Five Things to Talk About on a First Date

Ah, the first date. Could anything be more exciting? Or perhaps maybe even a little nerve racking? Almost everyone is nervous upon meeting a stranger for the first time so if you feel the tickle of butterflies in your stomach or perhaps knots, do not despair this is only natural. Making a good impression on the first day is of the utmost importance. As important as it is to look your best and be well groomed, it is equally important to be equipped with what you will say on the date. A lot of factors play into whether or not a first date will go well. Spilling your guts out on the first date can overwhelm the other person.

On the first date it’s important to keep the conversation interesting but also light and fun. Talking about the wrong topics could butcher a first date. It is important to have at minimum a mental list of questions and topics to bring up that are safe to talk about. You don’t want to arrive on a first date looking sharp but also be at a loss for words for the duration of it. Luckily, here is my go-to list of the top 5 Things to talk About on a First Date that will ensure that you get that second date.

1. What is a surprising fact about yourself?
Asking this question will provoke your date to open up without having to dig deep for their answer. It will also help to get some of that initial awkwardness to subside. This question will also prevent the conversation from dragging and becoming dull. They might share a special talent they have or a unique hobby. They might have an embarrassing habit or interest. They might be able to wiggle their ears. Maybe they collect dead bugs or play an unusual instrument? You will never know unless you ask. This question will promote closeness without asking something too personal. It is a good safe question you can use especially if you run out of things to say because you can most likely get away with asking it at any point during the date. After the two of you share the surprising facts about yourselves hopefully a natural chemistry will begin to flow between you.

2. What is something you are passionate about?
It’s important to ask this question on a first date. Having a few things in common with someone certainly does not mean that the two of you are a perfect match. However, sharing a common interest with someone does tend to make the first date go smoother. It will give you a chance to talk about something you are highly knowledgeable or at least passionate about. It will give both of you the chance to relax and talk about your passions with ease. What better way to get to know someone than to watch someone’s eyes light up while you listen to them chatter with enthusiasm about their passions. It also might give you an idea for an activity for a second date. If a hobby or interest is shared between the two of you there is a chance you might want to do that activity together. Or perhaps they have a hobby that you have not yet tried but are interested in. This will give them the opportunity to teach you and you the opportunity to learn something new. It could very well create a bonding experience between the two of you.
3. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

If there was ever a question that would shake those first date jitters, it would be this one. I really love this question because it will cause the other person to open up and reveal a part of their genuine self and unravel any false fabrications they may have been using as a front. Every single person has at least a few embarrassing stories and while I’m sure we would all like them to stay buried, it’s an integral step in the process of opening up to someone. Being open and truthful is important even on a first date because trust is built on a foundation of honesty. Being dishonest on a first date will lay the groundwork for a rocky relationship if one is ever to develop. This question will cause both of you to expose a more vulnerable side of yourself, all while sharing a chuckle or two.
4. What are you most afraid of?
This is an interesting question. I think it is an important question because it is one that is not typically asked on a first date or first encounter. It’s a question that might lead to other interesting questions. It will force the conversation to delve a little deeper. While you can’t possibly know someone completely on a first date, this might allow you to catch a glimpse of a person’s real self. Some people have ordinary fears such as snakes, spiders or heights. Others might have a fear that might be considered more unusual such as clowns, drowning or mice. It’s interesting to hear what a person is afraid of and the stories behind the fears that they may use to justify them.

5. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
If you ever run out of things to say, talking about your past travels or dream vacation spots might be a way to get the conversation back on track. The world is wide and beautiful. Who doesn’t dream about going out and seeing it? The destinations that your date selects will also tell you valuable information about their personality. Does their dream destination involve a daring adventure or an athletic activity? Or does it involve a relaxing day at the beach with a cold drink? Knowing if your date is laid back and calm or outgoing and energetic will reveal whether or not the two of you will be compatible in the long run.

 

 

The 5 Worst Tinder Scams: Tips for Dating Safely on Tinder

Since online dating is so popular, online dating platforms are a perfect tool for scammers. And with Tinder being one of the most popular apps, Tinder scams are common.

