Cherie – Chapter 68 – So Here We Are

“I don’t know what to do at this point, so I don’t know what to say to you.”

As bad as things are between me and Cherie. This week of Phicklephilly is chock filled with fun, frolic, and frivolity!

Stay indoors!

And as my mom would say… Wash your damn hands!

Enjoy!

 

“I don’t know what to say at this point, so I don’t know what to say to you.”

This is the wrong response for Cherie. She has the opportunity to be mature and accept that we have chemistry. There is the distance factor. There is the extreme differences in our lives, ages, and lifestyles.

But we’re good together, but maybe the strain of her life and the stresses of being a parent and coupled with work and school, has become too much.

“I know we’re both busy and you’re under a lot of pressure right now. But just know that I love you and I’ll provide you all the time and space you need. I’m patient, Cherie. I love you.”

“I love you too, but I honestly just don’t know what to say anymore.”

I don’t understand this. How does an adult in a relationship have no words? This tells me something about my mate.

Then there’s this sudden reveal.

“If you can take off I’d like you to come to my graduation next Friday at 9:30.”

“What’s the date?”

“May 11.”

“Where’s it being held?”

“Liacouras Center.”

“And that’s at 9:30?”

“Yes.”

And then it’s just radio silence from there.

Should I go see her graduate from Temple with her BS in Psychology?

It hasn’t been going well. The sex is always amazing, but what else do we have? She’s beautiful and sweet but we’re in two different places in our lives.

Should I be proud that a 28 year old woman loves me and rocked my world and my bed? I am that the old horse still had some great races left in him, but do I want this?

When I started writing phicklephilly, it began as a tome about the crazy women and dates in my life. Then it grew into settling the relationships in my past. Then I started telling stories about my life and it felt so good. By writing about everything I settled everything in my mind and expressed it in my art.

It was incredibly liberating in a way I never suspected. It brought me a clarity and peace I had never experienced in my life.

I’ve enjoyed my time with all of these people and there’s so many more stories to come. My life is rich in history and I’m glad I’m making new exciting memories everyday. I truly am blessed with a life that’s fun to wake up to every day.

Two years ago I started writing a dating blog. It was about how fickle I am and how I fall in love every day. But that’s not true. I fall in love with being alive every day. To no longer cling to the bars of anxiety, depression, low self esteem, bad relationships, child support, debt, and all of the rest of the horrors of adult life for some us.

I live a simple and elegant life now in middle age. I don’t want anything.

We come from a dark and embarrassing past in this country. My current girlfriend (for the moment) is black. All of her ancestors came here as slaves.

At least they knew they were slaves.

Today we don’t even see that we’re all slaves.

We can’t live without our cell phones without having a panic attack. We have 20 different products that were once separate items we had to buy at Radio Shack in our cell phones now.

Social media is obnoxious and self absorbed. It’s all nonsense. Why do you need to see what I ate for lunch today or where I am on vacation?

None of it brings you joy. I know for a fact that all of this technology had dumbed down all of us as a culture.

People still call the salon and can’t find it. They’re calling me from the greatest piece of personal affordable technology homo sapiens have ever possessed and they still can’t find the place.

I come from an analog world and I’m proud of my mind. I work hard and came from a place where you never got a pat on the back or a trophy for participating. You failed and you felt the consequences of that failure. That’s evolution.

Now everybody’s so buried in their phones, they can barely communicate with the people around them of navigate their own lives, (Don’t even get me started on spatial awareness)

But I digress…

Once I started writing phicklephilly, I knew I had to start dating again. I needed content.

If you go back to the early posts you’ll see me struggling on shitty dates with sad leftovers.

I didn’t know. I tried the dating game, but at my age met a bunch of women that I didn’t really feel a spark for.

I met Cherie and all of that changed.

But it was because I was trying again. Like I did with Michelle, Annabelle, and others.

I’ve learned something along the way, and I think I’ve finally arrived at the elegant answer.

So many men never evolve and are stuck in their development. I know a couple that I haven’t cut off and it’s pathetic. You really need to come to know yourself as a man as you grow older. If you don’t you’re a fucking asshole.

No, you really are and you’ve squandered your life and those around you because they hate you or secretly hate you.

