Prince Andrew is a Fucking Liar

Prince Andrew: I didn’t have sex with teenager, I was at home after Pizza Express in Woking

California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Crazy Eyes

Here we were living in Santa Monica, and living the dream. Just a bunch of poor musicians having the time of our lives.

I was at a party at a friend’s place. One of his friends had been flirting with me all night, but it wasn’t normal flirting — she wouldn’t say a word to me. She’d only touch me and giggle as I walked by. Towards the end of the party, she took my hand and quietly led me to her room, which has a bed and just a bunch of clothes everywhere. Less than sixty seconds into making out, she started to go down on me. Which I accepted. I realized how creepy and weird the situation had been to that point, but it was head. What nineteen year-old dude turns down oral?

She finished up, and put her head on my chest to rest. At that point, I was thinking this girl was loony tunes, but I didn’t want to be an ass, so I began to reciprocate. But she grabbed my hand and stopped me, and said, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.” I looked at her totally dumbstruck. She must have misinterpreted my dropped jaw to mean that I was hurt, because she immediately came back with, “But it was really nice sucking your cock.” These were the first words she’d said to me all night.

So we were both quite high, we decided to head back to my place. Everything seemed normal. She finally decides to get it on with me. Sex was good and then we got to talking. Since we’re both high, we started talking about death and what happens to your body after you die and she asks me whether I have ever thought about killing anyone. I could sense a creepy story coming my way and just shook my head.

She then proceeded to narrate how she has always thought about killing someone by suffocating them, with a pillow. And since we were on the bed, there were 2 pillows around us and of course, I was majorly creeped out. She was looking at me with the crazy eyes and I was so confident that I wouldn’t see the sun rise the next day. I turned around and pretended to sleep. After a couple of hours, she left without saying a thing.”


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If Your Relationship Isn’t So Sexy Anymore, You’ll Notice These 4 Signs

The beginning of a relationship is, without a doubt, sexy AF all around. You can’t keep your hands off of each other (sorry, everyone in your vicinity, not sorry). Even a mere graze of their fingers on your lower back feels like it sends electricity shooting down your spine. But the honeymoon phase is called a “phase” for a reason. That kind of all-consuming infatuation can’t possibly last forever. That said, it’s totally possible to keep this kind of attraction alive in your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together. So, if your relationship isn’t so sexy anymore, rest assured there’s something you can do about it.

How can you tell if your relationship has lost its sexy appeal? The first thing that may come to mind is your sex life, and while your satisfaction in that department does play an important role in your relationship, it’s not the only thing that makes it sexy. In fact, there are so many ways in which a relationship can be sexy that have nothing to do with how many times you’ve gotten off together recently.

A lot of it comes down to a combined feeling of intimacy, spontaneity, and desire. But if you suspect that your relationship may be lacking in sexiness, keep a lookout for these telling signs that it’s time to turn up the heat.


Jovo Jovanovic/Stocksy

You have your go-to moves in the bedroom, your typical places for takeout, and your dinner dates at the same rotation of restaurants on Friday nights. TBH, even your kisses feel routine — a smooch on your way out the door, and upon coming home from work. It’s normal to fall into certain routines when you’ve been dating someone for a while, especially if you live together. And in fact, having a couple of standing traditions, like watching your favorite show together on Sundays or making a pizza together on Fridays can be totally romantic. But if basically everything has started to feel predictable, that could be a problem. After all, predictability kind of kills the opportunity for sexy vibes.

When was the last time you did something like surprise your boo with a handwritten note in their work bag or plan a spontaneous picnic lunch for the two of you? When was the last time they caught you off guard with a new technique while you were getting frisky? These are the kinds of things that make a relationship undeniably sexy.


Javier Diez/Stocksy

When you think of the idea of “courting,” you probably refer back to the early stage of dating someone, when you were both trying to win each other over. Maybe your boo planned thoughtful dates a week in advance or cooked you extravagant dinners. Maybe you bought them little thoughtful gifts now and then just because. If this whole notion of courting has gone out the window, that could be a sign that your relationship isn’t exactly sexy anymore.

“If you’ve been together a long time or have started to live together, you must remember to continue dating,” says Pricilla Martinez, CEO of Regroop Online Life Coaching. “Especially if you’re living together, you need to remember that your partner is not your roommate.”

