So, it’s been a minute since you shook the sheets with your spouse. You tell yourself that every relationship runs into a sex rut from time to time. But somewhere in your brain, you can’t help but worry.
Because you may have crossed over into sexless marriage territory. A slew of Google searches begins: How many times should couples make love in a week? Does once a month qualify as a sexless marriage? Before long, you’re in a full-blown panic over the state of your marital union.
The first thing to do is to breathe. Relax. Know that you aren’t alone and there isn’t any shame in seeking out answers. And to minimize your digging for answers, we created this article on how to tell if you’re in a sexless marriage; and ways to cope once you’ve established your marital intimacy could use a booster shot. But first what’s a sexless marriage?
What’s A Sexless Marriage?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. A marriage in which very little to no sex occurs is a sexless marriage. Very little is different for each couple. Some couples feel sex should occur several times a week, while others require sex several times a month. There are cases with couples who have sex only several times a year and that is enough for them. Therefore, what constitutes very little sex is different and defined by each couple. Physical intimacy is what separates a friendship or platonic relationship from a romantic one. Without it, those in a marriage can feel more like roommates.
How can you tell if you’re in one?
You’re going to have to trust your gut on this one. What’s normal for you? If you and your partner previously enjoyed sex several times a week and it has dwindled down to once a month, that may qualify as a sexless marriage in your relationship. Obviously, if you aren’t having any sex at all anymore — and you have historically been a couple who likes to get frisky — it’s readily apparent you have some intimacy issue to work through. If you’re still unsure, consider speaking with a sex therapist or psychologist to discuss your concerns.
What are the possible reasons for a sexless marriage?
Relationships take work, and that includes intimacy. With so many other things weighing on your mind, it is easy to let things like exhaustion overshadow your sex life. However, it isn’t always a matter of neglecting to nurture that intimacy. Sometimes issues that prevent or negatively impact a healthy sex life are much deeper than just the act of sex itself. These issues may include:
conflict in the marriage
lack of trust in the relationship
sexual incompatibility
history of trauma
changes in libido
relationship or sexual boredom
erectile dysfunction or vaginismus
emotional dysregulation
mental illness
side effects from medication or substance abuse
effects of pornography addiction
Are there ways to cope with a sexless marriage?
As you may have guessed, communication is key! The first thing to do is talk about it with each other openly and honestly. Discuss the decline in sex and explore what may be contributing to it. Then brainstorm solutions. If possible, make adjustments to any causes that impact your sex life, such as reducing stress, making changes to schedules, etc. Recognize that it will not be easy to make changes to your sex life. But it is doable by staying mindful of it.
Another idea? Prioritize sex much like you would anything else in your life — by putting it on the calendar. Couples can also schedule sex, much like they schedule other events and tasks. Scheduling intimacy time, like planning dates, lets each partner know when a physical connection will occur and gives them something to look forward to.
Can a sexless marriage survive?
Don’t dismay — you can fix a sexless marriage. However, it’s important to accept that you might not be able to do it alone. If you find it difficult to make changes on your own, then seek the help of a licensed professional. We also recommend a marriage and family therapist and/or a therapist who specializes in sex problems (a sexologist). You need not feel embarrassed, as these professionals can help you get back on track in their relationship without wasting more time that can lead to resentment — or the demise of the relationship.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Being in a relationship brings an equal share of moments that are joyous and others that are difficult.
As the honeymoon phase inevitably comes to an end, there are many ways that you can work with your partner to keep your relationship exciting and fulfilling.
The most successful couples share equal responsibility for household chores, have similar financial habits, and support each other through the ups and downs.
Romantic relationships are challenging, rewarding, confusing, and exhilarating — sometimes all at the same time.
Should you take things slowly at the beginning or dive right in? Can things stay hot in the bedroom even after years of being together? What happens when one of you wants to use a holiday bonus to invest in Bitcoin and the other wants to go on a vacation?
The answers aren’t always clear, but when it comes to marital satisfaction, science has some interesting things to offer.
According to research, the happiest couples are those who:
1. Don’t fight over text
What seems obvious is now backed up by science: A 2013 study out of Brigham Young University shows that couples who argue over text, apologize over text, and/or attempt to make decisions over text are less happy in their relationships.
When it comes to the big stuff, don’t let an emoji take the place of your actual face.
2. Don’t have kids
Children are one of the most fulfilling parts of life. Unfortunately, they’re hell on relationships. Numerous studies, including a 2014 survey of 5,000 people in long-term relationships, show that childless couples (married or unmarried) are happiest.
This isn’t to say you can’t be happy if you have kids — it’s just to understand that it’s normal to not feel happy sometimes. Many couples put pressure on themselves to feel perfectly fulfilled once they have what they’ve always wanted (a long-term partnership with children), but the reality of kids is that they’re very stressful on relationships.
3. Have friends who stay married
If you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, you’re also just as married as them.
According to research out of Brown University, you’re 75% more likely to get divorced if a friend or close relative has already done the deed. When it’s someone with one more degree of separation out (the friend of a friend), you’re 33% more likely to get divorced.
Researchers had this to say on the ramifications of the results: “We suggest that attending to the health of one’s friends’ marriages might serve to support and enhance the durability of one’s own relationship.”
4. Fight at the beginning, then not a lot
Psychologists like Herb Goldberg suggest that our model for relationship is backward — we tend to expect things to go smoothly at the beginning, and for problems (and conflicts) to arise later. In fact, Goldberg argues that couples should have “rough and ragged” beginnings where they work things out, and then look forward to a long and happy incline in the state of the relationship.
