8 Tricks That Will Help You Recognize a Liar

Most likely, you have already faced brazen liars who are always looking for someone to fool. But exposing a lie is not as difficult as it may seem. Analyst and body language expert Dr. Lillian Glass says, ’If someone is dishonest, you need to pay special attention to the facial expression and body language of your interlocutor.’ She wrote a book about this called ’The Body Language of Liars.’

Eight tricks that will help you recognize a liar

When you ask a direct question and your interlocutor begins to spin their head, it’s better to keep your eyes peeled: perhaps this person’s lying about something.

Eight tricks that will help you recognize a liar

When someone is nervous and at the same time trying to fool you, their breathing becomes heavy, their voice goes quiet, and their shoulders rise.

Eight tricks that will help you recognize a liar

It’s ok to feel relaxed in a normal conversation with a familiar person, but if your interlocutor looks too stressed, it may be a warning sign. In general, a liar’s trying to keep you at a distance so you do not suspect anything.

Eight tricks that will help you recognize a liar

This happens because they’re trying to convince not only you but also themselves. Repetition gives you time to gather your thoughts. Also, people who aren’t willing to tell the truth might answer the question in the same words. For example: ’Did you break the cup?’ ’No, I didn’t break the cup.’

Eight tricks that will help you recognize a liar

The eyes can tell a lot about people, including whether they’re telling the truth. Constant eye contact is very important to liars. If your interlocutor looks insightfully into your eyes and tries to maintain eye contact in every possible way, be sure that this person wants to fool you.

Eight tricks that will help you recognize a liar

Among other signals that the interlocutor’s trying to lie is when he or she is biting or pursing their lips. Such a person is clearly not sure what he or she wants to say. In these moments, salivation is decreased, resulting in dryness in the throat, and this makes them swallow and purse their lips. Also, it’s better to keep an eye on their smile: it’s always easy to notice an artificial smile.

Eight tricks that will help you recognize a liar

Hands are the indicator of a person’s honesty. Therefore, if someone’s constantly touching their neck or trying to hide weak spots — as if he or she is trying to defend themselves — this person definitely wants to hide something.

Eight tricks that will help you recognize a liar

Even without realizing it, a liar prevents themselves from speaking. When people touch their lips, it means they don’t want to tell the truth, almost as if they are forbidding themselves to speak.

 

 

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How To Ask A New Partner If They Have An STI (Without It Being Weird) – Part 2

Don’t just ask “have you been tested?”

Unfortunately, the tried and true method of asking “have you been tested?” doesn’t always give you complete information, since not everyone gets the same STI tests, not all STIs can be tested for, and many people are confused about interpreting their results.

It doesn’t need to be a great deal more complicated than that, though. Just follow the question up with some specifics, Manduley said.

“Some of the information you should consider asking is what STIs they were tested for, what the results were (and if anything came back positive, if they completed treatment for it), when that last test date was, and what protection they’ve used in sex since then.”

Don’t think, “we’re using a condom, we’re good!”

If you’re using a condom, you’re playing it a lot safer than those who rely on the pullout method alone. But just because you slipped on a rubber doesn’t mean you’re free and clear. (Sorry!)

As Huizenga told us, condoms alone are effective at preventing STIs that are transmitted through bodily fluids, like gonorrhea and chlamydia, but they provide less protection against those that spread through skin-to-skin contact, like human papillomavirus (genital warts), genital herpes and syphilis.

He tells patients who are single or have multiple partners to get comprehensive screenings done on a yearly or biyearly basis.

That makes having the pre-sex talk so much easier; If you’ve been recently tested, you can offer up your own test results to normalize the experience or make your partner feel less shy about doing it themselves.

“When partners fully disclose STD status ― even exchanging recent lab testing ― it provides clear informed consent on multiple levels,” Huizenga said. “In the spirit of honesty, equality and transparency, I think both partners should exchange this information prior to intimacy.”

If the person says, “I’m not sure,” aim for the highest level of protection you can manage.

