Tales of Rock – Axl & Tommy Hilfiger

Axl Rose and Tommy Hilfiger walk into a bar. It already sounds like the setup for a joke. That’s why we’ve already covered the now-legendary fight that resulted from that improbable premise once before here on Cracked. If you read that article (which was published before I started writing here, so I understand if you didn’t), you already know the lurid details. For the rest of you, here’s a quick refresher:

At a nightclub called The Plumm in NYC, during a birthday celebration for actress Rosario Dawson …

… a fight broke out between former hard rock badass Axl Rose and fashion designer to the mid-90s rap stars Tommy Hilfiger

The dispute happened after Rose had the audacity to move a drink belonging to Hilfiger’s girlfriend. I know, I was surprised too. That’s not the point, though. The point is, Axl Rose didn’t start this fight, he was just trying to keep some chick’s drink from falling off the table. You can bet your ass he ended that fight, though.

Unfortunately for his place in rock and roll badass lore, he ended it by getting crushed in the face by a dude who makes polo shirts for a living. It’s documented in the public record that he didn’t even fight back. When he got punched. By Tommy Hilfiger. For most people, the only consequence of that will be the added stress that comes with figuring out how best to invest your out of court settlement money. For Axl Rose, though, it’s a veritable public relations nightmare.

At least it would have been if it happened at a time when Axl Rose still had a public in need of being related to. This was 2006, though, a few years before the long-delayed Chinese Democracy was finally released. You could argue that it was a good thing that nobody cared what Axl Rose was up to when this happened. By 2006, he was already firmly established as the laughing stock that he is today, so there wasn’t much credibility to lose, even after an incident so terribly unrocking as this one.

And that, ultimately, is the saddest thing about the Tommy Hilfiger incident. It proved that Axl Rose was so far removed from his days as an icon of rock debauchery that we weren’t even surprised when he got beat up by a fashion designer.

 

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Celebrity Sightings: ‘Superman’ Actress Margot Kidder’s Death Ruled a Suicide

The actress who soared to stardom as Lois Lane died from “self-inflicted drug and alcohol overdose,” according to a coroner statement.

Kidder found fame starring as Lois Lane in the “Superman” series of movies in the 1970s and 1980s that featured Reeve in the title role.

But she later suffered a very public nervous breakdown in 1996, revealing later that she had suffered from mental illness, including depression and bipolar disorder, for much of her life.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text TALK to 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources. 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

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Celebrity Sightings: Farrah Fawcett – 1947 to 2009 – Life Uncovered – Part 5

Finally Out Of Jail

In 2016, the distraught son Redmond O’Nea was released from prison. After he had been jailed in 2015 for violating probation regarding previous drug possession convictions, it was rather unexpected when he was spotted out to dinner with his father, since he was initially given a three-year sentence. Redmond reportedly promised Farrah he would stay clean, but in 2011 he was found in possession of illegal substances and a firearm. He was imprisoned during Farrah’s last days, but he managed to visit her one last time before her death.

Cheating On Every Man’s Fantasy

In 1997, the couple knew one of the hardest years of their lives due to O’Neal’s notorious inability to stay faithful. Apparently, the same woman featured on every teenage boy’s wall in the 70’s caught her long-time lover doing the dirty deed in his Malibu pad. O’Neal was forced to recount his infidelity during a testimony he gave in a lawsuit pressed by the University of Texas years later, in which he confessed to messing around in the sheets with Leslie Ann Stefanson, star of The General’s Daughter.

A Valentine’s To Remember

Fawcett decided to surprise O’Neal for Valentine’s Day the day she discovered the truth. O’Neal described the horrible moment in detail: “It was terrible, I didn’t expect to see her down there. I tried to put my pants on, but I put both legs in one hole. Leslie dived under the covers.” O’Neal hoped Farrah didn’t realize what was happening, but in vain. “I thought Farrah was going to attack her, but she said, ‘What’s your name?’ Leslie said, ‘Leslie.’ And Farrah walked out.”

Special Guest At Farrah’s Funeral

A private funeral was held for Farrah in Los Angeles on June 30, 2009, and there was a very special guest in attendance, her son. Fawcett’s son Redmond was in jail at the time of her funeral, but he was thankfully given the permission to leave his California detention center to attend the funeral, where he gave the first reading. While being released, Redmond was photographed in his blue jumpsuit. Fawcett was buried at the Westwood Village Memorial Park in Los Angeles.

Not A Vain Bone In Her Body

One time, O’Neal asked Fawcett about her chosen and very distinct hair style: “I said, ‘Why do you wear your hair like that?’ and she said, ‘I can’t see to the right or left, and that way I don’t have to see people looking at me.’” Farrah was also not one to spend hours on grooming rituals. In fact, she once said: “I’m always more comfortable when I have on hardly any make-up, my hair is brown and I’m very unattractive.”

The Secret Affair

According to court papers, Fawcett had a secret affair with her university sweetheart during her final years behind Ryan O’Neal’s back. He claimed in a deposition that they rekindled their relationship in 1998 and were a couple for 11 years until Farrah died from cancer several years ago while she was 62 years old. The undercover love triangle was revealed in a bitter legal battle over the ownership of a $26 million Andy Warhol portrait of the former Charlie’s Angels actress and model.

Fawcett’s Football Flirt

Greg Lott, 67, a former football star, first dated Fawcett when they were both at the University of Texas. Lott, now a car dealer in Texas, claimed O’Neal prevented him from seeing Fawcett in her last days. “He kept me from seeing the love of my life before she died,” he said. “Photos don’t make a relationship. I know what I had with her. He didn’t have that. He blew it.” O’Neal and Lott were photographed arguing in the street several months after her death.

A Whole Lott Of Money

Fawcett left all her artworks to her old university but when the collection was handed over it was discovered that one of the valuable portraits was hanging in O’Neal’s bedroom. O’Neal claims that before she died, Fawcett gave him the Warhol painting to pass on to their son. Fawcett didn’t include O’Neal in her living trust but left $80,000 to Lott, who testified that it was the actress’s wish to bequeath all of her artwork to her alma mater, including the Warhol portrait.

Lott’s Love Letters

In court, Lott claimed to have years of handwritten notes between him and Fawcett. In one letter dated, Dec. 8, 2008, written from her hospital bed in Germany, Fawcett wrote, “I miss you so much, and sometimes the loneliness makes me cry. But this is a daunting journey one must take oneself, and there is very little anyone else can do to help. I wonder if at the moment of surgery I can do it, so I pray for strength and courage and it comes.”

Close Call

Fawcett and O’Neal fought often and loudly, and these arguments took a toll on their son, Redmond. The six-year-old once threatened to hurt himself to stop his parents from fighting. O’Neal recounted a particularly heart-stopping example that occurred during an argument in their bedroom. Redmond was standing in the doorway in his Winnie-the-Pooh pajamas, holding a butcher’s knife and said, “I’m going to stab myself if you don’t stop it!” That ended the argument.

 

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Celebrity Sightings: Farrah Fawcett – 1947 to 2009 – Life Uncovered – Part 4

Badmouthing Her Besties

When it came to her close friends and former co-stars Kate Jackson and Jaclyn Smith, Fawcett never had a bad word to say about them and reacted well when people would try to pry into any drama that occurred between them while filming. During an interview with controversial radio host Howard Stern, he kept trying to get Fawcett to badmouth Jackson and Smith but she refused, explaining that there was nothing but love between them. Farrah had their backs!

The Farrah-Flip

You know that a star has reached new levels of fame when a haircut is named after them! Fawcett’s signature blonde and feathered hairstyle actually has its own name! If you want to get your hair cut like Farrah’s, all you have to do is say that you want the “Farrah-do” or the “Farrah-flip.” Using these magic words in any salon should get you a cut and or color to match that of the late movie star’s.

The Dating Game

Before Fawcett was famous, she was a contestant on The Dating Game! It was a game show where a woman was given a choice of three single men. She could talk to them, but she could not see them until the end! You can bet that these men were dancing in their seats and trying to make an excellent impression to win their ways into the heart of the blond haired-blue-eyed beauty. Do you really blame them?

Baby Naming

When it comes to picking a name for your baby, especially when it’s a girl, most parents want to choose a name that people will associate with a beauty icon or famous actress. Right after Charlie’s Angels made its big debut, Farrah quickly became one of the most popular baby names in the United States! But you have to admit, Farah is a pretty catchy name. It can also be seen as an alternative to the popular name Sarah.

Contacting The Departed

Just when we thought that Fawcett was close with her former co-stars, her relationship with Tori Spelling proved to be even closer, but in an interesting way. Farrah used to be neighbors with Tori Spelling, and the two had developed such a connection that Spelling was able to contact her even after she left this world. Spelling said that she visited a psychic who helped her talk to Farrah after she had passed away. We wonder what they chatted about.

Cover Girl

Farrah rose to stardom rather quickly, and it was only a matter of time before she was literally everywhere. That means billboards, shampoo bottles, and even a Super Bowl commercial, but some of her favorite work was modeling for magazines. Fawcett has appeared in noteworthy magazines such as Bazaar, Elle, Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and Time, but she stated that being in Playboy was the highlight of her life. We’re sure that her spread in the magazine was also a highlight of other people’s lives as well.

Farrah Went Plastic

It’s every girl’s dream to enter the world of plastic becoming a Barbie doll, literally! After years of fame on both the big and small screens, Fawcett finally joined the ranks of other stars who have had one of the classic dolls modeled after them. The iconic image of Farrah in a red swimsuit was ultimately recreated in a limited edition Barbie doll complete with a gold chain and her signature girl-next-door golden locks. The likeness is uncanny!

Midnight Plane To Houston

Fawcett and her former husband Lee Majors served as the inspiration for the song Midnight Train to Georgia. Singer/songwriter Jim Weatherly, who was a friend of Majors, phoned him, but the call was answered by Fawcett. As Weatherly and Fawcett chatted, she told him she was going to visit her mother and was taking “the midnight plane to Houston.” Although Majors and Fawcett were both successful at that time, Weatherly used them as characters in his song.

Reclaiming Her Fame

Farrah may have been America’s favorite calendar girl when she was on Charlie’s Angels, but her film career was not as successful and eventually began to decline after she starred in Sunburn, Somebody Killed Her Husband, and Saturn 3. Farrah made a remarkable comeback after finding her niche in made-for-TV movies, specifically those based on real stories, and was awarded much praise for her role in the 1984 television movie, The Burning Bed, which tells an emotional tale of domestic abuse.

The Best-Selling Poster In History

You know the picture of Farrah that everybody knows? The one with the famous one-piece red bathing suit? Well, that’s the best-selling poster in history! The photo which was spontaneously taken resulted in the 1976 poster that wound up plastered on millions of bedroom walls. The photographer used a blanket from Mexico that served as the seat cover for his beat-up 1937 Chevy pickup with colors that matched the suit. Original copies of the poster now run anywhere from $299.99 to $399.99 on Amazon.

(I own one in mint condition still rolled in its plastic tube!)

Isn’t it weird she died from cancer?

 

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Celebrity Sightings: Farrah Fawcett – 1947 to 2009 – Life Uncovered – Part 3

The Photoshoot That Caused Major Scandal

There are lines that celebrities draw when it comes to what they will and will not do, and Fawcett was one who usually didn’t cross that line. That is, until she got an offer she couldn’t refuse from a famous adult magazine. While Fawcett had steadfastly resisted baring it all in magazines throughout the 70s and 80s, she made an exception when she posed in the December 1995 issue of Playboy. This caused a major stir, and some even called the actress hypocritical.

 

Fawcett Called Quits On Charlie’s Angels

In 1977, Farrah Fawcett decided to quit ABC’s Charlie’s Angels after the first season, because she did not have a contract and said that she wanted to pursue other career options that had opened up, due to the show’s spectacular success. Spelling-Goldberg Productions filed suit against Fawcett, charging her with breach of contract. The case ended with an out-of-court settlement in which Fawcett agreed to make six guest appearances over a two-year period.

Infamously Unreliable

Her departure from Charlie’s Angels made Farrah seem like a ticking bomb in the industry. In a matter of minutes, all of Hollywood’s hottest names heard about the actress who turned down a gig after succeeding once. Leonard Goldberg, who co-produced the show with Aaron Spelling, said: “We made her a star, and she walks out after one year. We had a valid contract with her, and no major studio or production company would hire her. Producers don’t like people who walk out on contracts.”

Close But No Cameo

What’s a remake of a classic without an appearance from one of the old characters, right? That’s why Fawcett was offered a cameo in the movie version of Charlie’s Angels alongside Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Lu. While Fawcett was excited to receive the offer and really wanted to do it, she had one condition. Farrah would only agree to take the role if she could be the voice of the new Charlie. Needless to say, there was no cameo for Fawcett.

Love At First Sight

Not many believe in love at first sight, but for the Charlie’s Angels actress and her long time boyfriend Ryan O’Neal, they knew it was destiny the second they locked eyes. O’Neal has been quoted saying that when he first met Farrah he instantly fell in love with her. They met at a friend’s party and he saw her in the driveway. She smiled at him and he said that was the moment, he knew they were meant to be.

Doomed From The Start

By the time Farrah and Ryan met, he already had three children from two wives, one of which was a substance user and addict. To make things worse, his career felt as though it was deteriorating fast. In 1980, he was quoted saying wryly that “Farrah’s visibility is on the rise… Meanwhile, my career is in a slump.” Not providing steady grounds for a stable, supportive relationship, some say their relationship was doomed from the very start.

Attention Seeking

O’Neal was known to be able to throw quite a tantrum if he wanted to. In 1984, he returned home fuming after receiving bad reviews for his new movie. O’Neal was ready to begin his rant, but noticed Farrah was talking on the phone with her press agent. To get her attention, he started pacing around “until she finally pays attention to me,” wrote O’Neal in his memoir. He also wrote that he deeply believes “love is about admiration,” which could explain why Farrah felt never good enough.

Late Show Catastrophe

After appearing on the Late Show With David Letterman in 1997, Farrah was accused of abusing her medications after the disastrous interview. The audience and David noticed that she wasn’t making eye contact and was particularly giggly. Farrah just said that she was nervous and unprepared. O’Neal also rushed to Fawcett’s defense confirming that she was not medicated but was just trying to put on a show. He said, “She was selling Playboy magazine, and she thought she was being Playmate-ish.”

Afraid For Her Life

After Charlie’s Angels, there was such a big hype around Farrah that she needed to hire a security guard, who was attached to her by the hip 24/7. When she started dating O’Neal, he felt slightly overwhelmed by the fact they were constantly accompanied and asked if it was really necessary, teasing that if she were with him, he would be her security guard. Shortly after, O’Neal and Fawcett were spotted, and O’Neal quickly turned to Fawcett: “Remember that security guard? Can we get him back?”

 

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Tales of Rock – Metallica Turned Down Les Claypool Because of what?

Les strolled into the audition wearing skater pants and two different-colored shoes, and sporting a blond mohawk.

Metallica have enjoyed a storied career of playing amazing metal that graduated into boring dad rock, and part of the reason for their success is that they have always been very business-minded. Too business-minded for the crazy antics of iconic Primus bassist (and the guy who sings the South Park theme) Les Claypool, at least, who once upon a time was a hair’s breadth away from becoming the band’s newest member.

When Metallica was looking for a new bassist after the tragic death of Cliff Burton, guitarist Kirk Hammett suggested his old high school buddy Claypool try out for the vacant position.

But when Claypool was approached, he wasn’t really all that interested. Claypool later claimed to have had no idea just how big Metallica actually was, despite the fact that this took place in 1986, the year Metallica’s album Master Of Puppets was released (AKA the year that everyone knew who Metallica was). But to the legendary bassist, the group was simply his “buddy Kirk’s band,” which might be why he showed up to the audition dressed like an at-risk teen, strolling in wearing skater pants and two different-colored shoes, and sporting a blond mohawk. Although for Claypool, this was a conservative “job interview” outfit.

While Claypool showed up looking like he was really into Pac-Man and NOFX, Metallica’s boys were decked out in black and taking this session as seriously as an anti-piracy lawsuit. Claypool claimed that vibe was too much for him, and that he just didn’t gel with the band. However, Metallica’s frontman James Hetfield gave a much kinder reason for Claypool’s failed audition: Claypool was just too good. Either way, Claypool’s style certainly didn’t mesh with Metallica’s, and we were forever robbed of one of the most bizarre metal albums ever recorded.

 

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Tales of Rock – Slash Filled His House With Nearly 100 What…?

In an industry where cocaine and heroin should be receiving royalties for their contribution to rock history, it’s hard to consider drugs as a wild vice. Fortunately, Slash had the answer: a Raiders Of The Lost Ark-worthy fortress of snakes.

Using the proceeds from a hard career of standing on stage and playing guitar while dressed as someone’s mad aunt, Slash turned his mansion into the Reptile Room. As one interviewer discovered, there were cages in the walls, cages on the stairway landing, and a cage containing a 22-foot-long python underneath the stairs. There was even a room that was specially converted into a python house containing water features, tiling, and greenery. Yes, even the pets of rock stars live better than most college students.

Perhaps because his snakes could see the future, one of them attempted to eat Axl Rose. As Slash recounted, while he and Axl were living together, Axl awoke one night to find a reticulated python staring at his head and, presumably, deciding whether or not it wanted to remove Axl’s headband before swallowing his head. After an hour of watching Axl’s pile of fear-poop grow to ceiling height, Slash locked the snake away.

Sadly, several years ago, Slash got rid of his 80-strong collection of snakes, owing to the (understandable) worry that they might be dangerous for his newborn son to be around.

 

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