Here are are the Tinder scams that you should look out for, along with advice on how to avoid them. Because we want you to keep swiping right without being scammed.

1. Tinder Account Verification Code Scam

The Tinder account verification scam involves a match asking whether you have verified your profile on the app. The match, who is actually a bot, then asks you to verify your account through a link that they provide.

However, the link sends you to a third-party website. The site requires you to fill in personal information such as your full name, your email address, your birthdate, and your credit card number.

Instead of being used to verify your account, this information is used to register you (and your credit card) for costly subscriptions to adult websites. Users who fall for this scam report that the subscriptions can run up to $120/month and are very difficult to cancel.

How to Avoid This Scam

Tinder does actually have verified accounts, but this verification is never done through a third-party.

According to the Tinder FAQ, “Some Tinder profiles are verified to confirm their authenticity. Verified profiles include public figures, celebrities, and brands. If a Tinder profile is verified, a blue verified badge will appear next to the user’s name.”

However, you have to send a verification request to an email address at Tinder to start the process. Furthermore, verification is limited to only certain public figures and brands. Therefore, the average person won’t be verified.

2. Tinder Bot Profiles

The bots mentioned above are just one type of bot using Tinder. In reality, many different types of bots try to lure users into different scams.

These bots can usually simulate a real conversation. However, after a short while, they will send you a link, asking you to visit it. The link usually sends you to an app, an online game, or some other online service.

The bot may talk about wanting to play the online game with you, suggest downloading a chat app so that you can have a more adult conversation, or say that they recommend the service and you should try it out.

Unfortunately the links they send you will likely end with you providing personal information to a fake site or downloading malware to your phone, so be sure to learn how to spot online fakes used by scammers.

You can’t trust everything you see online. Here are seven commonly faked elements online and some advice for identifying them.

How to Recognize a Tinder Bot

The easiest way to avoid a Tinder bot scam is to learn to recognize one as fast as possible. However, recognizing a bot is more difficult than you might think.

Improvements in chatbot functionality make them a lot harder to identify. Bots do very well with the kind of conversations you have in online dating—short, direct questions and responses.

Here are a few ways to spot a potential bot:

  • Be on alert if the profile only has between one and three very similar photos (especially glamour or professional modeling shots).
  • Profiles with limited info, nothing in their bio, and very suggestive images are more likely to be bots.
  • Bots often reply very quickly—sometimes faster than the time it takes to type their message. They are also more likely to message first.
  • 99 percent of the real people on Tinder will not ask you to follow a link, download an app, or to play a sketchy online game. If the person you’re talking to asks you to do this, the chances are it’s a scam.

If you suspect a Tinder match is a bot, there are a few strategies for testing your suspicion. Challenge suspected bots by asking complicated or very specific questions. This could be as simple as asking the bot to explain something in one of their photos or asking a two-part question.

You can also try using a nonsense word in place of a noun while asking a question. If the bot uses the nonsense word back (instead of asking you what you’re talking about), you know it’s not a real person.

3. Catfishing on Tinder

Many scams are run by real people using fake profiles. Also known as “catfishing”, these scammers use a fake persona and make you believe that they are interested in you.

These scammers are difficult to identify, don’t have the tell-tale signs of bots, and are often willing to play a long game. Tinder takes some steps to prevent these kinds of scams by linking profiles to Facebook and Instagram, but this isn’t always enough.

Human scammers generally create fake Facebook profiles with images sourced online and create elaborate stories about their fake lives. Once you match with a scammer, they will probably be very quick to suggest moving to another chat platform such as Skype. They may even talk to you on the phone and suggest starting a relationship.

Inevitably, some sort of disaster will supposedly affect the scammer. After this, they’ll request money from you. Sometimes they claim to need money to travel to meet you; other times they’ll claim there’s some family emergency and they need financial help from you.

By playing to your emotions, master scammers can make thousands of dollars using these techniques.

How to Recognize a Catfish or Fake Account on Tinder

social catfish

If someone has a very limited profile and you’re suspicious, consider using a site like socialcatfish.com to check whether their account is real. This site’s search engine can help you verify that their images, emails, phone numbers, or usernames aren’t being used with multiple accounts.

