“Experts say these things may help prepare you for the long haul of marriage.”
Building a strong foundation for marriage or another long-term committed relationship doesn’t happen in an instant. There are certain experiences couples go through over time that help them understand each other on a deeper level.
“We date and spend time together to figure out if a person is right for us, but time together is important also because the experiences that we have together build a bond, piece by piece,” marriage and family therapist Becky Whetstone told HuffPost. “The bonds are what helps the relationship withstand good times and bad.”
So ideally, what things should a couple go through together before taking a walk down the aisle? We asked marriage experts for their suggestions. (Note that what’s listed below are just that — suggestions. Every relationship is different, so this is by no means a be-all, end-all checklist.)
1. Take a big trip together.
“Whether you opt for a road trip across the U.S. or spend a few weeks backpacking through Southeast Asia, you need to see how it feels to truly rely on your partner when navigating novel experiences together. How do they cope with challenges like a flat tire or being immersed in a society without the ability to communicate in English? Are they able to roll with the punches and stay positive, or do they get pessimistic, moody or unreliable? This can be a litmus test for how they deal with the challenges that will arise later in life.” ― Spencer Scott, psychologist
2. Successfully resolve a big argument.
“Can you talk about things in a mutually respectful way? Can you communicate and collaborate without shutting down, attacking, blaming or getting defensive if you don’t immediately get your way? Or can you notice such reactions and then take a breath, step back, soothe yourself and continue the conversation? Can you arrive at some solution that feels okay to both of you? Facing and working through differences and conflicts creates an important foundation for your relationship going forward. If you can’t deal with conflicts at some point during dating, then how can you expect to deal with inevitable conflicts that arise in even the best relationships after marriage?” ― John Amodeo, marriage and family therapist and author of Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships
3. Have an in-depth conversation about your childhoods and family histories.
“Understand who your partner is and what they believe in. Spend time understanding one another’s history, learn about their family, what they loved and didn’t love along the way. Are they open or closed off? Do they believe they should put their parents above the marriage? What do they value and believe in? The more you know and understand about each other, the more solid your relationship will be.” ― Becky Whetstone
4. Make a shared budget and stick to it.
“Finances are the No. 1 reason partners who share a household fight. Before commitment, you need to know if you can rely on your partner to stay true to a budget and effectively manage your shared pool of money. It might be a good idea to start small, like agreeing how much money you want to spend as a couple one weekend, then trying to have fun within that set limit.” ― Spencer Scott
5. Hit a rough patch — like a job loss, health scare or other stressful event — and come out the other side.
“It’s easy to love when things are going well. However, it’s the thunderstorms and difficulties that arise that show us if the relationship is based on real love or infatuation. Ultimately, in every relationship, frustrations happen, storms arise and our unhealed wounds come out of the shadows for healing. It is important to have a ‘rough waters’ game plan when the inevitable problems, fears, anger or regressions hit. Nothing builds trust more than a good storm. That’s when you learn what you are made of, how secure the relationship really is, and how committed you both are. When it gets tough, do you fall apart, run away or hold hands and talk it out?” ―Sheri Meyers, marriage and family therapist
“Couples need to take the time to learn from someone who solidly understands the dynamics [of communication in a relationship]. The goal is to be able to transmit and receive messages in a way that remains respectful and doesn’t damage the relationship. This sounds easy and simple, but it isn’t ― especially when people are sensitive and tend to get feelings hurt or take things personally.” ― Whetstone
7. Live together.
“You’ll be able to find out how you live together, how compatible and how tolerant you can be toward one another. Sharing a living space will help you figure out what annoys and upsets you in regard to your differences, needs and priorities and whether the two of you can manage and accept them. Also, when you live together, you realize the importance of teamwork and respect while dealing with chores and responsibilities.
Managing shared lives is much more difficult than managing life by yourself. Through the experience of living together, you get to know your partner and yourself better. You are forced to develop boundaries, intimacy and relationship skills and hopefully you move toward personal growth.” ― Moshe Ratson, marriage and family therapist
8. Go through a sexual rut. Then be willing to talk about it.
“While it’s natural for couples to experience peaks and valleys in their sex lives, when a valley happens or stays too long, hurt, disappointments and rejection creep in. If your partner is starting to feel more like a roommate than a lover, this is a prime opportunity to come together and talk truth, all masks off about your desires, turn-ons and sexual expectations. How much sexual contact do you both want? What makes you feel connected and intimate? What are you going to do on the ‘off’ days? What do you each need to feel desired? How much experimentation is allowed?
