Kim – 2016 – The Animator – Part 1

“Looking for: Single Men, near me, ages 36 – 50 for short & long-term dating and new friends.”

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I met Kim on OkCupid. She had an interesting profile and we matched. She reached out to me first. I told her I had read her profile and she seemed fascinating and fun.

“Well then let’s meet up and see.”

“Sounds good. May I have your number?”

We exchanged numbers and that was that. It happened that quickly.

So I set up a lunch date and we meet up at Misconduct Tavern.

Here is her profile on OkCupid:

 

My Self Summary

Animator who likes most music. I can’t see likes.

What I’m doing with my life

Designing stuff and trying to make things nicer in the world.

 

I’m really good at

Feeding everybody

 

Favorite books movies shows music and food

I love comic books, indie stuff, wonder woman stuff, software manuals, Dexter, Curb your Enthusiasm, SNL  30 Rock, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, New Girl, Shameless. Hannibal, Dark Crystal, Double Indemnity, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Rosemary’s Baby, Harold and Maude.

 

Music. I’m a vinyl collector. Old jazz, soundtracks well almost everything. Sometimes just for the album art, XTC,  Nina Simone, Iron and Wine, Echo and the Bunnymen, Depeche Mode, New Order, Morrissey, Donovan, Dylan, Lennon, every kind of music on my iPod, I am open to checking out any kind of music.

(Sounds great, right? But not really.)

Thai, Korean, Vietnamese, sushi, Indian, Ethiopian, seafood, pizza, edibles, mostly seafood. No pineapples or mango – I’m very allergic.

Six things I could never do without

Communication

Good stories

Music

Something to draw and write with

Delicious things

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Work, animation, comics, software love

On a typical friday night I am

Watching a movie (out or at home) trying a new restaurant or revisiting favorites, hanging out with friends. I love to be at home if I had someone special to spend time with.

you should message me if

You’re not looking for benefits or games. Serious inquiries only. Laughter often required.

Looking for: Single Men, near me, ages 36 – 50 for short & long-term dating and new friends.

 

And there is her profile. She seems nice, and I want to meet her!

Tune in tomorrow and I’ll tell you how our first date went!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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Steven Tyler opens women’s shelter for abused girls — Consequence of Sound

Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler, who famously dated and impregnated a 16-year-old girl and then demanded she get an abortion, is opening a women’s shelter. Janie’s House, a home for abused and neglected girls, opened outside of Atlanta this week. Tyler helped with the building’s interior design and participated in a “scarf cutting” Wednesday, according to…

via Steven Tyler opens women’s shelter for abused girls — Consequence of Sound

Is chocolate really better than sex??? — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

It is really happening and I am going to M’s house for sex, I grab my keys and my purse and I am just about to run out the door and I realize I am in my fucking pajamas!! I run back into my bedroom and start pulling on my clothes, sexy underwear, cute dress, appropriate […]

via Is chocolate really better than sex??? — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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Tales of Rock – How Rod Stewart Took Cocaine To Protect His Nose

“This post needs no introduction…”

If you were asked to name hell raising rockers Rod Stewart probably does not come in anywhere near the top of your list. However, although he has spent the majority of his career eye-banging your mother from his album covers, during his heyday he was up to his finely feathered hair in a hardcore cocaine addiction. However, unlike his fellow rock stars, Rod Stewart chose to shove his cocaine straight up his asshole.

In order to protect his nose from the harmful effects of snorting cocaine, Stewart and his pal Ronnie Wood would regularly buy anti-cold capsules and replace the medicine inside with a snifter of cocaine, then cram the capsules up their million-dollar buttholes and fucking party.

That means, at any given moment, the singer of “You’re In My Heart,” “Maggie May,” and “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” was dancing around with a Sudafed capsule full of cocaine rapidly dissolving in his ass.

I love you, Rod Stewart. I will tell a tale in 2018 that will involve you and will curl your hair!

Rod Stewart: “Can’t wait Eric, But really don’t give a shite!”

