You Will Never Find True Love Until You Learn To Accept These 11 Things

While the dating game may seem challenging, when you do come across someone that you think is THE ONE the question remains – is this really it, or another passing fling? Are you ready to settle down with that someone special? Is this your ‘happily ever after’?

Each time we turn on the television we are met with another story of a celebrity marriage that we all believe would stand the test of time falling apart. Another messy divorce gracing the tabloids. In fact, it is arguable that most couples spend more time planning their wedding day than they do their marriage!

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN FINDING THAT ‘SPECIAL SOMEONE,’ SETTLING DOWN AND STARTING YOUR ‘HAPPILY EVER AFTER,’ YOU NEED TO START BY ACCEPTING THESE THINGS:

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Behind all successful relationships is a foundation of healthy communication. You need to find someone with which you can keep an honest and open dialogue going about anything and everything in life. This doesn’t mean using the term ‘honesty’ as an excuse to tear one another apart. Instead, you must find someone with which you can share your fears and problems without fear of judgment.

NEVER PLAY THE VICTIM

Victim thinking will destroy even the best of relationships. The second you hand over the victim card, looking for pity and sympathy, you denounce control over your own life. The truth is that you DO have control over your life, and so long as you remember that point you can continue to move in a positive and meaningful direction, working through any challenges that are thrown your way.

TO FIND MR/MRS. RIGHT, YOU MUST FIRST BE MR/MRS. RIGHT

Relationships are a two-way street, and as much as you are looking for a certain kind of person to build your life with, so too are the people that you are meeting along the way. Look back at your former relationships and try to discover what went wrong – why didn’t they work out? It is important that you do so in a completely unbiased manner. If you find that the problem was something you had done, then it is time for you to focus on growing and developing into the partner that will attract your Mr. Right!

LIVE WITH PURPOSE

In order to stay in touch with who we truly are deep down, we must have a thorough understanding of our life’s purpose. If this is an area that you know that you need to improve – start by allowing yourself a little ‘me’ time to focus on the desires of your heart and soul. This doesn’t have to be formal meditation, but you should take the time to relax and think inwardly, reflecting on what you believe you were called to do.

MAKE SURE TO SET YOUR GOALS

Goal setting is an important step in working towards your ideal life. This includes both as an individual as well as goal setting as a couple. In order to effectively do this, you will need to have an idea of what one another is looking to get out of life. Knowing your goals will allow you to be supportive of one another.

REMEMBER THAT REAL LOVE DOESN’T HURT

Sure, every relationship will come with its ups and downs, and calling it ‘true love’ doesn’t mean you are exempt from facing challenges, however, true love is heavily focused on supporting and aiding one another in a sometimes-difficult world. When one, or both of you, face a challenge, the other should be there doing what they can to ensure that you aren’t’ facing it alone. When you stop and reflect back, true love involves more good days than bad.

PRACTICE FORGIVENESS

Everyone is going to hurt you at one time or another in your life, it is part of the human condition. If you are looking to establish a healthy, long-term relationship then you need to acknowledge that there is no place for grudges. When something comes up and you do find that you hurt one another in word or in deed, be prepared to forgive your partner and move on with life rather than wallowing in the difficult times.

ESTABLISH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Before entering into a long-term relationship, you need to determine where your boundaries are. Are you willing to settle down with a smoker? Do you tolerate excessive drinking? At what line do you believe criticism turns into verbal abuse? Understanding these boundaries will help you to find someone that fits into your image of the ideal relationship.

TRUE LOVE MEANS LOVING ONE ANOTHER FOR WHO YOU ARE

When you enter into a healthy, lasting relationship it isn’t to find and settle with someone you can ‘mold into’ the perfect person. True love means loving one another as we are, both the good and the bad. It means celebrating one another’s strengths and accepting our faults. If you find that someone is trying to change you, step back and reconsider the relationship.

