Paying For Dates In A Long-Term Relationship is Tricky & Here’s How To Do It

Paying at the end of dates (especially in the beginning of the “courtship”) is always a touchy subject, with varied opinions on how to handle it. Some people believe the person who invites the other out should pay; some think splitting is the way to go; and sometimes, people dictate who pays based on how the date is going. But what happens when you’ve been dating for years? Paying for dates in a long-term relationship is definitely something you should figure out with your partner, and see what works best for you both. And as your finances may fluctuate, your regular go-to paying practice may change, too.

To get down to the best methods for paying for dates in a relationship, I spoke with matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking Susan Trombetti and founder of Crated with Love Tyler Turk. Here’s what you need to know to navigate paying, avoid awkwardness, and get directly to the romance.

Have a conversation about what you’re comfortable with.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who makes significantly more or less money than you, you may want to discuss how to work out paying for dates in a way that makes financial sense for both of you.

“If one person is in need of some financial support… the best thing to do is to have an open and honest conversation about [it],” Turk tells Elite Daily. “It may seem awkward at first, but it will help your relationship in the long run. When it doubt, talk it out.”

In a long-term partnership, if one person makes less money and therefore pays less for dates, or less often than the other, as long as that person “does what they can do financially, it is all fine,” Trombetti tells Elite Daily.

Trombetti says that in a relationship, both people should contribute, even if on the earlier dates it didn’t start that way. She also doesn’t think splitting the bill – or “going Dutch” – is the best route to take. “It’s practical but doesn’t lend to the romance,” Trombetti says.

Depending on how serious you are, “my” money may become “our” money.

Some people do prefer “going Dutch” though – at least in their bank accounts. After some time in a long-term relationship, your finances may no longer be separate, which can factor into how you view paying for checks.

“If you’re at the point in your relationship where it’s ‘our’ money, then splitting the bill is probably irrelevant and cumbersome,” Turk says.

At that point, if you have a shared checking account and your finances are all pooled in the same place, you’re technically splitting the bill anyway.

Do what feels natural for the two of you.

For some couples, just doing what feels right could work best. Turk attests that this works for him and his wife – they developed an “unwritten code” in which they’d remember who paid for what, and take turns paying.

“Whenever she picked something up, she’d pay, whenever I picked something up, I paid,” Turk says. “If we were out to dinner, we typically kept an internal recollection, and just switched off. It was an easy transition once we got serious.”

At the end of the day, what works best for you as a couple is up to you two. Be sure you talk out your financial concerns with your partner, so you don’t harbor any ill-will regarding money between you in the long-run.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Phicklephilly – Double Life

“The seed is gold. The price of gold goes up in a crisis.”

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know I’ve been in a relationship for quite some time.  This is a subject I can only discuss with my emotionally and morally bankrupt friend johnny R or my friend Robert who will understand. I can’t go to Church with this because he can’t even manage his own shit and has no clue as to how to navigate his own life, let alone the world of romance and women. I hope by the time you read this, he’s sorted out his life and moved forward. (See:Church – Brand Ambassador)

So I’m going to address the 600 pound gorilla sitting in the room we call phicklephilly.

When you have lived the life I have, my story isn’t for everybody. I hope you know what I mean. You have to compartmentalize your life. There are those in your life that can embrace your darkness and those that admire it but never get to be on the show.

Phickle is in a pickle. The most glorious pickle that men would pay money to be in. I’m in love with two women. For the first time in my life this has happened.

I usually meet a girl. Start dating her. If things get serious and we’re compatible, that leads to love and off we go. She’s the only woman in my life. I’m getting older, and I figured the women I would date would get older and more scarce. It’s been just the opposite. I’ve done better in my late forties and fifties than I did in my mid twenties to mid forties. (I was married for 8 years from 28 to 36)

I’m a one woman man. Through and through. What has happened with the last three women in my life is this: They have all been younger than me. So we’re always in different places in our lives. (My mistake, but I don’t chase them, it just happens) We go out for a while, then we’re in a relationship, and they bring up that they may want to get married and have kids. That’s when it ends. They love me, but they know I’ve already been married, divorced back in 2001, have my daughter Lorelei, and paid out over $125,000 in child support.

I’m not risking that again. If I were to marry again, (Which I highly doubt) It would have to be clear that we’re not having kids. If that happened and I fucked it up, my Social Security payments would be going to my ex-wife. So no go.

