Church – 2013 to Present -Seizure Salad

I’m sitting in my go to bar with Church. It’s our spot and it’s what we do. He’s sipping a Sailor Jerry and Coke, and I’m having my usual Chardonnay with a side of ice. He orders a salad and I go with the sliders. There is a couple a few seats down from me to my right. I know the guy, his name is Brian, but I don’t know the lady he’s with so I wave but don’t approach. He could be working.

On the left of Church, is a brunette in her thirties and an older gentleman. Looks like a lawyer. We don’t really pay any attention. We’re chatting and doing our thing.

Daphne rolls behind the bar and says hello. She tells me it’s a slow night. Not much happening. She goes back to her hostess stand and it’s just another night in paradise.

Suddenly, the woman who was sitting to Church’s left, goes off the bar stool and hits the floor. Normally, I’d call that Thursday night.  We see so many banged up people around the city losing their shit. But this woman was having a seizure. People within visual range are shocked and the bar goes quiet.

I point to the phone on the wall, because the bartender on duty didn’t see one of her patrons suddenly vanish from the bar. “Liz, call 911.”

She starts dialing. Church, with his cat-like reflexes, springs into action and goes from sitting next to me sipping a drink to all the way around the other side of her on the floor holding her head to keep her steady. I get down there and untangle her leg from the lower rail of his bar stool. I have the legs. Church is focuses on the poor woman’s head. She’s thrashing about, and Church is barking commands to those around him. He’s literally single-handedly coordinating the effort to help save this poor woman, and keeping her from injuring herself further.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Church was formerly a Corpsmen in the United States Navy.

A Corpsman works in a wide variety of capacities and locations, including shore establishments such as naval hospitals and clinics, aboard ships, and as the primary medical caregivers for sailors while underway. Hospital corpsmen are frequently the only medical caregiver available in many fleet or Marine units on extended deployment. In addition, hospital corpsmen perform duties as assistants in the prevention and treatment of disease and injury and assist health care professionals in providing medical care to sailors and their families.

They may function as clinical or specialty technicians, medical administrative personnel and health care providers at medical treatment facilities. They also serve as battlefield corpsmen with the Marine Corps, rendering emergency medical treatment to include initial treatment in a combat environment. Qualified hospital corpsmen may be assigned the responsibility of independent duty aboard ships and submarines; Fleet Marine Service, SEAL and Seabee units, and at isolated duty stations where no medical officer is available.

Yea, pretty bad ass. That’s the guy you want next to you when somebody takes a header at your favorite bar.

She’s making what almost sounds like barking sounds, and staring wildly about. He’s got a good hold on her. He’s talking to her. But mostly he’s trying to keep her from bashing her face into the wooden wall of the bar. The bartender comes around, and some others have gathered. I grab a cloth napkin and ask if we need to put it in her mouth. I always heard that epileptics could bite or swallow their own tongues. Church says, no. He knows what he’s doing and has the situation well under control.

She seems to be calming down. I look over at the guy who was with her. He’s just standing there staring, and looking uncomfortable. The paramedics come and stabilize her. I feel so bad for her. It’s the holidays, and she’s out for a drinks and this horror befalls her. They get her onto the gurney and roll her out. The police are there and also ask some questions. Church is on point, he gives law enforcement the full report.

They also speak to the guy she came in with. He says he doesn’t know her very well. He met her over at DelFrisco’s steakhouse, and then brought her over here for a drink. That’s a big lawyer hang out. Not my scene. This guy didn’t do anything to help or comfort her when she had the seizure, and he didn’t go to the hospital with her. I don’t care if you just picked up the chick in a bar. Lady falls down, you go to the damn hospital with her. I’m thinking that weasel was married and didn’t want any problems. How would he explain to his wife that he was at the hospital with some other woman? I may be wrong, but I got the vibe something was definitely shady about that guy.

We go back to our seats at the bar and have another drink. Church is pissed because somebody was telling him to turn her head when she was foaming at the mouth and that’s not what you’re supposed to do. Me, I was just glad the lady was okay.

Daphne came over to chat and get a recap. I tell her what I know, and tease her.”You had to say it was a slow night and that nothing was happening, and look what you did, Daph…”

“I know, right? Me and my big mouth.”