ALWAYS BE PROACTIVE

You need to be aware of which relationships are healthy and positive, enhancing your life, and which are toxic or negative, detracting from it. Proactively ending friendships and relationships that step over your boundaries or invite negative energies into your life will leave more room for those that should be there. This will allow you to focus your time and energy on those who will help you to discover the best side of yourself.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

We’ve all met that person – they are capable of saying the right thing in every situation, professing their unending love over and over. True love means not only thinking/saying these things but actually acting upon them. Real relationships involve work and dedication, and you are going to have to be able to step up and do what is required to make it last!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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If Your Partner Is Falling Out Of Love, Therapists Say This Is The 1 Thing You’ll Notice

All relationships have natural ebbs and flows. No matter how long you’ve been seeing someone, having little arguments here and there or taking a break from the sexy stuff can sometimes be super healthy. But if you’ve been feeling a little disconnected from you boo for a while or if the fights seem more frequent, you may be wondering if your partner is falling out of love with you. “Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if you are having a tough time in a relationship, if you are experiencing significant problems, if you really are questioning how well it is working versus actually falling out of love,” Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Elite Daily. “Love can be lost and found. It can fade and come back, it can be ‘fixed’ but because love is a feeling, it is not a guarantee that love lost will return.”

It’s not always easy to unpack whether or not you are falling out of love or just going through a rough patch. If you’ve been fighting a lot or are just generally feeling distant from your boo, falling out of love could be the result of a loss of connection. “When we fall out of love, we lose a deeper feeling of connection with our partner,” Dr. Klapow says. “Falling out of love is losing that almost indescribable feeling of wanting to be with your partner for the long run no matter how much of a disaster or how perfect things are in the moment.”

If you’re concerned that your partner is falling out of love with you, Dr. Klapow shares some behaviors to look out for. “When it moves from ‘I don’t like what you are doing’ to ‘I don’t like you.’ They go from being emotionally connected to emotionally ‘neutral.’ They ask you to change the way you eat, talk, interact, spend time, look. They seem to schedule their life differently,” Dr. Klapow says. “Growing distant is a major relationship red flag.” Of course, every relationship is different, and your partner exhibiting some or all of these behaviors doesn’t necessary mean they’re falling out of love. Long-term romantic relationships are hard. And with school work, family, and general life to deal with — it’s completely natural for schedules to shift around, personal preferences to evolve, or even for feelings to change overtime.

If you’re starting to sense some disconnect in your relationship, or you’re starting to worry that your partner is falling out of love with you, it’s important to directly communicate how you are feeling and where you are coming from before guessing what they are feeling. “Don’t assume that the distance can only be that they are falling out of love,” Dr. Klapow says. “But don’t assume that everything is fine. Remember that your partner’s personal issues, your own issues and the relationship itself all drive the emotional setting.” If your partner seems to be pulling away, or if they’ve been more emotionally neutral — checking in with where their head is at can help you communicate openly, before assuming how they are feeling.

If you’re worried that your partner may be falling out of love with you, and you want to make the relationship work, it can be helpful to express to them how much you love them. “Ask what is going on, and express your desire to make things better,” Dr. Klapow says. “Don’t be defensive. Don’t argue. Just listen.” Giving your parter the chance to express themselves in a low-key and supportive way may enable them to open up about where their head is at. “You may find that what you are hearing is a combination of you, them and their relationship itself,” Dr. Klapow says. “Ultimately, it is your choice to pull the plug or not — but don’t decide until you have tried to work it out or have tried with professional support.” Getting everything out in the open can help you and your partner better understand what you need from each other and where your relationship is going, moving forward.

If you’re worried your partner is falling out of love with you, you may be noticing them pulling away or not being as emotionally engaged with your relationship. Before assuming their thoughts or feelings, openly discuss where you both are coming from and what support you both need. Love changes and flows, but opening up a conversation can keep everyone feeling supported and heard.

 

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How Long Does a Crush Last? 10 Steps to Get Over Your Crush ASAP

You can’t seem to get your crush out of your head, and you’ve liked them for months. Is this normal? How long does a crush last and can you move on faster?

If you’re wondering, how long does a crush last, you’re in good company. When I was in high school, I had a crush on a drummer for four years. Yes, four years. I couldn’t get over him. I thought he was amazing, I wanted him to be with me so badly. Obviously, that never happened.

