10 Signs You’re Compatible with the One You’re Dating

signs you're compatible

Just because you get along and like the same things, doesn’t make you compatible. Here’s how to know if you’re dating someone you’re compatible with.

They say that opposites attract. This may be true for many, and while I may agree that two people of different characteristics might find initial attraction towards each other, it is compatibility that would ultimately keep their relationship together. Compatibility and chemistry are two entirely different things, and both are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Have you ever wondered what makes you and your date click? When you are compatible with each other, it means that you are attuned to your partner’s sensibilities. Compatibility in a relationship can help determine whether or not you and your partner are meant to be together for the long haul.

Being truly compatible with each other means so much more than sharing the same beliefs or interests. True compatibility means that your personalities mesh well with each other. While you might find someone who is as free-spirited as you are and enjoys the same things you like, your life goals may be different. You may have completely opposite tastes and personalities, but when the tough times come, your opposite personalities complement each other. Aren’t relationships complicated?

The true test of compatibility is spending time together, and not just those little dates that you both plan out for each other. The true test of compatibility lies in spending an extended amount of time together while getting through different situations together, both the tough ones and the happy ones.

Are you and your partner a good match?

How does one discern true compatibility? Take a look at your relationship, and see if you spot any of these signs of compatibility.

#1 You see each other through the trying times. It’s true that it’s the trying times that would truly test your compatibility, not the easy ones. The trying times would show the true test of one’s character. The trying times would show you how you would be able to handle conflicts and difficulties.

Would both of you be able to handle the arguments and still be able to support each other, despite the situation that you’re both in? This is the reason why many relationships don’t last: the tough times that serve to test the strength the relationship end up breaking it.

#2 You don’t question the love in your relationship. When you are secure in your partner’s love, you know that your relationship can do no wrong. When you feel each other’s love despite the fights and the disagreements, then you know that you have found the one that you are compatible with.

#3 You know each other’s deepest secrets. Honesty is important in a relationship. Sharing secrets can show you how compatible you are with your partner. Trust and honesty just show how invested you both are in your relationship, despite knowing each other’s darker side.

#4 You could spend time in silence without it being awkward. When you spend time with each other, you can do “your own thing” without having to put up with any awkward silence. There is uncomfortable silence where you feel like you have to fill the air with some form of small talk, and then there is comforting silence where there’s no pressure to start babbling about anything to stave off the awkwardness. If you have the latter, you can say you’re compatible.

#5 Your relationship still feels fresh. Being together for a long time can pave the way for monotony and boredom to seep in. However, as time goes by, you can either let your relationship stagnate or let it grow into something more meaningful. The feeling that you’re still learning, growing, and enjoying in your relationship through the years is a sure sign of compatibility.

#6 There is still mutual attraction. You know that you are compatible with each other when you find that, after all the time you have spent together, you can still find your partner attractive. While sex isn’t everything in a relationship, it is important that you and your partner are physically intimate with each other. There should still be a spark that keeps the flame alive!

#7 You can be your true self around your partner. Some relationships fail because people put up a front to ensure that their partner will still like them. Thus, what happens is that their partner becomes compatible with their mask, and not their true selves.

If you’re able to show your partner your silliness, your idiosyncrasies, your weirdness, and your weaknesses without fear that they will no longer love you, and the same is true for your partner, you can then be confident that you and your partner are a great match.

#8 You see a future with each other. You know that you are compatible with your partner when you see a future with each other, settling down, getting married, and having children together. You know that it is true compatibility when you see beyond the fantasy wedding that you will have. You plan a life together with them, despite knowing that it won’t always be smooth sailing. You see yourself growing old with them, and supporting each other in your old age.

#9 You don’t want to change your partner. They say that people don’t change unless they want to. You know you are compatible with your partner when you respect them as an individual. Sure, they might have some quirks which you might find to be immature or annoying, at times. You might find that the way they dress, sleep, or eat is something that you don’t like, but it’s part of the package, and you wouldn’t change them either way.

#10 Your partner makes you want to bring out the best in you. Couples who are really compatible with each other bring out the best in each other. They have that drive to push you forward and bring out the best in you. They support you in good times and in bad times. They cheer you on as you work your way through law school or insist on being a stay-at-home parent. They are your greatest fan, and you know you can always count on them to cheer you on and have your back whenever you are down.

Love is never enough to save a relationship. You might have all the love in the world for each other, but it is never enough to get you through the difficult times. Love can be fickle, and will ultimately fly out the window once there are conflicts and arguments that remain unresolved.

Your compatibility with your partner will help your relationship withstand the test of time. Without it, you will only end up fighting over your differences, until you realize that there’s no way you can stand to stay with each other.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

Advertisements

My Father – 1929 to 2016 – Diamonds and Rust – Part 3

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I’ll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.

Sister Janice was born in January 1961, I appeared 18 months later in August 1962.

