Month: November 2020

This Is the Only Real Way to Know If Your Partner Is Micro-Cheating

Is micro-cheating a real thing?

What is micro cheating? How do you define it? Is it just as bad as “normal” cheating in relationships?

Plus, how can you communicate relationship boundaries when it comes to this kind of emotional infidelity?

Micro cheating can be defined in many ways:

Cosmopolitan says that it’s the “small things you do that could have whispers of infidelity, without actually being unfaithful.”

Time magazine defines it as “a set of behaviors that flirts with the line between faithfulness and unfaithfulness.”

And Urban Dictionary says that it’s “small acts considered disloyal within a relationship. Nothing too serious, but not innocent either.”

Because there are so many definitions of micro cheating, a whole lot of behaviors may or may not even qualify — a raised eyebrow, a furtive smile, lightly touching someone on the arm, browsing profiles on hookup apps but not actually hooking up, chatting with an ex on social media, checking out a little porn here and there, sexting, webcamming with strangers, going to a strip club with the guys (or gals), or getting a massage when away on business.

What is considered cheating? Where do we draw between micro-cheating and actually being unfaithful?

Here’s a thought: Maybe there’s no line to draw. Maybe cheating is cheating.

Maybe calling a behavior that violates one’s relationship boundaries micro-cheating is simply a way of justifying that behavior.

Or maybe there is a meaningful difference between micro-cheating and emotional cheating.

In my book Out of the Doghouse, I define cheating as “the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your partner.”

Notice that this definition of infidelity does not name specific sexual or romantic behaviors.

Instead, it focuses on what matters most in romantic relationships — mutual trust.

If you’ve engaged in sexual or romantic behaviors that violate the trust in your relationship, you’ve cheated.

My definition also suggests that a list of behaviors that do and don’t qualify as cheating depends on the couple.

If you and your partner have mutually agreed that looking at porn is not an issue, so be it. And who cares what your grandmother thinks about it? This is your relationship to define, not hers.

If, however, you and your significant other have mutually agreed that porn is not OK, then plugging in that flash drive filled with your favorite videos is cheating.

Interestingly, for betrayed partners, it’s usually not the specifics of what you’ve done that causes the most pain.

What hurts the most is the lying, the manipulation, and the keeping of secrets from the cheating spouse — the lies of omission.

When you engage in sexual and romantic behaviors that violate relationship boundaries (including marriage vows), you’ve cheated. Period.

And when you lie about that behavior and keep it secret, you’re compounding the damage.

That said, maybe micro-cheating really is a thing — a less-damaging form of cheating.

My definition of micro-cheating centers not on the specifics of the “sextracurricular” act, but on how deeply that behavior and any lies and secrets surrounding that behavior impacts the betrayed partner when the behavior comes to light.

In other words, how profoundly is relationship trust affected by the act and by covering up the act?

If you find yourself now wondering what constitutes cheating (micro or full-blown) in your relationship, initiate a discussion with your partner about what behaviors are and are not acceptable.

When you both can mutually define your relationship boundaries in this way, cheating is much less likely.

Moreover, by being open and honest with one another about your sexual desires and limits, you can develop a deeper sense of emotional intimacy and relationship trust.

In short, you strengthen your intimate connection.

The more open and honest you and your partner are with each other, the more intimacy you will have. So give this conversation a go.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

3 Subtle Things You Might Be Doing (That Keep Him From Falling in Love With You)

You probably don’t even know you’re doing it.

Falling in love with your new partner and seeing the signs your man is falling in love with you is one of the best parts of any relationship.

But while you’re wondering how to get a guy to like you — and may already be head-over-heels in love with him, too — you could be doing some things that will actually drive him straight out of your arms without even knowing it, which can feel scary.

When you love someone, it’s easy to forget some of the little things they do that might irritate you or frustrate you; but at the beginning of a relationship —when you’re trying to figure out how to make a guy like you — it’s a bit different because you’re not in love yet, you’re at the falling in love stage.

So how does a man act when he’s falling in love — and are you guilty of the big behaviors that stop him from being able to love you?

Bonnie Raitt once sang, “I can’t make him love me, if he don’t.” But Bonnie Raitt probably didn’t look on the internet for relationship articles.

Does this mean you’ll learn how to make him fall in love with you by diving into a quick, five-minute read? Does this mean that all your frustrations with romance and dating are about to melt away?

Should you go ahead and register at Bed, Bath, and Beyond just in case? Probably not.

But it does mean that understanding what men think and how men think ups the odds that you can make him love you the way you deserve.

Now, as a caveat, women aren’t responsible for single-handedly making “happily ever after” a reality.

The point of this article is not to blame or shame the female gender; rather, the idea is to empower women to become conscious of the things they might not know they’re doing.

Things that scare men and drive them away. Things that stand in the path and muddy the waters of an intimate, long-lasting bond. Things that made registering at Bed, Bath, and Beyond a giant waste of your time.

So, let’s jump in and explore three blocks that may be blocking you from finding your soulmate.

Here are 3 behaviors women do that they might not realize are keeping him from falling in love:

1. You don’t support his autonomy

Autonomy is defined as, “the capacity to decide for oneself and pursue a course of action in one’s life.”

This is important to remember because, before you get into a relationship with a guy, he had a life. He had hobbies. He had friends. He had the freedom to work late or golf on Saturdays.

He had opinions on how to arrange things or how to clean his house. And he still has all of those.

When he needs alone time or space, that is a reflection of him, not you. He’s setting a boundary congruent with his comfort level (and you should be setting one, too).

He needs space because he needs autonomy — you didn’t do anything wrong!

Forgetting that can sometimes send a woman into a panic mode and she acts accordingly, often in a manner that involves pressure, criticism, a need for control, and the inevitable label of being “high maintenance.”

The best relationships have both ideals: Autonomy and the ability to be present and consistent with the one you love.

2. You’re constantly competing with him

What does it mean to be in competition with your partner? It can show up as one partner needing to be as intelligent as the other, as good-looking, as high-earning, as good at sports, as popular in peer groups, etc.

This dynamic doesn’t work in a relationship; period. It creates a win-lose scenario because it pits you guys against one another.

In a solid, healthy relationship, partners are on the same team. They understand that they bring unique strengths and talents into the partnership.

They understand that where one person shines, the other may not, but they’ll shine bright in another area. Doing the opposite — and keeping track of who’s better, who’s worse, who’s higher, who’s lower — is exhausting.

And this kind of competition only sends your union sprinting toward the finish line.

3. You’re too low maintenance

Surprise! You probably didn’t see that one coming. Yep, being too low maintenance can work against you. This happens when you aren’t honoring yourself or staying true to your values and needs.

You are in “go with the flow” mode because you think it’ll make you more attractive to your guy.

Women often do this because they think men want a relationship that’s easy-going and hassle-free (and, in fairness, some women are just naturally laidback).

But this works against a relationship because it gives off the impression that you aren’t as invested or communicative, and this compromises his ability to trust you.

Someone with no needs and no opinions is not real. It’s also not inspiring. Someone who fails to stick to their own values and wishes can’t inspire a man to do the same.

The key, then, is finding the right amount of maintenance. Not too high. Not too low. Everything in moderation.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

This Is the Only Real Way to Know If Your Partner Is Micro-Cheating

Is micro-cheating a real thing?

What is micro cheating? How do you define it? Is it just as bad as “normal” cheating in relationships?

Plus, how can you communicate relationship boundaries when it comes to this kind of emotional infidelity?

Micro cheating can be defined in many ways:

Cosmopolitan says that it’s the “small things you do that could have whispers of infidelity, without actually being unfaithful.”

Time magazine defines it as “a set of behaviors that flirts with the line between faithfulness and unfaithfulness.”

And Urban Dictionary says that it’s “small acts considered disloyal within a relationship. Nothing too serious, but not innocent either.”

Because there are so many definitions of micro-cheating, a whole lot of behaviors may or may not even qualify — a raised eyebrow, a furtive smile, lightly touching someone on the arm, browsing profiles on hookup apps but not actually hooking up, chatting with an ex on social media, checking out a little porn here and there, sexting, webcamming with strangers, going to a strip club with the guys (or gals), or getting a massage when away on business.

What is considered cheating? Where do we draw between micro-cheating and actually being unfaithful?

Here’s a thought: Maybe there’s no line to draw. Maybe cheating is cheating.

Maybe calling a behavior that violates one’s relationship boundaries micro-cheating is simply a way of justifying that behavior.

Or maybe there is a meaningful difference between micro-cheating and emotional cheating.

Cheating is “the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your partner.”

Notice that this definition of infidelity does not name specific sexual or romantic behaviors.

Instead, it focuses on what matters most in romantic relationships — mutual trust.

If you’ve engaged in sexual or romantic behaviors that violate the trust in your relationship, you’ve cheated.

My definition also suggests that a list of behaviors that do and don’t qualify as cheating depends on the couple.

If you and your partner have mutually agreed that looking at porn is not an issue, so be it. And who cares what your grandmother thinks about it? This is your relationship to define, not hers.

If, however, you and your significant other have mutually agreed that porn is not OK, then plugging in that flash drive filled with your favorite videos is cheating.

Interestingly, for betrayed partners, it’s usually not the specifics of what you’ve done that causes the most pain.

What hurts the most is the lying, the manipulation, and the keeping of secrets from the cheating spouse — the lies of omission.

When you engage in sexual and romantic behaviors that violate relationship boundaries (including marriage vows), you’ve cheated. Period.

And when you lie about that behavior and keep it secret, you’re compounding the damage.

That said, maybe micro-cheating really is a thing — a less-damaging form of cheating.

My definition of micro-cheating centers not on the specifics of the “sextracurricular” act, but on how deeply that behavior and any lies and secrets surrounding that behavior impacts the betrayed partner when the behavior comes to light.

In other words, how profoundly is relationship trust affected by the act and by covering up the act?

If you find yourself now wondering what constitutes cheating (micro or full-blown) in your relationship, initiate a discussion with your partner about what behaviors are and are not acceptable.

When you both can mutually define your relationship boundaries in this way, cheating is much less likely.

Moreover, by being open and honest with one another about your sexual desires and limits, you can develop a deeper sense of emotional intimacy and relationship trust.

In short, you strengthen your intimate connection.

The more open and honest you and your partner are with each other, the more intimacy you will have. So give this conversation a go.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

MEN REVEAL WHAT REALLY STOPS THEM FROM COMMITTING TO A RELATIONSHIP

The modern bachelor has to juggle two age-old expectations in the world of romance. The first of which comes from his mates (and most pop culture, from Shakespeare to Ian Flemming), which dictates the more you play the field the more attractive you are—to both sexes.

As we all love hearing our single friends’ sordid stories, and as dating makes you better (or at least, less incompetent) at… dating, this is hard to deny.

However, there is a contrary expectation coming from your parents, grandparents, and—shock, horror—some of the women you are dating, that you will settle down at some point.

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As women’s website Elite Daily recently admitted, there are a whole lot of chicas out there sick of hearing guys’ lame excuses as to why they can’t make themselves available for anything more than a 2am flight of fancy.

In light of this, we thought we’d consult the world’s largest repository of male wisdom (Reddit) to discover why men run for the hills at this crucial juncture.

Fortunately, there is a thread dedicated to this very topic, where guys of all ages discuss what holds them back from a relationship, and what it takes for these feelings to be overcome.

We also hit up Thought Catalogue, which has an illuminting article on this topic, too.

From feeling too much pressure to be single (and thinking deep down you can maybe do better) to not being that attracted to the individual who was hoping to couple up (and not wanting to tell them that straight up), these are the real reasons we blame daylight savings for being unable to commit.

We Are Legitimately Too Busy

While this is the most maligned excuse in the book, sometimes a man has too much going on in his life to give a relationship the respect it deserves, and so decides not to get into that relationship at all. This is even more likely to happen in instances when he is about to go through a major life change (i.e. last year of uni).

As one man anonymously admitted in an open letter on Thought Catalogue, “I am graduating soon. I will have a career and a new chapter of my life starting. Not being selfish, but I am going to need to focus on me. Long days, train rides and trying to impress co-workers is going to take its toll on me. I am not going to have much to give into a relationship.”

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“When I want to be in a relationship I want to give you 200% because that’s what you deserve, and that’s what I want to give to you. But I can’t. And I know you’re hurt in this situation, but know I am hurting a little too.”

We Want To Keep Our Options Open

The following excerpt from the same Thought Catalogue letter perfectly illustrates this: “It’s my last year of college. I don’t necessarily want to mess around with other girls, but I don’t want to have any worries or cares when I’m out at the bar. Shit happens. A few too many shots, some girl comes over and dances with me, and BAM.”

“She spends the night, and if we’re dating that’s cheating. I don’t want to be a cheater. Yeah we’re basically together, but then again, we’re not. And I let you know where I stand on the issue and give you the option to take it or leave it.”

It’s not all grey skies though, with one Reddit user explaining how if this is the case, just keep looking: “How do you commit to being monogamous? If you’re smart you find the person you want to commit to and who wants to commit to you, who you feel safe committing to.”

“Yes temptation is everywhere, but if it’s right you and your partner will prioritize your relationship above any fling.”

We’re Just Not That Into You

One of the harsh truths rejected men and women everywhere have to accept is that sometimes there is no grandiose reason for your casual partner’s disappearance. They were ready for a relationship; just not with you.

You Remind Them Of Bad Past Experiences

“Whether it has been you, my ex’s, or a combination; there’s things I have seen, and you have done that keep me hesitant on dating you,” (Thought Catalogue).

“Sure, everyone gets drunk and acts stupid sometimes. But you make it a habit a little too much. Like sure, the first time, maybe the second time you hit me with 18 calls in one night is whatever, but when it keeps happening it’s a turn-off.”

We Have A Sneaking Suspicion We Can Do Better

As one woman unfortunately discovered, despite her partner claiming to love her, he admitted he couldn’t help but think—if he had the opportunity—he would go out with someone he found more attractive. Fortunately, the good people of Reddit (seemed to) convince he she too could do better: much better…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Tales of Rock: Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson Leaves Wife Of 29 Years For “Superfan”

About a year after splitting up with his wife of 29 years Paddy Bowden, Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson has reportedly moved in to a Paris home with his new fitness instructor girlfriend.

Dickinson’s new muse, Leana Dolci, is said to be 15 years younger than he is.

The Mirror reports the heavy metal legend could be headed for an expensive divorce in excess of $90 million, about half of his fortune.

Bowden and the rocker have three children, all of whom are now adults. She is reportedly vacationing in South America, “having some space” from all the hubbub about her marriage.

Dickinson recently confirmed in an interview that he was indeed living in France “with my girlfriend.”

Over the past year, Dolci and Dickinson have gotten serious; she’s even met his children. She “has always been a huge Iron Maiden fan,” one source told The Mirror, noting that she followed the band “around for nearly 10 years.”

In 2017, a couple years after beating stage 3 throat cancer, Dickinson published his autobiography, What Does This Button Do? The book’s title is a reference to the singer’s unending curiosity, which has led him to success in rock and roll and in other pursuits.

Dickinson is also an airline pilot, and flies Iron Maiden from gig to gig on the band’s own plane.

Photo: Getty Images

Tales of Rock: Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson Leaves Wife Of 29 Years For “Superfan”

About a year after splitting up with his wife of 29 years Paddy Bowden, Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson has reportedly moved into a Paris home with his new fitness instructor girlfriend.
Dickinson’s new muse, Leana Dolci, is said to be 15 years younger than he is.

The Mirror reports the heavy metal legend could be headed for an expensive divorce in excess of $90 million, about half of his fortune.

Bowden and the rocker have three children, all of whom are now adults. She is reportedly vacationing in South America, “having some space” from all the hubbub about her marriage.

Dickinson recently confirmed in an interview that he was indeed living in France “with my girlfriend.”

Over the past year, Dolci and Dickinson have gotten serious; she’s even met his children. She “has always been a huge Iron Maiden fan,” one source told The Mirror, noting that she followed the band “around for nearly 10 years.”

In 2017, a couple of years after beating stage 3 throat cancer, Dickinson published his autobiography, What Does This Button Do? The book’s title is a reference to the singer’s unending curiosity, which has led him to success in rock and roll and in other pursuits.

Dickinson is also an airline pilot and flies Iron Maiden from gig to gig on the band’s own plane.

5 Ways To End Drama In Your Relationship

Every human relationship has the potential for drama from time to time.

Everyone has wound up in an argument that’s spiraled out of control at one time or another. But a couple that experiences a drama-free relationship isn’t due to their innately chill nature, or not entirely at least.

Being drama-free takes a bit of practice. Here are 5 ways to end unnecessary drama in your relationship.

1. Communicate openly and freely

This is the first point on our list because it is easily the most important. If there’s anyone you should be able to communicate anything to, it’s your partner. Communicating your needs can leave you exposed and vulnerable, but the alternative is uncertainy, which carries with it the potential for even worse outcomes.

Without communication, small nuisances can fester into resentment. Resentment can lead you to do and say things that you otherwise probably wouldn’t. Things like passive aggressive remarks, careless behavior, and talking behind your partner’s back. All of these things can lead to drama in your relationship. Open communication is on of your best defenses against drama.

2. Practice active listening

Communication is only 50% of what it takes to avoid drama in your relationship. The other half of the equation is active listening.

It is not uncommon for arguments to devolve into two people just waiting for their turn to yell. You should feel like there is space in your relationship to speak your truth, but active listening is important for anyone wanting to avoiding drama in their relationship. When communicating with your partner, let them speak, listen to their words, and take into consideration what that means. And expect the same of them as well.

3. Walk a mile in their shoes

Drama inherently stems from a lack of empathy. We are at our most dramatic when we are hyper-focused on ourselves – our feelings, our needs, our wants – and not thinking at all about the other person.

Empathy is the ability to feel and understand another person’s feelings and experiences. It’s what causes you to feel creeped out when you see a spider crawling up someone else’s arm. The spider isn’t on your arm, but you know how it would make you feel, and that’s what gives you the creeped out feeling.

But empathy is something that we can block out or not take into consideration, which is dangerous when you’re in a relationship. Before you do something or say something that you know could cause drama in your relationship, stop and think: how would this feel if my partner did this to me?

4. Don’t vent to mutual friends

I could probably break down each dramatic behavior one by one and talk about why you shouldn’t do them, but probably the most important thing to avoid is venting to mutual friends about your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you were friends with them first, if you share a friendship with another person, they need to be off the table when discussing problems in your relationship with others. To vent to a mutual friend is equivalent to talking behind your partner’s back.

It can be a good thing to have a trusted confidant when talking about relationship issues. But communicating with your partner is the most important kind of communication. So before you vent to others, ask yourself: should I just communicate my feelings to my partner? Doing so will likely yield more favorable results.

5. Leave a relationship with grace

Relationships can be dynamic and changing. A person you are friends with today could be your lover someday, and a lover today could be your best friend tomorrow. If the decision has been made to end a romantic relationship in favor of a platonic relationship, leave that relationship with dignity and grace. Even if you’re on your way out, consider the things we’ve discussed so far in this article.

Communicate freely with your partner, even if they’re no longer your lover, be an active listener, empathize with them, and don’t vent to mutual friends.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Breakup Sex Is Literally Only A Good Idea In This One Circumstance

If you’ve ever been-let’s just come out and say it-dumped, you know nothing good comes after “We need to talk.” Even if your ex has legitimate reasons for breaking up, you just can’t understand them. You want to leave and never see them again, but you also want to hold them one last time.

After all, there’s nothing sexier than what you can’t have, so you suggest breakup sex. It’s supposed to be the best sex, right? Plus, the damage is already done, so what’s the harm?

Not so fast. Breakup sex might seem like it’s nbd, but is it actually a good idea? Probably not, according to Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love. “There is typically an imbalanced power dynamic when couples have breakup sex,” she says.

The person with less power is heartbroken and really wants to get back together, while the one with more power doesn’t, but does want to have sex with them since it’s available. “Romantic relationships are intrinsically addictive…[so] when an attachment is severed, the natural reaction is one of withdrawal: obsession, craving, and pain,” says Bobby.

Okay, but why does that make you want to have breakup sex?

If you’re on the receiving end of a breakup, you might initiate breakup sex as a way to keep your connection alive and even secretly (or not-so-secretly) hope this will reignite your ex’s interest in the relationship, she says. (Spoiler alert: it won’t.) At the very least, your “overwhelming emotional pain and craving for contact” is temporarily satisfied when you’re with your ex.

That may be the main reason why exes can’t keep their hands off each other, but Samantha Burns, LMHC, a relationship counselor and author of Breaking Up And Bouncing Back, says there are multiple others. It could be because you’re both still attached to each other, it’s comforting during a lonely and painful transition, and of course, because it feels good in the moment. “Just because you broke up, doesn’t mean your feelings or attraction to one another disappears overnight,” she adds.

Can breakup sex ever help you get closure?

The only time breakup sex **might** help you get closure is if it’s bad and confirms to you that the spark is gone, says Burns. Otherwise, “the risk usually outweighs the benefits,” she explains. This is especially true for women, whose sexual, emotional, and attachment needs tend to be more closely related than men’s.

If you really want to get closure, you have to “close the door” to your bedroom-and everywhere else, says Bobby. “You’ll likely feel anxious and upset when you do, because then the loss feels really real-but what you’re feeling is the honest truth,” she explains. “The relationship is over.” Plus, it’s better to end this on your terms than continuing to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have a relationship with you.

So, is breakup sex always bad for you then?

Well, it depends. For the vast majority of people, it’s a bad idea (and not in the hit Ariana Grande song kind of way). Sure, you might feel better temporarily, but you’ll often feel worse afterward. “The hormones released during sex can be confusing, since they are associated with bonding, attachment, and excitement,” explains Burns. “…There’s an emotional high and high arousal state that comes with breakup sex.” You might be feeling some sense of finality, desperation, or even carefree, which can actually increase the physical gratification of sex.

Breakup sex is known for being super hot, but Burns cautions that your heightened emotional state will leave you with more questions than answers. All of sudden, you find yourself wondering if you still have feelings for your ex, even if you’re confident about the reasons why you’re calling it quits.

Breakup sex isn’t just confusing AF, it can also drag out your pain, slow down the healing process, and even make you feel ashamed or used by your ex. (Fun stuff, right?)

And that’s only if you have breakup sex once. If you keep doing it, you can even trap yourself into what Burns calls a “hanging-on hook-up dynamic,” where you’re unable to cut both the physical and emotional ties from your ex for months or even years. But regardless of how long it lasts, it doesn’t help you let go and move on-the whole point of breaking up in the first place.

In fact, the only possible benefit of breakup sex, Bobby says, is that you feel terrible over and over again, which finally forces you to realize that having sex with your ex is so toxic it needs to stop.

What should you do if you’ve already had breakup sex?

Oops, but it’s not the end of the world. Bobby encourages you to recognize breakup sex for what it is: “A temporary, emotional bandage that creates the illusion of connection but is actually harming you.”

Burns then recommends cutting off contact for at least 90 days so you can focus on yourself, work towards new individual goals, and create a new sense of purpose. “Depending on your current level of communication, you can let your ex know your intentions to be distant and that it’s what you need to do to heal,” she advises. “Say that you will reach out if and when you are ready in the future. Don’t feel the need to justify your actions, answer their questions, or let them convince you otherwise.”

This, she says, also allows you to move through some of the stages of breakup grief-denial, bargaining and anxiety, anger, depression, and eventually acceptance. If you stay connected to your ex, you’ll just end up in “a purgatory of attachment to someone who does not want to be in a relationship with you,” says Bobby. Not only does this prevent you from moving on, but she adds, it’ll likely damage your self-esteem, which can affect your ability to form future relationships.

Ultimately, “using physical intimacy to get back into your ex’s heart will likely only get you back in their pants,” says Burns. Instead of breakup sex, you’re better off breaking in a new vibrator.

5 Ways To End Drama In Your Relationship

Every human relationship has the potential for drama from time to time.

Everyone has wound up in an argument that’s spiraled out of control at one time or another. But a couple that experiences a drama-free relationship isn’t due to their innately chill nature, or not entirely at least.

Being drama-free takes a bit of practice. Here are 5 ways to end unnecessary drama in your relationship.

1. Communicate openly and freely

This is the first point on our list because it is easily the most important. If there’s anyone you should be able to communicate anything to, it’s your partner. Communicating your needs can leave you exposed and vulnerable, but the alternative is uncertainty, which carries with it the potential for even worse outcomes.

Without communication, small nuisances can fester into resentment. Resentment can lead you to do and say things that you otherwise probably wouldn’t. Things like passive-aggressive remarks, careless behavior, and talking behind your partner’s back. All of these things can lead to drama in your relationship. Open communication is one of your best defenses against drama.

2. Practice active listening

Communication is only 50% of what it takes to avoid drama in your relationship. The other half of the equation is active listening.

It is not uncommon for arguments to devolve into two people just waiting for their turn to yell. You should feel like there is space in your relationship to speak your truth, but active listening is important for anyone wanting to avoid drama in their relationship. When communicating with your partner, let them speak, listen to their words, and take into consideration what that means. And expect the same of them as well.

3. Walk a mile in their shoes

Drama inherently stems from a lack of empathy. We are at our most dramatic when we are hyper-focused on ourselves – our feelings, our needs, our wants – and not thinking at all about the other person.

Empathy is the ability to feel and understand another person’s feelings and experiences. It’s what causes you to feel creeped out when you see a spider crawling up someone else’s arm. The spider isn’t on your arm, but you know how it would make you feel, and that’s what gives you the creeped out feeling.

But empathy is something that we can block out or not take into consideration, which is dangerous when you’re in a relationship. Before you do something or say something that you know could cause drama in your relationship, stop and think: how would this feel if my partner did this to me?

4. Don’t vent to mutual friends

I could probably break down each dramatic behavior one by one and talk about why you shouldn’t do them, but probably the most important thing to avoid is venting to mutual friends about your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you were friends with them first, if you share a friendship with another person, they need to be off the table when discussing problems in your relationship with others. To vent to a mutual friend is equivalent to talking behind your partner’s back.

It can be a good thing to have a trusted confidant when talking about relationship issues. But communicating with your partner is the most important kind of communication. So before you vent to others, ask yourself: should I just communicate my feelings to my partner? Doing so will likely yield more favorable results.

5. Leave a relationship with grace

Relationships can be dynamic and changing. A person you are friends with today could be your lover someday, and a lover today could be your best friend tomorrow. If the decision has been made to end a romantic relationship in favor of a platonic relationship, leave that relationship with dignity and grace. Even if you’re on your way out, consider the things we’ve discussed so far in this article.

Communicate freely with your partner, even if they’re no longer your lover, be an active listener, empathize with them, and don’t vent to mutual friends.

 

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The times we are in – 19 yr old woman is selling her virginity for $111,000 so she can travel the world and experience luxury

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You got it, you flaunt it or in some cases you got it, you sell it! That’s exactly what 19-year-old Ukrainian woman Katya, who is now settled in the United States plans on doing. She has her virginity intact and she intends on selling it. Obviously, in a world where bags and gizmos sell for thousands of dollars, virginity won’t come cheap. Originally named Ukrainian Ekaterina, it is listed at Katya on Cinderella Escorts. Her aim in doing this is to travel the world, live a life pumped with luxury and moolah and be happy. Well, if only money could buy happiness but such misconstrued notions are expected of people as young as her. She may be young but she certainly isn’t stupid as she plans to sell her virginity, which has allegedly been verified by a doctor, for no less than £84,120 ($1, 10,543). That certainly is enough to do what she intends to with this virginity sale. Her future is quite well-thought-of too, as Katya would also like a sugar daddy and expects him to pay her £8,400 ($11000) a month.

The notorious website features the petite, 5 feet 3 inches Katya in a video talking about her idea, “The reason that I want to sell my virginity on Cinderella Escorts is that I would like to travel, experience luxury and live my life and be happy. At the end of the day, this is my body, this is my choice and this is what I have decided to do.” There’s no info on bids or interested customers, but should there be one, the meeting takes place in Germany where prostitution is legal. The buyer can pick a hotel of his choice and also confirm virginity from a doctor of choice as huge amounts of money are involved.

[Via:Mirror]

 

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