Tales of Rock – Motley Crue Rubbed Egg Burritos On Their Dicks To Mask The Smell Of Groupie Sex

According to pop culture, hiding an affair is a complex plot involving secret phones, meaningful glances, and constantly sniffing and re-sniffing your clothes. It’s a high-stakes game, and if you don’t want to lose, you better be willing to do anything. Just ask Motley Crue.

In the early days of the band, most of the members had girlfriends — which is problematic when your job kind of insists on you sexing groupies. Not wanting to break up with the loves of their lives, but also wanting to constantly be boning other people whenever they weren’t home, the Crue came up with a plan. After every piece of backstage or recording booth tail, the band would take Tommy Lee’s van to a place called Naugles. There, they celebrated their infidelity with a round of egg burritos — one to eat, and one to slather all over their dicks and balls.

Now, rubbing Mexican food on your junk isn’t some old-fashioned cure-all for groupie-related STIs — this ritual was all about the smell. The band figured that the smell of egg burrito would overpower even the most pungent of backstage favors. And before you ask “Couldn’t they just shower?” remember that this is Motley Crue we’re talking about. Look at them. Taking a shower would raise more suspicions than coming home smelling of strange vaginas. As Vince Neil described it, “We would tell our girlfriends, ‘Oh, we dropped the burritos in our laps.'” Every day of the week. Maybe their girlfriends were too worried about them dying of high cholesterol to be thinking about them cheating.

As we know you’re dying to find out, they used the burritos like washcloths, not like fleshlights. The Crue didn’t ram their members into piping-hot eggs. At that point of the evening, their dicks were already burning plenty.


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Wildwood Daze – The Union Jacks – Dirty John – Part 1

“Okay, He’s freaking out like a retard. Put him in his bed and we’ll go.”

I had been to the restaurant where Brian our drummer worked part-time as a busboy. I don’t remember, but I had been there to meet up with him once for some reason. I do remember Brian telling me the bartender there liked my “friend with the big eyes.” (Me.) I don’t remember that person and quickly dismiss it in my mind.

One night Brain wants to bring us to the restaurant where he works for drinks. We get there and the band sits at the bar. Brian introduces us to the bartender, Frank. Or, as Brian calls him, Frank the Fag. Now I get it. Frank fancies me. It’s a compliment, but I’m straight.

We all order bottles of beer. Frank is being Frank but he’s nice as could be. We’re all just chilling at the bar and it’s nice to all go out and have a drink as a band. It’s like we’re somebody now. People recognize us when we’re out and I like it.

We’re sitting there for about an hour chatting about music, when Frank presents me with not one, but two large tumblers filled with a frothy pink liquid.

“What’s this?”

“It’s called a Dirty John.”

“Thank you, but I never drink hard liquor. I just don’t do it. I’m a beer guy only.”

“I’ll drink it!”

Jim is the youngest and newest member of the band. I think he wants to show that he’s a bad ass that can hang with the older guys.

“That’s really not necessary Jim.”

“No. I want to.”

Jim proceeds to chug the drinks.

We settle up and walk outside. Brian and Mark say they’ll bring the car around. I’m smoking a cig waiting with Jim. Brian doesn’t allow smoking in his car so we wait.

“I gotta take a piss.”

“You could have gone in the bar, Jim. Actually, I gotta go too. Beer goes right through me. There’s some tall hedges behind the restaurant. Let’s go back there.”

We walk back and are standing next to each other as if we’re just a couple of students pissing in the urinals in the Boys bathroom at Wildwood High. I suddenly hear this rustling noise and a thump. I glance to my right and Jim has vanished. I zip up my fly and go to the spot where he was.

There’s Jim, face down in the next yard. While pissing he literally just collapsed forward between the hedges. What the fuck was in that drink? Whatever it was, it hit him like a sledgehammer.

Brian and Mark pull up in his yellow ’77 Ford Mustang II.

“What the fuck’s up with Wolfie?” (Brian sometimes referred to Jim as ‘ Wolfie’ because the way he brushed his hair back, it resembled Lon Chaney’s monster.)

“Guys get over here!”

Brian and Mark scramble from the car and run over. We get Jim to his feet and he is just gone. Slurring and stumbling and we get him to the car. It takes all three of us.

“He went from buzzed to black out in a matter of seconds!”

Brian’s driving. Mark’s riding shotgun, and of course I’m in the back with drunk boy. He’s really out of it. Conscious, but super fucked up. More drunk than I’ve ever seen anyone ever in my life.

Brian’s driving him back to his house. “He better not fuckin’ puke in my car! I swear to god!”

We get to Jim’s house and I’m about to get him out and he pukes all over me. He doesn’t even know I’m there. Now I’m wearing the Dirty John meant for me.

Thankfully his parents weren’t home when we dragged our new guitarist back into his house.

