My Father – 1929 to 2016 – Diamonds and Rust – Part 2

Still proud to have known you for the short time that I did.
Proud to have been a step up on your way.
Proud to be a part of your illustrious career…
and I know you did it all,
in spite of me.
In spite of me.

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I have my father’s words. His laughter. His lessons. His charm for sure. He taught me so much. But that’s what my father was. He realized he had nothing. No natural ability that his brother Jack had and he made a decision. He was going to read. He was going to learn all that he could about the world.

He once told me. “Son, I just got to a point where I realized I didn’t know much. I don’t know much about anything. So I started to read.”

He also said that the best things in his life were my mom, us kids and his books.

I really believe that, because I was once sitting on the floor playing the lead from “I Want You’ from the Beatles, Abbey Road on my guitar and he walked in and said, “That’s really good, son. I can only listen to music… you can make music.”

Greatest compliment ever.

That’s the same thing as him saying to my mother, “I love you Helen Barr with all of my heart because I can never truly love you, or be you, and I would love nothing more that to be like you.”

My dad was a simple guy that grew up in the depression and struggled with himself and life itself. He was bullied as a kid as was I but I never understood why he would knock  me around with his words and his hands.

Maybe life’s burdens were an incredible weight that he couldn’t bear, and that it relieved him to hit me to make the pain and frustrations stop in himself.

I can’t imagine anyone ever doing that to a child but our parents are from a different era than where we are now as a parents.

I’m okay with that. I love my Dad, and he didn’t know any better. I accept him and forgive him for all of his failures as he has forgiven my failures which are many.

I know I have disappointed him, in so many ways. But I appreciate his forgiveness. But sadly as he lies cold in a grave in Cold Springs. NJ, the very thing he wanted me to become he snuffed out with his on actions a long time ago.

I’ve spent the last 40 years of my life crawling from the wreckage of his behavior to finally stand in the sun and not feel like a worthless loser. I remember feeling at 12 years old him reflecting his on fear and failure upon me.

I never understood why he did this until I really got to know who he was.

Why would a kid that suffered so much as a kid and was bullied and had to be the stand up guy in the family and the unloved do this to his son?

He couldn’t help it. I really think that when he screamed at me, and beat me he was simply beating himself.

I get it.

You hate your life, You’re not living the life you want and you’re now married to a lovely woman who kind of isn’t the hot babies your accustomed to and she is actually a puritan lady. You made the republican decision to capture some kind of credibility and get some sort of family thing going on because yours is shit. Her brothers are cool awesome dudes.

I get it. I did something similar when I got married.

You did so much better than I did in that area, you brought Janice, April, and Gabrielle into the world. Well done, Sir.

But I think, once you did it you saw that maybe that’s not what you wanted…

Back to the beatings….

I have never raised my voice or my hand to my daughter Lorelei because It’s wrong and unnecessary. But instead of repeating the sins of the father I have learned from my upbringing all of the great things they taught us. There are many! But I have discarded the violent wasteful acts of the previous generation.

Thanks mom and dad. It didn’t hurt so much, and I know you did the best you could from your medieval beginnings but you made better people!

We’re all okay and miss you both very much. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of you both.

I feel the words flow through my fingers as I write this. I just had to sit down and get it out.

 

“For a long time I thought you’d be coming back to me… Those kind of thoughts can be so cruel…”

 

I’ll finish this tomorrow…

 

 

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10 Signs You’re Compatible with the One You’re Dating

signs you're compatible

Just because you get along and like the same things, doesn’t make you compatible. Here’s how to know if you’re dating someone you’re compatible with.

They say that opposites attract. This may be true for many, and while I may agree that two people of different characteristics might find initial attraction towards each other, it is compatibility that would ultimately keep their relationship together. Compatibility and chemistry are two entirely different things, and both are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Have you ever wondered what makes you and your date click? When you are compatible with each other, it means that you are attuned to your partner’s sensibilities. Compatibility in a relationship can help determine whether or not you and your partner are meant to be together for the long haul.