I have no idea about the circumstances of my conception. But apparently it was too soon for my mom and she was pissed at my dad for knocking her up again so fast. He said she didn’t speak to him for the entire pregnancy. Can you imagine this kind of juvenile bullshit? First of all he should have laid off mom and I have no idea why he needed to hit that again so soon. Apparently my mom wasn’t that into sex at all. He once told me that she said, “we’re like a couple of dogs going at it.”

Brutal.

Clearly this is not the glorious celebration I’ve experienced during my union with another vessel that is clearly in love with me and we are going to make a Lorelei. Sadly that was a calculated well-timed act scheduled by her mother but it’s too late now. Lor is here and she is a wonderful part of my life.

But then my parents had four kids… I don’t have any information why or how that happened. But what kid really wants that data about their parents anyway. Right?

But once I was born, my mom spoke to him again and loved me. It was a very hot in the summer of August of 1962. It was so humid she would take me to the basement to give me my bottle. I was born when they lived in North Philly on Hope Street but they got the house in Lawndale when I was one, and that’s where I grew up.

I was always careful and timid. Janice would kick me in the crib because I was the new youngling. She started biting her nails because I was the new baby. The new star.

But all shooting stars fall.

Janice was bold and would crawl right off the couch and I would watch and hang back. My father would laugh that his one child would venture forth and fall and the other would hang back and survive.

We need people like Janice. The ones that are stable and go forward to bring the species forward.

But we also need people like me to stay behind, to draw the pictures of her adventures, and look after the women, the young, and to entertain the tribe.

 

Let’s get back to the theme here.

Janice’s son looks a lot like my dad. Janice is very much cut from my dad. We have history to prove this. She marries well, and creates a wonderful son. My nephew Tim is a great kid. Their whole family is great.

Tim always adored my father. He loved Pop. My father was able to roll in with the treats and the toy trains and do “Greatest Hits” with Tommy.  He didn’t have to raise Tim.

Janice and her husband did.

He’s the Paragon.

Tim adored Pop.

My dad adored his father and got nothing.

“Here’s $10….  get them a set of trains. ” (Didn’t give a shit about his sons)

Tim adores my father. That’s the ONE Thing my father has always wanted. A little boy who is well-behaved. A sweet kid. No drama. Goes to college. Gets a great job. Is lifeguard of the year. Looks like him. Understands him. Knows how to navigate him in a safe respectful, gentle way. Diplomatic. Can live with him during the summer and be the perfect companion. Justifies his existence.

I commend Tim for being sentient enough to understand my father.

The complete opposite of me. This boy was raised by my sister. Not by Horace. That’s a whole different relationship. This is “Greatest Hits” and Tim makes great records!

Tim became the son my father always wished for. He was this perfect respectful boy who gave him what he always wished for from his father.

His circle was complete. It made my father so happy.

Of course the kid that looks like you is from the daughter who is most like you and he’s perfect. Because he isn’t the shit you ground into powder in the studio that never made the album.

Tim is your Greatest Hits album.

You don’t have to raise him. He stops in and gets the BEST of you. He loves you. He worships you like you worshiped your dad. He loves the toy trains. He’s a good, compliant boy. He’s not Helen’s family. That’s the son you wanted. You didn’t have to raise him and download your pain and bullshit into him. You never threatened or hit Tim with your hands.

It was easy.

So good. Not lies or weird. Not the component of you that harbors your dark side that’s you and knows your dark side and struggles with it. He doesn’t know that I know the truth about you, dad. He’s a sweet boy that looks like a better version of you and doesn’t share your demons.

But I know you, and I know ALL of your demons and we’re all on the same side now.

He’s clean. It’s easy. Give him the ring Bilbo Baggins. You’re a man who taught us that we should always live by our word and that our word was our bond, but you were lying the whole time. To me and to yourself, man.

Come on….

How did you live with all of the infidelity and the illegitimate kids?

 

You reckless fuck.

 

You did it because you could. Maybe that’s why I love a good paradox in all of my stories. Because that’s you dad.

(I’ll get to my half-brother and sister in a future posts…. yea, I know… horrors…. phicklephilly phollowers!)

It’s so easy. Tim doesn’t have to be raised by you and all of your rage and OCD and anxiety never touch him.

You’re countless fights with mom and how many times I failed you don’t exist. Clean slate. Awesome, Pop.

Tim is the perfect son you always wanted because it’s easy and you can forget all of the sins you seared into my mother and I.

It’s okay, we forgive you, but the memories remain.

 

You’re the son he always wanted Tim. Automatic and easy. You get Pop Pop’s triple diamond ring and I…. his blood son gets passed over. (I don’t give a fuck about his stupid jewelry, Tim. My identity comes from a place my father has never seen.)

The 3 diamond ring goes to the you…

(My grandfather left a ring to my Dad that had 3 diamonds in it. He wore it every day. (Is that to show some sort of affluence?)

Jewelry is nothing but shiny stones and metal.

All that glitters isn’t gold, dad.

I would have pawned it anyway, because stuff means nothing to me anymore. Life is to be lived and experienced and we are meant to always evolve.

I’ll tell you what brings me joy.

Knowing my daughter Lorelei is healthy and happy in her life. I’m fine, but once you have a child… that’s until you die. I never screamed at her or frightened her. I never hit her. Hitting children is wrong.

You scared me and hit me a lot. That doesn’t make for good people. It’s wrong. I’m smaller than you and I’m not allowed to defend myself. So you can hit me and do whatever you want to me and I am powerless. So no matter what you preach to me about life, and honor and being a man of my word…

You still get to abuse me verbally and physically.

Simple as that, asshole.

Tim gets the 3 diamond ring because he’s the son you wanted but you never earned.

Janice made him. Not you.

 

Your subtle message of inheritance and bloodline bounces from me like piss in the ocean, father.

 

Just like your weird cryptic messages left in a toy train station about how it’s your last stop and all of that. You knew it would be found by Janice. How fucked up is that? So you want to cause pain and sadness and drama beyond your expiration? I’m going to hit the accelerator here and say, drama queen. Because that’s not cool. In movies that’s cool. You and I loved film, dad. But you don’t pull that drama shit on your favorite daughter. What the fuck were you thinking?

Dad….She loved you more than anybody in the world.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly             Facebook: phicklephilly

How to Impress a Guy in 13 Oh-So-Awesome Ways!

impress a guy

What makes a girl attractive and irresistible? Use these 13 tips on how to impress a guy and you’ll be on his mind long after you walk away from him.

To a guy, physical attraction may be important.

But it’s not everything.

An attractive face could hold a guy’s attention for a few seconds.

But to actually impress a guy and make him fall for you, you definitely need more than that.

Ever wondered why some girls draw more guys than other girls?

Ever wondered why a girl who’s not that great looking still manages to get every guy to fall for her?

How to impress a guy and make him want you

Great guys love a chase to win a girl, because they love a good competition.

The alpha male wants to be the best, and wants to be surrounded by the best of everything.

It’s an evolutionary trait of the alphas, while the lower men settle with what’s left of the best.

The great guys always want what all others guys desire, be it success, wealth, cars or anything else.

They want to pursue a great girl who gets the attention of other guys, and steal her away from right under their noses.

So if you want to impress a guy, you need to learn to get attention of great guys no matter where you are.

And once you’ve got the attention of the great guys, it’s only a matter of time before every other guy starts to fall for you and desire you.

Impressing a guy and the finer traits you need

If you want to impress a guy and make him addicted to you, the first lesson you need to learn is this. You need to play nice and sweet with him, and yet you need to seem unavailable at the same time.

Reciprocate to a guy’s flirting, but don’t initiate it. Always make it seem like he’s the one who’s doing all the flirting. That’s the key to impressing any guy and making him fall for you.

When you laugh at his joke, or blush at his compliment, it shows him that he’s able to impress you. But at the same time, when you don’t initiate anything to please him, he’d work harder because he knows he hasn’t pleased you enough to win you over completely just yet.

You need to show him the door to your heart, but make him work hard to find his way through the door. By doing that, he’ll respect you more, get more crazy about you and be in awe of you.

How to impress a guy in 13 ways

A great girl who’s desired by great guys is high maintenance, but she’s not cocky or arrogant. She’s pleasant to be with, but she never tries to impress any guy.

Want to be that girl and impress a guy you like? Keep these 13 traits in mind, and you’ll be awed and desired by the guy you like.

#1 Don’t be judgmental. But at the same time, don’t be a pushover. If you don’t like something, say it but don’t make a big deal about it. The guy you like may be passionate about a few things that you don’t appreciate, but that doesn’t mean you should insult him for it. Show an interest in what he has to say, share your truthful opinions about it but don’t get rude or judgmental.

#2 Punish him when he’s cocky. Are you the girl who forgives a guy if he keeps her waiting for over half an hour before he turns up? Change that attitude. Don’t ever let a guy take you for granted or take it easy around you.

At the start of a relationship, or when you just get to know the guy, it’s very important to ensure that he takes you seriously. Ignore him or walk away if he throws his weight around you, speak curtly to him when he gives more attention to someone else, and don’t think twice about scolding him if he mistreats you.

If you do this right at the beginning of the relationship, he’ll respect you more. But at the same time, this should be used only when he takes you for granted. The rest of the time, be the sweetest girl in the world around him!

#3 Smile and laugh a lot around him. Guys are mesmerized by a girl’s laughter. Laugh at his jokes if you find him funny, and give him all your attention when you’re with him. You don’t need to initiate too many conversations, just sit back and let him know that you’re enjoying his company. He’ll do the rest, and get impressed by you too.

#4 Debate with him. And win it. Men are awed by a woman’s emotional intelligence. Never let any guy behave like he’s more intelligent than you. Be aware of what’s going on in your world, and talk about it with him. A dumb bimbette could seem attractive for a few hours, but she’ll be the butt of his jokes after that.

