10 Signs You Are Being Needy

In my ten years of coaching men and women on the perils of dating and relationships, the one journey women tell me they never want to go on again is meeting and hanging out with the “needy and clingy” man. Nothing turns women off more than a guy who is really needy.

Now, I can practically hear men’s voices protesting from everywhere, saying “But David, there are a lot of needy women too!” This blog is not about them . . . it’s about YOU.

Below are ten signs that you are being needy. Remember you are trying to attract women, not turn them off. So if you suffer from any of these signs of neediness, you need to immediately stop those actions.

1. You just walked a woman to her door at the end of a date. Instead of kissing her, you ask her if she had a good time. Women are attracted to confident men. They don’t want to have to tell you that they had a good time on a date . . . they want you to be secure enough in yourself to assume that they had a good time.

2. You called a woman last night and she has not yet called you back, so you either email her or call her again to ask her if she received your message. If you want to push her away, this is one of the best ways to get her to quickly run away from you.

3. You start texting a woman you just began dating five or six times a day. You are over-texting her. You don’t need to be checking in every two hours. That’s a sign of neediness and clingy behavior that turns women off.

4. You miss a call on your cell phone from a phone number that you don’t recognize. You call the woman you’re dating, and to whom you talked just two hours before, and ask “Did you just call me?” This kind of behavior is going to push and scare her away.

5. You agree with everything the woman you’re dating says. Women are not looking for a man who agrees with everything they say. Women want a man who challenges them and from whom they can learn. When a man agrees with everything a woman says, he is telling her that he’ll do ANYTHING to have a relationship (which is another sign of being needy).

6. The woman you’re dating is out for the evening with her friends. She promised to call you when she got home. It’s getting late and you haven’t heard from her. You just can’t resist and you call her cell phone several times until she answers it. This is a sign of being needy and insecure. She’s out with her friends . . . not out with another guy. Let her have some personal space and she’ll respect you more.

7. You are too available. If you have plans with a friend, keep those plans even if the woman you’re dating asks you to do something that night. Women don’t want men who are like a 7-Eleven – convenient and ready 24/7.

8. You try to please a woman all the time. I’m all about men doing nice things for women, but she has to earn it. Some men will let a woman walk all over them, and then continue to be a sponge and allow it over and over again. Stand up for yourself and she’ll respect you more. Letting a woman walk all over you is a clear sign to her that you’re needy.

9. Don’t be afraid to challenge a woman. If you don’t agree with something a woman says, don’t just sit there and agree with her thinking it’s what she wants. Women are looking for someone who is going to stimulate their mind . . . not bore them. Women are not turned on by men they can completely control.

10. Be the man! Have a plan and stick with it. Women like men who plan out evenings of fun. Don’t always ask a woman what she wants to do. Listen to what she likes when you’re having conversations with her, then come up with a fun plan that you will already know she’ll like. A needy man will do whatever a woman wants. A man of action will create plans for what they will do. Being a man of action will lead her to find you a lot more attractive in the long run.

Women are attracted to men who are confident and real. Women want to feel like you need them . . . but only after you already have your own life, your own ambitions, and your own goals.

The moment a man starts getting too clingy, a woman will run for the hills. This is exactly like how you will pull back from a woman who becomes clingy and needy.

If any of the items on this list resonates with you, then I suggest you eliminate that behavior so women will no longer see you as needy. For more tips on becoming less needy, check out my Men’s Audio Mastery Series by clicking right here, or send me an email with the subject line “Needy Man In Need Of Help!”

 

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Signs A Girl Wants You To Make A Move

When I was in school, I went to the movies with a girl who clearly liked me, but I was clueless and hesitant. After giving me all sorts of hints in the dark theater, I still wouldn’t make a move.

Afterwards she was frustrated and told me that we should just be friends. I look back on that story and cringe, but, like many guys, I didn’t know the signs a girl wants you to make a move. You can learn from my mistake!

Even though we live in the age of independent women, guys are still expected to make the first move. So, typically she’s going to drop the hints and you’re going to have to make the first move.

However, you don’t have to be clueless like me. While there aren’t crystal clear guidelines, there will be strong signs a girl wants you to make a move. If you get the vibe, then by all means, make your move.