Research agrees: A Florida State study found that couples who are able to be openly angry in the beginning are happier long-term. According to lead researcher James McNulty, the “short-term discomfort of an angry but honest conversation” is healthy for the relationship over the long haul.
5. Are comprised of one first-born child and one last-born child
There’s an entire body of research on how your birth order impacts your life, including your relationships as well as professional success. One of the happiest pairings for couples? Someone who was the youngest child with someone who was the oldest.
Researchers hypothesize this may be because the relationship has one person who enjoys being taken care of, and one who’s used to taking care of others.
6. Know who does what when it comes to housework
According to a 2013 UCLA study, couples who agree to share chores at home are more likely to be happier in their relationships. An important caveat: Couples who have clearly defined responsibilities are far more likely to be satisfied.
In other words, when you know what to do and what’s expected of you, you tend to be happier both yourself and with your spouse. This might be a good thing to sit down and discuss in the new year, especially if you’re newly cohabitating.
7. Are gay, or straight and feminist
In a 2014 study of 5,000 people, researchers found that gay couples are “happier and more positive” about their relationships than their heterosexual counterparts. Straight couples made less time for each other and were less likely to share common interests and communicate well.
Straight couples are better off being feminists. Research out of Rutgers shows that both men and women with feminist partners are more satisfied in their (hetero) relationships. The name of the 2007 study? Feminism And Romance Go Hand In Hand.
8. If heterosexual, when husbands view wives as more attractive of the two
Levels of attractiveness within couples have long been the subject of debate (not to mention song lyrics). According to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, when husbands view their wives as the more attractive of the pair, not only are they more satisfied in the relationship, but the wives are, too. The opposite was not true — when husbands thought they were better-looking, they weren’t as happy.
9. Are best friends
The National Bureau of Economic Research did a study demonstrating that marriage, on the whole, leads to increased levels of happiness (they controlled for premarital happiness).
Perhaps more telling was the finding that people who consider their spouse to be their best friend are almost twice as satisfied in their marriages as other people.
“What immediately intrigued me about the results was to rethink marriage as a whole,” researcher John Helliwell said. “Maybe what is really important is friendship, and to never forget that in the push and pull of daily life.”
10. And have a lot of friends in common
In 2013, Facebook released a report that analyzed 1.3 million of its users, looking at, among other things, relationships. The conclusion? Couples with overlapping social networks tended to be less likely to break up — especially when that closeness included “social dispersion,” or the introduction of one person’s sphere to the other, and vice versa.
In other words, the best-case scenario is when each person has their own circle, but the two also overlap.
11. Spend money in similar ways
The two biggest things couples fight about are sex and money. When it comes to the latter, it’s well-known to psychologists as well as social scientists that for some reason, people tend to attract their spending opposite. Big spenders tend to attract thrifty people, and vice versa.
A 2009 University of Michigan study corroborated this. Researchers found that both married and unmarried people tend to select their “money opposite” — and that this causes strife in the relationship. The happiest couples tend to spend money in a similar way, whether that is saving or indulging.
12. Have sex at least once a week
Probably the best statistic of the bunch comes from a 2004 study, which showed that upping your sexual activity from once a month to once a week can cause happiness levels to jump by as much if you made an extra $50,000 a year.
The study, entitled “Money, Sex, and Happiness: An Empirical Study” sampled 16,000 adult Americans. One of its main conclusions: “[S]exual activity enters strongly positively in happiness equations.”
13. Celebrate each other’s achievements
Anyone who has been in a relationship can attest to this one, but now there’s research to confirm it: A 2009 study in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that when couples celebrate their partner’s accomplishments as if they were their own, they’re more satisfied in the relationship.
“In good times and bad” includes the good times — something it can be easy to forget. And it’s true; there’s nothing quite so satisfying as having your partner be loudly and enthusiastically in your corner when you do well.
Joy, after all, multiplies with love.
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Tokyo (AFP) – A sharply dressed crowd of Japanese singletons shuffle awkwardly around conference-room tables, exchanging small-talk and CVs in an attempt to find a marriage partner — all of them accompanied by their parents.
One 38-year-old woman, who declined to give her name, said she “didn’t have the courage” to find a spouse and move away from her mother, who had come with her to the match-making party.
“I didn’t have many good opportunities to meet someone,” she explained, adding: “My workplace has lots of women but not many men.”
Roughly a quarter of Japanese people between 20 and 49 are single, according to government data.
And while people of this age routinely express a wish to get married, outdated social attitudes and increasing economic pressure is making tying the knot more and more difficult, experts say.
Sociology professor Masahiro Yamada from Tokyo’s Chuo University told AFP that the norm of single people living with their parents until marriage means there is less immediate pressure to find a partner.
“They think it’s a waste of time to have a relationship with someone who does not meet their conditions” and can afford to wait for a better catch, he said, dubbing these people “parasite singles.”
Although long-term financial security with a husband or wife is seen as important, the difficulty of finding affordable housing adds to the incentive to stay with mum and dad, he said.
One 74-year-old man at the party, on the hunt for a suitable bride for his 46-year-old son, pointed to another problem: overcoming shyness.
“My son is a salesman. He’s good at dealing with customers but he is very hesitant when it comes to women,” said the father.
Why was his son not looking for himself? He was too busy with work.
– Workaholic Japan –
The same father said his eldest daughter was married but his youngest, a doctor living in the US, is single at the age of 34.
He said he is worried for her, “as I’ve heard it is hard for female doctors to find partners”.
Shigeki Matsuda, a sociology professor at Chukyo University in central Japan, blames the country’s falling marriage rate on a phenomenon known as “hypergamy”.
