This Is What It’s Like to be in a Relationship with Someone who has ADHD

It’s a condition that affects an estimated 3-4% of adults, but as many as 90% of people with ADHD go undiagnosed. That adds up to a lot of individuals – and couples – wondering… is this how it is for everyone else? As a woman with a ‘typical’ brain, 30-year-old Kari Biondi* reflects on the challenges she faced with her non-typical boyfriend.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it became clear that Tom’s brain was built differently to mine – like most other people’s.

We met we were in our early twenties and I was struck by how easily he wore his emotions. He was always super affectionate, would cry openly if he was moved and was able to empathize and strike up a rapport with anyone. He didn’t talk about his feelings or inner life as such, but I suppose I thought it wasn’t necessary given how open he seemed. Other people – men – found his comfort in expressing himself confusing, and when we started dating one friend of his told me that he was surprised: because Tom was so ‘in touch with his feminine side’, as the friend saw it, he’d always thought he was gay.

The flip side to this was what I came to term WTF moments – rare bursts of anxiety triggered by thinking someone was taking the piss. Often people were being lax or just had their own stuff going on – that’s life – but he’d take it personally, becoming hurt and defensive. This is where I got confused – how could someone be so empathetic in some situations but so damning in others? A lot of his friends have been dropped over the years simply for being crap at arranging to meet for drinks.

It was only after we moved in together that some aspects of his behavior began to grate. Overall we had a cozy routine, interesting plans and lots in common – we went to work, came home and chilled – but his reaction to snubs or unfairness could create tension. He would freak if I was late home without letting him know, despite it being something he was guilty of himself. Years passed like this until he admitted that he saw my tardiness as a sign that I’d stopped caring about him and it started to dawn that there was more going on under the surface than I’d thought. Other habits I just found annoying. Cooking together was a nightmare: I’m lazy about following recipes but when Tom cooks every single ingredient has to be weighed exactly. He takes ages, and gets frustrated by that and the inevitable mess from all the precise prep he does.

There are times when I lose him to his deep dives – what I’d later learn were actually just distractions that tap into his brain’s reward center rather than some noble effort to educate himself. As well as airplanes, over the years he’s had obsessions with drones, Japan’s role in WWII, Westerns and watches. I’d joke that he’d be a total boss in any pub-quiz team, but when he comes across a new topic he loves he can be impossible to reach, burying his head in his iPad, scrolling until his interest wanes. I’d call it ‘nerd mode’ to lighten the mood but when he was like that nothing got done and it was lonely. I would get frustrated seeing him ‘entertain’ himself while I’m picking up his shit. More frustrating was when his distractions were more fleeting and he’d be even more difficult to pin down. I’d ask him to help clean up and he’d pull out the hoover, but five minutes later I’d find him online shopping for random things – an oven thermometer and trick yo-yo are two recent purchases that still sit in their boxes. Jobs would frequently get started then dropped.

I coped with this by being pragmatic, accepting that that’s what life with Tom was like. But then, a close friend died and Tom became depressed. He dropped far, sometimes hidden, sometimes loud and dramatic but was even harder to reach. He needed professional help.

His first appointment was with a psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis before moving into therapy and the doctor confirmed the obvious depression but also ran some question-based tests which suggested another thing – that Tom had ADHD. When he came out of the appointment it was almost like he was looking at himself for the first time. He was relieved that support for his depression was coming, but had to feel his way around the ADHD and what it meant for his past and his future. A week later, after more tests, the diagnosis was confirmed.

We both researched the condition but this was where I went full nerd: ADHD didn’t capture Tom’s imagination the way planes had. The more I learned, the closer I felt to Tom and the more I understood his view of the world and found ways to work with him on it – and for him to work with me. Now, if I’m going out, I never give him a ‘home by’ time and check in regularly so I keep control of my space and he doesn’t get worked up. If he’s distracted, I offer up things we can focus on together like going out to eat or watching a film. It’s taken time, but he’s come to understand why he’d act one way when everyone else seemed to behave in another. It opened the door to his inner world, his confusion, his sense of fighting against the world. One thing we still have to overcome is his resistance to seeing some of his behaviors as ADHD and not just ‘Tom’ – that’s a thing for him, that being ADHD somehow depersonalizes his experiences and responsibilities. But the diagnosis has given us the right language to talk about feelings and behaviors and improve our relationship. It’s been a blessing.

What’s the deal with ADHD?

