6 Things Your Guy Won’t Tell You (And Will Deny if You Ask)

Things Your Boyfriend Won’t Tell You

There are always things that both men and women are hesitant to share with their partners, things that they know will bite them in the butt if they share. There are definitely things your boyfriend won’t tell you, and while this isn’t a comprehensive list, it does hit the highlights.

Your job is not to do anything silly—like confront him on these on your next date night. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Things Your Boyfriend Won’t Tell You | Secret #1: He WILL lie about your cooking

You may think you’re an awesome cook, but that meatloaf of yours…yeah, he’d rather go to Burger King. I wouldn’t look too deep into this. If he says he likes it the first time, don’t ask him ten more times.

You’ll get the same answer and you’ll both be grumpy about it. Give him a couple of options, and if you notice he never wants one of those options, chop it out of your dinner rotation. Problem solved.

Secret #2: He’s not going to stop watching porn (no matter how nicely you ask)

But you knew this…or at least I hope you did. Your guy loves having sex with you, but he also loves watching sex from time to time (too much, he may have a problem.)

The more you ridicule him into thinking it’s wrong, the more likely he’ll resent you. Besides, this isn’t about you. I’m sure you’re fantastic in bed. But no matter how crazy the sex, a guy is going to feel the need to get off without you from time to time.

Secret #3: He doesn’t feel like chit chat after sex

I think a lot of you read this and know about it, but it still doesn’t stop you from getting angry when your guy falls asleep in the middle of one of your monologues. Sorry, but our brains shut down.

We want to play a video game or turn on Netflix but the last thing we feel like doing is chatting. Don’t blame us. Blame biology.

Secret #4: Steamy sex dreams (that don’t involve you) aren’t leaving the confines of his head

He’ll never mention it…ever, especially if it has to do with an ex. Sex with other partners in a dream says nothing about his own desire for you so you shouldn’t feel threatened by it. He’s not going to call his ex up just because he had a dream about her.

Secret #5: He’ll hide the fact that he doesn’t feel like having sex with you (at the moment)

It’s easy for girls to tell their guys to bugger off if they don’t want sex. That’s pretty normal in a standard relationship. Society, however, doesn’t apply that same logic to men denying women sex.

Your guy is so nervous about saying something that he’ll probably just run with it anyway—regardless of whether he’s stressed out, tired, annoyed with you, or a whole slew of other things.

Secret #6: Yes, he’s looking at other women – and enjoying it

He’s sneaky about it, too. For every time you’ve caught him looking at another girl, he’s done it another 10 times without you noticing. When he’s hanging out with friends, it’s even worse.

Can we agree that there are other pretty women out there? He’s not going to have sex with them (if you are a catch – and you are) so don’t sweat it. And the more you get on his case about it, the more he’ll just feel nervous around you. Trust your man and understand that it’s nothing personal.

Things Your Boyfriend Won’t Tell You Final Thoughts

If you’re in a great relationship, none of these little secrets are important. He still loves you and wants to do what’s best for the relationship. I would strongly suggest you not bring these up, even if you have in the past. Give your dude some space. Trust me, he’ll appreciate it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

If He Does These 7 Things, He Likes You Way More Than You Think

He’s ready to take it to the next step!

Buying you flowers, paying for your dinner, making uninterrupted eye contact with you during said dinner — these are all classic signs a guy likes you.

These signs he’s into you are so “run of the mill” that they’re impossible to mistake.

But relationships aren’t always that black and white and figuring out how to tell if a guy likes you isn’t always so simple. If you’re asking yourself, “is he into me?” you aren’t alone.

Aside from the obvious signs of affection, there are a few unexpected signs someone likes you more than you think.

Since every relationship is as different as the people in them, it’s impossible to generalize the exact signs he likes you.

The way your new potential partner acts around you may be completely different than the behavior of an ex at the beginning of your relationship, which can cause you to question whether or not they really like you at all.

But believe it or not, the nuanced, subtle signs that you might not expect are oftentimes even more powerful indicators of someone’s true feelings than the grand gestures or stereotypical come-ons.

Instead of calling it quits because your new partner isn’t giving you the cues you expected, take a step back and evaluate their behavior through some of these more unexpected but important signs a guy likes you more than a friend.

1. He follows through.

In the beginning stages of a relationship, many people are focused on building trust and will go to great lengths to follow through on promises.

Although many people expect lavish promises at the beginning of a new relationship, The Huffington Post noted that the opposite might be true.

The site noted that if the person you’re seeing takes extra measures to make sure that they call when they say they’ll call, or follow through in other ways, you can assume that your relationship means something to them.

2. He takes it slow.

Although passion and speed might be common at the start of a new relationship, one piece from Thought Catalog pointed out that slowness isn’t a bad thing when it comes to relationships.

In fact, if someone wants to take it slow, it’s probably because the fear of messing things up with you is greater than their desire to get too intimate too soon.

3. You cultivate a friendship first.

Similar to taking it slow, if you have a genuine friendship established before jumping into anything romantic, you can rest assured that they like you in a deep way that goes beyond a crush.

4. He acts awkward toward you.

If your significant other seems to be calm, cool, and confident in front of everyone else but you, Elite Daily noted that they might just like you more than you think.

It’s common for people to be unsure of how to act in a new relationship, even when they typically seem to have it all together.

5. He acts ‘formulaic’ around you.

In one of his YouTube coaching videos, relationship coach Clayton Olson said that “formulaic” behavior is a bizarre behavior that a potential partner will sometimes exhibit at the beginning of a relationship.

This, he explained, means that they will follow an already established formula when it comes to your interactions, avoiding spontaneity or situations where they don’t feel comfortable.

Although it may make you feel like they’re being too reserved or boring, it’s simply a way to mask their initial feelings of being outside their comfort zone.

6. He mirrors your movements.

Mimicry has to do with a lot more than sympathy (i.e. the way we reel back sympathetically when someone gets hurt) it has something to do with affection too.

One study from the American Psychological Association noted that subtle mirroring is a sign of attraction in humans.

7. He doesn’t mind the inconveniences to be near you.

Are they willing to drive extra long hours to be with you for a short amount of time?

If things that would normally seem like an inconvenience aren’t a big deal to them, chances are, they’re head over heels.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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25 Signs You’re Not Actually Dating

Remember when you were in high school and college and dating really just meant “hanging out”? Once you reach a certain age—ahem, 21, when you can legally go out to a restaurant and order a bottle of wine—the definition of dating becomes much, much simpler. In order to be dating someone, you need to be going out on dates, among other things.

After the jump, 25 signs you’re not actually dating.

  1. You’ve never hung out before 10 p.m.
  2. All of your plans arise out of spontaneous run-ins.
  3. He’s married or has a girlfriend.
  4. You’ve been out more than five times, but have never had a meal together—it’s been all liquid.
  5. You don’t know his last name—let alone his middle!—or where he lives.
  6. You’ve gone out more than five times and haven’t so much as held hands or kissed. (You’re just friends, homie. Or he’s Amish.)
  7. You’ve only hung out in a group in public; the only alone time you have is in bed.
  8. You have to make all attempts at contact—except those late-night booty calls.
  9. You’re sleeping together, but he’s never slept over.
  10. You haven’t had brunch the next day.
  11. You’ve been “hanging out” for a month but have never done so in the light of day.
  12. If you meet his friends, they have no reaction to hearing your name.
  13. You meet up places—he never officially makes plans, like, “Are you free Saturday to see ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’?”
  14. It’s been less than a week since you began seeing him.
  15. It’s been more than a week since you’ve heard from him.
  16. When he sleeps over, he always sneaks out in the morning without saying goodbye.
  17. You only communicate through text messages and email.
  18. In fact, you met online and all of your “dates” have been via Skype!
  19. He leaves a $100 bill on your nightstand before he takes off.
  20. Your friends refer to him as a nickname instead of his real name.
  21. When you ask him to hang, he says he can’t because he’s got a date.
  22. His concern over you having the flu only extends to his inability to get laid, not to your physical well-being.
  23. When you go out for drinks, you always go dutch. Literally, you don’t even switch off buying rounds.
  24. It’s been a month and he doesn’t know how you like your coffee.
  25. He is having dinner, buying drinks, sleeping over, and making plans with someone—it’s just not you. If he’s “dating” someone else in a way that’s above and beyond the way he’s dating you, you’re not actually dating, sister.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Loves You: 16 Sure Signs He’s Smitten

You’re madly in love, but sometimes you catch yourself wondering how to tell if your boyfriend loves you too. By looking at the signs, you’ll know.

He loves me… he loves me not… wait, he probably loves me… he has to love me, right? I know exactly how wondering how to tell if your boyfriend loves you feels. And it’s a nerve-wracking experience.

You’re there giving him everything while at the same time, you’re wondering if he even feels the same way. Deep down you know how he feels. When you start looking at the signs and paying attention to your intuition, you know what’s going on.

How to tell if your boyfriend loves you

When it comes to people, specifically men, you can never really know what they’re thinking. A guy can tell you he loves you and not mean it or not tell you anything and secretly love you for years on end.

Ideally, just ask him how he feels about you, but I know how scary that can be. So, instead, why not look at how to tell if your boyfriend loves you?

There are only so many signs a person can give you to show that they love you. All you need is to look at the right signs for a hint about what’s going on in their mind.

It’s time to find out how to tell if your boyfriend loves you.

#1 He told you. Of course, some people just say ‘I love you,’ when they feel any positive emotion. And they may not necessarily mean it. But, if he says it and you truly feel that it’s genuine, then you’re not wrong. You have your intuition and trust me, you should listen to it.

#2 He checks up on you. Listen, when it comes to the human race, we’re pretty selfish. We put ourselves first and make sure we’re taken care of. But, when we’re in love, things change. Yes, we’re still a priority, but now, there’s someone else who’s equally as important. If he’s checking up on you throughout the day, it’s because he cares and worries about you.

#3 He lights up when he sees you. When he sees you, his face completely changes. It’s like you instantly bring sunshine into his life.

And you know what, that’s because you do. Love is pure joy and happiness. When he looks at you, he can’t help but smile. If you see his eyes light up when he looks at you, it’s because he loves you.

#4 He sends you good morning text messages. Not a morning goes by where he’s not sending you a good morning text message. If he’s doing this, he’s completely hooked on you. Love is intense; it’s an obsession and not necessarily a bad one. If you’re the first person he thinks of when he wakes up, he’s in love with you.

#5 He gets into your life. He’s in your life. He knows all your friends and family, he goes to every dinner, he even will attend your brother’s soccer games on the weekends. In other words, he’s making sure he has a strong presence in your life. If he’s making this much effort, it’s not just to get in your pants.

#6 He goes out of his way for you. Maybe he already had plans or has been busy at work, but he’ll rearrange things around just to get a chance to see you. Whether he sees you for a couple of hours or minutes, he will go out of his way to spend as much time with you as possible. What do we call that? It’s love, baby.

#7 He treats you as a priority. We usually put ourselves first before other people. And, let’s not be naive, he still puts himself first, but he also prioritizes you. When he’s making decisions, he includes you in them, making sure you are on the same page. This is because he loves you. 

#8 He genuinely listens to you. When he asks you about your day or any question regarding your feelings, he listens. He doesn’t just ask it to fill time, he’s asking you because he genuinely wants to know how you’re feeling. A man who loves a woman is a man who cares about her feelings and all the small details happening in her life.

#9 He doesn’t give up. It’s normal for couples to argue and disagree on things, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is supposed to end. Whatever problems you’re having, he doesn’t throw the towel in and call it quits. He puts 100% into the relationship every single day and never doubts that you two are going to make it.

#10 He asks for your opinion. But not only on simple questions like “does this shirt look good on me?” or “should I get the new iPhone?” I’m talking about real questions, questions regarding his job, family, or friends. If he consults you before making a decision, he respects your opinion and values what you have to say.

#11 He’s there when you need him. If a guy didn’t love you or at least wasn’t interested in you, he wouldn’t be there when you need him. But if he loves you, no what you need, he’ll go out of his way to make it happen. Whether your car broke down or you’re sick and need soup, he’s there. Now that is what we call love.

#12 He introduces you to his family. Let’s not ignore this one. Okay, if you met his family once, then don’t assume he’s madly in love with you. But if you see other signs and notice he’s taking you more to see his family, then he’s clearly developing some strong feelings for you. He wouldn’t be bringing you into his close circle unless he felt you were the one.

#13 He makes sure you’re in the loop. He is always making sure you’re updated on everything going on in his life. Even if it’s something you didn’t need to know, he makes sure you’re informed. When a man loves you, he wants you to be a part of his entire life, not just a piece of it. 

#14 He sees you. When a guy doesn’t love you, he doesn’t really see you. Okay, he sees you in the literal sense, but he misses the small details like the way you laugh or the face you make when you’re sad. When a man is in love with a woman, he notices everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything.

#15 He misses you when you’re not around. Whether it’s for five minutes or a couple of days, when you don’t see each other, he’s sad. Typically, men fall in love with a woman when she’s not around. You know the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If he’s always texting or calling you when you are apart, he probably can’t get enough of you.

#16 He focuses on making you happy. What could say love more than this? If his main goal is to make you happy, he clearly loves you. No man would waste their time making sure someone is happy unless he truly cared about the person. If you’re doing something that makes you unhappy and you tell him, he’ll change it right away.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Here’s How To Digitally Disconnect From Your Ex After A Breakup & Recharge

In the early 2000s, dealing with a breakup meant packing up all of the photos and mementos from your relationship, throwing them in a box, and hiding it all away in your closet. In 2020, however, recovering from heartbreak often looks more like establishing some boundaries from your ex’s social media. Whether you turn your phone off or put your old boo on mute, knowing how to digitally disconnect from your ex after a breakup can help you start to heal ASAP.

“After a breakup, I always recommend my clients start with removing all of the emotional triggers around them,” Pricilla Martinez, CEO of Regroop Life Coaching, tells us. “Nothing is more detrimental to your healing than thinking your ex moved on from you when you’re still in the middle of dealing with all of your pain.”

According to Martinez, looking at your ex’s social media can give you the impression that your ex wasn’t affected by your breakup as much as you were. While everyone handles heartbreak differently, no one wants to feel like they’re competing for the title of “Who Cares The Least.”

If you need to recharge after heartbreak, here are 12 tips to digitally disconnect from your ex.

Unhappy woman reading bad news on cell phone and crying while sitting in the bedroom.

Shutterstock

1. Limit Your Contact With Them

For Trina Leckie, host of Breakup BOOST podcast, the best way to disconnect after a breakup is to limit all the digital contact you have with your ex, from texting and calling to looking at their social media. “You have to accept that the relationship has come to an end and make your healing the priority,” Leckie tells us. “When you keep someone top of mind, you don’t give yourself a chance to distance yourself to get your emotions in check and get the clarity you need.”

2. Mute Their Account

If you find you keep peeking on your ex’s page or you can’t resist clicking on notifications from them, Martinez suggests putting your ex on mute. “I would say you should mute their account until you are fully ready to unfollow them,” Martinez says. “If you aren’t ready to completely cut them off, mute their account, so it doesn’t pop up on your feed.” Putting their texts on “Do Not Disturb” may also help you, so you don’t get a notification if they do reach out, and can choose to respond on your own time when and if you feel ready to.

3. Consider Unfollowing Them

If you’re still following your ex after a breakup, it can be easy to catch yourself lurking on their page a little bit or overthinking everything they’re up to. As Martinez shares, showing your ex the digital door, (i.e., unfriending or unfollowing them on social media) can help you get some final closure. “If you’re not interested in having a connection with this person, then why follow them?” Martinez says. “If you really want to close that chapter, you don’t need an update on their next partner, their job, or what they had for dinner.”

4. Don’t Be Afraid To Block Them

If your relationship ended badly and you never want to talk to your ex again, or you’re really struggling to get over the heartache, Leckie says it’s OK to fully block your ex from social media and from texting or calling. “The goal is out of sight, out mind,” Leckie says. “That way, you aren’t tempted to check on them, and you won’t constantly be wondering if you are going to hear from them.”

5. Archive Your Pics (Or Fully Delete Them)

Honestly, bless Instagram’s archiving feature. If you’re tired of seeing old couples pics of you and your ex but aren’t quite ready to delete everything, archiving your photos is the IG equivalent of throwing a box under the bed. You don’t have to see it, but it’s not gone forever. Of course, if you’re really feeling done, it’s OK to delete photos, too.

6. Kick Them Off Your Netflix/Amazon Prime/Hulu Account

If you and your boo shared a bunch of online accounts, consider this the time to change all your passwords. You don’t need to see what movies they’re watching or what annoying things they’re buying on Amazon Prime.

Profils of a sad woman checking smart phone online content in the street

Shutterstock

7. Stop Sharing Your Location

Seeing that your ex is getting sushi at that place that you told them about is just going to make you upset. Disconnect from Find My Friends, Snapchat’s Snap Map, or anything else that tells you exactly where they are.

8. Unfollow Or Mute Their Friends

Know what you don’t need to see? Your ex’s best friend’s IG Story of your ex out at the “club.” If you follow a bunch of your ex’s pals, consider unfollowing or muting them for a while. Or forever.

9. Unfriend Them On Venmo

You may think this is extra, but what’s really extra is going on Venmo to pay your roomie for your electricity bill and seeing your ex Venmoing that person you always used to fight about (because they would flirt in front of you) for “drinks” at your favorite bar.

10. Get Them Off All Your Astrology Apps

I don’t care what Co-Star says, they are not your perfect match, and you don’t need to see what intentions they are setting for today.

11. Unfollow Their Spotify

You may have forgotten that you even followed them on Spotify, but you will always remember spitting out your coffee at work when a playlist titled “Screw My Ex” came up in your Spotify friend activity.

12. Don’t Forget Finstas

Your Finsta, their Finsta, their friends’ Finstas… when you start muting or unfollowing, don’t forget about everyone’s second account. You won’t regret it.

Recovering from a breakup can be hard for everyone. Still, getting some digital distance from your ex can help you heal faster. And sometimes, emotionally recharging means letting your phone die for a bit.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

If he is the right guy, he will treat you with respect. If he doesn’t he simply is not the guy for you.

Love is simply not enough to maintain a relationship – a foundation of mutual respect is equally, or perhaps, more important. A disrespectful spouse can disturb the healthy dynamics of a relationship. If he does not respect you, he does not deserve you. Remember those disrespectful relationships (the ones without respect) are never able to survive the test of time. Every couple has arguments and fights, but sorting the differences respectfully is the only way to save your relationship. If he disrespects you then the signs are always there.

What does respect mean in a relationship?

Respect in a relationship does not amount to subjugation of one partner by the other. It actually means admiring one another and understanding each other in such a way that differences of opinions do not disrupt the health of the relationship. Both the partners are able to appreciate one another’s perspective on life and do not impose anything on each other, because the relationship is characterized by mutual respect.

There are signs he disrespects you

Why do men disrespect women?

First, let us not assume that all men disrespect women, as that will be our biggest mistake and sometimes circumstances are such that men might unintentionally disrespect women. Now after this clarification, we can give a snippet of the reasons which prompt disrespectful behavior in a man towards a woman.

  • Those men who have issues of self-esteem and who think they are superior to others end up disrespecting females
  • Some may have suffered at the hands of a mother, ex-girlfriend or a lady in their lives, because of which they fail to respect other women
  • There are some men who might have never been in a relationship and do not genuinely know how to deal with women, so it seems as though they are disrespecting them

If you are in a relationship with a man who falls in any of these categories, then you must be aware of the signs of disrespect that your partner might exhibit, so that you can tackle the situation accordingly.

13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

When your boyfriend/husband shows you respect, you will feel treasured, important and dignified. However, if your man disrespects you, then you will feel exactly the opposite. We give you 13 signs which will convince you that he does not respect you and definitely does not deserve you. It can be a suffocating experience to be with someone who is controlling in nature. In fact, a relationship marked with disrespect soon turns abusive. Once convinced, you can decide for yourself whether you want to keep swallowing your pride and continue the relationship or keep your dignity intact by walking out of the relationship.

1. You doubt your potential because of him

Instead of being confident in what you do or say, you keep doubting your potential. This is because your boyfriend or husband has instilled that doubt in you by disregarding your thoughts and opinions. You keep questioning your dreams, your future and your life all day long, which is a sign that your partner is not supportive and probably disrespects you.

2. He seems distracted when you talk to him

Whenever you get the opportunity to talk to him, you do so enthusiastically and expect him to pay attention to you. But if you often notice that he seems distracted when you talk to him and he hardly seems interested to hear your opinions, then it means he is failing to respect you. Getting your husband listen to you seems like a mammoth task because he clearly is not interested in you. This is downright disrespectful behavior.

There are signs he disrespects you

3. Your boyfriend does not keep his promises

A disrespectful man will not make any efforts to keep his promises to you and will disappoint you again and again. He will keep forgetting things you had told him to do, like calling you back when he is free or meeting you somewhere. All this is enough to give you the signal that you cannot depend on him and you are probably not that important in his life.

4. He makes fun of your professional goals and dreams

No matter how absurd and weird your dreams and profession are, your partner is supposed to encourage you. If your man is making fun of your career and goals in life, then he is being selfish and has no right to judge you. He is disrespecting you by not valuing your vocation.

5. You hardly have any personal space and time

At times, if he surprises you by visiting your workplace or when you are out with friends, it is okay. But if he does this way too often and keeps continuous tabs on you, then there is something definitely wrong with him. Your man might actually not respect you enough to trust you and give you your personal space and time. This is a sign he disrespects you.

6. He exhibits narcissistic tendencies

His desires, needs and wishes take top priority in his life and he is willing to do all in his power to ensure that his wants are fulfilled. The center of his universe is himself and he does not bother about how he behaves with you. Your partner admires himself and considers you to be inferior to him. Living with a narcissistic spouse can screw your happiness and peace in no time.

7. Your boyfriend does not apologize

When it comes to apologizing to you for his mistakes, he is absolutely stubborn. He does not admit his mistakes and probably starts blaming you for everything that is wrong. In order to avoid any criticism from your side, he will keep making lame excuses to convince you that he is not wrong.

8. He becomes super secretive around you

In a relationship, it is extremely essential that both partners remain honest to one another. Then only will the relationship last long. But if you find your boyfriend keeping secrets from you and perhaps even lying to you, then it is a sign of disrespect and you must not tolerate this.

There are signs he disrespects you

9. You are forced to transform yourself

Making smaller changes in your life to ensure compatibility with your man is a good thing to do. On the other hand, transforming yourself completely and forgetting who you really are as a person just to please your partner is something serious. It means he is not valuing you and you are also disregarding yourself. Everything in a relationship is not worth compromising on.

10. He looks down on you in front of other people

As a partner, he should make sure that only your good qualities and positive attitude is highlighted in front of the other people. But if your man does not pay attention to you, looks down upon you, portrays you as a stupid person and acts as if you embarrass him in front of others, then he definitely does not respect you. He is one selfish spouse and he does not deserve your love and care.

11. There is lack of commitment from his side

When problems arise in your relationship, you do all you can to sort them out, because you value your relationship. However, your man will not show genuine commitment to the relationship but lets things pass, because the relationship and you are not his priority. It seems that you give your 100%, but he does not even give his 10% to make the relationship work smoothly.

12. Your boyfriend does not hesitate to give silent treatment to you

Giving you silent treatment means not respecting you enough to share with you the cause of resentment and to give you an opportunity to clear the misunderstanding. By exhibiting this disrespectful man behavior, he tries to manipulate and control you according to his wishes.

sad couple sitting

13. He flirts with others in front of you

You should get the hint that your man does not respect you truly when he flirts with other females in front of you. Even if he jokingly mentions being attracted to someone else, you must know that it is impolite and your feelings probably do not matter to him any more.

If you are facing disrespect in your relationship, then talk about it with your partner. If he willingly listens to you and agrees to improve himself, then there are chances of saving your relationship. However, if he becomes defensive and disregards your concern, then he does not deserve you and you must be prepared to move on. Be in a relationship with someone who respects who you are, encourages you to become a better human being and deserves you, and not with someone who controls and inhibits your growth.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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If Your Ex Texts You Randomly, Here’s How To Stay Cool & Handle It

Nothing catches you off guard quite like an unexpected text from an ex. Whether you broke up three weeks ago or three years ago, seeing their name pop up on your phone screen out of the blue is sure to send you for a loop. Are you supposed to feel excited? Hopefully? Angry? An even better question: How the heck are you supposed to respond, if at all? Knowing how to react when your ex texts you randomly always depends on the situation, like the length of time that has passed since you last spoke or why exactly you two split in the first place. In any case, you’ll probably want to find a middle ground between, “I never stopped loving you,” and “New phone, who dis?”

“A text from an ex you still care about may send you into a serious session of overthinking and wondering what it means (i.e., do they want to get back together? Did they realize it was a mistake?),” licensed psychologist Dr. Joy Harden Bradford previously explained to Elite Daily. So before you fire back a response, think carefully about what it is you want from that ex, which is likely one of three things.

If You’re Open To The Idea Of Getting Back Together

Woman texting on the smart phone walking in the street

Shutterstock

Perhaps the breakup was amicable. You decided you were better off as friends, or that you wouldn’t work out in the long run, and you mutually decided to part ways. But now that ex is suddenly hitting up your phone, and you’re wondering whether you two may have made a mistake by calling it quits. First things first: Figure out if your ex is thinking that, too, or if they’re just looking to hook up.

As Bela Gandhi, president at Smart Dating Academy, previously told Elite Daily, “If they’re texting you that they want to hang out, that they miss you, that they’ve made a mistake… then they want to get back together. If someone is only texting you between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m., this is probably not a person who’s looking to be in anything serious with you.”

If your ex’s text seems to suggest the former, go ahead and reply, but be sure to manage your expectations and keep your response (somewhat) casual. By saying, “Hey, stranger. Long time no chat. I’ve missed talking to you,” or, “It’s great to hear from you. We should catch up over coffee,” you can express your interest without coming on too strong and facing potential disappointment.

If You’d Like To Be Friends Eventually And Nothing More Than That

If the first thing you feel after receiving an old-of-the-blue message from an ex is nostalgia rather than longing, it’s possible you miss them as a friend, but not a lover. As tricky as it is to stay friends with an ex, it can be done. Even if your old partner’s text seems to suggest they want something more than friendship, you are not obligated to return the sentiment. Remember what you want, and respond in a way that makes your intentions clear.

Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, agreed that “it’s definitely possible to cultivate a friendship with an ex.” As she explained it, “You’ll know you’ve moved on when you can treat texts with your ex with the same expectations of any other friendship — without all of the amped up emotional reactions.”

If you feel confident that staying on good terms with you ex is not only possible, but desirable to you, respond in a way that is friendly and free from suggestiveness. Try, “It’s so weird that you just texted — something hilarious happened the other day and I almost texted to tell you about,” or, “I’m glad you texted. I’ve been dying to discuss the new season of our fave show with someone.” Make it known that you miss the friendship aspect of your relationship, but you don’t have any desire to rekindle the romantic aspect.

If You Want Nothing To Do With Them

It’s possible that a message from an old SO pops up on your phone and the only thought you have is, “Nope.” Whether you were hurt by that person, you’re still trying to get over that person, or you’re totally over that person for good, you’ll want to find a way to shut that convo down before it can begin. I’m always in favor of taking the high road — there really isn’t anything to gain from being nasty. Just keep your respond brief, detached, and straightforward, and they’ll likely back off.

To make it known you’re not open to starting up a relationship again, platonic or romantic, text back in a way that is short but not-so-sweet. Saying, “I’m not sure it’s such a great idea for us to keep talking,” or, “I need some space, and I would be grateful if you respected that,” lets your ex know you aren’t necessarily bitter, but you’re definitely not interested.

However, as Burns told Elite Daily, you may be better not responding at all. “A breakup impacts us on a neuropsychological level similar to drug withdrawal,” she pointed out, “so sometimes even sending a short text can be like showing up to the bar when you’re trying to get sober.” If ignoring that text message is what’s best for you, then just delete that text and move on.

 

In responding to an unexpected text from an ex, you’re opening a can of worms, and no matter your intentions, you should practice caution. “I think it’s important to be gentle with yourself and your feelings,” Bradford said, “so if the text brings up some stuff for you and then the day goes downhill after that, allow it to happen and then develop a plan for how you’ll try to have a better day tomorrow.”

If responding will bring more harm than good, it’s probably better not to respond at all. But if you think you might be ready to give your relationship another try, even just as friends, then choose your response carefully and see what happens.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Signs That You Love Your Boyfriend Too Much

It’s totally okay to be in the honeymoon phase and crazy for your new man, but make sure it’s healthy and not a weird obsession… Becoming obsessed with your significant other can go wrong in dozens of ways from driving them away to just being plain unhealthy for you. Here are some of the ways people say I love my boyfriend that others look at as obsession.

1.YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE

Everyone talks about their relationships. However, when you don’t talk about anything else, ever, it’s one of the biggest signs you are obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If your friends constantly roll their eyes because every sentence out of your mouth begins with “My boyfriend and I…” or “We had so much fun…” then you may have a problem. When everything interesting you have to say involves your significant other, you’re a little too involved. Take a look at your social media timelines as well; how many of your status updates involve your partner?

2.YOUR THUMBS ARE ON THE TRIGGER

Are you constantly texting, Facebooking, or tweeting your significant other? If you can’t go five minutes without sending a text, a selfie, a poke, or a SnapChat, you’re going overboard. This is especially true if you get upset when your partner fails to answer within five seconds. Sending messages is okay in moderation, but you have to draw the line somewhere. There’s a difference between wanting to talk to them and saying I love my boyfriend and being weird about it.

3.SERIOUS SEPARATION ANXIETY

Missing your partner is perfectly natural as well. If your boyfriend heads to band camp for a few weeks or your girlfriend goes on vacation with her family, of course you’ll feel a little lonely. However, if you suffer serious separation anxiety for long and short separations, you need to check yourself. You might actually have sweaty palms, an accelerating heartbeat, and even exhibit the symptoms of a panic attack. That’s too much, especially if all of this comes with a certainty that your partner is cheating with you or plans to break up with you, just because you’re in two different places.

4.YOU NEGLECT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Obsessive behaviors often manifest outside of your relationship. For example, if you’re neglecting your family and friends in favor of spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ve got a big problem! When your significant other takes up your entire life and you no longer have time for anyone else – and worse, when you no longer have a desire to spend time with anyone else – you’re exhibiting symptoms of obsession and not cutely wanting to say I love my boyfriend by being with him too much. Everyone needs personal space!

5.THERE’S NO PRIVACY

Do you snoop? If you find yourself sneaking peeks at your boyfriend’s phone or trying to read your girlfriend’s diary, your behavior is unmistakably obsessive. This is especially true if you’re doing it because you’re paranoid or suspicious. Everyone deserves their privacy. Don’t betray your partner’s trust by snooping through his or her things, and respect him or her enough to respect these boundaries.

6.YOU GIVE UP YOUR INDEPENDENCE

Do you define yourself by your relationship? If you willingly give up your independence because you want to spend every waking moment with your partner, there’s a problem. When you can’t do anything by yourself, or refuse to go out by yourself or with friends because your partner isn’t coming along, take a long, hard look at yourself, your relationship, and your motivations.

7.YOU’RE JEALOUS OF EVERYONE

You get jealous of random people who may or may not be looking at your partner, as well as people he or she has known forever. You always suspect your partner of cheating or worry that he will automatically return every come-on or flirtation; that’s not I love my boyfriend that’s just plain psycho… Where’s the trust? Obsession often comes from insecurity, and there’s no need to feel jealous of everyone who even glances at your boyfriend or girlfriend unless you feel extremely insecure.

You can be close to your partner; you can be affectionate, interested, and even occasionally clingy, because we all get in those moods – but “occasionally” is the keyword here, and you can’t take it too far. There’s a fine line between I love my boyfriend and obsession which isn’t healthy for anyone involved; nor does it lead to a strong, long lasting relationship. Have you ever gotten obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Has someone you’ve dated been obsessed with you?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

 

Michelle – Chapter 21 – Ghosted

“I’m just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.”

This post was written in 2019. Due to scheduling restraints of more relevant content, it’s been delayed and is being published now.

If you’ve been reading this blog you’ll have read the Michelle story. Although not the inspiration for this blog like Maria, it’s one of the cornerstones of this publication. Michelle is one of the most important people I’ve ever met. The great thing is, you can simply type in her name in the search bar and read the whole story of our relationship. (Or buy my book, Phicklephilly, on Amazon!)

Sadly, she and I had always wanted to write about our legacy in this great city of Philadelphia, but never did. We collected bullet points and events on paper ,but like most people in love, we were having too much fun to record anything we did.

I did my best here to piece together out greatest hits on phicklephilly. I know Michelle had some fear about what I would publish on this blog because of her present situation.

Read Michelle before you read this piece because it’ll help you understand the full scope of what this relationship was.

Michelle and I had a very special relationship. It was more unique than any I had ever known, and I’m sure I will not experience it again. I’m lucky to have had my time with her. I always said; “You’re the nicest, pretty girl I ever met.” Because beautiful women don’t need to be nice. They just need to show up.

But Michelle always was.

I was blessed to have her as my girl. I was a 40 something loser from a failed marriage and working in New York in the world of finance. I got laid off with a team of other talented guys and needed a job. I ran out of options in NYC and turned to Philly. (The city I’m from) By some miracle, I landed a job in advertising at the news of record for Philadelphia.

Michelle worked in billing. I couldn’t imagine why such a beautiful women ended up in such a shitty department. But she eventually wanted to get into sales, and since my manager was secretly in love with her, he acquired her. Much to my delight. I was just happy to be near her and work with her. Incredibly pretty, but so nice. A rare combination.

We became friends.

Read Michelle. Then you’ll know what we were to each other.

Michelle kept in touch with me long after our breakup. One of the most extraordinary aspects of or relationship, is that we were able to stay best friends after our break up.

It was a classic phicklephilly breakup. “You aren’t going to marry me and give me kids, so goodbye.”

I get it.

I’m not doing that ever again. No bitterness, just can’t risk that again.

Michelle and I have been friends, longer than we’ve been lovers. (Which has so much deeper value)  I’ve never experienced that with anyone I’ve ever known. That seems odd to me, but I simply accepted that miracle for what it was.

That went on for years.

After all of that…

She sold all of her stuff, quit her job, and flew to California and went on to marry her high school sweetheart. She knew we didn’t work, and was done with dating all of the idiots out in the world so she retreated to the known. The guy from high school who she originally loved. They were both out of options so they decided to settle.

“He became the man I hoped he’d be” she said.

She settled for the American Dream.

The American Dream. I have lived that and I have nothing but the taste of ashes in my mouth for that life.

Michelle has been sold a bill of goods, that told her she needs to find a safe man by her 30’s, and get married and have kids. That is a sour lie told to every woman in this country, from the time they hit puberty. Maybe even before that. She’s a kid born out-of-wedlock. Adopted by assholes who have no idea who they were. They don’t even know who they are or why they want a kid, but they can afford you, so you get rescued. But from what? Death, then into the frying pan of these two idiots?

It happened.

But you’re smart and oh, so beautiful. Beauty goes so far in this world.

I only ever saw your kindness and sweetness and till this day I am astounded by you.

When everything in your life no longer makes sense you go for the American Dream.

(Never do this fair readers)

Marriage and settling on a guy that is reasonably handsome and can hold a job and is in the range to give you kids. You hated taking care of your cat, why in the fuck would you ever want to have kids? Kids are a fortune (I have the receipts. My beloved Lorelei cost me over $170,000)

He takes her camping, hiking, and hang gliding… Kill me now. Come on….She likes hanging out, and sipping chardonnay, and smoking cigs with interesting people.

Or does she? Maybe she’s ready to adapt to the safe option.

I know all of the above gets boring, and I don’t even do that anymore, but has she simply settled for mediocrity? But maybe by doing all of those mundane things they’ve saved her from a rich, exciting life, and she’s healthier for it. It’s all about her health. Right? I get that.

I haven’t heard from her since my birthday in 2018. That’s okay. Because on the day she left, I was fine with her leaving. I understood, and I knew where she would go. She’d retreat to her high school boyfriend.

And I get why she’s ghosted her best friend. Because she needs to be the wife to her husband, and the mom to her kids or whatever it is she’s doing. It just sucks that we all know who her best friend is, and that person is not allowed to be friends with her anymore. Simply due to the insecurities in her current. If you’re female, you can be friends with Michelle. If you’re male. No dice.

Hell, I ghost people. They need to be cut off. I just can’t have them in my life anymore.

I get it.

But I think this is it.

She was always texting me and face timing me for the last 5 years since she left. I think she finally found the assumed moral compass, to stop talking to the love of her life, so she could dedicate her life of what happiness is supposed to look like with her husband.

I get it. He always loved to control her. Control is weakness and insecurity. Relax Dave…you’ve won.  I just hope she can find some parcel of happiness in the choices she’s made.

Figure it out and you can still come to Janice’s house at Christmas!

(Kidding!)

Your hubby wouldn’t allow it!

Things are going well for Lorelei and me here in Rittenhouse. She’s doing great in her career and has been in a relationship with Ethan for over 5 years now. I’m managing a restaurant in Rittenhouse now and I love it.

I don’t go out anymore. Only occasionally with a close friend. The old crew has moved on, like they always do. I hope you’re doing well with your husband, and your job and family and life because that’s all I can hope.

I know I can leave this world knowing I helped one person.

I hope it was you Michelle, and I will always love you. No matter where you go, or what you do, I will always love you, and our time together.

Because it was magical and real.

And nobody can every take those memories away from us.

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

13 Signs Your Ex Is Confused about Your Breakup: What About You?

Breakups aren’t easy. Usually, we end up more confused after the relationship. What do the signs your ex is confused mean for you and your relationship?

If your ex is telling you they want you back, don’t rush into it. You need to take a step back and see the signs your ex is confused. That way, you’ll know what to do next.

After my long term relationship *four years!*, it took me a while to get over my ex. Throughout the relationship, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with him, and my emotions and self-esteem got the best of me. I didn’t think I could find someone who would love me the same way and make me feel happy, even though I knew my ex wasn’t the one for me. So, I stuck it out and stayed in the relationship.

But, eventually, it came to an end. Going through a breakup is really hard, and during the process, it makes you think about your ex in a different light. On the nights where you’re sad and lonely, you think about the good times you had—and it sucks you back in.

How to interpret the signs your ex is confused

My ex and I were off-and-on for a couple of months after the breakup. Even though we both knew the breakup must happen, you struggle with separating for good. This was someone you called your best friend; someone you shared laughs and memories with. I was definitely confused and highly emotional when wanting to go back to my ex.

And these emotions just made the breakup even harder for both of us. Don’t get played by emotions if it isn’t the right thing for you.

#1 What does your gut instinct say? When it comes to your gut instinct, your body knows when something isn’t right. If your ex gives you all the right words, but you feel something is off, then listen to your gut. If what they’re saying or doing isn’t making you feel good, then it’s not for you.

#2 They’re hot and cold. When you talk to them, they’ll be happy and flirty one day, and the next, moody and antisocial. They’re clearly confused with how they’re feeling about the breakup. They’re not sure what to do and struggling emotionally to make a decision.

#3 They mention how much they’ve invested in you. When you talk with them, they bring up how much they invested in the relationship. This could be seen as a positive, but also negative. If they feel they’re invested a lot, getting back together could be because they don’t want to waste what they put into the relationship.

#4 They’re angry. Anger is usually a common emotion after a breakup. If your ex feels indifference, then that’s a sign they’re over the relationship. But anger shows that they’re not over the breakup; they’re not over you. Although, it doesn’t mean you should get back together. 

#5 They don’t try to reconcile. It doesn’t matter who’s at fault for the breakup, the point is, they don’t push to reconcile. They won’t even bring up the reason why you broke up. If they’re not willing to work on reconciling the relationship, then they’re not ready to be in one. 

#6 They tell you they want you back. But when it comes to committing, they don’t jump right in. This is because they’re unsure about the relationship. They may tell you they want you back, but if they’re not ready to commit, they’re just confused.

#7 They make up reasons to talk to you. Your ex always has an excuse to talk to you. Even though they don’t directly bring up getting back together, they focus on talking about memories or things you like.

#8 They’re dating other people. Even though they’re casually dating others, how can they get back together with you at the same time? If they really wanted to be with you, they wouldn’t be dating other people too.

#9 You’re getting mixed messages. They’ll drop subtle hints about wanting to get back together with you, but then the next day they mention wanting to move on. And every day, it’s something different. The messages you get aren’t clear, if anything, you’re more confused now than you’ve ever been. Well, if you’re confused, they’re confused.

#10 They attempt to make you jealous. Your ex does their best to make you jealous, and sometimes it works. When you confront them on what they do, instead of taking action, they play games. See, they’re not really interested in getting back together with you; they just don’t want your attention to move from them to someone else.

#11 They keep communication open. When someone is ready to move on, they cut ties with their ex, at least, until they’ve moved on. But your ex still lingers around, liking your posts and chatting with you via text. They want to keep the line of communication open, just in case.

#12 They try to publicly humiliate you. When your ex tries to put you down in public, they’re hurting. This isn’t an excuse for their actions. All this shows you is their immaturity and they’re confused with their emotions.

They don’t know how to handle their emotions, so they put their anger onto you. If this happens, it’s a clear red flag.

#13 They tell you they’re confused. If you’ve confronted them about their actions, good for you! If you’re confused, talk to them about it and see how they feel. If they tell you they’re confused, you now know where they stand. And if they’re confused about their feelings for you, then they don’t want to be with you. They just don’t know how to move on.

Now that you know the signs your ex is confused, what do you think? Is your ex really confused or do they genuinely want to get back together with you?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

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