We carry him through the door, in front of at least a half dozen siblings. They all look on in utter horror. I assure them their brother isn’t dead. He’s just sick and we’re taking care of him.

The kids know me from school. I’m the kid that comes and waits for Jim each morning and lets my glasses steam up while watching the Today show waiting for my friend so we can walk to school together.


It’s a mess. The little kids are clueless. We are simply a group of guys bringing their older brother home because he’s sick. Everything’s fine. Just like in any household in the 70’s. It didn’t happen.

We bang Jim up the stairs to his bedroom. When I say, bang I mean he was dead weight and me, Brian and Mark did the best to get him to his room.

This is all new ground for all of us. We’re new musicians, but we don’t know anything about but extreme behavior even if it’s accidental.

My best friend is so sick. I am wearing his puke. We try to run his head under the shower to revive him. He cries out like a molested child so we withdrawal.

“Okay, He’s freaking out like a retard. Put him in his bed and we’ll go.”

Brian was always so pragmatic.

“Turn him over on his stomach.” (I say) Put his face at the edge of the bed.”


“Umm… Bon Scott….” (See: Tales of Rock – Bon Scott) 

“He’ll be fine.”

” Dude. Hendrix died choking on his own puke.”

“He’ll be fine.”

We leave our lead guitarist in his bed and all go home. It’s bee a fucked up night.

My best friend got poisoned by a drink meant for me. What was Frank’s plan? Get me drunk beyond recognition and take advantage of me? That’s kind of evil.

But the worst part of it is… Was Brian in on it?



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Lisa – Cuts Like A Knife

“I miss all of our time together. We should hang out soon.”

This was a few years back, but it just popped back into my mind.

One night I was at a bar with a group of friends. We were hanging out like usual, when this woman walks in. My friend jumps up and says, “Oh! Hey! Lisa! Holy shit, I haven’t seen you in years!”

She comes over, and she and my friend catch up, then she joins us at our table. Throughout the night, I couldn’t keep my mind off of how she had these incredible blue eyes. It turns out, I noticed them so much because she kept them on me all night. This girl is cool as hell. I’m really enjoying just talking to her, and there’s some light flirting. As our group thins out, we switch to a smaller table. She sits next to me. As the other two people leave, it’s just us.

Then it’s the end of the night. This never works for me, but I thought, what the hell? I invite her back to my place. She says that’d be great. Long story short, we get to my place, and we waste no time hooking up. I tell her she can crash at my place if she wants. She says she’ll take a cab back to get her car, but she leaves me her number and says, “This needs to happen again. Soon.”

Okay, this works for me! I’m a single dude, and I don’t have any irons in the fire. This situation winds up repeating itself 2-3 times a month for about 4 months. One of us hits the other up, we wind up at my place, we hook up, she heads out and wishes me a good night.

Finally, one night, we’re laying there after it’s all said and done, and she says, “This is nice. I really like this.” Then, she snuggles into me.

So I think to myself: She’s super cool. I could totally see us being something more than just hooking up a few times a month. So I ask what she means by “this”. She waves her hand in a circle. She says, “This, all of this, you.” Then, she curls into me even more. I say, “Well, this could become more if you want it to.” She says that sounds nice, and falls asleep on me.

Morning comes. She’s up and showering. She says she’s got to be somewhere early. She gives me a kiss, and she heads out.


I quit hearing from her.


She doesn’t respond to my texts. Her Facebook profile goes dark. I don’t know if she’s ghosting on me, or what. Did I scare her off? Did she change her mind? I mean, I didn’t bring up things getting more serious until she seemed like she wanted that.

After about a month or two of not hearing from her, I write her off, and I get on with my life. I wasn’t too torn up by her not being around after my friend tells me that she’s done this before in the past with other guys.

Fast forward 2 years. I get a text from a number I don’t recognize.

It’s Lisa. She’s asking how I’m doing. She’s asking if I’m seeing anybody. As it happened, I wasn’t. Then she says:

“I miss all of our time together. We should hang out soon.”

I respond with a resounding yes. After all, she was really cool. But, I decide to myself that I’m going to come into the whole thing expecting her to ghost again, so I’m just going to take things at face value, nothing more. She offers to swing by in a couple of days.

A couple of days later, she shows up. Instead of hanging out on the couch, we hang out in my dining room and kitchen while having a few drinks. After about an hour of that, she says she needs to go get some stuff from her car. I’m a bit confused, but I’m like… okay, whatever you’ve gotta do.

I see her pull a duffel bag out of her trunk. I think… Wow, did she pack an overnight bag or something? Guess it’s on tonight!

She takes the bag and sets it on the dining room table. It makes a clinking noise like she’s just set down a bag of silverware. She says, “There’s something I want to show you.”

She unzips the bag, and the first thing I see is a cardboard box with the word CUTCO on it.

