Got Googled

Back in 2020, I applied to get Google AdSense on my site so they could run ads on my blog and generate revenue. It was a complicated process and took months for them to get back to me.

I was finally approved, and ads began to run on Phicklephilly. I had already secured my own clients to run on the site so this was an added bonus. The income isn’t that great unless you have millions of page views but it was free money I earned while I slept, so I was down.

But here’s the rub.

Google has very strict guidelines when it comes to running ads on your site. Your content has to be very PG and you can’t have anything sexual or offensive on your site. I always wrote from my heart and used the whole language. Especially in the beginning. I wasn’t too worried, because most of my stuff was pretty tame. I’d rather mention it and leave the images up to my readers.

But one of the most popular posts I’ve ever written was about Asian massage parlors in Philly. I wrote it back in 2017 and it was just me interviewing a friend of mine about his experiences at those establishments.

Google Adsense was immediately all over it with warnings about how they wouldn’t run any ads on that page unless I fixed it. What they meant by “fix” was to clean it up and make it safe so anybody could read it. I didn’t like any of this but I complied. I changed a few things but they were relentless in their attacks on my work.

I thought the one page that’s had over 17,000 page views should be a winner for advertising revenue… but no. They kept flagging the site for violations and ultimately I simply relented and took it down. I didn’t want to offend anybody, but it really felt like a form of censorship. I mean… here’s a company that runs ads for HBO and that cable network has tons of profanity, violence, and sex on it. I wondered, why me? That all seemed a bit hypocritical on the part of Google. But I wanted the revenue and it took me forever to get approved, so I sadly gave into their will. They had me at their mercy.

Things have been fine since then and I got over it. But then something else happened last year. My Google email account was hacked. I didn’t realize it at first. A small letter Y appeared in my search engine bar on Google Chrome. I would go to search for something at I would be redirected to Yahoo. I didn’t want any of this. I tried to clean it off my Chrome account using different security measures but none of them worked.

This went on for a week or so, and then one Sunday night I got a text from google that they had disabled my account. So I had no access to my email, calendar, and my google drive. Google has the power to not only disable your account to keep you safe it can easily cut you off from everything you have in your accounts with them. They do this with no remorse and without warning. This is a little disturbing that this company has this kind of power over its users. (It’s funny how the only two industries that refer to their clients as users are internet companies and drug dealers)

My mail has been in place for 10 years and had everything in it. My calendar had dates and things scheduled in it since 2010. My Drive had both manuscripts of my works of fiction, and every article I’d written for the freelance commercial writing I do for a living.

Google told me that my google account had been disabled due to harmful malware and phishing that had hacked into my account, and some entity tried to change my password. I thought, the next thing they’d do was try to hack into my bank account or my brokerage accounts. It was pretty scary.

But with the account disabled it stopped the perpetrators dead in their tracks. I found a way to clean out the malware from my chrome account and I sent google a message telling them what I did to try to fix it.

They got back to me in 48 hours and told me the account was irreparably corrupted and they wouldn’t reinstate it.

And that was it. Everything was simply… gone.

But the good news is, I don’t really care about my email or calendar, I just made a new one with a new name and password. But I was a little salty about the elimination of everything in my Drive.

But I wasn’t that upset.

All of my books are held securely at KDP Amazon and I have complete control over them. I also have copies of the manuscripts saved to my computer. Everything I’ve ever written commercially has been shared with my editor and she has records of everything I’ve done. So I’ll be fine.

It was actually a bit liberating to know that although someone could come in and attack my account I really didn’t lose everything. If anything, it gave me a fresh start with a new email free from clutter and a new calendar. I’ll just have my editor share with me copies of everything I’ve written for her to my new Drive.

So as daunting as something like this can be, I just had to think to myself for a moment and not panic. My house hasn’t been broken into. My daughter is safe and so am I. My money is secure and untouchable. My creative work is safe. I’m fine and I really haven’t lost anything. The only time you really lose something is when your perception is that it’s a loss.

