When Dating Someone You’re Friendly With, Remember These 9 Things

I’m friendly with a lot of people, and it’s mostly fun. Sometimes, when I get worn out on Tinder (two seconds into swiping), I think “why not just date someone I already know?” Surely I could scour my social networks for one person who wanted to go on a date with me (don’t argue with me on this, please, I beg you). There are a few things to keep in mind before dating someone you’re friendly with, and I made a list of them for you.

While I love the idea of going on a date with someone I’m already friendly with, I know it comes with a few extra things to think about. Dating someone you’ve never met before also has its challenges, to be fair. But do keep in mind that you already know the other person, so you already know some facts and info about them that you’ll have to be mindful of as you date them. You’re friendly with them for a reason, which is that you like them as a person, so don’t be afraid to get involved with someone you’re friendly with (if that’s what you want).

 

1. YOU MIGHT RUN INTO THEM A LOT

Maybe they’re in your circle of friends. Maybe you see them regularly at work or the gym or your favorite bar. You’ve become friendly with them because you’ve met them at least a few times before, so you could run into them again. If you’re afraid of seeing someone you’re dating (or have dated) in the real world, keep this in mind before dating someone you’re friendly with.

2. YOU ALREADY KNOW FACTS ABOUT THEM

When you date someone who you’re already friendly with, there’s a lot about them you already know. You might know where they’re from, what they do, and — possibly — who they’ve dated before. This is all totally fine and normal, but it does mean that the first date isn’t a get-to-know-you as much as a let’s-make-conversation, so you’ll have to keep that in mind when dating someone you’re friendly with.

3. YOU COULD LOSE A FRIEND

Breakups happen, and if the person you’re interested in dating is a friend, you do run the risk of that friendship ending. Of course, many couples break up and remain friends (and there’s no guarantee you’ll break up), but adding another layer to the friendship (a romantic layer, like the middle of a red velvet cake) does mean the underlying friendship could be at risk later on.

4. THEY MIGHT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS

They might be friends with a lot of your friends, which is how you got to know them in the first place. This doesn’t mean they’ll tell your friends anything bad about you, but they might casually slip to your friends that the two of you are seeing each other. If you’re on the private side and like to wait a bit before sharing things with your friends (and the mutual friends you have might not be your closest friends), this is something to keep in mind.

5. YOU HAVE TO SHIFT HOW YOU SEE EACH OTHER

You’ve seen each other in a friendly way before. Maybe you’ve had a little crush (hence why you’re now starting to date), but it hasn’t yet become romantic. The two of you will have to shift your perceptions to see each other as potential romantic or sexual partners (which is totally doable, it’s just something to think about beforehand).

6. YOU COULD LEARN YOU DON’T LIKE THEM

I’ve had guys I’ve seen around and exchanged a few sentences with every now and then, and I would have told you I had crushes on them. Sometimes, a small interaction is all it takes. But sometimes you have a longer interaction and realize they’re not actually someone you want to date. Try to consider this if you’re going to start dating a person you’re already friendly with — it’s OK for your feelings to change, but it might be easier if you’re ready for it.

7. THEY MAY HAVE IDEAS ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

When you go on a first date, you might want to feel like you have a clean slate. If you’re already friendly with the other person, they could have a preconceived idea about who you are, such as assuming you’re very serious when they just haven’t seen your silly side yet, and this can change the date. As long as the two of you are open to getting to know each other in an honest sense, this won’t be an issue, but it’s something to think about beforehand.

8. THEY MAY ALREADY HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA

Is your Instagram or Twitter private? Mine isn’t, but many times, I’ve wished it were. I don’t love going on a first date with someone who’s seen my “content” (dog pics, poop occasionally included) ahead of time, but it happens. If you’re friendly with someone, you might be following each other on all social media platforms, private or not. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just more information that they know about you that may or may not represent the real you, so keep it in mind before the date.

9. YOUR FRIENDS COULD HAVE AN OPINION ON IT

My friends sometimes have an opinion on who I date based strictly on a few Tinder screenshots, so if I go out with someone they already know, they’re pretty ready to chime in. This can be really helpful because if they like the person, they’ll be extra supportive, but you should try to be ready for other outcomes too.

Dating someone you’re friendly with can be a really fun experience. You’re friendly because you like each other’s vibe and maybe you have some hobbies in common that cause you to run into each other. As long as you can put aside preconceived ideas about who the other person is and accept them for who they are, you can have a great experience. So don’t be afraid put down the apps and go have a blast with someone you already know!

