You Will Never Find True Love Until You Learn To Accept These 11 Things

While the dating game may seem challenging, when you do come across someone that you think is THE ONE the question remains – is this really it, or another passing fling? Are you ready to settle down with that someone special? Is this your ‘happily ever after’?

Each time we turn on the television we are met with another story of a celebrity marriage that we all believe would stand the test of time falling apart. Another messy divorce gracing the tabloids. In fact, it is arguable that most couples spend more time planning their wedding day than they do their marriage!

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN FINDING THAT ‘SPECIAL SOMEONE,’ SETTLING DOWN AND STARTING YOUR ‘HAPPILY EVER AFTER,’ YOU NEED TO START BY ACCEPTING THESE THINGS:

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Behind all successful relationships is a foundation of healthy communication. You need to find someone with which you can keep an honest and open dialogue going about anything and everything in life. This doesn’t mean using the term ‘honesty’ as an excuse to tear one another apart. Instead, you must find someone with which you can share your fears and problems without fear of judgment.

NEVER PLAY THE VICTIM

Victim thinking will destroy even the best of relationships. The second you hand over the victim card, looking for pity and sympathy, you denounce control over your own life. The truth is that you DO have control over your life, and so long as you remember that point you can continue to move in a positive and meaningful direction, working through any challenges that are thrown your way.

TO FIND MR/MRS. RIGHT, YOU MUST FIRST BE MR/MRS. RIGHT

Relationships are a two-way street, and as much as you are looking for a certain kind of person to build your life with, so too are the people that you are meeting along the way. Look back at your former relationships and try to discover what went wrong – why didn’t they work out? It is important that you do so in a completely unbiased manner. If you find that the problem was something you had done, then it is time for you to focus on growing and developing into the partner that will attract your Mr. Right!

LIVE WITH PURPOSE

In order to stay in touch with who we truly are deep down, we must have a thorough understanding of our life’s purpose. If this is an area that you know that you need to improve – start by allowing yourself a little ‘me’ time to focus on the desires of your heart and soul. This doesn’t have to be formal meditation, but you should take the time to relax and think inwardly, reflecting on what you believe you were called to do.

MAKE SURE TO SET YOUR GOALS

Goal setting is an important step in working towards your ideal life. This includes both as an individual as well as goal setting as a couple. In order to effectively do this, you will need to have an idea of what one another is looking to get out of life. Knowing your goals will allow you to be supportive of one another.

REMEMBER THAT REAL LOVE DOESN’T HURT

Sure, every relationship will come with its ups and downs, and calling it ‘true love’ doesn’t mean you are exempt from facing challenges, however, true love is heavily focused on supporting and aiding one another in a sometimes-difficult world. When one, or both of you, face a challenge, the other should be there doing what they can to ensure that you aren’t’ facing it alone. When you stop and reflect back, true love involves more good days than bad.

PRACTICE FORGIVENESS

Everyone is going to hurt you at one time or another in your life, it is part of the human condition. If you are looking to establish a healthy, long-term relationship then you need to acknowledge that there is no place for grudges. When something comes up and you do find that you hurt one another in word or in deed, be prepared to forgive your partner and move on with life rather than wallowing in the difficult times.

ESTABLISH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Before entering into a long-term relationship, you need to determine where your boundaries are. Are you willing to settle down with a smoker? Do you tolerate excessive drinking? At what line do you believe criticism turns into verbal abuse? Understanding these boundaries will help you to find someone that fits into your image of the ideal relationship.

TRUE LOVE MEANS LOVING ONE ANOTHER FOR WHO YOU ARE

When you enter into a healthy, lasting relationship it isn’t to find and settle with someone you can ‘mold into’ the perfect person. True love means loving one another as we are, both the good and the bad. It means celebrating one another’s strengths and accepting our faults. If you find that someone is trying to change you, step back and reconsider the relationship.

