The Best Opening Message To Send On Tinder Is Foolproof — Here’s Your Guide To Using It

The only thing harder than writing your Tinder bio? Choosing your opening line. You only get one chance to get a match to reply, so if you find yourself typing, “Hi,” or “How are you” then you might want to tap that backspace key. A clever or thoughtful opener is far more likely to get a reply, and though I graduated from Tinder five years ago (and recently married the man I met on the app), I like to think that my old go-to opener is still a winner. What’s the best opening message to send on Tinder, you ask? Asking their opinion on a topical debate is the way to go.

The problem with using “Hi” and “How are you?” as conversation openers is that — besides being totally lazy — there’s little opportunity for your match to engage with you. Sure, you might get a half-hearted reply. For most potential matches, however, that opener won’t inspire a response from your matches (or at least not an interesting one). Not to state the obvious, but your opener should allow your match is open up, and since nothing sparks Twitter engagement quite like a viral dispute, why not try the same technique on Tinder?

Alberto Bogo/Stocksy

Now when I say “topical,” I don’t mean anything involving politics, religion, money, or any other potentially contentious subjects. You may value your match’s opinion on the current political climate above all else, but if you jump into something too personal or sensitive too soon, you risk alienating (i.e. freaking out) your match. By topical, I mean whatever hilariously random debate that currently has the internet in a tizzy. From the “black-and-blue versus white-and-gold dress” debate to the “Yanny versus Laurel” conundrum, the internet provides endless fodder for Tinder openings, and it would be a missed opportunity not to take advantage.

“So have you done the Ice Bucket Challenge yet or do you refuse to succumb to peer pressure?”

“Do you love pretending to care about soccer whenever the World Cup comes around or do you hate on the fake fans?”

“Yes or no: Would you see Sharknado 2 in theaters with me?”

Some of my matches gave lame responses, but the ones who engaged actually helped stimulate some pretty great conversations.

Stocksy/Saptak Ganguly

So what would work nowadays? Here are a few responses I’ve come up with for friends looking to stand out in a match’s inbox.

1. “Where do you stand: Did you believe Daenerys Targaryen was always destined to go mad, or did you sign the petition to remake Game of Throne‘s last season?”

2. “Which celebrity had the most epic cameo in Taylor Swift’s ‘You Need to Calm Down’ video? Go!”

3. “I’m taking a poll: Do you take the time to wash your legs in the shower?”

4. “Disney’s live action remakes: Yea or nay?”

5. “Which Jonas Brother and J-Sister pairing do you ship the most and why?”

6. “Crinkle-cut, curly, wedge, or waffle — what’s your fry type?”

7. “I’m curious: Would you kick Mick Mulaney out of the room for coughing?”

8. “OK, do you think over 30 million people have watched Murder Mystery on Netflix, or are you calling BS?”

Sure, your match may not be as up-to-date on pop culture as you are, but even if they have no clue what you’re talking about, I feel pretty confident that you’ll get a response regardless.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Advertisements

Handful of Dates – Part 5

Mentally Ill –  This story is a bit sad. I was on the internet on a Saturday morning around 9 am and on some dating sites you can IM the person live if they are on. I get my first live IM ever and start talking to this girl. She is not at all bad looking. She asked what I was doing today, and I said nothing. She then asked if I wanted to hang out. She was only two miles away from where I lived and since I wasn’t doing anything, I said sure. I should of talked to her more or over the phone.

Someone dropped her off in a large white van. It turns out she lived in a group home and suffered from severe head trauma from a car accident she had when she was 17 and the passenger died. She had seizures, and had to be watched, but was allowed to do normal things day to day, even meeting guys on dating sites. She was very clingy and after a few hours of hanging out she flat out asked if I would have sex with her.

I can tell it has been a long time for her and she was extremely lonely, but she also has normal women desires. Now I felt kind of bad and almost went through with it out of sympathy. I thought, “hmmm if I was handicapped and a girl offered me sex out of sympathy I would of probably jump on it”.

