8 Super Things The Happiest Couples Do Before Bed

Taking the time to reconnect with your partner at night can set a positive tone for the following day.

Your bed should be a place for sleeping, sex, cuddling, and conversation — not for scrolling mindlessly through your Instagram feed.

We live in a busy world and between work, kids, bills and other daily stressors, many couples struggle to find time to connect.

That’s why it’s so important for couples to make the most of whatever alone time they have together ― whether it’s an hour or just 10 minutes. We asked relationship experts to tell us what the happiest couples do before bed to keep their bond strong.

Here’s what they had to say below.

They exchange “I love yous.”: “Despite all the hassles of the day, the quirks and annoyances you experience from one another and ominous feelings about the day ahead, make the effort to let your partner know they are loved. And rather than just heave it out with your last sigh of the night, say it like you really feel it.” ― Ryan Howes, psychologist

They don’t try to settle arguments that aren’t easily resolvable: “It may not seem logical, but happy couples don’t actually settle disagreements before going to bed. We’ve all heard the adage, ‘do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,’ but it’s actually misunderstood. Trying to address heavy subjects, especially those you disagree on, at the end of the day when you’re both tired and short on patience is not smart. Too many couples make the mistake of starting fights at this time of day when they should be building connection ― not creating division.” ― Smith

They go to bed at the same time if possible: “Too many couples go to bed at different times, leading disconnected lives in the evening after already having spent all day apart. Happy couples, however, are intentional about coming back together at bedtime and reconnecting, if only for the few minutes of brushing teeth and getting under the covers. Going to bed together builds connection and provides opportunity for more intimate connecting.” ― Kurt Smith, therapist who specializes in counseling for men

They unplug from their phones and other devices: “We live in a wired world, and more often than not, this takes away from the time couples could spend connecting through dialogue, affection or intimacy. What’s more is that when your partner is on their phone, you feel like they’re not in the room and are somewhere else instead. In my therapy practice, couples who become aware of this intrusiveness sometimes create general rules such as ‘no phones past 9 p.m.’ or ‘no phones in the bed’ to counter such dopamine-inducing but oxytocin-suppressing social media habits. This can really set a couple up for feeling close throughout the entire next day.” ― Kari Carroll, couples therapist

They prioritize getting a good night’s sleep: “Although this isn’t very romantic, beyond the usual advice ― i.e. kiss goodnight, have sex, and say, ‘I love you’ ― getting a solid night’s sleep fosters good mental health, which in turn, makes people more emotionally available during the day. If sleep is hard to come by, get professional advice to develop good sleep habits.” ― Michele Weiner-Davis, therapist and author of Divorce Busting

They keep the kids out of the bedroom: “Your bedroom should be a sanctuary for the two of you. Although nightmares and illnesses might trigger children to climb into bed with you, in general, if intimacy and connection is your goal, encourage children to stay in their own rooms. Couples need privacy and boundaries to stay connected.” ― Weiner-Davis

They take a few minutes to practice gratitude: “Gratitude has been shown to have a wonderfully positive effect on mood and mindset, so why not share that together? Whether it’s something specific you appreciate about one another or a positive experience from the day, share something you’re thankful for to end the day on a bright note.” ― Howes

They set aside time to chat about the day and open up about their feelings: “The happiest couples regularly discuss the external stressors in their life and allow their partner to vent often. This doesn’t mean going into negativity overload all evening, but it does mean setting aside 15 to 30 minutes to unwind and lean into the relationship by showing support for the other relationships and experiences in your partner’s life. In my practice, I help couples listen to their partner’s stresses without feeling the need to take them on or problem-solve. Their partner tends to be appreciative of this opportunity and just feeling understood empowers them to be ready to tackle the next day’s stresses.”

 

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Church – Annual Toy Drive for CHOP

Five years ago Church started a charity at Christmas to collect toys for children who are in the hospital at CHOP. (Children’s Hospital) (See: Church – Brand Ambassador)

Back then he was the Vice President of the Philadelphia chapter of the United States Bartender’s Guild. Liquor representatives and bartenders and people in the hospitality industry would all gather and donate toys for his event.

It would always take place at a local bar called Time. The first one I attended was in 2014. That was the year that Annabelle dumped me and kept coming back on a monthly basis to fool around with me. It was a confusing and unstable time for me. I remember sitting at the bar and pounding Cutty Sark Prohibition. (100 proof) I had gotten a few texts from Annabelle saying how she missed me and was thinking about me everyday and even had a dream about me.

I was at my breaking point with that idiot and I told her I’d call her when I got home. Later I did just that and told her we were done and I couldn’t have her drifting in an out of my life anymore. But that’s a story that already been told in this blog. (See: Annabelle – Nice to Meet You)

So spring forward to 2017 and I’m at the salon. Church pops in to tan and hang. It’s a Monday night and I assume we’re going to dinner like we usually do. Then he tells me that he can’t because it’s the Toys for Chop thing at Time tonight.

