10 Signs You’re Compatible with the One You’re Dating

signs you're compatible

Just because you get along and like the same things, doesn’t make you compatible. Here’s how to know if you’re dating someone you’re compatible with.

They say that opposites attract. This may be true for many, and while I may agree that two people of different characteristics might find initial attraction towards each other, it is compatibility that would ultimately keep their relationship together. Compatibility and chemistry are two entirely different things, and both are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Have you ever wondered what makes you and your date click? When you are compatible with each other, it means that you are attuned to your partner’s sensibilities. Compatibility in a relationship can help determine whether or not you and your partner are meant to be together for the long haul.

Being truly compatible with each other means so much more than sharing the same beliefs or interests. True compatibility means that your personalities mesh well with each other. While you might find someone who is as free-spirited as you are and enjoys the same things you like, your life goals may be different. You may have completely opposite tastes and personalities, but when the tough times come, your opposite personalities complement each other. Aren’t relationships complicated?

The true test of compatibility is spending time together, and not just those little dates that you both plan out for each other. The true test of compatibility lies in spending an extended amount of time together while getting through different situations together, both the tough ones and the happy ones.

Are you and your partner a good match?

How does one discern true compatibility? Take a look at your relationship, and see if you spot any of these signs of compatibility.

#1 You see each other through the trying times. It’s true that it’s the trying times that would truly test your compatibility, not the easy ones. The trying times would show the true test of one’s character. The trying times would show you how you would be able to handle conflicts and difficulties.

Would both of you be able to handle the arguments and still be able to support each other, despite the situation that you’re both in? This is the reason why many relationships don’t last: the tough times that serve to test the strength the relationship end up breaking it.

#2 You don’t question the love in your relationship. When you are secure in your partner’s love, you know that your relationship can do no wrong. When you feel each other’s love despite the fights and the disagreements, then you know that you have found the one that you are compatible with.

#3 You know each other’s deepest secrets. Honesty is important in a relationship. Sharing secrets can show you how compatible you are with your partner. Trust and honesty just show how invested you both are in your relationship, despite knowing each other’s darker side.

#4 You could spend time in silence without it being awkward. When you spend time with each other, you can do “your own thing” without having to put up with any awkward silence. There is uncomfortable silence where you feel like you have to fill the air with some form of small talk, and then there is comforting silence where there’s no pressure to start babbling about anything to stave off the awkwardness. If you have the latter, you can say you’re compatible. [Read: 8 ways to avoid the awkward silences during a date]

#5 Your relationship still feels fresh. Being together for a long time can pave the way for monotony and boredom to seep in. However, as time goes by, you can either let your relationship stagnate or let it grow into something more meaningful. The feeling that you’re still learning, growing, and enjoying in your relationship through the years is a sure sign of compatibility. [Read: 10 steps to ignite the lost spark in a relationship]

#6 There is still mutual attraction. You know that you are compatible with each other when you find that, after all the time you have spent together, you can still find your partner attractive. While sex isn’t everything in a relationship, it is important that you and your partner are physically intimate with each other. There should still be a spark that keeps the flame alive! [Read: Why is physical attraction important in a relationship?]

#7 You can be your true self around your partner. Some relationships fail because people put up a front to ensure that their partner will still like them. Thus, what happens is that their partner becomes compatible with their mask, and not their true selves.

If you’re able to show your partner your silliness, your idiosyncrasies, your weirdness, and your weaknesses without fear that they will no longer love you, and the same is true for your partner, you can then be confident that you and your partner are a great match.

#8 You see a future with each other. You know that you are compatible with your partner when you see a future with each other, settling down, getting married, and having children together. You know that it is true compatibility when you see beyond the fantasy wedding that you will have. You plan a life together with them, despite knowing that it won’t always be smooth sailing. You see yourself growing old with them, and supporting each other in your old age.

#9 You don’t want to change your partner. They say that people don’t change unless they want to. You know you are compatible with your partner when you respect them as an individual. Sure, they might have some quirks which you might find to be immature or annoying, at times. You might find that the way they dress, sleep, or eat is something that you don’t like, but it’s part of the package, and you wouldn’t change them either way.