“Look at ways to keep it fresh and stretch your comfort zone. Creating some conscious strategies early on will eliminate some of the disappointment that occurs when the sexual excitement shifts or goes temporarily dormant.”
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Dating in 2018 can be tricky, especially for women. Even though we have more options than ever at our fingertips (technology in the form of Tinder and other dating sites), the dating world can be a frustrating pool to wade around in. A lot of the time, women keep their guards up in order to properly filter through a sea of jerks that are swimming around out there, so much so that one surefire guard happens to be turning into a jerk herself. While, yes, this can keep the creepers at bay, it can mess with the psyche of the men who are actually good and decent.
Okay, yes, I get it – those are few and far in between it seems, but they ARE out there, and when women start using especially toxic dating manipulation tactics, it’s the nice men who can unknowingly become random collateral damage. Sure, we women like to go off about the men in our pasts who have burned us and tell people who THEIR tactics have hardened us. So, when we do it to others, while we’re trying to step back into the dating world again, we can’t see the damage we cause to the men who clearly AREN’T our idiot exes.
Here are 15 ways women’s manipulating dating tactics have an effect on the good guys.
15. Dangerous Tactics Can Give Them Low Self-Esteem
Sometimes, if a woman has been burned before in the past while dating, it can knock her self-esteem down a few notches, and that can be one of the worst feelings in the world. So, sometimes, as a defense mechanism, a good woman will turn around and do the same thing to a different man after the fact. It’s not like she’s INTENTIONALLY attempting to break this new guy, it’s that she’s demonstrating what she’s technically been through herself. Now, this can work when it comes to absolute trash dudes, but if you do it to a good-natured man, it WILL have the same effect that it did on the woman – it will give him low self-esteem that can follow him around for a long while.
14. Trust Factors Fly Right Out The Window
Trust is the key component in ANY relationship. EVER. If a woman happens to be manipulative in the dating phase of a relationship, she WILL be found out. It’s the same with anyone – man or woman – if you’re a manipulative rube, you will be discovered. And when you’re discovered, the trust is shattered. And we all know how long it takes to build that back up again. And even if a couple is able to, the structure in which the new trust is built upon is shaky at best. If a nice guy finds out that a woman is being manipulative at the start of a relationship, he will most likely forgive her, but it’s never forgotten, and the entire relationship will end up liquefying.
13. Cause Them To Have Intimacy Issues… Even Drive Them To Cheat
It’s one thing if a woman is coy and witty when dating – THAT’S a turn on. If she’s emotionally manipulative, that will come back and bite her in the rear. I know some women think it’s a quid-pro-quo thing if a man is that way to her, why can’t she be that way back to him? But if you manipulative the wrong type of man, it’s going to come full circle back. Once found out, this can drive them to have intimacy issues since they can probably never look at you the same way again. So what do they do? The worse case scenario is it drives them into the arms of someone else – someone who ISN’T manipulative and will treat them with respect without playing mind games.
12. They Can Shut Him Down Emotionally
Dating can be innocent enough, at least to someone who dates frequently. Sometimes, if one person is more invested than the other person, things can get out of hand pretty quickly. Feelings are overlooked and people start to get hurt. If a woman is playing the puppet master with a nice guy in the salad days of a relationship, eventually, the guy will figure it out. It may not be right at first, but the inevitable will come, and it will have some startling repercussions. Especially emotionally. If a woman is tugging at the heartstrings of a guy she’s only messing with, it will cause decent men to begin to shut down emotionally – first to everyone around them, and then to her. And that stuff will follow him from relationship to relationship.