ALWAYS BE PROACTIVE

You need to be aware of which relationships are healthy and positive, enhancing your life, and which are toxic or negative, detracting from it. Proactively ending friendships and relationships that step over your boundaries or invite negative energies into your life will leave more room for those that should be there. This will allow you to focus your time and energy on those who will help you to discover the best side of yourself.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

We’ve all met that person – they are capable of saying the right thing in every situation, professing their unending love over and over. True love means not only thinking/saying these things but actually acting upon them. Real relationships involve work and dedication, and you are going to have to be able to step up and do what is required to make it last!

 

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5 Things You Need to Think About Before Breaking up With Your Partner

Breaking up is difficult, no matter what.

Are you wondering how to break up with someone you’ve been with for a while now? Do you want to end your relationship without any regret or heartbreak?

Are you mostly sure that the person you are with is not the person for you? Are you desperately trying to figure out whether you are doing the right thing?

Breaking up with someone you love (but may no longer be in love with) is difficult for everyone involved. You need to be fully aware that if you don’t do this right, you could leave the other person devastated and heartbroken.

Ending a relationship without regret is fully possible. In an ideal world, every relationship would end without regrets and with your head held high.

Here are 5 things to remember when you want to break up with someone and end your relationship with no regret.

1. Make sure that you give it your best shot

When you want to end a relationship without regret, it’s very important to make sure that you do everything in your power to make it work.

Many people walk away from relationships without really doing honest work. They leave because their guy doesn’t understand their feelings or their girl won’t let them go out with the guys on the weekends.

In the words of Arianna Grande, “Thank you, next.”

But, what if there is a hidden gem under that surface issue that you don’t see because you just up and walk away from a relationship? What if your guy doesn’t understand your feelings but he loves you madly and would love to figure out how to do it but he needs you to show him?

My boyfriend once said to me, in the face of my sadness, “I don’t know what to do!!!” And he didn’t. He had a better idea once I showed him.

So, make sure you aren’t breaking up with someone because of some surface sentiment. Do the work, dig deep, talk to your person about the things that are frustrating you and see if you can fix them so you can continue moving forward together.

Wouldn’t you hate to see your person with someone else, being the person that you wanted them to be but never asked?

2. Do it for the right reasons

Make sure, when you are thinking about how to end a relationship without regret, that you are doing it for the right reasons. If you are ending your relationship because there is someone else, don’t. The grass isn’t always greener, no matter how amazing it looks right now.

If you are ending your relationship because your friends or family tell you that you should, don’t. This is your relationship and you need to figure out if this is the person for you.

If you are ending your relationship because your person doesn’t make enough money or isn’t hot enough or listens to weird music, don’t. Just because someone doesn’t fit society’s ideal of the perfect person, that doesn’t mean they might not be the perfect person for you.

Make sure that you are ending your relationship for the right reasons, that you have given it thought and know that this person is not the right person for you. If you don’t, you might always regret it!

3. Don’t be a ghost

If you want to end a relationship and feel good about it, don’t disappear.

Ghosting seems to be the thing these days — men and women disappearing without a word to their partner. Whether it be because they are scared to face someone or they are too lazy to deal or they are just too busy, people just vanish, never to be heard from again.

And, while this might feel good at the moment, I can promise you that someday, you will regret it.

You will regret treating someone with so little respect, knowing that you have hurt them deeply and that you could have done things differently.

Once you ghost someone, you can’t take it back. You will always be the person who did that.

So, if you are considering ghosting your person, don’t. I can promise you that you will regret it — big time — someday.

4. Allow them to speak their piece

When you are breaking up with someone it is important for them to be able to have a conversation with you about your decision to end the relationship.

People like to process breakups and whether the relationship ending abruptly or died a slow death, it is important that each of you get the opportunity to talk about it with the other.

I am not saying that it needs to be hashed out over and over and over but giving each other the chance to say what needs to be said is a very important piece of ending a relationship without regret.

5. Do unto others

If you are still wondering how to end a relationship without regret, here is the gold standard for doing so.

The very best way to end a relationship without regret is by treating your person the way you would want to be treated.

