Dating and Relationship Advice – 5 Questions To Ask On A First Date (If You Really Want To Get To Know Someone)

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Going on a date and unsure about what to talk about? We can help!

Are you going on a date tonight and are wondering what are the best questions to ask someone on a first date?

First dates are scary but it is important that you do make an effort to ask some very important questions, questions that will allow you to make an informed decision about a second date.

Because that’s the goal, right? A second date and hopefully a third.

The questions below are important to ask. You can ask them in whatever way you want, directly or in a more roundabout way but ask them you should!

1. “Are you married?”

Seriously? You need to ask that question? The answer is a resounding “Yes!”

You would be amazed at how many married people out there want to date other people. Some of them are in open marriages and some of them just want to fool around. Either way you want to know the answer.

If the answer is yes, you need to decide if you want to be involved with a married person. Being involved with a married person brings with it a multitude of issues, most notably the fact that he will never be available to be YOUR guy, no matter what he says.

Do you want that?

2. “How long have you been single?”

Once you know they are single it’s important to know how long they have been single.

As a general rule of thumb, I recommend that you not date someone who has been divorced within the last two years. Divorce wreaks havoc that regular breakups do not and the recovery period is longer. A newly divorced person just won’t be ready for you, in spite of what they might think.

If your potential partner has just gone through a non-marriage breakup, that could also be a red flag. Someone who is newly out of a relationship could be, consciously or unconsciously, looking for a rebound relationship. You do not want to be the rebound person.

Ideally, your prospective mate would be someone who has been single for a period of time, not just because they have had time to recover from a breakup but because it’s more likely that they are no longer attached to the person they broke up with.

Nobody wants to date someone who is still holding a torch for someone else, do they?

3. “Are you employed?”

One of the first questions we ask when we meet anyone is “What do you do?” It’s what Americans do. And it can be a tough question to answer, especially in this day and age when people do a variety of things at once.

A more important question is “Are you currently working?”

Why do you want to know the answer to this question? Because you want to know if they are financially and emotionally secure.

Financial security is obvious. No one wants to get involved with someone who can’t carry his or her weight, financially. The emotional security is a tougher one.

People who are unemployed are often in a delicate position emotionally. They could be actively seeking work and unable to find any. They could be thinking that the work out there is below them and refuse to compromise. They could have had issues at an old job that continue on into new jobs. All of these situations could lead to insecurity and low self-esteem.

Insecurity and low self-esteem are not things that lend themselves well to a healthy relationship. And DON’T think that you can fix them because you can’t.

So ask not only “What do you do” but “Where do you do it?”

4. “Do you get along with your family?”

Really? Knowing how someone gets along with his or her family is important?

The family is the fundamental relationship of someone’s life and how they interact with that family is important to know.

If your date talks about the close relationship he has with his siblings and that his mother drives him nuts but that he talks to her every Sunday then you know that this person is capable of a healthy emotional connection.

If your date talks about the family that lives across the country who he hasn’t seen in years then it is possible the deep emotional connection might be more difficult for him. Why? Because the basic human connection that we make as children influences who we are as grown-ups.

And someone who has a rough relationship with his family could be tough to truly connect with.

So ask the question and listen carefully to his answer.

5. Do you have kids?

This one is so important because kids change everything.

Kids can, more than any other single thing, affect a relationship because kids are, more often than not, the priority. They will be made the priority above you every single time. Every single time.

And maybe that’s okay with you. Maybe you have kids too and understand the priorities. Or maybe you are willing to make his kids your priority as well.

But maybe it’s not. Maybe you want to always be first or maybe you just aren’t ready to have kids. And that’s okay.

So ask the question. Because kids will always come first, no matter what you might tell yourself going in.

We all go on our first dates, hoping for the best. Hoping that this will be the ONE who will end our lonely days forever. And with that hope comes a reluctance to ask questions.

Why? Because we often don’t want to know the answers.

It’s important to know a few basic facts about someone before you commit to spending more time developing a relationship. Without knowing the facts you could miss some serious red flags and waste a HUGE amount of time in your search for the ONE.

So ask the questions. Get your answers early. Get your answers so you can decide to fish or cut bait right away. Because there are other fish in the sea. Fish who might be better for you. And tastier.

So go on! Ask your questions! You can do it!

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – Couples with Successful Marriages Have These 13 Things in Common

Not surprisingly, there are some things that successful marriages have in common. So, for people who want to have a successful marriage, these are the things they need to focus on. They will work for every person in every relationship and just need to be applied to work.

Ready? Here are the 13 things every successful marriage has:

1. Have Realistic Expectations

Notice this article is about what “successful” marriages have, not perfect ones. That’s because there’s no such thing as an ideal relationship. Every relationship will have good times and hard times, and those who are in successful ones know that it’s not always going to be butterflies and rainbows.

Setting realistic expectations for the relationship, however, is not nearly as important as setting realistic expectations for partners. If a person sets up unreachable expectations for their partner, they will always be disappointed since their partner can’t meet their expectations.

2. Have The Right Motives

When two people get together, their best chance of success comes if they’re together for the right motives. Not wanting to be alone is not the right motive for getting married, and neither is following family or religious traditions.