Being truly compatible with each other means so much more than sharing the same beliefs or interests. True compatibility means that your personalities mesh well with each other. While you might find someone who is as free-spirited as you are and enjoys the same things you like, your life goals may be different. You may have completely opposite tastes and personalities, but when the tough times come, your opposite personalities complement each other. Aren’t relationships complicated?

The true test of compatibility is spending time together, and not just those little dates that you both plan out for each other. The true test of compatibility lies in spending an extended amount of time together while getting through different situations together, both the tough ones and the happy ones.

Are you and your partner a good match?

How does one discern true compatibility? Take a look at your relationship, and see if you spot any of these signs of compatibility.

#1 You see each other through the trying times. It’s true that it’s the trying times that would truly test your compatibility, not the easy ones. The trying times would show the true test of one’s character. The trying times would show you how you would be able to handle conflicts and difficulties.

Would both of you be able to handle the arguments and still be able to support each other, despite the situation that you’re both in? This is the reason why many relationships don’t last: the tough times that serve to test the strength the relationship end up breaking it.

#2 You don’t question the love in your relationship. When you are secure in your partner’s love, you know that your relationship can do no wrong. When you feel each other’s love despite the fights and the disagreements, then you know that you have found the one that you are compatible with.

#3 You know each other’s deepest secrets. Honesty is important in a relationship. Sharing secrets can show you how compatible you are with your partner. Trust and honesty just show how invested you both are in your relationship, despite knowing each other’s darker side.

#4 You could spend time in silence without it being awkward. When you spend time with each other, you can do “your own thing” without having to put up with any awkward silence. There is uncomfortable silence where you feel like you have to fill the air with some form of small talk, and then there is comforting silence where there’s no pressure to start babbling about anything to stave off the awkwardness. If you have the latter, you can say you’re compatible. [Read: 8 ways to avoid the awkward silences during a date]

#5 Your relationship still feels fresh. Being together for a long time can pave the way for monotony and boredom to seep in. However, as time goes by, you can either let your relationship stagnate or let it grow into something more meaningful. The feeling that you’re still learning, growing, and enjoying in your relationship through the years is a sure sign of compatibility. [Read: 10 steps to ignite the lost spark in a relationship]

#6 There is still mutual attraction. You know that you are compatible with each other when you find that, after all the time you have spent together, you can still find your partner attractive. While sex isn’t everything in a relationship, it is important that you and your partner are physically intimate with each other. There should still be a spark that keeps the flame alive! [Read: Why is physical attraction important in a relationship?]

#7 You can be your true self around your partner. Some relationships fail because people put up a front to ensure that their partner will still like them. Thus, what happens is that their partner becomes compatible with their mask, and not their true selves.

If you’re able to show your partner your silliness, your idiosyncrasies, your weirdness, and your weaknesses without fear that they will no longer love you, and the same is true for your partner, you can then be confident that you and your partner are a great match.

#8 You see a future with each other. You know that you are compatible with your partner when you see a future with each other, settling down, getting married, and having children together. You know that it is true compatibility when you see beyond the fantasy wedding that you will have. You plan a life together with them, despite knowing that it won’t always be smooth sailing. You see yourself growing old with them, and supporting each other in your old age.

#9 You don’t want to change your partner. They say that people don’t change unless they want to. You know you are compatible with your partner when you respect them as an individual. Sure, they might have some quirks which you might find to be immature or annoying, at times. You might find that the way they dress, sleep, or eat is something that you don’t like, but it’s part of the package, and you wouldn’t change them either way.

#10 Your partner makes you want to bring out the best in you. Couples who are really compatible with each other bring out the best in each other. They have that drive to push you forward and bring out the best in you. They support you in good times and in bad times. They cheer you on as you work your way through law school or insist on being a stay-at-home parent. They are your greatest fan, and you know you can always count on them to cheer you on and have your back whenever you are down. [Read: 9 ways you and your partner bring out each other’s best]

Love is never enough to save a relationship. You might have all the love in the world for each other, but it is never enough to get you through the difficult times. Love can be fickle, and will ultimately fly out the window once there are conflicts and arguments that remain unresolved.