That is not to say that if you aren’t the kind of person who doesn’t want to process a breakup verbally, you don’t let your partner do that. I am sure that, if the shoe was on the other foot, you would want to be treated with kindness and respect. You wouldn’t want your person to disappear or talk about you behind your back. You would like to speak your piece and move on.

So, think carefully about how you would feel if someone was breaking up with you and how you would want to be treated in the process.

Thinking about how to end a relationship without regret ahead of time is an excellent way to ensure that your relationship ends well.

Having regret about the end of a relationship is something that you will have to live with forever. And I can promise you, from first-hand experience, you don’t want that and the broken heart that comes with it.

So, make sure that you don’t give up too quickly, that you don’t disappear, that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you allow them to say what they need to say.

If you do these things, you will be able to move forward with a clear conscience and find the love of your life.

Good luck! You can do it!

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world. 

 

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Kita – Chapter 32 – Locked and Loaded

“I’m sad about the loss of the nostalgic love I had with him. We’ve obviously grown apart.”

She comes into the salon and as always I’m delighted to see my little China doll.

I’m so fickle. I love so many women. Cherie’s my girlfriend, but I hardly see her due to our schedules. I want to stay with her and I like this arrangement. I’m sure she’s not happy about it, but I like the idea of having a girlfriend that isn’t around much. It just works great for me. Just ‘greatest hits’ and gone. Then back again for more a month later. It’s always glorious to be with Cherie, but I love my freedom to work and be with my friends and my alone time.

I have another gift for Kita. But she starts the conversation first.

“I texted JR.”

I look away and grimace.

“No wait. Let me tell you what happened, Charles.”

“I’m listening.”

“I just asked him how he was doing and he got combative right away. I was like, how are you? and he said, ‘can’t you see on Instagram?’ I don’t follow him on any social media.”

“That’s good. You shouldn’t. Don’t look at that stuff, it’ll make you crazy.”

“So my friend who didn’t know we were broken up asked me why JR is posting all these pictures with some girl that’s not me. I told her we had split and she said the girl isn’t so hot, and it’s his loss.”

“Obviously. You’re beautiful, kind and sweet, Kita. He’s a manipulative idiot that squandered the best person in his life.”

“Thank you, Charles. So he said he moved on because I took up with Steve and that forced him to move on. It really made me mad because I only started talking to Steve because JR was doing what he did for all of last year.” (See her record in my previous post about Kita)

“Exactly. He’s trying to turn it around like you left him and took up with someone from his crappy neighborhood, and he’s butt hurt about it now that he can no longer control you. He abandoned you, Kita. He’s an asshole.”

“Yea, I was just trying to do the adult thing and be civil to him and maybe get some closure, and he started in on me trying to make me feel guilty when that simply isn’t the case. He’s a punk and I’m done with him. Steve was my rebound and I’m done with him too, but I’m not going to talk to JR anymore. The way he behaved on the phone shows me who he really is and even though I’m sad about the loss of the nostalgic love I had with him, we’ve obviously grown apart.”

“You’re correct in your thinking, Kita. You’ve grown out of his juvenile controlling, insecure behavior. He’s a child. You said yourself, you hate boys. I know they suck, but it gets better. TIME takes care of everything. I promise. I’ve been through a lot. Pain and heartbreak is a natural process we all have to go through at some point and it’s how we learn to cope with loss.”

“You’re right. Thank you. Do you have any snacks?”

I go and get my stash. and hand her the box full of cereal bars.

“Mmm… Oatmeal raisin!” She says as she happily bites into the bar.

I love feeding her and taking care of her.

“I have something for you.”

Her lovely eyes light up. “Ooh… what is it?”

I hand her this:

“Ohhh! Awesome! Thank you! My mom is going to be so happy when I tell her you gave me this!”

As she’s reading the instruction on the back of the package, I smile and my mind drifts to an imaginary conversation with her father the Admiral.