Here’s my revelation.

I absolutely adore women. I’m great at charming and courting women. I’m great at dating. I’m a gentleman, and know how to treat a lady to make her feel special. I’m a good father. I know that based on how Lorelei has turned out and my relationship with her.

But I like to be alone. I enjoy your company but I need my alone time. I’m not good at being a boyfriend or being in a relationship. I can’t do it.

I can write a dating blog, and dole out relationship advice but I can’t be in a relationship.

I want to be alone.

I realized that this last relationship worked because Cherie was never around.

Even my close friends said it was the perfect relationship for me because of my personality.

Cherie is young, beautiful and often unavailable. Me too. It was perfect. The sex was mind bending, and then I take her to breakfast and she’s off the property.

I tried to be married and be in relationships but I just don’t like it. I like to be free. To come and go as I wish with no ties.

When I’m with you, you’re the only person on Earth and I’ll give you a show you won’t forget, but I need you to go after a few hours.

Sorry. That’s me.

Not sorry. That’s Chaz.

I’ve found in middle-age I want to work. I love to work. Not in a shitty job where I make high 5 figures and am beholden to some asshole that is only there to justify his shitty existence, just to simply work.

I get my energy from people.

Picasso was found dead at 92 working on a sculpture. I want that in my 70’s! (If I make it)

My social life is so rich. I have so many wonderful people in my life that I do my best to squeeze in around my work. (Thank you one and all that you still want to spend time with me)

I was always prepared for Cherie to leave me. I established that on our very first date. I vowed to never fall into the dopamine induced stupor I fell into with Annabelle (See: Annabelle – Guy walks into a bar)

I have a friend that’s a workaholic. He’s a millionaire at 50 but he has squandered real living for really living. He’s my best friend and I love him, but he’s on his own journey. (See: Duncan)

I just what my simple happy life here in Philly.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with Cherie, but it looks like it’s dead.

I’ll have to see if I’m going to attend her graduation.

I’ve never met her family and I’m sure they’ll all be there. (Meet the old white guy)

I think the saddest thing about all of this after 60 plus chapters, is that I feel nothing.

I think her indifference killed it in the end. How she was chilly to me during our last two encounters.

Normally I’m sad for a long time after the demise of a relationship, but not this time. Maybe because I went into it with my eyes open and my dopamine in check.

 

I never flew too close to sun, but loved I her just the same.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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21 Messages To Send Someone You Matched With Months Ago, To Reconnect

Sometimes, you match with a cutie, and before you can even overthink what you’re going to say, you drop a witty first line just to get the conversation rolling. Of course, other times, you match with a cutie, and as you’re drafting your opening message, your Postmates order arrives, your mom calls, and you completely forget to start the convo. You might even be too nervous to ever break the ice! Whatever the case, if you’re thinking about finally hitting up that online meet-cute, these messages to send someone you matched with months ago will make it feel like no time has passed at all.

Although digital messaging can make conversations lighting-fast, there’s nothing wrong with waiting a little while before sending the first message. Whether you weren’t sure what to say at the time or took a little break from the online dating game, reconnecting with an old match can be easier than you may think. From asking about their day to making a joke about meeting online, there are tons of funny and low-key ways to message a match from months ago.

And if you’re looking for some #inspo, here are 21 messages to send an old match to get some new conversations started.

Woman texting in a smartphone - Christmas and Winter Season

Shutterstock

  1. Going to Trader Joe’s, you need anything?
  2. Hey, I know we connected a while back, but I was just looking through my matches, and you really jumped out at me.
  3. Have you seen *topical movie* yet?!
  4. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you, my phone died for three months.
  5. Wow, I just woke up from the longest nap ever. How are you doing?!
  6. You’ll never guess what happened to me today.
  7. So, come here often?
  8. *Spotify link* I can’t stop listening to this! What have you been listening to lately?
  9. Has anything exciting happened since we matched?
  10. Not for nothing, but how is it possible that you’ve gone so long without messaging me?
  11. I mean, I’ve been waiting for you to message me, but I guess I’ll get the ball rolling.
  12. This is #random, but were you just at the yoga studio next to the downtown Target?
  13. Should I start this conversation with a bad pickup line or by saying hello?
  14. I’m making the first move with this message, and, honestly, you’re welcome.
  15. I see we’re in a pretty heated game of Who Can Go Longer Without Messaging The Other. I guess I just lost.
  16. Um, if you had the time to match back, how come you’ve never found the time to ask for my number?
  17. I’m not great at starting conversations. Do you want to try?
  18. Hey, I’m deleting this app soon, but you seem really cool! If you want to get a coffee sometime, here’s my number.
  19. So, I guess we’ll tell our kids we matched and never talked until I eventually reached out to you?
  20. So… how’s it going?
  21. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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3 Zodiac Signs With The Funniest Dating App Bios, So Swipe & Smile