I’m glad I DID NOT go through with it because after the date she called and texted me constantly. Also the text were, I cant wait to have your kids, we should go away together to Hawaii, I can’t wait to feel you inside me, I almost had to change my number because  these messages went on for a few weeks.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

This Is The Difference Between Casual Hookups & Casual Relationships, According To Experts

It can be near impossible to know what to call the person you’re “seeing” (read: sleeping with) but not really “dating” (read: attending family functions with). Are they your boo? Your date? Your “special friend?” The difference between casual hookups and casual relationships can be super #confusing and couple-specific. If your life resembles a hookup-turns-to-LTR rom-com (like Friends With Benefitsor No Strings Attached), you may have seamlessly transitioned from sleeping with someone here and there, to going to their work parties and being featured on their *public* Insta (that’s dating, right?). But if your life is anything like mine, “Sleeping With Someone For Four Months Without Ever DTRing, So You Have No Clue What’s Happening” would undoubtedly be a lengthy chapter in your memoir.

“Both casual relationships and hookups are designed to stay compartmentalized and not have the burden of commitment on either partner,” Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method, tells Elite Daily. “A causal relationship is a physical and emotional relationship without the commitment, labels, or demands of a committed relationship. A casual hookup is a sexual relationship that only exists for fulfilling sexual needs.”

Whether you slept with a cutie one time and have no intentions of doing it again or you plan on getting frisky often but are set in keeping things purely physical, you may be clear on the fact that you’re in a casual hookup situation. “Usually it is a purely sexual/physical relationship where there are no relational strings attached,” Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, and well-being coach says. A casual hookup can be a relationship based in getting it on with a boo, without any other expectations. “This is a hookup buddy or a FWB situation — a person in your life you can text at any hour (typically late night) and hookup,” Relationship Coach Nina Rubin says. “You know each other well enough for sex or to hookup but you don’t typically date or make plans.” If you have no interest in going to the museum with your ~special friend~ or meeting their mom, having a casual hookup could be a sexy and fun way to get your physical needs met. Of course, navigating a strictly hookup situation can get a little sticky if one party starts to want more than the physical stuff, “The difference for hookups are that sometimes one partner is hoping that the relationship evolves into something beyond just sexual satisfaction,” Silva says. Still, if you and your boo are clear on what you want from your sexy time together, keeping your relationship purely physically may be ideal for you.

Of course, if you slept with a cutie and then kind of kept sleeping with them (without talking about your long-term plans with them) or if you’re ultimately interested in more than just sex — it may be hard to establish exactly what the heck is going on. “Usually, in any kind of ‘relationship,’ you are doing more together than just hooking up or being physical,” Melamed says. “A casual relationship is one in which the obligations that the couple have to one and other may be looser (i.e. don’t attend family holidays, work events, or anything else ‘couple-y’), but there are moments when you spend time together outside just hooking up.”

If you like to go on dates but you’re not trying to be exclusive, or if you enjoy spending time together but haven’t established anything more than that, you may be more in the “casual dating” territory. “This is a dating relationship that doesn’t have to lead to anything. You and your companion enjoy activities and spending time together, but are not trying to take the relationship ‘to the next level,'” Rubin says. Of course, ‘the next level’ means something different for everyone. If you’ve only been in more hookup situations, going on a literal “date” could be a step. If you’ve been “casually seeing” someone, asking to be exclusive could take things to a new level.

According to the experts, there are a number of factors that can distinguish a casual hookup from a casual relationship. “I think the biggest difference is time of day! (Ha!) Actually, a difference is that the casual hookup usually is just about the physical connection,” Rubin says. Your hookup may be turning into a casual relationship, “When you start to like each other or make plans to get together,” Rubin says. From making special plans for activities to do with them to hanging out without having sex — a casual relationship can mean you and your date are open to more than just having sex.

From wanting to see your person during the day to solely sticking to bed-bound hangouts, the nature of your dates may inform the nature of your relationships. “The biggest difference between hookup and dating is the emotional attachment and intent you had about the person from the beginning of your arrangement. A hookup can progress into something more when there are mutual feelings involved,” Silva says.

Of course, if you’re unsure about where your boo is at, or what you and your special friend are doing, it’s totally natural to feel confused or a little stressed about the whole situation. According to Melamed, the best thing to do is to communicate frequently about what’s going on. “The mistake many people make in these more casual arrangements is not talking about the relationship and the what the parameters are. These relationships usually get messy when someone thinks there are ‘more’ or ‘less’ obligations to one and other when no conversation has transpired,” Melamed says. If you’ve ever tried to sit down with the person you’ve been sleeping with for four months to flush out “what you are,” you may already know how challenging it can be (I’m stressed just thinking about it).