“Kita, I don’t know how comfortable I am with my 21 year old daughter hanging around with some middle aged man from a tanning salon. You’re going out to dinner with him and spending an exorbitant amount of time with this man.”

“He’s a dad with a daughter my age who has lived him since she was 18. He gave me this last week. (Shows dad the pepper spray) That’s the first thing he gave his daughter when she came to live in Philly.”

“Approved. Spend all the time you want with him. He sounds like my kinda guy.”

My active and creative mind also cruises into another fantasy sequence…

“Kita. I love you and have strong feelings for you. You know that. The more time you spend with me the more my feelings will grow for you. I know you’re a young woman of great virtue and want to retain your maidenhood. But one day you’ll be skipping through the woods bringing a picnic basket full of goodies to your grandma. I’ll emerge from the darkness and reveal to you the wolf I truly am. (I hand Kita the pepper spray) This… is for that day.”

Funny, right? I’m the one Kita needs to worry about. But all kidding aside. I never operate like that. If she comes to me… When she comes to me, she will do so willingly and yield to me. That’s how it always is in my life. I never take. It’s always handed over to me in mutual celebration.

I dream of that day. I think of her asleep in my arms. I smell her hair as I’m nestled behind her like a spoon. My mind recalling the night before of passionate, searing lovemaking the like she’s never felt.

Back to reality…

“Here let me show you how it works, dear.”

I show her how to hook the unit to her key chain. I hold her dainty hand in mine and guide it to the quick release button to separate the pepper spray unit from the key chain. I then show her how to hold it and how to simply slide the safety to the right to engage the unit.

She’s holding it.

“It’s now armed, Kita. Press down on the trigger and fire it in a horizontal, back and forth motion across the assailants eyes. It will immobilize your attacker and give you time to get away quickly and call 911.”

She presses down on the trigger and the unit shoots a tight stream of the police grade pepper spray 10 feet away at the wall.

“Ooohh! Wow! That really works! Thank you, Charles! I got it. I’m ready!”

“Keep that with you at all times, Kita. You’re only five feet tall. You’re small and someone may think they can take you. You hit them across the eyes with that, and they will be temporarily blinded with searing pain in their eyes and it’ll give you time to get away. I care about you and don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“You’re so amazing, Charles. I’m so glad I met you.”

She grabs me and hugs me. Kissing my face and lips.

I love this. (And hope she never has to use it on me…

Kidding! It’ll be the last thing on her mind if…. WHEN she comes to me.)

We’re making progress…

 

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Surprise: Highly Religious Couples Have a Better Sex Life, Survey Finds

Couples who are highly religious are more likely to be satisfied with their sex life than those who are less religious or who claim no religion, according to a new report.

The World Family Map report by the Institute for Family Studies was based on 9,566 interviews in 11 countries.

“There is a strong association between shared regular participation in a religious community and both relationship quality and sexual satisfaction in our sample of married and cohabiting heterosexual couples,” says the report, which was released this month.

“While both women and men in highly religious couples reported significantly higher overall relationship quality and satisfaction with their sex life, the results in both cases were strongest for women in these couples. In fact, women in highly religious relationships are about 50% more likely to report that they are strongly satisfied with their sexual relationship than their secular and less religious counterparts,” it says.

The report placed couples into three groups. “Highly religious” couples were defined as those who attend services at least 2-3 times a month. “Less/mixed” religious couples were those who attend services once per month or less, or that include one partner who regularly attends and another partner who rarely or never attends. “Shared secular” couples were those who never attend religious services.

“We also found that married couples reported significantly higher levels of relationship quality than cohabiting couples,” the report says.

The National Review’s David French said the report provides a stark contrast to the conventional wisdom in the entertainment world.

“How many happy, sexually vibrant religious married couples have you seen on popular television shows or movies — even in this era of fragmented, targeted entertainment?” he asked in a Wednesday column. “Now, compare that number (which is very, very close to zero) with the number of times you’ve seen liberation from religion portrayed as the key to sexual fulfillment.”

Sexual liberation, he wrote, “has all too often” brought “neither sex nor liberation.”