If your partner’s response to questions about STIs is along the lines of, “hmm, I’m not sure,” protect yourself as much as possible. That might mean postponing sex ― that can be sexy in itself ― or using as many relevant barriers and forms of protection as possible. Maybe you don’t go “all the way,” but hey, some of the way is still loads of fun.

“If they’re not sure, you might use internal condoms, external condoms, dental dams, gloves or have sex that offers a lower risk profile ― something that limits fluid exchange and limits contact between mucous membranes,” Manduley said.

If this is a more long-term thing, Manduley suggests getting tested together. But in the heat of the moment, keep your response casual and relaxed.

“You can say something like, ‘thanks for telling me!’ and then segue into another activity,” Manduley said. “For example, ‘Well, since you’re not sure, I don’t think you should come in my mouth, but I would love it if you came on my chest,’ or ‘Since you’re not sure, let’s play it safe this time and only use our hands. I can’t wait to touch you.’”

Take a deep breath: This conversation is probably going to go over better than you think.

This is obviously a heavy, potentially uncomfortable topic, but if handled with casualness and tact, it’ll probably play out a lot smoother than you expect. (Plus, major brownie points for being so sexually responsible.)

“Shockingly, I have had patient after patient tell me how surprised they were about how well received these open pre-sex talk was by prospective partners,” Huizenga said. “Counterintuitively, it didn’t kill the mood, it actually made them more, not less, sexually desirable.”

 

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How To Ask A New Partner If They Have An STI (Without It Being Weird) – Part 1

We get it: No one likes to talk about sexually transmitted infections. If things are getting hot and heavy, nothing tosses a bucket of cold water over a sexual encounter quite like saying “STI.”

But in the age of super gonorrhea, it’s super important we have these conversations. Last year, we heard the first reports of super gonorrhea, a strain of the disease so gnarly it’s resistant to the antibiotic drugs usually prescribed to treat it. Oh, joy.

That’s not the only STI you have to worry about. The U.S. has the highest STI rates in the industrialized world, and it’s only getting worse. Nearly 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were diagnosed in the U.S. in 2017, surpassing the record set in 2016 by more than 200,000, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported in August. (FYI: We’re using STI here as opposed to STD because not all sexually transmitted infections turn into a disease.)

“It’s scary because a shockingly high percentage of Americans know little, if anything, about STDs and STIs,” said Robert Huizenga, a physician and the author of “Sex, Lies and STDS.” “Few people have any idea what early STD symptoms to look out for, even if symptoms do occur, because many STDs present with no symptoms.”

How are we going to get our abysmal STI rates down if we don’t feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about our sexual health with our partners?

Part of the blame for the uptick in STIs lies in our incredibly lax use of contraceptives. A 2017 National Health Statistics Report found that condom use in the U.S. has declined among sexually active young people, with many opting to use the pullout method instead.

The rate of men who say they use withdrawal ― pulling out a partner’s vagina before ejaculating ― increased from about 10% in 2002 to 19% by 2015, according to a recent study published by the National Center for Health Statistics.

Half-assed methods of protection aside, we’re also dealing with a lack of transparency and conversation about STIs. How are we going to get our abysmal STI rates down if we don’t feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about our sexual health with our partners?

Ideally, your new S.O. or hookup buddy will alert you to any hiccups in their sexual history before you have to bring it up. (If you have an STI, we wrote a very helpful primer on how to tell your partner about it, which you can read here.)

But in the event that they don’t, it’s 100% worth speaking up. Below, sexual health educators share their best advice on how to broach the subject in a way that isn’t a total mood killer.

Ideally, bring it up before things start to heat up.

If you have the luxury of time ― say, you’ve been dating this person for a bit and have yet to have sex ― have this convo before you get naked. Avoid any potential awkwardness by employing the “sandwich method” of communication: Share something positive about your budding relationship, then share something you’re worried about (cough, cough STIs), then follow it up with another positive.

“Maybe you start by telling them how much you like them,” said Janet Brito, a psychologist and sex therapist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health in Honolulu. “Then, say something like ’I really value our relationship, and want to take it to the next level. Do you, too?’”

