I’ve been writing this blog for over 5 years now. 2021 has been a great year of many changes. The pandemic rolled on and as more people got vaccinated it began to slow down. I was laid off from my hospitality job back in March of 2020 and was unemployed for a year and a half. Normally that would sound sad but it was a spectacular and creative time for me and my daughter.
For a whole year and a half, we weren’t slaves to horrible jobs. We both vowed that when things returned we’d never work in the hospitality industry ever again. The one thing people love in this city is going out to dinner and drinking. But working in that industry is the absolute worst place for anyone to be as a vocation. It not only attracts the worst people and those who lack the skills to do absolutely anything else, but the hours also suck, and the clientele is impaired.
Just awful.
But I’m glad we both did it because we knew what we never wanted to do again, and it gave us the means to file for unemployment and collect on the government’s dime for a year and a half.
It was like getting a grant to create and make music for over a year. If you leave artists alone, they’ll have the time and money to simply work on their art.
During that time my daughter composed and produced an EP of original songs and put them out on YouTube and Soundcloud. I continued writing and publishing my blog but didn’t have any new stories for content. So I decided to turn inward and write stories from my young life growing up in Philly and my summers in Wildwood.
They were all wildly successful. I dropped the links into groups on Facebook that liked that sort of nostalgic content and the members loved them. It brought me a lot of fresh content and traffic. The best part of it for me was reconnecting with people from my past and realizing what my next two books would be about.
2021 saw the release of my second work of fiction, Below The Wheel. A hardboiled detective thriller that takes place in the 90s in Camden, New Jersey. It continues to have brisk sales on Amazon.
Regarding numbers on the blog, we’ve had another good year. We hit over 300,000 page views since the blog’s inception.
Here are some of the 2021 YTD data:
Page Views: 100,000
Visitors: 70,000
Subscribers: 2,400
I’m really happy with how much the blog has grown organically since I started it with just one post back in the Fall of 2016. I appreciate everyone who reads, likes, comments, and subscribes to Phicklephilly.
But there are going to be some major changes coming in 2022.
Phicklephilly began as a place for me to tell my stories about dates I went on, past and present girlfriends, and friends. I later added dating and relationship advice which was popular and brought me tons of traffic. I had grown tired of it all back in 2020 and wanted to stop doing the dating and relationship advice because it just became too hard to generate and maintain. But I kept it going because people liked it and it brought me traffic. But back in 2016, I prophecized that there would come a day when Phicklephilly would become nothing more than stories from my life and nothing more. I’m at a point with this blog where I’m writing for myself.
After doing it for 5 years and cranking out 6 published books I’m hungry to create something of real value. But I don’t want it to publish every day. It’s too much work and not my ultimate vision for this blog. I make a nice living now doing freelance commercial writing for companies across the country. It’s a challenge to create and the money is decent. I love the idea of making a living doing something I created rather than working in some job with a bunch of no-talent mooks. (My life in corporate America for the last 30 years)
I went from working in sales in my professional life to a guy who makes his living writing. I love to create. Nothing brings me more joy than making something and publishing it.
Starting in January of 2022 Phicklephilly will no longer provide any dating and relationship advice. I’ve been doing it for over 3 years and I’m tired of it. I feel like I’ve covered every aspect of it and it no longer interests me. People can still read all of that stuff because it will live in the archives on this blog forever.
I will only publish once a week. I’ll put out something new and different every Tuesday in 2022. There will be no notice and each piece will stand on its own. (Except for the Betty Ann series that will come out near the end of the year) Think of the quote from Forrest Gump: “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never what you’re going to get.” That’s what Phicklephilly will become. Every Tuesday you’ll get a new story but it will only be about things I want to write about or stuff I did.
I like the idea of the absolute freedom to create the stories I want to tell. But fear not… these are all interesting little stories about cool topics. I’m finally going to make the blog I want to make with no interest in page views, likes, revenue, or stats. Will I cash all the checks I receive from WordPress and Google for the ads I allow them to run on my site? Of course, I will. Why not? I provided all of this content and this ad revenue helps support the site. But it will no longer drive why I generate content. I’d rather write something heartfelt and meaningful than to just crank out dating and relationship advice.
I’m getting older now. (Nearly 60!) I don’t work in corporate America anymore. I’m so glad I left the rat race behind. I don’t go to happy hour anymore. I eat better and rarely drink alcohol anymore. Going out to bars and burning money with a bunch of drunks seems like a waste of time now. I haven’t been on a dating app in over two years. I just don’t care. Those sites are all filled with leftovers and losers anyway. Sad lonely people looking to replicate the love of their lives that’s long gone and can never be replicated.
I’m glad I lived all of these adventures and don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a great time in this city. But it’s over. I’m done. There’s absolutely nothing I can learn from hanging out or dating young women. Other than their youth and beauty, they bring nothing to the table. Let the young people find their way with each other. I don’t belong out there anymore. To me, it’s just boring.
However, Tales of Rock will live on in 2022, but it won’t be every Sunday anymore. It will happen when I think of something interesting and then write a piece about it and drop it on a Tuesday. That’s it.
I’m looking forward to how the blog will evolve and change as time goes by. I continue to evolve so why not my work? You should always be evolving throughout your life. If you’re not, you’re stagnant. I’m happy that I’m always growing and changing, even at this point in my life. There’s always new cool stuff to do and experience and I want to tell those stories and share them with you.
I’m grateful to everyone who has taken the time to read Phicklephilly over the years, but the best is yet to come!
Health and Happiness to all in the coming year!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly.
Here’s an interesting post from one of my female readers!
Play it cool. Keep it breezy. Treat ’em mean. Don’t reply straight away. Be aloof. Be distant. Be hard to get. These are the rules you need to follow in order to be “The Cool Girl” — a prevalent dating trope that many women feel pressured to conform to lest they be labelled clingy or desperate.
The cool girl started out as a stock character born out of male-authored literature and movies. But, the trope has since become so pervasive, the cool girl is now firmly cemented in dating culture, with no sign of disappearing anytime soon. The cool girl is no longer merely a character in a book — she is the acme of female desirability. She is the three-dimensional flesh and bone incarnation of the male fantasy. She is the rejection of the nadir of female behaviour — clinginess. And to many of us, she is a stifling behavioural standard that forces us to hide our true personalities.
Ever since I started dating as a teenager, I have internalised the notion that I need to to feign indifference and affect cool standoffishness in order to “Get The Guy,” so to speak. Unconsciously, I carried this rule into adulthood — it manifests in my behaviour at the start of relationships, it infiltrates the advice I give to friends, and it fuels my anxiety until the mask slips and my authentic self is exposed.
In the books I read, the films I watched, the most beguiling and intoxicating female characters were unobtainable and remote — their desirability being inextricably tethered to their silent disinterest and unattainability. Think of Eustacia Vye from Thomas Hardy’s Return of the Native, Cecilia Tallis in Ian McEwan’s Atonement, Estella in Great Expectations by Charles Dickens.
“I kind of feel pressure from the world in general not to be who I am.”
Lately, I’ve begun questioning the suffocating pressure I feel to adopt this role whenever I start seeing someone new. Who told me I need to masquerade as someone else and to literally adopt a different personality in order to be desirable to the opposite sex?