Your compatibility with your partner will help your relationship withstand the test of time. Without it, you will only end up fighting over your differences, until you realize that there’s no way you can stand to stay with each other.

 

 

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Wildwood Daze – The Union Jacks – Dirty John – Part 1

“Okay, He’s freaking out like a retard. Put him in his bed and we’ll go.”

I had been to the restaurant where Brian our drummer worked part-time as a busboy. I don’t remember, but I had been there to meet up with him once for some reason. I do remember Brian telling me the bartender there liked my “friend with the big eyes.” (Me.) I don’t remember that person and quickly dismiss it in my mind.

One night Brain wants to bring us to the restaurant where he works for drinks. We get there and the band sits at the bar. Brian introduces us to the bartender, Frank. Or, as Brian calls him, Frank the Fag. Now I get it. Frank fancies me. It’s a compliment, but I’m straight.

We all order bottles of beer. Frank is being Frank but he’s nice as could be. We’re all just chilling at the bar and it’s nice to all go out and have a drink as a band. It’s like we’re somebody now. People recognize us when we’re out and I like it.

We’re sitting there for about an hour chatting about music, when Frank presents me with not one, but two large tumblers filled with a frothy pink liquid.

“What’s this?”

“It’s called a Dirty John.”

“Thank you, but I never drink hard liquor. I just don’t do it. I’m a beer guy only.”

“I’ll drink it!”

Jim is the youngest and newest member of the band. I think he wants to show that he’s a bad ass that can hang with the older guys.

“That’s really not necessary Jim.”

“No. I want to.”

Jim proceeds to chug the drinks.

We settle up and walk outside. Brian and Mark say they’ll bring the car around. I’m smoking a cig waiting with Jim. Brian doesn’t allow smoking in his car so we wait.

“I gotta take a piss.”

“You could have gone in the bar, Jim. Actually, I gotta go too. Beer goes right through me. There’s some tall hedges behind the restaurant. Let’s go back there.”

We walk back and are standing next to each other as if we’re just a couple of students pissing in the urinals in the Boys bathroom at Wildwood High. I suddenly hear this rustling noise and a thump. I glance to my right and Jim has vanished. I zip up my fly and go to the spot where he was.

There’s Jim, face down in the next yard. While pissing he literally just collapsed forward between the hedges. What the fuck was in that drink? Whatever it was, it hit him like a sledgehammer.

Brian and Mark pull up in his yellow ’77 Ford Mustang II.

“What the fuck’s up with Wolfie?” (Brian sometimes referred to Jim as ‘ Wolfie’ because the way he brushed his hair back, it resembled Lon Chaney’s monster.)

“Guys get over here!”

Brian and Mark scramble from the car and run over. We get Jim to his feet and he is just gone. Slurring and stumbling and we get him to the car. It takes all three of us.

“He went from buzzed to black out in a matter of seconds!”

Brian’s driving. Mark’s riding shotgun, and of course I’m in the back with drunk boy. He’s really out of it. Conscious, but super fucked up. More drunk than I’ve ever seen anyone ever in my life.

Brian’s driving him back to his house. “He better not fuckin’ puke in my car! I swear to god!”

We get to Jim’s house and I’m about to get him out and he pukes all over me. He doesn’t even know I’m there. Now I’m wearing the Dirty John meant for me.

Thankfully his parents weren’t home when we dragged our new guitarist back into his house.

We carry him through the door, in front of at least a half dozen siblings. They all look on in utter horror. I assure them their brother isn’t dead. He’s just sick and we’re taking care of him.

The kids know me from school. I’m the kid that comes and waits for Jim each morning and lets my glasses steam up while watching the Today show waiting for my friend so we can walk to school together.

