Phicklephilly – Special Report: Haters Gonna Hate

“Look onto your own bloody lives.” – John Lennon

Hello all. First of all I’d like to thank everyone of my followers and everybody who reads and enjoys my blog. I really appreciate the loyalty and enthusiasm of my audience. You’re the best group of creative, intelligent, lovely people I’ve ever encountered in the writing community.

So, Thank you all. I appreciate your words and your thoughts.

The reason for this blog’s success is all of you over the last 3 years. I’ve posted thousands of pieces and have had over 40,000 visitors and over 80,000 page views. I hope maybe I’ve helped a few folks out there with my dating and relationship advice and also I hope they enjoy all of my heartfelt stories and crazy dating experiences.

I’m proud and humbled by all of the attention for my little blog here in Philly.

Anyway, I wrote a piece back in 2017, (nearly 3 years ago!) and forgot about it. It was a goofy post about somebody I met on Bumble but never went out on a date with because they seemed a bit crazy.

Again, it was so long ago and I’ve written so much over the last few years I simply forgot about it.

Two days ago, I noticed a spike in my viewer stats. Frankly I was amazed. (5 times my usual daily views!) Initially I was astounded at all of the attention. I thought that maybe my blog had finally taken off as a literary force!

But when I looked closer I realized that someone, or a group of someones had found this old blog piece and attacked me.

This mad group of trolls crawled out of their caves, or out from under their rocks, or from under their bridges where they live to scare the Billy Goat’s Gruff! (hopefully some of you get the reference!)

They called me all sorts of names and were really mean.

There are thousands of these pigs out there and they love to attach themselves to successful people like blood sucking sea lampreys.

This is my blog, my words and my truth. I control every aspect of it and enjoy that part of it. I happily have to approve every comment that appears on this blog. (I have to because I get at least 50 spam posts a week and it’s all a bunch of nonsense that could hurt the integrity of the site’s function as well as WordPress.)

 

Someone once asked me how to deal with negative feedback. I told them this: “Positive feedback usually makes you feel good. (The warm fuzzy’s we all like from friends, loved one’s and coworkers) and Negative feedback. Negative feedback, when done respectfully and properly, improves your performance.

But what if the negative feedback is mean and unwarranted?

Sadly, every moron now has a voice. The internet. For hundreds of years the only voices you heard were in newspapers, radio, and TV. But since the invention of social media every idiot that wants to anonymously make a comment or attack a person to hurt them can now do it.

We’ve all read about these cowards. These internet bullies who have even hurt children and caused some poor troubled souls to even take their own precious lives.

They’re all despicable cowards that I have no time for. I’ve had my share in the last 3 years. There’s always someone out there who won’t agree with something you did to express yourself and write and create. Most of these morons that attack those of us brave enough to bare our souls through our literature and tell the truth about our live and experiences can barely put together a paragraph of any kind of rational thought.

If it happens to you, please take my simple advice:

It comes down to simple science. As a musician and a man of science, let me share this with you all.

In order for a sound to be made, you need two things. A Transmitter and a Receiver. The transmitter emits a sound, or a comment or anything. It needs a receiver to make a SOUND. With no receiver, there is NO SOUND. You need both to make a SOUND. So if some troll makes a negative comment about your art, simply don’t respond.

The negative comment never sees the light of day on your blog and it silences these fools and cowards who hide behind their computers. Because their lives are so empty, and vacuous they want to hurt those who are strong and have a real voice with their art.

Anyone who holds them out in the public eye with creative ideas will always be met with some adversity from morons who don’t have anything good going on in their lives and have nothing better to do than to attack people with real talent like all of you out there who are writers and artists yourselves.

So these broken transmitters bark their nonsense on your blog and make their snide comments and all you have to do is not approve their comments.

It’s that simple.

Laugh at what they wrote and toss it in your spam file. It’s nothing but trash and don’t let these morons have a voice.

No voice, equals no sound.

Scrape them from the sole of your shoe like you would any other bit of excrement.

Or, look at this way. I once wrote a manuscript for a book 20 years ago. It wasn’t very good and I sent it out to several publishers. I got tons of the usual rejection letters, but there was this one that struck me. She said I was a good writer but didn’t like all of the sex and violence in my work. I took it as an insult. I spoke with an artist friend of mine and he said, “No man, don’t you get it? She rejected your work, but she cared enough to tell you that your work disturbed her. It moved her to have a feeling. Whether it’s joy or revulsion, that’s what art does. It makes you feel something. You made her feel something. That’s a good thing!”

So sadly, in this day and age, haters are going to hate. They’re all a bunch of losers so don’t worry about them and don’t give them a voice.

Take control.