Body Language Signs

Women can be difficult to understand partly because they can play hard to get or want you to prove that you’re interested. So, she might be giving you mixed signals with her words. This is where body language can be helpful.

Body language is done mostly subconsciously so she might be testing you with her words, while her body tells the tale of attraction.

Open and Engaging

The first step of seeing if she likes you is to look at her behavior when she’s around you. If she’s open, as in open arms, uncrossed legs, and relaxed, then she’s clearly comfortable with you.

Look for a high level of open and engaging body language, like leaning in, making eye contact, and not slouching when you’re talking to her.

Pointing

When a girl likes you, she will orient her body towards you, a phenomenon called “pointing.” Typically girls will point with their navels, their legs, and their feet in this situation. Both men and women will point towards people they find attractive.

Pay attention to pointing when you’re in a large group. If she is pointing her hips and/or legs in your direction, even while engaging everyone else, then her subconscious body language is gravitating towards you.

Touching and Proximity

couple holding hands in a fieldIf she gets close to you a lot and touches you, that’s a major sign the girl wants you to make a move. Keep in mind the touching will be more subtle.

Does she touch your arm? Does she massage your shoulders for a few seconds? If you’re showing her something on your phone, does she lean in closely, getting almost inappropriately close?

These are all subtle, but clear indicators that she is interested in you in some capacity. If she comes out and kisses you then you don’t even need to make a move! She did it for you.

Remember something about body language, though. It often indicates comfort and liking which isn’t always romantic. You’ll have to make sure other signs line up before assuming she’s into you sexually.

Gives You Permission

When I was talking to the girl I took to the movies, she told me how a friend of hers wanted her to model for him. He joked that he wouldn’t mind her doing some clothes-free photos. She laughed it off, but told me she’d happily let me take those photos of her.

Yes, I was a total idiot. Even with that gigantic sign that she liked me, I still held back from making a move, second guessing myself!

You’re probably laughing at my cluelessness. But, you know that in the moment, it’s easy to doubt, overthink, and second guess yourself. Knowing the signs a girl wants you to make a move isn’t always easy in the moment.

If she drops hints that she could see herself doing something romantic and sexual with you, that’s a huge sign she wants you to actually do it. Yes, she’s basically giving you permission to make a move on her.

Flirting

Flirting is the silent language of sexual attraction. On a basic level, flirting is joking around and having fun with someone you find attractive. Women will typically smile a lot, giggle, touch their hair, and touch you when they’re flirting.

If your conversations are fun and flirty with sexual tension, then it’s a good indicator she is attracted to you. Keep in mind, however, that some women flirt with almost anyone just for attention. So, if she does it with everyone, you might not be special.

Time And Attention

Whenever my clients ask me if a girl likes them, I always ask the level of attention she gives them. If it’s a lot, the signs are good she likes them. If they get her scraps and leftovers, then not so much. We pay attention to what we like. It’s that simple.

Of course, giving you attention could simply be a sign of friendship. However, if you’re getting her best time and attention, then it probably means she likes you more. This not only includes attention in real life, but also social media.

For example, when you text her does she text right back? When you ask her out does she say “yes” instantly? Is she always laughing at your jokes and taking interest in your activities and hobbies? If you’re getting that level of attention, she almost certainly likes you as more than a friend…and wants you to make some kind of move.

Compare Yourself To Her Guy Friends

If you’re looking for signs she wants you to make a move, compare yourself to her guy friends. Look at how she interacts with them vs. how she treats you.

If she treats you and them the same, then there’s little chance she finds you romantically attractive. But, if she treats you differently, interacting with you in a more sexual, flirtatious manner, then you can be pretty sure she is after you…and wants you to take it to the next level.

One good sign is also that her guy friends seem jealous about you. They are clearly picking up on her feelings towards you at that point. It’s further confirmation.

Making the Move: What to do?

couple kissing in snowIf you see the signs she wants you to make a move, read the situation carefully. If you barely know her, your “move” might just be to put your arm around her or grab her hand. From that point, you can escalate to more, like kissing or making out.

