Tales of Rock – Rod Stewart was a Teen Dad

Like Charlie Sheen, ’70s rock legend Rod Stewart had a reputation for being quite the ladies man. So, it’s not surprising that he also became a dad in his late teens. According to The Daily Mail, Stewart got his girlfriend of one year, Susannah Boffey, pregnant with their daughter, Sarah Streeter, when they were both 18-years-old in 1963. Stewart, who had yet to find success in his singing career, wanted to give the child up for adoption. Boffey initially refused, and tried to raise baby Sarah on her own, but found it too difficult, and after several months, eventually agreed to the suggestion.

After many years, and several awkward encounters during the ’80s when her true identity was discovered, Streeter and Stewart started piecing their relationship back together around 2010, after the death of Streeter’s adoptive mother. Streeter remained estranged from her birth mother for “20 years,” telling The Mail they “don’t get on.”

“The relationship broke down somewhat because she was a bit awkward and had a big chip on her shoulder which I can’t blame her [for]. But in the last couple of years we’ve become somewhat close,” Stewart told Piers Morgan of his once-estranged daughter in 2011 (via The Daily Mail.) “It’s all water under the bridge now. It’s nerve-racking, too, but just as much so for him as it is for me,” Streeter told The Mail.

Stewart went on to impregnate four other women with seven other children (pictured above), of whom he now says, “It’s the best, proudest feeling to look at your kids.” Well, we sure hope so, Rod, you busy boy, you.

 

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A relationship therapist breaks down the 10 most common fights couples have

The most common fights couples have aren’t regarding infidelity or childcare.

They’re relatively trivial things, like chores and social media, according toRachel Sussman, a relationship expert and marriage counselor in New York City.

Sussman explained that the fight isn’t so much about the issue itself as it is about a lack of communication. “If you’re someone who has really poor communication skills,” she told Business Insider, “that might mean that the minute your partner brings something up, you get very defensive, or you start with the ‘tit for tat.'” Which means that “no matter what you’re arguing about, that could escalate into a really big fight.”

Sussman described 10 of the most common sources of conflict among the couples she sees — and importantly, she said, working on your communication skills is the key to resolving them all. “If you can communicate well, you can get through these issues in a way that can actually bring you closer together,” she said. “And if you can’t communicate well, it makes it so much worse and can actually tear you apart.”

Couples fight when one partner feels like they’re more committed than the other.

Couples fight when one partner feels like they're more committed than the other.Pavel Yavnik/Shutterstock

When unmarried couples come to see Sussman, they often want to talk about commitment. Typically, Sussman said, one partner feels like they’re more committed than the other. Or one partner wants to “move the relationship forward” by moving in together or getting engaged and is encountering some resistance.

If couples are fighting about household chores, Sussman said, it’s probably because “one person feels like they’re taking the lion’s share of the work.”

If couples are fighting about household chores, Sussman said, it's probably because Shutterstock

In Sussman’s experience working with heterosexual couples, that person is usually the woman. Meanwhile, she added, “I often hear the men feeling that they’re doing a lot but they don’t get credit for it. They get picked on a lot.”

In fact, American moms are spending more time in the labor force than in the past, but also more time on childcare, according to a 2019 Pew Research Center report. Moms spend 16 more hours a week on paid work than they did 50 years ago, yet four more hours a week on childcare.

Younger couples get frustrated with their partner’s overuse of social media.

Younger couples get frustrated with their partner's overuse of social media.Flickr/m01229

Sussman said she’s seen a spike in the number of complaints about a partner’s social media habits in the last five years. Typically, couples with these kinds of problems are in their 20s and 30s.

One person might complain, for example, “that their life is plastered all over social media or they think their partner is addicted to their phone.” Sussman’s also heard from people who are worried that their partner is following a ton of models on Instagram.

Another common issue? Staying in touch with an ex on social media.

Fights about money come up later in a relationship.

“It’s very normal in a couple that one person is a spender and one is a saver,” Sussman said. The problem is “you think you’re justified and the other person is at fault.” The saver might accuse the spender of being fiscally irresponsible; the spender might accuse the saver of being cheap.

Don Cloud, president and founder of Cloud Financial Inc., previously told Business Insider that he frequently works with spender/saver couples. The first step, he said, is for each partner to share their beliefs and feelings about money.