If you’ve started to catch feelings or you’ve realized you’re not totally equipped for something casual, it may feel overwhelming to discuss what you need from your boo or how your intentions with them have evolved. “People tend to avoid these discussions because they are afraid they will be asked for something they can’t or don’t want to deliver,” Melamed says. While it may seem intimidating, according to Melamed, the moment of discomfort can be worth it in the long run as it can combat some major pain or bigger issues down the line. “In the most positive and productive way, the two of you talk about it and decide together. In the least productive and potentially harmful way, one person decides and expects the other person to step up in a way that they aren’t even aware is expected of them,” Melamed says.

If you’ve started to feel more serious about your casual relationship, you may start to feel a little resentful or angry when your boo isn’t reciprocating. If you got into something a little more casual than you wanted, and you’re struggling to communicate your needs to your date because you feel the pressure to “be chill” or “not demanding” about what you actually want (my brand), it may be worthwhile to check in with yourself about what you’re feeling.

“If your intent from the beginning was to use sex as a screener for a relationship and the other person felt completely comfortable just keeping it physical, you may have to evaluate why you want to pursue a one-sided relationship,” Silva says. Going along in a relationship you’re not totally fulfilled with, hoping that it will one day become what you want, can set you up for some major heartache. Although talking to your boo can’t guarantee that they’re feeling the same way you are, it can help clarify whatever the heck it is that they are feeling, and can help you navigate the best way to move forward.

You deserve the type of relationship you want, whether it’s super exclusive and serious or really open and casual. From hooking up to dating to literally walking down the aisle, if you’re confused about what you’re doing with your boo at anystage — it may be time to talk to them about it. Although it may seem scary to DTR, the clarity can ultimately help you get what you deserve and want from love. Remember: Prioritizing your own wellbeing is nothing to keep casual.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

More crazy online dating profiles!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly      Facebook: phicklephilly   twitter: @phicklephilly

Maureen – Finance Manager – Part 1

I matched with Maureen on Bumble. Let’s take a look at her profile.

Maureen, 24

(Okay. Clearly something’s wrong from the start. This woman in her photos is not 24 years of age. She’s at least in her 40’s. But I’m sure it’s just a typo.)

Finance Manager

Location

PHILADELPHIA

About

Easy going, adventurous, generous, an excellent friend, very bright, witty and a whole lot of fun, with a great smile. A good listener, companionable, accomplished, cook extraordinaire and definitely glass half full. Thanks to my friends for the above comments about me.

 

Seems nice enough.

Because it’s Bumble, ladies go first. So if she doesn’t message me on the app in 24 hours, the match will expire.

But sure enough, she does.

“Hello – In addition to your nice blue eyes, I also enjoy to laugh a lot. What do you like to do in your spare time? I look forward to chatting!”

“Hello Mary! Thank you for the compliment you seem lovely as well. I enjoy socializing when I’m not working and writing.”

“Socializing sounds good – I like times with friends, entertaining, celebrations. I see we are both in Philadelphia. I think it would be worth our while to chat. When is good for you to connect?”

(Wow. She got right to the point. This lady’s not wasting any time.)

“Lunch next week?”

“Charles – ok, how does next Thursday 2/1 or Friday 2/2 work for you? – Mary”

(At this point I must have gotten distracted or busy with work because she reaches out again on 1/31)

“Charles – I am not sure if you got my message. Would you still like to have lunch? Does Thursday Feb 1 or Monday Feb 5 work for you – Mary”

(On Feb 2 I get back to her. I don’t know what took me so long. Could be that she’s really pushing hard early for a date.)

“Sorry Maureen. Death in the family.” (Bold faced lie.) Could you do a drink at Square 1682 on 2/5?”

“Sure, Charles. Monday as proposed works for me. Let’s get on the phone very briefly for details.”

(Why do we have to talk on the phone? She seems pushy.)

(On the 5th Maureen messages me again.)

“I am confirming that I will meet you for a drink at 8:30pm tonight at Square 1682.”

(I’m really being a dick here. I didn’t get back to her. What’s wrong with me? Am I becoming like my shitty dates?”)

“Since I have not heard back from you, I am assuming tonight may not work for you. So let me know if you would like to meet another time for a drink. – Mary”

(I don’t get back to her until the 7th. I really suck on this one. She’s been more that patient with my loser ass.)

