10 Signs He Likes You — but Only ‘As a Friend’

You like him, but what if he likes you not?

There’s this totally awesome guy you know and you’re really digging him. You just know that the two of you would make the most perfect couple ever.

If only …

The problem is that you’re starting to suspect this man may not be digging you as more than a friend.

You’re not sure of how to tell if this guy likes you and is a attracted to you but hiding it, or if simply sees you as just a friend or — gulp — one of the guys.

I mean, you’d make the most adorable couple, right?!

But how do you know what he’s thinking without going out on an incredibly delicate limb and straight-up asking him?

You feel pretty close to desperate to find some undeniable signs he’s into you, too, and feels that same spark you feel — or to at least get some clarity that when he looks at you, he sees “friend” stamped all over your forehead.

Here’s how to know if he likes you likes you, or if signs say your crush — (he’s so perfect!) — sees you as “just friends” and not the woman of his dreams.

1. He has all sorts of pet names for you, but …

They’re the wrong kind.

They’re not “baby doll,” or “sweetheart.”

No, they’re “dude,” “yo,” “bro,” or “(your last name).”

2. He rarely calls or texts you first.

You’re doing the heavy lifting for the friendship. He’ll respond if you get in touch, but he doesn’t call “just because.”

3. He doesn’t flirt with you in public.

He may get cute with you when you’re alone together, but when you’re out he shows no signs of flirting.

Unless you’re standing by your best friend, that is. And he’s actually flirting with her.

4. He talks about other women.

He can’t stop telling you about this chick he’s totally digging.

And it’s not because he wants you to feel jealous.

5. He’ll swing by your place …

But only to borrow your Prison Break DVDs and a couple of sodas.

And may some food from the fridge.

6. He looks at his phone more often than he looks at you.

When you’re out alone, he spends half the time texting other people.

And a whole lot of them are other women.

Pretty much all of them are other women.

7. He has a self-imposed curfew.

When you’re out together without his buddies, he’s always got to go home by a specific time.

Even though you know there’s nothing going on at home.

8. He rarely makes plans in advance.

He only commits to hanging out sometimes.

He doesn’t seem to have a burning desire to see you.

9. You seldom go out just the two of you.

When you go somewhere together, it’s almost always with him and the guys.

In fact, you’ve actually earned yourself the nickname “dude with boobs” among the entire crew.

10. He’s totally supportive …

Of you dating other guys.

When he sees other guys hitting on you, he even gives you a high five rather than a jealous stare.

 

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‘JIBING’ Is The New Dating Trend That Will Make Your Next Hook-Up Infidelity Less Awkward

We’d all love to charm each other with minimal awkwardness. Unfortunately, much like smoke and fire, embarrassment is the inevitable flipside to excitement (you are – literally – putting yourself out there, after all).

This in mind there is a smooth new dating trend you need to try (or at least know about) if you want to eek the most out of your 21st-century existence: ‘jibing.’

However, to understand ‘jibing’ you must first understand ‘flatzoning’ – the evil stepbrother of ‘friendzoning.’ What’s that, you ask? As one of our D’Marge employees (who was recently ‘flatzoned’) anonymously admits, it is “the phenomenon of being homeless but f**kable.”

Before you (rightly) crucify us for such glib usage of the word “homeless,” we don’t mean literally living rough, we mean living somewhere you’d rather not be (think: your parents’ basement) but being denied when you apply to live somewhere else on the basis of your attractiveness.

+1 Photos

Instead of finding a flat, you find a friend with benefits, who doesn’t want to live with you because they think it could be awkward to live with someone they might like to date. Hence the term: ‘flatzoning,’ which, when you think about it, is the exact opposite to ‘friendzoning.’

Anyway, this leads into a broader trend of ‘jibing,’ which is the term given to people finding love on apps which are not meant for dating (think Flatmates, Gumtree, Facebook Marketplace, etc.).

To get the down-low on this phenomenon, we spoke to Dr Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist, relationship expert and host of the podcast Sex & Life, who recently had a friend engage in a little ‘jibing’ action herself.

“I have this friend where she was selling furniture on Gumtree and [this guy] rocked up to the door to buy something from her.”

“With these things,” Nikki continues, “the benefit is you already have their number so it takes the awkwardness away from asking for someone’s details.” So even though you might not know this person, you tend to have a smoother interaction with them than you would with a standard Tinder date.