 

It’s a mess. The little kids are clueless. We are simply a group of guys bringing their older brother home because he’s sick. Everything’s fine. Just like in any household in the 70’s. It didn’t happen.

We bang Jim up the stairs to his bedroom. When I say, bang I mean he was dead weight and me, Brian and Mark did the best to get him to his room.

This is all new ground for all of us. We’re new musicians, but we don’t know anything about but extreme behavior even if it’s accidental.

My best friend is so sick. I am wearing his puke. We try to run his head under the shower to revive him. He cries out like a molested child so we withdrawal.

“Okay, He’s freaking out like a retard. Put him in his bed and we’ll go.”

Brian was always so pragmatic.

“Turn him over on his stomach.” (I say) Put his face at the edge of the bed.”

“Why?”

“Umm… Bon Scott….” (See: Tales of Rock – Bon Scott) 

“He’ll be fine.”

” Dude. Hendrix died choking on his own puke.”

“He’ll be fine.”

We leave our lead guitarist in his bed and all go home. It’s bee a fucked up night.

My best friend got poisoned by a drink meant for me. What was Frank’s plan? Get me drunk beyond recognition and take advantage of me? That’s kind of evil.

But the worst part of it is… Was Brian in on it?

 

 

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What You’re Taught vs. What You Want

I have worked in financial services for 20 years and advertising for 10. I’ve been very successful due to my skill in sales. But I’m done with the rat race and corporate America. It’s all a big lie.

We all do it to buy houses and get wives and kids and the American dream and it’s all a fat lie. But everybody’s buying it and they can’t invest fast enough or stay in it as long as they can as debtors because that’s what they’ve been sold and taught, and it’s all a lie.

You’re father told you to never to be a liar but that’s what you’re all living.

Imagine how you’re spending your life. In your apartment, Watching football with your bro’s or reading your comic books or whatever, and a lovely lady would come over maybe once a week and fuck you and love you. You are her one and only, and then when you’re done with dinner and sex and whatever else, she goes away until you summon her again for the same loving experience?

Perfect right?

You can’t. That’s for young men. You must marry, and get a house. mortgage and have kids. That’s what you’ve been sold so hard that you have lost yourself. You don’t know what you want anymore because your afraid your dream will fade. Your stupid legacy. Your shitty bloodline will end because of some shit your parents told you.

Lies.

All men want a lovely girl to make love to and have a cool life with,  but think about it…it’s bullshit.

The marriage is a fortune. We hate that we have to spend two months salary on a ring. What huge diamond conglomerate set that number? Everything in this country is about making money.

It’s sad.

Hey, spend a thousand dollars on a dress that you’re only going to wear once! It’s a giant party that costs a fortune. All the planning and everything. It’s awful. I’ve done it and will never do it again. She twirls around in a white dress for one night in front of her family and friends, and the guy is not allowed to ever have sex with anyone else again.

I think it would be better if you just get married at the court-house, if you absolutely feel that you need to be legally bound to another person. It would be nice if everybody would just send money and that would be it.

Most people just settle anyway. They’ve run out of options or are simply tired of looking. Most women start panicking around 27 years of age and start getting serious about finding some shlub to help them pay down their revolving debt they cranked up in their 20’s buying handbags, booze, shoes, and vacations.  They get a roof over their head and then start cranking out babies.

That’s it. Replicated a million times all over the world.

Thousands of dollars for the mortgage, the cars, and the kids!

Kids are an absolute fortune. Let’s have children so we will both have to work very hard for a very long time. What’s the point? There’s too many people in the world already. Then you have to get a bigger house in the suburbs where they have better schools.

They will push and struggle to make a bunch of money for a lifestyle that is absolute bullshit. It’s boring! What guy would want to work that hard and that long? Deal with a wife and kids everyday? It’s really not something I think most men realize they are getting into.

