A Unique Gift – Chapter 21

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If Your Relationship Is In Crisis Mode, You’ll Notice These 7 Signs

Every relationship goes through its fair share of ups and downs. No matter how connected you are, or how well things have gone in the past, you’re never going to have smooth sailing together 100% of the time. Usually, rough patches are nothing to worry about, but occasionally, they may signal a deeper disconnect between you and your partner. If your relationship is in crisis mode, you probably need to do some soul-searching about whether it’s meant to be.

1. YOU’VE LOST TOUCH WITH EACH OTHER PHYSICALLY.

 

It’s one thing to have a brief period where you’re not having sex as often as you normally do (maybe one or both partners are busy or stressed), but if this has become a regular pattern over the course of weeks or months, it’s a problem. “When your romantic time or sex starts to wane, it’s a sign that your partner isn’t feeling connected with you,” Spira said. One way to fix this? Schedule sexy time into the calendar! Even if you’re not in the mood, it’s important to stay physically connected to your partner. This doesn’t mean you should have sex when you don’t want to — enthusiastic consent is always key — but it does mean you should talk about why things have changed. Making intimacy a priority can help keep the spark alive in your relationship.

 

 

In a stable relationship, both partners care deeply about spending time together as a couple. This doesn’t mean you have to spend every waking moment hanging out with bae, but you should be excited about the time you do get to spend with him or her. “When your regular date nights are canceled and not being rescheduled, it’s a sign that your relationship isn’t a priority,” Spira explained. If you find yourself constantly trying to do anything else other than hang out with your SO, it probably means you’re super disconnected.

3. YOUR CONVERSATIONS ARE SURFACE LEVEL.

 

If you find yourself unable to talk about vulnerabilities and insecurities the way you used to, it means one of both of you are pulling away emotionally. Perhaps you’ve noticed yourself or your partner shutting down whenever serious subjects are brought up (about the future, about relationship conflicts, or about your bond as a couple). “When conversations that used to flow end up with abrupt ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers,” Spira explains, it’s a sign that things aren’t going well. You’ve stopped being each other’s confidante — a crucial indicator that your bond might be fading.

 

 

Fights are to be expected in any relationship that’s past the honeymoon phase, but there’s a difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict. “When a couple fights, the more they display contempt, stonewalling, criticism, and defensiveness, the less likely they are to sustain a close and loving relationship,” explained sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr. If you want to stay together, you might need to address the root causes of these fights in order to move past them.

 

 

Maybe something specific happened to ruin the trust in your relationship, or maybe it started to fade away when you stopped communicating. Either way, if you find yourself stressed out when your partner is spending time away from you, or if you get jealous when they’re out with their friends, it could signal a lack of trust. “Consult with a therapist or relationship coach who can help you facilitate these conversations and explore places of alignment and misalignment, as well as learn to repair and heal hurt feelings to be able to sustain the relationship,” Fehr suggested. With expert help, you can work to repair the wounds and start to heal.

 

 

Do you feel like you’re not really a factor in the decisions your partner is making, or are you making major life choices without even telling them first? It’s never fun for either partner to feel like they’re not a priority. “If they’re not consulting you with decisions, [or] they go and take a weekend away, and they don’t even tell you, you’re an afterthought,” explained dating expert and matchmaker Stefanie Safran. Even when you have your own lives and agendas (as you should!), it’s important to clue each other in when you’re making a big change.

7. YOU’RE CONSTANTLY VENTING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.

If you’re so fed up with bae that you count down the days until you can vent to your besties, that’s not good. Obviously, your friends are there for you when you want to talk things out, but if you’re always complaining to them about how you’re unhappy, it means you’re not in a healthy place. “If you’re constantly venting to your friends about your [boyfriend/girlfriend], chances are you know something isn’t right and you’re seeking validation,” explained behavioral scientist Clarissa Silva. Deep down, you probably know there’s a problem, but you might not be ready to admit it to yourself yet.

If more than one of these signs applies to you, take a step back and think about what you want out of this relationship. Are you in it for the long haul, and committed to making things work? If so, individual or couples’ therapy can help you sort through your relationship struggles in a useful and productive way. And if you decide you need to break things off, that’s OK, too — sometimes ending a relationship is the best thing you can do for your happiness. Whatever you decide, know that you deserve to have a love that makes you feel encouraged and strong.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Work it Grandma!

One of our guitar players lives just a couple of blocks from a micro-sized bar and I must emphasize micro. This was fall of 1982. Our band was only a few months old and this was our first time there.