“[T]hanks to the work of the IFS, we can respond to felt need with real data,” French wrote. “Are you seeking love in this life? The church doors are always open, and while matchmaking isn’t its purpose, the connection to a holy God carries with it connection to his flawd people, and in those connections you can find profound joy.”

The 11 countries surveyed were Argentina, Australia, Chile, Canada, Colombia, France, Ireland, Mexico, Peru, the United Kingdom and the United States. The World Family Map report only included data from married or cohabitating heterosexual couples.

 

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How Using Marijuana Could Benefit Your Relationship

So much for the lazy, snacking stoner stereotype.

New research reveals that cannabis use between couples increases might benefit their relationship, in the bedroom and beyond.

“We found robust support for these positive effects within two hours of when couples use marijuana together or in the presence of their partner,” says Maria Testa, a social psychologist at the University of Buffalo and the study’s lead author. “The findings were the same for both the male and female partners.”

What they call “intimacy events” include demonstrations of love, caring and support.

For the study, Testa and her colleagues found 183 married or cohabitating heterosexual couples that had been living together more than six months, with at least one partner who uses cannabis a minimum of twice a week. Participants were between 18 and 30-years-old, and had no history of mental illness or addiction.

During a month-long period, each partner independently reported instances of cannabis use and intimacy events in real time via their smartphones. Researchers limited events attributable to the drugs to a two hour window after the fact, according to previous studies showing that cannabis’ effects diminish after about two or three hours.

A separate paper by Testa using the same sample group also showed a slight increase in conflict following cannabis use, but those effects were marginal compared to the positive events. She hopes results of both reports will help inform medical practitioners with patients who use the drug habitually.

“If you’re a treatment provider it’s going to be difficult to get people to reduce or stop their use entirely because these couples see marijuana as something positive in their relationship,” says Testa. “To ignore that is to make it more difficult for people to change their behavior.”

Testa has extensively studied how alcohol effects romantic relationships, and later expanded her research into cannabis, which has not yet been investigated through this lens. The current study is funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, and appears in the journal Cannabis.

“I’ve studied alcohol as a predictor of intimate partner aggression for years,” she says. “Because alcohol is related to aggression in general, it’s not surprising to find that aggressive effect in the domain of relationships.”

She thinks there are too many presumptions made about how pot affects relationships.

“We need to know about the effects of marijuana use, instead of merely assuming what those effects may be,” says Testa, also adding, “There is very little research on the immediate consequences of marijuana use and intimacy, so this study fills an important gap in the literature.”

“On a personal note, I have found that when I am under the influence of marijuana I experience more intense orgasmic sensations… not in my genitals but in my mind. The sudden explosion of positive chemicals in my brain can only be described as… absolutely incredible.

Try it!

 

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Polyamorous relationships may be more fullfilling than monogamous ones (for a time at least)

While there is a rich body of literature in the social sciences focusing on romantic relationships, most research falls within a monogamous structure. In a new study, researchers at York University in Toronto provide new insights into polyamorous relationships — meaning, being able to have open sexual or consensual romantic relationships with more than one person at a time — and why some people prefer them. According to the findings, having more than one romantic partner may help individuals better meet their needs for eroticism and nurturing.

A different romantic partner for different needs

Rhonda Balzarini, a post-doc in psychology at York University, says it is common for couples early in their relationship to experience high desire and passion, leading to frequent sex — this is often referred to as the ‘honeymoon phase’. Later in the relationship, sexual intensity tends to fade away, while comfort and intimacy tend to increase. But does this dynamic also apply to other types of romantic relationships?

In their new study, Balzarini and colleagues investigated how polyamorous and monogamous relationships differ in their ability to fulfill partner’s needs for eroticism (sexual intensity, pleasure, and passion) and nurturance (comfort and security).

The researchers recruited 2,183 monogamous and 1,168 polyamorous individuals who were surveyed about their experiences of eroticism and nurturance, as well as their sexual satisfaction and closeness with their partners. Those in polyamorous relationships had to rate these aspects twice: once for their primary partner with whom they had more commitments, and once for their secondary partner, with whom they had less ongoing commitments.