11. Can Cause Him To Start Lying To Himself
In the beginning of a relationship, if a man is completely consumed by the woman he’s dating, he won’t BELEIVE that she’s manipulating him if she actually is. But there are stages to this: not believing she’s doing anything wrong is first, followed by realization and then not caring that she is. At least, that’s what he’ll tell himself. He’ll start lying to himself – telling himself that he doesn’t care. Pretty soon, he’ll start to believe his own lies and become numb. It’s a sad process, but it happens unfortunately to good guys. He doesn’t want to believe the girl he’s dating is manipulative and pretty soon, he’ll teach himself to not actually see it, which is more dangerous in itself. He thinks if he doesn’t believe it, it won’t be true, even though it’s staring him right in the face.
10. They Begin To Project
Now, we all know that men tend to project when THEY’RE doing something wrong. Say, if they’re cheating, or thinking about cheating, they’ll be the one to accuse THEIR partner of cheating because if they’re doing it (or thinking about it) their partner has to be doing the same thing. However, if they were once a decent guy who got caught up in a woman’s manipulative dating rouse, they’ll begin to project not only big things that they’re considering (oh, like cheating) but other things as well. You see, they’re actually the victim in this dangerous little game, but they won’t want to see themselves as such, so they start projecting HER as the victim, which, if a woman is cunning enough, will play right into.
9. He Can Begin Manipulating Himself
Ah yes, the classic case of the student becoming the teacher. Yes, this can happen, and when it does, it’s usually at the hands of some karmic force coming back to bite us in the rear. Sometimes, a nice guy is just done being that – a nice guy (and no, I’m not talking about those dudes who claim that “all women like the bad boys why can’t they go after the nice guys like me” but are, in fact, whiners) if they discover they’re being manipulated by the woman he’s dating. So what do they do? Well, if they’re smart, they’ll start doing it right back. Now, I know that may seem like a match made in heaven, but if he truly is a nice guy, manipulating himself will leave a sour taste in his mouth and he’ll bail on the relationship.
8. Cause Them To Be Submissive (Or Weak)
I have never been fond of submissive men – while I despise aggressive men, usually falling someone where in the middle of the spectrum is usually the best place to be. However, it takes one manipulative individual to break down a man emotionally, and leave him a shell of a man. And it takes a special sort of witch to do this in the beginning of a relationship and is able to break a man so quickly and effortlessly – even if she doesn’t mean to do so. Depending on the type of manipulation tactics performed (and yes, there is a great deal of them depending on the woman), a man’s head can be left spinning and strip him of any sort of willpower he has over himself. He’ll become submissive and at her beck and call.
7. They Can Allow Men To Act In Ways In Which They Normally Wouldn’t (You Know – Like A Moron)
No one wants this. And why? Because there are enough male morons in the world today. Just look at Hollywood – Tinsel Town is in the middle of spring cleaning all their male morons out of the industry, and women are slowly starting to take over (yessssss, more of that please). Now, while those men acted on their own accord, stupidity, and masculinity, there are some impressionable men who, when in a relationship with a confusing and devious woman, he can start changing the way he acts… meaning, he starts to act like an idiot. Now, what type of idiot he starts to act like is entirely dependant on his personality ahead of time, but know this – no moron is a good moron. Be sure to keep that in mind, ladies.
6. Switch Their Taste In Women Altogether
So when you first got with your guy, he was attracted to strong-willed, brilliant women? Oh, but what’s that? After the relationship faltered, he’s starting to date the bimbo type? The ones who giggle at everything and need to be rescued every five minutes whenever they get stuck inside a revolving door? There may be a reason for that. If a nice guy, who has always been drawn to intelligent women, gets burned by a smarty in some sort of manipulative fashion, it could possibly change his taste in women altogether. He’ll be drawn to the less complex because he believes they wouldn’t hurt him in the same, devastating way. The less complex, the less the chance the woman will be able to hurt him in a manipulative fashion.
5. They Can Start To Release Their Anger Randomly
In a good relationship, two people start to reflect and project each other’s best qualities in one another. However, this usually comes after the dating phase of the relationship when the two know each other on a deeper level. However, if one party is manipulative, it will wear on the other person, and things can get pretty out of hand. If a guy dating someone who is even a little bit manipulative in her tactics, he won’t want to release his anger on her, so he’ll start taking it out on those around him, especially if he’s blinded by her. He’ll take it out on his friends and family, but not her – at least not yet. Frustration sets in and when it does, anger follows suit.
