Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 40

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=340

 

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10 Clearest Signs He’s Avoiding You and Has Something On His Mind

Looking for signs about anything in a relationship is not a clear-cut science, but you can discover the signs he’s avoiding you. Here is how.

If you were hunting down this article in the first place, you are wondering if your man is avoiding you. From experience, I can help you figure out the signs he’s avoiding you.

Let me tell you a story. At 20, I had a boyfriend for six months. After a minor fight, he told me he could never break up with me. I was too special. And I just drank that up like a fresh glass of lemonade.

About a week later, something started to feel off to me. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it. He would answer texts and phone calls, we would have lunch together, make plans, but there was a distance I just could not describe at the time.

A few days into this we were walking and he says, “we have to talk.” My stomach dropped. All those odd feelings I had had all week came to a head, and I knew. He was dumping me. Looking back he was clearly avoiding me that entire week, I just didn’t want to see it or admit it to myself. 

So you think he’s avoiding you

I hope this doesn’t ruin the whole article for you, but if you think he’s avoiding you, you are probably right. There is a good chance he is.

Now, that does not mean your story will be the same as mine. Men avoid us for many different reasons; some of which are actually sweet. And lots of guys are actually extra intimate before they break up with you, so avoiding you does not always mean something bad.

Why might he be avoiding you?

On top of being nervous to break your heart, a guy might be avoiding you because he cheated. I know, I know, that is no better. He either doesn’t know how to look you in the eye without blurting out the truth, or he doesn’t want you to catch him.

Another reason he is avoiding you is that he has a surprise. He could be planning a party, bought you an expensive gift, or may even be planning to propose. Guys sometimes even pull away on purpose before taking the next step to shock you even more so. I know, what are they thinking? 

The most obvious signs he’s avoiding you

Being on the lookout for signs he’s avoiding you can make you paranoid. You can find the smallest and most innocent thing sketchy if you want. So even though you are trying to figure out if something is up, remember to keep your head on straight and live in reality, not fantasy.

#1 He takes longer to text back. If he is usually a great texter that responds back to you ASAP but has recently been taking upwards of 30 minutes to answer a simple question, something might be up. He might be at work or sleeping or showering, but if this is becoming a regular thing, he may be avoiding you.

Plus, if you know he is on his phone because he is liking posts on Instagram or retweeting memes on Twitter, but isn’t answering, you may have a reason to worry. 

#2 He responds with short or one word answers. Maybe he isn’t at the point where he isn’t answering at all, but rather he is answering with short responses. Maybe he says fine, okay, or yeah, rather than saying anything that would continue the conversation. If so, he is avoiding you for one reason or another. 

#3 He rushes you off the phone. When you are dating a guy, you like to chat on the phone. The flirting is better, you can actually hear the emotion in their voice, plus it is way more personal than texting.

But if every time you call, he tells you his phone is dying, he can’t hear you, or has one of a million lame excuses, he is avoiding talking to you. This was something that happened multiple times the week before I was dumped. We would be talking on the phone and it always seemed like he had me on mute and would then rush off.

#4 He cancels plans last minute. Guys are the kings of avoiding confrontation and awkwardness. Trust me, I have three brothers. So instead of telling you, he doesn’t want to go do this or that he will wait until the last minute to cancel.

Of course, this gets us angrier, but there is less time for you to ask why he’s canceling or discuss it if he does it minutes before your plans were actually supposed to happen. Yes, some guys do this anyway, but if it happens more than once in a week he is avoiding you.

#5 He gives the same excuse. Guys who are avoiding you will be full of excuses. They have excuses for not texting, not calling back, not seeing you, etc. But often they rotate the same three or so excuses. Something like work is crazy or I fell asleep will be on top of that list.

He may be avoiding you, but that does not mean he is creative.

#6 He keeps his distance, physically. My ex and I were very touchy-feely. What can I say? I love me some PDA. But in that last week of our relationship, while we spent time together, he wouldn’t hold my hand even if we started walking, that way he would have to hold something in that hand or check his phone continuously.

Things became very surface level. 

#7 He stopped liking your Instagram posts or watching your stories. When you are into someone, you are all over their social media. You watch their snaps and stories, you like their posts, and even comment the heart eyes emoji here and there. Yes, once couples get comfy this can die down, but not entirely.

If he doesn’t check your story when he is with you, you are fine. But if he doesn’t show up on your posts and isn’t watching your stories consistently he is avoiding you, even virtually.