Though dating can be emotionally draining, sometimes, you’ve just got to giggle about it. Of course, if you’ve recently matched with a Libra, Sagittarius, or Gemini — aka, one of the zodiac signs with the funniest dating app bios — you may be literally rolling on the floor laughing on you read through their profile.

Whether you list the types of connections you’re looking for or share about your interests, your dating app bio can give prospective matches (and potential IRL boos) a little taste of who you are. Whether you write a silly one-liner about your job or a detailed story about why your parents named you what they did, there are plenty of ways to pepper in a little joke or personal anecdote as your peruse your page. Of course, no matter your sign, your online dating profile is your space to express who you are. If you’re not trying to be super funny on the apps, you never need to feel pressure to make a joke or be anyone but your amazing self.

Still, if you just swiped right on the funniest dating app bio, like, ever, chances are your new match may be one of these three signs.

Close up of happy female indian employee holding smartphone texting message to friend, smiling ethnic woman having pleasant chat or conversation on cellphone, laughing watching funny video online

Shutterstock

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Social Libra knows exactly what to say to win over a crowd. Though they prefer to meet in person or hang in big crowds, they’re no stranger to falling love on the internet. When it comes to the apps, these scales are likely to wow their matches with witty one-liners and totally relatable jokes in their bios. Likely the “class clowns” when they were growing up, Libra isn’t afraid to poke fun at themselves or go to the extremes to get a laugh. Libra loves making other people giggle and feel good, and they’ll be happy to use their dating as bio as the perfect way to make someone’s day.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

Don’t be fooled by their wandering souls — Sagittarius loves to sit down for a while and tell a good story. When it comes to crafting the perfect dating app bio, they’ll feel no shame in typing out something totally niche and detailed, including all sorts of jokes and personal anecdotes. Sag could write a story about walking down the street to get a coffee, and it would sound like a standup bit from your favorite comedian. Their adventurous spirit makes life feel out of the ordinary, and they have a way of recounting their tales and describing themselves that will leave you literally laughing out loud.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

The sign of honesty and communication, it’s no wonder that the twins can whip out funny dating app bios faster than beauty influencers whip out their signature palettes. (Tea?) Quick-witted and smart, this air sign has a way with words that will leave their matches howling laughing through the phone. Geminis are able to laugh at themselves and enjoy encouraging those around them to do the same. Likely to flirt by teasing, their dating app bio is probably observational and totally hilarious. Even when they’re looking for love, these twins don’t take anything too seriously and will have no problem throwing caution to the wind and filling their bio with tons of jokes.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

 

 

Social Distancing Pick-Up Lines Have Arrived & They’re The Comic Relief You Needed

Finding love in the time of coronavirus may be difficult, but the internet certainly isn’t letting that stop it. Amidst growing numbers of COVID-19 lockdowns and CDC-recommended social distancing, it was only a matter of time before #SocialDistancingPickUpLines started trending on Twitter. If you’re looking for a way to stay salacious but sanitary, let these tweets be your guide.

Though we’re all practicing social distancing — you’re doing that right? Staying home or at least six-feet from other people? Good, just checking — we can still keep it sexy from afar. There’s sexting, sexy video chatting, phone sex, foot pics, toe pics, sending nudes, sliding into someone’s DMs, self-isolating but as a euphemism, and, of course, Facebook pokes.

Yes, you can still poke someone on Facebook. Now, more than ever, we need to bring back the strange and stupid practice of clicking a button that notifies another person “you have been poked.” Is poking any less creepy while the coronavirus pandemic is going on? Who knows! Maybe! Probably. You’ll just have to find out. Poke your COVID-19 crush. It’ll be a cute story to tell the grandkids.

