Alicia – Chapter 1 – Teller About It

STOP! This one is a little NSFW!

I worked in banking for 25 years. Probably the only thing I ever made my dad proud of me. But what a foolish choice. I did it as a young man to escape the long hours of retail. I never conformed before that. I wanted to be Joe Perry. But that wasn’t meant to be.

So sadly, when I left retail I went into retail banking. I did really well due to my low self-esteem and being an over achiever.

But now having been in the industry for so long and knowing everything about it, I keep my active account at a credit union. I like being a member, not a customer.

I go to my branch at 16th and Arch. There’s this one teller that I phicklephilly love. If you read this blog, you know what that is. I don’t really love her like I love my girlfriend but I adore her for purely lustful reasons.

She’s beautiful and sullen. Dark hair and eyes. I do what I can to light her up but there is little spark between Alicia, me, and 3 inches of bullet proof glass.

There is one thing about her that drives me crazy that normally I think most men would hate. But I’m not like anybody else. She has a dark floss of hair on her forearms.

I know, it sounds masculine, but I find it incredibly hot on this young lady. I come from the 70’s and I like hair. I like all of that. Hair is protection, maturity, and holds the scent.

Alicia’s hairy arms are so sexy to me. When she has a short-sleeved shirt on I feel like she’s sitting there with her top off and in the same moment grossing out her young male coworkers.

I like that she doesn’t care and just lets that sweet, soft fur fly.

Image result for girl with hairy forearms

Image result for girl with hairy forearms

It’s like that. Just a soft floss. Not like man arms. I like that. Maybe because in the film, Slingblade, Billy Bob Thorton says, “Hairy arms…hairy pussy.”

I love the idea that my favorite teller at my credit union has a hairy pussy. What a revelation in this modern world. A girl that handles my money on a weekly basis has a nice full bush between her legs.

Hallelujah in this day and age of no woman having anything below their eyebrows because of pornography!

It’s a travesty!

They all shave their vulvas now because of pornography. Young guys thing pubic hair is gross and every girl in modern life now shaves her nether regions. It’s ridiculous. That’s supposed to be there! I hate that now looking like an adolescent has become the norm. Disgusting.

Grow it back ladies!

I love the idea of this pretty teller that takes care of my account having a robust bush of hair between her legs.

I go into the branch and for once it’s quiet. I don’t get Alicia as my teller. I get some friendly fat guy with glasses. No one is around so I decide to hatch a plan. It could mean nothing but you never know, and fortune favors the bold.

Words I live by.

I hand him my deposit. “Hey I worked in banking for 25 years and can you imagine if you wanted to ask one of the tellers out for coffee or lunch, you just couldn’t do it.”

He laughs.

“Because there’s always people around and there’s the pesky bulletproof glass that makes it even harder.”

“Yea… ha ha.”

Now I have the attention of hot Alicia.

“You can’t pass a note, because as we all know, that anybody that passes a note to a teller in a bank or credit union is usually trying to rob the place, so that’s out!”

They all laugh and we have an industry moment. They all dig that I know banking and we’re laughing.”

 

But I want to have coffee with hot, hairy Alicia. When I get something in my head that seems impossible, I almost HAVE to do it.

I leave, but I feel that I’m a little closer to my diabolical plan unfolding.

 

A few weeks pass and I go to the credit union again. I’m making my deposit but I don’t see baby.

Then I see her leaving the branch. Obviously going to lunch. It’ll take the teller several minutes to count the cash deposit I’ve stuffed in her window slot.

It’s killing me. If I had just been here a few minutes sooner, my deposit would be done and I would’ve asked hot Alicia to lunch and offered to pay for all of her great service. She couldn’t refuse. She knows I have good loot in my account.

I’ve only seen her from the waist up at her window and now I’m seeing her walking out of the branch. The legs are good, and she’s even hotter to me now.

Fuck! She’s gone and it takes forever for the teller to count through my money.

But then she comes back! She must have forgotten something! I have a chance!

Nope. Deposit is taking years and even though I’ve said hello to her, she is once again out the fucking door.

Goddamn it.

I’m going to make this happen.

I may pass the note. Maybe on the envelope I pass her loaded with cash next time I go in.

I hope I don’t get arrested.

Phicklephilly’s not going to write itself.

 

 

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Scarlett – Sexy chica de tamaño más – Part II

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

The Date

I was supposed to meet her at Square 1682 at 5pm but I got a last-minute meeting with a potential new employer the night before when I was with June. (I know… Phickle is as Phickle does.) So I called her Sunday night after dropping off June and rescheduled it to 7pm.