It’s almost never the guy’s idea to get married. The first set up is usually the best. You have your place, she has hers, sometimes you’re together and sometimes you’re alone. Perfect set up. That’s the set up I currently enjoy.

But what happens? Biological clock starts ticking.

“What are we doing? Where is this going?”

When you start to hear that shit, either run, or just surrender fellas.

Game over.

But it’s not all women’s fault. Some guys are just too insecure to be alone. They want that one chick that they can have sex with because they’re either not good at hunting, or have simply lost the will, or don’t have the fatal charm to go out and date.

I bet if you did a survey, and you could get the men to be honest, most would agree they would like to sit on the porch or go to a game, drink beer with their bro’s and get the occasional sex that’s consistent, and then just be left alone.

How cool would it be if Cinderella turned into a pizza and a six pack at midnight after she fucked your brains out for two hours and got off the property?

It’s sad. I hate seeing a bunch of broken down losers working their fucking asses off and getting pulled into jobs that mean nothing so they can support their lifestyles they built and they never really wanted any of that.

It’s all a lie.

We all want a simple uncluttered life, and we all end up miserable debtors.

Most people don’t have the courage to be alone.

To be in a room by yourself and take a deep breath and say:

Maybe marriage isn’t for me.

Somebody has to say this stuff, so it might as well be me.

Have a great week!

 

 

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5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Actually Draw Men Closer To You

Keep that romance alive.

5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Actually Draw Men Closer To You

Healthy relationship boundaries are important to keeping every relationship alive and full of spark but they are something that are not often part of relationship building.

Healthy boundaries come in many shapes and sizes, depending on the couple, but there are 5 basic boundaries that should exist in every relationship:

1. It is important to spend time apart.

When they fall in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from, even for a short while

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. When you can’t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds, do you miss your ice cream? It’s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

2. Don’t let either of you be in charge.

In many relationships, it happens that, at some point, one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately, the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven, a relationship changes.

So make an effort to keep the decision-making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him the opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Not letting either one of you be in charge is important. And it leads to number 3.

5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Actually Draw Men Closer To You

3. Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying “familiarity breeds contempt” is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each others’ behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it’s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven’t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends way more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn’t do our relationship any good because we weren’t communicating and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

4. Keep the personal hygiene stuff personal.

Um, so, what do I mean by this? Personal hygiene stuff?

I want you to think about what things you do around your partner. Are you willing to brush your teeth? To floss them after? To put on your makeup? To wear a face mask to bed? To pee as needed?

All of those things are, of course, necessary parts of life. And when we get familiar with our partners we are okay with doing them in front of them.

But I would suggest keeping personal hygiene stuff personal because doing those things in front of them can demystify you in the eyes of your partner.

I don’t mean that if your partner sees you doing those everyday things he will love you any less but if he doesn’t see you doing those things, then you will continue to be that somewhat mysterious woman he fell in love with.

So do your bathroom chores by yourself. Keep that mystery and the romance, going.

5. Be your own person outside of the relationship.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves. Many women take on their partner’s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is very important that all women stay themselves when in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. A healthy relationship requires it.

Every relationship needs healthy relationship boundaries to keep the romance going.

Most couples don’t put thought into boundaries until things start to go wrong. Don’t be that couple. Set boundaries ahead of time so that you can stay on a positive track as you move forward together.

So spend time apart, share the power, treat each other with respect, keep personal hygiene personal and stay yourself. All of those things will lead to the healthy romantic relationship you have always longed for.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How to Be Close with A Girl

How to Be Close with A Girl: The Guide to ‘Be More’ To Her the Friend Way

How to Be Close with A Girl.......

Being a friend has its advantages. Find out how to flirt with a girl the friend way and make her like you without ever telling her that you like her.

Read the introduction on how to make a girl like you to use these ten tips on how to get girl the right way.

When you try to get a girl, there’s the right way and the wrong way.But whatever way you choose, the girl immediately knows you’re hitting on her and she knows you want to go out with her.