“Japanese women tend to seek men with stable employment and education levels” higher than them, he explained.
Anecdotal evidence from the match-making party seemed to bear this out, a small queue of women forming to exchange contact details with one of the men who, it emerged, had the highest income of the group.
“The high ratio of unmarried men and women won’t change unless more women accept the idea of marrying a man with an income lower than herself,” said Yamada.
In addition, many people meet future spouses in the office in workaholic Japan, and there are fewer opportunities as jobs become more precarious.
In the decades after World War II, Japan rebuilt its economy largely via huge corporations offering ultra-dedicated workers a job for life — but that pattern is changing rapidly and job security is declining.
Since the early 1990s, the ratio of non-permanent and contract employees has risen from around 15 percent to just below 40 percent, according to labor ministry statistics.
– Focus on love –
“Lower levels of income and an increase in the number of extremely unstable jobs — with the fear of getting sacked at any time — are not helping people to think about getting married and having a family,” said Shuchiro Sekine, head of a trade union representing contract workers.
Even if these workers hope to find a partner, with less job security and lower income comes less chance of finding a spouse.
Six out of 10 men aged between 30-34 with a classic “salaryman” job were married as of 2017, according to a government study issued this year, whereas only 22 percent of male contract workers the same age had a wife.
Those at the Tokyo match-making party are the lucky ones, Sekine told AFP.”Those on lower incomes wouldn’t even think about attending.”
Despite these barriers, do such events help? Shoji Wakisaka, head of the association hosting the party, said there was no firm data but there had been some successes — if limited.
“About two percent of participants on average find a spouse.”
One single woman at the party said it was an “efficient” place to meet others who want to get married.
“You can’t exactly ask passers-by if they are married,” her mother added.
A marriage counselor at the party, Noriko Miyagoshi, implored would-be lovebirds to forget the finances and focus on Cupid’s arrow.
“You shouldn’t be making a lot of conditions,” she told participants.”I hope you choose the one you genuinely feel you’ll be able to get along with.”
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If you really love a man, you look forward to the day when he will propose you. You start weaving dreams of your future together looking for the signs he wants to marry you someday. You can sense that he admires you, possibly loves you deeply, but whether or not he wants to settle down with you someday remains a question.
If he wants to marry you someday, even if that day is not in near future, he will give you some signs. With a bit of attention to detail, you can easily figure out that he thinks you are the one for him. And that’s exactly what you want to know right? So go through the below signs that indicate he wants to make you his wife someday.
15 Signs He Wants To Marry You Someday
Perhaps you have been seeing each other for quite some time now and it feels like you have met your soulmate. And now you want to know whether he is going to be your life-partner or not. So you want to look for clear signs that indicate he is going to marry you someday. Asking that directly may not seem plausible to you, but you can certainly look for these signs.
1. He has made you a part of his life
Affairs are usually secrets and at times two people do not share much beyond their fantasies and desires. However, when two people fall in love, they tend to make efforts to know more and more about each other. And when a couple is looking to settle in life together, they make each other part of it much before.
If your man has no qualms introducing you to his friends, colleagues, has no issues to be seen with you in public places, and he no more endorses the single life, he is definitely looking to marry you someday.
If he shares his goals with you, confides in you, and includes you in his day to day life, he surely has plans to have you in his life forever.
2. You have met his family
If your guy has made you meet his family and close ones, then you should consider this as a very important sign that he wants to marry you someday. His family are the other people whom he loves the most, besides you. If he is seeing a future with you, he would want you to be present at his family’s get-togethers and gatherings. He is relying on you to make a connection with his family members, plus he also wants his family to know you.
Apart from this, he will take keen interest in your family, relatives and close friends. He looks forward to spending time with them as well, as he wishes to know them better too.
3. He talks about the future with you
If your man wants to have you as his wife one day, he will discuss his future with you. He makes you a part of all his future endeavors. He may often discuss financial and personal goals with you, and how he is planning to secure the future.
In fact, one of the most prominent signs he wants to marry you someday is that he involves you in his future pursuits.
4. You hang out with his best friends as a couple
If your man sees you as his ‘plus one’, it is very likely that you are a part of his friends’ gatherings, especially the friends who are happily married. He thinks about marriage and since it is the next organic step to your relationship, he wants you to hang out with his closed group of friends.
He also wants you and them to know each other, and this is another sign that he is looking to have you in his life long term. If he invites you to gatherings and outings when his friends too come with their spouses, it is a sign that he thinks of you as his future wife too.
Gradually, his friends start to see you as a couple and believe that you will be married soon.
5. He doesn’t shy from acknowledging your relationship on social media
Social media has assumed a lot of importance in our lives these days. If your man tags you in cute meme’s or doesn’t hesitate to show off your relationship in public, it is evident that he is not shy to admit that you two are together.
If he is not afraid to show your relationship to the public, it is evident that he doesn’t look at this relationship as a short-term fling. He is in for the long haul and that should include marriage as well.
6. He looks to save money
If your man has suddenly started to cut down on his expenses or is looking to save money, he is definitely readying to get married and settle down with you. If he suggests opening a joint bank account, it indicates he is looking to solidify your bond. He may always be interested in planning for joint assets, or buying a property.
Money is a very fragile topic and if he shows his willingness to discuss the topic with you, it is a very good sign of him being interested in spending his life with you.
7. His children love you as much
If the man in question, is divorced or a widower with kids, he will ensure you connect with his kids if he is serious about you. If his intentions are to marry you someday, his family would already be aware about you and you may already feel the warmth and respect you deserve from his family.
