Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1979 – Lola – Part 3

We finally rose from the sea and went back to our blanket to dry out and get some sun. There was more hot kissing and touching on the blanket. God…Lola was beautiful and perfect.

I had the Polaroid so I took some photos that day. Here is the actual photos from that day in August 1979 with the girl I fell in love with at the end of the summer of ’79.

Isn’t she beautiful?  Great smile and look at those lovely legs. I adored her!

Here’s another one that is very damaged because I carried it around in my wallet for a year. Polaroid doesn’t hold up like Kodak photos. But despite the damage it still captures the joy of this lovely girl and her smile! (And those sweet legs!)

I fell in love with Lola that day.

No… I fell in love with her at Botto’s Arcade yesterday.

Today just solidified it.

She’s sharp, beautiful…and I am smitten. Lola was soooo cute!

It was a beautiful day and one I would never forget. I remember her rising from the ocean that day as we walked back to the warmth of the blanket I had laid for us that day. We were giggling and talking about some drama she was having with her friend that was coming down for Labor Day.

Not every man has this moment but I have had it on both coast of this great country.

Lola is soaked. Her brown one piece clings to her supple, ample body. She looks more beautiful to me than any time I ever saw her in the arcade. I didn’t even know her. Just another teenage girl in a pair of jeans shooting pool. But here she was rising from the ocean beside me like a Bond girl. Her suit clung to her body. It was getting late, the beach was cooling, her ripe breasts are glistening and her nipples pout through the fabric of her suit. Her suit clung to her sex and though it I could see the impression her plump vulva framed by a trim bush of curls between her legs.

I loved the 1970’s. Women looked like women back then.

She walked ahead of me because she was a little chilly and went for her towel. Her buttocks were perfect caramel moons that crept from the bottom of her suit.

Lola was an exquisite beauty that was now in my life.

The warmth of lying on a warm blanket with a beautiful girl. No preparation. Just two people together. Two teenagers just kissing. I loved kissing Lola. All of our kisses were perfect.

When have you ever been able to say that about anyone?

I have only been able to say that one more time in my life.

I’m french kissing Lola and it’s feels so good. I love this girl. This has to be right because I’ve had no anxiety or fear. I kiss her deeply and run my hand down her full supple thigh. God she’s beautiful. I think this could be something. Even if she has to go home, I’m hooked.

I never want to stop kissing her, but she has to go to work. It’s so hard to let her go. Lola’s thighs are wet and salty from the ocean and I kiss and lick the salty sea from her legs. She giggles… She is the most delicious, sweetest thing. This could somehow work.

I don’t even know at this age how but desire is the only thing driving my mind right now.

We had the honor of spending a few lovely hours together that day.

Lola had to go to her waitress job so she had to bolt.

I hate to realize my love is giving me sustained stiffness in my lower regions.

“Okay… I’ll walk you back.”

We gather our stuff and I walk her off the beach at dusk. It’s always a magical time at the beach that not everybody gets to experience. Once the sun goes down to a disc the color and size of a new penny in the west, the sand cools.

You’ve conquered the day in Wildwood.

You’ve swam, you’ve sunned. You’ve flirted with all of the life guards and you’re done.

The day is all the way done for the beach. The sand feels so good when it cools. You’ve won, you spent the afternoon at the beach. It’s glorious. You’ve seen it all and everyday is a new adventure and a new possibility.  Worst case scenario is you got a killer tan to look great in the club that night.

I walked Lola back to her house and said our goodbyes. She quickly looks around and kisses me. That was a beautiful moment.

I want to see her again as soon as I can.

 

 

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Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1979 – Lola – Part 2

I chatted with my mom at lunch. Had some Ellio’s pizza. Ellio’s is the first pizza I ever tasted. I was a very picky eater since I was a child. I didn’t even try pizza until I was 12 or 13. But Ellio’s was a frozen pizza you could buy in the store. It came in a box with three frozen slabs (three rectangles each. Nine slices.) I could normally crush a single slab at 17. I didn’t like trying new things but I was introduced to ‘pizza flavor’ through Pepperidge Farms ‘pizza flavored’ goldfish crackers.