The bottom line? Just because you’re in a secure, long-term relationship doesn’t mean you should stop putting any effort in, because that can seriously hinder how sexy your relationship is.


Lauren Naefe/Stocksy

Flirting plays a massive role in keeping a relationship sexy. It keeps you both feeling wanted, and we all want that, don’t we? And it can be just as simple as sending your boo a quick text to let them know that you’re thinking about them, or making a playfully racy comment as they walk by. One of the easiest and most effective ways to flirt, without a doubt, is giving bae a genuine compliment.

“Make sure you’re stroking their ego and making them feel sexy,” adds Martinez. “Give what you’re hoping to get and it will pay off.”

So, have you told your boo something you love about them lately or let them know when you thought they looked fine AF? If the flirting has died in your relationship, there’s a good chance the sexy factor has, too.


Trinette Reed/Stocksy

The truth is, not everyone’s love language is physical touch. So, for some people, it plays more of an important role in terms of relationship satisfaction than it does for others. However, physical touch definitely breeds intimacy and trust and also contributes to how sexy your relationship is overall. Something as simple as a lingering kiss, a playful butt squeeze, or a sensual shoulder rub makes you and your partner feel connected to each other.

That means that if sex is the only time you and bae are making physical contact, then that spark may have faded somewhat. Do you know how your partner prefers to be touched, and do they know what kind of touch makes you feel loved and appreciated? Have you spontaneously wrapped your arms around them while they’re washing the dishes lately? Have they randomly given you a smooch while you were watching a movie, or held your hand while running an errand? Pay attention to how many of these kinds of affectionate gestures you participate in because they can be a solid indicator of how sexy your relationship is.

So, you’re starting to realize that your relationship is less than sexy. Now what? Fortunately, Martinez says you’re not powerless — there are certainly ways to get out of your rut and reignite the spark. Martinez advises thinking back to the early stages of your relationship to recall what worked rather than reinventing the wheel.

“At one point you both were doing things regularly that you found sexy, so start there,” she says. “One of the easiest ways to get someone back into the flow of things is to remind them that they turn you on and that you want them. Leave them notes, send them texts, change up the sexual routine, get intimate in non-sexual ways.”

But that’s not to say that novelty doesn’t play a part in keeping things exciting, either.

“A lot of people stop feeling sexy because their partner’s attention wasn’t the same even if nothing changed,” Martinez explains. “In other words, you could have been doing all of the same things that used to turn them on, but they may have become desensitized to it. You need to ramp it up.”

Infusing some spontaneity and elements of surprise into your relationship, keeping the flirting and courting going, and finding new ways to connect physically are all ways to give your relationship the jolt it may need. Remember — the more effort you put into keeping your relationship sexy, the more your SO will likely feel inclined to do the same. It’s a team effort, after all. The point is, while you may be beyond the honeymoon phase, that doesn’t mean you can’t reclaim that sense of wanting your partner oh so badly and feeling just as wanted back. And what’s sexier than that?


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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California Dreamin’ -1982 to 1984 – Dariella – Into Darkness

Let me preface this by saying that I’m no prince charming, but even I have limits. I met Dariella one night after a show at Madam Wong’s West in Santa Monica, and she seemed interesting and metal. Naturally I wanted to see her again.

The First Date:

I found out she doesn’t drive, which isn’t a problem. I also found out that she lived down in Long Beach, not great, but I wanted to spend time with her so I took the drive to pick her up. When I arrived I also found out she lived with her parents, and was unemployed, again, see seemed great so I decided it wasn’t a big deal. We went to one of the local haunts to get some food and get to know one another better. That’s when I found out she was a part time Dom in a local dungeon. Okay to each their own, people have different tastes. Everything else during the date went smoothly. She was hot and exotic. The night ended and I drove her home.

The Second Date:

She wanted to go to this great bar that she knew about. I was all for it, something new. It turned out to be a really seedy dive bar. It was like something out of a movie. Everybody knew her, and she even had some family there. She proceeded to get wasted while I took in the sights and got to know the people. There was an old Hell’s Angel that told me about his youth, and how he was the king of the skating rink back in the day. I got to see a midget line dance to Copper Head Road. My date ran into a friend she’d met in county lockup. (Nice) All in all, it wasn’t too bad. I really enjoyed the place more than spending time with her though. She ran up a HUGE bar tab while we were there and expected me to pay which wasn’t really cool.

The Third Date:

Back to the bar! This time I brought the guys from the band and a few of my friends along. Everyone loved the place. Crazy group of people that looked like, rockers, punks, goths, hookers, bikers, and hippies. It was nuts. But things took an odd turn on the way to the van to drop off my date and her cousin. Her cousin stops and makes a comment about having just about the right amount of people for an orgy. My date replied that it wouldn’t be the first time. What did her cousin think she did at all those parties she went to? The level of crazy just went way up. Her cousin was smokin’ hot too, so we went back in the bar and put it to the group. Everybody was down, so off we went back to somebody’s house.

Sadly, phicklephilly is a dating blog, not a sex blog so I can’t go into all of the details of the orgy back at her cousin’s house. But it was insane and my first one!

Here’s and excerpt of a conversation I later had with my buddy, bassist, Frank.

Me: “That shit was crazy, right?”

Frank: “Fuck sake, mate. Remember the one I was with?”

Me: “Dariella’s hot cousin or that chick with that Bow Wow Wow Mohawk?”

Frank: “Mohawk.”

Me: “Okay.”

Frank: “After I gave it to her she said she’d been smoking meth with her boyfriend earlier that day.”

Me: “That’s fucked up.”

Frank: “And she said how she hoped she wasn’t pregnant!”

Me: “By you or her boyfriend?”

Frank: Fuck sake, I wore a sweater with her, thank fuck!” (condom) But that’s not the worst part.”

Me: “What?”

Frank: “She stole like $80 out of my wallet!”

Me: “I told you that chick was a hooker!”


Sadly, that was the last time I went out with Dariella. I think the band was all to weirded out by what had happened.

I miss that bar though.


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The Shame-Free Guide to Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

Everything you need to know if you think you might have hypoactive sexual desire disorder, including who it affects and how.

Sexual desire is a largely misunderstood aspect of our sexual health. It’s stigmatized and pathologized on both ends: whether you have no appetite or an extremely high desire to have sex, it’s seen as problematic. All of that can make it feel really overwhelming to reach out for help when something might actually be out alignment with your libido. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is a persistent or recurring lack of sexual fantasies and appetite for sex which is causing the patient distress and can’t be accounted for as a symptom of another illness.

It can be difficult to diagnose HSDD as there is no baseline “norm” for sexual desire across the spectrum — you have to feel out where your level of desire feels nourishing. Everyone is different when it comes to how they experience sexual desire and it’s perfectly normal for your libido to ebb and flow throughout your life. Juliet Widoff, an OBGYN at Callen-Lorde, says screenings for HSDD should happen regularly, as “it is a disorder that can cause a significant amount of personal and interpersonal distress and, because there is a great deal of shame and stigma surrounding it, patients may not be forthcoming regarding their symptoms.”

Understanding Sexual Desire

The first thing to unlearn when it comes to sexual desire is that it’s not a drive. That’s right, there’s no such thing as a sex drive. A drive is something you need to survive, like seeking warmth during a winter storm or eating food and drinking water. You won’t die if you don’t have sex. Sexual desire was thought to be a drive for a long time because scientists only understood spontaneous lust, which is when a stray thought of sex will initiate the craving to have sex. However, many people rarely, if ever, experience that form of desire.

More often it’s responsive or context-driven desire that initiates sex — which means you want to have sex after your partner touches or kisses you or says something sexy or you see an arousing visual. That delineation is important because many people who don’t experience spontaneous desire feel like something is wrong with them when in fact their desire responses are perfect as is.

In a similar vein, asexuality is largely pathologized as being a medical issue when it’s not. The important difference between an HSDD diagnosis and identifying as asexual is that people with HSDD are in distress about their sexual functioning. “This highlights a difficulty of diagnoses,” relationship therapist, educator, and author, Shadeen Francis says. “Despite knowing that sexuality exists with so much diversity, the limited way we talk about sex and lust in society can create the distress that earns someone a diagnosis. Many sexual disorders and dysfunctions can be prevented or addressed with comprehensive sex education.”

Asexuality is a valid and real sexual identity that doesn’t need to be pathologized in a medical setting. Our society is quick to shame and misunderstand people on the ace spectrum. If your sexual functioning isn’t causing you any pain, stress, or anxiety — you likely don’t have HSDD, and it’s more likely you’re asexual.

Who Does HSDD Impact?

While research and resources are primarily aimed towards cisgender women, HSDD can impact people of all genders. “Their [people with penises] experiences are often categorized as low testosterone, trauma responses, or erectile dysfunction even if they ultimately meet all of the same criteria,” Francis explains to Allure. “This, in my opinion, has a lot to do with gender stereotypes of people with penises as having high arousal and desire at baseline, and that if they don’t there is something situational and physiological in the way. We categorize people with vulvas as being less sexual, and see low arousal or desire in them as lasting and pathological.”

All of these gender stereotypes and stigmas impact the level of care provided in a medical setting and shift how symptoms are perceived and diagnoses are given. The only person who knows what level of sexual desire feels good in your body is you. Arousal is not dependent on your genitals or gender identity.

The Obvious and Not-So-Obvious Symptoms

While the main symptoms are linked to lacking the ability to experience arousal, difficulty having an orgasm, relationship stress, or pain during sex — there are many insidious symptoms that go unchecked.

“Patients may not present with the obvious and may instead present with fatigue, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbance, vaginal symptoms, or relationship problems,” Widoff says. When your sexual desire is out of alignment, the impact can reverberate to every aspect of your life. For this reason, it may not be obvious you have HSDD at first because other symptoms (like anxiety) may come to the forefront.

Many patients first come into a medical setting because of libido differences with their partner(s) — this distress can impact your sense of sexual self and agency. When your desire is lower than usual, there can be a feeling of uncertainty over your sexual future, especially if you’re in a relationship where having sex has been a norm. If you are experiencing a decrease in desire, it’s important to note that you should never feel pressured or coerced into having sex with your partner. Don’t allow anyone to use your HSDD as an excuse to guilt you into having sex when you don’t want to.

“We are socialized to believe that sexuality is this specific experience: you find a person or people that you are attracted to, and for however long you are with them you have passionate and frequent sex for the rest of your lives,” Francis explains. “Just like any other relationship, our relationship to our sexual selves doesn’t run on autopilot, it takes things like flexibility, negotiation, compassion, and understanding.”

As an educator, one of the most frequent questions I get from people is “XYZ is happening in my sex life, am I broken?” The normalized silence and shame around sex education paired with our hypersexual society leaves people feeling like anything outside of the spontaneous and passionate sex (with little to no communication) is abnormal. Check in with yourself about what your personal “norm” for sexual desire is. Spend some time getting to know your body, what kind of touch you like, how you want to have sex, and if you need a specific context to feel safe having sex. Being able to communicate desires with your partner or partners will allow you to reclaim the pleasure you deserve.

The Causes of HSDD

There is no clear-cut answer to this question — the causes of HSDD can get quite murky and personal as the brain is the control center for sexual desire. The same way HSDD can amplify mental illness like depression or anxiety, it can also be caused by mental illness.

“When you don’t feel well, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc., it can impact your sexual desire,” says Francis. “Mental health concerns are often treated with psychotropic medications, which also change the hormones in the body.” However, Francis notes that while some SSRI medications can decrease interest in sex, people are often able to maintain desire and just might not feel motivated to initiate sex.

“There are certain neurological diseases with a high incidence of HSDD, like multiple sclerosis (MS) or Parkinson’s,” explains Widoff. ”There are definitely hormonal factors that may play a significant role, any chronic illness may play a role, stress and fatigue certainly are major contributors and interpersonal dynamics are frequent cofactors.” The context of who you’re having sex with, where you’re having sex, and what kind of sex is being had can all play a role in your level of desire. Meaning if you are having relationship struggles with your partner or are in a toxic relationship — that could be causing HSDD.


If you’ve been through something traumatic recently (or are processing a past trauma) that can also impact your level of sexual desire. Francis notes that she screens all her clients for sexual pain or trauma. “Pain impacts our pleasure and creates distress,” she says. HSDD is often situational and will pass with time — but it can be chronic, meaning under similar life circumstances you could experience HSDD symptoms again in the future.

Emotional and Physical Healing From HSDD

As you are probably noticing by now, this disorder is incredibly personal so your healing regimen will likely look different from other people with HSDD. There are absolutely things that can be done to help increase desire. While not everyone who has HSDD also experiences pain during sex, Widoff recommends pelvic floor PT for those who do. If your HSDD is onset by hormonal shifts and changes, Widoff says “topical estrogen for post-menopausal cis women with atrophic changes and trans men with atrophic changes, a smidge of testosterone for cis and trans women with low libido can also be very helpful.” Both Widoff and Francis make note of different drugs on the market for women with a lowered libido but note the lack of evidence in their efficacy.

Negotiating boundaries with partners and increasing solo pleasure practices (yes, masturbation as medicine) can also be helpful tools for people with HSDD. Communication about sex is often labeled as awkward or uncomfortable or unsexy when in fact it can help decrease a lot of sexual disorders. Talk with your partner(s) about how you like to be touched, what your sexual boundaries are, and what kind of sex you like to have. It will not only make for more consensual sex, but more pleasurable sex, as well.

As a therapist, Francis says that what she’s found most helpful in treating clients with HSDD is sex education. “Allowing people to stop measuring their sexual desire in comparison to others is transformative — it helps get rid of the shame,” she notes. Guiding people in building their own toolbox of skills and knowledge around pleasure can help familiarize people with their own arousal and pleasure center. These tactics tend to allow more spaciousness to explore partnered sex without pressure to perform in a certain way.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Viewing smut doesn’t affect your sexual ability, but here’s what does…

Perhaps you’ve heard that if you (ahem) “enjoy” too many adult videos, it’ll make arousal difficult. Well, sex researcher Nicole Prause is here to tell you — that’s a gosh darn lie.

Prause studies human sexual behavior, addiction and the physiology of sexual response, and in a recent article, she wrote, “Seven independent labs have been unable to find an association between time spent viewing sex films and experiencing more erectile difficulties with a partner.”

Looking at previous sex studies, Prause found that sexual images and sex itself activate entirely different regions of the brain. For example, being touched by another person stimulates brain regions associated with socializing and sex. Watching someone else being stroked or stroking yourself doesn’t.

“Pictures of sex are not sex,” she writes. That is, the mere watching of adult videos can’t possibly account for a person’s lack of interest or physical response to sex. Rather, she found that masturbation is likely to be the cause for men’s non-arousal.

This may sound like a no-brainer, but it’s an important distinction because few studies on smut-viewing and sexual response actually take masturbation into account — they assume that triple-X films alone are to blame for lower arousal. But if you watch Man-Slammerz in a lab without touching yourself, you’d probably run home to hump your honey(s) afterwards. Watching alone wouldn’t reduce your desire.

But you know what does affect your ability to get hard? Alcohol, medications, tiredness and anxiety, and a lack of sexual interest in partner(s). In fact, all of these often compel people to watch adult videos in the first place, she says, and all of them affect your ability to stay erect during intercourse. If your partner values non-penetrative sex or blames you for not getting hard — projecting their own insecurities on you — that’ll affect your wood as well.

She quotes Olympic fencer Jason Rogers:

“Most men think they should be able to snap their fingers, immediately get an erection, and perform like a champ. But sex is a complicated physiological and psychological process and virtually all men have struggled with this in the past. So cut yourself some slack.”

Blaming adult videos for a lack of arousal may actually drive some men away from them, when videos could in fact help them better understand their bodies, fantasies and sexual responses.

Rather than blaming smut for a lack of arousal, Prause says, “having open conversations about sex, admitting unusual sexual preferences, finding a partner who is supportive, and exploring fears about our own sexual body” can all help guys better understand their bodies much better than merely avoiding another viewing of Latex Bottomz Vol. 4.


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Tales of Rock – Elvis Was the King of Treating Women Like Shit and Luring 14-Year-Olds into Bed

No thank you. No thank you very much.

Photo via Hulton Archive / Getty Images

In addition to nabbing the title of “the King of Rock and Roll” with songs like “Can’t Help Falling in Love” and “He Touched Me,” Elvis Presley stole many hearts. But a closer look at his life beyond the music and swinging hips reveals that he was just as much the king of exploiting teenagers for sex and treating women like shit.

Elvis was born January 8, 1935 in Tupelo, Mississippi, but moved to Memphis, Tennessee, with his family 13 years later. He was said to love singing in church, but his professional music career didn’t start until 1954, when he signed with Sun Records; before that, he’d been a truck driver.

Two years later, he was wildly famous. “Heartbreak Hotel,” his first number-one hit, was released in January 1956, and he quickly became a star with seemingly infinite potential before him. The man was everywhere, and always with a swarm of screaming fans around to greet him. But while on tour, Elvis’s main focus wasn’t “taking care of business.” Instead, it seemed like he cared more about exploiting the admiration of underage girls.

In his book Elvis Presley: A Southern Life, Joel Williamson writes about Elvis’s life on the road, including his time spent with teenagers. Williamson writes that while on tour, Elvis preyed on a group of three 14-year-old girls who would pillow fight, tickle, wrestle, and kiss Elvis, who was 22 at the time.

Williamson also details an incident in which Elvis slept with a fan while he was in Louisiana performing weekly on the Louisiana Hayride show in 1954. The condom broke while the act. Not knowing what to do, Elvis asked his friends on tour how he should proceed, but they had no helpful advice. In the morning, Elvis informed his friends that he brought the girl to the emergency room and left her there to get a douche. All the while, he was obsessively calling his 15-year-old girlfriend, Dixie Locke, whom he loved to dress in clothes of his own choosing.

Eventually, Elvis found himself a 14-year-old he could get to commit to him. The King’s first and only wife, Priscilla, met him in 1959 while 24-year-old Elvis was serving in the military in Germany. The two dated for six months before he returned to the US. In her memoir Elvis and Me, Priscilla writes that Elvis did everything short of penetrative sex with her the first night they spent together and until they were married. “It was as if Priscilla’s virginity was another thing that Elvis strangely and sorely needed to maintain,” Williamson notes in his book.

Photo of Elvis promoting “Jailhouse Rock” via Wikimedia Commons.

But the claims that Elvis and Priscilla did not have penetrative sex until their wedding night are disputed, particularly by Suzanne Finstad, author of the Priscilla Presley biography Child Bride: The Untold Story of Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. After their marriage (the two eventually tied the knot in 1967), Elvis would bring other women into their bedroom; he would watch and film his wife with them, sometimes also joining in—whether Priscilla was into this is undocumented. According to Williamson, he also installed a two-way mirror in his Palm Springs home with Priscilla so that he could secretly spy on couples having sex during lavish parties with showgirls he would throw there.

When Priscilla gave birth to the couple’s only child, Lisa Marie, in 1968 Elvis all but stopped having sex with her, according to journalist Alanna Nash’s book, Baby Let’s Play House: Elvis and the Women Who Loved Him. Priscilla wrote in her memoir that Elvis “had mentioned to me before we were married that he had never been able to make love to a woman who had a child.”

Priscilla eventually cheated on Elvis, and according to her book, she told him of the affair. She writes that Elvis grabbed her and “forcefully made love” to her, saying, “This is how a real man makes love to his woman.” The duo separated in 1972 and divorced a year later. Two years after that, Elvis went after yet another 14-year-old girl by the name of Reeca Smith. According to Nash, Smith claims Elvis did not “take advantage of her” during their six-month relationship.

His health deteriorating, Elvis couldn’t help falling in love once again, this time with a 21-year-old former beauty queen named Ginger Alden. The two got engaged and lived together in Graceland, where Elvis’s behavior worsened.

In her memoir, Elvis & Ginger, Alden writes about Elvis’s abuse, some of which involved the guns he kept in the house. Alden recounts a story in which Elvis, a compulsive eater at the time, was on a yogurt craze and asked her to bring him more yogurt. “I don’t think you need any more yogurt,” Alden says she told him. They both fell asleep, and Alden woke up to the sound of Elvis firing a 57 Magnum pistol off in their bedroom. The bullet hit just above their headboard; Elvis called it “an attention getter.” Alden also writes in her memoir that he once fired a gun at the TV and, in another incident, ran out of the house brandishing a machine gun because he had seen a boy with a toy gun chasing Lisa Marie.

Elvis’s career, and ultimately, his life, ended with drug abuse, which made him incontinent to the point that he was having to wear diapers, according to Albert Goldman’s 1981 biography. In 1977, at the age of 42, he died while wearing gold silk pajamas on a toilet in Graceland, where Alden found his body. Despite his sexual pursuit of children, physical abuse, and dangerous, emotionally driven decisions, fans still insist he was a God-fearing Southern gentleman led astray by drugs. People also still want to believe he’s really still alive and camped out in a cave somewhere. Neither notion seems particularly true.


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