Rape and Date Rape

I know for the most part phicklephilly has always been about romance, love and dating. It’s normally pretty light-hearted, but there is a darker side to dating that must be explored. Maybe the more we know the safer we’ll all be.

What Is Rape?

Rape occurs when sexual intercourse is non-consensual (not agreed upon), or a person forces another person to have sex against his or her will. It also can occur when the victim is intoxicated from alcohol or drugs. Rape includes intercourse in the vagina, anus, or mouth. It is a felony offense, which means it is among the most serious crimes a person can commit. Men as well as women and children can be raped.

Many times, the person who commits rape uses violence to force the person to have sex. An attacker also can use fear alone to commit rape. Rape can cause both physical and emotional harm to the victim.

What Is Date Rape?

Date rape also is when one person forces another person to have sex. It, too, is a felony offense. The difference between rape and date rape is that the victim knows the attacker socially. Perhaps he or she even went out with his or her attacker more than once.

What Should I Do if I Have Been Raped?

If you have been raped, follow these steps:
•Don’t wash or douche. You do not want to wash away any evidence that could be used against your attacker in court.
•Call the police and tell them what happened. If you are afraid to call the police, call your local rape crisis center.
•Go to an emergency room. While there, you will be examined. A doctor will make a record of your injuries and treat you. Samples of any fluid left in the vagina or anus (especially semen) will be gathered. Hair, pieces of clothing, or other objects left by the attacker also may be taken. These samples may be used to help identify and convict your attacker.

 

Was It Really Rape?

Some victims feel like rape is their fault. Although rape is never the victim’s fault, feelings of guilt can prevent the victim from getting help. Remember, rape can really hurt a person’s emotions. Even if you get over the crisis of the attack, you may develop painful feelings later. It’s important to get help for yourself as soon as possible to avoid serious emotional complications, even if you do not want to press charges against your attacker.

If you aren’t sure if what happened to you was rape, a rape crisis counselor or doctor can help you sort it out.

 

How Does Rape Harm the Victim?

Rape harms the victim both physically and emotionally.

Types of physical harm due to rape can include:
•Broken bones, bruises, cuts, and other injuries from violent acts.
•Injuries to the genitals and/or anus.
•Being exposed to diseases that can be passed on during sex, including HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, herpes, gonorrhea, and syphilis.
•Unwanted pregnancy.

Types of emotional harm include:
•Shame
•Embarrassment
•Guilt
•Feelings of worthlessness

 

You also may have problems with:
•Fear
• Depression
•Anger
•Trust
•Attraction to men (if the attacker was a man)
•Consensual sex later in life (inability to enjoy sex without intrusive recollections of the abuse)
•Flashbacks (reliving the rape in your mind)
• Nightmares
•Falling and staying asleep

 

Will I Ever Feel Well Again After Being Raped?

Rape can leave physical and emotional scars that last a long time. Some victims find that emotional scars never go away. Long-term counseling can help you to deal with guilt, fear, depression, anxiety, and other emotions. Many victims also get help by joining support groups.

How Can I Protect Myself From Rape?

Unfortunately, there’s no sure way to protect yourself from rape. Even people who take steps to protect themselves can be victims. But, following common safeguards, like these, is still a good idea:
•Be responsible for your actions. Stay in control. Don’t get drunk at a party and ask a stranger to drive you home, for example.
•Don’t walk alone at night. It takes just one trip alone to your car to be attacked. Walk with a friend.
•Don’t get talked into something you don’t want to do. Make your own choices and stick with them.
•Learn ways to defend yourself in the case of an attack.
•Trust your feelings. If a person seems threatening to you, don’t continue the friendship.
•Learn about rape and why people rape. This knowledge will make you more alert to possible attackers.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Things Men Say That Make Women Feel Insecure

“Being a happy ornament denies one’s full humanness.”

You’re probably a pretty secure woman. You know you’re strong and worthwhile, but sometimes your partner may say something that just makes you want to hide. It’s not just you — there are certain things men say that can make even the most confident woman feel bad about herself. I went to the experts to find out what those things are. Guys, listen up: these are the things you’re saying that are making your partner feel insecure.

 

Wow, that girl is so hot

It baffles my mind that some men think it’s okay to ogle other women in front of their partners, and it probably surprises you as well. When a man talks about the attractiveness of other women, it’s a sure way to make you doubt yourself.

One of the most disrespectful things that men say in front of women is commenting about and objectifying other women. It makes women feel small and sets them up for insecurity.

Men should be respectful not only about what they say, but “where their eyes wander.” Practice saying kind things to and about your partner, whether or not she’s there. This will take you out of the habit of objectification and into appreciation.”

 

That’s a dumb idea

Even if you think of yourself as an intelligent woman, it can be a blow if your partner devalues your ideas. And if you doubt your smarts, it’s even more damaging when your partner tells you that your ideas aren’t valid.

A study in Science magazine found that as young as six years old, girls already feel that they are not as smart as boys. When a partner confirms a woman’s fears about not being smart enough, it can be more hurtful than he may be aware.

She suggested that instead of men shooting down the ideas of their partners, to recognize her intelligence and emphasize her strengths.

 

You’ve gained some weight

Unfortunately, many women harbor deep insecurities about their weight. Comments about your weight and body can trigger those insecurities and leave you feeling embarrassed about your appearance.

Women are acculturated to equate self-worth with beauty and desirability. It is a challenge for women to strike a healthy balance with their self concept and vanity in a world that is often more preoccupied with how a woman looks than who she is.When a woman’s spouse or boyfriend makes a comment about weight gain, it can make her feel that she is unappealing.

The best thing for a relationship is for men to “assure [your partner] that you love her and believe she’s beautiful no matter what. Saying anything negative about her appearance, even if well-intentioned, will only create insecurity and a feeling of inadequacy, which is unhealthy for any person or relationship.

 

That biological clock is really ticking

Many women are all too aware of their age, especially if they want to have kids. One of the worst things a man (or really, anyone), can tell a woman is that her biological clock is ticking, especially because it can often be difficult to conceive.

For a lot of women, there is a challenge to balance the pursuit of motherhood with desires for intellectual and career goals. She shared, “When a man tells a woman her biological clock is ticking, it can trigger deep fears of not actualizing the desire to be a mother and create a family or cause a woman who may not be intent on that goal to feel as if she is not measuring up to being the sort of woman she ‘should be’.

Instead, she added advised that men who understand these struggles modern women are facing, and who are sensitive to the way women are being pulled in so many directions, are more able to “engage in a thoughtful dialogue about becoming a parent.”

 

Don’t get hysterical

Do you wear your emotions on your sleeve?  When men make negative comments about how you express your feelings, it can activate your insecurities and make you feel like shutting down.

Women who are assertive often carry the onus of being a hysteric or a shrew. When a man makes this comment, he may be condescendingly implying that a woman is out of control. Hence, a woman may doubt the validity of her own authority and question if in fact she comes across as abrasive and tyrannical.

However, if a man is comfortable with a woman’s power, he’s open and able to debate with one who is also passionate and assertive.

 

Why don’t you smile?

I tend to be pretty serious some of the time, and I’ve often been told I need to smile more. Interestingly, most of the people who have told me this are other women. But it’s also detrimental when your partner expects you to smile or be happy all the time, because it means he’s not valuing your other, equally valid, emotions.

Being a happy ornament denies one’s full humanness. Hence, when a man requests a woman to smile or asks why she isn’t smiling, it implies that other more serious sides to her are unappealing. It suggests that she be one-dimensional to accommodate another.

A man who wants to know all aspects of a woman, not just the “pleasant” parts, really embraces all of her faces.

 

You don’t dress sexy

In the beginning of a relationship, it’s natural to pull out all the stops when you’re picking what to wear. But when you’ve been with your partner for awhile, and especially if you live with him, you may wear sweatpants and t-shirts more often than not. If your partner comments on your dress, it can make you feel like you’re less desirable because you’ve allowed yourself to relax and wear what makes you feel comfortable.

When a man makes this comment, a woman can take it as a rejection of her style, her need for modesty or an implied demand to be more provocative so as to be interesting and desirable.

That said, this doesn’t mean a man can never mention the way his woman dresses. If a man playfully requests that his partner dress in a way that evokes his passion, while complimenting her intrinsic appeal and beauty, this wish for her to dress sexy becomes contextual not absolutist.

 

Are you on the rag?

How do you feel when someone asks you if you have your period? It’s a rude way of saying that you’re acting irrational or overly emotional, and it probably either makes you feel annoyed or insecure. Menstruation is already bad enough without all of your anger being attributed to your raging hormones instead of valid emotions. When a man arbitrarily throws out this comment whenever a woman is moody or annoyed, it sends the message that only a biochemical imbalance could explain her irrationality. It shuts down any opportunity to dialogue about what may be ailing his girlfriend or spouse and creates a wall of resentment.

 

Bringing up past insecurities

While there are some universal statements that will make a woman insecure, one of the worst things your partner can do is intentionally bring up things that he knows make you feel insecure, especially as a weapon during an argument.

For example, if a woman had terrible acne as a teen and she felt ashamed at the time, if a man calls her pizza face, he is intentionally evoking those childhood memories and bringing up those feelings all over again.

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Mary, Mia, Daphne, Alexa, & Carly. We Call It Wednesday

The reason the stock photo for this entry has several women in it is because I encountered so many lovely ladies today.

Wednesday I decide to eat lunch at Misconduct at 18th and JFK. I love the chicken tenders and my friend Mary works there. (See: Mary – 2016 to Present – Unexpected Table For Two) I take a small table by the door. It’s right against the wall across from the hostess stand so I can chat with Mary.

We catch up on what’s been happening in our lives and the tenders are delicious as always. The lunch rush is over around 2:30 and I’ve got my eye on the table in the corner. There are two guys there and they’re finishing up. Hot Mia is still going to be my server. She’s a cute little Latina girl who’s new.

The guys leave and I move over there. Now my back is to the wall in the corner and I can see the whole restaurant and bar. I can also plug in my laptop and phone and charge up for a bit while I work on some accounts.

3pm rolls around and Mia asks if I want anything else. I ask her for a Manhattan straight up with a side of ice. She delivers and it’s beautiful. I sip it and type away. I like restaurants at this time of day. It’s that lull between lunch and happy hour and I can chill in the quiet.

One of the servers that I’ve known since the Maria days, (See: Maria – 2016 to Present – Amor En Vano) Brianna comes over and gives me a hug. She’s a delicious baby with raven curls that tumble to her shoulders. A slender legged caramel skinned delight. (See: Daphne – 2015 to Present – Lovely Hostess – Part 2) 

It’s getting close to 4:30 and I have to meet up with my friend, Carla. (Another friend I’ve never written a post about, but she did appear in the Epilogue of the Annabelle series)

I’ve chosen for us to meet at Tir Na Nog, the Irish pub over at 16th and Arch. My friend Johnny R. likes going there, because they get all of the international soccer games on their TVs.  (See: Johnny R. – 2011 to Present -Needle in the Groove) I’m not a huge fan of the place because it gets noisy, it’s busy, and it’s usually a sausagefest. I’m not a sports fan either so it’s a no for me.

But… hot Alexa works there as a bartender tonight! (See: Alexa – 2016 to Present – The New Hookup) She’s the girl that comes into the salon and told me to come in when she’s working and she would give me free drinks and I would just tip her. I need more hookups around the city. I have four now. So let’s see if she follows through.

I get my bill at Misconduct and the Manhattans were only $7 a piece. That’s cheap.

I get to Tir Na Nog and the bar is packed and noisy. I hate this place. I find a seat at the end of the bar next to the wall. Alexa sees me.

“Hey there! you came in! What can I get you?”

“Manhattan, please.”

“What kind of whiskey do you want?”

“I don’t care.”

“I’ll give you Bulliet.”

“Nice! Thanks!”

She brings it and it has a cherry and a rind of lemon in it. I can’t say anything because I didn’t tell her how I like it, I just hope it’s free. Carla arrives and I’m happy to see her. It’s probably been a year. She orders a beer and I introduce her to Alexa.

We catch up and I give her all the news. She’s the marketing director for a major restaurant chain here in the city. It’s a big job and keeps her plenty busy. If I hadn’t reached out to her I probably wouldn’t have heard from her again. Maybe?

I notice she is very chatty. Almost too much. I like Carly and she is one of the normal women I know. That’s why I kept her around. I’ve cut out all of the crazies from my life. I tell her everything that’s going on with me and she says I seem more calm than I’ve ever been. She’s right.

I tell Alexa we are moving to Dan Dan (A Suezuan and Taiwanese place down the street) My friend Norm works there as a bartender and he says it’s always happy hour prices when I go there. I love the hook ups! I’ve had two Manhattans and Carla has had two beers. I ask Alexa how we proceed. Normally the bill should be $36 plus tip, so you’re looking at $44 all told.

“You’re all set.”

I throw down a twenty-dollar bill and Alexa smiles and grabs it.

“That’s it. We’re good. Thank you.”

And that was it. $40 worth of drinks for $20 and Alexa gets a $20 tip instead of a $7 tip. Hookups work as long as she doesn’t get caught. I think I like Tir na Nog again.

We’re both happy to be off and out of that place. We walk south on 16th and rush hour is in full force in the city. We get to Dan dan and Norm is there. He’s been away in Italy for 10 days and we’re happy he’s back. I think that’s a trend in the service industry. They work and make a chunk of money and then go travel somewhere to break from the stressful life of that industry. I think it’s pretty cool.

Carla and I order up some delicious noodles and pot stickers with some wine. It’s the perfect ending to a fun day surrounded by good people.

 

Oh… here’s a little bonus dating advice video I like. Enjoy!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating Rules For Women – Tried & True, Old & New

“When he asks you questions answer them honestly. Keep the conversation informative, but not skeleton in the closet informative.”

The best dating rules for girls have not changed much over the years. There are some that are more modern, however the evolution of the rules has come with changes in society.

Long gone are the days when girls sit by the phone and wait for guys to call them. Back in the day they did that because it was wrong for them to call a guy. The only way they would hear from a guy is if they were home when he called. Today it’s within the dating rules for girls for her to call a guy, however it is not in the rules for her to call him incessantly.

The following is a list of dating rules for girls to follow before, during and after her date. Some may seem outdated, however they’ve been tested over time and have been proved to work like a charm.

Before the Date

  1. Look your best for the date. Taking time for proper grooming is always a good idea. It takes time for a lady to get ready, so plan enough time to shower, do your hair, nails and make-up. When you go out on a date always make sure you do a little extra to show him that you’re excited to be spending the evening with him.
  2. Wear an appropriate outfit on the date.  If you can, find out what you’ll be doing, so that you can pick clothes to match the activity. It’s never fun to show up for a bowling date wearing a skirt and heels. If he wants to keep the activity a surprise, it is appropriate to ask what type of clothes to wear. Make sure your clothing and dress are modest, clean and match.
  3. Be on time. It’s just good old fashioned dating etiquette to be on time. This shows that you respect him and the time that he has for you. It’s been said on many occasion that a woman should keep a man waiting, I don’t think they asked the man who is waiting and waiting what he thinks of that. (I hate lateness and I feel like everybody’s late nowadays. It’s inexcusable based on all of the instant communication we all now possess.)

During the Date

  1. Allow him to be a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead. The right kind of man loves to show his respect for you by opening car doors, holding open doors, helping your coat…etc. It’s a way that they can take care of you. If you’re unsure he’s this type of man, lag behind a little bit to see if he will open the door for you. You will know soon enough and will be able to adjust accordingly.
  2. Be a lady. Men don’t like a girl who’s good at belching, farting, swearing and so forth. Use your good manners with them and they’ll appreciate it.
  3. Be confident. This all starts when you’re getting ready for the date. If you look good, then it’s easier to feel good about yourself. Men love women who exude confidence (not arrogance). Avoid fidgeting, biting your nails, or filing your nails.
  4. Keep the conversation balanced. By this I mean do not control the conversation with things about you. Asking a man questions about his life, job, family, hobbies will show him that you are genuinely interested in him. Look him in the eyes when you’re talking. When he asks you questions answer them honestly. Keep the conversation informative, but not skeleton in the closet informative. (Hate that.)
  5. Avoid the past. One of the worst first date conversations you could have is who you’ve dated, how/why you broke up and the scars you carry. If he asks, you can politely decline answering. Your baggage should stay at home where it belongs, with the skeletons. (This rule goes for both sexes)
  6. Offer to help pay for the date. Politely offer to help pay for dinner, however don’t make a big deal out of it if he says no. Guys should never expect the girl to pay. Also, they know when you’re trying to get out of it by conveniently ‘going to the bathroom’ when the check comes.
  7. Respect yourself. Not every date is the best date ever. There are times when the guy’s not who you thought he was and starts acting inappropriately. Respect yourself enough to say no and end the date. Do not worry about hurting his feelings, worry about keeping yourself safe and happy.
  8. Enjoy the moment. Smile a lot. Life’s too short, so laugh and have fun. Even if you know the relationship with this will go no further than this evening, have a good time. Dating is all about experimenting, so live it up.

After the Date

  1. Show your manners. Thank him for a great time. Again, smile and look him in the eyes so that he knows you are sincere. Let him know if you’re interested in seeing him again.
  2. Give him some time to call you. Don’t expect a call the next day. If it happens that’s great, however if it doesn’t give him a few days. Calling him a few days later to thank him again for a wonderful time is appropriate.
  3. Know when to give up. If he hasn’t called you after a few days, let it go. It’s time to move on. It’s not in the dating rules for girls to sit around waiting for a phone call that won’t come. This only puts you in a bad mood and nobody likes feeling like that. (I’ve experienced this first hand.)

 

Let’s face it ladies, you love the amazing men out there. You love it when we’re interested in you. You love it when we treat you with respect and make you feel like the lady you truly are.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

10 Huge Mistakes Women Always Make In Relationships

As the author of phicklephilly, I’m on the front lines every day hearing all the latest and most common ways that otherwise good people mess up their intimate relationships. While there are a million stories in the big city, the truth is that breakups usually tend to fall into a few primary categories. Sometimes there are even multiple issues that overlap. That’s the beauty of pattern recognition. So for ease of reading and maximum reach, I decided to catalog a list of some of the most common forms of self-sabotage out there.

Now before you accuse me of blaming women for all breakups, just know that I have a top 10 list of ways that men also self-sabotage relationships that will be posted soon — and they are about as different as the genders themselves. We all have our own unique challenges related to the way we see and interact with the world around us. The good news is that a lot of it could be avoided if more people became conscious of the huge differences in how men and women navigate the world. That’s why I do what I do and help so many people turn their love lives around for good. So here they are in no particular order, the 10 Biggest Mistakes Women Make In Relationships:

1. You Don’t Know Your Own Value

This might be one of the most common areas where I work with my female friends. Do you chase after the bad boys who treat you poorly and only want them more? Are you attracted to all the unavailable guys? Are you afraid to ask for what you want? Do you put up with nonsense expecting that “one day” it will magically change? If so, welcome to the club — you are far from alone. You, my dear, do not know your value. The truth is that there are only two fears in the human condition: one is that you’re “not enough,” and two is that you won’t be loved. Let’s be clear: this will keep you single until it changes. Ironically, the thing that will keep you stuck here for years or even decades is that no man can really respect a woman who will allow him to treat her so shabbily, so this truly is a self-inflicted wound. I’m sorry for being so blunt, but the truth will set you free — even if it makes you angry or defensive first. If that’s the case, don’t bother getting mad at me. I cared enough to level with you so you can actually have all the love you truly deserve. I arrived at writing phicklephilly based on my personal experience.

2. You Over-Rely On Your Masculine Energy

Many of my friends are highly successful women and well-known in their communities. They’re doctors, lawyers, executives and entrepreneurs, but they can’t attract or keep a man. Ironically, their success is oftentimes a result of the fact that deep inside, these women also have huge doubts about their self value. (Do you see a theme here?) In fact, it’s their over-compensation that often leads to their success. The problem only gets dramatically worse if they’re divorced or are single parents because in order to be the sole provider or protector, too, their entire day is spent living in their masculine, achiever energy. While that may be effective in paying the bills, when you spend too much time there, it’s nearly impossible to transition out of that and re-embrace your feminine energy again. The fact is, if you can do it all by yourself, a man will look at you and see no role for himself; unless, of course, he’s looking for a sugar mama. I definitely don’t recommend that arrangement either. If you think it doesn’t sound so bad, re-read item #1.

Thank you. I’m being brutally honest and trying to help, ladies.

3. You Simply Don’t Get Or Understand Men

Women who understand how men work and appreciate them for their masculine gifts have a way of kissing frogs and turning them into princes. Likewise, women who are jaded, frustrated or have been burned too many times can kiss a good man and turn him into a frog. The fact is, women are far more complex and men are fairly simple creatures who actually are pre-wired to want to serve you — if you know how to inspire them. Bottom line, most of my friend’s success comes when I teach them specifically how to understand and appreciate men so they can bring out their best, rather than suffer through their worst. I can teach you how to make a man crazy about you and then condition his behavior to treat you like his queen. Of course, that’s assuming you want to do what it takes to be his queen.

4. You Try To Change Him Or Don’t Accept Him As He Is

There’s nothing that turns off a man like meeting a woman he’s trying to impress and then having her immediately try to turn him into her latest “project” that she’s going to fix. Maybe it’s criticizing the way he dresses, insulting his table manners, or ridiculing his appearance or grooming habits. Women have a way of doing that because they tend to be caretakers by nature but frankly, it usually doesn’t end well for either party, and it just feels bad all the way around. At best, unrequested suggestions are usually unwelcome. At worst, they’re insulting and emasculating. People want to be seen, heard and appreciated for who they are; if you feel the need to change him with your complaints, ridicule, teasing or even unrequested “helpful hints,” let me ask you a question. How would you like it if he did that to you? Enough said!

5. You Don’t Really Appreciate What Men Do For You

On the other extreme of women not knowing their value, are the self-centered women who seemingly believe they are “owed” something. They are not grateful that a man opted to spend his time, talent and treasure with her. In fact, they have an attitude of entitlement. You may be surprised how many women stay in relationships with men — or even multiple men — for the gifts and prizes. It’s also not unheard of for women to accept free dinners, order the most expensive things on the menu and then disappear or be busy when a man tries to ask them out again. If you think the term “gold digger” sounds bad, consider how it feels to be on the receiving end of that kind of behavior. Ladies, you’re not the only one who can develop trust issues. If you’ve treated a man this way before, just know that some of your dating struggles might be dating karma coming back to you. Taking advantage of others for your own gain is not only unattractive — it’s indefensible.

6. You Don’t Share Your Gifts

The gift of the masculine sex is his ability to protect and provide. In fact, he takes great pride in it and will oftentimes even willingly risk his health or life in order to do that effectively. In fact, elderly men who seemingly “lose their purpose” or ability to provide as effectively after retirement may spiral into depression, suffer anxiety or even die prematurely when they no longer feel “needed.” Those two things are that hard-wired into masculine energy that they are a matter of life and death. So what, you may ask, is the gift of the feminine sex? The essence of femininity is the innate desire to nurture, caretake or look after your man. It’s about reciprocation and putting one another first. If you’re not doing that, you’re more interested in taking than giving, and healthy relationships aren’t about taking. They’re about giving. You need to figure out what exactly you bring to the table for him and then understand his love language to see whether he even values what you’re offering.

7. You Create Drama Instead Of Memories

As I said earlier, men are relatively simple creatures who navigate the world via logic and reason — it just doesn’t make sense to be all worked up constantly. They love to prove their value by solving problems and making things easy. They tend to be laid back and easy-going when they’re not working, and they also typically hate to waste effort if they can’t see a potential upside. That’s why masculine energy quickly tires of the drama that arises when femininity gets caught up in emotion and upset. Just be aware that if you kind of like the attention you get when you stir things up, it just might turn into a very short-term gain, if you know what I mean.

8. You Either Didn’t Build Trust — Or You Broke It

If a man is going to consider a future with you, he has got to believe that you respect him and have his back while he has yours. Inside every little boy is a desire to grow up and be a hero and a good man who feels connected to you will give his all to be your hero. In fact, he may even give his life to protect you. His commitment is that deep. In return, he must be able to trust that you have his best interests in mind also. Men also tend to strongly resonate with the concept of honor which is the backbone of the military code. Bottom line, a good man has high standards and you’ll have to as well if you’re going to keep him.

9. You Tried To Tie Him Down Too Soon

This may be one of the biggest mistakes women make over and over again. After one date, one kiss, or even one intimate encounter, women often seem to think they’re now magically in a “relationship.” Actually, not so fast. First of all, that’s not the time to negotiate your terms, and masculine energy has a very different criteria for that designation. The truth is men have an almost primitive drive and preference for the concept of freedom that practically lies in their DNA. Add to that it’s basic human nature that as soon as you grab someone quickly, they instinctively and reflexively pull away. While that may sound like men have no interest in monogamy, that’s not exactly true. Masculine energy will absolutely commit and voluntarily give up their freedom, but only after they’re convinced that you offer something better. The key is — timing is everything. Let a man pursue you and never try to take his freedom; it can only be surrendered.

10. You Didn’t Inspire Him Enough To See A Future With You

Here’s the truth: dating is a competitive environment. Every one of us, men and women alike, wants to be with a partner that makes us feel like we definitely got the better part of the deal when it comes to our partner. In fact, it’s ideal when both partners have such a strong appreciation and gratitude for one another that they both feel blessed to have attracted their partner. Basically, it’s about finding someone who just “gets” you and resonates with you. Believe it or not, this isn’t as rare as it seems; you can learn how to get better at attracting this, and I help my friends dramatically increase their odds of finding this kind of partner.

The Bonus Mistake That Didn’t Make The List:

I had one more that’s quite common, but it wasn’t prevalent enough to make my top 10. That’s partly because it’s more of a misunderstanding that leads to a belief or attitude than a mistake. You’re looking for a man to “complete” you when that’s your job. Those who invest in themselves and do some personal development work have a huge advantage when it comes to attracting and keeping all the love they deserve. They’ve done the work to heal their wounds. They understand how to elegantly, effectively and efficiently connect with another human being. Like anything else in life, it all comes down to the right amount of preparation and perspiration to have what you want in life. I certainly hope this article has added a fair amount of inspiration, too.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this piece.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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If He Says Any Of These 15 Things, You Can’t Trust Him

These phrases will tell you everything you need to know about what kind of guy you’re dealing with.

You’ve heard the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” That’s generally true, but there are also some phrases that reveal important information about the person who speaks them.

Sometimes, the words that come out of an individual’s mouth demonstrate attitudes and beliefs that should cause you to tread carefully. Reading into these words will give you the signs you can trust someone — or not.

1. “I won’t ever talk about it.”

Do you feel barred from certain aspects of this person’s life? If so, you have to wonder what lies behind those walled-off areas. (Annabelle used to pull that shit on me. Dysfunctional idiot.)

2. “Let’s get married!” (if said too soon).

Under the right circumstances, these are amazing words. But some people hurry the process, perhaps out of insecurity, desperation, or unrealistic expectations about what is needed create an enduring and satisfying union.

3. “Why should I have to explain everything to you?”

If your date is defensive or sensitive when you ask simple questions, he or she may be hiding something.

4. “C’mon, it was just a little white lie.”

A person’s willingness to lie should serve as a big red alert about his/her character and emotional health.

5. “I’m bored.”

Some people need constant action and busyness to feel satisfied. They easily become restless, making it hard to relax in their presence. Another danger: This person may quickly get bored with your relationship.

6. “Can I borrow some money?”

Loaning money to a romantic partner is fraught with danger. A request for a loan, at the very least, shows that the person is not conscientious about money management. Be especially wary of anyone asking to borrow money you are chatting with online.

7. “No duh!”

Insert your own sarcastic phrase here. Sarcasm stings, even when the other person insists it’s “just a joke.” Biting humor is a sign of insensitivity and superiority.

8. “You can trust me—really!”

Trustworthy people usually don’t need to proclaim their ability to be trusted. Instead, they demonstrate their reliability through actions, day in and day out.

9. “I’m right, you’re wrong.”

A healthy relationship is impossible with someone who insists on always being right and reacts strongly to any suggestion otherwise.

10. “Our relationship is fine the way it is. Why do we need a commitment?”

Some people want the best of both worlds—the security of your dating relationship and the freedom to date others.

11. “Well, that was stupid.”

If someone puts you down or tries to make you feel inferior, consider this a warning sign of more trouble ahead.

12. “Just do it the way I told you to.”

Beware of those who feel the need to take control of every situation and be in charge. In the name of being “helpful,” some people want to micromanage your life.

13. “How could you say that to me? That’s so mean.”

This is a red-alert phrase if you have gently and sensitively offered feedback or made a suggestion. People who are hypersensitive to criticism may be insecure or narcissistic.

14. “How can you believe that?”

You will feel stifled if your date does not respect your opinions and beliefs.

15. “Don’t you feel lucky to be with me?”

Some people exude arrogance and aloofness, sending the signal that you’re fortunate to be in their presence. A relationship can thrive only when BOTH partners feel grateful and blessed to be together.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Sun Stories: Alexa – The New Hookup

Last year when I started at the salon, I loved so many girls that came in that I had to make a list. Alexa was in the top five on that list. I think I was so enamored of being around this bevy of fit young woman I had to somehow placed her near the top.

She would come into the salon and lament to Achilles. He was cold and indifferent to her. Treated her like trash. Apparently she used to work at the salon and maybe the separation was negative. But God she was beautiful. She would come in and she had a special arrangement. Achilles treated her like garbage and I never understood it.  She was so beautiful.

A fine boned beauty. Slender, pretty face and revealing clothes. Achilles doesn’t like girls acting or dressing seductively because he just thinks they’re whores nobody wants, but my man is old world and I respect that. I have sisters and a daughter. I get it. Alexa dresses like she’s asking to be seduced. Low cut tops. Tits hanging out, legs out, or just really minimalist clothing. I would actually be worried about her walking out of the old salon in what she was wearing. It was too much sex and too little clothing, but I loved her because of that.

Achilles would treat her like crap when she came in. This is a former employee, but he treated her like a whore. It’s a weird situation. She comes in and pays $17 for a packet of lotion and a session in the premium bed. It doesn’t make sense. If she’s a former employee she should get a deal on a package, but she always rolls in and does the same thing that is profitable for us but a loss for her.

She’s beyond pretty and I yield to the rules of the salon and give her all of the attention I can to a flower this pretty, like I do all of my favorites.

My co-worker Haley would say, “You just missed your girlfriend… and she was looking extra slutty today. You would have loved her.” (See: Haley – Lightning in a Bottle)

Even little Haley knows I love broken wing Alexa. But I can’t help it. I was new back then and I’m caught up in the flirty sexiness of the job. I’m fine now and they’re all just clients by now, we have a business to run. Work in a bank, all the money turns into lettuce if you’re honest.

I no longer keep LOVE lists or anything like that, I just want the place to run and the people we employ to do their job and move forward.

Butt Alexa comes in and it’s always an event to me, because I love her. And when I say ‘love’ I mean phicklephilly love her. Alexa is so beautiful. Slender and I don’t know. There are so many pretty girls that come in here with their charm and caramel thighs , but Alexa can just hang out and just gush sexuality.

I’m a dad and I love my little Lorelei and I wonder if Alexa’s dad ever thinks about his daughter’s power and the negative aspects of that power. He’s a cop that works homicide in this city. That is some serious shit. I hear their relationship is solid and I like that. I hope he’s the man she says he is. Because a father is the most important man in a young girl’s life ever. You fuck that up and you pay big time. Everybody pays.

I know it can’t be easy being a cop, I have a few friends that in law enforcement and it’s a tough life. You’re dealing with the worst part of humanity most of the time.

But I’m fascinated by Alexa. I love her beauty. I love that Achilles hates her. I love that she’s sexy as fuck. I like that I want to be her sex slave. (kidding, but I kinda would)

She can’t keep a man. Her visits with hickies on her neck are juvenile and moments of jealousy for me. I wouldn’t mark Alexa by bursting the capillaries in her neck I’d leave her with  a far deeper memory

I know I could do that.

I’m so nice to her when she comes in she actually says to Achilles that she thinks I’m in love with her. Of course Achilles balks, but we have to be cautious. This is a business. I’m not in love with Alexa but I know Im fascinated with this gorgeous, damaged girl. I love damaged girls. It’s what I do. I tried to fix Lisa, Michelle an Annabelle, and they all need to fix themselves but at least I tried to help.

Whenever Alexa comes in my eyes are watering she’s so beautiful. I’m always looking after her. Getting her water or whatever she wants. She will use a tingle lotion that will roast her and make her red and I’ll look after her. I’ll get her water and fan her and she must know that I’m just some old loser guy that will cater to her. I don’t even care, because there are really pretty girls that come in here and that’s fine, but when Alexa comes in here she brings the sex, and I see it and feel it. She is just one of these girls that can walk through life and just slay everyone in their path with lust and desire.

She just has that power and just does it. I have mad skills, but baby doesn’t even need them because she looks right and acts right and people just yield to that. I’m sure she’s making a fortune at her new bar job.

She’s back studying communications at Temple. Standard young girl shit here in Philly. But she did give me this reveal.

She says she left Pub Web in shitty North Philly and is now working as a bartender at Tir Na Nog in Center City. I hate that bar because it’s a sausage fest and just a rugby and soccer bar. It’s just a bunch of dudes yelling for sports and I’ll never go there.

but Alexa will be there on Wednesday and I’m off Wednesday so I should say hello.

She comes into tan and looks pale.

I tell her she looks pale and she does her usual deal. But buys a tingler pack and ends up red as hell. Poor baby. I tell her to wash up use make up and she’ll be fine.

She sits in th waiting area with 15 minutes to spare and does her makeup. I love watching this gorgeous girl do her makeup in front of me. I love girly things.  I try not to look but Alexa is so beautiful I can’t resist.

Her shoelaces are untied I tell her not to trip on her on feet and that I’m worried about her.

I ask her when she’s working and she says, Friday, Saturday night and Wednesday.

There’s my moment.

“I can come in Wednesday because I’m off.”

“Cool. I’ll give you free drinks.”

“You don’t have to do that, Alexa.”

“I tell all of my friends to come in and they don’t. You come in and I’ll give you free drinks and you just tip me.”

At that moment I knew I had just solidified another hookup in Philly that I so desperately needed because we’ve had a few fall off. I love getting new ones. I’ll be there Wednesday on my own or hopefully with a loved one that will appreciate free drinks!

I’ve loved Alexa from afar for a year and understand her struggle, but remained a huge fan for a year. She doesn’t worry about me falling in love with her because I’m already in a relationship, but I so appreciate that we have a new place to hit for the hook up!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am  & 12pm EST.
Instagram: @phicklephilly                         Facebook: phicklephilly