Writer Katie Tamola, who dates men, told me the “cool girl” ideal has been drummed into her since she was a child. “I’ve just always had people close to me tell me I need to play it cool with dudes,” she tells me. Tamola says family members and teachers have told her to “stop being so emotional and expressive” — especially with men.
“I kind of feel pressure from the world in general not to be who I am,” Tamola says. “I’ve always been emotional and immensely passionate about things. I often find myself wishing I could be the calmer, cooler version of a girl that I see portrayed in media.”
Student Alex C. (who prefers not to disclose her full name) tells me that “attempting to be the “cool girl” doesn’t just apply to heterosexual dating.”
“I constantly feel this pressure as a gay woman dating women,” she says. “It definitely seems to be the case that the person who is the least interested and most aloof holds the most power, and will get hurt less if things go south.
“I believe some of the pressure also comes from trying to avoid the lesbian U-Haul stereotype where women get serious way too quickly because nobody is putting on the brakes,” she says.
Alex explains that she now tempers her expectations and holds herself back from expressing the full extent of her feelings. “It’s a shame dating has come to this because how can anybody feel really excited about a date or know if someone is really interested in them when we’re all suppressing those feelings?”
“The person who is the least interested and most aloof holds the most power.”
The cool girl is everywhere. She’s in the books we read, she’s on our TV and movie screens, she’s in the dating advice we give and receive. From every angle, the pop culture we consume solidifies the cool girl ideal as the zenith of feminine desirability. Perhaps one of the best descriptions of this trope can be found in Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl. Flynn’s summation of this trope hits the nail bang on the head: “Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot.”
Dr Stacy Gillis — Senior Lecturer in 20th-century literature and culture at Newcastle University —believes the cool girl is rooted in “how women are discursively positioned within patriarchal structures of power.” Gillis views this trope as related to a “predator-prey conquest model” whereby the cool girl is unobtainable until she’s conquered by the right man. “It’s about unattainability, but with the hint that you will be able to be attained,” says Gillis. “With the promise that with the right man, he will be able to break down this woman’s barriers.”
Research into the ways in which women present themselves on dating apps can also shed some light on the pressures women still face to conform to certain behavioural ideals. Siân Brooke, DPhil researcher at the Oxford Internet Institute, has conducted research into how women present themselves on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble.
“‘Coolness’ or ‘being cool’ is a trope that is gendered and often racialised,” Brooke tells me over email. “When used to describe women, ‘coolness’ refers to the adoption of typically masculine ideals of behaviour, such as a liking football or gaming.” Brooke believes the cool girl is a rejection of an antithetical feminine dating stereotype: the clingy woman.
Image: vicky leta / mashable
“A particularly prevalent idea is that women are ‘clingy,’ which was quite common in research I have conducted both on dating apps and memes,” says Brooke. Clinginess is, per Brooke, a gendered term that pertains to “excessive emotional dependence” — an “undesirable” behaviour in dating culture.
“Clingy is not just attachment but is specifically associated with men complaining about a woman’s behaviour and perceived excessive need for attention,” says Brooke. The negative connotations of being branded “clingy” may, according to Brooke, cause some women to choose to act “distant and removed” from a potential partner. “The negative association of feminine behaviour can lead women to adopt masculine traits that they see as making them more desirable in dating, where so-called feminine behaviour is often demonised.”
Brooke says during her research she found that women who use dating apps often choose to feature a selection of images that exhibit common cool girl attributes. “My research has shown that women will populate the images they have on their profiles with items they believe show ‘coolness,’ such as engaging in physical activities in photos where they aren’t ‘made up’ (i.e. hair and makeup),” she says.
So, where does this ideal actually come from? Male-authored female literary characters have historically embodied characteristics like aloofness and unattainability. They are often troubled and in need of taming. Gillis says this trope can be found in popular fiction at the end of the 19th century, beginning of the 20th century, but it may well go further back than that.
“I can certainly think of a few instances of it appearing in 1860s sensation fiction, and this is a longstanding discursive structure,” says Gillis. “It’s very seductive, women are coercively interpellated into feeling that this is how they need to be in order to attract male attention.”
“It’s that distancing comes hither look, you see this being written about in popular fiction at the end of the 19th century, beginning of the 20th century, and invariably those women in those narratives end up married,” says Gillis. “It’s an inversion of the Rochester-Darcy model except that there’s no agency for women behind it because it’s still located within patriarchal structures.”
“We become supplicants, we want the male gaze to come at us so we’ll do whatever it takes.”
Things have arguably moved on a little in society since the 19th century, so why is it that women still feel pressured to adhere to an outmoded concept of female attractiveness? Gillis believes this comes from a “desire to be desired within the patriarchy.”
“If there’s only certain ways in which you can be desired within the heteronormative patriarchy then you’re inculcated into this position,” says Gillis. “This is how we — as minorities in a patriarchy — are interpellated into these positions whereby we become supplicants, we want the male gaze to come at us so we’ll do whatever it takes.”
In my own infuriating experience, I feel a kind of damned-if-you-do predicament when faced with my desire to rail against this archetype. “The thing is, though,” a female friend recently said with a grimace. “Being the cool girl actually works.” She’s right, in a way. Women are continuously told that this behaviour model works, that it’s a tried and tested trick of the trade, one that you can deviate from at your own risk.
So, how do we go about dismantling this stereotype? Gillis hypothesises that queer popular culture has the power to upturn these stereotypes that are still a source of pressure for women. “[Queer popular culture’ is a space in which there’s a playfulness to these tropes and roles, they’re seen as something you can move in and out of.”
“Any stereotype can be dismantled, it doesn’t happen overnight. The challenges to this come from Young Adult and LGBTQ fiction which mocks these longstanding romance traditions,” she continues.
In the meantime, I’ve made a vow to avoid playing the cool girl when I’m dating. I can no longer pretend to be someone I’m not just so I can fulfil a rigid stereotype of female attractiveness. I am not the cool girl, nor will I ever be. Take it or leave it.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Oh, how well we know the never-ending woes of dating! It feels impossible to find a like-minded, family-oriented, career-oriented stranger who exudes an undeniable charm and is ready to sweep you off your feet.
The modern dating scene looks nothing like it did 10 years ago. The means of finding a date has never been easier, thanks to apps like Tinder, Bumble, etc. You can even find a date by sliding into someone’s DMs and it cannot get easier than that!
We are a generation that’s used to instant-gratification with sky-high superficial needs and wants. Armed with the idea of a perfect human being who is meant to ‘complete me’, we go out in the world to find ‘the one’.
Our never-ending needs and wants have transitioned us into an age of competitiveness – who is more successful, who has traveled more, whose relationship is picture-perfect, who has the best-looking partner? And all of it trickles down to posts and pictures on social media for the world to see, like and comment.
But if it’s all so easy, then why do we find ourselves lonelier than ever?
The answer lies not on our ability to find a date but in our attitude and behavior during the dating period. To better understand what you can do to better the chances of you finding ‘the one’, read on!
Disclaimer – This article is not about relationships, it’s about what to do to make sure you don’t scare away your potential soul mate. Relationships are a whole different ball game and let’s save that rabbit hole for another day.
Things You Should and Shouldn’t Do
1. Do Be Your Authentic Self
When you go out on a date, the best thing you can bring along with you is your positive, authentic self. If you want to attract the right person, you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
This might seem easier said than done. The most common mistake we make is to pretend during the first few dates. We say things we don’t mean, we laugh at jokes we don’t find funny, and we act in ways that will make it easier for the other person to like us.