If you’re fine without something you don’t really miss it. Nothing of real value has been affected and we’re all fine, so this is simply a story and a warning to everybody out there to be careful and be mindful of what’s going on with your digital footprint across all of your devices.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. 

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

A Unique Gift – Chapter 1

This is part one of a new series I want to write that mixes mind control with transformation elements. This is the first time I have written something primarily based on mind control and while this first part is very smut heavy later parts will have more focus on the mind control aspects for other purposes (as well as smut). I hope you enjoy and please give me feedback, it would really help!

*****

Jack sighed as he made his way to college. At nineteen he felt he should have more of a handle of his life than he did. He was stuck taking classes he didn’t enjoy and working a job he hated to pay for those classes. He had barely any friends and he hadn’t had sex in almost a year. Overall life was pretty dull. He sat down in his least favorite class, economics. Not only did he find the subject exceptionally boring it was taught by his least favorite teacher Miss Jameson.

She was extremely attractive and Jack, like most guys in the class, had grinned when they first saw her walk into their classroom. She was tall, just shy of six feet tall, with long legs, curved hips, a small waist and generously sized breasts. There had been quite the debate over whether they were D or DD. She didn’t just have the body, she had the face to match. She was very pretty with green eyes that was typical of someone with her red hair which she always wore in a neat bun.

Obviously with a teacher like that it was no surprise all the guys had been excited when they first saw her but it had been short lived. They had all soon realized she was a complete bitch. Always serious, always angry and always willing to berate her students for the most minor of transgressions. Jack had quickly learnt to keep his head down, keep quiet and stay under her radar. Which for the most part had worked. He folded his arms and rested them on his desk with his chin perched on top of them as she began her lecture.

She droned on and Jack felt himself getting sleepy as he listened. He wasn’t in the mood to take notes so instead he rested his head on his arms. He didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep until he suddenly heard someone shouting, loudly. He looked up to find the whole room staring at him and Miss Jameson seething with anger.

“I’m sorry am I boring you?” She asked.

“No sorry,” Jack apologized. This was the last thing he needed today.

“So what have I spent the last ten minutes talking about?” Miss Jameson asked. Jack tried to think, he looked at the clock and felt a pang of panic, he had been asleep for almost forty minutes.

“I don’t know,” he admitted to much smirking from his class mates.

“Come see me this evening, we need to have a talk about your performance in this class,” Miss Jameson clipped before turning to the rest of the room and continuing her class. Jack groaned, the last thing he wanted was to spend another hour with her at the end of the day. It wasn’t like detention like back in high school, no that was easy. Turn up, sit there for an hour, catch up on homework and leave. No this was worse. This was going to be an hour of being lectured and berated by the queen bitch.

By the time he got home Jack was exhausted. He made his way back to his house, which was a short drive from campus. It was the only time in his life he had ever been lucky. It was actually his sisters house, she was seven years older than him and seemed to be the lucky one of the family. She had graduated from the same college he was now attending and landed and extremely high paying job, which to Jacks fortune, meant she would be spending most of the next four years out of the country.

As such she had let Jack live in her house. It was close to the college and meant that she didn’t have to sell her house or worry about leaving it vacant for months at a time. So other than a few weekends here and there when she would be home, Jack had the house to himself. He unlocked the door and almost missed the small box someone had hidden behind the plant pot by the door. He picked it up, briefly wondering what was in the small package and went inside. He put the package down and made himself some dinner.

 

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=80

 

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Why 6th January is the Best Day for Online Dating

http://va.topbuzz.com/s/RdhNQcp

 

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Racquel Writes! — Racquel Writes!

Hello Everyone! Please welcome my latest guest blogger, the lovely Racquel! Her posts will be appearing on phicklephilly every Saturday at 3pm  in 2019!

Please read, follow, comment and welcome my newest guest writer!

Enjoy!