Yet Sussman said issues also tend to arise when couples move in together or get married and face the decision about whether to combine finances, a notoriously difficult choice. If they’re hesitant, “might this show that there’s a lack of trust?”

Or, fights about money might come up later. Maybe both partners worked when they started dating, but once they had kids, one partner stayed home. The partner who works might be “holding that over [the other partner’s] head,” or even engage in financial blackmail, Sussman said.

Couples fight when one partner prioritizes work over the relationship.

Couples fight when one partner prioritizes work over the relationship.Hero Images/Getty Images

“Someone might be a workaholic,” Sussman said, “or someone might be prioritizing work over relationships.”

As Michael McNulty, a master trainer from The Gottman Institute and founder of the Chicago Relationship Center, told Business Insider’s Rachel Gillett, “Having a spouse addicted to work can feel like as much of a betrayal as extramarital affair to the other spouse.”

Couples can sometimes argue over addiction.

Couples can sometimes argue over addiction.David Silverman/Getty Images

Sometimes people bring their partner to see Sussman because the partner has an alcohol problem — or at least the person perceives it that way.

As it turns out, one small study, published 2013 in the journal Couple and Family Psychology, found that substance abuse was a common “final straw” in the decision to get divorced.

After couples have children, they often argue about not spending enough time with one another anymore.

After couples have children, they often argue about not spending enough time with one another anymore.Hrecheniuk Oleksii/Shutterstock

Sussman says she sees a lot of couples with small children who aren’t finding enough time to connect with one another. Sometimes they feel “their relationship has become very transactional.”

Scientists who have studied the transition to parenting say there are three factors that help a couple maintain intimacy after having a baby:

• “Building fondness and affection for your partner”
• “Being aware of what is going on in your spouse’s life and being responsive to it”
• “Approaching problems as something you and your partner can control and solve together as a couple”

Couples fight if there is too little (or too much) sex.

Couples fight if there is too little (or too much) sex.t.germeau / Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Sometimes one partner wants sex more than the other, Sussman said. She’s also been told that one of them is “feeling that their sex life has died.”

Bat Sheva Marcus, the sexual dysfunction specialist and clinical director of The Medical Center For Female Sexuality, previously told Business Insider about the usefulness of a “sex schedule,” which is exactly what it sounds like. “If you want to have sex, you need to schedule sex,” Marcus said, especially when both partners are busy, or when they have different desire levels. “That doesn’t make the sex any less special.”

Infidelity can be detrimental to relationships.

Infidelity can be detrimental to relationships.StockLite/Shutterstock

This is something Sussman said she sees plenty of in her practice.

While the discovery of an affair can potentially destroy a relationship, it doesn’t have to. Couples therapist Esther Perel previously told Business Insider that couples can sometimes become closer and more honest with each other in the wake of infidelity, almost as though they’re entering into another marriage.

Couples disagree over how to raise their children.

Couples disagree over how to raise their children.Areipa.lt/Shutterstock

A common parenting problem Sussman sees is that one parent is more lenient and one parent is stricter.

That’s why Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist who’s written multiple books about parenting, previously told Business Insider that the No. 1 question you and your partner should discuss before having kids is: How do you manage joint decision-making?

“If you have parents who have a hard time bridging disagreements,” Pickhardt said, “that’s probably not a great sign. They’ve got to be able to know how to communicate, and how to change, and how to make concessions, and how to compromise.”

The bottom line: If you’re arguing over and over about the same thing, it may be time to see a couples counselor.

The bottom line: If you're arguing over and over about the same thing, it may be time to see a couples counselor.‘The Break-up’/Universal Studios

“Too much bickering will wear down any relationship,” Sussman said. “I’ve heard people say, ‘This relationship ended by death by a thousand paper cuts.'”

That’s why she makes the following recommendation: “If you’re going over and over again about something and you can’t seem to create a solution, go see a couples counselor — not to solve the problem, but to learn the skill set so you can do a better job of working through these conflicts as they come up in your life.”

 

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5 Things You Need to Think About Before Breaking up With Your Partner

Breaking up is difficult, no matter what.

Are you wondering how to break up with someone you’ve been with for a while now? Do you want to end your relationship without any regret or heartbreak?

Are you mostly sure that the person you are with is not the person for you? Are you desperately trying to figure out whether you are doing the right thing?

Breaking up with someone you love (but may no longer be in love with) is difficult for everyone involved. You need to be fully aware that if you don’t do this right, you could leave the other person devastated and heartbroken.