But back to my current dilemma.

I’m really falling for this lady. I’m happy in my current relationship, but I met Ambria and we’re a good match. I haven’t slept with her yet, but I know it’s inevitable. I don’t even know why I did it. I’m not unfaithful. I’m happy with my current girl. But then it comes to me.

I did it because I could.

(Just like in the film Jurassic Park. Ian Malcom says: “You had the technology that you could re-create dinosaurs, but you never gave any thought to SHOULD you create dinosaurs?”)

My current girlfriend Cherie lives far away out in Pottstown and Ambria lives out in East Falls, just outside the city. But neither of them really come into the city. Current girlfriend is a student at Temple. That’s in North Philly. She has no reason to come into center city. She works at CHOP but not at the one here in the city, she works at a branch of Children’s Hospital out by where she lives.

Ambria works as a Nurse Practitioner up in Kensington. That might as well be in another city. (And a shitty one at that.)

Am I really a two timing, cheating, bastard? Technically, yes. But if I look at this in an open-minded adult way I think I can justify my actions.

My current girlfriend Cherie works a lot of hours and has a 6-year-old son to raise. She’s also in school. After she graduates, it’s off to medical school. I see her once or twice a month for a few hours or a single overnight. When we have time, we go out and do something, then eat and then back to the batcave for sex and sleep. The next morning I take her to breakfast, and then put her on a train back to Pottstown. Sometimes it’s just back to the batcave for sex, sleep and breakfast. Her life is that busy and her time is that limited.

At my age, I’m fine with it. I’m just happy to be getting laid at all. But that’s pretty much my life with my girlfriend. She’s great. She’s smart, she’s funny, and she’s a nymphomaniac. I love being with her and I can really feel how much she loves me even though our time together is short.

I also like my time alone, with my friends and my work and business. I love women. I just don’t want to spend a bunch of time with them. I like a little quality time and some distance. I need her to have her own life, friends, work and priorities. I need to be a part of her life but certainly not the focus. I should never have to “put my time in” like I did with insecure Annabelle (See: Annabelle – 2013 to 2014 – Nice to Meet You) so she doesn’t feel neglected.

I’m just getting started with Ambria and I certainly didn’t think this would happen. I think about them both. I’m happy with them both. Like I said, I’ve never been in this situation before, where there just happens to be two great women in my life and I like them both for different reasons, but can’t just choose one and jettison the other. Why would I do that? I don’t want anyone to get hurt. And no one has to. For right now I want them both. I’ll see Cherie when it’s convenient for her on the weekends that she can get some free time, and see Ambria once or twice a week.

This is pure phicklephilly.

If you look at the actual time spent with these girls, mathematically it’s like only having one girlfriend that you see only part of the time. There’s no demands. No perfunctory chores or doing shit you don’t want to do. These two relationships read like my blog posts about my ex-girlfriend, Michelle. (See: Michelle – 2007 to Present – Nice to Meet You) What I mean by that is this: My relationship with Michelle was as complex as any relationship where you live someone you love. But these two relationships, because of the distance and limited amount of time spent with them both, it’s like the Michelle blog. Simply our Greatest Hits. When I’m with each girl, it’s just the best of Phicklephilly.

I get to be in a relationship with two great girls that I don’t see all the time, and it’s all the fun stuff. It’s all the things that keep a relationship fun. Now granted, I know it can’t always be this way. Relationships always progress and are usually pushed forward by the woman. But in this case I may have dodged that bullet, because Cherie doesn’t want any more kids, and Ambria told me she is unable physically to have children. So, win, win!

Of course there’s the moral dilemma. But I’m not feeling any guilt at this point. I’m treating them both well and giving them my full attention when they’re with me, and nothing’s changed. I’ve simply added another person into my life with whom I enjoy their company.

I think this may have risen from Cheri’s extreme limited availability. When she’s here it’s like I run a sexual marathon for 12 hours and then the whole amusement park shuts down for three weeks to a month and goes dark. Then the process starts all over again weeks later. We text and all, so there’s always a connection, and I’m fine with that. But there are long periods when baby is just MIA.