“I’m sorry Maureen. What does your Saturday look like. Also here’s my number, 267-555-1212.”

(February 8th I reach out again. Maybe I’ve lost her with all my jerking around.)

“Saturday after 5?”

“Sure. Sounds fine. I texted you.”

“And I texted you back, dear. (smiley emoji)”

(Now we switch over to actual texting)

“Charles Saturday evening is fine to meet in person – Center City, I imagine. Do you have a preferred place? Look forward to meeting. Mary from Bumble.”

(She certainly is thorough. But I have been a piece of shit through all of this.)

“Let’s meet at Marathon at 16th and Sansom at 6pm.”

“Sounds fine. See you then.”

“Great. Looking forward to meeting you.”

 

(So today at 11:00am I texted her again.)

“Still good for 6pm at Marathon today?”

“Yep.”

“Great.”

(So we’ll see how it goes tonight. I will be leaving the salon in about 20 minutes from now. I should get to Marathon around the corner. I’ll get there probably at 5:15. Which gives me a 30 to 45 minute window to smoke a post work celebratory cig and then have a Bulliet rye Manhattan straight up at the bar to decompress before my first meeting with Maureen.

So if she shows up, (I’m sure she will) They’re be a chapter 2 on Thursday!

See you later!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly          Facebook: phicklephilly      twitter: @phicklephilly

Worst Online Dating Profile Examples: What Not to Say

App dating is brutal. Your likability is determined by a few photos and a brief bio that can’t be too generic or overly quirky. Striking the right balance is tough, and sometimes you may seem downright annoying.

So what shouldn’t you say? For starters, never claim to be the “CEO of [LastName] Industries,” as your job title, according to a recent Reddit thread. One user asked the community to describe the “bitchiest, most pretentious/entitled” online dating bios they’ve encountered, and people had a lot of opinions.

Singletons also hate when you write, “Studied at: School of Hard Knocks.” Just admit you grew up in a suburb.

If you want matches, avoid touting that you’re “fluent in sarcasm” or “always the smartest person in the room.” Redditors agree that people who think their IQs rival, well, everyone, are pretty dumb.

“Only idiots think they’re always the smartest person in the room,” one person replied. If you think you’re the smartest person in the room, you are either mistaken, or you’re in the wrong room,” a dater chimed in.

Although everyone knows dating sucks, it’s a good idea to remain optimistic–at least in your profile.

Guys, females hate when you write, ‘“Prove to me that this app works’ or ‘prove to me that not all women are…,'” according to a post. “Like. Get out of here. I don’t owe you anything buddy,” one woman wrote.

Men, you’re not alone in side eyeing height and salary requirements on a girl’s profile. Plenty of dudes list this among the most obnoxious line.

And finally, there are two words that should never appear in anyone’s profile: “No drama!”

“Usually means they are just full of it,” commented one dater. “They just don’t want you to bring your own and sully theirs.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Kita – Chapter 24 – The Trends and The Ends

My father used to say that a man that could sit in a room by himself was a man that was truly at peace.

My lovely sprite strolled into the salon on Tuesday.

“I ended it with Steve today.”

At that moment I couldn’t be happier. This guy sucks. He’s a child that doesn’t know the sweet girl he has in his grasp. Of course he’s going to squander it. Just like the girls in my life that have dumped me in the past. They have this beautiful elegant diamond and they drop it in to the dirt.  (See: Annabelle – 2013 to 2014 – Nice to Meet You)  It’s textbook.  Cool people like me and Kita meet these people looking for love and peace and we make bad choices. We think these people will be like us and the backgrounds don’t match. We work hard and we shouldn’t have to. Love should be easy. Like between me Cherie.

It should just flow. I know I sound like a hypocrite now, but bear with me. This is phicklephilly. I have an amazing girlfriend but she is absent. I love that but I enjoy the company of all of these other women. How can I say no to a 21 year old smoking hot Asian baby?

I’m not doing anything wrong. Cherie and I have no contract. If she found out about this she would be broken hearted and dump me for sure, but that’s not happening. I have compartmentalized my life. Some of my readers will disagree with this move but hear me out.