When two people are together because they genuinely love each other and want to spend every moment together, that’s the right motivation. When two people are together because they’re ready to do whatever it takes to stay together, that’s the right motivation.

3. Are Two Successful People

A successful marriage always has two successful people, and that’s not to say they’re both at the top of their career tracks. It is to say that each partner is mature, healthy, and able to say that they are successful on their own, that their success in life is not tied to their marriage.

When a marriage has an unhealthy member, that person will always look to the other for support and validation, and the healthy person then has to work twice as hard to keep the marriage working right. When both individuals are emotionally unhealthy, it just gets worse.

4. Be Completely Honest

The worst thing someone can do in a marriage is to reach out to someone outside of their marriage when they have a problem with their marriage. The only person that can solve that person’s marriage problem is the person they’re married to, so that should be the one they’re going to with a question.

The more painful a subject is, the more critical it is that it be brought up to a marriage partner rather than anyone else. Part of that honesty means both partners need to be trustworthy and open to hearing harsh truths. Only then can they be worked through successfully.

5. Respect The Other

Even more important than communication is respect. Every successful relationship has two people who respect each other in every imaginable way. If a person loses their respect for their partner, it usually isn’t long before the relationship starts to fall apart.

In successful relationships, each partner respects the other for who they are as a person, what they believe in, what their interests are, and what their dreams and aspirations are. They recognize that they won’t always agree on everything, but they still respect each other.

6. Have Good Fights

The measure of success in a relationship does not come from how infrequently or even how gently a couple of fights. The truth is that couples that fight more often (and sometimes even more loudly) are more successful than those who don’t fight.

The key is that they both allow the other person to express themselves and say what they need to say, then they resolve the problem. Sometimes, it’s not entirely settled as a compromise can’t be made, but what’s important is that it’s left in the past when it’s over.

7. Feel Genuine Forgiveness

Even more important than fighting is the forgiveness that follows in successful relationships. When a successful couple forgives each other, it means complete remission, which means wiping the slate clean and not allowing the offense to affect their relationship.

Something that successful marriages don’t do is keep bringing up old fights and hurts because they have genuinely forgiven the other person and no longer allow those things to come up. Forgiveness is the only way for couples to keep moving forward without allowing past hurts to hurt their future.

8. Have Rules

Although it seems strange for a loving, thriving relationship to have rules, these are incredibly important for making sure that both partners are on the same page and will prevent a lot of conflicts, frustration, and problems.

Relationship rules should be written out and cover everything from finances to how often a couple goes out on dates. Successful relationships stick to these rules and allow them to improve their lives and their relationships by encouraging them to keep their relationship healthy, open, and consistent.

9. Have Space Between Partners

Without some space between two people, it can be complicated to be able to enjoy each other since they don’t spend any time apart. It can often lead to co-dependency as each partner begins to need to get everything from their partner alone.

Having some space for each person to pursue their own interests and have their own friends allows each partner to get social interaction and personal fulfillment elsewhere that they can then bring into their marriage. It also gives them something to talk about.

10. Embrace Changes

Change is inevitable, and successful marriages continued to love, accept, and support their partner through every type of change that life may bring. It could be as something small as a haircut, or something as major as a change in religion.

As people go through life, they’re going to change, and in successful marriages, both partners accept the change that happens and are willing to fall in love with the person their partner is becoming because they recognize that marriage is a lifelong commitment.

11. Focus on Little Things

Little things in marriages always add up to big things. This can be positive or negative, depending entirely on what little things are happening in the relationship. Successful couples pay attention to the little things because they know what can happen if they don’t.

Snarky comments and little insults will add up to resentment and big hurts. Washing dishes and kissing before leaving the house will add up to mutual contentment satisfaction. When it’s little negative things, the sooner they’re dealt with, the better.

12. A Lot of Sex

Of course, the frequency of sex varies significantly from marriage to marriage, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it’s something that many couples miss the importance of in their relationship. But, when there is an emotional disconnect or a hurt, lack of sex is often the first sign.

Some couples have even used sex as a way to repair their relationship when things are feeling a bit dry. They merely commit to having sex every day for a week no matter what, and immediately feel closer to each other by the end.

13. Surfers

A surfer rides the waves of the ocean as they go up and down, and can be stronger or weaker. In a successful marriage, both partners surf the emotional waves that naturally come. They recognize that sometimes will be better than others, but they stick with their partner no matter what.

Sometimes, these waves come in the form of feeling a lack of love towards a partner, something that can last for a few days or even a few years. But in a successful marriage, that partner sticks with it, rides it out, and rediscovers their love that they would have missed had they bailed.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

When something goes wrong in our relationships, we tend to blame our partner. But it takes two to build them, and it’s impossible for just one half to always be guilty of everything.

We at Bright Side think you should take note of these 7 signs that something’s not right in your relationship. So the one destroying it is you, if…

You’re addicted to gadgets

If you spend most of your free time on your smartphone, it can be an addiction, and one that is harmful to your relationship, as found by scientists from the University of Arizona. Try switching to something else, like reading a book or making plans. Use special apps to control your time on the Web (such as Rescue Time).

