Sun Stories: Trish – Crash and Burn

When we last left our hero he was forced to go in and run the salon after Trish simply didn’t show up for work. He had plans with Cherie after 3pm that day and needed to do some chores to prepare for her arrival. But Because of Trish’s disappearing act, he now had to change his plans. He was working at the salon when suddenly Trish burst through the front door.

“I’m so sorry…”

She’s visibly upset on the verge of tears. She runs to me and hugs me.

“What happened?”

“I was arrested last night.”

“What? How? Why?”

“Well, I’ve been feeling kind of fucked up lately in my life. I used to do a lot of coke when I was in college and I just felt like I needed a lift to do some artwork I was working on.”

(Sounds like my buddy, Johnny R. He has all of these thoughts in his head but feels like he needs to drink, do coke and/or do some Adderall to put pen to page. When in reality, he’s not much different than Trish. You don’t need any of that shit to create. You just need to create everyday. But neither of them can focus long enough to make anything of any significant value because they don’t do it consistently. Simple as that.)

“So what did you do?”

I called this hot black guy I met at Ray’s Birthday Bar a few weeks ago. I asked him if he had anything and he said come down to where he was. Normally I would ask the person to deliver it to my house so I didn’t have to go somewhere that I’m unfamiliar with.”

“So then what happened and why did you break your rule?”

“Because he was really good looking.”

“Ahh… Trish yields to beauty! I can relate. So then what?”

“I ride my bike down to where he is and he tells me he has to go in some bar and get it. He asks me to come in but I tell him I’ll wait outside. After a bit, he comes out and we make the exchange.”

“So what happened next?”

“He goes back inside the bar and I start pedaling home on my bike and some guy gets out of his car and tells me to stop.”

“Was he dressed like a policeman?”

“No. But you could tell he was a cop. You just know. I’m like… What the fuck? The dude shows me his badge and they place me under arrest for conspiracy to commit a crime and possession of an illegal controlled substance.

“Whoa…”

“Yea, they also pinch the dude I bought it from. Apparently it’s his second offense so he’ll probably get sent up the river for three to five.”

“Why do I suddenly feel like I’m on some TV cop show?”

“So that’s where I’ve been for the last eighteen hours. In the can.”

“That sucks. This was supposed to be your last day here too. I’ve already taken your shift. You’re probably in no shape to work today.”

“Yea. Is it okay if I just hang out and help a bit?”

“Sure.”

“Then I’m going to go get my bike. I’ll probably UBER down to South Philly later and retrieve it… if it’s still there.”

So Trish cleaned a few beds, and later left to get her bicycle. She returned saying that she was happy the bike hadn’t been stolen or vandalized and that this had been a wake up call for her. She did some sweeping at the end of the shift and she an I walked back to our building in Rittenhouse.

I felt bad for Trish, although Achilles would later simply call her an asshole or a crackhead for not showing up for her shift and not calling or texting. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time Friday night. Think of how much cocaine was bought and sold and consumed last night in this city. She hadn’t bought coke since she was in college. Here she was at nearly 28 years old and gets pinched the first time she tries to get some again.

She took several Saturday’s off and I covered her shifts when she was shooting a pilot for a TV show. It was supposed to be a reality show about hot girls searching for the paranormal in Gettysburg, PA. That sounds like a load of shit, but if Trish were on a show and she was wearing hot outfits, I’d watch it.

But the pilot got made and the actors never got paid, and to me it was a waste of time. The purveyors got their pilot done and got free help to be in it. They will shop it around to some networks and if it never gets picked up that’ll be the end of it. Trish never sees a dime and is actually out more money because she took time off from work and the costs associated with getting to and from Gettysburg.

Now she’ll have a criminal record. I’m sure for a first offense she’ll get a slap on the hand, a fine, and have to take some NA classes but that’ll be it. Maybe she can even get it expunged from her record in the future.

Trish didn’t want me to write about this, but it happened. It happened on her very last day at the salon. She blew it with a single bad decision. I’m simply writing about what happened on the day I was supposed to be off and spend time with my beloved. My girlfriend who I never get to see as much as I would like to and had to tell Cherie to push back our union. No, you can’t come and see me at 3pm. I don’t care what arrangements you’ve had to make with your family, your job or your son, because Trish fucked up. But when people make bad decisions they never realize how it will affect the people around them. That’s why they are who they and why they are where they are in their lives. I need to leave those people behind to wallow in their failure.

Trish still can come to the apartment and hang with my daughter, Lorelei, and I’ll be civil. But she fucked me and Achilles and the salon. And for that, we are done with her.

But the saga is not over yet.

 

 

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Sun Stories: Trish – Critical Mass

“Today was supposed to be her last day at the salon and no one knows where she is.”

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen my love, Cherie. But we’re accustomed to that with what our schedules are. We appreciate what little time we can spend together. We make every minute count.

Cherie planned to come down on Saturday around 3pm and stay until 8:30am Sunday morning. I thought this was good, because I could at least have dinner with her or take her out somewhere, before we went back to the bat cave and tore each other to pieces.

I wake up Saturday morning. I stayed up late the night before because I knew it was my first day off in a while and I wanted to sleep in. I could take myself out to a nice breakfast, put some fresh sheets on the bed, prepare my bedroom for the inevitable and run some errands before Cherie arrived at 3pm.

I’m lying in bed and I look at my phone. Achilles had called. Achilles also texted me.

“Do you know if Trish went to work?”

(Okay, Trish is my neighbor who lives in the apartment below me. I got her the job at the salon, but how in the hell am I supposed to know if she went to work today?)

“I’m assuming she did.”

I text Trish. “Hey can you see if I left my charger there? It would be plugged in under the counter.”

(That was just a ruse to see if she was there. I didn’t want her to think I was checking up on her.)

Achilles: “No answer at the salon.”

Me: “Fuck.”

“I’ll head over there now. But I’ll need about 30 minutes.”

I jump out of bed and into the shower. I’m dressed and out the door 30 minutes later. I speed walk over to the salon and when I get there I see four people sitting on the steps and the salon is locked and dark. One of them is the new girl I’ve been training, Jill.

I tell everybody I’m sorry for the today’s delay, but I can get them all in to tan right now. Jill is obviously upset. She had just come in to tan when she saw the place was locked. It’s nearly 1pm now. We’ve lost 2 hours worth of business, and there’s been no word from Trish.

“I was so worried when I texted you and didn’t hear anything.” Jill said.

“I wouldn’t have heard my phone, Jill. I was rushing to get over here to see what happened.”

I get everybody, including Jill, into their respective rooms to tan. I’ve got everything under control. But still no word from Trish. I roll with the notion of what’s happened around in my mind. I no longer consider Trish a friend. I tried that but I can’t take the crazy, so I’ve stopped hanging out with her. But she’s a sweet person and she comes up to the apartment all of the time and hangs out with my daughter, Lorelei. So I decide that whatever circumstances have caused Trish to miss work I’m not going to be angry, because I don’t want it to be weird when she comes over to see my daughter, or worse I don’t want her to feel bad that she can’t come up to the apartment anymore.

Trish has been expressing for the last two months that she’s tired of working in customer service. She’s a 27-year-old graphic artist. I think her own mind is what’s been holding her back from getting and keeping a real job in her field of endeavor. Which is sad. Here you have all of this talent and it’s being squandered on a daily basis. I can actually smell her talent being sledgehammered by the familiar stench of marijuana smoke that I experience everyday as it wafts up through the floor into my apartment. Morning and at night. (So she’s using to simply get through each day instead of for fun. If you want to use to create that’s great, but if you use to just leave the house and deal with life, that’s a problem.

I like to drink. I love alcohol. But I do it at the end of the day, when all the work is done. Trish has to smoke weed just to leave the house everyday. That coupled with the oceans of coffee she drinks on a daily basis to cope with the dope. She really should be on some sort of cocktail of medication and in therapy at this point. It’s very clear to me.

Something that should be enjoyed and used as a treat has been a coping mechanism for her. It’s the same for the person that needs to take a drink in the morning to “take the edge” off the day. They’re called alcoholics.