I’ve decided to cut and paste their words here in this blog piece that I control. I will hold these ugly trolls out to all of you, and I will show you what they are… but on my terms.

Here’s what these cowards said about me.

 

Alida 

Wow. Misogyny much?

First – do you have permission to share Ms. Smith’s images? Her name? Her comments to you, which were considered private? Have you no shame nor any concern about a lawsuit?

Second – What is it about you that you find so special and amazing? Looked through your blog here. You claim to be a gentleman, but your posts, especially this one, refute that.

Third – You dare to call yourself a writer, but what I have read from your site so far has been less than impressive. Venting is not writing.

 

 

John

Dear Mr. Hickle, If I were you I’d take this down immediately. You are grossly GUILTY of character defamation, labile, cyber bullying, and slew of other hate related crimes, as well as releasing her personal and confidential information without her consent. If this woman want to, she could sue with in an inch of your life. I know you didn’t like this person, but you are not only way out of line here, you are committing several felonies in the process by keeping this online.

 

 

K R

Honey…the only one with red flags in this exchange is you. Looks like Marey dodged a bullet there. Incel ghoul.

 

Chels

Wow… this is pretty ballsy…. publishing a woman’s images and name I assume without permission.

Glad you got your rocks off. Honestly looks like she dodged a bullet.

 

ashley

You would have been lucky to meet her, you douchebag. Looks like you though which is great because you should see Mary now! She’s a WONDERFUL woman and even an inspiration to me to stay positive no matter what life throws at you. You, my friend, never deserved that first date with Mary because you would have NEVER have been good enough. If only ONE thing you said was right about her then maybe you’d have something here but you never got to know this wonderful woman. Again, you’re a douchebag and have no place writing this bull shit with no actual FACTS to go on. Good luck in your endeavors, I hope woman on Bumble see this and avoid your ass too!spared her 

 

An Actual Writer

Hey Phickle—would you like to know how you come across, here? Do you know how it sounds when you add your bold-faced lies to your perspective?… Do you have any sense of personal accountability or introspection at all? (Rhetorical questions, obvi.)

This isn’t funny. *You* are not funny. I hope the women you’re attempting to meet catch wind of your site and steer clear.

 

Patty

This article is extramural cruel and unnecessary . I’m glad you have the time to purposefully put people down and look down on them for no reason. You are the definition of what a bully is put other people down and make fun of them to make your self feel better . I also love how you multiple time point out that your a lier wonderful quality dude ! She was better off with out you

 

ashley

So phicklephilly has changed the name of the person in this blog to protect their privacy rights… years after it’s been out there online.

I smell a lawsuit!! And one that NEEDS to be heard. Good luck Mr. Phicklephilly;)

 

Frank

Someone who describes themselves as having “been at this a while” has clearly got his own issues with relationships to deal with himself.

I wish I was cool enough to have a blog where I could judge random strangers based on one interaction.

I wonder if you’re still alone…

 

What a collection of failures. All the poor grammar and bad spelling! 

Can you imagine taking the time out of your day to write the above nonsense and actually think that your little pathetic voice is heard by anyone who gives a damn about anything you have to say?

I thought I’d share what these morons said so you can all have a good laugh along with me as I continue to bring you quality content everyday…

Twice a day!

 

Oh… Here’s the best part. All of this nonsense, rage and curiosity caused an incredible spike in my traffic. Thank you trolls and haters.

In the last 48 hours I have had over 1200 page views. Thank you for getting me  closer to my 100,000 page view goal!

(Insert hysterical laughter here)

 

My father once said to me the following words, and it was one of the best pieces of advice he ever gave me.

“Son, the emptiest barrels make the most noise. Ignore them.”

 

Thank you one and all for your continued love and support! I’d love to hear your experiences with this sort of nonsense!

 

Koolkosherkitchen Forever!

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Check out the new Phicklephilly podcast on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Here’s How To Have A Long-Distance Open Relationship, According To An Expert

No two relationships are exactly the same. A “normal” relationship can be different for every couple, although I personally have tried to model all of mine off Meredith and Derek in Grey’s Anatomy. (I am single, please don’t ask for details.) For some, normal looks like a long-distance, open relationship, which might not always be easy. But according to a relationship expert, it’s possible to make it work as long as both partners are on the same page about what they want. Still, it does present its own unique challenges. For tips on how to have a long-distance open relationship, I spoke with Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show. Remember: You deserve a love that feels right to you, so Klapow’s insight might be able to provide some guidance.

Keeping communication open, but not too frequent, is important in all relationships, but particularly long-distance open relationships. I’ve personally been in long-distance relationships where I wanted constant communication because I couldn’t see my partner, and it ended up making the relationship more strained. “Communicate often but not constantly,” Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. “Trying to make up the time you are not together by talking, emailing, and texting constantly simply creates a level of expectation that can’t be sustained. Keep it regular but regimented so that communication doesn’t take over your life.”