…You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

A friend of mine nearly sold CUTCO knives years ago, before she realized it was such a scummy company to work for. I politely sit there while she goes through the whole pitch: watch the knife cut a beer can, a piece of thick rope. Watch the scissors cut a penny. Then she asks if I’d be interested in buying any.

I tell her, truthfully, that I just bought a new knife set. She has the nerve to ask if I could return that set and use the money to buy a CUTCO set. I tell her I’m happy with my knife set. Then I make up some story about forgetting that I was supposed to go to a buddy’s rock show that night, and I needed to get ready.

She packed up her stuff, gave me a hug, and said she’d text me later. I never got another text from her.

Fast forward to about 4-5 months ago, I see she’s married and has a kid. Good for her, I guess. But, I still think it was pretty sketchy of her to bring up our past history of hooking up to use that as a way to slide in and sell me some cutlery.

Man, did she have some crazy blue eyes, though.


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Tales of Rock – Bon Scott

Ronald Belford “Bon” Scott (9 July 1946 – 19 February 1980) was a Scottish-Australian singer and songwriter, best known for being the primary lead vocalist and lyricist of the Australian hard rock band AC/DC from 1974 until his death in 1980.[1]

Scott was born in Forfar, Scotland, and raised in Kirriemuir, before moving to Melbourne with his family in 1952 at the age of six. They lived in the suburb of Sunshine for four years before moving to Fremantle.[1] Scott formed his first band, The Spektors, in 1964 and became the band’s drummer and occasional lead vocalist. He performed in several other bands including The Valentines and Fraternity before replacing Dave Evans as the lead singer of AC/DC in 1974.[1]

AC/DC’s popularity grew throughout the 1970s, initially in Australia, and then internationally. Their 1979 album Highway to Hell reached the top twenty in the United States, and the band seemed on the verge of a commercial breakthrough. However, on 19 February 1980, Scott died after a night out in London. AC/DC briefly considered disbanding, but the group recruited vocalist Brian Johnson of the British glam rock band Geordie. AC/DC’s subsequent album, Back in Black, was released only five months later, and was a tribute to Scott. It went on to become the second best-selling album in history.[1]

In the July 2004 issue of Classic Rock, Scott was rated as number one in a list of the “100 Greatest Frontmen Of All Time” ahead of Freddie Mercury and Robert PlantHit Parader ranked Scott as fifth on their 2006 list of the 100 Greatest Heavy Metal Vocalists of all time.[3]


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Do Not Marry The Guy Who Has These Habits

When you are in love you can’t think of any thing other than getting married to the person you love. Marriage is the destination of love. It doesn’t matter if you are madly in love with someone but if your man possesses these habits then it will be difficult for you both to stay in a long-lasting relationship.

Some habits just aren’t good for your relationship. Keep scrolling to know about habits and find out if you should marry your man.

1. More Focused On Work:

This won’t go well after you marry him. Soon after marriage, there is a steep rise in responsibilities and if he isn’t giving time to you right now then what do you expect in the future.

2. Abusive, Disrespectful And Heartless.

This is a perfect sign to deny marriage. If he is a cold blooded man who often abuses you and even beats you then fly away from the relationship. Do not stick around such disrespectful person and do not even think to marry him.

3. Often Breaks Promises.

Although promises are meant to be broken but there is a limit. If someone starts playing with the emotions behind the promises you make then this isn’t good.

4. Too Clingy

If your man is clingy do not marry him. A clingy boyfriend will eat your entire personal space and will stick around you as a gummy bear. This kind of guy won’t stick around for lifetime once he feels you want personal space.

5. He Is A Narcissist.

In a Greek Mythology, Narcissus was a person who thought he was perfect and fell in love with his beauty. As he couldn’t even leave his reflection behind, he tried to snatch it and drowned in water. So if your man feels he is perfect so tell him he isn’t perfect for marriage.

6. Does Not Forgot The Old Argument.

This type of behavior isn’t good. If he is not letting go the old arguments then he isn’t worth marrying for.

7. Once A Cheater.

Well, forgiveness doesn’t always work. If he has cheated once chance is he will do it again and very soon. So stay away.

8. Immature And Can’t Take Decisions.

Immaturity isn’t cute when it comes to marriage. Immature guys never become good husbands as they aren’t able to take bold decisions.

9. Not Serious About The Relationship.

Why are you still into the relationship then? Run for your freedom


Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.


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What Kind Of Women Do Men Like?

In the modern world it is difficult to be a woman weak and successful at the same time. Attitude to the strong and intelligent representatives of the weaker sex of the society is twofold and often surrounded by myths.

Here are some of them:

Myth 1. Men like weak women.