Many people running a catfish scam will want to talk on other forms of social media as soon as possible so that you don’t flag their Tinder account for spam. So be sure to delay speaking to someone on WhatsApp, Skype, or text until you’re sure that you can trust them.

Another great way to avoid a catfish scam is to actually meet up with your matches. A catfish will usually find excuses or not show up to meetups since they’re hiding behind a fake profile.

Finally, don’t give money to people you meet through social media or dating apps.

4. Tinder Blackmail Scams

Scammers also target Tinder users for blackmail schemes. This scam involves Tinder profiles that solicit nude pictures from other users in order to blackmail them. Once you send through nudes, the scammers demand money in exchange for not releasing the images.

Unlike Tinder bots, these scammer accounts are run by real people who carefully groom potential victims for days. Once they establish trust, they ask for these images.

How to Deal With Tinder Blackmail

To avoid this scam, do not send any compromising images of yourself to matches—especially if you’ve never met them before. This is just one way to protect your privacy while dating online.

Online dating can leave you vulnerable to privacy risks. In this article, we explain how to stay anonymous and protect your privacy on popular dating apps.

However, it’s not too late if this has already happened. If you are being blackmailed on Tinder or other dating apps, there are organizations and companies that can help you. You should get in contact with an organization that deals with removing private images from the internet.

Find an organization in your country that deals with takedown requests for private images. Google has a dedicated takedown request form for these types of issues if your images appear in search results.

Furthermore, the UK has a dedicated helpline for people whose intimate images appear online.

5. Venue Promotion Scams on Tinder

Another scam on Tinder involves people hired to attract customers to a specific venue, such as a restaurant. The match will tell you that they will be at a venue soon with their friends and you should stop by if you would like to meet up.

However, when you arrive, your match isn’t there. Rather, you’ll find other people who were also told to stop by by the same profile.

Another version of this scam is especially popular in China. The online date will want to eat at a specific venue and will rack up a huge tab that you have to pay for. After the date, you’ll never hear from your match again.

How to Avoid This Tinder Scam

Look out for any matches that suggest meeting up at a specific venue after very little interaction. Most people want to at least chat a while before they suggest meeting up.

If you’re suspicious of a potential date, maybe suggest an alternative location to meet up, such as a coffee shop. This makes it unlikely that they’ll rope you into an expensive dinner and shows whether they’re willing to budge on where to meet. If they were hired to get customers to a specific venue, they won’t want to meet up somewhere else.

Stay Safe While Online Dating

So there we have it. These are the Tinder scams you need to watch out for while swiping right on people you want to date. But thankfully, scams are still a small part of online dating as a whole.

There are a few rules to follow when online dating, such as not sharing too much information, not lying on your profile, and using the right platform for your goals. So make sure you check out our online dating mistakes you should never make and these mistakes to avoid when using Tinder so that you can enjoy a positive experience.

 

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9 Signs Somebody’s Keeping You On The Back Burner, According To Experts

It’s not always easy to tell when someone’s keeping you on the back burner. Do they have a lot going on? Are they just bad at texting? Or are they stringing you along while they weigh their other options? You may never know for sure, but there are a few signs a person isn’t invested or fully interested — and recognizing them can save you a lot of wasted energy.

“Being on the back burner means that you’re in someone’s life as a second (or third) choice,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. They maintain a relationship by communicating with you just often enough to keep you interested, but don’t show signs of fully committing. And this could be for a variety of reasons, including having you on standby should their current relationship fall through.

While it may not seem fair, “some people are fine being in a back burner relationship and accept that they aren’t someone’s priority,” Bennett says. This might be the case if you’re just casually hooking up, or taking things slow. And as long as you’re both clear about that, then it’s perfectly OK.

“However, if it bothers you, then you need to speak up about your feelings,” Bennett says. “In addition, it’s important to set boundaries. Usually, this means not giving time, attention, and emotional investment to people who aren’t willing to give you equal amounts in return.” Read on below for a few signs you may be on the back burner, according to experts, as well as what you can do about it.