Just remember, that some women will want to move more slowly. So, if she lets you hold your hand, but rejects your kiss, don’t get upset. Go back to holding her hand and get to know her better. Maybe later in the evening or at another time, she’ll let you kiss her or do even more.

The key is to build comfort with her never try to push yourself on her. If you’re attractive, she trusts you, and she gives you the signs, then you can make your move comfortably and securely knowing that you both clearly want it. Above all, if she says “no” then you have to respect that.

So, don’t be a fool like I was in university. If you’re getting the signs she likes you, then make that move! You’ll both be happier for it. And, if she rejects you, then get better at reading the signs. There are other fish in the sea who will like you.

 

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6 Essential Qualities of the Happiest Relationships

Linda: My husband Charlie and I studied the happiest couples we could find, interviewing more than 50 couples.

These couples were the voice of experience, having been married for an average of 30 years. They had all created exemplary relationships in the many different forms that great relationships can take. We expected that people who felt really happy and fulfilled wouldn’t have many differences and would have very infrequent conflict.

It turns out happy doesn’t necessarily mean tranquil.

Many of the “happy” couples were quite opinionated and could be volatile at times. Although it was true that overall there wasn’t much conflict, there were profound differences.

What distinguished these couples was that they were able to relate to those differences with appreciation and gratitude, rather than merely tolerating them or judging and being resistant.

They believed their differences added something rich to their relationship. Yet it was impossible not to notice that there were several themes that ran through nearly all of these relationships.

They include:

1. Enlightened self-interest

This has to do with the recognition that the happier my partner is, the happier I’m going to be. While this notion represents a belief that most people would agree with, few couples actually live in accordance with it. Many couples are primarily motivated by the impulse to pursue their own desires, even at the risk of causing distress or a sense of loss to their partner. Nearly all of the couples with whom we spoke claimed to experience a sense of pleasure and even delight in bringing greater fulfillment into the life of their partner and did not feel that they were sacrificing anything in the process of doing so. On the contrary, they claimed that the discovery of new ways to bring more happiness into their partner’s life was one of their greatest joys.

2. Intolerance to grudge-holding

The couples with whom we spoke, practically without exception, had an extreme intolerance to the accumulation of withheld resentments and consistently dealt with upsets and disappointments swiftly and effectively whenever they arose in the marriage.

3. A willingness to take personal responsibility for their part in any upsets or conflict

While it is natural and common for most people to become defensive and blaming when they find themselves in a situation which involves feelings of disappointment, frustration, anger or hurt, most of these couples were very willing to consider their part in the creation of the circumstances that led to the breakdown and could acknowledge their responsibility with a minimum of defensiveness. While there might often be an initial impulse to defend their position or actions, the amount of time that they would spend in a defensive mode was very brief, compared to most couples, before they became willing to recognize and acknowledge how they might have contributed to the situation.

4. Unconditional honesty

While most of us value honesty as a trait that is essential to the good character, it is all too easy to rationalize, justify, or excuse more subtle forms of dishonesty, such as white lies, justifications, or exaggerations. Most of these couples were not only scrupulously honest with each other but also were conscientious about expressing their thoughts and feelings in ways that were sensitive to their partner and rarely communicated their experiences in ways that could be characterized as being “brutally honest.” This combination of consistent honesty with high-level sensitivity led to a deep level of trust and respect in the marriage.

5. Integrating responsible self-care with care for the marriage

What may be perhaps the greatest challenge of any marriage is that of simultaneously addressing and fulfilling one’s own needs without neglecting those of the relationship. Nearly all of the couples that we spoke with were adept at both of these aspects of their lives and tended to see them as so inextricably linked that there was no apparent conflict or even difference between the two. They frequently tended to see their own well-being as inextricably linked to the health of their relationship and approached this responsibility with a sense of privilege, rather than a sense of duty or obligation.

6. Living in gratitude

For most of these people, the glass is always half-full. They are fundamentally optimistic, and that sense of optimism generally spills over to their marriage, as well as to other relationships in their lives. It is important to note that many of them hadn’t always had a natural temperament towards optimism, but had cultivated it in the course of their marriage. Many were influenced by an optimistic partner whose attitude supported them to cultivate a more positive worldview in their own lives. Consequently, there was a strong tendency to feel and express gratitude to each other and to others on an ongoing basis. This tendency to live in gratitude becomes a self-reinforcing experience that over time seems to permeate one’s overall quality of life experience.