Indeed…

 

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June – 9/2016 – Runs with Scissors

And here we are with yet another Tinder date. I chatted with June for only a short time before we exchanged numbers. We were texting for a bit and it was going well. She seemed fun and age appropriate. I have been trying to spend time with women in my age range but it’s been a struggle. If you read my last blog post, (Rebecca, Dark Wings of Destiny) you can tell that hasn’t been working all that well.

I was trying to figure out a day we could meet for a drink. I told her I was off on Saturdays so we could meetup then. She said that is usually the day she likes to wander, and I told her I enjoyed the same. She asked if I had a dog, and I told her I did not. She said she’d supply the dog. Whatever. But Saturday came and I didn’t hear anything. I reached out and she said she said she had already wandered and done her errands earlier in the day. In Rittenhouse no less! But I kind of didn’t care anyway. I was happy sipping a drink and watching Netflix at home by then.

We continued texting into the evening until finally she said she wanted to talk on the phone. I haven’t done that with anyone yet on Tinder and was a little apprehensive. Not that I mind talking on the phone, but I didn’t think it was necessary.

My phone rings and I miss the call. I call her right back and we connect. So we’re chatting away. I can tell she’s drinking which is not a bad thing. Loosens up the tongue. During our conversation she begins to tell me about her day. Apparently, she was standing on the edge of her bathtub cleaning the walls. She has one of those shower head attachments that can be removed and are connected to a flexible hose. She’s using the shower head to rinse down the shower walls and everything is getting wet. Well she loses her footing and begins to fall. Now, we have all heard about accidents in the home, and people falling in their bathrooms having bad injuries and even death. So she slips off the tub edge and slams butt first onto or into the toilet. I don’t know what her bathroom layout is but the commode must be in close proximity to the tub. It sort of breaks her fall but when she hit it she broke the tank. Water goes everywhere. The shower head is also still running. The tank immediately evacuates its contents onto the floor. Good thing that’s where the clean water is located! She is in a great deal of pain but thankfully didn’t hit her head. She scrambles to her feet and manages to get the shower turned off and then goes for the wall spigot behind the toilet. She cranks that shut and the water stops. What a mess! But she is okay and escapes with only a bruise on her backside. But it’s a nasty bruise. (She later showed me a pic) The whole thing is a bit funny and harrowing but she is okay. It could have been a lot worse.

So the conversation is going well and I’m really enjoying it. She is smart, and funny. It’s a lively chat. I’ll bear that in mind in the future. June tells me that people can sound great in text and once you get them on the phone they fall flat. Why didn’t I think of this? In this modern world where everyone texts and does loads of social media, people don’t have the conversation skills anymore. But once you get someone on the phone, it’s a great way to screen out the people who can’t hold a solid conversation. Better to find out someone is a dullard before you’re stuck out in public with them on a date. So I may pull this move in the future.

She tells me she wants to meet up that night. I tell her, it’s 9pm and I’m down to a T-shirt and a pair of shorts and I’m not getting back into uniform for anyone. She says: “Oh, you’re a fuddy duddy.”

If she only knew…

She says she’s been invited to go see some band play at some place on Van Pelt Street at 10pm. Again, I thank her for the invite and tell her I’m not going. Had it been Rebecca, I would already be at Van Pelt waiting for her. I’m such a fickle asshole. She’s drinking more and so am I and it’s really going well. She’s a spitfire and a blast to talk to. I tell her I’m available Sunday after 4pm and we agree to meet for a drink. So the drinking and chatting goes on and on. Now she’s smoking marijuana as well. She decides that she’s rather talk to me on the phone than go see this band on Van Pelt. I’m surprisingly enjoying our conversation and am looking forward to meeting her. She sounds super fun. I learned a lot about her in that conversation. She has two children, a boy and a girl. She was married for many years  and it ended long ago, and was in a relationship for 7 years after that with some man who cheated on her and left. Or so I thought. But as the truth serum she was gulping down took hold, the truth was revealed. Apparently this other woman was someone they invited into their bed for a three-way. I suppose June’s boyfriend took a liking to their little plaything and ran off with her. June described the girl as younger, fat and covered in tattoos. This all sounds gross to me, but who am I to judge the dalliances of others. I can tell June is a very sexual woman, which is fine. At her age she should be over all of her mind and body issues. She’s drunk and horny. I think this gal has led a wild life. But I like that. I have had a very colorful, action packed adventurous life, and I like people who have had the same. It creates a rich history for a person and they are always more interesting. But, at some point well into the call she simply falls asleep on the phone. I’m like; “Hello? June? Are you there?”