Melissa Orlov, author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage, explains the unique qualities – and trials – of being in love with someone with ADHD.

People who have ADHD have a different kind of neurochemistry and a different physical setup of the brain than people who don’t have it and it’s usually a hereditary condition. It results in very specific symptoms that can include hyperactivity, difficulty initiating and following through on tasks and emotionality, which means that you respond more easily and quickly emotionally than other people do. ADHD also goes hand in hand with anxiety, depression and substance abuse issues.

Chronic distractibility is the number one symptom of adult ADHD, and when you’re a neurotypical – ie, non-ADHD – partner it can leave you feeling unloved or ignored. It’s not that the person doesn’t love you, it’s that the person is distracted. The other big issue has to do with difficulty following through on tasks. Over time, because so many promises are made and broken, the trust in the relationship will erode. Again, it’s not because the person doesn’t love you or is untrustworthy, it’s because they have these unmanaged symptoms.

Between 80% and 90% of adults with ADHD are undiagnosed, and a diagnosis helps the ADHD partner understand the strategies they can use to improve their reliability and performance in the relationship, and for both people in the relationship to understand and interpret the behaviors. If you don’t know that you have ADHD in the relationship, you don’t understand why things are happening or why they’re so pervasive, which is frustrating for both partners.

Almost all of the people that I have worked with who have ADHD are quite emotionally sensitive. It’s a lot to do with shame: ADHD partners have been told their whole lives that they’d be happier and more successful if they work harder and pay attention and so by adulthood they can be sensitive about that and taking blame for things that are beyond their control. Both partners have to understand that they make a contribution to the issues between them.

 

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7 Communication Tips For Couples Working From Home, To Keep The Peace

It’s easy to feel like you can never get enough one-on-one time with your partner. Enter the coronavirus pandemic, and suddenly, you have too much time. Couples across the country are facing a different dynamic as they’re living and working from home together morning, noon, and night. All that togetherness can result in some friction if you’re not used to being around each other all the time, which is why effective communication with your partner when you’re working from home is especially valuable now.

“In this era of social distancing, working from home with your partner can cause tension and friction that may otherwise have been previously avoided,” says Christie Tcharkhoutian, licensed marriage and family therapist and professional matchmaker at Three Day Rule. “Every relationship needs a balance of autonomy and intimacy. As the saying goes, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder,’ and it rings true, because the time a couple spends apart during the work day can enhance the quality of time they enjoy when they are together. By working in the same space, they may feel easily annoyed or irritable because of their lack of autonomy and space. Having a conversation to set appropriate boundaries will be important for couples to get through this time.”

Here are some helpful ways the experts say you can step up your communication game, so that you can keep the peace while you social distance and work from home.

1. Talk About Your Needs For Space Up Front.

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If lack of personal space has become an issue in your new work-from-home situation, Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles, suggests taking a proactive approach by initiating a conversation around one another’s needs right from the start. He recommends asking questions like: “Is one of you more private than the other and needs more emotional space? What do you need to work in a confined space? How much do [we] want WFH to impact our lives as a couple and as individuals?”

Then, make sure to follow through by giving each other the space you agreed upon, Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Lovetells Elite Daily. “Sometimes, friction arises because one person is in a bad mood and the other wants to fix it. Feelings don’t need to be fixed. Space can help a partner work through their mood or even just sleeping on it can help them feel better the next day.”

2. Regularly Check In About Ways You Can Help Each Other.

Your needs in your relationship should be an ongoing conversation, says Dr. Brown. “Spend time at the beginning of each work day and ask your partner this question: ‘What can I do to make your day easier today?’ Simply asking that question will likely be very helpful because it sends the message that you are aware that they may have some needs that you would like to fulfill for them, if at all possible.”

3. Limit Negative Talk To A Specific Window Of Time.

Even though it feels like there’s plenty to stress over, Chlipala says it’s important to not let negativity take over your whole day. Instead, limit negative talk to a specific time when you can both vent together. “Relationships can buckle under the pressure of stress and negativity,” she says. “Try to contain negativity in daily gripe-fests. Keep them to 15-20 minutes each where you share your concerns about everything except your relationship. On particularly stressful days, or if you feel a spike in your anxiety or depression, have an additional gripe-fest.”

4. Get On The Same Page.

FG Trade/E+/Getty Images

One easy communication shortcut you can apply to help you stay on the same page is to share your work calendars, Brenda Della Casa, a relationship coach and author of Cinderella Was A Liar, tells Elite Daily. “A shared calendar is a great way to give your partner insight into what your week looks like. If you have an important client call, for example, they can plan around that.” It also helps you get a clearer picture of what the other dealing with work-wise, which can assist with the next tip.