Or you could just try one of these 20 #SocialDistancingPickUpLines.

1. Notting Hill Part 2: Let’s Not Get COVID-19

Hollywood Exposed@AndstuffL

“I’m just a girl, standing 6 feet away from a boy. Asking him to maybe move back another foot. Thanks.” #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

View image on Twitter
2,027 people are talking about this

Dibs on being Julia Roberts.

2. Will You Be My Quarantine?

Vixera@carpe_flamma

Are you a pandemic because you’ve got my heart on lockdown
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines

1,334 people are talking about this

Word play, especially during a pandemic, is welcome.

3. Six-feet, Please.

Sentient Bunny Suit🐰@SentientSuit

I saw you from across the bar. Stay there. #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

715 people are talking about this

Don’t you dare move.

4. Remix Of An Old Classic

Not Will Ferrell@itsWillyFerrell

You can’t spell quarantine without “u r a q t” #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

1,113 people are talking about this

Time to brush up on those AIM skills.

5. Funny Because It’s True

Jill in Virusland@Jillinvirusland

“If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I’d be in the highest tax bracket and then I’d be able to get tested for coronavirus.” #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

485 people are talking about this

Raya has left the chat.

6. Team Keep The Alphabet The Same

Joy Eilene@joyeilene

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d keep U and I exactly where they are, with eleven letters of longing between them. #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

229 people are talking about this

AEIOU and sometimes Y don’t you stay away from me.

7. The Greatest Of All Love Stories

🍒Acidic Blonde™️@Acidic_Blonde

Wanna make plans that we have to cancel? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

210 people are talking about this

Honestly? A good pickup line at any time.

8. Don’t You Dare Hold It Against Me

John C. B.@CatBirder27

#SocialDistancingPickUpLines if I told you that you had a nice body, would you keep it six feet away from me?

124 people are talking about this

Britney Spears, we need a remix.

9. The Only Thing I’ll Be Taking Out For A While

Anthony Jimenez@antyabstract

I’ll have what she’s having!

for delivery

and please leave it at my doorstep thank you so much #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

See Anthony Jimenez’s other Tweets

Extra wet wipes, too, thanks.

10. A Pickup Line To Let Them Know You’re Literate

Jill in Virusland@Jillinvirusland

“Since all the public libraries are closed, I’m checking you out instead.” #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

325 people are talking about this

Reading is sexy.

11. Girl Next Door Vibes

Joy Eilene@joyeilene

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past your house on the other side of the street again? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

See Joy Eilene’s other Tweets

I literally have nothing better to do than pace around my block.

12. An Amended Chorus To The Adele Song

Jeff Dwoskin

@bigmacher

Hellooooo
I said hello
I’m not sure I can scream any louder
Never mind
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines

65 people are talking about this

I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to… have a conversation over FaceTime?

13. Wink Wink

Vlada R@Vlada_Ruggiero

Hey baby, I got some rubbers we can use… on our hands… they’re gloves. So we don’t have to touch anything #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

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Always use protection.

14. *dances to Jamiroquai*

Levi the Totally Not Extinct Dinosaur@levi_bullen

I saw you liked and retweeted my tweet, so this is getting pretty serious huh? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

Embedded video

308 people are talking about this

Don’t be jealous because I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.

15. The Bar Is So, So Low

Zvjezdan Patz@zvjezdanpatz

I wash my hands when there’s no pandemic too #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

364 people are talking about this

You better be washing your hands.

16. It’s Truly Our Only Option

Michael@Sckswithsandals

FaceTime and chill? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

217 people are talking about this

Could I interest you in a romantic Zoom meeting?

17. We Stan A TP King

Roman Phoenix@RomanPhoenix4

Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because I can be your Prince Charmin. #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

Embedded video

1,147 people are talking about this

Better than a bouquet of flowers.

18. Say Anything… But At A Reasonable Distance

Ryan Cappo@RyanCappo

I will stand in front of your house with my emergency radio from the 80’s until you are out of quarantine, babe.#SocialDistancingPickUpLines

View image on Twitter
91 people are talking about this

I love you (staying six feet from me). How many more times do I have to say it?

19. I Repeat, The Bar Is So, So Low

Mr. Bagels@fartbagels

I have toilet paper #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

434 people are talking about this

If you have hand sanitizer, I will put a ring on it immediately.

20. Can’t Tell If I’m Terrified Or Turned On

Leanne Sandusky@LeanneSandusky

If covid-19 doesn’t take you out.. can I? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines #stolenfromsomewhere

703 people are talking about this

Honestly, at this point, perhaps a simple heart emoji and virus emoji will woo them.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

The 5 Worst Tinder Scams: Tips for Dating Safely on Tinder

Since online dating is so popular, online dating platforms are a perfect tool for scammers. And with Tinder being one of the most popular apps, Tinder scams are common.

Here are are the Tinder scams that you should look out for, along with advice on how to avoid them. Because we want you to keep swiping right without being scammed.

1. Tinder Account Verification Code Scam

The Tinder account verification scam involves a match asking whether you have verified your profile on the app. The match, who is actually a bot, then asks you to verify your account through a link that they provide.

However, the link sends you to a third-party website. The site requires you to fill in personal information such as your full name, your email address, your birthdate, and your credit card number.

Instead of being used to verify your account, this information is used to register you (and your credit card) for costly subscriptions to adult websites. Users who fall for this scam report that the subscriptions can run up to $120/month and are very difficult to cancel.

How to Avoid This Scam

Tinder does actually have verified accounts, but this verification is never done through a third-party.

According to the Tinder FAQ, “Some Tinder profiles are verified to confirm their authenticity. Verified profiles include public figures, celebrities, and brands. If a Tinder profile is verified, a blue verified badge will appear next to the user’s name.”

However, you have to send a verification request to an email address at Tinder to start the process. Furthermore, verification is limited to only certain public figures and brands. Therefore, the average person won’t be verified.

2. Tinder Bot Profiles

The bots mentioned above are just one type of bot using Tinder. In reality, many different types of bots try to lure users into different scams.

These bots can usually simulate a real conversation. However, after a short while, they will send you a link, asking you to visit it. The link usually sends you to an app, an online game, or some other online service.

The bot may talk about wanting to play the online game with you, suggest downloading a chat app so that you can have a more adult conversation, or say that they recommend the service and you should try it out.

Unfortunately the links they send you will likely end with you providing personal information to a fake site or downloading malware to your phone, so be sure to learn how to spot online fakes used by scammers.

You can’t trust everything you see online. Here are seven commonly faked elements online and some advice for identifying them.

How to Recognize a Tinder Bot

The easiest way to avoid a Tinder bot scam is to learn to recognize one as fast as possible. However, recognizing a bot is more difficult than you might think.

Improvements in chatbot functionality make them a lot harder to identify. Bots do very well with the kind of conversations you have in online dating—short, direct questions and responses.

Here are a few ways to spot a potential bot:

  • Be on alert if the profile only has between one and three very similar photos (especially glamour or professional modeling shots).
  • Profiles with limited info, nothing in their bio, and very suggestive images are more likely to be bots.
  • Bots often reply very quickly—sometimes faster than the time it takes to type their message. They are also more likely to message first.
  • 99 percent of the real people on Tinder will not ask you to follow a link, download an app, or to play a sketchy online game. If the person you’re talking to asks you to do this, the chances are it’s a scam.

If you suspect a Tinder match is a bot, there are a few strategies for testing your suspicion. Challenge suspected bots by asking complicated or very specific questions. This could be as simple as asking the bot to explain something in one of their photos or asking a two-part question.

You can also try using a nonsense word in place of a noun while asking a question. If the bot uses the nonsense word back (instead of asking you what you’re talking about), you know it’s not a real person.

3. Catfishing on Tinder

Many scams are run by real people using fake profiles. Also known as “catfishing”, these scammers use a fake persona and make you believe that they are interested in you.

These scammers are difficult to identify, don’t have the tell-tale signs of bots, and are often willing to play a long game. Tinder takes some steps to prevent these kinds of scams by linking profiles to Facebook and Instagram, but this isn’t always enough.

Human scammers generally create fake Facebook profiles with images sourced online and create elaborate stories about their fake lives. Once you match with a scammer, they will probably be very quick to suggest moving to another chat platform such as Skype. They may even talk to you on the phone and suggest starting a relationship.

Inevitably, some sort of disaster will supposedly affect the scammer. After this, they’ll request money from you. Sometimes they claim to need money to travel to meet you; other times they’ll claim there’s some family emergency and they need financial help from you.

By playing to your emotions, master scammers can make thousands of dollars using these techniques.

How to Recognize a Catfish or Fake Account on Tinder

social catfish

If someone has a very limited profile and you’re suspicious, consider using a site like socialcatfish.com to check whether their account is real. This site’s search engine can help you verify that their images, emails, phone numbers, or usernames aren’t being used with multiple accounts.

Many people running a catfish scam will want to talk on other forms of social media as soon as possible so that you don’t flag their Tinder account for spam. So be sure to delay speaking to someone on WhatsApp, Skype, or text until you’re sure that you can trust them.

Another great way to avoid a catfish scam is to actually meet up with your matches. A catfish will usually find excuses or not show up to meetups since they’re hiding behind a fake profile.

Finally, don’t give money to people you meet through social media or dating apps.

4. Tinder Blackmail Scams

Scammers also target Tinder users for blackmail schemes. This scam involves Tinder profiles that solicit nude pictures from other users in order to blackmail them. Once you send through nudes, the scammers demand money in exchange for not releasing the images.

Unlike Tinder bots, these scammer accounts are run by real people who carefully groom potential victims for days. Once they establish trust, they ask for these images.

How to Deal With Tinder Blackmail

To avoid this scam, do not send any compromising images of yourself to matches—especially if you’ve never met them before. This is just one way to protect your privacy while dating online.

Online dating can leave you vulnerable to privacy risks. In this article, we explain how to stay anonymous and protect your privacy on popular dating apps.

However, it’s not too late if this has already happened. If you are being blackmailed on Tinder or other dating apps, there are organizations and companies that can help you. You should get in contact with an organization that deals with removing private images from the internet.

Find an organization in your country that deals with takedown requests for private images. Google has a dedicated takedown request form for these types of issues if your images appear in search results.

Furthermore, the UK has a dedicated helpline for people whose intimate images appear online.

5. Venue Promotion Scams on Tinder

Another scam on Tinder involves people hired to attract customers to a specific venue, such as a restaurant. The match will tell you that they will be at a venue soon with their friends and you should stop by if you would like to meet up.

However, when you arrive, your match isn’t there. Rather, you’ll find other people who were also told to stop by by the same profile.

Another version of this scam is especially popular in China. The online date will want to eat at a specific venue and will rack up a huge tab that you have to pay for. After the date, you’ll never hear from your match again.

How to Avoid This Tinder Scam

Look out for any matches that suggest meeting up at a specific venue after very little interaction. Most people want to at least chat a while before they suggest meeting up.

If you’re suspicious of a potential date, maybe suggest an alternative location to meet up, such as a coffee shop. This makes it unlikely that they’ll rope you into an expensive dinner and shows whether they’re willing to budge on where to meet. If they were hired to get customers to a specific venue, they won’t want to meet up somewhere else.

Stay Safe While Online Dating

So there we have it. These are the Tinder scams you need to watch out for while swiping right on people you want to date. But thankfully, scams are still a small part of online dating as a whole.

There are a few rules to follow when online dating, such as not sharing too much information, not lying on your profile, and using the right platform for your goals. So make sure you check out our online dating mistakes you should never make and these mistakes to avoid when using Tinder so that you can enjoy a positive experience.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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15 Red Flags Someone Is An Emotional Wreck (Found On Their Dating Profile Or On The First Date)

Steer clear of these losers!

Is he emotionally intelligent?

If you’re looking for love, you’re probably swiping through a ton of online dating profiles. If so, you’ll want to know the red flags that someone has low emotional intelligence and wellness. Pay attention to these red flags both online and on the first date to weed out those who are not emotionally well.

The more emotional intelligence you have, the more emotionally well you are, which means the more likely you’ll attract and hold onto an emotionally well long-term partner.

Now, there are a few steps you might take in order to find an emotionally well long-term partner. You might begin by going online and looking at their dating profile; then you might write them by text or email.

Next, you may speak to them on the phone, and, if all of that goes beautifully, you will likely be meeting them for a first date.

Here are 15 red flags you should look for before you meet, during your date, and after you’ve started dating to make sure that your date is “emotionally well” before you get too involved:

1. They don’t have a profile picture, or it’s too obscure to make out the image

If an individual has no picture of themselves on their profile, this is usually an indication they are hiding something.

They might be newly separated, or feel they are unattractive, neither of which bodes well for emotional wellness!

Trust me, it is only a select few who are executives needing to hide their identity.

2. They emphasize how “honest” they are in their profile

Anyone who needs to say they are honest when describing themselves, particularly if they have made the word part of their user name, is a person whose had challenges with honesty in the past.

No one needs to state they are loyal, kind, or in possession of any trait that everyone has when they are emotionally well if they’re not struggling with it.

3. They mostly share photos of fancy/expensive belongings

Individuals showing pictures of their homes, cars, motorcycles or other external means of gratification in their profile may not be fully aware of their own greatness.

They believe they need to entice a partner in this way, which means they could be struggling to find positive traits in themselves to emphasize.

This could be a sign of not having emotional intelligence and not knowing how to truly connect with a person.

4. Their profile is either trying too hard or too revealing

Someone who is flexing their muscles or is scantily clad in their pictures is focusing on their external appearance or sexuality, which means they put less effort into making an emotional connection.

This is not a strong indication of being emotionally well!

5. They repeat key sentences of their profile over and over

Anyone repeating thoughts in their profile is clearly demonstrating their priority or showing you an area of their life where they are struggling in. Or perhaps they’re just really forgetful!

For example, if someone states over and over how important their children are, they might be having a challenge finding enough time to have a romantic relationship. They’re letting you know that their kids take up a large portion of their time.

The same can be said of someone who talks a lot about traveling, their work, or other events. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you share those interests, but it does mean they may prioritize that topic over you or an emotionally well, connected relationship.

6. They send you naked or revealing picture of themselves

They are likely more interested in having sex with you than being with you mentally and emotionally.

The same goes for if they ask you for similar pictures. Sending pictures like this is so commonplace today that you might be confused as to whether this is acceptable.

If you’re looking to have an emotional connection with someone and not just a fling, this is a red flag for having no emotional intelligence or wellness.

7. They text you so often that it’s interfering with your life

This is clearly not a sign they are emotionally well. Talking to each other when you first meet is normal and fun! But if they’re texting so much that you’re glued to your phone, this could be a problem.

And conversely, if there’s always a large delay in them responding to your texts, without an explanation, they may be playing games, which again, is not a sign of being emotionally available.

8. They delay speaking to you over the phone

Texting anyone more than a few times before setting up a phone call can raise both parties’ hopes unnecessarily.

Speaking on the phone is the very best way to read another’s energy and determine if there is chemistry before arranging the first date.

If they’re putting off a phone call but always available to text, there could be a problem.

9. They’re incredibly self-absorbed

Your potential date is more interested in talking about themselves, bragging or lamenting over past hurts than in talking to you or determining how you both might connect.

People with emotional intelligence understand that connection will come from both of you sharing — not just one!

10. They won’t meet you in person or constantly cancel or reschedule last minute

There is always an excuse as to why they can’t meet you in person – if it takes a long time to arrange a first date, how will the rest of your relationship fare?

Keep in mind that if you are not excited to meet the person you are talking to by the end of a phone call, there is no need to go on a date with him or her, even if there are no other red flags!

11. Their profile picture is much different than their current appearance

Your date’s profile didn’t contain pictures that are current or representative of their true essence. They’re older, heavier, or less attractive than their pictures, or perhaps look nothing like their pictures at all.

Tricking people with pictures or words is a recipe for disaster for any emotionally healthy relationship.

No one is perfect, but if anyone pretends to be perfect, this is a big red flag.

12. They’re focused on telling you what they’re not looking for in a relationship

Your date tells you what they don’t want instead of what they are looking for … if they say they don’t want drama, they’re actually attracting drama with that statement!

You might actually find there is a lot of drama in their life, and that’s not a good place for any emotionally well relationship.

13. They move way too fast in the first couple of dates

They tell you they love you, discuss wanting to marry/live with you, or heavily compliment you on the first few dates. Real feelings take some time to develop; neediness is not a sign of emotional wellness.

14. They press you for sex very early on

If they tell you they want to sleep with you on this first date, it sounds fun and exciting, but it is not a sign that your date is emotionally well.

Sorry to be a downer! An emotional connection needs time to build without the confusion of great sex. If they’re only interested in a physical connection, then you’re not likely going to have a deep emotional one.

15. They’re overly critical of their ex or past relationships

If they criticize their ex or take no responsibility for the end of their prior relationship, they’re probably not emotionally intelligent enough to have true insight into the relationship.

Anyone that is criticizing others is choosing the wrong way to make themselves look good. Remember, you want your partner to take responsibility for their part in things that go wrong with you.

Please don’t fret if it is taking you a while to meet the love of your life. The longer you take to meet your life partner, the longer you can work on coming to love yourself. This means the more likely you’ll attract someone who’s been doing the same!

Aim for having a long-term relationship with people who love themselves to the same degree you do.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Liz – Chapter 1 – Coffee Meets Bagel

I’ve been on all of these dating sites for years now.  (ok, five) I realized when I started writing phicklephilly I knew I had to start dating again. It’s be a daunting endeavor that has brought me joy and frustration. Like everything else in my life.

But that makes life interesting.

There’s a girl that comes in the salon that uses the dating app, Coffee Meets Bagel.

I don’t know anything beyond, Tinder, Bumble, Clover and OkCupid. But apparently there is another one.

She hasn’t had much luck and has decided to create a fictional boyfriend who’s a tall handsome accountant so her friends will stop bugging her to get out there.

I think it’s brilliant and creative. Because they don’t really care, they’re simply curious and you can give the gossips what they want and be done with it.

I actually got her number and thought we should hang out to get away from it all.

I tried Coffee Meets bagel, and it seemed like bullshit.

But, lo and behold it yielded me a match.

I was skeptical because I didn’t know the platform.

Liz had two pics and they were both good, but I wasn’t thrilled. But I have to think they swiped on me, how thrilling am I?

Let’s take a look at her profile:

She goes by LD

She’s fit.

46 years old.

Height: 5’5″

Ethnicity: Black/African Decent

Occupation: Working

Employer: PA

Education: Hard knocks/MBA

I am…

A pretty happy person. I like to meet new people.

I like…

Karaoke, festivals, drinking wine.

I appreciate when my date…

Is comfortable with himself. I like confidence and love a fun and funny guy.

That’s her profile.

So on the site the prompt her: “Liz said, I was born and raised in philly. Ask her about it.”

So off we go….

“Hello Liz, I was born in Philly too!”

“What part?”

“Northeast. Currently in Rittenhouse. Let’s meet up and have a glass of wine!”

“I’m not far far from Rittenhouse. Sounds good.”

“May I have your number.”

“I’m Charles. What’s your name?”

“I’m Lynn. I’d rather meet first before the number exchange. Okay?”

“Okay, Lynn. When are you available.”

“Friday after 6 or Sat between 1 and 3.”

“I can do Friday after 6, Lynn. Marathon. 16th and Sansom.”

“Perfect.”

“Putting it in my Calendar, Lynn.”

“Awesome. I’ll see you there at 6.”

“Cool.”

“We can still chat here until then if you’d like.”

“Oh yeah. That sounds good. So how long have you been on the site?

“I guess a month now. How about you?”

“I started a few days ago. I’m new to this site, but I’ve been on OKC in the past.” (OkCupid)

“I’m glad we matched. How was your OKC?”

“It was just okay. I think a lot of people are really interested in a relationship, but they aren’t ready for one. ”

“So OkCupid was just “ok” lol What are you seeking?”

“I’m looking for a guy who isn’t playing games. He’s interested or not. I’m looking for chemistry.”

“Me too. Chemistry is key.”

“It really is.”

“May I have your number? Just so I can text you to confirm our meeting.”

The next day I got this message on the site from Lynn.

“Charles, I need to reschedule. My co-worker took her life last night last night. I thought I would be better by now, but it’s still pretty hard.”

FUCK!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

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