If they agree, say something like, “Great … I’m a little nervous about having this conversation, but maybe we should talk a little bit about our sexual health, like when was the last time we each were tested?”

Don’t end the train of thought there, though. “Tell them, ‘The last thing I want to do is to kill the mood in the moment. I find you really attractive and really want to do this.’” Brito suggested.

At this point, hopefully, the rest of the conversation will be smooth sailing.

Go into the conversation with this mindset: STIs are incredibly common, so avoid shame-filled language when you bring it up.

If we talk about STIs at all, it’s usually as the punchline for a stupid joke or headlines about “herp alerts at Coachella.” The jokes and puns not only stigmatize those with STIs, they downplay how incredibly common the infections are.

More than one in six adults in the U.S. are living with herpes, according to the CDC, and one in two sexually active persons will contract an STI in their lifetime.

With that knowledge, broach the conversation without using shame-filled language, said Boston sex educator Aida Manduley.

“Asking your partner ‘are you clean?’ shames people for getting infections,” she said. “Regardless of why or how they got infected, STI stigma is terrible for public health.”

Instead, Manduley recommends saying something like, “I’m so ready to have sex with you, and I want to figure out what type of protection we should use before we start!”

“These conversations don’t have to be super serious and sterile,” she said. “Feel free to make them juicy, weird, funny, whatever works for you. And if you’re nervous, practice beforehand so it sounds more natural in the heat of the moment.”

 

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Tinder Dating Among Teens: When Swipe-Right Culture Goes to High School – Part 2

Terry downloaded Tinder when she was 17 and it was legal to be on the platform. She was looking to have “random, meaningless sex” after a bad breakup. Like the others, Terry, who is now 22, says that all of her friends were on the app. Unlike them, she listed her real age and ultimately regretted it. Before she abandoned the apps, she had run-ins with men who lied about their age or who wanted to pick her up and take her to an undisclosed location.

“I had horrible experiences,” she says. “I had a lot of guys that wanted to like, pick me up, and meet me in a place that was secluded, and didn’t understand why that was weird or just expected sex right off the bat.”

Terry’s most concerning experiences involved older guys who said they were 25 or 26 and listed a different age in their bio. “Like, why don’t you just put your real age?” she says. “It’s really weird. There are some creeps on there.”

Although there’s no public statistic on fake Tinder profiles, avoiding Tinder scams and spotting fake people on the app is fundamental to the experience of using itAdults know this. Teens don’t. Many see a fun app for meeting people or hooking up. And it’s easy to feel concerned about these minors posing as legal adults to get on a platform that makes it so easy to create a profile — real or fake.

Amanda Rose, a 38-year-old mom and professional matchmaker from New York, has two teenage boys, 15 and 17, and concerns about the way that social media and tech has changed dating. To her knowledge, her kids haven’t dated anyone they met online and they don’t use Tinder (she has the passwords to all of her kids’ phones and social media accounts.) But she’s also had many talks with them about the problem with tech and her concerns.

“We’ve had the talk that the person they are talking to might be posting pictures that are not really them,” she says. “It could be someone fake. You have to be really careful and mindful about who you interact with online.”

Amanda’s also concerned about how much teenagers — and the adult clients with whom she works — resort to the digital in order to repair their relationships or remain connected to the world.

“I’ve noticed, even with my clients, that people go to texting. They don’t pick up the phone and call someone. I talk to my kids about that: about how important it is to actually, pick up the phone and not hide behind a phone or a computer screen,” she says. “Because that’s where you build relationships.”

If you just stay behind text messages, Amanda says, you’re not going to build stronger relationships. Even when her oldest son talks about issues with his girlfriend, she tells him: “Don’t text her. You need to step outside if you don’t want anyone to hear the conversation and pick up the phone and call her.”

Still, certain teenagers who ventured onto Tinder have positive stories. Katie, who asked to be referred to by her first name only for privacy, went to an all-girls Catholic school and had a conservative family. She used the app as a way to figure out her sexual identity and credits it for helping her navigate a new and burgeoning sense of self in a way that didn’t leave her open to hostile teenagers, school staff, or disapproving family members.