Crickets.

I hang up and look at the length of the call on my phone. We were chatting for 4 hours and 30 minutes! I’m stunned. I’ve never been on the phone that long. (That I can remember) I head off to bed.

The Date

Sunday morning around 8:30am I get a text from her that says simply: “Good Morning.” I have a bunch of stuff to do so I don’t respond. Not to be rude, but I have to get ready and I don’t want to start another all day conversation until I have the time. Around 11:00am I respond, with: “Hello.” She responds at 4:45pm with: “What a lovely day!” Of course I go with my main objective: “Are we meeting for a drink?” She says: “You would think after a four-hour call I would retain details.” Well, she did fall asleep at the end. So I go again with: “Are we meeting for a drink?” She says yes and when? I tell her I am available now. She says she has to wait for her daughter to come pick up the dog and asks if after 6pm would work. I tell her that’s fine. (It would be about an hour from now) So I head to Square 1682 and grab a cider and chat with the bartender and servers.

At 6:15 she tells me she is on her way. She rolls in around 6:30. Here’s the thing. She’s 5’2″ and sturdy. I like tall and short women. I prefer tall because it translates to a longer leg factor. But a petite woman can be just as beautiful. It makes no difference to me. But I realize compared to her photos, this woman before me doesn’t measure up. Hands tell a great deal about a person. June rode horses her whole life. Her hands are strong. Stronger than mine. In her Tinder pics you never get a really good clear shot of her face. She looks like there has been quite a bit of mileage on this one. She has a bit of a nose thing happening too. Normally I like a girl with an interesting proboscis, but hers just looks masculine.  Not horrible, but a little rough. Aged. She’s a fun girl but just not attractive enough.

So we hang out and we’re having a good time chatting and drinking and laughing at the bar. She would be a good girl to have as a friend that maybe you occasionally fool around with, but I can’t see me pursuing her. Which kind of sucks. I mean… I’m already struggling to feel energy for Valerie. (Valerie – Love Me Tinder) Maybe June could hang as a friend to drink with at some good dives. She said she liked going to places like that. I would dig that as well.

Okay, so maybe I’ll keep her around and we’ll see what happens. But girlfriend is off the table.

We decide to wrap it up at Square 1682 after a couple of hours. The bill comes and again, the wallet comes out but she never pulls out her card. And forgive me dear readers, but after two incidents like this with Valerie, and the fact that this woman is not really that hot, I say…”Little help?”

I see what appear to be credit cards in the wallet but she goes for cash and it looks like it’s only seven or eight dollars. It’s 2016. Going out and drinking and eating like Gods is very expensive in this town. Even my much younger ex-girlfriend always kicked in unless I insisted I pay. (Future post: Anabelle Lee) So I feel bad and a little suspicious at this point so I take like $5 from her and pay the damn bill. I’m not cheap. I’m a very generous man. But in this day and age we all need to help. But I will give you this little spoiler. The very next night, I had a date with a different lady and I paid for her two drinks and her fare home. Sadly, you’ll see another aspect as to why Phicklephilly really is the perfect name for this column. I’m really learning a lot about myself. Try writing down everything you’re up to. it’s eye-opening, enlightening, and most of all funny.

So we leave the bar and she says she lives down in Washington Square. We walk south to Pine and say goodnight. We kiss. It’s sexual. Not your standard goodnight smooch. Some one who sucks on your tongue on your first date digs you. (It wasn’t me who did that) So I know based on our 4 hour drunken conversation and this vibe, it would be effortless for me to close this bit of work. But as Ian Gillam says in the Deep Purple song, “It’s not the kill… It’s the thrill of the chase.”

And damn it if I don’t love that part. So I may hang again with June again, but it will be in the afternoon at McGlinchey’s drinking $2 wines and smoking cigarettes.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday at 9am EST.

I publish new Dating content every Monday at 9am EST. I publish Updates and bios and stories about related characters, such as male and female friends and acquaintances on Wednesdays at 9am EST.

Welcome to Phicklephilly

This blog is about my life here in Philadelphia, people I meet, and the experiences I’ve had with them. Mostly women. I’m a gentleman, but I’ve been told I’m very fickle. My goal is to bring you the best dating and relationship content I can.

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Eliana

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June

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Mary

Michelle

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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