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If you were hunting down this article in the first place, you are wondering if your man is avoiding you. From experience, I can help you figure out the signs he’s avoiding you.
Let me tell you a story. At 20, I had a boyfriend for six months. After a minor fight, he told me he could never break up with me. I was too special. And I just drank that up like a fresh glass of lemonade.
About a week later, something started to feel off to me. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it. He would answer texts and phone calls, we would have lunch together, make plans, but there was a distance I just could not describe at the time.
A few days into this we were walking and he says, “we have to talk.” My stomach dropped. All those odd feelings I had had all week came to a head, and I knew. He was dumping me. Looking back he was clearly avoiding me that entire week, I just didn’t want to see it or admit it to myself.
So you think he’s avoiding you
I hope this doesn’t ruin the whole article for you, but if you think he’s avoiding you, you are probably right. There is a good chance he is.
Now, that does not mean your story will be the same as mine. Men avoid us for many different reasons; some of which are actually sweet. And lots of guys are actually extra intimate before they break up with you, so avoiding you does not always mean something bad.
Why might he be avoiding you?
On top of being nervous to break your heart, a guy might be avoiding you because he cheated. I know, I know, that is no better. He either doesn’t know how to look you in the eye without blurting out the truth, or he doesn’t want you to catch him.
Another reason he is avoiding you is that he has a surprise. He could be planning a party, bought you an expensive gift, or may even be planning to propose. Guys sometimes even pull away on purpose before taking the next step to shock you even more so. I know, what are they thinking?
The most obvious signs he’s avoiding you
Being on the lookout for signs he’s avoiding you can make you paranoid. You can find the smallest and most innocent thing sketchy if you want. So even though you are trying to figure out if something is up, remember to keep your head on straight and live in reality, not fantasy.
#1 He takes longer to text back. If he is usually a great texter that responds back to you ASAP but has recently been taking upwards of 30 minutes to answer a simple question, something might be up. He might be at work or sleeping or showering, but if this is becoming a regular thing, he may be avoiding you.
Plus, if you know he is on his phone because he is liking posts on Instagram or retweeting memes on Twitter, but isn’t answering, you may have a reason to worry.
#2 He responds with short or one word answers. Maybe he isn’t at the point where he isn’t answering at all, but rather he is answering with short responses. Maybe he says fine, okay, or yeah, rather than saying anything that would continue the conversation. If so, he is avoiding you for one reason or another.
#3 He rushes you off the phone. When you are dating a guy, you like to chat on the phone. The flirting is better, you can actually hear the emotion in their voice, plus it is way more personal than texting.
But if every time you call, he tells you his phone is dying, he can’t hear you, or has one of a million lame excuses, he is avoiding talking to you. This was something that happened multiple times the week before I was dumped. We would be talking on the phone and it always seemed like he had me on mute and would then rush off.
#4 He cancels plans last minute. Guys are the kings of avoiding confrontation and awkwardness. Trust me, I have three brothers. So instead of telling you, he doesn’t want to go do this or that he will wait until the last minute to cancel.
Of course, this gets us angrier, but there is less time for you to ask why he’s canceling or discuss it if he does it minutes before your plans were actually supposed to happen. Yes, some guys do this anyway, but if it happens more than once in a week he is avoiding you.
#5 He gives the same excuse. Guys who are avoiding you will be full of excuses. They have excuses for not texting, not calling back, not seeing you, etc. But often they rotate the same three or so excuses. Something like work is crazy or I fell asleep will be on top of that list.
He may be avoiding you, but that does not mean he is creative.
#6 He keeps his distance, physically. My ex and I were very touchy-feely. What can I say? I love me some PDA. But in that last week of our relationship, while we spent time together, he wouldn’t hold my hand even if we started walking, that way he would have to hold something in that hand or check his phone continuously.
Things became very surface level.
#7 He stopped liking your Instagram posts or watching your stories. When you are into someone, you are all over their social media. You watch their snaps and stories, you like their posts, and even comment the heart eyes emoji here and there. Yes, once couples get comfy this can die down, but not entirely.
If he doesn’t check your story when he is with you, you are fine. But if he doesn’t show up on your posts and isn’t watching your stories consistently he is avoiding you, even virtually.
#8 He claims nothing is wrong. So you got sick and tired of trying to read the signs he’s avoiding you and straight up asked him what the deal is. First of all, good for you. Second of all, I am sure he didn’t give you a legitimate answer. He probably either gave a generic excuse or just said you’re being paranoid.
Guys just love to make us feel crazy, even though we have a logical reason to question his odd behavior.
#9 You catch them lying. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Well, lately his pants have all had burn holes because he lies consistently, but about nothing. What does that mean?
He may not be lying about anything major, but he lies about where he is, even if he’s just with his friends. Why? Because he doesn’t want you to show up. If he lies about sleeping when he is playing Fortnite, he may just want to play without your texts popping up. But if you notice this behavior repeatedly, something is up.
#10 He doesn’t make eye contact. This is a small but subtle sign he’s avoiding you. It is so easily overlooked. And this is the one I didn’t see until it was too late. In fact, I noticed it right before he said anything, and I said, “you’re breaking up with me.” He was shocked that I had figured it out.
These signs may not tell all, but they certainly do tell a lot. So, if you notice he can’t seem to look you in the eye, something is definitely going on. You deserve to know what it is.
Here’s to hoping he’s not avoiding you. But if you discovered signs he’s avoiding you, I’m sorry. The next step, figure out why and do something about it.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
I matched with Bailey on OkCupid. Let’s take a look at her profile.
27 – Philadelphia, PA
Straight, Bisexual, Heteroflexible, Sapiosexual, Woman, Single, 5’5″ Thin
My Self Summary
So apparently OkCupid decided to delete all of my content on my fucking profile. I had a bunch of witty things written here. Oh well… I’m a spoken word artist. Honest, raw, blunt, cynical, funny, frugal, practical, logical, nurturing, attentive, catering, independent, passionate, no nonsense. I was originally looking for a life partner but this website doesn’t offer those so let’s just hang. Not here for sex unless we actually go together. I’m old fashioned. If you have kinky anywhere on your profile, buzz off.
What I’m doing with my life
Working at an insurance company and retail job, volunteering and performing as a a spoken word artist. Also, I’m a really nice, gentle person. You just can’t tell from this profile.
I’m really good at:
Being funny in a super corny way. Talking to myself in public. Word play.
The first thing people notice about me
My facial piercings. Especially my Medusa.
Food: Soul food and Chinese. But I legit will eat almost anything. Every guy I meet is some craft beer snob. I’ll take a sip for the sake of feigning open-mindedness. But THE SHIT IS NASTY, OK? I like cheap ass wine and Seagram’s wine coolers. The girly jams. That’s it.
Six things I can’t live without
This list is ever changing…
Poetry, Grandma, Music, Curse words/SAT words, This asshole cell phone, Google maps
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Finding my happy place. Black lives matter. Trump is a cunt.
On a typical Friday night I am
At a social or artistic event
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I spontaneously cry during cute commercials
You should message me if
You are drama free, baggage free, looking for something real, ***own a car*** (I’m not a chauffer) and want to connect in person quickly.
You eat sleep and breathe art
You like a nice firm cuddle.
You smell like sunshine and rainbows
You acknowledge that I’m not crazy. I’m quirky. Big Diff.
It bothers you that I didn’t put a period after rainbows.
That’s Bailey’s profile.
I like her. 27 years old. As we all know here at phicklephilly that’s my sweet spot. They are all looking for daddy and then want to get married and have kids. Then it’s over. That’s okay. I love meeting them and offering what wisdom I can. At this point since I’m long divorced and Lorelei lives with me I am beyond all of that. I may marry again. But she will be a doctor that will take care of my sorry ass and love me forever.
But for now, I want to meet quirky pierced “Fell asleep face down into a tackle box” baby. She’s going to turn 28 the day after Christmas. No problem meeting and old goat so I’m going to bring in the ’67 Pontiac GTO game I always do. Let’s see what happens. The blog won’t write itself, and the art is all.
Can’t wait to meet Bailey. She seems really nice. In her profile she says she’s thin. That could mean nice legs.
Let’s go with that.
I decide to write the first text on OkCupid. She’s unique so I need to go with something original in my approach. Then I remember she likes “Dad Jokes” So I open with the following:
Waiter: Careful these plates are hot. Me: That’s okay, I’m not really attracted to plates.
She responds. “Gems. I knew you’d have some.”
“Hi Bailey. I loved your profile and you seem absolutely fascinating.”
“Thank you and likewise. I have a special place in my heart for comedians.”
“Me too. I’ve done stand up in the past and it’s terrifying and hilarious. Please tell me more about your spoken word art.”
“I’ve been writing and performing poetry since middle school as well as singing and acting. After high school I stopped performing for years until last year. Now I attend 2 open mics a week and occasionally book paid gigs. It’s my favorite thing in the world. It has brought be a lot of friendships and happiness.”
“That’s awesome! Let’s meet up for lunch one day. What days/times are good for you?”
“Tomorrow I’m available until 6pm. Sunday I have open availability as well.”
“Tomorrow I’m out-of-town. I could meet you after 4pm on Sunday.”
“Okay, that works for me!”
“Wonderful. I’ll find a place to meet up!”
(I provide my phone number)
So we switch over to texting and I’m feeling a good vibe. I think I like this quirky girl. I set up our first date for noodles and snacks at Dan Dan, the sechuen restuarant where my buddy Nate works as a bartender. She likes the idea and I’m going to meet her there Sunday!
So we’ll see what happens.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday.
An affair doesn’t mean he’s unhappy.
Why do men cheat and still stay married? What makes a man decide that cheating and infidelity are worth the risk to his family’s happiness? What about the risk of his wife finding out and wanting to file for divorce? It’s hard to imagine why men cheat in their marriage when they have no plans to leave their current relationship.
Why married men cheat is a common concern. And, it goes hand-in-hand with the questions about respect between the genders that people still struggle with as a society. Cheating is a painful, marriage-ruining issue regardless of whether it’s physical or emotional cheating that occurs.
There are many men who fall into the unfaithful category; men who have a paramour that their wife doesn’t know about. And these men choose to stay married despite their infidelity. But just why exactly do these cheating spouses seek fulfillment outside of their marriages, knowing they will never leave, and risking all of the potential consequences, like a heartbreaking divorce?
Here are 3 possible reasons married men cheat when they have no intention of leaving their wives:
Yet they need something more to feel good about themselves. That something more they crave could be excitement, support, sex, or any other need that they believe their wives are just not able to provide.
In some cases, they have asked their wives for what they need and for some reason, these men — either correctly or incorrectly — believe their wives have denied their requests, so they seek out this satisfaction elsewhere.
In other cases, the men have not asked their wives, believing and fearing that they’ll judge them and deny their needs in an unpleasant way.
Most of the men who fall into this category realize that if their wife discovered their infidelity, she would be very hurt. They try to cover up their illicit relationship because they don’t want to reveal what they’ve been doing. But many women can intuitively spot the signs their husband is cheating and might notice their affair, regardless.
But despite the reason why men cheat, they’re reluctant to admit to their affair because they believe it would cause their wife unnecessary pain.
These men fear that their wives will divorce them when news of their infidelity is revealed. So, rather than come clean, they choose to continue having an affair with their mistress on the side.
Are these good reasons for why married men become cheaters and stay married? It’s not anyone’s job to pass judgment and that’s not the purpose of this article, either.
The fact is that the men in this situation consistently give these reasons for why they do what they do instead of coming clean and dealing directly with their spouses about the cheating.
However, these reasons point out a serious breakdown in communication between the couples. And, in turn, this reflects the miscommunication and lack of respect between genders and gender orientation that is sadly still prevalent in this society.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Barbara Hearn, a dark-haired Memphis beauty he had known casually for years, was one of the young women he dated that year. Decades later, Barbara still spoke fondly of their time together, despite the heavy competition for Elvis’ attention. “My husband tells everybody that Elvis and I dated steadily for a year. And I say, ‘No. I dated him steadily for a year. He didn’t date anybody steadily for more than 15 minutes.’”
Barbara never asked him about all the other women in his life, but she suspected that he divided them into “good girls” and “road girls,” the latter of whom were fair game and didn’t mean anything beyond the moment. “He was very, very respectful to women. If you could see how he treated me, my mother, his own mom, his grandmother—we were people he cared about. The ones who went backstage were in a different category. They were fans.”
ON APRIL 15, 1956, Elvis, billed as “the Nation’s Only Atomic-Powered Singer,” played the Municipal Auditorium in San Antonio. There to meet him was Kay Wheeler, the virginal 17-year-old president of the first national Elvis Presley fan club. Kay was in something of a teenage haze. A year earlier, she hadn’t even been able to find a picture of Elvis. But by early 1956, working from her Dallas home and aided by two sisters, she had built the club into more than 20,000 members, each of whom received a large autographed photo of Elvis, a “Presley pink” membership card, and a four-page monthly newsletter. Kay was as atomic-powered as the object of her affections, and only Col. Tom Parker, Elvis’ manager, matched her devotion and energy in promoting Elvis into a major heartthrob.
At the beginning of April, Kay had received a letter from Parker’s secretary telling her that Elvis would be on tour in Texas, and inviting her to attend the kickoff show in San Antonio. When the big day came, she chose a clinging sheath dress, dangly pearl earrings, and a pair of spike heels. Then she boarded a Greyhound bus for a 270-mile ride that would mark her first trip away from home. When she arrived at the auditorium, she flashed a telegram from Col. Parker, and was waved through by a guard. Backstage, Parker’s second in command, Tom Diskin, pointed to an unmarked door and said, “Elvis is in his dressing room. Just go on in.”
Elvis was sitting in front of a mirror, smoothing down his dark-blond ducktail, and he turned to look over his shoulder at her. Kay’s knees went wobbly. “Hi, Elvis,” she managed. “I’m Kay Wheeler, the president of your fan club.” “My fan club president?” he asked. He seemed surprised. Kay thought he knew she was coming, but there wasn’t time to think about that now, because the 21-year-old singer had on a blue satin shirt that matched his eyes, and there was a mischievous grin on his face. “If any man ever stepped out of a dream,” she thought, “it was Elvis Presley.”
Elvis stood and walked toward her, staring. The room began swirling, but she could see he was still smiling, and she thought he was about to say something. Instead, he put his hands on her shoulders, and then began following her curves. He slid his hands up over her hips, then moved his fingers to her waist, and nearly up to her breasts. Finally, he spoke: “Is all this really you?”
“He pretty much groped me,” she recalls. “I was overwhelmed. He came on like Godzilla.”
Kay stepped back until his hands dropped away, and then they were both embarrassed. “Gee,” she murmured. Just about then, the door opened, and in came a gaggle of reporters to ask him questions. Kay stood back and watched. Then, in the middle of the interview, Elvis motioned for her to come over. Before she knew what was happening, he grabbed her, turned her around, and pulled her toward him until her back was pressed up against him. He folded her into his arms and kissed the side of her face as photographers snapped away. Kay couldn’t believe what was happening. “He should have been under freaking arrest. He’s feeling me up in that picture. Those are some of the most blatantly sensual poses that I’ve ever seen him in with a girl.”
Just before going onstage, he kissed Kay passionately, pushing against her in a way no boy had done before. Then he launched into the first of two shows before 6,000 deafening fans.
ALREADY, ELVIS’ REPUTATION as a sex symbol was becoming a burden. Some years later, in the 1960s, he would tell Larry Geller, a member of his entourage, that in the early days of his fame he had relations with so many women that he was hospitalized for exhaustion. Whether that was the reason behind a 1955 hospital visit in Jacksonville, Fla., isn’t known. But according to Geller, the experience chastened Elvis. Elvis’ sex-god label also seemed to hamper him psychologically. Women assumed, from his image and his movements onstage, that he was a lover of legendary proportions. But he was insecure about his sexual prowess, fearing that he might not measure up in bed to women’s expectations. This was a factor is his gravitation toward 13- and 14-year-old girls. Young teens were likely to be satisfied simply to make out—precisely where Elvis felt most at ease.
Sometime in the fall of 1956, Elvis’ father, Vernon, was visiting a Memphis Oldsmobile dealership where the family often had their cars repaired, when the owner, a man named Mowel, asked if his 14-year-old daughter, Gloria, could meet Elvis. Vernon Presley said that was ?ne, and for Gloria to come on over anytime.
On Oct. 11, Gloria showed up at the tidy one-story ranch house on Audubon Drive that Elvis had bought for his family in the spring. She was shocked to see Elvis answer the door himself.
Gloria was cute, sweet, and personable, and she knew music—she identified “Ruby, Baby,” a recent hit by the Drifters, whom Elvis loved, playing on the phonograph in the den. So after her visit, Elvis invited her back another day. Soon, she was taking her friends Heidi Heissen and Frances Forbes, who were also 14, and Elvis began asking them over for evening swims at the house, or just to watch TV. Frances, a petite, dark-haired beauty, had been hanging out by the gate of the house since she was 13. “He didn’t pay any attention to me then, but when I was 14, he noticed me. Fourteen was a magical age with Elvis. It really was.”
Fanatical in their devotion, the three girls followed Elvis everywhere he went in Memphis. Elvis had an easy rapport with the trio and felt as if he could ask them what the other kids were saying about him and his music. They were his local contacts with the larger fan base, but it went deeper than that. “He was fascinated with them,” said Lamar Fike, an aspiring deejay who was starting to integrate himself into Elvis’ entourage. In no time, Elvis was inviting the girls to go to a local roller-skating rink, and by 1957, they became his constant companions, part of the group that went to the nearby Mid-South Fairgrounds to crash into one another in the dodge-’em cars and eat endless Pronto Pups. “They were just as nutty as fruitcakes, but they were fun,” Fike remembers. “All three of them were pretty cute girls.”
As Elvis’ attraction to the girls grew, they started staying for private pajama parties—just 14-year-old Heidi, Gloria, Frances, and their 22-year-old host, holed up in his bedroom, a pale-yellow room equipped with a selection of pink stuffed animals. Elvis didn’t seem to mind that his mother had chosen such a girlish motif. “When you were in that room,” says Gloria, “you wanted to shut out the whole world for the rest of your life.”
In an odd suspension of time and gender, Elvis became not only their age but also a teenage girl. After swims in the Presleys’ pool, he’d wash and dry their hair, and they’d blow his hair dry, too. He’d tease them, say to Gloria, “Frances was jealous tonight because I was throwing you in the pool!” Then they’d all giggle, and he’d show them how to put makeup on their eyes the way he liked it, heavy on the shadow and mascara. Sometimes he’d apply the eyeliner himself. Then they’d lie on the beds and roughhouse and have pillow ?ghts, Elvis tickling and kissing them until they couldn’t take it anymore.
The girls insisted that nothing overtly sexual happened inside Elvis’ pastel lair, though it came close on occasion, as Gloria later remembered. “We’d tickle, ?ght, laugh, mess around, but all you’d have to say is, ‘Stop!’, and he’d roll over and quit. It would never be mentioned again that night. But next time, it would be the same thing exactly. You’d ?ght with him, kid around, and scuf?e. The next thing, he’d get serious and you’d just push him away. I think that if he really pushed, I would have done it.”
No matter how Elvis rationalized his interest in mentoring young girls, the relationship contained a strong erotic element. Elvis and the girls would sit on the bed yoga-style, with Elvis in the middle, and he’d kiss each one. “Gloria is jealous ’cause I kissed Frances,” he’d say, and then turn it around: “Frances is jealous ’cause I kissed Heidi.” Eventually, they’d tire of it all, and Elvis would turn out the light, lying with an arm around two of them, with the third girl stretched out across his feet. “Elvis was always kissing,” says Frances, “and it was a good kiss, a real good one. He might be doing anything—playing pool, anything—he’d walk up and kiss you, or he might turn his cheek for you to kiss him. He was especially romantic when it was just you and him. He might talk to you about things that bothered him, and just like teenagers, you’d neck a little bit. Elvis was like a teenager somewhat—the things we did were things that kids do. They really were all very innocent.”
Heidi, Gloria, and Frances were always the last fans to leave Audubon Drive. At 3 or 4 in the morning, Elvis would sit up and kiss each girl and say, “I love you, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Fike would drive the girls home, and they’d catch a few hours of sleep before getting up and going to junior high. “The amazing thing is that I never had one problem with any of the parents,” Fike says. “Not ever. It was something I assumed would not happen, and it didn’t.”
Elvis didn’t want his mother to know they stayed so late, and before Gladys Presley got up, they were out and gone. But chances are she was aware that they were there, and she probably didn’t mind. Gladys knew that Elvis, a boy-man, was looking for a child-woman he could mold into his idea of a perfect mate. Fourteen-year-olds were just the right age, as they allowed him to play the role of the older man who would teach them about life. If he could ?nd one who had his mother’s coloring, who shared her values, and who also somehow felt like his twin soul, she would hold him captive.
His friendship with the trio of Memphis teenagers lasted through the early 1960s, about the time he met 14-year-old Priscilla Beaulieu, his future wife.
If you’ve been following Tales of Rock in this blog and you’ve read about all of Elvis’ dalliances with underage girls, you’ll find this video especially filthy.
I can’t believe I found this…
My God. Listen to the lyrics! Who the hell wrote and approved this???
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Metallica’s James Hetfield Relapses and Enters Rehab, Band Postpones Tour: ‘We Are Truly Sorry’
Here’s one from one of my female readers…
I’ll never forget this moment: I was on a second date with a guy, patiently awaiting the large portion of cacio e pepe I eyed on Yelp six hours prior, when he brought up the concept of anxiety. At this point, I was more into the pasta than I was into the guy, but I had to take my eyes off the restaurant’s kitchen door and focus on the conversation that was about to ensue for a few minutes. “I’ve never had anxiety before. What’s it like?” he asked, genuinely curious. Well, honey, I’m going to assume they skipped this lesson during Dating 101, but this is not the time, nor the place. I stared blankly, proceeded to giggle adorably, and thanked the heavens above to see the waiter holding my
saviordinner right in front of me at that moment.
Anxiety is something I’ve dealt with since I was 15 years old, and I’m well aware of the stigma associated with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), so as ingenuous as this guy’s question was, I wasn’t prepared to answer it. It’s hard to explain what “anxiety” is because it affects everyone differently, and I definitely wasn’t going to attempt to describe the debilitating feeling I’ve had for a large portion of my life to a stranger. Thanks, but no thanks.
I’d be lying if I said anxiety didn’t impact my dating life.
Dating when you have anxiety is, uh, interesting. But before I get into it, I want to again clarify that everyone has a different experience, and I can only speak to my own. My experience is not social anxiety or anxiety about dating (usually), it’s about how my general anxiety impacts my life as a 27-year-old single woman in Manhattan who’s just trying to get her date on. While I definitely think I’m a great dater — I’m on the apps, I like going out (sometimes), I’m an outgoing and positive person — I’d be lying if I said anxiety didn’t impact my dating life.
A viral tweet from Gage DeAngelis perfectly encapsulates this: “My girlfriend has major anxiety issues and it really affects her and I see that, daily. So I asked her if there’s anything I can to do help. Her response? ‘Just let me be crazy and I’ll be fine.’ Yes ma’am,” he wrote. I don’t know him or his relationship, but his girlfriend’s reaction to “let her be” is important. In the modern dating era, I believe that you really have to put yourself out there if you want to meet someone. Whether that’s on a dating app or out in real life, you just have to. For me, someone with anxiety, that comes with listening to my body and my mind, and of course, “letting me be.”
There are weeks when I’m feeling hopeful, and the thought of going out with someone I potentially have a great connection with sparks joy, so I’ll make a few dates and dinner plans with friends. There are also weeks when I need my alone time, so I’ll line up workouts after work to clear my head. There are even weeks when I can’t bring myself to work out because I need to de-stress in the comfort of my own home, so I won’t make any plans that could add to my anxiousness. But the most important thing for me is to listen to my body and figure out what kind of week it is to plan accordingly.
There’s no shame in rescheduling a date if you’re going to be mentally elsewhere during the prime hours of getting to know someone.
Listening to your body and your mind is one thing, but acting on it is another. My anxiety, like many people’s, can be unpredictable — a lovely morning can turn into a panicked racing heart if something triggers me — so, cancel plans if that’s the case. There’s no shame in rescheduling a date if you’re going to be mentally elsewhere during the prime hours of getting to know someone. Anxiety and the negative, racing thoughts that come with it are out of your control, but canceling plans and taking the night to cuddle with a weighted blanket and some CBD to get back to feeling like yourself is in your control.
I’m not a mental health professional, and I’m definitely not an expert on dating (hello, single!), but I’ve juggled anxiety and societal pressures to “put yourself out there” long enough to know this: sitting at a table nodding to a forced conversation when negative thoughts are running rampant through your mind is not going to lead you to your soulmate, or even lead you to an enjoyable evening. Listen to your body, your mind, and “put yourself out there” only when you’re able to be present and able to be the best version of yourself. As for me, I just need to remember that Carrie Bradshaw was a fictional character, and in real life, someone with a fabulous shoe collection, a very active social life, and never-ending editorial deadlines would *probably* have anxiety, too.
Sometimes, the more you know about a song the less you enjoy it. You start out thinking the singer of some ballad totally identifies with your situation, then later find out most musicians are creepy sex maniacs, and boring at the same time.
With that in mind, here’s six popular songs that aren’t nearly as awesome once you find out what they actually mean.
Bryan Adams “Summer of ’69”
This annoying as all get out little ditty from Bryan Adams’ Reckless album has been a staple of wedding dances for over two decades now. And it’s no wonder, people love to reminisce on days gone by when life was simpler and anything seemed possible. But what exactly is Bryan Adams reminiscing about?
It seems straightforward enough. He bought a guitar, played it until his fingers bled, started a band, the band broke up because Bryan Adams blows, he met a chick, she didn’t realize he was going to grow up to be Bryan Adams so she made out with him. Those were the best days of his life, and ours, because we hadn’t heard that song from the Robin Hood soundtrack yet.
What It’s Actually About:
Some people speculate that Adams may be singing about, um, something else. Here’s a hint, complete this sentence … “Wine me, dine me, __ me.” Still not getting it? Fine, some people think he may be singing about oral sex. Just what we like to think about when it comes to Bryan Adams.
And as you’ll notice in a few of the songs on this list, the dirty, double meaning that sounds like it was thought up by a horny 12-year-old often turns out to be true. In an online interview, Adams said: “One thing people never got was that the song isn’t about the year 1969. It’s about making love, a la ’69!” A la ’69? What a dork. Then there’s the interview with the Binghampton Press & Sun Bulletin where Adams confirmed “the title comes from the idea of ’69 as a metaphor for sex,” confirming he has both a child’s sense of humor and understanding of metaphors. Anyway, coming from the source itself, that seems pretty convincing.
Jim Vallance, the song’s co-writer has said, “Bryan Adams is a great writer, a great singer, and a great friend. He’s entitled to his recollections as to what inspired the song ‘Summer Of ’69.’ My recollections just happen to be different than his.” So who’s telling the truth? As a default, we always choose not to believe the guy who claims Bryan Adams is a great writer. We’re pretty sure Adams himself wouldn’t even say that. There’s also the fact that Adams didn’t turn 10 until November of 1969, and we refuse to believe Bryan Adams was a cooler 9-year-old than us.
Unfortunately, pretty much every single sign points to “Summer of ’69” being another ill-fated attempt by Bryan Adams to be edgy, like that time he dressed like Kurt Cobain for a year or so back in the ’90s.
The Rolling Stones “Angie”
With the possible exception of “Wild Horses,” no Rolling Stones ballad is more beloved than “Angie.” The mournful lyrics speak clearly of the sadness of love lost, which is strange coming from a guy who tends to sing songs like “Under My Thumb,” where the lyrics suggest a relationship dynamic somewhere between groupie and sex slave.
But a popular rumor suggests that Mick may be singing about something far more disturbing than romantic heartbreak.
What It’s Actually About:
Some claim the “Angie” in the song is Angela, the now ex-wife of David Bowie. Lending credence to that claim is that the former Mrs. Bowie herself is one of the ones making that claim. According to her, after returning home from a trip, she walked into her bedroom to find Bowie and Jagger in bed together. While their thin white dukes weren’t in action at the time, they did just happen to be nude. And probably high, skinny to the point of borderline anorexia and, even in the post coital glow of dude-loving, far more attractive to most chicks than any of us ever will be.
Yes, the song you’ve probably dedicated to your ex-girlfriend is about the heartbreak someone else felt upon finding out you boned David Bowie.
While Jagger and Bowie understandably deny the incident ever happened, Bowie’s wife has for the most part stood by her story. Adding fuel to the fire, after she divorced Bowie she wrote a book and made a famous appearance on the Joan Rivers Show in which she reiterated her belief that Jagger and Bowie had indeed been having sex shortly before she walked in.
Now, Keith Richards does say he came up with the chord sequence and title a full year before the incident that allegedly inspired the song. It’s not known where Richards snorting his father’s ashes fits in that timeline, but it is widely speculated that Keith Richards’ perception of the time-space continuum is utterly fucked, even if he’s not just fudging it to protect Jagger’s reputation.
For the rest of us, there’s the simple fact that around the time he got caught by a woman named Angela in bed with David Bowie, Mick Jagger wrote a song about the haunting, sad eyes of a girl named Angie. And then there’s this picture, taken around that time.
Phil Collins “In the Air Tonight”
“In the Air Tonight” stands alone as Phil Collins’ sole flirtation with being awesome. With its spooky production and hammering drum patterns, the song pulled off the gargantuan feat of making television viewers believe Philip Michael Thomas and Don Johnson wearing pastel suits amidst mountains of cocaine was a plausible setting in which a crime other than forced sodomy could actually occur. It’s no wonder that a song with that much force behind it would have an equally powerful back story attached to it.
It varies wildly depending on who you’re talking to, but the most popular story behind the song, and the one awkwardly quoted by Eminem in the almost as popular “Stan,” goes like this: As a kid, Collins witnessed a tragic incident in which a man drowned as another man who could have helped stood by and did nothing. Later, presumably through some form of leprechaun magic, Phil tracked the no-good Samaritan down and arranged for him to be sitting in the front row of the concert where he debuted “In the Air Tonight,” singing the song directly to the man who sat uncomfortably under a spotlight. Were it not for that one Genesis video that starred a Ronald Reagan puppet, this would qualify as the creepiest moment of Phil Collins’ career.
Aaaaah!What It’s Actually About:
Not a damned thing. Some songwriters do try to tell a story with every song, but others (like, say, Phil Collins) tend to just pick out words that sound catchy when matched up with the music (like, say, “Sussudio”).
On the VH1 Classic series “Classic Albums,” Collins explained that he made up the lyrics to “In the Air Tonight” in the studio, based on what he felt was appropriate for the vibe of the song. Yes, after all that, it turns out the song literally has less coherent meaning than “My Humps.”
Tom Petty “American Girl”
“American Girl,” the first single from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’ debut album, features the kind of enigmatic lyrics that send fans into fits searching for meaning. Apparently, Tom Petty fans are a morose bunch. According to an extremely popular story, Petty wrote the song about a University of Florida student who jumped to her death from the balcony of her dorm room.
It’s an understandable conclusion if you take a look at some of the lyrics. Among the references that draw the attention of suicide song enthusiasts are “old 441” which is the name of the highway in Florida that runs past the dorm where the suicide allegedly occurred and “she stood alone, on the balcony” which is generally what people do shortly before hurling themselves off said balcony. Toss in the fact that Petty is from Gainesville where the University of Florida is located and what you have is one perfectly reasonable theory about the meaning of the song.
What It’s Actually About:
It’s not true at all. In the book “Conversations With Tom Petty,” the ugly-stick-beaten rocker set the story straight.
In his words, the story is an “urban legend” and was actually written while he was living in Encino, CA. The 441 in question refers to an expressway that ran outside the apartment he lived in at the time. And unlike the Jagger song, Petty has no reason whatsoever to lie since it pretty much makes the lyrics less cool than people want to believe they are.
But if it’s any consolation, “Mary Jane’s Last Dance” is totally about weed.
Fleetwood Mac “Sara”
“Sara” remains a favorite among Fleetwood Mac fans despite rarely being played live. You might chalk that up to the crazy drum pattern a presumably coked-up Mick Fleetwood wrote to accompany the song, which Stevie Nicks composed entirely on piano. But what about the lyrics? After all, it would sound like an ordinary everyday love song, were it not for the song being written by a heterosexual woman to someone named Sara.
So what’s the deal?
What It’s Actually About:
Well, one ungodly depressing theory suggests the song is about Don Henley. And if the image of a naked Don Henley flopping his manhood around with Stevie Nicks isn’t enough, it gets worse.
Some have suggested the mysterious “Sara” in the song is a child Nicks was pregnant with that was aborted. Why would she abort the child? Did you miss the fact that the father was Don Henley?
“C’mere, I wanna give you a baby.”While Nicks never confirmed the rumor, in true stand-up guy fashion, Henley was more than happy to confirm that he believed the song to be about both him and the terminated pregnancy.
In particular, the lyric “when you build your house, call me home” seemed to have particular importance as Henley was in fact in the process of building a house. And according to Nicks, the original version of “Sara” was 18-minutes-long and featured several verses.
That’s got all the makings of someone sharing every detail of their personal life, ill-fated relationships with Don Henley included, and then realizing how bad an idea it was, and scaling it back. At this point, people writing about either musician pretty much take it for granted that the story’s true. Plus, 18 minutes is a lot of song to fill. For all we know, there was a verse or two about us in there
John Mellencamp “Our Country”
It’s a well known story that in 1984, Ronald Reagan’s campaign for reelection tried to use Bruce Springsteen’s blue collar protest anthem “Born in the USA” as a rallying cry. By now, most people understand that a song about a Vietnam Vet who ends up unemployed and in jail isn’t exactly an endorsement of trickle-down economics. What you might not know is that you probably made the exact same mistake as Reagan about the admittedly less awesome John Mellencamp song “Our Country.”
While there’s plenty of room for confusion in the lyrics, there is one thing most everyone can agree on. Those fucking Chevy commercials need to stop. Since approximately week three of the 2006 season, NFL fans nationwide have entered into each and every commercial break paralyzed by the fear that, at some point during the break in action, the words “The dream is still alive” will act as the harbinger that signals the beginning of the 30 least pleasurable seconds of their Sunday football watching experience. The least pleasurable, that is, until the whole experience is repeated 15 more times throughout the game. And the game after that.
It’s not surprising that Chevy chose the song. Thanks to the ultra patriotic verse from the ad, and the whiff of almost territorial nationalism in declaring the country OURS, you can’t help but think of a NASCAR infield full of flag-waving hillbillies.
What It’s Actually About:
If that’s what comes to mind, you don’t know shit about John Mellencamp. The problem is that the 450,000 times you’ve heard it, the song started at this verse:
“The dream is still alive
someday it will come true
and this country
it belongs to folks like me and you.”
Yep, sounds like a sentiment even Lou Dobbs could get behind. But anyone who thinks Mellencamp is going to start catering to the Toby Keith set ignores one important fact about the man. Springsteen wasn’t the only guy who spurned Reagan in ’84. Mellencamp also refused Ronald Reagan when he asked to use his blue collar anthem “Pink Houses” on the ’84 campaign trail. In fact, Mellencamp recently asked John McCain to stop playing “Our Country” at his rallies too. The verse we all know and hate from “Our Country” is actually the last verse. Now check out the verses that come before it.
“There’s room enough here
for science to live …
And poverty could be just another ugly thing
and bigotry would be seen only as obscene
and the ones who run this land
help the poor and common man
this is our country”
That’s right, our country is basically an idealistic American version of John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Of course Chevy chose not to include all that “end poverty, help the poor” business that reads like an endorsement of the welfare state.
We’re not sure whether or not to blame Mellencamp for letting Chevy take the song out of context. Maybe he was being subversive, letting them use the song for an ad campaign aimed at the people who would most hate its real message. If so then it’s being subversive in a way that makes him approximately three bajillion dollars in endorsement money. Which in itself is perhaps a meta-statement about the state of American popular culture as a means of protest. Or maybe he just really likes money.
If you really like him, here’s how to ace your first date.
If you’re tired of having a lot of first dates but never getting anywhere with them, then it’s time you learned not only how to get a guy to like you, but how to date!
Going on a first date can feel intimidating; you consider what you should talk about on a first date, or what to wear — on a first date, you don’t really know what you’re in for! — and you may worry so hard about whether or not he’ll like you that you forget to have fun and be yourself.
You probably wonder what makes men tick, or what they find attractive in other women that you haven’t already tried. Are there some rules of attraction you’re missing out on?
Men are subconsciously attracted to certain physical and personal attributes of women. They pursue women who grab their attention.
Men and women think differently, and for you to catch his attention, you need to understand how men think and what to do on a first date that will make him want to ask you out on a second.
Here are 6 first date tips about how to make a guy like you and catch his attention from the very start:
Physical appearance is a huge factor — especially on your first date — because men are visual creatures. You should impress the man you are dating the moment you walk in the room.
Make him feel that you exerted an effort in making yourself look good for your date.
Take care of your appearance. Use nice-smelling bath products and perfumes. Keep your hair and nails neat. Take care of your pearly whites and always keep your breath fresh; this is a must!
You should always have mints or breath fresheners on hand. Bad breath is a major turn-off.
Dress to kill, but keep in mind that you should always be comfortable with what you’re wearing on your first date! If you feel and look good in your clothes, you’ll exude confidence, and men are attracted to confident women.
Learn how to choose clothes that flatter your body and fit you well.
Men want to hear compliments, too! A simple, “I like your shirt,” compliment in your first conversation will make him feel at ease and boost his self-confidence.
Remember to be a bit flirty and cute when you tell him this.
If he tells a joke — and you find it genuinely funny — feel free to laugh and let him know you think he’s funny. This will make him feel that you have the same sense of humor and that he makes you happy.
Men are attracted to women who can carry the conversation to a higher level by bringing topics or insights that are deep and substantial. Show him you’re smart and that you can find solutions to your life’s challenges.
If you are really into him, it’s better that you should know his interests and hobbies, too. Then casually start acquiring information and use what you have learned in your conversation.
If he plays guitar, learn how to play even with just the basics guitar chords. You may find online courses helpful if you want to learn something new, too, and many are free.
Who wants to be in a boring and monotonous relationship? Start being spontaneous and be excited to face your fears. Men are drawn to women who are adventurous because they imagine that they will always have fun together, even spur of the moment.
When a woman is happy and carefree, she instantly becomes attractive. Carefree doesn’t mean being careless; it means that you are worry-free and you’re not attached to the outcome.
Men tend to enjoy their dates more when you are carefree because it creates a more relaxed atmosphere.
5. Share your passions and aspirations in life.
Men are impressed with women who are happy because they love their life. They want to see a woman who has an incredible life even without them. Your enthusiasm in life makes him want to be part of it and keeps him even more interested in you.
It is unusual for men to meet a woman who has a solid plan to reach their dreams in life, so this will be refreshing to him. Having a sense of direction in your life will make him attracted to you because it shows that you are responsible, confident, and you’ll work hard for your goals no matter what.
Don’t play hard to get — be hard to get. Men can smell women who are just acting too hard to get from miles away, and he will lose interest in you.
Be naturally challenging. Do this by being confident in yourself, knowing your worth, priorities, and standards. You should not invest in a man unless he starts investing in you, too.
Don’t be too overly available. When he asks you when you might be available on a date, don’t tell him that your schedule is wide open for him. You are already pleasing him, and now that he knows you really like him, he might lose interest in you or probably take things easy with you. Make him chase you.
If you really like him and he asks you to come home with him after a date, tell him that as much as you are attracted to him it is not your style to move that quickly; show him you have standards.
“…Her brown body, drenched in sweat as she rode me like a stolen horse.”
Oh… this one takes me back. I love this story!
(This post is not safe for work! NSFW! You’ve been warned!)
I was living in Santa Monica, playing in a band back in ’82 just living the rock n’ roll dream. I was working at that time as a busboy at a place called Cafe Casino in Wilshire Palisades in Santa Monica. Shira came in a few times to dine with her friends. Because of all of the shit at that time in Iran with the Shah, we had a lot of Persian people immigrating to America. Mostly California. If you look back in history, you’ll see that’s how the Kardashians got here.
I was a guitarist in a struggling band and a lowly busboy by day and flirted with Shira when she came in. I guess she liked my long blonde hair and fresh face and took a shine to me. She lived up in Brentwood which isn’t too far from me, but far enough way to be exclusive. We chatted a bit and exchanged numbers. I liked that she was dark, foreign and different from the usual girls I dated.
She and her girlfriends came out to see our band but nothing ever came out of it. She was lovely but I think I was just distracted from all the fleas and ticks of rock and roll at the time in early eighties Los Angeles.
One night we actually talked for six hours on the phone (9pm-3am) and she invited me to her house the next day for dinner to see if we liked each other in person. I agreed to go over. I was so naive back then.
So I go there and as soon as I walk in the door, she sniffs me and says “Last night on the phone, I just wanted to inhale you through the line”
And I was like “Yeah, we got on pretty well.”
“Is this your own place?
It is, Chaz
She looks smoking hot and middle eastern sultry and I’m down for whatever. I just think she’s really pretty. I don’t know any better. She’s wearing a light blue blouse and really small white shorts and high heel sandals. Her long caramel legs are making me crazy. I’m 19 years old and this is all new ground for the boy I once was. She’s absolutely lovely and exotic. I don’t know any girls like her back home.
So we sit on the sofa, have a drink and are talking a while. She hops up from her end of the sofa and says “I want to smell you again”.
OK. So she straddles me and puts her nose deep into my neck and starts breathing in really deep. So I kissed her neck and she goes,”ahhhhhhhhh”. So I kept kissing her neck and shoulders, she starts doing the same to me. Next thing we’re French kissing,
Awesome, I’m a teenager, I love deep tongues. I was really enjoying it. Next she lays down on the sofa, I get on top of her and start kissing her again. One thing leads to another and we go to the bedroom and take turns giving each other oral. It was great. She had a raging orgasm and then teased me for what seemed like an hour until I had a huge orgasm too.
We end up having mind bending sex. She’s almost brutally sexual. Her brown body, drenched in sweat as she rides me like a stolen horse.
I have never met anyone like Shira, and girls back home don’t possess the kind of sexual prowess when it comes to staving off an orgasm and then coming like a freight train blasting through a forgotten station.
We made dinner together, pasta with pesto and truffle oil, with some really good parmesan, shared a bottle of wine and chatted on. Eventually we go to the bedroom again and had some crazy good sex and more oral in between. Great, intense, passionate sex.
Then we’re lying there, kissing and talking and she says:
“What am I going to do? I just took a six month lease on this place”.
Well, it’d be a good idea to pay your rent.”
“Well, that would be wasteful seeing as I’ll be living with you now”.
“Well, no, I think we should see each other as much as we can, and maybe have the odd sleepover and see how things work out”.
“But things did work out, I let you into my vagina, you’re mine now.”
I thought she was kidding.
“Well, if it’s important to you, you can call me your boyfriend, but you don’t own me.”
She started screaming, insulting me in Arabic, raving… (Which is kind of hot because it’s way before 9/11)
“Whoa, whoa, we just had sex, we’re not married. Sure we got into sex quickly, but hell, we met at a restaurant. I’m a musician. What did you think was gonna happen?”
“You said you take sex seriously, so do I. I only have sex with someone I’m in a relationship with, so this means we’re in a relationship and you said you wanted someone to live with and be happy with. I will cook your meals, clean your house, take care of our children. I want a child of my own soon.”
Holy crap… I agreed that we should keep talking, but I had to go home… I dressed and said good-bye. To her it was like seeing off a lover who was travelling overseas for a few years, massive hugs and kisses.
“Call me tomorrow???”
It was a moonless night, midnight, pitch black and pissing down with rain and I had to drive for 90 minutes on narrow, winding roads in the Hollywood hills in my old ’69 VW van. Because no one can drive in the rain in L.A. By the time I got home, white knuckled from gripping the wheel it was late, nearly 2am.
I woke up around 9am, my phone was ringing non stop and I answer it.
“I don’t appreciate this lack of communication. You are going to have to improve. You can’t treat me like shit after I’ve had you in my home, fed you, given you my vagina”
“I just woke up. Why did you call me so many times?
“ARE YOU CALLING ME CRAZY? I AM NOT CRAZY JUST BECAUSE I EXPECT SOME COMMUNICATION FROM MY MAN!!!!”.
At this stage, we’d known each other’s first names for like 36 hours.
We phoned on and off for like a week, me trying to increase the number of fights so she’d give up on me. About three days in, we’re arguing on the phone and I hear her moaning and stuff. She was fighting with me while masturbating.
Had to write her off.
Back then it was so much easier to cut off the crazy. I’m just glad her family didn’t hunt me down and cut my hands off… or worse!
But I will leave you with this lasting memory that has haunted me all of my days in a good way.
When Shira and I would have mad sex, she would get really sweaty. I like that. I like everything that happens to the woman I’m with during sex no matter what. But her sweat smelled like lawnmower exhaust. It had that hot, sexy, oily, burning with gas mixture kind of smell. I think it may have been from her diet, but I don’t care. It was real and I liked it.
For weeks after that whenever my neighbors mowed their lawn, I’d get a massive erection.
I wish that last part of this story wasn’t true. But it is!
Fuck you Pavlov.