Ending a relationship without regret is fully possible. In an ideal world, every relationship would end without regrets and with your head held high.

Here are 5 things to remember when you want to break up with someone and end your relationship with no regret.

1. Make sure that you give it your best shot

When you want to end a relationship without regret, it’s very important to make sure that you do everything in your power to make it work.

Many people walk away from relationships without really doing honest work. They leave because their guy doesn’t understand their feelings or their girl won’t let them go out with the guys on the weekends.

In the words of Arianna Grande, “Thank you, next.”

But, what if there is a hidden gem under that surface issue that you don’t see because you just up and walk away from a relationship? What if your guy doesn’t understand your feelings but he loves you madly and would love to figure out how to do it but he needs you to show him?

My boyfriend once said to me, in the face of my sadness, “I don’t know what to do!!!” And he didn’t. He had a better idea once I showed him.

So, make sure you aren’t breaking up with someone because of some surface sentiment. Do the work, dig deep, talk to your person about the things that are frustrating you and see if you can fix them so you can continue moving forward together.

Wouldn’t you hate to see your person with someone else, being the person that you wanted them to be but never asked?

2. Do it for the right reasons

Make sure, when you are thinking about how to end a relationship without regret, that you are doing it for the right reasons. If you are ending your relationship because there is someone else, don’t. The grass isn’t always greener, no matter how amazing it looks right now.

If you are ending your relationship because your friends or family tell you that you should, don’t. This is your relationship and you need to figure out if this is the person for you.

If you are ending your relationship because your person doesn’t make enough money or isn’t hot enough or listens to weird music, don’t. Just because someone doesn’t fit society’s ideal of the perfect person, that doesn’t mean they might not be the perfect person for you.

Make sure that you are ending your relationship for the right reasons, that you have given it thought and know that this person is not the right person for you. If you don’t, you might always regret it!

3. Don’t be a ghost

If you want to end a relationship and feel good about it, don’t disappear.

Ghosting seems to be the thing these days — men and women disappearing without a word to their partner. Whether it be because they are scared to face someone or they are too lazy to deal or they are just too busy, people just vanish, never to be heard from again.

And, while this might feel good at the moment, I can promise you that someday, you will regret it.

You will regret treating someone with so little respect, knowing that you have hurt them deeply and that you could have done things differently.

Once you ghost someone, you can’t take it back. You will always be the person who did that.

So, if you are considering ghosting your person, don’t. I can promise you that you will regret it — big time — someday.

4. Allow them to speak their piece

When you are breaking up with someone it is important for them to be able to have a conversation with you about your decision to end the relationship.

People like to process breakups and whether the relationship ending abruptly or died a slow death, it is important that each of you get the opportunity to talk about it with the other.

I am not saying that it needs to be hashed out over and over and over but giving each other the chance to say what needs to be said is a very important piece of ending a relationship without regret.

5. Do unto others

If you are still wondering how to end a relationship without regret, here is the gold standard for doing so.

The very best way to end a relationship without regret is by treating your person the way you would want to be treated.

That is not to say that if you aren’t the kind of person who doesn’t want to process a breakup verbally, you don’t let your partner do that. I am sure that, if the shoe was on the other foot, you would want to be treated with kindness and respect. You wouldn’t want your person to disappear or talk about you behind your back. You would like to speak your piece and move on.

So, think carefully about how you would feel if someone was breaking up with you and how you would want to be treated in the process.

Thinking about how to end a relationship without regret ahead of time is an excellent way to ensure that your relationship ends well.

Having regret about the end of a relationship is something that you will have to live with forever. And I can promise you, from first-hand experience, you don’t want that and the broken heart that comes with it.

So, make sure that you don’t give up too quickly, that you don’t disappear, that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you allow them to say what they need to say.

If you do these things, you will be able to move forward with a clear conscience and find the love of your life.

Good luck! You can do it!

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world. 

 

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10 Reasons Why Divorced Women Are The Strongest

“Dear Women, you have the courage to be alone for the right reasons than to be with anyone for the wrong ones.”

Marriage is a beautiful relationship between two individuals and its dissolution leading to a divorce can be painful for anyone.

However, it is all the more harder on women because of the cultural conditioning we have been brought up with.

It can invoke feelings of failure and loss, fear of unknown and discomfort of dealing with collective societal judgments.