So you’re going to have to hope that her first impression of you is a good one.

Unless the girl you like is interested in going out or looking for a potential date mate herself, there’s a good chance that she’d shut herself up for any advances as soon as she realizes you’re flirting with her.

Now you may know that you’re a great guy, but really, she still doesn’t know that for sure just yet.

Flirting on first impression is a game of chance, and however good you may be, there’s always a chance for misinterpretation and failure unless she’s already interested in flirting with you.

How to flirt with a girl the friend way

As you’ve read in the introduction, you really need to make a girl wonder about your intention and rouse her curiosity if you want to make her like you back.

Here are ten tips on how to flirt with a girl that can definitely help you leave an impression on her and make her like you at the same time. You don’t have to go out with guns blazing, play it subtle to start with and work your flirting around the way she reciprocates to your moves.

#1 Be the best man you can be

You can’t cheat your way through this step. The world is full of great guys who want to be with the best women they can find. If you want the girl you like, you need to be worth her effort. Even before you flirt with her, you need to make a real man out of yourself. Be the man who can attract attention from women and you’ll realize that wooing the best girls around you is way easier than you can imagine.

#2 Compliment her the right way

Is she looking particularly good today, or has she done something with her hair? If you like a girl, odds are, you’ll notice these signs almost immediately. If you like something about her, compliment her about it, be it her dress or her hair.

But if you want to tread into the dating ground and make her remember your compliment, you need to use your words well. Don’t say the obvious statement when you’re trying to compliment her. Try to get memorable and personal with your compliments without crossing the line. Here are two ways of complimenting the same thing.

Nice tee shirt! – Gosh, you look so beautiful.

Nice perfume – You smell so good today…

You can always compliment a girl about her tee shirt or her perfume directly, but by getting personal with it, you’re creating a memory for her. The next time she uses that perfume, she’s going to remember what you said. And that’s the first step to paving your way into her heart.

Saying “your skin is so soft… does it feel the same way all over?” or “nice tee shirt… I love the way it fits your body” may seem personal, but it also borders on creepy. Save these sexual compliments for later, when she wants to hear them.

#3 Get some alone time with her

Flirting is best indulged in when it’s just the both of you. You can show off your flirting skills around a group of girls and guys, but you won’t be able to create an impression on the girl you like, because she’ll never think it’s special. After all, if you’re going to flirt with every girl you meet, how will the girl you like ever feel like you’re treating her in a special manner?

Indulge in a bit of humorous flirting when there are people around, but save all your special compliments and “you make my day” lines when it’s just the both of you. When you’re flirting with a girl, make her feel more special than anyone else, and she’ll think about your conversation a lot longer.

#4 Girls like a funny bone

A sense of humor is a great quality to have for a conversation. If you don’t think you’re a funny or witty guy, don’t fret. Just grin for starters. Girls love a guy with whom they can have a fun time. You don’t need to memorize a thousand one liners to seem funny. Just remember an incident you came across or talk about the things around you.

If you want to get a sense of humor, start to see the lighter side in everything you do. Enjoy your life and always stay positive and cheerful. A good sense of humor always accompanies a guy who can see the bright side of everything, and shares his funny thoughts with the people around him.

#5 Tease her now and then

While flirting may seem like a lot of work, it’s all about the little details that matter. Flirting isn’t just about mouthing a few lines laced with sexuality. It’s the way you behave around each other, be it having a laugh or indulging in a bit of touchy feely flirting.

If you can have a fun conversation with her, you’re already flirting! It’s as simple as that. But to push the friendly banter into dating grounds, you need to tease her and pull her leg now and then, when she slips or does something funny.

#6 Play with dirty conversations

The first five steps are perfect for creating a flirty environment for both of you. It’s just friendly and casual. But once you get past that, both of you would be close enough to take the kiddie flirting to the next step.

Whenever you get some alone time or are speaking to her on the phone, learn to mix your conversations. By now, both of you would have warmed up to flirting with each other, so you don’t really have to be worried about crossing the line now and then. Pass a few sexual remarks or ask a few questions that border on personal space every now and then. Even if she tells you to shut it in jest, you’ll still be making a great impression.

#7 Get touchy feely

No flirting is ever complete without a few sexy touches now and then. Every now and then, try to find an excuse to touch her, be it her new earrings, her strand of hair that’s caught in the wind, or while crossing a busy street. And each time you touch her, let your hands linger just a bit longer than required. She’ll sense your hand lingering and she’ll love it, just as long as you’ve been working your magic on her.

#8 Ask her out often

Once in a while, when you’re flirting with her, ask her out to a movie or lunch the next day. The best time to pop this question would be when you’re just about to say goodbye, or when you’re text flirting. You don’t have to sound serious about it at all. By ending the conversation abruptly, you’ll make her wonder if you genuinely asked her out or if you were just joking. And as always, these little details rouse curiosity and excitement.

The next day, you can remind her about your date, and again don’t sound too serious about it. If she just laughs about it, laugh along and talk about something else. She may be unsure if you’re joking or serious, or she may not be willing to take the plunge just yet.

If she actually responds in your favor and accepts, woo hoo! But if she declines, laugh it off as a joke. But make a mental note to work harder on impressing her while flirting with her.

#9 Make those late night calls

The night has a funny way of awakening our sexuality. Any two friends who indulge in long conversations with each other at this bewitching hour can assure you of this one. If you want to know how to flirt with a girl and make her like you, start calling her up or texting her late into the night and have your flirty conversations.

The relaxed late night conversations will soon evolve into a mutual attraction that will easily cross the boundaries of friendship in no time, just as long as you use these flirty conversation tips.

#10 Let her see you as a dating potential

You may have created an attraction and a strong sexual chemistry between both of you, but you’re not done just yet. She may enjoy your conversations and secretly like you already, but to flirt with a girl and make her want to go out with you, you need to let her see you as a dating potential.

During a few conversations with her, drop a few hints that you’re looking out for a girlfriend or are interested in going out with someone. If she’s single or in a bad relationship, she’ll involuntarily think about both of you together, especially if it’s one of those late night calls.

Once you know how to flirt with a girl the right way by playing it safe and taking one little step beyond friendship each time, you’ll see that flirting with any girl you like doesn’t always have to be a game of chance and hope. Use these subtle flirting tips and flirt with any girl you want the friend way!

Now that you know how to flirt with a girl the friend way and make her like you, do you want to take it a step further into going out with each other? Find out how to date a friend here.

 

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7 Weird Dreams That People With Anxiety Have In Common & What They Mean

If you have an anxiety disorder, chances are you’re well-acquainted with the fact that anxiety can invade every part of your life, whether you’re awake or not. But even if you don’t have anxiety, you’ve probably experienced an anxiety dream. Anxiety dreams can come in many shapes and sizes, from full-blown nightmares, to things that aren’t as terrifying, but that certainly make you feel uncomfortable, unsettled, and anxious. If you do have anxiety, you want to know the weird dreams that people with anxiety have in common and what they mean so that maybe you can begin to make some sense of what your own dreams might be telling you. And if you don’t have anxiety, you still might want to know more about anxiety dreams because, as Dr. Carly Snyder, M.D., a perinatal and reproductive psychiatrist/women’s mental health psychiatrist, tells Romper, you don’t have to have an anxiety disorder to have an anxiety dream — pretty much everyone has them.

Just because you’ve had a similar dream yourself before doesn’t necessarily mean that the exact interpretation is also true for you, but knowing what your subconscious could be telling you just might help you understand your anxiety — or your situation — a little bit better. Snyder says that in order to get to the bottom of your anxiety, you likely need to look at the big picture, not just what you can remember from one dream.