 

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How to Get Your Crush’s Attention: 15 Smooth Ways to Catch their Eye

Your eyes are always all over your crush, but they don’t know your name. It’s about time that changed, right? Learn how to get your crush’s attention.

Having a crush can be a lot of fun! Of course, it comes with a hint of drama, but that’s what crushes are for. They take you on this roller coaster of emotions. But if you’re ready to move from crush to something else, it’s time to learn how to get your crush’s attention.

In high school and university, I was always crushing on the popular guy. It didn’t work out too well for me. I was a complete tomboy, but I would spend my days and nights thinking about them *stalking them on social media, guilty as charged*, and daydreaming about the moment they’d come and confess their love for me. That day never came, but that doesn’t mean it can’t play out that way for you.

How to get your crush’s attention

If I had someone to take advice from, I probably would have done a lot better back in the day. That’s why I’m here. You don’t need to follow in my footsteps. Instead, allow me to show you what you need to do to grab your crush’s notice. It’s not as hard as you think, but it will require you to put in some work.

What’s important is that you don’t change who you are in the process. You are you, always remember that. You can change the superficial things, but don’t try to change who you are to please your crush because it won’t last even if you do get their attention. So, use these tips to learn how to get your crush’s attention, but not at your own expense.

#1 Use your personality. All of us have personalities that are different from one another. Now, you may be thinking that this is bad, but that’s silly. This is your biggest advantage. Your personality is rich with humor, thoughts, and opinions. Use this to flirt with them and turn them on.

#2 Look at them! If you’ve never spoken a word to them, start with eye contact. It’s harmless, and it can be super flirty. If they’re into you, it’s a hint that you’re into them too. Now, you don’t need to stare them down, but look at them when you pass by. If you’re talking to their friends when your crush is around, make sure to look at them.

#3 Befriend their friends. This is an old trick, but it can be very effective. You want to get their attention, right? So, if you’re a little nervous, start by befriending their circle of friends.

This way, they’ll slowly start to hear your name and pay more attention to you. You’ll get invited to some mutual events, and by doing this, you slowly bring yourself and your crush closer together.

#4 Keep your distance. They’re your crush, obviously, you’re going to want to be around them all of the time, but this isn’t what you need to do. Instead, keep a little distance. Everyone knows when someone likes them, and if you’re around too much, it becomes more annoying than anything. Plus, they see you as someone who likes them. You need to be the one they’re into.

#5 Work on your confidence. If you’re not confident in yourself, your crush won’t take notice of you. You need to show yourself as someone with high self-worth and respect. If they see that, they’ll be intrigued. If you can, try to go up to your crush and introduce yourself.

#6 Crack jokes. The best way to create a bond is through laughter. That’s right. If you have a good sense of humor, use it! You’d be a fool not too. You can crack small jokes here and make them laugh. By doing this, they’ll want to be around you more.

#7 Watch out for the friend-zone. Ah yes, the friend-zone. I know very well about that zone from both sides. Now, it’s entirely possible to be friends and then lovers, but you don’t want to be spending too much time in the friend-zone. It’s important you find a balance and eventually make your intentions known.

#8 Use your smile. It’s easy for people to fall in love with a smile. How can you not love other people smiling? It’s sexy, it’s sweet, it’s positive. All the things people want in their lives. If you run into your crush, give them a hello smile. You want to look like someone they can approach and talk to.

#9 Don’t push for conversation. It’s easy to become that one person who’s obviously trying to get their crush’s attention. If they text you, don’t try to prolong the conversation for hours and hours. Let it naturally fade. Relationships don’t start from one person obsessing over the other.

#10 Be direct with your crush. When you have a crush, it isn’t easy to speak your mind. We usually just stutter and blush whenever they’re around. You don’t need to declare your love for them, but you should, at least with your body, show your interest. Sit near your crush, touch their arm when they crack a joke. These small things work wonders.

#11 Have a little mystery. I’m not mysterious, so this one is hard for me. But when it comes to knowing how to get your crush’s attention, if you can show some mystery to your crush, do it. You don’t want to give everything away, let them become curious. This is how you turn your crush into something more. They need to want to get to know you.

#12 Have a mini-makeover. Not only will this boost your confidence, but it may grab the attention of your crush. If you want to switch up your hairstyle or try a new lipstick, you should totally do it. Why not? If you feel good and your crush notices you, it’s a win-win.

#13 Wear something red. This can be a red shirt or red makeup. The point is, it’s red. If you’re wondering why you need to wear red, that’s because red automatically draws the eye to you. Plus, it’s also a sexually arousing color. Say whaaaat.

#14 Practice. You’re going to have to practice getting your crush’s attention. You may not nail the first conversation with them. Maybe you were nervous, but eventually, it’ll get easier to talk to your crush. What’s important is that you don’t let that get in your way. Just keep on practicing.

#15 Be yourself. If you want your crush to be into you for the right reasons, be yourself. Sure, you can cut your hair, and buy new clothes, totally fine. But, never, and I really mean this, never change yourself for your crush. If you’re not into smoking, for example, don’t start smoking because your crush smokes. Be you. If they don’t like it, find a new crush.

Not everyone is going to come to you. Sometimes, you have to put in some effort. Some elbow grease is part of what it takes when learning how to get your crush’s attention.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Cherie – Chapter 57 – Warm Love

I spent Saturday with Cherie on Saturday. We hadn’t seen each other in a long time, but I was happy we were re-connecting. She came to Philly and we had some intimate conversation and sex.

I figured we were all good. This has happened before. The distance thing, and if it goes too long she gets a little reserved. I figured I had fixed that on Saturday. The sex, the time, the conversations… we’re good.

I’m a man. Women are far more complex than we are. That’s why we need them! To make us better people! We’re a bunch of Jeeps and they are elegant angels that we are blessed to have in our lives. We must treasure them and pay attention at all times, even though most of us suck at that.

I get a text a day later after our orgasmic brunch weekend from my beloved.

“I’m kind of mad at you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m still upset about how I thought you didn’t love me anymore.”

This is what happens when you don’t see your lady for a long period of time, gents.

“When was this? I never stopped loving you.”

“Well we didn’t see each other for a long time. We stopped talking so much. I was really sad.”

“Me too. But I thought we cleared that up last Saturday.”

“I thought so too, but I thought about it and I’m still mad at you. You’re going to have to earn it back if you expect to get the (Cat Emoji. = Sex)

“I’m going to work to be better to you.”

“You have A LOT of making up to do.”

I didn’t respond. I had to think about it. I love Cherie so much. She is probably the greatest girl I’ve ever met. I can’t throw this away because of where I am in my life and pride.

We open the conversation again a day later. I didn’t know she was still pissed.

“Yo Dawg.”

I send an emoji with a heart.

“Love on the brain.”

“I like that song! How is your day?”

I’m just hoping Cherie has cooled off.

“I wish I could sleep in, Lol. It’s ok. Lot’s of studying. You?”

“Just living the dream at the gym and salon.”

“You have big dreams and I admire them.”

Seems like maybe she’s not so mad at me anymore.

“You too! I just want to stay busy and be with you.”

“I want to be with you and only you. I miss you.”

This is good news. I think Cherie is back.

“I’m off next Saturday. Movie date?”

“I work. I don’t know what time I get done.”

“I am now off every other Saturday and I’d like to spend them with you, if possible. I know I have A LOT to make up for…”

I quoted her to show her I realize that I need to put in some serious time in our relationship so I don’t lose her. Cherie has great value. I can’t squander this wonderful, loyal woman.

“I want to spend time with you too.”

“Let’s try to do that, dear!” (Heart emoji) I don’t want you to be sad or mad at me.”

“I agree. I want us to be happy and in love.”

Cherie is the greatest woman I have ever met.

“I am happy and in love with you. Just need to see you more and do fun stuff with you and more fun stuff together.”

“Yes. I want to see you more too and do fun stuff and just be with you.

 

That’s how our texts end for tonight, but I think I’m working my way back into the heart of my girlfriend. I know everything will be fine. This relationship is a dynamic that works beautifully for me. Cherie gets a little lonely and moody but she’ll be fine. I’ll over do it on Valentine’s Day and since I’m taking more time off from my three businesses now I will make more time for her. We have the sweetest connection.

The Sunday after we were together I ran into a few of my female friends at the salon and at a bar I frequent. The conversation was always the same.

“How was your weekend?”

“Fantastic. I got to spend time with my girlfriend on Saturday. I love her so much.”

“Awww that’s so nice.”

“I absolutely love her. She is an absolutely wonderful woman. I’m blessed to have her in my life.”

“That’s so great Charles!”

I have truly hit the lottery with Cherie. I have been myself and I’ve done things. But like I said before, I compartmentalize my life. I have to at my age. Living in Rittenhouse. Daughter lives with me. Paid out $125,000 in child support. I have to be careful from now on. Cherie is amazing but I must keep my distance but love her unconditionally. She’s so easy to adore, but I’ve been through so much and now I’m wise, but jaded.

I will hold onto her as long as I can and I see a glorious finale to this movie that is my life, but there are so many things that are happening. I will never do anything to hurt Cherie, but this blog is called phicklephilly and it won’t write itself…

I am loyal and my heart belongs to my queen, but things are going to happen in my life and as long as they aren’t toxic, I’m going to let them happen. Out love affair is unconventional, but the best set up that’s ever happened for me so I’m just going to keep sliding down destiny’s rainbow.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Your Partner May Be Toxic If They Say These 8 Things

In the middle of an argument, it can be easy to say something hurtful that you don’t really mean. But even during a fight, you and your partner should strive to keep the discussion civil and respectful. If your partner says toxic things to you on a regular basis, that’s not acceptable, according to experts.

If your partner says one of these toxic things to you, that isn’t necessarily a sign that the entire relationship is worth abandoning. What’s more important is how they react when you confront them about this, and whether or not they change. “If the partner is open to admitting it’s a problem, they can move forward with working towards change,” Joanne Ketch, LPC, LMFT, a psychotherapist specializing in strengthening relationships, tells Bustle. But if they don’t react so apologetically to what they’ve said to hurt you, that’s another story. “If the partner dismisses, invalidates, gaslights, or repeats a toxic behavior, I suggest that [they] get outside help,” Ketch says. “If that doesn’t work, I suggest leaving the relationship.”

Sometimes, toxicity can verge on abuse, she says. You should never feel like you have to put up with abuse, no matter how much you love your partner. Reach out to trusted friends and family members and speak with a mental health professional if you need support for leaving the relationship.

If your partner says these things, it may be toxic, according to experts.

1. “You’re A Loser”

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If you’re in a heated argument with your partner, it can be easy to say things that you don’t really mean. But name-calling is a bad habit, no matter how angry they are. “People who call their partners names lack the skills necessary for effective communication and conflict resolution,” Virginia Gilbert, MFT, MFC, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sex and love addiction and high-conflict divorce, and the author of Transcending High-Conflict Divorce, tells Bustle. If this only happens once by accident, tell your partner clearly that it’s not acceptable to call you names and that you won’t continue the conversation until they speak to you with more respect. “If name-calling is habitual, it’s a sign of verbal abuse,” Gilbert says. “If your partner does not demonstrate remorse, or agree to therapy or anger management, you should make plans to leave the relationship.”

2. “You’re Overreacting”

“People who accuse their partners of overreacting or being ‘high drama’ are often unaware that they are doing things to invite a strong, negative reaction,” Gilbert says. “For instance, they may be consistently irresponsible, critical, or, worse, gaslighting to deflect from infidelity or abuse.” If you get even more upset when your partner says that you’re overreacting for having a reasonable response to a difficult situation, that can really be harmful for your relationship and erode your self-esteem, she says.

Once you’ve taken some time to cool down, let your partner know that saying this invalidated your feelings and that, in the future, you’d like them to be more respectful.

3. “Why Can’t You Just Be Happy?”

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Whether you’re severely struggling with a mental health issue or you’re just upset about a situation, a healthy partner is one who will show you empathy and ask how they can support you. But someone who wants you to just “get over it” or “just be happy” is not someone who’s reacting in a positive way. “If your partner personalizes your mood, acts like you’re a buzz-kill, or emotionally abandons you, they are essentially saying you’re not OK as you are, and their love is conditional,” Gilbert says.

Try acknowledging that your partner might feel helpless to support you through the situation, she says. Then, explain that comments like these actually make you feel worse. If they change their behavior, that’s wonderful. But if they keep acting like your negative emotions are a burden, you might want to consider couples therapy or leaving the relationship.

4. “No One Else Would Be With You”

“Abusers use this phrase to control their partners,” Gilbert says. “They erode your self-esteem so that you will stay and continue to tolerate abusive behavior.” If your partner says this to you, they probably have low-esteem and a sense of abandonment themselves, she says. But it’s not OK for them to treat you this way, no matter what the reason.

“If your partner devalues you by telling you no one else will want you, you need to leave the relationship ASAP before the abuse escalates,” Gilbert says. Reach out to trusted friends or family members to help support you, and consider speaking with a mental health professional if you’d like some extra guidance.

5. “You’re So Stupid”

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There may be a context in which your partner saying “You’re so stupid” is fine. For example, if you tell a corny joke, they might laughingly say this as a response. But if your partner is genuinely insulting your intelligence, that’s a sign of a toxic situation.“This is a power technique and toxic to any relationship,” Ketch says.

Confront your partner about how demeaning a statement like this can feel to you. If they sincerely apologize and promise to be more careful with their language in the future, that’s a good sign. But if they consistently belittle you, you might want to consider ending the relationship.

6. “If You Really Loved Me…”

When your partner is trying to convince you to agree to their favorite dinner spot or share your favorite pair of fuzzy socks, they might say “Well, if you really love me” in a silly way. But if they’re seriously trying to manipulate you into doing what they want, that’s not so innocuous. While it might not seem like a bit deal at the time, it might be a sign of a deeper issue in the relationship.

“If your partner threatens you with this line, call it out for the manipulation that it is,” Adina Mahalli, MSW, a certified relationship expert and mental health consultant, tells Bustle. “You do love your partner, and they know it, so whatever they’re about to say is a form of guilt-tripping.,” she says. “You have nothing to prove with this toxic remark.”

7. “You Left Me With No Choice”

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While it’s probably true that your actions influence your partner in some way, the choices that you make do not take away your partner’s ability to make decisions. For example, maybe your partner said this to you after you confronted them about cheating. When your partner blames you for something you did not do by telling you “You left me with no choice,” that’s not a good sign. “If your partner ever tells you this, your first thought should be the knowledge that it’s just not true,” Mahalli says. “Trying to shift accountability and place the blame on you for their own actions isn’t OK and is a sign of toxic behavior,” she says.

8. “You’re Just Like Your Parent”

If your partner and your mom are BFFs or your partner and your dad are inseparable, it’s probably a major compliment for them to tell you “You’re just like your parent.” But if this is something that they say in an attempt to hurt your feelings, that’s a sign of a toxic situation.

Do your best to stay calm, Dr. Doug Weiss, a licensed psychologist and relationship therapist, tells Bustle. Even though your partner said this to you, they might not have thought about their words before they spoke them. Explain clearly that this statement hurt your feelings, and give them the chance to apologize. Make sure you establish boundaries and speak up for yourself, Weiss says.

If your partner says something hurtful during an argument, give them the chance to apologize and resolve not to do it again. But if they consistently say some of these toxic things, you might want to consider leaving the relationship.

Editor’s Note: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

 

 

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Women With These 3 Irresistible Traits Know How to Get — and Keep — the Guy

Are you ‘wife material’?

Men can be confusing. To many women, when you first meet a guy start dating him, he’s so focused on you being hot and sexy that even though he says he wants more, the only thing on on his mind seems to be hooking-up.

Then, after you do, his behavior changes and suddenly it feels like he’ll never see you as “wife material”.

You feel completely blindsided and have no idea how to get a boyfriend who’ll want to talk about marriage when none of the dating or relationship advice you follow seems to work and make a guy fall in love with you.