1. They Take Forever To Text Back

Woman texting in her bed

Consider it a red flag if someone takes days to text back, especially if they don’t offer a good reason. Photo credit: Shutterstock

Everyone gets busy, so you can’t always expect someone to text back immediately, or maintain an ongoing conversation. But you don’t want to wait days for a response, either.

“Most people are with their phones all of the time,” Bennett says. “If you know the other person is free but you don’t get timely replies to your texts, it’s a sign that you could be on the back burner.”

Typically, if someone’s interested in developing a relationship, they’ll find the time to communicate — no matter how busy they get. So if they aren’t giving you the time of day, and you don’t like how it feels, it’s completely fair to move on.

2. They Never Make Solid Plans

If you’re on someone’s back burner, you might notice that they’re all talk when it comes to making plans. They might go on and on about vacation ideas, or claim they really want to see you. But if they aren’t setting solid dates, you have every right to wonder what’s up.

With back burner relationships, Bennett says, it’s not uncommon for the person to resist making solid plans. They might say they aren’t sure of their schedule. But in reality, they’re just stalling as they wait to hear back from other people, first.

3. They Text At The Last Minute

indonesia girl using cell phone in bed

If someone only texts late at night, you might be on their back burner. Photo credit: Shutterstock

If you only receive texts from this person at 11 p.m. on a Friday night, it can feel as if you weren’t their first choice for the evening. And you may very well be right.

One way to tell, Bennett says, is if they admit to feeling bored. While some people may find themselves with unexpected downtime and choose to reach out, it could be a sign they’re turning to you because they didn’t have anything else going on.

In these moments, it’s best to consider what you want. It can be exciting to finally hear from a person you’ve been interested in. But if the level of attention they’re giving you isn’t adequate, it’s OK to look out for your best interests, say no, and move on.

4. They Don’t Call When They Say They Will

If someone keeps promising to call at a certain time, but never lights up your phone, take it as a sign. When you’re on someone’s back burner, they’ll be flaky like this on a regular basis, Jaclyn Lopez Witmer, a licensed clinical psychologist based in New York, tells Bustle.

And when it comes to setting the foundation for a solid relationship, that’s not what you want. “If you’re on the ‘front burner’ or the top of someone’s mind,” Lopez Witmer says, “they are most likely going to contact you when they say they will and be as consistent as possible in communicating with you because they want to see you and have made it a priority to do so.”

5. They Reappear When They Need Something

Side view of thoughtful young woman with brown hair and smartphone in yellow sweater touching chin while sitting at desk with notebook in cafe

Consider it a red flag if this person only reaches out when they need something. Photo credit: Shutterstock

It’s possible you’ve ended up as this person’s go-to when they’re in need of help or attention, Bennett says. If they were truly interested in being your partner, you’d hear from them all the time, “not just when it’s convenient or beneficial for them,” he says.

Of course, you can still help them if they need something. But if you’re worried they aren’t viewing you as a potential partner, feel free to speak up. You can always ask where things are headed, and confirm if you’re on the same page.

6. Their Weekends Are Booked Solid

Unless this person works on the weekends, it might feel strange that they’re only available at very specific times, like a random Monday night. And you should listen to your gut.

“People generally use weekends for socializing and time off from a typical work week,” Witmer Lopez says, “so if the person you are dating doesn’t want to make plans with you then, you may start to wonder who else they’re prioritizing on those valuable weekends.”

It might very well mean they have a primary relationship that they’re investing more into, such as an actual partner, or someone they’re dating more seriously.

7. Everything Happens On Their Terms

Woman with phone at the public transport

If everything happens on the other person’s terms, it may mean your relationship is not their top priority. Photo credit: Shutterstock

A relationship should feel balanced most of the time, with both people making plans, and giving and taking equally. With back burner relationships, though, things can feel very one-sided.

“If the person only wants to spend time with you at the last minute or is only available to you based on their schedule, this is a sign that the person does not think of you as a priority,” psychotherapists Lin Anderson, LMHC, M.A., Ed.M and Aaron Sternlicht, LMHC, CASAC, tell Bustle.

To gather more info, consider your history. Has everything always been on their terms? If so, every plan you made likely fit into their schedule, with little acknowledgement of your calendar.

