If you have been on the internet for the past two years then you are probably familiar with stuff like “relationship goals” or something like “boyfriend/girlfriend like that”. The reason why this is so much popular is because everyone is looking for a healthy and stable relationship with whom they can see a future with. While not many people are as lucky and have the perfect relationship with, some people have managed to stay forever with their love. We asked around for relationship tips and here are the top 5 secrets that help the couples to stay together forever.
5. MOVE PAST FIGHTS
Every relationship will have their ups and downs and it is inevitable that you two will have fights down the line. But that does not mean that fights will be the end of your relationship. Of course, you can have different opinions and arguments but you need to understand that no fight is greater than the relationship. You just need to compromise and look past it and get on with the relationship.
4. LITTLE SURPRISES ARE IMPORTANT
No matter how much people deny it, surprises are one of the best things in life. So if you want a long and happy relationship then surprise your other half every once in a while. It does not have to be something expensive or huge. Surprise your boyfriend with some of his favorite chocolates or favorite football team jersey. Gift your girlfriend some flowers on your way back home, cook her favorite meal and so on. You will be surprised at how much the other person will appreciate all these.
3. PRIORITIES
Yes, you both can live busy lives and may or may not have to attend important meetings and parties. But sometimes you just got to put your foot down and say no and spend some time with your partner. You don’t necessarily have to attend all 5 work parties, nor do you must have girl’s night out every week. Stay in, or order some food and have an indoor movie date. This will show that you are in her/his priority list and that you are willing to make the effort for them.
2. TREAT THEIR FAMILY AS YOURS
When you are in a committed relationship, you have to meet up with their family members one time or another. A common mistake that most people make is making their partners choose between themselves and their family which is plain wrong. You should treat their family as part of you own. Bridge the awkwardness and be together. Trust me, he or she will love you even more for making that effort and being so good with their family. Don’t build a bridge between the two groups. And if you can do it, then better make sure they do it too.
1. BE SPONTANEOUS
One of the key reasons why relationships at the beginning feel so good is because of the thrill and spontaneous feel about it. Anything and everything you do is a new start. But over time, the thrill dies out and you get into a monotonous lifestyle. Don’t let your relationship go through that patch. Be spontaneous with your partner. Plan surprise trips, hit the road, do something crazy every once a while just to keep the flame of excitement burning. You can even try out new things together to further strengthen the bond. This is essential for any good relationship and if you want yours to last forever, then it is a necessity!
Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
The dam holding back her emotions finally burst and she began crying, turning her eye makeup into dark rivers of grief.
When we last left our hero yesterday, he was only 15 minutes into this nightmare. Let’s see how the rest of it plays out!
7:23 PM – Our food arrives with the hope that my dining companion might be too preoccupied with her salad to continue to speak. My hope is quickly destroyed. She began talking about her last job and why she was fired from it. According to her, she was working as an office temp when there was some type of altercation between herself and her manager. The reason that she was let go was because “He was too much of a sissy to fight like a man”. I still have no idea what that meant and I often times find myself lying awake at night pondering what exactly happened.
I tried to change the subject by discussing films. Did she have a favorite film? If so, what was it? As it turns out she was a fan of the cinema. Her current favorite movie? Oliver Stone’s “Natural Born Killers”. I also enjoyed the film but for reasons quite different from hers. Instead of citing Stone’s use of blunt violence, mixed media, different film stock and the sometimes shocking juxtaposition of the horrors of American suburban life with the colorful, media-happy world of the 1990’s, her reason was because “Mallory Knox is fucking HAWT!” She then went on to quotes EVERY SINGLE LINE of dialog uttered by Juliet Lewis in the film.
7:26 PM – “HOW SEXY AM I NOW, FUCKER?”, she screamed as she stood in her chair, one foot planted centimeters away from my empty plate. In order to calm things down I decided to switch the subject yet again. This time I decided to learn about her family. I offered that I had three sisters. She said that the only family she had was her mother, with whom she lived. She went in to detail about the fights she and her mother would have on a daily basis and how her mother didn’t understand the stress that she dealt with in everyday life. This, she explained, was why it was vital that she be able to continue her strict regimen of Prozac and Vodka. I could see the storm clouds gathering in her eyes as she went on.
“And my momma just don’t understand how tough it is! If she would just get a better job then maybe I wouldn’t have to collect unemployment! I mean, I have to remember to turn in that paperwork once a WEEK!”
The dam holding back her emotions finally burst and she began crying, turning her eye makeup into dark rivers of grief.
7:30 PM – The helpful and courteous waiter appeared at the table looking resplendent in his branded apron and shit-eating grin. “Can I get you two anything else?” he offered.
I leaned over and said, “Just the check please.” He looked at me, looked at the sobbing train wreck in the opposite chair, turned his head, looked me in the eye and said, “Hmmm, not yet.” and again vanished into the kitchen.
7:35 PM – After ruining two napkins, I was finally able to stop the flow of tears coming from my date. The waiter, realizing that his last stunt more than likely cost him a tip, returned with the check. I quickly gave him my card which he ran with haste. As I signed the tab, my date said, “So what are we doing now?” as if nothing had happened.
7:45 PM – As I pulled my car on to her street, she said “You’re not gonna call me back – I can tell.”
Not wanting to hurt her feelings (or risk having her go feral while still in my car) I said, “I just don’t think I’m the right guy for you.”
I decided not to enumerate the reasons for this decision, those being that I own no clothes designed by Ed Hardy, I had no illegitimate children, I was not training to be an MMA fighter and, despite being a huge fan of the show “Breaking Bad”, I had absolutely no idea how to cook meth.
When we pulled in to her driveway she began crying again. “Why is the date over? It’s not even 8:00 and I’m not even drunk yet!”
I exited the vehicle and opened the passenger side door. Partly because I’m a gentleman and partly to give her the hint that it was time to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR. She stood in front of me crying, her head in her hands. Not being a monster, I decided to give her a hug. As soon as I pulled her close to me she raised her head and SUNK HER TEETH INTO MY NECK. (You did not mis-read that) – The crazy girl FUCKING BIT ME. Thankfully, she did not break the skin. As soon as she released her grip she ran full-speed into her garage, screaming “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!”
As I got in my car my cell phone rang – it was my rescue call. I answered, staring off into space like Martin Sheen at the end of “Apocalypse Now”.
“Hey man, how’s your date going?”, asked my friend. The only thing I could mutter was, “The horror…the horror.”
Epilogue: My morning routine is fairly boring. Wake up, check my email, read the news while enjoying a cup of coffee, check my phone for messages – very pedestrian stuff. Every now and then, when I pick up my phone while pouring my coffee, I will find text messages sent between 1:00-5:00 AM from a number labelled “Do Not Answer”. Sometimes they’re nude pictures of splayed labia, sometimes they’re violent threats. Each time, I slowly reach up and rub the spot on my neck which has suddenly began throbbing…
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am &12pm EST.
It happens to lots of people, especially women. You meet the person you believe is your soulmate. You believe you will live happily ever after and you will always have all your needs met because he will know exactly how to take care of you.
Then you get married. You have a belief that it is your responsibility to keep things on an even keel all the time. You begin to work at keeping the peace in your house by never speaking up about what you really think or feel or need. You figure you must keep the peace no matter what, and therefore, you try to be easy-going.
He will just know what you need and want and make sure that you are loved and taken care of because that is what you assumed he would do. After all, he’s your soul mate.
You begin keeping the peace in small ways. Then as the children come along, you insist on taking on the “responsibility to keep everyone happy.” Your spouse says where would you like to go, or what would you like to do, or which restaurant you would like to go to, and you respond, “It doesn’t matter to me!” in an effort at being easy-going and agreeable.
You convince yourself that this is the best way to keep the peace.
Then one day, say about 20-25 years later, you say to your spouse that you are not happy and you want a divorce. Your spouse is dumbfounded because he believed that you had a great marriage. You did all kinds of things together as a couple and as a family. He goes to get help from a counselor and gets you to come with him.
When he hears from you that you “Never had a choice in anything,” he again is dumbfounded. He says something to the effect, “I always asked you what and where you wanted to go or do and you would say I don’t care, you choose. So I would and you would seem to be OK with it. Now you are saying that I always made all the decisions without your input! What are you talking about!?!”
Let’s take a look at some things that have happened over time to you and your spouse and where the communication fell apart.
Here are 5 ways that being easy-going and keeping the peace at all costs could be ruining your relationship:
1. Over time, you have begun to feel resentment toward your spouse.
This obviously is detrimental to your relationship. You believed that by deferring to your spouse all the time to keep the peace has been the best way to have a good relationship. However, you are not a very happy person.
You feel neglected, unloved, and uncared for. You haven’t spoken up and revealed your true thoughts and feelings because you were afraid that the consequences would be discord. You are so intent on keeping things “harmonious” that you didn’t let your spouse know that you were feeling unloved and uncared for and that your needs are not being met.
In essence, you have not been truthful with your spouse, but he does not know that.
2. You are feeling more and more disappointed in your relationship.
You believed that your spouse should just know what you need in your life to feel loved and cared for. You believe that if you keep the peace and let him have his “way” about things that he will automatically show you love and care and that he will consider your needs above his own. How disappointed are you when that doesn’t happen?
Your disappointment continues to grow over time. You were so convinced that if you kept the peace your relationship would be a “happily ever after” one. Now, all you can think about is how hurt you are that he seemingly does not care about you and neither does anyone else, even your children, in your home.
3. You have set a pattern in your relationship that you and your spouse are always in agreement.
Others look at your relationship and are actually jealous of what they see. They think that you have the perfect relationship and that you are always in agreement. Your spouse believes that you are always in agreement. You have done a great job of teaching him that you will always acquiesce to his desires and that you are actually very willing to do so.
The more you do that, the more your spouse and your children (if you have them) believe you will and begin to expect that you will. You have developed a pattern of giving in and letting others really walk all over you.
4. Your spouse begins to develop a false sense of security in your relationship.
Your spouse believes that your marital relationship is great and that you are always in agreement with each other. The problem is that one of you is lying about how you feel overall in your relationship. That person is you.
You actually feel that your spouse doesn’t care about what you think or feel, but really what has happened is he has been lulled into believing that you are both on the same page all the time and that you are as happy as he is with it all. Your spouse believes the lie he has been convinced of over time by you. You’ve done a great job of keeping the peace — but at what expense to your relationship?
5. By the time you actually reveal the truth about how you feel, it may be too late for your marriage relationship to recover.
Your resentment has become so deep and your pain is so intense that you may feel all that is left is to get out of your marriage. Your spouse may feel so blindsided by your revelation that he is unable to come to terms with it. He will scratch his head and wonder how in the world this happened.
He probably will be very overwhelmed with the fact that the marriage he thought he had has been a lie. He may believe he does not even know that person he thought he knew and believed he had married. He may try to do all kinds of things to show you that he loves you and cares for you, but you may believe that it is too little too late.
When you think about all the consequences, especially the end of a marriage relationship, the fear of telling the truth from the beginning is a much better way to go. You may experience some not so peaceful moments in your relationship, but it is important to work together and talk through each of your thoughts and feelings about what is important to you.
If you have not been telling the truth over the years you’ve been together, be prepared for your spouse to feel he has been deceived. You can teach him to believe you, but you have to be persistent and continue to follow through with telling the truth. The work will be hard, but you can do it. Stick with it. Don’t give up.
If you need help, get professional help to guide you through the difficulty of making these changes in your relationship. You can have a relationship that is based on love and truth, but you have to face your own fears related to what peace really is and that sometimes you have to “rock the boat” a little to get to a peaceful solution.
Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts in regard to this subject!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
“The dam holding back her emotions finally burst and she began crying, turning her eye makeup into dark rivers of grief.”
A few years ago I agreed to a blind date. Numbers were exchanged, phone calls were made and she and I planned to have dinner that Friday evening. This is a timeline of said date.
Enjoy!
6:45 PM – I arrive at her house to pick her up. I know this seems odd for blind date protocol but she had requested that, rather than both of us meet at the restaurant, I pick her up because her car is not street legal. (What?) She walks out of her house dressed in a revealing top, short skirt and heels. Looks kinda hot and I’m a leg man so, all good.
The one thing that seemed odd was that she was wearing enough eye makeup to make the likes of RuPaul and Lady Gaga cringe. As she approached the car, I could smell the distinct aroma of vodka. When she hugged me hello I could tell that she had been pre-gaming this date BIG TIME. I opened the door for her, helped her into the car and away we went to share a magical evening together.
6:55 PM – We arrive at the sushi bar. I had suggested another restaurant for our date – a new locally owned restaurant that had received terrific reviews and was the talk of the town, but she declined the idea based on the fact that she had never heard of the place and that, for a first date, I should take her some place “nice”. The conversation in the car was standard getting-to-know-you stuff. She complimented me on my attire, she requested that music be changed from the alt-rock station to the hip-hop station because she didn’t “listen to that faggot shit” and she questioned whether or not I was a serial killer. Y’know, standard stuff.
7:00 PM – We are seated and given menus. She opens her menu and orders a bottle of Tokyo Rose (a combination of sake and plum wine). As the waiter is walking away, my date opens her menu and says, “Know what’s weird? I really like Jap food but I just can’t stand Japs!” I look up from my menu and search her face for any trace of sarcasm or irony. I also notice out of the corner of my eye that the waiter, upon hearing this, froze in place for a brief moment, shook his head as if he imagined the whole thing and then went about his business. She then continued on. “I also really don’t like…’and proceeded to list every single ethnic and racial slur that I had ever heard and a good number that I had not.’ The waiter returned with our drinks shortly thereafter.
7:06PM – After placing our food orders (I ordered a tuna roll, she ordered a salad because the thought of eating raw fish make her sick) she asked me an odd question. “Are you hairy?” I cannot recall if anyone had ever asked me that before and was unsure as to how I should answer.
“I’m a grown man, so I do have body hair. I’m not Chewbacca but I don’t look like a 10-year-old boy either.”
Apparently this was an issue for her. “Well if we’re gonna fuck tonight then we need to wax that shit off because I don’t play that way!”
I had already decided before the date began that there was to be no fucking, so I was not too worried about being violently shorn that evening. Quick to change the subject, I decided to ask a question that might distract her vodka-and-saki soaked mind.
“So do you have any tattoos?”
Her eyes lit up and she nodded excitedly.
7:12 PM – My delicate flower of a date throws her leg on to the table, and shows me a tattoo that wraps around her ankle. It’s some generic-looking tribal pattern with a few kanji characters worked in to the design. She explains that the japanese script are actually the names of her future children, Dylan and Skyler. As she rotates her ankle to show off the design, she knocks the half-empty bottle of sake on to the floor.
7:16PM – An amused waiter assists me with my attempt to soak up the spilled liquor from the carpet while my date reveals her second tattoo.
“My other tattoo is a tramp stamp”, she says, loud enough for everyone to hear, “but I don’t show that to everybody.”
Somehow, my brain thinks that it’s a good idea to ask why not. Her response? “Because it’s a big ol’ heart. I got it so that when you’re fucking me in the ass, you know that I love you!”
The waiter and I lock eyes as I attempt to develop the power of telepathy. I imagine our mental conversation went something like this:
Me: “Dude, you GOTTA help me out here. This chick’s a hot mess. Please just get us our food and bring me the check.”
Him: “Ha ha ha no way man! This is fucking hilarious! I’m gonna go tell everyone in the kitchen to laugh at your sorry ass!”
He promptly vanished in to the kitchen.
That all happened in just the first 15 minutes!
Tune in tomorrow for the next 45 minutes of terror on, “One Hour Nightmare!”
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
While part of trust is simply taking your partner’s word, these little indicators make it easier to know you’re in a loving, stable relationship.
She shares all her feelings
Being honest about all of her thoughts and feelings is one of the biggest signs you can trust your partner, says Shaunti Feldhahn, social researcher and author of The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference. “Openness and vulnerability in conversation—their willingness to really open up their heart and share what they’re really thinking, even if it puts them at risk for ridicule and being criticized for you—that is a scary thing in a lot of relationships,” she says. That said, just because your partner doesn’t immediately jump to tell you her thoughts doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to share. Talking helps some people process their emotions, but other people need alone time to sort out their feelings. Even if it takes a couple of hours (or even a couple of days) for your partner to open up, that emotional discussion shows a deep level of trust.
He admits when he’s wrong
Admitting small screw-ups—like when your partner put the wrong type of gas in the car—shows that he’s willing to be honest and trusts you when he’s vulnerable. “If you can’t take responsibility for the small things, you can’t take responsibility for the big things,” says Aniesa Schneberger, MA, LMHC, founder of Tampa Life Change. “When we hide things and lie and get defensive, we’re afraid to let that person in.”
She gushes about details of the day
A partner with nothing to hide will give you consistent stories that don’t have big gaps of information. “There’s trust if they’re willing to talk about things, give you details, sometimes share additional details, and have no hesitations,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, co-author of Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls.
He looks for excuses to touch you
Sex isn’t the only sign of physical intimacy in a relationship. Holding your hand and giving you a kiss in the morning show that you have a deep connection. Your couple sleeping positions may also indicate how close you two really are. “How a couple is intimate with each other physically says a lot about how much they trust each other on a deeper level,” Schneberger says. “Coming behind you to give you a hug when you’re cooking is intimacy. It’s not just the sexual act of sex—it’s those little things.”
You share a bank account
“It’s become very common for people to hear when they get married, ‘Keep a bank account on the side so if he flakes out, you can support yourself,’” Feldhahn says. “A sign of trust is if they’re willing to totally put themselves ‘at risk’ and be very open about finances.” The act of hiding money from your partner shows that, at a certain level, you expect the worst from your partner. Even if you have separate bank accounts, being open about finances shows you depend on each other and trust each other enough to be left vulnerable.
She goes out of her way to put you at ease
Accept your partner’s gestures of faithfulness if you’ve been feeling insecure. For instance, if you feel threatened about her attractive business partner but she offers to introduce you to him, she’s going out of your way to prioritize your relationship. “It’s always important to show your partner that they come first,” Dr. Schwartz says. “It’s just going out of your way to make sure your partner isn’t feeling insecure and untrusting.”
He drops everything to talk to you
Turning around from doing the dishes or resisting the urge to get up for a glass of water during a discussion are good indicators that he cares about what you’re saying. “The front of the body facing the front of the other person’s body is a big indicator of trust,” Schneberger says. Closed-off body language like crossing your arms are putting your hands on your hips could do the opposite and tell your partner you’re not interested, she says. Even if that guarded position is just a comfortable stance for you, try to keep your body language open to show you’re listening.
She lets you do the talking
Sitting in silence while you’re venting about your bad day shows that your partner respects your feelings. “A lot of time we try to fill the space with suggestions or ideas of how to help that person,” Schneberger says. “That often doesn’t help, because the other person just wants to be heard.” If you’re the one doing the listening, try not to let the silence make you uncomfortable. When she’s let out her feelings, ask if there’s anything you can do to help rather than immediately volunteering your advice.
His questions don’t feel like an interrogation
Often—though not always—people get suspicious of a partner because they can imagine themselves making the problems they accuse their partner of, Dr. Schwartz says. So if your partner trusts you, he won’t give off those skeptical vibes. “You show support by displaying that you do, in fact, believe and trust that person by taking their word at face value, not grilling them,” Dr. Schwartz says. “Wholehearted acceptance of what that person is saying or asking follow-up questions that show interest in what happened as opposed to what did or did not happen show trust.”
She hands you her phone while she’s driving
You shouldn’t go snooping through your partner’s messages when she’s not there, but if she hands you her phone without being prompted, you’ll know he has nothing to hide. “It’s not like you should go and check up on somebody, because that makes you the police, and that’s not healthy,” Feldhahn says. “But it’s to just know ‘I’m an open book in technology and if you happen to be there, there’s nothing I wouldn’t want you to see.’”
Conversation feels natural
A good liar knows that fibbers supposedly can’t look you in the eye, so a deceitful partner might overcompensate by looking you straight in the eye. “When someone’s telling the truth, they don’t have to be so dramatic,” Dr. Schwartz says. “If being trustworthy, people are casual and direct.”
Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts in regard to this subject!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
“Cherie has come along and pulled me from a cold black river named Annabelle.”
I’ve never given up. I never will. I’ve been driven by my heart and passion my entire life, but those powers forever remain if your heart is open. I’ve always believed this. “Be true to thyself” my dad always said. I know he read that somewhere, but it’s a solid piece of advice.
I now know real love is achievable at this point in my life. It’s not the prettiest girl you can close, or the youngest girl, or anything like that. You can find it in a stranger and connect with her in a way that’s beyond the traditional structures you’ve been taught. Love is all around you.
Just keep going.
Learn from your mistakes. Be a better and more patient man. Mind your manners and always be giving and romantic. That never gets old.
She’s out there for you and I hope everyone reading this finds their him or her.
I’d love to hold onto this lady forever.
My Mother once said, ‘you never know, life is a dice roll’. She was probably talking about her marriage with my dad but that is a blog post for later.
But for now I will bask in the sunlight of this lovely relationship. She really seems perfect for me, but you never know. This is a dating blog. I started this journey dating women and striking out. Babe Ruth struck out all the time. But we know that story. Michael Jordan practiced non stop and did free throws and struggled for years.
But he kept at it.
Don’t give up. Keep your heart open. Too many people close their eyes and heart and become bitter. Stay positive. Keep loving the little things in life your health and your family and all of the good things in your life.
An open heart is a new day. Every day is a new opportunity to meet someone. Don’t obsess about it.
If you meet someone be cautious but real.
“We always want that which retreats from us.”– The Tao of Steve
You can do it.
I could go down in flames in the next year and this could be over. I’ll have lost again for the fourth time in a row!
But you have to evolve and put yourself out there because you never know. Swipe right, be cautious and have fun. Don’t push to hard. You’ll know when you meet a good one.
The universe will unfold as it should for us all.
Don’t be bitter on your past relationships and don’t carry that crap around with you. Clear your mind. If you don’t it’s just you drinking the poison hoping the other person dies.
And that is a waste of time.
The cage you’re in right now is of your own making. Drop the bars and walk the fuck out and go meet somebody. It can be done. I’m living proof of that.
There are so many people out there that would LOVE to meet you. You’re not great, you’re just human. We are a social species, so go out there and make it happen.
Cherie has come along and pulled me from the cold black river named Annabelle.
(See: Annabelle – Guy walks into a bar – 2013 to 2014)
Falling in real love is like being in a raging sea and washing up on a warm sunny beach with a drink in your hand and a lovely girl next to you. She always assures you she loves you more than you love her. No one ever reveals that. Most don’t know where they stand in a relationship, but she does. She’s happy in her role. you can’t believe your fortune or the reveal. You have the power to squander or embrace.
You go in for the sweet hug.
I’d love to go on more about this but I have to go bang my girlfriend back to the Stone Age.
I’m so glad I installed air bags in the headboard of my bed.
Love you all for still following and not turning the hose on us.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12 pm EST.
I was having a drink with my friend Rebecca last Sunday, and we were talking about life, relationships, and dating. (See: Rebecca: Dark Wings of Destiny) She was really interested in the dating advice part of the blog, as many of you are, and I gave her an assignment.
What do women want?
Here’s what she came up with. So take it away Rebecca!
Men, take note: These things are WAY hotter than being fit.
For me, the sexiest thing a man can have is a good head on his shoulders. You don’t need to woo me with rock-hard biceps or a strong core … you just need to be able to talk to me, baby.
In other words: Intelligence wins over any looks you can throw at me. I get totally weak in the knees over a man who is able to keep a great conversation with me, keep me interested, help me learn. I find a smart man to be the sexiest of all.
Here are ten sexy-smart things that men do that totally make us swoon, Every. Single. Time.
1. Have a deep, passionate interest in something.
I don’t care whether this interest is even something that I share. I don’t give a hoot about cars but one of my male friends is crazy about them, and he stares at cars in the street like many men do with hot women. And I totally love it. I love that he has a deep passion and interest for something and that he rattles off car facts not to impress anyone, but because he’s genuinely interested. And it’s super sexy!
2. Read — of your own accord!
If a man has a veracious appetite for books, it’s an immediate turn-on. It means that he wants to get lost in a good story, or learn something. He wants to feed his brain. And that kind of investment is better than any time in the gym.
3. Use a rich (but not pretentious) vocabulary.
If a man uses the perfect word in the perfect context, I’m immediately weak in the knees. But it has to be genuine: if you’re throwing around big, pretentious words just to make people think you’re smart, we can tell — and the effect is the opposite (and it’s not sexy).
4. Have an opinion on worldly issues.
I don’t mean that you must have a defined stance on every single war and foreign relations issue in the entire world, but knowing what’s going on beyond your city reflects a concern for and genuine interest about lives outside of your own.
5. Know what your dreams are … and chase after them.
I once dated a guy who wanted to act. And he was incredibly talented! But he never made any real steps towards realizing it and he ended up in some humdrum job he totally hates. Have dreams, no matter how big, and go after them — that determination gets us going more than you can imagine.
6. Talk to me for hours about any topic under the sun.
Meeting a hot guy is great but when he only knows about lifting or football and can’t keep up a conversation about pretty much anything else, I’m going to get bored real quick. Being able to talk about anything — and also, in the same vein, not being afraid to say, “I don’t know — tell me what you know about that” — is intensely attractive.
7. Have not only book-smart intelligence, but emotional intelligence.
Intelligence is great, but you need to be able to get in touch with your emotions. You need to know that as a human, you will feel emotions that you don’t understand, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re correct — and you need to be willing to explore those emotions. A man with emotional intelligence is a man who is emotionally available.
8. Have your shit together.
Life is confusing and tricky, but if you have the basics together: you do your taxes, you’ve got a car that functions, it shows self-reliance and maturity.
9. Have personal taste.
Whether this is in music, wine, or something else entirely, having personal taste shows you don’t just blindly follow what other people follow. A developed palette shows interest, passion, and autonomy.
10. Teach me something new every day — even without even meaning to.
I’m a reader and a writer. I’m hungry for more knowledge, constantly. I want you to be able to open my eyes even further, to teach me something new, just because that’s who you are.
If you’ve got these things under your belt, you’ve got her, hook, line, and sinker.
Thanks Rebecca!
Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
“Despite the appearance of Ambria, I’m able to compartmentalize my relationships.”
The blog really is action packed this week! So strap in. It’s going to get crazy good! Thanks for reading!!!
It’s been over 3 weeks since I’ve seen Cherie. When I last saw her she rolled into town on the train around 11:30 in the morning. Normally she can get into the city at dusk on a Saturday, but that day her parents took her son and some of the cousins to something for the afternoon, so she was able to slip away for the afternoon to see me.
She’s been super busy with finals at Temple and her job at CHOP. (Children’s Hospital) It’s been a hectic time for her. She gets her Bachelor’s of Science in neuroscience and her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology soon.
Unlike all the Temple girls that come into the salon to tan, when they finish finals this week, they’ll all be off for the summer, or get a summer job. Cherie will be taking courses all summer because she wants to graduate early and get it over with.
So I asked her if after next year when she’s finished school if she’ll have more free time. Cherie said after she graduates next year, she’ll have to start medical school for like 4 years and then more medical school with a residency at the hospital.
I think this is how my life is going to be for a while. But here’s the thing… If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you’ll know my last few relationships didn’t work out. But I love having a girlfriend that adores me that isn’t around all the time. She’s not needy, she’s not clingy, she’s also just not present most of the time.
And I love that! I mean… a little more time with her would be nice, but this is like the perfect relationship for me. A young, hot girl who knows what she wants and is going after it. She’s working hard all the while raising her son, and doesn’t want anymore kids!
It’s like the perfect girlfriend has been created for me. I like my alone time. I like my social life with all of my friends. I don’t give a shit about being showy on social media. I don’t even care about Facebook or Instagram anymore. I only post stuff on the phicklephilly Instagram and it automatically throws it to the Facebook page for phicklephilly. (Also, Twitter, Tumbler and Linkedin) Cherie doesn’t do Instagram, but has a facebook page she never goes on. I no longer care what the world is eating and drinking or doing with their kids on social media anymore. There aren’t even any photos of Cherie and me together. Because when we’re together it’s all about us. We’re sharing a meal together, or going to the movies or doing whatever, we don’t have the need to document it, and share it with the world. We’re awesome together and that belongs to us, and only us. If we shared us it would probably be too much for the world to handle.
Do I miss her? Sure I do, I miss her a lot. She’s beautiful and funny and sexy as hell. I miss worshipping at the “Temple of Cherie” with my mighty Scepter of Virility. (Lol!) She’s a great, chill girl who is so agreeable and easy-going.
I’m sure she misses me too. We normally don’t let a day go by without at least one text being exchanged. I normally don’t like a girl who needs to contact me everyday. It’s annoying. But with Cherie I’m always happy to hear from baby. If she’s missing me I just hope she isn’t hurting about it. I’m pretty sure she accepts that this is her life and this is just how it is now.
I like having my free time alone and look forward to our time together. When she arrived on Saturday I was at Suburban Station waiting for her like always. I’m always so happy to see her. She always takes my lead, and I’m not a big PDA (public display of affection) person, but lately when I see her I’m so glad she is before me, I hug and kiss her. (Not make out, but a hug and a peck on the cheek)
We’ve basically got from noon until 5:10, then I need to have her back on a train back to her life in Pottstown, PA.
She always tells me that when she’s with me it’s like a mini vacation from her hectic, hard-working life. We had once spoke that how nice it would be to just spend an afternoon in bed together. Just a block of time to relax and do nothing.
And everything.
When your time is this limited with a loved one, you will seize the absolute core of what satisfies you both equally.
I’m happy just sit across from baby at a diner and eat breakfast or hang at our favorite pizza or wings place. (Again, she doesn’t want anything from me, ever)
But if we are so driven together by our love that if our time is so limited to only hours, we will celebrate in an explosion of sexual desire.
As I write this she’s studying for finals that will end Monday, but she’ll go to summer school to propel herself forward in this life. I spoke with a heart doctor I know who comes to the salon and she said it is a long road ahead for Cherie.
But this afternoon is ours. A brief repose from our hectic lives. We come together. We disappear for a few hours. Wishes fulfilled. School gone. No children, studies, or following doctors around, no bills or responsibilities. No salon, people, friends, clients, alcohol or cigarettes. No trying to figure out which lawyer is best to set up the partnership agreement for my new business.
Nothing.
Just two people who have come together and love each other for different reasons, but are in firm agreeance that we accept the terms of that lifestyle because it runs like a swiss watch.
Four hours with my beloved. We grind each other to powder in a searing session that feels Olympian to this old lion. But he loves her dearly. She loves him more. All is given. Physical vessels are taken to the furthest they can withstand with great joy and rapture.
Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12 pm EST.
Well…not really run so fast..actually not even running at all because I don’t run but I did get to fly…really high….No no, not talking about drugs or shit like that, I mean FLYING…I really did fly!! Ha ha!! I flew a plane and it was absolutely freaking amazing!! So this blog is a little out of […]
Online dating has turned people into numbers and it can suck the fun out of the process of dating if you let it.
Online dating has become everyone’s go-to when it comes to meeting romantic prospects. We program our entire lives via apps—from health and wellness to money management, so it’d make sense that our dating lives are also manipulated by the results generated by apps. For me, I found that a bit too contrived and problematic.
You want to meet them right away because things feel easy and there’s magic behind the comfort of your phone screen. Then once you’re sitting across from each other, you find out that there’s no magic at all.
For one, the bulk of dating apps don’t take into consideration where others are in their lives. When you put together your profile, you’re stating your intentions and your desires. “I’m looking for…” And based on what people aimlessly check off on their profile, you’re matched up. Except most people leave profiles open-ended to cast a wide net. Depending on the app or site you’re using, you’re going to have to do a lot of sifting through before you find any good candidates. In most cases, the best candidates are going to be selected based on criteria that make sense on paper. However, physically or intellectually, the matches wouldn’t be people you’d pick in real life.
Online dating isn’t always that extreme although it operates under a level of immediacy that can feel overwhelming. You want to meet them right away because things feel easy and there’s magic behind the comfort of your phone screen. Then once you’re sitting across from each other, you find out that there’s no magic at all. It’s a letdown. On the other side, you can be pleasantly surprised by someone that didn’t wow you exchanging messages. After a few dates, though, things fizzle out. You’re back to square one without as much as an explanation other than assuming that they’re just busy.
If a healthy relationship is near the top of your list for 2018, I’d suggest looking into your social circles.
The biggest reason why I think people should give up the vicious cycle of dating online is because there are better, more reliable ways to meet people. Depending on apps and social media can get exhausting. For the most part, you’re living in your head so much. There’s very little open communication because we’ve gotten used to moving on to the next thing. There are tons of options at our disposal. The risk of any type of accountability or investment is low. Online dating has turned people into numbers and it can suck the fun out of the process of dating if you let it.
If a healthy relationship is near the top of your list for 2018, I’d suggest looking into your social circles. Look at the places where you spend the bulk of your time. This year, I met a few great women through friends of mine and at church. My friends were invested in trying to fix me up (sometimes a little too invested) and knew enough about me that they picked good women for me. The people you trust likely are on your side and want to see your happy ending as much as you want to have it.
I’d also advise that you sit down and be honest with yourself about what is it that you want. Oftentimes we say we want a serious relationship when what we really want is companionship. Those two aren’t the same things. You can have one and not the other and that’s OK. But it’s important to not conflate them and to find someone who’s on the same page.
Dating is supposed to be enjoyable. Online dating apps have their place. That shouldn’t be your sole source for romantic quests though. If you’ve had more failures with it, I challenge you to get back to the basics of meeting people the way our parents and grandparents did it. Be bold and actually say hello to real, live people once in awhile.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
Phicklephilly 