As my taste buds matured during puberty, pizza flavor seemed amazing. So I tried Ellio’s frozen pizza and immediately loved it. It’s total shit now, but back then it was actually really good. (See: Thanksgiving Ritual)

But Sam’s Pizza at 26th and the Boardwalk was still the God of Pizza in Wildwood. There is no other slice that can compete. Fuck Mack’s Pizza.

I felt calm. That was always a welcoming feeling because most of the time I was nervous and fearful in general. I told my mom I was headed to the beach for a bit. Life was so simple and beautiful back then. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.

But as I write this now, I think I did.

I was off today, and it was another perfect day in North Wildwood by the Sea. Sunny and a good beach day.

I grabbed my cigs, lighter, big blanket, a towel and a beach chair. I stuffed it all into the chair so I only had one thing to carry. Cigs were in the waistband of my bathing trunks and matches/lighter were either in the pack or tucked into the cellophane that encased the box. I’m wearing my Aerosmith T-shirt for no other reason but that I love that band with all of my heart.

I also brought my Polaroid One Shot Camera with me. (Google it kids!)

I walk over to 9th street towards Lola’s house.

Lola’s already sitting on the porch and ready to go. I like that. She looks sweet. She’s wearing a long T-shirt so it covers her like a shitty cotton mumu. I don’t care. I’m just happy she’s here.

“I see you’re ready to go.”

“Been waiting for hours. Where’ve you been?” She giggles and grabs her towel off the chair next to her and we’re off to the beach.

It’s not terribly hot and we chat as we make our way through the trail that leads to the open beach.

It’s a lovely August afternoon. Maybe one of the last great days of summer. The beach is filled with people and the smell of coppertone and solarcaine. I can hear the phillies game on several radios around me so it feels like some sort of beach stereo experience.

The extremely tanned ice cream man is making his way down the beach. He’s dressed all in white. His hair tawny from the summer sun. His legs are strong from marching up and down the beach for two months selling fudgicles, orange creamcicles and cherry ice. He carries on his back a small ice box loaded with treats and dry ice.

He calls out to anyone that’ll listen or the thirsty child that he has a box of treats for them.

“Ice cream!      Cherry Ice!       Fudgicle!”

The single propeller planes roll by in the sky over the Atlantic Ocean pulling long signs behind them that your best bet for dinner tonight is at Urie’s Fish Fry at 588 West Rio Grande Avenue.

Mom’s are putting lotion on their kids. Dads are laughing and talking about sports. Families are together and enjoying the summer sun. Happy to be away from the heat of the city. It’s always cooler at the shore and nice to escape the oppressive humidity of the heat in Philly.

Teens play frisbee and splash each other in the water. It’s a perfect day in the paradise I have been blessed to live in thanks to my father’s strategic moves to bring THE QUINTESSENTIAL SUMMER EXPERIENCE he had but sort of never had.

In this moment at age seventeen, I’m Wildwood royalty and I don’t even know it. I’ve lived in a house a block and a half from the beach in North Wildwood every summer for the last decade. All thanks to my father. I know sometimes I talk shit on my dad in this blog, but the guy was fucking magic whan it came to summer and christmas. (Not in that order!)

So here I am with Lola. Like everybody, we stake out our little piece of real estate on the beach and spread out my course blue blanket. I liked it because it could house several people and sand couldn’t penetrate the material. That’s key at the beach. Sand is your enemy. Chafing. Grit. Irritation. And other things…..

But sand is soft. It can get so hot that you will have to run to the beach and literally throw your towel ahead of you so you have a place to stand to rest. (We used to do this all of the time!)

But today the sand is soft under our feet. It’s warm and yields to our every step.

We lay out the big blue blanket and place it down like every other person on this beach. I drop my cigs and lighter and open the beach chair. I brought it because it holds all of my stuff in it and maybe Lola wants to chill in a chair and not be forced to sit on a blanket the whole time. I don’t know, so I just went with as many options as possible for her because this is all new territory.