What do men even want in a wife? Are there certain personality traits or other qualities and characteristics men find attractive in other women that you, apparently, seem to lack?

You want answers, the good news is that I’m here to give you the man’s perspective.

If you want to know how to get a boyfriend who’s excited to talk about marriage with you, work on honing these 3 personality traits men find most attractive in women.

1. Receptivity

When a man is really into you and is starting to take you seriously, he wants to give to you. In fact, good men fall in love when they give.

For example; he’s going to want to take you to dinner. Please don’t offer to split the check.

Being receptive in this context means you simply thank him and tell him how great the food was and what a wonderful choice of a restaurant he picked.

A mature man doesn’t need you to pay half the bill. He’s looking for a woman he can make happy and who will appreciate what he offers.

This may seem old-fashioned, but I’m not in the fashion business. I am in the help you get married and have children business.

A man marries a woman who has a solid self-esteem. Notice I didn’t say self-confidence. Self-confidence is about what you do. Self-esteem is about who you are.

Being receptive means you are comfortable and used to a man caring about how you feel, you like it, and you let him know you appreciate it when he takes care of you.

This may seem counterintuitive, but this is one of the key ways a man measures your self-esteem to sees if you may be the kind of woman he wants as a potential wife.

He wants to make you happy, and he wants to know by your feedback if he can successfully do that.

Being receptive doesn’t mean you’re sold on him. It just means you’re willing to let him try to win you over via the ancient custom of courtship, which involves one person giving to the other.

2. Available

If a guy asks you out and you’re not available for two weeks, he may still call you and follow up in hopes of a possible hook-up. But if you don’t make yourself available to see him within a reasonable amount of time, such as within one week, he’ll will come to one of two conclusions: you’re too busy with your friends and career, or you’re just not into him.

Guys are all about momentum. When they first meet you, they’re super excited and can’t wait to see you again. When you’re available, you give them the green light and let them know you’re super excited, too.

Will he get ahead of himself and ask for too much, like wanting to see you every night or sleep with you right away? Maybe. But that’s not a problem. You want a guy who’s enthusiastic.

Your job is to let him know when you are available, within reason, at a pace that works with your comfort level, and without giving him the impression that it’s never going to happen.

3. Respectful

If you look around, you’ll notice that men often don’t marry the hottest, sexiest girl they ever met. What a mature man wants in the women he’ll marry is something you can’t see with your eyes.

If he’s smart, a man marries a woman who respects him.

This simply means you respect the way he lives his life, you believe his career is on point, you appreciate the way he interacts with his friends and family, and his goals and aspirations in life are things you agree with and feel good about.

The number one thing you can do in order to show a man that you respect is asking him what he thinks about things.

When he has a problem, tell him you support him and that you’re sure he’ll figure it out.

Ask him for his advice and opinions on a topic he’s knowledgeable about.

A relationship-ready man is looking for a life partner. Doing this will make it clear to him that you’re on his team.

Getting what you want and having your way is great when you’re single, but being on a team means seeing things in a different light.

It’s hard to respect a hook-up. There’s not enough skin in the game. However, it’s easy to respect a man who wants to build with you, and that’s what having a woman’s respect does for a man — it makes him want to build with her.

If you want to know to get a boyfriend who’s willing and excited to talk about marriage, recognize that the three personality traits men find most attractive in women are receptivity, availability, and respectfulness.

Being receptive means you’re willing to follow his lead. You want to find out how he handles reality. Where does he want to take you for dinner? What does he want to do for fun? Sit back and observe so you can learn what he has to offer, if he makes your life better and if you even want him to be your boyfriend, let alone your husband.

Men are all about momentum. He’s going to come on strong and he’s going to want to do a lot of things right away in order to see if you’re available to him. As much as you can, within reason, be available. Know that yes, you’re going to have to slow him down, and you should. Just don’t kill his enthusiasm.

You’re going to want a man you respect. A lifetime is too long to spend married to a man you’re not inspired by.

At the end of the day, it really comes down to character.

Looks fade, however, a man marries a woman who respects him and is on his team, because, in the end, lasting love is a team player game.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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