It’s rare for a man to find not one, but two women with which he’s compatible. Let alone at the same time. I like this arrangement that I’ve created and for now it’s working. I’m going to enjoy this wonderful opportunity as long as possible and do everything to be discreet and keep the girls happy and satisfied.

You know what would be insane? Cherie is bi-sexual, and open to a threesome with another girl. Ambria told me that about 10 years ago she went through a faze where she was into girls.

You don’t think I could…?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8m & 12pm am EST.

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5 Signs You’ll Have Good Emotional Chemistry, Based On The First Few Dates

Most dates have the potential to be pretty bad. So why do we keep dating? Why do we keep signing up for an experience that often winds up being a letdown? Well, the answer is actually pretty obvious — when a date is good, it can be really good. There are usually signs you’ll have good emotional chemistry pretty quickly in the first few dates, but learning to interpret them properly takes practice.

That’s why even bad dates are a good thing, because according to relationship expert Susan Winter, “Reading the situation properly depends upon your level of experience with human nature, and dating.” She adds, “The more you date and the more you learn about people, the better your skills of discernment.”

But what exactly makes for good emotional chemistry? According to Sasha Aurund, social psychologist and founder of Psych N Sex, “Chemistry is the emotional connection when we feel ‘drawn to’ someone else. Our subtle behaviors and dispositions that positively connect with another individual keep a positive empathic loop going.” In other words, your date is picking up the energy you’re putting out and sending it right back your way.

While good emotional chemistry is more about a vibe you share than any actual biological function, there are some behaviors and specific feelings you get when it’s happening. Here’s how to know for sure if the chemistry is there right from the beginning.

1. You Feel At Ease With Them Almost Immediately

Meeting new people, even ones you’ve talked to online or on the phone, is always a little nerve-wracking, especially on a date. But the thing about good chemistry is that it can make those jitters melt away. When you’re on this kind of a date, you immediately feel comfortable. “Your new date’s energy and attitude puts you at ease,” Winters says. “There’s a palpable difference with this person, and it feels easy and natural to be in his or her presence.”

2. You Are Comfortable Just Being Yourself Around Each Other

One way to know you’re clicking is that the date doesn’t require too much effort. You can simply be yourself with someone you share good emotional chemistry with. “Your new date has the kind of vibe that allows you to be yourself,” Winters says. “You automatically since that you don’t need to edit yourself, your statements, or your attitude. You can simply ‘be.'”

3. You Have The Same Level Of Openness To New Experiences

One of the ways that you can tell that the good chemistry is something that will extend beyond the first few dates, according to Aurund, is a shared level of intellectual curiosity. In other words, are you both on the same page about being open to new experiences? She explains that “good emotional chemistry isn’t the same as having the same interests, but rather having a similar level of intellectual curiosity and wanting to try new thing – specifically with this person.” Aurund says that this is a big factor in your compatibility, because, if you have similar levels of openness, “you’re more likely to be open to trying new things, that you both will enjoy,” down the road. So it creates instant chemistry and bodes well for your future connection.

4. You Don’t Feel Pressure To “Sell” Yourself To Them

Sometimes dates can feel like a job interview. Your dating app profile was the résumé that got you the interview and now it’s time to show this would-be “love employer” why you should get the job.But here’s the thing — if you have good emotional chemistry, there is none of that nonsense. “You don’t need to ‘sell’ yourself,” says Winter. “In the past, you’d often feel the need to impress your new date. Somehow, in the presence of this person, you can simply relax and feel OK about yourself.” So, if you find yourself feeling the pressure to prove you’re worth on a date, get the check and G.T.F.O. — this person isn’t the one.

5. They “Get” Your Sense Of Humor

The most obvious sign of good chemistry is if they get your sense of humor and vice versa. “Whether you’re prone to sarcasm, wit, or just plain being goofy, a date [with a good emotional chemistry] understands your sense of humor and likes it,” explains Winter. Because what’s the point of spending time together if they don’t make you laugh or don’t get why you are hilarious in your own way?

How To Be Sure What You’re Feeling Is Real

Finding the holy grail of a good date is the best feeling there is. And, for the most part, you will know it when it happens. You can trust your gut. However, there is one thing to watch out for, according to Winter, and that is fooling yourself into seeing what you want to see. “We imbue our new partner with heightened qualities of intellect and interest. We color in the fantasy of our perfect partner as we create the design of what we imagine them to be. This is an aspect of the ‘new love haze’ that can occur, to a greater or lesser degree, for all of us,” she says.

