Dating When You’re $120,000 In Debt

I thought my six-figure student-loan debt was making me undatable, but was it really the numbers that kept me from reaching the fourth date?

Here’s one from one of my female readers.

A lot hinges on the third date with a new person. By this point, you’ve seen enough of this potential significant other to determine the direction you want this newfound relationship to go in. A casual fling, your next serious partner, someone you’re sure you never want to see again—that’s all decided by date three. It’s the date on which you show your cards, air your dealbreakers, and hold your breath, waiting for the person on the other side of the table to respond.

So when you do have cards to show, you dread this date—which is how I felt sitting across from a man with whom I could envision a future, my mouth dry and my palms slick, trying to summon the power to reveal what I thought made me incredibly undatable. It was the reason I believed I was still single after countless awkward encounters. But I could tell things were going to progress between us—I was already imagining what falling in love with this beautiful bearded man would be like—and I knew I had to give him a chance to bail. Gathering all my courage, I formed the words I hated saying out loud: “I have student debt.”

After four years at the University of New Haven, a private university I couldn’t afford, and two years earning a master’s degree in journalism from New York University, I was saddled with a $120,000 debt for a career that did not guarantee a hefty return on investment. Although I loved my chosen field, I knew there were less expensive paths I could have taken. On my worst days, I spent hours tossing and turning in bed, desperately wishing I could go back in time and persuade myself to go to a cheaper school. I wished I had understood the gravity of what I was getting myself into, but I am the first child in my family to go to college, and neither my parents nor I truly understood the enormity of the debt I would be shouldering.

I felt suffocated, like I was barely treading water in a storm. I had already cut back in every aspect of my life—living at home with my mom, bringing lunch to work every day, switching to water after only one drink on a night out with friends—and it was barely a life I wanted to live. I couldn’t fathom finding a partner to join me in this misery because, ultimately, who would want to marry that burden?

I started to equate my self-worth with my net worth—and I was in the red.

I always knew dating in New York City was going to be hard. I had never been confident—I was self-conscious about my hips, my laugh, the way I rambled when nervous—and I often thought of a first date as Judgment Day. The few minutes before coming face-to-face with a man I had swiped into existence were always the worst; my heart would beat in my throat as I imagined him sizing me up, mentally comparing me with the person he had imagined me to be.

Being both single and in debt conjures anxiety like none other. You’re already at your most vulnerable while playing the field. Now mix in the possibility of rejection based on your financial situation. I started to equate my self-worth with my net worth—and I was in the red. If you’re worth what’s in your bank account, then I wasn’t just worth nothing. I was less than nothing.

I began to think, Why bother? I felt even if someone liked me for who I was, my finances would send him running. Choosing me meant hitching yourself to my debt—and why do that when someone with fewer financial complications was only a few swipes away?

It didn’t help that those fears had been confirmed. When I casually mentioned to the law student with dark olive skin and bright eyes that I had taken out loans for school, he had all but done a spit take. His eyes went wide and his head jerked back, as though the thought of anyone but your parents paying for college was ludicrous. “For journalism?” he asked. “Good luck ever paying those off!” He laughed, then took a swig of his beer, and a hot wave of shame washed over me. There was no fourth date.

Then there was the tall bass player sleeping on a mattress on a floor in Brooklyn who, despite all better judgment, I was very into. He hadn’t finished school and politely nodded when I broached the subject. In the moment, I felt relieved, but a week later, as I obsessively checked my phone for new messages and racked my brain for reasons he had gone silent, I couldn’t come up with anything other than my debt.

Sometimes the topic would surface naturally in conversation, which makes sense considering roughly one in four Americans are paying off student loans, averaging $28,800 nationally, after graduating. This happened on my second date with a charming physicist. He mentioned how many of his classmates had six figures’ worth of debt. He felt bad for them, he said, but he couldn’t relate. His grandparents had footed his bill. I swallowed hard as my stomach sank to my feet. This time, I didn’t bother bringing up my story; I already knew how this would end. Before we parted ways, we made plans to see each other that weekend, but after two restless nights, I canceled the date, using a canned excuse. “I’m just really trying to focus on work right now,” I said. “It’s not you; I’m just not ready for a relationship.”

Choosing me meant hitching yourself to my debt—and why do that when someone with fewer financial complications was only a few swipes away?

So, in September 2017, with a montage of these memories playing on a loop in my mind, I placed both sweaty palms on the table in front of me, looked into the eyes of the man I hoped to call my boyfriend, and said, “I have student debt. A lot of it.” He blinked once, twice, waiting for me to continue. When I didn’t, he cocked his head. “And … ?” he asked. I blurted: “Like, so much that I’ll probably be paying it off until I’m in my 60s.” He looked at me for a while longer, then shrugged his shoulders. “That blows, but you’ll get through it. You’re a motivated person.” And that was that. It didn’t come up again because he didn’t care. He didn’t like me any less. He didn’t disappear. We kept seeing each other until eventually we decided to date exclusively. My debt wasn’t the dealbreaker I had set it up to be.

Although my debt does come up when we plan for the future, it doesn’t seem like a liability; rather, it’s a challenge we’ll face together when the time comes to make big financial decisions. Since my debt-to-income ratio is skewed, we’ve discussed the possibility of leaving my name off the mortgage if we decide to buy a house. Although my debt is mine alone to pay back, he’s made it clear that I don’t have to weather the mental stress of it by myself.

Months after I bared all, he pointed out that I had gotten worked up for no reason. And that’s when it hit me: Worrying that my debt was making me undatable was what was actually making me undatable—not the debt itself. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy that I was willing into existence by stressing about it. Looking back at each failed date, I see now that it’s a very strong possibility that I was letting my anxieties and the shame I felt when I thought of my debt color how I interpreted the way those men had reacted.

Unless I’m the recipient of some huge windfall, my debt is something I’ll have to hack away at slowly over time, not something that will change overnight. What I can change is the way I perceive it and how I let it affect the way I conduct my life. My net worth doesn’t define me; my actions, my personality, and the way I live my life do. Instead of being heavy baggage, the thing I let determine my dating life, it’s now just another part of who I am. Now, two years after that fated third date, I’ve stopped worrying about it so much. Instead, I focus that energy on the relationship I’m in with the man who sat across from me that night, the one who accepted me for who I was, debt and all.

 

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Three Months Of Salary For An Engagement Ring? How About Go F*ck Yourself?

Here’s a re-post from one of my readers…

Felt it was worth sharing.

Engagement rings have become my cause de guerre. I’m thirty and well over half of my closest friends are either engaged or married, so these puppies seem to smack me in the face on Instagram every week now. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. Notting Hill, No Strings Attached, You’ve Got Mail, When Marry Met Sally, the first 70 minutes of La La Land… if TV Guide magazine tells me any of these movies will be on TBS superstation, my night is booked. But when it comes to engagement rings, my mouth fills with acrid bile.

Engagement rings are a massive industry. Some people blame DeBeers; I blame women. Dangerous words in these delicate times, I know. But at some point, we need to realize that women are capable of being terrible people, just like men. That’s equality. That’s progress. To illustrate this thesis, we look to Instagram.

As wedding ring/engagement photos have proliferated across my Instagram feed, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend: many women post a photo of the ring and write “he did such a good job!” It’s a deflection, a humble downplay, like posting a shredded bikini pic while pretending to eat a hot dog with a caption like “empty calories, full stomach, can’t lose!” It’s meant to throw us off the scent of what it really is: a vagina-measuring contest. Because what’s really happening here is that she’s posting a photo of a commodity, the price of which we immediately start to estimate. And by we, I mostly mean other women, because they know the ring market.

An olive branch: if women just owned what they were doing with these posts, I’d applaud them for it. Remember ’90s hip hop videos, where rappers would flex in backwards football jerseys as a strobe light hit their $60,000 Jesus piece, triggering epileptic fits for unmedicated children? It was a flex, and they relished it. You didn’t see Diddy brandishing his new spinning Sprewell pendant with a disclaimer like “my friend bought me this, and he knows me so well! Thanks dude!” Today, similarly, these ladies are flexing their new ice on Instagram; but they couch it with deferential words to their buyer fiancé. I would have nothing but respect for a ring post with a caption like “Look at the size of this fucking thing! He spent more than I thought he would!”

But that would be too obvious. That would violate the weird, unspoken decorum of ringstagramming. Thus, we’re left with these thinly-veiled humblebrags that credit some hapless fellow who simply brandished six credit cards and held his breath. Not only do these dudes probably not give a shit about credit, they’re not worthy of it! When it comes to rings, you know who actually did a good job? Sam and Frodo. The ’72 Dolphins. The Motorola Razr. Heidi Fleiss. The Undertaker. Barnum and Bailey. These are first ballot ring HOFers; not your Dave.

I have a family ring from my late grandmother. As a family, we believe in heirlooms and preserving memories. Also, my grandmother was a powerful wizard who learned the dark art of splitting her soul, a portion of which lives on in the horcrux I plan to give my lady someday. The ring is beautiful, too. It’s a far nicer ring than I could buy right now from Zales or Adam Sandler.

Still, I can’t help but wonder how an Instagram post of this ring will be received. Do I somehow love her less because I didn’t spend three months of my salary on it? Do I need to buy her something to supplement the ring, to emphasize this promise?

Maybe. Or maybe I’ll take the money I saved on a ring and put it towards something nice for myself. After all, I saved. I was fiscally responsible. Dare I say… I did such a good job.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Habits That Keep You Broke

It is becoming more and more common for people to complain about their finances openly. It is no longer uncommon to hear your friends, family or acquaintances tell you that they are “too broke” for a specific event or purchase. Admitting that inflation has made life extremely expensive for the common man, there are some habits that tend to keep you broke perpetually. This is a state of being that exists regardless of how much wealth you inherit or how much money you earn that arises from consistently maintaining these financially terrible decisions.

Living Above Your Means

In a world where appearing rich has become more important than being rich, most people tend to live above their means. They manage their extravagant expenses on credit cards and other forms of debt, thus leaving them paying a substantial sum towards interest payments while living in constant worry over meeting bill payments.

You Don’t Track Your Money

If you constantly find yourself wondering where all your money went, then you fall into this category. A common mistake people make is not keeping track of their cash flow. Several apps are now available to help you keep track of this by noting your inflow sources, your outflow sources and presenting you with a composite chart of where your money is spent. It is important to know where you spend more of your money in order to be able to know where you can cut down on your spending.

You Remain Lazy About Your Finances

It is common for people to procrastinate with regard to those activities which do not excite them or which do not require immediate attention. Understanding and working about with your personal finances tends to fall into this category and gets pushed over to a stage in life where you’re in financial pain already or have too little money for savings. Keeping track of your finances on a weekly basis is our recommendation.

You Spend Before You Save

A common saying in the Finance World is “Pay yourself first”. This talks about the importance of your first chunk of income being set aside for savings and emergency cushions and the balance amount being used to pay bills and debt. This helps to keep you afloat in all situations as opposed to the strategy of spending lavishly while saving scarcely and erratically.

You Expect Quick Results

Another common mistake you make is that you’re trying to get rich quick. This leads to getting caught up in quick-money scams or dissolving investments at the slightest of losses. Building wealth takes time, patience and perseverance.

You Live In A Consumer’s Mind-set

Consumer Mentality focuses on extravagant purchases of items such as clothing, accessories, cars, boats, etc. However, focus on such purchases leads away from purchases in appreciating assets such as Real Estate, Commodities, Stocks, ad so on. Constantly focusing on consumer purchases rather than investor purchases leaves you happy in the moment but unhappy in the long run. A balance between the two is required in order to live a happy and financially healthy life.

You Are Trying To Impress The World

Thanks to social media and a consumer mentality, everyone’s trying to one-up their followers on Instagram and Twitter with materialistic purchases. Instead of spending wisely, you’d rather post pictures of the expensive shopping spree you went on or the luxury vacation you took, etc. Focusing on your own money goals is more important than impressing others who in turn are trying to impress you with their posts!

You Rely On Your Credit Card Wrongly

Credit cards give you access to purchases even when you don’t have money in hand. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is using our credit cards to purchase items which we cannot afford. This essentially helps us fall into debt traps and keeps us constantly broke.

You Have No Financial Goals

Setting financial goals is crucial as that is what provides you with incentive to implement your financial plans. Choosing to save over spending requires us to prioritize a future need in lieu of today’s desire. This isn’t an easy choice to stick to but can be made easier by knowing that the money you’re keeping aside is for a new house, higher education, a comfortable retirement, etc.

You Don’t Know Basic Finance

No matter how many experts you get on board for help, you must be able to take charge of your money. Knowing the basics of investing, saving and personal finance can make all the difference in your thinking and spending habits.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Alicia – Chapter 5 – Get Her Number

I used to be at war with my demons and now we’re all on the same side.

I need my sleep from life in general. I wake late on Monday morning. There are things I need to do. They need to happen today. The first day of the week. I have to go deposit my check and talk to Alicia.

There’s no real reason to do any of this, other that the directive that always drives me. I like Alicia my favorite teller, and I want to break the shell of her understanding and take her to a nice lunch. I want to get to know her.

Why?

Why not. I’m attracted to her and her aloofness. That and those arms. It’s weird but it’s mine. There’s something unique about her. If I can just secure some time with her outside the credit union I can learn all about her. Is it for me or the blog?

Do I really want to get to know this stranger that handles my money or am I just doing this to create content for phicklephilly?

Have I done things before that have simply driven the blog? I’m starting to think that I have. I’m managing my current relationship as best I can and all of the facets that come with that but why this teller?

I know nothing about her. She’s behind bulletproof glass. Is this simply a new goal for me to keep my life interesting and drop the dopamine?

I’m starting to think that. Is the art now driving my life?

I don’t have a problem with that but I can feel the anxiety placing its cold fingers around my heart as I climb the steps to my credit union.

I take some deep breaths as I unbutton my overcoat and loosen my scarf.

“I need to get into character and just do this.”

I walk into the credit union and head to the desk. I fill out my deposit slip. My hands are shaking a bit. Am I just nervous or are dementia tremors kicking in from the drinking? I write my name and social security number and it looks like the writing of an old man.

I’m 55. Middle age has got me by the throat, but I still have mad game and after decades of dealing with my anxiety and depression… I can push those loser off me.

I know what I’m going to say. I worked it out all weekend. I’m ready. I’m going to run the program like I always have. I’m so good at this now. I turn to Depression and tell him to cheer up and go to work. I turn to Anxiety and tell him to settle down and just be excited at the prospect of a new lady.

I used to be at war with these demons and now we’re all on the same side.

Get in line.

I’m standing there with my paperwork. There are tellers waiting on customers. Just another boring Monday at the office.

I see her.

Alicia.

Her back is turned and she’s working on something at the back counter behind the teller area.

Fuck! She won’t see me. I’ll have to go to one of these other people.

Bust suddenly she turns and sees me. She smiles.

“I can take you down here.”

Time to close this.

I scamper down to her window. The credit union’s quiet. I need to do this now. I push my check and deposit slip into the slit under the bulletproof glass.

“How are you? Nice to see you.”

“You too.”

This is where the rubber meets the road my friends. The move has to be made now or you will lose forever.

“You said you like french toast.”

“Yeah” she smiles.

“On the weekends brunch goes to 3pm, but during the week breakfast ends at 11am. Most end at 10:30. The only place to get french toast in this city during the week after 11am is Midtown Diner. I’m not taking you there. Great spot, but no. I spoke with my friend Jason at Square 1682. He’s the General Manager. I described the dilemma of your 11am lunch break. He told me if I email him and give him the day we’re meeting for lunch he assured me that you will have french toast for lunch at 11 even though breakfast ends at 10:30. And the french toast at Square 1682 is slammin.”

Alicia is listening intently and smiles. She is delighted by my efforts.

This is how you date my friends.

Go slowly. Build the trust. Make her laugh. Make her feel safe. Be non menacing. Be trustworthy. Be creative. Bend time. Be original. Be extraordinary.

So many men fire off to quickly and blow it. My father taught me to be the lion lying in the grass and doing nothing. Like wine it could take years. Most men aren’t that patient. You have to be if you want something. I’ve waited years for the things I’ve wanted.

If you can do that and be elegant, you’ll close the sale and win the girl.

It may not work out, but it’s never the kill. It’s the thrill of the chase.

That’s the true rush of romance. The best part. The unknown. The excitement of the possibilities.

This could just be a lunch, but I want nothing more from Alicia. I love the idea of the old horse being able to get a lunch date with a beautiful young girl though bulletproof glass can still happen.

I tell her my efforts and Alicia is entranced.

“I can’t do this week, but next Thursday at 11 would work.”

“Perfect. May have your number?”

Alicia grabs a pink post it and scrawls down her phone number. She sticks it to my deposit receipt and thrusts it back to me under the glass.

 

The die has been cast. I’ve won after over a year of desire.

I tell her I’ll push her my contact info in a text. She smiles and agrees.

I’ve done it.

There is a pause and we look into each others eyes. We smile and I realize I have all I need and my transaction is done.

“Okay then. I’ll set it up.”

“Yea. Have a great day, Charles.”

“I have some more checks to deposit so I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.” (smiles)

I walk out of the credit union. Should I go out and have a celebratory smoke or go eat before my shift at the salon because I have to train the new girl (Eileen or Amelia) tonight?

Go eat. You’ve earned it buddy!

 

Lunch date with hot Alicia!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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13 Things Rich People Don’t Spend Their Money On, While Poor People Are Ready to Take Out Loans for Them

There are things that speak to a person’s financial wealth. Usually, they are things like fur coats, fine jewelry, and expensive watches. Some poor people are ready to save their money for years or even take out loans to be able to buy these things. However, rich people around the world have gradually stopped indicating their social status this way.

We at Bright Side are big supporters of sensible spending and that’s why we want to highlight symbols of wealth that are not trendy anymore. There are still many people who haven’t realized this yet.

1. Gold jewelry

Stylish and wealthy women usually wear a moderate amount of gold jewelry when attending events. In addition, the quality of these items is the biggest priority for them. Some of them even prefer large jewelry.

For those whose financial position is not stable, buying gold is still considered an investment. It is believed that by buying a gold item, you create a stash for rainy days in the form of a gold chain or a ring. That’s why poor girls prefer to wear jewelry with the mantra: “I’m wearing the best of what I have.”

2. Clothes and shoes from expensive brands

Oftentimes, even very wealthy people are indifferent to branded clothing and wear ordinary, mass-market jeans and sweaters that are basic items in their wardrobe and in their everyday life. In one of his interviews, Bill Gates outlined that the watch on his wrist cost $10, despite the fact that he could afford millions of watches from the most famous brands. Instead of shopping, rich people try to explore the other pleasures that life has to offer, like entertainment and travel. This means more to them than a brand new bag.

3. Plastic surgery

Earlier, plastic surgery was pretty popular around the world — everyone wanted to have a perfect body and a flawless face. Rich men would even offer to pay for the transformation of their “chosen ones,” while the girls didn’t mind at all. Today more and more celebrities and wealthy people are against plastic surgery and are promoting having love for one’s body and wrinkles.

Meanwhile, many girls are still ready to cut back on a lot of things in order to save enough money for lip and breast surgeries, as well as other procedures that could help them look young and meet the current understanding of beauty ideals, which are actually fading into the past.

4. Fur coats

Famous designers and their wealthy clients are refusing to wear fur coats, since they believe that it is unethical to wear them. There were cases when animal advocates poured paint on girls who were wearing fur coats. In addition, California state has a law banning the wearing and selling of natural fur.

But fur coats are still considered a luxury item and an indicator of social status for some girls. However, theoretically, they can be easily replaced by frost-resistant down jackets, winter coats, or warm fur coats that are made of artificial fur.

5. Flying in business class

Rational people around the world want to travel modestly, even if they have the financial ability to pay more. For example, the founder of IKEA, Ingvar Kamprad, believes that flying business class is an unnecessary luxury, that’s why all IKEA employees, despite their level, fly in economy class and stay in inexpensive hotels.

However, many people with a moderate income are ready to overpay for a trip in business class, despite the fact that prices for air tickets continue to rise and business class tickets have seen the highest increases. In fact, thanks to the existence of expensive business class fares, airlines can keep affordable fares for economy class. When we know about this fact, business class flights stop looking so attractive.

6. Home appliances

Wealthy people don’t strive to buy the latest models of home appliances. If the previous model they bought still works perfectly, they see no need to buy a new one. At the same time, this rule is constantly broken by people with an average income — consumer loans are taken out for any household appliances and gadgets.

This also relates to “one-time” home appliances like waffle irons, pancake makers, ice cream makers, and fondue pots, as well as massagers with 15 nozzles. Most often, people use these super devices only one or 2 times, and afterward they just lie on a shelf and “stare” at their owners with dumb reproach for insensibly spent money.

7. A lot of knick-knacks

Successful people try to keep minimalism in their home’s design. Rich people increasingly prefer simplicity in their interiors, so as not to be distracted by household items and so they don’t waste time choosing and buying furniture, or repairing it. It helps them free up time for family, relationships, meeting friends, and work.

Oftentimes, the middle class try to fill their houses with various interior details and the latest trendy things. They strive to constantly improve their interior, distracting themselves from the really important immaterial things.

8. A big house

Wealthy people prefer to buy promising real estate, for little money, in order to make a profit when it grows in price. For example, billionaire Warren Buffett still lives in the same modest house that he bought in 1958. His cozy house in Nebraska state only cost him $30,000, today it’s estimated to be worth $650,000.

A Mexican billionaire whose fortune is estimated at $50 billion, also lives in a modest house that was bought long ago and avoids expensive things. Amancio Ortega, the founder of the Zara clothing store chain, also didn’t let his success infatuate him — he and his wife live in an ordinary house in Spain. A professor at Stanford University, David Cheriton, who owns $1.3 billion in Google shares, once said in his interview, “These people who build houses with 13 bathrooms and so on, there’s something wrong with them.”

The middle class, in contrast, is mainly driven by the saying, “Every man should plant a tree, build a house, and give birth to a son.” That’s why the life of many people starts to center around the construction of a big house, that sometimes doesn’t stop until the kids grow up. It takes a lot of money, time, and energy, while the expenses for maintaining the house itself and its territory take a big part of their income.

9. Luxury cars

Nowadays, wealthy people don’t buy new car brands if their own car is in good condition and meets all their needs. Even Facebook owner, Mark Zuckerberg, drives a Volkswagen with a manual transmission and says he never cared about “looking” rich.

However, many people around the world use expensive cars to boost their self-esteem and even not having the money to buy or maintain a vehicle like this doesn’t prevent them from getting one. They just take out car loans.

10. An expensive education

Millionaires know that a free education doesn’t differ much from an expensive one, while success in life is obtained by discipline, determination, and perseverance. In addition, nowadays big international companies are ready to hire young people for work, if they have the necessary knowledge. This means that professional experience and real skills are becoming more important than a college diploma.

At the same time, many people believe that if they pay for an education and get a diploma, they are buying a ticket to a successful life. As a result, young people take out huge loans to pay for their education, but after graduation, they have to work outside of their specialty for the next 5-10 years to pay back the loan to the bank, which means they spend the most precious years of their life doing this.

11. Buying lots of toys for their kids

Successful people came to the conclusion that they could harm their children by buying toys in unlimited quantities. Research proves it too: 36 children were offered the chance to play for half an hour with 4 or 16 toys. It was found that the kids from the first group (the ones who had 4 toys) showed more creativity and came up with more interesting ideas using fewer objects. If parents spend time with their kids and pay more attention to them, they will develop faster than if they are simply playing with a lot of toys.

At the same time, most parents admit that their kids are literally snowed under toys: their stuffed toys are so big that they require a separate apartment, their amount of dolls is so big that they could build a doll army, there are so many Legos that it’s possible to build a 2-story house out of them. Kids don’t have time to dream — they have everything and all their wishes come true too quickly. That’s the way parents show their love to their kids and give them the things they themselves didn’t have in their childhood.

12. Training and courses

Personal growth courses are a business, and the coaches there are not interested in the effective development of their clients. Because of this, it is impossible to transform your life drastically with the help of a training session like this. Successful people know that you can only change your life by continuously working on yourself and your goals.

At the same time, these courses have become incredibly popular among people who are planning to become successful. Even though their cost is pretty high, tickets are still sold really quickly. Poor people are often trying to find a magic pill that will change their life for the better. When one pill doesn’t work, they start to seek help from another coach.

13. The beauty sphere

Today, the natural color of nails speaks to privilege and wealth. Successful women prefer a neat, natural nail, in a modest pastel or nude shade that looks nice.

But many girls want to be sure that their manicure is noticeable by everyone around them, which is why they often opt for brighter colors of nail polish, unique designs with rhinestones, and extreme lengths. If the length is not enough, they go for artificial nails. This style is often chosen by middle class women who want to show that they have an idle and relaxed lifestyle.

Which things do you consider a part of your social status and are you not ready to give up?

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Ways To Stop Worrying About Money And Attract More Of It

It can feel unnatural to relax when you have bills pending and a dwindling bank account. But giving in to your fears won’t do anything to attract more money. In reality, giving in to your anxiety will generate negative energy that stops you from bringing more money into your life.

How to Stop Worrying and Attract More Money

Money comes and money goes, but worrying about it won’t make it come any faster. If you’d like to attract more money, keep reading to learn how to stop worrying and how to become the money magnet you really are.

1. Identify Any Negative Beliefs You Have About Money

Stop worrying about your bank account by recognizing your fears and any other negative beliefs you may have about money. Many people admit they are taught to never discuss money. Additionally, they believe that having a lot of money is evil, and that they should feel bad when spending money. These beliefs all stem from insecurity and need to be done away with if you hope to attract more money into your life.

Start becoming the money magnet you deserve to be by unlearning all these negative beliefs and replacing them with positive energy. It’s time for you to accept the idea that you deserve to have wealth.

2. Build a New Money Mindset with Positivity

The next step in learning how to stop worrying about money is the start of rebuilding your money mindset using positive affirmations. According to the law of attraction, what you think, you become. Thus, what you speak into your life will come to pass.

Start speaking positivity into your finances by using positive money affirmations on a regular basis. Begin every day by looking into a mirror and speaking the following types of affirmations to yourself:

  • I am a winner.
  • I‘m stepping into a new financial future.
  • My blessings and wealth are overflowing.
  • I deserve all the money I will make.

Positive affirmations like those above that tap into the law of attraction and your ability to bring about a change in your life with the type of energy you exude. By already believing that you deserve money and that you’re already building the wealth that you’re working towards, your life will automatically align to reach these goals.

3. Learn What You Deserve in Life

What stops many people from going after what they want is the fact that they don’t believe that they deserve it.

Want to get out of debt? Want to build generational wealth? While these may seem like lofty goals right now, the moment you already know that you deserve these things in your life is the moment that you start attracting them towards yourself.

The best thing about this obstacle of feeling undeserving is that you are fully in control of it. Stop worrying that you’ll never be financially stable and begin stepping into what you deserve.

Your dreams are only as big as you allow them to be and you deserve to dream big. Don’t give in to the insecurity that makes you feel undeserving. You are worthy of living the best life.

Start working on attracting what you deserve in life by realizing new goals. Do you hope to buy a house? Are you planning to build your savings? Write down all of your financial goals and understand that you deserve every single one of them.

4. Love Your Bills to Attract More Money

We have all been guilty of hating having to pay our bills. However, avoiding or hating your bills only adds more negative energy to your finances.

While it may seem absurd to try to love your bills, this little bit of love will go a long way. The key to attracting more money when paying your bills is to be confident, grateful, and happy as you pay the bills.

This is why part of learning how to stop worrying about money is to stop seeing bills as a black hole for your earnings. Your bills are a symbol of the life that you live, the blessings you enjoy, and your ability to finance your quality of life.

Additionally, the happier you are about getting to pay these bills, the more you will value the money you earn that you use to pay your bills. This positive energy and happiness will translate to you feeling more positive about the work you do and how you earn your money.

5. Be Happy for Others’ Financial Success

Jealousy and the feeling of missing out are strong motivators. We’ve all experienced feeling a certain sense of insecurity when we see others sharing about their luxury lifestyles or abundant lives. While these feelings can be inescapable at times, feeling this way isn’t effective if you’re hoping to stop worrying about your own finances.

Instead of feeling negative about yourself and financial situation when you see others doing well, start rejoicing for them. As you feel happier for the wealth that others are enjoying, the more the same energy will return to you.

Start destroying these negative and envious feelings by genuinely expressing excitement when you see someone else thriving. Speak the same into your life by telling yourself, “You deserve the same. You will have the same.”

This simple shift from jealousy to hopeful positivity will immediately affect how money flows into your life. Instead of being unhappy with where you are in your finances, your new happiness for others will spill over to your current situation, ultimately leading you to attract more money into your life.

6. Visualize Financial Abundance

Visualization is a powerful tool to bring about a change in your life. Do you want to increase your finances and live the lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of? Start visualizing it.

Visualize the life you want, deserve, and will have by writing out what you hope to see. And, imagine that you are living that life right now. While this may seem like a strange exercise, it will help to ease any fears you feel and help you to believe are already leading the life you long for.

To make visualization part of your daily life, commit to spending a few moments in the morning or at night to meditate on your money affirmations and visualize the life you long for. This will help you keep your goals fresh in your mind as you actively work to make them a reality each day.

7. Recognize Prosperity in Your Life

Prosperity is everywhere you go, if you know what to look for. By recognizing prosperity, you’ll be inviting it into your life.

Too often, we’re programmed to seek out poverty and notice what’s lacking in life. From your bank account to the world around you, you may be naturally inclined to see what’s wrong rather than look for what’s right.

Start transforming the way you look at life by automatically seeking out prosperity. In order for you to prosper, you must first be able to recognize prosperity.

 

 

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Alicia – Chapter 3 – French Toast

I went to my credit union today to make a deposit. I see Alicia, and she’s looking hot as usual, but her hair is done and she looks even more glamorous. I love her in my phicklephilly way as I have loved Maria before her, (See: Maria – Amor En Vanos) the inspiration for this blog.

I see that she’s with a member so I probably can’t see her. I just want to fill out my deposit and get out of there to continue my day.

I have my cash and complete my deposit slip. I walk around the branch and the first teller I see behind the three inch bullet proof glass is a happy little white guy. I figure Alicia’s busy so I just go to him as he welcomes me, but figure I’ll wave to my queen.

I push my deposit slip and cash under the tray.

Alicia immediately gets to her feet and speaks.

“Oh, you’re not here to see me?”

I’m blown away. This has never happened. I’ve laid the groundwork to let her know in a very subtle and funny way that I would like to meet her outside of the credit union, but I wasn’t expecting this outburst.

I loved it. It shook me to my core, because my project had come to life.

Her hair looked lovely and so did the rest of her. I couldn’t believe her interest. I literally toss the cash to the little white guy and walk down to her window. I don’t care at this point and feel a bit of power as a member.

“I love all this.” I say about her pretty hair. I love that for the very first time she’s showing some attention toward me. This is huge.

Any reaction from a woman in courtship is a form of arousal. I’m very good at this and I’ve been a lion resting in the grass near this lovely gazelle for two years.

My father taught me how to be patient with a woman. He was a master. Most men are clumsy and awkward and are driven by their desire. You need to lay in wait for a prize you want. No matter what it is.

That’s super hard for most men to do, but for the few. you’ll close better deals if you’re patient.

“Have you been to the Comcast food court?”

“No. I’m always in first and I have to take the first lunch.”

“Every day?”

“Yea. 11am. I don’t feel like eating sushi at that time of the morning.”

“I get that. What do you like to eat?”

“French toast.”

“Done. I’ll find a place. Let’s have lunch next week.”

“Okay. Let me know.”

People, I think it’s on with this lady. I must have lunch with a girl I’ve been grooming for two years through bulletproof glass.

I know nothing about her but her cool demeanor and fuzzy forearms. (It’s sexy to me!)

Even if Alicia is only placating me for a free lunch as a member I don’t care. I just want to learn about her. I’ve found that whenever there is a challenge on the table for me my low self-esteem drives me to close that business.

Alicia doesn’t know anything about me other than I have the money to pay for a free lunch but I HAVE to do it just to get know her and get a story for phicklephilly.

I’m at a point in my life where I will just be happy to have lunch with this delicious girl. And the fact that I could get her to come out from behind bullet proof glass to have a meal with an older stranger.

The idea titillated me to know end. I couldn’t even grab lunch at my usual greasy spoon in Suburban Station to think it over. I went to Marathon and got a table at the window to process.

This is huge. So when I get my next paycheck at the salon, I’m going to go into the credit union and properly ask her out for lunch.

I’ve scoured Yelp and everywhere else for french toast beyond 11am. That is hard to nearly impossible.

I’m getting another check from the salon so I have a new excuse to go see Alicia.

I need to ask her if it’s okay if we run over to Midtown Diner. Good french toast, (Shitty first date but great fast service) but a solid spot. When I make my deposit I need to ask Alicia if there’s another 11am food group she may be interested in.

I need to make this deposit. I need to see Alicia and clarify our lunch and get her number.

I can do this, and now it seems she’s interested. Today changed everything and had me trembling with excitement because of Alicia’s behavior and how I feel about her. I think we’re good here. It’s just lunch.

As I had joked to her before, she has access to my accounts. At least baby knows I can afford the lunch and dessert if she wants it!

I need to go in there and close this.

I know nothing about her, but I have a theory. But I’ll hold my cards close to the vest to resist judgement.

But Alicia is beautiful, and I want to get to know her and I’ll leave it at that.

Stay tuned…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly