My Wicked Mistress – Part 2 – Sick

Philadelphia, PA – May 2018

(Warning: graphic content)

It was life as usual for me in 2018. things were good and not much had changed in the last year.

I didn’t get out as much and preferred a quiet life at home. Some of my friends and drinking buddies had moved on to other cities and careers. Bartenders moved on to different positions and the big drinking and social life was over.

I had cut loose most of the detritus in my life. All the crazy girls were gone and I rarely saw anybody from my old life in media.

I hadn’t been feeling well lately. I had some aches and pains that I was attributing to middle age and work.

I was trying to drink a lot of water. I would drink maybe 80 oz a day. I figured that was good.

But no matter how much water I drank I began to notice that my urine was more of an amber color than the usual healthy yellow.

I had also had diarrhea over the last day or so. Loose stool and yellow bile.

I called out sick from work because I just felt like garbage. I figured it was simply a stomach flu.

But in a day my mind brought me around to what was happening to me.

I pre-gamed with a cocktail or two before I would go out at night. While at the bar I pounded 5 to 6 glasses of wine. Then maybe stop somewhere else and have a nightcap. Usually a Manhattan. Then home. Grab a rock glass and pack it with ice. Crack open a can of seltzer and start pouring in the vodka.

By then I had no idea of the dosage of vodka I was imbibing. The only way to get an accurate measure would be to see how far down the vodka was in the bottle. If a lot of the vodka was gone out of the bottle, well then I drank a lot.

I went online and looked at the signs of alcohol damage to the body.

Oh no.

I stopped drinking that day.

I had an uncracked half-gallon of Nikolai vodka in my room. I gave it to my daughter Loralei and told her it was now the house vodka and she could have it and share it with her friends. I also gave her a 6 pack of spiked seltzers.

I still had all of the expensive bottles of booze in my room.

They always say throw away all of the booze in your house. But my life doesn’t work like that. I’m not going to drink that fine liquor. I have no triggers. I’m just going to stop buying gallons of vodka and pouring it into my body. I don’t know what demon I was trying to drown. It was like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

From what I read and saw, my liver was struggling to break down the alcohol because it was overworked. Hence the yellow bile in my feces. My kidneys were also struggling. They couldn’t break down the blood properly to purify it.

I was toxic.

I also read all I could about alcoholism and alcohol withdrawal. I went to the grocery store and loaded up on fruits, vegetables, and vitamins. A multivitamin, Vitamin E, B12, Melatonin, and Milk Thistle.

Google all of that. Find foods that are antioxidants.

I did all that and braced myself for the worst.

I had some trouble sleeping but that was it.

Within two days I felt so much better. By being completely sober I gave my body a chance to heal after years of abuse.

In a couple of days, everything went back to normal. Regular and healthy urinary and bowel function.

I have a strong immune system. I’ve written about it before. I not only bounced back, I felt SO MUCH BETTER!

My appetite returned with a vengeance. I suppose it was resetting from getting over 1000 empty calories a day in pure booze. I was so ravenous for food about a week after I stopped drinking.

After a few days, I realized the reason I was drinking the way I was. It was because I was stuck in an old nightly ritual I used to NEED to turn off my mind. I had so many problems in my past life I had to have something to make them stop.

The quiet darkness. Like a silent shroud over your day. You huddle down in your bed and wait for them to come. The cycling thoughts and fear that you’ve allowed into your life. My anxiety and depression… like shadows, were my only company.

But all of those things have been banished from my life in the last few years.

It’s like cigarettes. I once did it for happiness and then to relieve pain, and then it was just something I was simply doing out of habit and no longer had a use for it.

So I dumped it.

Booze for me was the same thing. Once I could sleep unassisted, I was better. I felt clear. Happy. Sharp. Better physically.

It was like I was ingesting insecticide into my system every night and suddenly stopped. The body wants to be well. Once I stopped hurting myself, my body went right to work on repairing the vessel.

I even went to an AA meeting.

That was an eye-opener about a lot of things. The people that are in there are there for a reason. Alcohol is the one thing they should never do again.

Alcohol makes them crazy.

They drink and it changes them chemically. It destroys who they are and everything around them. They’re at a point in their lives where they can no longer even have a drink. But like I said… it’s a spectrum. It’s not black and white. Everybody’s physiology is different. Some people change when they drink. Others not so much. I just did it out of habit and to soften the world a bit at night.

I heard all of the horror and heartfelt stories in that AA meeting.

But when I left the meeting I knew I wasn’t like them. I’m not an alcoholic.

Abstinence isn’t the solution for everybody.

I enjoy the occasional drink now, but that’s it.

I’m so glad that dark chapter of my life is over.

Tune in next Tuesday for the 3rd and final chapter in this little series.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. 

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Fifty-Nine

Philadelphia, PA – August 2021

It’s not a significant birthday. It’s just the year before you hopefully make it to 60. I suppose that’s a milestone. I’m too old to care about my birthday and haven’t for many many years.

As my father said, birthdays are for little kids.

Each year is a milestone when you’re growing up. I understand turning 18 and 21 and even 30. But beyond that, just stop it.

I see all of these silly twenty-something girls celebrating their birthday weeks and it’s so juvenile and ridiculous. We get it. It’s your birthday. Another year of you doing the same stupid stuff with a drink in your hand in every photo on your Instagram. Come on, ladies!

But I turned 59 and really didn’t pay any attention to it. But my friend James took me out a few days before and we had some lovely cocktails at 1 Tippling Place  and he bought me a bottle of Creege Isle for my small collection. (My collection is getting smaller because I rarely drink anymore. I’ll probably end up regifting that bottle away.) But I appreciate the sentiment.

On my actual birthday, I was surprised that my daughter took me out in the morning for a healthy smoothie at a place I’d never been. It’s a new spot called Playa Bowls up at 18th and Chestnut. I love that I’m writing about smoothie shops now instead of bars and drunken antics.

I went to work and was home by 6 pm. My daughter then suggested she take me out to dinner. Again, I was surprised. She doesn’t have to do anything for her old man for his birthday, and she knows I no longer care about such nonsense, but she wanted to do something for me.

We were going to go to the Korean BBQ spot just south of our house in Rittenhouse but soon discovered they were closed on Mondays. Thinking quickly, she suggested we hit Tio Flores down at 16th and South streets.

I had never been there and at the time I was only about 3 days into my Paleo diet, but I figured what the heck It’s my birthday and I’m happy just to be spending time with my daughter.

She’s lived with me for the last 7 years and it’s been great. We co-habitat well and we’re chill people who give each other their space. In the past when she was growing up we’d hang out on the weekends and spend the whole two days together. But once you live with someone it becomes more casual. So any time I get to hang out with her now it’s a blessing. Because I know someday soon, my little bird will fly away. (As she should!)

The dinner was delish and we loved our tacos. She got a vegan version and I went with the chicken. It was amazing and we had two rounds of margaritas. (They were strong!) So that was a great birthday thanks to my daughter.

I will say, that getting 40+ happy birthday wishes on Facebook was nice. I would say it was equal to getting little cards from people when you’re a kid. But once you “like” them all and thank everybody for the “love” you’re over it.