If you feel like there is chemistry, but you want to be sure that it’s not just “love haze,” Aurund says the best policy is to just ask your date if they are feeling it too. “Usually, with chemistry, you know what you’re feeling and think you can safely assume that the other person is feeling it too,” she explains. “But the only sure way to confirm this, and save yourself a heartache, is to ask. You don’t need to ask in a way that sounds too pushy or direct if you don’t feel comfortable doing that. You can use subtle cues and smaller indirect questions.”

Dating can be hard, but when you find someone you really click with, wow is it totally worth all the work — so hang in there!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

 

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Ambria – Chapter 7 – Monday Meeting

Before she got in the car she said, “Who are you?”

I was planning on taking Ambria to the movies on Monday afternoon. We both like matinees so we settles on a film and I scheduled us for the 1pm show. But a few days later she had to take her Mom’s boyfriend for his colonoscopy. It was at 10am and then there is recovery, and then she would have to drive him home because he’d be out of it. So it could go on until 3pm. I figured we could go to the 4pm show. But I told her no pressure. We could always go to the movies next week.

I was also wondering this: Her mother passed away back in January. Can you still technically have a boyfriend when you’re dead? Ambria referred to this gentleman as her mom’s boyfriend. I cleared this up with her later that evening. They were together for years but her mother always claimed that he was just a “friend” not a lover. But I think it’s nice that she’s still friends with her late mother’s beau and does things to help him out. Ambria is a giver, hence the career as a nurse.

The day goes by and she’s in touch. It’s 3:30pm and she says she can meet me in 40 minutes. I tell her to go to 16th and Chestnut.

“Where?”

“Just go into Two Liberty by that coffee shop. I’ll be there when you get there.”

I come into Two Liberty at 17th street and cut through Bloomingdales just to cool off. It’s another hot day. I cut through the shops and food court and head down the steps to the 16th street entrance. I can see Ambria sitting by the window at a little table. She looks lovely. She’s wearing a light sundress with flowers on it and I see that she has straightened her hair. I like the baby curls, but straight looks very chic as well.

We greet and give each other a little peck on the lips. She wonders what adventure we’re off to today, and I tell her what I’m looking for.

“Well I was looking for a place with a few things.

1. It’s a hot day, so it needed to be a cool place.

2. You’re special, so it needed to be a cool space.

3. It needed to have an early happy hour because we’re meeting at 4:30 instead of 5pm.

4. It needed to have an elevator because my ear has been stuffed up lately and I thought a nice long elevator ride could pop it open.”

“Wow. You’ve really though this through.”

“I have. Come with me.”

We step outside onto busy 16th street. We walk a quarter of the way up the street and go back into Two Liberty. But it’s a different entrance. It’s the entrance to the residences as well as the only way to get to R2L.

R2L stands for Restaurant at Two Liberty. It’s a Daniel Stern spot and probably his most successful just due to its location. The 52nd floor. The walls are all windows to see the city. I’ve always found the food mediocre, but the view is spectacular and the place looks posh. It’s a great place to take someone on a date to impress. I wouldn’t hang there, but it’s a good jumping off point.

Great thing is, we’re early. 4:20 to be exact. Ambria’s never been there and she loves the place. The view isn’t really what it should be because of the heat. The humidity clouds the view. If it were a cool clear day, you could see for miles from the bar at 52 stories up.

I order a vodka martini straight up with a twist, Ketel One. She goes with theLoree’s Jones, named after one of the regulars that always ordered this drink so they named it after her. It’s got citron vodka, ginger liquor, peach, and soda in it. It’s pretty good. It’s a light crisp cocktail.

My drink on the other hand arrives and it appears to be a weak pour. I taste it and I can taste the vermouth. It’s not a good martini and certainly not worth the $12 to $14 price tag that I’m sure it has on it. She likes her drink, and I tell her mine is weak. The bartender is young maybe he doesn’t have a vodka martini quite down yet.

“Shall we ask him if he’s in training?”

“Oh my God, Ambria. You are so bad!”

We giggle and I tell her that although it’s only going to taste worse as it gets warmer, it’ll still do what it’s supposed to do. In a bit she orders and other one and I get a beer. I just wanted an ice cold Corona to wash the foul taste of the poorly made martini that I just drained.