#10 Your partner makes you want to bring out the best in you. Couples who are really compatible with each other bring out the best in each other. They have that drive to push you forward and bring out the best in you. They support you in good times and in bad times. They cheer you on as you work your way through law school or insist on being a stay-at-home parent. They are your greatest fan, and you know you can always count on them to cheer you on and have your back whenever you are down. [Read: 9 ways you and your partner bring out each other’s best]

Love is never enough to save a relationship. You might have all the love in the world for each other, but it is never enough to get you through the difficult times. Love can be fickle, and will ultimately fly out the window once there are conflicts and arguments that remain unresolved.

Your compatibility with your partner will help your relationship withstand the test of time. Without it, you will only end up fighting over your differences, until you realize that there’s no way you can stand to stay with each other.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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15 Reasons Why You Should Absolutely Tell Him How You Feel

Have feelings for a guy and you’re not sure whether or not to tell him? Here are fifteen reasons why you absolutely should tell him how you feel!

1. He Probably Can’t Tell

Frankly, guys don’t always see things even when they’re right in front of them. Whether he’s a friend or someone you’ve only seen from afar, chances are he can’t tell you like him unless you tell him straight up how you feel. Don’t walk away from the possibility of a relationship by not telling the guy you like that you’re into him. There’s no way for him to make a move if he doesn’t know that you like him, so you’ve got to tell him!

2. It’ll Make Him Like You More

A guy will totally like you more if you tell him how you feel. Guys are more likely to walk away if they don’t know you feel the same about them as they do about you.

By telling him you like him, you’re confirming your feelings for him, and that will make him like you even more than he already did. Guys like girls who take the initiative, so it’ll be a total turn on for him if you tell him you like him.

He’ll like you so much more knowing you’re not afraid to admit your feelings for him. It shows that you’re the kind of girl who knows what she wants and goes for it!

3. So You Can Date

Whether he’s a friend or a guy you don’t know too well, there’s no way you’re going to start dating if you don’t both tell each other how you feel. If you want to turn the friendship into something more, you have to tell him how you feel.

He probably doesn’t already know, so you won’t be able to date him without breaking the ice and letting him know you have feelings for him. You should take the initiative and tell him – in person – so he knows that you’re interested and he can properly ask you out!

4. It’s Better Than Waiting For Him To Make The Move

Guys aren’t good at telling you how they feel. Even worse, sometimes a guy will take forever to make a move and finally ask you out. He’ll drag his feet and put it off for a long time before he finally makes his move and tells you how he feels.

The way to counter this is by telling him before he has the chance to tell you. If you wait for him to make a move, you’ll be waiting a really long time. Tell him how you feel, and you’ll end the waiting game for both of you. Once he knows how you feel, he’ll be able to make his move, and neither of you will have to wait a million years to be together!

5. Games Are Lame

If you play games with a guy, he’ll definitely walk away, and you’ll stay his friend rather than moving up to being his girlfriend.

Games are lame, and no one likes playing games when it comes to relationships. You wouldn’t want him to mess with your feelings, so you shouldn’t do it to him.

Instead of beating around the bush and playing games, be direct. Otherwise, he won’t be able to tell if you have feelings for him or if you’re just trying to mess with his head.

Taking the initiative and telling him how you feel will show him you’re going to play games with him, and that you care enough about him to tell him you like him.

6. He Should Know

Your guy should know how you feel. He deserves to know that you like him, and keeping it from him isn’t fair for either of you. You should tell him because he should know you have feelings for him. You would want him to tell you if he had feelings for you, so you should tell him. You can walk away feeling good because he deserved to know you have feelings for him and you’ll feel better for telling him.

7. It’ll Help You Move On

Just because you like him doesn’t mean he likes you back, unfortunately. You may tell him how you feel and find out that he doesn’t feel the same. That’s okay!

Not knowing whether or not you stand a chance at a relationship with him would drive you crazy. It’s better that you know that he’s not interested in being more than your friend because it can help you move on. You would’ve been hung up on him if you didn’t tell him how you felt. Once you tell him, you’ll be able to move on.

8. Why Not Tell Him?

There’s really no reason not to tell the guy you like that you have feelings for him. The worst that can happen is that he’ll say no, and then you can get on with your life.

Keeping your feelings to yourself won’t help anyone, so you should just go on and let him know you’re interested in him as more than a friend. Don’t be afraid of rejection or what might happen if he feels the same way about you. Just tell him how you feel!