When a guy thinks you’re unintelligent, he’ll think of you only as his arm candy, not as his partner for life.

#5 Be naughty. A naughty side is a huge turn on to every guy. Sit really close to him and watch him feel awkward around you. Brush his body, but make it seem like an accident. Behave like a coy girl, but tempt him innocently.

#6 Don’t give in too easily. Remember this if you want him to go crazy for you. Even if you like a guy a lot, don’t give in too easily and try to please him from the very beginning. When you try to please a guy too soon, he’ll start taking it easy because he’d know that he’s already won you over. And if he’s a regular guy, he’ll stop trying to woo you or impress you.

Even though you like him already, don’t express your mushy thoughts to him for several weeks. Date him or spend hours talking to him, but make sure he’s completely in love with you before you tell him that you’re crazy about him. Understanding how to make a guy chase you the right way is very important if you want to have a serious relationship with the guy you like.

#7 Tempt him with your appearance. Dress well and look good all the time when he’s around. You may assume that people who like you won’t judge you, but that’s not always the truth. If you were dating the guy and he dresses shabbily while going out with you, wouldn’t you feel a small twinge of disappointment when you’re walking down the street with him?

Look your best, awe everyone around you, and the guy you like will feel lucky to have a conversation with you.

#8 Smell great. Let your fragrance linger when you hug him goodbye or walk past him. Guys are suckers for good perfume, especially when the girl they’re interested in leaves behind a waft of perfume in the air. Try several perfumes and pick the ones that best suit your personality.

Spray the perfume on your wrists, behind your ears and around your neck or just under the collarbone. And a spray in your hair will ensure that you leave your fragrance behind whenever you walk past a guy. Just remember not to rub your perfume with your hands through because that just kills the fragrance.

#9 Be kind to everyone. Guys are instinctively drawn towards kinder girls who seem pleasant and approachable. Be warm when you speak to guys, even if you aren’t interested in dating them. Don’t insult a guy who tries to talk to you just because he’s not a great conversationalist. But at the same time, don’t put up with guys that treat you disrespectfully.

#10 Be spontaneous and alive. Don’t be a bore who doesn’t like talking much. Even when you’re with friends, play an active part and be involved with them. Guys may love a shy girl, but no one appreciates someone who’s just a part of the furniture.

Participate in activities, have fun, and even when you’re with the guy you like, don’t be too predictable. Cut him in the middle of the conversation, and ask him to accompany you somewhere because you feel like it. When you’re spontaneous and unpredictable, the guy would try harder to please you because he just can’t understand your likes and dislikes.

#11 Show the guy the competition. Don’t ignore all other guys when one guy gives you the attention. When you let a guy know that you’re only interested in talking to him, he’ll assume he’s already won you over. Talk sweetly to other cute guys, flirt casually and have fun even if the guy you like is around.

Remember, you’re not dating him yet, so let him see that he has a lot of competition to deal with if he wants to date exclusively with you. The more the competition, the more respectful he’ll be towards you and the harder he’ll try to woo you.

#12 Don’t use him. Just because he’s sweet enough to offer his help doesn’t mean you need to use him all the time to run your errands. Ask his help so he feels like a chivalrous gentleman when he’s around you. But do it the right way.

#13 Leave in a memorable manner. The best way to impress a guy is by leaving him with exciting and memorable memories of you. Flirt with the guy you like now and then without making it obvious that you’re outrageously flirting with him or trying to impress him. When you subtly flirt with him in a not-so-obvious manner, he can’t help but constantly remember you and wonder if you actually flirted with him or it was just his imagination.

This stage where you impress a guy is not the same as the dating stage. When both of you are dating, it’s about helping each other understand the other person better.

These 13 tips should be used to impress a guy you aren’t dating yet. If you want to impress a guy you’re dating already, use these.

But when you’re still trying to impress him or evaluating him as a dating potential, use these 13 tips on how to impress a guy. It’ll make him take you more seriously, fall harder for you, and respect you a lot more!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

My Father – 1929 to 2016 – Diamonds and Rust – Part 2

Still proud to have known you for the short time that I did.
Proud to have been a step up on your way.
Proud to be a part of your illustrious career…
and I know you did it all,
in spite of me.
In spite of me.

I have my father’s words. His laughter. His lessons. His charm for sure. He taught me so much. But that’s what my father was. He realized he had nothing. No natural ability that his brother Jack had and he made a decision. He was going to read. He was going to learn all that he could about the world.

He once told me. “Son, I just got to a point where I realized I didn’t know much. I don’t know much about anything. So I started to read.”

He also said that the best things in his life were my mom, us kids and his books.

I really believe that, because I was once sitting on the floor playing the lead from “I Want You’ from the Beatles, Abbey Road on my guitar and he walked in and said, “That’s really good, son. I can only listen to music… you can make music.”

Greatest compliment ever.