8. They Don’t Invite You To Important Events

After a few months, it’s only natural to expect the relationship to progress beyond casual hangouts and texts. So consider it a sign if they don’t include you in social, couple-y activities, like parties or work events, Dr. Catherine Jackson, licensed psychologist and board-certified neurotherapist, tells Bustle.

You might notice that they “consult you when they are making plans,” Jackson says, and that you only hear about these things after the fact.

If it keeps happening, tell them you’d love to be invited, and see what they say. It could be they just didn’t know what you wanted, and it might even start an important conversation about your relationship.

9. You Don’t Like How You Feel

frustrated young woman in depression sitting on couch and looking down

If you don’t like how you feel, it may be time to move on. Photo credit: Shutterstock

Sometimes, it isn’t about “figuring out” if you’re on someone’s back burner, but simply paying attention to how you feel. “The truth is you deserve to be accepted, respected, and loved for who you are,” Anderson and Sternlicht say. “Ask yourself, ‘am I happy in this relationship?’ [or] ‘Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?'”

While the relationship may eventually progress to where you’d like it to be, it isn’t necessary to wait around while someone makes a decision. Express what you’re looking for, and be honest about your feelings. But if they don’t make any changes, or show signs of prioritizing you, it may be best to move on.

 

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15 Red Flags Someone Is An Emotional Wreck (Found On Their Dating Profile Or On The First Date)

Steer clear of these losers!

Is he emotionally intelligent?

If you’re looking for love, you’re probably swiping through a ton of online dating profiles. If so, you’ll want to know the red flags that someone has low emotional intelligence and wellness. Pay attention to these red flags both online and on the first date to weed out those who are not emotionally well.

The more emotional intelligence you have, the more emotionally well you are, which means the more likely you’ll attract and hold onto an emotionally well long-term partner.

Now, there are a few steps you might take in order to find an emotionally well long-term partner. You might begin by going online and looking at their dating profile; then you might write them by text or email.

Next, you may speak to them on the phone, and, if all of that goes beautifully, you will likely be meeting them for a first date.

Here are 15 red flags you should look for before you meet, during your date, and after you’ve started dating to make sure that your date is “emotionally well” before you get too involved:

1. They don’t have a profile picture, or it’s too obscure to make out the image

If an individual has no picture of themselves on their profile, this is usually an indication they are hiding something.

They might be newly separated, or feel they are unattractive, neither of which bodes well for emotional wellness!

Trust me, it is only a select few who are executives needing to hide their identity.

2. They emphasize how “honest” they are in their profile

Anyone who needs to say they are honest when describing themselves, particularly if they have made the word part of their user name, is a person whose had challenges with honesty in the past.

No one needs to state they are loyal, kind, or in possession of any trait that everyone has when they are emotionally well if they’re not struggling with it.

3. They mostly share photos of fancy/expensive belongings

Individuals showing pictures of their homes, cars, motorcycles or other external means of gratification in their profile may not be fully aware of their own greatness.

They believe they need to entice a partner in this way, which means they could be struggling to find positive traits in themselves to emphasize.

This could be a sign of not having emotional intelligence and not knowing how to truly connect with a person.

4. Their profile is either trying too hard or too revealing

Someone who is flexing their muscles or is scantily clad in their pictures is focusing on their external appearance or sexuality, which means they put less effort into making an emotional connection.

This is not a strong indication of being emotionally well!

5. They repeat key sentences of their profile over and over

Anyone repeating thoughts in their profile is clearly demonstrating their priority or showing you an area of their life where they are struggling in. Or perhaps they’re just really forgetful!

For example, if someone states over and over how important their children are, they might be having a challenge finding enough time to have a romantic relationship. They’re letting you know that their kids take up a large portion of their time.

The same can be said of someone who talks a lot about traveling, their work, or other events. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you share those interests, but it does mean they may prioritize that topic over you or an emotionally well, connected relationship.

6. They send you naked or revealing picture of themselves

They are likely more interested in having sex with you than being with you mentally and emotionally.

The same goes for if they ask you for similar pictures. Sending pictures like this is so commonplace today that you might be confused as to whether this is acceptable.

