13 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Work Out and It’s Time to End It

Here’s one from one of my readers. Enjoy!

It can come as a shock when a relationship ends. You think things are going great, then boom, a breakup right out of the blue. The thing is, it didn’t happen out of the blue. In the moment, it’s so surprising that things were ending because it’s easier to ignore all the signs your relationship won’t work out.

Of course, some breakups really do come out of the blue. More often than not though, there were signs your relationship wouldn’t work out that you just didn’t see.

That’s what I’m here for. I went through the shock of multiple breakups and went to therapy and worked through what happened in those relationships so that you have an easier time managing yours.

So, what are the signs your relationship won’t work out?

Why you’re worried your relationship won’t work out

Before we even get into the signs your relationship won’t last, if you are looking for signs you will find some. If you look hard enough you will find signs like this in any and every relationship.

The fact that you’re actively looking for these signs means you already know that your relationship has its share of problems. You just want reassurance that it isn’t doomed.

It may not be, but these signs can point you in the right direction.

Signs your relationship won’t work out

Relationships are all different shapes and sizes. Some are more stable and others aren’t. That doesn’t make one better than the other or more likely to work out.

But, sometimes things happen that reveal the subtle signs your relationship won’t work out. You can work on these things and hope to change what these signs point towards or you can see these red flags for what they are, caution signs to make a change.

#1 You’re not keen to see each other. Relationships, no matter how old, should ignite at least some level of excitement. You should look forward to seeing each other, not dread it. If making plans to see one another feels more like a requirement more than a fun date with your significant other, that is not a good sign.

#2 Your fights are always risking a breakup. Fights, arguments, disagreements, all happen in relationships. The difference between that and fights that nearly ended in a breakup is trust.

In a healthy relationship, a couple knows this is temporary. They will still be there for each other when the fight ends. In a relationship that won’t work out, fights contain threats of ending the relationship which is disrespectful and manipulative.

#3 You put them first. You might think that putting your partner first is a good thing, but it isn’t. Yes, we all make compromises. But if you continuously put your partner’s needs above your own, you are not only becoming codependent but steering into dangerous territory. 

#4 You almost cheat. Yes, some relationships survive cheating. A sign that yours won’t is that you are often on the verge of cheating. You may think you’ll never actually act on it or cross the line, but getting that close is not a good sign for your relationship.

#5 You look forward to spending time apart. When your boo is going away for a week on business, you would expect to miss them. If you can’t wait to have some time away from them, that doesn’t shed a flattering light on your relationship.

If you are still together and craving time apart, it will only get worse.

#6 You don’t talk. Talking and communication are key to a relationship that lasts. I don’t mean talking about the weather or the recycling. Talking about your feelings, working through things together, planning for the future. These things should be present for you to feel that your relationship brings joy to your life. 

#7 You have the same fights. If you keep having the same fights repeatedly, there is an underlying problem that is not being addressed. These fights could start with someone not doing the dishes, but if it always ends on the same topic, you either need to face it and make a decision or go your separate ways.

#8 They don’t get along with the people in your life. I know our partners don’t always get along with the in-laws. Most can swallow their pride and enjoy a nice holiday. If your friends and family cannot hold back their disdain for your partner, that is a bad sign. They are seeing something you’re missing.

Hear them out. These are people you trust. Their opinions matter. They want what is best for you, so go in with an open mind.

#9 They are rude to others. Maybe your partner is the sweetest person you know, but when you go out, they have a bit of a rude streak. If they are rude to your friends, servers, cab drivers, or anyone else, that is not a good sign. Someone who can change their personality or attitude so quickly is showing a lot of red flags.

#10 The jealousy never stops. If you are jealous of your partner’s friends, job, or ex, it will slowly eat away at the foundation of your relationship. The same goes if they are jealous of you. If you don’t trust each other, nothing will save your relationship.

#11 They ghost you on and off. A healthy relationship is based on trust but also has consistent communication. This will differ with every relationship. If your partner disappears for days at a time, that is not a good sign. Not only are they not clueing you in or easing your worries, but you could drive yourself crazy.

#12 Their social media habits changed. I don’t usually put a lot of weight into social media, but if you and your partner do, it could be a sign. If you always post pictures of each other but those posts decline or get replaced with friends and activities you’re doing apart, that could be a sign of where your true focus is.

#13 You just feel it. Unlucky number 13 is your gut. This is the big one. This is the one that may not have a quantifiable definition or proof. It is all about a feeling. This is just you feeling something is off.

I’ve had this feeling the night before one of my worst breakups. What did I do? I shut it down. I convinced myself I was being crazy and overreacting until the next day my boyfriend at the time was acting strange. Right before he broke up with me I said, “are you breaking up with me?” He looked shocked that I said it.

My gut feeling just knew. There were no signs. In fact, a few days before he insisted I was the best thing that ever happened to him. So, sometimes you should trust your gut. But, what you do from there is up to you.

The signs your relationship won’t work out can be obvious and avoided, or subtle and found. Sometimes they aren’t there at all. Use these signs as a guide and do what you think is right, for you and your partner.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Don’t Break Up With Anyone Until You’ve Truthfully Answered These 8 Questions

No one ever goes into a relationship thinking that they’ll break up. Still, over the course of your dating life, you’ll probably either be dumped or do the dumping at some point.

When you are put into the position of breaking up with someone, the situation can get awkward real fast.

So how do you know when to break up with someone? No breakup happens overnight and it usually stems from repressed feelings or realizations that a relationship just isn’t working.

If you’re asking yourself “should we break up?” before you make the decision to part ways, consider these deep questions go ask yourself that will make the breakup as smooth as possible, especially if you don’t exactly know when it’s time to break up.

There may be a few tears and unbearable silences, but with time and wine, you will both survive.

1. Why do I want to break up with this person?

This may seem like an obvious question and one your friends will inevitably ask (to which you’ll have a rehearsed response).

Outlining in bullet points or even writing down the reasons for breaking up can help you feel validated in your decision. It can even be as simple as writing a pros and cons list for breaking up.

This is especially helpful for those who go back and forth between wanting to break up with their significant other and staying with them. Seeing your own feelings written out can give you a sudden epiphany like, “Why didn’t we break up sooner?”

And if you feel comfortable, confiding in a family member or friend who has no personal stake in the matter can help you feel more confident in your decision.

2. Is there a way to work out the issues in the relationship?

No relationship is perfect. Identifying the problems together, whether they be trust issues or lack of passion, will help you both come up with a plan to tackle the problems.

Do you feel like your relationship lacks heat? Are there feelings of jealousy from either end? Discuss what (or who) is making either of you angry or uncomfortable.

Was there infidelity in the relationship? Maybe counseling is an option if you both still love each other and want to make it work.

Regardless of what the outcomes may be, clear communication from both parties will be the best closure to any breakup.

3. Will I regret the decision?

Right before you break the bad news to someone, you might get cold feet. And even after, you may feel like the villain for ending things.

Second-guessing your decision for breaking up is only natural, but if you nudge yourself to think of the reasons for ending the relationship (see question one) and you know you both tried your best to keep it going (see question two) then you will not regret parting ways.

4. What will life be like post-breakup?

Imagining your day-to-day without the person you’re used to seeing 24/7 is heartbreaking. Just even thinking about it might make you want to reconsider breaking up.

We rely a lot on our partners to listen to our rants and musings (that not even our friends would care about) and designate them as our automatic adventure buddies. To lose this aspect in a breakup is devastating. But things will get better.

Being single means you’ll see your friends more, attend those extra happy hours (which you would have previously skipped for your SO) and pay more attention to your own happiness and well-being. It may seem scary, but alone time is quite often the best time.

5. How should I do it?

So you’re 100 percent committed to ending things. The question is how you should break up with the other person.

We’ve all heard stories of breakups that ended with just a text or with one person ghosting the other, but when you legitimately care about someone, these options seem harsh and unforgivable.

The best and least confusing way to break up with someone is to tell them in person. The conversation can happen in your home, in a coffee shop, at a park, or anywhere that is semiprivate enough for a serious conversation but also public enough so that the person getting dumped can escape right away.

If you hate confrontation and think you might break out in tears during the conversation, consider writing everything in a letter and then reading it out loud. Or make talking points on your phone and make sure you stick to them.

The point is to be clear and confident in expressing your emotions and needs.

6. What should I say?

If you haven’t talked about breaking up already, then you can easily blindside the other person when you do bring it up.

In this situation, you should ask your partner how he or she thinks the relationship is going and then state your honest feelings about where you see things heading. You may be surprised that the other side might end up agreeing with you.

To avoid the “we’re all thinking it, but no one said it” situation, be the one to say it. If you want to break up and not keep in contact, state that. If you want to break up but leave the door open in the future, say that.

Of course, you should let the other person down as gently as you can and give them time to absorb the information, but don’t sugarcoat your feelings or the situation.

7. Should I leave the door open for getting back together in the future?

This one is tricky because leaving the door open to getting back together might not provide either side with the closure you both need.

It’s perfectly fine to both go your separate ways and still remain in touch. The key is to know when and how to stay in contact.

This doesn’t mean you can check up on your ex every week or have your ex treat you like you’re both in a relationship (when clearly you’re not).

It takes two mature adults to break up and get back together and if this seems like the right decision for you, go for it. If you don’t find the arrangement working, though, you’ll have to speak up about it and it may feel like you’re breaking up all over again.

8. What have I learned from this relationship?

A breakup doesn’t constitute a failed relationship. Every person you date is a chance to learn a little more about yourself and what you want in a partner.

Try seeking out the positives of every experience, and who knows, you could one day start a blog or write a book about all your misadventures. There are many women and men out there who can relate to breakups and heartaches. You’re not alone!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

The Importance Of Intimacy For Women Over 50

Humans are social creatures and need to have intimacy in their lives. The problem is that as we age, intimacy starts to become hard to come by. When a woman over 50 lacks intimacy it can have profound negative effects on their life. They tend to withdraw socially, have lower self-esteem and increased anxiety.

Intimacy can take many forms and all of them are essential to having a healthy life emotionally and physically in our twilight years. In fact, an increase in intimacy can add years to a person’s life as they age.

Here LivingBetter50 discusses what intimacy can mean and why it’s so important to women over 50.

What is intimacy

There are many ways that people are intimate. The most obvious way is sexual as sex covers many of the aspects of intimacy rolled into one act. Yes, the elderly should also be sexually active as it promotes good mental and physical health. There are some obstacles to being sexually active as a senior citizen and sometimes enhancements from something called Kamagra, or Viagra are needed. But, whatever it takes to be more sexually active is fine.

Intimacy involves touching and being touched. The feeling of closeness with another person, whether it is a family member or spouse, is very important.

Improves health

Being intimate is a wonderful way to improve your health at any age. When you are older it is no different. In fact, having sex regularly can add years to your life. It is good for heart health and can help prevent cardiovascular disease. It reduces stress which directly increases our health. Stress can lead to high blood pressure and heart disease. Even the risk of stroke is higher when you have a lot of stress.

Just like exercise, it releases endorphins which help reduce pain and inflammation. As we get older, joints are often a source of pain. That can be reduced by having more regular sex.

Reduces depression

The elderly are at high risk of depression. Many people find themselves lacking a purpose if they don’t have much family around and no longer work. Being more intimate can help keep depression at bay. It boosts self-esteem and the endorphins released help reduce anxiety. Hugging, caressing and sex can all be forms of therapy.

Intimacy can often lead to having more sex. Usually, when older people start having sex, they also become more active in general. Being active is a key to warding off depression.

Appreciating your body again

Many older people think they are no longer attractive and sex is no longer an option because of that. It only takes having sex a few times to feel better about yourself physically. There is no doubt that our bodies change considerably when we get old. But, that doesn’t have to mean that there is nothing attractive. Feeling attractive again is a wonderful feeling and helps to improve many areas of life.

Suddenly looking in the mirror is pleasant!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

If You’re Going To Start Dating Someone New, Remember These 5 Things

So, you’ve gone on a handful of dates, and you’re pretty sure you found your person. Your besties are getting a little bored of hearing you gush about them, but TBH, you could care less — right now, the possibilities are endless for your budding romance, and you couldn’t be more excited. If you’re going to start dating someone new, note that there will likely be a whirlwind of emotions that can feel thrilling and perhaps a tad terrifying all at once. Before you get caught up in all the confusing feels, there are certain things you should keep in mind in order to keep both feet firmly planted on the ground.

One of the most important things to remember while you’re getting to know your new boo is to have fun. After all, this is one of the most exhilarating phases of your relationship. Every single experience you share and story you tell is totally new to both of you. You have so many firsts to look forward to together — from cooking a meal and cheering on your favorite sports team to hosting a party and hitting up a farmer’s market. It can be easy to get overwhelmed with nerves or obsessing about the future. But it’s oh so important to stay in the moment as much as possible because you can’t get these first few months back, and they’re bound to be brimming with memorable moments.

Here are some other things you’ll want to remember, too, in order to ensure that your relationship is off to a rock solid start.

New relationship anxiety is real.

Sergey Filiminov/Stocksy

Currently, I’m very grateful to be in a secure, healthy relationship. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some major anxiety in the early stages of dating my current boyfriend. I felt as if I was continually waiting for the other shoe to drop — and as such, I was hyper-alert to any possible sign that our relationship was going to end. If he was annoyed or upset about something, I immediately feared it was over. It was nothing short of exhausting. As it turns out, this new relationship anxiety is so real, and lots of people let their fear of abandonment creep in. Not only does this take a toll on your mental health, but it can also put a strain on the relationship.

Remember: It’s totally normal to be a little nervous when you’re dating someone new. Particularly if your feelings are very strong, you may feel a bit paranoid that it’s “too good to be true.” It’s good to acknowledge these fears, and even talk them out. But giving in to them slowly strips away your happiness, and your ability to totally open your heart to your new boo with reckless abandon. Try to keep in mind that whatever is meant to be, will be. Anxiety isn’t really productive, because it’s a fear around something that hasn’t even happened yet. Focus on being present rather than worrying about what’s down the road, and your relationship will blossom to its full potential.

Keep the past in the past.

Lauren Naefe/Stocksy

We all have baggage. Whether you’ve only dated one person for a few months or you’ve had three long-term relationships, there’s no doubt that your previous experiences can shape everything from how easily you trust your new boo, to whether you’re skittish about saying “I love you.” Here’s the thing, however. It’s super important to make an effort to leave the past in the past. Every person, and therefore every relationship is unique. So, while it may be tempting to compare your new partner to your ex, it doesn’t do either of you any good. Additionally, it’s easy to start jumping to conclusions based on an ex’s behavior, but that isn’t fair to bae. They’re a different person, and they deserve the benefit of the doubt.

To clarify, you shouldn’t forget about the past — in fact, it’s safe to say that’s straight-up impossible. But if you catch yourself starting to draw comparisons to your ex or letting your past experiences affect your new relationship, it’s time to work on carving out a clean slate.

Be alert to red flags.

Viktor Solomin/Stocksy

It’s super easy to get a bit blinded by love in those first few months of your relationship. When you’re falling for someone, there’s a rush of neurochemicals in your brain that make you feel something akin to an addiction to your newfound boo. As such, you’re laser-focused on all of their positive traits, so it can be slightly more difficult to recognize red flags. That’s why it can be helpful to identify a few dealbreakers that you can stay alert to, and check in with trusted friends or family members for their unbiased opinion if something feels “off.”

For example, if you know you need a certain amount of space and your new boo doesn’t seem to be respecting your boundaries, that’s something to pay attention to. Or, if you caught your partner snooping in your phone or lying about their whereabouts, those are behaviors that you definitely shouldn’t ignore. None of these issues necessarily warrant ending your relationship. The point is, it can be tempting to look the other way or minimize these kinds of problems when you’re in a new relationship because your excitement and happiness are so overwhelming that it drowns out your internal alert system. Make it a point to have those tough conversations if your new boo is doing something that bothers you — doing so will actually strengthen your bond and ultimately allow you to have a healthier foundation for your relationship. Most importantly, remember to trust your gut instincts. If something doesn’t feel right to you, that’s all you need to know.

Don’t fall into the social media stalking trap.

VISUALSPECTRUM/Stocksy

There’s so much to learn about someone when you’re just starting to date them. Social media, unfortunately, makes it all too easy to gather information about your new SO. But before you start eagerly clicking around their Instagram feed, Twitter history, and Facebook albums, try to exercise some self-control.

First off, it’ll likely be slightly embarrassing when you let it slip that you already know all of their sibling names and their high school football uniform number (woof). Secondly, you may actually jump to some inaccurate conclusions based on the information you find. For example, when you stumble upon pics of them with their ex, you may start making assumptions about their relationship that can trigger some serious insecurities about your own. You don’t need that right now. You should be focusing your energy on the bond you’re building, not one that your boo had five years ago.

One of the best parts about dating someone new is slowly getting to know them — all of their hopes, fears, goals, and life experiences. So, give your partner the chance to share that information on their terms, in their own time, rather than trying to play sleuth. Trust me: It’ll be more rewarding to hear about all of these things from them, anyway.

Don’t lose yourself.

Jennifer Brister/Stocksy

In a new relationship, it’s totally normal to feel like you want to spend every waking moment with bae. But it’s crucial to keep up with your own interests, hobbies, and friendships, as well. Not only does this help to mitigate some of that aforementioned anxiety, because you’re not putting as much pressure on your new relationship, but it also ensures you maintain some of your independence, and that’s key to a healthy bond.

If fitness is a big part of your life, keep up with those classes on a weekly basis. If you had made it a point to practice playing guitar every day before you starting dating your current boo, don’t neglect that just because you’re in a relationship now. Having these kinds of outlets will help to strengthen your sense of self-esteem and identity, which will ultimately make you a better partner in the long run.

Without a doubt, diving headfirst into a new relationship is one of the most invigorating human experiences you can have. And here’s one more thing to keep in mind: You deserve every ounce of this nauseating bliss — particularly if you’ve experienced some heartbreak and hurt in the past. Embarking on a fresh start with someone new allows you to re-shape your perspective on romance, learn new things about yourself, and grow as an individual. So, trust the process, stay true to yourself, and try to enjoy the ride.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

23 Unromantic Signs That You’ve Found Your Soulmate

You have found your soulmate when your relationship bears these 23 Unromantic Signs

1.  You have great fun shopping grocery, going to the pharmacy, calculating and filing your taxes and even cleaning your house.

2.  More than romantic dinners, eating take away on your couch is something you enjoy.

3.  You love to eat whatever you like in their presence without having to care to look cute and that is what you enjoy the most being with them.

4.  You can’t help falling in love with them in their most unguarded moments. For example, when they sleep open-mouthed.

5.  And you are equally comfortable being yourself.

6.  While you appreciate each other when you dress up, your favorite version of each other is when you are in your sweatpants and old worn t-shirt.

7.  For you, their cards and casual notes are lovelier than any expensive gift they have given you.

8.  They don’t hesitate to ask you for help when they need it, and the same is for you.

9.  You don’t display your affection publicly, not as a principle but because you really don’t need to. You have those smiles and eye contact that let you communicate.

10.  They are there to pep you up when you are down but won’t coddle you.

11.  You can be open and even laugh about things related to your bodily functions.

12.  Sometimes attending a wedding is more about getting drunk and acting stupid for the sake of fun than the ceremony and the emotional toasts.

13.  A very significant indicator of a deep emotional bonding is the relationship lexicon, which both of you create. It’s personal and sweet as the words and phrases hold special meanings most of which no one understands.

14.  There is perhaps nothing that you don’t know about each other. You can answer 9/10 questions correctly about each other.

15.  Your ‘terms of endearment’ are different and seem like nicknames.

16.  You aren’t disgusted when they fall sick because you are too worried about them and just want to take care.

17.  You never shy away from expressing annoyance when you irritate each other. But both of you don’t get too serious over it.

18.  You can spend a lot of ties together without saying a word and still not feel it weird

19.  When you are with them you can completely relax and chill. You don’t need to think how to make the time more interesting or engage in small talk.

20.  You won’t do anything alone which your partner enjoys too. It’s a kind of betrayal, you think. Whether it is binge-watching a series or eating something, you would do it together and won’t break the deal ever.

21.  You get the regular supply of your favorite candy and snacks than you get flowers and you really like it that way.

22.  With them around you can burst into laughter in the most unlikely situations.

23.  You can spend a lazy day just being with each other than going for a more exciting date with someone else.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock – 5 Cool Things To See At The Memphis Rock ‘n’ Soul Museum

Like a Chuck Berry song lyric, the sign-in roster for visitors to the recently reopened Memphis Rock ‘n’ Soul Museum tells a powerful story with economy and precision.

The story testifies to the international appeal of the popular music that spread, with viral efficiency, from Memphis and the Mid-South starting in the early decades of the last century.

On March 18 — the last day before the museum’s two-month coronavirus-mandated shutdown — the guests who signed the roster identified their hometowns as being in England, Ireland, Israel, and, um, Mississippi (Laurel, to be exact).

“Forty percent of our visitors are international tourists,” said John Doyle, executive director of the Rock ‘n’ Soul Museum and the affiliated Memphis Music Hall of Fame.

“Local people don’t know this place as well as we would love them to,” he said. “We really promote the idea that they should go through the museum, to have more of a sense of pride in Memphis as not just a music city but a music city that shook the world.”

That could change over the next few weeks. With international travel curtailed due to coronavirus concerns, the museum — which reopened May 21 — is offering half-price admission tickets to Shelby County residents through the end of June.

Located near Third Street in the courtyard of FedExForum (a basketball arena decorated with a Memphis music theme), the Rock ‘n’ Soul Museum celebrated its 20th anniversary May 1 — or would have celebrated the anniversary, if it had been open.

With exhibits, an introductory film, and guided audio tours created in association with the Smithsonian, the museum is “a tourist attraction and an educational facility,” Doyle said.

The museum originally was located in the Gibson Guitar Factory, across the street from its current site. It relocated to its new facility — the first floor of a four-story building mostly devoted to Memphis Grizzlies marketing and sales offices — on Sept. 14, 2014, the day FedExForum opened.

About 60,000 people now visit the museum each year, Doyle said, while admitting that the number will drop by “thousands” in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Close to 90% of the museum and Hall of Fame’s $1.1 million budget comes from ticket and T-shirt revenue, Doyle said. “We try to be as self-sufficient as we can be,” he said.

Plus, the museum gets about $40,000 a year in revenue from the state-administered sale of specialty “music” Tennessee license plates that feature a blue Gibson guitar logo and the words “The State of American Music.”

Despite such promotion, the museum-like a rhinestone in the pleat of an Elvis cape — is something of a hidden gem, at least in comparison to such historic Memphis music attractions as Graceland, Sun Studio and the Stax Museum of American Soul Music (built on the site of the Stax studio).

Its design is simple and tidy. Visitors follow a U-shaped path through exhibits that trace the history of blues, rock, soul, R&B, country and gospel, from the Mississippi Delta to Sun, Stax, Hi, and Memphis’ other great music studios. The parallel story of the civil rights revolution is touched upon, as is the story of the cultural revolution that brought music to the masses through radios, televisions, and record stores.

Relatively modest in size, the museum does not overwhelm a visitor, yet its display cases and platforms contain dozens of impressive and — if we may use the word — just plain cool artifacts.

With that in mind, here are five things to look for inside the Memphis Rock ‘n’ Soul Museum:

1. Ike Turner’s first piano: A black upright model, this instrument was used on some historic recordings by such artists as Howlin’ Wolf, and Jackie Brenston, the credited artist on the 1951 Sam Phillips-recorded, Chess Records-released “Rocket 88,” a 45 rpm single that is often credited with being the “first” rock ‘n’ roll record.

2. WDIA baseball jersey: Dating from about 1960, this bright yellow-orange Little League jersey testifies to the community outreach of the popular AM radio station, which in 1948 became the first in the country “to make a total commitment to black listeners” (to quote the museum signage), with black deejays and programs aimed at Memphis’ black residents.

3. Poplar Tunes neon sign: International travelers may be more interested in its colorful design than its history, but longtime Memphians will get a nostalgic kick out of the vintage Poplar Tunes sign rescued from outside 308 Poplar (hence the name) after Elvis’ favorite record shop — the flagship location in a Memphis-based chain that once had stores all over the city — went out of business in 2009, after 63 years.

4. Elvis Presley’s Priscilla-serenading guitar: The museum has on display the 1958 Tsana brand guitar (black, with an apparent mother-of-pearl inlay) that was Elvis’ only guitar during his term of service with the Army in Germany. It was with this instrument that Elvis serenaded his future wife, the 14-year-old Priscilla Beaulieu, whose stepfather was an Air Force officer also stationed in Germany.

5. Sam the Sham stuff: Wooly Bully! It’s cool enough that the museum displays a black turban and gold-sequined no-lapel jacket once worn by that great Memphian Domingo Samudio, professionally known as “Sam the Sham”; what makes it even cooler is that Sam wore these items for his guest performance in the 1965 teen romp “When the Boys Meet the Girls,” which also featured Connie Francis and Louis Armstrong. Cooler still: Sitting atop that display case is Sam’s customized Triumph motorcycle — the same bike that Sam posed with on the cover of his gritty 1971 Atlantic Records solo album, “Hard and Heavy.”

The Memphis Rock ‘n’ Soul Museum

Located on the south side of the FedExForum courtyard, at Third Street near Lt. George W. Lee Avenue, south of Beale Street.

Open 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Wednesday through Sunday.

Admission: $13 (adult), or $10 (ages 5-17). Tickets are half-price through the end of June for residents of Shelby County.

For tickets or more information, visit memphisrocknsoul.org.

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5 Reasons a Guy Might Not Be Interested in You

Being Stood Up

Not too long ago, I was supposed to meet a man I met a week ago. It was not a date, but he had offered to treat me to a coffee at the local Dunkin Donuts. We had planned to meet at around 1:00 pm. I arrived about five minutes late and discovered he was not there. I figured he was running late too so I decided to wait for him. About an hour later, still he had not shown up. I texted him asking if he had forgotten about our plans. Another ten minutes had passed and I was still sitting alone sipping on a small ice coffee waiting for a man who clearly was not showing up if he had not texted back saying he had to cancel. As I walked home embarrassed, I came to terms with what had happened, I was stood up by a man who was clearly not interested in me.

Getting stood up is like being stabbed. It hurts in the moment when it happens and when it heals, there will always be a scar there to remind you that there is someone out in the world who did not give you a chance. Many people today think that being stood up is something that only happens in high school when your prom date doesn’t knock on your door. After graduating high school, I had the same mentality that people in general would be mature enough to tell you if they were interested in you enough. After being stood up by a man I couldn’t help but wonder, are men secretly not interested you but are too afraid to say anything?

Source

The Signs

When we are dating, we both consciously and unconsciously give some of those interested in us signs that we are not interested in them. Some will pick up on it while others won’t. If you are on the receiving end of these signs, you should identify them as soon as possible to ensure you won’t be blind sided when he doesn’t call you back.

His texting habits change- My friend Kelly met a guy on Tinder and they would text constantly. After their first date, the constant texting turned into a text every once in a while. He would always say that he was busy with school work or at his job where he could not text her back. However, this didn’t line up with his habits before their date. On a Thursday afternoon before the date, he would send her three messages at a time talking when they were having an interesting conversation. On a Thursday afternoon after the date, he would take about an hour or two to respond. Usually when guys change their texting habits, it is usually a sign that they are losing interest in you. If you notice the conversations you used to have in the past compared to how you’re having them now, that can indicate how he truly feels about you.

He’s bored when talking to you- When you’re in the middle of a conversation, you would normally pay attention to what the other person is saying. However, that is not always the case. If the guy you’re seeing seems to be finding ways to distract himself or change the topic of discussion, HE’S NOT LISTENING. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about your day at work, about an argument you and your mother had, or asking his opinion on a movie you just saw. He may act interested, but he can’t hide the face that he makes. If he looks bored, isn’t making eye contact, starts nodding at random moments, or raises his eyebrows to what he thinks are important details to your discussion, chances are he has no idea what you’re taking about and he won’t bother to ask.

He invites other people to your dates- After the first date, you’re really excited to get a call or text from a guy asking if you’re available on a Friday night. However, you didn’t expect him to bring his friend Kevin with him. When he brings a friend with him on a date, he can’t have fun if it’s just the two of you. The friend usually acts as the fall back for him to be able to enjoy himself. It’s his way of saying to you that he can’t have fun with you on your dates and would prefer to bring his friends with him. If you end up being the third wheel on a date, seriously reconsider seeing this guy again.

You are always the one texting him first- If you’re blowing up his phone right now, please stop. I have had experiences with men when it came to texting. I was interested in a man back in September who had really bad texting habits. I would always be the one texting him first and waiting hours, sometimes a day, for a response. Eventually I got the notion that this guy wasn’t into me and I stopped texting him all together. Texting someone is usually an indication that you’re thinking of the person you are texting. If he doesn’t reach out to you at least once a week, you’re not on his mind.

His excuses don’t make sense- We’ve all had that one excuse that got us out of doing something we don’t want to do. Some of these things include dates. When you ask a guy to go with you somewhere, but he says he has work, you don’t think about it much. However, when you see he’s active on Instagram, it starts to make you wonder. Usually when he makes up an excuse as to why he doesn’t want to go on another date with you it can be a sign that something isn’t right. Social media is usually the best spot to call him out on his BS. If he says he’s at work and a snap goes up saying “Saturday is for the boys!” he’s at a different kind of overtime.

Should you be devastated if a guy isn’t interested in you? Absolutely not! If someone isn’t interested in you, I can guarantee that there is someone who is interested in you out there. It’s all part of the dating process. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we would probably do the same with someone we weren’t interested in. But it’s important to remember that the real world isn’t high school. It’s time for us to be adults and just be honest with the person and gently explain to them that we don’t see ourselves being anything more than friends.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Why Your Texts Messages Are Not Being Answered

With modern technology, we have become spoiled at getting things quickly, even instantly. Email, social media, and texting have created a lifestyle of impersonal communication. We don’t talk to each other enough, either by the phone or face to face. Most people I know say they hate talking on the phone, some also hate texting. On the other hand, too many are addicted to their phones. You cannot go anywhere without seeing people staring at, scrolling or texting on their phones. We’ve forgotten how to be present in the moment.

One thing that is very common is people get impatient when their texts aren’t answered quickly. They take offense, get agitated, and let it ruin their lives for the day. But there are plausible reasons why someone doesn’t respond to your messages quickly. Then there are reasons you will never fully understand. Follow along and find some answers.

Dead Zones

If someone isn’t answering your texts it might be they are in a dead zone location, a spot where you can’t get enough reception to send or receive messages.

People traveling will often hit areas where there is no reception. Consider these:

• The Mountainous
• The countryside
• The desert
• The ocean
• Long stretches of highway through farmland
• Forested areas
• Most state and national parks
• Anywhere there aren’t towers close by

If you know someone is going to be someplace where there is a risk of getting no signal, be patient.

You are not going to get cell service in a national park such as Yosemite. | Source

Lost Charge or Charger

My phone loses it’s full charge more quickly than I like. If I don’t fully charge before I leave the house and I am gone for a long period of time, it will run out.

Sometimes I lose or forget my charger at home. My car charger is of poor quality and takes forever to charge my phone.

Some people are careless about not charging.

If you know this about a friend or family member, then there is probably nothing you can do about it. But just keeping it in mind might prevent anxiety.

Lost or Damaged Phone

Someone could lose or damage their phone at any time, any place. Here are some mishaps that can happen:

• Dropped the phone on a hard surface.
• Dropped it in some source of water (I once dropped a phone in a glass of water).
• Left it in the sun too long.
• Left it at home.
• It fell under the car seat or somewhere else in the car.
• Misplaced it at home or someone else’s home you were at.
• Left it at a location just visited.
• Left it in a public restroom (I once entered a stall and found someone’s iPhone on top of a low shelf next to the commode. Ew.
• Left it in a grocery cart, church pew, classroom, meeting, etc.
• Accidentally dropped it in the trash and didn’t know it.
• Set it on top of your car and drove off.
• It fell out of your purse or you dropped it and it went sailing under something where it was hard to reach.
• Keep these things in mind as it is likely to happen to everyone who uses their phones almost everywhere they are.

People are Busy

People have lives. They get busy and can’t or don’t want to respond because they are doing something important to them.

• At the doctor or getting medical tests.
• Out shopping.
• At church.
• At school.
• Dining with co-workers, friends, or family.
• Enjoying some recreation.
• Helping a sick or needy family member or friend.
• At work.
• In a meeting.
• They are driving. It is against the law and dangerous to use a phone while driving.

Allow people to have a life. If your message is not urgent, don’t get worked up. Not everything is about you. It isn’t a rejection of you, they are just busy and will get back to you.

The person you messaged might be at the dentist. | Source

Illness or Adversity

When people are sick, they may not be up to talking or texting. It is the same way if they are going through some difficulties and having a hard time coping. Here are some examples:

• Influenza.
• Post-surgical.
• Hospitalized.
• Injury involving lots of pain.
• Cancer (the treatments are often equal to or worse than cancer itself).
• Any other illness that drains energy, causes pain, fever. and weakness.
• May be depressed. If they can’t get out of bed they don’t usually have the energy to talk or type.
• A family or some other emergency.
• An accident or car breakdown.
• They’ve been going through a tough trial, or series of trials and just don’t feel like conversing.

If someone is too depressed to get out of bed, they are not going to be up to talking or texting. | Source

Personal and Relationship Issues

I wrote this article a couple of years ago and was inundated with comments and questions about why a boyfriend, girlfriend, or friend was not answering your messages. So I took it down and rewrote it to address those issues. I have no way of knowing why your friends aren’t responding, but what I learned is that people have a lot of insecurities, are immature, needy and cannot cope with waiting for a response. Here are some things to think about:

• You have offended them but they are not up to confronting you.
• They are avoiding you because you are demanding in your relationship. It may be subtle and you don’t recognize it, or it may be glaringly apparent and you don’t care.
• You’ve had an argument and they are not up to talking.
• Your expectations are too high for the other party.
• They are lazy about or do not like using their phones.
• They may just be flaky people who don’t care.
• They might be otherwise engaged with others.
• They may be trying to get back to you from some slight.
• It is important to be honest with yourself and be willing to take stock of your relationships and your own behavior and make some changes.
• If you have a tendency to carry on long conversations via text it becomes tedious for people to have to type and type and they get tired of it.
• Some people just don’t like to communicate at all. It’s not personal, they just don’t like communicating with anyone.
• You may be barraging them with constant messages, or someone else is and they are tired of it.

How You Should Respond to the Absence of Their Reply

If you find yourself impatient, disgruntled, or downright ticked off when someone doesn’t respond to your messages right away, it is important to consider the many possibilities above. Drama is not the answer. Drama means angry confrontations, pouting, telling friends, bad-mouthing them to others, especially on social media. These are not appropriate behaviors and reflect immaturity. Not only that, but you are putting a huge amount of stress on yourself. You could be doing something useful or satisfying rather than being consumed with your anxiety. Don’t let delayed responses or no responses rob you of a good life. I realize there are times where it is very important to speak with someone and I understand why anxiety arises in those situations. Formulate a game plan ahead of time. Be gracious to them and to yourself.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

What Exactly Does A Side Chick Do Better Than A Main Chick?

What is it about a side chick that makes her so darn appealing to the man who already has a girlfriend, fiancee, or worse, a wife and kids of his own?

The side chick is not unknown in modern relationships, or in relationships of previous eras for that matter. She is the mistress, the other woman, the one who never comes home, the hidden one that no one knows, the force behind the scenes that the man cannot resist. The side chick is the babe over whom the man is willing to risk it all.

From the university undergraduate to the grandma travelling abroad to care of her grandkids, women of all ages are pretty familiar with her. Only few have been fortunate [or is it unfortunate?] to see her face or come in contact with her, but her legend can’t be missed nor can her looming shadow over a relationship or marriage be denied.

Most times after this great encounter or discovery, the question that women find themselves asking, either rhetorically in the darkness and still silence of their empty beds or to the man’s face when he quietly tiptoes through the front door late in the night is; ‘what is special about her?!’

Some phrase theirs as ‘what does she have that I don’t?’ and ‘what does she give you that I don’t?’ but the essence of those questions remains the same all the time. Women want to know what it is about the side chick that makes her a better woman than they are.

And young Nigerian men in their mid-twenties and mid-thirties are dishing out reasons why that other woman gets their attention over the woman they should be giving that attention to.

What does a side chick offer that the main chick doesn’t?

In a frank, no-holds-barred response to a question posted on Instagram by user @macshayn on August 22, another user, @odlanky says the ability of the side chick to offer wild sex and be less problematic is the edge she has over the main chick.

“Less drama…unexplainable sex positions…” he comments.

@iamn_oloh and @gboyin.esq agree that these two are the strongest pull with which the side chick draws the man in. “No drama… Just benefits!” says the former. “Less wahala, steady knacks,” says the latter.

While the question was posted majorly due to a desire to understand how the male mind works when it comes to the issue of side chicks, women didn’t mind dropping their two cents, too.

@hormo_tee says a man is drawn to a side chick due to the “peace of mind” she gives him, As far as @inemudodiong is concerned, some men can hardly say no to the chance to put in “less commitment” than normal, escape from the stress and pressure their woman mounts on them, while likely enjoying “more sex.” These are offers too juicy to resist for men, according to the Instagram user.

Ntianu Obiora, an Editor at Pulse says that in her opinion, are drawn to the side chick because, with her, men experience “no stress or less stress.”

She continues: “There are issues in relationships that ultimately put a strain on [men].

“[Issues] like money, stuff to do with kids, rent, [and the expectation of] a [certain] level of accountability.

“…In general the main chick, rightly so, puts certain expectations on her man. A side chick doesn’t have to expect anything except trips and sex.”

For Chidumga Izuzu, a Lagos-based movie critic and Editor at Pulse, men are attracted to the side-chick simply “because they are scum.”

Justification for cheating?

With all the opinions popularly expressed above, it is easy to get the feeling that having a side chick is justifiable, provided that the man doesn’t get peace of mind with the woman, gets overly pressured, gets pestered for a level of commitment he’s incapable of giving, or in the instance where he feels the sex isn’t enough.

Do women need to give men more peace of mind in relationships? Can they be blamed for men cheating on them?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Signs You Rushed This Relationship

You can try and try to pretend you’re super speedy relationship moved at a super normal pace, but some signs that you rushed this are just unavoidable. The world doesn’t care how much you want it to accept this insta-boyfriend. Life has no concern with the fact that you’d like to just brush the past under the rug and skip ahead into the future. There are just certain practicalities and logistics that will come up, that make it so obvious that you moved too fast in this relationship. People can’t hide the looks on their faces when you tell them you’re living with this new man. The confused comments surrounding your Facebook relationship status scream the truth. You can try to lie to yourself and say, “We didn’t rush!” but you probably won’t believe the lie for long. Here are signs you rushed into this relationship.

You’re manipulating the numbers

You’ve been truly dating for three months, and now you live together. But when people ask how long you’ve been seeing each other, you say it’s been six months since you technically met six months ago. But really, that was one time, then you didn’t run into each other for two more months, or start dating for another month after that.

People are still asking about your breakup

People are still checking in to make sure you’re okay from your previous breakup. Friends are still giving you breakup baskets full of things like vibrators and funny cards about hating men.

You’re still dealing with logistics from your last breakup, too. You’re still splitting up stuff. You’re still getting your name off of his utility bills. You’re still negotiating what you’ll pay the landlord for breaking the lease you shared with your ex.

You’re getting hoards of mail to you and the ex. The postal service has not received the memo. No, sorry; your world has not received the memo. Heck, some of this mail was sent when you were still sort of with the ex, and arrived after you got with this new guy. You know how slow ground delivery can be.

FB memories are embarrassing

Facebook memories are a bit awkward. “This time last year…” you were on a cruise with your ex and his whole family. Oh and he proposed on that cruise. And you said yes! Now a mere 365 days later, you’re living with a new dude.

Distant relatives are behind on the details

You have some friends and relatives you only catch up with every few months. They, naturally, assume you’re still with the dude with whom you were living just a few months ago. So they bought a gift for him. They’re asking all about him. They printed photos for you, of you and him, from their last visit there.

Friends forget to invite him

Friends keep forgetting to invite him to things like dinner parties and birthday parties. In their minds, you’re a single woman. You have to ask, “Can I bring my boyfriend?” and they do a double-take before saying, “Your boy—what?—oh, right, of course!”

People still try to set you up

Some people still try to set you up on blind dates. It’s never crossed their mind that since seeing you, two months ago, when you were devastated from heartbreak, that you’d now be living with somebody new.

You’re justifying red flags

You’re justifying red flags left and right. You’ve had to be very good at coming up with excuses for the most troubling discoveries. You could practically be a criminal defense attorney at this point.

You’re waking up with anxiety

You wake up with anxiety, and you don’t know why. It’s not working. It’s not something with your best friend or family. Hmmm…what could that be…

How people respond to your moving in

When you announced you were moving in with this new dude, people said things like, “You know, if you need a place to crash until finding your own new apartment, you know you can stay with me.” They said that instead of, “Congratulations!”

The rescue is hesitant to give you a dog

You and this dude want to adopt a dog. When the rescue asks you to fill out a questionnaire and reads your answer to, “How long have you lived at your current home?” they look worried. They fear your relationship isn’t yet solid enough to bring in a pet.

He’s not your wedding plus one

You got an invitation to a very close friend’s wedding and…you don’t get a plus one. Or, you do, but it’s just open-ended. It’s just a plus one. It’s not an invitation to you and this guy, specifically.

Some people never registered your breakup

You moved on so quickly from the last guy to this guy that some people were never even aware of you being single for any period of time.

You know his passwords but not his friends

You have his Netflix and Amazon Prime password, but you haven’t met his best friend. You bought a couch together, but you haven’t even had your first real fight yet.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1