I don’t want to go. I don’t work in the industry, I don’t have a toy to give and I feel like I’d be looked upon as just a groupie looking to get free spirits. But he tells me there will be some attractive babes there and with a few twists I’m in.

He’s been out of the liquor industry for a couple of years now and I haven’t worked for the liquor publication in a few years so we’re both a bit out of touch. He no longer runs the event and has passed the mantle on to a rep at another liquor brand.

He wants to go to the event together, but I have other plans. I tell him to go on without me at 7:30 and when I close the salon, I’ll roll over there after 8pm. The reason I do this is because whenever I have to go somewhere with Church that has a timeline, he gets really rammy as the deadline approaches. This causes me stress and I don’t need any stress in my life anymore. (See: Ghost – Swedish Metal Fiasco) So I send him off and the minute he steps out of the salon I hit the send button on the computer and activate my food order. I am determined to have a nice meal before I go over to this event. When I say nice meal, I mean drinking armor. I know it’s going to be oceans of whiskey and I need to prepare for that.

My food comes and I eat half my sandwich and that should be enough. I close the salon and head over to Time.

When I arrive the woman running the event is outside and asks me if I’ll give her $5 to fend of some homeless guy selling flowers. I’m happy to see her but it seems strange. I give her the money and head in. She tells me she’ll buy me a drink. I don’t mind and just go inside.

I run into the usual suspects of the industry and am happy to see them. I get a glass of Buffalo Trace on the rocks and sit next to a guy I know from a local bar. I like him but I quickly realize he’s drunk as fuck.

Then I realize everyone there is pretty much hammered. It’s 8:30pm. How long have these people been drinking?

I end up sitting at the bar sipping delicious free whiskey chatting with a beautiful blonde who unfortunately is blackout drunk. I don’t know her but she tells me we’ve met several times. I’m surprised by this statement because she appears to not even remember who she is.

Toys for Tots is a national organization that collects toys for underprivileged children from poor families. This event was created for children in the hospital around the holidays. But these kids have families that have jobs and money. They are going to get plenty of toys and goodies for christmas, sick or not. They don’t need more crap from us. Where do the toys really go? Who regulates who gets what? What about the money? How does that get distributed?

I realize now that this is an empty charity. It’s just an excuse for a bunch of industry people to get together and get shit faced drunk around the holidays masked as a charity. It’s awful. Thank God I got something to eat before I came here tonight. There’s a plate of cold cuts on a table and that’s it. Other than Church who has given up drinking, I’m the only sober person here.

This is a horrible and wasteful event. I had an opportunity to go to see a Led Zeppelin cover band with Church last week. We saw them last year. I declined this year because once you’ve seen it, you’re done. It’s not Led Zeppelin and it’s just going to be a rerun of the same show from last year. I don’t want to do that again. Pay too much to drink shitty beer and watch some clowns cover Zep tunes while I watch them through some other jerk off’s phone? Fuck that.

I’ve had an action packed life and continue to rock out in my own way. It seems like every time I get roped into someone else’s nonsense I have a shitty time. I’m not going to do that anymore. So no more Zep cover bands, no more concerts for any other bands I don’t know, and no more industry parties. I’m over it.

My life is elegant in its simplicity. I like to work and stay busy. I like to write and watch Netflix when I’m home. I love to sip a glass of wine and smoke a cig. As long as I’ve got my health and daughter Lorelei is okay, I’m good.

There’s so many lost and lonely people out there. I hope they find themselves. But getting fucked up on a regular basis is just a dead-end. So like I said at the end of the blog I wrote about the band Ghost…. Never Again!  (See: Swedish Metal Fiasco)

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am &12pm EST.

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7 Things You Should Never Feel Obligated to Do in a Relationship

If you’re in a relationship, it’s pretty easy to assume that you genuinely want to be a good girlfriend.

No one enters into a relationship hoping to be mediocre, so it’s understandable that you want to do everything in your power to make your significant other happy.

Cher and Christian From Clueless

(Clueless via Paramount Pictures)
However, sometimes the desire to be the perfect shoulder to lean on for your S.O. can leave you feeling pressured to do things that leave you feeling uncomfortable. As fun as relationships might be, it’s also important that you stay true to yourself and shy away from anyone who would push you too far out of your comfort zone.

We’ve definitely been there, and we’re here to help! Keep scrolling for seven things you should never feel obligated to do in a relationship.