In open relationships in particular, too much communication might make your partner worry you’re jealous (or vice versa), which could put a strain on the relationship. Be sure to find a communication rhythm that works for both of you, and you’ll likely have a better chance of success in your open long-distance relationship.

Santi Nunez/Stocksy

Self-reflect, and make sure you’re in the relationship for the right reasons. “What often happens is that one partner agrees to the open long-distance relationship in order to hang on to the relationship,” Dr. Klapow says. “If you are going to be long distance, and you are going to agree to date other people, then your relationship is only as deep and committed as your feelings for each other.” This definitely doesn’t have to be your relationship if you don’t want it to be — only you know why you’ve decided to commit to each other. However, if one of you is in the relationship for any reason other than truly wanting to be in that type of relationship, then it might be time to reevaluate. Figure out what made you begin the relationship in the first place, and remember what drew you to your partner.

Have a way to cope with jealousy when it arises, and your long-distance open relationship is more likely to work out. Communication is critical, and if you have a strategy for telling your partner that you’re jealous, you might not feel like you’re keeping a secret from them. There’s nothing wrong with being envious — it’s totally normal, and it’s especially normal if you don’t get to see your partner as much as you’d like. Still, it’s helpful to focus on your own life when jealousy arises. “Do things for you and only for you,” Dr. Klapow says. “Focus on work, or school when you are not with them. Make friends and enjoy them fully, not as a stopgap for the relationship. The stronger your life can be in terms of activities, hobbies, and other people, the healthier you will be.” Putting the focus on your own life can help keep jealousy in check, and being open with your partner can strengthen the relationship.

Brianna Lee/Stocksy

Sometimes, it can be helpful to change the way you think about the relationship. “Don’t try to formalize something that is not formal,” Dr. Klapow says. “An open long-distance relationship in practice means you are dating other people — nothing more and nothing less.” Of course, only you know if your relationship is truly a relationship (and you get to decide what the term “relationship” means to you), but if it’s easier to think of it as something else, be open to that as well. The two of you can be special to each other in whatever way you like, and sometimes the label of “relationship” puts a strain on the dynamic that you have. If you’re committed to being in a relationship, that’s wonderful, but if you’re open to calling it something else to improve your connection, that might help, too.

Long-distance open relationships can succeed, but only you know if the relationship is right for you. If you and your partner are both fully committed and communicating about your needs, and you’re both happy, then the relationship is healthy, and that’s what matters most. Besides, them being long-distance gives you space to live your own life, and the openness allows you to meet other people. So enjoy the relationship, and happy dating!

 

No two relationships are exactly the same. A “normal” relationship can be different for every couple, although I personally have tried to model all of mine off Meredith and Derek in Grey’s Anatomy. (I am single, please don’t ask for details.) For some, normal looks like a long-distance, open relationship, which might not always be easy. But according to a relationship expert, it’s possible to make it work as long as both partners are on the same page about what they want. Still, it does present its own unique challenges. For tips on how to have a long-distance open relationship, I spoke with Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show. Remember: You deserve a love that feels right to you, so Klapow’s insight might be able to provide some guidance.

Keeping communication open, but not too frequent, is important in all relationships, but particularly long-distance open relationships. I’ve personally been in long-distance relationships where I wanted constant communication because I couldn’t see my partner, and it ended up making the relationship more strained. “Communicate often but not constantly,” Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. “Trying to make up the time you are not together by talking, emailing, and texting constantly simply creates a level of expectation that can’t be sustained. Keep it regular but regimented so that communication doesn’t take over your life.”

In open relationships in particular, too much communication might make your partner worry you’re jealous (or vice versa), which could put a strain on the relationship. Be sure to find a communication rhythm that works for both of you, and you’ll likely have a better chance of success in your open long-distance relationship.

Santi Nunez/Stocksy

Self-reflect, and make sure you’re in the relationship for the right reasons. “What often happens is that one partner agrees to the open long-distance relationship in order to hang on to the relationship,” Dr. Klapow says. “If you are going to be long distance, and you are going to agree to date other people, then your relationship is only as deep and committed as your feelings for each other.” This definitely doesn’t have to be your relationship if you don’t want it to be — only you know why you’ve decided to commit to each other. However, if one of you is in the relationship for any reason other than truly wanting to be in that type of relationship, then it might be time to reevaluate. Figure out what made you begin the relationship in the first place, and remember what drew you to your partner.

Have a way to cope with jealousy when it arises, and your long-distance open relationship is more likely to work out. Communication is critical, and if you have a strategy for telling your partner that you’re jealous, you might not feel like you’re keeping a secret from them. There’s nothing wrong with being envious — it’s totally normal, and it’s especially normal if you don’t get to see your partner as much as you’d like. Still, it’s helpful to focus on your own life when jealousy arises. “Do things for you and only for you,” Dr. Klapow says. “Focus on work, or school when you are not with them. Make friends and enjoy them fully, not as a stopgap for the relationship. The stronger your life can be in terms of activities, hobbies, and other people, the healthier you will be.” Putting the focus on your own life can help keep jealousy in check, and being open with your partner can strengthen the relationship.

Brianna Lee/Stocksy

Sometimes, it can be helpful to change the way you think about the relationship. “Don’t try to formalize something that is not formal,” Dr. Klapow says. “An open long-distance relationship in practice means you are dating other people — nothing more and nothing less.” Of course, only you know if your relationship is truly a relationship (and you get to decide what the term “relationship” means to you), but if it’s easier to think of it as something else, be open to that as well. The two of you can be special to each other in whatever way you like, and sometimes the label of “relationship” puts a strain on the dynamic that you have. If you’re committed to being in a relationship, that’s wonderful, but if you’re open to calling it something else to improve your connection, that might help, too.

Long-distance open relationships can succeed, but only you know if the relationship is right for you. If you and your partner are both fully committed and communicating about your needs, and you’re both happy, then the relationship is healthy, and that’s what matters most. Besides, them being long-distance gives you space to live your own life, and the openness allows you to meet other people. So enjoy the relationship, and happy dating!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Kita – Chapter 42 – Yellow Fever

While baby’s away in Florida, she’s been on my mind and I’ve been thinking about my attraction to women. Asian women in particular. I love all women of all races but find Asian women especially bewitching.

These days you can’t get anywhere with out someone being called out for having yellow fever. Lets talk about what it means honestly, without resorting to ugly name-calling that usually comes out of discussions around this subject.

The term’s been around for a while and is similar to the derisory term Jungle Fever to describe white women who are attracted to black men. That term has largely disappeared but the term Yellow Fever has really sunk in and become a well-known term not used exclusively by Asian women, although most of them are no doubt aware of the phenomenon.

Let’s be 100% clear on one thing: the Interracial Asian/Caucasian couples which are so frequent these days are the total opposite of the cliche of the THAI bride (typically married to an older western man, usually unattractive and with limited options),since the women are from the same backgrounds, similarly educated, etc. Unfortunately, people still have the idea that western men are exploiting so-called submissive Asian women?

Unfortunately the submissive Asian woman is largely a result of Confucian culture in which women are raised to respect men and follow orders from them. No doubt there are some men who will find this behavior attractive and this may be the reason why they are more taken by Asian women.

It must be admitted here that many men find American society to be incredibly rights based and libertarian. you can’t say or do anything without someone being offended. This has truly had a terrible effect on relationships, with 1 in 3 marriages ending in divorce.

I’d be prepared to bet that most women in modern interracial relationships are more intelligent and better-educated than their western male partners. Far from being submissive, most Asian women are very assertive, they simply have a different approach to dealing with say, their frustration and anger than most other women do. I don’t now how effective shouting is but most kinds of women still feel that this is the way to deal with relationship problems.

I’ve been spending time with Asian women for the last few years. I guess success breeds success because I’m making more and more friends with girls who happen to be Asian women. The thing is I know what I’m dealing with and it’s all very reassuring for me. I find that these women enjoy the same things I do and we are culturally similar in spite of being from very different countries I did some internet research on ‘yellow fever’ and it seems most people using it are some women who feel that men shouldn’t be attracted to them. And yet, what is a man supposed to do? When I was younger, I was attracted by blonde women who had long lega (because this was what society held up as a beauty ideal). So I went after these women, even though I was disappointed when I found out that they weren’t what I had expected.  In life, you must go after what you want in order to be happy. Being around these women makes me happy and I’m in no mind to stop, despite what some people would no doubt put down to an unnatural fixation.

According to an article on the Harvard Crimson, ‘There is nothing wrong with being a white man who is attracted to Asian women. Many times, it is a subconscious desire that you can’t really control anyway.’

And the article was written by an Asian woman, Nian Hu,

So there you have it.

So Yellow Fever be damned, here’s a song by one hit wonder, Yello.

I miss Kita!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly  twitter: @phicklephilly

How to Shut Down the Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

Manipulative people are difficult to deal with. There is often no end to the tricks they will use to guilt trip you, twist situations, and get what they want from you. The good news is that most of them use the same statements to get their way, so you can prepare to deal with them.