These are all the more reasons that prove that women who decide to exit a bad marriage in spite of all these fears are extremely strong, capable and self respecting.

It also shows a very high level of self dependence and personal power explains Helen Fisher in her avant-garde book “Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage and Why We Stray”.

“This correlation between economic independence and divorce rate is seen in a host of cultures, where men and women are not dependent on each other to survive economically, bad marriages can end— and often do.”, states Fisher.

Writer/director Mark Radcliffe also has stated several compelling reasons that display that divorced women are much stronger and attractive than their counterparts in his articles. For reasons ranging from having the balls to walk away from something that isn’t fulfilling to having a deep knowledge of what works and what doesn’t work for them individually.

So ladies, if you have taken a bold step of exiting a marriage that hasn’t been fulfilling, know that you are far more courageous than you know.

Here, we have compiled a list of 10 awesome reasons that prove that you are the strongest and you deserve all the happiness in the world:

1) Having experienced loss and rebounding from it makes you a badass

Moving out of a marriage even if it was loveless and not right for you can still be extremely painful and disheartening.

It can sometimes happen that women think that it’s better to stay in a loveless marriage due to fear of society or other conditions but you are strong enough to move past that fear because you cherish your freedom and right to be happy over what other people would think.

This displays your resilience, courage and self sufficiency .All these traits make you extremely badass.

2) You had the guts to take a swing at love

A lot of people shrink away from the idea of marriage due to the fear of getting hurt. But you, at least had the courage to give your love a shot by taking a plunge into marriage.

It’s ok if it dint work out, at least you had the guts to go for something your heart wanted in the first place. That’s a very brave and courageous move.

3) You have the courage to be alone for the right reasons than to be with anyone for the wrong reasons.

You know that it’s better to be on your own, doing your own thing than being in a lifeless and loveless relationship. You have the strength to be happy on your own and you do not stay in a relationship just to have anybody stand next to you.

4) You know that a fulfilling relationship takes work

You also know that love takes team work and requires both partners to invest in making the relationship work instead of believing in some fairytale idea that everything takes care of itself in a relationship.

You know that successful marriage requires two mature and independent individuals who come together to support each other grow instead of being codependent and stifling each other’s growth.

You have a more mature and practical approach to love and marriage instead of having a childish candy floss idea of romance.

5) You have the courage to walk from something that isn’t wholesome and fulfilling

Your guts to walk away from something that wasn’t fulfilling and wholesome display the kind of standards and principles you have.

You had the balls to stand up and say that this isn’t what I want and moved on and faced the world alone. That takes a lot of incredible power, girl!

6) You’ve humbled by recognizing and learning from your experience

Every experience in life teaches us valuable lessons about who we are and what we want from life. This kind of self awareness is extremely important as it bestows a person with a humble and yet a very confident self esteem.

Infact most of our failed relationships are great platforms that have provided us with this extremely useful knowledge of what our needs and non negotiable are in our relationships.

And this knowledge can help us to choose our future partners wisely.

7) You have a deep knowledge of what satisfies you emotionally and sexually

Break ups always leave you in an introspective mode where you try to find out what went wrong and what the learning from your experience is.

The result of this activity is that it opens up a doorway for profound insights into your own likes and dislikes, preferences, desires and non negotiable.

Going through a divorce (as painful as it might feel), also means that the entire process has helped you immensely to be more self aware.

So, now you have a deep knowledge of what satisfies you emotionally and sexually and that’s a very rare trait for both men and women, because a lot of people don’t take out the time for this kind of introspection and self awareness.

8) You know what losing love feels like

You have experienced what losing love feels like and you would also make every effort to keep it from happening again.

You would be more willing and open to have tough conversations that are part and parcel of every relationship.

Infact most of the relationships fall apart because people avoid these tough conversations. But you wouldn’t run away from this and actually encourage your partner to have those tough conversations that can strengthen the relationship.

9) You live your life to the fullest

Your choosing to invest in yourself than investing in a lifeless relationship shows the kind of love and respect you have for yourself. You always deserved the self-love you were sacred to provide yourself.

10) Your scars area sign of your wisdom and make you all the more attractive

You have experienced a very wide range of human emotions from pain and loss to love and euphoria, which gives you a certain depth and ability to appreciate all that life has to offer.

A few kinks in your armor or few scars are only a sign of your warrior strength and have made you more attractive and inspiring for people.

