33 People Told Us Why They Fell Out Of Love With Their Significant Other And It’s Pretty Sad

We recently asked the Phicklephilly Community to tell us about the moment they realized they were falling out of love with their significant other and the stories were absolutely heartbreaking.

Grab the tissues because things are about to get real emotional:

“After my sister’s burial service, he left me to go home and play video games. I was all by myself talking to all these people when I needed him the most, because it was the worst day of my life.”

“I noticed I was falling out of love when everything she did started to annoy me. It felt like I couldn’t stand her. I missed the honeymoon phase. I moved away that year and we didn’t talk for months. Eventually we just didn’t care anymore and broke up.”

“When my ex-husband kept threatening to walk out the door and not one piece of me wanted him to stay.”

“I would fall asleep next to him and just feel incredibly alone. Sharing a bed should be intimate and comforting, but it just made me feel depressed and isolated.”

“She kept telling me about her problems and I had to listen all the time and be compassionate. When I tried to tell her how I felt about being bullied at school, she told me I was overreacting, and that bullying was “no big deal.” I should have broken up with her sooner.”

“My ex of six years was talking about future plans and I remember feeling my stomach drop. With that simple statement, I remember the feeling of depression hit me so quickly. I will never forget the feeling of sadness that took over me.”

“My ex-husband was emotionally abusive and I had caught him several times having inappropriate conversations online with both men and women, in which he referred to me as his roommate. Come to find out he had been doing it our entire 3-year relationship. That morning I woke up and was just done.”

“My ex-boyfriend and I met while working on a cruise ship and we kept a long-distance relationship for 9 months. Weeks before we were supposed to work on a new ship together he told me he had to go on a different ship. I was able to switch to his ship, but when I arrived he had already switched to another ship. At that moment, I just realized he didn’t want to fight for our relationship. I gave up and got drunk with my now-fiancé.”

“I kept finding things that were clearly evidence of cheating and lying, then convinced myself there was a way we’d work past it together. He blamed me for what he’d been doing, and any resolutions to it would be mine to work on alone. I asked him to leave before he even finished what he had to say, and haven’t looked back.”

“We just ended up growing in different directions, I realized I didn’t want the same things anymore. My values and interests changed, my maturity grew…but he stayed the same.”

“Where do I start? He called my niece fat (she’s 5) and he basically told me he wouldn’t be with me unless I used my engineering degree. Ultimately, he just loved the idea of what I COULD be, not actually who I WANT to be.”

“After my friend died of suicide, my ex told me he did it for attention. Then I realized how shitty of a person he was.”

“When one of my dogs died out of the blue, it sent me into a huge depression that I’m still recovering from almost 2 years later. The first time I left the house I threw up and had to come right back home. Then I went to see my boyfriend and he kept kissing me seductively. Honestly, it disgusted me. It took so much for me to even talk to him. At that moment I thought, either this guy is completely unaware of my feelings and who I am or he’s just a selfish dick who has no empathy.”

“It was when he accused me of having alcohol problems in public. I felt sad because he was projecting onto me. He is an an alcoholic who has been through rehab for his problems. I realized the man I had once loved was buried in his own mire of self pitying filth, so I let him go.”

“When I found his Ashley Madison account.”

“It was a year into our relationship when he told me he gambled away his one month paycheck. I didn’t think anything of it at first, but it happened again five more times. I just got exhausted with the excuses and I realized that he was a gambling addict. The worse part, he didn’t want professional help.”

“I feel bad about it because he had high functioning autism, but the amount of time he’d spend on his phone or Nintendo when we were hanging out. It would be difficult to converse with him sometimes because he’d be so wrapped up in video games. The lowest point was when I was feeling down about something, he gave me a hug and I realized he was still playing his Nintendo while he had his arms around me.”

“When I realized that I was putting in 10 times the amount of effort that they were. But what really broke it was hearing them say they didn’t love me.”

“When we were shopping with his mum and sister, and the three of us were playfully mocking him. He just lost it; he screamed at me and then took his sharp thumbnail and ran it down my badly sunburnt arm, making it bleed.”

“When I started making excuses not to see him. I realized I was happier spending time by myself. Having him over started to feel like an obligation. I did love him, but I was no longer in love with him.”

“His father was aggressively rude, and blatantly tried to make me uncomfortable. For example, he made multiple comments about my cup size, and asked how much my family was worth. It was clear that his family wasn’t interested in adding me to the next holiday photo. It became hard for me to see a future with him after that experience.”

“We had a pregnancy scare and I realized I truly did not want to be connected for life to my boyfriend. It took a while to end after that, but that was my first real inkling that I didn’t love him.”

“I realized I wasn’t in love when I would feel drained after spending time with her. I didn’t even want to admit it to myself, because I felt so ashamed. That was my first and only relationship, but at least it was a lesson as to what being with someone SHOULDN’T feel like.”

“I fell out of love with him after we finished our family and I saw him as a father. Three beautiful sons in four years, and he couldn’t be bothered to play with them or do things with us as a family. I could never get over the fact that he obviously did not love our children as they deserved to be loved.”

“When I realized that he didn’t really listen to me. He had some made-up idealized version of me built up in his head that he put up on a pedestal, and it just wasn’t who I truly was.”

“We were together for two years, lived together, and had a cat together. We worked at the same restaurant and he ended up getting fired and had no motivation to find another job. He began stealing money from me, playing Fortnite all day, while I cleaned up the apartment and did his laundry.”

“I realized when I couldn’t go where I wanted or hang out with my friends without him that he was a toxic drain on my life. I felt like a prisoner.”

“I knew I didn’t love him anymore when I found out he’d cheated on me, and I didn’t even feel sad about it. I was relieved that I finally had an excuse to break up with him.”

“I got a pixie cut and he told me he wasn’t sexually attracted to me anymore. My feelings for him vanished that day. Been happily single for almost two years now.”

“Probably when she couldn’t remember my birthday one year into the relationship. She did not know anything about me, beyond my Netflix password and what I’m like in bed.”

“I realized she agreed with everything I said. I thought about it and realized she ALWAYS agreed with everything I said. So, I changed it up and started saying the exact opposite of what I thought, and she agreed with that, too! We broke up a few days later because I need someone who has their own opinions and isn’t afraid to challenge me when they disagree.”

“When saying, “I love you,” felt like an obligation. There was no feeling behind it anymore.”

“He was talking about how hard his day was and when I tried to jump in he said, ‘Yeah, but you just draw pictures on the computer.’ I’m a graphic designer.”

If you’ve experienced falling out of love with your significant other, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Flirting While in a Committed Relationship: What You Need to Know

Part of being human is the need for attention, but is flirting while in a committed relationship a breach of trust, or simply a bit of fun?

No matter how you look at it, flirting while in a committed relationship is always a touchy subject – is it acceptable, or frowned upon? Can you actually define it? Or gasp, can you honestly completely avoid it or walk through life with your horse blinders on, in a world where there are a million ways to reach out and bat your eye at someone?

Picture the scene, you’re sat at a cafe with your friends, chatting and drinking coffee and suddenly someone tells you that they saw your partner flirting with someone else whilst out around town a few nights ago.

How would you feel?

Shocked, upset, betrayed?

All of those emotions would be completely right on the money, but if nothing actually happened, and it was simple flirtation, would it be wrong?

Welcome to a huge grey area!

Flirting while in a committed relationship – Wading through the grey area

Flirting while in a committed relationship is fine in some people’s eyes and totally off limits in others. Personally, I wouldn’t like it if my partner was flirting up a storm with someone else, whether they meant to do it or not. The problem is, what you might consider to be flirting, they might simply consider friendly joking. There are so many fine lines here and so many of them are different shades of red.

A story of not being right, and not being wrong

This happened to a friend of mine a short while ago and I actually witnessed the apparent flirtation. ‘Apparent’ isn’t actually the right word to use, because there was nothing apparent about it, it was as clear as day. I had a friend with me at the time and we agonized over what to do – should we tell our friend that her boyfriend had been flirting up a storm, or should we just let it go?

This actually caused a heated debate between the two of us, because I felt it was wrong to flirt the way he did, but she felt it was nothing to become that upset about, because it clearly had no intention behind it.

My argument was this – how can you tell if flirting has an intention behind it or not? You’re not in that person’s head, you can only judge the situation based on what you see and hear.

In the end, we told her. I just couldn’t not tell my friend, and do you know what her reaction was? She wasn’t bothered. She said that she knew her boyfriend was quite the flirt and she’d actually been sat with him in the past when he’d done it; apparently he doesn’t even realize he’s being flirty, he thinks he’s being friendly.

That wouldn’t have done for me, but then again, we’re all different.

What’s your take on this?

You see, the way I always look at things is to ask how I would feel if it happened to me. Before I do anything, most of the time, I think ‘if this was the other way around, how would I feel?’ That normally tells me whether what I’m doing is okay in my eyes or not.

You could argue that flirting is healthy, because it is fun, and we’re told to have as much fun in life as possible. My argument is if that’s the case, why can’t you flirt with your partner? That would still be fun!

As you can probably tell by my stand on this, I think flirting while in a committed relationship is a huge no. Am I right? I’m right in my eyes, but I don’t pretend to be the world’s last decision on rights and wrongs!

A personal choice of flirting

The best way to approach this is to figure out where you stand on it yourself. You have to live your life by your own ideas and values. Take my friend for example, she flirts whilst she’s at work, in a predominantly male environment, and she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong, because she loves her partner. Clearly her partner does the same, and they’re both okay with it. It works for them.

That’s great for them. Would it work for you?

Why do we need to flirt with other people?

I did a straw poll of my friends on this subject, both male and female, and they came up with these suggestions.

– Flirting while in a committed relationship can stop things getting stale and boosts excitement.

– It can stop one partner *or both* from feeling trapped in a long-term relationship.

– It gives an ego boost and makes them feel good about themselves.

– When you do it, it can keep your partner on his or her toes.

Do you agree with those reasons? I have to admit that I’m a little on the fence, if I’m honest.

Do you need a third person to excite you?

Firstly, I totally understand that in a long-term relationship things can get a little same old, same old on occasion, but surely you should be boosting excitement together, and not apart? There are plenty of ways to stop things from getting a little stale – have you not seen Fifty Shades of Grey?!

Secondly, are you supposed to feel trapped in a relationship? I personally think if you feel trapped there’s something a little wrong going on. I get that you might need an ego boost on occasion, I do, but I tend to do that by buying a new dress, rather than heading off to flirt with the nearest single male. Finally, you want to flirt with someone else to keep your partner on their toes? Seriously?! I can think of far better ways.

There are many who think that flirting is part of a healthy life and that it bears no reflection on the state of their long-term relationship. Maybe that is true, but would the flirting partner feel the same if their boyfriend or girlfriend was doing it too?

I’m inclined to think not.

The jury is out – Here’s what I think

Whether or not you deem flirting while in a committed relationship to be totally fine or a big red cross, that’s really a personal deal. I think that is the best way to address the issue. What we do need to talk about however is whether your partner feels the same about your standpoint.

For instance, maybe you see no issue with it, but maybe your partner is deeply hurt by it. In that case, it doesn’t make it right, does it? The best way to address this now is to make sure that you’re both on the same page. If you both feel the same about a little harmless flirting every now and again, well, who am I to judge? That’s fine, because you’re not hurting anyone and you’re both aware that it means nothing.

The big problem hits when one partner thinks it’s fine and the other doesn’t. If they continue to do it knowing that it hurts their partner, that’s a major, major red line. If they do it because they don’t know that their partner doesn’t like it, that’s a communication issue that needs to be fixed.

Maybe the answer to all of this is a need to sit down and actually talk to each other.

What’s the intention behind the flirting?

The other issue is how you can judge an intention. I totally get that innocent flirting without an intention to take it further and with no attached feelings whatsoever, no attraction or anything, is just that, pretty innocent flirting.

But, how do you know that is the case? Does the other person *the flirtee, if you will* know that’s the case? Or, more likely, do they think this guy or girl likes them and perhaps they’re onto something? In that case, surely another person is going to get dragged into the whole mess and will end up getting hurt too. All because you needed an ego boost.

Can you see how messy this might become?

Maybe it all comes down to what you deem flirting to be. A flirty wink, a brush of the arm *accidental, of course*, or a quick suggestive remark as a one off, is probably fine. But, repeated flirting with the same person? For me, that’s more than flirting and that has an intention of some kind behind it.

Flirting while in a committed relationship is certainly an area for debate which is likely to run and run. The only way to really answer the question is to focus on how it feels to you. Only then can you really the answer the question of whether it is a yes or a no.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The Two Words That Could Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

Back when you and your spouse started dating, he used to get up extra early to surprise you with your favorite egg and cheese bagel for breakfast and you couldn’t stop gushing about how awesome he was. But when he whipped up a bowl of oatmeal yesterday, you barely even acknowledged the gesture. Oops.

Being in a long-term relationship comes with a lot of positives. One of the downsides, however, is that you kind of start taking each other for granted. Not only is this Michelle Tanner-style rude, but it could also spell bad news for your relationship.

That’s per a paper published in the journal Personal Relationships that found that gratitude is key to a healthy and successful marriage. For the study, researchers asked 468 married people questions about their financial well-being, demand/withdraw communication (“when one partner tends to demand, nag or criticize, while the other responds by withdrawing or avoiding the confrontation”) and expressions of spousal gratitude. What they found was that expressions of gratitude were the most consistent significant predictor of marital quality.

“Feeling appreciated and believing that your spouse values you directly influences how you feel about your marriage, how committed you are to it, and your belief that it will last,” said study co-author Ted Futris, an associate professor at the University of Georgia.

In fact, researchers argue that the simple act of saying “thank you” to your partner regularly can be powerful enough to protect a couple’s divorce proneness. Wowza.

Just a little something to keep in mind the next time your partner brings you coffee in bed.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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What It’s Really, Truly Like to Date After Getting Divorced in Your 20s

You know that very scary statistic about how half of all marriages end in divorce? Break our your celebratory champagne, because it’s not true anymore. Divorce rates have been on a pretty sharp decline since 2008, mostly because of the things Millennials are apparently very good at is staying together (take that, all of our parents).

Still, divorce isn’t totally extinct and it never will be. Which means that jumping back into the dating pool, post-marriage, is a reality for lots of women. That sounds scary and like probably the last thing you wanna do after going through the ~big D~, and so to ease some of your fears, three women who were married and divorced before turning 30 gave the full breakdown on dating after divorce.

How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?

Natalie: Nineteen when I got married, 28 now.

Maxine: Nineteen when I got married, 25 now.

Krysta: Twenty-eight when I got married, 29 now.

Who did you marry?

Natalie: My high school sweetheart—we met through mutual friends and youth group and had known each other for years.

Maxine: I married someone I was in a long-distance relationship with, and we had known each other for almost a year when we got married. She was someone I dated in college while she was in the Marine Corps. We had an instant connection and I felt like a part of my soul knew her before.

Krysta: I married a guy I met living in Tampa back in 2014. He was a second-year medical student and I was working as a medical records clerk.

Why did you get married when you did?

Natalie: We were both Christians and grew up in the Midwest, so it was the “logical next step.”

“We were both Christians and grew up in the Midwest, so it was the ‘logical next step.'”

Maxine: I was very much head-over-heels in love with her. She was my best friend. I saw her as my soulmate, she was someone I wanted to start a family with, and someone who I saw being the mother of my future children.

Krysta: Honestly, it was more of a “next step” in life. As a 28-year-old woman, you really start thinking about your future. I knew I wanted a family and kids and being the wife of a doctor didn’t sound too bad (LOL). Compared to my dating record, I thought saying yes to a future physician was the best I could do.

How long were you married for, and when did you start the separation and divorce process?

Natalie: We were married for seven years and filed in January 2017. Due to California law, we were required to wait at least six months for it to finalize. In August, we were officially divorced.

Maxine: We started the separation process just before our third marriage anniversary. And two years after we separated, we were divorced.

Krysta: My ex-husband and I were together for two years before we got married, and were married for six months before things started falling apart, rapidly.

Why did you decide to get divorced?

Natalie: There was no pivotal moment. We cared about each other—and still do—and had a great friendship, but that’s all it was in the last couple of years. Getting married young meant we each had a lot of personal growing to do and we grew apart. I am driven, strong-willed, advancing quickly in my career, and put my job ahead of frivolous things. I don’t knock his path, it’s worked for him and he’s happy, but it’s not what I wanted in a relationship.

“Walking down the aisle, I felt like I was making the biggest mistake.”

Maxine: She wasn’t the person she was at the beginning of our relationship. And we were both in transitional phases, going through separate mental health challenges.

Krysta: There were a lot of signs before our wedding that I ignored. I felt as if I had to go through with the wedding—my parents paid all of this money to create me my perfect Pinterest board, fantasy wedding. RSVPs were already starting to come in and, In my mind, it was too late to go back. Walking down the aisle, I felt like I was making the biggest mistake. But I stayed optimistic and thought I could “fix him.” Then there was infidelity and issues with control. I had to decide if this was how I wanted the rest of my life to be.