So I had already been hanging at Square for a while chatting to some of my friends that drift in and out during happy hour. 7pm comes and goes. These young people can never manage the clock. But she is in touch and says she’s coming up from Delaware. The traffic could be an issue. So she rolls in like 7:45. I see that beautiful face.

And then I see the rest.

Ok. So normally I date younger women that are tall and fit or if they aren’t tall they at least have everything in the right place and everything is about the right proportion. This is all new ground for me. You’ve already seen the photo with this post so at least you have an idea what I’m seeing. So let me describe Scarlett as best I can. But let me preface this with a disclosure statement. I’ve met plenty of women and I’ve heard everything they have had to say in regard to body image. Many women use the word “curvy” now to describe their shape. Normally the women that say that have let themselves go or are simply overweight. But let’s take Scarlett top to bottom. She’s 27 and of Dominican decent. She stands 5’8″ (I like that) Her skin is a lovely light caramel color. Her hair is dark and rich with some tawny highlights. Her eyes are dark brown. Her lips are colored with a deep red lipstick. Her face is really beautiful. Like the photo her arms are soft and fleshy. Her bust is proportionate for a girl of her height.  She has a silky black and white blouse on and she is wearing black slacks, and shoes with a small heel. She has bracelets and rings on and all of her nails look fake and are flashy. (trashy) She is very curvy. She has a very large and round posterior. Since her legs are clad in pants I can’t see them but her thighs are proportionate to that glorious backside.

(cue up: Sir-Mix-Alot) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reTx5sqvVJ4

If you watch that video you’ll notice the women aren’t that big in it. But you know what I’m talking about. Scarlett has a huge big round booty. Forgive me, but she is built like one fine ass black girl. I mean no disrespect. My friend Church is on the other side of me and he doesn’t get it, he just hears her going on about herself and he has low tolerance to chatty girls. Anyway, he bounces out and leaves me with Scarlett. (Which I wanted). I’m sure the crew at Square is wondering who all of these women are that I keep bringing in there, but it’s a good spot and I like the service and staff. But getting back, (no pun intended) This girl was like none I have ever encountered on a date. Chicks that look like her just don’t go out with guys like me. It just doesn’t happen. But she says she likes gentlemen, so we’ll see.

I obviously already have a drink going and I ask her if she’d like one and she agrees. She picks out something light and feminine. I’m chatting with her and I’m looking at her and she is really beautiful. I’m attracted to her. I’m feeling good energy for this Rubenesque beauty. She tells me how she formerly worked for the Dominican Government here in Philly for a while and then returned to the DR and recently came back to the US. She said she had done some dating and was in a relationship for 7 months or something but it didn’t work. Maybe he couldn’t handle being crushed by Dat Azz!  But I was digging her, She said her Mom still lived in the DR but her younger brother now lived with her here in Philly. Better access to more education. The kid is like 19 so at least she doesn’t have to babysit him. She says she wants to focus now on selling jewelry and designing and selling her own line of jewelry in the near future. I ask her what she’s doing in the interim, and she says she’s living off her savings. That’s not good. She needs to find a job. You’d be surprised how fast your loot runs out when you have zero income. Little bit of a red flag there.

She finishes her drink and of course again no wallet comes out. But I’m cool, because she’s new and charming and it’s one drink…not five. And certainly not dinner. She asks if I’d like to go somewhere else. I’m down. Something with a view but R2L is going to close in 25 minutes. R2L means “Restaurant at Two Liberty. It’s at the top floor of the tower on 16th street. It’s a cool spot with a great view of the city. I’ve been to every part of that place and the views are impressive. Unfortunately, the drinks are expensive and the food on every occasion that I’ve eaten there has been mediocre. However, if they still have the same pastry chef the desserts are amazing. So go there to impress someone, have a couple of drinks, enjoy the view, have the flat breads and twisty breads at the bar and split.

She suggest Assembly at the new Logan Hotel. (Which is the old Four Seasons Hotel) Where did the Four Seasons go? It’s going to be taking up the very top floors of the 2nd Comcast tower that is being built right now. Should be amazing. I’ve never been to Assembly, but I hear it’s expensive with a view. So we grab a taxi over there. Baby doesn’t want to walk over there in heels. We get there, and they have completely changed the lobby. I have so many great and crazy memories at the Four Seasons. (we’ll get to them in future Michelle posts) Now when you walk in there is a bar right there. But assembly is upstairs. She’s been here before. We get in the elevator with this kind of hot young black woman. We get to Assembly and it’s closed for a private party for the Presidential Debate or as I call it the Q&A Improv Comedy Show. So we can’t get in there and neither can the hot sister. I’m thinking… is she a pro?

