Dating and Relationship Advice – Men: Taking Off The Mask

When beginning any new career, hobby, or general pursuit, it’s easy to day dream about the time when all our hard work has paid off and we are basking in the glory of  fame, money, or women’s panties. It’s those daydreams that drive us to push harder, take chances, and try things outside of our comfort zone.  Therefore, for many aspiring  Casanovas, we look forward to the time where we can walk up to any woman, whether in a bar or on the street, whisper a few sweet words in her ear and she grabs us by the hand and into the back of a darkly lit booth.

As great or horrible as that might seem to you, it’s really not a one size fits all dream. It might be hard to believe, but not every guy out there wants to sleep with everything with a vagina.  Some guys just want help asking out their secret crush, best friend, or help finding a date in general and they turn to the phicklephilly community in order to help them achieve their goal, and there is nothing wrong with that. On almost a daily basis, it’s not uncommon for me to educate both men and women, that the majority of guys aren’t looking to sleep with hundreds of women, they just want help finding that one special woman to settle down and start a family with.

Now there are many different books, routines, and experts out there who claim they know the secrets to picking up women, and we’re no different.  However, at the end of the day, you will find that the routines and methods that work best, are the ones that worked for you. Just like there are thousands of diets and exercise plans out there, some work and some are crap, but ultimately, you are going to go with the plan that helps you both reach your goal, as well as, fit your lifestyle. So I cannot stress enough how important it is, from early on in your training, to pick the methods, routines, and approaches that fit your personality. I say this not because I don’t think certain methods will work, any method will work as long as you’re calm, confident, and try it enough times. I tell you this because at some point, you may want to settle down or establish a long-term relationship with a woman and if the man that she wakes up with the next morning or goes on that next date with is a complete 180 from the man she met at the bar telling stories and performing tricks, then it will be a very tough transition as you try to make a long term relationship work.

The concept of a Mask comes these die-hard Pick Up Artists you read about. As you read more and more of their conquests, you’ll start to see a pattern develop.  PUA sees girl, PUA approaches girl.  PUA runs routine X, Y, and Z.  PUA gets number, kiss, or sex, rinse and repeat. These guys are great at what they do, and aspiring PUAs worship them for it.  But the sad reality is that these guys are as only as deep as their bag of tricks.  Once they’ve run through their routines, there’s nothing left.  They’ve gotten so great at the game that their routines and approaches define them as a person. Without them, there is only a shell of a man because they have become a cliche’ of themselves.  They spent so much time working on and practicing how to be someone else, they forgot how to be themselves, and women will eventually see through all this.  Even if they wanted a long-term relationship, most women won’t go for it as they tire after the guy has run the same line on her from the 20th time.

It’s no secret that the main reason a routine or approach works is because you were confident when you were presenting it.  In one word, that’s the secret to being successful with women, confidence. We give you these routines to follow, because it gives you a script that you can practice, rehearse, and repeat so that it becomes second nature to you. So that every time you follow this script, you are more confident, because A. you believe that it will work, and B. it comes from a higher authority with their stamp of approval.  Have you ever given a speech?  Did you prepare ahead of time or did you just make it up on the spot and wing it. If you just made it up, I bet it was hard to give, might have flubbed over some words. But if you prepared and rehearsed, it was easier to deliver, your speech was strong and your body language was confident. The same concept applies to approaches and routines.

So I encourage you to take off the mask and incorporate your personality into the routines you run and don’t try to incorporate elements that don’t fit who you are. If you aren’t good with wordplay, don’t attempt so much banter.  If you don’t like being the center of attention, don’t try and perform a stupid magic trick that involves a large group of people to pull off.  But do incorporate parts of your personality, tell personal stories, talk about your hobbies, don’t show fake action shots of the activities you’re expected to be doing. Instead, modify the routine to fit parts of you into it.  Sure it requires some thought and there is more work on your part, as well as it doesn’t carry the same stamp of approval because you went off the script a little. But I guarantee that you will find success because you are no longer the same guy who struggled around women a few months ago, you are confident and women are drawn to that confidence, and because of this, they will be interested in the things that you might have thought kept you from getting a girl before. The worst thing that can happen is they say no and you move back to the things that worked, but you just might find yourself making a real connection this time around. That is of course if you’re looking to make one. If all you want is as many numbers and one night stands as you can get, see girl, approach girl, run routine X, Y, and Z.