Up till now I haven’t cared about her burning up her talent and watching it go up in a puff of smoke at the end of a joint. But I brought her into the salon.  Now after a year she’s fucking up. That, or returning to her true self. When we hired her last year, the busy season was over. The job was easy then. But now we are being overwhelmed by the clients and business In general. You have to run the salon. You can’t let it run you. We’ve gotten a bad Yelp review recently because of her. Clients have complained of late openings and a bad attitude around closing. Trish shouldn’t work with the general public. She can’t handle the fast paced environment of a busy salon.

Achilles would send me in to help few nights lately. Instead of working like a well oiled unit like Summer and I did, I do all the running and Trish takes her foot off the gas and takes it easy. That’s not how it works.

So that’s why we’ve brought in Jill. She has previous salon experience, and I could see from day one that she would probably work out. Poor Trish just doesn’t have the temperament to work with people.

So the situation we find ourselves in today was supposed to be her last day and no one knows where she is.

Jill comes out from tanning and asks if she can do anything to help and says if I have plans she can work today, because she has nothing going on. I tell her I’m good, and hand her a shopping list for her to go to Wawa and get me some food because I’m going to be here until 6pm.

Oh shit! Cherie is coming at 3pm! I text her and tell her we’ve had a crisis at the salon and I have to work until 6pm. Of course as wonderful and flexible as Cherie is, she is fine with it and tells me she’ll come down at 7pm. I apologize and thank her for being understanding. So Trish’s whatever has fucked up the plans of some innocent people, so she better have a good excuse for bailing on work  on her final day and not even telling anyone what was going on.

Cherie is a mother, and has to make babysitting arrangements when she comes into the city to see me. I feel bad if that’s causing my girlfriend stress and money because of someone else’s fuck up.

Suddenly Trish comes blazing through the door to the salon.

“I’m so sorry…”

She’s visibly upset on the verge of tears.

“What happened?”

“I was arrested last night.

To Be Continued…

 

 

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A Divorce Lawyer says: Manipulating your Partner isn’t Dishonest – and it can even make your Relationship Better

A divorce lawyer says manipulating your partner isn't dishonest - and it can even make your relationship better

Nobody wants to be thought of as a manipulative partner.

In fact, if you think your partner is constantly tricking you, it’s a major red flag.

But according to a divorce lawyer, a little manipulation here and there can be beneficial to your relationship.

If your partner is manipulative, by always blaming you for things that aren’t your fault and making you feel inferior, it’s probably a red flag.

But according to divorce lawyer James J. Sexton, nudging your partner in the right direction every now and then isn’t an issue. In fact, he said in a blog post on Psychology Today that some manipulation can actually make your relationship better.

Sexton says that in general, it’s easier to change other people than it is to change yourself. This means that although we are conditioned to believe it’s immoral to try to change someone else, and to love someone for “who they are,” we should ignore these rules if we want to help each other become better versions of ourselves.

The traditional method used to be to praise the positive and punish the negative, Sexton said. But after watching his clients for two decades, he said he wasn’t convinced. Instead, he said the most effective thing to do is both praise the behavior in your partner that you like, and also say how much you like the opposite of whatever it is they’re doing that you don’t like.

For example, if you want your partner to be more spontaneous and adventurous, try hinting at it when they suggest going to the same restaurant you always go to.

Instead of saying “but we always go there,” and “it’s boring going to the same place all the time,” exaggerate how much you like trying new things.

“Wait until your partner does something, literally anything, that shows some hint of the trait you would need to enhance in him,” Sexton said.

“In this case, to get the restaurant result you’re ultimately looking for, it would be something that has an element of spontaneity. Then praise your partner like you’re praising your niece’s performance after one of those atrocious kindergarten ‘Holiday Concerts.'”

It’s not dishonesty, according to Sexton, but misdirection — which is a “key ingredient to magic.”

“But honestly, it’s just a nice way to get what you need,” he said. “It leaves you or your partner feeling a little bit better and a little bit more loved and appreciated.”

In fact, if you try the opposite approach, such as telling your partner that you don’t like it when they grow their beard, they will probably end up resenting the act of shaving to please you.

“You’re not manipulating to serve merely your needs,” Sexton said. “You do it to serve the greater union of the two of you. If you do it right, you make yourself happier, your partner happier (or at least no less happy)… and the marriage incontestably better.”

 

Was this helpful? What are your thoughts on Mr. Sexton’s opinions?

