This is my most dreaded post to write. I mean, to be honest, I’m not filled with dread, but it’s just sad I need to write another one of these.
But everything that begins… ends.
There’s no forever in this world.
Cherie and I had a decent run for a year and a half. More than I could have expected at my age.
But I think going into this one I knew it had an expiration date. I loved Cherie and still do, but this time, and probably for the first time I didn’t go into this one ‘in love with the idea of love.’
It’s odd how our relationship ended. Normally there are words and feelings and break up words. But this time there was nothing.
That’s never happened to me.
Where someone I was in an intimate relationship with just sort of faded away. You’ve read the previous chapters and it just sort of fell apart.
I was fine with how things were, and would have done whatever necessary to preserve it, but I could feel things were falling apart for a while.
Cherie’s silly hostility towards me because she missed me was juvenile, and was a waste of time. Just be nice, and enjoy the time we have together. We both realize, we’re both busy, but when we can be together don’t squander it with your attitude.
I’m good to you, Cherie.
Unlike my relationship with Annabelle, I went into this relationship on high alert. I had to protect my heart from the devastating effects of a break up, so I went into this knowing that things may not work out.
Unlike all of my other relationships. Where I fall madly in love and then the reality hits and I’m destroyed at the end of it for the next two years. That didn’t happen this time.
I loved my time with Cherie which is so well documented here. Probably my most detailed relationship. I walked down the street with Cherie and thought, ‘wife’ she was so sweet and chill.
But was it doomed from the start or would it have even worked long-term?
She lived 40 miles away. She lives with her parents at 30 and has a 7-year-old son who has behavior and emotional issues. Cherie has her own set of health problems. She works at CHOP which is a great deal for life, but you have to fly straight. Baby mama drama with the ex-husband. Financial issues. Over run by school and trying to graduate from Temple with your BS in psychology. The problems with your car. The problems with your family.
It all seemed to overwhelm her.
It seemed from her words that she wanted things to go back to the way they were when we first met, but she mentally and physically couldn’t go back there.
To me, all she needed to do was un-fuck her attitude and just come here and I’d take care of all the love and pleasure.
That one time she came here with her head in a knot, once we had sex, she was fine.
I know sex isn’t the solution to relationship issues, but a good rogering always helps smoothing out things between couples.
But it was just a band-aid on a bigger problem.
Cherie and I come from two different worlds. Our time together met the end of each others needs.
But only temporarily.
Cherie had been broken from a bankrupt relationship she had with a woman she loved. That woman used her for money and sex, and ended up abandoning her.
She had a kid at 17 from an older white guy who already had a family.
She worked at MacDonald’s for 10 years.
If this isn’t a black woman’s guide to hard knocks I don’t know what is.
I love Cherie and I’m so proud of her. But she’s been burned and her tolerance for enduring long-term pain is low at this point.
Her friends told her to get out there and date again and she reluctantly agreed.
That’s when she met a 55-year-old white man on Tinder.
She had talked to people on that app but the only date she ever went on was with me.
I’m that convincing.
Why should she ever be with someone like me?
A solitary cat who has finally come to know himself. He loves to work and be busy. He gets his energy from people he meets every day. He writes a dating blog that publishes everyday and has failed in ever relationship he’s ever been in. He makes horrible decisions in regard to romance. He always dates young women. They love him for his charm and grace, but they all leave him for the same reason. He doesn’t want to get married again or have any more kids.
My daughter, Lorelei is plenty.
You would think this would be a perfect scenario. Hot, smart, fit black girl who loves sex and is super chill and doesn’t want any more kids. I did too. And so did my friends. I would tell them about my new girlfriend and some would say… it sounds like a booty call.
Because we hardly ever got to see each other. I was always working and so was she with CHOP, school and her son.
I think after a period of time that distance took a toll on our relationship.
It would on anybody. When I saw her it was magic, but there was too much time on the in between with me and Cherie.
It wasn’t me, because I like distance. I like to work and be busy, and not be in a day-to-day relationship. But I think the distance and time away destroyed Cherie.
When she did come here she seemed distant and bitter, which I didn’t understand. I thought, ‘you’re here. be happy, I’ll love you and please you.’
But that didn’t happen. She would be shitty to me in my presence and then apologize for it later in text.
Sadly for Cherie, I have very low tolerance for nonsense in my life now and her behavior didn’t bode well with me.
And having gone into this relationship with her with a clear mind of what could happen I was ready for its end.
In the beginning it was sweet, but quickly became aggressively sexual on her end.
I’m honored and blessed a fit hot baby wants me to be with me. This shouldn’t even be happening between me and a girl on the right side of 30, but it is.
She seems perfect. She wants to crawl into the back seat of her Saab and get it on. I’m resisting. I want to get to know her.
I’m always that way. I love dating.
Dating is so elegant and beautiful.
Sex is sex.
We all get it. It’s the end, really.
But dating is sooo romantic. Romance is the best part of every relationship.
It’s new and feels so good.
I’ve worked in sales my whole life. Once you’ve closed. The client’s just in the system.
The sex with Cherie was glorious.
She’s probably the only woman I ever met whose brain is really directed to her libido.
That guitar goes straight to the amp.
I’ve been with all the hottest women and they have so many problems, thoughts, ideas, switches, buttons, issues with sex and it’s a sad failure. They can’t get their train into the station and it’s mostly in their heads and stuff they learned from shitty magazines and their peers.
Her signal is so clear and strong, she comes 15 times during straight up sex, because she’s in tune with her body.
That is so beautiful.
I’ll miss that.
I’ll miss being the hero that brought her that level of joy.
I’m honored at my age to have been able to give a woman that level of pleasure.
But the weight of her life has cast us asunder.
I think we’re done.
I haven’t heard from her and am actually relieved I don’t have to deal with this.
I know it seems weird but I think we both saw it coming.
We could have stayed the same but I just felt like I was losing her.
Nothing can stay the same.
Relationships need to grow. My last 3 haven’t. There’s a pattern here.
I need to stop.
I don’t want to hurt anyone. Maybe I should just date.
Anyway at this moment loyal readers, I am pretty sure it’s over between Cherie and I.
That’s it. It’s finished.
I’m sad and sorry.
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