That was Monday. On Wednesday, my daughter asked if I would go with her to the eye doctor at Will’s Eye down at 8th and Walnut. She’s been suffering from a stye she had somehow acquired from maybe wearing her mask too much and sweat and bacteria building up in there.

A stye is a red, painful lump near the edge of the eyelid that may look like a boil or pimple. A stye can develop after the small glands that line the eyelid get plugged. Styes are often filled with pus. Sometimes a stye can form on the inner part of the eyelid. In most cases, a stye will begin to disappear on its own in a few days. A warm washcloth applied to the eyelid may relieve pain and discomfort.

My daughter is a night owl. She does all of her best creative work at night. I’m the opposite. I’ve always been a morning man who likes to be up and active during the day. She made the appointment for 8 am and that is super early for her. But she wanted to get in there and get it over with.

She got up and got ready and we took a Lyft down there. We were right on time and they took her in immediately. She’d been suffering from this for months and it should have been gone by now. She’s had it looked at by several doctors in New Jersey, but it was time to let a seasoned professional from Philly take charge and get this done right.

The doctor was on point and did what he needed to do. I was able to sit with her during the operation which I was happy to do. At one point he was really going to work on her and even though they had numbed the area, I could see she was feeling some stress. So I reached out and placed my hand on her foot and spoke to her.

“You’re doing great. You’re almost done. Just focus on your breathing. It’ll be over soon.”

She later told me that it helped and since I’m her dad, and I knew it would. It’s what we do. Look after the well-being of our kids no matter how old they are.

Once it was finished, we headed out and went to a very popular breakfast spot in mid-town village called Green Eggs. It truly is a magnificent breakfast spot. She’d been brave and I was hungry so I said, my treat! She was down for it and we had a lovely breakfast together.

So this was the third time I got to hang out with my daughter that week and that felt great. So even though I say I don’t care about my birthday anymore, it was nice to spend time with my daughter and celebrate my BIRTHDAY WEEK!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

How to Make the Laws of Attraction Work Every Time

How do you make the Law of Attraction work every time? The secret is to discover one’s unconscious thinking in relation to what one desires to create consciously. If the unconscious thinking is in opposition to one’s desires, amend the counterproductive thinking into something that will align with one’s conscious desires. These easy steps will guide you through the process.

Steps

Be aware of what you are feeling, and through that, what situation or expectations you are creating. The most important thing is to always know and be aware of how you are feeling. In simple terms, if you are feeling bad (sad, mad, angry, stressed), that will attract bad things (more sadness, more madness, more anger, and so on). In the same aspect, if you are feeling happy and good, it will bring more happiness and good things or situations. While it is definitely not easy to always be feeling good, you just have to remind yourself that whatever you’re feeling will become your reality.

Breathe in deeply. This enables you to connect to what you are creating. On the exhale, expand to create more room for the connection. Surrender to what you are currently creating. Let go.

Take responsibility for what you are creating. Own it. Use the phrase “I want to experience (place here what you are experiencing)” because on some level you do want to experience it or you wouldn’t be experiencing it.

Visualize what you want, it could be anything from money, relationships, better health, a good grade on your paper, a new job, etc. You need to truly visualize and picture yourself having what you want already. Feel what it is to have what you want. The most important thing to remember about visualizing is you do not need to understand or think about how these good things will come. You only need to think about already having them, the rest will fall into place; just wait and see!

Find acceptance. Drop judgment of what you are creating to realize it is simply a creation. Discharge the energy or judgment typically associated with things that you don’t want. These unwanted things have been called negative, wrong, or bad.

Become aware of any unconscious thoughts creating against what you want consciously. Go through the first four steps with each unconscious thought that is hidden and in conflict with your conscious desires.

Make peace with the inner conflict about the situation. Bring both sides of your thinking together. Harmonize your conscious and unconscious thinking. Let them both speak and feel. Indeed two parts of you can be in disagreement with each other. Come to a place of being okay with each of them and feel the resulting peace.

Recreate. With awareness, acceptance, and peace brought to all parts of you regarding a situation, you have the power to recreate the circumstance and with a higher probability of long-lasting success.

Be grateful and actually happy with your current situation. Find whatever bright side there is to your situation. Even little things, for example, You are late for an appointment and there is no parking, but suddenly someone pulls out of the first spot and it’s yours! While many will overlook that, it’s a great example of something to be thankful for beyond the obvious things of being healthy, having family around you, being able to keep a roof over your head, etc. What you are grateful for will vary from person to person. If you can continuously be grateful day after day and truly feel good even amid the negative things around you, you will prevail.

Some examples

• Bills: Your bills are piling up and there’s no hope in sight. Picture all those bills disappearing and money coming in instead (remember you don’t and shouldn’t think about how it will come, just that it will come).
• Job: If you absolutely hate your job and your boss is just terrible and you’re constantly bogged down with work, try this. Picture your dream job or situation, visualize it every day and believe it’s possible. Who knows––your boss could get transferred and you can receive a promotion, whatever you want to happen!
• Happy relationship: You really want to be in a healthy and happy relationship but you are not optimistic because you have only had bad experiences. Use the law of attraction for love! Picture your perfect situation, your perfect partner, feel what it is to be in a great happy relationship. Really believe it exists, daydream if you will. You never know! Your next trip to the grocery store, to Starbucks, or anywhere else for that matter could lead you to bump into the person of your dreams.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Breakfast Cereal – Part 2

Philadelphia, PA – 1960s-1970s

Frosted Flakes: These were great. Tony the Tiger as their spokesperson always yelling They’re GRRRReat! Can’t beat him as a pitchman.

Froot Loops: Those colored fruity Cheerios. (They all tasted the same to me)Toucan Sam telling us about how his Nose, Knows that this is a delicious cereal and we should eat it every day.

Apple Jacks: Just another variety of Fruit Loops. But didn’t these have some sort of crystalized dark bits on them or am I thinking of something else? I liked these just the same.

Rice Krispies: Three little chefs named Snap, Crackle, and Pop represent this brand. Remember how if you put your ear to the bowl to listen for that sound? Just little puffs absorbing the milk made that sound. It was more like a hissing sound to me.

Cocoa Krispies: Same thing except with a chocolatey taste added.

Lucky Charms: A sustaining classic. I had these once as a kid and liked them. But I think my dad put the kibosh on this cereal early on. Just more sugary crap! So we didn’t really eat this cereal as a kid. But I would never turn it down if ever offered this as a snack. But here’s the thing. Because the marshmallow stars, moon, hearts, and clovers were large, (The size of m&ms) the dish was very sugary. So if you ate the cereal by itself, it was sure plain and boring. (Like original Cheerios) But who didn’t love the little Leprechaun? Everybody was always trying to steal his Luck Charms to no avail.

Trix: This cereal began as these tiny hollow balls that were different colors like fruit loops. They eventually changed their shape in later years. Maybe the balls became too expensive to make anymore. But How can we forget that screwy rabbit that was always trying to get the cereal away from the kids in the commercial? “Silly Rabbit! Trix are for kids!”

Alpha-Bits: I liked these. A cereal takes on the alphabet soup theme. They tasted just like Honey Comb to me. I used to try to make bad words out of the letters in my cereal bowl. Nothing like starting your day with a nice bowl of Alpha-Bits where you see the word Sh*t floating in there. Kids!

Super Sugar Crisps: These were good but got soggy quickly. Wasn’t the mascot a bear in a striped sweater who acted cool all the time? Did he sing like Bing Crosby or something? Bizarre.

Sugar Smacks: I think this was similar to sugar crisps but were represented by a frog maybe?

Sugar Pops or Corn Pops: This is a good cereal that I like to eat to this day. But aren’t they the same?

Cap’n Crunch: This guy is the CEO of breakfast cereals. I loved these crunchy little squares. They didn’t get soggy, and I could eat bowls of this fine cereal. He was cool, because he had a crew, and there was even a bad pirate in the commercials I think. John La Foote? Lafite? Not sure. But a damn fine cereal and one of my all-time favorites.

King Vitamin: Just when you think they can’t make a cereal that’s better than Cap’n Crunch, they make this cereal. It was exactly the same product as CC, but they were in the shape of little crowns. (They looked more like little gears to me) But, they were crunchier and sweeter than CC. So this became my favorite cereal in the early 70s. I remember the song. “King Vitamin! Have breakfast with the king!”

Franken Berry, Count Chocula, and Boo Berry: Again… flavored Cheerios. Strawberry, Chocolate, and I’m assuming Blueberry. I loved Franken Berry cereal. It was another one of my all-time favorites. I wasn’t a fan of real strawberries but I liked this cereal. I consumed tons of it back in the 70s. One of my favorite things to do was have it as a snack too. My mom would pour it into a bowl and I would eat it dry. But there was a method to my madness. I would first consume all of the cereal and leave all of the tiny marshmallows at the bottom of the bowl. I would then gather them all up in my hands and form them into one big ball with my fingers. It would be a little bigger than a golf ball. I would then proceed to eat it. It was like a ball of candy at the end of your snack. A fitting, sugary dessert to top off your day. I remember the characters referring to the marshmallows in the cereal as “Sweeties” which I thought was weird because it was obvious what they were. They later referred to the sweeties as marshmallows. (Probably got a call from my dad)

I never had Count Cocula, but my friend Wayne used to eat it religiously. He said the only thing was, it turned the milk nearly black at the end and that just seemed gross. Boo Berry? he came late to the game and I never had that one either. Nobody cares about Boo Berry. He’s just a ghost.

Honey Comb: “Come to the Honey Comb hideout. Gonna eat and gonna play. Gonna live in the Honey Comb Hideout! Eatin’ Honey Comb every day!” That was the jingle from the commercial. It would be my dream in life to live in the Honeycomb hideout and eat honeycomb every day, sir. I like this cereal. It was big. Bigger than it probably is now. each bit was bigger than a quarter. It looked like a little beehive and those holes held the milk. Delicious. But that wasn’t the best part of this great cereal.

On the back of each box, they had somehow through the miracle of modern 70s technology managed to press a record on the back of the box. yes, my friends. When you were done eating all of the cereal, you could cut the record off the back of the box and it would actually play on your record player. The first ones were Archie songs but the later ones were by The Monkees! I played the song Mary, Mary by the Monkees so many times once my mother told me if she heard that song one more time she was going to strangle me.

The best part was, I never waited to finish the box of cereal. We would be home from the market and I would convince my mom to dump out the cereal into jars so I could get at that record on the back of the box TODAY!

Thanks for always letting me do that, Mom.

Freakies: This was actually a really tasty cereal. It was O-shaped and sort of tasted like a cross between Cap’n Crunch and Apple Jacks I think. I liked it and in each box, you got a different little Freaky character from the commercial. They were just little plastic figures that were like army men. Boss Moss was green. He was the leader obviously. Grumble was orange and always miserable like Oscar from Sesame Street. I think there was a girl freaky as well. They were cute little creatures and I liked the cereal. I remember we kept getting Grumbles over and over. At one point it was like… “Ahh… another Grumble. (Just pitches him into the trash)

Quisp and Quake: I love this one. I only ate Quisp as a kid. The cereal was shaped like little bowls. (flying saucers) Quisp was a little cartoon alien dude, and Quake was a burly man. In the commercials, they were always trying to prove who was the better cereal. It was a cute marketing campaign. Create a completion between the two brands. But here’s the thing we all knew even as kids. Quisp and Quake tasted exactly the same. They were just different shapes. Who were these clowns fooling? Not us kids!

I remember once they decided to have the two characters compete in a race from Long Island New York to Lompoc California. This was to settle who was the better cereal. I followed this competition very closely on TV commercials and the backs of the cereal boxes. Here’s the thing. Neither of them ever made it or completed the race. Quisp was left on the market and Quake disappeared from store shelves. It was bizarre.

Kix: I think I had this cereal once in the late 70s or early 80s. Just another cereal that tasted like puffed balls of Cap’n Crunch. They really only had a few recipes for cereal back then I guess. Just change the shape and the marketing campaign and you got yourself a brand new cereal. Bu the one thing that really stands out in my mind was the jingle on the commercials. I would be watching TV with my friend, and it would come on.  The little kid would start the song, “Kids like Kix for what Kix has got!” and then the mom would finish the line, “Mom’s like Kix for what Kix has not”. (this meant kids liked the taste, and moms liked that it was low in sugar) But when my vile little friends and I would hear this little diddy we’d always change the lyrics to something dirty. I won’t repeat it here, because Google Adsense will probably suspend the advertising on my site. But you get the idea. See what you can come up with…

Oh’s: My favorite cereal of the 80s. I loved this cereal. I should probably see if they still make it. Again. Cap’n Crunch-shaped O’s with some sort of sugary substance in the hole. Loved these crunchy morsels. Great cereal!

Fruity Pebbles: This is just fruit-flavored rice crispies.

Here are some links to some further reading on this subject:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_breakfast_cereals

https://clickamericana.com/topics/food-drink/40-favorite-breakfast-cereals-1967

https://www.metv.com/lists/lost-breakfast-cereals-of-the-1960s-and-1970s

https://delishably.com/breakfast/Breakfast-Cereal-Favorites-of-Yesteryear

The 50 Greatest  Breakfast Cereal Prizes of all time:

https://www.mrbreakfast.com/list.asp?id=6

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Why Your Marriage Will Most Likely End in Divorce (And Why It’s Completely Normal)

Maybe we weren’t all meant to live happily ever after.

What are the most common reasons for divorce and why is the divorce rate so high?

Learning what percentage of marriages end in divorce may make you seriously wonder why.

It’ll make our lives so much better.

Even when standing at the altar, assume marriage isn’t for eternity.

Instead, assume someday you might want out.

And not just you. That person standing there with you, too.

In that world, we’ll have happier marriages with more honest communication and expectations.

And happier divorces, as well. No failure. No gloom. Just a normal, expected outcome.

In our modern world, half of the marriages end in divorce.

We know that. We know divorced people. We couldn’t care less.

Do we go around shaming people thinking of divorce? Or ostracizing divorcees? This is just stating the obvious, right?

Still, we have a hard time embracing that “till death do us part” is a Santa Claus fantasy for grownups – and an often harmful one.

If we can admit that marriage is rarely forever, we’ll save so many from stress, anguish, and the guilt-ridden and shame-inducing delusion that divorce is a failure.

It’s not. It’s typical.

I’m not saying that happy couples should break up.

If you find a soulmate for life, congrats. I’m jealous.

But if you’re an average human and don’t (or can admit you probably won’t) find that forever love, then get rid of the pressure to remain content with just one partner for your whole life.

What do you have to gain?

This is not cold or unromantic.

We genuinely love our partners when we say “I do.”

Many of us still love them even when it’s time for a divorce. Just…not in the same way. Or maybe we don’t love them anymore.

That’s not an indictable offense.

These are normal life changes — not crimes or sins — and they’re no reason to turn feelings of guilt and shame into fire aimed at a partner.

On the contrary, the commonality and inevitability of such life changes is a reason to keep breakups amicable, fair, and even loving.

This is also not making moral or value judgments on the sanctity of marriage, the importance of commitment, or the necessity to continuously work on our relationships.

It’s just trying to provide a common-sense answer to a common-sense question: Should marriage be expected to continue forever?

Forever is a long time.

If we get hitched at, say, 30, and live to say, 80, why, that’s 50 years.

How many relationships — how many anythings — last 50 years?

How many business partnerships?

How many people live in the same house for 50 years? The same city?

How many close friends stay close friends that long?

I know, most consider marriage more important and sacred than such things.

Which is even more reason to view marriage with deep honesty and compassion.

If something’s really sacred, why lie to ourselves about it?

The truth remains: even happy, successful marriages — with couples that do the work and collaborate, forgive and recommit — even they probably aren’t going to be content for 50 years.

And that’s ok. Successful or otherwise, marriages should just…end successfully. They often do.

We see examples of famed “conscious uncouplings” like that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, but also of everyday folks who quietly and amicably move on.

Even with children. Kids today are surrounded by divorce: their social networks are filled with single parents and kids of split families. It’s normal to them.

Of course, kids are unhappy if mom and dad break up, but, if handled properly, they’re not shocked, scandalized, or scarred.

Forever is a nearly unattainable objective, born of bygone eras when marriages were business deals brokered for merging families, finances, or bloodlines.

Or when “till death do us part” was a much briefer journey, when people in their 50s and 60s slowed down and retired from energetic activity, to sit in rocking chairs waiting for the undertaker.

But happily, those days are gone.

We’re going to live to be 80, 90, 100, with, if we’re lucky, active brains and bodies pretty much to the end.

We should be free to pursue happiness throughout our long, healthy lives.

That often means allowing ourselves to start over.

Fresh beginnings. Second, third, or fourth chances.

Unconstrained by antiquated notions about contracts for life.

It’s ok to want that. It’s ok to go for it.

Still, even in modernity, we keep telling ourselves that divorce is a failure or needs to be a war.

But for what, exactly? Judging our lives based on criteria created eons ago by people who thought the sun revolved around the Earth?

I hope marriages last forever. I just know they usually don’t. And I’m good with that.

We’re messy humans. That’s just who we are. And pretending otherwise can do more harm than good.

In today’s world, “till death do us part” may be the dumbest oath ever.

Let’s stop saying it.

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

7 Grounding Techniques To Calm Anxiety When You’re This Close To Losing It

Because it happens to all of us. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. But as I’ve gotten older I learned to rewire my brain and spank those demons and make them pay.

And you can too.

No one is immune to feeling anxious at least on occasion. And no matter who or what it is that sparks your pending eruption, knowing how to calm down the anxiety and anger you feeling when you’re seriously this close to losing it can save you and those around you a lot of collateral damage.

Life happens, and a simple chain of events can slowly stoke a fire within you. Then all it takes is one “he said/she said” or “they did/they didn’t” to push you across the threshold into this close-to-losing-it territory.

Once you’ve learned some effective grounding techniques and coping skills for calming anxiety, calling upon them can be far more empowering than impulsively unleashing your fury ever will be.

Here are seven tips on how to calm down when you’re feeling anxious using simple grounding techniques and positive coping skills.

1. Excuse yourself, gracefully

Leave the room, the situation, the area, or park the car, but get yourself to a safe place. That can even mean staying right where you are until the heat of it subsides.

It may be a big test of your inner strength not to storm out of a situation while huffing, puffing, slamming chairs and doors, but do it with grace anyway.

Depending on the circumstance, leaving may not be possible or ideal. Take a deep breath before asking for a time out (or simply informing them that you are taking one), and be sure to do so in a calm and controlled way — even if you have to fake it.

Graceful exits may also mean hitting pause by drinking a glass of water and feeling it dampen your fire. If no water is handy, you can imagine it.

Leaving in a civilized way, either literally or virtually through a pause, versus going into full throttle bulldozer mode can be the step that helps quell your eruption from spewing.

2. Put pen to paper

Intense anxiety or anger can be vanquished by saying what you feel you have to say on paper rather than directly to the object of your frustration.

Kick it old school by handwriting everything that is on your mind so you can vent about this current situation.

The benefits of handwriting as opposed to typing it into a text message or email are twofold:

• You can’t accidentally click send and unleash your unfiltered thoughts, feeling, and words into someone’s inbox
• When you finish venting, you can shred the pages with your bare hands (another bonus), leaving no digital trace that may inadvertently be found later

Handwriting has been proven more cathartic than typing, and as well as to help improve critical thinking and problem-solving skills. And being this close to losing it needs solving.

And as explained by Eric Grunwald of MIT’s Global Studies and Languages Department, “Freewriting, a writing strategy developed by Peter Elbow in 1973, is similar to brainstorming but is written in sentence and paragraph form without stopping. Thus, it [increases[ the flow of ideas and reduces the chance that you’ll accidentally censor a good idea,” which can add another level of efficacy in reducing your angst.

3. Visualize the old heave-ho

Fantasizing about flipping the desk over, clearing the table in one swipe, or playing Frisbee with your laptop. It feels good and satisfying, doesn’t it?!

Visualization, also known as imagery, has been a tool employed by Olympians and other elite athletes for decades, and there is much evidence backing its efficacy for putting desired outcomes into motion without ever leaving the room.

How far can you imagine your laptop will actually fly? How well does it bounce?

Keeping your action-packed fantasy in your head allows you to see the action, feel your muscles contracting, hear the thud of your desk, taste and smell the scene in excruciating detail, without leaving an unpleasant mess to clean up afterward.

When you are this close to losing it, you are so wrapped up in the instant gratification of the moment that you don’t see the final scene — the one where you have to pick up the pieces and clean up the debris, all while shrouded in regret, remorse, guilt, and shame for literally following through with your actions.

4. Get tactile

When you are in overdrive and your foot is fully depressed on the accelerator on the thisclose freeway, take the off-ramp by redirecting some resources from that feeling and shifting them to a tactile action like counting your toes.

With the bulk of your attention invested in your current state, very little of you is connected to the physical.

Whether you are standing or sitting, wiggle your toes and notice how many you can feel. Press each individual toe into your shoe and count them, one toe and one foot at a time. Repeat and repeat again.

By counting your toes, you begin to re-ground yourself. You can go further by scanning your body and noticing how your shoe feels or how the fabrics you are wearing feel against your body or what the chair you are sitting in feels like.

This is especially effective when you are in a situation you cannot dismiss yourself from. Tuning into your body helps to calm the mind, and therefore, your emotions.

5. Catch your breath

When in a high emotional state, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow, which in turn moves you closer to losing it because it’s like fanning the flames of a fire to burn bigger.

Box breathing or four-square breathing is a grounding technique used by Navy SEALs you can put into action no matter where you are and is a highly effective way to get back into control of yourself when things are reeling out of control.

• Inhale slowly to the count of five
• Hold for a count of five
• Exhale slowly to the count of five
• Hold for a count of five
• Repeat

As Healthline reports: “According to the Mayo Clinic, there’s sufficient evidence that intentional deep breathing can actually calm and regulate the autonomic nervous system (ANS). This system regulates involuntary body functions such as temperature. It can lower blood pressure and provide an almost immediate sense of calm.”

Deep breathing also delivers more oxygen to the muscles you are clenching as they begin to release with each cycle you repeat, essentially disarming the cortisol accumulation simultaneously.

6. Get physical

Dropping down and doing ten push-ups to burn off your anxious or angry energy may not be appropriate at the time, but taking yourself out for a brisk walk can help.

Being in nature helps calm the sympathetic nervous system (your “fight, flight or freeze” response), and putting your pent-up energy into your pace can help to return you to calm.

Even when you can’t get outside to commune with nature, you can use the power of your mind to take you wherever you decompress best.

Maybe your happy place is a white sandy beach where the ocean waves wash all your stresses away. Or perhaps it’s riding down the open highway on your motorcycle, sitting under a tree, or climbing a mountain.

Creating or recalling an image that brings life back into perspective is only a thought away.

7. Grab onto gratitude

Chances are, in a moment when you are trying to figure out how to calm down, you are as far away from feeling grateful as you can get.

However, you always have the power of choice, and flexing your gratitude muscle may effectively diffuse the situation.

Bring to mind someone who you are wholly grateful for, or think of ten things you are grateful for in your life. Feel that gratitude infuse your body and mind.

We cannot feel fully grateful or fully enraged at the same time, so go with the positive feelings gratitude evokes.

Most importantly, you can think about how grateful you will feel for not losing it when you don’t, as well as how proud you are of yourself for keeping it together in this volatile moment in time. Remind yourself that feeling this close to losing it is temporary, and gratitude is the long game.

Keeping a gratitude journal and choosing to be intentionally grateful for the people and things that add value to your life helps sustain you in times like this.

Gratitude acts as an antidote to stress. The benefits of giving thanks in our life are endless, especially helping us to build our resilience overall.

Be aware that not any one of these tips is guaranteed to work for you every single time you need to calm yourself down.

You need to find your combination of tools to get you on the other side of losing it, and all are most effective when sampled and practiced before you need them.

Regardless of how few or how many you need to use these techniques and skills, it’s worth the effort, in the end, to find what works best for you.

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

14 Subtle Dating Tricks the Most Attractive Men Use That Have Women Falling at Their Feet

Do you understand exactly how attraction works?

Do you wonder why women may not be attracted to you? Do you want to know how to get a girlfriend?

It takes time to understand how to attract women and how to get a girl to like you.

So that dating advice about lousy pick-up lines, games, and not being who you are do little when it comes to attracting the right woman in your life, as well as getting her to want you more, sexually!

There are guys out there that walk into a room and girls just gravitate towards them. Then, there are also men who never worry about how to get girls.

Then there’s you, the man who wonders “Why can’t I get a girlfriend or get a woman to go on a second date?”

It’s because your character traits and personal attributes are not standing out in social scenes nor getting attention from the opposite sex.

The number one key to how to be more attractive to women is to be appealing to yourself.

You must see yourself in the way you want women to see you.

This is called inner confidence and you cannot fake inner confidence. As time goes on, it shows.

Women want to be dating a man who is highly desirable, and who also knows how desirable he is.

Women love to feel like they worked for something and won a prize and someone strong (like the way men feel like they won a prize too).

It holds more value to be in a relationship with someone who holds themselves of value.

Men often place women they date on a pedestal. But the only one that should be on the pedestal is you!

I’m not saying to disrespect women and not do great things for her when it comes to making life decisions.

But, respect flows and becomes easier when you see yourself in a respectable manner and not have to place anyone before you because you are enough!

In today’s society, it’s very confusing and challenging to identify yourself as a strong or confident man.

You have people telling you to hold your masculinity, to not be “unfit” in society’s eyes. But, all of that disappears when you stand in power to honor who you are and exactly what you want as a man.

Here are 14 dating tips that attractive men in relationships know when they want to get a girlfriend and get girls to like them.

1. Dress-up

Many women love when a man takes the time to invest in his appearance. When you invest in your appearance, it shows a woman that you have class and you like nice things in life.

Let’s be honest, we all do. This is not to say this woman will use you or just wants you for money, but she’s attracted to something that you can offer her.

Wearing a suit does not mean that you are rich and will attract gold-diggers, but it does say that you got your “stuff” together!

If it’s not a suit make sure you keep up and express fashion as a well put together man.

2. Have a passion

When a woman sees that she is not your number one priority but still a priority in your life, this helps with the attraction phase.

You don’t have to be rich you have to have a passion.

When you voice your passion with a woman, it can open up some personal deep level conversations with her which women are attracted to, emotionally.

After asking 300 women if they would rather have a man that has a passion or no passion and just money, 91 percent said a passion. That’s pretty high!

3. Walk with confidence

This means stand straight up. Chin up, shoulders back, chest out, tuck your stomach in, make eye contact, and smile.

This gives you a sense of stability and pride in others. All these attributes go a long way, especially with first impressions.

4. Be positive

Energy is how you become attractive to women and people! Women are addicted to men who have a positive outlook on life.

It shows that you have no attachment to drama and you will do what it takes to have a happy life. It also shows that you have done a lot of personal work and people want in.

It’s like an unsolved mystery that everyone wants. Mastering this will give you so much more control.

5. Pay attention to your conversations

Want to know how to get girls? Don’t talk about your flaws or your down points. Talk about positive things in life and not the ex-girlfriend that cheated on you. Who really needs to know this, honestly?

It’s not always healthy to talk about past relationships. Start this new one with a clean slate and don’t downplay your qualities when attracting a woman.

6. Call the shots

If you want to take her out on a date, call it a date! Call her when you say you will. Tell her you are busy today but free tomorrow and would like to get a drink together at 7 pm.

Call the shots to show you’re busy, but also show that you are making time for her.

7. Set boundaries and show the value

Never be submissive to your values in hopes to compliment hers. Set boundaries on what is healthy and what is not and if you see red flags, point them out right away so she knows what you will and will not tolerate.

Many men think this will push women away but it does the exact opposite.

8. Have a lasting impact

You think that by just showing up, you will attract a woman. But you aren’t trying to show your positive attributes and make a lasting impression.

Whether you’re just trying to play it safe, be nice, or are just lazy, stop it!

Strive to impact her all the time by keeping up with witty banter and saying “no” if you don’t want to do something or don’t agree.

Don’t be afraid to crack a joke from time to time and challenge her to show up for you.

9. Have a sense of humor

Women love to find a man that can make them laugh. This does not mean that you have to say a knock-knock joke, but it does mean that you have to let your positive personality traits shine through.

Be witty and show her humor. Make fun of her in a respectful light banter way.

10. Be carefree

Women find a sense of curiosity in a dangerous or “rebel” type man. If she’s asking you a complicated question that you don’t want to answer, just smile and wink. This isn’t up for debate.

Challenge yourself to solve things when it’s the right time and not only on her watch.

Also, try something that you want to do. Be spontaneous. Do something that scares you and invite her with you next time.

11. Master your “swag”

Control your conversations. Moments of silence show your confidence. Don’t always talk too much or try to over-speak her. Just be calm and relaxed around her.

Once you do this, you can use your “swag” to charm her by being relaxed and confident within your own self.

12. Be social and busy

Women like to know that you are making time for her, even when you’re busy. She will feel appreciated and this draws attraction.

13. Be thoughtful

Remember to pay attention to the things she says so you can surprise her with something thoughtful. Generosity is a form of attraction when it isn’t used often.

You don’t want to shower her with compliments and tell her she’s beautiful all the time, but you want to remember the things that she likes.

By delivering this, you score substantial attraction points! Find out her favorites dishes, activities, and hobbies and recreate these on a date.

14. Make the first move

It’s a win-win when you make the first move. Not only are you trying to take control of the situation but you’re getting your answer no matter what. Most of the time if you gauge it correctly, she’ll be into it too.

Once you change your mindset and hone this list of positive character traits, you will become more attractive to women.

Many guys think that attracting a woman means that you have to have a massive amount of wealth, success, beauty, or be famous. This is entirely not true!

Of course, being on top of your game helps but what stands out the most is being the best version of yourself. There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who represents himself as a man of power.

Power does not mean money or fame. Power means your personal existence.

This confidence and your inner well-being reflect how you act, and if you think that you are coming from a place of lacking, people will see you as coming from a place of lacking.

If you’re high on life, people will feel your energy and want to get more of it, and they will consistently want to find out more about you and be around you.

This shows that you truly know who you are and this gives off a sense of stability and security to women.

A woman with a healthy mindset wants a healthy relationship with a stable man who holds his own self-worth.

The women who aren’t in this healthy mindset will be the ones you have to stay away from. There are women out there who will use you for attention and/or affection, so they feel wanted, loved, or needed.

But here is the key point when you are in this healthy stable mentality as a man.

A man with a healthy and stable mentality can easily spot women who aren’t in a healthy mindset.

You can say “no” to giving them your heart because you’re putting yourself first.

And when you’re putting yourself first, you are going to see a flock of women or the woman you desire to chase you down.

Now that you have the tools to become the man you want to be, use them and implement them daily.

Remember: you hold the potential. You do not have to be the hottest guy, you do not have to have all your hair, you don’t have to be the tallest man, and you don’t have to be the wealthiest man.

But you do need to know how to control your mindset from focusing on the negative qualities and work on enhancing your positive personality characteristics.

Stop comparing yourself to others and stop beating yourself down about what is not happening for you at this moment.

Start thinking and working towards how you can make this happen. The key is within you.

Use your tools wisely and know that you can attract the woman you want into your life if you focus on not obsessing over her and instead of obsessing over yourself!

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Why Do We Kiss? Science Explains Why People Kiss To Show Affection

What makes this intimate act so fascinating?

Pecking, smooching, French kissing, and playing tonsil-hockey — there are as many names for kissing as there are ways to do it. Whether we use it as an informal greeting or an intensely romantic gesture, kissing is one of those ingrained human behaviors that seem to defy explanation.

Its many purposes — a blow and peck for good luck on dice, lips to the ground after a rocky boat ride, kisses in the air to an acquaintance, and the long slow smooches of Hollywood — have different meanings yet are similar in nature.

Why is it that we love to pucker up? Why do we kiss at all?

Kissing is more than just showing affection.

Philematologists, the scientists who study kissing, aren’t exactly sure why humans started locking lips in the first place. The most likely theory is that it stems from primate mothers passing along chewed food to their toothless babies.

The lip-to-lip contact may have been passed on through evolution, not only as a necessary means of survival but also as a general way to promote social bonding and as an expression of love.

But something’s obviously happened to kissing since the time of the chewed food pass. Now, it’s believed that kissing helps transfer critical information, rather than just meat bits.

The kissing we associate with romantic courtship may help us to choose a good mate, send chemical signals, and foster long-term relationships. All of this is important in evolution’s ultimate goal — successful procreation.

Kissing allows us to get close enough to a mate to assess essential characteristics about them, none of which we’re consciously processing. Part of this information exchange is most likely facilitated by pheromones, chemical signals that are passed between animals to help send messages.

We know that animals use pheromones to alert their peers of things like mating, food sources, and danger, and researchers hypothesize that pheromones can play a role in human behavior as well.

Although the vomeronasal organs, which are responsible for pheromone detection and brain function in animals, are thought to be vestigial and inactive in humans, research indicates we do communicate with chemicals.

The first study to indicate that chemical signals play a role in attraction was conducted by Claud Wedekind, over a decade ago. Women sniffed the worn t-shirts of men and indicated which shirts smelled best to them.

By comparing the DNA of the women and the men, researchers found that women didn’t just choose their favorite scent randomly. They preferred the scent of a man whose major histocompatibility complex (MHC) — a series of genes involved in our immune system — was different from their own.

Having a different MHC means less immune overlap and a better chance of healthy, robust offspring.

Kissing may be a subtle way for women to assess the immune compatibility of a mate before she invests too much time and energy in him. Perhaps a bad first kiss means more than first date jitters — it could also mean a real lack of chemistry.

Men are sloppy and women are choosy when it comes to kissing.

Behavioral research supports this biological reasoning. In 2007, researchers at the University of Albany studied 1,041 college students and found significant differences in how males and females perceived kissing.

Although common in courtship, females put more importance on kissing, and most would never have sex without kissing first. Men, on the other hand, would have sex without kissing beforehand; they would also have sex with someone who wasn’t a good kisser.

Since females across species are often the choosier ones when it comes to mate selection, these differences in kissing behavior make sense.

Men are also more likely to initiate French kissing, and researchers hypothesize that this is because saliva contains testosterone, which can increase libido.

Researchers also think that men might be able to pick up on a woman’s level of estrogen, which is a predictor of fertility.

Why do people kiss? It’s more than just biological reasons.

But kissing isn’t all mating practicality — it also feels good. That’s because kissing unleashes a host of feel-good chemicals, helping to reduce stress and increase social bonding.

Researcher Wendy Hill and colleagues at Lafayette College looked at how oxytocin, which is involved in pair-bonding and attachment, and cortisol, a stress hormone, changed after people kissed.

Using a small sample of college couples that were in long-term relationships, they found cortisol levels decreased after kissing.

The longer the couples had been in a relationship, the further their levels dropped. Cortisol levels also decreased for the control group — couples that just held hands — indicating that social attachment, in general, can decrease stress levels, not just kissing.

Looking at oxytocin levels, the researchers found that they increased only in the males, whereas the researchers thought it would increase in both sexes.

They hypothesized that it could be that women need more than a kiss to stimulate attachment and bonding, or that the sterile environment of the research lab wasn’t conducive to creating a feeling of attachment.

Kissing, therefore, plays a role not only in mate selection but also in bonding.

At an Association for the Advancement of Science meeting on the science of kissing, Helen Fischer, an evolutionary biologist, posits multiple reasons for lip-locking. She believes that kissing is involved in the three main types of attraction humans have: sex drive, which is ruled by testosterone; romantic love, which is ruled by dopamine and other feel-good hormones; and attachment, which involves bonding chemicals like oxytocin.

Kissing, she postulates, evolved to help on all three fronts.

Saliva, swapped during romantic kisses, has testosterone in it; feel-good chemicals are distributed when we kiss that help fuel romance; and kissing also helps unleash chemicals that promote bonding, which provides for long-term attachment, necessary for raising offspring.

No, not all humans (or species) partake in kissing.

Some mammals have close contact with each others’ faces via licking, grooming, and sniffing, which may transmit the necessary information. And although chimps may pass food from mother to child, the notoriously promiscuous bonobos are apparently the only primates that truly kiss.

And while it’s thought that 90 percent of the human population kisses, there’s still the 10 percent that doesn’t.

So, it seems that as much as we use kissing to gather genetic and compatibility information, our penchant for kissing also has to do with our cultural beliefs surrounding it.

Whether we live in a place where kissing is reserved for close acquaintances, or somewhere where a casual greeting means a one, two, or three cheeker, one thing does remain highly consistent: the side to which people turn while kissing.

It’s almost always to the right. A 2003 study published in Nature found that twice as many adults turn their heads to the right rather than the left when kissing. This behavioral asymmetry is thought to stem from the same preference for head-turning during the final weeks of gestation and during infancy.

One of the best things about kissing, however, is that we don’t have to think about any of this. Just close our eyes, pucker up, and let nature takes its course!

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Bringing Coke back to Coca-Cola

Coca-Cola will be adding cocaine to their products again as Pacific Northwest states pass decriminalization laws towards hard substances.

CW: hard drugs, substance abuse, and cocaine mention.

On Friday, March 26 at the bi-quarterly Brewery and Soft Drink Conference, Coca-Cola CEO James Quincey announced that they will be reintroducing cocaine across their products’ recipes.

“With the decriminalization and legal medical use of cocaine in both Oregon and Washington, with many states sure to follow, we here at the Coca Cola company have decided to return to our roots, bringing coke back to Coca Cola,” stated Quincey.

Coca-Cola originally got its name back in 1885 from its two medicinal stimulant ingredients: extract of coca leaves (cocaine) and kola nuts (caffeine). It was originally made by Pharmacist John Pemberton, a war veteran who took morphine regularly after suffering injuries in World War I. Back in this time, patented drug laws were looser and cocaine was a commonly prescribed drug used for its anesthetic and vasoconstricting properties.

However, Coca-Cola removed cocaine from their recipe by 1904. Instead, they decided to mix leaf extracts with fruity flavors, creating what could be considered a ‘faux wine.’ This alternative to alcohol resulted in its rising popularity in 1923 during the prohibition era.

As Coca-Cola has expanded its brand within the last century, their product development team will be testing what levels of Benzoylmethylecgonine (cocaine) best fits each individual product. While Coca-Cola originally had 1/400 trace of cocaine for each ounce, so far developers found that 1/75 works best in low sugar products, such as Coke Zero and Diet Coca Cola, to give their customers a boost of energy while also decreasing hunger.

On a national scale, Coca-Cola will be working with pharmaceutical lobbyists to get Coca-Cola prescriptions back on medical shelves. Inside sources say that Coca-Cola will be used as a pain-reducing medication for surgeries and aftercare — posing as a tasteful liquid alternative to chalky, hard-to-swallow pills.

While many welcome this new change, there are many who are skeptical. Dr. Imani Aliyah Jackson, Executive Program Director at Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) expressed their concerns.

“Coca Cola’s initiative is a classic example of corporations performatively monopolizing on serious issues and advancements in social welfare legislation to advance their company with no concern towards the common man,” Jackson said via their Twitter @IAJ_SAMHSA, “That is not to say we should discriminate against those who use cocaine but that shallow corporate activism can create larger systemic problems if not addressed with a critical ethical eye. I am wary that Coca-Cola will further a culture of harm.”

While the recipes are still in the development process and are pending approval from the Food And Drug Organization (FDA), Quincey reports that the newly branded products are set to release by Winter 2021 (Q4 2021).

Disclaimer: April Fools! This is a satirical article that does not present itself as truth. It, however, mixes both brand history facts and fiction. The naming of the Coca Cola brand, prohibition period, and the traces of cocaine in original Coca Cola are all true, however, claims that they are reintroducing traces of cocaine and related information are false. Dr. Jackson is a fictional character and holds no connection to the SAMHSA, nor their stance on substance abuse. The Ledger also holds no public stance. The author of this article is a mental health and substance abuse activist, and does not judge those who use or are recovering from such drugs – they wrote this article with the intent to more so criticize preformative corporate activism.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Back The Tracks – Part 7 – The Journey to Metamorphosis

Philadelphia, PA – 1970s

Some days when the weather was nice and you had nothing to do, we’d just go back the tracks and go on a journey. That’s what we’d call it. “Let’s go on a journey.” That meant we had to explore some part of the tracks or woods we hadn’t been to before. I loved our little journeys.

My friend RJ had a sweet tooth and he always spent his paperboy money on Reese’s cups. He loved them, and back then they were only a nickel. Two for ten cents. He would buy a whole box of them and eat them all.

One of the most memorable candies he ever brought with him on one of our journeys was a box of sixlets. There are these little round colored candies in a sealed cellophane packet of six. Think of little round M&M’s, but cheaper chocolate filling.

You could hold one end of the packet, put the whole thing in your mouth and pull… and it would unload the full clip of all six candies into your mouth. We ate so many of those that day, we never finished the box and probably never ate them again after that.

There was a bunch of weird candy back then. Pixie sticks, the little wax bottles with the colored liquid in them, (I think they were called, Nik a Nips) Candy cigarettes, (The little chalky white ones and the gum ones wrapped in paper so they looked like real cigarettes. You could blow into it to emit a puff of sugary smoke. What a brilliant way to teach children the dangers of smoking!) Wax lips, (You wore them as a comedic gag, and then ate them? (Tasted like wax. Surprise, surprise.) The gum in bubble gum card packs, (Literally shattered in your mouth) and who can forget the little necklace of cheerio sized candies you could bite off and eat? (What’s better than edible jewelry?) Or, the sound Pop Rocks made as they sizzled on your tongue!

Wasn’t there some story about how some kid died from eating Pop Rocks and drinking soda?

https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/pop-rocks-urban-legend-mikey-death

Razzles, Choc O Lite bars, Mallow Cups, Marathon Bars,  and Blackjack gum. Oh, remember the long strips of paper that looked like cash register receipts but had little dots of candy stuck to them? They were all different colors and the colors changed as you went down the paper. You literally bit those tiny morsels of sugar off the strip. How much paper did we consume as children? (spitballs don’t count!) remember Bottle Caps? (Cola flavor? Yes, please!) Mike and Ike’s, Good ‘n Plenty, Good ‘n Fruity, Laffy Taffy, (with the joke on every wrapper), Bazooka Gum, Bubble Yum, Charms Blow Pops, and who can forget Lik M Aid Fun Dip?

I’m sure there are dozens more I can’t remember off the top of my head. Okay, let’s clear my sugary palette before I need an insulin shot with this vintage photo.

Here’s an old pic of RJ threatening to shoot a paper clip at me!

One day my friends and I went on a journey just following the tracks north. There was always this feeling you’d get when you were a boy when you realized you’d gone further than you’d ever ventured before. We knew all of the sights and sounds of the whole area. We knew miles of the tracks and the woods back then. All of it. You could drop me anywhere in those woods and I would have been able to navigate my way out of them in at least three different ways or paths.

We’d walk along and things would start to look different and we knew we’d reached the end of our proverbial sidewalk. This was new territory and new things to discover. But you had the train tracks as your foundation. No matter how far we went we figured we couldn’t get lost because we’d simply follow the tracks back in the other direction to take us home. It was so cool.

So we’re walking north on one of our journeys and we reached what I believe to be the Cottman Street car bridge that crossed over the tracks from Cheltenham into Philly. There were some kids playing down there on the sides of the tracks who we didn’t know. They seemed to be doing something with some ponds of water that had pooled on the side of the tracks.

It was stagnant rainwater that had formed these pools. But things grow in stagnant water. Mostly mosquitoes, but there was something else going on here. These kids were catching tadpoles! We approached them to watch what they were doing. We had never seen tadpoles or anything like that before. They were catching them and putting them in jars of water. We knew what had to be done.

For today our journey had reached its end. We had found something new and would be coming back to this place.

My friends and I put our heads together on how we would proceed in this new adventure in an attempt to acquire some free wildlife.

We gathered some baby food jars and some little nets somebody must have clipped from their family’s fish tank (probably me) and the next day we were off again.

We followed the tracks back to where our last journey took us and happily the long pools of stagnant water were still there. Think about that. A bunch of nice kids from middle-class families with plenty of toys to play with, play on the railroad tracks, and are going fishing in smelly stagnant pools full of who knows what kind of disease and vermin, and it was awesome!

I surveyed the area. The pools were 20 to 30 feet long. There were several. I walked down to the very beginning where it was the most shallow. I wanted to start slowly, rather than just dig right in with nets into the deeper water. Who knew what was in there? What if there was some kind of evil snake that lived in there? (The water was only 6 to 9 inches deep at the deepest point.)

So I’m walking along the edge of the shallow end which is maybe an inch deep. I like the origins of things so I wanted to start at the beginning. My friend RJ and Paul were just dipping nets into the bigger pools where we had seen the other kids working the day before.

I noticed in the shallow end there was hundreds of tiny black tadpoles. Just writhing and wiggling their little tails no bigger than your pinky nail. But as I walked north along the side of the pool the water got murkier and you couldn’t see anything. You had to blindly just dip your net in the water and see if you got anything.

But lo and behold we started to catch some tadpoles. They were all about an inch and a half in length, and we would dip our jars into the brackish water and pop the tadpoles inside. We only captured around four of five of them, and neither RJ nor Paul had anywhere to keep them, so custody of our new pets fell on me. I didn’t mind. I was happy to have some new living creatures that I caught on my own and didn’t come from a store. Free pets!

I recently started watching a terrific series on Amazon Prime about a family that moves from England to the island of Corfu in the Greek isles in the 1930s. The youngest son Gerald loves wildlife and is always out studying and catching animals and bringing them home. It reminds me of how much we loved nature as kids. He’s my favorite character and based on the author of the original books. It’s a wonderful show and worth checking out!

Anyway…I had an old plastic tank that I found in the trash somewhere. We were always trash picking as kids. It was great. I found the best stuff in other people’s trash! I still had the plastic tank left over from the whole Rosalie’s Rodents incident.

(If you didn’t read this on Tuesday, here’s the link again.)

https://atomic-temporary-111921946.wpcomstaging.com/2018/04/03/i-looka-fter-rosalies-hamsters-and-they-end-up-getting-murdered-by-my-father/

So we filled it with water from the hose out back of my house and put our tadpoles in. I didn’t know how they would do coming from a stagnant pool into Philly tap water, but the little guys thrived.

I don’t know if I put anything in the water to feed them but I must have. I think RJ got some fish food and we sprinkled that into the tank on a weekly basis. I kept those little tadpoles for a couple of months, and of course, some miraculous things began to happen. You can be taught things in school and read things in books, and look at diagrams and photos of wildlife. But to have the actual creatures in your possession and witness it first hand is something grand. I’m talking about metamorphosis.

One by one the tadpoles began to sprout legs! It was incredible to see. A living thing in your own life that is slowly changing before your young eyes. Not in a textbook but in your hand. Of course, we wanted to touch everything as kids, and you could bring them out briefly and hold them. We would put them back in the water and they would continue on their journey.

Then you’d see a little arm sprout from one side, followed by another one shortly thereafter. That’s when I loved them best. Their tails were shrinking, but they had arms and legs. They started to look like fat little salamanders or newts. But they were still changing so you could hold them for brief periods but had to put them back in the water so they stayed wet.

But within a few weeks, they had transformed into lovely little frogs. I always wondered if it hurt for them to change from one thing into another thing so quickly. (around 12 weeks) But they always seemed fine to me.

Eventually, once they matured, they simply hopped out of the tank and went on their way. I always believed they probably lived out their lives in my backyard.

A brilliant science lesson about amphibians all from just following the railroad tracks a little further from home.

I loved playing back the tracks as a kid. I spent so many happy hours back there with my friends. It was close to home, but a place to disappear into nature and our own little world.

I guess I could always relate to the little tadpoles eventually becoming frogs. Because as children we were like them. Just all together swimming around in the little pond of our neighborhood. Then one day we all grew up and hopped away into adulthood.

What would life have been like if we hadn’t moved away back in 1979? We’d probably have a lot more stories.

But some days when the day is warm, we can all pause and think back to a simpler time. When we could simply just go out and play.

There comes a day when you hang out with your friends. Just going to play outside. You never know when that day is coming but it does to us all.

There’s that day where none of you realize it, but it’s the absolute last time you will all hang out and just play outside.

I hope you enjoyed this little series. It began as a short piece from my past and grew into an epic tale!

 

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