4. They Can Make Them Take Out Their Aggression On The Next Girl
So you managed to manipulate a guy at the beginning of your relationship (you know, the dating phase), but it just so happened he was a nice guy… or at least he started out as one, and now he’s starting to change a little bit for the worse. If a manipulation tactic you took with the nice guy you’re seeing happens to be the whole “be mentally aggressive” tactic, chances are, if you’re just looking for a fling to be flung, he’s going to attempt to do so with the next girl. And if it ended badly with you, he’s going to take out all his aggression on her. Nice guys can be impressionable at times and if he’s hurt to a point, he’s going to assume that EVERYONE is out to hurt him (like we women tend to at times) and his aggressive walls will go up.
3. Change Their Taste In… Movies And TV? Okay
OH YES, THIS IS VERY POSSIBLE. Women are very interesting creatures who have powers beyond people’s (especially men’s) comprehension. And one of these powers happens to be… we can change the taste of movies/tv/music etc in a person we find desirable and who happen to find us desirable. It’s called being in a relationship. Though, if WE happen to be the ones who use our powers for evil instead of good, and happen to screw up a perfectly decent human being, we can end up changing a lot about them – including changing their taste in entertainment. If a manipulative woman is figured out by a nice guy, and the guy was burned, he won’t want to watch or do anything that reminds him of her. His tastes will start to change. Maybe that’s for the better if he was a Nickleback fan.
2. Change Their Train Of Thought (And Not Always For The Better)
This happens more so with the more impressionable men: manipulative women have a power over men, especially when dating. It’s like they’re messing with their brains, which can have a lasting effect on them. If a woman who is skilled in the art of getting men to do her bidding gets her hands on an impressionable nice guy, she can change his way of thinking – and it’s never for the better. She can harden him into a brutal and all too real stone-like figure. This once nice guy who had a positive outlook on life has been tainted, and a shadow has fallen over his realm of thought – especially when it comes to other women. If you think this is a good thing, ladies – you’re out of your mind.
1. The Tactics Can Stop Men From Believing In Love Altogether
Being in a horrible relationship can have a lasting effect on a person and even ruin them for life. It literally changes everything – from how they see and act around other people, to how they see and act in the world itself. When our hearts and souls are messed with, it can rip us apart from the inside out. When we find out that we’re the victim of scheming while in the dating phase of a relationship, it hurts. Some men are just as vulnerable as women are whether we ladies want to believe it or not. If we happen to come out of a manipulative relationship and are the same way with the next guy, it can ruin him just as much as it ruined you. It can make them stop believing in love altogether. And yes, this happens more than one thinks.
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Online dating is a divisive topic. Some see it as detrimental to the whole process of meeting and getting to know people, while others think it’s the best thing ever; in both cases it’s kinda the same reasoning though, because never before have singletons had quick access to talk to and date such a vast collection of people. Mobile dating, the portable smartphone spin-off of online dating, has also surged in recent years, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ll no doubt have heard of the most successful contender in this race – Tinder.
Tinder has given the somewhat laborious online dating world a shot of adrenaline and upped the pace tenfold. The app allows you to sync with your Facebook profile and flick through potential-dates until you find a match. The aim of the game with Tinder is to flick through your potential matches saying either yes (a flick to the right) or no (a flick to the left). Then the potential date does the same thing, if you both flick to the right, you’re a match and you can begin messaging inside the app.
It’s difficult to keep a concise and interesting profile which will grab the attention of your potential matches within a matter of seconds. We’ve put together a bunch of tips so you can get ahead in the world of flicking left and right.
For now though here’s a guide detailing exactly how to set up a Tinder profile.
Tinder is free to download and is available on all the major platforms. You’ll be able to download it from the Apple App Store, Google Play Store or even from Tinder’s very own website. Sadly there’s no Windows Phone version just yet.
2. Log In With Your Facebook
At the moment there’s only one way to sign into your Tinder account: Facebook. Tinder claims it does this to access photos for your profile and ensure you’re a real human being. Tinder also uses your location and interests when populating the app with potential matches.
The good news is you can keep your Tinder account as private as possible from your Facebook account by following these easy steps.
3. Edit Your Facebook Account
As Tinder is about to start using your Facebook details, be sure to update it with better photos and include all your interests to ensure some good matches.