 

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Celebrity Sightings: Elisany da Cruz Silva

‘I have always wanted to go out with a tall girl and she came and fit that perfectly.”

 

The world’s tallest bride: 6ft 8in Brazilian teenager to marry her 5ft 4in boyfriend.

  • Elisany suffers from gigantism from a tumour on her pituitary gland
  • Couple have been together three years and have lived together for a year
  • Elisany still draws stares but Francinaldo says he is proud to show her off
  • The pair want a long engagement but are already planning the wedding
  • Although only 18, she hopes to conceive soon due to fears over her fertility

 

Brazil’s loftiest teen is set to become the world’s tallest bride after her compact fiancée popped the big question.

Aspiring model Elisany da Cruz Silva – who is a staggering 6ft 8ins tall – has been dating 5ft 4ins Francinaldo da Silva Carvalho for more than three years.

Despite a massive 1ft 4ins between them, Francinaldo had no problem increasing the distance by dropping to one knee after a romantic stroll along the beach.

With well over a foot difference between their heights, Elisany and Francinaldo have more difficulty than most couples kissing after becoming engaged

With well over a foot difference between their heights, Elisany and Francinaldo have more difficulty than most couples kissing after becoming engaged

Brazil's tallest teen Elisany Da Silva accepts her new fiancee Francinaldo Carvalho's proposal on March 29, 2014 in Salinopolis, Brazil

Francinaldo gets down on one knee to ask his girlfriend of three years to marry him

Brazil’s tallest teen Elisany Da Silva accepts her new fiancee Francinaldo Carvalho’s proposal on March 29, 2014 in Salinopolis, Brazil

The lovestruck pair have shared a small home in the Brazilian town of Salinopolis for one year and are hoping to soon hear the pitter patter of tiny feet.

Elisany is so stuck on having a child that she is willing to adopt if she does not fall pregnant soon – despite being only 18.

The youngster is worried that she may not conceive because of a form of gigantism that was caused when a tumour grew on her pituitary gland.

Despite this the couple are still looking forward to a long and happy life together.

Remembering the romantic proposal, Elisany said: ‘I told him many times, ‘do not ask me to marry you because my answer will be no’ – I think that’s what he was thinking.

‘I was so nervous when I saw him there. I don’t even know how I coped.’

Construction worker Francinaldo added: ‘I have always wanted to go out with a tall girl and she came and fitted into that perfect.

Elisany

Despite planning a long engagement, Elisany has already picked out her wedding dress

Despite planning a long engagement, Elisany has already picked out her wedding dress

Elisany's height still draws stares, even in her hometown, but Francinaldo says the attention doesn't bother him and he is proud to show her off

Elisany’s height still draws stares, even in her hometown, but Francinaldo says the attention doesn’t bother him and he is proud to show her off

The couple is planning on a long engagement despite Elisany already having a dress for the big day.

‘We think how will the preparations for the wedding be, the church, the best men and bridesmaids,’ added Francinaldo.

‘We have taken just one step towards the wedding – which was me asking her to marry me.

‘We are giving it some time to get it all in order.’

The newly engaged couple have not always seen eye to eye and Francinaldo had to work hard to get the ring on Elisany’s finger.

‘When we met I had already turned 16,’ she said.

‘I was still a bit childish and so I was just playing around with him for a while and I got so annoyed with him – as if he was a rival that I hated.

‘I just didn’t like him and wanted to hit him every time we met.’

But little Francinaldo has a big heart and remembers their meeting a little differently.

He said: ‘The first time I saw her I went to get some bread and I noticed her from a distance.

‘I checked her out and she also checked me out straight away.

‘Then I just thought, “I need to be with that girl”. I always found her beautiful.’

The newly engaged couple have not always seen eye to eye and Francinaldo had to work hard to get the ring on Elisany's finger

The newly engaged couple have not always seen eye to eye and Francinaldo had to work hard to get the ring on Elisany's finger

The newly engaged couple have not always seen eye to eye and Francinaldo had to work hard to get the ring on Elisany’s finger, but the couple now can not wait to wed

And the hate eventually turned to love for Elisany when she became jealous of Francinaldo’s prowess with the ladies.

‘He was talking to another girl and I was jealous,’ she said.

‘He intrigued me – I wanted to know more about him.’

Despite the pair being completely in love, not everyone is as happy about the new engagement.

Elisany’s mother, Ana Maria Ramos, said: ‘I don’t know how this could happen – this proposal.

‘It was a surprise – no-one was expecting it.

Elisany seen here as a young, aspiring model,  is so stuck on having a child that she is willing to adopt if she does not fall pregnant soon - despite being only 18

Elisany seen here as a young, aspiring model, is so stuck on having a child that she is willing to adopt if she does not fall pregnant soon – despite being only 18

‘In spite of everything she is still a very young girl with a lot ahead of her.

‘She is sometimes a bit difficult to him but I’ve never seen him treating her badly.

‘He has been an excellent person.’

Elisany still draws stares while walking down the street where she has lived her entire life and is often referred to as the giant girl.

Francinaldo said: ‘I keep telling her to get out more so that people don’t feel so curious about her.
‘When we go for a walk people keep staring saying ‘look at that giant girl’.

‘It really bothers me because people don’t have the consciousness of thinking that she’s also a human being.’

But despite drawing stares Francinaldo cannot wait to show off his new fiancie.

He added: ‘ am always boasting about being with her.

‘Everyone thinks she is beautiful – my friends think she is beautiful.

‘They always ask me to take her to meet them but she won’t go because she’s embarrassed.

‘She is a person that is very different and I know I can make her happy.

‘Our relationship is special because she understands me and I understand her.’

The world’s tallest teenage girl walks hands in hands with her boyfriend, the picture of young love despite a staggering 1ft 6in height difference.

Elisany da Cruz Silva, 17, measures an unbelievable 6ft 8in tall and has to bend down to plant a kiss on her 5ft 4in lover Francinaldo da Silva Carvalho, 22.

The youngster, from Salinopolis in Brazil, has a form of gigantism because of a tumor on her pituitary gland, which regulates growth. Doctors have since removed the tumor.

Okay. I love this 5’4″ little guy closing this incredible queen.  Because as we all know now at phicklphilly I love women’s legs. To have a woman like this would be like winning the lottery. Sure her head seems a little small, but she has miles of legs. I would worship Elisany forever. I’ve never seen anyone like her and probably won’t again. I love that this dude had the power at his small stature to pursue this amazing woman.

When I look upon her I want to chop her down like a tree and make mad love to her. (Sorry they’re all the same size on their backs) Haters gonna hate. If you have a fetish and you love something, if it can be more or bigger or more intense you want it more. Like any drug, anything worth doing is worth overdoing. 

Elisany is an extraordinary lady and I am smitten. I’m happy for this couple but Elisany represents the overdose that I crave of my love of women’s legs. They go on for days!

It’s my thing and I’m just so happy I stumbled upon an article about this extraordinary woman.

If you love something, you always want more of it. That’s me.

Francinaldo (Her boyfriend) casts a great shadow and at 5’4″ is a giant among men.

Well done Sir!

My last two previous girlfriends were 5’11 and 6 foot. You are a King in my book! You’re my hero, dude.

And lastly… It must be nice knowing a woman you can always look up to!

 

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – These 5 Things Will Happen When You Meet Your Soul Mate

To make sure that you’re on the right track with your partner, read my article here. If this person is indeed your twin flame, your ideal match and your destiny, you will be in for a wonderful journey together.

When you meet that special person who is the soul mate that you’re meant for, you can expect special things to happen in your life.

To make sure that you’re on the right track with your partner, read my article here. If this person is indeed your twin flame, your ideal match and your destiny, you will be in for a wonderful journey together.

A Gallup poll study shows that, “while marriage is losing much of its broad public and institutional character, it is gaining popularity as a ‘SuperRelationship’ — an intensely private spiritualized union, combining sexual fidelity, romantic love, emotional intimacy and togetherness.”

As you and your soul mate bond, you will find that this one important romantic connection will shape other things that will happen to you.

These 5 Things Will Happen When You Meet Your Soulmate

1. MIRACLES BEGIN TO HAPPEN.

When you have found the one who was meant for you, your soul mate, it can feel like a miracle for you. Why would it not be possible for other extraordinary things to happen? With your new sense of love, fulfillment and belonging to another, you will begin to notice other happy coincidences.

The connection of you to your soul mate was a part of your destiny. Now that you are on the path to completing this part of your life’s purpose, other pieces will begin to happen for you as well.

2. YOUR SOUL MATE HELPS YOU SOLVE PROBLEMS THAT YOU HAD NO ANSWER FOR BEFORE.

Not having a loving partner was like having a problem that needed to be solved. Now that the hole in your heart has been made whole, you can focus your energy on other things that need fixing

Neil Clark Warren, author of Date or Soul Mate?: How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less, says that your soul mate will be someone who is your financial partner for life, roommate for life and joint parent to every child you will have for life. When you have found a soulmate, these crucial decisions are no longer a concern for you. Having someone to rely on that can support you in these ways relieves a huge burden.

With the help of your soul mate, you can both work to find solutions together. Two minds and hearts are far better than one at overcoming any obstacle. Your partner supports your dreams and wants you to be happy so they will focus their energy on helping you do what needs to be done.

These 5 Things Will Happen When You Meet Your Soulmate

3. YOU CONNECT MORE DEEPLY WITH FRIENDS AND RELATIVES.

Once you have met your soul mate, the other meaningful connections in your life become more meaningful as well. You have found a way to bond so deeply with one person that you appreciate the value of that strong connection to people. You begin to seek out opportunities to connect closely to the other special people in your life.

You begin spending more time with family, asking your parents, relatives and friends about their love lives. You learn to appreciate the love that created you and your soul mate.

Friends who support your relationship will be ones that you keep, but anyone who feels that you have not made the right match will be gone from your life quickly. You have no room in your life for someone who can’t support your connection to your true love.

4. LOVE HAPPENS FOR OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU TOO.

Once you have met your soul mate, you start to help others to see the possibility of love connections around them. The quality of a soulmate is now one of the most desirable traits in a partner, according to a Gallup poll of men and women age 20 to 29. Now that you have found your soulmate, you want your friends find their soul mates as well and experience the happiness that you have.

Knowing yourself, your dreams, fears, values, morals, likes and dislikes is a good first step to finding the right soul mate connection, according to Neil Clark Warren. With your perspective on true love, and a good knowledge of your friend’s personality, you can help them find mates that will feed their soul, not starve it.

These 5 Things Will Happen When You Meet Your Soulmate

5. YOUR WORLD VIEW CHANGES.

Your soul mate will begin to help you see things in a different way. You have a positive, excited-about-what-the-future-holds outlook that you might not have had before.

Your soul mate has helped your heart open and you will be more forgiving, loving and accepting of others as a result.

 

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Crazy Dating Stories: Monica – Strange Date

This happened a few years ago. I had a crush on a girl from my neighborhood. When I asked her out, she informed me that she only dated women. She insisted that we were still friends, she just didn’t roll that way. She offered to be my wingman and I gladly took her up on the offer.

A few weeks later she had set me up on a semi-blind date with one of her friends, Monica. The three of us met at Parc in Rittenhouse. (because we were fancy) and my friend tried playing matchmaker.

“Charles loves theatre and so do you, Monica!”

“Monica loves music and so do you, Charles!”

The date was going fine, so my friend decided to leave Monica and I alone. We talked a bit more and decided to go see a movie. I hopped in Monica’s passenger seat and we went on our way.

That’s when shit got weird.

About two minutes after leaving Parc, Monica receives a phone call. She says it’s her roommate and she needs to answer it. She picks up the phone and I hear a man’s voice. I was a bit surprised, but it’s not too unusual for a girl to have a guy for a roommate.

Monica and her “roommate” get into some kind of argument, and she pulls over to a gas station. Another car pulls in right beside us. Again, I didn’t think anything of it at the time.

Monica turns to me and says “I need to go talk to my roommate. Just wait here for a minute.” I assume she just wants to be on the phone in private, but what happens next will shock you. Monica gets out of the car and goes to talk to the driver of the car that pulled in next to us.

This is where I start to freak out. What are the odds that her roommate happened to pull up right beside us?! I hear a bit of yelling and then I start thinking about an escape plan.

At this point, Monica opens my car door and says “Hey, I’m really sorry to do this but my roommate is going to have to take you home.”

Now, this is the part of the movie where someone in the audience screams, “Don’t you go with him, now! That’s how you get killed! White people always going with the strange man thinking everything will just be okay!” I wish I could say I got smart, said, “No thank you, I’ll just walk” and went home.

But I didn’t.

With some combination of confusion and curiosity, I get out of Monica’s car and head into the passenger seat of this stranger. We’re in my hometown, so I know if he goes any direction he’s not supposed to I can just bail out of the car and run to freedom.

The guy was pretty big. I’m 5’9″ and he was significantly bigger than me, if that tells you anything. I don’t remember his name, but we’ll just call him Ross. Anyway, Ross starts driving back to my house and we’re sitting in awkward silence for most of the trip.

Eventually, he says, “So how do you know Monica?”

I knew something fishy was happening, so I wasn’t about to say we were on a date. I just say “Oh, we have a mutual friend!” and hope Ross doesn’t get suspicious. He just nodded his head and kept driving.

Apparently Ross was resolving some anger in his head, because out of nowhere he starts talking as if we were in the middle of a much more personal conversation.

“Yeah…. A lot of people at our church are upset that Monica and I live together. I think they’re just assuming we’re having sex all the time or something. It shouldn’t even matter since we’re engaged, but it’s still annoying to hear stuff like that, you know?”

I just nod my head as I realize what just happened. Apparently my lesbian friend set me up on a blind date with an engaged girl, and her fiance came and picked me up to take me home.

I was silent the rest of the ride. I told Ross the wrong address so he wouldn’t know where I lived, and I got out of the car and just walked around the neighborhood for a bit. It was definitely one of the strangest dates I’ve ever been on.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – Creating Attraction When You’re Not Her Type

Question to Phicklephilly: Lately it seems whenever I strike up a meaningful conversation with a girl at the bar it has been ending with her telling me I’m not her type. Is there anything I can do to change her mind?

Answer: You know the situation, you’ve approached the girl, started up a conversation, everything seems to be going in your favor.  Her eyes are locked to yours and she’s eating every word you have to say, you start making your move but then she drops the bombshell, “You’re just not my type.”

While she could have said these words for any number of reasons, the one thing that still holds true, you’re not going home with this girl tonight. You aren’t even going to get a phone number out of it.  But how could this be?  It could be anything, from your looks to personality, too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short, too young or too old. Who knows the reason, but the outcome is the same, we’re angry.  We’re angry because there’s nothing we can do to change the situation.

Or is there?  We know that this girl is perfect for us and aren’t about to give up, but we can’t spend the rest of the night trying to convince her that she should like us.  That’s a violation of Chump Rule #1. So what do we do?

We must create a situation where we are the object of desire. Meaning, she has to be the one trying to win over us, not us trying to win her over. When we become the prize, the odds are in our favor, not the other way around catering to her every whim and need.  Well great, sounds pretty easy except for the fact that every other guy in the club will be catering to her, why would she even bother to continue with us?  She’s going to start chasing after you because we’re not going to let her comment bother us, in fact we’re going to turn it around and use it on her. Before she even gets the chance to use that comment on you, you’re going to challenge her.

By now you should have a good idea of the type of girl you are dealing with, older, younger, wild, or laid back. If she’s laid back tell her that even though you think she’s adorable, you don’t think the two are compatible because she’s not wild enough for you.  The two of you wouldn’t get along because you would be off having all the fun while she’s hugging the wall or standing off in the corner somewhere.  If she’s older than you, then she will most likely already be harboring thoughts that you’re too young for her.  Tell her that the two of you won’t make it because you are looking for a woman who can keep up with your active lifestyle. A girl you can take to the beach, go to the gym, roller blading, stay up all night, take a trip at a moments notice kind of girl. Not someone who is tied down and stuffy, worrying about their bank portfolio.  If she’s too young mention the fact that you’re looking for a girl who can raise your kids and attend the PTA meetings at school, not someone you have to pick up everyday from the bus stop.

When we make these comments we are essentially telling them that they’re not our type.  This sends off a signal in their head that they can’t have us, and it drives them wild. No longer are they the ones being chased. If they want us they’re the ones who will have to do the chasing. This will be unbearable for any woman. Day after day they’re being sought after and then you come up and tell them they’re not your type.  It takes their ego down a peg, they get upset, and they want to get even.

But how do women get even with you? By proving to you that they are desirable, that you do want them. So now the chase is on, only she’s the one doing the chasing.  She’ll be trying to prove to you that she’s the girl you just described, that she can keep up with you if only you gave her the chance to prove herself.  Being the great guy that you are, you just might take her up on that.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 18 – The Fountain of Youth – Part 2

“I like when she kisses me passionately, and then when the kiss is over, she plants one more tiny kiss on me. It’s like the tiny kiss is her signature to the passionate kiss.”

I lock up and we head out into the night. I ask her about what her parking situation is and she says she took the train. That’s awesome. Parking has been a bit of a nightmare for her as of late. The city has been crowded with visitors for the holidays and traffic has been snarled. She hopped out and Suburban Station and was all good. Tomorrow she has to be on the 10:30am back home. Perfect.

We walk down to my house and go in. It’s a chilly night, but nice and warm in the apartment. We relax on the bed and engage in a little chit-chat. We both know that after two weeks the inevitable is going to happen very soon, and the chatter will stop. I start telling some story between kisses and she says, “Save that for later. Now this.” She places my hand on the backside of her jeans, and smiles.

I like when she kisses me passionately, and then when the kiss is over, she plants one more tiny kiss on me. It’s like the tiny kiss is her signature to the passionate kiss. Like, that lovely experience was created my me, signed, Cherie. It’s elegant and sweet in the same moment.

Our love unfolds on the bed like a beautiful flower. Neighbor Trish was away so Cherie was free to make all the noise she wanted. I wanted to start by pleasing her first, knowing my lady had been in a dire state of wanton for the last week. After some time, she could no longer withstand the waves of pleasure that washed over her from her. She simply said, “Up here. I want you up here.” I entered the gates of heaven and off we went into a roaring fury of pleasure. That all lasted past midnight.

We both collapsed after that.

She says I’m so in tune with her body. She is amazed that I do everything without her having to say anything. I tell her it’s quite simple. I listen to the sounds she makes, and pay attention to how her body moves and responds to my actions. No words or direction is needed.

At 2am she gently brought me back to life. That went on to around 3am.

Then once again she was upon me at 6am as the rain fell outside. So every two to three hours we were at it. Deprivation can sometimes be a wonderful thing. Each session was very powerful. We both got to give and get all of the things we love. I think as we get to know each other mentally as well as physically, our lovemaking has become more intense. It can only get better as we explore each other sexually.

Sex is wonderful with Cherie. She is nothing like silly Annabelle, who’s only tool in life was a hammer. Everything she came in contact with, she treated like a nail. Cherie is a well oiled machine. Powerful, calm and languid. Like a big cat. She truly is the best woman I’ve ever had the pleasure to have in my life romantically.

After round three at 6am, we decided to get up and start our day. We showered, dressed and headed out with our umbrellas to the diner. As we walk side by side (girls on the inside) I turn to her and say, “This reminds me of our very first date! We walked around Rittenhouse sharing a umberella.” She smiles and twirls hers on her shoulder.

Normally after our last two epic encounters, I was physically burned out. But not this time. I think because I was getting these little two and three-hour naps in between the action, I feel great today.

My powers are increasing. I can feel it.

I destroy my breakfast at the diner. I have the appetite of ten men. My heart and soul are satisfied by this lovely young girl sitting across from me eating her omelette, and making eyes at me.

We finish up and I walk her back to Suburban Station. We have ten minutes to spare before her 10:35 train. I wait on the platform with her until the silver passenger train rolls into the station, hissing like some Pre-Cambrian monster come to take my lover from me.

“I love you, Cherie.”

“I love you, too.”

We kiss goodbye, and I say “Auf wiedersehen.” Because the literal German translation is “Until we see again.” I don’t like goodbyes. ‘See you later’ is so much better. She gets on the train and finds a seat. I wait on the platform. The beast once again hisses, and begins to roll forward. She blows me a kiss, and she’s gone.

Until next time…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 15 Things Most Men Do When They’re Manipulating You – Part 2

Manipulation of any kind is a sure-fire way to make a relationship toxic. It’s something that nobody should ever have to put up with – no truly loving partner would treat their other half in such a despicable way. It’s basically emotional abuse, and it’s totally intolerable. Often, the manipulator in question has learned exactly how to hide or disguise their actions in order to keep their victim under control. They try to make their partner think that their manipulative behavior is normal, acceptable, or simply not happening at all. This makes it super hard to leave a manipulative boyfriend or husband: they make you feel like you’re the problem, not them. They often blind you to their true motives and consequently get away with their sinister emotional and mental control.

Have you ever worried that you or someone you love is being manipulated by the guy who’s supposed to care for them? Do you even know what the signs of such behavior are? Here are just some of the things that most men do when they’re manipulating you. If you recognize any from your own relationship, it might be time to question whether just how healthy and loving it actually is.

I’m a man and I’ve been writing this blog for over a year and a half and I’ve decided to add this advice column element to my work. A lot of men may not like it, but I need to be honest here and call all of the shitty men out on their bullshit that hurt the women they are with so here goes. 

In the end it will make us all better people.

 

7. Instead Of Addressing Things Head-On, They’re Passive Aggressive

A manipulator will rarely actually tell you straight-out that you’ve upset or annoyed them. Instead, they’ll leave passive-aggressive little hints that you’ve apparently done something wrong. They might even get other people to tell you that you’ve upset them, or talk about you behind your back. You’re always made out to be the bad guy: they portray themselves as being too scared or worried to bring up issues. In reality, it’s them who inspires fear in you. Indirect criticism or bullying can be just as harmful as directly telling you that you’re at fault. You end up feeling constantly paranoid that you’ve offended the manipulator, and since they never actually tell you if you have, you’ve no way of knowing either way. You’re left in a permanent state of panic and tiptoe around them to avoid confrontation.

6. They Get Angry Super Quickly

One of the scariest traits of a manipulator is just how quick to anger they can be. Even the smallest of criticisms can set them off, and even minor annoyances get a severe furious reaction. This kind of behavior can even make you worry for your physical safety – there’s no telling what the person might do if they continue to fly off the handle. They’ll rarely show remorse in the aftermath of their angry outbursts, instead seeing their response as proportionate and justified. In reality, that’s very rarely the case. Blowing things out of proportion is one of a manipulator’s greatest talents, and is a way to keep your fearful and thus controllable. If your partner constantly uses threats, aggression, or explosive anger to get their own way, it might be time to consider removing yourself from that situation. It can only end badly.

5. They Always Want To Be The Center Of Attention

Manipulators thrive on attention. It’s what they need to boost their probably quite fragile ego. If you dare to focus on something other than them, they will pester and nag you until you abandon everything to please them. They’re keen for everyone to know if they’re angry, upset, or hurt: they thrive on making everyone focus on their emotions. Often, they genuinely see themselves as more important than everyone else in the room. Why would you bother talking to anyone else when they’re in your presence? However, the only attention the manipulator really wants is that which will present them in a good light. They want others to support them, praise them, and even feel sorry for them if it suits their purposes. The minute you try to draw attention to their harmful or controlling behavior, they’ll make everything about your flaws and faults. Their aim will be to make everyone distrust you and support them.

4. They Like To Bring Up Your Deepest Insecurities

Everyone has their own insecurities and worries. There are aspects of ourselves that we wish we could change, and there are faults that we’re sure the entire world can see. The manipulator knows this and uses it against you. They’ll constantly bring up your insecurities in order to make you feel small. Even if they don’t directly try to convince you that your worries are true, they’ll make you experience all of the negative emotions that come with that kind of self-doubt. They might use your perceived flaws as a reason why you should stay with them. After all, who else would want to date someone with those faults? They try to make it seem like they are your only option. It’s the perfect method of control that plays on all of your deepest insecurities. After a while, you might start to believe that what they’re saying is true. You might genuinely feel like you’re an irreparably flawed person, and your self-esteem will suffer.

3. They Make You Feel Ashamed Of Yourself and Your Relationship

If you’re embarrassed or ashamed to talk about your relationship with friends and family, there’s probably something seriously wrong. If you suspect that your loved ones would be concerned and shocked by the way you’re treated, you’ll probably try to hide the truth from them. The sad thing is, many victims of manipulation know that what they’re enduring is wrong. They know that they deserve better, and know that they shouldn’t tolerate their manipulator’s actions. However, they feel too trapped to risk telling anyone about their struggle. They might feel ashamed that they managed to get into such a toxic relationship in the first place. They might worry that they’ll be judged or criticised for letting it happen if they do decide to come clean. Victim-blaming is a real phenomenon that is far too prevalent in our society, and the shame it creates stops many women from getting the help they both need and deserve.

2. They Give You The Silent Treatment

It might seem like a tactic that only petulant children use, but the silent treatment is genuinely employed by a lot of manipulators. It’s yet another way for them to gain control over their victim. They might refuse to even discuss what’s made them upset in the first place, making it impossible for you to resolve the dispute. Trying to get them to talk can be emotionally draining and exhausting, and is often a lot of effort for very little gain. You become desperate and begin the cycle of constantly apologizing and trying to make up for a crime that you’re not even sure you committed. The manipulator knows all of this – it’s their intention to make you emotionally fraught. It’s far easier for them to take advantage of you when you’re willing to do anything to please them once again.

1. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

Personal boundaries don’t exist to a manipulator. They believe that they own you and thus have a right to act however they please. They might push your physical boundaries, touching you without consent or getting far too close for comfort. Invading your personal space is a normal occurrence for them – they have a right to be there, after all. They might push emotional boundaries too, prodding and poking at your state of mind with jibes and insults until you finally snap. You could be forced to answer a whole load of personal questions that you’d rather not respond to, or share secrets that you wanted to remain unspoken. Eventually, the victim will give up on enforcing boundaries altogether – what’s the point of having them if they’ll just get ignored? Unfortunately, this leaves them all the more open to the manipulator’s controlling ways.

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your feedback in regard to this subject.

 

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