You’re unable to set priorities

If you have a really busy schedule that doesn’t include a personal life, just set it as important on your list of priorities. You can use special planning apps too, like Any.do (iOS, Android).

There’s also the 2/2/2 method that’ll help save romance: go on a date with your loved one once every 2 weeks, go somewhere for a weekend once every 2 months, and go on vacation together every 2 years.]

You don’t show support

A simple “thank you” seems so trivial that many forget to say it altogether. However, if your loved one does something for you, don’t take it for granted. Everyone needs a kind word, so thank your partner for simple things, and do it regularly.

You talk formally

Loving people talk to each other openly and sincerely. Share your emotions and details of your day, and listen to each other. Think of nontrivial questions. Instead of “How was your day?“ try ”What was the most interesting part of today?“ or “What made you laugh today?”

If something about your partner upsets you, say it without reproach using ”me“-messages. It’s not ”Don’t you dare say that!” It’s “Your words upset me.”

You get angry at trifles

Don’t try to remake your loved one. Their peculiar features are what you love them for. Better make them see the results of their actions for themselves. If your husband scatters his socks everywhere, tell him they’ll only get into the laundry from a particular place. When he runs out of socks, no words will be necessary.

You’re unable to negotiate

Concentrate on solving problems together. Try to discuss the problem before it reaches boiling point. When you’re having an important talk, touch your partner to make them comfortable. And remember the rule of one problem, one talk.

During a fight, leave the room, even just for half a minute. When you’ve calmed down a bit, the talk will become more productive.

You have no trust

If you want a warm and close relationship, learn to believe your loved one is honest with you. Don’t demand reports of where they’ve been without you, and don’t look through their phone and email. Unjustified suspicion might make your partner feel compelled to do what they’re being suspected of. Concentrate on the good.

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Renegade – 1978 to 1979 – Chapter 3 – Dog Food & Drummers

It was fun to be in a band. I knew it would be. There’s a real comradery respect between the band members. You didn’t choose these guys as friends, but sometimes you just hung out with them and went to the mall. It wasn’t just a group of friends strolling to the Orange Julius, it’s the band Renegade.

Sometimes during practice to break the tension of developing a new song, jokes would be fired back and forth between members.

Chaz: “Maybe I should open this shirt another button when the girls stop by again.”

Jerry: “Nobody wants to see that hairless baby chest of yours.”

Chaz: “Oh yeah? Well, I’ll have you know Gerald, that hair doesn’t grow on steel.”

Jerry: “It doesn’t grow on Jell-O either.”

Shut me down!

Or the time Jerry first met my younger sister April. He would say, “Oh there’s my wife.” It was bizarre and eccentric. She was only 11 years old! We all knew that it was just a funny bit he did, and in no way it meant to be lascivious in any way. It was just weird.

Sometimes Jerry would go into the cupboard in the kitchen when he would first come over and start eating the dry dog food right out of the box. I think he just did it to shock people. It was all very funny and he was a great guitarist.

One time I noticed that one section of the hair on the right side was darker.

“What happened to your hair?”

“I put hydrogen peroxide in that section.”

“Why did you do that, Jerry?”

“Because I wanted to have one little blonde patch in there like Joe Perry. But instead of making it lighter, it made it darker.”

“Okay…”

The band was coming along. We were working on a few songs by then. But something was off. It was the current drummer, Jack. He just didn’t fit with the band. He also wasn’t very good.

One day somebody brought over this guy Mike. It was just Me, Jerry, and Larry hanging out and working on some new material. Jack wasn’t around for whatever reason. Maybe he bailed on practice or something. This other guy Mike gets behind the drum kit and we decide to let him jam with us.

We run through a few numbers and this guy’s tight. He’s also a good-looking guy. I remember my sister Janice coming down to the basement and acting a little extra friendly during their greeting.

We decide we want Mike to replace Jack. But we don’t want any drama or Jack losing his shit. I tell the boys I’ll handle it. They’re happy about that because they don’t want to deal with it.

The next day I call up Jack and tell him the bad news. Jerry has quit the band to focus more on school and with no Jerry, there is no band. He seems frustrated but accepts the reality of it. Without the lead guitarist who knows all of the songs and all the solos, there’s no Renegade. He says he’ll be by tomorrow to pick up his drums.

I think it was a Saturday because we were all off from school. Jack is packing up his drums. “Tell Jerry, next time he wants to start a band to make sure he’s SURE about it.” I sensed Jack’s frustration. I also felt bad about lying to him. But I had high anxiety back then and didn’t want to face the drama and rejection of it all.

As Jack pulled out of the driveway and drove down the street, I stood on the sidewalk watching him turn the corner. A station wagon down the end of the street started its engine. The wagon pulls into my driveway and Mike, Jerry and Larry get out.

“Pretty slick guys.”

“Yea, we wanted to get started as soon as possible.”

“What did you tell Jack?”

“Umm… I just told him his timing was off and he needed to work on that. He agreed, and I said that we’ve auditioned some other players and we’ve decided on a specific candidate to be his successor in Renegade.” (A bald-faced lie. I didn’t have the balls to do that.)

“Wow, man. That took balls. Good job!”

We start unloading Mike’s white Ludwig drum kit. We all carried pieces of it and he gets it all set up.