So I guess I’ll see assembly some other time. I suggest The Ranstead Room. I love that bar. It used to be one of my secret spots and of course when the whole “speakeasy cocktail” thing happened a few years in this city our cover was blown. Everybody wrote about it and showed pics of the interior. But out of respect I will not disclose its location in this forum. Find it yourself. It’s well worth it. I’ve had some crazy times in there too!

So we hop in yet another cab. Actually she gets in the cab and instead of scooting over I have to go around to the other side because once that ass is planted, Those monster whoopee cakes take root. The driver takes us close enough to the Ranstead and we get out and go in. The place is dead. Which I like. Normally they pull a pretty good crowd but it’s getting late, and it is a Monday. I like the place a little darker and intimate. The music is too loud for the number of people in here right now. Just us and another couple who look like they are preparing to leave. Which they do. We pick our cocktails; spirit forward and dark for me, light and dainty for her. We toast and we do the through the arm thing like at weddings. You know what I mean. It’s fun and takes a little dexterity especially if you’ve been drinking. We pull it off flawlessly. “Are you trying to seduce me?” She blushed.

So there was a lot of physical contact between Scarlett and me. She’s very charming and feminine which I like. I think the touching was more her nationality than affection. She had no problem touching my arm or my leg several times during the evening. But I think she liked me. She said she likes gentlemen and I am definitely that. Like I said before, this is not the type of girl I would ever have the chance to date. But I like things that are different and things I’m not accustomed to. Her face is model pretty, that brings a lot of wattage with it. This opportunity, even if I don’t go out with her again has been fun and an experience.

We finish our drinks and decide to wrap it up for the evening. The bill comes and, you guessed it, I pay. We head out and walk up to 20th and Market. “Will you call an Uber for me?” she asks. I’m thinking, really? I gotta pay for that too? She’s playing with my hair. She had been doing that a little bit before that. I think some of my hair couldn’t decide which side of the part it wanted to be on and she keeps trying to fix it. I start kissing those ruby-red lips. She is beautiful. I kiss her cheek, then her neck. I kiss her lips again. Then I pull back and look into her dark brown eyes. “I hope you don’t think I’m being a bit forward Scarlett, but I really like you.”

“I’d stop you if I didn’t like it.” She replies. I go in for more love. She yields to me. She’s hot. I am sooo going to call her a fucking Uber on my account. I order the car and it comes pretty quickly, but not before I steal a few more intimate moments with this curvy, bodacious Latina.

I walk home and I’m feeling pretty good. Since I ordered the car I can track the ride to make sure she gets home safe. When I get home I get this text: “I’m home, hun.”

Hun? Who says that but world worn waitresses and hookers?

Then she asks if I like the Opera. I reply that I love the arts. Especially the opera and the ballet. She asked because on her way back home she saw a billboard for Turandot and says it’s her favorite. She says that she’s never seen it live. I tell her I’ll look into it. Then I text: “Dulces suenos, hermosa dama.” (Sweet dreams, my dear) And she replies: Buenas noches amor.(Good night, love)

So I think overall had this been the 1950’s this would have been a pretty sweet date. But it’s 2016 and life is what it is. I would definitely go out with this curvy chica again. I kind of like the idea of being out with this twenty something flashy bootylicious babe. There’s just something really sexy about her. I just gotta watch my money. Remember, she isn’t currently employed and likes finer things.

I have since looked up tickets for Turandot and they start in the $100 plus range. The good news is the last performances are tonight and tomorrow and I’m busy working both days, so I’m off the hook.

We have texted since our date a little bit. Something about her still having her DR government ID so she was able to go to a rally where Michelle Obama was speaking. I think that’s pretty cool. Time will tell on this girl.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday at 9am EST.

I publish new Dating content every Monday at 9am EST. I publish Updates and bios and stories about Non-Dating related characters, such as male and female friends, on TuesdaysWednesdays at 9am EST.

 

 

Scarlett – Sexy chica de tamaño más – Part I

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

I recently went down my list of all of the people I have ever chatted with on Tinder. I may not have spoken to them in a while. I just wanted to touch everyone to simply say, “hello” but mostly to keep feeding this blog with new material. Life once fed the art, but now that I’m meeting so many women, the art is now feeding life. When I started this blog I made a list of over 20 women I had met over the last 10 years and decided they should be a part of this tome. I thought I’d simply write about them all, and maybe a couple other people as they entered my life during the time it took me to cover them all. But I’ve been meeting so many people I can’t keep up with them all! As a writer it’s become a wonderful problem to have.