She’s happy to sit on the blanket and I drop it in the chair. We’re chatting and I think we’re both starting to feel the August heat. Not in a sexual way that I know of, It’s just a really hot day.

“Wanna go in the ocean?”

“I think I need it at this point, Chaz.”

Lola takes off her big T-shirt. She’s wearing a brown one piece. The cool thing I realize in this moment is being at the beach with girls is that you get to see them strip down to basically underwear and it’s totally cool. It’s the only time in your young life that you get to see girls basically go down to a bra and panties right in front of a boy and it’s totally normal. But unknown to them in that moment it’s an explosively erotic experience.

This has happened to me over and over on this very beach. But it never comes to a fiery light until you hit puberty.

Everybody’s always stripping off their clothes on a regular basis everyday on the beach. It’s just what you all do to get some sun and go swimming.

But you reach a certain age and everything changes.

Anne pulls off her T-Shirt.

She’s beautiful in the late summer sun.

I look upon her. Lovely face, dark hair and warm brown eyes.

She’s wearing a brown one piece. It’s cut low in the front that showcases her ample breasts. There’s no back in this suit. It’s cut high on her thighs. Her legs, even though she’s short, are shapely and full in all of the right places. She’s absolutely gorgeous.

Her brown skin, tanned from the season glows in the late August sun. Like me she’s a little sad she’ll soon have to go back to Newark, NJ.

But I have this moment. I have today on this beach.

This is the sandy stage where I may have a sweet moment with this lovely girl who came to me in my favorite arcade.

“Let’s go in the water.”

“Yea. It’s hot.”

I walk to the edge of the sea with this new girl. She seems so nice and I feel no anxiety.

We jump into the waves. I love the force of the ocean even though I don’t like heights or deep water. But it feels nice with Lola.

The beach is full of tourists, but as we sink into the warm ocean, it’s just the two of us in this moment.

We’re swimming around and it feels so good. Anne is really sweet and we’re laughing and joking with each other. She looks beautiful.

She swims over to me and puts her arms around me. She’s lovely and wet. Her hair a tangle of curls. Her dark eyes sparkle in the late afternoon light. She glides into my lap. I cradle her. We’re in the ocean so she’s just sort of floating in my lap. She’s so close. I’m holding her in my arms now. I run my hands along her soft smooth thighs.

We kiss.

Lola’s lips her plump and salty. But so sweet against mine.

Our tongues swirl together.

She was like a luscious mermaid. I kissed her deeply as the waves washed around us as young lovers. Lola’s breasts are overwhelming and they are all around me as a teenage boy. It’s too much but just right in a three bears kind of way. It’s really nice to gently hold her.

It was one of the perfect moments in my life.

I’ve had many, but this was one of the first ones and they mean so much. They mark you so deeply.

We just floated in the sea kissing and cuddling and caressing. It was almost spiritual.

I fell in love with sweet Lola in that moment.

In 4 hours I’ll publish Part 3!

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice: 5 REASONS WHY COUPLES STAY TOGETHER FOREVER

If you have been on the internet for the past two years then you are probably familiar with stuff like “relationship goals” or something like “boyfriend/girlfriend like that”. The reason why this is so much popular is because everyone is looking for a healthy and stable relationship with whom they can see a future with. While not many people are as lucky and have the perfect relationship with, some people have managed to stay forever with their love. We asked around for relationship tips and here are the top 5 secrets that help the couples to stay together forever.

5. MOVE PAST FIGHTS

Every relationship will have their ups and downs and it is inevitable that you two will have fights down the line. But that does not mean that fights will be the end of your relationship. Of course, you can have different opinions and arguments but you need to understand that no fight is greater than the relationship. You just need to compromise and look past it and get on with the relationship.

4. LITTLE SURPRISES ARE IMPORTANT

No matter how much people deny it, surprises are one of the best things in life. So if you want a long and happy relationship then surprise your other half every once in a while. It does not have to be something expensive or huge. Surprise your boyfriend with some of his favorite chocolates or favorite football team jersey. Gift your girlfriend some flowers on your way back home, cook her favorite meal and so on. You will be surprised at how much the other person will appreciate all these.

