How to Shut Down the Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

Manipulative people are difficult to deal with. There is often no end to the tricks they will use to guilt trip you, twist situations, and get what they want from you. The good news is that most of them use the same statements to get their way, so you can prepare to deal with them.

Learning how to respond to the most frequently used psychologically abusive tactics can help you keep yourself safe from even the most brutally manipulative individuals.

How To Shut Down The Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

1. I trust you; I just don’t trust other people.

A manipulative person, especially a partner, might constantly try to control your life. When you ask them why they don’t trust you, they’ll insist that they do, but that it’s other people they can’t trust. They may use this as an excuse to:

  • Check your phone and email
  • Run background checks on your friends
  • Refuse to let you go anywhere on your own
  • Prevent you from spending time with certain acquaintances

This turns the onus around on you, making you seem unreasonable while they look protective and strong. The problem, of course, is that this doesn’t make any sense – if someone untrustworthy is able to convince you to cheat, then you yourself weren’t trustworthy to begin with.

What’s the best response to this situation? Well, it should go a little something like this:

“I’m the person who you are dealing with here. It makes no sense for you to have to trust other people in order to talk to me. By reacting this way, you are making the assumption that I am weak-willed or prone to doing something bad if someone else entices me. It’s very disrespectful and you should trust in my honesty and faithfulness.”

2. You’re being too sensitive/crazy!

This is a type of gaslighting and it can really make you second-guess yourself. When something goes wrong and you try to talk about it or call it out, a manipulator will belittle you for your lack of positive thinking. They might say:

  • Calm down, it was just a joke.
  • Why do you always take everything so seriously?
  • You’re being crazy right now.
  • Stop being so sensitive!
  • You’re overthinking this entire situation.
  • It’s not actually that big of a deal.
  • You’re just misunderstanding me.
  • Lighten up!
  • Nothing you’re saying makes sense.
  • You really need to learn to loosen up a bit.
  • This is so unreasonable of you.

It definitely doesn’t help that manipulators naturally prey on people who are sensitive, in a positive way – people who are empathetic, understanding, and emotionally intelligent. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive to begin with, and it shouldn’t come up when you’re voicing a valid concern.

Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re the crazy one, or like you’re overreacting and being insane. It’s a common manipulation tactic to trick you into giving in. Don’t fall for it! Here’s what you should say instead:

“This is something that is very important to me and it would mean a lot to me if you would listen and hear me out. It’s not fair of you to call me crazy or sensitive just because we don’t see eye-to-eye on something.”

3. I already said sorry; what else do you want?

Apologies are always a good way to go. But manipulators don’t use them when they truly are sorry and seeking forgiveness. Instead, they use it as a quick way to get out of a nasty situation and stop you from being angry or calling them out.

Unfortunately, that’s not how apologies work, especially for more serious transgressions. It’s normal to need to take some time to deal with the aftermath of what the other person did to you. You can’t switch to positive feelings right away.

This is reasonable and perfectly understandable – but a manipulator doesn’t think so. They think that since they’ve dropped the magic word, everything should stop right then and there. Demand a fair amount of time to recover from what happened by saying something like this:

“I really appreciate your apology, but apologizing doesn’t automatically heal all wrongdoings and wounds. Give me some time to process this and heal.”

4. Look what you made me do!

One key sign of a manipulator is that nothing is ever their fault. They refuse to take the rightful blame for anything wrong they do and will find any way to twist it so someone else is at fault. Manipulators are unable to take ownership of their mistakes, so they often try to pass the responsibility to someone else.

These types of people might say a number of different phrases to try to pass themselves off as innocent and pin the blame on you. Of course, it’s ridiculous to be blamed for something you didn’t do at all, especially when it’s the other person who is hurting you. To shut them down, say this.

“I am only responsible for what I do, and you’re responsible for what you do. It was your decision to act how you did, and I cannot make you act in a certain way, nor can I do that to anyone else.”

5. I would never hurt you.

This sounds like a good statement with kind intentions. It sounds reassuring and gentle. But manipulators don’t use it that way – they use it so you brush less obvious forms of abuse under the rug.

For many people, the deal breaker line is drawn at physical abuse. Meanwhile, emotional abuse becomes more and more prevalent, but you’re not as aware of it. This allows many forms of toxicity classified as psychological and emotional abusive to continue.

A manipulator is very aware that your limit likely lies here too, so they’re careful to never cross that limit. Instead, they are abusive in “sneakier” ways that they hope you won’t notice, and they throw you off the scent with phrases like these. So if someone is feeding these lines to you, respond like so:

“You can hurt someone in more ways than physical. Understand that a lack of physical assault doesn’t mean that there isn’t emotional pain.”

6. I already did something nice for you; why are you still angry at me?

Just like with the apologies, manipulators may do a nice thing for you so that you’ll drop some issue. They might buy you something expensive or do you a favor in hopes that your gratefulness will cause you to forget their problematic behavior.

It’s easy to fall victim to this kind of ploy. When someone is kind to you, you might feel bad demanding further apologies or may feel guilty when you are still mad at them. But keep in mind that there is nothing that can “buy” forgiveness. It has to be earned graciously with patience and changed behavior.

If a manipulator is trying to make you feel bad because they bought you a gift, say this:

“It was very kind that you bought this for me, but there’s no price tag on my forgiveness. If you’re attempting to use this present as a bribe for my forgiveness, you can take it back.”

Or, if they didn’t buy you presents:

“It was very kind that you did this for me, but you cannot buy my forgiveness with chores and errands. If you have an ulterior motive for helping me and doing these nice things, then I’d prefer you didn’t do them.”

7. I will hurt myself if you leave me.

This is one of the most dangerous forms of emotional manipulation. Someone who stops you from leaving them, or stops you from doing anything they don’t want you to by threatening to harm themselves, is incredibly toxic and a danger to themselves and to you.

Why is this so problematic? Well, this is the clearest type of manipulation. They don’t want you to do something, so they make it so you will feel guilty and suffer immediate consequences if you do it. That way, they can make themselves look like the victim and paint you in a bad light.

Many people feel pressured into staying with abusive partners because of tactics like this. They force themselves into positive thinking to “save” their manipulative significant other. Don’t fall prey to it. Stand your ground and let it be known that you will not be swayed with a statement like this:

“If you are experiencing these thoughts, please call a suicide hotline or an emergency number. I can help provide numbers for you if you like. I have told you why I have chosen to leave, and my decision is made, so please respect it.”

8. I understand your feelings, but trust me – I know what’s best!

No one should be allowed to make your decisions for you. A manipulator will pretend to be looking out for you but is instead pulling your strings to convince you to do what they want. They’ll use any types of words and phrases to convince you that they understand you when they either don’t at all or really don’t care.

Yes, everyone could use an outside opinion sometimes, but at the end of the day, you still know yourself best. A manipulator isn’t actually seeking what’s best for you – they are selfish and want specific things for themselves, so they’re just trying to rope you along.

In any partnership, you deserve to be respected and heard. Your opinion matters just as much as the other person’s; a lack of willingness to compromise or talk it out, instead resorting to cheap tricks like this, is a huge red flag. Don’t fall for it. Instead, say this:

“To presume that you know what’s best for me, even when I tell you my opinion, is very controlling. I would like for what I have to say to be listened to and respected. I believe that the best thing for us is to make these big decisions together, as what is best for you may not actually turn out to be what is best for me.”

Final Thoughts On How To Shut Down The Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

Dealing with manipulators is exhausting. Although we referenced romantic relationships for many of these instances, they work for all types of people, regardless of your connection to them.

Manipulators come in many forms. They can be your partner, a family member, a friend, a colleague, or even a mere acquaintance who you barely know. Regardless of who someone is to you, manipulation is wrong, and it’s important that you know how to protect yourself. Shutting down their most common phrases will show them that you’re not someone they can play their mind games with.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Sun Stories: 9 MORE Tanning Salon Horror Stories That Will Make You Say “Gross”

We’ve seen some strange things at out salon, so I decided to ask some other people that have worked in the industry for their crazy stories. Enjoy!

1. The six-pack.

“I worked at a salon for a while. I’ve had people pee and poop in the beds or trash cans. I’ve had people come out of the rooms completely naked. My favorite is the man who would drink a bottle of vodka in his truck, come in and tan, and then leave the bottle or two in the trash. There was another lady who would bring in a six-pack of beer in her purse (always). I also had a lady call the cops saying I was watching her naked because we had cameras up front for break-ins and such, not even near her bed. I had some of the craziest nights working at that salon.

 

2. The zebra stripe.

“It was the day before my junior year of high school years ago, and I decided to get a spray tan because I had bad tan lines from shorts from lifeguarding all summer. I went the day before school started and followed all the instructions for the spray-tan booth. I looked great walking out of the tanning salon. But then my mom called me and we got into a silly argument and I started to cry. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized my sobbing caused my tears to streak the spray tan down my face and neck. Needless to say, no amount of bronzer or self-tanner fixed it and the first day of my junior year in high school I walked in looking like a zebra. On the bright side, my legs turned out awesome. Now I stick to tanning beds.

 

3. The long nap.

“My favorite/weirdest memory was when a lady came in for a tan and it ended with her being escorted out in handcuffs. Our computers up front tell us how much time each bed has left and how long it’s been since the bed shut off. This woman stayed in there for an hour. We tried banging on the doors and calling her name and she wouldn’t respond. We thought she was dead so we called 911. They got the door open and woke her up. Apparently she had taken a large dose of sleeping pills before she got in the bed. Right as the police officer was leaving her room, a bag full of pills fell out of her purse. He arrested her in front of the entire salon.”

 

4. The right day to quit.

“I worked in a tanning salon that the rest of the employees and I swore was haunted. Bulbs would shatter on their own. The radios would turn on and off by themselves and the volume would even change. The employees in the building next door would tell us to stop knocking on the walls but no one was knocking. One day I was opening the salon and was all alone. I was inside the spray-tan booth getting it set up. All of a sudden I heard laughter and very loud footsteps as if someone was sprinting down the hallway. It scared the crap out of me, but when I emerged from the room and couldn’t find a single soul in the salon, I double-checked the front door and it was still locked. No one could have gotten in. I almost quit my job that day. I don’t know why any ghost would want to haunt a tanning salon, but I do know that we were not alone in that building.”

 

5. The reptile.

“I worked at a tanning salon and had to tell a customer she couldn’t put her pet lizard in the bed.

 

6. The dirty towel.

“I worked at a tanning salon one semester in college. The second week that I was there, a man in his mid-thirties pooped in his towel and handed it to me instead of throwing it in the towel bin or throwing it away before he left. However, while I stood there with his poop towel in my hand, he sat down in the waiting room and watched my reaction and what I did with it! I cried and washed my hands for 30 minutes. We bleached the bed he was in and didn’t let anyone go in it for the rest of the day.”

 

7. The storm warning.

“I went tanning late on a particularly stormy night. I got in the bed and after a couple minutes someone banged on my door and screamed, “Tornado — get out!” I got out of the bed and heard the windows vibrating so I ran my mostly naked ass down the hall to an interior room with everyone else in the salon. I was the only naked one.”

8. The double dip.

“A guy came in who I had never seen before. I set him up with a membership and he got into his bed. He was in the room for about 45 minutes, which is odd, but I didn’t think much of it because some people actually get ready after a tan. I didn’t see him leave, but when I went in to clean his bed, it was covered in shit and semen. I don’t know what the hell he was doing in there. I managed to clean it up without vomiting and immediately canceled his membership.

We would have teenagers pee in the spray booths on a regular basis. (This happens more often than you would think — lay a towel on the ground inside of spray booths before you get in). We found poop and pee in the trash several times. One time a girl double-dipped and left her very dirty tampon in the bed and her very dirty underwear hanging from the nozzle in the spray.”

9. And the reason so many people pee at the tanning salon?

“I was getting a spray tan and once I got naked to get into the machine I realized I had to pee but couldn’t put my clothes back on because the mist machine was on a timer and I would miss it. I went in the bed and tried to hold it in but I ended up peeing in the machine. I I finished the tan and came out of the machine so I could clean it up. I had lines running down my legs from the pee.”

 

 

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Sun Stories: Summer – Summer is Slipping Away

I worked at the salon Saturday and Sunday this weekend. Summer has again asked for time off. She has to go to Syracuse this weekend. (See: Sun Stories – Summer – Return of the Outlaw)What I have learned from my beloved Summer is this: She is an amazing employee when she’s here. Picking up the system? Instant. Attitude and service. Yes. Sales? Deadly. She’s never had a job before this and is great at keeping the place clean and is my favorite hire. I love Haley more for personality and giggles, (See Sun Stories: Haley – 2016 to Present – Lightning in a Bottle) but Summer is simply brilliant as a professional at the salon.

But lately there’s been some drama in her life. Her grades and school are solid but lately she has been slipping. Achilles doesn’t like that.

I’ve worked a few of her shifts and she’s called out and Achilles has had to work from open to close. I know that shit doesn’t fly with the king.

He’s put up with this nonsense from employees for over 10 years, so his fuse is really short with these girls.

He tells me how he would have fired Summer last Monday when she called out 2 hours before her shift from NY because her transmission fell out of her car. She was 4000 miles outside of her service plan so her dad is going to pay $8500 to fix that and he is furious.

I love Summer, and she’s great at the salon. But her family is rich and she doesn’t even need this job.

Her social life and responsibilities and drama are over taking her life here. I think she’s fed up with working here and with Achilles.

I love her, but sadly I think she has to go.  I never wanted to say that because she’s been a brilliant hire. But she doesn’t need this job. I think she liked it better when it was busy and she and I worked together as a team.

Her dad gives her $200 a week and she has access to his credit card to go to New York and live the rich life. Summer doesn’t live in reality. I really like her here but I need someone who has a real passion for tanning, looks the part, and can sell and clean.

I think I have found that girl.

You already know who she is.

I’ve already talked to Achilles about a double blaze for this baby, He’s already expressed his dissatisfaction for Summer for being such a failure. He hates people calling out!

I draw up a schedule of hours for my new object of desire, Kita.

Lets see how this plays out.

 

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Sabrina – Making the Connection

I get to Misconduct around 12:30. I say hello to Mary the hostess (See: Mary – 2016 to Present – Unexpected Table for Two) and go to my table which is number twelve.

We chit chat a bit and Sabrina rolls in around 1pm. We hug and she takes a seat. I’m happy to see her again. First time we ever hung out was yesterday, and now here we are again the very next day.

I get my usual chicken tenders and she goes with the burger. She tells me it may be the best burger she’s ever had. That’s a bold statement, but I can tell she loved it because she devoured the whole thing.

After lunch we move to a bigger table and I break out my box of business cards. They’re cards I have collected over the years from several bars and restaurants. I have loads of contacts in the industry and I want to help Sabrina get a gig as a part time server.

I start going through the cards and text some people. Sabrina is looking through the cards to to find some places she may want to work. She’s very grateful for the assistance and I’m happy to do it. I like helping people.

We go through them and I’m texting and emailing some people. I can she she’s stressed about this dilemma, but at least we’re taking action instead of just worrying about it.

People are getting back to me and she’s filled with hope. She leaves around 3pm and I tell her I’ll keep working on it. She gives me a hug and off she goes.

As people get back to me with leads and more, I push the information to Sabrina.

The next day we’re still texting and I tell her that my contact at Marathon has some news. He wants her to come to the restaurant at 10:30am tomorrow for an interview.

11:15am on Friday my phone rings. It’s Sabrina.

“I got the job! I start on Monday!”

“I’m so proud of you Sabrina! Well done! Anybody can help you get a job, but it’s you who has to keep it!”

“Thank you so much!”

So let’s recap. Monday she has a panic attack when they cut her hours at her regular job. Tuesday she contacts me for help. We have lunch, get to know each other, and assemble a plan. Wednesday we execute that plan at our second lunch. Thursday events happen. Friday she’s hired at a good restaurant.

Anything else I can do for you Sabrina?

 

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14 Ladies In Uniform That Are Super Fine

I saw this on a popular app I have called Ebaum’s World. They always have cool pics. meme’s and stories. I love looking at their stuff because it’s always fun.

I found this collection to be especially great in regard to all the ladies in the world serving our country!

 

Enjoy!

 

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/14-ladies-in-uniform-that-are-semper-fine/85508296/

 

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Personal Assistant – Chapter 1 – Sadie

 

STOP! This post is NSFW. 

This is a series from my other site La Petite Mort. It is NSFW. I wanted to debut it here to make my readers aware that it exists. This is the only time I’m going to promote it here.  Once it starts running over there on the other site I hope people simply continue to follow it on their own.

Read it here:

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=184

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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