But I remember spending hours, thinking to myself, how long can I like someone? When is it going to end? If you’re crushing on someone you’re probably thinking the same thing. You realize that nothing is going to happen, at least not now, and you need to get over them.

Before you learn how to get over them, you probably want to know if what you’re feeling is normal. At least, that’s what I wanted to know when I was younger. [Read: How to have fun while getting over your crush]

How long does a crush last?

Listen, having feelings for someone is completely normal and healthy. Plus, having a crush is fun, let’s face it. Even though it can end with a broken heart, the drama that leads up to it is exciting and thrilling. But what is too long to have a crush? In reality, according to psychologists, a typical crush usually lasts for four months. If the feeling persists, what you feel is what we like to call, “being in love.”

But before we start freaking out, let’s get real. Science is one thing, but it can’t measure someone’s feelings and make it a statistic. We’re all different. Whether your crush is for four months or three years, that’s okay. Now, if you want to get over your crush, here’s what you need to do.

How to get over your crush as soon as you possibly can

It’s called a crush for a reason. Cue the violin.

#1 Why do you like them? But actually, why do you like this person? What is it about them that drives you wild? You probably haven’t thought about this seriously. But you need to look at why you actually like them. Plus, how do you feel when you’re around them? Since they’re a crush, you’re probably not acting yourself which is a sign that you’re fantasizing about someone who’s not for you. [Read: Feeling lost in life? How to find yourself again]

#2 Treat it like a breakup. I know, you didn’t date them, we all know you didn’t date them. But, in order to move on, you need to treat this as a breakup. Get into bed, watch some chick flicks, start crying, and get it all out.

It’s okay to allow yourself to be sad regardless if you dated this person or not. You invested emotionally into them, so why not take the time in grieving over your crush. [Read: How to say goodbye to the might-have-beens]

#3 It’s all about distance. See, I like to think that I couldn’t get over my crush because he was in all my classes. I mean, how can you keep distance from someone who always is around you? I get it. But you’re going to have to try to create some distance between you and your crush.

You need time away from them, so avoid areas where they hang out, avoid stalking them on social media *because I know you are* and just avoid being around them as much as you can. [Read: How to get over someone you see every day without losing it]

#4 Don’t stalk them on social media. Nothing will work if you’re drooling over their photos all day. You need a break, remember? This also means from social media. If you can unfollow them, do it. If you can delete them, do it. But really, you need to do it. I know, it’s hard, but once they’re off your social media, it’s crazy how fast you forget about them.

#5 Don’t ask about them. You probably have mutual friends and that’s where you get your information. But for your sake, stop asking about your crush. Trust me, I know it’s going to be hard. But, remove them from your daily life which includes talking about them with other people. Tell your friends not to update you about your crush, that way, the information can’t fuel your feelings.

#6 Get honest with yourself. They’re a crush for a reason. You were never going to be with them. Think about the other crushes you had and how you got over them. You’ll get over this one as well. In the moment, we get all wrapped up with emotion, but at the end of the day, we all know the truth. If you made a move and were rejected, that’s okay. You did what you could and now, it’s time to move on. [Read: 14 ways to get over someone you never dated and free your mind]

#7 This will take time. Now, if this person goes to school with you or is a coworker, expect this to take longer. You can’t rush your feelings. And while you’re trying to get over them, you’re going to feel like shit. I can’t lie about that. You’re going to feel rejected and broken, but this is just the process. It’s better than living in a fantasy.

So, give yourself as much time as you need to get over your crush. The day will come when you stop thinking about them.

#8 Meet new people. This doesn’t mean you should jump to another crush. Getting over someone doesn’t work when you simply move on to someone else. If anything, that’s just the easy way out. What you need to do is meet new people around you with a positive influence. It would be even better if these people didn’t know your crush. That way, you can’t talk about them. [Read: 16 easy ways to meet new people and find your crowd]

#9 Get busy. Treat this as a breakup. With that being said, if you were breaking up with someone, I would suggest that you fill your time with things you enjoy doing.

Try to stay away from your phone because that only leads you to obsessive creeping. I am notorious for that, so I know what it’s like. Do things that you want to do, spend time with other people, literally do anything to distract yourself. [Read: 20 reasons why someone may never like you back]

#10 Flirt with someone else. Okay, this isn’t my first suggestion, but flirting always helps. This doesn’t mean you need to find someone else to obsess over, but casually flirting with other people is a nice reminder that there are other people out there. It’s an ego boost. It’s just light, innocent flirting…

[Read: Really effective tips to stop thinking about someone you really like]

Having a crush is fun and innocent, something we all experience. If you wonder, how long does a crush last, then it’s probably been too long already, and it’s high time you tried to get over them!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Cherie – Chapter 47 – Pay It Forward – Part 2

After our first amazing sex session, she usually dozes off. I am just the opposite. I feel energized and a bit euphoric. I tell her I’m going to go downstairs and try doing the laundry again. It’s probably 10pm by now.

I grab the bag and head down. The dryer is empty but there is a finished load of wet towels in the washer. Damn it! Did one of my neighbors throw in a load of towels and fall asleep? I could be a dick and just pull out the wet towels and place them on top of the dryer and just play through with my laundry. I do just that, but have an idea.

I put my stuff in the washer, add detergent, and load the $1.75 in quarters into the vending mechanism and hit the start button.

I go back upstairs and get some more quarters, a piece of paper and a pen. I try to collect as many quarters as possible on a regular basis because my daughter is always stealing them and doing her laundry on a weekly basis. I don’t mind!

I go back downstairs. I load the pile of wet towels into the dryer. I have just enough quarters to do their load and then do mine. After that I’m out of quarters. I pay for their dryer time and push start. I go back upstairs and sit quietly at my desk and do some writing while my girlfriend peacefully sleeps.

Forty minutes later I go back downstairs. My was is done and I check on my neighbor’s towels. They’re dry!

I fold all of their towels and stack them neatly on top of the washer. I then compose the following note:

Hello Neighbor,

I really needed to do my laundry tonight. I couldn’t wait any longer, so I paid it forward and did yours too! – (My initials)

I tossed my laundry into the dryer and paid for it with my last seven quarters.

I went back upstairs and felt really good about myself. I just thought of a great way to really do something nice for someone for under two dollars! Try to think of way you could do something that thoughtful for someone for under two dollars! I can’t think of anything. If you can, let me know in the comments section.

An hour later I go back downstairs and my laundry is finished! I bag it up and head upstairs. My neighbor’s towels are still stacked on the dryer along with my note. Mission accomplished!

I drop the bag on the floor of my bedroom and slink beneath the sheets beside my love, and fall asleep after my busy day.

The next morning we wake up pretty early. Actually Cherie woke up before I did and instead of my alarm, she awakened me with her mouth. What a glorious way to start a Sunday!

We don’t have to get up yet, so we decide to get it on. I love morning sex, because you’ve had some rest and can really get going.

“Do you want me to wear a condom?”

“Do you want to have sex with me?”

“Yes.”

Cherie: (Gives me the look)

Me: (Immediately suits up)

It’s wonderful and hot has always. Cherie is an orgasmic machine. I like this new condom rule. I feel completely safe and so does she. It actually turns me on more that I’m going to blast away inside her like I’m supposed to without any pesky new humans showing up in nine months that I have to raise.

 

We shower and head out to breakfast. Her Saab is parked down at 19th and Bainbridge so I decide to take her to Honey’s Sit n’ Eat down at 21st and South st. It’s a little rustic breakfast and lunch spot that serves really good home style meals. They accept cash only. Usually this place is slammed on the weekends but it’s early and we get seats at the counter. Which is good because we’re near the back and it’s much quieter.

Staff was on point, food was delicious and there were no issues. The place is a little pricey but Cherie never asks for anything and I’m delighted to take her our to a really hearty breakfast.

Here’s the coolest, most amazing part of the meal. (Other than my beautiful baby) When I walked in music was quietly playing in the background. I like when they play the music at a low volume. I don’t like a noisy restaurant and don’t want to have to shout during my meal. Highway Star was playing by Deep Purple. I like that, but every song after that is from Black Sabbath’s second album Paranoid. Then they started playing songs from their third LP, Master of Reality. I’ve never been in a restaurant or a bar in my life, (and I’ve been in plenty!) that played that much classic metal by a single artist non stop. It was glorious. Because it was played at low volume it was if it was all for me as a bonus. I didn’t know I could be more happy than after a night and morning with Cherie, but that did it.

Cherie said she was sufficiently stuffed. (poor thing, 3rd time in 24 hrs!)  I only had a breakfast sadwich so I was

Cherie: “I’m stuffed.”

Me: “Aww poor thing. Feeling stuffed three times in 12 hours!”

Cherie: (Gives me a wry smile)

I happily pay the bill, and out we go. We get to her Saab and she drives me to the salon.

“When you get home text me so I know you’re safe, dear. Thank you so much for coming down to see me. It was wonderful! I love you, Cherie.”

“I love you more.”

 

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Cherie – Chapter 46 – Pay It Forward – Part 1

After having my first Saturday off in a while and spending some time chatting with Summer and her boyfriend over at the salon, it was time to prepare.

The afternoon was humid. I wanted to have some food in my stomach so I stopped in at Lazaro’s Pizza down at 18th and South. It’s just a few blocks from my house. They have huge thin crusted NY style slices. One slice and a can of soda is enough for me. Lately I’ve noticed in the last few months, I’ve needed less and less food to sustain myself. Not losing weight or anything, just going with smaller portions. I normally am happy with half of whatever is the usual serving is in most restaurants. As American’s we eat entirely too much food.

I have a theory about this. I’m at a point where I have never been happier and more at peace. Ex-wife long gone from my life. Currently not chained to a shitty rat race job that I hate. Daughter Lorelei is doing well. Good girlfriend, and I’m just living a happy simple life.

I have found lately that people who obsess over food and over eat, are just stuffing their feelings. The food gives them that little tiny dopamine drop that makes them feel good, because the rest of their life is pretty much a stressful, empty mess.

I don’t know, but if you can live a simple uncluttered life, you’ll feel better and won’t need as much. A little bit will satisfy you. You don’t have to kill your demons. Just keep them on a short leash.

Writing this story has taught me so much. If you want to have a good life, you’ve just got to go there and live it. Get out of your own way and just go do what you want to do. The only thing holding back is you.

I’m starting to see a pattern with some of the people in my life. The reckless spending. The paralysis. The obsessive behaviors. Somewhere in among all of that is a deep-rooted unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life in general. There are people who should have moved forward with their lives years ago and they are still mired in the life they do not want.

But you know what?

They are right where they’re supposed to be because they never did anything to change and evolve.

I finish my slice and head across the street to Walgreens. Years ago that was an empty lot and the area was a little sketchy at night. but no more. This area (Graduate Hospital) has improved so much in the last few years it looks like a whole different neighborhood.

I pick up some much-needed things for the house and some assorted surprise juices that I’ll hide in the fridge for Lorelei. (She loves juice!) I head back to the house and clean up the place a bit. The usual stuff: change the sheets, mop the floor, fabreze everything. Then hit the bathroom hard with some bleach and cleanser. I’ve got some time so I grab a handful of quarters and all my dirty laundry and head to the basement to do a load. Who could possibly be doing laundry at 5pm on a Saturday?

Of course there is a load going in both the washer and dryer. This puts a wrench in the works. I go back upstairs and drop the bag. I grab some clean sheets from the closet and make the bed. I would have preferred the royal blue ones for baby but these tan ones will have to do. I know Cherie doesn’t care but I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks. I know it’s a pain to get down here with everything going on her life and the sheer logistics of the mission. I just want things to be nice for her when she gets here. She says my house is the only place where she can truly relax even if it’s a short time.

I’m pissed I can’t get my laundry done, but I get the place looking presentable in the meantime. The air is on, my room is nice and cool and smells great. I light some candles, and put on some chill tunes on Pandora.

Cherie arrives and we relax and exchange stories. She looks beautiful. Black top with a short skirt and matching flats. Sometimes she’s so spent when she gets here she just needs to lie down on the bed and chit-chat. Other times she wants things to move forward a little faster.  I like talking with her instead of attacking her. I genuinely miss her and am happy to see her and catch up as a couple. I figure we have all night.

That time comes and the fun begins. She’s pleased with the initial results that I am able to draw forth from her like a bee to a flower. She pushes me away because she has reached critical mass in regard to her flower. I roll onto my back and she says, “Where do you want me?” She’s ready for the big moment.

“I think I’d like you to hop up here, cowgirl.”

“Okay.”

But then she stopped. “Can you wear a condom?”

I didn’t react. I simply grabbed one from the night table, tore open the package and suited up. Cherie mounted me and we were off to outer space.

She later told me her last two periods have been late, and that has really stressed her out. I didn’t even question it when she made request, because sexually I will always obey what the woman wants. She faces all of the risk. Cherie does not want any more children and of course neither do I. Normally I have great control and always pull out. But I will say this, I know how we men feel about condoms. You can’t feel anything, etc. I get it. But the great thing about wearing a condom is you can finish properly like sex was intended.

I’ve tried quite a few different brands, but at the moment I recommend, Trojan Supre. Really good. Thin and you definitely feel it.

(To be continued tomorrow…)

 

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Racquel Writes! There Is Enough to Go Around

via There Is Enough to Go Around

 

http://www.racquelwrites.com

 

 

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Phicklephilly – Summer of Loss and Lust

Cherie is in Japan with her family. They are going to visit her brother and his wife. He works in Navy intelligence. So we can’t talk about what he does over there in Asia. I miss her and she’s having a wonderful time over there with her family. I hope they are all safe but I’m sure they are protected by the US military. This is the last time they will all be able to go visit him as a family before the Navy ships him back here stateside. I think it’s great.

While she’s in Japan with her family, I’m  here in Philly just working my butt off. My birthday and our 10 month anniversary is approaching and I don’t even care. My buddy Church just told me to come to Square 1682 at 8:30 on Wednesday so I guess I’ll go there. I’m not into my birthday as I get older so I don’t really want to celebrate it but if there is a party, I’m down. It’s really sweet of him.

I’ve been working non-stop at the salon just to hold it together but I love my work there. Hopefully the gym will be open by Labor day. It’s been an interesting summer and I’ve been happier and more calm and centered than I’ve ever been in my life. I’m glad all of my friendships, family and work stuff is hitting on all cylinders. I’m not suffering any fallout from the loss of Ambria and everything between me and Cherie has been sweet magic as always. She continues to delight and amaze me with energy and sexual prowess.

I write a dating blog. I went into this just to tell my stories. I was single and loved a bunch of waitresses but then I got into my past relationships and it grew. I needed material for the blog, so I went on a bunch of dating sites.

I went on a lot of dates and saw the bottom of the online dating world. I tried dating women my ages and older and it was just a boring expensive waste of time.
I have too much to give.

I met Cherie and she’s been amazing. I love her so much and think I could have a long-term relationship with her, She’s a wonderful woman. But to support the blog I stayed on all of the dating sites just to gather information to keep writing. I figured my relationship series would carry it forward but it wasn’t enough.

I could hear my father’s voice in my head. “Anything worth doing is worth over doing.”
I’ve got to create more content. Better stories. I’ve got to make this the best blog because of my low self-esteem.

I continued searching even though I had a lovely distant girlfriend that seemed the perfect match for me. Zero maintenance, sexy and wanted no more kids.

Then the Ambria affair. I’ll probably lose followers because many of the women will think I’m a schmuck. But that affair makes for good content.

I was neglecting my contact with Cherie because I was playing kissy face with Ambria. I’ve patched things up with my girlfriend. She was putting up the wall to protect her heart and was worried about the relationship.
I fixed it. Everything’s amazing and loving again.

 

 

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