He will never make you look like a stranger in front of his family and will ensure that you feel included in his life. He may not be able to spend a lot of time with you owing to his other priorities, but you will feel valued and welcomed every time.
8. He is interested in living with you
Has your guy invited you over to stay with him? Is he keen to live with you? Or are you already living-in together? Either way, if you are living together or he is keen to move in together it is a top sign he wants to marry you someday. Has he recently mentioned about getting a pet together?
He may have given the keys to his apartment to you. He is ready to live with you because he probably believes marriage is just a formality. A guy who is sharing his belongings with you, lets you in his sacred space and works to resolve issues (if any), is surely looking to share his life with you.
9. He asks for and values your opinions
If your guy wants to marry you someday, it is important that he considers you important in his life. Egos and relationships do not last together and if your man can set aside his ego and ask for your opinion on something, it means he really values you. It is also an indication he looks upon you to be his advisor on things he cannot crack himself. He trusts in your abilities and feels confident in them.
The guy understands that once you get married, there will a ton of issues where in you will be taking common decisions. In a way, now that he knows your stand on different things, it becomes easier for him to decide his future with you.
10. He knows and remembers your likes and dislikes
The little things about you. Yes, so this man who is looking to make you his wife someday focuses on the little things. He knows the real you, all that you like and dislike and he pays attention to the little things. The slightest change in your looks, that little frown, that worry you are trying to mask behind a smile – he can see it all. And he will make it a point to know what’s happening right there and then.
Anything that holds relevance to you holds relevance to him. He considers you very important in his life and anything that concerns you, concerns him as well. He remembers all the important days and dates, he knows how you like your beverage and he remembers you hate those red roses. Because in the end, it’s all about little things.
11. He doesn’t shy from showing affection
If a man truly wants to marry you someday, he wouldn’t have any qualms about being affectionate and loving towards you. He wouldn’t hesitate to show his love for you in public or when he is with his friends. You can feel the pride he feels when he tells others that you are his girlfriend, and his gestures indicate you are his future wife as well. He may also act touchy-feely even when he is in public with you.
A man who is not hiding you and his love for you from others is a man who can be trusted.
12. He loves your family as his own
If a guy shows the same compassion, love and respect for your family as he does for his own, he is clearly looking to marry you someday. He does not think of you as just his girlfriend, but he gives it a whole big angle by taking care of your family as his own. He considers it his duty to ensure that your family is alright and becomes protective towards them.
13. He often brings up kids in his conversations
Having children is organic to many couples post marriage. If your man talks about how he wants to raise his kids or what he has planned for them in future, it indicates he is looking to have a family soon and is gathering your views on the same.
Perhaps he has already told you what he would like to name his son as, or how he wants them to grow up as. Perhaps he is loved by all kids and you can see his childish side the moment he sees a kid. This indicates he is looking to have you as the mother of his kids and that he will be a doting dad someday.
14. You are his go-person when he is in a mess
All of us get into messy situations in life. And during these phases, we turn to our most trusted friends and partners. While women are a pro at sharing things, men usually like to keep things to themselves. Yet, if your man opens up in front of you and shares his feelings, his disappointments, his triumphs and his sorrows with you, you can be certain that you are the woman he intends to spend his life with.
During such times, you should refrain from judging him and restrain yourself from poking him too much. If he has confidence in you, be careful not to shake it as it can be a real deal breaker.
15. You can just feel it!
The last but the most important sign that a man is going to marry you someday is in the trust and belief you have in him. You can feel he treats you as his wife and you like it that way. You can feel both of you living as husband and wife in the near future. You can see it in the way he treats you, or the way your heart goes racing at the sight of him. If you feel so, it is likely to happen and your soulmate connection is just about to happen!
He may have never told it to your face rightaway, but if you are smiling reading this, you know these are exactly the things he does for you. You are also hoping to settle down with him and spend the rest of your life with him. Rest assured, you are happy and hopeful that the “Will You…” question will soon pop up.
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Folks… Have I got a week that’s chock full of delicious content for you!!!
Enjoy!
With a nickname like “The Killer,” rock pioneer Jerry Lee Lewis was bound to make some waves in his career. And while he certainly did that with wild performances, including the time he set his piano ablaze after becoming incensed at the idea of having to open for Chuck Berry, the biggest scandal of his career happened far from the ivories.
During his 1958 European tour, the British press excoriated Lewis after discovering he’d married his 13-year-old third cousin, Myra Gale Brown, the year before (Lewis was 22 at the time of their marriage). According to Rolling Stone, Lewis attempted to cover up the marriage by telling people Brown was his other cousin, J.W. Brown’s daughter. He also allegedly lied about Brown’s age, but when the truth came out, he became “cocksure and defiant to the point of parading Brown onstage.”
The ensuing media frenzy effectively sapped Lewis’ career, and he spent the next decade descending into drug and alcohol addiction while attempting to rebuild his career by playing at small, local gigs. Meanwhile, Brown was living a life of quiet desperation.
Speaking with The Gwinnett Daily Post, Brown, who has since remarried and now goes by Myra Lewis Williams, described her 13-year marriage to Lewis as “a trial by fire,” “devastating,” and “chaos all the time.” Williams had her first child, a son named Steve Allen, when she was just 14, then a daughter, Phoebe, at 17. Asked what advice she would give to herself looking back, Williams said, “I would tell my young self that life is not always going to be like this. Get through it and it’s going to be better because it was as if I was going to be there forever and it’s never going to change.”
Yeesh.
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Dating apps have made it easy to strike up a conversation and flirt with anyone you find attractive. At least if you match with someone online, there’s a comfort in knowing they’re open to talking to you. But if you’re looking to meet someone offline, knowing when and where to get your flirt on can be a little challenging. According to dating experts, you can pretty much flirt anytime, anywhere. But to increase your chances of finding success, some places are better for flirting than others.
“We encourage all of our clients to be open to love no matter where they are,” Rachel Federoff, dating and relationship coach with Love and Matchmaking, tells Bustle. “Riding an elevator, taking a carpool Uber, going to jury duty, sitting in traffic, or simply being in line at a store can work, if you know how to work it.”
Whether you’re looking for love online or off, being good at flirting really starts with confidence. As Federoff says, “Confidence creates charisma. If you have that, then you’re already one step in the right direction. How you flirt depends on the situation.”
So here are some of the best places to flirt and the best way to go about it, according to dating experts.
1. Bar Or Coffee Shop
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Bars, restaurants, and coffee shops are some of the most popular places to find other singles. When you’re trying to approach someone, there are obvious right ways and wrong ways to go about it. “Cheap one-liners and raunchy innuendos [likely won’t work]” Federoff says. How you flirt really depends on the situation. For instance, if you’re in a more intimate setting like a bar, Federoff recommends going for the “Gentle Jab.” “The Gentle Jab brings it back to grade school,” she says. “You like somebody, you poke them e.g. ‘Hi, the 90’s called, and they want their shirt back.’ This humorous interaction opens the door for playful conversation.” Keep in mind, there is a difference between playful teasing and negging. Teasing is light, fun, and good natured. Negging is none of that. If you can find a way to playfully catch their attention, it can be a great way to start things off.
2. The Grocery Store
“You may not think of flirting in a grocery store, but there are a lot of potential catches here,” Celia Schweyer, dating and relationship expert at Dating Scout, tells Bustle. In fact, Match’s 2017 Singles in America survey found that over 30% of people have flirted with someone at their local grocery store. Surprisingly, it’s about the same amount of people who say they flirt at bars. “We don’t think we might meet someone while we’re shopping for produce, but there are hundreds of grocery shoppers every single day and not all of them are in a relationship,” Schweyer says. “So the next time you do grocery shopping, be ready to give a one-liner about fruits or produce.” Be open to the people around you and the possibility that someone may be available.
3. Parks
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Again, single people are everywhere. You don’t really need to look extra hard to find someone. You don’t even need to fit it into your busy schedule. If going to a particular place is part of your routine, be open to who you might meet. For instance, if you regularly jog or walk your dog, parks are great places to flirt. “Leave your house with the mindset of ‘I’m open, approachable, and ready to connect,’ get those airpods out of your ears, and keep your eyes up, make eye contact, and initiate a ‘hello’,” Evin Rose, dating and love life coach, tells Bustle. “Make this a practice, and it will become a lot less scary and awkward than you think.”
4. The Gym
The gym is another common place to find someone to flirt with. In addition to getting a good workout in, Schweyer says, “A lot of singles go to the gym because they have some free time and no commitment to anyone at the moment.” If you go regularly and you’re interested in someone you see all the time, you already have something in common. If you’re trying to flirt at the gym, Schweyer suggests keeping it simple. “Don’t be a show-off. Just be who you are,” she says. Unless you always go to the gym with full makeup on, there’s no need to start doing it just to impress someone.
5. Weddings
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A 2017 Plenty of Fish survey found that 44% of singles say weddings are a great place to meet someone. Over half say it’s just easier to start a conversation. If you want to flirt with someone at a wedding, Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle, “Lean in and whisper to them an inside joke. This will create your own intimate moment that you can share.” Light touching and flirty glances will also up your game. According to Trombetti, smiling and eye contact shows a “positive presence” that will always attract people to you.
6. A Class Or A Workshop You’re In
One of the best things to do if you’re looking to flirt and meet someone to possibly date, is create a list of places where your dream partner would spend time. If you’re looking for someone who’s compatible with your lifestyle, chances are, this dream person has similar interests and hangs around the same places as you. It’s why classes or workshops you take are great places to meet people. “I’ll never give someone the five best spots to meet singles in your city, because we’re all looking for different things,” Rose says. “The clearer you get on what priorities and qualities in a partner are most important to you, the more you can hone in on where to show up and do some scouting.”
7. A Friend’s Event Or Party
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The next time your friend invites you over, say yes and follow through. “The best thing about saying ‘yes’ to these invites is you get to meet common friends,” Schweyer says. “You won’t be totally meeting strangers since you can just pull your mutual friend aside and ask for some inside scoop.” That way you can have a good idea about how someone is and whether or not they’re single before you make your approach. You can even ask your friend to make introductions. “Be sincere and don’t overthink too much. If everything works out fine, then good for you. If not, then better luck next time.”
It takes a little bit of practice to be good at flirting. But the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll be. These are some of the best places to try flirting. So be confident and go for it. You never know where it could lead to.
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In addition to nabbing the title of “the King of Rock and Roll” with songs like “Can’t Help Falling in Love” and “He Touched Me,” Elvis Presley stole many hearts. But a closer look at his life beyond the music and swinging hips reveals that he was just as much the king of exploiting teenagers for sex and treating women like shit.
Elvis was born January 8, 1935 in Tupelo, Mississippi, but moved to Memphis, Tennessee, with his family 13 years later. He was said to love singing in church, but his professional music career didn’t start until 1954, when he signed with Sun Records; before that, he’d been a truck driver.
Two years later, he was wildly famous. “Heartbreak Hotel,” his first number-one hit, was released in January 1956, and he quickly became a star with seemingly infinite potential before him. The man was everywhere, and always with a swarm of screaming fans around to greet him. But while on tour, Elvis’s main focus wasn’t “taking care of business.” Instead, it seemed like he cared more about exploiting the admiration of underage girls.
In his book Elvis Presley: A Southern Life, Joel Williamson writes about Elvis’s life on the road, including his time spent with teenagers. Williamson writes that while on tour, Elvis preyed on a group of three 14-year-old girls who would pillow fight, tickle, wrestle, and kiss Elvis, who was 22 at the time.
Williamson also details an incident in which Elvis slept with a fan while he was in Louisiana performing weekly on the Louisiana Hayride show in 1954. The condom broke while the act. Not knowing what to do, Elvis asked his friends on tour how he should proceed, but they had no helpful advice. In the morning, Elvis informed his friends that he brought the girl to the emergency room and left her there to get a douche. All the while, he was obsessively calling his 15-year-old girlfriend, Dixie Locke, whom he loved to dress in clothes of his own choosing.
Eventually, Elvis found himself a 14-year-old he could get to commit to him. The King’s first and only wife, Priscilla, met him in 1959 while 24-year-old Elvis was serving in the military in Germany. The two dated for six months before he returned to the US. In her memoir Elvis and Me, Priscilla writes that Elvis did everything short of penetrative sex with her the first night they spent together and until they were married. “It was as if Priscilla’s virginity was another thing that Elvis strangely and sorely needed to maintain,” Williamson notes in his book.
Photo of Elvis promoting “Jailhouse Rock” via Wikimedia Commons.
But the claims that Elvis and Priscilla did not have penetrative sex until their wedding night are disputed, particularly by Suzanne Finstad, author of the Priscilla Presley biography Child Bride: The Untold Story of Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. After their marriage (the two eventually tied the knot in 1967), Elvis would bring other women into their bedroom; he would watch and film his wife with them, sometimes also joining in—whether Priscilla was into this is undocumented. According to Williamson, he also installed a two-way mirror in his Palm Springs home with Priscilla so that he could secretly spy on couples having sex during lavish parties with showgirls he would throw there.
When Priscilla gave birth to the couple’s only child, Lisa Marie, in 1968 Elvis all but stopped having sex with her, according to journalist Alanna Nash’s book, Baby Let’s Play House: Elvis and the Women Who Loved Him. Priscilla wrote in her memoir that Elvis “had mentioned to me before we were married that he had never been able to make love to a woman who had a child.”
Priscilla eventually cheated on Elvis, and according to her book, she told him of the affair. She writes that Elvis grabbed her and “forcefully made love” to her, saying, “This is how a real man makes love to his woman.” The duo separated in 1972 and divorced a year later. Two years after that, Elvis went after yet another 14-year-old girl by the name of Reeca Smith. According to Nash, Smith claims Elvis did not “take advantage of her” during their six-month relationship.
His health deteriorating, Elvis couldn’t help falling in love once again, this time with a 21-year-old former beauty queen named Ginger Alden. The two got engaged and lived together in Graceland, where Elvis’s behavior worsened.
In her memoir, Elvis & Ginger, Alden writes about Elvis’s abuse, some of which involved the guns he kept in the house. Alden recounts a story in which Elvis, a compulsive eater at the time, was on a yogurt craze and asked her to bring him more yogurt. “I don’t think you need any more yogurt,” Alden says she told him. They both fell asleep, and Alden woke up to the sound of Elvis firing a 57 Magnum pistol off in their bedroom. The bullet hit just above their headboard; Elvis called it “an attention getter.” Alden also writes in her memoir that he once fired a gun at the TV and, in another incident, ran out of the house brandishing a machine gun because he had seen a boy with a toy gun chasing Lisa Marie.
Elvis’s career, and ultimately, his life, ended with drug abuse, which made him incontinent to the point that he was having to wear diapers, according to Albert Goldman’s 1981 biography. In 1977, at the age of 42, he died while wearing gold silk pajamas on a toilet in Graceland, where Alden found his body. Despite his sexual pursuit of children, physical abuse, and dangerous, emotionally driven decisions, fans still insist he was a God-fearing Southern gentleman led astray by drugs. People also still want to believe he’s really still alive and camped out in a cave somewhere. Neither notion seems particularly true.
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We’d all love to charm each other with minimal awkwardness. Unfortunately, much like smoke and fire, embarrassment is the inevitable flipside to excitement (you are – literally – putting yourself out there, after all).
This in mind there is a smooth new dating trend you need to try (or at least know about) if you want to eek the most out of your 21st-century existence: ‘jibing.’
However, to understand ‘jibing’ you must first understand ‘flatzoning’ – the evil stepbrother of ‘friendzoning.’ What’s that, you ask? As one of our D’Marge employees (who was recently ‘flatzoned’) anonymously admits, it is “the phenomenon of being homeless but f**kable.”
Before you (rightly) crucify us for such glib usage of the word “homeless,” we don’t mean literally living rough, we mean living somewhere you’d rather not be (think: your parents’ basement) but being denied when you apply to live somewhere else on the basis of your attractiveness.
Instead of finding a flat, you find a friend with benefits, who doesn’t want to live with you because they think it could be awkward to live with someone they might like to date. Hence the term: ‘flatzoning,’ which, when you think about it, is the exact opposite to ‘friendzoning.’
Anyway, this leads into a broader trend of ‘jibing,’ which is the term given to people finding love on apps which are not meant for dating (think Flatmates, Gumtree, Facebook Marketplace, etc.).
To get the down-low on this phenomenon, we spoke to Dr Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist, relationship expert and host of the podcast Sex & Life, who recently had a friend engage in a little ‘jibing’ action herself.
“I have this friend where she was selling furniture on Gumtree and [this guy] rocked up to the door to buy something from her.”
“With these things,” Nikki continues, “the benefit is you already have their number so it takes the awkwardness away from asking for someone’s details.” So even though you might not know this person, you tend to have a smoother interaction with them than you would with a standard Tinder date.
“I think it happens… a lot. These apps and websites that are not meant for meeting people, but you meet people.”
So, how exactly does ‘jibing’ go down? According to Nikki, this is a classic ‘jibing’ scenario: “You don’t know who the person is but then they come to pick up that thing (or check the room) and there’s a connection.”
“The easy part about this is that it’s easier to text them and say, ‘Hey let’s get a drink sometime.’ The harder thing is when you see someone in person these days, think there’s a connection, and then have to ask for their number.”
But back to Nikki’s friend: not only is ‘jibing’ often easier than meeting people in a club or bar, but it can also be more natural than Tinder: “When he rocked up he wasn’t putting on some kind of front – there was no expectation of a date – so in that setting even though you might feel nervous because you like the person, it’s safe to say you’re probably not putting on a mask.”
“On a tinder date, on the other hand, you might not be yourself (and) you might not be chatty because you’ve been thinking about this date for the last few hours.”
When ‘jibing,’ however, “You are in more of a natural state,” Nikki says, “Which is why I think it will work better [than] one of these dates where you’re sitting across from someone with pressure but no inspiration for a conversation.”
To the contrary, when ‘jibing’ you can base your conversation around the room, people, furniture or whatever trade you might be doing, which relieves the pressure: “Say you’re going for a tour of their apartment or spare room, you might be having a conversation about how much it’s going to cost, or the books on the coffee table, their likes and interests,” Nikki says, “and have that banter without the pressure of, ‘What am I going to say next.’”
The last question to consider is this: is now more socially acceptable to meet your partner on Facebook Marketplace than on Tinder or Bumble? Nikki doesn’t necessarily agree, telling us these chance meetings have always happened throughout history, and they now continue to happen, albeit in a different way, facilitated by technology.
And, according to Nikki, this is actually quite an important topic for dating experts to delve into, as many people “are either really struggling with their social skills because they are on their phone all day, or they have blinkers on when it comes to dating in the real world.”
The takeaway? We would say happy swiping but in light of recent developments: happy ‘jibing.’
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“Don’t tie the knot until you know these important things.”
Maybe you’re months into a new relationship or have been together for years.
Whatever the case, and wherever you are in your journey, there are some important questions to ask yourself and your partner if you see yourselves being together long-term.
Are you planning to get married? If so, what are your reasons for getting married? What are your partner’s reasons?
Are you ready for a life of unwavering commitment? And do you have the skills and desire to push through the inevitably tough moments alongside all the joyous ones?
To answer those questions, you really need to know yourself and your partner inside and out.
Phicklephilly spoke with several relationship experts — including matchmaker Patti Stanger, clinical psychologist Dr. Dara Bushman, and psychotherapist Jason Eric Ross — and put together a list of crucial things to know about your partner before getting engaged and married.
It isn’t an exhaustive list, but consider it a guidebook as you enter a new chapter in your lives (or at least think about entering it in the future).
1. Whether they want children or not — and how many
“If you aren’t on the same page [about kids], you will likely break up due to this as this is a definite deal-breaker,” Millionaire Matchmaker’s Stanger said.
“This sometimes gets shoved under the rug as people don’t ask the right questions, then are shocked to find out their partners don’t have the same position as them.”
“If you’ve already had this discussion, make sure you also know how many children your partner wants and what their ideal timeline looks like,” she added.
“Sometimes you figure these things out along the way, but having consistent and open conversations is key.”
2. Their full financial situation — and how they approach money
“The number one cause of divorce is financially not agreeing on how money is handled,” Stanger noted.
“Whether they have good credit or not could block any home purchase. [Also], who pays for what? Don’t assume if you’re marrying a wealthy person [that] they will pay for it all.”
Ross, a psychotherapist based in NYC and Florida, agreed with this one: “You want to know if your potential partner uses reasonable judgment, and you definitely want to know if they have any debt you may take on. Someone who is fiscally responsible will bring less baggage to the relationship, and thus there will be less arguing.”
3. How they get along with others — including loved ones, exes, and strangers
The way someone treats other people speaks volumes.
Whether it’s being kind (or rude) to waitstaff or speaking positively/negatively about close friends or family members, pay attention.
“Family of origin may be the most important factor to consider,” Ross said.
“How someone interacts with family is something you will likely have play out in your relationship unless they’re really mindful/have had counseling to keep this from being an issue. Understanding the family dynamics will give you a sense of how much, if any, drama you should expect.”
Even the way your partner interacts with or speaks about an ex can be very telling.
“Are they compassionate? Hateful? This is often overlooked, but truly important,” Ross added. “If someone speaks well of an ex, there are better odds they will treat you with compassion. It’s one way to gauge emotional well-being and emotional intelligence.”
4. How your partner likes to be touched
This may sound silly, but intimacy is the primary difference between a romantic relationship and a platonic one.
Sex, snuggling, kissing, and general “touching” really matters.
“You can’t fully bond if you’re not in physical contact,” psychologist Bushman said. “Before marriage, implement . . . holding hands for 20 seconds. Go to bed touching feet. Kiss for four seconds a day. Spell out ‘kiss’ with your lips touching. Hug your partner. Make a commitment to touch in some capacity every day.”
Relationships go through Winters and Summers with all things, including physical intimacy.
It’s ok if libido ebbs and flows over the years, but being highly comfortable with each other physically is very important to lifelong bonding and happiness.
5. What they’re like in crisis-mode
Everyone deals with tough spots, whether it’s a major family issue, career-related upset, or health scare. What you need to know is how they work through a crisis.
Stanger says it’s not ideal if they avoid the problem, throw their hands up, or run in the other direction.
This demonstrates an inability — or an unwillingness — to deal with their own emotions and to problem-solve.
Perfection isn’t necessary here. Nobody is perfect. It’s that drive to remain positive and find resolve that matters most.
One sign that your partner can work through a crisis is if they’re open to therapy.
“Being willing to undergo counseling, to me, is a sign of maturity and willingness,” Ross said. “I do believe people who seek therapy end up having better insight, which tends to lead to healthier relationships.”
Another good barometer is to see what they’re like during the holidays or while traveling, which can both be pretty stressful events.
Again, nobody is perfect — and you shouldn’t expect flawless superhero problem-solving — but how your partner handles difficult situations before marriage is how they’ll likely handle them after.
Make sure you’re ok with their approach.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Are you wondering how to break up with someone you’ve been with for a while now? Do you want to end your relationship without any regret or heartbreak?
Are you mostly sure that the person you are with is not the person for you? Are you desperately trying to figure out whether you are doing the right thing?
Breaking up with someone you love (but may no longer be in love with) is difficult for everyone involved. You need to be fully aware that if you don’t do this right, you could leave the other person devastated and heartbroken.
Ending a relationship without regret is fully possible. In an ideal world, every relationship would end without regrets and with your head held high.
Here are 5 things to remember when you want to break up with someone and end your relationship with no regret.
1. Make sure that you give it your best shot
When you want to end a relationship without regret, it’s very important to make sure that you do everything in your power to make it work.
Many people walk away from relationships without really doing honest work. They leave because their guy doesn’t understand their feelings or their girl won’t let them go out with the guys on the weekends.
In the words of Arianna Grande, “Thank you, next.”
But, what if there is a hidden gem under that surface issue that you don’t see because you just up and walk away from a relationship? What if your guy doesn’t understand your feelings but he loves you madly and would love to figure out how to do it but he needs you to show him?
My boyfriend once said to me, in the face of my sadness, “I don’t know what to do!!!” And he didn’t. He had a better idea once I showed him.
So, make sure you aren’t breaking up with someone because of some surface sentiment. Do the work, dig deep, talk to your person about the things that are frustrating you and see if you can fix them so you can continue moving forward together.
Wouldn’t you hate to see your person with someone else, being the person that you wanted them to be but never asked?
2. Do it for the right reasons
Make sure, when you are thinking about how to end a relationship without regret, that you are doing it for the right reasons. If you are ending your relationship because there is someone else, don’t. The grass isn’t always greener, no matter how amazing it looks right now.
If you are ending your relationship because your friends or family tell you that you should, don’t. This is your relationship and you need to figure out if this is the person for you.
If you are ending your relationship because your person doesn’t make enough money or isn’t hot enough or listens to weird music, don’t. Just because someone doesn’t fit society’s ideal of the perfect person, that doesn’t mean they might not be the perfect person for you.
Make sure that you are ending your relationship for the right reasons, that you have given it thought and know that this person is not the right person for you. If you don’t, you might always regret it!
3. Don’t be a ghost
If you want to end a relationship and feel good about it, don’t disappear.
Ghosting seems to be the thing these days — men and women disappearing without a word to their partner. Whether it be because they are scared to face someone or they are too lazy to deal or they are just too busy, people just vanish, never to be heard from again.
And, while this might feel good at the moment, I can promise you that someday, you will regret it.
You will regret treating someone with so little respect, knowing that you have hurt them deeply and that you could have done things differently.
Once you ghost someone, you can’t take it back. You will always be the person who did that.
So, if you are considering ghosting your person, don’t. I can promise you that you will regret it — big time — someday.
4. Allow them to speak their piece
When you are breaking up with someone it is important for them to be able to have a conversation with you about your decision to end the relationship.
People like to process breakups and whether the relationship ending abruptly or died a slow death, it is important that each of you get the opportunity to talk about it with the other.
I am not saying that it needs to be hashed out over and over and over but giving each other the chance to say what needs to be said is a very important piece of ending a relationship without regret.
5. Do unto others
If you are still wondering how to end a relationship without regret, here is the gold standard for doing so.
The very best way to end a relationship without regret is by treating your person the way you would want to be treated.
That is not to say that if you aren’t the kind of person who doesn’t want to process a breakup verbally, you don’t let your partner do that. I am sure that, if the shoe was on the other foot, you would want to be treated with kindness and respect. You wouldn’t want your person to disappear or talk about you behind your back. You would like to speak your piece and move on.
So, think carefully about how you would feel if someone was breaking up with you and how you would want to be treated in the process.
Thinking about how to end a relationship without regret ahead of time is an excellent way to ensure that your relationship ends well.
Having regret about the end of a relationship is something that you will have to live with forever. And I can promise you, from first-hand experience, you don’t want that and the broken heart that comes with it.
So, make sure that you don’t give up too quickly, that you don’t disappear, that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you allow them to say what they need to say.
If you do these things, you will be able to move forward with a clear conscience and find the love of your life.
Good luck! You can do it!
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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