9. You’ll Feel Better

Keeping a secret like this can take a toll on you and your relationships, especially if you’re hiding your feelings from someone who is a friend. By telling the guy you like him, you’ll be getting that huge secret off your chest which will make you feel so much better.

You can’t hide your feelings forever. You’ll have to be extra careful to make sure that you never let it slip that you feel more than friendship for him. Letting him know that you like him prevents all the pain and heartache you go through every time you pretend you don’t like him. Tell him, and you’ll feel so much better!

10. It’ll Explain Things To Him

If you’re hiding your feelings from him, you’re probably acting kind of weird around him. You may laugh at things that aren’t funny or hang around him when no one else is. Your behavior will probably be concerning to him, and he’ll wonder what’s wrong with you.

Telling him how you feel will clear up your behavior and explain why you’ve been acting so strange. It’ll also explain other things, like the fact that you don’t seem to be interested in other guys or that you get jealous when he’s with other girls. Tell him that you have feelings for him; it’ll explain things to him, so he understands!

11. You Might Miss Your Chance

There are a million things that could happen that would prevent you from ever telling your crush you like him. He could move away or start dating someone new. You could move away. Something terrible could happen to one of you, and you’d never get the chance to share your feelings with him.

If you don’t want to risk missing your chance, you have to tell him how you feel. The only way to prevent losing out on the opportunity to be with your crush is to tell him you like him.

12. It Could Make You Both Happy

You probably want to be happy, and you definitely want the guy you like to be happy, too. You may be able to make both those things happen if you walk right up to him and tell him how you feel.

He may have the same feelings for you, and you won’t know it if you don’t tell that you like him. Once you do, you’ll both be extra happy because you get to start a relationship that you’ve both been secretly wanting. Telling him how you feel is a great way to make sure you’re both happy!

13. You’ve Been Waiting Forever To Tell Him

Just like with a guy who drags his feet and doesn’t get around to telling you how he feels, you’ve probably been waiting a long time to tell him that you’re interested. Whether it’s out of fear or because there hasn’t been the opportunity, it’s been too long.

Tell him how you feel and stop waiting around to do it! You shouldn’t wait forever because of all the reasons on this list. All you have to do is tell him how you feel and the long wait will be over!

14. You’ll Gain A Ton Of Respect

Respect can go a long way. You’ll respect yourself for taking the initiative and telling your guy how you feel about him. Nothing feels better than being the one to take a huge step and tell the guy you like him.

You’ll also gain respect from your friends. They’ll see you as the strong girl who stood up and admitted her feelings. You’ll probably encourage them to share their feelings with their friends, too.

The guy and his friends will respect you even more, too. He’ll respect that you went for what you wanted and his friends will see that you’re serious about their guy and that they can trust you not to hurt him. Telling him how you feel will gain you respect from all around!

15. You Just Can’t Keep It In Any Longer

Keeping it a secret is probably driving you crazy. Every time you see him, you’re desperate to tell him that you have feelings for him just to see if he feels the same way about you.

One day, you’ll see him, and you just won’t be able to keep it in any longer. That’s a great reason to spill the beans.

You don’t have to keep it a secret, and you’ll feel so much relief by sharing your feelings with him and everyone around you. Once you realize that the secret feelings you have for him are too much to keep inside, tell him how you feel!

Tell Him How You Feel!

Being the one to tell a guy how you feel can be really hard, but it’ll be totally worth it once you do. These are just fifteen of the many reasons that you should tell him how you feel. Take the initiative and let him know that you’re into him! You won’t regret it.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Check out 5 reasons why it’s important to put your spouse before your parents

Keeping your spouse at the top of your list, above your parents, is vital to the success of your marriage. That does not mean you don’t love and honor your parents. It just means your spouse comes first.

Devotion to your spouse is vital to the success of any marriage. In the Bible the apostle Paul was teaching the people about marriage and the duties of husbands and wives when he said, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh… . Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:31-33).”

In order for marriage to flourish both husband and wife need to leave their parents and start a new home together. From that moment they need to be number one in each other’s life. That doesn’t mean they don’t love and care about their parents. It simply means that the top priority has now changed from parents to spouse.

Here are a few reasons why this is so important

1. It shows honor and respect for your spouse

When your husband or wife knows he or she comes before your parents, it creates a deeper marital bond. If a wife continually runs to her parents for counsel instead of first talking with her husband, it can create a feeling of distrust. The same with a husband. When you talk together as a couple about your problems and seek answers in a united way, it strengthens your marriage. Parents can be consulted, but it’s best done with both of you present, not going behind each other’s back. That doesn’t mean there won’t be times when one-on-one time with a parent is needed. It just means that running to a parent is not your first or usual response.