“I was not out. I was very, very in the closet,” she says. “It was one of my first ever moments of letting myself kind of even acknowledge that I was bisexual. It felt very safe and private.”

On Tinder, Katie says she saw women from her high school looking for other women. Seeing this helped her feel less alone.

“I was 16 and had no idea that they felt that way,” she says. “They didn’t know I felt that way.”

Katie downloaded Tinder at a volleyball tournament. She was with a bunch of friends. They were all women and all straight.

“I was dealing with having queer feelings and not having anyone to talk to about it. I didn’t feel like I could actually talk to anybody, even my close friends about it at that point. So, I kind of used it more to just figure out what being gay is like, I guess.”

Her experience was freeing. “It didn’t feel threatening to flirt with women, and just figure myself out in a way that involved different people without having to feel like I exposed myself to people who would be unfriendly toward me,” she says.

Katie’s story is both unique and not unique. The trend of queer people using dating apps to enter relationships is well-known. Twice as many LGBTQ+ singles use dating apps than heterosexual people. About half of LGBTQ+ singles have dated someone they met online; 70 percent of queer relationships have begun online. That Katie got on the app when she was 16 is maybe not typical, but she found her first girlfriend on the app, and within a few years, came out to her family. Being able to safely explore her bisexuality in an otherwise hostile environment without coming out publicly until she was ready, Katie says, was “lifesaving.”

To find love and acceptance, one must put themselves out there. For teenagers, those whose lives are basically based around understanding and seeking acceptance, this can be an especially daunting prospect — especially so in an age when digital communication is the norm. So why not jump on Tinder, which requires one-minute of setup to help them sit on the edge of  — or dive directly into — the dating pool?

“There’s that whole thing about not looking like you’re trying, right? Tinder is the lowest effort dating platform, in my opinion. Which also makes it harder to meet people,” says Jenna. “But it doesn’t look like you’re trying hard. All of the other ones don’t seem like that.”

Still, while stories like Jenna’s and Katie’s highlight how the app can provide a useful outlet of self-acceptance, neither young woman used the platform as intended. As Tinder seems to suggest by it’s tagline, “Single is a terrible thing to waste,” the app is for those looking for sex. Fostering connections may be more bug than feature. It’s not reassuring that the best stories about teens using the platform tend to emerge from edge-case scenarios, not from the typical function of the app, which is designed as a sexual outlet, but may also condition its user to accepting certain types of sexual experiences.

“You don’t want industry to be the decider of teen sexuality,” says Dines. “Why would you leave it to a profit-based industry?”

That’s a profound question and not one teens are likely to dwell on. Teens will continue to experiment because, well, that’s what teens do. And if they don’t receive guidance from adults in their lives, their early experiences on platforms like Tinder will shape their approach to adult relationships going forward. More than anything, that may be the hazard teens face on Tinder: the morphing of their own expectations.

“You don’t want to leave it to the [profiteers],” says Dines. “We want more for our kids than that, no matter their sexuality.”

 

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If Your Relationship Is On Its Last Leg, You’ll Notice These 9 Signs

One from a female reader…

Read on to find nine signs that your relationship might be on its last legs.

1. BOTH OF YOU HAVE STOPPED MAKING AN EFFORT

If you’ve both stopped making an effort to connect, the relationship may be nearing the end. What’s a sign of making less effort? “When you eat meals together and can’t muster a conversation because you’re not interested in doing so, or you’re annoyed at the other person and the way they chew sends you into fits of annoyance,” Relationship and etiquette expert April Masini tells Elite Daily. Not making an effort to even chat over dinner could be a sign the relationship is on its last legs.

Maybe you start by telling small white lies, but pretty soon you’re giving your partner completely inaccurate accounts of where you’ve been all day. It’s OK to have secrets, but frequent lying could be a sign that you’re not comfortable in the relationship and want it to be over.

 

Bickering is totally normal, but sometimes, if it’s too frequent, it could mean the relationship is struggling. “Do you bicker all the time? Chronic bickering is a sign that more is wrong than right in a relationship,” Masini says. If you can’t make peace even over the small things, maybe there’s an incompatibility issue in the relationship.

4. YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING SINGLE

It’s OK to have crushes, and even to imagine being with them (I’ve planned my wedding to Jesse Eisenberg through all my serious relationships). It’s also OK to fondly remember being single. It becomes an issue when the fantasies are constant, and you spend every moment thinking about how nice it would be to be single. If this is the case, it could be a sign that your relationship is coming to a close.

 

Maybe you used to discuss a future with your partner but now shy away from the conversation topic — this could be a sign that the relationship is winding down. However, just because you’ve stopped discussing the future, doesn’t mean you can’t start again. “Make a bucket list together, and make it one that’s a couples’ bucket list, not just an individual one,” Masini says. If you start planning around a future together, you could save your relationship.

6. SEX WANES

Your sex life could give you a sign about your relationship. “You don’t have much sex. It’s just not that important to either one of you,” Masini cites as an indicator that a relationship is coming to a close. However, it’s just a sign — many go through periods of increased or decreased sexual desires, and it doesn’t have to be unhealthy. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex you’re having, consider opening up the communication with your partner to try to work through it.

 

Are you hiding that you have a partner? You don’t need to bring it up in every conversation (in fact, doing so can be annoying), but if someone is expressing interested in you and you wait weeks before mentioning you’re in a relationship, it could be a warning sign. Maybe you’ve already mentally checked out of the relationship and you’re starting to look for other options. This is OK, as long as you’re being honest with yourself about whether you plan to stay in your relationship.

 

Old problems may resurface from time to time in any relationship, but if it feels like nothing from the past ever gets resolved, it could mean the relationship isn’t in a good place. “One or both of you keep bringing up old baggage — like a best friend’s slight at the wedding (ten years ago), or an indiscretion that happened before you got married,” Masini says. Ask yourself why either of you is having trouble letting go of the past, and determine if you think your relationship might be coming to a close.

This is perhaps the biggest sign that a relationship is on its last legs. If you (or your partner) know that you want the relationship to be done, then it’s definitely coming to a close. Breakups can still take a while or one of you could change their mind, but once you start wanting it to end, it’s probably close to finished.

Do any of these signs ring true to you? They’re just warnings, so if you notice a trend but you want to save your relationship, then DW — it’s still possible. However, it could be time to look inward to see if the relationship is really bringing both of you joy. And if your relationship is on its last legs, don’t worry — there’s something more fulfilling for you out there, just around the corner.

 

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Kita – Chapter 17 – Asian Glow

Last week when I was out with Kita, she declined a glass of wine because she said she had Asian Glow. I had never heard of it before so I decided to do some investigating on my own.

Some Asians have a natural condition that discourages them from drinking alcohol. About 50 percent of the Japanese, Korean, and Northeastern Chinese population experience a phenomenon called the Alcohol Flush Reaction (AFR), or what is commonly known as “Asian glow.” AFR is usually associated with flushing of the neck and face, but the condition also results in symptoms such as heightened heart rate, headache, and nausea, even after consuming as little as one alcoholic drink.

Typically, alcohol is metabolized in the liver, where it is oxidized first to acetaldehyde and then to acetate. Most people who experience AFR, however, flush after drinking because they lack the mitochondrial aldehyde dehydro¬genase (ALDH2) enzyme that converts acetaldehyde, resulting in an accumulation of acetaldehyde up to 10 times the normal concentration. The exact genetic nature of the deficient enzyme appears to be the presence of an allele (ALDH2*2) that inacti¬vates ALDH2 enzymes. The allele is, in fact, dominant, although heterozygous individuals show much milder reactions to alcohol than homozygous individuals.

There have been several drugs that stop the flushing, such as histamine and the over-the-counter drug, Pepcid AC. However, these drugs only mitigate the “glow,” i.e. they do not prevent the acetal¬dehyde accumulation, which is suspected to cause long-term liver problems. Thus, individuals who drink often and use drugs to suppress the flushing are at greater risk for liver diseases.

Even though the vernacular term for AFR is “Asian glow,” Asians are not the only ones who suffer from the often embarrassing “glow.” It turns out that Ashkenazi Jews often lack the aldehyde dehydrogenase enzyme as well.