They literally move a pool table for the band and that’s about how much room you have to set up. But it’s a fun little place with a loyal local crowd that loves to party and packs it in.

About half-way through our gig a crowd of older women come in obviously already enjoying themselves. I’d guess early 50’s to some blue hairs. Turned out they were celebrating one of the ladies 80th birthday.

Despite our hard rock repertoire they were loving us and dancing to every song.
At the end of a song the birthday girl politely asked me if she could say something over the mic. I was like “sure it’s your birthday have fun.” Now mind you this lady is 80 years old tonight and looks like a typical great-grandma. Well she grabs the mic and screams at the top of her lungs: “I AM FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED UP!” Our jaws hit the floor. That was the last thing we were expecting from her mouth. But everyone was cheering and laughing and after we got over the shock we were laughing too. Man I wish we had that on camera.

 

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Tales of Rock: Elton John Admits It’s ‘Difficult To Watch’ His Drug Addiction In ‘Rocketman’ Scenes

“Rocketman” earned rave reviews and a five-minute standing ovation at its recent premiere at the Cannes Film Festival, but the film’s subject admits some scenes in the rock biopic have been uncomfortable to watch.

In an interview with the Daily Telegraph (via the Daily Mail), Elton John says he was adamant that the film depict all aspects of his life, including his struggles with bulimia, drugs, mental health and even his own sexuality.

“This is how my life was, and I didn’t want to cover it and gloss it over,” Sir Elton told the Telegraph.

RELATED: Elton John Slams Critics Who Say A Gay Actor Should Have Portrayed The Legend In ‘Rocketman’

“And it’s difficult to watch because I thought, ‘God, I don’t want to go back there, thank God I came out of it.’”

As Sir Elton recalls, his meteoric rise to superstardom became a case of too much, too fast.

“Success was fantastic and then I couldn’t cope with it,” he added. “And you can’t leave out the bad.”

“Rocketman” hits theatres on Friday, May 31.

 

 

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If Your Relationship Isn’t Meant To Be, You’ll Notice These 4 Signs

If you’ve ever gone through a breakup, chances are a friend has tried to comfort you by saying, “It just wasn’t meant to be.” And while, sure, that may actually be the case, accepting that your relationship isn’t meant to be can be really hard. What does “meant to be” even mean? Simply put, not all relationships are meant to last forever. The cliche that some people come into your life for “a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” rings true. And if your relationship isn’t meant to be, you’ll know it.

1. YOUR DREAMS CLASH.

Victor Torres/Stocksy

It’s totally normal for you and bae to have different dreams – after all, you’re not dating yourself. But if your dreams are incompatible, that might be a sign your relationship isn’t meant to work out. If neither party is willing to compromise, it might be time for a more serious conversation.

“If your dreams clash, that means one of you will have to give something really important up in order to make the relationship work,” licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson tells Elite Daily. “If you really love your partner, you should want all of their dreams to come true and not encourage them to leave those things behind.”

Don’t forget: They should want those things for you, too.

Jovo Jovanovic/Stocksy

Working through conflicts together and trying to come to a compromise or solution can be really important when it comes to relationships. But caring and respecting each other as you work through an issue is just as important as resolving it, says Richardson.

“In happy, successful relationships that pass the test of time, roughly two-thirds of their conflicts don’t get resolved,” she points out. “The key to conflict is not resolving it, it’s communicating and caring about each other through it. If the relationship isn’t worth fighting for, how could it be meant to be?”

Briana Morrison/Stocksy

Sure, maybe you’re in charge of making dinner reservations and your partner tackles vacation planning. It’s OK to take the lead on things if your partner is taking the lead on others. But that’s the trick: You’re both contributing. If “one person has to be in charge or [in] control, that’s not typically healthy,” Richardson states. If your relationship has no space for both sides of an argument, a plan, or a conversation, then you just might not be compatible. “In a partnership, it is important that both partners have their perspective[s] heard and needs listened to.” It’s called a partnership for a reason, folks.

Sean Locke/Stocksy

If your partner has continued to break your trust repeatedly, that might be a sign they don’t totally respect you as much as a good partner should. If “you’ve confided very intimate things to your partner and they betray your trust, and tell anyone who will listen your deepest and most vulnerable secrets,” Dr. Brown says, it’s probably healthiest to part ways. Trusting your partner is the bare minimum. If you can’t trust them, there’s not much else you can do.

If any of this sounds familiar, don’t panic. Making an honest effort to resolve these issues and work on your relationship isn’t off the table. “You can try to work on them,” Richardson says. “Do your part to see if you can help switch up the dynamic.” But your partner should make an equal effort, too. It takes two to tango, and sometimes, accepting that you’re incompatible may be the healthiest option.

Try to remember that if a relationship isn’t meant to be, it’s probably because there’s something, or someone, better suited for you. It’s all a matter of knowing when to walk away, and looking toward the future.

 

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Celebrity Sightings: Vanessa Hudgens – Part 5

I absolutely adore Vanessa Hudgens. She is a great actress who has stupendous legs.

Leaked photos

On September 6, 2007, photos of Hudgens appeared online, one showing her posing in lingerie and another showing her nude. A statement from her publicist claims that the photo was taken privately and it was unfortunate that they were released on the Internet. Hudgens later apologised, saying that she was “embarrassed over the situation” and regretted having “taken [those] photos”.[98] Hudgens subsequently released a statement indicating that she declined to comment further on the subject.[99] OK! magazine speculated that Hudgens would be dropped from High School Musical 3 as a result of the images,[100] but The Walt Disney Company denied this, saying, “Vanessa has apologized for what was obviously a lapse in judgment. We hope she’s learned a valuable lesson.”[101][102][103]

In August 2009, another set of pictures showing Hudgens topless emerged on the Internet. Hudgens’ representatives did not comment, though her lawyers requested the removal of the pictures from the Internet.[104][105] In late 2009, Hudgens sued “www.moejackson.com” for posting nude “self-portrait photographs” of her taken on a mobile phone in a private home.[106] Hudgens later commented on the photos’ impact on her career in the October issue of Allure with, “Whenever anybody asks me, would I do nudity in a film, if I say that it’s something I’m not comfortable with, they’re like, ‘Bullshit, you’ve already done it.’ If anything, it makes it more embarrassing, because that was a private thing. It’s screwed up that someone screwed me over like that. At least some people are learning from my mistake.”[107]According to Us Weekly, further pictures were released on the Internet on March 15, 2011.[108]

Public image

Hudgens in January 2012 at Bondi Beach, Sydney

Hudgens was represented by William Morris Agency[109] but signed on to Creative Artists Agency in 2011.[110] In 2006, Hudgens’ earnings were estimated to be $2 million.[111]Hudgens was included in Forbes richest list in early 2007, and the Forbes article noted that she was included in Young Hollywood’s Top Earning-Stars.[112] On December 12, 2008, Hudgens was ranked No. 20 in the list of Forbes “High Earners Under 30”, having reported to have an estimated earnings of $3 million in 2008.[113][114] She was number 62 at FHMs Sexiest Women in the World of 2008 and number 42 in the 2009 list.[115][116] Hudgens is also featured in Maxims lists.[117] She was included in People‘s annual “100 Most Beautiful People” 2008 and 2009 lists.[118][119]

Hudgens promotes Neutrogena[120] and was the 2008 featured celebrity for Sears‘ back-to school campaign.[121] In 2007, she became a spokesperson for Marc Eckō products but ended the contract after two years.[122][123] Hudgens regularly volunteers for charitable activities, including those for Best Buddies International,[124][125] Lollipop Theater Network,[126] St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital[127] and the VH1 Save The Music Foundation.[128] Hudgens is also featured in A Very Special Christmas Vol.7 disc which benefits the Special Olympics.[129] Hudgens is also part of the “Stand Up to Cancer (SU2C): Change The Odds” along with other Hollywood stars including Zac Efron, Dakota FanningKristen Bell, and others.[130]

Brian Schall sued Hudgens in 2007 for an alleged “breach of contract”; according to the suit, Schall claims he advanced costs and expenses on Hudgens’ behalf for her songwriting and recording career.[131] Schall claims Hudgens owed him $150,000 after helping her earn more than $5 million for her music career. Hudgens argued that she was a 16-year-old minor when she signed the contract in October 2005, and therefore too young to do so. She subsequently disaffirmed it on October 9, 2008. Papers filed in court by her lawyer say California’s Family Code “provides that the contract of a minor is voidable and may be disaffirmed before (age 18) or within a reasonable time afterward.”[132]In 2008, Hudgens was sued by Johnny Vieira, who claims he was owed a share of Hudgens’ advances, royalties and merchandising revenue in exchange for his management services. Vieira accuses Hudgens of abandoning her talent team as soon as she became a commercial name.[133] In early May 2009, the case was settled.[134]

 

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