Here’s one from one of my readers. Enjoy!
It can come as a shock when a relationship ends. You think things are going great, then boom, a breakup right out of the blue. The thing is, it didn’t happen out of the blue. In the moment, it’s so surprising that things were ending because it’s easier to ignore all the signs your relationship won’t work out.
Of course, some breakups really do come out of the blue. More often than not though, there were signs your relationship wouldn’t work out that you just didn’t see.
That’s what I’m here for. I went through the shock of multiple breakups and went to therapy and worked through what happened in those relationships so that you have an easier time managing yours.
So, what are the signs your relationship won’t work out?
Why you’re worried your relationship won’t work out
Before we even get into the signs your relationship won’t last, if you are looking for signs you will find some. If you look hard enough you will find signs like this in any and every relationship.
The fact that you’re actively looking for these signs means you already know that your relationship has its share of problems. You just want reassurance that it isn’t doomed.
It may not be, but these signs can point you in the right direction.
Signs your relationship won’t work out
Relationships are all different shapes and sizes. Some are more stable and others aren’t. That doesn’t make one better than the other or more likely to work out.
But, sometimes things happen that reveal the subtle signs your relationship won’t work out. You can work on these things and hope to change what these signs point towards or you can see these red flags for what they are, caution signs to make a change.
#1 You’re not keen to see each other. Relationships, no matter how old, should ignite at least some level of excitement. You should look forward to seeing each other, not dread it. If making plans to see one another feels more like a requirement more than a fun date with your significant other, that is not a good sign.
#2 Your fights are always risking a breakup. Fights, arguments, disagreements, all happen in relationships. The difference between that and fights that nearly ended in a breakup is trust.
In a healthy relationship, a couple knows this is temporary. They will still be there for each other when the fight ends. In a relationship that won’t work out, fights contain threats of ending the relationship which is disrespectful and manipulative.
#3 You put them first. You might think that putting your partner first is a good thing, but it isn’t. Yes, we all make compromises. But if you continuously put your partner’s needs above your own, you are not only becoming codependent but steering into dangerous territory.
#4 You almost cheat. Yes, some relationships survive cheating. A sign that yours won’t is that you are often on the verge of cheating. You may think you’ll never actually act on it or cross the line, but getting that close is not a good sign for your relationship.
#5 You look forward to spending time apart. When your boo is going away for a week on business, you would expect to miss them. If you can’t wait to have some time away from them, that doesn’t shed a flattering light on your relationship.
If you are still together and craving time apart, it will only get worse.
#6 You don’t talk. Talking and communication are key to a relationship that lasts. I don’t mean talking about the weather or the recycling. Talking about your feelings, working through things together, planning for the future. These things should be present for you to feel that your relationship brings joy to your life.
#7 You have the same fights. If you keep having the same fights repeatedly, there is an underlying problem that is not being addressed. These fights could start with someone not doing the dishes, but if it always ends on the same topic, you either need to face it and make a decision or go your separate ways.
#8 They don’t get along with the people in your life. I know our partners don’t always get along with the in-laws. Most can swallow their pride and enjoy a nice holiday. If your friends and family cannot hold back their disdain for your partner, that is a bad sign. They are seeing something you’re missing.
Hear them out. These are people you trust. Their opinions matter. They want what is best for you, so go in with an open mind.
#9 They are rude to others. Maybe your partner is the sweetest person you know, but when you go out, they have a bit of a rude streak. If they are rude to your friends, servers, cab drivers, or anyone else, that is not a good sign. Someone who can change their personality or attitude so quickly is showing a lot of red flags.
#10 The jealousy never stops. If you are jealous of your partner’s friends, job, or ex, it will slowly eat away at the foundation of your relationship. The same goes if they are jealous of you. If you don’t trust each other, nothing will save your relationship.
#11 They ghost you on and off. A healthy relationship is based on trust but also has consistent communication. This will differ with every relationship. If your partner disappears for days at a time, that is not a good sign. Not only are they not clueing you in or easing your worries, but you could drive yourself crazy.
#12 Their social media habits changed. I don’t usually put a lot of weight into social media, but if you and your partner do, it could be a sign. If you always post pictures of each other but those posts decline or get replaced with friends and activities you’re doing apart, that could be a sign of where your true focus is.
#13 You just feel it. Unlucky number 13 is your gut. This is the big one. This is the one that may not have a quantifiable definition or proof. It is all about a feeling. This is just you feeling something is off.
I’ve had this feeling the night before one of my worst breakups. What did I do? I shut it down. I convinced myself I was being crazy and overreacting until the next day my boyfriend at the time was acting strange. Right before he broke up with me I said, “are you breaking up with me?” He looked shocked that I said it.
My gut feeling just knew. There were no signs. In fact, a few days before he insisted I was the best thing that ever happened to him. So, sometimes you should trust your gut. But, what you do from there is up to you.
The signs your relationship won’t work out can be obvious and avoided, or subtle and found. Sometimes they aren’t there at all. Use these signs as a guide and do what you think is right, for you and your partner.
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