That’s the same thing as him saying to my mother, “I love you Helen Barr with all of my heart because I can never truly love you, or be you, and I would love nothing more that to be like you.”

My dad was a simple guy that grew up in the depression and struggled with himself and life itself. He was bullied as a kid as was I but I never understood why he would knock  me around with his words and his hands.

Maybe life’s burdens were an incredible weight that he couldn’t bear, and that it relieved him to hit me to make the pain and frustrations stop in himself.

I can’t imagine anyone ever doing that to a child but our parents are from a different era than where we are now as a parents.

I’m okay with that. I love my Dad, and he didn’t know any better. I accept him and forgive him for all of his failures as he has forgiven my failures which are many.

I know I have disappointed him, in so many ways. But I appreciate his forgiveness. But sadly as he lies cold in a grave in Cold Springs. NJ, the very thing he wanted me to become he snuffed out with his on actions a long time ago.

I’ve spent the last 40 years of my life crawling from the wreckage of his behavior to finally stand in the sun and not feel like a worthless loser. I remember feeling at 12 years old him reflecting his on fear and failure upon me.

I never understood why he did this until I really got to know who he was.

Why would a kid that suffered so much as a kid and was bullied and had to be the stand up guy in the family and the unloved do this to his son?

He couldn’t help it. I really think that when he screamed at me, and beat me he was simply beating himself.

I get it.

You hate your life, You’re not living the life you want and you’re now married to a lovely woman who kind of isn’t the hot babies your accustomed to and she is actually a puritan lady. You made the republican decision to capture some kind of credibility and get some sort of family thing going on because yours is shit. Her brothers are cool awesome dudes.

I get it. I did something similar when I got married.

You did so much better than I did in that area, you brought Janice, April, and Gabrielle into the world. Well done, Sir.

But I think, once you did it you saw that maybe that’s not what you wanted…

Back to the beatings….

I have never raised my voice or my hand to my daughter Lorelei because It’s wrong and unnecessary. But instead of repeating the sins of the father I have learned from my upbringing all of the great things they taught us. There are many! But I have discarded the violent wasteful acts of the previous generation.

Thanks mom and dad. It didn’t hurt so much, and I know you did the best you could from your medieval beginnings but you made better people!

We’re all okay and miss you both very much. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of you both.

I feel the words flow through my fingers as I write this. I just had to sit down and get it out.

 

“For a long time I thought you’d be coming back to me… Those kind of thoughts can be so cruel…”

 

I’ll finish this tomorrow…

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly             Facebook: phicklephilly

10 Signs You’re Compatible with the One You’re Dating

signs you're compatible

Just because you get along and like the same things, doesn’t make you compatible. Here’s how to know if you’re dating someone you’re compatible with.

They say that opposites attract. This may be true for many, and while I may agree that two people of different characteristics might find initial attraction towards each other, it is compatibility that would ultimately keep their relationship together. Compatibility and chemistry are two entirely different things, and both are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Have you ever wondered what makes you and your date click? When you are compatible with each other, it means that you are attuned to your partner’s sensibilities. Compatibility in a relationship can help determine whether or not you and your partner are meant to be together for the long haul.

Being truly compatible with each other means so much more than sharing the same beliefs or interests. True compatibility means that your personalities mesh well with each other. While you might find someone who is as free-spirited as you are and enjoys the same things you like, your life goals may be different. You may have completely opposite tastes and personalities, but when the tough times come, your opposite personalities complement each other. Aren’t relationships complicated?

The true test of compatibility is spending time together, and not just those little dates that you both plan out for each other. The true test of compatibility lies in spending an extended amount of time together while getting through different situations together, both the tough ones and the happy ones.

Are you and your partner a good match?

How does one discern true compatibility? Take a look at your relationship, and see if you spot any of these signs of compatibility.

#1 You see each other through the trying times. It’s true that it’s the trying times that would truly test your compatibility, not the easy ones. The trying times would show the true test of one’s character. The trying times would show you how you would be able to handle conflicts and difficulties.

Would both of you be able to handle the arguments and still be able to support each other, despite the situation that you’re both in? This is the reason why many relationships don’t last: the tough times that serve to test the strength the relationship end up breaking it.

#2 You don’t question the love in your relationship. When you are secure in your partner’s love, you know that your relationship can do no wrong. When you feel each other’s love despite the fights and the disagreements, then you know that you have found the one that you are compatible with.

#3 You know each other’s deepest secrets. Honesty is important in a relationship. Sharing secrets can show you how compatible you are with your partner. Trust and honesty just show how invested you both are in your relationship, despite knowing each other’s darker side.