 

 

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Lenore – 2012 – Nowhere To Go But Up

“She had started to pound $10 cocktails like she was going off to war.”

I was coming off my break up with Michelle, (See: Michelle – 2007 to Present – A Brand New Day) We remained friends, but I figured I should get back out there. I had little knowledge on how online dating worked. I met a cute enough girl online (OK Cupid) – looks a little wild, perfect for where I am in my life, and we decide to meet.
I go all out for this first date. We’re going to my favorite “upscale” taco place and a movie after that I was excited to see. She called me about 10 minutes late and she’s pissed. She couldn’t find parking and now she couldn’t find the place. I excuse myself from the table, step outside, and try to look for her. I don’t see this girl anywhere, but I suddenly hear my name being called. I look over, and the girl who I thought was a slinky girl with pink hair looked almost nothing like her photos.
When we sit down inside the restaurant, she tells me the story. She’s gained about 45lbs…since the baby (which she also neglected to tell me about) and had recently dyed her hair moss-green, mostly by accident. I honestly wasn’t even sure that she was the same person, but she told me she was in beauty school and mixed something up. I don’t remember the exact details, because I stopped being able to pay attention to her story. Why? Because she had started to pound $10 cocktails like she was going off to war.

Uh oh, bad sign.
She ended up ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, drinking $50 in about 5 minutes, and started to get whiny and cranky. What would a normal guy have done? Maybe split the tab and call it a night. Me? Nope. I keep thinking, “Maybe she’s just nervous. Obviously, she’s been through a lot and is a bit of a mess.”
So, the idiot that I am, I take her to the movie. The movie has assigned seating, which lands us in the back of this theater. When we go to sit down, her drunk ass falls over, much to the chagrin of a father and his pre-teen daughter who are sitting in the seats next to us. This girl is in and out of consciousness most of the movie. It was a great movie, but when she was conscious, she complained throughout it – loudly and childishly.

The worst part of the movie, though, is when she got horny and decided to start trying to give me a hand job in the movie theater. Normally, this would be a kind of sexy proposition, but not when you’re sitting right next to a pretty buff-looking, angry father and his young daughter. I had to pull her hand away maybe 5 times as this guy shot me looks of “I’m about to fucking kill you” before I finally took her out of the theater. I felt so bad that I bought the dad/daughter a gift card for the theater and wrote a quick apology before walking miss #greenhairdontcare outside.
It only gets worse from here, sadly. She ends up having a fucking meltdown on one of benches outside the theater. She’s crying and talking about killing herself for about 20 minutes. She’s calling herself fat and ugly, saying that I’m a pig and an asshole for taking her out, and asks me if I’ll fuck her in her car loudly and repeatedly (she asks loudly and repeatedly, not for loud, repetitive sex). I’m getting glares and the cops come over twice to make sure I’m not hurting her.
At some point, I just gave up. I called a cab, which she refused to get in. She hopped in her car, drunk as hell, and sped off. I ended up spending over $200 for this night. By the end of this thing, I was ready to swear off dating entirely, especially after the next 3 days of her texting me depressing shit and pics of her lady parts out of nowhere. But, in the end, I had nowhere to go but up. Dating got a lot better after that.

Sort of.

 

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Julia – 2016 – Snack Girl

“I’m sorry I can’t see u today I feel not good I got diarrhea.”

I matched this cute kitty kat on the dating site, Ok Cupid. Please excuse any grammatical errors. They are her words not mine. Here is her profile:

Julia

30 – Philadelphia 39% match on ok cupid

Straight, Woman, Single, 4’11”

My self summary

I really want to have serious relationship at this time. cuz I don’t have time for playing the game..I’m not interested with multiple dating.. if u want to know to know about me pleaseee make sure u already clear with your past relationship. im sensitive person too. I like the guy who can talk more open & honest event that’s hurt (need to have respect each other)

I don’t like mommy boy I like the guy who is mature & independent (cuz I’m independent too) I have full-time job I work mon – fri 2- 11pm. I have house… I don’t have drivers license.

What I’m doing with my life

Working, relaxing, snacking etc

I’m really good at

Negotiations

Six things I could never do without

Phone

Snack

Money

Friends

Alarm

Key

On a typical friday night I am

I like stay at home at usually … snacking, watching TV etc.  But if my friends asking to hang ut it’s ok too depends on my mood that time,

You should message me if

If u ready to have serious relationship. NO ATHEIST & independent.

———————————————————————————————————————————-

So that’s her profile.

She certainly likes her snacks, right? If I bring enough snacks and a bible on the first date, do you think I’ll get lucky?

Here’s how our first conversation on the site went. It’s over several days and there are huge gaps of time between daily texts.

April 8

Me: Hello! It’s a match!

Her: Hi

April 10

Me: How was your weekend? I really like what you said in your profile. (A bold-faced lie. I don’t give a shit. She’s hot. But I know she’ll like that I read it.)

Her: My weekends its ok .. what I said make u interested.

Me: Would you like to meet up?

Her: ok no problem

April 11

Me: When can we meet? May I have your number?

Her: Next Sunday?

Her: (Gives me her number)

Me: I could do Sunday after 4pm.

Me: (Gives her my number)

Her: Sunday 23

Me: Ok

(That’s two weeks away)

(So normally once the phone numbers are exchanged both parties switch to just texting each other to make a plan to meet and no longer communicate on the dating site. Makes sense, right?)

(So I text her on her phone.)

April 11

Me: Hello!

Her: Hi

Me: Hi, I’m looking forward to meeting you on the 23rd.

Her: ok

April 12

(For some reason she writes me again on the dating site)

Her: U not sleepy yet

Me: How are you? I texted you

Her: Good thanks… hbu

April 13

Me: I’m doing great. But we have each other’s numbers. Shouldn’t we just text?

(Then it switches back to regular phone texting)

Me: Hello I just saw your post on Ok Cupid early this morning. Couldn’t sleep?

Me: Hello!

April 21

Me: Hello. Are we meeting up Sunday after 4?

Her: Who is this?

(How the fuck did that happen in a week?)

Me: It’s (My name) from Ok Cupid

Her: Can u send me pic please

(Now it’s getting weird)

Me: (Send her 2 photos of me)

Her: I’m sorry this sunday I can’t because I think u cancel cuz you not text me again.

(I don’t need to be in constant text/touch with anyone once I’ve made solid plans with them. We’re adults for goodness sake!)

Me: Ok. But you remember me now? How about this coming week?

Her: Oh yes u said u live in ritten house right

(Again. Sorry about her bad grammar)

Me: Yes. Are you still interested?

Her: ok next sunday morning 12 its ok?

Me: I work on Sundays till 4. I can do lunch during the week or Saturday anytime or Sunday after 4, or Monday night or Wednesday night.

Her: Monday morning?

Me: Ok. Can we meet in center city?

Her: Yes

Me: Lovely. What time?

Her: 11/12?

Me: Ok. so lunch! Do you have any dietary limitations?

Her: No.

Me: Any favorite foods?

Her: (Smiley face) We can go to simple coffee shop.

(I has hoping she’d say she wanted to go to a Snack Bar!!!!!)

Me: Ok

Yesterday

Me: Ok, so what time tomorrow and do you have a coffee shop you prefer?

Her: Oh yes. 12

Me: Is there a coffee shop you prefer?

Her: I prefer around center city.

Me: Meet me at The Last Drop Coffee Shop at 13th and Pine at 12 noon tomorrow.

Her: Ok

Me: Looking forward to meeting you

Today

Her: (My Name) I’m sorry I can’t see u today I feel not good I got diarrhea.

(Who plays that card before a first date? Do you think it’s from eating all the damn snacks?)

Me: Oh dear! I’m so sorry. I hope you feel better.

Her: Thank u… don’t know why I eat alot of fruit & yogurt last night … I try not eat rice.

(Gross!)

Me: I hope you’re feeling better!

Her: Thank u

Me: Is there another day you’d like to meet up this week? Tomorrow? Wednesday?

Her: I’m not sure for Wednesday cuz I need go to home depo in morning time my house have little bit construction stuff.

Me: Well, I’m out-of-town Thurs – Sun.

Her: its ok don’t worry about that


 

So for now I will end this chapter here. Hopefully I can get a first date with her even though she doesn’t seem all that bright. But beauty is forgivable and I will keep trying to make this happen. But so far it’s been brutal just trying to communicate with this woman so it may already be a fail.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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Adalyn – 2015 – Crazy Is As Crazy Does

“I’m in my date’s bedroom, she’s lying on her bed, drugged and intoxicated, she takes off her top (now topless), grabs my neck and starts kissing me. Her mom, who is standing there, leaves the room to give me some privacy to do what can only be considered date rape.”

I’ve been using Tinder for over a year or so now, and I’ve always been pretty lucky. However, this incident was a different story.

Flashback a day earlier, we matched on tinder. I’m chatting with hot Adalyn. Raven hair, tan skin, and dark eyes. From her pics, I can see she has a smokin’ body. She’s definitely on the right side of twenty-five.

I suggested we skip the long chats and go for a drink, she suggested we chat on the phone first. We did for an hour and it was nice. Some laughs, some flirting and we agreed to spend the next morning in the park. We met, everything is going great and all signs are saying we’ll end up having crazy sex very soon. Left the park, had lunch and then agreed to go back to my place. She said she needed to pass by her place to change and get some stuff. No problem.

Things were moving quickly.

She introduced me to her mom, her dog, her cat and some neighbors. Seemed like she was getting a little too cozy for a tinder date. Then she said: “change of plans. My mom is going to spend the night at my brother’s place. Would you mind spending the night here instead?” I thought, why not? I’m getting lucky so I don’t care. She started preparing dinner and I started drinking. She started pounding drinks as well. I was feeling pretty good, but I could see she was already getting pretty banged up. Turns out her mom is going nowhere, and I had too much to drink. So in my drunken mind I decide to stay with them for the night.

That’s when things started to get crazy. The dinner table had shrimp and oysters with bacon (which I hate). So I started eating the shrimp, when my date offered some oysters. I politely declined and said I was happy with the shrimp. She insisted so much it got awkward, so I took it. She asked me if I liked it, I smiled and said nothing. She started getting angry, and yelled at me that I should be more direct and speak up. I told her I didn’t like it. It might be good but it’s not for me. She started yelling at me and demanding an explanation why I don’t like it.

That’s when her mom jumped in and tried to defuse the situation. To my surprise, Adalyn grabbed the shrimp plate and threw it across the room straight into the wall. Then she stormed away into her room.

That’s when her mom explained to me that Adalyn had been in and out of rehab because of depression and alcohol abuse. She also had two suicide attempts, and that she was on medication. She was not supposed to have any alcohol.

Now I’m feeling really sorry for her.

After awhile, she came out of her room, laughing as if nothing happened, and brought out some dessert and more champagne. Things seemed to be cool now. I tried to relax. But then, quite suddenly, she stood up and challenged me to a fight. She started throwing punches at my chest and stomach and then to my face. I was blocking or slipping all the punches and asking her to stop. Then she got really vicious, and started adding kicks to her attack. I grabbed her arms, put my weight on her, and took her to the ground. She totally collapsed and lay there unconscious.

I carried this poor deranged thing to her bed. When she opened her eyes, she smiled and then all of a sudden took her off her top, (now topless) grabbed my neck, and started kissing me. Her mom, who was still standing there, left the room to give me privacy to do what could only be considered date rape. (which I obviously didn’t do) I pushed her away, and started walking backwards out of the room, when she gave me a final kick to the stomach goodbye.

I ran out of the house and down the street. I called an UBER and was on my way back to Rittenhouse.

Not crazy enough? I woke up the next morning to a few missed calls from my date.   A couple of voicemails with a casual apology, and a couple of ideas for our second date.

What?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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