3. PRIORITIES

Yes, you both can live busy lives and may or may not have to attend important meetings and parties. But sometimes you just got to put your foot down and say no and spend some time with your partner. You don’t necessarily have to attend all 5 work parties, nor do you must have girl’s night out every week. Stay in, or order some food and have an indoor movie date. This will show that you are in her/his priority list and that you are willing to make the effort for them.

2. TREAT THEIR FAMILY AS YOURS

When you are in a committed relationship, you have to meet up with their family members one time or another. A common mistake that most people make is making their partners choose between themselves and their family which is plain wrong. You should treat their family as part of you own. Bridge the awkwardness and be together. Trust me, he or she will love you even more for making that effort and being so good with their family. Don’t build a bridge between the two groups. And if you can do it, then better make sure they do it too.

1. BE SPONTANEOUS

One of the key reasons why relationships at the beginning feel so good is because of the thrill and spontaneous feel about it. Anything and everything you do is a new start. But over time, the thrill dies out and you get into a monotonous lifestyle. Don’t let your relationship go through that patch. Be spontaneous with your partner. Plan surprise trips, hit the road, do something crazy every once a while just to keep the flame of excitement burning. You can even try out new things together to further strengthen the bond. This is essential for any good relationship and if you want yours to last forever, then it is a necessity!

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

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Crazy Dating Stories: Kelsey – The One Hour Nightmare – Part 2

The dam holding back her emotions finally burst and she began crying, turning her eye makeup into dark rivers of grief.

When we last left our hero yesterday, he was only 15 minutes into this nightmare. Let’s see how the rest of it plays out!

7:23 PM – Our food arrives with the hope that my dining companion might be too preoccupied with her salad to continue to speak. My hope is quickly destroyed. She began talking about her last job and why she was fired from it. According to her, she was working as an office temp when there was some type of altercation between herself and her manager. The reason that she was let go was because “He was too much of a sissy to fight like a man”. I still have no idea what that meant and I often times find myself lying awake at night pondering what exactly happened.

I tried to change the subject by discussing films. Did she have a favorite film? If so, what was it? As it turns out she was a fan of the cinema. Her current favorite movie? Oliver Stone’s “Natural Born Killers”. I also enjoyed the film but for reasons quite different from hers. Instead of citing Stone’s use of blunt violence, mixed media, different film stock and the sometimes shocking juxtaposition of the horrors of American suburban life with the colorful, media-happy world of the 1990’s, her reason was because “Mallory Knox is fucking HAWT!” She then went on to quotes EVERY SINGLE LINE of dialog uttered by Juliet Lewis in the film.

7:26 PM – “HOW SEXY AM I NOW, FUCKER?”, she screamed as she stood in her chair, one foot planted centimeters away from my empty plate. In order to calm things down I decided to switch the subject yet again. This time I decided to learn about her family. I offered that I had three sisters. She said that the only family she had was her mother, with whom she lived. She went in to detail about the fights she and her mother would have on a daily basis and how her mother didn’t understand the stress that she dealt with in everyday life. This, she explained, was why it was vital that she be able to continue her strict regimen of Prozac and Vodka. I could see the storm clouds gathering in her eyes as she went on.

“And my momma just don’t understand how tough it is! If she would just get a better job then maybe I wouldn’t have to collect unemployment! I mean, I have to remember to turn in that paperwork once a WEEK!”

The dam holding back her emotions finally burst and she began crying, turning her eye makeup into dark rivers of grief.

7:30 PM – The helpful and courteous waiter appeared at the table looking resplendent in his branded apron and shit-eating grin. “Can I get you two anything else?” he offered.

I leaned over and said, “Just the check please.” He looked at me, looked at the sobbing train wreck in the opposite chair, turned his head, looked me in the eye and said, “Hmmm, not yet.” and again vanished into the kitchen.