#4 You could spend time in silence without it being awkward. When you spend time with each other, you can do “your own thing” without having to put up with any awkward silence. There is uncomfortable silence where you feel like you have to fill the air with some form of small talk, and then there is comforting silence where there’s no pressure to start babbling about anything to stave off the awkwardness. If you have the latter, you can say you’re compatible. [Read: 8 ways to avoid the awkward silences during a date]

#5 Your relationship still feels fresh. Being together for a long time can pave the way for monotony and boredom to seep in. However, as time goes by, you can either let your relationship stagnate or let it grow into something more meaningful. The feeling that you’re still learning, growing, and enjoying in your relationship through the years is a sure sign of compatibility. [Read: 10 steps to ignite the lost spark in a relationship]

#6 There is still mutual attraction. You know that you are compatible with each other when you find that, after all the time you have spent together, you can still find your partner attractive. While sex isn’t everything in a relationship, it is important that you and your partner are physically intimate with each other. There should still be a spark that keeps the flame alive! [Read: Why is physical attraction important in a relationship?]

#7 You can be your true self around your partner. Some relationships fail because people put up a front to ensure that their partner will still like them. Thus, what happens is that their partner becomes compatible with their mask, and not their true selves.

If you’re able to show your partner your silliness, your idiosyncrasies, your weirdness, and your weaknesses without fear that they will no longer love you, and the same is true for your partner, you can then be confident that you and your partner are a great match.

#8 You see a future with each other. You know that you are compatible with your partner when you see a future with each other, settling down, getting married, and having children together. You know that it is true compatibility when you see beyond the fantasy wedding that you will have. You plan a life together with them, despite knowing that it won’t always be smooth sailing. You see yourself growing old with them, and supporting each other in your old age.

#9 You don’t want to change your partner. They say that people don’t change unless they want to. You know you are compatible with your partner when you respect them as an individual. Sure, they might have some quirks which you might find to be immature or annoying, at times. You might find that the way they dress, sleep, or eat is something that you don’t like, but it’s part of the package, and you wouldn’t change them either way.

#10 Your partner makes you want to bring out the best in you. Couples who are really compatible with each other bring out the best in each other. They have that drive to push you forward and bring out the best in you. They support you in good times and in bad times. They cheer you on as you work your way through law school or insist on being a stay-at-home parent. They are your greatest fan, and you know you can always count on them to cheer you on and have your back whenever you are down. [Read: 9 ways you and your partner bring out each other’s best]

Love is never enough to save a relationship. You might have all the love in the world for each other, but it is never enough to get you through the difficult times. Love can be fickle, and will ultimately fly out the window once there are conflicts and arguments that remain unresolved.

Your compatibility with your partner will help your relationship withstand the test of time. Without it, you will only end up fighting over your differences, until you realize that there’s no way you can stand to stay with each other.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

My Father – 1929 to 2016 – Diamonds and Rust – Part 1

Well I’ll be damned
Here comes your ghost again.
But that’s not unusual.
It’s just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit
Hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I’d known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall.

Note: I wrote this a year ago when I was still feeling salty about a lot of things. I’m fine. I’ve forgiven everyone and life is better than it’s ever been here in Philly. There may be moments in this tome that seem angry or bitter. I am not either of these things. I’m just telling a story about a man who struggled with himself and my relationship with him.

I have done dozens of edits on this peice and even thought about cancelling the series the night before it was published. But I have to go with my gut and just tell the story.

One day I’ll be gone too. But this will blog will live on the internet forever.

And I know no forever.

Everything in you life is finite.

The only thing that feels like forever is the Universe.

“The universe is everything that ever was, is, or ever will be with no limit to time and space.”

The rest of everything and what we are is simply dust in the wind.

 

The holidays are rapidly approaching Dad and you’ve been gone for a couple of years. I was looking at some family photos recently, and I saw one in particular. It was your wedding photo with mom. A couple starting their life together full of promise and hope.

I was listening to the rock opera, Tommy by the Who. A brilliant rock opera you turned me on to in the basement of our original home in Northeast Philly.  I listen to all kinds of different music all of the time, but something happened during this combination of words and music.

I looked hard at the photo and the first thing that struck me was what a beautiful bride my mother was. The next thing was how much my sister Janice’s son looks like you. Thankfully he has more hair and a sweeter disposition, but the eyes and smile are there.

Janice has always been more like you than the rest of us. I love her very much and she’s definitely not you but most like you of any of the kids in this family. I’m definitely A Barr from mom’s side of the family. (Barr is my Mom’s maiden name.) Her brothers were charming, musical guys that kept their hair, youth and liked to drink and hang out with the ladies. My daughter Lorelei agrees that we are both Barrs.

April, our middle sister is probably a combo of my grandmother on mom’s side and your Aunt Margaret. Fiery, with a take no prisoners personality. The most beautiful of all of the children. Baby sister Gabrielle is firmly ensconced in Mom’s family as well. I hear my mother in her words and mannerisms. Gab is the closest relic we have left of our mother.

Dad, you and I had a challenging relationship. But it mirrored yours with mom in a way. We were both sort of at your mercy most of the time. Mom and I were family and you were the king that ruled over us. A fickle king that didn’t really know who he wanted to be. But always stepped up and did what he had to provide for us, and for that I’m eternally grateful.

You’re mother although a sweet woman married safe. Grandpop worked hard and knew how to make money and provide for his family. But he didn’t like being a father. He had no idea. You told me you looked upon like him like he was Superman. But he was just a man who worked hard, and liked to hang with is buddies at the bar. You wanted more, but got nothing in return. He’d tussle your hair and call you Pete. What the fuck is that? Your name is Horace.

(English and French form of HORATIUS, and the name by which the Roman poet Quintus Horatius Flaccus is commonly known those languages. In the modern era it has been used as a given name since the Renaissance, in honour of the poet.)

That’s a very old name, and it was his name and he made you Horace jr. because you were their first-born. Like my sister Janice, you unfortunately are the children that have to go through life with a sickle, where the rest of the siblings follow giggling and laughing. But you both have always carried a burden.

You were first, adored your father but struggled. Your younger brother Jackie was smarter, cuter and could do no wrong. I loved your brother very much. He has always felt like the dad I should have had. I would have flourished better in that family. Just leave me alone and let me do my art and music.

But you always had the cross to bear. I’m sorry that happened to you, Dad. That’s no life for a kid.

I love you, Dad.

I will love you until the black wings of death scatter my days and we will both be equal.

Your parents split up and got divorced when people didn’t do that. You were in Wildwood with your mother and little brother Jack, and my Grandmother sent you on a mission.

You were fourteen years old.

Your mother sent you to Philadelphia on the train to tell your dad that you all wouldn’t be returning to Philadelphia at the end of the summer. A cowardice act but understandable at the time.

On a side note. The building she sent you to where your dad worked was at 5th and Chestnut. The Hotel Monaco stands there now and they couldn’t alter the building in any way because of its historical value. I have partied my ass of at the rooftop bar now called Stratus in the Dusk and Vapor rooms!

When I was at my lowest at age 14 I remember your mother saying, “He’s going to be great. Someday, he’ll make you so proud. ” Grammie knew. Grammie saw the inner fragility and strength in me. I loved her. Everyone had turned their backs on me in 1976 but Grammie was the only one that vocally held out hope for me. At the time I didn’t even know what was going to happen to me.

I remember years later my own mother said “I didn’t love you back then.” (Puberty)

Think of how devastating those words were to a child.

I forgive you mother. I was a fuck up and brought nothing to the table. I understand why you said that, and it’s okay.

Dad you took the train to Philly and went to the building at 5th and chestnut. That’s were your dad worked for an insurance company. He was great at his job, because he knew that all clients were equal regardless of their race. I remember when you told me that, and even though grandpop was a shit dad he did teach you some great core values.

He said to you to never say anything bad about black people, because they had the same needs and wants that we wanted and should be treated with respect. He may have liked to party at the bar with his crew, but I like this guy despite his shortcomings as a father. He taught you some important lessons, so that’s something.

My grandfather’s values still stand proud with me today through you.

Not you. Him. Shitty Dad, but honorable Grandfather values.

Dad… You’re just a collection of things you’ve been told. It’s okay. I understand.

Jack is the one with the original thoughts.

You still did good.

You go there, nervous and scared. You’re a kid. You go up to is office.

“Hey Pete.”

“Hey dad. Listen, we’re going to stay at the shore. Me and mom and Jack aren’t coming back to Philly.”

I can’t imagine the fear you must have been feeling in that cold, lonely moment.

“Ha! You’ll be back!”

And that was it.

My frightened father had to tell the man he worshiped and had failed him that he and his wife were separated.

How fucked up is that?

What does that do to a boy’s mind?

His brother Jackie is the cute one. He’s the star. Jack is as smart as a whip. My uncle Jack was the first graduating class of Margaret Mace in Wildwood NJ and he was Valedictorian. He never cracked a book. Jack was brilliant, funny and charming and built for business.

Very successful, married twice, plenty of kids, not around much, busy with work, but an amazing guy. All of his kids for the most part are wonderful and I’m happy to have them in my life to this day.

I can’t wait to see my cousins at my sister Janice’s annual holiday party this year. I love looking into the eyes of my cousin and seeing Jack’s eyes.

His light still flickering in his first daughter’s eyes.

 

The winter was rough for my grandmom, dad and Jack. I’ve heard tales of them waking up in their beds and condensation coming from their mouths it was so cold.  These are old seashore houses with no heat. My father forced to go to shitty resort town schools. (Wildwood High School) Funny how this would repeat itself with me many years later. (Sins of the father)

Why would you put me through this dad?

When he was a kid, my dad would go to get his toothbrush in the morning and it would be frozen in the cup in the bathroom.

All they had for heat was a little wood burning stove in the corner of the common space.

One day a neighbor called on my grandmom and said that someone had been dismantling and stealing his fence at night. His wooden fence was literally disappearing.

It was later learned that my uncle Jack would go out at night and take pieces of the neighbor’s fence and burn it in their stove to stay warm.

I love my Uncle Jack.

My father dropped out of high school and fell in with the wrong crowd. At one point they got their hands on a gun and were going to mug some guy to get money. He was rudderless in his teen yearsand losing his shit.

I felt this same darkness living in Wildwood in the winter of 1980, so I get it. No crime, but what a nightmare to live in a thriving resort town in the winter. There is NOTHING to do. It’s a ghost town.

It was awful. I felt cursed to be dropped there.

I lost all of my Philly friends, my band and everybody I knew. It was all about my dad escaping Philly and making sure that Janice went to Franklin and Marshall. After that his wife and kids would have to start over in a fucking ghost town.

 

My father ran away from home at age 17 and joined the army in 1946.

He said that it’s what made him into a man and brought order to his life. So basically it saved his life.

He had a great time in the army and learned much. Traveled the south and met many wonderful people. He fell in love with a beautiful girl named Naomi, but she eventually threw him over for another man.

Just young love doing what it does…

He comes back to Philly and goes to Temple University to get his GED. He meets a cute secretary who works there and starts dating her, and the rest is history. She became my mother.

 

Were they a good match? I’m going to go ahead and say no. But they made it work with what they had and knew and isn’t that what every fool does? I certainly have!

My mother always said, “Marriage is a dice roll. You just have to hope it comes up that you win most of the time.”

For the most part, I have a really normal family. That stability and core values, love and discipline worked and made some good people.

All of my sisters have turned out well.

What does that tell you?

It tells you that DAD was a good dad. If the girls turn out well he was a good dad. They are all wonderful women and I’m proud to be related to them.

It all worked out.

 

I’ll continue this tomorrow…

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly             Facebook: phicklephilly

5 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Respect You

Respect is so often thought of as the key ingredient to a great relationship, but it’s a concept that’s hard to define. When it comes to respect, most of us know when we’ve been disrespected.

What we expect when we ask others to give us respect is harder to define. Respect may mean different things for different people. There’s the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. And then there’s the Platinum Rule. Basically, the Platinum Rule is the ultimate definition of respect: Treat others the way they want to be treated.

In order for someone to treat you the way you want to be treated, you must be very clear about how you want to be treated, or they have to be a mind reader. If you feel disrespected by your partner, be very clear in your communication with them.

When you feel disrespected, say ‘I need you to ____’ and state the new behavior that you would prefer to see instead. For example, you might say ‘I need you to speak to me with less anger in your tone.’

Little research has been done on respect, because until recently, it had not yet been defined as something that could be measured.

Researchers attempting to study respect in relationships created a definition that included the following psychological traits:

* loving

* caring

* understanding

* honesty

* loyalty

* listening openly

* not abusive or judgmental

* considerate

In another study on respect, the same researchers found that respect was so highly correlated with relationship satisfaction that it seemed to resemble the same concept for research participants who were surveyed.

 

1. Your partner tells you what is wrong with you

No one is perfect and you certainly don’t need your partner to keep reminding you of that. It’s hard enough for you to accept your own faults without a reminder.

If you hear this from your partner, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you. Tell them that there’s nothing wrong with you, and although you may make a mistake from time to time, you would prefer to hear about all the positive things that your partner likes about you.

 

2. Your partner doesn’t listen to you

Listening is a basic sign of respect, and both of you should have a chance to listen and speak your minds. When one partner interrupts, talks over, or shows disdain for the other person when they are speaking, communication begins to break down.

Responding to your partner when they speak is essential to a respectful relationship. In a study of mindfulness and relationship conflict, researchers found that being fully present in the moment could help couples to feel more respect for their partner after an argument.

The mindfulness study showed that ‘mindfulness may play an influential role in romantic relationship well-being.’ Try some deep breathing, tighten your abdominal muscles and focus on maintaining emotional control while you work through your problem.

5 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Respect You

3. Your partner always gets to have things their way

A successful partnership has to be a two-way street. One of you shouldn’t be always getting things their way. Compromise, especially on things that are not your top priorities, is key to a respectful relationship.

When your partner tries to control the relationship and insists on having things their way, it is a sign that they do not respect your needs. Try asserting yourself, especially when it is important to you. If your partner still will not allow you to have things your way, tell them that their behavior is unacceptable to you.

 

4. Your partner disrespects your friends or family

Your partner doesn’t have to love your friends or family like you do, but they do need to treat them respectfully. As a couple, you will be spending time together in the future, and part of your lives together will include family time.

It is important to a healthy, respectful relationship for you and your partner to have a good relationship with each other’s friends and family. Even if you are only civil to each other, respect for your partner’s loved ones is important.

 

5. Your partner is frequently unkind

Respect begins by not causing anyone harm. This includes not hurting feelings intentionally. Everyone is responsible for his or her own words and actions. Intentional name-calling, belittling, angry words, threatening language, or even a judgmental or accusing tone are all ways that your partner might show their disrespect.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly