Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1979 – Lola – Part 5

Lola and I continued to see each other on a regular basis. I guess she was my girlfriend now. We only had that one opportunity to have sex, but it was glorious, and that changes you.

I looked back on my short life. In just two years I had gone from high school loser to a guy that was doing better in school. I had emerged in one piece from my horrid puberty, joined a band, learned how to play guitar and write songs. I was having another great summer and was reeling in the euphoria of it all.

I had started jamming with a kid I met and at least that was a start. I’d deal with the new high school in the Fall because there was nothing I could do about it. I was seventeen years old now. In New Jersey I could get my driver’s license before the end of the year.

Lola had to go back to Newark and back to middle school so it was bittersweet, but she assured me she’d visit. Her mom liked to get away from the city even in the winter. (Who wouldn’t want to get away from Newark as much as possible?) She said she’d come down with her mom on the occasional weekend to visit with her aunt, so we could be together.


I was playing my favorite pinball machine, ‘Flash’ at Botto’s when my middle sister, April and a friend of hers entered the arcade. They played some songs on the jukebox and played Ms. Pac Man and sipped sodas.

Other than my sister, April and her friend Brenda, we were the only ones in the place. It was nearly Labor day and the summer was basically over so nobody was around. There would be one last surge of tourists for the three-day weekend, but the summer of 1979 was on its ass, as my dad would say.

Her friend goes outside to the phone booth to make a call. (Google it, millennials!) April approaches to watch me play.

“You love that machine.”

“I do.” I say, not taking my eye off the ball and slapping the buttons on the side to drive the flippers to keep that ball scoring. I never look away for anyone. Unless Farrah Fawcett walked into Botto’s then I might make an exception and let the ball drop.

“I see you’ve been spending time with Lola lately.”

“Oh, who? Oh Yea. Lola. I see her here sometimes. She seems nice.” (I like keeping my life as private as possible, unlike now where every meal people have is posted on social media. Fools!)

“I’ve seen you in here with her a lot.”

Eye on the game. Scoring. “I come here a lot. People come here. It’s everybody’s hangout.”

“I saw you on the beach with her.”

“Umm… I’ve seen her at the beach.”

“No, I mean like together on the beach.”

“Yea… I might have hung out with her once at the beach. No big deal. I hang with a lot of people at the beach.

“I saw you in the water with her.”

I just keep playing but I’m starting to get annoyed. “So? The water’s warm this time of year.

“But you guys were doing more than just swimming and body surfing. I saw other things.”

Now I’m starting to struggle with my game due to the interrogation from my obvious ‘future prosecuting attorney’, fourteen year old sister, April.


“And the stuff you were doing on the blanket together. I saw you.”

“What’s the big deal?” I smirk.

“What are you some kind of cradle robber, Chaz?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dude. She’s MY AGE!”



The ball just falls past my flippers. “WHAT?”

“Yea. She’s fourteen.”

“Oh, Fuck.”

“I’m not going to say anything, but just be careful. I’m just looking out for you.”

My heart is pounding and I’m having an anxiety attack, but I’m keeping it inside.

“Well she went home so…no problem. I probably won’t hear from her again.”

April looked at me with a suspicious eye.


She smirks, and her friend Brenda returns. “Let’s go across the street and play mini golf.”


I’m standing there alone in the arcade. My mind is reeling. What the fuck? Fourteen? What have I done? I thought Lola was on the right side of sixteen with that slamming body.  I never asked, just assumed, and she never said anything.

Have I just punched a teenage girl’s V card and committed statutory rape on a girl I love?

What am I going to do?



That’s what I’m going to do.


Nobody knows anything except me and Lola. It’s between us. April just saw us making out on the beach.

Nothing happened.



I calm myself by just breathing. I don’t want to throw up in Botto’s.

I reach in my pocket and pull out a quarter. I thrust the coin into the open slot of the machine…. and have a memory.

I start playing again.


And I like it.




Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly          Facebook: phicklephilly     Twitter: @phicklephilly


12 Relationship Red Flags You’ve Been Overlooking All This Time



When you really want a romantic relationship to work, it’s easy to ignore your partner’s less-than-redeeming qualities.

You may find yourself justifying his or her bad behavior or totally overlooking signs that this person may not make a loving, supportive long-term partner.

We asked relationship experts to share some of the less obvious red flags that people in relationships should pay more attention to. Not everything listed below is an automatic dealbreaker, but at the very least, these things are worth considering and discussing with your partner or therapist.

1. Your partner badmouths their exes ― all of them. 

“If your partner talks badly about all of their exes, this is a red flag that they haven’t done any introspection about what their behavior contributed to the deterioration of these previous relationships. No relationship ends only because of one person’s behavior, and if your partner acts victimized by their exes, one day they will likely play the victim card in their relationship with you.” ― Samantha Rodman, psychologist and dating coach

2. Your partner gaslights you, causing you to doubt yourself and your perception of reality. 

Gaslighting is when your partner knows that your intuition is correct, but tries to muddy the waters by causing you to second-guess yourself ― like suggesting that you are overreacting or completely off-base. A master gaslighter facilitates this process in nuanced and subtle ways so it is not obvious what is happening. For example: You hear a woman’s voice in the background when your husband calls you from his business trip, but when you question him, he convinces you it was your imagination or that it was the TV, even though you could have sworn the voice called your husband by name.

Gaslighting is damaging because not only is a partner lying, but they are messing with your reality, which adds an extra layer of betrayal and jeopardizes your mental health. Learn to trust your gut; if you feel strongly that something is amiss, you are probably right!” ― Kimberly Resnick Anderson, sex therapist and associate professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine

3. Your partner refuses to make an effort to spend time with your family and friends.

“A less noticeable but meaningful concern is when your significant other welcomes you into their friendship and family circles, but refuses to attend events and social functions in your social, family and professional life. Ideally, it should flow both ways — with invitations to join your significant other’s life milestones and occasions and also with demonstrations of interest and enthusiasm about your friendships, family and life events. If you notice that you are always making excuses for why your partner is never free to join you in social settings, this may be cause for an honest conversation.” ― Elisabeth LaMotte, therapist and founder of the DC Counseling & Psychotherapy Center

4. Your partner is rude or mean to strangers. 

“Pay attention to the small things: how they interact with the server at the restaurant, the Lyft driver, or the stranger at Trader Joe’s. Harsh treatment of strangers can say a lot about how they view others. Note that bad behavior toward strangers typically evolves into how they’ll eventually treat you. ― Ryan Howes, clinical psychologist 

5. Your partner has trouble apologizing.

“I’ve often heard people say, ‘She doesn’t like to apologize, but I know that she’s sorry.’ Or, ‘He doesn’t apologize much, but he makes up for it by being nice after we fight.’ Being able to apologize is a sign of maturity. It says, ‘I’m willing to be accountable. I can admit my mistakes.’ The red flag here is that over time, your relationship will suffer if the only person owning up to misdeeds is you.” ― Winifred M. Reilly, marriage and family therapist and author of It Takes One to Tango

6. Your partner is weirdly possessive or secretive about their cell phone.

“If you are in a relationship with someone who is always on a cell phone or glued to a screen, this is an obvious relationship red flag. But another more subtle cause for concern is a partner who is overly possessive of their phone. For example, if your battery dies and you want to borrow their phone to make a call, but they won’t hand you the phone without first looking at the screen, it’s quite likely they have something to hide.” ― Elisabeth LaMotte

7. Your partner’s time and money are often unaccounted for.  

“The key here is ‘unaccounted for.’ When time and money goes missing, that’s generally a sign that something is off base. It may not signal anything nefarious, but it does signal a disconnect in the relationship. You don’t need to know everything all the time, but your committed partner should never wonder whether or not you’ve been in an accident, or why your shared account is lower than expected.” ― Zach Brittle, therapist and founder of the online couples therapy series forBetter

8. Your partner stops going out of their way to do nice things for you — or never did them in the first place.

“We all know that in the beginning of a relationship, we put our best foot forward and are attentive to our partner’s needs. As time progresses, we sometimes lose the motivation to go out of our way to do little things to please our partner. Positive regard is when you are happy to make your partner happy, when it is your pleasure to make your partner’s life a bit easier. Constant positive regard increases relationship satisfaction and reinforces good will.