“I think it happens… a lot. These apps and websites that are not meant for meeting people, but you meet people.”

So, how exactly does ‘jibing’ go down? According to Nikki, this is a classic ‘jibing’ scenario: “You don’t know who the person is but then they come to pick up that thing (or check the room) and there’s a connection.”

“The easy part about this is that it’s easier to text them and say, ‘Hey let’s get a drink sometime.’ The harder thing is when you see someone in person these days, think there’s a connection, and then have to ask for their number.”

But back to Nikki’s friend: not only is ‘jibing’ often easier than meeting people in a club or bar, but it can also be more natural than Tinder: “When he rocked up he wasn’t putting on some kind of front – there was no expectation of a date – so in that setting even though you might feel nervous because you like the person, it’s safe to say you’re probably not putting on a mask.”

“On a tinder date, on the other hand, you might not be yourself (and) you might not be chatty because you’ve been thinking about this date for the last few hours.”

When ‘jibing,’ however, “You are in more of a natural state,” Nikki says, “Which is why I think it will work better [than] one of these dates where you’re sitting across from someone with pressure but no inspiration for a conversation.”

To the contrary, when ‘jibing’ you can base your conversation around the room, people, furniture or whatever trade you might be doing, which relieves the pressure: “Say you’re going for a tour of their apartment or spare room, you might be having a conversation about how much it’s going to cost, or the books on the coffee table, their likes and interests,” Nikki says, “and have that banter without the pressure of, ‘What am I going to say next.’”

The last question to consider is this: is now more socially acceptable to meet your partner on Facebook Marketplace than on Tinder or Bumble? Nikki doesn’t necessarily agree, telling us these chance meetings have always happened throughout history, and they now continue to happen, albeit in a different way, facilitated by technology.

And, according to Nikki, this is actually quite an important topic for dating experts to delve into, as many people “are either really struggling with their social skills because they are on their phone all day, or they have blinkers on when it comes to dating in the real world.”

The takeaway? We would say happy swiping but in light of recent developments: happy ‘jibing.’

 

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7 Things You Realize After Being in a Toxic Relationship

The hardest part after a breakup is waking up every morning confused about what you are feeling. Being torn between feeling hurt or empty, or both. Sleeping feels like the only way to shut the thousands of pictures and thoughts running through your mind. We look back on our past relationship and realize how happy we once were until it consumed us.

It is where we let our partner do most of the decisions that sometimes don’t benefit the relationship, just them personally.

We become in love with the idea of being with one another, but we forget to consider the consequences that come with it. We forget that cruelty and ignorance is not a normal thing. No matter how badly you were treated before, it’s never an excuse to do the same to other people. As humans, we always choose to believe in someone and forgive them despite feeling hollow in return. Reciprocation is never a big deal to us anymore, as long as we are able to give our best to them without even asking them to do the same thing in return. Anything less or too much is never enough, never just right. Therefore, most relationships fail.

Here are a few things I’ve learned after being in a toxic relationship:

1. The process of moving on and getting back on track is never the friendliest thing you could do to your aching heart but building yourself up again is.

And your future self will thank you for that. It won’t be easy. It might take hundreds of crying nights, consecutive days of breakdowns, and constantly asking yourself what you did wrong that put you in this situation.

2.You will have difficulty with opening yourself up again.

The trauma you’ve been through will be the biggest hindrance while you struggle with opening your heart again. You’ve been hurt so much that you built a wall around your heart in order to be safe. Pushing people away became your new defense mechanism. But remember that it is possible to open up again.

3.Trust is your biggest nemesis.

It’s hard to trust someone again after getting hurt. It makes you believe that all people who come into your life want to hurt you and that they will leave eventually. You will have difficulty with believing again. When someone will try to break your walls and assure you that they won’t hurt you, you won’t believe them. Because you’re used to hearing the same thing. It’ll be hard to trust again but remember that you will.

4.There will be days, not just days but nights of constantly asking yourself where you went wrong.

Overthinking will become your favorite hobby. From noon until midnight, you will have thoughts that continuously haunt you. You will always doubt yourself. You’ll always look back on the tiniest details of your shortcomings. You will ask yourself if you loved too little or too much. You’ll feel as if you didn’t do enough.

5.You’ll always question yourself if you are enough.

Because if you were, how come he didn’t stay? How come you are in a position where you constantly question your worth? But believe your friends when they tell you there’s nothing you did wrong and that you are enough. Because darling, you are. Your worth is never the reflection of his absence. It doesn’t make you less of a person just because they chose someone else over you. It’s never your fault that you were left behind. Because the hurt you are feeling is just a reminder of your ability to endure, and that you can love again. It’ll never be your weakness, it’ll be your greatest strength. Resiliency.

6.There will come a point in your life when all you want to do is to just play around.

It’s like seriousness has gotten out of your vocabulary. This is just a phase. You can date all you want without being in a relationship. It’s okay to seek, try, and discover things. There’s no pressure of being committed but also, never fear it. You’ll know when you’re ready because you’ll feel it. And it’ll take time.

7.Your deepest desire is to have one person who won’t leave you.

This is the hardest thing to take in. When you are used to being neglected, you will feel odd when someone treats you better. Most of the times, you won’t know how to react. You will think that this is just going to turn into another heartbreak because it’s too good to be true. They say chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are heavy enough to be broken. But they never said you won’t be able to. Sometimes, assurance disrupts weariness. But believing and trusting again is a difficult thing to do. So, remember not to fight against it. Instead, embrace it. Because this is exactly where you deserve.

When people tell you that someone will come along and make you believe in love again, trust them. Because someone will come along. But it takes patience. Sometimes, they come when you least expect them to. Or when you’re not ready. But they will come. Don’t allow the person who hurt you to keep a piece of your heart forever. There are things in life we regret doing and spend our time punishing ourselves for. But remember that the greatest thing you can ever do to heal is to forgive. Forgiveness brings clarity, and clarity heals. The things that hurt us feel like a heavy burden on our hearts, but they’re also life lessons. They will teach you and lead you to amazing places. They won’t break you but teach you and make you grow. So never fear growth because it’ll make you who you want to become. The one you always see in the mirror. And that’s the person you are right now.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Saffron – Down with the Sickness

Met Saffron at a the restaurant where I worked. She seemed relatively normal from our conversations, and she was very cute.

I try to set up plans to go see a movie, and she can’t/won’t make up her mind about what to see/when to go. Then she calls me and sounds a little funny. As if her voice was hoarse. She says “I normally don’t sound like this I yelled a lot at work today.” Something was up.

We finally agree on plans. I go pick her up to go see The Dark Crystal. She gets in the car and we start talking and it’s clear to me that she didn’t give me the whole story. Her voice did indeed sound somewhat odd. In addition, I began to notice certain ticks/movements as well. After the 10 minute drive to the theater I began to wonder what she hadn’t told me.

We walk into the theater and I realize a few more things. She had somewhat awkward gait, and had trouble with keeping normal distance from me. She either got super close or super far away as we walked and talked.

At this point I begin to wonder if perhaps she has Aspergers or another health issue, but keep it to myself.

Despite all of this I was still having a good time; we got along well and went to see the movie.

Here’s where the trouble begins:

About an hour into the movie she goes to the bathroom. I check my watch and realize that she’s been gone for over 10 minutes. No big deal, maybe she got food or didn’t feel well.

She comes back 15 minutes later and said she bought water and felt a little sick. Hint #4. I asked her multiple times if she was ok/wanted to leave. She said, “I’m fine, my cousin was sick maybe I caught a bug from her.”

Cut to about 45 minutes left in the movie; she starts to make faces as if she doesn’t feel good. I ask again multiple times if she is ok; she insists she is.

I suggest that she goes to bathroom in case she has to throw up. She says no.

A minute later SHE THROWS UP ALL OVER THE PLACE. COVERS THE ENTIRE FLOOR IN FRONT OF HER AND THREE SEATS TO THE LEFT ALL THE WAY TO AISLE. IT WAS LIKE A MOVIE SCENE, I COULDN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH ONE PERSON COULD THROW UP.

I’m shaken obviously so I climb up a row and go to get help from the theater workers. On the way out of the theater I have to stop short as I round the corner…

WHY?

BECAUSE THERE WERE TWO GIANT PUDDLES OF VOMIT IN THE HALLWAY!! HER “BATHROOM” TRIP WAS ACTUALLY AN “I’M GONNA THROW UP ON THE FLOOR, LEAVE IT, AND RETURN TO MY DATE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.”

So yea, that was a bad date I guess. Plus I never saw the end of the movie. I took the poor girl home. I felt so bad for her. I’ve had stomach disorders my whole life so I could identify with her. I think she was so mortified and embarrassed by the incident we never went out again because I don’t think she could face me. Poor girl. She was so cute!

 

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15 Physiological Signs Someone Likes You: How Many Do You Notice?

You like someone, but you’re not sure if they feel the same. Don’t listen to words, look for these physiological signs someone likes you instead.

That confusing time when you realize that you actually really like that guy or girl is both exciting and downright terrifying, all rolled into one. You wonder if they like you back because they’re not asking you out directly. And you’re not completely familiar with the physiological signs someone likes you to decode their real intentions. Of course, you want to try and make a move, because let’s face it, you want to move things along! The problem is, what if they don’t feel the same and you’re left red faced and embarrassed?

Oh, the joys of dating!

It’s very easy to listen to words and not really focus on the things people are doing. The problem with that is, people lie. Sorry, it’s true. People also say things to make others feel better. You would be far better not listening to word and instead looking more towards the things they can’t help – their physiological signs.

How to decode the subtle physiological signs someone likes you

If you want to really know if he or she is digging you as much as you’re digging them, it’s time to get medical.

Physiological signs are things you just can’t help, the things you do instinctively without trying. These are are instincts, and you can’t avoid them happening in certain situations.

For example, when you’re in a situation which scares you, you’re going to automatically react in a set way – you’re probably going to become nervous, your heart will race, you might go hot, you might start shaking, etc. This is your survival mechanism, and it has evolved from the days of the rather hairy cavemen and still quite hairy cavewomen. The same can be said for attraction. When we like something or someone, we automatically show physiological signs of attraction.

The 15 most obvious physiological signs someone likes you

If you see just one of these signs, it might be best to wait and see how things develop; if however you’re noticing more than three, that’s a pretty good indicator of the fact they’re into you too!

#1 They smile a lot around you. It’s hard to be sad and frown around someone you really like. You’re automatically going to smile, because you feel joy, and your face simply can’t help itself! In terms of the most obvious physiological signs someone likes you, a constant smile is a pretty good measure.

#2 They often make eye contact, or you notice them staring when you’re not looking. Eye contact is a definite sign of attraction, and if you notice that the guy or girl you’ve got your eye on literally has their eye on you, especially when they think you’re not looking, you can pretty much put it down as a definite ‘yes.’

#3 Or, they can’t look at you. Confusing, right? Some people are a little shy naturally, or they might suddenly become shy around the people they like. If you’re noticing that he or she looks at you and then quickly looks away, perhaps like they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t, that’s of the clearer physiological signs someone likes you too! It depends on the person and the way they react to what is a slightly embarrassing situation.

#4 They display open body language … or it might be closed. Yet another complete confusing contradiction is the subject of body language. Generally speaking, if someone likes you and wants you to know about it, their body language will be open and not at all defensive. This could mean that their arms are by their sides, and not over their body, their shoulders are where they should be and not hunched up out of stress, and they look generally quite relaxed around you.

On the flip side, some people *shy types again* may actually display very closed body language around you for no real reason; this means they may cross their arms over their body as the main example. The best way to figure it out is to see if they do the same thing with anyone else and that should give you your answer.

#5 Their body is angled towards you. We tend to unknowingly lean towards the things we like, so if you’re noticing that his or her body is angled towards you, and not away from you, that’s a pretty clear sign too. Even if someone is showing closed body language out of shyness, they will probably still lean into you a little. This won’t be a move that looks forced, it will also be quite subtle, but it’s definitely there.

#6 Their cheeks are flushed. One of the clearest physiological signs that someone likes you is flushed cheeks. It’s not particularly hot, but they’re certainly going a little pink! The reason for this is thought to be the release of adrenaline, which causes an increase in blood flow. As a result, you get that pink tinge to your cheeks!

#7 They might be shaking slightly. Isn’t it great when your mere presence causes someone to lose all control and start shaking a little! Take it as a compliment, because if you see someone with flushed cheeks who has the slight shakes, it’s a very clear sign that they’re crushing on you!

#8 They stumble over their words. If someone is stumbling over their words around you and they normally don’t have an issue with it, it’s a clear sign you either terrify them or they like you! Hopefully it’s the latter.

#9 They fidget a lot. Another common physiological sign someone likes you is fidgeting. This can be messing with their hair, touching their neck, tugging on their lip, pulling on their sleeves; it can basically be any type of fidgeting motion which they wouldn’t normally do.

#10 Their pupils dilate. Okay, you’re going to have to look pretty closely to see if this is happening, but when we like someone, our pupils get larger in size. This can also be a reaction to light, so if you’re in a pretty dark environment, don’t take this is as a certain sign, but if it’s in conjunction with other signs and it’s a normal lighting kind of situation, you’re in there!

#11 They mirror your posture. The same kind of thing as leaning into you, when we like someone, we tend to mirror their posture and movements to a small degree. If he or she is standing in a similar way to you, that could be a clear sign.

#12 They have a strong posture. This is more likely to be a man, but it can sometimes be a woman too. In this case, the posture is strong, because they’re trying to impress you with their strength, and in this case, manliness. A woman could be doing it to exude confidence.

#13 Their heart is beating faster. Again, pretty difficult to identify unless you get very close, but if someone likes you, their heart is likely to beat a little faster when you’re around. Look at their neck if you get the chance, can you visibly see their pulse? You might also notice they’re a little breathless as a result.

#14 They might be a little hot or sweaty. Attractive, right? If you’re noticing that he or she seems a little hotter than is necessary, it could be a clear sign that they’re feeling hot under the collar due to your presence in the room!

#15 They’re instinctively protective over you. Exhibiting protective behavior is another sign that someone likes you, because we tend to want to protect those we care about. This could be sticking up for you verbally, either when you’re around or not around, or it could be stepping into a fight. Either way, it’s a good sign.

Remember, just one or two doesn’t really tell you a huge amount, but more than three, especially when they don’t do it in anyone else’s presence and you’ve got a very clear answer coming your way!

These are 15 very clear physiological signs someone likes you. The next time you’re around that person that you’re so curious about, see how many you can tick off the list.

 

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Flirting While in a Committed Relationship: What You Need to Know

Part of being human is the need for attention, but is flirting while in a committed relationship a breach of trust, or simply a bit of fun?

No matter how you look at it, flirting while in a committed relationship is always a touchy subject – is it acceptable, or frowned upon? Can you actually define it? Or gasp, can you honestly completely avoid it or walk through life with your horse blinders on, in a world where there are a million ways to reach out and bat your eye at someone?

Picture the scene, you’re sat at a cafe with your friends, chatting and drinking coffee and suddenly someone tells you that they saw your partner flirting with someone else whilst out around town a few nights ago.

How would you feel?

Shocked, upset, betrayed?

All of those emotions would be completely right on the money, but if nothing actually happened, and it was simple flirtation, would it be wrong?

Welcome to a huge grey area!

Flirting while in a committed relationship – Wading through the grey area

Flirting while in a committed relationship is fine in some people’s eyes and totally off limits in others. Personally, I wouldn’t like it if my partner was flirting up a storm with someone else, whether they meant to do it or not. The problem is, what you might consider to be flirting, they might simply consider friendly joking. There are so many fine lines here and so many of them are different shades of red.

A story of not being right, and not being wrong

This happened to a friend of mine a short while ago and I actually witnessed the apparent flirtation. ‘Apparent’ isn’t actually the right word to use, because there was nothing apparent about it, it was as clear as day. I had a friend with me at the time and we agonized over what to do – should we tell our friend that her boyfriend had been flirting up a storm, or should we just let it go?

This actually caused a heated debate between the two of us, because I felt it was wrong to flirt the way he did, but she felt it was nothing to become that upset about, because it clearly had no intention behind it.

My argument was this – how can you tell if flirting has an intention behind it or not? You’re not in that person’s head, you can only judge the situation based on what you see and hear.

In the end, we told her. I just couldn’t not tell my friend, and do you know what her reaction was? She wasn’t bothered. She said that she knew her boyfriend was quite the flirt and she’d actually been sat with him in the past when he’d done it; apparently he doesn’t even realize he’s being flirty, he thinks he’s being friendly.

That wouldn’t have done for me, but then again, we’re all different.

What’s your take on this?

You see, the way I always look at things is to ask how I would feel if it happened to me. Before I do anything, most of the time, I think ‘if this was the other way around, how would I feel?’ That normally tells me whether what I’m doing is okay in my eyes or not.

You could argue that flirting is healthy, because it is fun, and we’re told to have as much fun in life as possible. My argument is if that’s the case, why can’t you flirt with your partner? That would still be fun!

As you can probably tell by my stand on this, I think flirting while in a committed relationship is a huge no. Am I right? I’m right in my eyes, but I don’t pretend to be the world’s last decision on rights and wrongs!

A personal choice of flirting

The best way to approach this is to figure out where you stand on it yourself. You have to live your life by your own ideas and values. Take my friend for example, she flirts whilst she’s at work, in a predominantly male environment, and she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong, because she loves her partner. Clearly her partner does the same, and they’re both okay with it. It works for them.

That’s great for them. Would it work for you?

Why do we need to flirt with other people?

I did a straw poll of my friends on this subject, both male and female, and they came up with these suggestions.

– Flirting while in a committed relationship can stop things getting stale and boosts excitement.

– It can stop one partner *or both* from feeling trapped in a long-term relationship.

– It gives an ego boost and makes them feel good about themselves.

– When you do it, it can keep your partner on his or her toes.

Do you agree with those reasons? I have to admit that I’m a little on the fence, if I’m honest.

Do you need a third person to excite you?

Firstly, I totally understand that in a long-term relationship things can get a little same old, same old on occasion, but surely you should be boosting excitement together, and not apart? There are plenty of ways to stop things from getting a little stale – have you not seen Fifty Shades of Grey?!

Secondly, are you supposed to feel trapped in a relationship? I personally think if you feel trapped there’s something a little wrong going on. I get that you might need an ego boost on occasion, I do, but I tend to do that by buying a new dress, rather than heading off to flirt with the nearest single male. Finally, you want to flirt with someone else to keep your partner on their toes? Seriously?! I can think of far better ways.

There are many who think that flirting is part of a healthy life and that it bears no reflection on the state of their long-term relationship. Maybe that is true, but would the flirting partner feel the same if their boyfriend or girlfriend was doing it too?

I’m inclined to think not.

The jury is out – Here’s what I think

Whether or not you deem flirting while in a committed relationship to be totally fine or a big red cross, that’s really a personal deal. I think that is the best way to address the issue. What we do need to talk about however is whether your partner feels the same about your standpoint.

For instance, maybe you see no issue with it, but maybe your partner is deeply hurt by it. In that case, it doesn’t make it right, does it? The best way to address this now is to make sure that you’re both on the same page. If you both feel the same about a little harmless flirting every now and again, well, who am I to judge? That’s fine, because you’re not hurting anyone and you’re both aware that it means nothing.

The big problem hits when one partner thinks it’s fine and the other doesn’t. If they continue to do it knowing that it hurts their partner, that’s a major, major red line. If they do it because they don’t know that their partner doesn’t like it, that’s a communication issue that needs to be fixed.

Maybe the answer to all of this is a need to sit down and actually talk to each other.

What’s the intention behind the flirting?

The other issue is how you can judge an intention. I totally get that innocent flirting without an intention to take it further and with no attached feelings whatsoever, no attraction or anything, is just that, pretty innocent flirting.

But, how do you know that is the case? Does the other person *the flirtee, if you will* know that’s the case? Or, more likely, do they think this guy or girl likes them and perhaps they’re onto something? In that case, surely another person is going to get dragged into the whole mess and will end up getting hurt too. All because you needed an ego boost.

Can you see how messy this might become?

Maybe it all comes down to what you deem flirting to be. A flirty wink, a brush of the arm *accidental, of course*, or a quick suggestive remark as a one off, is probably fine. But, repeated flirting with the same person? For me, that’s more than flirting and that has an intention of some kind behind it.

Flirting while in a committed relationship is certainly an area for debate which is likely to run and run. The only way to really answer the question is to focus on how it feels to you. Only then can you really the answer the question of whether it is a yes or a no.

 

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Kita – Chapter 41 – While You’re Away – Part 2

So she and JR breakup and it’s a bitter mess. Bitch JR immediately starts posting pics of himself with another girl which is just a knee jerk reaction to loss and revenge to your ex.

Kita gets an Instagram message from loser Steve, (Who is sadly from the same neighborhood as loser JR and they all know each other. You can see the jealously shit storm coming) and she starts seeing Steve.

Steve is an aloof motorhead that has zero experience with women so this whole rebound is basically a steel ball bouncing off a bumper in a pinball machine and deflecting off to something else. (Cool thing is… I’m “Extra Ball” AND “Free Game!”)

I’m just the big old lion catching some shade during this whole party. I assess the situation and listen to poor Kita during her sad plight. I’m there for her. I listen and offer advice that is of real value. I have to repeat it to her several times because baby just doen’t understand men.

The entire time this is happening as this poor girl struggles with the rudders of love, I ply her with delicious, trail mix, (which she loves!), crackers, granola bars, bananas, and free special tanning lotions.

I take her out to dinner. It’s exquisite. She loves it. You’ve already read about it. I took her out to a really nice xmas lunch and she adored that too.

So let’s sum up…

Met her and had desire but no idea of anything. Just an adorable object of pure phicklephily, waitress desire. Get to know her. Great conversation. (All me) Advice. More snacks. (Baby loves snacks. I used to ply ex GF Michelle with fruit and snacks!) Pepper spray to protect baby. Special snacks. Dinner. Special tanning lotion. Xmas lunch.

So here we are. Kita has had young love infatuation and loss. No sex. JR for 3 years a basic joke but got her little V card punched. Done. then rebound into moody loser, Steve.

I love Irony. I’ve done stand up comedy in New York, Stockton State College, and the Laff House in Philly. I’ve been funny my whole life. I’ve suffered so much, that’s how comics deal with their loss and tragedy. They laugh at it.

That’s the only tools we have to deal with our tortured pain and suffering at the hands of others.

That is a real thing that shapes who we are and makes us who we are and it is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s how the meek heal.

But there are several elements in play here. The irony here is quite obvious.

Lovely Kita is desperate to have love in her life. That’s completely normal. To love and be love is a fundamental need in humans. She felt that she had love for awhile with JR. That failed. Love fails more than it succeeds that’s why it’s so elusive, rare and wonderful. She rebounds off JR in searing pain and falls into the arms of wrong guy/neighbor of JR, Steve. JR sees this on social media and pushes forward quickly with his rebound whoever chick he’s currently seen in his instagram pics “having an amazing time.” Kita goes into a tizzy and tries to make it work like I did with insane Kylie and it’s never a match.

But there is a monument standing before this pretty young thing. Unfortunately, she can’t see it.

It’s a gentleman.

A father.

A man.

He has embraced her. He has listened to her. He has taken the time to learn about her. To spend hours with her. Teach her. Guide her. Care for her.

Listen to her for hours.

Given her delicious snacks she loves. Take her out to dinner. Give her minty gum. Spend hours helping her with her life challenges. Learning about her. Really getting to know her. Buying her pepper spray to protect her. More delicious snacks! Taking her out to a nice lunch at an upscale restaurant.

She’s so sweet and beautiful to me. I love Kita. I have no idea where this is going. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I feel like we’re on the edge of something. But the odd things is… Kita will be gone for a month and I’ll get a break from writing about her.

I have to say this…. (Here’s the purpose of this post)

The snacks, the talk, the gifts the dates. I have built the model of what it should like to date this very pretty sweet girl. That is what i’m good at. Kita doesn’t see it but I’m going to play this out to see where it goes. I’m showing this little fool what dating should look like!

I’m showing you Kita what a courtship looks like.

This is what romance and life look like.

I’m painting the picture for you and you don’t even see it. I see it as a challenge. I may not win. But at my age I just enjoy your company. A sweet 21 year old girl with a 55 year old man that you continue to spend time with. I’m really enjoying my time with you. I have a girlfriend that adores me and several other women that I spend time with. I love to be alone, but I can always pull the talent for any event I want.

Kita, you’re a special project for me. You can’t see it but I’m grooming you to be mine. I can’t help it. It’s just something I do. But I do love you in this moment.

When things are fresh and new.

I am a simple man that’s happy now with my simple life. It almost seems odd to me that so many butterflies get caught in the net of my fatal charm.

I hope my ex grifriends don’t read this and think less of me.

Kita will be in Florida for a month….

I’m going to miss her.

I hope she texts me.

if nothing goes wrong I’m going to hire her to work at the salon

I hope to God i can write something about my girlfriend Cherie soon instead of this little doll.

I’ve been writing this blog for two years…. I appreciate those that have hung in for the Philly part of all of my stories, but sometimes I think the Phickle will be my undoing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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