How long after your divorce did you start going on dates?

Natalie: I can’t say I waited long. It was really fun to get back into the dating pool, given I hadn’t been on a first date since high school! I got on Bumble and had flirty conversations—very validating at that point in my life—and went on a few dates.

Maxine: I went on the first date two months after we said we were separating.

Krysta: I started dating immediately after I left the home we shared, and used dating as a distraction to get through the divorce.

How do you handle telling new partners about your previous marriage and divorce?

Natalie: I really hid it at first. When I was seeing people casually and knew nothing was going to come of it, I did all I could to avoid the topic. It worked, but I had to tell a few people and it was awkward, but no one got up and sprinted for the door. What I learned is that I had to be straightforward—not just that I was divorced, but still friends with my ex-husband. It’s nearly impossible to explain to someone that the person you were married to for seven years is strictly a friend, but our friendships means a lot to me and I’m not willing to give that up.

“I tell guys that if they’re looking for a relationship, I may not be their ideal girl.”

Maxine: Depends on the person and how serious I am about them. I told one woman upfront the first time we started texting, but she’d been married before, too. Unless I’m getting serious with someone or it comes up naturally, I never really bring it up.

Krysta: I like to be honest and upfront about that fact that I recently got divorced. My marriage changed the way I view men and their behavior. I missed all of the signs with my ex-husband, so now I pay very close attention to the smallest things. I tell guys that if they’re looking for a relationship, I may not be their ideal girl.

What’s surprised you the most about dating now?

Natalie: How casual dating can be! Again, I dated back in high school as a Christian. Now, I’ve reentered the dating pool as an adult without religion telling me what I can and can’t do. It’s a whole new level of freedom and exploration, trial and error.

Maxine: Everyone communicates differently, and even if they’re older than you, that doesn’t mean they can communicate any better. I was also surprised at first with how many people were perfectly okay with knowing I’d been married—like it didn’t phase them at all, and here I thought it could potentially scare someone away.

Krysta: How accepting guys were when I was dating while separated. It didn’t seem to bother anyone that I was still married on paper.

How did going through a marriage and divorce change the way you think about dating?

Natalie: It really didn’t taint it. I knew why our marriage didn’t last.

I’m way more picky about who I date long-term.

Maxine: I take things much more slowly now. I get to know people better and go on a lot of dates before committing to exclusivity. I have time, and that’s what I keep reminding myself. I’m way more picky about who I date long-term.

Krysta: As of right now, dating is a game to me. I’m not at a place where I can trust another man with my heart. I hope one day I’ll be able to trust again, and maybe ever marry a second (and hopefully final) time.

What’s the hardest part about jumping back into the dating pool?

Natalie: The friendship I still have with my ex. It’s a hard relationship to explain, and while I understand how it can be exceptionally difficult to understand, I’ve been with someone for a year now who doesn’t judge what I have with my ex.

Maxine: Not seeing myself as being a problem, and not getting so caught up in dating that I don’t allow myself time to heal or be by myself.

Krysta: Realizing I still have a lot of things to work on as far as restoring myself first. And I know I’m not taking these dates seriously, but it hurts when you realize the guy is. Makes you feel like a crappy person, or like you’re wasting their time.

And what’s the best part?

Natalie: Meeting new people! It’s fun of getting out there, pushing yourself to new experiences, learning about peoples past and finding a friend, a fling or a lover.

“I was incredibly scared about not finding anyone that would treat me as well as my ex did.”

Maxine: Gaining more self-worth and not feeling like I have to constantly be on someone else’s schedule. I was incredibly scared about not finding anyone that would treat me as well as my ex did. But here I’m out dating and finding stunning women who are not only incredibly successful, but passionate and caring. I love meeting new people!

Krysta: My marriage took a serious hit on my self-esteem, so hearing men tell me things about myself I haven’t heard in a long time has helped me start to rebuild my confidence. It’s helping me to feel more like the woman I was before I said “I do.”

What’s your relationships status now?

Natalie: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year now; we just moved in together.

Maxine: Single and dating.

Krysta: Single and Fabulous!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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5 Things You Must Do When Dating After Divorce (For the Best Chance at New Love)

Divorce is hard but finding love again doesn’t have to be.

After a separation, many people try to figure out how to start dating after divorce so they can find love again after heartbreak.

According to 2017 research, 48 percent of older divorcees in America have married for a second time.

And for those divorcees who haven’t yet found their second soul mate, 50 percent of them would like to remarry!

If you are a divorcee who has embraced being single and are ready to mingle, here’s some important dating advice: don’t discount the potential for remarriage just yet.

These trends say two positive things about the power of thought and behavior.

The first thing is that divorcees are optimistic. Regardless of experiencing one of life’s most challenging setbacks, there is still hope of moving forward and finding new love.

Interestingly enough, love still happens to be the number one reason people believe they should marry.

This optimistic thinking encourages the second positive point which is enthusiastic behavior.

There is a large population of divorcees and widows who have put themselves back in the dating pool, only increasing their odds of meeting a potential partner if they play their cards right.

So, if you’re dealing with divorce and thinking to yourself, “Will I ever find love?”, the answer is yes, you can find love again and re-start a new life after divorce.

While having a great attitude and making yourself available are important prerequisites for dating, you are going to have to bring your “A” game — mentally, physically, and emotionally — to maximize your chances for success at remarrying.

But, learning how to start dating after divorce isn’t as simple as riding a bike.

So, if you want to know how to find love and start dating after divorce, here are 5 things you need to do first.

1. Do an image inventory and begin your path towards self-improvement

People have a tendency to judge a book by its cover and while you may want someone to love you for you, it starts with them thinking to themselves “Hmmm, do I want to see you naked one day?”

Crass, I know, but the attraction is determined within the first 30 seconds of meeting you and even sooner if it’s just based on a photo.

While self-love and healing are imperative internal investments, don’t overlook the value of external investments as well.

A shortage of time due to career, raising children, or life’s inevitable sad lemons, may have taken priority over the time you dedicated to your appearance.

After the tears and emotional healing that your therapists, friends, and family saw you through, it’s safe to say you earned a fresh makeover.

Yes, you have to dedicate some time to improving the aesthetic you more than likely neglected once you were in a comfortable relationship.

Your prospects do not love you unconditionally yet, therefore your presentation makes a huge impression in the initial dating process.

Studies show that there is a correlation between your appearance and your behavior so it makes sense that snagging a mate is one part physical attraction and one part attitude.

A confident attitude will support you in your ability to persuade, your willingness to take chances, ability to stand out, develop high self-esteem, and ultimately persevere in the face of rejection.

Remember: Celebrating your looks is a part of the healing process. Looking good is an act of self-love.

Do not be discouraged if you aren’t booking any magazine covers anytime soon. What matters most is that you step up to bat feeling good about yourself.

One of my male clients worked diligently with me to improve his confidence and charisma but it wasn’t until we made his look reflect his personae that I was able to set him up on the dates with women he was mutually attracted too.

My team and I updated his wardrobe with clothes more flattering for his body type, age-appropriate looks for date night, plus a hair cut and fragrance that matched his ph balance.

Of course, he was hesitant about manscaping or brightening his teeth, but it proved worth it. For the first time in a long time, he took pride in turning heads.

Have you invested maintenance into the things that are within your control?

If your weight, hair, skin, wardrobe, and hygiene has suffered over the years, don’t hesitate to hit the gym or laser.

If you aren’t 100 percent confident with how you are stepping out, then there may be areas that could use a little TLC.

Don’t worry it isn’t going to cost you an arm and a leg to bring your sexy back, however it will cost you a lot of dates if you don’t try.

2. Learn how to use digital dating to increase your connections

In the days of Netflix, Keurigs, and Amazon Fresh, staying at home is easier than ever, so meeting in person at a coffee shop or at a grocery store might not be the easiest place for a love connection.

Nearly 19 percent of relationships started off with an online or dating app connection.

Take advantage of the ease and access that technology allows for and find the dating platform that is right for you.

Next, create a well-rounded profile that has an interesting bio with flattering, clear photos.

If you’ve already done the first tip above, you should be ready for snapping about five current photos of yourself.

Group photos, children, outdated, or blurry photos should always be avoided.

Once your profile is complete remember that these dating tools only work if you do. You have to swipe and message back in order to connect.

If online dating doesn’t excite you, have a balance of going online at least 30 minutes a day to communicate and then once a week to a social event to meet people in person.

Using technology and organic encounters only increase your odds of meeting someone.

3. Practice with a mirror explaining why you are newly single

Everyone wants to know why the great catch sitting in front of them isn’t scooped up.

Did someone cheat, lie, mismanage money, become wrapped up in the kids, or grow bored?

These are all the questions racing through your date’s mind and they are judging you based on your response.

If you give an answer that sounds heartbroken, angry, or blameful, it immediately gives the impression that you aren’t over your ex.

Rehearse in the mirror a mature response that demonstrates a respectful and positive outlook on life lessons.

Happy people are found to be more desirable, healthier and attractive, so don’t underestimate the power of joy or your ability to affect someone else’s emotions.

4. Create a dating calendar

This is to help you balance your professional, personal, and romantic needs.

Pace yourself, dating isn’t a marathon. You may have more free time on your hands now that you aren’t responsible for a spouse anymore.

You may be inclined to fill up your time with dating.

Let’s face it, there is a whole world of fresh faces and personalities waiting for you to explore.

It is far more advantageous for you to handle this new-found freedom with a balance between personal, professional, and romantic time.

Once a week, do something for self-care, a hobby or passion project.

One day deserves a networking mixer and another day treat yourself to date or going out with friends.

It’s important to have balance so that you don’t burn yourself out.

You also want to avoid the temptation to jump back into a relationship too quickly.

You grew accustomed to having companionship whether you liked your ex or not.

Hopping in the sack with someone may seem like a fun idea but be careful to avoid creating a false sense of attachment based on sex.

This happens as a result of elevated oxytocin levels for men and a woman after an orgasm.

Oxytocin makes you feel bonded and the perceived intimacy may potentially prevent you from pursuing more compatible mates.

Let’s not forget the fact that most married couples don’t use protection.

If you are someone who isn’t used to using contraceptives, reincorporating them back into your love life to avoid passing around STD’s may require some getting used to.

In addition, The Fair Parenting Project, recommends that you get tested before you start dating someone again.

Know where you stand and protect the health of any new partners as well.

Be informed and feel empowered to have a discussion on sex and ask about their last test results.

5. Be transparent with your ex-spouse, even if it hurts them

Divorce is said to evoke seven stages of grief — denial, pain and fear, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, and acceptance.

Be mindful that while you may be experiencing acceptance and feel ready to date again, your ex may be in a different stage of the grieving process.

Be respectful of their progression and avoid surprising them with a new companion.

Remove the secrecy or stress from your new dating experiences by being honest and communicating that you are dating other people.

The last thing you want to do is lie to avoid confrontation or protect their feelings only to end up creating one more thing for your ex to forgive.

Your transparency may provide them with the closure they need or even motivate them to move on and date as well.

If you tend to be a creature of habit, take advantage of this fantastic opportunity to explore new date spots, activities or even vacation destinations that are memory free of your ex.

Neither of you wants to cross paths at your favorite restaurant or bear witness to the courtship process of a new lover.

Another way to avoid drama with your ex is practicing the “Meet The Kids Challenge.”

If you and your ex have children together, come up with an agreed upon game plan for when and how new partners are introduced to the kids.

In order to exercise patience, a good rule of thumb to follow is if you aren’t comfortable introducing your new partner to your ex-spouse, you shouldn’t be comfortable introducing your new partner to your children.

Adolescents are very impressionable and your ex-spouse has a right to know just like you do, who else is influencing their upbringing.

You of anyone should understand the way in which our relationships with others shape us.

It takes patience, courage, and a positive mindset to begin your journey to dating again.

Be kind to yourself throughout the process.

Feel empowered by knowing you’re not alone on this path to new love and there are many divorcees just like you trying to figure out how to start over.

Creating connections with others out of thin air doesn’t have to be a painful process.

Allow past breakups to be breakthroughs, and life’s setbacks to ignite comebacks!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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3 Reasons Your Husband Is Cheating on You, but Doesn’t Want a Divorce

An affair doesn’t mean he’s unhappy.

Why do men cheat and still stay married? What makes a man decide that cheating and infidelity are worth the risk to his family’s happiness? What about the risk of his wife finding out and wanting to file for divorce? It’s hard to imagine why men cheat in their marriage when they have no plans to leave their current relationship.

Why married men cheat is a common concern. And, it goes hand-in-hand with the questions about respect between the genders that people still struggle with as a society. Cheating is a painful, marriage-ruining issue regardless of whether it’s physical or emotional cheating that occurs.

 

There are many men who fall into the unfaithful category; men who have a paramour that their wife doesn’t know about. And these men choose to stay married despite their infidelity. But just why exactly do these cheating spouses seek fulfillment outside of their marriages, knowing they will never leave, and risking all of the potential consequences, like a heartbreaking divorce?

Here are 3 possible reasons married men cheat when they have no intention of leaving their wives:

1. They still love their wives

Yet they need something more to feel good about themselves. That something more they crave could be excitement, support, sex, or any other need that they believe their wives are just not able to provide.

In some cases, they have asked their wives for what they need and for some reason, these men — either correctly or incorrectly — believe their wives have denied their requests, so they seek out this satisfaction elsewhere.

In other cases, the men have not asked their wives, believing and fearing that they’ll judge them and deny their needs in an unpleasant way.

2. They are afraid to hurt their wives

Most of the men who fall into this category realize that if their wife discovered their infidelity, she would be very hurt. They try to cover up their illicit relationship because they don’t want to reveal what they’ve been doing. But many women can intuitively spot the signs their husband is cheating and might notice their affair, regardless.

But despite the reason why men cheat, they’re reluctant to admit to their affair because they believe it would cause their wife unnecessary pain.

 

3. They don’t want to deal with the financial implications of divorce

These men fear that their wives will divorce them when news of their infidelity is revealed. So, rather than come clean, they choose to continue having an affair with their mistress on the side.

Are these good reasons for why married men become cheaters and stay married? It’s not anyone’s job to pass judgment and that’s not the purpose of this article, either.

The fact is that the men in this situation consistently give these reasons for why they do what they do instead of coming clean and dealing directly with their spouses about the cheating.

However, these reasons point out a serious breakdown in communication between the couples. And, in turn, this reflects the miscommunication and lack of respect between genders and gender orientation that is sadly still prevalent in this society.

 

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7 Ways Being Unfaithful Changes You & Your Relationship for Good

It affects you more deeply than you might think.

Experiencing the thrill of infidelity changes everything. On one hand, the world seems more vibrant and you feel more alive than you’ve felt in years. On the other, the relationship you’ve spent so long building is suddenly in peril of being destroyed because of the choice you made to stray.

These wildly divergent realities of your life put tension and strain on every single part of your existence. And the pressure will change you in myriad ways.

Here is how cheating changes you and your relationship’s future.

1. You will be humiliated

At some point, most, if not all of the people in your life catch on to what is happening.

You have failed to protect and defend the very values you swore to honor, and everyone knows. Even people who don’t know you seem to know. And God forbid the news hits social media.

2. Your spouse has permanent ammunition against you

No matter your reasons for straying or your efforts toward penance, you will always be “the one who cheated”.

Your spouse may use that sin as a dumping ground for everything involving blame, anger, judgment, and abuse.

3. Your children may blame you

Children will not know how to properly process their fears and sense of loss without professional help, especially if they know something damning about one or both parents.

Even as adults, they may reach back and blame you for their own choices or unfulfilled lives.

4. You can’t trust others to be loyal to you

As you try to balance your ability to cheat on your spouse against what you know to be a personal core of goodness, you have to face the irony.

If you are capable of doing something so unthinkable, what’s to keep someone else from doing the same to you?

5. Everything you do is questioned

You know you can’t blame your spouse for not trusting you, but you also can’t live forever under a microscope. Short of having a spouse-appointed chaperone, you will always have the company of “who, what, where, when, and why.”

If you and your spouse decide to work on your marriage, you will have to be painfully, humbly transparent while your spouse inches toward a new kind of trust. And that means answering a lot of questions.

6. You lose credibility

You may do a lot of soul-searching to answer for your infidelity and take responsibility for it but there will always be those who resort to the “once a cheater always a cheater” conclusion.

7. Your confidence may get a boost

During the affair, that is. After all, neuroscience reminds us that people who are addicted are seeking a dopamine rush. And settling into a long marriage isn’t known for those feel-good jolts.

An affair, on the other hand, can reawaken the confidence that comes from a dopamine rush. However, as with an addiction, that confidence can easily come crashing down in a pile of guilt. And that guilt can play a huge role in your attitudes and behaviors going forward.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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