5. Empathy Is Everything.

If you want to keep your lines of communication healthy, even in tight quarters, Chlipala says the key is to “empathize, empathize, empathize.” That means making sure that your approach to any dealings with your SO begins with putting yourself in their shoes, especially when they’re struggling or feeling frustrated. “This is not the time to try to fix your partner’s feelings or have them look on the bright side. Your partner may feel invalidated or like you don’t care about what they’re going through. Empathize first with their feelings, and you can ask if they’d like you to help with problem-solving.”

6. Pick Your Battles.

If you want to keep things as peaceful and calm as possible through these tricky and emotionally challenging times, Chlipala says it’s essential to choose which discussions are really worth your energy. “You’re going to have let some things slide. Your partner may be doing their best or may not be equipped to handle stress the way you are. Focus on the important things to you and bring up your concerns gently.”

7. Give Each Other The Benefit Of The Doubt.

Amax Photo/E+/Getty Images

Finally, even when picking your battles sparingly, there’ll likely be moments when you or your partner decidethere’s something worth discussing. In those cases, Chlipala recommends entering the conversation with the intention of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. “Working from home increases the number of interactions you have and also increases the opportunities for misinterpretation. Start with giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. Assume positive or neutral intention. And when necessary, check things out with each other.”

Making the transition to working from home with your partner may be challenging for some couples, and that’s OK. The key is to remember that you’re in this together, and by improving your communication skills, you’re strengthening yourselves as a team. This time won’t last forever. “Acknowledge your fears but try not to be a prisoner to them. At some point, all of this is going to end. That is the historical nature of pandemics. They have a beginning, a middle, and an end,” says Dr. Brown. “This will be over at some point and life will go on.”

 

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Kita – Chapter 54 – Appearance – Part 1

“Funny how everybody wants to be dark, but nobody really wants to be black.”

I settle the cash register drawer. I take the profits, wrap them in a receipt and drop them in the safe in the office. Every room’s been swept and mopped. (I know I said I didn’t care but I’m dedicated to any job I always do.) The laundry’s done and the trash has been taken out.

Normally I would gather my stuff and head out.

But today is different.

Because Kita’s in a stand up tanning bed getting tan. I haven’t seen her in months and the last time I saw her was insane.

I should have seen those encounters coming. What did I think? A naive inexperienced young girl leans on me for support and I exploit it. I feel horrible. I’m a dad. I should’ve never let that happen.

Why did I go on all of those little dates with her? Why did I buy her all of those little gifts?

This a young girl who was adopted into a wealthy family. She’s lived a sheltered life. She went to a private school for girls.

She has no clue when it comes to navigating affairs of the heart.

She had a loser boyfriend that grew tired of her and dumped her before her freshman year at university.

He was her first love and she lost her virginity to him. They both didn’t even realize what they had with each other.

Sure, she’s a zero, but I’ve seen pictures of him. The usual thumb. I use the word thumb because my friend Molly used that to once describe a guy that was a nothing. I like that. Hold up your thumb. That’s him. A nothing.

She doesn’t know any better. She’s 22. No clue.

I look back on myself at that age and you think you knew better, and then you realize your whole life was run by desire, emotion, inexperience and privilege.

You have no idea at 22 what life’s really like.

It’s so much more complicated than that, but only if you make it that way. With relationships, and possessions.

Life can be simple if you want it, but most people when they’re young don’t want that.

It’s sad, really.

The shoes with the red soles. The hand bags with the MK, LV, or Coach on them. So sad. So empty. You’re just a walking advertisement of assumed affluence.

You sad fools.

That idea of success, and affluence, when really you just got ripped off by a large corporation that sold you and idea that buying their shitty stuff made you look rich and successful.

That’s the world today.

Our social media that shows the greatest hits, and hides all of the fear, loss and debt most people have.

It’s all a lie.

 

I look at the timer and Kita’s been cooking in the booth for eight minutes. She’ll be out soon. Of course she does the full nine minutes to ensure she’s dark enough.

Funny how everybody wants to be dark, but nobody really wants to be black.

I’m in an odd moment here on a Sunday at the salon.

I thought by now I’d have some sort of business partnership with Achilles. Turns out it was all just careless talk at a tanning salon. After everything we discussed for the last year and a half… NOTHING came out of it.

I’m not bitter. I get it. Achilles is stuck in the past and has the inability to recognize a real opportunity when it’s presented to him. Sadly, because of who he is, he can have the best employee that he’s ever had working for him, and he’ll simply treat them like they’re any other $9 employee he’s ever had.

His ignorance to elegance doesn’t surprise me.

Sadly, I left corporate America and the rat race, but actually fell into a similar situation. My talent squandered by ignorance or sadly… jealousy.

So same thing, but in an entirely different business.

But happily, I adapted and found a better job to make my life extremely better from learning how to do this kind of job. I’m so… grateful.

Not to Achilles. But to myself.

Poor Achilles.

He’s a sad cliche. Greek. 50. Balding and always wears a hat to hide it. Works out and eats crazy supplements all the time. The 30-year-old girlfriend he’s been banging since she was 22. He’s been clear on no kids, so this poor girl never gets that with his misogynist. Never talks about his ex-wife, or his other two sons. owns a $20k Italian motorcycle. also has a red 90’s Z28, with a booming stereo and an exhaust that is extra loud. Don’t get me started on the outdoor jacuzzi….

Here is a man who’s trapped in his no game/no personality teen life, who fears aging.

I thought this was my key out of the corporate rat race and it didn’t happen.

But this story has a happy ending.

I get out in the final reel of this movie.

 

Kita will be out in a minute and now I have to deal with her.

 

Where the fuck is this going?

 

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Women Dating After 50: Is It Worth The Effort?

How often have you heard about women dating after 50? Do you know that over 50s dating can be just as fun and exciting as it is in your twenties?

Are you part of the crowd and wondering if it’s worth the effort? Granted, it does take effort to look your best especially if you are worried about how attractive you are at this age. And, it takes effort to meet good men.

Here’s the thing. If you like being the oddball out at a dinner party, taking yourself for a drive on a beautiful Sunday afternoon and spending Saturday night alone with a quart of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream than it is not worth the effort.

But the reality is most divorced women don’t like the ‘live alone’ lifestyle.

Let’s face it human beings are social animals and most women over fifty would at least like to spend their social time with a male companion and even better would be in a healthy committed relationship.

Lucky for you in today’s world people in their 50’s are now the fastest-growing demographic in the United States, which in and of itself makes it worth your time and energy. Being in a relationship as you head toward retirement years is a very positive way to live your life. Men and women in relationship have fewer health problems than single people.

Depression or the anxiety of dealing with today’s demands are far less if you are in a good relationship.

Having someone that cares about your well-being and happiness as well as you caring about his is a wonderful experience to have each day.

I realize that when you go through a divorce you often think… I’m better off alone. Or you may think I don’t want to take the risk of ending up with some jerk again. However, what you want to remember is today you are a very different woman from who you were when you met your ex 25 or 30 plus years ago.

You’ve paid your dues so to speak and today you are a much wiser woman then you were in your 20’s. A common mistake that women after 50 often make is not to acknowledge who they are today and how far they have come.

Remember the ad “You’ve come a long way baby!”?

Well, that’s true.

I want to encourage you to acknowledge all the life lessons you have learned and all the experiences you have had, that make you the strong and capable woman you are today.

You need to stop thinking about your age, or your horrible divorce or the extra 10 pounds you can’t get rid of. The only things you need to change are your negative thinking around the idea of dating again and turn it into a positive attitude about moving on in your life.

Actually, it is very cool to be a part of the group of women after 50 in today’s world.

In your Grandmothers or even your Mother’s time, this was not considered something a woman could do. In those days a woman was destined to live the rest of her life alone.

To celebrate the fact that you are healthy and free to find your ideal partner to share this stage of your life with.

So, Women dating after 50 is indeed worth the effort.

 

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Here’s Why Staying Silent After A Break Up Is The Ultimate Revenge

Breakups are never fun. They aren’t supposed to be. We all have been through some terrible and disastrous breakups where our entire world comes crashing down. It hurts us so bad, that we feel like smashing our ex into pieces and hatching a good revenge plan.

Relax! At times, things don’t work out and are simply not meant to be, and that’s absolutely okay. We understand, when matters of the heart don’t yield positive results, pain is inevitable. But revenge is never the solution. If you still feel that revenge will give you peace, try this one, silence. Here’s why it’s the best weapon in your armor.

Silence speaks volumes

The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don’t give in. If you do, you are meeting their expectations. Try seeking sadistic pleasure by using silence as a weapon.

Your ex wins the breakup, so what?

The never-ending battle of who eventually wins the breakup is a thing. Ask yourself, do you really need to win the breakup just to satisfy your ego and make yourself feel superior? You DON’T! Are you really this petty? NO, right? Instead, be the bigger person by not reacting to the breakup. Your silence will make your ex feel guiltier.

You are giving that person unnecessary importance

If you’re busy plotting revenge, you are giving that person unnecessary attention and importance in your life even after the breakup. You can easily avoid this and live your life peacefully, instead focusing on healing and feeling happier. You can’t always determine the fate of your relationship, but how you deal with the pain when things end is something you have control over. Always remember that!

 

 

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How To Move On After Letting Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

A broken heart doesn’t have to break you…

When it comes time to a break up with someone, it’s not easy, even if they don’t love you anymore. If you’re trying to move on and get over the emotions and pain of a breakup when you’re still in love with your ex, it’s even harder.

But the truth is, as difficult as it may be, embracing your ability to move on after a breakup and start over fresh is important.

Are you struggling after letting go of someone who doesn’t love you back?

Have you walked away from someone you loved because you know they don’t love you?

Do you know that you did the right thing but are you still struggling with the pain and self-doubt? I get it.

Here are 6 tips for moving on after ending a relationship with the person you still love:

1. Don’t trick yourself into playing the victim.

Eight years ago, my husband walked out on me for his college girlfriend. We’d been married for twenty years, and I was devastated. I raged on about how he could do this to me, to our children? I was angry and sad and out for revenge.

And then a friend gently reminded me that my story was perhaps a little bit off track. Yes, he had walked out on me and that was completely unacceptable. But we had been really, really unhappy for a long time. Our kids were headed off to school and neither one of us knew if we were ready to reconnect.

It was entirely possible that we would have ended up divorced anyway.

Keeping in mind, that I wasn’t a victim but a partner in a marriage that slowly fell apart, I was able to accept the end of our relationship. The “leaving me for someone else without even trying” piece still stings, but the truth is that our marriage was most likely doomed and I’m way better off. He’s her problem now.

2. Make a list of every reason why you need to leave them behind.

When you have to walk away from someone you love, make a list — a list of all of the reasons you to walk away from that person.

When you spend time with someone, you’re regularly exposed to the things that remind you to walk away. When you finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into your memory.

They get replaced in the forefront of your mind with the good things, times, and everything you loved about that person. And with the good things at the front of your mind, you’re vulnerable to returning to the relationship causing you pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from the person that you love.

Keep that list close and refer to it when you’re missing him. You left this relationship for a reason. Keep those reasons in mind daily going forward.

3. Go no contact immediately after separating.

I know you think that you need “closure” at the end of a relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I’m here to tell you that closure is a myth. Closure is really just one last chance to spend time with and talk to the person you still love.

Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, why couldn’t you make it work as a couple?

So, when you’ve decided the relationship is over, cut him off. Block him on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know he’ll be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It’s the same with your man. Even one point of contact can draw you back into his circle — the circle you decided you’re determined to break yourself out of.

So, go no contact right away. It will make the process way easier!

4. Do something new and exciting.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space — do something with it.

For instance, say a woman broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn’t commit to her. She was devastated.

To deal with this pain, she decided to do something she’d always wanted: Writing.

She started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, and the way she felt with him gone from her life.

It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles.

As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don’t waste it!

5. Make sure to comfort yourself.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone, and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox for a massage. I had nothing to do, so I bought it and I made an appointment. That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table, and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I needed to help me move forward.

From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage.

6. Believe your love is out there for you.

I find this to be the number one obstacle when you’re breaking up with someone who doesn’t love you: Believing you’ll never find love again.

Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren’t making them happy don’t leave because they believe there will never be another person for them.

That if they break up with this person, they’ll be alone forever!

But that just isn’t true. There are many, many fish in the sea, and there is one for you.

Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn’t love you then you won’t find that person.

But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with said person, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.

Moving on after letting go of someone who doesn’t love you back is a very hard thing to do. You still love them but you know that you must let them go because of the pain they are causing you. It will be difficult but it is possible!

Make sure that your break up story is a true one. I can promise you that your guy is out there! You will find him if you can let go and find yourself again!

 

 

10 Types Of Relationships That Have No Chance Of Lasting

These are basically doomed from the start.

Is it ever possible to start a relationship in which partners will be able to live happily until old age?

It’s difficult to predict the future.

But, the chances of success are higher if lovers want to be together, invest emotionally, and recognize the signs of serious issues in time.

Hence, not all relationships with issues are doomed.

So, are you ready to find out what increases the risk of a breakup and how to deal with stress in the case of failure?

And what couples are doomed to break up?

1. Those who don’t discuss financial matters

Romance alone will not get you far.

If the partners aren’t aware of each other’s financial requests at the very beginning, it will play a cruel joke on them in the future.

Therefore, it is necessary to negotiate beforehand on how to manage the family budget.

Who will be the main breadwinner? What are your career ambitions? Are you both ready to sacrifice your comfort if a crisis comes?

Otherwise, there’s a risk of unpleasant surprises.

2. Those who fall in love with their illusions

It is foolish to choose a partner relying solely on who they might become in the future.

In the end, these are your guesses and dreams and you will have to live with who they really are.

If you don’t like someone’s character, bad habits, and social circle, you will not be able to change them.

Hence, you will have to be able to accept them with all their shortcomings.

However, if you are not ready, then do not be fooled. A breakup is inevitable.

3. Those who like to even the score

For example, a woman had refused to have sex, then a man did not buy her a gift.

She could not come on holidays with him, then he went on vacation alone. There are couples like this.

No one is willing to give up their wishes, so the partners play a game called “you give me something, and then I will give you something in return”.

And the rates will rise until someone gets crazy and leaves the game.

True love does not tolerate competition — you either mutually invest or you drown each other.

4. A star and an admirer

In such a relationship, one partner is selfish and requires unquestioning veneration and adoration.

First, another partner indulges them and takes care of them, almost wears on their hand until the demands of the “star” increase many times and the person does not receive anything in return.

One day, the admirer gives up and stops being a donor, because they are also alive and need love.

There needs to be a balance of energy and support if you don’t want your relationship to be doomed.

5. A thinker and a dummy

Even if the partners have been brought together by true love, sooner or later the difference in intellectual levels will manifest.

People who are at different evolutionary stages cannot be together.

If one seeks to improve oneself and develop their knowledge, while another one doesn’t need anything from life, the relationship will fail.

Sooner or later, one of them will tire of carrying dead weight and the second one will not be able to rise above their station.

6. Partners with conflicting interests

Relationships aren’t only about love.

People need to have similar interests and goals for the relationship to flourish.

If a woman wants to have children, but a man doesn’t.

If one of them wants to devote themselves to saving the world, while another one cares for nothing but themselves, then such a relationship will not work out, no matter how the two are deceiving themselves.

Lifestyles and ideals must coincide; otherwise, they will kill each other.

7. People with a big age difference

At first, in such a relationship, everything goes perfectly.

For example, the heart of a young lady loves the reliability and sustainability of a mature partner.

However, they will hardly be together to old age, since their interests and needs differ too much.

At some point, the young partner may want to have kids, devote themselves to self-realization, and feel passion, while the second one, being in their 50s, quickly loses interest in everything and tires himself of the frenetic pace.

Then, their future can be doomed.

8. Two leaders

This type of relationship is about strength, purposefulness, and a strong-willed character.

They are similar and this cannot inspire.

However, a relationship is the union of a leader and a follower or when both partners are easy-going and willing to share obligations.

Leaders are not capable of giving in, because they want to be first and foremost in everything.

And if there are two bosses, there can be a struggle for power, which, in turn, can result in a breakup.

9. An emotionally unstable couple

When one of the partners plays the role of a caring parent, sooner or later they will become exhausted – especially if they get nothing in return.

A person gets tired of being forgiving and all-loving when their efforts are sabotaged and criticized; they also have the right to love!

Therefore, they leave and go where they will be valued, taken care of, and where they will always be welcomed.

10. Those who are united only by physical proximity

If the partners have nothing in common except physical proximity, then their relationship is doomed to fail.

In any relationship, you also need to talk, do household chores, and be there for each other in times of grief and joy.

And what if there are health problems, financial problems, or personal crisis?

You cannot build a strong and healthy relationship if it’s only based on sex.

However, you can find an exception to each of these cases.

A breakup is the last resort and most couples aren’t doomed to end up like that.

Many problems between partners can and should be worked on and solved.

But, only if both partners want it.

However, if the breakup is inevitable, it’s necessary to do your best to get over it with minimum losses.

What are some of the most common signs that a relationship will fail? Let us know in the comments below!