About a half-hour later we’re running through the setlist and the band is sounding as tight as a crab’s ass. (That’s watertight)

We’re happy with Mike and I think we’re all set. The usual gaggle of teenage girls wander down the back steps and park in various parts of the basement around the band.

Life is good. Once we were all just targets of bullies. Outcasts. Weirdos. Victims. But now we play rock and roll and everything has changed. The boys that hang up at the corner don’t fuck with us anymore. We are a band. We play songs they like. No longer will they hurt us and especially me. I have created something. It has taken me to the next level. They sit on the corner and play street hockey. I make music with strangers from another school in my basement.

One of the bigger guys one day pulls me aside and tells me that he thinks it’s cool that I’m in a band and the music is good. He thinks it’s cool that his girlfriend and her friends want to hang in my basement and check out my band. He asks that I keep an eye on his girl Patty while he’s at football practice. He knows I’m harmless and it’s a cool place for her and her sisters and friends to be while he’s busy with the boys.

I have become a refuge for the bullies of my neighborhood. I’m happy with my new alliance with these animals. I look at Ray and think about Ryan O’Neil. A dear close friend to Lee Majors in the seventies. Lee was so busy shooting the hit TV series, The Six Million Dollar Man, (A show I worshipped) he asked his buddy Ryan to look after his wife Farrah Fawcett when he was away. Ryan said what I said to Ray that very day.

“I’ll look after like she is my own.”

Ryan O’Neill ended up clipping Farrah and making her his girlfriend and they had a child and he loved her until her untimely death.

I didn’t think of any of this at the time because it hadn’t happened yet, but we were a collection of misfits that suddenly had access to a lot of pretty girls that would show up at our practices for no reason. It was alien to us. But we loved it. None of us were accustomed to being around pretty girls. I think Larry was especially freaked out, and it seemed like Jerry didn’t care. Mike dug the attention, and I just loved that we had an audience.

I was NOTHING before this moment.

Something was happening, and I liked it very much. (Second from the right… Oh my)

The pimple-faced, bespectacled, greasy-haired loser was emerging as a singer in a tight rock and roll band. Skin cleared. Braces were off and swagger was starting to happen.

The girls liked the songs and we were doing something no one in the neighborhood was doing. The world was opening and for the first time, I really felt alive!

I loved playing the song Cold Gin by Kiss, even though back then I was a closet Kiss fan because as great as they were live, a lot of people thought artistically they sucked. But it’s a great song and I adored playing it with the boys. At that time I had never even tasted hard liquor. I just dug the jam.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 5 Signs You’re Dating an Emotional Psycho

When a relationship ends, we begin to analyze what happened and look for the true cause of the breakup. It’s hard to understand immediately whether it was just a coincidence or an emotional outburst.

We wants to help you recognize people who behave suspiciously. There are 5 types of behavior that characterize an emotional psycho.

1. They always blame you if there are difficulties in the relationship.

Don’t think they’re stupid and don’t understand anything. On the contrary, they know this is their fault, but their nature simply doesn’t allow them to admit their mistake. They seek to make you think that whatever bad is going on, you’re always the only one to blame.

2. They’re constantly lying to make you feel bad.

Speaking of lies, it’s worth focusing on the fact that a person will lie not only on some global topics — they’re able to deceive out of nowhere. From this position, they absolutely don’t care about your feelings, and they don’t even realize what they’re doing.

3. They blame you for the fact they’re unable to achieve something in life.

This person is mentally ill. They believe everyone around them is guilty for their failures. As mentioned above, your feelings aren’t important to them. They’ll repeat the same thing over and over again: “It’s because of you I cannot achieve my goals.”

4. They diminish your dignity by all means.

To a person like this, you mean exactly as much as a dusty remote control. They found a perfect person who has warm feelings for them, and they control you to satisfy their petty needs. There can be no mutual feelings at all.

5. They forbid you to communicate with other people.

Being with such a person, it’s almost impossible to ask for help. By limiting communications with the world around you, they bind you to them forever by making you feel sure you can survive in this world only by staying with them.

It’s better to stay away from people who behave like this because they can take away the most precious thing you have: your life.

 

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Celebrity Sightings: Farrah Fawcett – 1947 to 2009 – Life Uncovered – Part 3

The Photoshoot That Caused Major Scandal

There are lines that celebrities draw when it comes to what they will and will not do, and Fawcett was one who usually didn’t cross that line. That is, until she got an offer she couldn’t refuse from a famous adult magazine. While Fawcett had steadfastly resisted baring it all in magazines throughout the 70s and 80s, she made an exception when she posed in the December 1995 issue of Playboy. This caused a major stir, and some even called the actress hypocritical.

 

Fawcett Called Quits On Charlie’s Angels

In 1977, Farrah Fawcett decided to quit ABC’s Charlie’s Angels after the first season, because she did not have a contract and said that she wanted to pursue other career options that had opened up, due to the show’s spectacular success. Spelling-Goldberg Productions filed suit against Fawcett, charging her with breach of contract. The case ended with an out-of-court settlement in which Fawcett agreed to make six guest appearances over a two-year period.