If you don’t want your friends to know you’re using the app, check out our guide on how to keep Facebook entirely separate from Tinder.
4. Edit Your Tinder Profile
Now you’ve worked on your Facebook profile, let’s get started on your blank canvas. There’s a bunch of different settings you can set up to give you a good experience using the app including putting in a short profile statement and choose which photos you want to use.
5. Edit The Settings
The settings are the most important step. In the Tinder app, head into the Settings menu so you can choose your preferences. Within here you can choose your gender, your proximity to potential matches and your preferred age range. Remember with the proximity you should have your GPS enabled.
From there you can pick which gender you’re after – you can even choose both if you wish. You can also fiddle with your notification settings. Want a push notification when you’ve had a match? Here’s where you decide.
Tinder is all about pictures. That’s all you got going for you; well, that and a brief description about yourself. But mostly it’s all about pictures, and this means you NEED to have a good set of pictures, highlighting your best attributes.
Also, guys, most girls do not like guys that take selfies, so stay clear of using these if at all possible.
What kind of picture should you use? Simple: one that shows your face, without sunglasses, smiling. Leave the trout pouting to the Essex girls. A full body shot –– fully clothed, obviously –– is also advisable, as plenty of girls/boys like to know what they’re dealing with. Tinder is full of interacting strangers and potential Catfishes, after all.
NEVER LEAVE YOUR BIO EMPTY
Unless you look like Megan Fox or Chris Pratt, never leave your bio empty. Mystery is one thing, but most people, again, like to know who they’re dealing with and whether you’re interests/lifestyles are compatible. It doesn’t need to be too exhaustive, just a bit about yourself, your interests and what you like to do at the weekends, for instance.
Tinder Moments Detailed
You can now share pictures with your matches using Tinder Moments. It’s channelling some features which made the instant photo sharing app Snapchat so successful. And it seems it intends to become more than just an app for dating.
Now you can share photos with all your Tinder matches and your matches can even press “nope” or “like” and even comment if they wish. On the company’s official blog Tinder says: “With Moments you can swipe through fun Moments shared by your matches and get a glimpse into each others lives.”
It’s much more like sharing a story on Snapchat as the images disappear within 24 hours. It’s private between only you and your matches as well so you can post whatever you wish.
The blog continues, “Capturing and sharing a Moment is designed to be really quick and less intimidating. Tinder Moments expire in 24 hours, so you can be yourself without the pressure of making it perfect. You can just share it raw or apply filters, draw, and add text to you make the most of the moment.”
Tinder insists it’s all for some clean photos to help you decide whether to go on a date, we’re not so certain. The update to Tinder should be on your smartphone before the day is out.
More Tinder Guides
The world of Tinder is complicated and fully of terrors. We’ve written a bunch of different user guides to help you get ahead in the swiping game including how to make sure your friends aren’t seeing what you’re doing. We also teach you how to stop an awful bug that means you might not be getting the matches you really deserve.
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“You can tell the difference from a woman fulfilling an obligation, and a woman who loves you.”
Cherie rolls into town around 8:30 on a Friday. She looks beautiful. She’s not wearing her glasses, and her hair is all soft black ribbons. I meet her at Suburban Station, and off we go. This has been how it’s transpired for the last few months. She’s still working at Children’s Hospital as a Medical Assistant, and going to school at Temple for neuroscience, but I don’t think she’s at the pediatrician’s office anymore. The hours were killing her.
We’re both exhausted. Her with work and school, and me working two jobs now. The Institute and the tanning salon. She’s happy to be in my bedroom and I’m glad she’s here too. I’ve missed her, and she’s looking especially hot tonight.
We kick off our shoes and lie on the bed. A bit of small talk ensues and then the kissing. Her lips are so soft.
I love her.
I basically strip her. I like undressing Cherie. It’s like I’m taking control of her. She likes it, and I’m gentle with her. Sometimes I wish phicklephilly were a sex blog, because I like writing about sexual things. But I think it changes the integrity of the blog. I’ll leave it to your imagination. Of course 50 shades of grey sold a shit ton of copies, so sex sells. But I just don’t want to do that here. I could try it in a tasteful way. But how does one do that? (I’d appreciate the opinion of a few of my writer followers out there!)
Our sex is fire. It’s the best I’ve ever had. Cherie is a sexual dynamo. A nymphomaniac who just loves sex. And I’m up to the challenge whenever she needs it, as much as she needs it. We’re both pleasers. So think about what that’s like. We’re always giving to each other and loving the entire process.
Cherie loves when I go down on her. She can tell how much I enjoy it, because I do it for as long as she can stand it, and with great enthusiasm. She had a root canal this week and was only worried that she wouldn’t be able to please me orally the way she likes to. She just doesn’t just do it to give me pleasure, she truly loves doing it. You can tell the difference from a woman fulfilling an obligation, and a woman who loves you. She’s a wonderful woman. A girl who is super chill on the street, but a tigeress in the sheets.
So we frolicked until midnight, and then passed out. I don’t know who woke who up three hours later, but we did some more then. Back to sleep, and then one more in the morning. I love morning sex. I’m refreshed, and it’s light so I can see her. Men are visual animals. It’s hotter if I can see my quarry.
At least I got some sleep in between, because Cherie was able to stick around a bit longer on Saturday. Normally she has to leave and get back home to her house. So we’re able to just lay in bed together for a while in the morning, which I love. At some point our stomachs are grumbling, and we decide to get up. We discuss breakfast/brunch options and decide on Devil’s Alley.
As I’ve written before, Devil’s Alley has the best dry rub wings. So we start our day off with a plate of them. Wings! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. From there I move onto the scrambled eggs and bacon, and Cherie goes with the bagels and lox. I love my breakfast, but Midtown Diner and Little Pete’s is still better when it comes to breakfast food. I always eat like a wolf after a night with Cherie.
After breakfast we walk a bit. I just like to walk after a meal. We get to the other side of Broad street and I call an UBER. Guy goes right by us, and then cancels. I summon a second car. He arrives shortly after. I tell him we’re going to the UA Riverview movie theater on Columbus Blvd. He’s a little chatty, and I’m not in the mood for it. We’re driving along and the guy ends up getting on 95 south. He realizes the error too late. I watch as we drive past the movie theater in the distance. I point to it to show Cherie how we’re now heading away from the theater. Maybe there are movies playing down at the airport.
He finally gets turned around, and gets us there on time. We go in, and I tell the girl at the window that I want two tickets for the 1:40 show of XXX: The Return of Xander Cage. She tells me that show is in an IMAX theater. I’m good with that. She hands me two pair of 3D glasses. The tickets are expensive. It was close to forty bucks, but baby’s worth it. She never wants anything from me, and gives me amazing love, so I’m happy to spend money on her.
We go up to the escalator to the second floor, and when we get up there we look for the door to get into the theater. We run into a staff member and he directs us to an elevator to take us up to the top.
It’s a beautiful space. The screen is gigantic. We find a pair of seats in the back, and pop our glasses on. It’s the trailer for another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. It looks fantastic in 3 D! This is going to be really good.
The movie starts and it is your typical action picture. Car chases, gun fights and crazy stunts. But seeing it on a giant immersion screen and in 3D, it’s an absolute pleasure. The visuals are striking and the sound is incredible. The place is nearly empty so if feels like the show is just for us. I can see Cherie is loving it and so am I.
After the movie, we stroll northward towards center city. I’m watching the clock, because she wants to catch a 5:30 train. I’m lost in our conversation, and realize I better call an UBER because I forgot that she left her backpack back at my apartment. I summon one, and once we’re in it, the driver gets confused and has to double back to get us back to my house. We finally get there, and now she won’t make her train. She’s totally cool about it but I’m kind of pissed about our UBER fails today. She decides to call one to take her home, because she missed her train.
We go outside and wait across the street. Of course this guy gets lost and ends up looking for us a block away. I’m losing my patience with all of this, and I get on the phone with the guy. He doesn’t understand, and abandons the ride. We get another guy on the phone and walk down to 17th street to wait on the corner. He finally arrives and seems normal. I give Cherie $30 towards the ride. She refuses it at first but I press. She reluctantly takes the money. I kiss her good-bye and tell the driver he is carrying precious cargo. She tells me she’ll text me when she reaches her destination.
I watch as the car merges into traffic and disappears up the street. I’m relieved our UBER fails are over and that I got to spend twenty lovely hours with my girl.
Later I’m at peace alone at the batcave, sipping a vodka club, smoking a cig, and chatting on the phone with my sister.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
Last Wednesday I wrote about a clown and now here’s a circus of sorts. (See: Andrea – Clowning Around)
This story involves a circus girl I met over Tinder (of course). She had a very interesting profile about her being an aerial acrobatic for a circus that toured all over America, so I swiped right on her. Plus she was super cute. She messaged me on April 1st saying she had a show that night and wanted me to come see it. I had reservations about trusting a stranger I just met online on April Fool’s Day, but I went away, but it turns out she was telling the truth.
I arrive at the venue and I immediately notice it is much smaller than I anticipated. There was no way she was going to be performing aerial acrobatics on a stage with a ceiling only 20 feet tall. I go to buy my ticket and I find that my date is the one selling them! This is a perfect time to introduce myself, so I do, but she doesn’t give any hint of recognition that I’m the guy she has been messaging over Tinder. The line to the window was long, so I didn’t press the issue. The plan was to meet up for drinks after the show, so I just shook it off, took a seat and just planned on approaching her after the performance.
The “circus” was a disaster. The host started off the night by making the most inappropriate, racist jokes I’ve never even heard from my close friend’s mouths. There is a time and place for jokes like that, and I consider myself very open to a wide variety of humor, but when a large group of strangers are furtively looking around to see if anybody is laughing (or offended), then things get awkward fast. His crew was talking loudly and making noise in the back room and he had to talk over them most of the night. Overall, he did not ooze professionalism. He was a contortionists and a sword swallower, and was honestly the only saving grace, and “circus-y” part of the show.
My date’s bit was up second. She didn’t do her usual aerial act, but instead did a…performance…involving a chair and a cream pie. It was nothing special whatsoever, and even the audience could barely applaud in the appropriate pauses meant for applauding. Her following performer, however, is the one that made me leave during intermission.
He was a “performance artist” who walked up to the mic and started reciting a poem. Cool, I thought. It was actually a pretty neat poem, right until he took his pants and underwear off in the middle of reciting it. Fortunately for the audience, he had his dick tucked in between his legs so it wasn’t full frontal nudity per se…but still slightly disturbing nonetheless. He continued the deep, serious poem without any mention of his debriefing and finished his poem by exclaiming “Hail, Satan” and turned around and taking a bow, simultaneously presenting to the audience the good ol’ dick and balls he had been shyly hiding, along with the consolation prize of his asshole.
I had never thought ‘I’m outta here’ so hard in my life. I didn’t even talk to her before I left, and unmatched her the next day.
She sent me a message the following morning thanking me for coming, so she obviously recognized me but was just using Tinder as a way of advertising and getting guys to pay for her shitty circus show.
Reminded me of all of the horrible shit I had to sit through when I was dating Annabelle. (See: Annabelle – 2013 to 2014 – Nice to Meet You)
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“It’s all I think about. I have to masturbate everyday, just to take the edge off. I need you to fuck me.”
It was obviously Friday the 13th. I wasn’t even aware of it all day, until Cherie text me about it that afternoon. I sent her a meme of Jason Voorhees pushing people as he walked down an escalator. Cherie loves horror movies, so I knew she’d enjoy that.
I blazed out of work around 2:30, and walked over to the salon, to work until 8pm. The night was uneventful, but it had been a bit of a hectic week. Last weekend was full of social stuff and this week had its share of challenges.
I was just looking forward to stopping at the store and picking up my favorite pretzels, (The little square cracker-like ones with peanut butter in them) two bottles of club soda, and a pack of cigs. I just wanted to disappear for one night and not talk to anyone. Just me and Netflix continuing our ongoing, intimate affair. Maybe I’ll even smoke a little grass.
Closing time rolls around and I’m just finishing up. Normally I would be off Saturday, but I agreed to switch with Trish so she could visit her family. So tonight I could chill, but I’d be back here by 10:30 next morning. I’ll take what repose I can get, now that I’m back to working sixty hours a week between the two jobs.