Like the days when I was in a band or even before that when I was into drawing, I only made art for myself. The pictures I drew were of things I loved and the songs I wrote and our band played were for us. This blog is about my expression. I haven’t written anything in years. (Unless copy for award-winning advertising campaigns counts!) I am happy to say I am writing again. The best compliment you can pay someone is to copy them or try to be like them. I am putting words and stories where there were none before. I feel closest to my creator when I create.

One of the women I said hello to that responded was Scarlett. So we start chatting and she responds with: “Hey! Sorry, I’m rarely on here. Just saw your text.” But then I get a regular text from her on my phone, not Tinder. I’m confused, but who knows? Maybe alcohol was involved. I don’t remember talking to her or exchanging phone numbers. She asked how I’ve been and how we had a whole conversation. She starts going into this story about how we talked when she had just moved back to the US  from the Dominican Republic.  She says she is currently living in University City. I tell her my neighborhood and she says she spends a lot of time down there. I ask her to meet me for a drink. I also provide her with days I’m available. Then she drops this bomb:

Scarlett: “Why should I give you a shot after all this time that has passed?

Me: “That is a choice only you can make.” (I just thought I swiped, she swiped and nothing happened)

Scarlett: “Well of course. But are you planning on making up for lost time?”

Me: “What? What lost time? We’ve never met!”

Scarlett: “Because you stood me up.”

Me: “That is simply not true.” (I’m thinking she’s crazy at this point)

I send her a screenshot of our last conversation on Tinder. I told her that was our last conversation on Tinder, then I never heard from her again. Then we spoke again today.

She then sent me a screenshot of our last conversation, but it was from October 2014. Two years ago! It was me texting her and telling her I had to go meet with a client so I couldn’t have lunch with her that day. I remember now I just didn’t feel like it, so I bailed.

So I obviously apologized. But I did explain to her I technically didn’t stand her up, I cancelled. She said I did it last-minute, but whatever, I don’t remember. But she accepted my apology and decided to give me another chance. But it’s been two years! She said it seemed odd because I was such a gent. So we decided to meet for drinks on Monday.

Stop back in 2 weeks to see what happens on our date.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday at 9am EST.

I publish new Dating content every Monday at 9am EST. I publish Updates and bios and stories about Non-Dating related characters, such as male and female friends, on Wednesdays at 9am EST.

Maria – Chapter 2 – Amor en Vano – Part II

Another tale of one man’s journey through the dating scene in Philadelphia. Searching for true love.

In our last episode, our hero was meeting with Maria at a coffee shop to find out why she had been let go from her job. But does he have ulterior motives?

Maria stated that it was one incident on a Saturday night where she did one shot with a table of people. But she said some of the other servers said she was drinking all night long, and that simply wasn’t true. (I believe her) I was just happy that she was talking to me and meeting with me over coffee. I asked her what was she going to do now and she said she had already gotten another job at a nicer restaurant. I was surprised it happened so fast but in that industry there is always turnover, and they always need experienced help. (And because she’s smart and understands the hospitality industry) Maria lamented that she’d have to learn a new menu but other than that it was a decent gig. I had been to the new place when it opened and I thought it was a great spot in a good area. The food was good, so she’d probably do well there.

And that’s when I said the following. “Maria, I have something else I need to share with you.” She crossed her arms. I’m really good at reading people’s body language so I tried to put her at ease. I told her that I had real feelings for her. You have to be willing to take risks like this if you want the better rewards in life. But I will tell you, sometimes you roll the dice and your number doesn’t come up. Maybe on a later roll, but sometimes you leave the casino alone and broke.  She said she didn’t want to be misconstrued on how she was when she would serve us at the restaurant.

I understand if a server is sweet and a little flirty it helps garner bigger tips. It’s just human psychology. I told her she was just being friendly and that it was her personality that shone through. I told her all of those times we came into the restaurant all I wanted to see was her. The weekends I would spend at my office working on ad copy. I would text her and say “I’m burning so many calories banging my head against the wall trying to come up with an idea for this ad campaign it’s making me hungry. Should I come see you and have some delicious sliders?” That was the sort of thing I would do but it was all about wanting to see her.