Infamously Unreliable

Her departure from Charlie’s Angels made Farrah seem like a ticking bomb in the industry. In a matter of minutes, all of Hollywood’s hottest names heard about the actress who turned down a gig after succeeding once. Leonard Goldberg, who co-produced the show with Aaron Spelling, said: “We made her a star, and she walks out after one year. We had a valid contract with her, and no major studio or production company would hire her. Producers don’t like people who walk out on contracts.”

Close But No Cameo

What’s a remake of a classic without an appearance from one of the old characters, right? That’s why Fawcett was offered a cameo in the movie version of Charlie’s Angels alongside Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Lu. While Fawcett was excited to receive the offer and really wanted to do it, she had one condition. Farrah would only agree to take the role if she could be the voice of the new Charlie. Needless to say, there was no cameo for Fawcett.

Love At First Sight

Not many believe in love at first sight, but for the Charlie’s Angels actress and her long time boyfriend Ryan O’Neal, they knew it was destiny the second they locked eyes. O’Neal has been quoted saying that when he first met Farrah he instantly fell in love with her. They met at a friend’s party and he saw her in the driveway. She smiled at him and he said that was the moment, he knew they were meant to be.

Doomed From The Start

By the time Farrah and Ryan met, he already had three children from two wives, one of which was a substance user and addict. To make things worse, his career felt as though it was deteriorating fast. In 1980, he was quoted saying wryly that “Farrah’s visibility is on the rise… Meanwhile, my career is in a slump.” Not providing steady grounds for a stable, supportive relationship, some say their relationship was doomed from the very start.

Attention Seeking

O’Neal was known to be able to throw quite a tantrum if he wanted to. In 1984, he returned home fuming after receiving bad reviews for his new movie. O’Neal was ready to begin his rant, but noticed Farrah was talking on the phone with her press agent. To get her attention, he started pacing around “until she finally pays attention to me,” wrote O’Neal in his memoir. He also wrote that he deeply believes “love is about admiration,” which could explain why Farrah felt never good enough.

Late Show Catastrophe

After appearing on the Late Show With David Letterman in 1997, Farrah was accused of abusing her medications after the disastrous interview. The audience and David noticed that she wasn’t making eye contact and was particularly giggly. Farrah just said that she was nervous and unprepared. O’Neal also rushed to Fawcett’s defense confirming that she was not medicated but was just trying to put on a show. He said, “She was selling Playboy magazine, and she thought she was being Playmate-ish.”

Afraid For Her Life

After Charlie’s Angels, there was such a big hype around Farrah that she needed to hire a security guard, who was attached to her by the hip 24/7. When she started dating O’Neal, he felt slightly overwhelmed by the fact they were constantly accompanied and asked if it was really necessary, teasing that if she were with him, he would be her security guard. Shortly after, O’Neal and Fawcett were spotted, and O’Neal quickly turned to Fawcett: “Remember that security guard? Can we get him back?”

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – If a man does these 5 things in private, it’s because he really loves you!

Today, sentimental relationships are not the same as they used to be; current couples are characterized by not lasting long, something that generates some insecurity, especially for women when they trust that their partner really wants something real and serious with them, or simply wants to have fun.

Identifying whether a man really loves you or if he just wants to use you for fun may be a bit difficult, so today I want to help you in this regard and tell her what the 5 things men are doing intimately, when they really loves his partner and wants her to spend the rest of her life with him.

Men can become very smart when they get what they want, so it’s very easy for them to make you believe that they really love you, when in fact all they want is to have fun.

Women, on the other hand, tend to get excited and believe that what the other person shows them is truly real.

That’s why it’s very important to consider these 5 things that men do in private when they really love their partner, to avoid falling into any kind of sentimental deception.

Of course there are also those men who are looking for something true and transcendental, far beyond sex, and only with the 5 I offer below, you can identify them.

Pay attention; These are the 5 things men do in privacy when they’re really looking for something serious, and if they do # 3 it’s because they really do not plan to leave their partner ever!

1. In the most intimate moments, a man always kisses his partner.

2. He trys to keep intercourse going as long as possible.

3. He’s aware that you also enjoy the sex.

4. He embraces you after an intimate session.

5. He looks into your eyes and says that he loves you.

It is important to remember that women are very thorough, so they are always very attentive to those types of details that are responsible for showing clear signs of partner’s affection.

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Andrea – Clowning Around

I met this girl on tinder. She seemed cute enough and the conversation wasn’t as stale as the other matches I had so we decided to meet up over coffee.

The day of, I go to pick her up at her house. I knock on the door and she opens it.

She was, to say the least .. not really like her pictures. She was a little bigger and her face didn’t even look the same. I’m already disappointed but I’m already here and it would be rude to back out now. So she gets in my car and we start driving to Starbucks. On the way there, we talked in the car for a bit and it becomes apparent to me that she is an “XD RAWR so rand0m” type girl. But again .. I’m already here. .. (Yea, I don’t get it either)

We get to Starbucks and she gets me to order for her because “I just can’t handle that right now”. (ok …)

We sit down and I’m already counting the minutes until it wouldn’t be rude to call it a night. We start talking, well, I start talking. The most I can get out of her is yes, no or a slight laugh if I tell a joke. From talking to her like this, I find out she’s actually only 22, her profile said 27. Not a huge deal but I wouldn’t have gone out with her had I known that before. (Or would I…?)