I’m getting my coat, and I get a text from Cherie. “What are you doing?” I am about to pick up the trash to take it out, when I see a woman standing out in the dark hallway.
It’s Cherie! I am shocked and surprised. She’s all bundled up because it’s cold outside. But shess wearing a white headband, and her glasses. I notice that she curled her hair. It’s a tangle of shining ribbons of coal. She looks like a sexy librarian. “What are you doing here?”
“We talked about this last weekend.”
“I mean, I think we did. I can get on the train and go back if you’re upset.”
I grab her and kiss her. She tries to turn away from me, but I know she’s just teasing me. “You’re not getting back on any train. I’m sorry, I just need a teeny bit of heads up, that’s all, dear.”
Well, it looks like of instead of sitting in a chair getting drunk with my two favorite mistresses, (Vodka & Netflix) I get to spend the evening and morning with my very real girlfriend! Great, unexpected way to kick off the weekend. I’ll chill tomorrow night after work.
We get back to the bat cave, and thankfully, daughter Lorelei isn’t home. I lock the door and hit the flashlight on my phone, and lead her back to my bedroom.
There is some small talk, but the inevitable is going to happen. When I say “inevitable,” I mean “training for the sex olympics.”
I’m getting better at this. When I was with Annabelle, Our relationship was so fractured and disjointed due to her personality disorder, I never knew what was going to happen next. Just a confused soul. (See: Annabelle – Guy Walks Into a Bar) But with Cherie, everything’s cool. She’s a calming force in my life and incredibly grounded in her sexuality. Out of every woman I’ve ever met, she is truly the best. Sexuality is all in the biggest sex organ of your body; your mind. Her head, heart, and bod are all correctly aligned. She’s comfortable with her vessel, and makes it sing.
And I love playing a Stradivarius.
She says she misses me sexually when we are apart too long. “It’s all I think about. I have to masturbate everyday, just to take the edge off. I need you to fuck me.”
Cherie is a nymphomaniac, but very loyal. She loves sex, but isn’t reckless with her mind and body. I really couldn’t have created a better girlfriend.
I’m not going into what happened in my bedroom. This is a dating and relationship blog. Things got hot and passionate till about midnight. We woke up at 3am, (or she woke me up) and some more magic occurred. We both slept again until 6:45, and more fun ensued. Cherie is a sexual animal. She’s really a good match for me. I’ve never met anyone like her. I’m just glad that at my age I can keep up with her and leave her satisfied.
The great thing is, shark week is over, and the stress and mess are gone. It’s winter. She’ll be going back to school next week. She’s only working the one job now at Children’s Hospital. It was Friday the 13th, and a pretty black kitty crossed my path. Nothing but good luck.
Our time together is limited, due to our busy schedules. I want to take her to things; like dinner, movies and events, but right now a few hours is all we have.
And we celebrate and share it accordingly, with our most precious possessions. The only thing we came into this world with…
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Today, sentimental relationships are not the same as they used to be; current couples are characterized by not lasting long, something that generates some insecurity, especially for women when they trust that their partner really wants something real and serious with them, or simply wants to have fun.
Identifying whether a man really loves you or if he just wants to use you for fun may be a bit difficult, so today I want to help you in this regard and tell her what the 5 things men are doing intimately, when they really loves his partner and wants her to spend the rest of her life with him.
Men can become very smart when they get what they want, so it’s very easy for them to make you believe that they really love you, when in fact all they want is to have fun.
Women, on the other hand, tend to get excited and believe that what the other person shows them is truly real.
That’s why it’s very important to consider these 5 things that men do in private when they really love their partner, to avoid falling into any kind of sentimental deception.
Of course there are also those men who are looking for something true and transcendental, far beyond sex, and only with the 5 I offer below, you can identify them.
Pay attention; These are the 5 things men do in privacy when they’re really looking for something serious, and if they do # 3 it’s because they really do not plan to leave their partner ever!
1. In the most intimate moments, a man always kisses his partner.
2. He trys to keep intercourse going as long as possible.
3. He’s aware that you also enjoy the sex.
4. He embraces you after an intimate session.
5. He looks into your eyes and says that he loves you.
It is important to remember that women are very thorough, so they are always very attentive to those types of details that are responsible for showing clear signs of partner’s affection.
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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.