20 Speedy Signs Your Relationship is Moving Too Fast

The healthiest relationships move at the right pace. Read through these 20 signs to know if your relationship is moving a little too fast for comfort.

There are no fast and hard rules for how quickly a relationship should move. It depends upon a number of factors: how old the respective participants are, their previous experiences, their present situations, their family backgrounds, their general outlook on life, etc.

There are, however, in every relationship, obvious signs that things are moving a little too quickly. You know the kind of thing: you’re out with friends, if you haven’t yet ditched them, and at some point during your retelling of all the wonderful stories about you and your other half, the eyebrows slowly start to raise. “You’ve done what, when?!” comes next, and you suddenly start to wonder if your friends actually fulfill that role at all.

What you should be wondering is if they actually have a point, and you’ll going way too fast in love—but, of course, you’re way too loved up for that, aren’t you? If this is you, it is definitely time to take a step back, and start analyzing the following signs to see if things are, indeed, moving too fast.

Signs you need to take it slow in love and slam on the brakes

Think you might be going too fast? Use these signs to determine whether your relationship is in need of a chill pill.

#1 On the pedestal. Are you putting your partner up on a pedestal, when you barely know anything about them? This is definitely a sign of moving too fast. Maybe you need to get to know a little more about them before you decide they should be seated at the right hand of God!

#2 Meet the parents. It’s a scary moment in any relationship, but if you or they are meeting the parents only weeks into the relationship, then something is assuredly amiss. Time to pull back on the reins and steer off course for a while.

#3 Constant contact. Go over your text messages, emails, and phone logs for any given day. If the numbers are hitting three digits, if your phone provider is hunting you down with a bill as long as your arm, and you’ve only just met the other person, it’s a surefire sign you need to slow things down.

#4 Knowing nothing. If you’re considering giving them the world, but you don’t even know which newspaper they read or which toothpaste they use, it’s time to settle into a more sedate routine and learn a little about them first.

#5 Knowing everything. In direct opposition to #4, knowing everything can be just as strong a sign. If you’re aware of their bowel movements to the minute and you only just met them last week, you both need to hold back a little.

#6 Toothbrush time. Ahhhh, the classic sign of a relationship moving too fast: toothbrushes and paste, razors, soaps, even clothes, all begin making their ways into each other’s closets and cabinets. A discussion might need to be had about how speedily things are progressing.

#7 Once and former friends. Ditching your friends at this early stage? Or maybe your other half is? Never a good sign of a healthy relationship, period, and especially not months or weeks into it.

#8 The full Kama Sutra. Sex is something that should be given over to a new partner slowly and steadily, building up trust and loving respect along the way. If you’ve gotten to the last page of the Kama Sutra, and you haven’t yet gone for coffee together, you’re in serious danger of turning your wanted relationship into a FWB situation.

#9 Social media stars. You met on Wednesday, and by Friday, every form of social media is filled with stories and anecdotes of your respective romantic antics. Believe me, your friends aren’t really cooing at how lovely it all is—they’re more wondering what the hell is possessing you to give so much of your public life away to someone you barely know.

#10 Marriage talk. Talking about marriage already? That’s a BIG no-no in the early stages. Maybe you should start limiting contact until you’ve gotten to know each other a bit better.

#11 Meet the kids. Meeting kids is just as scary as meeting the parents for some, if not more so. This might be a sudden and startling jerk back into reality if you’re the one doing the meeting. If the scenario is reversed, then you really need to have a word with yourself—for your kid’s sake, if nothing else.

#12 Moving in. Every relationship has this discussion at some point or other, but if you both still don’t know each other’s middle names, then now is not the time!

#13 Once and former responsibilities. Ditching friends is one thing, but ditching real world responsibilities is another altogether. If one of you has stopped paying the bills, or ditched other financial ties without discussion, then slowing down is a very—if not the only—sensible option.

#14 Guarded behavior. Still hanging on to that perfect first date facade? Unwilling to reveal your true self? Both are definite signs that the relationship has gotten ahead of where it should be.

#15 The ‘L’ word. “Love” gets used way too easily, and way too early in the relationship nowadays. Save it for when you truly feel it; otherwise, people may end up getting hurt. More importantly, if feeling it after only a couple of weeks, you may need to reassess whether it’s the genuine thing, or basic infatuation.

#16 Happy holidays. Are you planning holidays together, or does one of you get annoyed when the other goes on vacation without you? Five years into a relationship, such feelings are fine, but after only a couple of Saturdays…have words with yourself!

#17 Introductions. If you’ve only just met, but the BF or GF introduction is already being used, you might want to insist on a little time out. This is a relationship that’s moving faster than a politician through a public inquiry.

#18 Planning for rug rats. Come on…seriously! You’ve only just gotten to the stage where you can remember each other’s names, and you’re already talking about having children? You dudes need to slow the hell down!

#19 Pet names. You know things are moving too fast when the pet names are starting to make an appearance. A two-week “snookums” or “honeybun” really is a sign that you need to take the steam out of proceedings.

#20 A date a day. If you’ve known each other somewhere in the region of a mosquito’s lifetime, but you can still look back on half-a-dozen dates or so, then the signs are in agreement: you, my friend, are the Speedy Gonzalez of amour. Time to slow down.

Moving too fast is rarely a positive way to start a relationship. If several of the signs above are regularly popping up, you may want to reassess the pace of things. Although it may be hard, dont be too afraid to put on the brakes and take a step back; the right person will be willing to stick around.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The Red Flag That Should Send You Running, ASAP

Humans tend to be creatures of habit, and dating is no exception. Certain personality traits (humor, anyone?) and physical features (we’re looking at you, bearded men of the world) can attract us again and again.

That’s all well and good…until your habits land you with an incompatible partner again and again. At that point, it’s time to re-think your ways and start saying “no” to the wrong person sooner. And by sooner, we mean in five minutes flat. The secret to this may lie in attachment theory, which according to some, can help us weed out incompatible partners, stat.

“[Attachment theory has] become wildly popular for understanding individuals and relationships,” says Claudia Brumbaugh, Ph.D., a social personality psychologist who studies attachment styles. Established in the ’80s, attachment theory is all about how our interactions with attachment figures in childhood (for most of us, our parents) greatly determine our personalities, especially when it comes to love and intimacy.

In attachment theory, two of the three main attachment styles are “anxious” and “avoidant.” (The third is “secure,” which we aren’t going to go into here.). People with an avoidant attachment style are often distant, feel threatened when their partner gets too close, and are regularly criticized for being emotionally unavailable. Dating an avoidant is no walk in the park — and that’s especially true if you have an anxious attachment style. Anxiously attached daters tend to be jealous, frequently seek validation, and are often described as clingy.

Despite being like oil and water, anxiously attached and avoidantly attached people are often intrigued by each other right away. Katherine, a 31-year-old journalist with a more anxious attachment style, can relate.“[At one time], if I met someone who was a little hard to pin down and evasive, it made me want him,” she says.

After reading “Attached,” a book on attachment theory, Katherine was able to identify her patterns. This newfound perspective conditioned her to find avoidant characteristics less attractive. “Now, if someone doesn’t respond to my texts quickly or acts cagey about their weekend plans, I’m immediately turned off,” she says.

You’re more likely to have this reaction if you can pinpoint an avoidant right off the bat. A telltale sign is dodging personal topics in favor of talking about safer topics, like their politics or workday. They also may come off as less confident. “They might talk themselves down or say something self-deprecating in the first five minutes,” says Brumbaugh.

Part of what makes this anxious-avoidant combo so dangerous is that “the expectations of an anxious person might be fulfilled by the characteristics of an avoidant person,” Brumbaugh says. “An anxiously attached person might be drawn to those characteristics in a negative way because they confirm their expectations that they’re not going to get the attention they need.” At that point, both parties find it very difficult to walk away from the relationship.

“I’m not big on grand gestures or public displays of affection,” says Piper, a 27-year-old marketing associate who displays certain avoidant tendencies. “I find it hard to say ‘I love you.’” Piper has dated anxiously attached people in the past and in her words, it was a “low-key nightmare.” “I just can’t give them what they need,” she says.

According to attachment theory, she’s right. “Anxiously attached people tend to be constantly worried that their partner might stray,” says Brumbaugh. So, they need a partner who is willing to continuously validate the relationship with their words and actions.

By far one of the most refreshing aspects of attachment theory is that it’s not about how to make it work with someone. “People want to have a catch-all way of having a good relationship with anyone, but people are different,” says Brumbaugh.

Attachment theory isn’t about self-improvement — it’s about immediately paying attention to what your date says and does in the hopes of avoiding a situation where you’re trying to change something about a person that’s just not going to change. Not everyone is going to be a match — and it’s better to know that sooner rather than later.

 

 

Why You Can’t Forget Your First Love, According To Psychology

No matter how much time has passed or how many relationships you’ve been in since then, you just can’t forget your first love. Falling in love for the first time is life changing. The emotions you feel are brand new and intense. You can’t stop obsessing over your partner, and you just can’t imagine living a life without them. When it’s the first time you’ve ever felt so strongly about someone before, it can be truly devastating to have all of that end suddenly.

According to relationship experts, there are reasons for why your first love is so unforgettable. For instance, David Bennett, certified counselor and relationship expert, tells Bustle that brain chemistry and connection play a big role in it.

“First loves are often very strong emotional connections,” Bennett says. “In many cases, they happened before the logical parts of the brain have been fully developed and when bodily hormones are raging. This creates an almost overpowering emotional bond through the release of the chemical oxytocin, which is the same chemical that bonds mothers and their children.”

Oxytocin is known for being “the love hormone.” It helps bond people closer together, it’s what keeps some people monogamous, it can lower your inhibitions, and it can help you become more open and trusting of others.

“First loves are often simple, yet very powerful,” Bennett says. Even simple things like hugging, kissing, and cuddling, can chemically bond you to your partner. When it’s the first time you’ve experienced that with someone, it’s hard to forget them. But that isn’t the only reason why it’s hard to forget your first love.

Your Brain Is Wired To Remember And Seek Out Pleasurable Experiences

When you fall in love at a younger age, your brain is more sensitive to pleasurable experiences and will seek it out.

Shutterstock

As Dr. Amy Ricke, psychiatrist with Your Doctors Online, tells Bustle, your first love is unforgettable because of how the brain works and of what falling in love teaches you about yourself.

When you fall in love, a surge of chemicals, such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, floods the brain. These “feel good” chemicals can cause you to feel euphoria and intense pleasurable feelings, especially when they’re combined with physical touch.

Many times people experience falling in love for the first time during their teenage years. According to Ricke, these are the years when the brain’s reward pathway is wired to be particularly sensitive to gratifying and intense experiences like falling in love and having sex.

“Thus the first love experience becomes almost indelibly ingrained in the brain in a very vivid, memorable way,” she says. “It’s often impossible to forget due to what possibilities this experience awakens in us. We feel an expansion of our own human experience.”

Your First Love Affects All Your Relationships After

Your first love will shape how you are in future relationships and what you want in a partner.

Shutterstock

Once you’ve experienced something so good as falling in love for the first time, you’re likely going to chase after that feeling again and again. It’s a big reason for why people get hung up on their first love long after the relationship has ended.

“Since the first love often feels intense, it could lead to someone believing that they loved their first more than others,” April Davis, matchmaker and founder of LUMA – Luxury Matchmaking, tells Bustle. They’ll long for the intense feelings they had when they were in their past relationship and look for that feeling in everyone they meet after. When they don’t find it, they might find themselves looking to rekindle things with their ex.

But according to Davis, your first love isn’t always going to be your best or deepest love. “You might have actually loved your second or third love more, but what you remember about the first is that intensity,” Davis says. “That could translate to you feeling that you loved that person more in your memory.”

Your first love will affect all your relationships after because of what it teaches you. For instance, you’ll learn for the first time that you can be wanted and desired. You’ll also learn how you want to be treated by another person. When you end the relationship, you’ll learn what heartbreak feels like.

“There are so many teaching moments that you come across while in love for the first time,” Davis says. “As time goes by with new loves, you can still learn new things, but it’s more about tweaking things you already learned.”

Just because your first love is hard to forget, it doesn’t mean that it’s the only true love you’ll ever have. For some people it might be. But for others, it’s a learning experience. These are just the reasons why that first relationship is so hard to forget.

 

 

19 Things Unhappy People Do

Everyone has their off days, but why cause more negativity if you can avoid it? If you work on thinking positively about yourself and others, you will be that much closer to being your happiest self. Below are 19 things unhappy people do that we should all try to avoid.

Steer Clear of these Losers…

 

Fucking Number 9!

 

1. They worry about things they can’t change

We are all guilty sometimes of wondering what might have been if we had chosen or acted differently. But in most cases, this is a dead-end street. Unhappy people tend to brood about the “could’ve, should’ve, would’ves” of life, but it’s important not to worry about things we can’t change; instead, we should learn from our mistakes and simply try to do better next time! We may even end up being happy that we made some mistakes.

2. They give up when things get too hard

Unhappy people tend to back down when they are presented with a challenge. It’s easy to throw in the towel when things seem like a lost cause, but powering through and persevering will usually yield good results. Giving up just leaves you feeling defeated. Regardless of the outcome, following through boosts confidence and reassures us that when all is said and done, we did everything we could to make it happen!

3. They take themselves too seriously

People who take themselves too seriously tend to take life too seriously in general. If you are able to take a step back and laugh at yourself and the absurdity of life every now and then, things won’t seem so dire.

4. They never exercise

Exercise has countless mental and physical benefits. The more you exercise, the better you feel about yourself and the more likely you are to live a healthy lifestyle. Ditching exercise for a more sedentary way of life can have an overall negative effect on mood, health, and happiness. Here are some workouts that match different moods!

5. They set unattainable goals for themselves

We all know that setting goals for ourselves is important; it’s the only way to get things done! But it can be a problem when the goals are unrealistic and unreachable. While we think it’s great to always reach for the stars, people who hold themselves to impossible standards will be left feeling disappointed if they don’t succeed. The key is to set small and attainable goals for yourself, and you will feel great when you meet and even exceed them. Remember — nobody is perfect!

6. They eat unhealthy foods often

Everyone has their guilty food pleasure, and we fully support the occasional indulgence. However, unhappy people tend to let their indulgences become their habits. Eating healthy foods can lift your mood, give you more energy, and improve your physical health. Plus, there are so many great healthy recipes out there to try.

7. They don’t get enough sleep

Sleep is essential! The amount of sleep you get corresponds with how happy and productive you are the next day. You may think that putting in that extra hour of work is a good idea, but nine times of out 10, work — and most other things! — should take the backseat to a good night’s sleep. Check out some good bedtime habits to aid your beauty sleep.

8. They focus on their weaknesses, not their strengths

We all have our insecurities — the key is to embrace the good and try not to focus on the bad. Self-improvement is important, but unhappy people tend to dwell too much on their weaknesses instead of working on having a positive self-image. We should recognize our flaws and own them but never let them hold us back!

9. They spend too much time on social media

These days people lay out their whole lives online, and there are many drawbacks to this kind of social media over-share. For one, we can spend too much time comparing ourselves to other people. It’s great that your friend just got a new job, got married, or had a baby, but it’s OK that you are at a different — and just as important — part of your life. It’s a good idea to take a step away from the screen and get some perspective. Unhappy people tend to get caught up in social media and worry too much about how they appear to other people, which can have a negative effect on how they view themselves.

10. They stay in their comfort zones

It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones where we feel safe and where the potential for risk is low. But staying there too long means we may be missing out on some great things in life. A huge contributing factor to unhappiness is boredom — and this can be easily remedied by trying new things and taking some risks! We don’t necessarily mean that you should drop everything and go skydiving, but maybe try a new type of food, go see a show that sounds unusual, or take a weekend trip somewhere that you’ve never been.

11. They worry about what other people think

Unhappy people tend to care too much what people think. At the end of the day, there is only so much you can do to please other people, so what matters most is loving yourself.

12. They gossip or speak negatively about others

If you can’t say something nice, then there is no reason to say anything at all. People who are unhappy sometimes try to bring other people down in order to make themselves better, but this never works! A better remedy is to lift others up and work on feeling great.

13. They work too much

Everyone deserves a mental health day! People who work too much can often neglect their needs, and sometimes all you need is a day to take a break from work and focus on yourself.

14. They isolate themselves

When things get tough, it’s easy to withdraw from the people who care about you. But spending time with close friends and family when you’re unhappy is actually a great way to feel better. Sometimes being with people can take our minds off whatever is bringing us down, so surrounding ourselves with people who love us most is a great way to turn things around.

15. They never indulge themselves

Happy people know that it’s important to take a vacation, splurge on a new outfit, or enjoy a spa day now and then. People who aren’t happy sometimes forget that taking care of themselves is just as important as taking care of others. Make sure to treat yourself!

16. They’re OK with settling

People who are unhappy often stay in their comfort zones and are content to settle for things. Whether it’s staying stuck in a relationship that isn’t making us happy or settling for one job when we have our eye on another one, staying in ruts can make us feel like our lives have plateaued. Happy people work to get themselves out of these ruts and make the changes needed to start heading in the direction they want to be going.

17. They refuse to forgive

Unhappy people tend to hold on to grudges, but there is freedom and peace in letting go of things and offering forgiveness to yourself and others.

18. They avoid planning and organization

Disorganization can leave people feeling like their lives are in a state of disarray. Even if it is something as simple as rearranging your room or trying out these DIY organization hacks, restoring order can help you feel like you have regained a measure of control over things. Unhappy people who avoid organization and planning ahead tend to be less prepared to deal with life’s twists and turns.

19. They focus only on themselves

While caring for yourself is essential, unhappy people tend to only think of themselves. Treating others unkindly or constantly focusing on yourself and your own problems can be harmful to your well-being and happiness. It’s amazing what a little bit of kindness and looking at the bigger picture can do for the soul!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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These Boyfriends Reveal What They Do When Their Gf’s Mad At Them And It’s Brilliant

 

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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6 Ways To Get ANY Guy You Want (For Real, Ladies!)

Thank us later.

We’ve all heard about the powers of feminine wiles, but not every lady knows how to use them. Luckily, we have access to the top flirting experts in the country, so we’ll tell you exactly what to do.

We had the chance to get flirting tips from dateologist Tracey Steinberg at the first-ever Single In Stilettos conference — basically, a haven for single gals to find out what’s cooking in the world of love and learn the latest dating tips.

When you’ve mastered these tricks, you will become a true pickup artist and learn how to flirt with men successfully. And what better way to show off your skills than by turning your next girls’ night out into a flirting frenzy?

Steinberg defines flirting as playful communication which both parties enjoy. It should involve a lot of body language and minimal thinking.

I, despite having a boyfriend, like to practice my flirting techniques during my daily commute. There’s nothing that boosts your confidence for the rest of the day like getting compliments before breakfast.

But before you head into the night to find your male victims, you have to prepare your inner persona as well as your outward appearance. Here are six steps Steinberg claims will help you get any man you want, all while flirting.

1. Think of a woman who could get any man she wants.

Think: Angelina Jolie. Try to mimic her best qualities and appearance. But your outfit should only be 20 to 30 percent sexy (like Salma Hayek, not Courtney Love) or guys may get the wrong impression.

2. Send yourself good thoughts.

Steinberg recommends using positive affirmations like “I’m a sexy woman” five times a day.

3. Go out to places crawling with men.

 

Once you and your friends have this part down, it’s time to show up where the men are (we recommend sporting events, gyms and the park).

4. Don’t hit on every man who catches your eye.

Surprisingly, the majority of male-female interactions are initiated by the woman, Steinberg says. Now, this doesn’t mean you should hit on every hot guy you see. Be discerning.

5. Don’t forget that starting a conversation includes physical signals.

 

The killer move is to make eye contact, linger and smile. This lets the guy across the room know that you’re interested, and that he won’t get rejected if he gives you a try (yes, men need their ego stroked).