Eventually I ask her what she does. IMMEDIATELY, in one breath she screams out I’MSOGLADYOUASKED I’M A PROFESSIONAL CLOWN WANNAHEARMYCLOWNLAUGH HHOOOOOOONNKKKK HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA.

I am mortified, the entire coffee shop turns to look and she is oblivious to it. Suddenly she is no longer this weird shy girl. She starts telling me all these stories about her clown adventures. This goes on for probably 8 minutes. Everyone around is looking and obviously listening in on it (not that they had much choice). She then tells me LOUDLY how her boss and one of her coworkers propositioned her for a three-way. She goes on to say, “Yeah I thought about it, but he’s 60 and I was 17 at the time so I decided not to. Plus we were doing a child’s birthday party at the time so it might not have been appropriate.”

As soon as she says that, a girl in the corner of the coffee shop lets out a stifled laugh. My date notices and goes beet red. I suggest maybe we should call it a night because I had an early meeting the next day. She saw through my lie but went with it. A few minutes later I realize tomorrow was Sunday. I drive her home, awkward silence follows for the 15 minute drive.

We arrive, I stay silent and don’t get out of the car. She sits there for a bit not saying anything. I go ” Soooo..”. What follows next is 100% true. She said this. I can’t ever forget it. She blurts out, “Wanna come inside and have clown sex while my cats watch?”

Yeah .. she said that. I stay silent for about 10 seconds because I don’t know what to say. I eventually say “I uhh, dont have any condoms, sorry”. She gets the message and leaves. I hightail it out of there and never spoke to her again.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 12 Things That Destroy a First Impression Immediately

Research shows that the first impression is formed within 7 seconds of meeting somebody. If you have a job interview, the manager can make a decision about hiring you in just 30 seconds. Avoiding the common mistakes that ruin this first impression could increase your chances of finding a job, a friend, a client, or a life partner.

I collected some common blunders that can make you appear rude, bored, selfish, and annoying in the eyes of a person you meet for the first time. Read this list through to the end to find out how to avoid errors and use your 7 seconds wisely.

1. Weak handshake

Limp handshakes can be a real killer of the first impression. Research shows that people with a weak handshake are judged as being shy, anxious, less open, and lacking any ability. Another common mistake people make is holding the other person’s hand for too long. If you want to succeed, give a firm handshake and follow the two-second-rule.

2. Wrong hand position

Mind the position of your hands while sitting. You can put your hands in your lap, but don’t put them in your pockets because it will suggest that you are hiding something. If you put your hands on the table, don’t squeeze your hands too tight or put your palms down, it could indicate that you want to control the interviewer.

Also, while placing hands on the table and loosely folding them is an appropriate and even preferrable position in the Western world, this gesture would be considered rude in Japan and India.

3. Chewing gum

If a person sees you for the first time and you are chewing gum, they might think you are sombebody that is immature, childish, and somewhat lower class. Chewing gum is a bad idea at a job interview. However, in less formal circumstances, people chewing gum are usually evaluated as more friendly and approachable.

4. Avoiding eye-contact

Eye-contact is a powerful tool for making a good first impression. Research shows that people maintaining eye contact while talking and listening are often judged as more confident and intelligent. People avoiding eye contact, on the other hand, are viewed as less sincere, less attractive, and more anxious.

5. Playing with your hair

While women have been shown to touch their hair up to 18 times a day, playing with hair can send the wrong signal to the person you’re sepaking with. While it’s often used as a flirting technique, it can also indicate anxiety, low self-esteem, stress, and discomfort. When playing with hair becomes repetitive and obsessive, it can even signal an impulse control disorder.

6. Wrong conversation topics

There are some taboo topics which won’t help you make a good first impression on anyone: health problems, money, religion, ex-bosses or ex-partners, politics, or personal life and problems. Try not to focus the conversation only on yourself and don’t forget to listen to the person you’re speaking with.

7. Invading personal space

Physical space is the distance you make between you and the person you’re speaking with. Researchers distinguish four levels of personal space. The distance between you and the person you’ve just met at a formal meeting should be about 4 to 12 feet. If you approach the other person too closely you may seem aggressive, while standing too far away shows you aren’t interested.

8. Making distracting noises

Any random sounds you make, like tapping your foot, tapping your fingers, or cracking your knuckles may be annoying and distracting to others. Tapping can indicate nervousness, irritation, or impatience, and can also suggest that you are lying or trying to irritate others. While cracking knuckles can help you relieve stress, it’s one of the top most annoying sounds, according to a survey conducted by The New York Times.

9. Frequently checking your watch or cellphone

The average person checks their phone 110 times a day! Yet, it’s very impolite to check your phone or watch during a conversation. It shows that you are not interested in the other person, that you are bored, and that you have better things to do. Research shows that even having your phone on the table next to you reduces a conversation’s quality and engagement.

10. Forgetting names

It is embarrassing if you forget a person’s name, especially if this person remembers yours. To avoid this, immediately repeat the name after the introduction like: “Hi, Anna! Nice meeting you.” Don’t use the excuse that you are terrible with names, if you are interested in the other person the name will stay in your head.