If you’re looking to have an emotional connection with someone and not just a fling, this is a red flag for having no emotional intelligence or wellness.

7. They text you so often that it’s interfering with your life

This is clearly not a sign they are emotionally well. Talking to each other when you first meet is normal and fun! But if they’re texting so much that you’re glued to your phone, this could be a problem.

And conversely, if there’s always a large delay in them responding to your texts, without an explanation, they may be playing games, which again, is not a sign of being emotionally available.

8. They delay speaking to you over the phone

Texting anyone more than a few times before setting up a phone call can raise both parties’ hopes unnecessarily.

Speaking on the phone is the very best way to read another’s energy and determine if there is chemistry before arranging the first date.

If they’re putting off a phone call but always available to text, there could be a problem.

9. They’re incredibly self-absorbed

Your potential date is more interested in talking about themselves, bragging or lamenting over past hurts than in talking to you or determining how you both might connect.

People with emotional intelligence understand that connection will come from both of you sharing — not just one!

10. They won’t meet you in person or constantly cancel or reschedule last minute

There is always an excuse as to why they can’t meet you in person – if it takes a long time to arrange a first date, how will the rest of your relationship fare?

Keep in mind that if you are not excited to meet the person you are talking to by the end of a phone call, there is no need to go on a date with him or her, even if there are no other red flags!

11. Their profile picture is much different than their current appearance

Your date’s profile didn’t contain pictures that are current or representative of their true essence. They’re older, heavier, or less attractive than their pictures, or perhaps look nothing like their pictures at all.

Tricking people with pictures or words is a recipe for disaster for any emotionally healthy relationship.

No one is perfect, but if anyone pretends to be perfect, this is a big red flag.

12. They’re focused on telling you what they’re not looking for in a relationship

Your date tells you what they don’t want instead of what they are looking for … if they say they don’t want drama, they’re actually attracting drama with that statement!

You might actually find there is a lot of drama in their life, and that’s not a good place for any emotionally well relationship.

13. They move way too fast in the first couple of dates

They tell you they love you, discuss wanting to marry/live with you, or heavily compliment you on the first few dates. Real feelings take some time to develop; neediness is not a sign of emotional wellness.

14. They press you for sex very early on

If they tell you they want to sleep with you on this first date, it sounds fun and exciting, but it is not a sign that your date is emotionally well.

Sorry to be a downer! An emotional connection needs time to build without the confusion of great sex. If they’re only interested in a physical connection, then you’re not likely going to have a deep emotional one.

15. They’re overly critical of their ex or past relationships

If they criticize their ex or take no responsibility for the end of their prior relationship, they’re probably not emotionally intelligent enough to have true insight into the relationship.

Anyone that is criticizing others is choosing the wrong way to make themselves look good. Remember, you want your partner to take responsibility for their part in things that go wrong with you.

Please don’t fret if it is taking you a while to meet the love of your life. The longer you take to meet your life partner, the longer you can work on coming to love yourself. This means the more likely you’ll attract someone who’s been doing the same!

Aim for having a long-term relationship with people who love themselves to the same degree you do.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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9 Relationship Stages That All Couples Go Through

Wondering what relationship stage you’re in right now? Here are the 9 relationship stages that all couples go through, no matter how the love starts.

Relationships are unique.

And one experience of love is never ever the same.

You may have been in several relationships in your life, and all of them may have been very different from the earlier one.

But there are a few traits about every single relationship that binds all relationships along a similar path.

Relationship stages in your love life

Relationships, just like life, have their own stages. It starts off with infatuation and goes through several stages along the way.

And these stages are like tests that check your compatibility with each other.

Go wrong anywhere along the way, and your relationship will take the brunt of the fall.

Have you ever met a couple who seemed like they were going to stay together forever, but ended up breaking up a few years later?

Perhaps, in all probability, they went wrong in one of these stages of the relationship.

The 9 relationship stages that all couples experience

Are you in a new relationship? Or are you in a seasoned relationship with someone you’ve been with for several years?

It doesn’t matter how long your relationship has lasted, because all the relationships will fit snugly in one of these relationship stages.

Find your own relationship stage here, and it’ll definitely help you understand your own love life better.