I tell her I know another place a block away that is nice, cool, and up off the street. When we finish our drinks she compliments me on my 4:30 choice but agrees we should try the other place. She insists on paying the bill. (Am I falling in love?)

We head to the elevator and she’s rubbing my back. We get in and we’re the only ones in there and we kiss. It’s a sweet stolen moment that belongs only to us.

We walk over to 17th and Sansom. Davios Italian Restaurant is on the 2nd floor connected to the Club Quarters. It’s a slow Monday night. Big Chuck and Cort are on the stick so we should be in good shape. She gets a vodka cranberry and I go with another martini. This time it’s the right pour, and it’s clean and cold with tiny flecks of ice in it. Just the way I like it.

It’s summer now, so it’s quiet at Davio’s on Mondays. I know the staff doesn’t like it, But I do. We chat with Big Chuck and he’s always charming and funny. He brings out the  brochette, fries and olives for us to munch on for free. They used to give out free pizza, but they don’t anymore. We decide to just hang for the one drink, and then head down to Square next door for the hook up.

I introduce her to Roman, and tell her who he is and who he is to me.

Ambria had a few vodka cranberries and I was sipping oceans of chardonnays. She wanted to go to the ladies room and I knew she wouldn’t be able to find it so I told her I’d take her upstairs and show her where it was.

As soon as we got up there we started making out like a couple of teenagers. It was glorious. I really like Ambria.

We hung there for a few hours. Sipping our drinks, laughing and chatting. There was some hand holding and some gentle caressing. But we were at my bar so we tried to be discreet. There was another trip upstairs for more private necking.

The bill comes and it’s the usual super low amount. I love Roman. He’s my favorite bartender in the city. She hands me some money towards the check. Ambria’s great.

When we were tired I called her an UBER.

Before she got in the car she said, “Who are you?”

I’m assuming she said that because she can’t believe how well we’ve connected. The car disappears into the night. She blows me a final kiss to send me home.

I text her some movie possibilities she may be interested in.

“Check it out, dear.” I text.

“Okay my love….” was her reply.

Yea. She said that.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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The Most Important Relationship Skill: Do You Have It?

The Most Important Relationship Skill: Do You Have It?

 

I found this article the other day and thought I’d share it here.

Enjoy!

For years I prided myself on being an excellent communicator. I built a previous career on an ability to express my feelings and be vulnerable with the people around me. While I was gaining recognition in the field for my relational art projects, my most intimate relationships were a source of tremendous confusion and pain. I spent year after year in couples therapy with different boyfriends trying to deepen our connection. Every few years a relationship would head south and I’d find myself scratching my head wondering what went wrong. Even after all of the therapy I was unable to see that my communication skills were seriously underdeveloped.

And then something shifted on my 29th birthday.

While on a silent meditation retreat in the deep woods of Oregon, everything came crashing down.

I had been practicing meditation for years, but I had never had a melt down like this before. I felt like a crazy person. I cried for what felt like hours, feeling everything I had been holding back in my relationship with my boyfriend. I knew deep down I was not communicating with him well and I saw how much fear was holding me back from truly being present.

I cried for what felt like hours, feeling everything I had been holding back in my relationship.

After hours of sobbing for all of the regrets I had about not being able to really show up for our relationships, I decided it was finally time to change.

And then I let it all go.

For the first time in years I felt light and open to transforming our partnership. I was ready to get back to Portland and finally learn how to communicate more effectively with my then boyfriend.

Even after diving right back into therapy, we didn’t last. We couldn’t. The road was just too bumpy. However, the beauty of our separation was that I was able to show up and be the woman who I could be at work and with girlfriends but was too afraid to be with him.

One of the main takeaways from that relationship was that I needed a major overhaul in my listening skills. It’s true that I was great at expressing my feelings and articulating my thoughts. But I was also a terrible listener. Every therapist I saw suggested a number of tools to help me learn how to listen well, but until the meditation retreat I was unwilling to put them into practice. I thought for years that I had listened well enough.

I was great at expressing my feelings and articulating my thoughts. But I was also a terrible listener.

Today, my current boyfriend and I are discussing getting married in the future. For a woman who was certain she would never settle down, this is a major development. It speaks volumes about the amount of energy I have put into learning how to communicate with my boyfriend. Really listening to each other has been at the center of our relationship.