She responded, “Do you think we’d be compatible?” And I said, “We went to the flower show, that was great and you don’t know if you’re compatible until you spend time with someone.” I simply told her how I felt about her. I think she was surprised, but at least I know it’s out there now and I’ve said it. I know she’s sporty and I’m more of the arts guy but who knows? Stranger things have happened. (Please continue reading this blog each week and you’ll know!) She was on her way to the new job when she met me, so I bid her farewell and told her I’d stay in touch. We hugged and she was gone. At least now she knew what I felt for her.

I told Maria that me and my colleague were going to boycott the old place for firing her by never going there again, but that clearly wasn’t happening. The food is delicious there and we still love the lunch hostess, Mary (See: Mary – Unexpected Table for Two) and a couple of the other servers there!

Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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Maria – Chapter 1 – Amor en Vano – Part I

Another tale of one man’s journey, as he navigates through the dating scene in Philadelphia, searching for true love.

I work in advertising. A colleague and I normally go out to lunch at some of the local eateries here in center city. We have a list of spots we like and there is one in particular that we really like. There’s this one server that I started to like. We both thought she was great. After awhile we would ask to be seated in her section every time we went there.

Maria was always on point with the service and friendly. She’s a beautiful hispanic girl. Dark brown hair that tumbled to her shoulders like ribbons of bittersweet chocolate. She has light caramel skin and is very fit. She runs most days so she’s in great shape.

When her section would slow down, she would always spend a little extra time with us to chat. We loved the attention from such a sweet girl.

I have many contacts and clients throughout the city. One of which is a tanning salon. Maria said she’d like to check it out and I got her a free pass to go tanning. She gave me her contact info so that I could set it up.

I sometimes get tickets to events through my job. Maria had expressed an interest in going to the Philadelphia Flower Show. So when my co-worker got tickets because they were advertising with us he gave me a pair. I called Maria and asked her if she’d like to go. She accepted!

We met at the convention center and she was on time, which I like. We went in and checked her backpack. We grabbed a couple of glasses of wine and walked around the event. It was really nice to spend time with this girl that I only ever spoke to at her job. Here she was with me and we were getting to know each other. I was happy. During the event I remember she mentioned to me that she had lost her “M” necklace. Not at the event, but somewhere else. I thought about how great it would be to replace that for her. But I was getting ahead of myself.

We looked at some beautiful small orchids that she showed a fondness for. I made mental notes for future romantic gift ideas in case that wonderful idea ever occurred. I also signed up for some sort of green energy thing and they gave me a single little rose in a vial and I gave it to her. (First flower!)

A few weeks went by and I would see her at the restaurant when we would go there. I asked her to another event that I got tickets to through work. Due to scheduling conflicts she was unable to attend.

Some more time went by, and one day we went to the restaurant and one of the other servers told us Maria had been fired. We were shocked because we thought she had been one of their best and long-term employees. We asked why and she said, “For drinking on the job.”

Now I know a lot of bartenders and restaurant employees in this city and the policy in regard to drinking on the job vary. I spoke with one bartender who works at bar up by Temple University and she said, where she works she can do the occasional shot with the clients if they insist. She said she comes out from behind the bar and does it with them. If by chance the booze is clear in color and she is pouring the shots she will make sure hers is water if possible.  I spoke with another bartender who works at a nice hotel bar here in center city the same question. He said, “Look, if it’s you guys, (I have known him for several years and the guy I was with is a local liquor rep) I can do the occasional shot to taste something new with you.” But other than that it’s prohibited.

So I decided to get to the bottom of this new development in Maria’s life. I texted her and asked “Are you no longer at the restaurant anymore?”  She got back to me rather quickly saying “Yea about that. It’s a joke. I’ll have to tell you the full story then.”

I was interested to find out, but more so to see her outside of the restaurant, one on one! But I also decided to do something else during our meeting. Because fortune favors the bold.

We agreed to meetup the next day at a Starbucks. I got there first and she arrived shortly after. I don’t really drink coffee. I like the smell and taste of it and have drank it in the past, but I just don’t NEED it like most people. If someone said to me,”you can never have coffee again.” I’d be like, “no big deal.” But if the said, “no more wine again ever.” Dude. We’ve got a problem.

Anyway, she arrives and she has this cute tan summer dress on and she looks incredibly hot. So we get our coffees and sit down. She begins to tell me her side of the story. And like any story, there’s her side, the restaurant’s side, and the truth. She said that everybody does it. And they decided to make an example out of her to drive home the message that drinking with the patrons was strictly forbidden. If they would fire a long-term senior employee for the infraction, then anyone could be let go at anytime. Pretty effective message.

Tune in on Wednesday for Part II of this story. What is our hero planning on doing at the coffee shop?

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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