No one is being hurt. I love Cherie. When I walk down the street with her I think WIFE. I shouldn’t have to sell this to any of you. I am loyal to her. But my heart is enormous and I get my energy from people.

I love to be alone and am one of the few that understands that. Most people can’t do that. I have always been able to disappear into my comic books, music and art alone and be completely happy.

My father used to say that a man that could sit in a room by himself was a man that was truly at peace.

I’d like to think that he could do that. He used to go to the basement and listen to his music and read his books and vanish into that. I know he was a tortured soul that could never get his head around what was wrong with him, but he tried to find solace in his alone time.

I know it.

I get my energy from people but my alone time is where I recharge Charles to be that guy you love hanging out with. Performance comes at a price, people. Do you really think I could do that at the level I could do them as a million dollar producer everywhere I go?

No. That shit comes from low self esteem and a need to combat your depression and anxiety so that you can go forward in your life. You feel worthless for many years in your life. More than most. Your siblings don’t understand. There’s no way they can see the world of pain you live in. It doesn’t exist in their world. But in your life you are paralyzed and in pain all of the time. Your life is a dark sphere of sadness and fear.

All you want is for someone pretty to talk to you. You draw pictures they might like. You pick up the guitar hoping to express your pain in music instead of violence. Your temper is bad when you’re young. Because you’re pissed off at your situation at being a victim your whole childhood. But you don’t offend like the bullies in your life. That’s the boys in the neighborhood. That comes at the end of your fathers’s words and hand. You feel the searing pain of a prison you can’t escape from. You can never escape. But someday you will. You will walk out of that shithole.

You learned a lot in the shadow of your sadness. But with no drugs and no therapy you fixed yourself. You cobbled together the best Frankenstein you could with what you had left.

You’re a sunny person. You meet other sunny people in your life. You embrace them.

The sunniest person you’ve recently met is little Kita.

She’s beautiful. Fragile. Good. Kind. You embrace her and just want to be near her.

You’re old motherfucker. You’re 55. She’s 21 you pig.

She keeps coming to you. Spending hours at the salon. She drinks your advice. You’ve taken her out to dinner.

Yet you resist.

She’s a confused young girl. Just off a three year dress rehearsal with a foolish boy who needs to grow up, and then rebounding into another blue collar loser.

Kita tells me about her time with Steve.

It’s awful.

Who is raising these new minor asshole boys?

She sits in the salon telling me about their courtship. She would hang at his house and watch Netflix. His friends are always around and he loves working on cars and she sits around bored while he works on car. He smells like a garage.

He never took her out. I can smell the failure here. Never took her on an actual date. No lunch. No dinner. No movies. Nothing. What a loser.

She’s just sitting there as he works on his car.

He was just a rebound bad decision.

I am saving her family from this loser asshole. So young.

It’s the new now. These fools can send a message to lovely girls and get their attention after their relationships have failed with other dudes. All on some some hollow, social media dating profile.

Vulnerable girl is so wounded and she takes the bait. Here she comes. Then she tries to heal herself with you. You send out your best representative and off you go. Romance ensues. Then she gets to know you and you fuck it up because you’re a mess you poor boy.

You have the lovely perfect girlfriend that we all want and you take a shit on that because you’re a moron.

I am appalled by this behavior and absolutely amazed that you would actually do that to a lovely gentle girl.

She’s so beautiful… how could you lose her?

But off you go with your destruction… thank you for making room for the big sharks to come in and spend time with this pretty baby. I stand back on my mountain and can’t believe my good fortune.

Steve….. even at your young age I feel bad for you. Big old great white shark is about to snatch your baby seal from you.

You can’t even even see it coming you little boy… But Kita is going to Dave an Busters with me and I’m going to kiss her and eventually more. Sorry dude. That’s the universe unfolding as it should.

To the victors go the spoils.

 

It’s Wednesday and I miss Cherie, but I miss Kita too. I love Cherie. I do. But I think about with my time with Kita. Hate me if you want but I love Cherie. She rocks and she’s the girl I want to end with. But come on…Kita is hot as hell. I can’t resist her. Little Asian baby that could destroy my life. Why wouldn’t want that? I’m so torn.

I love Cherie. I would marry her. She is absolutely amazing.

Then there’s Kita.

I want Kita

I’m so fickle.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday.

Instagram: @phicklephilly     Facebook: phicklephilly   twitter: @phicklephilly