Learning how to respond to the most frequently used psychologically abusive tactics can help you keep yourself safe from even the most brutally manipulative individuals.

How To Shut Down The Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

1. I trust you; I just don’t trust other people.

A manipulative person, especially a partner, might constantly try to control your life. When you ask them why they don’t trust you, they’ll insist that they do, but that it’s other people they can’t trust. They may use this as an excuse to:

  • Check your phone and email
  • Run background checks on your friends
  • Refuse to let you go anywhere on your own
  • Prevent you from spending time with certain acquaintances

This turns the onus around on you, making you seem unreasonable while they look protective and strong. The problem, of course, is that this doesn’t make any sense – if someone untrustworthy is able to convince you to cheat, then you yourself weren’t trustworthy to begin with.

What’s the best response to this situation? Well, it should go a little something like this:

“I’m the person who you are dealing with here. It makes no sense for you to have to trust other people in order to talk to me. By reacting this way, you are making the assumption that I am weak-willed or prone to doing something bad if someone else entices me. It’s very disrespectful and you should trust in my honesty and faithfulness.”

2. You’re being too sensitive/crazy!

This is a type of gaslighting and it can really make you second-guess yourself. When something goes wrong and you try to talk about it or call it out, a manipulator will belittle you for your lack of positive thinking. They might say:

  • Calm down, it was just a joke.
  • Why do you always take everything so seriously?
  • You’re being crazy right now.
  • Stop being so sensitive!
  • You’re overthinking this entire situation.
  • It’s not actually that big of a deal.
  • You’re just misunderstanding me.
  • Lighten up!
  • Nothing you’re saying makes sense.
  • You really need to learn to loosen up a bit.
  • This is so unreasonable of you.

It definitely doesn’t help that manipulators naturally prey on people who are sensitive, in a positive way – people who are empathetic, understanding, and emotionally intelligent. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive to begin with, and it shouldn’t come up when you’re voicing a valid concern.

Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re the crazy one, or like you’re overreacting and being insane. It’s a common manipulation tactic to trick you into giving in. Don’t fall for it! Here’s what you should say instead:

“This is something that is very important to me and it would mean a lot to me if you would listen and hear me out. It’s not fair of you to call me crazy or sensitive just because we don’t see eye-to-eye on something.”

3. I already said sorry; what else do you want?

Apologies are always a good way to go. But manipulators don’t use them when they truly are sorry and seeking forgiveness. Instead, they use it as a quick way to get out of a nasty situation and stop you from being angry or calling them out.

Unfortunately, that’s not how apologies work, especially for more serious transgressions. It’s normal to need to take some time to deal with the aftermath of what the other person did to you. You can’t switch to positive feelings right away.

This is reasonable and perfectly understandable – but a manipulator doesn’t think so. They think that since they’ve dropped the magic word, everything should stop right then and there. Demand a fair amount of time to recover from what happened by saying something like this:

“I really appreciate your apology, but apologizing doesn’t automatically heal all wrongdoings and wounds. Give me some time to process this and heal.”

4. Look what you made me do!

One key sign of a manipulator is that nothing is ever their fault. They refuse to take the rightful blame for anything wrong they do and will find any way to twist it so someone else is at fault. Manipulators are unable to take ownership of their mistakes, so they often try to pass the responsibility to someone else.

These types of people might say a number of different phrases to try to pass themselves off as innocent and pin the blame on you. Of course, it’s ridiculous to be blamed for something you didn’t do at all, especially when it’s the other person who is hurting you. To shut them down, say this.

“I am only responsible for what I do, and you’re responsible for what you do. It was your decision to act how you did, and I cannot make you act in a certain way, nor can I do that to anyone else.”

5. I would never hurt you.

This sounds like a good statement with kind intentions. It sounds reassuring and gentle. But manipulators don’t use it that way – they use it so you brush less obvious forms of abuse under the rug.

For many people, the deal breaker line is drawn at physical abuse. Meanwhile, emotional abuse becomes more and more prevalent, but you’re not as aware of it. This allows many forms of toxicity classified as psychological and emotional abusive to continue.

A manipulator is very aware that your limit likely lies here too, so they’re careful to never cross that limit. Instead, they are abusive in “sneakier” ways that they hope you won’t notice, and they throw you off the scent with phrases like these. So if someone is feeding these lines to you, respond like so:

“You can hurt someone in more ways than physical. Understand that a lack of physical assault doesn’t mean that there isn’t emotional pain.”

6. I already did something nice for you; why are you still angry at me?

Just like with the apologies, manipulators may do a nice thing for you so that you’ll drop some issue. They might buy you something expensive or do you a favor in hopes that your gratefulness will cause you to forget their problematic behavior.

It’s easy to fall victim to this kind of ploy. When someone is kind to you, you might feel bad demanding further apologies or may feel guilty when you are still mad at them. But keep in mind that there is nothing that can “buy” forgiveness. It has to be earned graciously with patience and changed behavior.

If a manipulator is trying to make you feel bad because they bought you a gift, say this:

“It was very kind that you bought this for me, but there’s no price tag on my forgiveness. If you’re attempting to use this present as a bribe for my forgiveness, you can take it back.”

Or, if they didn’t buy you presents:

“It was very kind that you did this for me, but you cannot buy my forgiveness with chores and errands. If you have an ulterior motive for helping me and doing these nice things, then I’d prefer you didn’t do them.”

7. I will hurt myself if you leave me.

This is one of the most dangerous forms of emotional manipulation. Someone who stops you from leaving them, or stops you from doing anything they don’t want you to by threatening to harm themselves, is incredibly toxic and a danger to themselves and to you.

Why is this so problematic? Well, this is the clearest type of manipulation. They don’t want you to do something, so they make it so you will feel guilty and suffer immediate consequences if you do it. That way, they can make themselves look like the victim and paint you in a bad light.

Many people feel pressured into staying with abusive partners because of tactics like this. They force themselves into positive thinking to “save” their manipulative significant other. Don’t fall prey to it. Stand your ground and let it be known that you will not be swayed with a statement like this:

“If you are experiencing these thoughts, please call a suicide hotline or an emergency number. I can help provide numbers for you if you like. I have told you why I have chosen to leave, and my decision is made, so please respect it.”

8. I understand your feelings, but trust me – I know what’s best!

No one should be allowed to make your decisions for you. A manipulator will pretend to be looking out for you but is instead pulling your strings to convince you to do what they want. They’ll use any types of words and phrases to convince you that they understand you when they either don’t at all or really don’t care.

Yes, everyone could use an outside opinion sometimes, but at the end of the day, you still know yourself best. A manipulator isn’t actually seeking what’s best for you – they are selfish and want specific things for themselves, so they’re just trying to rope you along.

In any partnership, you deserve to be respected and heard. Your opinion matters just as much as the other person’s; a lack of willingness to compromise or talk it out, instead resorting to cheap tricks like this, is a huge red flag. Don’t fall for it. Instead, say this:

“To presume that you know what’s best for me, even when I tell you my opinion, is very controlling. I would like for what I have to say to be listened to and respected. I believe that the best thing for us is to make these big decisions together, as what is best for you may not actually turn out to be what is best for me.”

Final Thoughts On How To Shut Down The Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

Dealing with manipulators is exhausting. Although we referenced romantic relationships for many of these instances, they work for all types of people, regardless of your connection to them.

Manipulators come in many forms. They can be your partner, a family member, a friend, a colleague, or even a mere acquaintance who you barely know. Regardless of who someone is to you, manipulation is wrong, and it’s important that you know how to protect yourself. Shutting down their most common phrases will show them that you’re not someone they can play their mind games with.

 

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10 Signs He Likes You — but Only ‘As a Friend’

You like him, but what if he likes you not?

There’s this totally awesome guy you know and you’re really digging him. You just know that the two of you would make the most perfect couple ever.

If only …

The problem is that you’re starting to suspect this man may not be digging you as more than a friend.

You’re not sure of how to tell if this guy likes you and is a attracted to you but hiding it, or if simply sees you as just a friend or — gulp — one of the guys.

I mean, you’d make the most adorable couple, right?!

But how do you know what he’s thinking without going out on an incredibly delicate limb and straight-up asking him?

You feel pretty close to desperate to find some undeniable signs he’s into you, too, and feels that same spark you feel — or to at least get some clarity that when he looks at you, he sees “friend” stamped all over your forehead.

Here’s how to know if he likes you likes you, or if signs say your crush — (he’s so perfect!) — sees you as “just friends” and not the woman of his dreams.

1. He has all sorts of pet names for you, but …

They’re the wrong kind.

They’re not “baby doll,” or “sweetheart.”

No, they’re “dude,” “yo,” “bro,” or “(your last name).”

2. He rarely calls or texts you first.

You’re doing the heavy lifting for the friendship. He’ll respond if you get in touch, but he doesn’t call “just because.”

3. He doesn’t flirt with you in public.

He may get cute with you when you’re alone together, but when you’re out he shows no signs of flirting.

Unless you’re standing by your best friend, that is. And he’s actually flirting with her.

4. He talks about other women.

He can’t stop telling you about this chick he’s totally digging.

And it’s not because he wants you to feel jealous.

5. He’ll swing by your place …

But only to borrow your Prison Break DVDs and a couple of sodas.

And may some food from the fridge.

