Kita – Chapter 43 – Salon’s Too Big Without You

“Damn… I miss her!”

It’s been a month and I’m already losing interest in Kita. Out of sight, out of mind.

I’m so fickle.

I think It’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I haven’t seen my girlfriend Cherie because of finals, having two jobs, a son, and car troubles has kept her away. I don’t really mind. I can go for long periods without sex. There are already new ones coming in and I’m connecting with them. So fun. There’s a new girl who loves tanning and I think she’s addicted because she’s in here nearly every day. I really like her. (See: Delaney – The New Number One? ) I’ve been in touch with another girl that is just getting back from vacation. Her name is Cheryl and if all goes as planned I’ll be meeting her for wine in the near future. (See: Cheryl – The Bronze Goddess) 

So I’ve been dating and hanging with my girls but Kita’s in Florida and I miss her but she is mentally checked out. She said before she left that she’d text me and send me pics from Florida. I hadn’t heard a peep out of her for a month, and just yesterday I get this text:

“Hi!!!! I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch a lot. I’ve been with family and in the Keys and enjoying doing nothing. I hope you had a great holidays (Smiley emoji)”

I waited a couple of hours to respond because after this long of a silence and zero contact, I can’t make it look like I’m hanging on my phone waiting to hear from her.

“Hey Kita! I miss you! It’s okay! You needed a break. I had great holidays! Are you super dark  from the Florida sun?”

Crickets.

Nothing. Haven’t heard from her again. No response. I was hoping for a response. Any response. A little pic of how brown my baby is in a bikini would have been the proper response. I would have loved. But no. Nothing. It’s like she was underwater for a month, came up for a breath of air, texted me and then back under!

I may not be over Kita and I know we still have some romantic time to get to. That’s on the back burner. What if in the month she’s been gone she’s rekindled something with one of her guys? What if she’s come to her senses and knows kissing me will only lead to something more?

I hate the sound of crickets but I’m comfortable with them now. I’m happy in my life. Baby owes me nothing. She’s a young girl confused with her life and keeps kissing me when she’s stressed. She’s beautiful and I’m happy to help her.

Who cares what it is. I should probably broach the subject with my girlfriend, Cherie. She likes girls and maybe we can have a three-way.

That would be fun. Maybe I need to call Cherie and have that conversation. (That would be an insane night!)

But I find as I get older I’m better at dealing with loss. I like Kita, but if I never saw her again I’d be fine. I think as one grows older in a life that’s rich in experience, loss is just part of life. My parents are dead. I’ll never see them again. That’s a hard fact of growing old. Me not getting to see some cute little chick who doesn’t even know who she is yet is no skin off my nose. In the past month I’ve met some new interesting girls that are going to be good regular clients and they’ll move up on my list.

That could all change when I lay eyes on my little brown nut when next she enters the salon. She’ll be getting back tomorrow, so we’ll see if she comes in tomorrow night or the day after that. I’m sure she’s super tan from Florida but I know she won’t be able to stay away from here because she’s addicted to being tan.

And that’s where I come in.

Update: After knowing that she saw and read my response to her text last Friday and saying nothing, I get a text three days later on Monday:

“I’m coming in to tan tomorrow (Smiley Emoji)”

I didn’t respond. I don’t think I want Kita to be my number one anymore. But I still like her. I think it’s time for someone else to take the number one spot on my list.

 

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Kita – Chapter 42 – Yellow Fever

While baby’s away in Florida, she’s been on my mind and I’ve been thinking about my attraction to women. Asian women in particular. I love all women of all races but find Asian women especially bewitching.

These days you can’t get anywhere with out someone being called out for having yellow fever. Lets talk about what it means honestly, without resorting to ugly name-calling that usually comes out of discussions around this subject.

The term’s been around for a while and is similar to the derisory term Jungle Fever to describe white women who are attracted to black men. That term has largely disappeared but the term Yellow Fever has really sunk in and become a well-known term not used exclusively by Asian women, although most of them are no doubt aware of the phenomenon.

Let’s be 100% clear on one thing: the Interracial Asian/Caucasian couples which are so frequent these days are the total opposite of the cliche of the THAI bride (typically married to an older western man, usually unattractive and with limited options),since the women are from the same backgrounds, similarly educated, etc. Unfortunately, people still have the idea that western men are exploiting so-called submissive Asian women?

Unfortunately the submissive Asian woman is largely a result of Confucian culture in which women are raised to respect men and follow orders from them. No doubt there are some men who will find this behavior attractive and this may be the reason why they are more taken by Asian women.

It must be admitted here that many men find American society to be incredibly rights based and libertarian. you can’t say or do anything without someone being offended. This has truly had a terrible effect on relationships, with 1 in 3 marriages ending in divorce.

I’d be prepared to bet that most women in modern interracial relationships are more intelligent and better-educated than their western male partners. Far from being submissive, most Asian women are very assertive, they simply have a different approach to dealing with say, their frustration and anger than most other women do. I don’t now how effective shouting is but most kinds of women still feel that this is the way to deal with relationship problems.

I’ve been spending time with Asian women for the last few years. I guess success breeds success because I’m making more and more friends with girls who happen to be Asian women. The thing is I know what I’m dealing with and it’s all very reassuring for me. I find that these women enjoy the same things I do and we are culturally similar in spite of being from very different countries I did some internet research on ‘yellow fever’ and it seems most people using it are some women who feel that men shouldn’t be attracted to them. And yet, what is a man supposed to do? When I was younger, I was attracted by blonde women who had long lega (because this was what society held up as a beauty ideal). So I went after these women, even though I was disappointed when I found out that they weren’t what I had expected.  In life, you must go after what you want in order to be happy. Being around these women makes me happy and I’m in no mind to stop, despite what some people would no doubt put down to an unnatural fixation.

According to an article on the Harvard Crimson, ‘There is nothing wrong with being a white man who is attracted to Asian women. Many times, it is a subconscious desire that you can’t really control anyway.’

And the article was written by an Asian woman, Nian Hu,

So there you have it.

So Yellow Fever be damned, here’s a song by one hit wonder, Yello.

I miss Kita!

 

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I Apologize for the Infraction… But I’m Not Sorry

I’ve been looking after a lot of people lately.

Life is good for me as always. I’ve cut all of the crazy fleas and ticks out of my life.  That’s a relief. Please try it. You may be carrying some people who you no longer need in your life. Think it through. I’ve been writing this blog for a while now. I’ve covered a lot of territory. Many people. Many dates and friends.

I think about my life now. I have my health for now. You never know when that could go. That’s your most precious resource. I have stuff to do. Work at the salon, and the other place. (I don’t want to name them because it’s private for now. Not relevant to this story.) I have much love in my life. Cherie, my daughter, my family and other interests. I’ve learned to compartmentalized my life as I’ve gotten older. I’m not keeping secrets, just protecting people’s hearts. I have good people surrounding me now. That’s always a positive force. No more crazies. That’s too draining and a waste of time. Learn the difference as quick as you can. I have things to look forward to. That’s important too. That carries you forth into tomorrow.

I love my girlfriend Cherie. She’s marriage material. I can’t believe I’m actually saying that but when I’m with her I feel that way. I could grow old with that perfect girl. She’s wonderful. Best woman I’ve ever met. I’ve always been loyal to the women in my life, but I’ve been unfaithful to Cherie several times. It’s not because we’re having problems, it’s because I don’t see her enough.

But I like that. I like having a girl who loves me passionately that I rarely see. That’s just me. I know it sounds awful, but she’s my one and only and I think of her in terms I’ve never felt for any one else.

But I continue to offend.

Maybe if she were around more I’d be more virtuous but I don’t know. I don’t want her around much. I like her once a month delivering the drug I love. Dopamine and endorphins. It’s glorious. I know she’s going to someday be a successful doctor. You may think I’m a piece of shit for having a beautiful girlfriend half my age and cheating on her all of the time.

I’m not getting any younger. I have her right where I want her. The perfect arrangement for me. Finally. Someone that loves me and fucks me back to the stone age every time I see her and is the sweetest, most loyal baby ever.

But I do what I want.

I’m a loyal partner and have always been, but I am not getting any younger. ‘If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with’, the song says.

I should be on my knees thanking God for sending me such a wonderful woman who has gone through so much with life, her ex, her son, school and her family. She never drags me into any of it because she says she doesn’t want to decrease her value to me.

Yea. That’s a real thing in our relationship. The sweet, bright young black girl doesn’t want to look bad in front of her old white boyfriend.

She’s 28 and I’m 55! I’m stunned that she even wants to talk to me let alone let me fuck her. But to be fair because she’s a nymphomaniac and I am a reformed hypersexual, our sex is absolute fire. Cherie is the singular greatest lover I have ever had in my life.

But I’ve offended with Ambria. That was an indiscretion. There were a couple of near misses after her but now there’s Kita, and I absolutely adore her. This has been my track record and I suppose that’s who I am. Nobody’s getting hurt and I’m just sliding down destiny’s rainbow.

At my age that’s a miracle. Most men my age would kill to have what I have. Fuck them. Let them blow their money on cars and stuff. I have a gift that none of those losers have, so they can kiss my ass.

I’ve earned my right to be here and be surrounded by all of the lovely moist women in my life. I love them all equally and differently and I’m honored they want to still meet and old lion like me for a drink occasionally.

I truly love all of the women in my life. I am phicklephilly. The fickle lover that’s fiercely loyal but still a philanderer. But a man who truly loves and respects the women in his life and can retain them as friends without trying to get into their pants like every other loser in this city.

Men miss the point. There’s an ocean of women out there for you. Go ahead and pursue that. I don’t give a shit. That’s your scene. But you’re missing the point. Women are amazing, lovely, fascinating creatures that you should get to know. Try to be a better man and get to know some of them.

Stop trying to stick your dick into every moist hole you encounter. Get to know them. They’re really interesting and fun. Help them with their challenges in life. Reveal the stupid loser mistakes to help them get through their challenges with our species.

Because they don’t understand us either. You’d think they would because we’re such simple assholes but they don’t. You guys are equally mystified by them as well.

Make some friends with women and make them feel safe. I have dozens of women in my life that love and trust me because I am that man they trust and I deliver on that shit every day.

“Oh Charles hooked me up with that job because he knows the general manager and now my life is better and he didn’t try to awkwardly fuck me after that.”

Be that guy.

No fuck that. Never be a guy. Be a MAN.

Mix your life with men and women. You’ll feel more balances with both in your life. Your dudes are easy, but bring some girls in. Ladies are fun, beautiful and cool. Get it straight in your mind that you want to have female friends in you life that you don’t want to stick you dick into.

I know we all want to fuck all of the women we know. I would gladly sleep with pretty much all of the women I know in my life. They’re all young and attractive! But you have to take that moment in your mind and say to yourself, I need to have a pool of dating girls and a different pool of female friends.

Your life will be so much more rich.

I know you struggle with hearing all of their chatter. I get that. Turn your mind. It’s not chatter. It’s her song. She’s beautiful. Let her sing it and be there for her. Your friends could turn into lovers.

But just know in your mind that you have a plan.

You’re going to have a pool of women you’re going to pursue for romance and sex, but hold your crew of friendly ladies close for support.

Because you may need them for support when you lose your love.

Chicks Rule!

(When Alessandra appeared and did the heart thing my brain exploded)

 

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Kita – Chapter 34 – Thoughts While She’s Away

“I stand outside my pain and frustration now.”

I love Kita. Kita has no idea how I feel about her. It’s okay. She’s so young and inexperienced, she can’t see it.

I met her and in classic phicklephilly fashion and fell in love with her. I love my real girlfriend Cherie with all my heart, but this is just a symptom of the universe. That’s why this blog exists.

I’m fickle as hell and fall in love everyday. That sucks for Cherie, but I’m not directly hurting her. I just don’t see her much and don’t know how much longer I’ll be around.

I met Kita. I had a thing for her immediately. I wrote about her without even knowing her because the iron was hot. Then by some miracle I got to know her. I’ve loved that. Because that’s the way my brain operates. But I have control over that now. But I still want what I want. It makes me feel alive.

I think about this silly confused little girl. Beautiful. Doesn’t realize it. Obsessed with tanning and diet and exercise. Little connection with dad. Little connection with men and relationships.

My daughter is her same age and totally has it together.

Kita was with some loser guy that dumped her after 6 months at 16. She lost her shit and her mother put her on medicine. Not good, but here we go. Then she met JR and that was a 3 year odyssey of childish nonsense and discovery. They had sex, and were a couple. He got tired of her nonsense and cut her loose.

She suffered and rebounded into Steve. Another loser. If you’ve been reading the series you’ll see that he’s an absolute fail. I don’t even know him and I feel bad that he’s so confused with who he is.

Then there’s me.

The washed up banker, ad man that now works at a fucking tanning salon. A man that has decided to leave corporate life. A man that is a good dad to his daughter and a decent brother to his sisters.

This lovely bird has no clue how to navigate the perils of dating life. Rich family and boarding school for girls doesn’t groom girls for life.

Kita has come to me. She loves to tan and I’m kind and sweet. I have experience and I can help her. But I’m torn.

I’m not losing my shit over it. I’ve been at this a long time. I’m in a relationship with Cherie and I love her very much, but in classic phicklephilly fashion, I’m helpless to play this out.

I buy an extra banana when I go to Wawa knowing Kita’s coming in the salon. I do this all the time.

I know Kita loves snacks so I have a friend that sells trail mix products and I have secured a six pack of snacks I can give to her. (She goes crazy for them and hits the bag like a starving pup.)

I bought her pepper spray and showed her how to use it to protect my herself. (I haven’t done this for my girlfriend of a year)

I had dinner with her at one of the finest Italian restaurants in the city. We had the best table in the house. )Haven’t done that with Cherie either.)

I tell this story and they can’t believe it. But I have that power.

There’s something about Kita that just drops my dopamine.

And That’s all I need apparently. Kita is a sober, boring, confused 21 year old cute Asian girl. I don’t even know why I like her. She brings absolutely nothing to the table other than beauty and a slamming fit body.

But I’m not that guy.

Maybe I want to rescue her, and spend time with her because I’m obviously attracted to her but…. maybe I want to spend time with her because she doesn’t really fit in with her peers.

I’m happy just to hang with her.

I like that.

As sharp as I am in this world, sometimes my mind is dull when it comes to obvious cues.

All the kissing.

It’s always at the salon and I have to protect the business, but I may be missing the point. As confused as Kita is she seems to slip me in during her weakness. I love it, and I want more but I want to be careful with this one.

I bought her a little treat for Christmas. It’s chocolate pretzels with candy cane sprinkles upon them. She saw them on a snack site the other day and loved them so I knew it would be a small safe gift I could give my love.

Torture.

But not really.

I stand outside my pain and frustration now. It feels good.

I have a solid relationship with Cherie and that’s rock n roll.

But I get to play with young girls like Kita and enjoy the rush of courtship and confusion, but I never lose. I get to get off on the game and then go back to Cherie. I know some of you may have a problem with this but it’s my journey.

I’m going to ask her out to lunch when she gets back to Philly.

 

I’ve been thinking about this for the last two days. I just have to ask my love. She can’t see the lion. She’ll do it. For all of the wrong reasons. She really likes me. She loves that I’m always there for her. Mentor. Dad. her response will always be yes. She has little experience with men.

My inner voice scolds me: “Charles… You love her in a phicklephilly way. You have Cherie. Hold it together. Don’t do anything stupid at lunch.”

I think the most obvious and sad part of this tale is this. Here we have phicklephilly guy completely smitten by a young girl. She is absolutely clueless in the ways of love. The thing she needs is a good boy to step up and take her out on dates. Buy her a romantic dinner, give her bananas when she stops in, give her breakfast bars and snack mix as gifts, (she loves that) give her romantic advice and take her to lunch.

That’s what I’ve been doing.

Kita is completely blind to my love for her.

She’s a self absorbed, selfish girl, that doesn’t understand what is being provided to her. But I’m foolish to ever think I would ever get to savor the fruit of this elegant flower.

Why have I wasted my time on this sweet little project?

 

Maybe not. You never know what could happen.

 

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14 Women Describe the Moment They Knew They Were Bisexual

Bisexuality isn’t an exact science. The experience for one individual may look very different than the experience of another. So what exactly does it mean to be bisexual? According to the Human Rights Campaign, a bisexual person is someone who can be attracted to more than one gender.

However, while some people who are attracted to multiple genders may identify as bisexual, others may instead identify as pansexual, queer, fluid, or not label themselves at all.

“It’s really different for everyone,” says LGBTQ expert Kryss Shane, LMSW. “Some people who identify as bisexual might have always been romantically or sexually attracted to people of multiple genders; Some people who identify as bisexual maybe prefer pornography or in-real-life sexual encounters with people of multiple genders.”

To be clear though, there’s no sort of checklist that can determine whether or not you’re bisexual. But to help, here are 14 women’s stories on the moment they knew they were bisexual and how they embraced their identity.

1. “I knew I was bisexual when I was 15. I had curious thoughts about women for years, but thought it was just me wanting to be friends with them. When I was younger though, I was a big Glee fan, and that show introduced a lot of female relationships that I hadn’t seen before. I think just being exposed to those really popular pairings made me realize that I wanted what I was seeing, but was also still equally boy-crazy. Once I realized I wanted a dog and a picket white fence with a girl, that’s when I really knew I was truly bisexual.” —Michelle O., 23.

2. “At 24, I met a girl and found myself not only fantasizing about kissing her, but actually dating her too. You know, like waking up with her in the morning, cuddling on the sofa, etc. I remember standing and looking at her talking to a friend when I realized that I would not make an exception for her, I was just bisexual.” —Christin H., 33.

3. “I was probably 12 when I realized I had feelings for both men and women. However, I didn’t understand what that feeling was. I was always very intimidated by other girls in my grade, and I never understood why—but looking back, it was definitely because I was attracted to them and shoved that to the side. My senior year of college though, I was crushing hard on one of my friends and it was very apparent to me what that actually meant.” —Laurel F., 24

4. “I don’t know if there was a specific moment… it was more a short period of time in which I realized I had my first crush on a girl—but in a way that I thought was normal until I understood not all people felt that way.” —Lauren R., 21

5. “I identified as straight until I was 29. There was one summer when I developed a crush on three women, and one of them ended up being my first girlfriend. We dated for three years. I didn’t really label my sexuality at that point, but knew I wasn’t straight anymore. After that relationship, I dated somebody who was trans and non-binary, so I started learning more about bisexuality and started to embrace that I’m attracted to people of many genders.” —Cally I, 35

6. “I realized at probably 13 that I might like girls when my best friend at the time got her first boyfriend and I felt so heartbroken and jealous. I always just accepted that I could be attracted to both men and women, and haven’t questioned it since!” —Samantha R., 25

7. “I knew deep down that I was bisexual since puberty, as I was fantasizing about women—even though I had always been attracted to boys from a very early age. So when I got to high school, I started experimenting with girls. Throughout school, I was hazed by other gay friends of mine that insisted I was a lesbian, but I knew I wasn’t. Eventually, I met my now husband. Coming out to him was the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most liberating.” —Becky B., 27

8. “I was 20 or 21 when I came to terms with it. I was on a bus and a hot girl came on and I thought, ‘I’m probably gay, that’s it.’ Then a hot guy came on and I was like, ‘Woah, pretty sure lesbians are not this attracted to men.’ So then came the light bulb moment where I realized I was bi and there was no explanation needed.” —Lorenna L., 23

9. “I always had boyfriends when I was younger, but I think that was because I knew that’s what girls were supposed to do. I’ve definitely always liked men and women, but I didn’t realize my feelings toward women until my friends bought me a Paris Hilton CD and when I saw her on the cover, I was like, ‘Oh, shit, I like girls too.'” —Laura C., 23

10. “I went to an all girl’s school and in 8th grade, I was standing in line behind one of my best friends for a Halloween haunted house. She was dressed as Michael Jackson in a white dress shirt and black pants. I felt incredibly attracted to her and realized in that moment I liked girls as much as guys.” —Jayne S., 33

11. “I fell in love with a woman at 18, but I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea that all my dating relationships up to that point were merely compulsory. Realizing that neither the straight, nor the gay/lesbian labels fit me was my first experience as a member of a marginalized group. Then, I joined a community for bisexual women and the group shaped me personally and professionally. My first marriage was to a man and my second and now current marriage is with a woman.” —Alison B., 45

12. “There wasn’t one specific moment when I realized I was bisexual, but I think I realized it when I was 17. I had been dating this guy, but I found myself clinging to his best friend. She and I would make out occasionally, but I told myself it was just to get the attention of guys around us. Eventually, I realized I had a crush on her. When I look back at that moment, I felt relief. I finally had a word to describe the way I adored other women when I was younger.” —Abbey B., 22

13. “There were hints throughout my life—my love the The L Word, my involvement in gay rights, the way I couldn’t keep my eyes to myself when I was at the beach and girls were in bikinis. I was finally able to admit to myself when I went to a strip club and sat at the rack and was like, ‘Yup, I’m bi.’ I made an OkCupid profile shortly after and then started coming out to my friends and family.” —Tabby T., 30

14. “I first knew I was bisexual when I was 17. I was supposed to visit my friend at her house on the weekend and she called me to tell me who was going. She told me her twin sister was bringing her girlfriend, but I was a little surprised to know she had a girlfriend. I asked my friend about it because I had always known her sister to be the ‘boy crazy’ type, and she nonchalantly said her sister was bisexual. I thought about the conversation all week and realized that was the word I had been looking for my whole life.” —Sam G., 21

 

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Lovely Lauren – The Most Beautiful Bartender I Ever Met – Part 3 – The Interview

Phicklephilly: What’s your favorite movie?

 

Lauren: Almost Famous.

 

Phicklephilly: Good one. Have you created any signature drinks at Stratus?

 

Lauren: Yes. i brought a grapefruit gin fizz to stratus. I love to make it for our clients. It’s deliciocious.  You should let me make you one, Charles.

 

Phicklephilly: Let’s make that happen, Lauren.

 

Lauren: Sounds good, Charles. (smiles)

 

Phicklephilly: What brought you to Stratus, Lauren?

 

Lauren: I was working at another venue and someone scouted me on Facebook and they hire me.

 

Phicklephilly: You had mentioned Nursing in our initial meetings.

 

Lauren: I’m not going there.

Phicklephilly: Let’s quickly and deftly switch gears here, dear. What are your thoughts on the world of mixology?

 

Lauren: I’ve never referred to myself as a mixologist, not that I don’t get creative behind the bar. There are so many aspects…. technical, personality, and creativity. When I think of the word mixology i just think of mixing drinks. I’m a bartender and being a mixologist is only a small part of what I do on a daily basis.

 

Phicklephilly: Which do you prefer?

 

Lauren: Bartender for sure.

 

Phicklephilly: How has the job changed since you began, Lauren?

Lauren: When I first started there were new technical things I had to learn. But now I can focus on the more creative and elegant aspects of my job.

 

Phicklephilly: How have you changed since you started?

 

Lauren: Oh, I was really naive at first. I definitely never realized that it’ a whole show. I was always affable but every part of the job i a performanance. The more I do it the more I see it as a career. I’ve met so many people that are on so many levels of the industry.

 

Phicklephilly: What do you see trending now in the way of drinking?

 

Lauren: Oh my gosh….Fireball! We don’t serve it but the kids love it!

 

Phicklephilly: Best customer?

 

Lauren: Best is on a Friday night. They know what they want, the money is out and we make it happen. Weekdays… social… try new drinks. I love a client that wants to try new things!

Phicklephilly: Worst?

 

Lauren: Someone snapping in my face: “what’s your cheapest and strongest drink?”

 

Phicklephilly: Ooh brutal. What’s the bst tip  you ever got?

 

Lauren: I was bartendeing with another employee and she didn’t want the table. It was outside on the deck and I took it. It was was my first ever. The bill was $50 and the tip was $300!!!

 

Phicklephilly: Have you served any celebrities?

 

Lauren: Yes. Several athletes. I don’t remember their names. I once served Lynyrd Skynyrd and Bad Company at Stratus.

 

Phicklephilly: Nice! Where can we find you on the other side of the rail?

Lauren: Morgan’s Pier down on the river. Outdoor, sunny skies and by the water. Very chill and a fun place to be in the summer. I also like North Shore Beach. Again, it’s a low key bar with a pool in the city where I can chill and relax.

 

Phicklephilly: What’s your favorite color?

 

Lauren: Purple. I’ve always felt purple, but when it comes to clothes, I love the color black.

Phicklephilly: Black is slimmimg, not that you need it.

 

Lauren. You’re funny.

 

Phicklephilly: Who is your favorite actor/actress?

 

Lauren: No idea, but again, Lucille Ball.

 

Phicklephilly: She is and was amazing. The first of her kind. What’s your favorite beer, wine and cocktail?

Lauren: Victory Summer Love, Yards Saison, and Savignion Blanc. It’s so light and refreshing!

 

Phicklephilly: I LOVE Victory Summer Love in Spring and Summer too!”

 

Lauren: It’s SO good!

 

Phicklephilly: Do you consider yourself a salesperson at Stratus?

 

Lauren: I would consider myself an honest person. I will stand behind something I truly feel is great. If you don’t like what I made for you, I’ll make you something else.

 

Phicklephilly: What’s your favorite food?

 

Lauren: Sushi. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

 

Phicklephilly: Have you ever had to memorize a load of drinks?

 

Lauren: Every night, Charles.

 

Phicklephilly: What is the most stressful… worst job you’ve ever had?

Lauren: Working at a nightclub where I had keys and it was just a crazy scene. (I should have gone deeper here)

 

Phicklephilly: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

 

Lauren: Hopefully with a college degree and in a career I’m passionate about.

 

Phicklephilly: Who is your role model?

 

Lauren: Lucille Ball. (Wow… again)

 

Phicklephilly: What’s your super power, Lauren?

 

Lauren: If looks could kill… I have an evil look.

 

Phicklephilly: Okay… I get that.

 

Lauren: What’s yours…? (giggles)

 

Phicklephilly: Turning alcohol into regret.

 

lauren: Ha ha ha You are killing me, Charles!

 

Phicklephily: It’swhat I do, dear. What’s your spirit animal?

 

Lauren: Definitely a dog. I love to cuddle but I still have the power to bite your head off.

 

Phicklephilly: Noted… What’s your dream destination?

 

Lauren: New Zealand!

 

Charles: Is there other life in the universe?

 

Lauren: If it’s happening here on earth, I feel that it must be happening somewhere else too.

 

Phicklephilly: How lucky are you, and why?

 

Lauren: I feel extremely lucky andhave gotten opportunities that people have been kind enough to grant me. I am very grateful. I feel very fortunate, Charles.

 

Phicklephilly: Are you a hunter or a gatherer?

 

Lauren: A gatherer. (I should have expanded on this one too)

 

Phicklephilly: Desert Island. You can only bring 3 things. What do you do?

 

Lauren: I would have to bring my friend Liza who I’ve known forever. She works for NASA. Jiro from Jiro dreams of sushi so he could make me the best sushi. Oh and lots of razors…. because I hate being hairy. (Again… I should have delved deeper here)

 

PhicklephillY: Do you like cereal? If you were a box of cereal, what would you be, Lauren?

 

Lauren: Honey Bunch of Oats! Because you get so many flavors in one box. So many variations, and when you get to the root of it… that’s me.

 

Phicklephilly: Best human trait?

 

Lauren: The will to survive. (Could have done so much better on this one)

 

Phicklephilly:  You’re the new addition to the crayon box. What color are you?

 

Lauren: Oh course, purple, Charles. You asked me that already. ha ha

 

Phicklephilly: Movie about you. Who plays you, and why?

 

Lauren: Oh, Lindsay Lohan. Have you seen Georgia Rule?

 

Phicklephilly: ha ha okay… yes.  What’s the funniest thing that happened to you lately?

 

Lauren: Yea… I went to a musical festival. I ended up in lying in a blow up baby pool full of stuffed animals. No water, dude.

 

Phicklephilly: hahhah ha that’s insane. have you ever been on a boat?

 

Lauren: Yes! I went kayaking last week. It was one of the most fun days of my life!

 

And it ends there…. I think I could have gone so much deeper, but it was her first and my first interview. It was never published so it go buried. But I believed that it was always good and she was a lovely girl so I’m very pleased to immortalize Lauren forever here on Phicklephilly.

I think she’s married and lives in New York now.

Lucky guy!

 

What a lovely girl!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The 6 Real Reasons Men Usually Leave Women

It’s not what you think.

When partners are in agreement that they both want to move on, those endings are just part of life, and both people are willing to try again with someone else. It’s different when the decision is one-sided. If only one partner wants the relationship to continue, while the other is ready to end it, the person left behind is often left struggling to learn how to deal with a breakup and get over their heartbreak, while the other must bear the guilt of leaving.

Most people who leave a relationship are ready to move on. But some, after time passes, begin to regret their decision.

Once they have put the negative aspects of that past relationship behind, they begin to miss the good times. Haunted by having left someone they perhaps truly loved, they wonder if they should have tried harder to make the relationship work, and begin to search for that lost love.

They may find that their past partners are no longer available, and so they’ve missed their chance. But sometimes they find out that a past love is unattached, and the possibility that they might have another chance awakens a compelling desire to try again. Even if their feelings may no longer be reciprocated, they cannot walk away without finding out.

Partners who want to reconnect with an old love they’ve once left must make certain they understand what went wrong between them. Knowing whether their own characteristic behaviors were the problem can make the difference between succeeding or failing the second time around.

Over the years, I have made note of the most common reasons why he left you and abandoned your relationship prematurely.

1. He has a fear of commitment.

The fear of commitment is one of the most common reasons people cite for leaving relationships. Those partners have difficulty understanding the difference between commitment and entrapment. They often feel pressure to make promises they may not be able to keep, especially on the other end of someone who is ready for a long-term relationship.

If one partner feels that the other wants a commitment and isn’t ready, he or she will sense that desire as a potential trap. Feeling locked into a relationship that might lose its allure feels too scary.

When a relationship no longer has new discoveries to experience, has continual conflict, or loses its attraction, most people pull back their energy and resources. The fear of commitment will logically become a fear of entrapment when relationships stop evolving and regenerating.

People who see commitment as entrapment may not be able to imagine a long-term relationship that doesn’t feel potentially confining or obligated. If they go back to a relationship they once left behind, they must redefine and resolve that fear, or the same behavior will likely recur.

2. He lacks the readiness for a long-term relationship.

Many people feel unable to stay in a permanent relationship because they don’t feel wise or experienced enough to promise a future they cannot foresee. They don’t know themselves deeply enough to predict what they might want someday and are not ready to stop exploring other alternatives that might be better.

This inability and unwillingness to foresee what might happen is natural in young adults, but older people can also feel unable to predict who they might yet become. It is not wrong or necessarily immature to opt for pleasure, to choose a life of continuing adventure, to embrace constant new discoveries, or to enjoy novel situations.

There are quality people who should never be in a long-term relationship. Though those intertwinements offer security, shared memories, and mutual dreams for the future, they require that both partners maintain their devotion and continue to regenerate their love.

When people want that security but cannot give up their freedom, they must ultimately make a choice. They may leave relationships that feel wonderfully satisfying but anticipate they will need to move on someday.

3. He wishes to go back to an unfinished relationship.

It is totally possible to love more than one person at a time. Many people leave relationships, even though they still have strong feelings for the other person, to recommit to a new partner. They rationalize leaving because there were just too many problems, or they felt unfulfilled.

After time elapses, the partner in a new relationship begins to face a new set of problems. He or she begins to remember the magical moments of their past love.

Negatively comparing the present relationship to the one that’s gone, memories pervade consciousness, and the present relationship dims in importance. The desire to go back to the old love intensifies, and the present relationship becomes a casualty.

4. He doesn’t have faith in successful long-term relationships.

Childhood experiences compounded with sequential adult interactions heavily impact the trust anyone has in whether a long-term, quality relationship is even possible. Many people, for example, have parents who failed to stay together, often through disastrous interactions and painful outcomes.

When people allow their past experiences to determine their future options, they will love the romantic phases of new relationships but become easily discouraged when the lust/discovery/honeymoon period wears off. Instead of energetically embracing that next emerging state of deeper friendship and commitment, they begin to focus on what isn’t going right.

People become what they anticipate and get better at those choices as they practice. If they are looking for problems, they will find them and assume they are unfixable. Their basic, underlying unconscious mind tells them continuously that all relationships are eventually doomed, and they begin to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy.

To make an old relationship work, those naysayers must change their ways of thinking by understanding where their attitudes came from and how those limitations have affected the outcomes of their relationships. Otherwise, going back to lost loves after breakups will not work any better than it did the first time.

5. He prefers to choose easy over challenging.

Long-lasting, successful relationships take work, and the partners within them don’t shirk that commitment. They know that their continuing regeneration is absolutely dependent on continuing to care deeply about each other and the relationship.

When relationship seekers don’t understand that basic principle or aren’t willing to put in the effort, they often pick partners who don’t ask much of them. The relationship doesn’t need much but also doesn’t offer much in the long run.

Boredom is often the result of a too easy, too predictable relationship, which may be why he left you. All human beings seek security, but also need novelty and challenge to be at their best. When relationship seekers opt for easy, they risk becoming involved in a relationship that will cease to hold their attention.

As boredom increases, many partners will seek novelty and excitement outside the relationship. The couple begins to spend less time and energy on the relationship, and the distance between them increases.

6. He lacks the skills to transform romantic feelings to deeper love.

When love is new, it is often spectacularly intense and magically seductive. New lovers are spellbound — enraptured and captured by the experience of each other. Both put their best feet forward, keep their liabilities hidden, and devote themselves selflessly to the needs and desires of their new partners. They willingly put all other involvements on the back burner, offering all of their resources first to each other.

People who have not learned the skills to transform their romantic feelings into deep love and conviction come to a halt when the love/lust part of the relationship naturally wanes. They have had either the unrealistic expectation that those feelings should always be there throughout the length of a relationship, or have never known the wonder of deeper love.

When they are no longer enamored and caught up in the seductive process of new connection, they fear that they will never experience those feelings again.

Before anyone tries to go back to a prior love, they must look deeply into their own reasons for why they chose to leave before.

Do they pick the same kind of partners that will never work, no matter how hard they try? Do they feel that any permanent decision in their lives is doomed to end in entrapment? Are they just not long-term relationship material? Do they always regret their past decisions? Do they have faith that any long-term relationship will work? Do they pick people who don’t challenge them, so they don’t have to think about long-term decisions? Have they never learned the skills to transform new love into mutually committed treasuring?

There are re-connections that do work, and beautifully, but those are the exceptions, not the rule. The chances of success are much greater if people know why they left, have changed their behaviors, have learned the skills to do it better the next time around, and have a willing partner at their side.

When a person is ready to do those things and has a welcoming, accepting partner, I have personally observed the heart-warming sweetness of these rekindled loves.

Randi Gunther is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor. Her free relationship advice e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that cause marriage problems, breakups, and divorce.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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