7:35 PM – After ruining two napkins, I was finally able to stop the flow of tears coming from my date. The waiter, realizing that his last stunt more than likely cost him a tip, returned with the check. I quickly gave him my card which he ran with haste. As I signed the tab, my date said, “So what are we doing now?” as if nothing had happened.

7:45 PM – As I pulled my car on to her street, she said “You’re not gonna call me back – I can tell.”

Not wanting to hurt her feelings (or risk having her go feral while still in my car) I said, “I just don’t think I’m the right guy for you.”

I decided not to enumerate the reasons for this decision, those being that I own no clothes designed by Ed Hardy, I had no illegitimate children, I was not training to be an MMA fighter and, despite being a huge fan of the show “Breaking Bad”, I had absolutely no idea how to cook meth.

When we pulled in to her driveway she began crying again. “Why is the date over? It’s not even 8:00 and I’m not even drunk yet!”

I exited the vehicle and opened the passenger side door. Partly because I’m a gentleman and partly to give her the hint that it was time to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR. She stood in front of me crying, her head in her hands. Not being a monster, I decided to give her a hug. As soon as I pulled her close to me she raised her head and SUNK HER TEETH INTO MY NECK. (You did not mis-read that) – The crazy girl FUCKING BIT ME. Thankfully, she did not break the skin. As soon as she released her grip she ran full-speed into her garage, screaming “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!”

As I got in my car my cell phone rang – it was my rescue call. I answered, staring off into space like Martin Sheen at the end of “Apocalypse Now”.

“Hey man, how’s your date going?”, asked my friend. The only thing I could mutter was, “The horror…the horror.”

Epilogue: My morning routine is fairly boring. Wake up, check my email, read the news while enjoying a cup of coffee, check my phone for messages – very pedestrian stuff. Every now and then, when I pick up my phone while pouring my coffee, I will find text messages sent between 1:00-5:00 AM from a number labelled “Do Not Answer”. Sometimes they’re nude pictures of splayed labia, sometimes they’re violent threats. Each time, I slowly reach up and rub the spot on my neck which has suddenly began throbbing…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am &12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice: The Surprising Reason Your Easy-Going Attitude Is Actually Hurting Your Relationship

Some disagreements are meant to be had.

It happens to lots of people, especially women. You meet the person you believe is your soulmate. You believe you will live happily ever after and you will always have all your needs met because he will know exactly how to take care of you.

The Surprising Reason Your Easy-Going Attitude Is Actually Hurting Your Relationship

Then you get married. You have a belief that it is your responsibility to keep things on an even keel all the time. You begin to work at keeping the peace in your house by never speaking up about what you really think or feel or need. You figure you must keep the peace no matter what, and therefore, you try to be easy-going.

He will just know what you need and want and make sure that you are loved and taken care of because that is what you assumed he would do. After all, he’s your soul mate.

You begin keeping the peace in small ways. Then as the children come along, you insist on taking on the “responsibility to keep everyone happy.” Your spouse says where would you like to go, or what would you like to do, or which restaurant you would like to go to, and you respond, “It doesn’t matter to me!” in an effort at being easy-going and agreeable.

You convince yourself that this is the best way to keep the peace.

Then one day, say about 20-25 years later, you say to your spouse that you are not happy and you want a divorce. Your spouse is dumbfounded because he believed that you had a great marriage. You did all kinds of things together as a couple and as a family. He goes to get help from a counselor and gets you to come with him.

When he hears from you that you “Never had a choice in anything,” he again is dumbfounded. He says something to the effect, “I always asked you what and where you wanted to go or do and you would say I don’t care, you choose. So I would and you would seem to be OK with it. Now you are saying that I always made all the decisions without your input! What are you talking about!?!”

Let’s take a look at some things that have happened over time to you and your spouse and where the communication fell apart.

Here are 5 ways that being easy-going and keeping the peace at all costs could be ruining your relationship:

1. Over time, you have begun to feel resentment toward your spouse.

This obviously is detrimental to your relationship. You believed that by deferring to your spouse all the time to keep the peace has been the best way to have a good relationship. However, you are not a very happy person.

You feel neglected, unloved, and uncared for. You haven’t spoken up and revealed your true thoughts and feelings because you were afraid that the consequences would be discord. You are so intent on keeping things “harmonious” that you didn’t let your spouse know that you were feeling unloved and uncared for and that your needs are not being met.

In essence, you have not been truthful with your spouse, but he does not know that.

2. You are feeling more and more disappointed in your relationship.

You believed that your spouse should just know what you need in your life to feel loved and cared for. You believe that if you keep the peace and let him have his “way” about things that he will automatically show you love and care and that he will consider your needs above his own. How disappointed are you when that doesn’t happen?

Your disappointment continues to grow over time. You were so convinced that if you kept the peace your relationship would be a “happily ever after” one. Now, all you can think about is how hurt you are that he seemingly does not care about you and neither does anyone else, even your children, in your home.

3. You have set a pattern in your relationship that you and your spouse are always in agreement.

Others look at your relationship and are actually jealous of what they see. They think that you have the perfect relationship and that you are always in agreement. Your spouse believes that you are always in agreement. You have done a great job of teaching him that you will always acquiesce to his desires and that you are actually very willing to do so.

The more you do that, the more your spouse and your children (if you have them) believe you will and begin to expect that you will. You have developed a pattern of giving in and letting others really walk all over you.

4. Your spouse begins to develop a false sense of security in your relationship.

Your spouse believes that your marital relationship is great and that you are always in agreement with each other. The problem is that one of you is lying about how you feel overall in your relationship. That person is you.

You actually feel that your spouse doesn’t care about what you think or feel, but really what has happened is he has been lulled into believing that you are both on the same page all the time and that you are as happy as he is with it all. Your spouse believes the lie he has been convinced of over time by you. You’ve done a great job of keeping the peace — but at what expense to your relationship?

5. By the time you actually reveal the truth about how you feel, it may be too late for your marriage relationship to recover.

Your resentment has become so deep and your pain is so intense that you may feel all that is left is to get out of your marriage. Your spouse may feel so blindsided by your revelation that he is unable to come to terms with it. He will scratch his head and wonder how in the world this happened.

He probably will be very overwhelmed with the fact that the marriage he thought he had has been a lie. He may believe he does not even know that person he thought he knew and believed he had married. He may try to do all kinds of things to show you that he loves you and cares for you, but you may believe that it is too little too late.

When you think about all the consequences, especially the end of a marriage relationship, the fear of telling the truth from the beginning is a much better way to go. You may experience some not so peaceful moments in your relationship, but it is important to work together and talk through each of your thoughts and feelings about what is important to you.

If you have not been telling the truth over the years you’ve been together, be prepared for your spouse to feel he has been deceived. You can teach him to believe you, but you have to be persistent and continue to follow through with telling the truth. The work will be hard, but you can do it. Stick with it. Don’t give up.

If you need help, get professional help to guide you through the difficulty of making these changes in your relationship. You can have a relationship that is based on love and truth, but you have to face your own fears related to what peace really is and that sometimes you have to “rock the boat” a little to get to a peaceful solution.

 

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Crazy Dating Stories – Kelsey – The One Hour Nightmare – Part 1

“The dam holding back her emotions finally burst and she began crying, turning her eye makeup into dark rivers of grief.”

A few years ago I agreed to a blind date. Numbers were exchanged, phone calls were made and she and I planned to have dinner that Friday evening. This is a timeline of said date.

Enjoy!

6:45 PM – I arrive at her house to pick her up. I know this seems odd for blind date protocol but she had requested that, rather than both of us meet at the restaurant, I pick her up because her car is not street legal. (What?) She walks out of her house dressed in a revealing top, short skirt and heels. Looks kinda hot and I’m a leg man so, all good.

The one thing that seemed odd was that she was wearing enough eye makeup to make the likes of RuPaul and Lady Gaga cringe. As she approached the car, I could smell the distinct aroma of vodka. When she hugged me hello I could tell that she had been pre-gaming this date BIG TIME. I opened the door for her, helped her into the car and away we went to share a magical evening together.

6:55 PM – We arrive at the sushi bar. I had suggested another restaurant for our date – a new locally owned restaurant that had received terrific reviews and was the talk of the town, but she declined the idea based on the fact that she had never heard of the place and that, for a first date, I should take her some place “nice”. The conversation in the car was standard getting-to-know-you stuff. She complimented me on my attire, she requested that music be changed from the alt-rock station to the hip-hop station because she didn’t “listen to that faggot shit” and she questioned whether or not I was a serial killer. Y’know, standard stuff.

7:00 PM – We are seated and given menus. She opens her menu and orders a bottle of Tokyo Rose (a combination of sake and plum wine). As the waiter is walking away, my date opens her menu and says, “Know what’s weird? I really like Jap food but I just can’t stand Japs!” I look up from my menu and search her face for any trace of sarcasm or irony. I also notice out of the corner of my eye that the waiter, upon hearing this, froze in place for a brief moment, shook his head as if he imagined the whole thing and then went about his business. She then continued on. “I also really don’t like…’and proceeded to list every single ethnic and racial slur that I had ever heard and a good number that I had not.’ The waiter returned with our drinks shortly thereafter.

7:06 PM – After placing our food orders (I ordered a tuna roll, she ordered a salad because the thought of eating raw fish make her sick) she asked me an odd question. “Are you hairy?” I cannot recall if anyone had ever asked me that before and was unsure as to how I should answer.

“I’m a grown man, so I do have body hair. I’m not Chewbacca but I don’t look like a 10-year-old boy either.”

Apparently this was an issue for her. “Well if we’re gonna fuck tonight then we need to wax that shit off because I don’t play that way!”

I had already decided before the date began that there was to be no fucking, so I was not too worried about being violently shorn that evening. Quick to change the subject, I decided to ask a question that might distract her vodka-and-saki soaked mind.

“So do you have any tattoos?”

Her eyes lit up and she nodded excitedly.

7:12 PM – My delicate flower of a date throws her leg on to the table, and shows me a tattoo that wraps around her ankle. It’s some generic-looking tribal pattern with a few kanji characters worked in to the design. She explains that the japanese script are actually the names of her future children, Dylan and Skyler. As she rotates her ankle to show off the design, she knocks the half-empty bottle of sake on to the floor.

7:16 PM – An amused waiter assists me with my attempt to soak up the spilled liquor from the carpet while my date reveals her second tattoo.

“My other tattoo is a tramp stamp”, she says, loud enough for everyone to hear, “but I don’t show that to everybody.”

Somehow, my brain thinks that it’s a good idea to ask why not. Her response? “Because it’s a big ol’ heart. I got it so that when you’re fucking me in the ass, you know that I love you!”

The waiter and I lock eyes as I attempt to develop the power of telepathy. I imagine our mental conversation went something like this:

Me: “Dude, you GOTTA help me out here. This chick’s a hot mess. Please just get us our food and bring me the check.”

Him: “Ha ha ha no way man! This is fucking hilarious! I’m gonna go tell everyone in the kitchen to laugh at your sorry ass!”

He promptly vanished in to the kitchen.

 

That all happened in just the first 15 minutes!

Tune in tomorrow for the next 45 minutes of terror on, “One Hour Nightmare!”

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice: 11 Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner

11 Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner

While part of trust is simply taking your partner’s word, these little indicators make it easier to know you’re in a loving, stable relationship.

She shares all her feelings

Being honest about all of her thoughts and feelings is one of the biggest signs you can trust your partner, says Shaunti Feldhahn, social researcher and author of The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference. “Openness and vulnerability in conversation—their willingness to really open up their heart and share what they’re really thinking, even if it puts them at risk for ridicule and being criticized for you—that is a scary thing in a lot of relationships,” she says. That said, just because your partner doesn’t immediately jump to tell you her thoughts doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to share. Talking helps some people process their emotions, but other people need alone time to sort out their feelings. Even if it takes a couple of hours (or even a couple of days) for your partner to open up, that emotional discussion shows a deep level of trust.

He admits when he’s wrong

Admitting small screw-ups—like when your partner put the wrong type of gas in the car—shows that he’s willing to be honest and trusts you when he’s vulnerable. “If you can’t take responsibility for the small things, you can’t take responsibility for the big things,” says Aniesa Schneberger, MA, LMHC, founder of Tampa Life Change. “When we hide things and lie and get defensive, we’re afraid to let that person in.”

She gushes about details of the day

A partner with nothing to hide will give you consistent stories that don’t have big gaps of information. “There’s trust if they’re willing to talk about things, give you details, sometimes share additional details, and have no hesitations,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, co-author of Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls.

He looks for excuses to touch you

Sex isn’t the only sign of physical intimacy in a relationship. Holding your hand and giving you a kiss in the morning show that you have a deep connection. Your couple sleeping positions may also indicate how close you two really are. “How a couple is intimate with each other physically says a lot about how much they trust each other on a deeper level,” Schneberger says. “Coming behind you to give you a hug when you’re cooking is intimacy. It’s not just the sexual act of sex—it’s those little things.”

You share a bank account

“It’s become very common for people to hear when they get married, ‘Keep a bank account on the side so if he flakes out, you can support yourself,’” Feldhahn says. “A sign of trust is if they’re willing to totally put themselves ‘at risk’ and be very open about finances.” The act of hiding money from your partner shows that, at a certain level, you expect the worst from your partner. Even if you have separate bank accounts, being open about finances shows you depend on each other and trust each other enough to be left vulnerable.

She goes out of her way to put you at ease

Accept your partner’s gestures of faithfulness if you’ve been feeling insecure. For instance, if you feel threatened about her attractive business partner but she offers to introduce you to him, she’s going out of your way to prioritize your relationship. “It’s always important to show your partner that they come first,” Dr. Schwartz says. “It’s just going out of your way to make sure your partner isn’t feeling insecure and untrusting.”

He drops everything to talk to you

Turning around from doing the dishes or resisting the urge to get up for a glass of water during a discussion are good indicators that he cares about what you’re saying. “The front of the body facing the front of the other person’s body is a big indicator of trust,” Schneberger says. Closed-off body language like crossing your arms are putting your hands on your hips could do the opposite and tell your partner you’re not interested, she says. Even if that guarded position is just a comfortable stance for you, try to keep your body language open to show you’re listening.

She lets you do the talking

Sitting in silence while you’re venting about your bad day shows that your partner respects your feelings. “A lot of time we try to fill the space with suggestions or ideas of how to help that person,” Schneberger says. “That often doesn’t help, because the other person just wants to be heard.” If you’re the one doing the listening, try not to let the silence make you uncomfortable. When she’s let out her feelings, ask if there’s anything you can do to help rather than immediately volunteering your advice.

His questions don’t feel like an interrogation

Often—though not always—people get suspicious of a partner because they can imagine themselves making the problems they accuse their partner of, Dr. Schwartz says. So if your partner trusts you, he won’t give off those skeptical vibes. “You show support by displaying that you do, in fact, believe and trust that person by taking their word at face value, not grilling them,” Dr. Schwartz says. “Wholehearted acceptance of what that person is saying or asking follow-up questions that show interest in what happened as opposed to what did or did not happen show trust.”

She hands you her phone while she’s driving

You shouldn’t go snooping through your partner’s messages when she’s not there, but if she hands you her phone without being prompted, you’ll know he has nothing to hide. “It’s not like you should go and check up on somebody, because that makes you the police, and that’s not healthy,” Feldhahn says. “But it’s to just know ‘I’m an open book in technology and if you happen to be there, there’s nothing I wouldn’t want you to see.’”

Conversation feels natural

11 Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner

A good liar knows that fibbers supposedly can’t look you in the eye, so a deceitful partner might overcompensate by looking you straight in the eye. “When someone’s telling the truth, they don’t have to be so dramatic,” Dr. Schwartz says. “If being trustworthy, people are casual and direct.”

 

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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