6. He looks at his phone more often than he looks at you.

When you’re out alone, he spends half the time texting other people.

And a whole lot of them are other women.

Pretty much all of them are other women.

7. He has a self-imposed curfew.

When you’re out together without his buddies, he’s always got to go home by a specific time.

Even though you know there’s nothing going on at home.

8. He rarely makes plans in advance.

He only commits to hanging out sometimes.

He doesn’t seem to have a burning desire to see you.

9. You seldom go out just the two of you.

When you go somewhere together, it’s almost always with him and the guys.

In fact, you’ve actually earned yourself the nickname “dude with boobs” among the entire crew.

10. He’s totally supportive …

Of you dating other guys.

When he sees other guys hitting on you, he even gives you a high five rather than a jealous stare.

 

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Kita – Chapter 40 – While You’re Away – Part 1

Kita… When I first met you I liked you immediately. I can’t put my finger on it.

Actually I can put all of my fingers on it. You were sweet, nice and a lovely young girl. Asian. Loves to go tanning, a flash of blonde hair over your dark roots that actually creates a halo of gold around your lovely head.

I started writing about you before I knew you. I never do that. I only write about real encounters but I knew very little about you. But meeting you was an inspiration. I don’t know why. You never know when the spark will come but it feels so good when it does. There’s certainly nothing special about your persona.

You’re cute and fit and tan. You and your sister were adopted from China by a couple of Americans and they are very powerful people in the US Military. That’s pretty cool and I’ve done my research and they are a couple of high up important people. So that anybody that gets to know you will have to understand that protocol.

But quite magically I had the honor to get to know you. A lucky girl snatched from an orphanage in China by a great couple that maybe couldn’t have kids. It’s almost on a Brad Pitt and Angelelina Jolie rescue.  You and your sisters are lucky girls. Lottery lucky.

I had the pleasure of getting to know you. What are the chances? A middle-aged man who writes a dating blog for Philadelphia about all of his dating foibles and relationships. You transplant from Florida and attend Drexel University for Hospitality Management . Nothing extraordinary about that.

But you love to be tan. There is only a handful of you that are really addicted. It’s okay. Sunlight is what we deliver here at the salon and I’m one of the best salesmen in the city. So if you want results you’ve come to the right place.

But I had the chance to actually get to know you. You’re 21 years old. A child. Not like my former co-worker, Summer. She has so much experience when it comes to life, boys and social, but you’ve been sheltered.

Not in a bad way but in a way that has been detrimental to your development when it comes to navigating the world of romance and relationships.

You like to hang around the salon and chat with the old lion that has fought so many battles in regard to love. Not all battles, but maybe some wrestling matches.

I give you advice and wisdom my lithe gazelle. I know so much about your family now. I’m good at reading people and profiling personalities over time. Your story is textbook, darling.

Decorated military dad who is so important he’s not around. I like him and admire what he’s done for our nation. Mom is in the same force but retired. Dad kinda knows his kids but is busy and good with opening the wallet. Mom is a little more loose with words and questions but a little tighter with money and budget.

It’s a nice balance and I think you have a nice family. I have that too and it all makes me smile.

But you and your lovely sis went to private school for girls. That’s no boys. You gotta know boys unfortunately and make mistakes with boys to navigate the world of woman adulthood.

You chicks missed that.

You had the one guy somewhere around 16 and he broke your heart. That should be nothings and you move on to the next hottie.

But you couldn’t eat and had some real depression. Totally normal. That’s what pain depression and sadness is. Depression and sadness is like an illness you’re born with and gets worse during events.  Your mom gave you meds to combat your sadness.

Mistake.

Sick kids need to suffer and get well with the tools they have and the people around them. You don’t stuff pills down a child’s throat to shut off the feelings of illness. The child or the adult needs to feel the searing pain of sadness and loss and heal on their own. (Surrounded by family and friends)

But nobody has the patience to console and wait anymore. They give you a pill to get you in line.

You are killing the child’s development. You think You’re doing the right thing and saving your child but you’re ruining their development and their future coping skills. I know you didn’t mean it and were trying to help your child… the adopted child that is not your blood but you fucked up.

She needs to be sick and sad. She needs to heal in a natural way that will make her evolve and be strong. She will be a better stronger woman on the other side.

Fuck sake… no drugs!

Then Kita gets with some other white boy romance loser. He sends out his best representative to get in her sweet pants. Who knows, maybe he liked her, maybe he thought he loved her, but after a few years he grew tired of her.  People change… they grow.

Maybe he’s and asshole. I don’t know. But JR basically fazed Kita out. Terrible, but I get it. He may have grown tired of the super tanned, needy, Asian chick he closed on some passionate sweaty night.

His family didn’t like her and her family thought she was trading down into some lowlife Delaware county trash. Because her family is rich and powerful. Very powerful.

After 3 years JR has had enough. He wants to drink, drug, and kiss some other babies. Kita has zero experience, doesn’t drink, isn’t all that interesting, and kind of isn’t fun for him. He wants the hot bitches in the club. Kita is a scheduled, nice, conservative, needy, very communicative young girl that could be viewed as a burden to a young man.

So after some time he tires of her. I don’t see that in this moment because she’s a 21 year old gorgeous Asian, fit baby, but it happens.

I was once at a wedding with my brother in law and he asked who a specific girl was.

I told him it was the bride’s hairdresser.

He said: ” She’s hot. But somebody’s tired of that.”

I never forgot that simple wisdom.

 

 

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15 Guys Tell US What They First Judge a Girl on

What do men really look at when they first see us?

Ladies, I’m sure this question has been in your mind before. Maybe you thought to yourself that men are shallow, and they simply look at female assets and ignore the rest. Or perhaps you may have thought men focus on your eyes, what you say and how you behave. Unfortunately, I can’t answer your questions on behalf of all the men out there, but I can give you a general idea of what men judge you on. I surveyed fifteen men, who were more than willing to set the record straight and explain to you what they look at first when they spot a girl they might be interested in. Let me tell you, you’re in for a treat!

I asked these men what they judge a girl on and what makes them want to date her. Here’s what they answered:

“The first time I see a girl, I judge if she seems sincere/true to what I expected. After that, I wonder if she’s interested in me.” – Mark, 26

“I check if she’s good fun. The most important thing for me after that is trust.” – Johnson, 21

“I judge her on her humor. If someone struggles to make me laugh, then they will not be much fun in the future. The most important thing for me is the ability to connect. Connecting to that person on levels such as politics, views, interests in; song, music, movies, etc. Connection for me is the most important thing.” – Cían, 22

Can we just appreciate this deep answer? Why are the best guys always taken?!

“If I’m interested, I would never judge. The most important for me when I start to date her depends on the chemistry.” – Simon, 24

“I’m looking at the way she’s behaving – if she’s natural or not. It’s very important for me. The most important thing to me is that she can be herself around me and be kind to others. Above all–kind. You don’t want to be with someone who’s not nice to people around them.” – Peter, 32

Here’s something all of us should take home – we should all be ourselves no matter what. The right person will find us and like us for who we are.

“If she has a sophisticated “taste” regarding her manner and outlook. I also look at intelligence.” – Daniel, 27

“I judge the way she’s carrying herself. I like confidence. I also need to know that she’s real and that we have things in common.” – Diego, 26

“I usually focus on her eyes and face as a whole. I try to get a feel for her humor and whether or not I am interested in more than her looks. When it comes to dating, the most important thing is that she has the right kind of humor.” – Paul, 23

I truly enjoy this realistic approach. Women judge men by looks as well, but after that, they assess their personality and the rest. We’re all human after all.

“I focus on her face and eyes. Eyes are important because they show you a lot. When dating, personality and character go a long way.” – Mikkel, 19

“I judge (or look) for confidence and openness. I love someone I can talk to about virtually anything. Just being happy, it’s a big turn-on.” – Richard, 33

“Depending on the situation we meet in, I judge the way she treats the people surrounding her. I don’t like dismissive girls who think they’re better than everyone else. I also like confidence.” – Mikkel, 23

“I’m focusing on her behavior and attitude – happy people are my thing. Besides that, chemistry above all.” – Kristoffer, 27

“I’m trying to sense her vibes, because I need to know we can click together.” – Miles, 21

“I try to have an honest conversation and figure out what we have in common. I also love real people, so as long as she’s being herself, it’s a great start. Good vibes and energy are also a huge plus.” – Kasper, 25

“I want a girl I’m going to date to be free and brave to express herself in every way. Just someone open and spontaneous, ready to explore things.” -Mauricio, 30

Lastly, almost 67% of men who answered the survey said that the first thing they notice about a girl is her face! To make it even better, the number two answer was eyes. Reading these answers made me truly joyful. It just confirmed what I always knew – men are looking for love as much as women are, regardless of what society might try to convince you. They’re not looking at our body parts inch by inch and assessing every last bit in order to pick the prettiest one. They’re looking for that look, the look of connection.

These show a very positive side of men that not many women seem to notice.They appreciate a deep sincere connection over shallow beauty. Finally, a little treat for us romantic women – when asked if they would consider a second date with a woman who made a not-so-good impression… they all said yes!

So, why don’t we all go out there and meet some of these wonderful men? I say we should. Happy dating everyone!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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