you want to be treated, you must be very clear about how you want to be treated, or they have to be a mind reader. If you feel disrespected by your partner, be very clear in your communication with them.

When you feel disrespected, say ‘I need you to ____’ and state the new behavior that you would prefer to see instead. For example, you might say ‘I need you to speak to me with less anger in your tone.’

Little research has been done on respect, because until recently, it had not yet been defined as something that could be measured.

Researchers attempting to study respect in relationships created a definition that included the following psychological traits:

* loving

* caring

* understanding

* honesty

* loyalty

* listening openly

* not abusive or judgmental

* considerate

In another study on respect, the same researchers found that respect was so highly correlated with relationship satisfaction that it seemed to resemble the same concept for research participants who were surveyed.

 

1. Your partner tells you what is wrong with you

No one is perfect and you certainly don’t need your partner to keep reminding you of that. It’s hard enough for you to accept your own faults without a reminder.

If you hear this from your partner, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you. Tell them that there’s nothing wrong with you, and although you may make a mistake from time to time, you would prefer to hear about all the positive things that your partner likes about you.

 

2. Your partner doesn’t listen to you

Listening is a basic sign of respect, and both of you should have a chance to listen and speak your minds. When one partner interrupts, talks over, or shows disdain for the other person when they are speaking, communication begins to break down.

Responding to your partner when they speak is essential to a respectful relationship. In a study of mindfulness and relationship conflict, researchers found that being fully present in the moment could help couples to feel more respect for their partner after an argument.

The mindfulness study showed that ‘mindfulness may play an influential role in romantic relationship well-being.’ Try some deep breathing, tighten your abdominal muscles and focus on maintaining emotional control while you work through your problem.

5 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Respect You

3. Your partner always gets to have things their way

A successful partnership has to be a two-way street. One of you shouldn’t be always getting things their way. Compromise, especially on things that are not your top priorities, is key to a respectful relationship.

When your partner tries to control the relationship and insists on having things their way, it is a sign that they do not respect your needs. Try asserting yourself, especially when it is important to you. If your partner still will not allow you to have things your way, tell them that their behavior is unacceptable to you.

 

4. Your partner disrespects your friends or family

Your partner doesn’t have to love your friends or family like you do, but they do need to treat them respectfully. As a couple, you will be spending time together in the future, and part of your lives together will include family time.

It is important to a healthy, respectful relationship for you and your partner to have a good relationship with each other’s friends and family. Even if you are only civil to each other, respect for your partner’s loved ones is important.

 

5. Your partner is frequently unkind

Respect begins by not causing anyone harm. This includes not hurting feelings intentionally. Everyone is responsible for his or her own words and actions. Intentional name-calling, belittling, angry words, threatening language, or even a judgmental or accusing tone are all ways that your partner might show their disrespect.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 38 – In Bloom

Cherie texts me that she has missed her 6pm train and that’s she’s driving down. That actually buys me some time to take care of some of the things I couldn’t today because of other people’s fuck ups. I spray my bedroom with air freshener, Strip the bed and put fresh sheets on it, and remove all the trash and recyclables from my room. I set the music on Pandora to chill, and make sure there are enough chocolates and candles for tonight’s event.

I start walking towards suburban station to meet her at the train. When I get there at 7pm I text her and ask her when is she getting off the train. She texts me back to remind me that she told me that she’s driving in tonight.

Ahhh…. Well now I won’t see her for an hour because she’s out searching for parking now. And that will take her forever knowing Cherie. So I head south on 17th street and stop in the Rite Aid on Chestnut St. I pick up some laundry detergent pellets that my daughter Lorelei wanted and some razors that I desperately needed.

I decide to just head back to my apartment and chill out and wait for the word from Cherie that the eagle has landed.

I get a text from her telling me she got a spot down at 22nd and Bainbridge. I tell her to head North on 22nd street up to Pine and make a right. (Baby has such a poor sense of direction that telling Cherie to go north, is like telling her to go orange) She just doesn’t get it. But I send her a snapshot of the map and she pulls it together. I head out of the apartment and go west on Pine hoping to meet her halfway. I do and when I see her I’m very happy.

It’s been three weeks and Cherie seems a bit quiet. I ask her if she’s okay and she says she is. Just the usual life stresses she always has. I wish her a happy 8 month anniversary, and tell her how pleased I am with how things are going. We get to the house. The day has been a long, hot grind already. I tell her I’m going to take a quick shower to clean up and cool off. I turn on the air conditioner and the music for her. She flops back on the bed to rest.

I’m so happy to be taking this shower. It’ll give me a chance to freshen up before I hop in bed with Cherie. I was in such a rush to get to the salon this morning I didn’t have a chance to shave or do any manscaping. It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen her and I need to keep the instrument in top shape.

I come out in my robe and get on the bed with her. I notice that she’s being a bit coy with me. leading up to today she’s always saying how horny she is and how she can’t wait to tear me apart. But at the moment she’s playing like she’s not that interested. I decide to take matters into my own hands.

I start kissing and caressing her. She starts to come around. I go to work on her to get her warmed up and it works beautifully. She starts like a brand new car.

After our joyous activity that goes on until 11:30pm she laughs and apologizes for being a bit aloof earlier. She was just being a baby because she hadn’t seen me in a while and was frustrated.

Well I pounded that frustration right out of her and Cherie loved every inch of it.

Have I gone too far with my words? This is a dating blog, not a sex blog. But how I wish I could describe in graphic detail how amazing sex is with Cherie. It,s an absolute delight.

We fall asleep around midnight, and all is right with the world.

Cherie gets up around 3am to go to the bathroom. When she returns she reaches over and gently coaxes me awake and then to arousal. We go for another round of mind bending sex. We finally settle down around 4am and go back to sleep. I know she said she had to be on the road by 8:30am so I set the alarm for 6:30.

 

The next morning she said she doesn’t HAVE to be on the road by 8:30, so I let her sleep in and I take a shower. It’s been a delightful night. I wish we had more time so we could go out and do things together more, but if this is the way it is right now, so be it. It’s cheap and super fun.

Gents… wouldn’t you like to know that once or twice a month some hot girl is going to stop by your house and bang the hell out of you and then get off the property?

Damn straight you would.

When we’re up and ready I decide to take her to Honey’s Sit n’ Eat at 21st and South. It’s a great breakfast spot. The food is fresh and delicious, the staff is nice, but it’s a little pricey. The place couldn’t be more perfect. It’s literally two blocks from where her car’s parked and we get a table immediately.

I will say this though. When we entered, I walked up to the counter. The hostess wasn’t there yet. I’m there and Cherie is just a step behind me. There is no one else standing there. Just us two. The hostess arrives and says hello. I say:

“Table for two.”

“Has your other party arrived yet?”

I turn around to Cherie and say: “Yea. She’s right here.”

“Come with me.”

What the fuck? Is it because there is no way a middle-aged, white gentleman coming into this breakfast nook couldn’t possibly be with this visibly younger, attractive black girl?

What the fuck? I talked to Cherie about this later, and told her how appalled I was by the stupid hostess’ ignorance. She said, if she didn’t have to be on the road back home in and hour she would have simply said: “Let’s go.”

What the hostess did, felt a little racist. I know everybody’s sensitive nowadays, but I’m very aware of that shit now that I’m with a black chick. They have it rough in this world. Shit’s not fair. And there is no white person in this country that can say they know what’s it’s like to be born black in America.

But to end this on a positive note, the breakfast was amazing. Baby’s belly was full. I was satisfied and ready to go work at the salon, and I got her to her car safely and off she went.

I’ll see her when I see her. (As my father used to say)

 

 

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50 shades of Shitty!!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

Right now, at this point in time, I am a shitty person!! Really!! I am! Actually that is not totally true, I want to say I am a shitty person, my inner bitch tells me I am a shitty person but if it stop being so self critical and rationalize this appropriately I am a […]

via 50 shades of Shitty!!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

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15 Reasons Why You Should Absolutely Tell Him How You Feel

Have feelings for a guy and you’re not sure whether or not to tell him? Here are fifteen reasons why you absolutely should tell him how you feel!

1. He Probably Can’t Tell

Frankly, guys don’t always see things even when they’re right in front of them. Whether he’s a friend or someone you’ve only seen from afar, chances are he can’t tell you like him unless you tell him straight up how you feel. Don’t walk away from the possibility of a relationship by not telling the guy you like that you’re into him. There’s no way for him to make a move if he doesn’t know that you like him, so you’ve got to tell him!

2. It’ll Make Him Like You More

A guy will totally like you more if you tell him how you feel. Guys are more likely to walk away if they don’t know you feel the same about them as they do about you.

By telling him you like him, you’re confirming your feelings for him, and that will make him like you even more than he already did. Guys like girls who take the initiative, so it’ll be a total turn on for him if you tell him you like him.

He’ll like you so much more knowing you’re not afraid to admit your feelings for him. It shows that you’re the kind of girl who knows what she wants and goes for it!

3. So You Can Date

Whether he’s a friend or a guy you don’t know too well, there’s no way you’re going to start dating if you don’t both tell each other how you feel. If you want to turn the friendship into something more, you have to tell him how you feel.

He probably doesn’t already know, so you won’t be able to date him without breaking the ice and letting him know you have feelings for him. You should take the initiative and tell him – in person – so he knows that you’re interested and he can properly ask you out!

4. It’s Better Than Waiting For Him To Make The Move

Guys aren’t good at telling you how they feel. Even worse, sometimes a guy will take forever to make a move and finally ask you out. He’ll drag his feet and put it off for a long time before he finally makes his move and tells you how he feels.

The way to counter this is by telling him before he has the chance to tell you. If you wait for him to make a move, you’ll be waiting a really long time. Tell him how you feel, and you’ll end the waiting game for both of you. Once he knows how you feel, he’ll be able to make his move, and neither of you will have to wait a million years to be together!

5. Games Are Lame

If you play games with a guy, he’ll definitely walk away, and you’ll stay his friend rather than moving up to being his girlfriend.

Games are lame, and no one likes playing games when it comes to relationships. You wouldn’t want him to mess with your feelings, so you shouldn’t do it to him.

Instead of beating around the bush and playing games, be direct. Otherwise, he won’t be able to tell if you have feelings for him or if you’re just trying to mess with his head.

Taking the initiative and telling him how you feel will show him you’re going to play games with him, and that you care enough about him to tell him you like him.

6. He Should Know

Your guy should know how you feel. He deserves to know that you like him, and keeping it from him isn’t fair for either of you. You should tell him because he should know you have feelings for him. You would want him to tell you if he had feelings for you, so you should tell him. You can walk away feeling good because he deserved to know you have feelings for him and you’ll feel better for telling him.

7. It’ll Help You Move On

Just because you like him doesn’t mean he likes you back, unfortunately. You may tell him how you feel and find out that he doesn’t feel the same. That’s okay!

Not knowing whether or not you stand a chance at a relationship with him would drive you crazy. It’s better that you know that he’s not interested in being more than your friend because it can help you move on. You would’ve been hung up on him if you didn’t tell him how you felt. Once you tell him, you’ll be able to move on.

8. Why Not Tell Him?

There’s really no reason not to tell the guy you like that you have feelings for him. The worst that can happen is that he’ll say no, and then you can get on with your life.

Keeping your feelings to yourself won’t help anyone, so you should just go on and let him know you’re interested in him as more than a friend. Don’t be afraid of rejection or what might happen if he feels the same way about you. Just tell him how you feel!

9. You’ll Feel Better

Keeping a secret like this can take a toll on you and your relationships, especially if you’re hiding your feelings from someone who is a friend. By telling the guy you like him, you’ll be getting that huge secret off your chest which will make you feel so much better.

You can’t hide your feelings forever. You’ll have to be extra careful to make sure that you never let it slip that you feel more than friendship for him. Letting him know that you like him prevents all the pain and heartache you go through every time you pretend you don’t like him. Tell him, and you’ll feel so much better!

10. It’ll Explain Things To Him

If you’re hiding your feelings from him, you’re probably acting kind of weird around him. You may laugh at things that aren’t funny or hang around him when no one else is. Your behavior will probably be concerning to him, and he’ll wonder what’s wrong with you.

Telling him how you feel will clear up your behavior and explain why you’ve been acting so strange. It’ll also explain other things, like the fact that you don’t seem to be interested in other guys or that you get jealous when he’s with other girls. Tell him that you have feelings for him; it’ll explain things to him, so he understands!

11. You Might Miss Your Chance

There are a million things that could happen that would prevent you from ever telling your crush you like him. He could move away or start dating someone new. You could move away. Something terrible could happen to one of you, and you’d never get the chance to share your feelings with him.

If you don’t want to risk missing your chance, you have to tell him how you feel. The only way to prevent losing out on the opportunity to be with your crush is to tell him you like him.

12. It Could Make You Both Happy

You probably want to be happy, and you definitely want the guy you like to be happy, too. You may be able to make both those things happen if you walk right up to him and tell him how you feel.

He may have the same feelings for you, and you won’t know it if you don’t tell that you like him. Once you do, you’ll both be extra happy because you get to start a relationship that you’ve both been secretly wanting. Telling him how you feel is a great way to make sure you’re both happy!

13. You’ve Been Waiting Forever To Tell Him

Just like with a guy who drags his feet and doesn’t get around to telling you how he feels, you’ve probably been waiting a long time to tell him that you’re interested. Whether it’s out of fear or because there hasn’t been the opportunity, it’s been too long.

Tell him how you feel and stop waiting around to do it! You shouldn’t wait forever because of all the reasons on this list. All you have to do is tell him how you feel and the long wait will be over!

14. You’ll Gain A Ton Of Respect

Respect can go a long way. You’ll respect yourself for taking the initiative and telling your guy how you feel about him. Nothing feels better than being the one to take a huge step and tell the guy you like him.

You’ll also gain respect from your friends. They’ll see you as the strong girl who stood up and admitted her feelings. You’ll probably encourage them to share their feelings with their friends, too.

The guy and his friends will respect you even more, too. He’ll respect that you went for what you wanted and his friends will see that you’re serious about their guy and that they can trust you not to hurt him. Telling him how you feel will gain you respect from all around!

15. You Just Can’t Keep It In Any Longer

Keeping it a secret is probably driving you crazy. Every time you see him, you’re desperate to tell him that you have feelings for him just to see if he feels the same way about you.

One day, you’ll see him, and you just won’t be able to keep it in any longer. That’s a great reason to spill the beans.

You don’t have to keep it a secret, and you’ll feel so much relief by sharing your feelings with him and everyone around you. Once you realize that the secret feelings you have for him are too much to keep inside, tell him how you feel!

Tell Him How You Feel!

Being the one to tell a guy how you feel can be really hard, but it’ll be totally worth it once you do. These are just fifteen of the many reasons that you should tell him how you feel. Take the initiative and let him know that you’re into him! You won’t regret it.

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Tales of Rock – Motley Crue Rubbed Egg Burritos On Their Dicks To Mask The Smell Of Groupie Sex

According to pop culture, hiding an affair is a complex plot involving secret phones, meaningful glances, and constantly sniffing and re-sniffing your clothes. It’s a high-stakes game, and if you don’t want to lose, you better be willing to do anything. Just ask Motley Crue.

In the early days of the band, most of the members had girlfriends — which is problematic when your job kind of insists on you sexing groupies. Not wanting to break up with the loves of their lives, but also wanting to constantly be boning other people whenever they weren’t home, the Crue came up with a plan. After every piece of backstage or recording booth tail, the band would take Tommy Lee’s van to a place called Naugles. There, they celebrated their infidelity with a round of egg burritos — one to eat, and one to slather all over their dicks and balls.

Now, rubbing Mexican food on your junk isn’t some old-fashioned cure-all for groupie-related STIs — this ritual was all about the smell. The band figured that the smell of egg burrito would overpower even the most pungent of backstage favors. And before you ask “Couldn’t they just shower?” remember that this is Motley Crue we’re talking about. Look at them. Taking a shower would raise more suspicions than coming home smelling of strange vaginas. As Vince Neil described it, “We would tell our girlfriends, ‘Oh, we dropped the burritos in our laps.'” Every day of the week. Maybe their girlfriends were too worried about them dying of high cholesterol to be thinking about them cheating.

As we know you’re dying to find out, they used the burritos like washcloths, not like fleshlights. The Crue didn’t ram their members into piping-hot eggs. At that point of the evening, their dicks were already burning plenty.

 

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Check out 5 reasons why it’s important to put your spouse before your parents

Keeping your spouse at the top of your list, above your parents, is vital to the success of your marriage. That does not mean you don’t love and honor your parents. It just means your spouse comes first.

Devotion to your spouse is vital to the success of any marriage. In the Bible the apostle Paul was teaching the people about marriage and the duties of husbands and wives when he said, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh… . Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:31-33).”

In order for marriage to flourish both husband and wife need to leave their parents and start a new home together. From that moment they need to be number one in each other’s life. That doesn’t mean they don’t love and care about their parents. It simply means that the top priority has now changed from parents to spouse.

Here are a few reasons why this is so important

1. It shows honor and respect for your spouse

When your husband or wife knows he or she comes before your parents, it creates a deeper marital bond. If a wife continually runs to her parents for counsel instead of first talking with her husband, it can create a feeling of distrust. The same with a husband. When you talk together as a couple about your problems and seek answers in a united way, it strengthens your marriage. Parents can be consulted, but it’s best done with both of you present, not going behind each other’s back. That doesn’t mean there won’t be times when one-on-one time with a parent is needed. It just means that running to a parent is not your first or usual response.

2. It shows your spouse and your parents that your marriage is solid

If one or the other keeps running home to Mom or Dad, complaining about his or her spouse, it can be damaging to your marriage. A mother of a young married daughter told about how her daughter was continually telling them bad things about her husband – nothing big, just annoying things like he doesn’t pick up his clothes, he watches too much TV, or a myriad of other nit-picky traits. When this happens the parents can’t help but feel like you married a loser, even though there are wonderful things about him that you love. If they have a skewed view of your mate due to your continual barrage of negatives, they may not give you proper counsel, even may encourage you to leave him. Unless there’s abuse, that would be disastrous. When you put your spouse first, your parents and your spouse will recognize how important your marriage is to you.

3. It creates a stronger intimacy with your spouse

When your focus is on your mate then each other’s needs can be met. There is a bond of devotion where deep sharing of thoughts and experiences kindle a love that can be experienced no other way. This kind of intimacy opens the door to a more romantic relationship. If you don’t feel like you’re number one, genuine intimacy is hard to achieve. Allowing your parents to have that number one spot can put a damper on your relationship. A woman told us about how her mother-in-law called her son every night at bedtime. She said, “Just when we finally have some alone time after the kids are in bed the phone rings, and it’s her. The other night we were snuggling on the couch enjoying each other when it rang. We knew who it was. My husband always feels obligated to take the call. It’s taking a toll on the intimate side of our marriage.” This couple solved the problem by the husband telling his mother this was not a good time to call. They then set a time that worked better for all concerned. Most parents want their kids to have a happy marriage and will respond to such requests. Taking this action helped his wife realize how important she was to him. Setting boundaries with parents in a kind and loving way is important. Keeping close to parents matters, and it can be done without jeopardizing your marriage.

4. When things get tough you can count on each other

When you’ve kept each other at the top of the list, there will be no question about loyalty to and from your spouse. A couple told of a time the husband lost his business. He said, “My wife was by my side the whole time, cheering me on, right up to the bitter end when the business collapsed. I knew that even if my parents or others criticized me for taking this risk, she would stick up for me.” No one chooses to fail, but if it happens it is comforting to know your spouse is right there to buoy you up. That goes for other kinds of challenges, as well. When you have kept each other as a priority, you’ll be there for each other through the hard times. Your spouse is your greatest support system. Parental love and support is nice to have, but in the end it is your spouse who is by your side daily.

5. When your parents reach the end of their lives, having your spouse by your side will be very comforting.

Keeping the relationship strong with your mate can make all heartaches a little more bearable, particularly this one. If you have been respectful and loving to your parents, all the while keeping your mate as your priority, your memories will be sweeter and your marriage will be stronger.

A caution

In all of this, don’t push your parents away. Include them in ways that work for you and your spouse. A loving relationship with parents can be very helpful in keeping your family strong. You and your spouse can build that relationship while keeping each other as your main priority.

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

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7 Playful Daily Habits That Keep Your Partner Drawn To You

At the beginning of a relationship, attraction, fun, and even romance can all feel second-nature. Every time you’re with that person is fun, everything they do is sweet, and it doesn’t feel like you have to do anything in particular to keep them close. Once you’ve been together for a while, however, you might start to find that daily life has a habit of getting in the way and it just takes a bit more effort to keep things feeling as playful and fun as they did in the beginning. Playful daily habits that keep your partner close can help you both feel drawn to one another, while also feeling like there’s some fun injected into your daily life together.

Of course, not every part of life will always be fun and playful, but incorporating playful habits into your daily life can help your relationship remain strong, happy, and healthy, even when life doesn’t always go the way that you’d planned. These habits are relatively simple and most don’t even involve that much effort — and some might be things you already do — but they can make a real difference in how the two of you feel. From complimenting your partner to making them laugh, there are lots of little things that you can do each day to keep them drawn to you.

1. Compliment Them

People like compliments, even if it’s hard for some people to gracefully accept them (myself included). Giving your partner a genuine compliment, not just one that feels forced or that you didn’t really mean, can totally keep your partner drawn to you. Online dating expert, CEO of Cyber Dating Expert, and the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating Julie Spira told Reader’s Digest that “compliments are the quickest way to put a smile on your partner’s face.” They make you feel good about yourself and who doesn’t like that?

2. Celebrate The Little Things

Who says you’re only supposed to (or allowed to) celebrate the big, momentous occasions in each other’s lives like birthdays, big promotions, and anniversaries? “It’s less about extravagant outings and more about the little, everyday things they did together,” Dr. Sheri Meyers, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship, told SheKnows. Celebrating those little, seemingly insignificant events in your lives can be something fun between just the two of you and can make you feel closer as a couple.

3. Make Actual Plans

n an interview with Bustle, Esther Boykin, a marriage and family therapist, said that for couples who’ve been together for a long time, doing something romantic and fun can take some planning and effort. Making plans with your partner, even if that just means that you’re going to make dinner and intentionally spend some time together, can keep the two of you close.

4. Show Them You’re Happy To See Them

More often than not, you’re happy to see your partner when they walk through the door, right? So why not show them that? Tonya Lester, L.C.S.W., a couples therapist, told Women’s Health that many couples get worn out over the course of the day and immediately put all of that on their partner when they see them. Instead, Lester suggested that you make an effort to be obviously happy to see them. She said that you might find that it’ll change some things in your relationship. Plus, it might have the added benefit of actually making you feel better about your day, rather than focusing on what made it feel long and exhausting.

5. Make Them Laugh

Daily life with your partner can sometimes get serious and mundane, with talk of bills, chores, and the like, but making each other laugh — and laughing together — is still important. “When couples get out of the habit of laughing together, their relationship is at risk of losing its joy and spirit,” Dr. Samantha Rodman, a clinical psychologist, told HuffPost. That’s not good. Share funny stories or inside jokes with your partner every day — it’ll keep the two of you close.

6. Have Fun Together

Feel free to give in to the playful moments with your partner that might crop up each day. As Meyers told SheKnows in the previously-mentioned article, adults need play just like kids need play and having fun and being playful with your partner can help you relax and strengthen your relationship. No need to be so serious all of the time.

7. Send Them A Text

Getting in the habit of sending your partner texts each day is another thing that you can do that can keep your partner drawn to you. In an interview with Psych Central, Ashley Davis Bush, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist, said that staying connected throughout the day can keep you close emotionally. Funny texts, flirtatious texts, and more all fit the bill. They let your partner know that you’re thinking about them, even when you’re not together in person.

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