 

I started a writing course last week, in fact, it is a Blog Writing course, it was entertaining and fun and I also learned a lot. It was great to be back in the classroom as a student. It was a bit challenging though because my chosen main subject topic didn’t always go well with […]

via Racquel Writes! — Racquel Writes!

 

http://www.racquelwrites.com

 

 

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3 REASON’S YOU DON’T HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

3 REASON'S YOU DON'T HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

A good Relationship is the bedrock of every progress in the life of those that have it. The conversation below belongs to my friends neighbor.

Stewart stormed out of the room with rage and yelling at Emily ‘I told you not to use that road now you can see the outcome’

Emily tried to defend herself ‘The other road was congested with heavy traffic so I decided to use the next available option’.

These are scenes we encounter more especially with very young couple’s trying to blame their partners for one reason or the other. It actually takes the grace of God for such relationships to work.

That’s why this article will expose you to 3 things that can hinder you from having a good and blissful relationship.

Complaining.

Couple that complain over everything don’t go far in their relationship. They complain even without any effort to correct what they are complaining about. Imagine a guy complain that his girlfriend is wasteful with water when there is abundance of water in the house, steady light to keep the water running and the water usage was for washing household items. These complains are energy draining and less meaningful .

Blaming.

The blame game for many is a way of pushing responsibility to each other. Yes we know the man is the breadwinner but today’s contemporary society has relegated that to the background. Women now fend for their families, why blame the man solely if there is nothing in the house .

There is supposed to be a form of collaboration in the family and what a man can do a woman even better.

Giving Excuses.

Many males today use the ‘What a man can do a woman can do even better’ to shield themselves from their responsibilities. Quit giving excuses if you want to have a better relationship. Excuses reduces your worth. It is an indirect nod to failure.

The husband or wife that is filled with taking excuses is never taken seriously.

 

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10 things to never tolerate in a relationship

10 things to never tolerate in a relationship

1- Everything is going in one direction

You listen to your partner. You advise. You help. You give your time and attention. You offer Gifts. You care about your partner. However, you get almost nothing in return. You’re not a pigeon or a fish. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love him/her back and makes you happy. You’ll find that elsewhere not in this relationship.

2- He/She is not interested in your childhood?

He never asked you a question about it. Your passions? You bet it does not know (and especially does not care). Something good or bad happened in your life and he does not ask you about the way you feel. You may think “well he is just shy or he wants to take his time”! No, you are wrong. He is simply not interested! So don’t waste too much of your time with this one.

3- He wants to change me

The horror! With our faults and qualities, each of us is unique, and that’s awesome! Indeed throughout the relationship, we might need to adjust or change some of our behaviors or habits. However, when you are the only one doing the effort or always asked to change here and there, you might need to consider your options.

4- He hides me.

Having been with your partner for over 6 months and you have never seen his family or colleagues or friends (and obviously he does not care to meet yours), we say: “Flee”. Loving someone is to love him and his life and therefore know the important people within it.

5- He flirts with other girls.

Either Mr. is a dumb, or he is playing with your emotions. In any event, Mr. better walk away. If you are not in an open polygamous relationship, that’s what we call a great disrespect.

6- He does not keep his promises.

He lies, he is abusive (verbally or physically). Above everything, there should be trust and respect. Never tolerate such behaviors under any circumstances.

7- He is stingy.

He is not generous with you. He hardly offers you anything or shares anything with you. He only thinks about himself. Very very bad.

8- He changes moods like socks.

One day it’s true love. The next it’s ignorance. Is it a passionate relationship or a sign of a very unstable character? Maybe both … In any case, if you want to be happy and have your head straight, you have to make a decision right away.

9- He cares about me after 10 pm.

Ok, He may have a busy schedule. But he shouldn’t make you believe that he cannot ‘have a Saturday afternoon off and dedicated to you! If it’s a friend with benefits kind of relationship then that’s clear enough. However, if you want more, then keep the door closed(with him out)!

10- It makes you cry more than laugh.

The sure reason to leave. Now. Right now.

 

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This Is When She’ll Leave You – And Never Look Back

This Is When She’ll Leave You – And Never Look Back

She’ll leave you when she’s finally had enough. She’ll leave the false promises for the hard, acidic truth. She’ll swallow the bitter reality pill rather than another one of your saccharine falsehoods. She’ll leave you when she’s had enough of your candy-coated compliments, handed out as treats to placate her, to make her stay every time she tries to leave.

She’ll leave when she realizes the life that awaits her is more promising than any life you could’ve given her. That any addiction she had to you isn’t worth another hit that might kill her.

She knows that when she leaves you, she has to leave for good. No more tolerating your crocodile tears the next morning, after another night leaving her crying alone. No more cruel “jokes” told at her expense. No more cutting jabs in front of her loved ones. No more harsh insults, no more sabotage, no more of your petty envy making her feel small in the realms where she shines.

No more enduring death by a thousand cuts, just so no one sees the scars.

No more dimming her light. No more tiny betrayals or grand transgressions; no more indiscretions, flirtations or affairs. No more being humiliated, bullied, belittled behind closed doors. No more being abandoned out in the open, ridiculed in public. No more being told she’s not enough, in a million different ways. No more insidious mind games.

She’ll leave you when she knows time is running out. Time to heal, to create a life outside of you. Time to find herself and someone who deserves her.

You always acted like you were on the lookout for something better, but now she wants to reclaim the time she still has left – to do better and to be better, because she knows someone better will come along.

Such valuable time she’s wasted on trying to make you magically morph into a decent human being. Years or months of trying to get you to see that she’s worthy, that she never deserved to be treated like this – all down the drain and “nothing” to show for it – except for her renewed strength.

The loss of her innocence – and her naiveté. The birth of wisdom – of freedom, of independence. The renewal of her identity. Actually, come to think of it, you’re the one with everything to lose. She, in turn, will gain everything.

The thing about women who over think, overcompensate, overexert their efforts is that they all eventually have an awakening. They all eventually realize what they deserve.

When they finally walk, they walk away for good. They know they did all they could to save the man who never existed in the first place.

When she walks away, trust her when she tells you that you won’t hear from her again. Because all the times she tried to speak, you silenced her or gave her the silent treatment. All those times she tried to get you to have a breakthrough, you broke her down and made her feel like the weak one. All those times you brought in the threat of other women, you taught her how to forget her own irreplaceability.

You tried to make her forget she was magic.

The truth is, she was the powerful one all along. When you beg her to come back, she’ll be planning her comeback – and you’ll never see it coming.

The truth is, when she finally leaves you, you’ll realize it’s not just that she never really knew you.

You never really knew her either and what she was capable of.

You never realized, did you? That she had as much power to go as she used to stay.

But when she leaves, you’ll feel it. Her silence will move worlds. It will speak more volumes and truth than the words that have passed your lips your entire lifetime.

She’ll leave you when she realizes you were never the cure – you were the poison all along.

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7 Reasons Not to Make Your Relationship ‘Facebook Official’

“Life has never been more documented and less lived.”

Dating has certainly changed since the pre-Facebook age. Online dating is perplexing, Tinder can be humiliating, and Facebook can ruin a relationship. Technology has only made it easier for people to commit all kinds of social faux pas, like ghosting somebody after a series of great dates. In this era of internet-centric dating, making a new relationship “Facebook official” is an established milestone for new couples. But is officially declaring your relationship status on the world’s most popular social network actually a good idea?

Making a relationship “Facebook official” is a milestone that occurs on a nebulous timeline (usually sometime after the first few dates, or at whatever point one person in the relationship asks the other whether it’s time to update their relationship statuses on Facebook). But after that, everything else is a little less clear. Why does everyone feel compelled to declare their relationship status for all their high school friends and college acquaintances to see? And are there any compelling reasons that you and your significant other should link your Facebook profiles together?