 

Hang Out With Them at All Times
Being in a relationship is fun and exciting for many reasons, including having a built-in buddy to hang with pretty much whenever you want. As enjoyable as it might be to spend time with your S.O., you should never feel like you have to spend all your time with them. Other activities and other people are going to demand your attention, and you should be able to participate in other aspects of life without feeling guilty that your S.O. can’t be included in every second of your day. If your S.O. is pressuring you to spend every spare moment by their side, it might be time to say goodbye and search for someone who understands that there is more to your life than your romantic relationship.

 

Sacrifice a Hobby For Them
Hobbies are such a crucial part of what makes you unique and special. They are not only how you to choose to spend your free time, but they are also the source of many friendships and important relationships. Therefore, you should be searching for an S.O. who supports the things you love and would never ask you to give them up. There are many reasons you may feel pressured to give up your favorite activities. Maybe your S.O. thinks dance is boring, or maybe they’re upset that you’re spending all your time at soccer practice. Whatever the reasoning might be, you should never feel like you have to give up something you love to maintain your relationship. Hobbies are part of what makes you so extraordinary, and if your S.O. can’t see that, then someone else will.

Spend Money on Them
Navigating the “who pays for who” battle in relationships is tricky, so it’s important to remember that this rule goes both ways. Treating your S.O. to a nice dinner or buying them a pricey birthday gift is a sweet gesture, but you should never feel like you have to spend money in order to make them happy, just as they should never feel obligated to spend money on you. If you have yet to receive your most recent paycheck or you’re feeling a little strapped for cash in general, it’s okay to explain to your S.O. that you need to take a step back from spending for a while. The amount of money you spend on each other says nothing about the overall state of your relationship. Be open and honest about your finances, and understand when one or both of you doesn’t feel comfortable spending at the moment.

 

Lie for Them
Sometimes it might feel like you and your S.O. are a single unit, unable to separate your individual actions from the other person. It’s true that your actions will have larger effects on each other when you’re dating, but you’re still very much your own people. If your S.O. has done something wrong and you’re aware of it, you should never feel like you have to lie to keep them out of trouble. If they choose to participate in something dishonest, they need to be willing to accept the consequences of their actions. Lying for them only means you’ll get caught up in their drama and open yourself up to punishment, as well. Let them handle their negative actions in their own way, and try to stay out of the crossfire.

 

Spend Time With Their Friends Who Make You Uncomfortable
Dating a new person usually means that your friend groups will start to overlap. While it might be nice to mix your lives and meet new people, you should never feel like you have to spend time with any of your S.O.’s friends who you don’t feel comfortable around. Maybe you just get an overall bad vibe from these people or maybe you’re aware that they’re involved in some not-so-savory activities—whatever the reason might be, you should trust your gut and remove yourself from that situation, no matter how close they might be to your significant other. If your partner truly cares about your feelings, they’ll understand. They might even take your worries to heart and reevaluate the people they spend their time with.

 

Do Their Chores For Them
Sometimes when you’re dating someone—especially if you’ve been dating for a long time—the expected roles for your relationship can get a little bit twisted. Helping your S.O. with their daily chores or tidying up their space as a kind gesture is a nice way to show that you care, but you should never feel like their duties are also your responsibility. If you find that your S.O. expects you to clean up after them or is constantly asking you to complete their assigned tasks, it’s a pretty clear sign that they’re not willing to take responsibility for their own burdens. It’s not your job to make sure they get their stuff done, and you shouldn’t feel like participating in their domestic duties is essential to a happy relationship.

 

Apologize For Them
Being in a relationship naturally means that people will associate you and your S.O. with each other in social settings. It can be pretty exciting to have a person, and you should embrace the fact that you are now connected on a deeper level. However, your S.O. is still responsible for their own behavior. If they are rude, short-tempered or abrupt in their social interactions, it’s not your responsibility to apologize for their bad behavior. If you’re constantly feeling like you have to provide excuses for your partner’s actions, it may be a sign that they are not quite mature enough for a relationship, considering they can’t even conduct a conversation without offending people.

 

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7 Things You Should NEVER Feel Bad About Doing in a Relationship

There are a ton of things you obviously shouldn’tdo, like cheating or ghosting. But there are also some things you may feel bad about doing that shouldn’t make you feel that way.

1. Defining Your Relationship

Defining your relationship is a pretty terrifying thing, but you deserve to know if you and your partner are on the same page. If they make you feel bad about doing this at any point in your relationship, you need to kick them to the curb. Its not only fair to you, but to them, that you determine where this is going before you realize youre both on very different pages when it comes to your relationship.

2. Not Constantly Texting Your S.O.

Theres this weird unspoken rule that if someone isnt texting you 24/7, theyre completely uninterested. But that definitely isnt the case. Sometimes you get busy or the conversation just dies on its own, so you shouldnt feel the need to constantly force a text exchange with your S.O. all the time. If you forget to text them back a couple of hours later or dont hit them up for a few days, thats fine. You dont need to smother them with messages. They arent going to assume youre suddenly done with them. And if they do, be honest with them about your texting style.

 

3. Spending Way More Time With Your Friends

Your friends were there for you before your S.O., and if the day comes, theyll be there for you after. Spending more time with your besties rather than your S.O. is not at all a bad thing. You still need to make time for your BFFs when youre in a relationship. More than likely, your S.O. will understand because theyll want to hang with their friends, too. But if they make you feel bad, tell them how it is.

Grown-ish on Freeform

4. Not Posting About Your Relationship on Social Media

Your relationship is your business and thats that. If you dont feel comfortable posting tons of snaps with your S.O. on Insta or raving about them on Twitter, you dont need to do it. Your S.O. can see this as you not wanting to tell anyone about them, but assure them this isnt the case. As long as theyve met your friends or family, theyll know that youre serious about this.

5. Disagreeing With Your S.O. About Anything

Arguments with your S.O. are bound to happen. As a matter of fact, a few minor squabbles are actually healthy for your relationship. It forces you to see each others perspectives and find a solution that isnt breaking up. So if you ever disagree with your partner about anything, dont be scared to speak up for yourself. The two of you will learn a lot about each other by doing just that. Your opinions about a topic are just as valid as theirs, so dont feel like you need to hide your sentiments if you disagree.

Cheryl kissing Archie on Riverdale

6. Expressing Your Feelings

It can be tough to express your feelings in a relationship, no matter what stage youre in. You dont want to come off a certain way, so you often think its best to hide them from your partner. You should never, ever feel bad about voicing your concerns about your relationship or how much youre in love with your S.O. However youre feeling, express that to your partner. We promise this will only strengthen your relationship, as the two of you learn to better communicate with one another.

 

7. Putting Yourself First

At the end of the day, you are your No. 1 priority. Yes, you want to always be there for your S.O., but your needs always come first. You should never feel bad for doing something that solely benefits your overall well-being, so long as its not at the expense of hurting your S.O. Your happiness is the most important thing, so dont you ever forget that.

everything-sucks-relatable-characters-articleH-022018

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

I’m inspired! See you all in 3 hours for my bonus post: 7 Things You Should Never Feel Obligated to Do in a Relationship

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

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8 Experiences Couples Should Go Through Before Getting Married

“Experts say these things may help prepare you for the long haul of marriage.”

Building a strong foundation for marriage or another long-term committed relationship doesn’t happen in an instant. There are certain experiences couples go through over time that help them understand each other on a deeper level.

“We date and spend time together to figure out if a person is right for us, but time together is important also because the experiences that we have together build a bond, piece by piece,” marriage and family therapist Becky Whetstone told HuffPost. “The bonds are what helps the relationship withstand good times and bad.”

So ideally, what things should a couple go through together before taking a walk down the aisle? We asked marriage experts for their suggestions. (Note that what’s listed below are just that — suggestions. Every relationship is different, so this is by no means a be-all, end-all checklist.)

1. Take a big trip together.

“Whether you opt for a road trip across the U.S. or spend a few weeks backpacking through Southeast Asia, you need to see how it feels to truly rely on your partner when navigating novel experiences together. How do they cope with challenges like a flat tire or being immersed in a society without the ability to communicate in English? Are they able to roll with the punches and stay positive, or do they get pessimistic, moody or unreliable? This can be a litmus test for how they deal with the challenges that will arise later in life.” ― Spencer Scott, psychologist

2. Successfully resolve a big argument.

“Can you talk about things in a mutually respectful way? Can you communicate and collaborate without shutting down, attacking, blaming or getting defensive if you don’t immediately get your way? Or can you notice such reactions and then take a breath, step back, soothe yourself and continue the conversation? Can you arrive at some solution that feels okay to both of you? Facing and working through differences and conflicts creates an important foundation for your relationship going forward. If you can’t deal with conflicts at some point during dating, then how can you expect to deal with inevitable conflicts that arise in even the best relationships after marriage?” ― John Amodeo, marriage and family therapist and author of Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships

3. Have an in-depth conversation about your childhoods and family histories. 

“Understand who your partner is and what they believe in. Spend time understanding one another’s history, learn about their family, what they loved and didn’t love along the way. Are they open or closed off? Do they believe they should put their parents above the marriage? What do they value and believe in? The more you know and understand about each other, the more solid your relationship will be.” ― Becky Whetstone

4. Make a shared budget and stick to it.

Finances are the No. 1 reason partners who share a household fight. Before commitment, you need to know if you can rely on your partner to stay true to a budget and effectively manage your shared pool of money. It might be a good idea to start small, like agreeing how much money you want to spend as a couple one weekend, then trying to have fun within that set limit.” ― Spencer Scott

5. Hit a rough patch — like a job loss, health scare or other stressful event — and come out the other side.

“It’s easy to love when things are going well. However, it’s the thunderstorms and difficulties that arise that show us if the relationship is based on real love or infatuation. Ultimately, in every relationship, frustrations happen, storms arise and our unhealed wounds come out of the shadows for healing. It is important to have a ‘rough waters’ game plan when the inevitable problems, fears, anger or regressions hit. Nothing builds trust more than a good storm. That’s when you learn what you are made of, how secure the relationship really is, and how committed you both are. When it gets tough, do you fall apart, run away or hold hands and talk it out?” ― Sheri Meyers, marriage and family therapist

6. Go to couples therapy

“Couples need to take the time to learn from someone who solidly understands the dynamics [of communication in a relationship]. The goal is to be able to transmit and receive messages in a way that remains respectful and doesn’t damage the relationship. This sounds easy and simple, but it isn’t ― especially when people are sensitive and tend to get feelings hurt or take things personally.” ― Whetstone

7. Live together. 

“You’ll be able to find out how you live together, how compatible and how tolerant you can be toward one another. Sharing a living space will help you figure out what annoys and upsets you in regard to your differences, needs and priorities and whether the two of you can manage and accept them. Also, when you live together, you realize the importance of teamwork and respect while dealing with chores and responsibilities.

Managing shared lives is much more difficult than managing life by yourself. Through the experience of living together, you get to know your partner and yourself better. You are forced to develop boundaries, intimacy and relationship skills and hopefully you move toward personal growth.” ― Moshe Ratson, marriage and family therapist

8. Go through a sexual rut. Then be willing to talk about it. 

“While it’s natural for couples to experience peaks and valleys in their sex lives, when a valley happens or stays too long, hurt, disappointments and rejection creep in. If your partner is starting to feel more like a roommate than a lover, this is a prime opportunity to come together and talk truth, all masks off about your desires, turn-ons and sexual expectations. How much sexual contact do you both want? What makes you feel connected and intimate? What are you going to do on the ‘off’ days? What do you each need to feel desired? How much experimentation is allowed?

“Look at ways to keep it fresh and stretch your comfort zone. Creating some conscious strategies early on will eliminate some of the disappointment that occurs when the sexual excitement shifts or goes temporarily dormant.”

 

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How to Get Over Someone Who cheated on You and Ways to repair the Damage.

“This is a MUST READ for anyone who has ever been cheated on!”

 

I feel this is one of the most important posts I’ve ever written. Being betrayed in an intimate relationship is probably the worst thing that can strike down a couple. Many of us have been in this situation, and it is a searing, corrosive moment in our lives.

But I feel this must be written to help those of you have faced this horrow or are currently living through this.

I hope those who will most benefit from this advice will truly listen to my words and grow through their pain.

Having someone cheat on you isn’t a walk in the park. The real challenge is learning how to get over someone cheating on you and dealing with the emotions.

Let’s get this out-of-the-way, no one actually likes being cheated on. Even if you wanted to break up with them already, it’s always a horrible feeling to know that someone went behind your back and was dishonest with you. It takes times to know how to get over someone cheating on you and repairing the emotional damage. Now, I’ve been cheated on once. I went to teach English at a summer camp for two weeks, and he met some girl at a music festival and slept with her. He called me while I was working and told me what happened. Of course, we broke up and though I tried to play it off as no big deal, it really affected me. Did I want to marry this guy? No. Did I see him as the father of my children? No. But at that moment, he was someone I was trying to get to know and enjoying the time spent together. Here’s the thing, I didn’t try to stay with him and see if we could work it out. In my mind, I knew that it was over.

How to get over someone cheating on you. But for some people, they don’t want to leave the relationship and would rather invest the time in repairing it. Now, is this a bad decision? No. And for some couples, they work through the problems and become even stronger, but it’s a hard path to take. Either way, you’re going to be dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings about what happened. It’s not easy, but you have to do it for you.

#1 You need to make a decision.

When someone cheats on you, you need to make a decision. Are you going to stay with them or not? If you’re trying to figure out how to get over someone cheating on you, remember that for some people, the decision is easy, while for others it’s much more difficult. If you have children, your decision not only affects you, but it also affects them as well. But what’s important is that whatever you decide to do, you do it. That way, you can focus on the next steps for self-healing.

#2 Express your emotions.

I cannot emphasize this enough. No matter if you think you’re mentally strong, you need to talk to someone about what happened. Shutting up and going through the pain on your own isn’t going to work that well for you. If anything, you just bottle up all your emotions and eventually explode. Talk to the people around you that you love or talk to a therapist as they’ll be able to help you make some difficult decisions.

#3 You can’t change what happened.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that if you only did this or you only did that, but here’s the thing, you can’t change what happened. Now, you learn from it. You need to reflect on the relationship and look at what happened, what you need to work on, and how you want your future relationships to look like.

#4 Be sad.

Listen, if you want to spend an entire weekend watching Netflix and eating ice cream, do it. If you want to lay on a beach for a week crying, do it. The point is, be sad, regardless of whether or not you stay with them. You’re angry, you feel betrayed, so let it all out. Because if you choose to stay with them, you have to move past this.

#5 Talk to your partner.

You need to talk to your partner and tell them exactly how you feel. And, I know this may be hard, but you need to let them tell you how they feel as well if you truly want to understand how to get over someone cheating on you. Communication with your partner is essential after they cheat on you, whether you stay with them or not. They need to know how their actions affected you, and you need closure with what happened.

#6 Remove them from your life.

That is if you’re choosing to break up with them. If not, then you need to see a couple’s therapist to help you work through your issues. But if you’re choosing to leave them then fully leave them. Tell them that you need space away from them and ask them to stop contacting you until you contact them. Of course, you may never want to speak to them again, and that’s totally okay. But you need to cut the cord until you grieve and mourn.

#7 Don’t rush it.

I know you want to get over this as fast as you can. But here’s the thing, you shouldn’t try to “quicken” the process because everyone is different. If you’ve been with your partner for years, you can’t expect yourself to get over them in a couple of days. This will take months and months of healing before you start to feel better. So, don’t rush it, you need to go through the process at your own pace.

#8 Stay off of their social media.

What I mean is, don’t creep them. Please, just don’t do it. I know you want to see if they’re regretting their decision and posting sad songs on Facebook. Trust me, I know, but it’s not going to help you get over them. If anything, you’ll become obsessed with seeing their statuses and photos, seeing who they’re with, but in the end, it doesn’t matter.

#9 If you choose to stay with them, define your relationship.

What type of relationship do you want you and your partner to have? Yes, you went through a rough patch, and now you both are focused on making the relationship work. So, you need to decide how you and your partner want the relationship to look and what’s missing.

#10 It’s not going get better overnight.

Whether you’re trying to make the relationship work or trying to move on, it’s not going to get better overnight. This takes time to work through these things. You will need time to learn to trust your partner again, and they need time to work through their infidelity as well.

#11 Don’t blame yourself. Listen, we all make mistakes.

So, they may have told you that you worked too much, and they weren’t getting enough attention. Did they ever express this to you? Or was their way to deal with it to find something else immediately? Don’t blame yourself, because a relationship has two people involved, not just you.

#12 Don’t necessarily listen to your friends.

Your friends don’t want to see you hurt, so they’re obviously going to try to hook you up with other people or get you to go out which isn’t a bad idea, but if you’re not ready then you’re not ready. Plus, if you choose to stay with your partner instead of breaking up, you’ll probably hear an earful from your friends. It’s not their life, it’s yours. Listen to what they have to say, but, eventually, you’re the one that will make the decision, not them.

#13 One day, this won’t bother you anymore.

It’s a strange thing, especially when someone cheats on you, but eventually, this won’t bother you anymore. I know, right now you’re thinking that you may never get over this, and it’ll haunt you until you die, but it won’t. There will be a moment when you just stop thinking about it. It just won’t come to your mind or if it does, you won’t feel anger. It’ll be a moment of your life.

Now that you know how to how to get over someone cheating on you, it’s best to really focus on yourself and repair the damage that’s been done.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men

Dating in 2018 can be tricky, especially for women. Even though we have more options than ever at our fingertips (technology in the form of Tinder and other dating sites), the dating world can be a frustrating pool to wade around in. A lot of the time, women keep their guards up in order to properly filter through a sea of jerks that are swimming around out there, so much so that one surefire guard happens to be turning into a jerk herself. While, yes, this can keep the creepers at bay, it can mess with the psyche of the men who are actually good and decent.

Okay, yes, I get it – those are few and far in between it seems, but they ARE out there, and when women start using especially toxic dating manipulation tactics, it’s the nice men who can unknowingly become random collateral damage. Sure, we women like to go off about the men in our pasts who have burned us and tell people who THEIR tactics have hardened us. So, when we do it to others, while we’re trying to step back into the dating world again, we can’t see the damage we cause to the men who clearly AREN’T our idiot exes.

Here are 15 ways women’s manipulating dating tactics have an effect on the good guys.

 

15. Dangerous Tactics Can Give Them Low Self-Esteem

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Self esteem

Sometimes, if a woman has been burned before in the past while dating, it can knock her self-esteem down a few notches, and that can be one of the worst feelings in the world. So, sometimes, as a defense mechanism, a good woman will turn around and do the same thing to a different man after the fact. It’s not like she’s INTENTIONALLY attempting to break this new guy, it’s that she’s demonstrating what she’s technically been through herself. Now, this can work when it comes to absolute trash dudes, but if you do it to a good-natured man, it WILL have the same effect that it did on the woman – it will give him low self-esteem that can follow him around for a long while.

 

14. Trust Factors Fly Right Out The Window

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Trust

Trust is the key component in ANY relationship. EVER. If a woman happens to be manipulative in the dating phase of a relationship, she WILL be found out. It’s the same with anyone – man or woman – if you’re a manipulative rube, you will be discovered. And when you’re discovered, the trust is shattered. And we all know how long it takes to build that back up again. And even if a couple is able to, the structure in which the new trust is built upon is shaky at best. If a nice guy finds out that a woman is being manipulative at the start of a relationship, he will most likely forgive her, but it’s never forgotten, and the entire relationship will end up liquefying.

 

13. Cause Them To Have Intimacy Issues… Even Drive Them To Cheat

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Cheating

It’s one thing if a woman is coy and witty when dating – THAT’S a turn on. If she’s emotionally manipulative, that will come back and bite her in the rear. I know some women think it’s a quid-pro-quo thing if a man is that way to her, why can’t she be that way back to him? But if you manipulative the wrong type of man, it’s going to come full circle back. Once found out, this can drive them to have intimacy issues since they can probably never look at you the same way again. So what do they do? The worse case scenario is it drives them into the arms of someone else – someone who ISN’T manipulative and will treat them with respect without playing mind games.

 

12. They Can Shut Him Down Emotionally

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Emotional

Dating can be innocent enough, at least to someone who dates frequently. Sometimes, if one person is more invested than the other person, things can get out of hand pretty quickly. Feelings are overlooked and people start to get hurt. If a woman is playing the puppet master with a nice guy in the salad days of a relationship, eventually, the guy will figure it out. It may not be right at first, but the inevitable will come, and it will have some startling repercussions. Especially emotionally. If a woman is tugging at the heartstrings of a guy she’s only messing with, it will cause decent men to begin to shut down emotionally – first to everyone around them, and then to her. And that stuff will follow him from relationship to relationship.

 

11. Can Cause Him To Start Lying To Himself

Lies

In the beginning of a relationship, if a man is completely consumed by the woman he’s dating, he won’t BELEIVE that she’s manipulating him if she actually is. But there are stages to this: not believing she’s doing anything wrong is first, followed by realization and then not caring that she is. At least, that’s what he’ll tell himself. He’ll start lying to himself – telling himself that he doesn’t care. Pretty soon, he’ll start to believe his own lies and become numb. It’s a sad process, but it happens unfortunately to good guys. He doesn’t want to believe the girl he’s dating is manipulative and pretty soon, he’ll teach himself to not actually see it, which is more dangerous in itself. He thinks if he doesn’t believe it, it won’t be true, even though it’s staring him right in the face.

 

10. They Begin To Project

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Projecting

Now, we all know that men tend to project when THEY’RE doing something wrong. Say, if they’re cheating, or thinking about cheating, they’ll be the one to accuse THEIR partner of cheating because if they’re doing it (or thinking about it) their partner has to be doing the same thing. However, if they were once a decent guy who got caught up in a woman’s manipulative dating rouse, they’ll begin to project not only big things that they’re considering (oh, like cheating) but other things as well. You see, they’re actually the victim in this dangerous little game, but they won’t want to see themselves as such, so they start projecting HER as the victim, which, if a woman is cunning enough, will play right into.

 

9. He Can Begin Manipulating Himself

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Ah yes, the classic case of the student becoming the teacher. Yes, this can happen, and when it does, it’s usually at the hands of some karmic force coming back to bite us in the rear. Sometimes, a nice guy is just done being that – a nice guy (and no, I’m not talking about those dudes who claim that “all women like the bad boys why can’t they go after the nice guys like me” but are, in fact, whiners) if they discover they’re being manipulated by the woman he’s dating. So what do they do? Well, if they’re smart, they’ll start doing it right back. Now, I know that may seem like a match made in heaven, but if he truly is a nice guy, manipulating himself will leave a sour taste in his mouth and he’ll bail on the relationship.

 

8. Cause Them To Be Submissive (Or Weak)

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Weak

I have never been fond of submissive men – while I despise aggressive men, usually falling someone where in the middle of the spectrum is usually the best place to be. However, it takes one manipulative individual to break down a man emotionally, and leave him a shell of a man. And it takes a special sort of witch to do this in the beginning of a relationship and is able to break a man so quickly and effortlessly – even if she doesn’t mean to do so. Depending on the type of manipulation tactics performed (and yes, there is a great deal of them depending on the woman), a man’s head can be left spinning and strip him of any sort of willpower he has over himself. He’ll become submissive and at her beck and call.

 

7. They Can Allow Men To Act In Ways In Which They Normally Wouldn’t (You Know – Like A Moron)

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Moron

No one wants this. And why? Because there are enough male morons in the world today. Just look at Hollywood – Tinsel Town is in the middle of spring cleaning all their male morons out of the industry, and women are slowly starting to take over (yessssss, more of that please). Now, while those men acted on their own accord, stupidity, and masculinity, there are some impressionable men who, when in a relationship with a confusing and devious woman, he can start changing the way he acts… meaning, he starts to act like an idiot. Now, what type of idiot he starts to act like is entirely dependant on his personality ahead of time, but know this – no moron is a good moron. Be sure to keep that in mind, ladies.

 

6. Switch Their Taste In Women Altogether

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Taste

So when you first got with your guy, he was attracted to strong-willed, brilliant women? Oh, but what’s that? After the relationship faltered, he’s starting to date the bimbo type? The ones who giggle at everything and need to be rescued every five minutes whenever they get stuck inside a revolving door? There may be a reason for that. If a nice guy, who has always been drawn to intelligent women, gets burned by a smarty in some sort of manipulative fashion, it could possibly change his taste in women altogether. He’ll be drawn to the less complex because he believes they wouldn’t hurt him in the same, devastating way. The less complex, the less the chance the woman will be able to hurt him in a manipulative fashion.

 

5. They Can Start To Release Their Anger Randomly

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Anger

In a good relationship, two people start to reflect and project each other’s best qualities in one another. However, this usually comes after the dating phase of the relationship when the two know each other on a deeper level. However, if one party is manipulative, it will wear on the other person, and things can get pretty out of hand. If a guy dating someone who is even a little bit manipulative in her tactics, he won’t want to release his anger on her, so he’ll start taking it out on those around him, especially if he’s blinded by her. He’ll take it out on his friends and family, but not her – at least not yet. Frustration sets in and when it does, anger follows suit.

 

4. They Can Make Them Take Out Their Aggression On The Next Girl

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Aggression

So you managed to manipulate a guy at the beginning of your relationship (you know, the dating phase), but it just so happened he was a nice guy… or at least he started out as one, and now he’s starting to change a little bit for the worse. If a manipulation tactic you took with the nice guy you’re seeing happens to be the whole “be mentally aggressive” tactic, chances are, if you’re just looking for a fling to be flung, he’s going to attempt to do so with the next girl. And if it ended badly with you, he’s going to take out all his aggression on her. Nice guys can be impressionable at times and if he’s hurt to a point, he’s going to assume that EVERYONE is out to hurt him (like we women tend to at times) and his aggressive walls will go up.

 

3. Change Their Taste In… Movies And TV? Okay

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Nope

OH YES, THIS IS VERY POSSIBLE. Women are very interesting creatures who have powers beyond people’s (especially men’s) comprehension. And one of these powers happens to be… we can change the taste of movies/tv/music etc in a person we find desirable and who happen to find us desirable. It’s called being in a relationship. Though, if WE happen to be the ones who use our powers for evil instead of good, and happen to screw up a perfectly decent human being, we can end up changing a lot about them – including changing their taste in entertainment. If a manipulative woman is figured out by a nice guy, and the guy was burned, he won’t want to watch or do anything that reminds him of her. His tastes will start to change. Maybe that’s for the better if he was a Nickleback fan.

 

2. Change Their Train Of Thought (And Not Always For The Better)

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Thought

This happens more so with the more impressionable men: manipulative women have a power over men, especially when dating. It’s like they’re messing with their brains, which can have a lasting effect on them. If a woman who is skilled in the art of getting men to do her bidding gets her hands on an impressionable nice guy, she can change his way of thinking – and it’s never for the better. She can harden him into a brutal and all too real stone-like figure. This once nice guy who had a positive outlook on life has been tainted, and a shadow has fallen over his realm of thought – especially when it comes to other women. If you think this is a good thing, ladies – you’re out of your mind.

 

1. The Tactics Can Stop Men From Believing In Love Altogether

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Love

Being in a horrible relationship can have a lasting effect on a person and even ruin them for life. It literally changes everything – from how they see and act around other people, to how they see and act in the world itself. When our hearts and souls are messed with, it can rip us apart from the inside out. When we find out that we’re the victim of scheming while in the dating phase of a relationship, it hurts. Some men are just as vulnerable as women are whether we ladies want to believe it or not. If we happen to come out of a manipulative relationship and are the same way with the next guy, it can ruin him just as much as it ruined you. It can make them stop believing in love altogether. And yes, this happens more than one thinks.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 2pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly Facebook: phicklephilly