#8 He claims nothing is wrong. So you got sick and tired of trying to read the signs he’s avoiding you and straight up asked him what the deal is. First of all, good for you. Second of all, I am sure he didn’t give you a legitimate answer. He probably either gave a generic excuse or just said you’re being paranoid.

Guys just love to make us feel crazy, even though we have a logical reason to question his odd behavior.

#9 You catch them lying. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Well, lately his pants have all had burn holes because he lies consistently, but about nothing. What does that mean?

He may not be lying about anything major, but he lies about where he is, even if he’s just with his friends. Why? Because he doesn’t want you to show up. If he lies about sleeping when he is playing Fortnite, he may just want to play without your texts popping up. But if you notice this behavior repeatedly, something is up. 

#10 He doesn’t make eye contact. This is a small but subtle sign he’s avoiding you. It is so easily overlooked. And this is the one I didn’t see until it was too late. In fact, I noticed it right before he said anything, and I said, “you’re breaking up with me.” He was shocked that I had figured it out.

These signs may not tell all, but they certainly do tell a lot. So, if you notice he can’t seem to look you in the eye, something is definitely going on. You deserve to know what it is.

 

Here’s to hoping he’s not avoiding you. But if you discovered signs he’s avoiding you, I’m sorry. The next step, figure out why and do something about it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Bailey – Chapter 1 – From Texting to Connecting

I matched with Bailey on OkCupid. Let’s take a look at her profile.

Bailey

27 – Philadelphia, PA

Straight, Bisexual, Heteroflexible, Sapiosexual, Woman, Single, 5’5″ Thin

My Self Summary

So apparently OkCupid decided to delete all of my content on my fucking profile. I had a bunch of witty things written here. Oh well… I’m a spoken word artist. Honest, raw, blunt, cynical, funny, frugal, practical, logical, nurturing, attentive, catering, independent, passionate, no nonsense. I was originally looking for a life partner but this website doesn’t offer those so let’s just hang. Not here for sex unless we actually go together. I’m old fashioned. If you have kinky anywhere on your profile, buzz off.

What I’m doing with my life

Working at an insurance company and retail job, volunteering and performing as a a spoken word artist. Also, I’m a really nice, gentle person. You just can’t tell from this profile.

I’m really good at:

Being funny in a super corny way. Talking to myself in public. Word play.

The first thing people notice about me

My facial piercings. Especially my Medusa.

Food: Soul food and Chinese. But I legit will eat almost anything. Every guy I meet is some craft beer snob. I’ll take a sip for the sake of feigning open-mindedness. But THE SHIT IS NASTY, OK? I like cheap ass wine and Seagram’s wine coolers. The girly jams. That’s it.

Six things I can’t live without

This list is ever changing…

Poetry, Grandma, Music, Curse words/SAT words, This asshole cell phone, Google maps

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Finding my happy place. Black lives matter. Trump is a cunt.

On a typical Friday night I am

At a social or artistic event

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I spontaneously cry during cute commercials

You should message me if

You are drama free, baggage free, looking for something real, ***own a car*** (I’m not a chauffer) and want to connect in person quickly.

You eat sleep and breathe art

You like a nice firm cuddle.

You smell like sunshine and rainbows

You acknowledge that I’m not crazy. I’m quirky. Big Diff.

It bothers you that I didn’t put a period after rainbows.

 

That’s Bailey’s profile.

I like her. 27 years old. As we all know here at phicklephilly that’s my sweet spot. They are all looking for daddy and then want to get married and have kids. Then it’s over. That’s okay. I love meeting them and offering what wisdom I can. At this point since I’m long divorced and Lorelei lives with me I am beyond all of that. I may marry again. But she will be a doctor that will take care of my sorry ass and love me forever.

But for now, I want to meet quirky pierced “Fell asleep face down into a tackle box” baby. She’s going to turn 28 the day after Christmas. No problem meeting and old goat so I’m going to bring in the ’67 Pontiac GTO game I always do. Let’s see what happens. The blog won’t write itself, and the art is all.

Can’t wait to meet Bailey. She seems really nice. In her profile she says she’s thin. That could mean nice legs.

Let’s go with that.

I decide to write the first text on OkCupid.  She’s unique so I need to go with something original in my approach. Then I remember she likes “Dad Jokes” So I open with the following:

Waiter: Careful these plates are hot. Me: That’s okay, I’m not really attracted to plates.

She responds. “Gems. I knew you’d have some.”

“Hi Bailey. I loved your profile and you seem absolutely fascinating.”

“Thank you and likewise. I have a special place in my heart for comedians.”

“Me too. I’ve done stand up in the past and it’s terrifying and hilarious. Please tell me more about your spoken word art.”

“I’ve been writing and performing poetry since middle school as well as singing and acting. After high school I stopped performing for years until last year. Now I attend 2 open mics a week and occasionally book paid gigs. It’s my favorite thing in the world. It has brought be a lot of friendships and happiness.”

“That’s awesome! Let’s meet up for lunch one day. What days/times are good for you?”

“Tomorrow I’m available until 6pm. Sunday I have open availability as well.”

“Tomorrow I’m out-of-town. I could meet you after 4pm on Sunday.”

“Okay, that works for me!”

“Wonderful. I’ll find a place to meet up!”

(I provide my phone number)

So we switch over to texting and I’m feeling a good vibe. I think I like this quirky girl. I set up our first date for noodles and snacks at Dan Dan, the sechuen restuarant where my buddy Nate works as a bartender. She likes the idea and I’m going to meet her there Sunday!

So we’ll see what happens.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday.

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3 Reasons Your Husband Is Cheating on You, but Doesn’t Want a Divorce

An affair doesn’t mean he’s unhappy.

Why do men cheat and still stay married? What makes a man decide that cheating and infidelity are worth the risk to his family’s happiness? What about the risk of his wife finding out and wanting to file for divorce? It’s hard to imagine why men cheat in their marriage when they have no plans to leave their current relationship.

Why married men cheat is a common concern. And, it goes hand-in-hand with the questions about respect between the genders that people still struggle with as a society. Cheating is a painful, marriage-ruining issue regardless of whether it’s physical or emotional cheating that occurs.

 

There are many men who fall into the unfaithful category; men who have a paramour that their wife doesn’t know about. And these men choose to stay married despite their infidelity. But just why exactly do these cheating spouses seek fulfillment outside of their marriages, knowing they will never leave, and risking all of the potential consequences, like a heartbreaking divorce?

Here are 3 possible reasons married men cheat when they have no intention of leaving their wives:

1. They still love their wives

Yet they need something more to feel good about themselves. That something more they crave could be excitement, support, sex, or any other need that they believe their wives are just not able to provide.

In some cases, they have asked their wives for what they need and for some reason, these men — either correctly or incorrectly — believe their wives have denied their requests, so they seek out this satisfaction elsewhere.

In other cases, the men have not asked their wives, believing and fearing that they’ll judge them and deny their needs in an unpleasant way.

2. They are afraid to hurt their wives

Most of the men who fall into this category realize that if their wife discovered their infidelity, she would be very hurt. They try to cover up their illicit relationship because they don’t want to reveal what they’ve been doing. But many women can intuitively spot the signs their husband is cheating and might notice their affair, regardless.

But despite the reason why men cheat, they’re reluctant to admit to their affair because they believe it would cause their wife unnecessary pain.

 

3. They don’t want to deal with the financial implications of divorce

These men fear that their wives will divorce them when news of their infidelity is revealed. So, rather than come clean, they choose to continue having an affair with their mistress on the side.

Are these good reasons for why married men become cheaters and stay married? It’s not anyone’s job to pass judgment and that’s not the purpose of this article, either.

The fact is that the men in this situation consistently give these reasons for why they do what they do instead of coming clean and dealing directly with their spouses about the cheating.

However, these reasons point out a serious breakdown in communication between the couples. And, in turn, this reflects the miscommunication and lack of respect between genders and gender orientation that is sadly still prevalent in this society.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Tales of Rock – Pajama Party with Elvis!

Barbara Hearn, a dark-haired Memphis beauty he had known casually for years, was one of the young women he dated that year. Decades later, Barbara still spoke fondly of their time together, despite the heavy competition for Elvis’ attention. “My husband tells everybody that Elvis and I dated steadily for a year. And I say, ‘No. I dated him steadily for a year. He didn’t date anybody steadily for more than 15 minutes.’”

Barbara never asked him about all the other women in his life, but she suspected that he divided them into “good girls” and “road girls,” the latter of whom were fair game and didn’t mean anything beyond the moment. “He was very, very respectful to women. If you could see how he treated me, my mother, his own mom, his grandmother—we were people he cared about. The ones who went backstage were in a different category. They were fans.”

ON APRIL 15, 1956, Elvis, billed as “the Nation’s Only Atomic-Powered Singer,” played the Municipal Auditorium in San Antonio. There to meet him was Kay Wheeler, the virginal 17-year-old president of the first national Elvis Presley fan club. Kay was in something of a teenage haze. A year earlier, she hadn’t even been able to find a picture of Elvis. But by early 1956, working from her Dallas home and aided by two sisters, she had built the club into more than 20,000 members, each of whom received a large autographed photo of Elvis, a “Presley pink” membership card, and a four-page monthly newsletter. Kay was as atomic-powered as the object of her affections, and only Col. Tom Parker, Elvis’ manager, matched her devotion and energy in promoting Elvis into a major heartthrob.

At the beginning of April, Kay had received a letter from Parker’s secretary telling her that Elvis would be on tour in Texas, and inviting her to attend the kickoff show in San Antonio. When the big day came, she chose a clinging sheath dress, dangly pearl earrings, and a pair of spike heels. Then she boarded a Greyhound bus for a 270-mile ride that would mark her first trip away from home. When she arrived at the auditorium, she flashed a telegram from Col. Parker, and was waved through by a guard. Backstage, Parker’s second in command, Tom Diskin, pointed to an unmarked door and said, “Elvis is in his dressing room. Just go on in.”

Elvis was sitting in front of a mirror, smoothing down his dark-blond ducktail, and he turned to look over his shoulder at her. Kay’s knees went wobbly. “Hi, Elvis,” she managed. “I’m Kay Wheeler, the president of your fan club.” “My fan club president?” he asked. He seemed surprised. Kay thought he knew she was coming, but there wasn’t time to think about that now, because the 21-year-old singer had on a blue satin shirt that matched his eyes, and there was a mischievous grin on his face. “If any man ever stepped out of a dream,” she thought, “it was Elvis Presley.”

Elvis stood and walked toward her, staring. The room began swirling, but she could see he was still smiling, and she thought he was about to say something. Instead, he put his hands on her shoulders, and then began following her curves. He slid his hands up over her hips, then moved his fingers to her waist, and nearly up to her breasts. Finally, he spoke: “Is all this really you?”

“He pretty much groped me,” she recalls. “I was overwhelmed. He came on like Godzilla.”

Kay stepped back until his hands dropped away, and then they were both embarrassed. “Gee,” she murmured. Just about then, the door opened, and in came a gaggle of reporters to ask him questions. Kay stood back and watched. Then, in the middle of the interview, Elvis motioned for her to come over. Before she knew what was happening, he grabbed her, turned her around, and pulled her toward him until her back was pressed up against him. He folded her into his arms and kissed the side of her face as photographers snapped away. Kay couldn’t believe what was happening. “He should have been under freaking arrest. He’s feeling me up in that picture. Those are some of the most blatantly sensual poses that I’ve ever seen him in with a girl.”

Just before going onstage, he kissed Kay passionately, pushing against her in a way no boy had done before. Then he launched into the first of two shows before 6,000 deafening fans.

ALREADY, ELVIS’ REPUTATION as a sex symbol was becoming a burden. Some years later, in the 1960s, he would tell Larry Geller, a member of his entourage, that in the early days of his fame he had relations with so many women that he was hospitalized for exhaustion. Whether that was the reason behind a 1955 hospital visit in Jacksonville, Fla., isn’t known. But according to Geller, the experience chastened Elvis. Elvis’ sex-god label also seemed to hamper him psychologically. Women assumed, from his image and his movements onstage, that he was a lover of legendary proportions. But he was insecure about his sexual prowess, fearing that he might not measure up in bed to women’s expectations. This was a factor is his gravitation toward 13- and 14-year-old girls. Young teens were likely to be satisfied simply to make out—precisely where Elvis felt most at ease.

Sometime in the fall of 1956, Elvis’ father, Vernon, was visiting a Memphis Oldsmobile dealership where the family often had their cars repaired, when the owner, a man named Mowel, asked if his 14-year-old daughter, Gloria, could meet Elvis. Vernon Presley said that was ?ne, and for Gloria to come on over anytime.

On Oct. 11, Gloria showed up at the tidy one-story ranch house on Audubon Drive that Elvis had bought for his family in the spring. She was shocked to see Elvis answer the door himself.

Gloria was cute, sweet, and personable, and she knew music—she identified “Ruby, Baby,” a recent hit by the Drifters, whom Elvis loved, playing on the phonograph in the den. So after her visit, Elvis invited her back another day. Soon, she was taking her friends Heidi Heissen and Frances Forbes, who were also 14, and Elvis began asking them over for evening swims at the house, or just to watch TV. Frances, a petite, dark-haired beauty, had been hanging out by the gate of the house since she was 13. “He didn’t pay any attention to me then, but when I was 14, he noticed me. Fourteen was a magical age with Elvis. It really was.”

Fanatical in their devotion, the three girls followed Elvis everywhere he went in Memphis. Elvis had an easy rapport with the trio and felt as if he could ask them what the other kids were saying about him and his music. They were his local contacts with the larger fan base, but it went deeper than that. “He was fascinated with them,” said Lamar Fike, an aspiring deejay who was starting to integrate himself into Elvis’ entourage. In no time, Elvis was inviting the girls to go to a local roller-skating rink, and by 1957, they became his constant companions, part of the group that went to the nearby Mid-South Fairgrounds to crash into one another in the dodge-’em cars and eat endless Pronto Pups. “They were just as nutty as fruitcakes, but they were fun,” Fike remembers. “All three of them were pretty cute girls.”

As Elvis’ attraction to the girls grew, they started staying for private pajama parties—just 14-year-old Heidi, Gloria, Frances, and their 22-year-old host, holed up in his bedroom, a pale-yellow room equipped with a selection of pink stuffed animals. Elvis didn’t seem to mind that his mother had chosen such a girlish motif. “When you were in that room,” says Gloria, “you wanted to shut out the whole world for the rest of your life.”

In an odd suspension of time and gender, Elvis became not only their age but also a teenage girl. After swims in the Presleys’ pool, he’d wash and dry their hair, and they’d blow his hair dry, too. He’d tease them, say to Gloria, “Frances was jealous tonight because I was throwing you in the pool!” Then they’d all giggle, and he’d show them how to put makeup on their eyes the way he liked it, heavy on the shadow and mascara. Sometimes he’d apply the eyeliner himself. Then they’d lie on the beds and roughhouse and have pillow ?ghts, Elvis tickling and kissing them until they couldn’t take it anymore.

The girls insisted that nothing overtly sexual happened inside Elvis’ pastel lair, though it came close on occasion, as Gloria later remembered. “We’d tickle, ?ght, laugh, mess around, but all you’d have to say is, ‘Stop!’, and he’d roll over and quit. It would never be mentioned again that night. But next time, it would be the same thing exactly. You’d ?ght with him, kid around, and scuf?e. The next thing, he’d get serious and you’d just push him away. I think that if he really pushed, I would have done it.”

No matter how Elvis rationalized his interest in mentoring young girls, the relationship contained a strong erotic element. Elvis and the girls would sit on the bed yoga-style, with Elvis in the middle, and he’d kiss each one. “Gloria is jealous ’cause I kissed Frances,” he’d say, and then turn it around: “Frances is jealous ’cause I kissed Heidi.” Eventually, they’d tire of it all, and Elvis would turn out the light, lying with an arm around two of them, with the third girl stretched out across his feet. “Elvis was always kissing,” says Frances, “and it was a good kiss, a real good one. He might be doing anything—playing pool, anything—he’d walk up and kiss you, or he might turn his cheek for you to kiss him. He was especially romantic when it was just you and him. He might talk to you about things that bothered him, and just like teenagers, you’d neck a little bit. Elvis was like a teenager somewhat—the things we did were things that kids do. They really were all very innocent.”

Heidi, Gloria, and Frances were always the last fans to leave Audubon Drive. At 3 or 4 in the morning, Elvis would sit up and kiss each girl and say, “I love you, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Fike would drive the girls home, and they’d catch a few hours of sleep before getting up and going to junior high. “The amazing thing is that I never had one problem with any of the parents,” Fike says. “Not ever. It was something I assumed would not happen, and it didn’t.”

Elvis didn’t want his mother to know they stayed so late, and before Gladys Presley got up, they were out and gone. But chances are she was aware that they were there, and she probably didn’t mind. Gladys knew that Elvis, a boy-man, was looking for a child-woman he could mold into his idea of a perfect mate. Fourteen-year-olds were just the right age, as they allowed him to play the role of the older man who would teach them about life. If he could ?nd one who had his mother’s coloring, who shared her values, and who also somehow felt like his twin soul, she would hold him captive.

His friendship with the trio of Memphis teenagers lasted through the early 1960s, about the time he met 14-year-old Priscilla Beaulieu, his future wife.

If you’ve been following Tales of Rock in this blog and you’ve read about all of Elvis’ dalliances with underage girls, you’ll find this video especially filthy.

I can’t believe I found this…

My God. Listen to the lyrics! Who the hell wrote and approved this???

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Tales of Rock – Special Report – James Hetfield

Metallica’s James Hetfield Relapses and Enters Rehab, Band Postpones Tour: ‘We Are Truly Sorry’
http://va.topbuzz.com/s/YQMspk

Here’s What It’s Like to Date When You Have Anxiety (Negative Thoughts Included)

Here’s one from one of my female readers…

I’ll never forget this moment: I was on a second date with a guy, patiently awaiting the large portion of cacio e pepe I eyed on Yelp six hours prior, when he brought up the concept of anxiety. At this point, I was more into the pasta than I was into the guy, but I had to take my eyes off the restaurant’s kitchen door and focus on the conversation that was about to ensue for a few minutes. “I’ve never had anxiety before. What’s it like?” he asked, genuinely curious. Well, honey, I’m going to assume they skipped this lesson during Dating 101, but this is not the time, nor the place. I stared blankly, proceeded to giggle adorably, and thanked the heavens above to see the waiter holding my saviordinner right in front of me at that moment.

Anxiety is something I’ve dealt with since I was 15 years old, and I’m well aware of the stigma associated with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), so as ingenuous as this guy’s question was, I wasn’t prepared to answer it. It’s hard to explain what “anxiety” is because it affects everyone differently, and I definitely wasn’t going to attempt to describe the debilitating feeling I’ve had for a large portion of my life to a stranger. Thanks, but no thanks.

I’d be lying if I said anxiety didn’t impact my dating life.

Dating when you have anxiety is, uh, interesting. But before I get into it, I want to again clarify that everyone has a different experience, and I can only speak to my own. My experience is not social anxiety or anxiety about dating (usually), it’s about how my general anxiety impacts my life as a 27-year-old single woman in Manhattan who’s just trying to get her date on. While I definitely think I’m a great dater — I’m on the apps, I like going out (sometimes), I’m an outgoing and positive person — I’d be lying if I said anxiety didn’t impact my dating life.

A viral tweet from Gage DeAngelis perfectly encapsulates this: “My girlfriend has major anxiety issues and it really affects her and I see that, daily. So I asked her if there’s anything I can to do help. Her response? ‘Just let me be crazy and I’ll be fine.’ Yes ma’am,” he wrote. I don’t know him or his relationship, but his girlfriend’s reaction to “let her be” is important. In the modern dating era, I believe that you really have to put yourself out there if you want to meet someone. Whether that’s on a dating app or out in real life, you just have to. For me, someone with anxiety, that comes with listening to my body and my mind, and of course, “letting me be.”

There are weeks when I’m feeling hopeful, and the thought of going out with someone I potentially have a great connection with sparks joy, so I’ll make a few dates and dinner plans with friends. There are also weeks when I need my alone time, so I’ll line up workouts after work to clear my head. There are even weeks when I can’t bring myself to work out because I need to de-stress in the comfort of my own home, so I won’t make any plans that could add to my anxiousness. But the most important thing for me is to listen to my body and figure out what kind of week it is to plan accordingly.

There’s no shame in rescheduling a date if you’re going to be mentally elsewhere during the prime hours of getting to know someone.

Listening to your body and your mind is one thing, but acting on it is another. My anxiety, like many people’s, can be unpredictable — a lovely morning can turn into a panicked racing heart if something triggers me — so, cancel plans if that’s the case. There’s no shame in rescheduling a date if you’re going to be mentally elsewhere during the prime hours of getting to know someone. Anxiety and the negative, racing thoughts that come with it are out of your control, but canceling plans and taking the night to cuddle with a weighted blanket and some CBD to get back to feeling like yourself is in your control.

I’m not a mental health professional, and I’m definitely not an expert on dating (hello, single!), but I’ve juggled anxiety and societal pressures to “put yourself out there” long enough to know this: sitting at a table nodding to a forced conversation when negative thoughts are running rampant through your mind is not going to lead you to your soulmate, or even lead you to an enjoyable evening. Listen to your body, your mind, and “put yourself out there” only when you’re able to be present and able to be the best version of yourself. As for me, I just need to remember that Carrie Bradshaw was a fictional character, and in real life, someone with a fabulous shoe collection, a very active social life, and never-ending editorial deadlines would *probably* have anxiety, too.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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