Stage #1 The infatuation stage. This is the first stage in every relationship. It almost always starts with an intense attraction and an uncontrollable urge to be with each other. Both of you may be intensely sexually attracted to each other, or both of you may just love the cuddles and each other’s company. In this stage, both of you overlook any flaws of each other and only focus on the good sides.

Stage #2 The understanding stage. In this stage, both of you start getting to know each other better. You have long conversations with your partner that stretches late into the night, and everything about your partner interests and fascinates you. You talk about each other’s families, exes, likes and dislikes and other innocent secrets, and life seems so beautiful and romantic.

Stage #3 The stage of disturbances. This stage usually forces its way into a happy romance after a few months of blissful courting. Do you remember the first fight or angry disagreement you and your partner had? For the first time ever in the relationship, both of you confront each other over a conflict, even though it’s sorted out quickly.

Stage #4 The opinion maker. In this stage, both of you create opinions about each other. As the months pass by, both of you know what to expect from each other, and you make an assumption about your partner’s commitment towards the relationship.

When these opinions and expectations about your partner differ now and then in real life, it can either leave you ecstatic or depressed.

You don’t expect your man to buy you flowers, but he does. You feel ecstatic. At the same time, you expect him to pick you up from the airport on time. But he arrives an hour later because he forgot all about picking you up. It depresses you.

Stage #5 The moulding stage. You have your own expectations from an ideal partner. And in this stage, both of you try hard to mould each other to fit your own wants in a perfect partner. This stage is a lot about give and take, and both partners constantly try to subtly convince each other to change their behavior towards the relationship. This is a power struggle, and one that can end the relationship if both partners are domineering.

Stage #6 The happy stage. If the relationship survives past the moulding stage, both of you may have changed equally for each other and understood each other’s expectations. In this stage, the relationship cruises along perfectly and both of you may be blissfully happy with each other.

Almost always, this is the stage when both of you feel like a perfect match. You may even decide to get engaged or get married. This happy stage is also the stage of attachment when both of you truly feel connected to each other and love each other intensely.

Stage #7 The stage of doubts. It’s been several years since both of you have been in a relationship with each other. And somewhere along the way, doubts start to creep in. The intensity of the doubts depend on how happy both of you are in the relationship.

You start to think of your past relationships, your exes, and other prospective partners. You tie your happiness in life with your relationship. If you’re unhappy, you blame it on the relationship.

In this stage, you start comparing your relationship with other couples and other relationships. Would your relationship survive this stage? It definitely could, as long as your relationship isn’t monotonous and repetitive.

Stage #8 The sexual exploration or bust stage. This is the stage when your sex life starts to play a pivotal role. Both your sex drives may change or one of you may get disinterested in sex.

In this stage, you either give up on passionate sex or constantly look for ways to make sex more exciting. If sexual interests start differing here, one of you may end up having an affair. But on the other hand, if you find creative ways to make sex more exciting, your relationship could get better and bring both of you a lot closer.

Stage #9 The stage of complete trust. This is the happy stage when both of you love each other and trust each other completely. But at the same time, the unbreakable trust in each other could also turn into taking each other for granted.

In this stage, both of you know the direction of the relationship and both of you are completely happy with each other and find it easy to predict each other’s behavior and decisions. But with stability in love comes the urge to take each other for granted.

As pleasant as this final stage of love may be, it’s still no excuse to take each other lightly or stop appreciating each other, because love is an intense emotion that can be rekindled by anyone else at any time if you fail to express your romance to your lover.

If you’re in a relationship for a while, you may have experienced all or most of these relationship stages. And if you’re still in a young love, don’t let the dark side of these relationship stages scare you.

Instead, look at these 9 relationship stages as stepping stones into a better future, one that’s filled with a lot of love and happiness, just as long as both of you remember to keep love alive all the time.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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27 Sexy Things You Can Do To Make A Man Want You

Don’t shy away from ‘dirty talk.’ It’s easier than you think.

It’s no secret that guys love dirty talk, but often, women leave the dirty talk up to their man and don’t turn up the verbal turn-on themselves.

Trust me when I tell you — your man is dying for you to whisper something sexy in his ear. But I understand, sometimes women struggle with what to say.

If you like the idea of turning him on with a little dirty talk but feel awkward and shy about how to get started (without sounding foolish), this article is for you! What I’ve created for you here is a list of dirty things to say to your boyfriend, husband, or that new guy you just started seeing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Women Who Do These 9 Things Don’t Get Played By Men

Ever.

If you really want to know how to get a guy to like you and find true love, the only way to make that happen is by dating with an open heart.

But I know what you’ve been through.

You’re tired of investing time and energy in the wrong men, only to end up frustrated, hurt, and empty-handed again and again.

You’ve worked hard to finally find peace and a sense of happiness in your life, so there’s no way you’re going to let someone come into your life and mess it all up.

And yet … you don’t want to give up on the possibility of finding your one true love.

You want to meet the right man — someone who makes you feel challenged, inspired and adored. But understandably, you’re scared.

After everything you’ve been through, you’re not sure which dating tips to follow in order to keep from getting played or wasting valuable time.

How do you put yourself “out there” and open yourself up to love while also protecting your heart and the peace you’ve worked so hard to cultivate in your life?

The answer lies in openness coupled with boundaries. Yes, it’s possible!

If you want to know how to get a guy to like you for you and finally find true love, here are 9 things you can do to make sure it’s safe to be vulnerable opening your heart again when dating.

1. Avoid guys with obviously low self-esteem.

If he doesn’t love and value himself, he probably can’t love and value you in a healthy way.

Find someone with high self-esteem. This is so important.

2. Make sure his values regarding family and relationships match yours.

Take a close look at the life he has created. Does he have healthy long-lasting relationships with friends and family? Does he have his finances and responsibilities in order?

Does he have a good relationship with the ex and kids? Make sure his life is running smoothly before you invite him into yours.

3. Don’t accept his bad behavior.

Think about the behaviors that hurt you in past relationships, and write them down. Was your ex passive-aggressive, negative, critical, non-communicative, or cold?

If your current beau is repeating some of the same behaviors, ask him to stop. If he can’t (or won’t), move on. You deserve to be treated beautifully.​

4. Pay attention to what he does not what he says).

His actions show that he cares about you, more so than his words.

Does he make time for you and stay connected when he’s not with you? Does he make promises and then follow through?

A boyfriend who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind will someday be a husband who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind.

5. Make sure he includes you in all aspects of his life.

Over time, he should start to include you in every aspect of his life, without exception. He welcomes you in his home and office. He invites you to spend time with his friends and family. And he’s proud to show you off!

If he’s excited to have you in his life and wants to include you in every aspect of it, he’s a keeper.

6. Be sure he’s into you.

If a man’s into you, he’ll make you a priority. He’ll ask to spend time with you consistently, and he’ll tell you what he likes about you.

You won’t have to wonder how he feels or wait anxiously for his call.

Bottom line — if he’s into you, you’ll know it. And if he’s not, go find someone who is.

7. Advocate for yourself.

If something is bothering you, tell him. If he dismisses your feelings or gets defensive, that’s a red flag.

Only date someone who’s able to assess his own behavior and make changes when necessary. Date a man who owns up to his mistakes and who values your feelings (and do the same for him).

8. Wait to have sex (the right one will wait!).

Sex is awesome, and I’m all for it. But when you’re serious about finding “the one”, it’s a good idea to wait. Waiting until you’re in a relationship gives the two of you time to create emotional intimacy first, which is a smart strategy.

If the man you’re dating is genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he’s more concerned about sex and not you, then he doesn’t respect that boundary.

9. Make sure you feel relaxed and happy when you’re with him.

If you feel stressed, anxious or have to walk on eggshells when you’re dating, something’s wrong. Trust your gut and keep track of how you feel. If there are more bad days than good ones, it might be time to move on.

When you’re in the right relationship, you’ll feel happy, relaxed and comfortable. I hear this from happy couples all the time!

With strong boundaries and high expectations, you’ll know when it’s safe to open your heart.

And when you’re all in — when you’re authentic, generous, warm and loving — that’s when love will show up. That’s when the magic will happen.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly