Cherie – Chapter 62 – State Of Love And Trust

“I’m home. I feel bad. I’m a dick. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, you’re such a sweet man and I treated you like a dick. ”

“Yay. You’re home safe. Wait what? How did you treat me like a dick?”

“I’ve been really cold towards you.”

“I understand, but why honey?”

“IDK I’m depressed I guess I’m just not feeling anything anymore.”

“For me?”

“I love you. IDK I guess our time apart changed me and I just feel lost in general with life and love.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“No”

I feel bad because I’m cold to you and I don’t want to be.”

“What can I do to thaw your heart to me?”

“IDK and that’s the problem”

“But last time you were here you were the same until we had sex and then you were back to your old self.”

“I know but it’s just weird to feel like that today it was worse and I was just not myself with you at all.”

“Maybe you’re just tired of me.”

“I don’t think that. I think we fell off because we were apart for like forever.”

“But we’re seeing each other more now. We’re doing that. Making an effort. My words today told you how much I admire and love you and how precious you are to me. You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.

“You’re the best man and boyfriend ever. We are making efforts now. I don’t know.

“If I’m the best, then why are you treating me like this dear?”

“I don’t mean to. I feel like a horrible person.”

“Please don’t. I love you so much. You’re a wonderful woman. I’m sad.

“I don’t want you to be sad. I feel like I made you sad. You make me to be such a wonderful girlfriend but not when I’m cold to you.”

“I’m patient and understand if you’re not always your cheery self. You have a lot on your plate and have many challenges in your life. I’m just happy to see you and spend time with you. Warm or cold is fine because I love you Cherie.

“Yea, but those aren’t excuses and you are always happy to see me and I need to reciprocate the feelings, I love you.

“If you’re not feeling the same for me Cherie. I will have to understand.  I’m sad. I don’t want to lose you but if you’ve lost your feelings for me I have to understand.”

“Please stop saying that. I don’t want you to be sad. I was happy and okay last time we were together.”

“Will you see me again in two weeks so we can be together? I don’t want to lose my girlfriend that I adore.”

“Yes. I love you too and I don’t want to be without you.”

“Yes. Thank you. I need you in my life Cherie. I love you honey. I’m upset. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want you to be upset. I love you.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. I’m not.”

“I love you so much Cherie. I’ll do anything to get through this. I need you in my life.”

“I love you and I’m glad you’re in my life.”

“Okay, so can we work on this? I’m just afraid you don’t feel the same passion you once had for me. But I love you like I did the first time we were together.”

“Yes. We can work on this. I love you and I want us to be together always.”

That really struck me.

“Me too!” I’ll do anything to keep you happy, honey. I love you so much.”

“I know, I love you if you weren’t such a perv I’d say I’d do anything too!”

My baby’s back.

“Aww! I love you more and I’m not a perv to you honey. I adore you.”

“I know, but your mind wanders.”

I love that.

“Baby, I need you. I need you in my life darling.”

“I need you too. You keep me sane.”

That’s a solid post.

“I complimented you so much today because you’re so beautiful and smart and wonderful. I love you and treasure you so much in my life.”

“You’re amazing, smart, patient and a gentleman and so much more. I value your love and your meaning in my life.”

“Thank you dear. I feel better. I’ll do my very best to please you. I don;t want you to be sad and numb.

“I’m glad you do. You’ve done no wrong. It’s me.

“Okay. I love you. I really do. I’m so excited and happy we’re together. I love taking you on dates and being with you honey.

“I love you and I never doubt you love me.”

“I’m sitting here worried about us and loving you so much. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I love you. I’m not going anywhere. We will make it work.”

We’ve hit a bump in the road but I believe everything’s fine. I ended up calling her on the phone and we talked about everything. I believe we will be fine. I love Cherie so much. She’s the sweetest woman I have ever met. She’s so much younger that me. I like that, but she has experience in life. Being a mother and a student.

I know she’s going through her growing pains in this relationship but I think she sees the value in us being together. There’s distance, but I know she understands the joy we feel when we’re together.

New for both of us.

Strong and sustaining.

Can’t wait to see her again.

 

 

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16 Quotes About Unrequited Love That Are SO Accurate, It Hurts

The French expression “la douleur exquise” literally translates to “the exquisite pain,” and refers to the pain of wanting someone you can’t have. TBH, I don’t think there’s a more eloquent, accurate way to describe the experience of a one-sided romance. But there are also numerous quotes about unrequited love that perfectly capture the agony involved.

If you caught feels for someone who doesn’t reciprocate said feels, take comfort in this: Unrequited love is so common that you can read about it in countless classic novels, hear multiple multi-platinum pop stars sing about it in current hit songs, and even watch contestants on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette deal with it IRL. In fact, a 2014 study published in the journal SAGE Open, which analyzed music over the last 40 years, found that a sizable portion of the lyrics in popular songs referred to unrequited love and romantic rejection.

When you love someone who doesn’t love you back, you may find yourself teetering between optimism that your crush will eventually feel the same way, and despair that they don’t. Longing for the unattainable can leave you feeling confused, lost, vulnerable, disheartened, and everything in between. But each and every experience with love — even, and especially, the ones that don’t end with a happily ever after — presents a learning opportunity. So, the best thing you can do is allow yourself to feel the complete spectrum of your emotions, and trust that eventually you’ll be able to glean some shred of wisdom from your one-sided romance.

Quotes about unrequited love can be hopeful — or capture the despair and the heartache.

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Knowing that you’re not alone in your heartache obviously won’t take away the pain that comes with unrequited love, but it can help to ease it somewhat. So, whether you’ve found yourself in the dreaded friend zone, or the object of your affection is inconveniently in a relationship with someone else, refer to these quotes for a quick hit of much-needed commiseration, reassurance, and hope.

1. “In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” — Mignon McLaughlin

2. “Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.” — Washington Irving

3. “To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” — Federico García Lorca

4. “When you loved someone and had to let them go, there will always be that small part of yourself that whispers, “What was it that you wanted and why didn’t you fight for it?”― Shannon L. Alder

5. “It’s wicked to throw away so many good gifts because you can’t have the one you want.” ― Louisa May Alcott

6. “The worst feeling is falling for someone and knowing that they won’t be there to catch you.” — Rashida Rowe

7. “Living with someone you love can be lonelier than living entirely alone, if the one that you love doesn’t love you.” ― Tennessee Williams

8. “Too many of us are hung up on what we don’t have, can’t have, or won’t ever have.” ― Terry McMillan

Reading quotes about unrequited love may offer some much-needed reassurance and commiseration.

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9. “When you love something, you have to make sure it loves you back, or you’ll bring about no end of trouble chasing it.” — Patrick Rothfuss

10. “An unrequited love is so much better than a real one … As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending.” — Sarah Dessen

11. “A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.” ― Rose Gordon

12. “Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back … then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.” — Sarah Cross

13. “The heart is stubborn. It holds onto love despite what sense and emotion tells it. And it is often, in the battle of those three, the most brilliant of all.” — Alessandra Torre

14. “Sometimes no matter how many eyelashes or dandelion seeds you blow, no matter how much of your heart you tear out and slap on your sleeve, it just ain’t gonna happen.” ― Melissa Jensen

15. “There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.”― Shannon L. Alder

16. “Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.” — James Matthew Barrison

 

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The Scientific Reason Why People Make Bad Decisions When They Fall In Love

“Drunk in love” is a very real thing!

Falling in love and being in a healthy relationship is something most of us want to experience in our lives.

When we fall in love, it’s as if the world stops and life as we know it has just shifted, changed, and improved. We are suddenly enchanted, a better version of ourselves.

Everything suddenly feels different, better, and alive.

In a relationship, especially a brand new one, all we want to do is be with our partner. Nothing is more important than cultivating our growing new reality: us.

We have never felt happier, more exhilarated, or more ourselves. We pinch ourselves to make sure it is real, and not a dream.

We are in love.

Falling in love, in some ways, feels like the ultimate “trust fall” game — trusting our partner enough to allow ourselves to fall, to let go. The falling is thrilling, but being held is intoxicating — so intoxicating that we don’t want to stand back up.

And this is where we might find ourselves forgetting (or at least setting aside) routines and habits that we know are good for us.

Nothing feels as important or fulfilling as being in love with our partner, and biologically speaking, this is by design, according to research by Helen Fisher and Lucy Brown.

Discarding other interests and goals allows us biologically to bond with our partner so strongly that we will stick with each other, and ideally create and raise offspring.

Anthropologically speaking, mating might be the most important thing we do to ensure our survival and that of our species.

So important is romantic love to our species’ survival, Fisher argues, that our brain allows us to put aside almost all other obligations and needs just long enough to ensure for this possibility: 18-24 months.

Floating along the current of this intoxicating new love can take us new and wonderful places, but it also can tempt us to put aside self-care and other responsibilities that are important to our happiness and well-being.

We put these things off, but it doesn’t work.

As we avoid important aspects of our life, we start to feel unsettled, irritable, even resentful — resentful at the very responsibilities themselves, that they somehow can’t be shared, or indefinitely ignored like we might wish they could.

And even anxious about how we will be able to balance the needs of the relationship against our own personal ones. It feels so good to be loved and taken care of that it can feel hard to take care of ourselves.

Love can do this — trick us into thinking we are done being responsible for our health and wellness. But without our health and wellness, our love and relationships will suffer too.

The key is to listen to that whispering anxiety telling you what you’ve let slide for too long.

You know where your life is tipping out of balance, and you know what you need to do.

Maybe it’s paying your bills, cutting your grass, or doing your laundry. Or maybe it’s buckling down on a work project you’ve been putting off or making time to see a friend or family member you’ve been neglecting.

Perhaps your target should be healthier food choices, and getting back to the gym a few mornings a week instead of cuddling in bed.

Creating boundaries that allow you to reclaim your individual needs allows you to be the healthiest person you can be, which in turn keeps your relationship strong and healthy.

It’s OK not to want to make room for the mundane chores of self-care, it might feel really hard and frustrating to get back on track.

But it’s also OK to push through and do it anyway.

Getting started might be hard, but tending to your needs will set you up to feel less anxiety and more balance, and in turn, strengthen your relationship.

Balance is the goal when it comes to translating romantic love into lasting love.

The love between two healthy individuals is what sets the stage for lasting love and healthy relationships — and the life partnership we so want.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 60 – I’ll Wait – Part 2

We get back to my house and she sits on the bed. I sit next to her. Cherie crosses her arms across her waist. I’ve been in sales my whole life. I’m a master of body language.

Cherie’s feeling a little conservative and insecure. I feel this and make sure I’m careful with my girl.

I pull her hair back and kiss her neck. She doesn’t resist. But Cherie never resists me. As strong as she is as a woman she’s always so passive to me. I continue to kiss her neck.

There’s nothing like kissing a woman’s neck. Warm, intimate and supple. They all respond the same as long as it’s welcomed.

Today it is.

I continue to kiss her cheeks and then her ripe lips. My kisses are received and she opens her mouth. Our lips swirl and I feel the heat between us.

As the man I need to melt whatever wall is between us in this moment.

“My stomach hurts.”

“I’m sorry, honey.”

I withdraw my advances. Baby’s hurting.

We cuddle on the bed. At this point I just want my girlfriend to feel better. I don’t even care about sex at this point. I love Cherie. If she’s not feeling well I’m cool with nothing happening. I’m just happy to be in the same room with her.

I mean that. Most men would be upset that they couldn’t fuck their girlfriend on the rare occasion they got to see her, but our relationship isn’t like anybody else’s.

I’m a patient cat and if baby can’t go I’ll respect that and let her go.

“I’m sorry about my stomach.”

“Cher… It’s okay. I’m just happy to be with you today.” (I actually mean that instead of my usual bold faced lies)

“Maybe I could just please you.”

“Cher, you don’t have to do anything. I’m just happy you’re here with me today.” (bold-faced lie)

Cherie goes on to give me an amazing oral performance that would rival Mia Khalifa. (How does my love have no gag reflex? (Best girlfriend ever!)

Cherie with her tummy troubles gives me an amazing blowjob that is loving and glorious. Not a BJ to get you off but one that says, I love you. So much attention to detail. The BJ you want to last forever. The Cleopatra blowjob. There’s a difference and you know that guys. That’s the chick you marry

Cherie’s in a place where she’s worried about our intimacy and yet devours me with perfect vigor. I don’t need that, but at this point of the day, it’s welcomed as affection and loving.

She tells me she’s having some fear about sex because of her stomach problems. I understand because I’ve had tummy troubles my whole life. I tell her if she’d like, she can turn away from me, and I can spoon her with some sex and she won’t have to move.

I pull off Cherie’s jeans and black lace panties. I struggle to get them over her feet like every man on earth. Away they go and I place them on top of the bureau. Cher is on her back. I’m worried about her stomach but I think she wants what we’re about to do.

I try to do a familiar move from the side so she can just relax on her back and I figure out a little thing I developed a few years ago called “Scissor Fight”

Things are beginning to ignite and Cherie returns and says the four magic words that unlock the puzzle that’s been our distant relationship over the last few months.

“Get on top of me.”

Cherie is back.

There are moments in a man’s life when he need not speak, but simply act. And act I did. I knew just what to do. I’ve been in a loving highly charged sexual relationship with this beautiful baby for over a year and a half.

It was T minus One and we need to reach escape velocity on a fountain of fire and not burn up in re-entry.

It was glorious.

Her stomach pain was replaced by thundering ecstasy of orgasm after orgasm. It’s not me. I just deliver the goods, but I know how to please Cherie. Whatever I’m doing always magically works for Cherie.

She tells me that it’s never been like this with another man.

I fucked her back to the stone age and that’s exactly where we wanted to go.

When Cher is beneath me I hold her close and stay focused, because with every woman I’ve ever been with her pleasure is always first. I really don’t care about my finish. I can cum anytime I want. But I’ve always believed if a girl liked me enough to bring me into her bed, It was always about pleasing her. I never cared about me. The opposite of most men. But that’s why I’m surrounded by women friends and phicklephilly exists.

Of course I finished in an elegant way we both never saw coming (Pun) But after some rocky time apart we were diamond hard as a couple again and I loved that.

For my nympho girlfriend to close herself off from me and withdrawal was troubling. But to spend time with my love over an elegant date and celebrate our love was amazing.

But the love we made on top of my light blue comforter in the afternoon light of a warm February afternoon meant so much to me.

I feel so close to her again and I’m so happy we’ve reconnected. Please see me in two weeks for more fun and love.

I miss you honey.

On the walk back to her car, she was back to the lively, wonderful woman I’ve grown to love. I literally just needed to break the seal of who we are by really connecting with her on our most animal level. We both love each other deeply, but sometimes just a glorious fuck between lovers can fix everything.

Come what may.

 

 

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4 Little Things That Make Her Feel Loved and Appreciated

Relationships can seem challenging once the honeymoon phase gets over. You may feel you need to invest a lot of time and effort to maintain a romantic connection. But keeping the spark alive doesn’t have to be so hard. All it needs are a few little things to make your partner feel appreciated.

Here are ways to make your partner feel appreciated:

1) Ask if she feels appreciated.

This is number one on the list for a reason. Research on divorce indicates that when men are asked about marital satisfaction they rate the quality of their relationship much higher than their spouses. This may be the reason many men are surprised when their spouses walk out or ask for a divorce. There is a disconnect between men and woman and marital satisfaction. Why? It may be due to different needs and expectations as to what the relationship is supposed to offer and provide.

The best way to be proactive in this department is to ask, rather than assume, all is well. If she says she is feeling appreciated – great. Keep doing what works. On the other hand, if she says no – red flag. This is your opportunity to ask what is missing and see what you can do to change the situation.

2) Ask how she is doing.

This sounds like such an obvious one. Don’t we all ask how the other person is doing when we meet after work? The problem is not that we don’t ask, but that we don’t listen. Why? Because we are tired. It is always the same answer. We are focused on our problems. When you arrive home you may just want a drink and have no patience to listen to how her day went.

Here’s a little trick to prepare yourself for this encounter.

  • Don’t come straight home from work.
  • Take a few minutes to go for a short walk, listen to music in the driveway, meditate, whatever.
  • Just take some time for yourself to shed the stress of the day before you walk into the house.

This will put you into a better frame of mind and make listening much easier. It may also change how you reflect on the day as well.

3) Listen.

I don’t mean to listen while watching TV or using your computer. I mean that you stop everything and turn your focus towards your partner. Look her in the eyes and let her know that you are listening. This is a powerful action to take and can dramatically affect, not only the immediate situation but your entire relationship.

So many couples complain to me about how their partner does not listen to them. Everyone wants to be heard, truly listened to, and understood. That is one way we feel connected. It is also an act of intimacy. If you have heard your partner say that she wants more intimacy (and you know it is not sex he/she is talking about), take the time to listen. When you do this she will feel valued, appreciated and respected. Which leads me to the next item . . .

4) Respect.

Gottman, in his research, talks about the importance of respect in a relationship. It is so important that he can predict with a high degree of accuracy if a relationship will succeed or not based on the level of respect between the partners. Low respect by one partner towards another is a high predictor of relationship failure.

Respect, or lack thereof, can creep into a relationship over time. We take the person for granted, we are in a foul mood and take it out on our partner, or we are having issues in the relationship, and we are nasty fighters.

If we are not careful, we may initiate a pattern of disrespect for the person we say we love the most. If you find yourself in this situation an immediate response is required. It may be a long talk with your partner to discuss your behavior and desire to change. It may be a trip to the marriage counselor or religious leader. Whatever you decide, prompt action will be required because a loss of respect doesn’t get better on its own.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Unexpectedly Brilliant Places to Find True Love (And How to Make It Happen When You Get There)

Break your routine and try something new.

Even after all these years as a dating coach and advice columnist, I am still amazed how many men and women complain about the difficulties they have with dating.

If you ask me, the best dating advice I can offer is that men and women must learn how to open up and talk with each other without jumping to harsh judgments or self-sabotaging potentially healthy relationships due to their own subconscious insecurities.

But that may be easier said than done.

One challenging common denominator both men and women face is a lack of creativity in figuring out how and where to meet new people in their quest to find true love.

 

In a 2018 survey of over 2000 people, it was found that meeting serious partners online is less popular that one may believe.

According to Mic, “more 18- to 34-year-olds met their current significant others through mutual friends than through any other means, including dating apps — close to 39% of respondents said they met ‘through friends in common,’ closely followed by 22% who said they met ‘out in a social setting.'”

But which social settings are best when you’re looking for a loving relationship?

The most obvious choice for many is the bars and nightclub scene, but this is “one night stand” territory no matter how you look at it.

There will always be the exception of a few people who end up in a loving, committed relationship with someone they meet in a club, but for the most part, it’s a short-lived scenario. Most people wake up the next day and seldom call the number they have in their coat pocket from the night before. This is mainly due to too much alcohol and lack of confidence to make the phone call.

Meeting in a lounge or a restaurant is a better environment, but you have to be more creative, as there is no dancing to seduce or lure someone in. You actually have to converse with them.

In general, alcohol is a great relaxer for many women and it works wonders for men looking for something more physically intimate, and that’s exactly why the bar scene is becomes a repetitively unfruitful pattern for so many frustrated people. It’s available on every corner and everyone hopes they will be an exception to the rule.

Unfortunately, trying to meet women or men of substance in a bar is usually the same old story every weekend — everyone wakes up perturbed and lonely.

Here are a few dating tips to keep in mind when meeting new men or women:

  • If you are using online dating services or apps like OKCupid, Match, Tinder, Bumble or any of the others, pay attention to what they say they’re looking for. Are they looking for love or a relationship? If they don’t say so, believe them. They are telling you they are not available for what you want.Some people are only really interested in a sexual relationship, and that’s OK, but might not be what you’re up for, if you’re looking for love. Really read their profiles and pay attention to any red flags. Many people choose to ignore them, even the obvious ones, because they are desperate to meet someone.
  • Pay attention to the groupie types who only date or sleep with a certain high-profile type of person. Many prominent athletes, musicians or wealthy business people frequent the same watering holes. This is a gold mine for men and women on the prowl for money or status.If you’re one of these people, beware. If you’re not one of those people, trying to win over someone looking to climb the ladder of social status is likely a waste of your time. Be aware of women who are addicted to a celebrity type lifestyle and cannot date anyone who is not in this league.
  • Opt out of being the constant mistress! Now there’s a novel idea … being someone’s number two forever. Who would want that?Married men will stop continually coming on to you when you no longer send out the signals that you are interested in being a mistress. Reach for something better.
  • Watch out for people who only date the perfect and beautiful types. Their physical standards are so high that everything else is overlooked in the relationship. Remember, people become more attractive as you get to know them (if they possess the personality traits you desire). Beauty fades, real connection is what lasts and builds lasting love.

So, what keeps you looking for love in all the wrong places?

Finding true love should not be costly or painful. In addition, getting yourself stuck in a routine will close doors on other available options that could ultimately work for you.

If you classify yourself as a certain “type”, you won’t allow yourself to grow to your full potential you become stuck. And that’s why you’re having so much trouble finding love!

Fear can be a powerful suppressor, so be cognizant of any forming patterns that keep you from having love in your life because you are afraid of the unknown.

Take baby steps to challenge your demons.

 

Here are 10 of my favorite tried-and-true places for my clients and friends to meet new people:

1. A driving range or golf course

Preferably at an executive par 3 course, as less serious golfers will go there.

2. Tennis courts

Use the back wall where other solo players will practice.

3. The gym

Be friendly and acknowledge people near you. Say hi and take off your headphones — and don’t bother other people who are wearing headphones, unless they speak to you first. Headphones are a big “I’m not looking to make friends” signal.

4. The airport

Talk to people in the holding room or in restaurants.

5. Hiking trails or a beach/park with high foot-traffic

If you’re an active person looking for someone active — go to active places!

6. Sporting venues

Go to a hockey game, soccer game or a golf tournament.

7. Any social event where people can mingle

Do not put yourself in a booth; always stay open to the room. Smile at people as they pass.

8. Join a meet-up group

Check your local area for the numerous groups available or start one! It’s a great opportunity to meet people with similar interests.

9. Take a course or lesson

Learn something new where will be people there who have similar interests as you.

10. Speed dating events and online dating sites or apps

Do your homework and find the best ones that work for you and reflect your values.

If you don’t have the strength to get out of reoccurring heartbreaking situations, then start observing some of your friends who may be stronger than you and follow their lead.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to hire someone professionally for a short time.

Change up your dating patterns and the venues so that you have a better chance of meeting someone of substance. Everyone deserves love in their life.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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6 Gestures That Show a Man Is in Love With You and 6 Signs That Show He’s Using You

Many women, especially young girls, often feel insecure in their romantic relationships. Well, sometimes our worst expectations are justifiable, but it can also be easy to doubt our partner’s feelings because of our own insecurities or a bad previous relationship. Luckily, there are several signs that can help you understand if your partner is really into you or if they’re just using you for their own benefit.

Bright Side understands how confusing relationships can be, so we want to shed some light on how to determine the real intentions of your partner.

Loves you: He stares at you all the time.

Songwriters of many romantic songs got it right: the man who is really in love with you, won’t be able to take his eyes off of you. Many men have this special look in their eyes when you’re all dressed up for a Friday night. But if you notice that he watches you with wonder and excitement when you do simple things, like cook dinner or put on your coat, he’s probably in love.

Uses you: He doesn’t make you feel special.

It feels like you’re no different from any other girl he’s ever been with or from his friends. He may constantly compare you with other people or not show you any affection at all. And if you feel like you’re just one out of many, he probably just doesn’t care enough to appreciate you.

Loves you: He doesn’t freak out even when you expect him to.

We all have skeletons in our closets and it’s completely fine that for some people they can be a deal breaker. But if your partner knows a lot about your past, including the moments you’re not very proud of and he’s still with you, he’s probably more into you than you think. Embracing all the sides of another person, and not just the pleasant ones, is a sign of a mature relationship and love.

Uses you: You constantly feel guilty.

It seems like you can’t do anything right starting from dealing with problems at work, to choosing food for your cat at the supermarket. If you constantly feel like no matter what you do, you’re not enough and could’ve done better, it’s time to run away from your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with trying to help your partner become a better person, but these changes should be imposed through love and care and not by making you feel guilty.

Loves you: He’s more aware of how his behavior can affect you.

We all have our patterns of behavior and don’t always fully understand how they affect other people. If you notice that your partner is becoming more self-aware and is trying to behave in a way so that you won’t get hurt or disappointed, this is a good sign. But keep in mind that if you’re concerned about something or want him to act differently, it’s better to have a conversation and not expect him to understand it on his own. Your man can’t read your mind, right?

Uses you: He disappears on you.

You make plans together and he bails out at the last moment. Or it takes him ages to respond to your texts or phone calls. Yes, he can be busy from time to time, but the person who truly appreciates you will find a moment to check in with you. If it feels like he doesn’t value your time, you probably hang out with him only when it’s convenient for him and on his schedule.

Loves you: He notices small details that make you happy.

We all love grand gestures, but it’s the little things that matter the most. For example, he remembers your favorite ice cream flavor, a stupid TV-show you watch when you’re sad, or the name of your very first pet. These things show that he cares enough to go beyond the stereotypical things like flowers and candy (but we still love them) and engage with you on a more personal level.

Uses you: He is never ready to compromise.

Finding compromises can be hard, especially if your relationship is new but it’s the goal we all should be focused on. Your partner should respect your opinion and be ready to find the right balance so you’re both happy. If he doesn’t want to give up his “right” to decide everything, it’s probably time to escape from such a controlling relationship.

Loves you: He opens up to you and expects you to do the same.

We all feel vulnerable in our relationships, but it’s difficult to build a strong one without sharing your thoughts and feelings. If he’s ready to overcome the fear of rejection and be open with you about his fears and problems, he trusts you and can see a future with you. And this works both ways: he’s interested in knowing the real you, not just the pretty armor you may have been putting on.

Uses you: He emotionally manipulates you.

He knows your strengths and weaknesses and tries to manipulate you into doing the things he wants. This type of relationship is unacceptable no matter what. If you notice that you constantly feel guilty or your partner’s emotions dominate yours, it’s probably time to take a step back and assess what’s going on.

Loves you: He’s ready to talk through problems.

Although a healthy amount of emotion can actually be beneficial for resolving conflicts and keeping your partner happy, screaming won’t solve the problem. After you are both done being emotional, your partner should be ready to have a conversation to talk things over. Communication is the key to a strong relationship and a partner who loves you should be able to put his ego aside and admit he could’ve been wrong.

Uses you: He provokes you to make public scenes or stays silent for days.

We get that things can get too emotional sometimes, but a man who loves you would never publicly humiliate you by making a scene or resent you by staying silent for days. These behaviors can be a sign of emotional manipulation, an inability to control their emotions, or even a form of “punishment” for the things you’ve done wrong. A man who truly loves you would never hurt you, so if this is not the attitude you want, you’d better run away from this relationship.

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you’ve been played by your partner? What were the signs? Share your story in the comments.

 

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