 

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How To Ask A New Partner If They Have An STI (Without It Being Weird) – Part 2

Don’t just ask “have you been tested?”

Unfortunately, the tried and true method of asking “have you been tested?” doesn’t always give you complete information, since not everyone gets the same STI tests, not all STIs can be tested for, and many people are confused about interpreting their results.

It doesn’t need to be a great deal more complicated than that, though. Just follow the question up with some specifics, Manduley said.

“Some of the information you should consider asking is what STIs they were tested for, what the results were (and if anything came back positive, if they completed treatment for it), when that last test date was, and what protection they’ve used in sex since then.”

Don’t think, “we’re using a condom, we’re good!”

If you’re using a condom, you’re playing it a lot safer than those who rely on the pullout method alone. But just because you slipped on a rubber doesn’t mean you’re free and clear. (Sorry!)

As Huizenga told us, condoms alone are effective at preventing STIs that are transmitted through bodily fluids, like gonorrhea and chlamydia, but they provide less protection against those that spread through skin-to-skin contact, like human papillomavirus (genital warts), genital herpes and syphilis.

He tells patients who are single or have multiple partners to get comprehensive screenings done on a yearly or biyearly basis.

That makes having the pre-sex talk so much easier; If you’ve been recently tested, you can offer up your own test results to normalize the experience or make your partner feel less shy about doing it themselves.

“When partners fully disclose STD status ― even exchanging recent lab testing ― it provides clear informed consent on multiple levels,” Huizenga said. “In the spirit of honesty, equality and transparency, I think both partners should exchange this information prior to intimacy.”

If the person says, “I’m not sure,” aim for the highest level of protection you can manage.

If your partner’s response to questions about STIs is along the lines of, “hmm, I’m not sure,” protect yourself as much as possible. That might mean postponing sex ― that can be sexy in itself ― or using as many relevant barriers and forms of protection as possible. Maybe you don’t go “all the way,” but hey, some of the way is still loads of fun.

“If they’re not sure, you might use internal condoms, external condoms, dental dams, gloves or have sex that offers a lower risk profile ― something that limits fluid exchange and limits contact between mucous membranes,” Manduley said.

If this is a more long-term thing, Manduley suggests getting tested together. But in the heat of the moment, keep your response casual and relaxed.

“You can say something like, ‘thanks for telling me!’ and then segue into another activity,” Manduley said. “For example, ‘Well, since you’re not sure, I don’t think you should come in my mouth, but I would love it if you came on my chest,’ or ‘Since you’re not sure, let’s play it safe this time and only use our hands. I can’t wait to touch you.’”

Take a deep breath: This conversation is probably going to go over better than you think.

This is obviously a heavy, potentially uncomfortable topic, but if handled with casualness and tact, it’ll probably play out a lot smoother than you expect. (Plus, major brownie points for being so sexually responsible.)

“Shockingly, I have had patient after patient tell me how surprised they were about how well received these open pre-sex talk was by prospective partners,” Huizenga said. “Counterintuitively, it didn’t kill the mood, it actually made them more, not less, sexually desirable.”

 

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How To Ask A New Partner If They Have An STI (Without It Being Weird) – Part 1

We get it: No one likes to talk about sexually transmitted infections. If things are getting hot and heavy, nothing tosses a bucket of cold water over a sexual encounter quite like saying “STI.”

But in the age of super gonorrhea, it’s super important we have these conversations. Last year, we heard the first reports of super gonorrhea, a strain of the disease so gnarly it’s resistant to the antibiotic drugs usually prescribed to treat it. Oh, joy.

That’s not the only STI you have to worry about. The U.S. has the highest STI rates in the industrialized world, and it’s only getting worse. Nearly 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were diagnosed in the U.S. in 2017, surpassing the record set in 2016 by more than 200,000, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported in August. (FYI: We’re using STI here as opposed to STD because not all sexually transmitted infections turn into a disease.)

“It’s scary because a shockingly high percentage of Americans know little, if anything, about STDs and STIs,” said Robert Huizenga, a physician and the author of “Sex, Lies and STDS.” “Few people have any idea what early STD symptoms to look out for, even if symptoms do occur, because many STDs present with no symptoms.”

How are we going to get our abysmal STI rates down if we don’t feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about our sexual health with our partners?