6. Keep the conversation light by sticking to topics like the music and the drinks.

Save the life-story questions for the first date.

So gather a group of girls and make it a flirting party. You can even make it a game by picking out guys for each other and counting the numbers you scored at the end of the night. Who knows, the love of your life could be in that pile of digits.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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11 Science-Backed Flirting Tips That Make You More Attractive

You’re welcome.

If your flirting skills are lacking, it’s time to step it up. This is, of course, if you’re looking to procure a mate. And you are, aren’t you? Isn’t everyone? Well, the thing about flirting in that whole finding a boyfriend or girlfriend department is that it works.

Studies show that not only does flirting help in the dating department, but flirting and being able to do it well are far more effective than your excessive good looks.

After conducting research regarding flirting in places where people go looking for love, psychologist Dr. Monica Moore found that “it’s not the most physically appealing people who get approached, but the ones who signal their availability and confidence through basic flirting techniques like eye contact and smiles.”

Easy peasy, right? Here are some other interesting facts about flirting and seduction that you didn’t know, but probably should.

1. There are five types of flirting.

You may have thought that a subtle arm touch or a wink might be the extent of flirting, but you’re wrong. According to the University of Kansas, there are actually five types of flirting: traditional, physical, sincere, playful and polite. While 25 percent of flirting falls into the playful category, 30 percent is intended to sincerely lure a mate into our web of desire.

2. Eye contact makes you more attractive.

Once you get that whole smiling thing down, go in for some eye contact. Not only is it a major signal that you’re interested, but eye contact can go as far as making someone even more attracted to you than they would have been. Studies have found that a “mutual unbroken gaze for two minutes with a stranger” leads to “increased feelings of passionate love.”

3. Women who touch while flirting get more dates.

While men need to play it cool when it comes to this one, if women lay it on thick, it will reel in the dates. There are three levels of touching: friendly (shoulder push or tap), plausible deniability (touching around the shoulder or waist, or on the forearm), and nuclear, which is the face touch.

When you can, without being creepy, go nuclear. Is everyone taking notes?

4. Playing hard to get really does work.

Yep, it’s true, and the studies can back it up. Making yourself appear to be a “scarce resource worth having” while maintaining your interest is the ticket. People want what they can’t have.

5. Men don’t consider age to be a factor.

When it comes to a playful night out with the ladies and flirting just for fun, 83 percent of guys say they don’t care how old (or young) you might be. And when it comes to a good time, age doesn’t weigh too heavily for dudes.

6. The sexier your voice, the better your chances.

Men don’t do so great when it comes to turning on the sexy voice, but women have all the advantages in that category. Along with being able to successfully manipulate our voices, if we’re interested we tend to talk smoothly and quickly. If we’re meh on the situation, our speech ends up being hesitant and awkward.

7. Angling your head can also determine how you come across.

Scientists at the University of Newcastle in Australia have found that you’re most alluring when you angle your head forward, so you’re forced to look ever-so-slightly upward. This creates a more feminine look, and we know how guys dig that.

Men, in order to look more masculine and more attractive to women, you’re going to tilt your head back and look a bit down your nose. Don’t go overboard and cross your eyes, though.

8. Wearing red is more attention-grabbing.

Whether you choose red lips or a red dress, the color red will bring all eyes to you. The red dress effect not only helps in attention-getting, but also makes women appear more open to sexual advances. This may or may not be what you want, but it’s something to consider before going out on the prowl.

9. Being direct is better than using cheesy pickup lines.

While women prefer boring opening lines that lack pizzazz, men want women who are direct. There’s nothing sexier than knowing what you want; however, both men and women agree that “cute” pickup lines are just awful.

10. It has amazing health benefits.

Weird, right? But those who get their flirt on and do so regularly are walking around with higher white blood cell counts, which means they’re really, really healthy.

11. It’s illegal in some places.

To engage in “lascivious banter” in Little Rock, Arkansas could lead to 30 days in jail, and in New York City, men can be fined $25 every time they “gaze suggestively” at a woman. Can you imagine what that fine would do to the endless catcalling and suggestive gazing that goes on in NYC?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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