“Sleep is imperative, like, imperative,” Snyder says. “If you don’t get enough sleep, you will feel anxious and your mood will be down and there are so many negative outcomes as a result of exhaustion, so if you find that you are having a lot of anxiety dreams and it’s really negatively impacting your ability to function during the day and your overall amount of sleep you’re getting, find a therapist, talk it out. You don’t always have to work on it either by yourself or with your significant other in the middle of the night. Sometimes the best approach is to find a specialist who can really help you to figure out the root cause and then get your sleep back on track and then your anxiety will likely improve on its own, hopefully.” If these dreams are causing problems in your life, it might be time to talk to someone about them and get to the bottom of what’s really going on.

 

1. You’re Falling

Nearly everyone has at least heard of people suffering from scary dreams where they’re falling, even if you’ve never experienced a dream like this firsthand. “You fall out of a plane and your parachute doesn’t open, or you fall onto subway or railroad tracks and you can’t get up before the train comes,” Dr. Carole Lieberman, M.D., a psychiatrist and author, tells Romper in an email exchange. “These dreams mean that you are feeling out of control of your life. You feel helpless to fix some situation.”

2. You’re Running Late

Running late can be stressful enough when you’re awake and it’s really happening, but when you run late in a dream, it can still be pretty nerve-wracking. “You’re trying to get somewhere extremely important, but one obstacle after another gets in your way. Your car runs out of gas, so you decide to take a bus, but the bus pulls out just as you’re running to it, so you keep hailing cabs but none of them stop,” Lieberman says. “This dream means that you feel like you’re missing out on something and that no matter how hard you try, you’re afraid things will keep happening to stop you from getting what you want.”

3. You Have A Test & Forgot To Study

Snyder says this anxiety dream is a classic. “All of a sudden you are completely vulnerable, everybody sees it, and you’re unprepared,” she explains. Feeling like you’re unprepared or soon going to embarrass yourself probably isn’t going to make you feel calm, cool, and collected.

 

4. You’re Drowning Or Battling Large Waves

If you’ve ever had a dream you’re drowning or being thrown around in rough waters, you’re far from alone. It’s a dream that many people have had at one point or another. The Outline noted that overwhelming waves and tsunamis often signify some emotional distress or a strong repressed emotion. If you’re going through a major life change or dealing with an emotional situation, you might dream about getting tossed about in the surf.

5. Everyone Is Laughing At You

Most people don’t enjoy being laughed at, judged, mocked, or made fun of. If this is an anxiety-ridden dream that you’ve experienced once or twice before, you’re definitely not the only one to have done so. “You dream you’re in a musical on Broadway, and everyone is keeping in step with the dance except you or you’re singing a solo and you keep hitting the wrong notes. The audience is laughing at you and you feel humiliated,” Lieberman says. “This dream highlights your insecurities and fears that you embarrass yourself because you’re not on the same page as everyone else, or not how you’re supposed to be.”

6. You’re Scared Of What’s Ahead

It makes sense that you might dream of losing control in anxiety dreams. If you dream of a natural disaster, dying, the end of the world, or anything else that generally spells doom and gloom, Lieberman says that the dream could be trying to get you to pay attention to something big and life-changing that could be on the horizon in your own life. Maybe you’re going to lose a job or maybe your relationship is going to break up, either way, that can result in stressful and anxiety-ridden experiences, at least for a while.

 

7. You’re Naked In Public

The other classic, Snyder says, is that you’ll show up naked in public. She says that a dream like this can, again, be related to you feeling vulnerable, but it can also mean that you’re upset over “losing control of one’s privacy.”

If you’re experiencing a dream like this one, where you’re vulnerable and exposed, what can you do? “I always also encourage people to talk out their anxiety, not right before bed, not in the middle of the night either, and, you know, kind of think out like ‘what is causing me to feel this way?’ and then go from there, rather than kind of having a middle-of-the-night freak out,” Snyder says. “Which we all have, by the way — we all get scared — but ideally one can kind of figure out how to tackle issues and where the anxiety is coming from without having multiple nightmares first.”

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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