Maybe it’s time, then, to think of a new name for “Asian glow.” Seems a little insensitive.

 

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10 WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, ACCORDING TO SCIENCE

Use these simple tricks to become a friend magnet.

First impressions truly matter when it comes to networking, dating, or just making friends. That’s why it definitely helps to have a few tricks up your sleeve to help make people like you right away.

Below, via the folks at IFLScience, check out 10 proven ways to gain an edge and instantly become more likable.

1. SUBTLY COPY BODY LANGUAGE

Mimicking the movements, posture, body language, facial expressions, and overall behaviors of another person in a natural and non-weird way is called mirroring, and shows the person you’re invested in them and makes them feel warmly towards you.

But again, it’s really important that the mimicry is subtle or else it can get real creepy, real fast.

2. SPEND TIME AROUND THEM

Ever noticed how the more time you spend around a person, the more you seem to like them?

This is the mere-exposure effect, which suggests that if you want people to like you, you should spend more time around them because it’s human nature to like things that are familiar to us.

We all love receiving compliments that make us feel good, but moreover, “people will associate the adjectives you use to describe other people with your personality. This phenomenon is called spontaneous trait transference,” IFL Science explains.

“If you describe someone else as genuine and kind, people will also associate you with those qualities.”

With that said, though, you shouldn’t start throwing around compliments like confetti because positive compliments are much more impactful if used sparingly. This is called the gain-loss theory.

A study from the University of Minnesota found that it’s most rewarding for someone to be complimented sparingly because it makes them feel like they’ve won you over.  “Bottom line: Although it’s counterintuitive, try complimenting your friends less often.”

4. BE HAPPY

Nobody wants to be around a downer who hardly smiles or says anything positive, right? Right. It just brings us down and bums us out, and that’s why we like to surround ourselves with happy people.

“If you want to make others feel happy when they’re around you, do your best to communicate positive emotions.”

millennial-women-drink-main.jpg

(Photo: Getty)

5. MAKE A MISTAKE

“According to the pratfall effect, people will like you more after you make a mistake — but if they only believe you are usually a competent person. Revealing that you aren’t perfect makes you more relatable and vulnerable toward the people around you.”

In other words, perfection is intimidating, so don’t try to be — but it’s also not helpful to belittle yourself for the sake or relatability.

6. CASUAL TOUCH

The concept of subliminal touching holds that touching someone so gently that they hardly notice — on the arm or shoulder, for example — can make them feel positively and warmly towards you.

This was proven in a study conducted by researchers from the University of Mississippi and Rhodes College, where it was discovered that waitresses who briefly touched customers on the hand or shoulder while returning their change earned much larger tips than waitresses who didn’t touch customers.

This comes to show that when you act warmly towards someone, they’ll likely return the feeling.

7. SMILE

Obviously, smiling will instantly make you much more likable than being stone-faced.

“In one study, nearly 100 undergraduate women looked at photos of another woman in one of four poses: smiling in an open-body position, smiling in a closed-body position, not smiling in an open-body position, or not smiling in a closed-body position. Results suggested that the woman in the photo was liked most when she was smiling, regardless of her body position.”

8. ACT LIKE YOU LIKE THEM

This is a simple one: If we feel like someone likes us, we usually like them, too.

This phenomenon is called reciprocity of liking, and in a study “participants were told that certain members of a group discussion would probably like them. These group members were chosen randomly by the experimenter.

“After the discussion, participants indicated that the people they liked best were the ones who supposedly liked them.”

9. HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

One of the most attractive qualities a person can have is a sense of humor, because we all want to spend time with those we can laugh with.

According to a study of 140 participants, those who were “morally focused” and less humorous were much less liked and less popular than everyone else.

10. LISTEN TO OTHERS TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES

Everyone loves talking about themselves, and Harvard researchers even found that doing so is just as rewarding as food, money, and sex.

That’s why you should listen to others go on and on about their own life for a while — it might be a little boring for the time being, but will leave them with positive memories of your interaction.

 

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