There may be some arguments to be made for making your relationship official on the social network. (There are a few studies that suggest that people who post their relationship status on Facebook are more likely to feel committed to the relationship than people who don’t declare their relationship status.) But in our book, you really don’t need to officially declare your relationship, new or old, on the world’s largest social network. Read on to check out the reasons why you don’t have to make your relationship “Facebook official,” no matter what your college-aged self would have to say about the matter.

 

1. You may want to keep some of your personal information private

Your relationship status isn’t on our list of things you shouldn’t post on Facebook. Sharing the fact that you’re dating your new girlfriend or boyfriend won’t jeopardize your security online. It also won’t give online advertisers any valuable insight into the kinds of products and services that you may be likely to purchase. And it probably won’t alarm the relatives, colleagues, or college acquaintances who are among your Facebook friends.

But anyone who actually hangs out with you in real life probably knows whom you’re dating, or will within a few weeks of the relationship beginning. So unless you’re trying to broadcast your romantic success to the Facebook acquaintances you don’t really talk to (just don’t), you don’t really need to officially change your relationship status on Facebook, or publicly display it all.

 

2. Making your relationship “Facebook official” won’t make you more committed

For every study that finds that people who make their relationships “Facebook official” are more committed to that relationship, there’s another study that finds that people who feel the need to post about their relationship status online feel less secure about their romantic commitments or less confident about their partner’s feelings in the relationship.

Simply sharing your relationship status on Facebook won’t make you or your partner more committed to the relationship, and it probably won’t make you feel more secure in the relationship, either. If you regard sharing your relationship status on Facebook as an important step in a serious relationship, then it may make you happy to officially declare it on Facebook. But don’t expect that little “in a relationship” field on your profile to magically make you happier, more secure, or more committed to your partner.

 

3. Declaring your relationship on Facebook won’t make your relationship better

This is the ultimate in stating the obvious, but hear us out. People get a little obsessed with the idea of projecting the perfect image online. That may work just fine with things like your apartment, since everybody knows that you just slid the basket of dirty laundry out of the frame before snapping a photo, but it doesn’t work as well with things like your love life.

If you’re in a relationship that you’re really not that excited about, or dating somebody that you know isn’t a great match, it’s not going to make that partnership any better if you announce it on Facebook. Sure, it may be nice to upload a cute photo or two and get some likes, but that’s a very short-term emotional boost that ultimately won’t make you and your partner any more compatible or any better at communicating with one another.

 

4. Your photos will probably make your relationship obvious, anyway

If you regularly share photos and other posts on Facebook, intentionally and directly declaring your relationship is probably unnecessary. Photos of you and your partner together will likely make it obvious that you’re dating. And if your photos aren’t particularly prolific or unambiguous, the kinds of posts that you and your girlfriend or boyfriend share are likely to give you away.

There are plenty of people, both single and in long-term relationships, who don’t bother to directly declare their relationship statuses. If you’re an active Facebook user, your usage of the social network will likely make it obvious whom you spend your time with. So when you go from single to being in a relationship, your photos will likely make that obvious enough to your Facebook friends without an official declaration of your relationship status.

 

5. Declaring your relationship makes it easy to overshare

So, you’ve told everybody on Facebook about your new boyfriend or girlfriend. It may not seem like it, but that move may just pave the way for over sharing in your near future. You probably have those Facebook friends who post petty details about fights with their significant others, or post almost everyday about whatever sweet thing their partner has done for them. That kind of oversharing is pretty easy to do once you think that Facebook is a good place to share those details.

It’s probably better for your relationship, and for the sanity of your Facebook friends, if you don’t think of Facebook as the kind of place where it’s appropriate to share details about the things that your partner has done or said. An occasional post — the kind of post that you wouldn’t mind your family seeing — is no problem. But continually updating the world on how your day-to-day life with your partner is going may be a little too much to share.

 

6. Making things official opens the door for commentary

 

Even if you avoid the tendency to overshare, sharing posts that are specifically and pointedly about your relationship opens the whole thing up for comments. Facebook allows the friends of both parties to comment on a status declaring a new relationship. And all of those comments are something that you probably want to avoid if at all possible.

Most of the comments will be innocuous, and perhaps a little sweet. Others will be from sort-of friends asking for all kinds of details that you probably don’t want to share. And even worse, out-of-touch relatives may comment and ask about what happened to the last guy or girl you dated. Do you really need a better reason to hold off on making your relationship “Facebook official”?

 

7. Breaking up is more of a hassle when the relationship is official on Facebook

It’s usually not productive to think about how things might end when they’ve just begun. But if you need a final reason not to make your relationship “Facebook official,” just think about the obnoxious News Feed story that Facebook will automatically generate if/when you need to change your relationship status back to “single.”

If you thought that the comments people make when you post about a new relationship are obnoxious, you don’t even want to know how annoying people are when Facebook tells them that you broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Expect to avoid questions that you don’t really want to answer and to get all kinds of concerned messages from people who are worried about you (or at least pretend to be).

I went big on Facebook when I was in a short relationship with Annabelle. (See: Annabelle – Nice To Meet You) When Annabelle dumped me it was devastating, but what made it  worse was that my 5000 followers on Facebook knew it the moment it happened. I vowed that day to never use social media again except to promote this blog.

I never look at social media anymore. It’s worthless. I don’t care about what you’re having for lunch, your vacation, or least of all your damn kids.

It’s all a waste of time. Life has never been more documented and less lived.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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15 Tips to Stop Dating a Married Man – Part 2

7. Give him a pregnancy scare

He is going to tell you to abort the child because he cannot leave his family. His reaction will determine where you stand in his life. And once he does so, you should not think twice before walking out of this hell. You are the one who will have to make the sacrifice because of a situation he put you in.

8. Ask him to file for divorce

Do not threaten to leave him. He has prepared himself for this long time before it popped into your mind. He will talk you out of it. Ask him to file for a divorce. Tell him you can’t continue going on like this. He is never going to do it, though he may keep on asking you time.

You’d know this better, because you might have already given him enough time.

9. Stop lying to yourself and everyone else

Going behind a man’s wife and kids for your affair isn’t worth it. You have to constantly lie to yourself and to your near and dear ones to keep this relationship going. And you cannot declare your relationship in public it has to be a hush-hush affair.

There are so many secrets you have to keep and for what? A relationship that has no future. You cannot go out in public, cannot introduce him to your friends.
He will never acknowledge you as his girlfriend.

10. Think about the kids

Think about what impact this news will have on the kids. They are not prepared for such a situation. Would they not hate you? Can you take hatred of kids, so to say? They cannot handle the trauma of having divorced parents and custody issues.

11. Tell the wife

The wife has the right to know who she married. Telling her will put you in a bad light but you cannot expect anything else. She needs to know, because her ignorance can encourage the man to do it again with someone else. Telling her will lift a heavy weight off your chest. He will probably not pull you in his life and will perhaps even bad mouth you. But the plus point is that you will no more be tied to that man.

12. Sever all ties

Free yourself from this affair. Tell him to never contact you again. Block his number and delete his contact. Block him from your social media accounts and you’re your common friends not to have you both together. Threaten to inform the wife if he tries to reach you.

13. Contact an ex

Having a friendly conversation with your ex reminds you how a real relationship felt like. It may not have ended on good terms but it was real. You will remember your old self again. Contacting your ex is just an attempt you save bits of yourself and not rekindle any old romance.

14. Tell your best friend

Don’t think about all the judging looks she will give you. In the end, she will support you and hold you together when all of this is over. You will need her the most when it all comes down crashing.

two woman talking

15. Get back to your old life

You have been leading a secretive life and must have lost contact with your old friends. Reconnect with lost ones and get your life back. He is not going to like this because it will expose your relationships’ vulnerability.

Go on dates and meet new people. Who knows where you find someone.

Tips to survive a breakup with a married man

You are blaming yourself. A part of you feels ashamed and guilty, but mostly you are in pain. You thought that you will have a happy ending but instead, you are left with a big hole in your heart. You feel exposed. It is because you were emotionally involved in the relationship. You need to pull yourself together. Here are ways to let go of a married man:

  • Have your share of mourning. Let yourself grieve and take it all out once and for all
  • Make sure it is completely over. Go to all extremes to ensure that he doesn’t come back
  • Don’t blame yourself. Blaming yourself will only justify that you were the cause
  • Have a friend as a shield. Your friend will ensure that you don’t do anything stupid
  • Revive yourself. Bring back your old self that got lost when you met him
  • Embrace your freedom. Focus on your life goals. Live your life on your terms. Breathe

It may sound painful at first, but it is totally not worth investing your time and life on someone who is already taken. Unless you are also in it for the fun part, it is best to end this affair as soon as you can.

 

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice: Why You Should Give Up Online Dating In 2018

Online dating has turned people into numbers and it can suck the fun out of the process of dating if you let it.

Online dating has become everyone’s go-to when it comes to meeting romantic prospects. We program our entire lives via apps—from health and wellness to money management, so it’d make sense that our dating lives are also manipulated by the results generated by apps. For me, I found that a bit too contrived and problematic.

You want to meet them right away because things feel easy and there’s magic behind the comfort of your phone screen. Then once you’re sitting across from each other, you find out that there’s no magic at all.

For one, the bulk of dating apps don’t take into consideration where others are in their lives. When you put together your profile, you’re stating your intentions and your desires. “I’m looking for…” And based on what people aimlessly check off on their profile, you’re matched up. Except most people leave profiles open-ended to cast a wide net. Depending on the app or site you’re using, you’re going to have to do a lot of sifting through before you find any good candidates. In most cases, the best candidates are going to be selected based on criteria that make sense on paper. However, physically or intellectually, the matches wouldn’t be people you’d pick in real life.

Online dating isn’t always that extreme although it operates under a level of immediacy that can feel overwhelming. You want to meet them right away because things feel easy and there’s magic behind the comfort of your phone screen. Then once you’re sitting across from each other, you find out that there’s no magic at all. It’s a letdown. On the other side, you can be pleasantly surprised by someone that didn’t wow you exchanging messages. After a few dates, though, things fizzle out. You’re back to square one without as much as an explanation other than assuming that they’re just busy.

If a healthy relationship is near the top of your list for 2018, I’d suggest looking into your social circles.

The biggest reason why I think people should give up the vicious cycle of dating online is because there are better, more reliable ways to meet people. Depending on apps and social media can get exhausting. For the most part, you’re living in your head so much. There’s very little open communication because we’ve gotten used to moving on to the next thing. There are tons of options at our disposal. The risk of any type of accountability or investment is low. Online dating has turned people into numbers and it can suck the fun out of the process of dating if you let it.

If a healthy relationship is near the top of your list for 2018, I’d suggest looking into your social circles. Look at the places where you spend the bulk of your time. This year, I met a few great women through friends of mine and at church. My friends were invested in trying to fix me up (sometimes a little too invested) and knew enough about me that they picked good women for me. The people you trust likely are on your side and want to see your happy ending as much as you want to have it.

I’d also advise that you sit down and be honest with yourself about what is it that you want. Oftentimes we say we want a serious relationship when what we really want is companionship. Those two aren’t the same things. You can have one and not the other and that’s OK. But it’s important to not conflate them and to find someone who’s on the same page.

Dating is supposed to be enjoyable. Online dating apps have their place. That shouldn’t be your sole source for romantic quests though. If you’ve had more failures with it, I challenge you to get back to the basics of meeting people the way our parents and grandparents did it. Be bold and actually say hello to real, live people once in awhile.

 

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