One example: I treated a woman who developed painful blisters on her skin if she peeled her own oranges. When I first met her, she was dating a man who, if she asked him to peel her an orange, would either do it in an angry manner or refuse to do it at all. She eventually broke up with him and stopped treatment. Seven months later, she called me and told me she was engaged to someone new. She told me that she reluctantly asked him to peel her an orange, assuming he would get annoyed. He said, ‘It would be my pleasure to peel you an orange, and I hope to peel you an orange every day for the rest of your life.’ She knew wanted to marry him in that moment. ― Kimberly Resnick Anderson 

9. Your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries. 

“Does your partner respect your time, your physical boundaries, and the important people in your life? Does this relationship cause you to miss work, diss friends and family, or feel uncomfortable where sexuality is involved? Many chalk up boundary violations to passion early in relationships, but repeated overstepping may show a pattern of disrespect. Decide early on where your boundaries are and what you’re comfortable compromising, and stick to it. Repeated violations are a bad sign.” ― Ryan Howes

10. Your partner makes fun of you in front of other people, even after you asked him or her not to. 

“Public teasing is not a good sign in a relationship, particularly if you have already told your partner that you feel upset when they make fun of you in front of others. A loving partner doesn’t try to humiliate you in front of people, or at all, for that matter. While your partner may insist that they were ‘just kidding’ and call you ‘oversensitive,’ the fact remains that if you ask your partner to be more kind or tactful in public and they resist, this is a red flag that indicates that you may never feel fully emotionally safe within the relationship.” ― Samantha Rodman

11. Your partner is in a bad mood more often than not. 

“We all wake up on the wrong side of the bed now and again. And after a long hard day, we might not be our sparkly best. For many of us, being hungry can look a lot like being angry until we get some fuel in our tank. When irritability is the default, if your partner is rude or unkind or disrespectful, don’t kid yourself into thinking it’s not a big deal.” ― Winifred Reilly

12. Your partner constantly talks about themselves and rarely shows interest in your life. 

“At the beginning of a relationship, we can feel so enamored with the other that we want to soak in their stories and play the part of the good listener. Maybe you don’t really want to talk about yourself anyway, so their filling the airtime is welcomed. But as you feel more safe and willing to disclose, you realize that your partner doesn’t really care about your stories and either shows disinterest or turns the conversation back to themselves. This red flag is partially about their self-centeredness and partially about your teaching them that only their stories are important. Are your thoughts and opinions valued? Do you feel heard and understood? If not, maybe it’s time to keep looking.” ― Ryan Howes


Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your feedback in regard to this subject!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Facebook: phicklephilly          Instagram@phicklephilly        Twitter: @phickleephilly

Ambria – Chapter 5 – Wednesday Night – Part Three

I pay the check. It’s $65. I figured a cheap happy hour with my new flower that would consist of $2 beers and $1 tacos. But it hasn’t played our like that. It never does. But this one isn’t like the others.  Nothing like the others.

What is happening?

We leave El Rey. What Ambria doesn’t know is that El Rey is owned by the same company who own the Rainstead Room. The server tells me we can cruise through the kitchen and go to Rainstead, but I say no. I want to take Ambria outside, and around the corner to the dirty alley to where the Rainstead resides.

We step into the night, and walk around the corner to the alley-like street that is Ranstead,  She seems a little nervous. But I put her at ease. I tell her it’s up ahead. On the balcony there is a red light. Before us is a black door with two R’s on it. Ranstead Room!

I open the door for her and in she goes. The vestibule, which more like and entrance hall is illuminated in red light and there is a young lady sitting there to host us inside. She grabs the next door and in we go. Inside is a very dark plush bar. Dimly lit, with a long white bar and a room of dark private booths. Blues plays in the background and the walls are adorned with paintings of nude women. It’s like something out of a Tarantino film.

Ambria instantly loves the place. She had no idea that it existed. She went with a vodka driven, light, sweet drink. I went with a spirit forward rye infused cocktail. These drinks are well crafted and delicious. They’re not cheap. But Ambria already said she’s paying so…

There’s a lot of gazing into eyes, hand holding and just general touching. There’s talk about us making love. I can’t believe this is happening on the second date! There’s such amazing chemistry between us.

It’s really uncanny.

I think of how difficult it is for people to really connect in this modern world, and how everyone is so connected through social media now. But that’s all it is, social media. It isn’t really connecting with anyone at all. Not in any real way. But I did meet Ambria on Tinder. But let’s look at what that is. It’s the new way to meet people and connect. But once you’ve swiped right and made contact, it’s up to you. Some people just want to hook up and have sex. That’s fine. That’s not for me, and not the way I operate in the world. I can only be intimate with someone I really like. The sex isn’t simply a release or a desire. It’s a celebration of our physical selves because we love each other. Now, that may sound corny to some of you, but what’s better than making love to someone you absolutely adore. It’s amazing.

Ambria says she’s a giver. I tell her I am as well. I have always been a giver. I can’t believe my good fortune for this sort of lightning to strike with such a wonderful lady.

This is our second date. It started officially around 5:45pm today. It’s now 10:30pm. The two and a half our lunch yesterday, and now four hours into our second date the very next day are strong indicators that there is a powerful attraction happening here.

She slips her shoes off, and puts her feet up on my chair. Just the way she’s listening to me when I speak. I can see she’s really into me. This is great. I feel her foot press gently against my crotch. This is a hot night.

She has to get a train back home. I ask her how and when. It’s getting late. She says she hasn’t given a thought about the clock or going home. She is lost in this wonderful night with me. The next train is at 11:30pm. That’s like an hour from now. We’re not doing that. I tell her I’ll call an UBER for her and send her home on my account. She likes that idea far better than going over to Suburban Station and waiting for a train and then getting home after midnight.

She pays for the two rounds of drinks like she said she would.

What a great girl.

We go outside and immediately start making out. I don’t mean like kissing, I mean deep, penetrating sensuous making out. That hasn’t happened on any of these dates that I’ve been on up till now.

I kissed her and it didn’t feel like a first passionate kiss. That awkward connecting of our mouths to be intimate that happens sometimes when you start making out with someone. The making out usually has to be later perfected as you get to understand the movement and rhythm of the person you’re with. There was none of that. It felt like she already belonged to me. Like we’d been together for a while.

Like I was kissing a girlfriend.

We walk up to 20th and Market and I summon the UBER. I thought East Falls where she lives was far away. It’s not. She won’t be waiting for a train at 11:30. She’ll be home in a few minutes. The ride is only going to cost me $8 bucks.

Before the car arrives there is more delicious kissing with Ambria. We’re both hot for each other and I’m really happy I met this lovely girl. We’re both buzzed and as I put her in the car.

I almost tell her I love her.




Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12 pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly         Facebook: phicklephilly          Twitter: @phicklephilly

Ambria – Chapter 4 – Wednesday Night – Part Two

“As much as I adore her, I want to lift the bail and let the line out for a while. I want this fish to run. I want the fight.”

If you’ve been reading this blog lighting can strike twice. hell, in my life every year there is a thunderstorm that yields beautiful women that strike like lightning all the time. Open your heart. Get the fuck out of your head. Get out of your way. Open your heart and love again.

Yea, your wife left you. That’s life. You’re not dead. You don’t have cancer. You’re fine. Get the fuck out there and love again. You know who you are. Keep going. Let go of the bars of the prison you are keeping yourself in and walk the fuck out of your shitty self-imposed prison. Evolve, I did, and it worked.

You can obviously seeing that there is a level of euphoria with Ambria. But that energy isn’t taking me. I used to be at war with my demons of many kind, but now we’re all on the same side.

I’m good. I’m balanced, and will compartmentalized my life accordingly. It’s easy now after all that I’ve been through.

But I digress…. (as usual)


Ambria says she’s a little chilly. She’d like to move over and sit next to me in the booth. I love that. That to me is a youthful thing where young romantic couples can t even sit across from each other and have to be side by side at all times. It’s happened to me on a couple of dates in my life and I’ve always found it very sweet.  I like it after the meal, she wants to be close to me.

Ambria glides over and I’m happy to feel the warmth of her thigh against mine. We’ve been plowing margaritas on our second date and somehow our conversation starts to dance with the subject of sex. I’m a bit surprised by this because I usually play a very long game of romance. But we’re adults and I can’t have any illusion of the sexual proclivities of the women I encounter anymore.

There is much playful banter and some stolen kisses. We both agree we don’t like PDA (Public Disply of Affection) but I do kiss her and it’s sweet. Just a tender peck. We were discussing some other things and it was getting pretty intimate as we sipped our cocktails, and I could feel the next level energy coming on.

There is such an amazingly easy connection between us it just rolls out. Sex, and everything that goes with that. It’s become clear to me that she wants that to happen. But she knew that yesterday. All women know if they would consider you a sexual partner in the first 30 minutes, boys. Don’t kid yourselves.

I know it’s on. But that’s not happening tonight, I know it. She knows it. We’re adults and we’re extremely attracted to each other, but no. Not tonight.

It would be clumsy and we’re both buzzed. Way buzzed on tequila and mexican food. We really like each other and it would just be to early. As much as I adore her, I want to lift the bail and let the line out for a while. I want this fish to run. I want the fight. I want us to date. I want to take her to the movies. I want to hold hands with her. I want to tour the city with Ambria. She says she wants to spend time with me and listen to how I interpret the city. I’ve already done that with Michelle, but Michelle is married and gone and so is Annabelle. (To read their series, enter their names into the Search widget on the Homepage)

It’s a brand new day, and I can’t believe my sudden good fortune with this hot beauty. Ambria agrees she wants romance too but we both know that a physical celebration will definitely be a frustrating distraction.

But I want that and so does Ambria.

She even goes as far to reveal that she was into women around 10 years ago.  She’s done things. I don’t want to press her on this subject on a second date, but I’m sure she’ll tell me all about it in the near future.

So there’s that. (My current girlfriend Cherie is also bisexual)

As adults I know she wants me to rock her world, and I know it will be amazing because we can both already tell we have an intimate connection. We just want to drag it out and get to know each other more on an intimate level and spend time together.

The sex is happening. We’ve agreed upon that on our 2nd date. (yea, I’m stunned too!)

If I had pushed, I would have closed her tonight back at the bat cave, but that’s not how I roll. I really want to get to know here better. But God, are the planets lining up on us. I really like her!

I lean in and kiss her gently.

“I felt that one all the way down.”

“Because that’s a different kiss, Ambria.”

She could tell the difference from this kiss and the sweet goodbye peck on Market street yesterday.

This is happening. You never know when she’ll arrive.

“Let’s go to the Rainstead Room after this.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a cocktail bar around the corner that you’ll love.”

“So one more? I’m in.”

“More than that…”

Megan (server) : “I’ve already checked with the Rainstead Room, and they’re expecting you both.”


Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion!



Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly     Facebook: phicklephilly     Twitter: @phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – 4 Fast Ways To Make Him Fall Madly and Helplessly in Love With You.

4 Fast Ways To Make Him Fall Madly and Helplessly in Love With You.

It is almost impossible to make someone fall in love with you because, well, the heart wants what it wants. However, there are many ways to make someone genuinely have feeling towards you, especially when an attraction has already been established

Every human naturally desires that connection with a special someone and there are certain ways to activate that side of the brain that makes someone want you every single day of their existence.

Falling in love and developing attraction are two different things but aim at the same results. If you have found someone whom your heart desires, they are ways to grow that attraction and if you’re lucky, make them fall helplessly in love with you.

1. Don’t change who you are

The popular belief is becoming someone else will make you more suitable for the person who you’re interested in. First of all, if the person you desire requires you to change anything about yourself then you should know instantly, they don’t deserve you. In most healthy relationships, showing your true, authentic self is the first way to plant yourself in the heart of your crush. What you should bother about is developing that self to the best version it can possibly be. So, never change who your are, instead develop yourself and become the magic in someone’s heart.

2. Make sure they always associate you with positive feelings.

Everyone always comes back for more if the food is really tasty or if the fun experience was fulfilling, works same for relationships. If someone makes you genuinely happy then you want to be around them all the time and so if you make someone’s heart dance every time they are around you, it won’t take long for them to decide they need you in their life, long time.

3. Make your feelings known

Bottling up your emotions is not good for your health and neither is it helpful to someone you want to stay committed to. In fact, if you play your cards right, opening up about your feelings might just be the key to showing the person you are worth it afterall. Sometimes, people make the mistake of thinking they are feeling attracted to the person alone and until they open up, they realize the other person feels the same way, they were just shy to mention. So, speak up as much you can. What’s the worse that can happen?

4. Make constant eye contact

They say the eyes are the windows of the soul, if you desire a genuine connection with someone then let your eyes do the talking. Search for truth, light and spirit, it’s how the laws of love work anyway. You can activate the most powerful force in the entire universe by looking deep into your lover’s eyes, what are you waiting for?


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1979 – Lola – Part 4

I slumped over beside her, sweating like a thoroughbred. I turned to her and kissed her gently on her ripe lips.





Go here to go read this chapter:




That’s my honey.



Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly       Facebook: phicklephilly         Twitter: @phicklephilly

Crazy Dating Stories – IBS Gal – Part 3

But then as I lay there staring up at the pop-corn ceiling, I began to think: Why did she do that? Why the meat lovers skillet? Dang it, super hot Louisiana girl, why did you have to eat the whole skillet when you knew you had IBS? What a selfish thing to do. The more I thought, the more it occurred to me how selfish she was. After deeper reflection it seemed she had used me for a free meal. And in that moment, the yellow/greying walls seemed to be more aged. The flaking lead paint seemed to make the air thick and difficult to breathe. And that single, old, 1970’s incandescent light bulb, hanging there like a single bull’s testicle, out-of-place and missing its partner in crime, casting more shadows than light in this ghetto, 1950’s built apartment unit. I contemplated what had gone wrong in my life to be on a date with a smoking hot girl, with a super kind disposition, but who was also batshit-insane and had robbed me of my Friday night with all her stupid IBS crap.

And then, just then, when it all seemed pointless, somehow, I realized how truly filthy and utterly disgusting her room was and how sad the situation really was and I fell in love with her all over again. The anger disassociated in a solution with the powerful buffers of empathy, love, compassion, and righteousness. I knew what I had to do: I had to fix it for her. Had to make it better. Had to give her something positive and beautiful in her mess of a life. Had to be her knight in shining armor. But what? How could I, a mere mortal, show her my pure, unadulterated love and prove myself to her?

My mother. My sweet mother was the answer. My mother gracefully came to my mind in the form of a sweet memory. Yep, that was the answer and the only answer: When I was a kid, and got a bad grade on a test, or was bullied, and didn’t feel like living life and let my room go my sweet mother would quietly clean it for me. She would swear like a sailor and throw hard plastic objects at me and beat me for other things but in these situations she would also clean my room lovingly. And I knew I had to do the same thing for my date, for this girl that I had known for less than two weeks, and had spent a total of maybe 6 hours with- I would sanitize and organize and make her happy by cleaning.

All of a sudden, this possible government housing apartment, this worse-than-south-central LA-projects apartment seemed to naturally brighten up. I sprang from the bed and started cleaning. Started with the trash. And threw it in the bin. Then organized things into piles. Then pushed her bookcase back to parallel to the wall (it was perpendicular and just sticking out in the middle of the room when I entered.) I organized her books, and made all the knick knacks organized and a safe distance from the edge of their shelves where they had previously been dangling. I remade the bed, taking great care with the corners and eliminating wrinkles.

Then…there was the laundry. There were two piles: One obviously dirty, and one possibly clean. I put the dirty in a pile in the corner of her room (there was no laundry basket, no hamper). Then I had to make sure the clean pile was actually clean, and I had to make sure there were no “unmentionables” as Hank Hill called them. So I got down on my hands and knees and looked really closely for any stains. I started sniffing the air, motioning my hand in a circular motion towards my nose to see if her clothes would rile up my olfactory system at all. So far so good, but I had to be sure. So I gingerly teased out a pair of jeans from web/pile, and held them close to my nose. Good gosh: Southern sunshine, laundry detergent, and womanly goodness was all that smelled. I needed a greater sample size, so I went for an innocuous white tank top. Same great clean smell. I fist pumped the air, so happy. Then I separated out the pile, cautiously looking for bras and panties all good. I then started folding like a madman, as time was running down. I finished and gently laid her folded, clean clothes at the foot of her mattress.

I sat on the floor again. And waited. 10…5…1…0…-25…-45…-1 hour. I was tired and knocked on the bathroom door. “Hey are you ok? Do you want me to go to the store and get you some IBS medicine? Can I do anything for you?” She responded, “No no, that’s ok, I’m done.” All of a sudden the toilet flushed and she hopped up and opened the door even though she hadn’t even finished buttoning up her daisy dukes.

As she was finishing fiddling with her jean shorts, she looked beyond me, peering into the bedroom and started SCREAMING: “WHAT THE HELL MAN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MY ROOM IS CLEAN NOW!!??” She was pissed. I once again was incredulous and said, “Dude, you can barely function. You just quit/got fired from your Discovery card job, your apartment is a mess, unsanitary and unfit to live in really, you are in massive pain from IBS, can’t afford to see a doctor and don’t have health insurance. So the one way I thought I could brighten your day was to clean your room, a loving act, nothing more, nothing less.” She looked at me quizzically, as if I were some quixotic idiot trying to administer leafs of stimulating BS. She then said, “WELL YEA THEY’RE CLEAN CLOTHES BUT WHAT IF I HAD UNDERWEAR IN THERE, HUH??!!”. I said, “Yea exactly, I thought of that already, and that’s why I checked to make sure they were clean and that there wasn’t any underwear in there.” She was confused and said “You checked? What do you mean you checked?” I logically answered “I inspected the pile, I looked closely and then sniffed it, and just kind of peeked around to make sure I didn’t see any before I started folding. if I would have seen any I would have stopped and left the pile on the ground.” She then just kind of grunted and yelled “You shouldn’t clean my room and touch my stuff.” Fair enough I conceded.

I said I was done then, and that she needed to think about the night, her behavior and listed everything that she had done that was inconsiderate and understand that everything I did was with a pure heart and nothing but her best interest and trying to actively show her love. I apologized and walked out. We then went on a second date.

Actually we did! We talked on the phone, she apologized for the first date. We kept talking for a week and she invited me to her place.

We went for a walk, and she was super flirty and fun to be with, and then went up to her apartment. We were up there and she sat down on her infamous couch, and slinked her legs over my lap, laydown, pulled my head in and started kissing me. As we were kissing, her phone started buzzing. She checked her phone, said her friend was at the hospital and that she had to go. She sounded way different from she had the entire night, and seemed really nervous. I asked her questions about her friend and the text which she evaded. We hugged and said goodbye, and then stopped talking after that.

Four years later I went to my friend’s house and was walking up the stairs when Miss Louisiana popped out of a room. We both were surprised to see each other. A guy came shortly to their home and picked her up. We talked before he got there. She said she “contracted fibromyalgia” and that she was sick. She looked depressed. She was engaged to the guy. They left for that night for a date, and I never heard from her again. She got married 3 weeks later, they had been engaged for 3 months. All I could think when meeting that guy was, “you poor, poor man. I feel so sorry you’re marrying her.” I know that might sound cold but she really had some difficult issues and basically seemed to be just as much a mess as 4 years before.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly         Facebook: phicklephilly      Twitter: @phicklephilly