25 Things That Matter To Her (Even If You Don’t Think They Do)

“It’s the little things in life that count most!”

There are a few things that women care about that men sometimes don’t understand, or miss altogether. These may be things that men do that they don’t realize mean the world, or things that men don’t do and don’t realize that they should have. So, even if you don’t think these things matter, it’s more likely than not that a woman is paying attention to what you do (or don’t do!).

HERE ARE 25 THINGS THAT MATTER TO HER, EVEN IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE

1. PAYING HER COMPLIMENTS

This could be a compliment on a new haircut, her nail color, or her clothing. “Compliments work best when they are forthright and not incidental… they must be genuine. The more specific they are, the better,” explains Psychology Today. Women keep track of all those little compliments, and often think about them when they’re having a bad day.

2. WHEN YOU TELL HER SOMETHING REMINDS YOU OF HER

This could be a book or a song. Women will remember when something you’ve seen or heard reminds you of them.

3. WHEN YOU BRING HOME HER FAVORITE FOOD

No matter what kind of food it is, women are always pleased that men remember their favorite meals and then go out of their way to bring some home.

4. SENDING HER WAKE UP TEXTS

A good morning text first thing in the morning means the world to her, because she knows that she’s the first thing on your mind when you wake up. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it’ll have her smiling all day.

5. SHARING HOUSEHOLD CHORES

Pop-culture and sitcom television often shows men not doing their share of the household chores. When that’s all she’s been surrounded by, it’s a nice change of pace to know that men actually do take responsibility and help out around the house. Psychotherapist and life coach, Neeta V Shetty adds, “Doing household chores is a way of showing that you care for your partner. It is also an activity, which can help you spend time with each other in this fast-paced life.”

6. WHEN YOU TAKE A GENUINE INTEREST IN HER LIFE

Marriage coach Lesli Doares explains, “Taking at least twenty minutes per day to deeply focus on your partner (and their day) makes them feel so important and like you really do still care.” It’s important to a woman that her partner be interested in who she is as a person. When a woman finds a man who is willing to listen to her talk and take an interest in her life, it means a lot.

7. LETTING HER CONTROL THE RADIO ON LONG CAR RIDES

It’s such a silly, simple thing, but women will always remember when men let them take control of the radio, especially if your music tastes differ.

8. WHEN YOU DON’T HIDE THINGS FROM HER

Women take note of all the things that men hide about themselves, whether those things be large or small. So, when a man opens up and let’s a woman into his life, she’s going to remember every little thing he shares and cherishes his honesty and trust.

9. MAKING COMPROMISES WHEN YOU CAN

Relationship expert April Masini explains, “Lots of happy couples have differences in relationships — the trick is to learn which ones are more important to you than the relationship.” Women always remember when men make compromises and don’t stay headstrong in a discussion or an argument. Even when you don’t want to compromise, women always appreciate it when you do so.

10. WHEN YOU HAVE KEEPSAKES

Maybe you save all your ticket stubs from movies, or maybe you keep all of her lost hair from bobby pins. Women always notice when a man keeps something that reminds him of her, and it makes her feel so good.

11. WHEN YOU CONSULT HER BEFORE LIFE-CHANGING DECISIONS

Whether this decision be quitting your job or starting a new career, women always notice and appreciate when men consult them first.

12. WHEN YOU POST PICTURES ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Even if you aren’t really into using Facebook or Instagram, it really means a lot to women when you post pictures of the two of you together. It shows her that she’s worth showing off.

13. WHEN YOU MAKE SURE TO PLEASURE HER IN BED

Sex expert Coleen Singer says, “First and foremost, it means that you are giving her the kind of sexual pleasure she desires. It also indicates that she appreciates you taking the time and focus to do the things that you know drive her wild in bed.” Some men don’t know how to make a woman feel good in bed, so it’s important to her when you make sure that she feels good, too.

14. WHEN YOU HOLD HER HAND

A lot of men don’t like public displays of affection, so it matters to a woman when you hold her hand in public, or just while you’re walking down the street.

15. WHEN YOU ENGAGE IN A CONVERSATION SHE’S INTERESTED IN

Women always note when a man stays engaged in a topic that they don’t know much about. When you show interest in the things she likes, it matters to her a whole lot.

16. WHEN YOU’RE THERE FOR HER DURING TIMES SHE FEELS VULNERABLE

You may not know the right things to say to make it all better, but it matters to her that you’re there for her anyway.

17. WHEN YOU BRAG ABOUT HER TO YOUR FRIENDS

Women love to know that you’re proud of them. Bragging to all your friends that you’ve got the best girl around will be sure to make her pleased.

18. WHEN YOU APOLOGIZE TO HER WITH SINCERITY

A lot of men refuse to apologize even when they mess up. Women will always take note when you apologize and appreciate your humility.

19. OPENING UP TO HER ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS

When you open up about your day and your feelings, it can make a woman feel like you’re really connecting with her. She’ll appreciate that you trust her enough to be vulnerable.

20. COOKING BREAKFAST FOR HER

Even if you’re not very good at it, it means a lot that you’ll give it a shot and cook breakfast for her so she doesn’t have to.

21. LETTING HER BORROW YOUR CLOTHES

You know that you’re not ever going to get that T-Shirt back. You know it, she knows it, and you let her borrow it anyway.

22. WHEN YOU SING TO HER AND MAKE YOURSELF LOOK SILLY

Even if you have the worst singing voice imaginable, women love when men act silly with them and will appreciate even the worst-sung love song.

23. WHEN YOU GIVE HER SURPRISE HUGS

If you just can’t stand not being connected with her, you can show this through giving her a much-needed surprise hug. She’ll notice and appreciate the affection.

24. WHEN YOU TREAT HER PETS LIKE YOUR OWN

Even if she owns a snobby cat or a yappy dog, women appreciate that you treat her pets with the same love and care that you would treat your own.

25. TELLING HER ‘I LOVE YOU’ AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN

This one goes without explanation.

 

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3 Ways Your Relationship Changes After Your First Fight

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At the beginning of a relationship, everything is a rose garden. Your partner is perfect in your eyes, and you are perfect in theirs. When you have your first fight in a relationship, that glossy image that you have constructed falls and shatters. In its place, you see the person whom you are actually dating. In the shock of this reality, they might not even seem that appealing anymore. You might feel the urge to gain space from the relationship, or they might be the one to ask for distance. But eventually, no matter how much space you try to place between yourself and the other, eventually, you’re going to have to face facts: The person you are dating is a flawed human. Are you going to stick around?

It’s actually this first fight that will make or break the relationship, as the two of you will learn whether or not you actually want to be together. Once the dust settles, and healing words have been exchanged, you are faced with a choice: Are you in or are you out? Whatever you decide is best for you will be the right option. Some relationships simply weren’t supposed to last.

If you’re in, you’ll find that’s when things really start to get interesting. After your first fight in a relationship, here’s what changes:

1. You Lose All Sense Of Fear

I don’t know about you, but the beginning of a new relationship is always super fraught with anxiety for me. Abandonment issues crop up. I’m worried that anything I do that is unattractive will be a deal breaker for the relationship. I stress about the future and obsess over what is or isn’t happening in the present.

And then, after a rupture inevitably happens, there’s a sense of relief. This relief exists whether or not the relationship actually withstands the first fight or not. It’s the sense of being seen clearly, flaws and all. It’s the sense of not having an option to pretend anymore.

The first fight in a relationship is humbling, because you are finally able to see who each of you is when you have nothing left to lose anymore. It’s as terrifying as it is beautiful, and as long as your relationship can withstand the conflict, then you’re in a better place than where you started, as far as I’m concerned.

2. You Learn Important Boundaries

At the beginning of a relationship, pretty much anything goes. The two of you are figuring out how you work together, which means that sometimes boundaries you didn’t even know existed get crossed. This crossing is usually what results in a fight in the first place; somebody gets hurt or offended, and suddenly, the differences between you seem vast.

When you choose to cross that distance, it’s because you recognize the other person’s limitations and can respect their boundaries. You understand that these boundaries are what they need to feel happy, healthy, and safe in a relationship. You have a greater understanding of the person who you are planning on journeying through life with, and can develop greater trust in yourself to do right by them. In that way, after experiencing the first fight, you can almost have a confidence boost.

3. You Begin To Grow Together

A rupture happens when you experience the first fight in a relationship. The neat little structure that you built to keep your affection safe opens up, and suddenly your relationship feels more vulnerable and exposed. Believe it or not, this is a good thing. The change that happens after your initial conflict gives you potential for growth.

The truth of the matter is that life is hard, and things can’t stay nice and pleasant all of the time. It’s no good to avoid difficult conversations just to keep the party going. At some point in every relationship, you and your partner are going to be tested. And it’s more than likely that you will be tested more than once.

There’s really no way to pass or fail this test. There aren’t any wrong answers, and there isn’t any reward except for love. And this love will keep coming back to you, whether in this relationship or any other. After your first fight, it makes it that much easier to see the truth of your feelings for one another. And that can never be a bad thing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Cherie – Chapter 22 – Shark Week – Part III – Shoes & Scarves

Alright, don’t panic. I didn’t get Cherie pregnant last night during Shark Week. Although she did say a few things last night that shook me up.

  1. It only takes one sperm…
  2. I always wanted a girl…
  3. My husb…

She assured me she was just kidding about the first two. She’s made it very clear to me that she doesn’t want anymore children. But those sort of references always rattle me to my core. But in regard to the third one, she was telling me a story last night, and that’s how she almost slipped to refer to me. I called her out on it, and made it funny. She laughed and was a little embarrassed. I thought that it was cute. Does she want me to someday be her husband? I do love her. Time will tell. Let’s see how this romantic journey plays out.

We head out into the snowy day. It’s not that bad. Pretty flurries, and some snow on the ground. But we’re on a mission. Breakfast was amazing. We didn’t get the special, but it was worth it to spend some extra time in bed together.

You know, when I’m with Cherie, she becomes more beautiful to me every hour I’m with her. I don’t get to see her all of the time. Michelle I saw every day. Annabelle, was a forced companionship to make it work. But with Cherie, I’m denied her presence most of the time. Our schedules and the distance keep us apart. But it’s working! When I’m with her, I’m at peace. Not a euphoric happy that I felt with the last two. Just a satisfied feeling that I’ve never felt before. I haven’t had to change at all with her in my life. I’ve gone good and bad in the last two relationships, but I do what I want in this relationship and most of all…I get to be me.

The real me.

To a point. I smoke, and drink and live my life down here in the city. Working two jobs, moving a business, writing a blog that you’ll one day binge on Netflix. That’s the difference here. I don’t have to be patient and fix the girl I’m loving. I don’t have to stop being me, and transform into an idea. I don’t have to be frustrated, angry or disappointed. I thought that was part of being in a relationship. My parents were that.

All of my relationships have been fucked up. There’s always something missing.

A disconnect. I loved them, but it was always hard. I just thought it was always supposed to be that way. I guess that’s why Michelle went back to Delaware Dave. She did it to save herself. Work on your health. You can’t do that with Phickle. He’s all about joy and vice. It’s fun, but it won’t sustain a relationship. Annabelle was in a totally different child-like, confused part of her life. I don’t even know why I thought it could be anything. It’s just ashes blown off the edge of an old table.

I don’t think we’ll always be at a distance. But I’m not going to do anything to change it now. It’s been three months and I have zero stress or confusion about what this is. Sometimes I’m amazed that this ripe, young, fit beauty really loves me. I know she does. I love her but there’s always an imbalance in every relationship. it’s not a bad thing. It just is. Somebody loves somebody more than the other one does.

Think about it. That’s you. You’ve been there, or you’re there right now.

I love Cherie. She’s young, beautiful, smart, super sexy, and a chill girl with an even temperament, and a great sense of humor. What more could any man want? Nothing. She’s great, and I’m blessed to have her in my life. Sometimes I think of myself and God. I feel like I’ve spent all of my luck and good fortune tickets. I punched every hole in my joy ticket.

Then I think of karma. What if I did something to deserve one more twenty-six year old baby, but she’s the right one? Not a project, but a lovely young woman who has suffered. Worked ten years at MacDonald’s. Has been a mother for the last six years. Medical Assistant at Children’s Hospital. Works at a pediatrician’s office. Tons of hours. getting her degree in neuroscience. Next stop, medical school. End game: Doctor.

But the karma. I haven’t done anything extraordinary since, Michelle. Why have I been granted this maiden?

To love again.

Why do I get to go again?

Then it came to me. February, 2015.

Lorelei came to me. The lead in the school play. The A-B student. The quiet, calm force torn asunder by her mother’s madness.

“Daddy, please. Can I please come live with you? I can’t take it anymore. I have to get out. I’ll sleep on the floor to get away from her.”

There it is. I have entered into and exited bloody from many relationships in my short life, but I got a “Get out of Jail Free” card from God. I rescued my daughter from the clutches of the gargoyle and God gave me another one.

Cherie.

Cherie loves me more than I love her and I know it. But maybe she doesn’t love me more and only loves me differently than the way I love her.

 

We enter Kids Foot Locker and look for some sneakers for kids. Lorelei is twenty and it’s been a long time since I thought about buying shoes for her. But Cherie’s family is young.

My family is slowly sliding down destiny’s rainbow.

There are walls of footwear in these places. I would never go to a store like this. Payless is how I roll in regard to fine footware here in Philly. I am blown away by these prices. There were $100 little baby sneakers in there! Walls of them!

Cherie was very thorough in her search. She finally decided on two terrifically expensive pairs of shoes for a couple of kids that will grow out of them in half a year.

We step out of the store and the snowfall seems to be getting worse. I tell her I know of a retail street cart at the corner of 12th and Chestnut that has the scarves I need. There’s Pollyanna party at my new company. If you ever have to buy a gift for someone in the fall or winter in Philly, buy a street scarf.

Super soft. Silky. That’s how I would describeit… cashmere. But I’m describing these Burberry novachek knock offs that look and feel great for about six bucks.

We trudge over there. The snow is getting colder and meaner. The flakes now feel like cold needles on our tender faces.

Philadelphia is a bitter and grey place today.

We arrive at where the cart is supposed to be but it’s not.

Cherie is not thrilled.

She wanted to buy a hat and some gloves. I tell her I have an idea. I cut South through Midtown Village. We enter at the earliest point to get into the subway.

At least I have baby out of the cold!

Suburban Station in the winter is a den of homeless people. It’s especially frosty out tonight so, we have a packed house full of walkers right now.

I find this subway retails store that carries everything. I get the scarves I need, and Cherie lands her gloves and hat. When we leave the store, I want to keep Cherie underground for as long a possible, because it’s now an ice storm out there.

We’re walking down this long hallway, and I swear to God, the urine stench was so bad, I actually started getting angry. Cherie wanted to turn back, but I told her she’d freeze her sweet black ass off if we were to back track. (Just take out the word ‘black’ please…)

As we’re walking down the hallway of the walking dead, I turn to the right and there is a woman with no pants on. This poor thing is changing her clothes in an alcove under 1601 Market. Cherie, chides me for staring, but I have to explain it to her. If you saw nudity in Playboy, you’d be expecting it. It’s good, but there are higher levels. If you were walking through a train station and you saw a real naked lady, it would feel different, right? It’s a bit of a shocker. As bad as she is, you still saw it and got a story out of it.

I knew this would happen. I created phicklephilly and now we are one. My art is imitating my life and my life is now my art.

We walk back through center city to the house. Her giant back pack is there. The entire walk home was a grueling trudge with snow biting our faces the whole way. We chill for a bit and dry out at the house. Lorelei texts me that she is stopping home between the double she’s working at the restaurant.

“That was nine minutes ago. We should go.” There has been very little exposure for my current, I wanted it do the opposite in this relationship. We are literally in the vestibule of my building, and Cherie says, “How do you open this door?”

I look through the glass and on the other side of the door is Lorelei. Cherie is trying to operate our impossibly tricky locking system. “You’re about to meet my daughter.”

Lorelei is surprised to see me. Probably even more surprised that I’m standing with a pretty black girl. I fumble over my words. “Hi honey. I got your text about stopping home between your double shift. This is Cherie. I’m going to walk her to the train. We just had to pick up some stuff. She doesn’t think anything. My daughter knows I’m friends with so many people in the city and they’re all different races. It’s not like she caught us in the saddle.

We head back out into the snow. It’s really going. I think about how I haven’t told anyone about Cherie. It’s not because of the age difference or the race. That’s nonsense. But for the first time in the last decade, I’ve not posted and shown off what I’m doing. I don’t know why I did that. I guess I’ll figure it out. There are no pictures of Cherie and me. There are no posts about us going out. This love belongs to us. It’s private. Who gives a shit about the rest of the world. Let them look into their own lives. Show all of their greatest hits on all of their trips. Stuff and vacations tell me they are empty. Because when you are calm and happy, you don’t want anything. The best things in life are free.

It’s really true. Everybody wants that. But love is elusive. But what is even more elusive  is people’s ability to go out in the world and open their hearts. Love and sex is all around you. Just relax, smile and go forth and be yourself. They’ll find you.

The most beautiful butterflies I have ever caught have been wonderful. But I never had to pick up my net to catch them. They flew right into the flame.

I’m not worried about Lorelei. She doesn’t give a shit about what I do anyway. As long as she can work, collect her allowance, eat her vegan food, and see her boyfriend, she’s cool.

We cross the street, avoiding the traffic on the street. “Where are we going now?” Cherie says. “I’m calling an UBER. We’re not walking back to Suburban Station in this mess.” “I’ve never taken an UBER.” “You’ll love it.”

We arrive at 16th and JFK and hop out. I take her and lead her down the stairs back into the subway. I take her to the platform and wait with her. We’re standing there and the train roars into the station.

I’m back where I began friday night. But there has been so much joy. I’m standing there satisfied. It’s obvious I ‘ve been satisfied sexually. But there’s a certain feeling you get when you’re with someone you love. You don’t want anything else. You’re good. All set. I’ll miss her, but she has to go. She has to get back to her son, work, and school.

I stand on the platform until she leaves. I can see her at the window. The conductor shouts. The train hisses to life and begins to pull from the station. Our eyes meet. She smiles, waves and blows me a kiss.

I do the same. Until next we meet.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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7 Enhancing Love Making Conversations For Couples

Lovemaking in a monogamous relationship is said to be heart-pounding, breath-taking, and anxiety-freeing. If that’s true, then how come a committed relationship is when many of us settle for the same sexual positions?

Far too often, spouses become “too important” for experimenting in the bedroom. This takes the mysterious element of sex between two people and puts our wild erotic nature into a jar that will never be opened again.

Sometimes partners stop putting in the effort to seduce their partner. They assume the ring on the finger means they don’t have to try; that a wedding band means you’ll be turned on by me, no matter what I do or how I look. You’ll love me till death do us part.

Your partner may love you no matter what, but your lack of effort to stay sexy prevents your partner from wanting to get sexy.

Passionate sex requires attention. Both partners must walk deep into the forest of connection and erotic desire to uncover the best sex of their lives. As much as our culture gets off to the story that love-making should be easy, it’s not.

The sort of life-changing sex that wakes the neighbors requires a level of anxiety, because amazing lovemaking lies at the intersection of personal growth for both partners. It requires couples to overcome self-worth issues. To fail at new ways of lovemaking and fucking. To tackle sexual shame that inhibits our erotic nature. It requires them to challenge each other and themselves to reach their full sexual potential.

If you want lovemaking that transcends your body as you thrust your way into a new realm of existence, then your sex life needs to be able to tolerate intense intimacy. I’m not talking about a post-sex cuddle session. I’m talking about the kind of intimacy that make your insides feel so warm that your heart feels like the sun is bursting in your chest.

Intimacy is the gateway into the sort of sex many of us spend our lives wondering if we’ll ever experience. When I started exploring intimacy with my partner, I was challenged in ways I’ve never thought possible. When I allowed my partner to truly see me I felt extreme vulnerability. I wanted it to stop. But as I grew through the discomfort, our sex became passionate.

I began to feel connected to my partners in ways I’ve never felt before. The intimacy between us was intense. Our sex life had a life of its own; it roamed free. We started to truly feel each other as our emotional walls to deep intimacy fell away.

I want you to experience what it’s like to use sex and intimacy as gateway to personal growth and your ever-evolving erotic nature. This is not an easy task, but the seven conversations below help guide you in the beginning of your sexual quest with your partner.

Instructions: Some of these questions may make you or your partner uncomfortable. If so, you can ease into the conversation with some easier questions that cause the least anxiety.

When you do feel ashamed, get curious as to why. Bring it up with your partner and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. You can even wait until you are by yourself and then explore it by using the Four Why Exercise.

Remember that your partner is opening up their deep dark book of eroticism. This is extremely difficult and requires immense vulnerability. Avoid judging your partner at all costs. Express understanding and allow them to trust you enough to open up their desires and needs.

Passionate Lovemaking for Couples: Intimacy & Emotions

Some couples say that quality sex is dependent on a feeling of connectedness. Is that true for you? What do you need from me to feel that way?

Some people need sex to feel close, while others only desire sex when they already feel close. Which one are you? Do you think we differ? Does that cause a problem? If so, how can we change?

Sometimes partners don’t remember what the other finds arousing and erotic. Are there ways of touching you or activities that I’ve forgotten? Can you give me a refresher course?

What makes sex more romantic and passionate for you?

Would you like our sex to feel more like making love or more like fucking? How could we do that?

What are some of the best, most romantic times we’ve had? What can we do to make more times like that?

Do you feel I still seduce you? If not, when did that stop between us? Is that something we should work on?

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pmEST.

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Twelve Practical Steps to Lasso your Prince Charming –

Modern women are constantly complaining that men do not know what we want from them, which makes bonding with us difficult, even dangerous. It is not that hard to know what we expect from a woman. Here are a few tips:

1 – Stay in shape

We want to be aroused by the sight of you being naked. Men are visual animals. That’s why we like to have sex with the lights ON. We like your body and want to see it. People can argue the pitfalls of BMI scale all they want, but for the average Jane, it works just fine. Men don’t want a bag of bones, nor do they want a woman who looks like she’s hoarding beach balls.

2 – Lay off the Body Modification 

Men gravitate to natural hair color, tasteful and coverable tattoos (if any at all). We don’t like piercings that are out of control and all over the place. Also, fake boobs make you look fake. Plus they’re dense unlike real breasts. Lots of men like small breasts—they make you look younger and defiant.

3 – Make our own money

When it comes to money, men really couldn’t care less if you make a whole lot, but you need to be making enough so that you are not a financial drain on him. If you make more than him, more power to you in the couple—just refrain from throwing it in his face like some form of one-upmanship.

4 – Be feminine

Men want to date real WOMEN, not bros with vaginas. It’s a huge turnoff. Please refrain from using foul language and act aggressively in our presence. We like to enjoy a graceful, pleasant company that makes us feel at ease. Whether you like it or not, men like women that like them. Easy as that.

5 – Be tolerant

Being attentive to your partner’s desires and wishes does not mean that you are a door mat without any voice in the relationship. It means that you care about him and are willing to accommodate his world into yours as much as you can. Seriously, heaven forbid you do a little back bending for the sake of pleasing YOUR man because you want to keep him interested in you. Rub his back, watch a game together, kiss him…A GOOD man will reciprocate by rubbing your toes, watch a chick movie and snuggle with you in the sofa.

6 – Sex life.

Men want a woman who has a healthy sex drive and few past sexual partners. That means that you and your past boyfriend had a lot of sex. It does not mean that you were the town trollop. We get it, you want to be able to sleep with the college football team and not be judged for it the same way he ran through the cheerleading squad. Life’s not fair—get used to it. The average Joe will never see that many women anyway. Men also do not want a woman that leverages sex as a way to get what she wants. That is a pretty good indicator that she’s really not all that interested in you in the first place.

7 – Show your wits

Women wrongly assume that men usually dread the varied manifestations of intelligence in the feminine genre—that is such a 19th century thought, dear. No man wants a woman who cannot flex her mental muscles. Smart is way sexier than dumb any day. And we love to admire our girlfriend’s chutzpah.

8 – Tread carefully if you have children

This is the kind of the not-so-secret, secret. Men usually neither want to have instant families nor to raise another man’s child. This goes double if have multiple children and/or if your children are biracial.  It does not matter if your child’s father was abusive, a deadbeat, a good man or tragically hit by a bus. The bottom line is that you have a child, and he/she does not belong to the eligible bachelors out there. You might have to compensate by showing more strength in other areas, especially the affective streak. It may sound so primitive but if you’re a good homemaker—which does not mean you’re a stay-at-home wife—he’ll be more inclined to build a family with that legacy.

9 – Be willing to rattle the pots and pans

I wish I knew where things had taken a turn for the worst in terms of women’s progress, but apparently the domestic ability of being able to feed yourself without ordering takeout or putting some TV dinner in the microwave has fallen by the wayside. Men should learn how to cook and help with the nurturing of the children at the crucial time of the family table; but women should not relinquish their role as the hearth’s custodian. I’m a fabulous cook so I’ll cook for you too, darling—and you’ll love me more.

10 – Put down the phone

We get it. Your bathroom selfie just got you 40 likes on Facebook/Instagram and boosted your ego for the next 15 minutes. Then you just bought the newest chamomile tea from the coffee shop that is SOOO delicious, and  you need to tweet about it and send a Snapchat to your bestie while you are driving home from work (that light ahead is red, btw). Perhaps you should unplug from the matrix long enough to realize that there is a living breathing person in close proximity trying to interact with you. This is why my friends and I stack our phones on the table in front of us—amazing things follow.

11 – Ease up on the makeup

The less the better. It is bad enough that the makeup industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that essentially tells women that they are ugly. What is even worse is that half of you come out of the house looking like a clown. Maybe you should throw away your creams and work with what you have.

12 – Stop hoarding guy friends

Nine out of ten of your guy friends just want to sleep with you anyway. Men know how other men think. The first guy that comes to comfort you after a big fight will also be the first one to say “he’s not good enough for you” in order to sabotage the ongoing relationship. It’s not about trust issues. It’s about knowing how people act. Trust is earned, not immediately granted.

And don’t forget to display a big smile to show the real YOU to the whole wide world!

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

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Cherie – Chapter 19 – Back In Black

“I told her I don’t want to bother Trish, but maybe she needs to hear what being truly alive sounds like.”

White girls they’re pretty funny. Sometimes they drive me mad.
Black girls just wanna get fucked all night.
I just don’t have that much jam.

Some Girls – Mick Jagger & Keith Richards – 1978

 

I saw Cherie for a quick early morning breakfast last week. But we haven’t been together intimately for two weeks. Her schedule’s been crazy between her two jobs, studying for finals, and working on her thesis. She was working on it that day and still had a few pages to finish writing. When completed it had to be in by midnight that day. Then she had to wait for her sister to come over and babysit her son.

 

She arrived in Rittenhouse around 8pm. The city was incredibly busy that Saturday night. It was difficult for her to find parking, but she finally did. It was a bitter cold night in December, but I had the bat cave nice and warm with all of the necessary amenities when she got there.

It was so great to see her. She’d been on my mind all week. I was happy that our day had finally arrived. It didn’t take long for us to get down to the business at hand. This had only been the third time we’d been intimate in our new relationship. We have survived two months so far. Being with Cherie was glorious as usual. As I have said before she’s a chill, smart girl with an enormous sexual appetite. It’s as if I’ve finally found the perfect match. Her stamina is matched only by her orgasmic prowess. I’ve never been with a woman who can have over twenty in one night. We do have mad sex for hours, and during those encounters she just keeps on coming again and again. I’ve never seen anything like it. She asked me if I thought my neighbor Trish could hear the bed rocking and squeaking as well as her moaning. I told her I don’t want to bother Trish, but maybe she needs to hear what being truly alive sounds like.

Some of the most wonderful moments of the evening were not so much the intense sex, but the gentle quiet moments when we would simply hold each other, and she would tell me that she loves me. I of course reciprocated with words and deeds.

She fell asleep the first time just after midnight, I heard her talk in her sleep. She did that the last time she was here in my bed. She said, “I love when you do that.” She then sighed. Is it possible when Cherie is not having real sex with me she is dreaming about having sex with me? Why can’t I have dreams like that?

After one of our exhausting sessions that happened around 3am, we had an interesting conversation. She had told me on our first date that she was bisexual, but leaned more towards men than women. She said when she was with her son’s father, they had a bit of an open relationship. She asked me how many sexual partners I’ve had…at the same time. Normally women ask a bunch of questions when you first sleep together. I’ve been on the Earth for over a half a century, and have closed a lot of business in that time, in three different time zones. But no one has ever asked me how many at once. I really had to think way back to my days in Wildwood, NJ and Los Angeles, CA. I told her I knew for sure that I had at least once did a full on threesome with two women. I asked her what her number was, and she said, she had done one as well. But it was with a good-looking guy, a white girl, and a hispanic girl. I did the math and with Cherie there, that’s a foursome. I don’t play much poker but I know four of a kind beats a three of a kind. Hell, four of a kind even beats a full house, and four people getting it on is a full house unto itself!

I asked if the guy had sex with every one of them, and she said that he did. I told her I wanted to shake his hand. Cherie gave me the dynamics of how that little orgy worked and I could tell by the description it was largely due to her participation. I found it interesting that I had been beaten by a girl half my age. She said she likes doing to girls what I like to do as much as I like to do it. I’m a giver and so is she. We give a lot to each other in the bedroom.

Cherie made it clear that she was solely interested in me. I asked her if she would ever have the urge to hook up with a woman again. She simply said, “No. That would be cheating.” But now I was intrigued by this she-cat that’s an animal in the bedroom, but not reckless with her sexuality out in the world. It is all planned and calculated by Cherie.

I asked her if she would ever do a multiple partner scenario again if all parties were willing and rules were in place. She said she would consider it.

This isn’t something I need to do. I’m happy just wearing and tearing with my lady. But I figured I’d ask a few more questions. I could tell Cherie wanted to discuss the subject further.

I told her just for argument sake I would throw out a fantasy scenario. I asked if she knew anybody that would be interested in participating in a three-way with she and I. Strictly fantasy question. (A bold-faced lie) Cherie said she knew a girl that she has been friends with for several years who is a little freaky. I asked her to describe this girl. She said that they have recently discussed how they would be okay fooling around with each other sexually. This girl is a little younger than Cherie, 25 or 26. She’s a mix of black and white. Her skin is caramel color. She has long brown hair and hazel eyes. Cherie says she’s never had sex with a black girl. But this would be close enough. Very pretty, and a little thicker than Cherie. My girl has an athletic body, from years of running track and basketball. Her friend is a bit curvy, with a round bottom and big breasts. I asked her if she was attracted to her, and she said that she would do her.

I like that they’ve already discussed being together. I ask her how, (in this fantasy!) how it would work? Would we just bring her here and let it roll? Cherie says, “Sure. I could bring her here, and we can have our way with her. I would do stuff to her to get her warmed up for you and then I would watch you fuck her.”

Apparently it’s not cheating if it’s your girlfriend’s idea that you should bang another chick right in front of her in the same bed.

I then came up with some of my own creative scenarios, and Cherie loved them all. This sort of talk two months into a relationship is extraordinary. I’ll have to see how this all plays out, but it’ll definitely play out right here on Phicklephilly.

I feel like I must have done something really good to be rewarded with this angel delivered to me by the gods.

 

She had to go feed the meter before 8am the next morning, so we had to get up early and do that. We’re both exhausted. She has to go home and study and keep writing and I have to open the salon at 11am. We pack up and head out into the chilly, grey light of Sunday morning. She pays for another hour and a half so as not to get a ticket from the overzealous PPA. I tell her she deserves at least breakfast for last night’s stellar performances.

Breakfast is at our usual spot, the Midtown Diner on 18th street. We’re both a little burned out from all of the calories we burned last night so we load up on coffee, protein and carbs. The service is fast, and the food is always on point. Obviously, there’s some sexual innuendo in our banter.

We talk about life and times passed. She tells me how many years ago she had an affair with a girl that she really loved. Her family rejected her and the relationship because it was looked upon as an abomination in the bible and she would go to hell. They actually didn’t speak for a while. I fucking kid you not.

Sad thing was, the girl ended up cheating on her and dumped her. So maybe the family thought little Cherie was just confused and got off the righteous path for a bit and welcomed her back into the fold. Such nonsense.

Cherie said she has given much to people in her life over the years and has gotten little back. People have taken advantage of her kindness in the past. But she’s not bitter about any of it. As always, she is calm and resolute. She has a tight group of friends, support from her family, works hard and stays away from social media.

Some time ago she dated someone for a short time, but it wasn’t what she wanted. Cherie said she just wanted someone to love.

Well it looks like she found someone.

And I definitely have the jam.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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8 Things Insecure Guys Would Tolerate And 8 Things A Secure Guy Would Never – Part 1

Confidence and self-belief are important traits in all humans—they give us the nerve to pursue what we want in life, stand up for ourselves when we’re faced with adversity, and to get up again after we’ve fallen down. Without a foundation of self-assurance, it’s easy to crumble under the slightest pressure, whoever you are.

Insecurity plagues many people and can lead to behaviors that cause problems within a relationship. Those who are insecure tend to feel the need to drag the people in their lives down to their level with insults and backhanded compliments, and can’t stand to see those around them succeed.

While being insecure can lead to problematic behavior like this, it can also result in allowing yourself to be treated poorly, simply because you don’t think that you deserve (or can get) any better. The cliché paints the picture of the insecure woman staying with the man who doesn’t treat her right, and not all people realize that it can also be the other way around.

What a man will and won’t accept in a relationship might be influenced by many things, but one of them is more than likely how insecure he is, and how much confidence he has. Do you recognize any of these behaviors in your man?

16

An Insecure Guy Would Be Okay With Having His Dreams Crushed

When somebody is insecure, they might find it hard to stand up for themselves when others try to drag them down. An insecure person might abandon their dreams and the things they want in life if somebody who’s important to them, like their partner, tells them that it’s not a good idea.

While a confident guy would be more inclined to follow his dreams and pursue the things he wanted, no matter what anybody had to say about it, an insecure guy might be too scared to go against advice given to him, even when it’s illogical. The same goes for any other opinions he has—he could change his preferences, likes and dislikes and even beliefs and morals according to what his partner feels.

15

A Secure Guy Couldn’t Handle Not Being A Priority To You

Those in healthy relationships tend to make each other a priority. Being in love might not be about sacrificing yourself for another person and allowing someone to walk over you like a rug by the bathroom door, but it is about remembering the needs of the person you love and making a commitment to look out for them. If you’re with a man who’s confident within himself and knows what he deserves, he more than likely won’t stand for being forgotten about or neglected.

Somebody who’s more insecure might not speak up if they’re not made a priority by their partner. They might think they’re lucky to have any partner at all, and don’t want to push their luck by speaking up about things like that. But a secure person would expect to be made to feel important by the other person, and they would be willing to return to the favor.

14

Lying To An Insecure Guy Probably Won’t Result In A Massive Fight

Many people say that lying in a relationship is their deal-breaker, but the reality is a lot of relationships involve little white lies that people tend to overlook. Bigger lies that end up causing significant consequences are a major problem in most relationships, but when you’re an insecure person, you’re more likely to put up with them than if you possessed more self-confidence.

A lot of it comes down to accepting what would be unacceptable for most people because you don’t think you deserve anything more. A secure man or woman would be more likely to call their partner out on their lies and make it clear that they won’t stand for that kind of behavior, whereas an insecure person could just put up with it, even though deep inside they want to say something.

13

If He’s Secure Within Himself, He Won’t Appreciate You Being Obsessive Or Clingy

Clinginess and obsession often shows that one person in the relationship has an unhealthy view of the other. While being overwhelmed by emotion is a symptom of love (particularly in the early days!), it’s not healthy or a wise idea to get attached to your partner to the point of needing them to live your day-to-day life. When an obsession develops, and you get to the stage where you’re clinging on to your partner, a reasonably minded person would be inclined to say something.

This is the right thing to do because if you do love your significant other, you point out when they’re being inappropriate or acting in ways that are harmful to themselves and others in the long run. An insecure guy might not speak up, but a secure one probably would.

12

Insecurity Makes People Okay With Cheating Because They Think They Don’t Deserve Better

Those who have never cheated, been cheated on or had anything to do with infidelity might wonder why people who have been cheated on stay in the relationships they’re in. Each couple is different, and while most people believe being unfaithful is unacceptable, some find some way of justifying what happened and end up staying with that person. We’re not here to judge those people, but we do know that many people who stay in unfaithful relationships might be dealing with insecurity issues.

Not only do they believe that they deserved to be cheated on, but they might also presume that if they left their current partner, they’d never find another. A fear of being alone or single can also fall under the umbrella of being insecure, and often they’d rather stay in an unhappy relationship than brave it out on their own.

11

A Secure Guy Won’t Stand For You Not Treating His Family Right

For most people, their family is a priority. Some cultures are more family-orientated than others, but it would be pretty odd in most communities to come across someone who didn’t care about their immediate family members at all. So unless there’s some pressing reason, most guys who know how to stand up for themselves won’t sit around and watch their family be disrespected, even if the disrespect comes from someone they love.

On the other hand, an insecure guy might not have the spine to stand up to someone who’s been treating his family poorly, even though he disagrees with what’s happening internally. But if a man is confident and knows what his morals are, he’ll more than likely have something to say about that behavior.

10

Destructive Behavior Is Tolerated Only When A Person Is In Need Of Strength And Confidence

When you think of someone sticking around in an abusive relationship because they can’t find the confidence or strength to leave, your mind probably immediately paints the picture of a woman. While the struggle of women against domestic violence and other forms of destructive behavior needs more attention, and should not be minimized or ignored, it’s a mistake to think that this sort of thing doesn’t happen to men too. Males can also find themselves in emotionally and physically abusive relationships, and often, they’re not taken as seriously when they do find the courage to seek help.

Whoever you are, walking away from that kind of relationship does take strength and bravery, so one of the reasons why a man might stay in those conditions is that he is struggling with finding those traits within himself.

9

Constant Cheating Accusations And A Lack Of Trust Won’t Sit Well If He’s Secure Within Himself

For many, cheating is an unforgivable act. It’s the ultimate betrayal, a complete breach of trust and ends up hurting the relationship so much that it can’t ever recover. Cheating accusations aren’t seen in nearly as negative a light, but they are also destructive to the trust within a relationship. Constantly being accused of being unfaithful is a slap in the face if you’ve never given your partner reason to suspect anything, and shows that all the good work you’ve put in to gain their trust has gone to waste.

That’s why a confident person isn’t likely to put up with continuous cheating accusations for long. It might not result in a break up like actual cheating would, but a person who’s secure would still want to have a conversation about getting that behavior to stop.

 

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