11. Being late

When you arrive late, you give the impression that you are unreliable, bad with planning, don’t value others’ time, and lack commitment. Try to manage your time in a way that you won’t be anxious about being late and won’t need to rush. Even when you arrive on time but had to run before that, you won’t be centered and focused enough.

12. Bad attire

Statistics says that 55% of the first impression is based on your appearance. Some studies show that your appearance, height, weight, hair color, and amount of make up can influence the size of your paycheck. If you meet somebody for the first time try to be conservative and neutral in your choice of clothing, be polished, and don’t use heavy perfume.

Do you recognize yourself in any of those descriptions? Which of these points would ruin your opinion about a person with no hopes of improvement? Which points should be added to this list? Share your opinions and experiences in the comments.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Sun Stories: Sasha – Chapter 2 – The Black Silk Stockings Incident

So Sasha returns to the salon. She is hands down one of the most beautiful women that has ever set foot in this salon.

I refered to her as my #1.

She loves to tan and I upsold her to a premium package but she feels like she gets more tan in the Cadillac. (That’s powerful but a non-premium bed) These girls are so picky.

She left for a while because she wanted to take a break from tanning. If you leave you can’t be my #1 anymore.

But one day the beautiful Sasha returns to the salon. I’m delighted to see her. I love beauty. I know I’ve always been a beauty addict. She looks marvelous as always. I welcome her back and tell her I’ve been horribly unfaithful to her and she has lost her spot as my number one. It’s all in good fun and we laugh it off.  But there’s a part of me that is serious. I miss my queen. I made her my number one in my head and she left us.

“How are you? I’ve missed you Sasha.”

“I’m having a shitty day and I have a hole in my stockings.”

“I’m sorry. (intrigued by any talk about her legs) They seem okay.”

“It’s high up on my thigh, but their ruined.”

I make lists and rules for the salon and it’s all in good fun. Sasha gets it and knows it’s all just a fun game. It’s a fun way for me to fuss over these girls and create a little competition. They all have fun with it and it makes the place like a lively club.

I do love Sasha in a classic phicklephilly way.  Just me being charming to a gaggle of gorgeous women I adore being in the presence of.

But when I converse with Sasha she actually ruins the false dream I create for her. They always do. She seems shallow and high maintenance. She’s really into tanning. I love that. The beautiful addicts. Addicted to anything that they think will make them prettier. They cling to everything they can to hold onto the only thing they truly possess that has carried them through their entire lives.  Beautiful DNA lottery winners that have skated through their lives sliding down the rainbow of their own genetic beauty and have had everything handed to them. Please don’t misunderstand me here. I get it. I’m a beauty addict. I love them all. I don’t care what’s going on inside of these lovely vessels.

She says she struggles getting her face tan. She’s not happy about the premium package I totally gave her a deal on to help her. She feels like a different bed works better because it is hands down the strongest bed in the house. I don’t care. Sasha’s paying for the premium package and using a lesser bed. Give the people what they want. Whatever works.

Sasha reveals to me that she is 112 lbs and 23 years old. She’s a spectacular, lean Persian beauty and her mom works in local TV in Boston. This chick is a genetic miracle and born into money. Her face is lovely. Her hair is black and even though her nose is crooked, she is a perfect beauty. She has almost no bustline. I like girl with small breasts because they appear more youthful. Her body is lean and her legs are incredible. So I adore her on just the leg aspect. If you’ve been reading this blog you know I am leg obsessed so I would date a girl with an average face if she had a good landing gear and means of propulsion.

While waiting for the sunbed she wants she also tells me that in high school she was 140 lbs. Fat she says. A bigger girl. Who knows what was going on there but on a girl of her stature that’s chunky. She says in High School she was a bad girl and fooled around with a lot of boys because she felt ugly.

Okay, overweight and low self esteem and your mom was smoking hot. I get it. The blog isn’t going to write itself so I’m all ears.

She’s been with the same boyfriend since she was 17 years old.  She now works at an IT Recruitment firm here in Philly with a bunch of girls that tan here. There is one girl who is in my top 5 that brough them all in and she’s gorgeous. I love her too. I can be at the back of the salon without my glasses and I know when this chick comes in just from the slender shapely legs that I see with my special leg targeting super power. Believe me, when it comes to legs, I have a super power. I can hear the rustle of stockings from 50 yards away!

I love stockings and hose. They encase and cling to a woman’s legs to make them look better and keep them warm. Any leg wear and anything related to women’s legs drives me nuts and makes the dopamine drop like mad. I love it.

Anyway, she and the boyfriend live together here in Philly. He goes to Penn and she works in recruitment. They’re both from Boston. So he’s in school and she’s working. So the obvious move financially was to get a place together. They’ve been together for 4 years.

She tells me that if they get married, (Which seems inevitable) she wants a 3 carat diamond ring. She even shows me a photo of the ring she wants. I start to hate my number one. (Former number one)

A ring like that costs anywhere between ten grand and twenty grand. That’s insane. What kind of woman would put that much emphasis on a stone that is in a created market by the DeBeers family.

Most natural diamonds are formed at high temperature and pressure at depths of 140 to 190 kilometers (87 to 118 mi) in the Earth’s mantle. Carbon-containing minerals provide the carbon source, and the growth occurs over periods from 1 billion to 3.3 billion years (25% to 75% of the age of the Earth).

It’s the hardest mineral on the planet but marriage is a complicated and fragile experience. Half of them fail and the wedding business is a billion dollar industry. I’m starting to hate Sasha. She’s a vacuous foolish girl who has watched too many Disney movies and grown up in a place not based in reality.

Think of the pressure this is putting on her man. I tell her he’s going to have to find and incredible career out of college to become that level of debtor to buy her a stone on a ring that could slip off and fall down a sink forever.

So pretty but so superficial. I find that behavior empty and gross. So pretty on the outside. Ugly and stupid on the inside.

Can you imagine a guy dropping $20K on a fucking ring for a girl with no tits and working at a recruitment firm? And she’s a shitty person. She’s just really pretty. That’s it.

Run, dude. But that poor sap can’t believe that he finally gets to fuck the hottest girl in the room. Run, dude.

Sasha tells me if they ever move back to Boston she’s going to get a roommate and they will live separately I ask her why if they’ve been together for so long. She says she doesn’t like the idea of them acting like they’re married and not actually being married.

But they’re doing that now. It’s just tradition and ideals at this point. That would be expensive and stupid.

I can see all of this insanity from where I’m sitting now at 55. I’ve lived through every nonsense relationship tradition you could probably imagine. It always ends the same.

I look at Sasha and I’d love to fuck her back to the stone age, but that’s it at this point. She has officially lost her superficial silly title as the number one babe at the tanning salon.  (I know it’s just a game, but we gotta have some standards here people)

Somehow when she’s sitting there and we’re chatting and we’re getting into work stuff she says the phrase:

“I’m not going to be a pussy about it.”

Me with six 5 star Yelp reviews has to embrace my fallen number one using the word “Pussy” I have to do this. We’re close enough now.

“Sasha. It’s funny that people use that word as being soft or weak.”

‘I know, right?”

“I hear that phrase a lot and I’ve given it some thought.” I say this as the older statesman of the tanning salon in Rittenhouse. I’m the guy that the girls listen to in regard to which bed, lotion, exposure time and program they should adhere to be beautiful now.

“What are you thinking about that?”

I love that we’re going to have this conversation. I’m going to risk it.

“When men say things like, grow a pair of balls, or sack up, they mean be a man and be hard. Be brave and stand up for yourself. But in reality, the testicles are the most fragile part of a man. If you strike or kick a man in the balls he will fall to the ground and actually feel broken and nauseous from that. You can basically take a man out by hitting him in the balls. They hang outside his body in a bag and aren’t even strong enough to be inside his body to manufacture sperm. Fucking weak. One swift kick and we’re down. On the other hand, pussy is strong. Stronger than balls. A pussy can take a solid pounding and is strong enough to push out a baby.  A human being. Pussy is mighty.”

I know I risk being fired for this view.

“I totally agree with you Charles, and think about that all of the time.”

I love that Sasha think about how strong her sweet pussy is all of the time. I would like nothing more that to test the tenacity of her vagina. But I digress.

This is as intimate as I’ve ever been with hot, shallow, Sasha and I offer the Sweet and Sexy hot bronzer. She accepts it after hearing of its effects and actually like the idea of me giving it to her for free.

This is so fun! I love this tanning drama!

She comes out after her session and looks a little red. I tell her rosy complexion is the tingler activating the melanin in her skin to make her darker. She likes that. She tells me she had micro blading done on her eyebrows. I don’t know what that is, but apparently it’s something that will make this already perfect girl more beautiful.

Microblading, also known by a variety of names such as embroidery, microstroking, feather touch and hair like strokes, is a form of permanent makeup that provides a means to partially or fully camouflage missing eyebrow hair with the appearance of simulated hair using fine deposits of cosmetic tattoo pigments. Over time the strokes can blur and fade and will need to be refreshed.

Sasha tells me she has to protect her eyebrows from tanning while she is microblading. I wish I had come up with a nonsense product that people felt like they needed their whole life.

No. I could never do that to another person because that’s a lie. Sasha is beautiful and fucked up, but I’m here to serve her.

She comes out a little rosy from the lotion.

“Look. It worked. You look darker. Amazing.”

“I do right?”

I touch her forehead and arm. She’s red. My fingers gentle touch leaves a white impression then returns to red/brown. She’s happy with the results and I am the therapist. I am the one that delivers the tan. The beauty, The thing they all crave and don’t really need, but this is a business and it’s what Achilles and I do now. (See: Achilles – The Bronze God)

I notice her lovely legs are bare when she comes out of the booth.

“What happened? Won’t you be cold?”

“I told you I ripped a hole in my stockings today.”

I watch as she throws a black cloth wad into the trash.

“See you Thursday and thank you for everything!”

Off she goes.

I slowly walk her to the door and wave goodbye.

I watch her bound down the steps. Her shapely lean legs flexing as she makes her way back to Walnut street.

I turn back to the trash. That’s Sasha’s black sheer stockings that encased her lovely legs all day in the trash. The ones with the disappointing hole.

Well, off to the dumpster out back.

 

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