 

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Miscellaneous Stories: Real Life Sugar Babies Describe What It’s Like To Have A Sugar Daddy – Part 3

It’s All An Act

From IAMASugarBaby:

“So I am very keen on creating a genuine relationship experience. This means that I think it is important to go on several dates before there is any private physical interaction, and even then I dole it out and keep it to a minimum. At the end of the day if someone asked me in private if my daddy is my boyfriend I would laugh and say no, it’s really just an act/a game and the daddies know this too. I’ve even maintained real relationships while doing this on the side. Some get caught up in it and feel its real but that’s why I choose to create a persona instead of revealing too much about myself.

As far as jobs go I really can’t complain. I get to play dress up and have a ridiculous salary for basically being an actress. It’s certainly not ALL about the money; I can’t keep a facade up forever and if I find someone to be completely repugnant (or even just no chemistry) I will not go out with them again.”

Highs And Lows

From Suckulaa:

“Sugar baby for about a year now, on/off. Was having trouble finding work and always liked older men so I put the two together. I’m plus size and I thought I wouldn’t have any luck but I do surprisingly well. Had a couple of CEOs, attorney, etc. Got to meet really interesting people and had a lot of opportunities to travel. It’s a lot of work though. Need to market yourself, look put together and be prepared to f*ck some old dudes. Had really high points and lows. Usually SDs do a monthly allowance or PPM, it always depended on scheduling for me.”

Getting Through A Rough Patch

From DarthMelonLord:

“I was a sugar baby is [sic] a teen.

I’ve always been fairly neutral towards it, I might do it again if I was single and hit hard times, but it’s not really that glamorous, especially when you don’t have any money to begin with and all the gifts go into boring stuff like bills, groceries and school. He really did help me through a rough patch in my life though so I’m thankful for that. it was all very casual and I know people often have a more professional approach to this, we didn’t have an agreement or anything like that. he’d just ask if I wanted or needed something, I’d tell him and then he’d either give me money for it or buy it himself and give to me. I was a bit shy about asking for stuff for first but he assured me it was fine, I think the most expensive thing he bought for me was a really nice city bike.”

Paying The Bills

From schattenpuppe:

“I have a sugar daddy at the moment and had two before. I’ve got into it while I was doing a gap year abroad after high school. I friend of mine there was doing it and I joined her and her sugar daddy at an event and met my first one there, a friend of her sugar daddy. I was with him for the rest of my year there and a while after I came back to my country I wanted to get into it again and found the other two over SA.

I’ve had my sugar daddy now for about a year and my arrangement with him is that I get 2000€/month as an allowance. He also pays my rent and any extra expenses I have because of him, like if I need new clothes to accompany him somewhere or travel costs as we don’t live in the same city. We agreed on three date nights and one weekend together a month and one weekend away every once in a while.”

The Pressure To Be Interesting

From throwsomesugarmyway:

“I was a college student in NYC, and to be perfectly honest I don’t really have many financial problems. I have an ample amount of financial aid that covers my tuition, but what I hated was relying on my parents for money. I used to work in high school in LA, but when my savings from that went dry I looked for other jobs but found that it was too difficult to both work and go to college at the same time…

I used to toy with the idea of being an escort actually, as I find no problems with sex for money. But I hated the idea of being in potential danger every time I had an outcall and the long night shifts that I would have to work as an escort.

That’s when I discovered sugar daddies. I read so many articles about them, and found that most girls would find a long-term daddy. This sounded too tedious to me – most rich men don’t want to think that you’re ONLY after them for their money, and like some level of attention and spoiling. I am a pretty emotionally detached person, so in my profile I specified that I was not looking to be anyone’s girlfriend.

It’s surprising how fast the replies come in. I learned to be smart at separating the guys into categories… some were creepy, some wanted too much from me (vacations, spending nights, etc), some simply didn’t offer enough money, and some were very unattractive (yes, shallow I know. But the whole site is shallow). Finally I agreed on $1500 to be paid biweekly directly into my bank account by a daddy named Adam*. I saw him for the first time at a nice dinner, and I could tell he was charmed by me. He hadn’t booked a hotel room or anything that night, and I could tell he didn’t feel comfortable with me going to his place so we parted with a hug. I saw him again the week after and he had booked a hotel room where I slept with him. Funny thing is after that I never saw him again. He stopped responding to my text messages. My hunch is that he realized that I treated the whole interaction as a transaction – which was completely true.

I came back to LA for the summer and realized again that I loved the easy money of being a sugar baby. Look pretty once a week and get paid to have sex. So I did it again, this time settling for a dude named Ben*. He paid me 800 dollars every time I saw him (usually once a week) and the sex was pretty fun.

I broke it off as college started again, but I have to say that I would probably continue to have a sugar daddy in the near future. The only thing I dislike about it (from my experience anyways) is having to act interested and be funny and cute in conversations. Obviously our visits wouldn’t just be me walking in the door and sleeping with him – there was some conversation first. I learned a lot about both of the sugar daddies I had, but the pressure to be interesting is slightly too much for me.”

No Regrets

From ExpectoPatronum13:

“I’ve had a few experiences. Met both of them through SugarDaddie.com

One with a man who lived a couple of hours from me. Married. Hated his wife. Would pay me $2000 plus pay for a hotel and room service AND dinner for me to come and spend time with him. Once a month or so. I didn’t know he was married at first and I broke it off when I found out.

Another who lived across the Atlantic from me. He flew me to spend a month with him, gave me an apartment and a job after we spent a weekend in NYC together. More recently I flew to his city on my own and lived with him for two months. We had periodic stints of sexual relationship but ultimately he was just a friend as I was dating someone on and off in between seeing him. Ultimately, it turned out that he was a sociopath and had no respect for women so I haven’t spoken to him since.

Overall, I have no regrets. Except having to explain to a current SO that I had done that, but then again, I wouldn’t be in the country that I’m in if it weren’t for the second one so we wouldn’t have met.”

 

 

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Sheryl – Not the Muse

Back in the 90’s I worked in banking. I was a branch manager at First Union Bank in South Philly. I was taking some college courses at night paid for by the bank. That’s where I met a 22-year-old Sheryl. She was in some finance course I was taking. Cute little blonde that I got to know on smoke breaks during class.

We became friendly and started meeting at a bar called Charlie Brown’s in Woodbury, New Jersey. Back then you could smoke in bars and we’d do just that. Drink martinis and smoke cigs and chat. She worked at a local bank as a teller.

Sheryl had kind of a rough upbringing. I don’t remember most of the details, but her family life was pretty dysfunctional and she had been with some outlaw type boyfriends. One which broke her jaw during an argument. So at 22 she had already seen a lot of bad things and made even worse choices.

We would meet up about once a month. I was writing a book back then entitled: Angel with a Broken Wing. Sheryl became the inspiration for one of the characters in the book. She was the friend to the main character who he should have made his girlfriend because they were so good together. But of course our hapless hero chooses the hotter, crazier chick in the story.

The crazy chick was inspired by a real life hot, crazier girl I met in another class I was taking. That girl was actually the muse. She’s the one who inspired me to write the book. But that’s a whole other insane story I’ll get to at a later date in this blog.

I would read the drafts to Sheryl during our sessions and she loved it. She adored being the inspiration of a cool character in my manuscript. We began to have a romantic relationship. Which developed into a sexual relationship.

Sheryl had a dark sexual fantasy she told me one night. She said she wanted to give me a key to her apartment. I was asked not to tell her when I was coming over and to park my car around the corner. I would surprise her and we’d enjoy a bit of scary role play for fun.

Yea. Dark stuff. back then I was a more sexually daring and a darker man in my 30’s. So I was up for it mentally, but didn’t know if I could physically play that twisted game with someone I cared about. She really wanted it but I will tell you now, it never happened. It remained a fantasy and that’s it. I’m glad about that and don’t regret that we didn’t do it.

We lost touch when she moved to California for a while. I think she went to live near her mom but the details are fuzzy now. It’s been 20 years since I’ve seen or spoken to her.

But you know how it is now in the wonderful world of social media. Sheryl found me on Facebook and we re-connected. We chatted a bit but lost touch again. This was a few years ago.

Then she resurfaced recently. Now she’s a woman in her mid 40’s. Hard to believe how that happens. I remember her as the cute sexy young lady and now she’s middle-aged. Just like that. Based on her Facebook profile it appears she has 2 children. I don’t know if she’s twice divorced or just once, but I definitely know she’s single.

I’m pretty sure if she’s resurfaced and started chatting with me again I could sleep with her if I wanted to. But she’s a little old for me and I’m done with that part of my life. If not for social media a lot of the people from your past would stay gone like they’re supposed to, but not anymore. But I’d have a nostalgia bang session with her just for old times sake if she wanted that. But probably not.

We’ve been texting lately and she wants to meet up at Charlie Browns like we used to for a drink.

First of all I’m not going to Jersey for anybody but family. Second, I would have to take a bus and it would take forever, cause I’m not drinking and driving for anybody.

We talk some more and she decides she’ll deal with her anxiety and hop on PATCO and take the train into Philly. I’m good with that. (Did I know she had that bad of anxiety that she’s afraid to board a train and come to Philly?  I can meet her the minute she gets off. We decide to shoot for a Sunday after 4pm when I finish at the salon.

We lock down a date and it’s on. I’m actually looking forward to seeing her after all this time. In the days leading up to our reunion, she’s blowing up my phone texting me. I don’t mind. It’s nice to reconnect.

So that Sunday I’m working in the salon and I get a text from her around noon. (We’re scheduled to meet in 4 hours)

“I apologize but I have to reschedule. Something came up involving my son. (His dad actually) and I need to stay and be with him. (son) He may pretend not to care, but he is angry and sad.”

“You suck. (lol emoji)”

“I know!! His dad was arrested. Just found out that he is facing 15 years. His dad has always been a screw up, gets locked up frequently on small shit. This time he fucked up really bad. And as much as my son says he doesn’t care, his tone of voice and body language tells me differently.”

“No worries. We’ll try again some other time.”

“Definitely! What’s your schedule like for next weekend?”

“Ok. Just move me to next Sunday then. And thank you.”

“No worries.”

And that’s where it ends. I haven’t heard from again. All of last week just radio silence. The weekend arrives and I don’t hear anything. She’s the one who wanted to see me. I could care less. I haven’t seen her in 20 years. A few more won’t make any difference to me.

I thought about what she said. I remember she was making bad decisions back in the 90’s. Is her life still filled with bullshit, problems, and drama? Because if so I don’t want any part of that. I cleaned all of the fleas and ticks out of my life last year.

But the big question on our minds is:

I wonder if she still has that home invasion fantasy?

 

Maybe I’ll reach out to her and tell her about how she’s about to be in my blog.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – When Did All of the Sexual Rules Break Down?

I’ve been asked a question recently: When did all the sexual rules break down? The rules that have governed humanity for thousands of years, if not longer. The sexual norms that set the moral boundaries between people; between men and women, children and adults? When did they all finally break down and fall completely apart?

The person who asked me this was deeply concerned over what seems to be the complete overhaul of traditional sexual behavior in our society. I had to agree with her, it is true that little by little in our lifetimes we’ve witnessed sexual behavior being fundamentally changed if not torn apart. And this is a huge concern for many. And more important, it is a concern for the next generation. It’s a concern about the future of our society. After all, there isn’t anything more basic, more intrinsic to being a human being than our sexuality. Yet our society treats it as if it is an optional piece in the puzzle of what makes us human. A piece of us that isn’t simply the gender of men and women but a complex combination of sexual orientations so vast that the acronym for it changes by the month. And personally I find this to be disorienting if not outright confusing. I honestly can’t keep up. I don’t understand how anyone can. And I’m left asking the question: Is this a sexually healthy thing to do?

In psychology there is hardly anything that competes with the damage that can be done to people more than sexual abuse. The #MeToo movement echos this. I feel the wave of public figures being exposed for targeting underlings working for them with sexual aggression and manipulation is a gigantic step in the right direction.

This is a good thing. It is informing our culture that there is a line about sexual conduct that we won’t cross. Things like respect for the person. The concept of common human decency. Or of treating others as you would have them treat you. The Golden Rule. No one likes to be abused or treated badly especially in sexual ways.

This is especially true when it comes to the sexual abuse and exploitation of children. No matter how undefined people’s sexual orientation may be, our society still draws a line with the kids. Amen! I hope it’ll last. But I’m not too confident it will last too long.

I raise this issue because kids are being sexualized at younger and younger ages. The internet has offered sexually explicit material that children can very easily get to. Is it any wonder that women are being treated as sexual objects? Or worse yet young adolescent girls feel they need to sexually objectify themselves to be noticed or wanted. How does this fair for the future if our children don’t get the chance to first understand what a healthy sexual relationship is before they are exposed to unfiltered porn? How does this fair for our future if our children aren’t given a chance to be children?

Again, I’m glad the sexual objectification of women and their harassment is being confronted in the national media. We are long overdue for a national conversation about this. I hope it gains some long-lasting momentum. We desperately need to start drawing some clear lines about how far things like this can go. But more important, I firmly believe the more we address this issue about sexual abuse the more we will also end up having to address the issue of our children. I am completely convinced that these two are inextricably tied together.

We need to think of what kind of future we are building for our children in this national discussion. What kind of foundations we are laying down upon which they will build their own future. There’s no doubt about it, a porn saturated one would create a very dark and bleak world. Porn doesn’t cultivate healthy relationship building. It tears them apart. Our media sexually objectifying young adolescent girls doesn’t help in this regard either. It doesn’t encourage their self-respect as a person but instead does quite the opposite, it undermines if not outright denigrates it.

We are in a very desperate need for a very long national conversation on sex, sexual harassment and the sexual objectification of women, girls and children. I’m glad the conversation has finally begun. Let’s keep it up and make it a long one.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

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Tales of Rock – The King’s Obsession – Part 2

Elvis could have any woman. So why was he only able to form relationships with virginal girls?

This is Part 2 of last Sunday’s Tales of Rock – The King’s Obsession – Part 1

Often these star-struck youngsters were distraught that their idol had not tried to go further and Raphael had the job of letting them down gently.

‘I’d say: “He’ll call you again.” Of course he never did, but with some of the younger ones he’d be like the tooth fairy, slipping hundred-dollar bills into their school books.’

Even in those more innocent times, it seems remarkable that the girls’ parents allowed them to attend such unorthodox sleepovers. But they were as won over as their daughters by Presley’s huge celebrity and charming southern manners.

Presley became ever more paranoid about his skills as a lover – hence his fascination with virgins who would not demand full-on sex

As his friend Joe Esposito recalled: ‘Elvis could talk anyone, particularly women, into anything.’

This plausibility would prove vital in his wooing of Priscilla, the U.S. serviceman’s daughter he met in Germany during his national service.

It’s well documented that Priscilla was only 14 when she was introduced to Presley by an airman named Currie Grant. But this first encounter was far from the chaste affair that Colonel Parker had the world believe.

After meeting Priscilla at a club for service families, Grant took her to meet Presley at his home in the town of Bad Nauheim, near Frankfurt. Petite, dark-haired and with deep-set blue eyes, she was his ideal woman, not least because she reminded him of his mother Gladys in her youth.

‘Elvis jumped up like he was sitting on a hot plate,’ recalled Grant. ‘I had never seen him react to any girl like that.’

According to Grant, Presley soon had Priscilla ‘backed up against the wall, kissing her’. At 8.30pm he took her up to his bedroom and they did not emerge again until 1.30am, when it was time for Grant to take her home.

As their nights together continued, Priscilla’s concerned parents asked to meet Presley. Unaware that he had boasted to an army friend that he could ‘train her up any way I want’, they were instantly charmed by their daughter’s new boyfriend.

Indeed, he was encouraged to see Priscilla by her mother Ann. She had long dreamed of a career in show business and perhaps believed that some of Presley’s star dust might rub off on her.

Elvis Presley,

Elvis and Priscilla with baby Lisa-Marie. Once his wife was pregnant, Elvis no longer wanted to have intimate relations with her, a book claims.

 

While Presley assured the Beaulieus that he and Priscilla just played music together as they spent hours hidden away in his bedroom, they both admitted many years later that they had full intercourse at this time.

Bizarrely, Presley convinced himself Priscilla remained a virgin because he would stop himself continuing their love-making just before the vital moment. This vaguest of notions of her purity was key if he was to continue finding her attractive, but he considered himself free to see other women as he pleased.

Back in the U.S. in March 1960, with his military service over and Priscilla pining for him in Germany, Presley started work on his next film, GI Blues. He also began dating Sandy Ferra, the 14-year-old daughter of a nightclub owner in Los Angeles.

Chaperoned everywhere by her mother Mary Lou, 25-year-old Presley got no further than kissing Sandy – so passionately that her face was red raw – but he had other intentions. One night he asked Mary Lou if she and her daughter would consider moving to his new mansion, the soon-to-be-legendary Graceland, where he would ‘raise’ Sandy as his future wife.

Sandy’s father vetoed the idea, but Presley had a back-up plan in Priscilla. In 1963, when she was 17, he convinced her parents that she should continue her education at a convent school in the U.S., living with him at Graceland on the understanding that they would one day marry.

‘He was fascinated with the idea of real young teenage girls. It scared the hell out of all of us.’

Unaware that an identical offer had been made to another family only three years previously, the Beaulieus agreed, and so Priscilla began a strange new life in Memphis.

‘I was a prim and proper schoolgirl by day and Elvis’s girlfriend by night,’ she recalled.

Still determined Priscilla should be a virgin when they married, Presley continued with his bizarre definition of what constituted love-making. But this did not stop him capturing his fantasies on Polaroid – photographing Priscilla as she seduced him in her school uniform, or pretending to be her teacher.

Eventually these role-play sessions extended to simulated lesbian sex with another girl, a hairdresser Presley knew. To keep Priscilla awake during these long, late-night sessions, he began giving her the amphetamines to which he was addicted, ignoring the fact that she had to get up for school the next morning.

Slowly Presley turned Priscilla into a doll-like version of his ideal woman – with a giant beehive hairdo and heavy eye make-up – the look he had encouraged Frances Forbes and her little friends in Memphis to want.

‘I was someone he created,’ she said. ‘I was just a kid and I was consumed by him. All I desired was not to disappoint him.’

his weeping mother Gladys

Beloved: Elvis was close to his mother Gladys, centre, pictured weeping as he left for Fort Chaffee.

 

For Priscilla, the greatest fear was that Presley would leave her for another woman. Soon after moving into Graceland, she heard he was seeing Ann-Margret Olsson, 22, his glamorous co-star in Viva Las Vegas.

In a child-like attempt to win back his affection, she began styling her hair like Ann-Margret’s and copying her dance moves from the film.

‘She’d stand in front of a mirror cussing Ann-Margret and all the time trying to be as much like her as possible,’ recalled Jo Smith, wife of Presley’s cousin Billy. ‘It was pitiful.’

At one point, Presley was dating five women including Priscilla. Given that he had proposed to Ann-Margret, it’s doubtful whether he ever intended to marry Priscilla, but in 1967 his hand was forced by his ever-controlling manager Colonel Parker.

Fearful that rumours of the singer’s reckless drug use would reach the studios, he decided that a wedding would reinforce his image as a purveyor of family values.

Priscilla hoped that the marriage would stop Presley’s philandering and make him commit to her, but in fact it achieved exactly the opposite.

She conceived their daughter Lisa Marie on honeymoon in Palm Springs but, as soon as Presley realised she was pregnant, his sexual interest in her disappeared. He was first attracted to Priscilla as a virgin and her pregnancy was proof this was no longer the case.

This made little sense outside of Presley’s own drug-addled mind, but it spelled the end of the marriage, although not his interest in much younger women.

In 1974, just two years after their divorce, he began seeing 14-year-old Reeca Smith, a friend of his stepbrother Ricky Stanley.

According to Smith, that relationship lasted only a few months and never went beyond ‘sweet, innocent kisses’. It ended when she became worried about the drug use that had bloated his body and contributed to the heart attack that eventually killed him in August 1977.

He left behind not just millions of grieving fans, but Lisa Marie, the daughter whose own love life would later link the Presley name with another of music’s murkiest legacies.

In 1994, Lisa Marie married Michael Jackson, just as he faced allegations of child molestation with the involvement of complicit parents. History, it seemed, was repeating itself.

I’m stunned by all of this. I always loved Elvis and I am struggling with who he really was now.

 

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