The results published in the journal Social Psychology, suggest that those in polyamorous relationships experienced greater nurturance with primary partners compared to secondary and monogamous partners. At the same time, they also experienced greater eroticism with secondary partners compared to primary and monogamous partners.

“One key takeaway is that people in polyamorous relationships do seem to diversify their need fulfillment across their relationships and this may allow them to experience the best of both worlds (high eroticism and nurturance simultaneously),” Balzarini wrote in an article for PsyPost.

“This does not mean that everyone should engage in polyamory but suggests that there might be benefits to diversifying need fulfillment and relying on different people to meet different needs. Although people in monogamous relationships are not permitted to have their sexual needs met outside of the relationship, they may be able to diversify their need fulfillment in other ways — for example, by seeking out friends and family to meet needs for support, adventure, or intellectual stimulation,” she added.

The researchers also found that when polyamorous participants experienced greater eroticism with a primary partner, they tended to have less closeness with the secondary partner.

In the future, the researchers would like to investigate whether experiencing eroticism and nurturance from non-romantic partners (i.e. friends and family for nurturing and pornography for eroticism) can compensate for unsatisfactory levels in one’s romantic relationship. It would also be interesting to see a study of how polyamorous relationships evolve over time and whether they deteriorate faster and more often than monogamous relationships. Can you really have the best of both worlds? Maybe, but perhaps not for long. In other words, each partner may be happy with their polyamorous arrangement — until they’re not anymore.

This sort of research might reveal hidden nuances regarding the evolution of romantic relationships. Most societies in the world today are comprised of monogamous couples, both for heterosexual and homosexual individuals. So there may be many reasons why monogamy is culturally superior to consented polygamy — and science might one-day have an elaborate answer to share.

 

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Woman asks if she’s an asshole for choosing video games over her ex. The internet is divided

Long-term relationships always require compromise in order to thrive. Regardless of how peaceful the waters are, or how much you have in common when it comes to world outlook, there will always be small sacrifices required to make a relationship work.

One of the hardest parts of compromising in a relationship is figuring out the lines between giving up parts of yourself, and making changes for your partner. For example, demanding someone gives up a hobby is a different request than asking they cut down some of their hobby time so you can hang out.

In a recent Reddit post on the subreddit Am I The Asshole, commenter yhrowawayvideoganems asked the internet if she mishandled a situation with her now ex-girlfriend.

“AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over my video games.

So I have a decent video collection, I will not post pictures as I do not want this post linked to my actual account.”

The OP (original poster) has collected and played video games for years, and it’s a solid part of her relaxation time. After two years together, her (ex) girlfriend and her decided to take the leap to move in together. However, OP’s ex-girlfriend had one fairly large request before moving in: that OP get rid of her entire video game collection.

“My girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but I thought she was joking so I brushed it off. Turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and I’ve been keeping them so they can become more expensive. My collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and I do not want to throw that away, I tried to explain it but she refused and told me that I did not love her enough to make this sacrifice.”

When OP explained that she really values the games, and at this point getting rid of them would be a huge and unwanted sacrifice, her ex gave an ultimatum: the relationship or the games.

“About 2/3 days ago she called me and said it’s me or the fucking video games. I chose the games and she hung up on me. Everyone that I’ve spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me I fucked up, and that I should of picked her over some games. AITA?”

In the end, OP chose the games over her ex, and now people in her life are claiming she made a mistake. So, as many of us in the modern age do, OP turned to the internet to get a consensus on whether picking the games made her an asshole or not.

AnimalLover38 doesn’t think it’s a jerk move, since relationships shouldn’t be made or broken based on ultimatums.

“NTA, ultimatums almost never work anyways and are sometimes used as an easy way out of a relationship.”

“Unless OP was jobless and spent every waking moment playing games rather then being an adult with a job then there’s no reason for her gf to make such a big deal out of it. Maybe OP’s girlfriend wanted out of the relationship but didn’t know how to do it so she just chose the one thing she knew OP would never part with and made a big deal out of it.”

dandelionii echoed the fact that ultimatums are manipulative, and it was perfectly fine for OP to pick her hobby.

“NTA, ultimatums are stupid and unfair and if she’s willing to make this big of a deal over a videogame collection (which you presumably purchased with your own money) it doesn’t bode well for the future.”

merinis pointed out the fact that a healthy relationship would involve someone who shares an interest in video games, or at least understands and doesn’t mock it.

“Exactly. OP would be better off finding someone that isn’t trying to be so controlling, and maybe even someone that shares his her interests.”

Hunterstewartmurdock defended ultimatums as a right in any relationship, and pointed out that people are allowed to have dealbreakers and lay them out for their partner. That being said, they don’t think OP is a jerk for wanting to keep their collection.

“I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with an ultimatum, some things are dealbreakers for people and that’s alright. If I dated someone with bad hygiene and they refused to shower every day, I would demand better hygiene from them. If not I would leave. It doesn’t make me an asshole and it doesn’t make them an asshole, it just means maybe our priorities don’t line up and we aren’t right for each other. They can do find someone else who is ok with their flaws and I can find someone who is ok with my flaws.”

“That being said, demanding that she get rid of her collection is petty and demeaning. NTA in this case for sure, but very close to NAH in my opinion.”

Rich000123 defended the ex-girlfriend by pointing out how vague the original post is, and that it sounds like there are important details left out. It’s never made clear how large the collection is, or whether OP has a videogame addiction, or whether this has been an ongoing conversation, all of which would paint the larger picture.

“The vague response from the OP makes me certain that there is more to it. OP is also not even offering any potential reasons for why the gf is making the ultimatum. I can’t accept that they have been together for 2 years and she has no idea where the ultimatum is coming from. The intentionally vagueness, along with the friends saying she is TA makes me lean towards believing that the OP is intentionally leaving INFO is therefore the TA.”

“As a side note – I see a lot of projecting in the comments for why people are claiming the ultimatum happened. I can agree in some ways that a ultimatum alone is a reason to end the relationship but there is a lot of excess explanation that people have determined (e.g. the gf doesn’t like gaming, the gf wants all the attention on her) which the OP has never claimed. Let’s everyone try and stick with the fact that we know.”

not_really_an_elf brought up the fact that OP’s IRL friends think they’re an asshole, which indicates there is more to the story than is being told. The fact that they refused to post a picture of the collection doesn’t make them look good.

“Mate, I bet the reason people you know irl are telling you you’re an arsehole is because they’ve seen your collection. Post pictures or describe exactly how much space they take up.”

PolitenessPolice echoed the call for more info, because the omissions seem purposeful.

“INFO

I refuse to believe that’s all there is to this, people don’t just act like this unless there’s something wrong. Like, how they’re stacked, is it a hoarding problem, how much money do you spend on games, how much time do you spend playing them, etc.”

“Like, nobody acts that irrationally for no reason and especially not over bloody games. There’s got to be more. Did she give a reason? Has she ever shown any disdain for your collection previously over the years?”

DirtyPotatoPeople suspects this may be a hoarder situation, in which case the OP is the asshole in denial.

“I think it’s perfectly reasonable – depending on how big this “collection” is – to not want a big portion of your space devoted to games no one is playing. I wouldn’t have thrown out an ultimatum like that but the gf is perfectly justified in pushing for them to be put in storage or something.”

“OP is also being suspiciously vague about the whole situation, including the extent of her collection, which makes me think she’s either being dishonest or simply in denial about her hoarding habits.”

“Just sounds like a validation post to me and all the immediate jumping on board with OP because of reddit’s hate of anti-video-game anything makes me sad because I honestly don’t think what she’s collecting is the issue here.”

 

The real question left at hand is what do YOU dear reader, think of this situation?!

 

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