Part of the blame for the uptick in STIs lies in our incredibly lax use of contraceptives. A 2017 National Health Statistics Report found that condom use in the U.S. has declined among sexually active young people, with many opting to use the pullout method instead.

The rate of men who say they use withdrawal ― pulling out a partner’s vagina before ejaculating ― increased from about 10% in 2002 to 19% by 2015, according to a recent study published by the National Center for Health Statistics.

Half-assed methods of protection aside, we’re also dealing with a lack of transparency and conversation about STIs. How are we going to get our abysmal STI rates down if we don’t feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about our sexual health with our partners?

Ideally, your new S.O. or hookup buddy will alert you to any hiccups in their sexual history before you have to bring it up. (If you have an STI, we wrote a very helpful primer on how to tell your partner about it, which you can read here.)

But in the event that they don’t, it’s 100% worth speaking up. Below, sexual health educators share their best advice on how to broach the subject in a way that isn’t a total mood killer.

Ideally, bring it up before things start to heat up.

If you have the luxury of time ― say, you’ve been dating this person for a bit and have yet to have sex ― have this convo before you get naked. Avoid any potential awkwardness by employing the “sandwich method” of communication: Share something positive about your budding relationship, then share something you’re worried about (cough, cough STIs), then follow it up with another positive.

“Maybe you start by telling them how much you like them,” said Janet Brito, a psychologist and sex therapist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health in Honolulu. “Then, say something like ’I really value our relationship, and want to take it to the next level. Do you, too?’”

If they agree, say something like, “Great … I’m a little nervous about having this conversation, but maybe we should talk a little bit about our sexual health, like when was the last time we each were tested?”

Don’t end the train of thought there, though. “Tell them, ‘The last thing I want to do is to kill the mood in the moment. I find you really attractive and really want to do this.’” Brito suggested.

At this point, hopefully, the rest of the conversation will be smooth sailing.

Go into the conversation with this mindset: STIs are incredibly common, so avoid shame-filled language when you bring it up.

If we talk about STIs at all, it’s usually as the punchline for a stupid joke or headlines about “herp alerts at Coachella.” The jokes and puns not only stigmatize those with STIs, they downplay how incredibly common the infections are.

More than one in six adults in the U.S. are living with herpes, according to the CDC, and one in two sexually active persons will contract an STI in their lifetime.

With that knowledge, broach the conversation without using shame-filled language, said Boston sex educator Aida Manduley.

“Asking your partner ‘are you clean?’ shames people for getting infections,” she said. “Regardless of why or how they got infected, STI stigma is terrible for public health.”

Instead, Manduley recommends saying something like, “I’m so ready to have sex with you, and I want to figure out what type of protection we should use before we start!”

“These conversations don’t have to be super serious and sterile,” she said. “Feel free to make them juicy, weird, funny, whatever works for you. And if you’re nervous, practice beforehand so it sounds more natural in the heat of the moment.”

 

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Is It a Bad Idea to Get Back With an Ex? Here’s What Relationship Experts Have to Say

I’m back with my ex, Mack. But it actually feels like we just met.

I originally met him when I was 21 years old and living far away from the West Coast in Chicago. That was the first time we dated. We reunited almost a year ago in San Francisco. It turns out, a lot changed in the time we were apart. Our bodies were different. Our personalities were more evolved.

When we were younger we spent hours together, listening to music and lounging at my apartment, talking forever. He would wait for me to finish my college newspaper job and walk me home from the office in the middle of the night. I remember feeling flattered when he asked me to meet his father and step-mother.

Then, he went on tour. He came back and he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I was graduating early and moving to Los Angeles in a few weeks. It wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t super dramatic, just sad. We broke up in a cafeteria.

We said goodbye at a party months later. My friend had thrown the party for me during my final hours in Chicago, and it was a pleasant surprise to see him there. I didn’t know that I wouldn’t see him again for nearly 10 years.

I was the one who initially reached out a decade later. I sent him an email and asked him how he was doing.

I was hesitant to reach out. I didn’t know if he had the same email address anymore. I figured he probably had a life going on, but I felt optimistic about catching up with him and having a conversation again. I asked him how he was doing. I told him I was coming up to San Francisco on a work assignment, and that I’d love to see him. He responded the next day and said he’d love to see me, too. When it got closer to my trip, we started texting. Then we didn’t stop texting until I stepped out of an Uber and saw him again.

He was still hot. Same big smile. Same big eyes. Same scratchy voice and hairy chest. He was so warm and welcoming. I immediately knew I was in trouble, and that this was a real crush. He watched me eat a taco. He kept staring at me. We talked about all the things that happened during the last decade.

The good thing is, years later, we were able to find humor in all the messed up stuff we did the first time around. But we were also honest about it. It was raw. It was the sexiest, most real conversation I’d ever had with a man.

We’ve always had a lot in common, from our Arabic names to the fact that we’re from the same tribe and religion in Lebanon. We have a background that connects to who we are both spiritually and culturally. Our culture, in so many ways, is an important bond, from the food we eat to the way we speak Frablish—English-French-Arabic in our own language together.

The next day, I knew I wanted him to be part of my life. He wanted me to be part of his.

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So… Should you get back with an ex?

“It depends, and it’s not as easy as if it’s a good idea or bad idea,” says Hillary McBride, a psychotherapist and researcher.

While McBride cannot provide advice to people she is not in a therapeutic relationship with, she did suggest stepping back and asking yourself a few questions:

“I recommend asking: Who is the ex? Why did you break up? Have the issues that caused the break up been resolved? Are you getting back together because you learned something about yourself, and feel differently? Or because you’re lonely? Do we feel pressured? Do we actually want to be together, or is it just hard to meet someone new? Do we know how to sit with our sense of sadness about the relationship ending, or not?”

If you’ve answered these questions honestly and feel like you’re approaching the reunion with a healthy mindset…

Start with communication.

“Ask yourself and the other person what’s different between now and when you were together last, and what the plan is to make changes if that is necessary,” McBride says. “If need be, it could be a good idea for each person, if appropriate, to take ownership of the mistakes they made previously. Think about being able to identify how you want things to be different this time.”

This was something really difficult to discuss: how our breakup hurt my feelings, and how we never truly talked about what had happened between us. Those were tough conversations, but we had them—even though they were deeply painful. Each discussion has helped us build more trust and a stronger relationship.

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“It can feel so good to be with someone who understands us, who we have a history with, but we end up getting stuck in the same old patterns, and it’s not healthy for us to be together,” McBride says. “So, having intentional, thoughtful, sober, conversations about being together can help mitigate some of the pull we feel towards people who we have some measure of comfort with.”

During those difficult conversations, focus on “I” statements about your emotions, and don’t sling judgments or accusations, she says.

Saying I feel fear about what could happen instead of I feel that you’re going to hurt me again “can help us communicate in ways that don’t trigger the other person’s defensiveness,” McBride says.

She recommends counseling to help work out the kinks and set new goals. That way you can create something different than what you had before.

Listen to the people around you, too.

“I would definitely check in with a friend or family member who may have been familiar with the previous relationship and get some feedback about whether they think it is a good idea or not,” says Shane Birkel, LMFT and Host of the Couples Therapist Couch podcast.

In my case, I checked with a best friend, my college roommate Elaina. Her impression was that I was happy with him back then.

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On making your relationship work with your ex:

Here’s some good news: Timing may work in your favor.

“Sometimes when couples are younger they just aren’t mature enough yet to have a serious, adult relationship,” Birkel says. “Meeting again when they are older might be better timing for them.”

That was the exact case with Mack and me. When I talked to my boyfriend before writing this article, that continually came up. We weren’t ready for each other. We had family messes and traumatic events we needed to heal from that truly prevented us from having healthy relationships at that age. We weren’t where we needed to be until now.

“After so many years, I would look at this situation as though you were starting a new relationship,” Birkel says. “Just because you might have dated for a year in the past, don’t expect the other person to be ready to dive right back in. Show up and act in ways that are trustworthy, respectful and kind.”

In my case, we’ve been together almost a year. He’s lived in San Francisco. I’ve lived in Los Angeles. We see each other about every six weeks or so. We make it work. It feels new. And in June, we won’t do long distance anymore. Almost 10 years later, we’ll be together in the same place again. No goodbyes, just goodnights.

Nicole Charky Nicole Charky is a journalist and producer based in Los Angeles, California.

 

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This dating app wants you to rate men-and hold them accountable

After swiping through Tinder and Bumble for a couple of years, 44-year-old Dave Brandner started noticing a recurring theme: Women were deeply frustrated with online dating and tired of being harassed. “I was reading about it in women’s profiles and hearing about it on dates,” Brandner, who’s based in Minneapolis, told the Daily Dot. “The three core frustrations I kept hearing about were profile misrepresentation, lewd and rude messaging, and then lack of follow-through.”

Flakiness, poor communication, and generally annoying behavior are fairly common across many dating apps, but women looking to meet men online face a number of risks far beyond a mildly annoying exchange. Sexual harassment, abuse, and doxxing are pervasive and widespread problems, yet many dating apps fail to provide adequate accountability mechanisms to prevent this kind of harassment before it starts. Though newer dating apps like Vibe offer creative approaches like video messaging to create a safer space for women, and others like Hinge match users based on mutual friends, Brandner felt these apps were missing one critical feature—a rating system.

Brandner, who previously ran a frozen yogurt business in Saint Paul, is now the CEO of Plum. The dating app, which will officially launch next month, allows women-seeking-men and men-seeking-men to rate their matches on three non-physical, character-based components using a strictly numerical system. Women are eligible to use the rating feature one time per match, and only after communication begins. Men who download Plum start with a five-star rating, like Uber and Lyft drivers, and can track their score side-by-side against the app average in the categories of profile authenticity, communication, and follow-through. “It’s a benchmark, so you can see how you’re stacking up against the competition,” Brandner said. “We’re kind of saying, ‘Men, let’s step up our game.’”

While enticing men to be kind as a competitive sport might seem counter-intuitive, Brandner emphasized that Plum’s primary goal is tackling sexual harassment. “Oftentimes, matches are made on dating apps that don’t result in dates, but there’s communication, and that’s were a lot of this harassment takes place.” Brandner believes men will think twice before sending hostile or lewd messages when they know their communication will be rated.

Plum isn’t the first or only dating app that lets women rate men, but previous attempts have been flawed. The Grade is a “female-friendly” app that allows both men and women to rate each other using a letter grade system, but as Brandner pointed out, a user with a low grade might not be motivated to stick around. The Lulu app began as a platform for women to anonymously rate the men they dated, including details about their physical appearance. This comment-based format proved to be controversial, facing backlash from critics who believed the app raised legal concerns, and men who simply didn’t like the idea that women were talking about them. Though the app no longer exists in its original form, it invited a cultural dialogue about the physical, life-or-death risks women face when they join an online dating app that extend far beyond an encounter with a date who talks too much or dresses poorly.

“As women, we’re always looking out for our safety, and whenever you go on a date or meet a stranger online or on an app, there’s always that question in your head: ‘Is this person safe? Am I going to get murdered?’” Plum advisory board member Alexandra Tweten told the Daily Dot. “I think it’s something that all women think about, and I think it’s important to have resources for checking people’s backgrounds and checking people out.”

And yet it’s unclear if any dating app is equipped to tackle the deep-seated behavioral patterns that contribute to sexual harassment and prevent abusive men from gaming the system. Or if a rating system could actually keep women safer once they’re actually on a date. According to Cleo Stiller, a Peabody Award-nominated health reporter and author of the soon-to-be-published book Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today, developing a product offering a long-term solution requires in-depth research to support Brandner’s theory, as well as collaboration with anti-harassment experts and organizations. “In theory, of course, this is a good idea, but keeping a fair system of checks and balances, protecting identity—this takes a lot of input from experts,” Stiller told the Daily Dot.

While some might be skeptical of a man creating an anti-harassment app for women, Plum’s founding CEO was journalist and author Jenna Birch, who worked with Brandner early in the app’s development to ensure it would avoid common dating app traps like “resume dating” that Birch uncovered while writing The Love Gap, a research-based guide to online dating. Brandner also brought on lead developer Mamta Yadav, who wrote 75% of the app’s code.

Tweten caught Birch’s attention through her Instagram account @byefelipe, where Tweten posts screenshots of messages from men who become hostile after being rejected or ignored on dating apps as a way to hold them accountable for their behavior. Birch was impressed by Tweten’s mission and offered her a seat on the board. Though Birch has since chosen to step down from her role as CEO to focus on her work as a freelance journalist, she has stayed on as a member of the advisory board, which includes the editor in chief of Cosmopolitan and Women’s Health, Michele Promaulayko.

“I’ve really been wanting to see a dating app where there’s some accountability,” said Tweten. “I think Plum is that app, because women are able to rate the men after they talk to them, so hopefully men will be on their best behavior, knowing that there’s another person on the other end.”

Tweten is one of the 520 people (342 women and 178 men) who downloaded the private beta version of the app, and so far, she’s a fan. She believes a rating system like Plum’s could serve as an essential tool for keeping women safe on dating apps. “I’ve gone on so many dates with guys where I found out they had very toxic behaviors, and I wanted to let other women know not to date that guy, or wished there was some way that I could let other people know, ‘Hey, this guy is bad news,’” Tweten said. “A lot of these guys can be very charming and they wouldn’t necessarily give off red flags before you get involved with them.”

Brandner believes a built-in rating system could make dating apps safer for women by offering a user base of generally well-intentioned men, who in turn might enjoy a more rewarding user experience. “For men, the benefit to getting on Plum is you can stand out for your character. This is not ‘hot or not,’” Brandner explained. “You get boosted in the algorithm based on your rating. The higher the rating, the higher the algorithm you’re placed which can lead to more matches.”

As for Brandner himself, he currently has a 4.4 rating on his own dating app. His profile is a standout in the categories of communication and follow-through, but he’s currently dating someone who also uses the app and doesn’t plan to meet any of his matches in person—leaving the category of “profile authenticity” blank. Granted, these ratings are preliminary since the app doesn’t officially launch until June.

While it may be too early to predict whether an app like Plum can compete with dating app giants like Tinder and Bumble for widespread influence on dating culture, Brandner said it’s a step toward positive, lasting change. “We’re hopeful that women will shift their business now to a platform where they’re going to get a better, more respectful user experience, and that men, in turn, are going to follow,” Brandner said. “This is an app that women will have every reason to come join.”

 

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16 people share the sexiest traits that have nothing to do with looks. Love isn’t built in the gym

Turns out, there’s more to falling in love than just a bangin’ bod.

Even in the age of constant Tinder dates, people still care about personality. This is great news! There can’t be a relationship without good conversation and overall chemistry regardless of how Kardashian-like your waist-to-hip ratio is. People are still attracted to someone with a good sense of humor, a passion for what they do, drive, and generosity. Maybe there is hope for the future despite Instagram.

When a recent Reddit thread asked users, “What non-physical attribute immediately makes someone attractive to you?” the internet was ready to offer up their best non-booty related advice. Maybe we should all skip obsessing over arm muscle reps and perfect contour and read the news? Who knew?

1. This is key, “catfishfighter.”

Has their own shit going on. Hobbies, ambitions, ideas.

2. For sure, “cursedapplesauce.”

Sharing experiences and opening up to me. If someone feels confident enough with me to tell me more about his/her life, secrets, thoughts and struggles, I feel so grateful for this trust I just can’t.

3. Yes, “EmpZurg__”

An inappropriately goofy sense of humor.

4. Absolutely, “Ronotrow.”

Kindness

5. This is hardcore, but yes “BearilynMonroe.”

Competence.

I don’t care what it is you’re competent at — just show me that you are. You know your job, or your craft, or your hobby; you’ve spent time learning the ins and outs, and you do your shit well. You are still learning. You want always to improve. Always to grow. And when you’re here to do the thing, you’re motherfucking Here to Do the Thing.

6. Absolutely, “ReiMizere.”

The ability to actually listen what the person is saying to you, as opposed to wait your turn to talk.

7. Don’t be late, “Rambo7112.”

Good logistics.

I know that sounds odd, but if a girl says she’ll meet me somewhere at a certain time and shows up on time, it shows that I’m worth her time.

If she can’t make it, tells me before hand, and specifically reschedules, that’s shows she cares.

After having people tell me they’ll meet me at a certain time and then tell me they can’t make it 45 minutes later, good logistics are gr8.

8. Funny people are hot as hell, “1JustAnotherPerson1.”

Humor, legit male or female funny people are attractive.

9. Aw, “Eight216.”

Authenticity….? But not in a goodie two-shoes kinda way. More like someone who just is who they are, faults and all… Like I went on a date with this girl and i paid her a compliment. She blushed a little, said “ooh stop it” and then motiones for me to continue saying nice things. Still makes me smile but of course at the time my idiot self was speechless because I found her so damn charming

10. Keep up, “expertBJrecipient.”

Wit. A woman who can beat me to the punch for a joke is so, so sexy

11. This should probably be a given, “kitskill.”

When people are genuinely interested in you and what you have to say. Knocks me flat.

Can’t be faked either.

12. 100%, “mochikitstune.”

Passion – not like lovemaking but as in passion for something. Passion for plants, writing, cooking, etc anything really. There are some I don’t find as endearing as others but to see someone eith a sparkle in their eyes as they talk about their passion is very attractive.

13. Cuddling is great, “mekankistik.”

Being a good cuddler. Cuddles are important. Mandatory even. I have known a few people who just can’t stand them, and that is a major turn off.

14. Too real, “RustyWood86.”

Intelligence. I don’t care how good looking or well off you are, if you can’t form complete sentences you’re ugly to me.

15. Where is this person, “CaminoGypsy.”

A desire for continuous learning and trying new things, combined with a dark, yet witty sense of humor is the most attractive trait I have ever witnessed in a human.

16. Critically important, “nsandbrai.”

Closes mouth when eating

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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If Your Relationship Is On Its Last Leg, You’ll Notice These 9 Signs

One from a female reader…

Read on to find nine signs that your relationship might be on its last legs.

1. BOTH OF YOU HAVE STOPPED MAKING AN EFFORT

If you’ve both stopped making an effort to connect, the relationship may be nearing the end. What’s a sign of making less effort? “When you eat meals together and can’t muster a conversation because you’re not interested in doing so, or you’re annoyed at the other person and the way they chew sends you into fits of annoyance,” Relationship and etiquette expert April Masini tells Elite Daily. Not making an effort to even chat over dinner could be a sign the relationship is on its last legs.

Maybe you start by telling small white lies, but pretty soon you’re giving your partner completely inaccurate accounts of where you’ve been all day. It’s OK to have secrets, but frequent lying could be a sign that you’re not comfortable in the relationship and want it to be over.

 

Bickering is totally normal, but sometimes, if it’s too frequent, it could mean the relationship is struggling. “Do you bicker all the time? Chronic bickering is a sign that more is wrong than right in a relationship,” Masini says. If you can’t make peace even over the small things, maybe there’s an incompatibility issue in the relationship.

4. YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING SINGLE

It’s OK to have crushes, and even to imagine being with them (I’ve planned my wedding to Jesse Eisenberg through all my serious relationships). It’s also OK to fondly remember being single. It becomes an issue when the fantasies are constant, and you spend every moment thinking about how nice it would be to be single. If this is the case, it could be a sign that your relationship is coming to a close.

 

Maybe you used to discuss a future with your partner but now shy away from the conversation topic — this could be a sign that the relationship is winding down. However, just because you’ve stopped discussing the future, doesn’t mean you can’t start again. “Make a bucket list together, and make it one that’s a couples’ bucket list, not just an individual one,” Masini says. If you start planning around a future together, you could save your relationship.

6. SEX WANES

Your sex life could give you a sign about your relationship. “You don’t have much sex. It’s just not that important to either one of you,” Masini cites as an indicator that a relationship is coming to a close. However, it’s just a sign — many go through periods of increased or decreased sexual desires, and it doesn’t have to be unhealthy. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex you’re having, consider opening up the communication with your partner to try to work through it.

 

Are you hiding that you have a partner? You don’t need to bring it up in every conversation (in fact, doing so can be annoying), but if someone is expressing interested in you and you wait weeks before mentioning you’re in a relationship, it could be a warning sign. Maybe you’ve already mentally checked out of the relationship and you’re starting to look for other options. This is OK, as long as you’re being honest with yourself about whether you plan to stay in your relationship.

 

Old problems may resurface from time to time in any relationship, but if it feels like nothing from the past ever gets resolved, it could mean the relationship isn’t in a good place. “One or both of you keep bringing up old baggage — like a best friend’s slight at the wedding (ten years ago), or an indiscretion that happened before you got married,” Masini says. Ask yourself why either of you is having trouble letting go of the past, and determine if you think your relationship might be coming to a close.

This is perhaps the biggest sign that a relationship is on its last legs. If you (or your partner) know that you want the relationship to be done, then it’s definitely coming to a close. Breakups can still take a while or one of you could change their mind, but once you start wanting it to end, it’s probably close to finished.

Do any of these signs ring true to you? They’re just warnings, so if you notice a trend but you want to save your relationship, then DW — it’s still possible. However, it could be time to look inward to see if the relationship is really bringing both of you joy. And if your relationship is on its last legs, don’t worry — there’s something more fulfilling for you out there, just around the corner.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly