10 Reasons Why Saying ‘I Love You’ Too Soon Sucks

Do you find yourself saying ‘I love you’ too soon all the time? Learn why waiting to say ‘I love you’ just a while longer can make love so much better.

When you’re falling in love with someone, it’s hard to hold yourself back from taking the plunge.

If you’re smitten by someone you’re dating, chances are, you’d be really enthusiastic about saying ‘I love you’ and taking the next step.

But how soon is too soon?

When is the right time to say ‘I love you’?

And why is it better to wait a while instead of blurting it right out when you feel like it?

Are you saying ‘I love you’ too soon?

Love always takes time.

You may be madly infatuated by someone you’ve met on a date once, or you may think you’re in love after your first kiss.

But it’s not really love at all.

It’s just the first stage in several stages of that mushy thing called love.

And what makes falling in love with each other so magical is the tension and the confusion, the insecurities and those stolen moments of passion that build as two people start wooing each other.

But if you do say ‘I love you’ before you and your new date can feel the excitement of actually falling for each other, you could ruin the happy moment and turn it into something far more serious before both of you have even had the time to evaluate the potential relationship.

Is it wrong to say ‘I love you’ too soon?

Well, truth be told, it’s never wrong to say ‘I love you’ too soon. After all, if you feel it, you feel it. What’s the point in hiding your feelings for someone?

At times, revealing your love for someone may be the best thing you could do, especially if they love you back already. But what happens if you’re dating someone who’s still evaluating you as a long term partner potential?

If you rush it by professing your love for someone who’s still not ready to love you, you may end up losing the relationship even though both of you were perfect for each other. So if you can wait for it, it’s always better to wait a while rather than rushing into something and ruining it without giving the relationship a fair chance.

10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon sucks

If you truly love someone, or are waiting to say ‘I love you’ for the first time, keep these 10 reasons in mind and test your own potential relationship.

And if you feel like you stand a good chance and are not rushing into love even after reading these tips, then go right ahead and say those three magical words to the one you love!

#1 The guessing game is over. The excitement of playing hard to get with each other is what makes falling in love so much fun. Both of you like each other a lot, can’t stop touching each other and feel so good inside every time both of you meet. You’re not in a relationship yet, but both of you are falling hard for each other already.

If you say ‘I love you’ too soon, the excitement of wondering what’s on each other’s minds would end overnight. It’s not a bad thing, but a longer courting almost always gives a better chance for a longer relationship because both of you waited before taking the plunge.

#2 Are you an obsessive lover? Some people are obsessive lovers. They jump into a new relationship with someone as soon as one relationship ends because they can’t stay single. They love being in love, and need love to feel complete. These kinds of lovers end up saying ‘I love you’ even without realizing whether they’re really in love with their date.

And as you meet your date often over time, instead of trying to build the love, you may spend many of your dates trying to convince yourself that you’ve actually met the one!

#3 When there’s no reciprocation. If you say ‘I love you’ and your date doesn’t respond with the same sentence, it makes the whole relationship go backwards. It’ll leave one of you confused and the other angry.

And that builds insecurities and fills the air with a lot of awkwardness. Unless you’re completely smitten by this person you’re dating and don’t care whether they love you back or not, avoid saying it too soon.

#4 A big misunderstanding. If you say something as serious as ‘I love you’ very early into the relationship, your date may think you’re not really in love with them, but are just saying it to please them. That’s really the worst thing, because your three magical words have just lost all meaning to your date.

#5 How well do you know each other? People get infatuated by each other at first sight. They don’t fall in love! If you really need to love someone, you need to love them for who they are. So what do you know about your date? Do you know about their exes, how many relationships they’ve been in, about their likes and dislikes and the kind of person they are? Always make sure you actually like the real person you’re dating for their personality before professing your love to them.

#6 Are you insecure? Ask yourself this question sincerely, are you saying ‘I love you’ to this special person just to cover your insecurities? Some smitten lovers say those words just to beat any competition out of the way, or arm-twist the one they’re dating so they can feel more secure about the relationship or push away anyone else who’s threatening the relationship. If you have to profess your love, do it for the right reasons.

#7 Stuck in love. If one of you says ‘I love you’ too soon, and the other person accepts and responds with the same line without really thinking, one or both of you may feel stuck in the relationship because it all happened so fast.

If you say it too soon, your lover may even get angry with you if they jumped in too fast and reciprocated by saying that they loved you too. And instead of focusing on love, your new partner may have to spend all their time wondering if they really need to be in a serious relationship with you. Would you like that?

#8 Pressure doesn’t always work. Once you say it, the secret’s out in the open for you and your date to see. And you can’t take your words back again. What if your date just wants a casual relationship with you and doesn’t want anything serious just yet? They may really love you, but they may still be unsure about doing anything about it.

And remember, there’s no going back once you say it. If your date’s uncertain about the future of the romance, saying ‘I love you’ will force them to think about it. And the extra pressure on deciding immediately may just force your date into turning you down or walking away if they’re not ready to be held down in a serious romance.

#9 Prove your love. If you really want to say ‘I love you’ and hear it back from your date, then learn to play it safe. Instead of saying ‘I love you’, prove your love through actions. Don’t say how much you love your date, but show it through your romantic gestures. If your date loves you, they’ll reciprocate with happiness. But if they aren’t looking for something serious, they’d seem uncomfortable with your affection.

#10 Watch their response to your love. You’ll know if your date loves you back if they go out of their way to do something for you too. After you smother your date with love and romance, wait and watch their response. If your date really loves you, they’d start indulging in little romantic gestures like buying you gifts or going out of their way to do something nice for you.

If that happens, yeah, your date loves you. On the other hand, if your date doesn’t respond in kind, perhaps they just need more time to fall madly in love with you.

When is the best time to say I love you?

Express your love when you believe you’re truly in love. But at the same time, be certain that your date is ready to hear it. A good rule of thumb here, both of you should have spent at least a month seriously dating each other each and must have met each other on at least five real romantic dates.

To some, this may seem like it’s all too fast. And to many others, it may seem like a lot of waiting. But a month into dating each other is the perfect time to express your love for this special someone. The infatuation would have peaked and led to something a lot more beautiful, and big chances are, it could just be love!

The waiting game

If you wait too long, your new date may get bored or wonder if the relationship’s going anywhere. If you say it too soon, you may ruin your relationship because of all the added pressure and the confusion.

If you want the experience to seem like a fairy tale romance, take your time while saying ‘I love you’ and read the signs. Keep an eye on the budding relationship and take the plunge when you feel like love’s all around in the air.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Rebecca – Chapter 15 – Aftermath

I met Rebecca 3 years ago on a date. Rebecca has recently made an appearance in my life so I thought I’d re-run this series so everyone won’t have to go back and search for her series to catch up. Enjoy!

Fall of 2016

I take you to dinner, somewhere quiet, dark and candlelit. Talk you into wearing a black slinky number, one that shows your neck and wonderful shoulders and beautiful legs. I will even put on a shirt and tie so we look like belong in the place…

It’s raining outside, which is great because it cools everything off and you can see the steam rising from the streets as we park the car and head for dinner.

We start with drinks while we look over the menu. A couple of drinks and I cannot keep my hands off of you. I reach across the table and rub the back of my fore and middle fingers across your cheek, taking in the way you feel. I reach up and play with the lobe of your ear, rolling your earring between my thumb and fore finger. You kind of laugh and smile with your eyes, and I smile at you, knowing that the night is young.

The appetizers come and we order wine and begin to flirt with each other like kids. We take turns feeding each other the humus on toasted pita points that you ordered, and as I’m about to feed you the last bite, you jump suddenly as you feel my foot, which I’ve slipped out of my wingtips. My unshod foot has moved to brushing the outside of your crossed legs, below the knee.

As the waiter clears the remains of the first bottle of wine and the appetizers, I have to excuse myself to the men’s room, not really to use the restroom, but to be able to come back from the restroom and kiss your neck and ear from behind. I sit back down and our eyes meet and the conversation starts up again.

We have a white wine delivered again just before our salads arrive. I reach over to hold your hand and you reciprocate by reaching to me. We hold hands while the waiter pours. He starts with a splash in my glass for me to taste, I try to reach for the glass but you won’t let go and you smile at the new little game you’ve just started. I play along and try the wine, bringing my glass to my lips with the other hand. I approve and let the waiter continue. As he finishes up, his assistant brings us our salads. We toast to the night to come and drink lightly as we both recognize that we are in for a wonderful night.

I keep your attention through the salad by asking what you would like to do for the rest of the evening. Your eyes dance, as you describe what you want to do for the evening, until the waiter comes to clear our plates.

I’ve placed my foot back onto your leg only now instead of being on the outside of your leg, I move to the inside of your leg and move my toes up to the inside of your thigh. You look up at me from the napkin you were playing with, and simply smile as I wink at you. I lean forward and ask you to come forward by signaling with my index finger. You lean forward and your eyes light up as you nod at what I’ve said and excuse yourself to the ladies room.

You come back with a cat that ate the mouse grin and discreetly hand me the black G-string you were wearing. You laugh as I bite my lip and roll my eyes in delight. As you return to your seat, our waiter comes with our dinner.

Our conversation through dinner is innocent intentionally as neither of us want to push too far, we like the idea of skirting the issue of an entire night by ourselves. Through dinner I move my foot closer and closer to you, using my toes to touch you lightly, just enough to get your attention.

After dinner is cleared we decide to share a raspberry sorbet and take turns feeding each other and, accidentally of course, missing a couple times. By the time dessert is finished, my sock and you are both torridly wet.

We finish dessert and before we get our check, I talk you into leaving your g-string with the tip. You kind of giggle but go along with it and we decide we need to leave.

I smile and throw you a curve ball by demanding that we go to the bar for cognac and a cigar. You object and fight it a little at first, but then you realize how exciting it would be for you to have the waiter see you again after you have left him his tip. We sip our cognac and puff our stogies, while we relax in the lounge waiting for our waiter to pass through, just to see his face.

Finally, defeated by the man in the tuxedo shirt and cummerbund, we decide to leave and head for the elevator. I am walking behind you and just as we enter the foyer, our waiter walks through. You lean to him and whisper a very sultry goodnight dear, in his ear, all while I’m watching. You then smile and wait for me to meet you as our red faced waiter makes his way back into the dining room. We step onto the elevator and once the doors close burst into laughter, which I end by kissing for what seems like an hour. We make out like kids, groping and kissing, until you push the button for the next to last floor on the way down, and we make our way to the stairwell. The walk down the hallway we try to be as proper as can be until we realize we are alone and you start to run to the stairwell making me chase behind you.

We almost undress each other there in the stairwell, when I finally decide to stop you and lead you down the stairs to the exit.

Finally, as we make our way out of the building I surprise you with a covered horse drawn carriage for a private ride through the city. As I help you into the white carriage, you look back at me, sit down, pull up that slinky black dress, and invite me in with one hand, while you very playfully bite the forefinger on your other hand. As the driver readies the horses and we begin moving, the rhythmic clip clop of the horses serves as a metronome for us, and we ride off into the night…

 I awaken from this dream and realize you’re really gone, Rebecca.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Loving Someone You Can’t Have: 15 Ways to Handle the Pain

There are only a few things more agonizing than being in love with someone you can’t have. How can you deal with this kind of pain? Here are 15 ways.

Whether the person you secretly love is your best friend’s fiancée, your boss’s crush, or your close friend who’s clearly in love with someone else, there’s no escaping the pain of being with them and knowing that you can never have them. Whenever they’re around, you get consumed by your efforts to conceal your emotions, hoping that the way you stare at them won’t give away your real feelings. There are times when you ask yourself why you’re subjecting yourself to this kind of torture. And the answer is quite simple: they bring you joy.

How to handle the pain of loving someone you can’t have

Maybe you’ve decided that it’s better to be with someone you really love, even if you can never have them, than not have them in your life in any way. If that’s your decision, then there’s nothing much you can do, except handle the pain that goes with it. Here are some tips on coping with the pain of loving someone you can’t have.

Be cool

If you are still hanging around because you hope that the two of you will be together one day, or you’re still enjoying the happiness the person brings, even with all the pain, here are the things you can do to cope.

#1 Enjoy your time together, but don’t ask for anything more. Condition your mind to only focus on the good times and forget the rest. Don’t demand anything more than what’s given to you, because it’s likely that they’ll say no. If you’re going out to grab some coffee, enjoy those moments. Who cares if they’re going to be with their partner afterward? Not you! Acknowledge the pain, but focus on the good times.

#2 Do not ask questions that could hurt you. Asking questions that run along the lines of “Did you ever love me?” and “Am I not good enough?” will just hurt you, or cause tension in your relationship. The goal is to avoid pain, so it’s counterproductive to seek answers to these questions.

#3 Divert your attention to hobbies. Spending too much time analyzing your feelings? Roll your sleeves up and get a new hobby—right now. Just get out of bed, go to a craft shop—or wherever else you can—and get your hands movin’. Not only will this temporarily help you ease the pain, it will also make you more creative—and creativity is always a good thing. Imagine how many paintings or hats you’d make by the end of the year, if you just use the time you spend on self-pity wisely?

#4 Be a real friend, but protect your feelings. Of course, you want to be their crying shoulder. But when it comes to unrequited love, and you’re on the losing end, don’t give your all. Make sure that you’re comforting them without crushing your heart. It’s okay to listen to them talk about their frustrations with the person they love, but it’s another thing if that’s all you talk about and you’re even helping them plot the perfect surprise party for their beloved.

#5 Be surrounded by friends. During times of emotional turmoil, you need the loving arms, sound advice, and truckloads of craziness of your best buds. There’s nothing like pondering and laughing about your situation over a couple of beers. I am sure they’ve all had similar experiences, and would be very much willing to share some tips. Say “cheers” and laugh it off, at least for one night!

#6 Stay away from hurtful situations. If you know that they’re going to be with their partner at a party, don’t show up. Why would you? It’s like committing suicide. Simply decline their invitation and be at peace. Sleeping all day or binge watching your favorite TV show are so much better than seeing the person you love with somebody else

#7 Learn to compartmentalize. To cope with emotional turmoil, you have to learn how to compartmentalize. When you’re with the person you adore, be with them 100%. But make sure that when you’re working or doing something else, your mind is not wrapped around them. It takes a lot of practice, but it can be done.

#8 Devote 30 minutes every day to sulk. Set a specific time in your day to just be sentimental about your one-sided love affair. Don’t let thoughts about your beloved consume you all the time; when the thought pops in your head, tell yourself that you can only think about it from 6:00-6:30. It sounds like a crazy idea, but it’s effective!

Cool isn’t an option

Perhaps some time has passed, yet you’re still stuck in the same situation. You want things to change, or you’d rather be left alone. Here are some things you can do to eliminate and even totally get rid of the pain.

#9 Stop pretending you’re okay. If you’re really in pain, you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. Not anymore. You’ve been dealing with this for months *or years* and it is exhausting to put on a fake smile all the time.

Tell them you can’t be with them while they shop for their lover’s gift because it hurts you. Don’t laugh or smile if you really don’t feel like doing those things, either. You are entitled to express your real feelings, just like they’re entitled to theirs.

#10 Limit contact as much as possible. Yes, even if seeing them makes you “happy” on the surface. You must learn to turn away from something that only gives you temporary happiness and be okay with missing out, because here’s something you should know: if it causes you distress, you’re not missing anything! Do yourself a favor and protect your emotions.

#11 Date other people. Why not? Don’t be scared that you’ll lose the tiniest chance of having the person you can’t have. You’re the only one being sentimental about it. Trust me, they’ll even be genuinely happy for you. If they actually like you, but have been too afraid to make a move, this may give them a push to finally do so.

#12 Hide them from your feeds. You always want to see them and find out what they’re doing—that’s why you added them on Facebook. But then you also see them cuddling with their sweetheart. Ah, those photos can make you bleed! Once and for all, hide them from your timeline. They’re like an addiction. You have to cut them out of your life, by all means.

#13 Write about your feelings. Writing about our feelings can give us a clearer view of what we’re going through. This is a well-known therapy technique that won’t cost you a dime. This has the same effect as a prayer. What makes this better is that you can actually re-read what you’ve written, so you can assess yourself better. This serves as a great proof of just how crazy you are being!

#14 Write a letter to yourself. After writing about your feelings, it’s time to write a letter to yourself. Yes, it may sound cheesy, but it’s one effective way to regain your self-esteem and forgive yourself. It can help you reconnect with yourself, so you can face reality, and make new plans for your life.

#15 Finally, tell them what you feel without expecting anything. It will relieve you of all the self-inflicted tension you’ve built up over time. Simply inform them that you like them, but know you can’t have them. This will liberate you, as long as you ensure that you’re not doing this to get sympathy or love.

Be advised: if confessing your feelings would put you and your beloved in danger *i.e. if you’re in love with your future sister-in-law*, forget it. It’s not worth the trouble. Just deal with it on your own.

It’s painful to love someone you can’t have, but don’t let it take over your life. Sure, allow yourself to sulk for a time, but after that, dust off your sorrows and toughen up a little *or a lot*. When all is said and done, you’ll be glad you took care of your heart and sanity using these tips, even when in love, because those are the things that only you can protect.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Things That Make Men Catch Major Feelings For You

These tricks can make guys catch feelings really quick.

If there’s one thing that’s hard for most girls to figure out, it’s how to get a guy to like you and legitimately care about you.

The truth is that it can take a bit of effort to make a guy want you as more than just a quick lay, especially if they’re a bit obtuse.

That being said, getting a guy to care about you — and maybe even fall in love with you — might be possible if you know what to do.

Here are 10 of the easiest ways to make him chase you in a loving, caring way.

1. Talk to him about intimate details of your life, and ask him about his.

Tell him funny stories from your childhood. Ask him about how he got that one scar.

Show that you are interested in him as a person and things will go far.

2. Show him your vulnerable side.

The key thing here is to make him want to protect you, not make him want to call a therapist.

A little vulnerability (not insecurity) is good. Too much will make you look like a clingy, desperate mess.

3. Hold eye contact.

Studies show that prolonged eye contact makes men more likely to fall in love with you.

4. Make a nice meal for him.

You know how older women always tell girls that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?

Well, they’re not lying.

Showing off your domestic goddess side will make most men think about you in a different way.

5. Back off if you think he’s taking you for granted.

The easiest way to make someone realize what they’ve lost is to remove it from their lives, even if it’s temporary.

When you make yourself scarce, he ends up realizing that people like you don’t come around every day.

That makes him care more than hounding him for attention.

6. Use a Pavlovian training method.

Pavlov was a smart man. He trained dogs to drool by associating a reward with a sound.

You can take a cue from his training by trying to get guys to associate good feelings or feelings of empowerment with you.

By giving them compliments and showing your desire for them, they start to want to be around you more and more.

7. Have sex regularly and frequently.

Ever notice how people who have sex frequently tend to end up in a relationship?

If the sex is good, chances are that his hormones might kick into “caring” gear rather than just “gratification” gear.

8. Act like a friend, too.

The last thing that guys want to have around them is a girl who acts like she’s more interested in a relationship than she is in the guy she’s talking to.

If you want him to care about you, treat him like a friend that you’re also sexually interested in.

9. Hold his hand.

This simple gesture actually releases hormones that spark love in men.

10. Communicate your desire.

The one thing men want more than anything else is to be wanted.

Showing him that you want him will likely make him care for you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How To Move On After Letting Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

A broken heart doesn’t have to break you…

When it comes time to a break up with someone, it’s not easy, even if they don’t love you anymore. If you’re trying to move on and get over the emotions and pain of a breakup when you’re still in love with your ex, it’s even harder.

But the truth is, as difficult as it may be, embracing your ability to move on after a breakup and start over fresh is important.

Are you struggling after letting go of someone who doesn’t love you back?

Have you walked away from someone you loved because you know they don’t love you?

Do you know that you did the right thing but are you still struggling with the pain and self-doubt? I get it.

Here are 6 tips for moving on after ending a relationship with the person you still love:

1. Don’t trick yourself into playing the victim.

Eight years ago, my husband walked out on me for his college girlfriend. We’d been married for twenty years, and I was devastated. I raged on about how he could do this to me, to our children? I was angry and sad and out for revenge.

And then a friend gently reminded me that my story was perhaps a little bit off track. Yes, he had walked out on me and that was completely unacceptable. But we had been really, really unhappy for a long time. Our kids were headed off to school and neither one of us knew if we were ready to reconnect.

It was entirely possible that we would have ended up divorced anyway.

Keeping in mind, that I wasn’t a victim but a partner in a marriage that slowly fell apart, I was able to accept the end of our relationship. The “leaving me for someone else without even trying” piece still stings, but the truth is that our marriage was most likely doomed and I’m way better off. He’s her problem now.

2. Make a list of every reason why you need to leave them behind.

When you have to walk away from someone you love, make a list — a list of all of the reasons you to walk away from that person.

When you spend time with someone, you’re regularly exposed to the things that remind you to walk away. When you finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into your memory.

They get replaced in the forefront of your mind with the good things, times, and everything you loved about that person. And with the good things at the front of your mind, you’re vulnerable to returning to the relationship causing you pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from the person that you love.

Keep that list close and refer to it when you’re missing him. You left this relationship for a reason. Keep those reasons in mind daily going forward.

3. Go no contact immediately after separating.

I know you think that you need “closure” at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I’m here to tell you that closure is a myth. Closure is really just one last chance to spend time with and talk to the person you still love.

Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, why couldn’t you make it work as a couple?

So, when you’ve decided the relationship is over, cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he’ll be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It’s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle — the circle you decided you’re determined to break yourself out of.

So, go no contact right away. It will make the process way easier!

4. Do something new and exciting.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space — do something with it.

For instance, say a woman broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn’t commit to her. She was devastated.

To deal with this pain, she decided to do something she’d always wanted: Writing.

She started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, and the way she felt with him gone from her life.

It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles.

As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don’t waste it!

5. Make sure to comfort yourself.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone, and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox for a massage. I had nothing to do, so I bought it and I made an appointment. That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table, and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I needed to help me move forward.

From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage.

6. Believe your love is out there for you.

I find this to be the number one obstacle when you’re breaking up with someone who doesn’t love you: Believing you’ll never find love again.

Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren’t making them happy don’t leave because they believe there will never be another person for them.

That if they break up with this person, they’ll be alone forever!

But that just isn’t true. There are many, many fish in the sea, and there is one for you.

Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn’t love you then you won’t find that person.

But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with said person, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.

Moving on after letting go of someone who doesn’t love you back is a very hard thing to do. You still love them but you know that you must let them go because of the pain they are causing you. It will be difficult but it is possible!

Make sure that your break up story is a true one. I can promise you that your guy is out there! You will find him if you can let go and find yourself again!

 

 

Rebecca – Chapter 14 – Airport – Part 2

I met Rebecca 3 years ago on a date. Rebecca has recently made an appearance in my life so I thought I’d re-run this series so everyone won’t have to go back and search for her series to catch up. Enjoy!

Fall of 2016

I need to go to her and say goodbye.

Besides, security here at PHL is pretty tight and I’m probably starting to look suspicious standing here with no luggage.

I slowly walk over to her.

“Hey.”

“Heeyyyyyy!” Rebecca leaps to her feet and hugs me tighter than ever before.

“Charles! You came!” She eased out of my arms but remained close.

“I told you I would.”

“This is Mari.” She reached out to the girl she was with.

Mari stood and shook my hand. She was obviously Latina. She had shoulder length black hair and caramel skin. She had an air of safety around her I could feel. It comforted me and quelled my anxiety.

“It’s nice to meet, Charles. Rebecca has told me so much about you.”

I wanted to say: ‘All good I hope’ but decided against that awful, dated cliche.

I sat down next to Rebecca. Her dark eyes twinkled. Her raven tresses were pulled back in a ponytail.

“I’m so excited about this trip! It’s going to be an awesome adventure!” Mari looked at Rebecca, nodding and smiling in affirmation.

“I’m really proud of you. I’m sure this took a lot of thought.”

“It did, and as hard as this is going to be I feel like I have to do it.”

I smiled and agreed.

We chatted and Rebecca and Mari went on and on about where they were going and what they’d be doing when they got there.

This isn’t how I imagined it.

I pictured us locked in a passionate embrace. The classic movie scene. The moment where the girl is about to get away, but destiny steps in and saves the day for the hapless hero.

I thought about this scenario as my eyes moved from Rebecca’s eyes to her full ripe lips. I watched her speak but couldn’t hear her.

Like all of my previous relationships, I could always look, love and partake but I never heard any of them that had come before Rebecca.

I’m a beauty addict. (Or a modelizer like Michelle used to call me. She was right. She was quoting Sex in the City, but she was right.)

I’m a shallow, superficial fool when it comes to affairs of the heart. I want to live in this Peter Pan like existences with all of these young women.

What am I missing? Why am I like this? What am I searching for with these young ladies?

Have I been such and ongoing, consistent failure, that I’m hoping to recapture what I was at fourteen with those lovely girls of Summer in the 70’s. My teen years. My young life? Here I am in my mid fifties and I love like a teenage boy. But I’ve learned so much about people and the world. But I still have that one single tear in my heart for something that’s been lost.

The innocence of young love. That touch of the hand. That magical first kiss.

I’ve been in 3 rock bands. Worked in banking for 20 years and advertising for 10.

There isn’t a sin I haven’t seen. I’ve done everything with everybody for decades and loved every mad minute of it. I loved the feeling of soaring on wings of steel to the heights of ecstacy, but always too close to the sun.

Always.

The searing pain of losing the woman in my life is the exact opposite and worse than the dopamine drop of falling in love.

It’s like the cocktails are amazing and I feel wonderful, but the hangover is so bad and goes on for so long, I may never recover from another loss again.

 

But Rebecca has saved me from that searing pain. She’s going away before I can squander her time and her heart on my foolish, nostalgic desires.

“I’ll be back in like, three months.”

Her words snapped me back into the moment at hand.

“Yea, you’ll do great work there. I can’t wait to hear all of your stories when you get back. I’m sure they’ll be amazing.”

“Hope so!” Chirped, Mari.

“I’m gonna miss you, Charles.”

“I’m going to miss you too, Rebecca.”

I wanted to say her name because I knew for awhile I would never have the opportunity to utter it again.

Sensing we needed a moment, Mari excused herself to the restroom. (Thankfully!)

“I’m really glad you came today. And I really appreciate you supporting me in my decision.”

“Of course. I think it’s amazing. You’re going to have the time of your life down there. Travel and exploration is what we do. It can be so broadening in your development as a person.” (For fuck’s sake. I’m literally quoting my father!)

“I appreciate that, Charles.”

“Don’t get mixed up with the Cartel down there, cause you’d fit right in!”

Rebecca laughed. That lovely sound that comes forth from her sweet soul. Like the sound of your favorite song. Her laughter has always let me know that I was okay and that she felt safe with me. Women can fake certain things but not their laughter.

I know when it’s real.

She calmed down and took my hands in hers. They were warm and soft. I could feel all of my energy going into my hands at that moment. Just her touch. That was all that was happening in that moment. That, and her eyes.

What’s happening to me? Am I changing?

Probably not.

There’s just something different about this one.

I can’t quite….

The announcement came over the intercom system that her plane was arriving.

The steel bird that would come from the sky and snatch my love from me before I ever had the chance to slowly ruin everything between us.

It’s better this way. Three months? Six months? It’s all the same. It doesn’t matter. I knew in my heart it was over before it began. All of the dates and stolen kisses were for naught.

I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be happy and rejoice in the fact that I had the time I had with Rebecca. Maybe this has been a warning to me to be more cautious. To be careful with the hearts of these women and not worry about mine. My time is running out and moving into old age. They’re just beginning their lives. I may bring them wisdom and comfort but it will always be fleeting.

“Well I guess this is it.”

“Yea. You better get your friend so she doesn’t miss your flight.”

“Hey… Chaz. You’ve changed me forever and you know I’ll be thinking about you when I’m away.”

I felt the searing in my chest.

“Thank you. I’m happy to have you in my life. You’re a wonderful girl, Rebecca.” I could feel my voice begin to waver.

Must hold on.

Must hold on to myself.

Because I’ve already lost hold on Rebecca.

 

I was so close this time.

 

Mari returned and they picked up their carry on bags.

“I’ll be back in three months! We’re sooo going to get plowed on cocktails, Chaz.”

“You are so right! Can’t wait!”

We walked towards security. This all felt so robotic and automatic. Like I was walking through someone else’s dream. It wasn’t mine. This perfunctory exit from my reality.

My dream was waking up next to Rebecca in my bedroom. Her hair disheveled from a night of lovemaking and deep blissful sleep with me. I smell her as she leans her nude body against mine. She’s warmer than I am. She snakes her leg over me and pulls me close. Our faces only inches apart.

The only time you can do that is if you’re in love with someone. That never happens anywhere else.

Ever.

I know this is the end. We’ll reach airport security and they’ll go through and I’ll be left standing here alone.

Mari loads her bag onto the treadmill that scans her bag and Rebecca follows suit. Mari steps through the metal detector and begins to gather her stuff. She takes her phone and keys from the little dish.

I’m dying a little bit.

Maybe a lot.

Rebecca turns and embraces me.

“Come on Miss.” The TSA attendant barks.

Rebecca goes up on tiptoes and gets in my face.

“You won’t forget me will ya?”

“No dear.” was all I could muster. It took everything I had not to cry.

“I’ll write to you, or text you or facetime or whatsapp you! I promise.”

“Don’t worry about me. You’ll be back before you know it and we’ll be blasting citywides at McGlinchey’s.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

What else could I say here?

Rebecca kissed me hard on the lips. Without shame. No matter who looked on.

Even as I held her in that moment I could feel she was already long gone.

It was over before it could begin…

 

I’m sitting in a little speedboat with my father. It’s a warm day in July. I’m about 13 years of age. We’ve anchored in the Delaware bay on the western side of Wildwood, NJ. We’re fishing. The sky is blue filled with big fluffy clouds that take turns giving us a break from the sun.

“It’s not good today son. But I see some birds working over there.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means we should take the boat over there and join them.”

“Ha… Why?”

“Well, you can see the gulls over there flying and dipping into the water. That means that they’re feeding. They’re feeding on little fish.”

“Okay…”

“There’s a reason all of those little fish are swimming to the surface and getting snatched up by all of those birds.”

“What’s that?”

“There’s something bigger under the waves that’s chasing them. We need to be a part of that.”

“Cool. Let’s go!”

 

My little fish Rebecca, was about to be clipped by a giant bird. I would be left to sink back beneath the depths and eventually die.

The kiss…

She brought her hands to my face like she always did. I liked the feeling of being captured by her. Like I was her prey. When all along in my mind she had always been the elusive quarry.

Her lips parted from mine. “I have to go. But I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I know….”

“I’ll be right here.” She pointed to my chest.

“Don’t pull that ET shit on me now.”

“Got me.”

“I wish…”

Rebecca smiled and turned to rush through the security check point.

This was the end.

I watched as the girls walked toward the gate that led to the plane that would take them away.

Mari went in and Rebecca followed close behind.

But then she stopped for a moment and turned back to me.

She gazed upon me with those unforgettable eyes. Those vibrant eyes that were now full of tears.

I had no alternative.

I looked at her and mouthed the words, “I love you.”

Rebecca cocked her head and blinked once. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Then she spoke. I could only read her lips over the noise of the terminal.

“I love you too… I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and entered the tunnel.

 

 

Rebecca was gone.

 

The Dark Wings of Destiny had finally Scattered our Days.

 

 

 

Rebecca – Chapter 13 – Airport – Part 1

“As I step from the train and begin to make my way towards the terminal, the old feelings creep back in like black serpents.”

I met Rebecca 3 years ago on a date. Rebecca has recently made an appearance in my life so I thought I’d re-run this series so everyone won’t have to go back and search for her series to catch up. Enjoy!

Fall of 2016

I solemnly rode the train to Philadelphia International Airport. Rebecca was leaving for South America to work as a nurse overseas to assist in a third world country.

This sucks. I’m having anxiety about all of this. I try to think about the airport as a place and not think about what is about to happen to me. To us.

To most, it’s missed connections and frantic jogs through security. It’s fast food and no outlets. But to me, an airport is one of the most romantic of places. Yes, I will admit, I have a love affair with airports. The romance of an airport is unlike any relationship I’ve had with other places.

The magical lights of the departure airline lists. The scrolling list of the television, filled with exotic locations – so many of which remain unexplored by my own two feet. “Departing,” “boarding,” “delayed.” Three words that bring a rush of energy coursing through my veins, each specialized and unique than the next. The sorted lines at security that empty out into the faraway destinations, some a skip away and others thousands of miles away.

I look to the woman ahead of me in line and I wonder, to where is she going? To the family of four, I ask, are they vacationing or leaving for a new life? And to the quiet, elderly man, I question, is he saying hello or goodbye? The romance of an airport is the diversity of the people that encompass it. The ethnicities, the religions, the ages, the families, the solo travelers, the young, the old, the excited and the anxious. All of which must go through the same lines as myself, and all of which await their adventures. The romance of an airport is that it is a microcosm of civilization. It is a glimpse of the greater world.

Each airport I’ve visited all share the same quality, they are a place of transition. No one stays, everyone leaves. Just like me. I will corner myself in a comfortable seat, next to the husband and wife double checking their seat assignments. I will put on my headphones and anticipate my upcoming adventure. But I, like everyone else, will depart.

But to see each person, in their vivid, bold realities – whether living through a nightmarish layover or seeing the glimmer in their eyes as they look forward to beginning a new chapter – it’s romantic.

Remember…

The next time you enter the airport, remind yourself of these romantic notions. The romance of an airport is present when you look for it. Savor the (hopefully) short amount of time you have in a place as alluring, diverse and transitionary as this.

But as usual, I digress…

I’ve found that like my father, when I’m facing anxiety, I focus on something other than the current dilemma.

But as I step from the train and begin to make my way towards the terminal, the old feelings creep back in like black serpents.

I think about how before 9/11 one could walk all the way to the gate where the plane was boarding.

Now, you can get as far as the waiting area, and that’s it. No more can you embrace your friends and family and watch them walk through that little tunnel onto the awaiting jet.

The jet. That flying bus that takes your loved ones from you. That bad restaurant at 20,000 feet in the sky that serves tiny bags of pretzels and cups of soda.

I was always terrified of flying. Well, to be fair, I was always terrified of anything new and different my whole life. That’s the curse of having anxiety. But back in the early 2000’s I worked as a consultant and had to fly all over the country for work and became quite good at it all. It just goes to show, that if you have fear about something the best thing to do is to walk towards it over and over, and after awhile you’ll see it’s not so bad after all. Look at all of the idiots that fly all the time and nothing happens.

But today isn’t like those other times.

I text Rebecca.

She responds immediately.

She gives me her location and I approach. I see her across the busy waiting area. She’s sitting there with another girl who I assume is a nurse too. They’re chatting and looking at their phones.

Rebecca hasn’t seen me yet.

I pause.

I take a moment to think about who this woman is to me.

We met on a Tinder date. It was lovely. I see her and then I don’t see her. She drifts in and out of my life like the turning seasons. She’s so much younger than me. So what else is new? I always end up with these young beautiful women. It’s my curse. I fall in love with them and they with me. (Or, what I represent) But all of these stories end the same way. My own madness. They all grow out of me. They all move forward in their lives with what they perceive they should do and the learned choices they should make. They all eventually want to marry and have a family with a loving husband. I’m almost always that guy… but only almost. Almost honest. But never really.

I look upon her from a distance. She’s so beautiful. So alive. So full of hope and time.

Me on the other hand, I’m running out of time. I’ve had all of the love, relationships, sex, fun, laughs, break ups, and divorce. Who am I kidding? This could never work. This will never work. Rebecca will go the way of Alis, Michelle, Annabelle and probably Cherie. They all end the same. My madness drives me to make the same mistake over and over again.

But I’m addicted to the drug of love and romance. To me it’s better than sex. Romance is the best part of any relationship. At least for me. After that I lose interest. Like a lion after a kill. The hunt is everything.

Annabelle had cleared the cache for me to ever invest myself with anyone ever again. It all seemed a waste of time.

The tide rolls in full of life’s bounty, and then is ground into sand by the powerful waves of reality.

But with Cherie I was ready. I went into that relationship fully prepared with a safe exit strategy. I never did that before.

My father once told me that if I ever got into a relationship with a woman, I should always have a way to get out of it.

What an asshole.

But he was right. At least for me. I never believed his words, but I do now.

But Rebecca has a certain something that I find intriguing. There’s just something about this rare bird that’s simply different. She evokes a certain dark attraction unlike other women I’ve known. It’s not anything unusual… just different.

I’m old and experienced enough to know myself and my feelings. At my age, I know it’ll probably go down like the rest of my failed relationships. But in reality, I feel that in this moment, I may have lost an opportunity to do what I usually do and fail again.

Could the going of Rebecca be the thing that finally cures me from getting mixed up with all of these mixed up young girls?

She’ll get on a plane and leave the country and in a month or two forget all about me. She’ll be in a totally different place and time and I’ll be left back here in Philly. Just grinding away at what’s left of my life.

She’ll save me by leaving now instead of eventually leaving me later.

I’ve had all of the romance and courtship with her and now she’s decided to get away from me by leaving the country.

But that’s not entirely true. She’s young and has a wonderful opportunity to do some good in the world. I can’t make this about me. She’s not leaving me. She’s just going forward with her life. She has to do that. I did the same thing at her age. I went to California to play rock and roll.

I can’t stand here and agonize over this.

I have to go over to her and say goodbye.