And, that’s the first big, obvious mistake you can make right at the beginning of a potential relationship. You’re coming off as someone you’re not, moving away from your genuine personality and, consequently, you attract the wrong partner.
2. Do Bring in the Humor!
To put it simply – be funny. Sounds cliché, right? But, jokes or funny pick-up lines is a good way to make the other person feel at ease and they can be a great icebreaker on a first date.
But, do pace yourself and don’t come off as ‘that funny guy/girl who is never taken seriously. Also, stay away from mean or personal jokes that can seem insulting or make you look obnoxious.
Before you go too hard with the funny lines, test the water and try to understand your date’s humor, and see if you click. After all, everyone knows the couple who laughs together, stays together.
Dating is the phase where you get to know each other, slowly turning yourself from a stranger to a close one. And, you can’t do that if you overanalyze every text message or find a double meaning in everything the other person says.
Stay out of your head and be clear about what you want. If you have questions or you’re unsure of something, don’t bottle them inside, just ask. It’s as simple as that.
The more you keep your questions inside, the more you’re likely to overthink the worst possible scenario. And before you know it, you lose out even before you’ve begun.
4. Don’t Overshare
So, you want to find someone you can talk to about everything, right? The person who will understand your mind and won’t judge you when you gossip about your friend’s sister or your annoying colleague. Wrong!
When you start dating someone, you should offer positive insights into your life. Don’t initiate conversations with bitter gossip or complain about your life. And, God forbid, don’t talk about your past relationships on the first or second date, unless you don’t want to go out with them again.
Your date is not an audience to your monologue about everything that’s wrong in your life or an audience to your deepest thoughts. What your date wants to know is how your life is right now, because that’s the only thing that will affect their own life and reveal how compatible you’ll be. Be honest and open but don’t overshare!
5. Do Listen
One of the biggest communication challenges is that we don’t listen to understand, we listen to reply. This is true not only in the case of dating but in every aspect of our lives.
Be genuinely interested in the other person. Listen to what they’re saying and observe their body language, especially when they talk about a subject close to their hearts. Try to understand what they’re saying from their perspective and not yours as this will help you to become a better listener.
That doesn’t mean that all you should do on a date is listen. Keep pace with the conversation and participate fully. Don’t be that person who monopolizes the conversation – give your partner a minute or two to talk and steer the conversation to take turns. Simple courtesies can go a long way, even all the way to finding the perfect partner!
Our Last Piece of Advice
The last piece of advice we can leave you with is, to be honest with yourself. Think about what you really want. Do you want a long-term partner or are you only looking for casual dates and hookups? Whatever it is, be honest with your date right from the start, and don’t play games. You can only find the perfect partner if you’re both looking for the same thing.
And, there you have it! Hopefully, these tips and insights will bring out the best in you. So, what are you waiting for? Go out there and find the one for you!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
The undefined romantic relationship isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But it’s important to know when it’s no longer healthy.
On this season of “Married at First Sight,” 30-year-old Deonna McNeill explains to her 10-year relationship gap to her new husband, Gregory Okotie, by using a term you may not be familiar with.
“I haven’t been in relationships, but I’ve been in situationships,” she says.
Less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is and remains, undefined.
“A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship,” explains psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert. “Unlike a friends with benefits or relationship, there isn’t consensus on what it is.”
Why is this becoming a trend now? “Culturally, our expectations of relationships has changed; people are getting married later in life, and many people are eager to explore relationships in a less structured way without pressure to commit, as they prioritize self-knowledge and developing as individuals,” says Saba Harouni Lurie, a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in California.
A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship.
On the one hand, removing the pressure of putting parameters on what the relationship is and isn’t can be freeing – as long as both parties are okay with leaving things open. On the flip side, not knowing where you stand can be detrimental, especially if one party wants more of a commitment. “This vagueness often leads one person to feel uncertainty, anxiety, frustration, resentment, helpless and sometimes even depressed,” Alpert says.
The pros and cons of situationships
You’ve met someone new, and things seem to be going well. But even though you’re only a few dates in, wondering where this is all going is keeping you up at night. It’s a common problem — one that Travis McNulty, a therapist practicing in Florida, says a situationship can actually help alleviate. “The majority of my clients (and people in general) become fixated on a new relationship as the focal point of their lives,” he explains. “This raises the stakes leading to many sleepless nights and undue pressure.”
Taking that looming question off the table can help you be more mindful about how you’re actually feeling. “Situationships alleviate the traditional pressures associated with starting a relationship,” says McNulty. “This alleviation of anxiety and expectations can help a couple grow closer without the guessing of where each partner is at.”
While experts say situationships can have their temporary benefits, they can quickly move into harmful territory if one partner starts to want more. “When both people are not in sync on the nature of the situationship, anger and resentment can arise over time,” says Carla Manly, a psychologist practicing in California. “This can manifest in toxic behaviors, such as passive-aggressive actions, anger outbursts and toxic communication.”
Not to mention, moving on from a situationship can result in unresolved feelings, since there’s nothing to technically break off. And depending on how long this situationship lasted, having it end without it ever amounting to any kind of commitment can be hard to process. “A deep sense of regret can come from spending your time — sometimes months or years — in a relationship that is stagnant,” says Manly. “Many people lament having invested a great deal of time, effort and even money is situationships that proved to be fruitless.”
The signs
In a friends with benefits scenario, sporadic meetups are part of the landscape. But because of the lack of established parameters, Manly says situationships will generally feel inconsistent and unstable. A few other signs include:
An absence of plans. Attempts to make plans in advance are usually met with an ambiguous response due to lack of commitment. Connections are often impromptu and based on having sex or “hanging out.” There may be a sense that dates are opportunistic and due to one or both partners not having anything else to do.
Conversations that tend to be superficial and often sexual in nature. Partners can exist in situationships for years without getting to really know each other beyond surface level conversations that pertain to their immediate gratification.
You haven’t met their friends or family members. The relationship never evolves past the two of you spending time together sporadically and as such, you’re not factored into your partner’s plans with friends or family.
There’s no talk about what’s next. Future plans are not discussed because you may not be a part of the other person’s life long term. Attempts to gain clarity on where this might be going are met with ambiguity.
What to do if you’re in a situationship
Oftentimes, situationships start because one or both parties aren’t sure whether or not they want anything more serious — or due to lack of better options. “In some cases, it’s simply the pursuit, feeling lonely, or otherwise ‘filling a void’ that stimulates an interest in the relationship,” says Manly. So before you do anything else, ask yourself honestly: Is this person someone you would really want to be in a committed relationship with if it were an option?
If the person is truly someone you believe would be a wonderful romantic partner, Manly suggests having a serious, honest talk with the person about your desire for a commitment. “Set aside time to talk in a quiet place that is free of distractions,” she says. “When you talk with the person, speak simply and directly about how you feel and what you want. For example, ‘I’ve been feeling confused about where things stand with us. I definitely have strong feelings for you and want to deepen our relationship. It’s important to me to know how you feel. I hope we can move forward together.'”
And if the person isn’t receptive to moving into more serious territory? Manly says to find opportunities to look at this situationship as a learning experience. “It’s important to process the up sides and down sides of the situationship without blame or judgment,” she says. Were there red flags you ignored? Did you tend to settle throughout the situationship for less than you wanted or needed? Digging into these questions can help inform what you want out of your next relationship — which will help you avoid falling into another situationship that isn’t serving you.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Human beings have searched for ways to improve their sexual experience for thousands of years, including trying to discover the best foods to improve their sex lives.