So, if you’re worried about your future, don’t be. There are a lot of people out there who find all these traits way more attractive than superficial stuff and you would find someone incredible walking your path pretty soon.

And even if you don’t you would still be kickass girl!

One separation cannot stop the fierce spirit that you are.

 

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Tales of Rock – Former Rolling Stone, Bill Wyman says he was ’stupid to ever think’ marriage to teen bride would work

Rock star Bill Wyman (52) of The Rolling Stones pop group, kisses his new bride, the former Mandy Smith (19) outside St. John’s church, London, England on June 5, 1989. The couple were married in secret on June 2 at a civil service and the second ceremony was to bless the marriage in church. (AP Photo/David Caulkin) (David Caulkin/AP)

At the time, wild horses couldn’t drag him away — but now former Rolling Stone Bill Wyman admits regret over marrying Mandy Smith in 1989 when she was just 18 and he was 52.

In the controversial documentary “The Quiet One,” which premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival Thursday night, Wyman, now 82, says he was “stupid to ever think it could possibly work.”

The film, which makes use of the meticulously kept photos, film footage and memorabilia from the rocker’s personal archives, was pulled from England’s Sheffield Doc/Fest next month because of his scandalous relationship with Smith. The pair met when she was 13 and he was 47 in the mid-80s. And though Smith was of legal age when they married, following their divorce a few years later, she claimed they first had sex when she was just 14.

Rock star Bill Wyman (52) of The Rolling Stones pop group, kisses his new bride, the former Mandy Smith (19) outside St. John’s church, London, England on June 5, 1989. The couple were married in secret on June 2 at a civil service and the second ceremony was to bless the marriage in church. (AP Photo/David Caulkin) (D. Caulkin)

Wyman and Smith split in 1991 just two years after their marriage, and then finalized their divorce two years later.

In “The Quiet One,” Wyman defends the relationship, saying, “It was from the heart. It wasn’t lust, which people were seeing it as.”

But he also admits, “I was really stupid to ever think it could possibly work. She was too young. I felt she had to go out and see life for a bit.”

In 2013, following other prominent sex scandals in England, Wyman said that he offered to be interviewed by authorities about his relationship with Smith. “I went to the police and I went to the public prosecutor and said, ‘Do you want to talk to me? Do you want to meet up with me, or anything like that?’ And I got a message back, ‘No.’”

Wyman, a founding member of the Rolling Stones, played bass guitar for the legendary rock band from 1962 until 1993.

“The Quiet One,” written and directed by British filmmaker Oliver Murray, features plenty of footage and photos from his years with the Stones. But it also touches on his family life growing up in working-class London, including the tension he had with his father who pulled him out of school to work for a bookie to help support the family.

Wyman also expresses the love he had for his grandmother, who he lived with on and off as an adolescent, and was the only family member who showed him affection, he says.

In the film, the bass player addresses his womanizing in the early days of the Stones’ success and admits that was partially to blame for the split from his first wife, Diane, who he was married to between 1959 and 1969. He and Diane had a son Stephen, who Wyman won custody of when he felt that his ex wasn’t properly taking care of him, he says.

Wyman married his third and current wife Suzanne Accosta in 1993 and they share three daughters.

Jerry Hall, the former longtime romantic partner of Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger, was in the audience at the film’s premiere, along with her husband, media mogul Rupert Murdoch. Also in the house at the SVA Theatre in Chelsea were Wyman’s wife, Suzanne Accosta, and their youngest daughter, Matilda.

 

 

Should I Talk to My Ex? 15 Revealing Questions to Find Your Answer

Should I talk to my ex? Deciding whether or not to talk to your ex is a hard choice. You don’t necessarily want to just cut this person out of your life so abruptly. But, you also don’t want to maintain the relationship you had. There is a reason you broke up in the first place.

But, there are a lot of things to consider when deciding whether or not you should talk to your ex. And ultimately, the decision is yours.

So, is it beneficial to talk to your ex? Is it worth the trouble? Is it a positive addition to your life or will it make things harder for you? These are just some of the things to consider when you ask yourself, should I talk to my ex?

Should I talk to my ex now?

First things first, you do not need to make this decision right now. Whether you just broke up or it has been a while, you can think about it. You do not need to respond to a text or decide this right now. As I said, you have a lot to consider here, take your time.

From my experience, if you rush this decision, one way or another, it is not easy to back out later. 