2. It shows your spouse and your parents that your marriage is solid

If one or the other keeps running home to Mom or Dad, complaining about his or her spouse, it can be damaging to your marriage. A mother of a young married daughter told about how her daughter was continually telling them bad things about her husband – nothing big, just annoying things like he doesn’t pick up his clothes, he watches too much TV, or a myriad of other nit-picky traits. When this happens the parents can’t help but feel like you married a loser, even though there are wonderful things about him that you love. If they have a skewed view of your mate due to your continual barrage of negatives, they may not give you proper counsel, even may encourage you to leave him. Unless there’s abuse, that would be disastrous. When you put your spouse first, your parents and your spouse will recognize how important your marriage is to you.

3. It creates a stronger intimacy with your spouse

When your focus is on your mate then each other’s needs can be met. There is a bond of devotion where deep sharing of thoughts and experiences kindle a love that can be experienced no other way. This kind of intimacy opens the door to a more romantic relationship. If you don’t feel like you’re number one, genuine intimacy is hard to achieve. Allowing your parents to have that number one spot can put a damper on your relationship. A woman told us about how her mother-in-law called her son every night at bedtime. She said, “Just when we finally have some alone time after the kids are in bed the phone rings, and it’s her. The other night we were snuggling on the couch enjoying each other when it rang. We knew who it was. My husband always feels obligated to take the call. It’s taking a toll on the intimate side of our marriage.” This couple solved the problem by the husband telling his mother this was not a good time to call. They then set a time that worked better for all concerned. Most parents want their kids to have a happy marriage and will respond to such requests. Taking this action helped his wife realize how important she was to him. Setting boundaries with parents in a kind and loving way is important. Keeping close to parents matters, and it can be done without jeopardizing your marriage.

4. When things get tough you can count on each other

When you’ve kept each other at the top of the list, there will be no question about loyalty to and from your spouse. A couple told of a time the husband lost his business. He said, “My wife was by my side the whole time, cheering me on, right up to the bitter end when the business collapsed. I knew that even if my parents or others criticized me for taking this risk, she would stick up for me.” No one chooses to fail, but if it happens it is comforting to know your spouse is right there to buoy you up. That goes for other kinds of challenges, as well. When you have kept each other as a priority, you’ll be there for each other through the hard times. Your spouse is your greatest support system. Parental love and support is nice to have, but in the end it is your spouse who is by your side daily.

5. When your parents reach the end of their lives, having your spouse by your side will be very comforting.

Keeping the relationship strong with your mate can make all heartaches a little more bearable, particularly this one. If you have been respectful and loving to your parents, all the while keeping your mate as your priority, your memories will be sweeter and your marriage will be stronger.

A caution

In all of this, don’t push your parents away. Include them in ways that work for you and your spouse. A loving relationship with parents can be very helpful in keeping your family strong. You and your spouse can build that relationship while keeping each other as your main priority.

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How to Get a Girlfriend and Keep Her

How to Get a Girlfriend and Keep Her

Getting a girlfriend is an important business in a man’s life. Unless you are famous, extremely rich or a male model you’ve probably found that it’s not easy to make a beautiful woman your girlfriend. You may believe fate will throw the woman of your dreams into your path. It’s possible, but you could be waiting a long time. As with most things in life good things tend to come to those who actually seek them.

 

Here are a few pointers to get you on your way to finding a girlfriend…

Step One: How to Find a Girlfriend

I’m going to be honest with you – a great girlfriend isn’t going to jump out of your closet while you’re playing world of warcraft one day and chase after you. If you want to get a girlfriend, you need to go out and take the initiative.

That means you have to actually meet girls. Look for ways to get them in your life. Go out, meet people, join clubs, and get involved in activities where you’re likely to meet girls. Make friends with everyone, but especially people who know a lot of women. Once you gain a wider social circle you will find yourself coming into contact with more girls. You’ll also be better equipped in social situations.

Having good social skills and confidence are essential if you are going to approach women in bars and nightclubs. Girls you meet in these situations will be more critical of how you come across – they are being hit on by a lot of guys and will make fast, sometimes harsh assessments. You can learn all about approaching girls and how you should steer your conversations in our dating bible Magic Bullets.

Step Two: Make her WANT to be your girlfriend.

The essence of this is attraction.

If you can get a girl on a date it means she’s interested in you. Mess it up and she won’t be for much longer. Don’t make the date too formal (dinner = bad idea, cinema = worst) and try to make physical contact with her as much as possible. Ideally go somewhere that has some form of entertainment that can take the pressure off your conversation and go to a few different venues; it will make her feel like she’s known you for longer.

Here’s a video that goes into a bit more detail into how to create attraction on a date. Attraction of course is crucial to getting a girlfriend and keeping her.

Moving on to the more general guidelines, you’ve probably heard that women want a badboy… it’s not completely true. Women want a strong man – someone with his own opinions, who stands up for himself and doesn’t take any crap – least of all from her. You don’t need to be an asshole, but try being a little selfish. Don’t be afraid to cancel plans if they don’t suit you and don’t do anything a selfish man would think was too much of a hassle.

Step 3: How to keep a girlfriend

At all times you have to remember never to make a girl feel like you need her. Being needy is a one-way ticket to nights at home with microwave meals for one. Stay away from emotional texts like “So great to meet you, haven’t stopped thinking about you since…” or “I know it’s too early to say this, but I really feel connected to you in a deep way.” It’s okay to text stuff like this when she’s your girlfriend, and she will think it’s cute. But do it when you’ve just met her and she’ll think you’re a weirdo.

Don’t bring up the “are we officially girlfriend and boyfriend” conversation before it’s absolutely necessary; ideally wait until she starts hinting. If she doesn’t, then casually say something along the lines of “We never discussed this… but are we meant to be seeing other people?” If you’ve taken your time and you’ve been seeing a lot of each other than you shouldn’t get too many surprises at this point.

If you can steer your way through all of that then congratulations – you have a girlfriend, regular sex, and maybe a dream of eternal happiness. It’s not a process that’s easy so don’t get down when you get it wrong. Learn your lessons, improve, and move onto the next lucky lady.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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8 Things Every Boyfriend Likes

Want to please your boyfriend and do not know how? Today I decided to bring you a short list of things that every boyfriend likes. It’s not about gifts, but about the actions you can take every day to improve your relationship and become a better girlfriend. The man is not that hard to perceive, as most women argue, they like almost all of things in common and it is about them that I will speak today. Ready to become a better girlfriend and surprise your boyfriend?

8 Things Every Boyfriend Likes

1 – A sincere girlfriend – Sincerity is certainly the basis of a relationship because with it comes trust. A relationship where both are not sincere is a relationship where there can be no trust and without trust you will lose a lot. On the other hand you will end up winning things that are not good, such as fear, mistrust, and jealousy that could jeopardize your relationship. Remember to be yourself, be honest and honest and the rest will come naturally.

2- A stable but challenging relationship – Men like to feel secure in their relationship but also enjoy challenges. Can he balance the balance and bring some of both? On the one hand you have to be able to make the other person feel secure in the relationship and still make it feel challenged to look for more. As? Maybe with a bit of mystery in the relationship or making it difficult once in a while. You will surely find the best way to do it.

3- A funny girl – Nobody likes a straight girl, bored and who never steps on the risk. Men in their generality like women who can take risks. Like a good joke. Let them know a good joke and above all know how to enjoy every moment in the best way possible.

4- Care, attention and understanding – Men also like simple things like caring, attention that the other person gives you and understanding, respect and all other things that make a relationship special. Learn to be a loving girlfriend, worry about him, show that he really likes your company and know how to give you support when he needs you most.

5. A person who surprises – All people like to be surprised. After all, who does not like surprises? In order to keep your relationship alive and well, you must know how to break the routine and the monotony of your relationship, always bringing something different. Men like an unpredictable girl, who knows how to surprise, who risks and who tries to make every moment something special.

6 – Someone like you – Do opposites attract each other? I would say yes, but for very little time. At the beginning of the relationship it can be exciting because they will always be doing different things, but when the relationship stabilizes they are the similarities and the little things they both like that will bring them together.

7- Someone who is not afraid to fight – A relationship is a constant struggle. Love itself is a constant struggle! We can not simply have the other person for granted and hope that love will last forever. It is necessary to fight for the other person and be ready to make concessions, to give the arm to cheer and more. Are you afraid to fight for your relationship? Your man might not like that.

8 – A person who accepts it as it is – No one likes to wear masks, so if your man shows his true side and does not bother trying to show a person different from what he is, you must too. Be honest. Be yourself! But more than that, learn to accept the other person as you are. After all, you fell in love with him or an image he created in your head.

These are 8 simple things that any boyfriend likes. Want to surprise yours and be the girlfriend he needs? So do not forget to follow these tips and more than anything, to put them into practice.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Things NOT to do on a First Date

There’s a lot of advice floating around the web when it comes to dating—what to wear, what to eat, what to talk about, what to never, ever write on an online profile—and while most of this info is actually pretty useful, the fact remains that the best first dates are the ones where you’re able to be yourself. Still, we can all agree that there are certain things that just shouldn’t be done, or spoken about on a first date—by a woman or a man.

DON’T be wishy-washy.

10 Things NOT to do on a First Date

Nobody—and we mean nobody—likes a pushover, so if your date tells you he’s planned dinner at a sushi joint and you don’t eat fish, or he wants to hang at a cocktail lounge but you don’t drink, speak up. It’ll only look weird if you tell him all that after you’re already seated and waiting to order. Same goes for being decisive: If he asks what you’d like to eat, drink, or share for dessert, don’t say “I don’t care, whatever is fine.”

Verbalizing what you want isn’t bossy, it conveys confidence—and is incredibly attractive. Having the personality of tepid water, however? Not so much.

DON’T show up late on purpose.

On a first date, you’ll make a stronger impression if you show up on time. Would you want him to show up late? Probably not. Huh? It takes you two hours to do your hair and makeup? Sounds like you’re perfectly aware of that fact, which means you’ll know exactly how much time you need to prepare ahead of time, even if it’s five hours (no judgment!)

DON’T wear things that are too high, too short, or too tight.

And not because of what he might think—this tip is for you, and you alone. A first date isn’t the time to take those fierce six-inch stilettos out for a spin, or wear that dress that you think is a little too tight. Why? Because first dates are anxiety-filled enough and being uncomfortable in your clothes only makes it worse.

Plus, won’t it suck to not be able to walk a few blocks on a nice night because your heels are too high, or have to spend time awkwardly pulling at your too-short hemline? Instead, wear things you know look good on you but won’t hinder you from being cool, calm, and collected. Need some ideas? Check out these date night outfit ideas and these 50 flawless spring looks.

DON’T be surgically attached to your phone.

This is the big one, ladies: The act of compulsively checking your phone every two minutes could be a bonafide deal breaker. There’s nothing ruder than trying to have a conversation with a person who’s constantly stating at their screens—wouldn’t you be put off if he were paying more attention to his iPhone than to you?

While you’re at it, we know it’s commonplace for folks to keep their cell phones on the table, but it’s not polite when you’re getting to know somebody. Responding to every beep, text, alert, and vibration is distracting and unnecessary. Be mature and keep it in your bag, and glimpse at it while he goes to the bathroom, if you must.

Similarly, do not post any status updates, tweet about your date in real-time, or snap any candid Instagram pics, or post to Snapchat when he’s not looking. That’s just creepy.

DON’T try to prove your worth using shallow tactics.

What not to do on a first date? Maniacally mention your ex-boyfriend, you’re dating history, all the time you spend at the gym, the laundry list of guys lining up around the block to date you, or how everyone says you look exactly like Fox. If you get the urge, step up your game and act your age. And, odds are, if you’re really

Try this instead: Highlight some recent achievements that are about you. He’ll be way more impressed that way.

DON’T think it’s cool to not eat.

Most guys will freely tell you that there’s nothing more cliché (read: lame) than a girl who doesn’t eat on a date. If you think not ordering dinner, or only taking a birdlike bite of your entree will make you appear skinnier, prettier, sexier, more feminine, or more mysterious, guess what? It won’t. What it will do? Probably not get you a second date.

10 Things NOT to do on a First Date

DON’T sit there like the Queen of Sheba when the check comes.

Even if you’re of the firm belief that your date should always pay, it’s a mistake to assume he will—especially on the first date. If he goes for the check right away, offer to split the bill, or at least leave the tip. He’ll probably decline, so make sure you offer to get the cab to the next destination, the movie tickets, or a round of drinks.

However, if you offer to pay or split, be prepared to actually pay or split. Don’t play games. Not offering at all, however, could translate to entitled.

DON’T get wasted.

There’s not much to say here without sounding preachy, but keep this in mind: Having to be carried home by a guy you barely know isn’t chic (nor is puking in the cab, doing something you regret, or crying at the dinner table.) Sure, a couples of cocktails can be fun and loosen the mood, but knowing your limits—and sticking to them—will help make a stronger first impression.

Don’t not ask questions—just make them the right ones.

A foolproof way to ensure that conversation will always be flowing is to simply ask your date things, although—given the fact that we never know how comfortable others are with casual conversation—that might be easier said than done. The trick successfully vetting a potential suitor on a first date, while simultaneously keeping the energy light and fun, is knowing what questions to ask, and how to ask them.

For example, work, his family, his hobbies, pop culture, his favorite music are all surefire bets. Four things never to ask him about on a first date? Politics, religion, his exes, and how much cash he pulls in. If you’re savvy, you’ll realize that certain questions–even the most basic ones—have the ability to tell a lot about a person.

DON’T give TMI, too soon.

Sharing personal details about your life after knowing anyone for 45 minutes is never a good idea. Want to get married on the beach in Mexico by the age of 30, and have a baby boy named Henry by the age of 32? Keep it to yourself for now. Similarly, steer clear of personal topics like your contentious relationship with your mother, any ailments you have, or major work woes —all valid, but none are appropriate first date topics.

DON’T stalk him after the date—social, or otherwise.

In today’s world, texting and catching up via social media is a viable means of communication after a date, but there are a few rules we all should follow. If you had a wonderful time and feel like shooting him a casual text later that night or the next day, go for it.

A good text: “Had a really good time, thanks again!” is fine.

A bad text: “OMG literally had the best time EVER, ur sooooo amazing and I can’t wait to see u again. Wanna do brunch with me and my girls tomorrow??! LMK ASAP xoxox!!!” is not.

In addition, try to resist the urge to follow him on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Vine, Linkedin, or any other conceivable social network until you’ve gone out a couple of times. Even in today’s connected world, remaining a creature of (a little) mystery is a powerful thing.

 

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5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Actually Draw Men Closer To You

Keep that romance alive.

5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Actually Draw Men Closer To You

Healthy relationship boundaries are important to keeping every relationship alive and full of spark but they are something that are not often part of relationship building.

Healthy boundaries come in many shapes and sizes, depending on the couple, but there are 5 basic boundaries that should exist in every relationship:

1. It is important to spend time apart.

When they fall in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from, even for a short while

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. When you can’t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds, do you miss your ice cream? It’s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

2. Don’t let either of you be in charge.

In many relationships, it happens that, at some point, one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately, the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven, a relationship changes.

So make an effort to keep the decision-making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him the opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Not letting either one of you be in charge is important. And it leads to number 3.

5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Actually Draw Men Closer To You

3. Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying “familiarity breeds contempt” is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each others’ behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it’s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven’t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends way more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn’t do our relationship any good because we weren’t communicating and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

4. Keep the personal hygiene stuff personal.

Um, so, what do I mean by this? Personal hygiene stuff?

I want you to think about what things you do around your partner. Are you willing to brush your teeth? To floss them after? To put on your makeup? To wear a face mask to bed? To pee as needed?

All of those things are, of course, necessary parts of life. And when we get familiar with our partners we are okay with doing them in front of them.

But I would suggest keeping personal hygiene stuff personal because doing those things in front of them can demystify you in the eyes of your partner.

I don’t mean that if your partner sees you doing those everyday things he will love you any less but if he doesn’t see you doing those things, then you will continue to be that somewhat mysterious woman he fell in love with.

So do your bathroom chores by yourself. Keep that mystery and the romance, going.

5. Be your own person outside of the relationship.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves. Many women take on their partner’s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is very important that all women stay themselves when in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. A healthy relationship requires it.

Every relationship needs healthy relationship boundaries to keep the romance going.

Most couples don’t put thought into boundaries until things start to go wrong. Don’t be that couple. Set boundaries ahead of time so that you can stay on a positive track as you move forward together.

So spend time apart, share the power, treat each other with respect, keep personal hygiene personal and stay yourself. All of those things will lead to the healthy romantic relationship you have always longed for.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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