Scientists have linked a variety of foods with better sex and there is irrefutable proof for certain foods which are said to boost libido, improve stamina, and enhance your sex life.
In an article in the Times of India, Sexologist, Dr. Vijay Singhal explains the concept of foods for sex and how they can improve libido. “Any healthy food is good for sex. However, there are certain items that are particularly beneficial- Walnuts, strawberries, avocados, watermelons, and almonds. One must note that alcohol is bad for healthy sex life – it increases the desire but decreases the performance.”
Here are 7 foods that you can take to take your sexual performance to the next level!
1. Beetroot Juice
The juice of this root vegetable can increase your stamina and allow you to keep the bedroom activity going for considerably longer. Researchers have found that the nitrates in beet juice help reduce oxygen uptake, which in turn makes exercise less tiring.
Once in the body, the nitrates are transformed into nitric oxide, which is a key player in relaxing and opening up the blood vessels, which then improves blood flow to the penis. Enjoy fresh beet juice alone or mixed with a small amount of fresh apple or carrot juice.
2. Nuts
You can turn to nuts if you’re looking for a quick snack or if you’re looking for some extra kick in the bedroom. Certain nuts are rich sources of L-arginine, an amino acid.
L-arginine stimulates the production of nitric oxide, a substance that boosts blood flow to the penis. As a bonus, nuts and their healthy fat content (omega-3 fatty acids) can help lower cholesterol, which in turn can improve blood circulation.
These are the nut you need to munch on for that extra boost of stamina in the bedroom:
walnuts
pumpkin seeds
sunflower seeds
pecans
hazelnuts
peanuts
3. Spinach
Another food that provides a super L-arginine boost is spinach. The resulting conversion to nitric oxide to support and help maintain erections is one big reason why you should include spinach salads and steamed spinach on your menu or add baby spinach leaves to your green smoothies.
Another reason is that nitric oxide is involved with exercise recovery time, which will help with your sexual health!
4. Oysters
Pretty much everyone has heard about the wonderful aphrodisiac properties of oysters and even if you’re not a fan of their slimy texture, you will surely be impressed by their effects on your performance. Oysters, clams, and scallops contain compounds that raise testosterone and estrogen levels.
A boost in hormone production translates into heightened sexual desire in many cases.
4. Garlic
In the past, you may have been warned to never to eat garlic before a date but the smelly herb is a miracle worker because it’s a natural blood thinner often used to prevent high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease.
The anticoagulant properties make sure that there is plenty of blood flow to your nether regions. You and your partner can both benefit from a healthy dose of garlic before a sexy night in.
5 Eggs
You should eat eggs if you want to achieve a healthy erection. Eggs contain the amino acid L-arginine that can improve erectile dysfunction. However you want them; poached, scrambled or fried, eggs are sure to give you a much-needed boost after a long day at work.
They are full of protein, which keeps you going without packing on the calories. They’re also an excellent source of amino acids, which combat certain types of heart ailments as well as erectile dysfunction.
6. Watermelon
The nutrient citrulline, found in watermelons can have a Viagra-like effect on the body as it boosts nitric oxide which relaxes the blood vessels.
This is the same effect that Viagra has to treat erectile dysfunction.
7. Ginseng Tea
Consuming too much coffee on a regular basis leads to over-stimulation of the adrenal glands, flooding the body with hormones normally produced in times of stress.
These hormones negatively impact libido and sexual performance. As an alternative, try ginseng tea which contains the ginsenoside compound that increases sexual satisfaction and can prevent erectile dysfunction.
It’s good to know that you can boost your sexual stamina while enjoying a good meal at the same time. If you incorporate these super-foods into your diet, you will be sure to ramp up your performance in the bedroom.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
The conversations around ranking the best bands of all time are opinion-based, but we’ve boiled it down so that it’s at least based on the opinions of hundreds of millions of people. We can crowdsource that info based on things like sales, tours, and awards won.
While there might be a consensus this way, we all know the average person couldn’t explain to you the most basic thing about music theory, but they know what they like when they hear it. That means that some of the most-skilled bands out there won’t make the list because they don’t have mass appeal. And that’s part of our equation here.
The real fun is comparing the list here with our lists like the richest rock stars and the best guitarists of all time and seeing if there’s a pattern that emerges. Do money and skill go hand-in-hand in the music industry, and are bands really driven by lead roles like guitar or vocals? Open those links in the background to find out, but in the meantime let’s jump into the list of the best bands of all time…
#10 – Queen
CERTIFIED SALES: 147.6 MILLION
Queen already earned their slot on this list but lately, they’re gaining even more ground. Since 1970 they’ve not stopped touring and creating new music, albeit with new vocalists since Freddy Mercury passed. Their name may be Queen but they’re the kings of arena rock and pop-rock. Their songs are still overplayed today to the point where many of us are sick of them.
If you’ve been to a sporting event, you’ve undoubtedly heard their anthems chanted by those in attendance to intimidate the opposing team. The work they did for the Flash Gordon and Highlander made them some of the best soundtracks ever. There was even a biographical movie made about the band recently. That’s the big time.
Trivia Facts: Since 2004, Queen hit the road with new successful tours under the name “Queen+” with vocalists Adam Lambert and Paul Rodgers filling in for Freddy Mercury. There’s a musical based on their songs. They’ve released 15 albums but had 21 tours to support the releases.
#9 – The Doors
CERTIFIED SALES: 48.2 MILLION
The Doors were active from 1965 to 1973, a short eight-year run, but quickly became one of the most influential bands of the counter-culture era and a largely controversial band due to Jim Morrison’s erratic behavior. Every decade has had a revival in interest in the band and new fans added, due to cover songs becoming popular, usage of their songs in hit movies, movies about them, etc.
Their first album The Doors re-entered the Billboard charts 14 years after its initial release as did their greatest hits and “best of” albums. Their legacy will live on this way forever, it seems, as it should. They even created a brand new song in 2012 with Skrillex of all people, called “Breakn’ a Sweat.”
Trivia Facts: The Doors named themselves after Aldous Huxley’s book The Doors of Perception. They were the first American band to earn eight consecutive gold records. Morrison was the first rock musician to be arrested on-stage during a live performance. He’s also a leading member of the accursed 27 Club.
#8 – Nirvana
CERTIFIED SALES: 52.3 MILLION
Nirvana’s breakout star was undoubtedly Kurt Cobain, and since his passing and the breakup of the band in 1994, Dave Grohl has gone on to be a musical great, playing the drums, bass, and singing vocals for countless bands and collaborations. It was “Smells Like Teen Spirit” that launched them to stardom in 1991.
It didn’t take long for them to win all of the music awards in rapid succession, even being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in the first year of their eligibility in 2014. It took the strength of their Nevermind album to finally knock Michael Jackson’s Dangerous from the top spot on the Billboard charts.
Trivia Facts: Nirvana’s founders, Cobain and Novoselic, first formed a Creedence Clearwater Revival band before evolving into the band we know and love. Courtney Love sold 25% of her stake in their catalog for $50 million in 2006.
#7 – The Who
CERTIFIED SALES: 27.8 MILLION
If you’re like me, you may be thinking “why, though?” The Who has a huge appeal, with their pop art and mod subculture influences and even more so thanks to their rock opera Tommy and its success. I like any concept album and theirs is great. The tours were enormous and exciting, which helped amplify the hype surrounding them.
It’s not just their music. They contributed to the development of the Marshall stack, the use of the synthesizer in rock, the use of large PA systems, and even down to things like power chords on guitar. Musicians appreciate them more than fans and cite them regularly as a top influence, and fans have to respect their favorite artists’ opinions.
Trivia Facts: The Who really solidified their reign when they played at Woodstock. Pete Townsend is credited with creating the windmill strum and other types of guitar showmanship. They also started the use of non-musical noise like feedback, and now everybody does it!
#6 – U2
CERTIFIED SALES: 110.3 MILLION
U2 formed as a crew of friends in secondary school in Dublin, Ireland before any of them had any real proficiencies with music. Within four years they scored a record deal. By their fifth album, they became a global sensation. In the present, they’ve won 22 Grammy Awards, more than any other band, period.
Part of their success is every time they run into controversy or boredom from their fan base, they evolve and revolutionize their sound. They’re huge experimenters, and The Edge really exemplifies this with his guitar pedal array.
Trivia Facts: The U2 360 degree Tour of 2009 to 2011 broke the records for being the highest-attended and the highest-grossing concert tour in history. They made a deal with Apple to force everyone’s devices to download one of their albums once. It was so annoying.
#5 – Led Zeppelin
CERTIFIED SALES: 140.6 MILLION
Part of reaching a wide audience is having a wide appeal. Led Zeppelin played music in the blues-rock and folk-rock genres but are also thought of as progenitors of heavy metal, too. Possibly the most influential and popular songs in rock history are their single Stairway to Heaven. These guys did it big, every time.
The concerts broke records for people in attendance. Their albums rank among the top-selling ever. Each of their nine total albums reached the top 10 and six reached the number-one slot on the charts. They’ve earned all of the music awards available. Their legacy is everlasting among musicians and fans alike.
Trivia Facts: Led Zeppelin’s career occurred in a time before we had the internet, and even though it’s been nearly 40 years since their last album was released, their fan base is still growing. The internet’s combined manpower has unveiled just how many of their songs were actually heavily influenced by, if they didn’t straight up plagiarize, other songs from their time period.
#4 – The Beach Boys
CERTIFIED SALES: 31.1 MILLION
The Beach Boys rode the wave of the California Sound of surf-rock and then evolved into more personal themes as their fan base also matured. Their music’s orchestrations and arrangements became so complex that, like the Moody Blues, they couldn’t perform it faithfully live on stage.
Their vocal harmonies were recorded in one take early on and are absolute perfection that few achieve today. They’re one of the few bands that found success before the British Invasion and maintained it during and after that period. These guys were deeply spiritual and if you listen closely you can hear it in the lyrics.
Trivia Facts: The Beach Boys spirituality led Dennis Wilson to befriend Charles Manson and begin recording music with him at Wilson’s home studio, which you can hear if you look for it. Eventually Manson’s followers invaded Wilson’s home and then the big event occurred. The Beach Boys came under massive negative media scrutiny during that time.
#3 – Pink Floyd
CERTIFIED SALES: 121.4 MILLION
Even with their early releases led by Syd Barrett, Pink Floyd was already making their mark on the British rock scene. Later, when David Gilmour joined the band and took over the creative direction they gained international recognition. Four of their albums topped both the US and UK charts, though only two of their singles ever reached the top 10 in either region.
In a six-decade career, they’ve released 15 albums and toured to support each release. They even composed film scores for some lesser-known movies. Two of their albums, The Wall and The Dark Side of the Moon are both on the list of the best-selling albums of all time. Dark music like theirs won’t ever be considered a pop, but they have just as many fans and longer-lasting popularity.
Trivia Facts: Pink Floyd’s band name is derived from two of Syd Barrett’s favorite blues musicians, Pink Anderson and Floyd Council. They were huge fans of the comedy group Monty Python and helped finance the 1975 movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
#2 – The Rolling Stones
CERTIFIED SALES: 100 MILLION
The Rolling Stones are such a big deal that even the member’s solo careers, like that of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, are just as big. They got started in 1962 and were at the forefront of the British Invasion. Of the top 5 highest-grossing tours, four of them belong to this band.
Part of their success is attributed to them staying true to the safe foundational genres like R&B, soul, and rock. They even recently won a Grammy Award for Best Traditional Blues Album. Consistency is key when pop music evolves and changes so rapidly, which is why they’re still on top after nearly 60 years.
Trivia Facts: The Rolling Stones thankfully survived several feuds that have broken up other bands. In that time they’ve released 30 studio albums, 23 live albums, 25 compilations, 120 singles, and embarked on 48 tours.
#1 – The Beatles
CERTIFIED SALES: 279.8 MILLION
The Beatles had a short run of only 10 years from 1960 to 1970, but they’re still the best-selling artists of all time by far. If you were to add in their solo albums and side groups, they’ll hold that record forever. They started young and led the British Invasion of pop and rock into the USA, and their fans grew up alongside them, purchasing each album as time went on.
These guys won all the awards, starred in and produced movies, and even hold records like having the most covered song of all time. The Lennon-McCartney songwriting team are the most successful ever. They had pop appeal, rock appeal, evolved through the interests of the hippy era… they’re some of the best musicians to ever exist. They’re so good that hipsters think it’s cool to hate them.
Trivia Facts: UNESCO recognizes January the 16th as World Beatles Day. Eric Clapton was almost welcomed as the fifth Beatle. Each member of the band and the band itself have an asteroid named after them. Paul McCartney is still releasing music and getting millions of views on YouTube!
Runners Up: Who’s Almost the Best Band of All Time?
What’s the fun with only sticking to a top 10 when we can quickly tack on 5 more who all at least deserve a mention. There are so many top-notch bands out there, so hopefully, if you didn’t see your favorite above then you’ll see them next to or in the honorable mentions further down.
Rush
CERTIFIED SALES: 40 MILLION
Rush are progressive rock gods, so much so that they gained a mainstream and international fan base, despite the “weird” genre. Geddy Lee is considered one of the best bassists of all time while Neil Peart is considered by many, including me, to be the top of the best drummers of all time. The amount of sound coming out of just three guys is unbelievable.
Peart was known to use electronic drums to be a one-man-band. Lee would play the bass, play the synthesizer, and sing all at the same time. Lifeson is respected by guitarists everywhere. Their unique science fiction and fantasy-based lyrics help them stand apart, but it’s the musicianship that really dialed them in.
Trivia Facts: They have all the music awards, a Hollywood Walk of Fame star, and even documentaries about them. They’re even Officers of the Order of Canada. They even have a postal stamp in Canada. Though people even love or hate them, even their fans love and hate some of their 19 studio albums.
Bob Marley & The Wailers
CERTIFIED SALES: 43.2 MILLION
It’s hard to imagine a Jamaican or Reggae band that will ever have a larger impact than Bob Marley and The Wailers. The Wailers were a vocal ska group that went through various lineups before becoming Marley’s backing band, and more shakeups after that.
You’d think the star of the show was Marley and you’d be right, but it was the Wailers that wrote some of the biggest hits, such as “Stir It Up” and “Get Up, Stand Up.” They wrote so much scattered material that the Roots Reggae Library has tried to make a comprehensive list, but we aren’t sure it’s fully complete.
Trivia Facts: Bob Marley & The Wailers consisted of 19 full members, 2 touring members, and 18 session musicians over their 18 year period of activity. The band gets its name from one of the founders, Bunny Wailer.
The Jimi Hendrix Experience
CERTIFIED SALES: 30 MILLION
The Jimi Hendrix Experience only had 3 years of activity from 1966 to 1969, and that was enough to change the rock music industry forever with their three studio albums and tours. Everyone loved the skill level and charisma of Hendrix himself, but it was their performance at the Woodstock Festival that made history for them.
Following the lead of Cream, the Experience helped popularize the power trio, further opening the road for bands like Rush. The early passing of Hendrix in the middle of a tour put an end to the band. Who knows what the music industry, let alone rock music, would be like today if that hadn’t happened.
Trivia Facts: All three of their albums are featured among the top 100 best albums. In 1992, they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Even in three years they had a break-up due to bad relations, but thankfully got the band back together.
Yes
CERTIFIED SALES: 13.5 MILLION
Yes is an unbelievable band full of some of the biggest egos you’ll ever hear about. That’s why they kept breaking up, getting back together, having two versions of the band operating at the same time, merging those, etc. And that really sucked for the fans and the industry as a whole, because everything they release is incredible.
They’re a big enough deal, especially with the older crowd, that they have an annual prog-rock-themed cruise called Cruise to the Edge. Their music deals with very spiritual topics that have probably hurt their widespread fan base, but those who love it really love it.
Trivia Facts: They’ve had 19 members over the time periods they actually made music instead of being in hiatus. On their album Magnification, the keyboardist had quit and they chose to fill his parts with a small symphony orchestra.
The Eagles
CERTIFIED SALES: 149.9 MILLION
The Eagles had a 9-year run starting in 1971 (though they’re back recently!) and made a lasting impact in that time. Like Pink Floyd, their albums singles all did “okay” but never great, but they were so consistently good that they now hold the 1st and 3rd spots on the most sold albums ever list, with the winner being their greatest hits record.
In 1994, the band got back together and quickly dropped an album of new material and live music, released a documentary, and embarked on an extended tour. This will only further solidify their sales and fan base. Everyone loves their blend of soul, bluegrass, rock, and R&B, for good reason.
Trivia Facts: A member of The Eagles was once fired. The group always had an even 5-way split of profits, but this member wanted a higher percentage and got told where to stick it. He later invented reasons to sue the group for $50 million in daamges and the judge quickly dismissed the case upon hearing it.
Honorable Mentions for the Best Bands of All Time
There are so many that it’s simply not right to cap it off even with some runners up. We can quickly list off a big handful of more of the all-time great bands, so why not? Many of these groups are still playing and pumping out new music, so they have a real chance to climb the list higher.
Kiss has sold 28.2 million records (way more uncertified) and it’s their tours and merchandising that show just how deep of an impact they left on their many fans.
Van Halen has achieved over 80 million sales by bringing hard rock back as the leading genre and satisfying endless fans’ needs.
Def Leppard raked in 42.3 million sales, partially due to being among the first rock bands on MTV during the height of its popularity.
Guns N’ Roses boast 77.6 million units moved, of which almost half come from one amazing album with extremely successful singles.
Deep Purple has been active since 1968 and is a pioneer of heavy metal and modern hard rock. They have lifelong followers and continue to gain new fans. Their longevity is impressive.
Aerosmith has 85.8 million sales under their belt, but did you know they’ve made even more money through their work with the Guitar Hero video game franchise?
Iron Maiden is said to have sold over 100 million albums worldwide though it hasn’t been tracked.
Metallica is a heavy metal and a founding thrash metal band that’s sold 102.9 million units so far. Their tours are monstrous and they’ve won all the awards.
Black Sabbath is considered the first heavy metal band. They’re so powerful that they launched several solo careers that were just as successful.
AC/DC are among the giants of heavy metal with their 123.8 million certified sales. Even the other pros in the music industry praise them for their performances and music.
The Dave Matthews Band took over the jam band touring scene. They’ve been hitting number-one on the charts and winning all the awards since the release of their first album.
The Pat Metheny Group constantly tours globally and hires only the best instrumentalists and vocalists from anywhere on the planet. They just have to be the best.
We could literally go on forever. And if we changed the variables used to rate the bands, the entire list would rotate around or change entirely. That’s why these conversations are so fun. It’s fun to find your own favorite band appears and fun to watch people rage when theirs doesn’t. I know it’s wrong but it feels so right.
If you enjoyed this, then you’ll probably have fun scrolling through the list of the richest musicians in the world. There’s a good bit of crossover, and you’d probably be surprised by where that crossover exists. It’s not what you’d expect. Let us know if your favorite didn’t appear in this best bands of all time list and we’ll see what we can do about it.
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At 7 o’clock the coffee was made and the frying-pan was on the back of the stove hot and ready to cook the chops.
Jim was never late. Della doubled the fob chain in her hand and sat on the corner of the table near the door that he always entered. Then she heard his step on the stair away down on the first flight, and she turned white for just a moment. She had a habit of saying little silent prayer about the simplest everyday things, and now she whispered: “Please God, make him think I am still pretty.”
The door opened and Jim stepped in and closed it. He looked thin and very serious. Poor fellow, he was only twenty-two–and to be burdened with a family! He needed a new overcoat and he was without gloves.
Jim stopped inside the door, as immovable as a setter at the scent of quail. His eyes were fixed upon Della, and there was an expression in them that she could not read, and it terrified her. It was not anger, nor surprise, nor disapproval, nor horror, nor any of the sentiments that she had been prepared for. He simply stared at her fixedly with that peculiar expression on his face.
Della wriggled off the table and went for him.
“Jim, darling,” she cried, “don’t look at me that way. I had my hair cut off and sold because I couldn’t have lived through Christmas without giving you a present. It’ll grow out again–you won’t mind, will you? I just had to do it. My hair grows awfully fast. Say `Merry Christmas!’ Jim, and let’s be happy. You don’t know what a nice– what a beautiful, nice gift I’ve got for you.”
“You’ve cut off your hair?” asked Jim, laboriously, as if he had not arrived at that patent fact yet even after the hardest mental labor.
“Cut it off and sold it,” said Della. “Don’t you like me just as well, anyhow? I’m me without my hair, ain’t I?”
Jim looked about the room curiously.
“You say your hair is gone?” he said, with an air almost of idiocy.
“You needn’t look for it,” said Della. “It’s sold, I tell you–sold and gone, too. It’s Christmas Eve, boy. Be good to me, for it went for you. Maybe the hairs of my head were numbered,” she went on with sudden serious sweetness, “but nobody could ever count my love for you. Shall I put the chops on, Jim?”
Out of his trance, Jim seemed quickly to wake. He enfolded his Della. For ten seconds let us regard with discreet scrutiny some inconsequential object in the other direction. Eight dollars a week or a million a year–what is the difference? A mathematician or a wit would give you the wrong answer. The magi brought valuable gifts, but that was not among them. This dark assertion will be illuminated later on.
Jim drew a package from his overcoat pocket and threw it upon the table.
“Don’t make any mistake, Dell,” he said, “about me. I don’t think there’s anything in the way of a haircut or a shave or a shampoo that could make me like my girl any less. But if you’ll unwrap that package you may see why you had me going a while at first.”
White fingers and nimble tore at the string and paper. And then an ecstatic scream of joy; and then, alas! a quick feminine change to hysterical tears and wails, necessitating the immediate employment of all the comforting powers of the lord of the flat.
For there lay The Combs–the set of combs, side, and back, that Della had worshipped long in a Broadway window. Beautiful combs, pure tortoiseshell, with jeweled rims–just the shade to wear in the beautiful vanished hair. They were expensive combs, she knew, and her heart had simply craved and yearned over them without the least hope of possession. And now, they were hers, but the tresses that should have adorned the coveted adornments were gone.
But she hugged them to her bosom, and at length, she was able to look up with dim eyes and a smile and say: “My hair grows so fast, Jim!”
And then Della leaped up like a little singed cat and cried, “Oh, oh!”
Jim had not yet seen his beautiful present. She held it out to him eagerly upon her open palm. The dull precious metal seemed to flash with a reflection of her bright and ardent spirit.
“Isn’t it a dandy, Jim? I hunted all over town to find it. You’ll have to look at the time a hundred times a day now. Give me your watch. I want to see how it looks on it.”
Instead of obeying, Jim tumbled down on the couch and put his hands under the back of his head, and smiled.
“Dell,” said he, “let’s put our Christmas presents away and keep ’em a while. They’re too nice to use just at present. I sold the watch to get the money to buy your combs. And now suppose you put the chops on.”
The magi, as you know, were wise men–wonderfully wise men–who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in a flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house. But in a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. O all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the magi.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it was in pennies. Pennies saved one and two at a time by bulldozing the grocer and the vegetable man and the butcher until one’s cheeks burned with the silent imputation of parsimony that such close dealing implied. Three times Della counted it. One dollar and eighty-seven cents. And the next day would be Christmas.
There was clearly nothing to do but flop down on the shabby little couch and howl. So Della did it. Which instigates the moral reflection that life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.
While the mistress of the home is gradually subsiding from the first stage to the second, take a look at the home. A furnished flat at $8 per week. It did not exactly beggar description, but it certainly had that word on the lookout for the mendicancy squad.
In the vestibule below was a letter-box into which no letter would go, and an electric button from which no mortal finger could coax a ring. Also appertaining thereunto was a card bearing the name “Mr. James Dillingham Young.”
The “Dillingham” had been flung to the breeze during a former period of prosperity when its possessor was being paid $30 per week. Now, when the income was shrunk to $20, though, they were thinking seriously of contracting to a modest and unassuming D. But whenever Mr. James Dillingham Young came home and reached his flat above he was called “Jim” and greatly hugged by Mrs. James Dillingham Young, already introduced to you as Della. Which is all very good.
Della finished her cry and attended to her cheeks with the powder rag. She stood by the window and looked out dully at a gray cat walking a gray fence in a gray backyard. Tomorrow would be Christmas Day, and she had only $1.87 with which to buy Jim a present. She had been saving every penny she could for months, with this result. Twenty dollars a week doesn’t go far. Expenses had been greater than she had calculated. They always are. Only $1.87 to buy a present for Jim. Her Jim. Many a happy hour she had spent planning for something nice for him. Something fine and rare and sterling–something just a little bit near to being worthy of the honor of being owned by Jim.
There was a pier-glass between the windows of the room. Perhaps you have seen a pier-glass in an $8 flat. A very thin and very agile person may, by observing his reflection in a rapid sequence of longitudinal strips, obtain a fairly accurate conception of his looks. Della, being slender, had mastered the art.
Suddenly she whirled from the window and stood before the glass. her eyes were shining brilliantly, but her face had lost its color within twenty seconds. Rapidly she pulled down her hair and let it fall to its full length.
Now, there were two possessions of the James Dillingham Youngs in which they both took a mighty pride. One was Jim’s gold watch that had been his father’s and his grandfather’s. The other was Della’s hair. Had the queen of Sheba lived in the flat across the airshaft, Della would have let her hair hang out the window some day to dry just to depreciate Her Majesty’s jewels and gifts. Had King Solomon been the janitor, with all his treasures piled up in the basement, Jim would have pulled out his watch every time he passed, just to see him pluck at his beard from envy.
So now Della’s beautiful hair fell about her rippling and shining like a cascade of brown waters. It reached below her knee and made itself almost a garment for her. And then she did it up again nervously and quickly. Once she faltered for a minute and stood still while a tear or two splashed on the worn red carpet.
On went her old brown jacket; on went her old brown hat. With a whirl of skirts and with the brilliant sparkle still in her eyes, she fluttered out the door and down the stairs to the street.
Where she stopped the sign read: “Mne. Sofronie. Hair Goods of All Kinds.” One flight up Della ran, and collected herself, panting. Madame, large, too white, chilly, hardly looked the “Sofronie.”
“Will you buy my hair?” asked Della.
“I buy hair,” said Madame. “Take yer hat off and let’s have a sight at the looks of it.”
Down rippled the brown cascade.
“Twenty dollars,” said Madame, lifting the mass with a practiced hand.
“Give it to me quick,” said Della.
Oh, and the next two hours tripped by on rosy wings. Forget the hashed metaphor. She was ransacking the stores for Jim’s present.
She found it at last. It surely had been made for Jim and no one else. There was no other like it in any of the stores, and she had turned all of them inside out. It was a platinum fob chain simple and chaste in design, properly proclaiming its value by substance alone and not by meretricious ornamentation–as all good things should do. It was even worthy of The Watch. As soon as she saw it she knew that it must be Jim’s. It was like him. Quietness and value–the description applied to both. Twenty-one dollars they took from her for it, and she hurried home with the 87 cents. With that chain on his watch, Jim might be properly anxious about the time in any company. Grand as the watch was, he sometimes looked at it on the sly on account of the old leather strap that he used in place of a chain.
When Della reached home her intoxication gave way a little to prudence and reason. She got out her curling irons and lighted the gas and went to work repairing the ravages made by generosity added to love. Which is always a tremendous task, dear friends–a mammoth task.
Within forty minutes her head was covered with tiny, close-lying curls that made her look wonderfully like a truant schoolboy. She looked at her reflection in the mirror long, carefully, and critically.
“If Jim doesn’t kill me,” she said to herself, “before he takes a second look at me, he’ll say I look like a Coney Island chorus girl. But what could I do–oh! what could I do with a dollar and eighty-seven cents?”
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Are there couples in happier and healthier relationships? Sure. But, in most cases, it has little to do with the amount of love or commitment one has for the other. Just as there is a science behind other elements of human relationships, (see: Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friend’s and Influence People) there is a science to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. And, as with any science, there are multiple elements and variables.
What are the secrets to a healthy relationship? Read on, friend!
“WHAT’S NORMAL ANYWAY?”
“Relationships don’t always make sense. Especially from the outside.” – Sarah Dessen
First, the obvious: relationships are complex. Like, really complex. Relationships are complex because, well, human beings are complex. And some humans are more complex than others. And fickle. Also, sometimes just downright strange. For some people, relationships bring out the worst in them – sad but true.
Second, all relationships are different. Is this cliché and overly general? Yes, it is. But since one of our favorite past times is playing the comparison game, it bears repeating. Don’t play the relationship comparison game – it’s a no-win contest. And, again, there are just too many variables and things unseen at play.
Anyways, here’s a rather long list of things that are normal in a relationship that, for some reason, many of us think aren’t. After that, we’ll get to the science-y stuff.
Long periods of silence: Who at one point hasn’t thought that zero decibel level hanging in the air wasn’t awkward? Anyways, the longer you and your significant other are together, the more often you’ll hear the proverbial pin drop.
Needing time apart: No matter how fulfilling, a relationship isn’t meant to replace an individual’s need for space. Constantly being in arm’s distance of each other isn’t healthy.
Feeling distracted (especially in conversation): Humans don’t have the best attention span, to begin with. Couple this with the fact that, untrained, we’ve got the attention span of a goldfish, and one of you is likely to feel ignored at some point.
Having ahem, “fantasy” moments on occasion (on occasion!): The infatuation you felt when first dating your spouse/significant other? Yeah, that’s not supposed to last. What are we to do with that overactive imagination and some Hollywood hunk/babe staring back at us through the tube?
Feeling the need to “be free”: This kind of goes along with #2. It’s possible (probable) that you’ll feel “shackled” by your relationship at some point. It’s only natural, then, that we think about what’s on the other side of the door.
Being really annoyed at a partner’s habit: It never ceases to amaze how many people in committed relationships are easily offended by their partner’s insistence on quitting ‘x’ habit. Really? Did you expect them to fall in love with biting your fingernails and leaving dirty socks on the ground too?
Not getting on with one of their friends: There are far too many people out there for everyone to tolerate one another. Personalities clash. Read through the Jungian typologies, the Zodiac signs, the Chinese chart, etc., etc. With that said, it’s your duty to straighten out that friend who steps out of line (e.g. the drunkard who makes the offensive jokes at every get-together, the misogynist, etc.)
Telling a white (or not so white) lie: In a perfect world and in a perfect relationship, we’d have the courage to speak the truth in every circumstance. But this isn’t a perfect world, and there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But again, there are commonsense boundaries never to be crossed.
Faking or exaggerating sexual excitement: Uh, ladies? *Nervous laughter* It’s getting warm in here…moving on!
Leaving a skeleton or two: Omitting certain things about one’s past is more common than you think. While psychologists definitely won’t get on board with leaving out “Any data that could hurt a potential partner,” – and rightly so, by the way – the tell-all, church confessional, no-holds-barred, brutal truth type relationship is a bit extreme.
Feeling more normal already, are we? Wonderful! Let’s get to the heart of the matter.
10 ‘SCIENCE-Y’ SECRETS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
KNOW HOW TO ARGUE
Arguments happen in relationships and are sometimes necessary for clearing the air and resolving a conflict. But far too many people in committed relationships attack their partner instead of the issue. At no time should personal insults fly and self-esteem be sunk.
Focus on the crux of the matter. Learn to express your thoughts and feelings without offending the person. It is possible to respect and love your partner while having an argument. If things heat up to the point where you may say something that you later regret, simply say so and walk away.
KEEP THE CANDLE LIT
Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds are professors at Harvard Medical School and certified therapists. They’ve also been married for over 40 years. Schwartz and Olds are adamant that couples not get too complacent in their relationship.
“We call it the rustiness phenomenon,” says Olds, “Couples get out of the habit of sex, of being incredibly in love, and often for good reasons: work, children, a sick parent. But that type of love can be reignited.”
PRIORITIZE QUALITY TIME
This one is rather straightforward but nonetheless vitally important. While you may never duplicate those first couple of years of marriage or courtship, making an effort to spend quality time is a responsibility of anyone in a long-term relationship.
Quality time is necessary to maintain that special relationship bond and to keep the lines of communication open. Try having at least one night alone per week to focus on your partner only.
GIVE AND TAKE ALONE TIME
In a long-running study by researchers at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan, psychologists conclude, “Having enough space or privacy in a relationship is more important for a couple’s happiness than having a good sex life.” In other words, personal space is pretty dang important.
Dr. Terri Orbuch, a research professor at the University of Michigan, says that giving and taking personal space makes each partner happier and less bored while giving them necessary alone time to process their thoughts and relax.
PRACTICE RELATIONSHIP GRATITUDE
Nobody likes feeling like they’re unappreciated, especially someone in a committed relationship. It’s essential, then, to make sure that you’re not taking your partner for granted by practicing gratitude. As it turns out, practicing gratitude is not only mentally and physically healthy, but also helpful for nurturing relationships.
You can show your gratitude by voicing it (always advisable!), leaving a nice card or note, giving them a small gift, cooking for them, or taking them out for a special night.
KEEP LEARNING ABOUT THEM
How much do you know about your loved one, really? Here’s an experiment: during a nice dinner (maybe a glass of wine or two), ask them, “Tell me something about you that I don’t know.”
After their initial shock and disbelief, you may be surprised at the answer. You see, stuff like this is relationship gold. Few things keep a relationship going and improve the partnership more than keeping the lines of communication both open and interesting.
MAKE EYE CONTACT
Strange as it may sound, making deliberate eye contact with your partner can increase feelings of closeness. Research seems to affirm this finding, as well: “…couples who participated in mutual eye contact reported stronger feelings … (including) higher feelings of affection, passionate love, dispositional love, and liking for their partner.”
Try this: while relaxing with your partner on the couch (or someone else where you two are in close proximity), look over and hold your gaze. If necessary, initiate some sudden movement to grab their attention. They’ll probably laugh at first, but it’ll feel amazing!
TRY SOMETHING NEW
We’re all overworked and overstressed. Money may be tight and time hard to come by. But whenever you’re able, try having a unique experience with your partner. Research shows that trying new and exciting things increases relationship gratification.
Ideas? Hiking, horseback riding, camping, picnicking, exercising. Basically, anything you can do together that is out of the ordinary.
MAKE TIME FOR CUDDLING
Physical intimacy – not necessarily sex – is a great way to give your relationship a boost. Cuddling boosts the “bonding hormone” in the brain called oxytocin while increasing feelings of trust and generosity between partners.
Cuddling can be as simple as holding your partner during a movie or drawing them in close while walking in a park. Bedtime cuddling is always a good idea too!
BE EMPATHETIC
It’s fair to say that we all possess varying levels of empathy. But even making an effort to understand your partner while reciprocating love and understanding go a long way.
Your partner knows and loves you enough to appreciate when you go the extra mile for them. So pay attention, act compassionate, and be present!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
A study suggests that lots of sex in a relationship could make partners cheat.
Cheating is such a sensitive issue in our relationships and in dating life that it never really stops being talked about.
There’s so much of it happening around us and when you wonder why that is so, many reasons come to mind.
Of all the reasons why people cheat, would you expect that having too much sex will be an issue? Neither do we!
But apparently, there may be a link between having enough good sex and actually cheating on one’s partner.
Sounds weird, right?
Well, according to Assistant Professor Andrea Meltzer of Florida State University who co-authored the report, “sexual satisfaction was positively associated with infidelity suggesting that people who were more satisfied with their sex were more likely to engage in infidelity,”
However, she was quick to add that the result may be a little more nuanced than the conclusion that enough good sex makes people want to cheat.
Speaking to the website, Fatherly, she says “this effect was surprising and so I would hesitate to draw any meaningful conclusions from it until it can be replicated in other samples.
“It is also worth noting that this positive association emerged in a very complex model that controlled for a number of related outcomes.”
People cheat when they have the ability to conceal it.
People cheat when they are confident they won’t get caught
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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