Should I talk to my ex?

Now that it has come time for you to consider whether or not to talk to your ex, balance the pros and cons. Think about what talking to them would add to your life, if anything.

Did you break up mutually and you’re on good terms? Or do you still hold resentment towards each other? Read on to help yourself answer the questions, should I talk to my ex?

#1 Did you just break up? If you and your ex just recently ended things, it is best to take a break for a while. Sure, if you need to talk to move out or get your stuff back, but otherwise taking time away from each other will help you move on.

If you talk too soon after a break up, you won’t get that ending. You don’t get to feel that loss or mourn the relationship. You need some time to not see them or talk to them before considering talking again. [Read: 13 essentials you need to move on from heartbreak]

#2 Do you share friends? This is a big one. If not talking to your ex messes with your friends, it may be best to swallow any resentment or bitterness and be cordial. This does not mean you need to text each other or keep up with the latest, but it does mean you will probably need to be okay sharing small talk with the group.

Again, you don’t need to force yourself to do this if it makes you uncomfortable,but if you can put aside the residual relationship problems while you’re with friends, everyone will be better off.

#3 Work together? Working together is just as important as sharing friends, if not more so. Neither one of you wants to put your job at risk because you ended your outside relationship. So, don’t.

If you can work together on the most professional level, wonderful. Walking past their desk or bumping into them in the copy room should be a piece of cake. But, if you work closely together or one of you is the other’s superior you may need to go to human resources to make things easier for both you and anyone else affected. 

#4 Do you need closure? If you aren’t considering talking to your ex in the long run, but need to in order to hurdle the end of your relationship, then by all means, do it. My advice though is to be upfront about what you want out of that talk.

If you are meeting with your ex, don’t be misleading about it. When making the plan let them know you need to get closure and talk out anything you may not have before the breakup. You can both be mature and calm about it. I know it may not seem that way, but you can.

#5 Does one of you want to get back together? If either you or your ex is looking to start things up again, talking may not be the best idea. Sure, you can talk to let them know you’re not interested in that, but try to hold back on deep conversation.

These sorts of talks with your ex seem polite and friendly at first but can get messy very quickly if you are not careful. 

#6 Do you get along? You may think that you get along because you dated them for so many months or years but really think about this. Many relationships thrive off of passion rather than friendship or communication. If you don’t get along in the most basic of situations, talking to your ex is not going to go over well.

For example, I have an ex I never talk to. We ran into each other once after the breakup. It was clear we just didn’t get one another outside of the walls of a relationship. But, I have another ex where we can bond over tons of topics. We can sit and talk about anything, just as friends.

You do not want to talk to an ex that will make the talking hard for you.

#7 Are they respectful of you moving on? Whether you need to move on from your ex or move on with someone else, talking to your ex is only worth it if they can be respectful of your privacy. If they feel the need to know your current dating situation or feel the need to judge you for it, it is just not worth it.

It may seem rude to cut your ex out of your life, but if they don’t add to it, why bother with them? And remember, the same goes for you. You may want to talk to your ex, but if you will have a hard time dealing with them moving on, just don’t.

#8 Do you want to be friends? Often times, people talk with their ex for a bunch of reasons that do not include actually wanting to be friends with them. They want to be nice or cordial or mature, but none of that is really necessary.

If you do not want to be friends with your ex, you do not have to be, it is as simple as that. 

#9 Is this for them or for you? I am not claiming to know anything about your relationship or why it ended, but no matter the terms, only talk to your ex if it is beneficial to you and your life. You may feel bad that you hurt them so you want to make things easier for them by talking regularly.

You may like their family or just want to gradually slow things down. The thing is, any reason for talking to your ex that isn’t for you and your well-being or happiness will make things harder than they have to be.

#10 Do you trust them? If you are just talking in passing hallways, trust isn’t that big of a deal.But, if you are considering talking to your ex on a regular basis, about anything more important than the weather, you need to trust them.

Talking to a liar or someone you cannot trust not only lessens the friendship, but it also makes you lose trust in yourself. No matter who your ex is to you now, having someone in your life that you do not trust is toxic. 

#11 Is it worth the potential drama? Is your ex stable? During your relationship, were your fights calm and collected? Or did they lose it? If this person was fine with yelling at you or losing their temper or talking to people in your life behind your back before, they will continue to do so.

Is that drama and headache worth it? Is your friendship with your ex really so important that you will continue to put up with the stuff you probably ended the relationship for?

#12 Is there already drama? Think about right now. Are you considering talking to your ex because they are reaching out? Are they claiming you are mean, cruel, or cold-hearted because you won’t respond to them?

You may think it would be easier just to answer, but in fact, that is what they want. They want a rise out of you. If someone is already harassing you and you aren’t entertaining them, things will only get worse if you do. 

#13 Why did you break up? Did you break up because you grew apart? Did one of you take a job offer far away? Did one of you cheat? Think about the true reason things ended. If it was mutual and you would both benefit from continuing to talk, then go for it.

But, if things ended because your relationship was dysfunctional or poisonous to your mental, physical, or emotional health, do not talk to your ex.

#14 Were you friends before you dated? If you started out as friends before they became your ex, you may be able to get back to that state now. You can bond over what you did before things got romantic. Just remember, you have a history now and if you can’t overcome that, things will likely get messy.

Having access to your ex regularly almost always ends badly or regrettably, but if you can find common platonic groups to focus on, talking to your ex could actually be nice. 

#15 Why do you need to talk? Ask yourself why you are even considering talking to your ex. Do you miss them and need closure? Do you want your favorite DVD back? Think about the reason why you ask yourself this question. Is it reasonable and rational for you to talk to your ex, or is it something else?

Considering all of these possibilities, is it worth it for you to talk to your ex? In almost every case when I have asked myself, should I talk to my ex, the answer was no.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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5 Things you should never say to your partner

Not good…

Words are powerful

“You never do anything around here!”

“You’re overreacting!”

“Are you that dumb?”

Yep. Chances are, that in the heat of an argument, you’ll either hurl a ‘low blow’ at your partner – or be at the receiving end of a not-so-nice comment!

 

We all know that communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. But, just as words have the ability to build up, they also have the power to tear down.

Relationships are fragile – and all it takes is one snarky comment or snide remark to tear down months – or years – of ‘good’.

While it’s impossible to ‘police’ every word that comes out of your mouth (especially when you’re angry or hurt) – it is probably a good idea to practise a little mindfulness when it comes to choosing what you say, and of course, how you say it!

Here are five things you should never say to your partner:

1. “You always!” or “You never!”

Absolute phrases like “always” and “never” carry a lot of weight.

How truthful are you being when you say something like “You never help with the kids!”? Is it that your partner truly, never helps? Or, that he often works late, and thus only helps with what he can?

If you think about it, there’s a big difference.

Instead of assassinating your partner’s character with hurtful, unproductive statements during an unrelated fight; rather take a minute when you’re not at each other’s throats and acknowledge what your partner does do, and then ask them if they could find time to help you out in other ways!

In a marriage, it’s normal for silly arguments to spiral out of control

2. “You’re overreacting”…

We often pass remarks like “Calm down!”, “You’re too sensitive” and “You’re overreacting!” when we don’t understand why our partner feels a certain way. But, what we tend to forget, is that just because we might not understand how they feel, doesn’t mean that their feelings aren’t justified.

Your partner’s emotions are always valid – and need to be heard, not dismissed.

An alternative statement to try might be something like; “I can understand why you feel that way, but maybe tomorrow you will feel differently about it!”.

3. “I want a divorce”

In a marriage, it’s normal for silly arguments to spiral out of control. What is not normal, and not OK, is to hurl the ‘D’-word around – unless you are 100% sure that you have come to that point in your relationship.

If you haven’t, then threatening divorce is nothing more than that – an idle threat – and all you’re essentially communicating is that you have one foot out of the door, and your partner can’t feel ‘safe’ in your commitment anymore!

4. “I make more money than you”

Bringing up who pays for what will never get you anywhere. It shouldn’t matter who makes more money – because at the end of the day, you’re a team that’s building a life together.

5. Nothing

Sigh.

‘Nothing’ is probably the worst thing you can say in a relationship – but a lot of people serve up the silent treatment when they’re upset about something.

While there is a place to reserve your words when you feel like you’re being irrational, there’s a big difference between holding your tongue and the silent treatment.

Refusing to talk to your partner is not only an immature way to communicate that you’re upset, but is also a form of punishment and manipulation.

Giving your partner the cold shoulder ultimately does more harm than good – as it hinders communication and finding solutions to your relationship problems!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

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