When we learn how to truly listen to our partners and support them with our undivided attention, it builds lasting intimacy. This bond helps us withstand life’s ups and downs. True intimacy is based on understanding and creating a space where both parties are acknowledged and heard.

Over the years many friends and clients have asked me: What is the most important aspect of communication? I always say learning how to listen well. So, I’ve pulled together an outline that walks you through the stages of listening during a conversation with your partner. These are the tools that have supported us and will hopefully help you become a better listener too.

Do you really listen?

It’s natural during a conversation to tune in and out of what the other person is saying. We do it all day long. Most of us have a tendency to be a bit preoccupied with our own thoughts much of the time. This can be especially true if the conversation is emotionally charged. Over time, this lack of being fully present can disrupt genuine communication and cause harm to relationships.

Think about a time you tried to confide in someone and they were distracted or not really paying attention.

-How did that make you feel?

-Were you shut down emotionally afterwards or leave the conversation feeling badly about yourself?

-Did you want to talk to them in the future about something close to your heart?

Now think about a time when your partner wanted to share something important with you.

-Were you listening with an open mind or were you thinking about how you were going to respond?

-Was it challenging for you to sit still and give them your undivided attention?

-When the conversation ended did you feel closer to your partner and grateful they chose to share?

We’ve all been the person who wasn’t heard and the one who didn’t listen. Learning how to pay attention to our partners and listen with a desire to support and understand them is the glue that holds relationships together. Here are some tips for becoming a better listener.

Pay attention

Are you able to listen while distracted? Chances are, probably not very well. One of the most genuine ways to show that you are invested in your partner is to give them your undivided attention as often as possible. It’s important to make listening to your partner a priority if you want the relationship to last. Take a little time to set down your phone, close your laptop screen, and look them in the eyes when they are talking. These simple suggestions will improve the way you communicate quickly and your partner will feel heard and valued.

Don’t interrupt

When you allow your partner to talk without commenting or interrupting, it gives them permission to fully express themselves. Sometimes it can take folks a while to put their words together, especially if you’re having a difficult conversation. Try your best to sit and listen without interjecting. It’s natural to want to help and offer advice, especially when someone is having a hard time. If it’s difficult for you not to talk, try using non-verbal cues to let the person know you are listening.

Notice body language

While your partner is speaking, notice their facial expressions and gestures. Most of our communication happens through our body, not our verbal language. Watch your partner, and soak in as much information as you can about how they are feeling. These clues are going to give you a great deal of insight into how they communicate, ultimately building intimacy.

Get clear

When your partner has finished speaking, try paraphrasing what they said and repeat it back to them. This simple action shows you were listening. It also helps ensure there aren’t misunderstandings. If you are unsure about something, ask a clarifying question to understand your partner in a deeper way. Remember, this is about listening to your partner, not assuming you know what they mean.

Offer support

Lastly, ask them what they need from you. This is huge! Sometimes people want advice or an opinion, other times they just want to be heard and need you to be a sounding board. Let your partner decide what they need even when you think you know best! This is all part of building intimacy and really seeing who your partner is.

The key to listening well is being fully present. Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh often says, “The greatest gift we can offer someone is our true presence.” Cultivating loving relationships begins with opening our hearts, minds, and ears to the person we have chosen to be with. Developing your listening techniques will be only help in all of your relationships moving forward.

If you’re ready for a challenge this week, experiment with a few of my tips for improving your listening abilities. Remember, learning a new set of skills takes commitment and practice. It’s not about doing it perfectly; it’s about showing up and being willing to improve. Start small and build from there—you will be amazed at the results!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Tales of Rock: Steven Tyler Took Legal Custody Of The Teenager He Was Banging, May Have Pressured Her Into Aborting Their Child

While today he’s most recognized as a prettier, more flamboyant version of your grandmother, back in the mid-’70s, Steven Tyler was navigating the Aerosmith ship over the massive waves of success brought on by smash hits like “Dream On.” But Tyler wasn’t just in it for the fame; right around the time Aerosmith was hitting the big time, he reached deep into his heart to take legal custody of a troubled underage fan … so that he could have approximately all of the sex with her.

Julia Holcomb had a tragic past. Her father was a gambler with abandonment issues, she was a passenger in the car crash that killed her brother and grandfather, and her mother had a history of choosing less-than-stable stepfathers. So it’s understandable that, shortly after a 14-year-old (according to Tyler) or 15-year-old (according to her) Julia met Tyler backstage at an Aerosmith concert, her mother readily signed over custody to the rock star. And by “understandable,” we mean “completely irresponsible and totally nuts.”

But Julia’s mother wasn’t about to start making decisions that were in her daughter’s best interest now, and so the young teen spent three years living with Tyler, a skeletal sex wizard. As you may suspect, this arrangement did precisely nothing to soften the tragedies of her life. According to Julia, a profusely coked-up Tyler “convinced” her to have children with him by tossing her birth control pills off a balcony. Then, once she became pregnant, he took off on tour, leaving her all alone in his Boston apartment. Then the apartment caught fucking fire, with Holcomb barely managing to survive by crawling into a fireplace (which it seems was the last place the fire thought to look for her). Then, while she was in the hospital recovering, Tyler allegedly spent a full hour pressuring her to abort her five-month pregnancy (which, if you recall, was achieved in the first place by Tyler confiscating her birth control and casting it into the wind), finally convincing her by threatening to send her home to her mother. Having gotten his way, Tyler, riding a balloon of cocaine up into the stratosphere, sat down and watched the doctors carry out the procedure.

Holcomb went on to happily marry another man and become a mother of seven. Tyler went on to feature his teenage daughter in an overtly sexual music video.

Now, it’s important to note that Tyler’s version of events — namely, that Holcomb was a repeated-abortion-having sexual pincushion — was written with the intent of achieving bestseller status, while Holcomb’s version was published on a website with an obvious pro-life political agenda. So the whole truth probably lies somewhere in between. Still, when you’re placing someone on a scale from “massive douche” to “the black douche-hole at the center of the galaxy,” you’re really splitting hairs.

 

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The Best Marriage Advice From A Divorced Man

Given that we live in a time when only half of marriages manage to pass the test of time, good marriage advice is more than necessary.

While following marriage advice from a person who failed at it seems counterintuitive, this couldn’t be further from the truth. It is honest and practical advice, emphasizing the things that this man learned from his first marriage.

Soon after his divorce became official, Gerald Rogers, author and motivational speaker, shared a wedding day photo and a message about what he has learned about keeping a marriage happy.

“Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman who I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had… “

Here are some of his tips on how to keep your marriage happy and healthy:

1. Never stop courting

Never take your woman for granted! Never stop courting and dating, because she chose you and doesn’t deserve you to get lazy in your love.

2. Protect your own heart

Love yourself because you need to protect your own heart just as you are committed to being a protector of her heart. There is a special place in your heart for your wife, so you should keep it and refuse anyone else to enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over and over again

Changes will come, and in that you need to re-choose each other. If you don’t take care of her and show her that you are in love with her as the very first day, she might give her heart to someone else.

4. Always see the best in her

Focus on the good things about her; the things you love. If you focus on those that bug you, you will only see reasons to be bugged.

5. It`s not your job to change her or fix her

Your job is to love her as she is, rather than trying to change her.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions

It is your own responsibility to find your happiness, and that joy will spill over you relationship and your love. You need to understand that it is not your wife`s job to make you sad or happy. It is up to you!

7. NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU

Again, your emotions are your responsibility. When you heal yourself, you will not be triggered by her anymore.

8. Allow your woman to JUST BE

When she is upset or depressed, it is not your job to fix it, but to hold her and let her know that everything will be okay. Don’t run away when she is down! Stay present and listen!

9. BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously

Laugh and make her laugh!

10. Fill her soul everyday

Make her feel cherished and teach her to love herself. Make it a priority to make her feel like a princess.

11. Be present

Give her all the time and attention she needs.

12. BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY

To carry her away in the power of your masculine presence.

13. Don’t be an idiot

Try to make as fewer mistakes as possible.

14. Give her space

Give her the space she needs, so that she doesn’t feel suffocated.

15. Be vulnerable

Being vulnerable is completely fine.

16. Be fully transparent

You must share everything! Drop that mask…

17. Never stop growing together

Find common goals and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money

It never helps when partners fight over money.

19. FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past

Don’t let the past affect your future. Forgiveness is the freedom.

20. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE

In fact, this is the only advice you need!

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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