In fact, men like strong and confident women. Because the power itself is sexual, and multiplied by femininity and beauty, it becomes an impeccable weapon of seduction. A decent man can fall in love only with the woman he is able to respect and at the same time feel comfortable with it! And this is possible only with a self-assured woman who is inwardly at peace and content with herself and with her life. It is necessary to demonstrate not its material independence, but to show the man his emotional and psychological stamina, the ability to behave slightly “down” in his wisdom and self-esteem.

Men do not like the metamorphosis that happens to beautiful ladies when they fall in love. Beautiful, self-sufficient women suddenly turn into clamped, anxious, ingratiating loving fools, forgetting that they fell in love with them independent and successful for their originality and strength of character. And all because there is an opinion in society that in order to please a man, one must be forgivingly kind, tender-sweet, compliant and slightly stupid .. In the hope of creating a “love nest” with a suitable male and for fear of losing a promising relationship , women start to pretend and forget that in relations the one who overacts is losing!

Of course, the role of the “romantic child” also sometimes needs to be included, especially in the period of flirting or when one wants to ask for something, to fool around, to provoke the man’s emotions, the instinct of the defender, but one must remain at the same time: a worthy woman, with an inner core, with her own principles, plans and high self-esteem.

The main thing to remember, men like not weak women, and those who know how to seem weak!

Myth 2. Strong women need weak men.

It is believed that self-sufficient and successful women need to choose themselves partners of men weaker or Alfonso, so that there is no struggle for power in the relationship. Probably, every woman should make her own choice, but any woman, no matter how courageous she did not seem to others, I want to have a reliable man’s shoulder and partner who sincerely admire. Therefore, the bar is not to be understated, but it is necessary to learn behavioral flexibility.

It must be understood that at home the iron ladies should turn into domestic cats. In communication with men, change the intellectual habits of wisdom; knowledge of intuition; and on a hard cam wear a soft glove of flattery and tenderness. Using your mind and charisma you need to learn how to be a “three in one” woman: mother, friend, and hetaerae. It’s these women like strong men – different! And only intelligent women are capable of combining incompatible.

Still remember, the female initiative of the attitude kills, namely its presence distinguishes strong women from less self-confident, so pass it to the man! Let him have the feeling that he is leading, that he is the boss! A wise woman will manage to bring her beloved to the right decision. For example, you want to go to an Italian restaurant today, which opened next to your house. You can say: “Darling, so I want pizza … By the way, did you see an Italian restaurant opened? A neighbor said that there is a great cuisine! “Anticipated reaction:” Let’s go there! “And you:” What an amazing idea! With pleasure, dear! ”

Often caress the male rumor with the phrase: “As you say, dear!” – … .After it you can do as you see fit.

Refuse the desire to prove something, persuade and justify. Forget about ultimatums, threats, “arrivals” and any manifestation of aggression: these are all signs of male behavior. Resentment, tears, sadness, ignoring – much more effective in dealing with men.

Allow yourself to sometimes pokapriznichat, especially when you are sick, ask for his advice, ask for help and favors – let your small female weaknesses awake in him a defender, a mentor and a rescuer – a strong man!

Myth 3. Men like silly women.

From time to time pretend to be a silly little one is one thing, and constantly being a fool is an amateur. And such, of course, are: complex and short-sighted men like to appear against the background of such girls educated and intelligent. But a man who respects himself chooses his partner for other parameters. He will be happy if next to him is the one with whom you can talk about everything in the world, get from her a wise woman’s advice and support, and not an infantile cute doll. Although the intellect does not exclude beauty, and beauty does not exclude grooming!

No matter how intelligent the woman was, it’s not worth squeamishly refusing cosmetics and beautiful outfits designed to exacerbate primitive sexual instincts – because an intelligent girl should use everything for her own good.


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Ambria – Chapter 17 – Atlantic City – Part 5

“I’m in a place in my life where there’s only some key things I need in my life. “

After last night’s mad sex and boozing, Ambria passed out. It was obvious she drank too much, but we’re adults and in a safe location so who cares. The sex was intense. But unlike me, Ambria isn’t as sexually powerful as myself. She fell asleep. I was still wide awake from all of the fun activity.

I was sipping my drink, and realized I hadn’t eaten in over eight hours. So I grabbed the keys and quietly left the room. I hopped in the elevator and went downstairs.

The Ritz Carlton is right on the boardwalk. It’s Fourth of July weekend. The town is in full swing. This is sin city!

I don’t want to gamble, but I really want to do something I shouldn’t after all that booze at 11pm at night. I don’t live like this. But I did what I knew I shouldn’t do. I walked into Tony Luke’s and ordered a big old cheese steak and fries.

I’m sure you all assumed I did something much worse, but I never eat like that anymore. I love a good breakfast, I dig a modest late lunch, and then a very light supper at dusk.

I know what could happen, but I’ve been drinking, I’m hungry after getting my freak on for the last few hours, and I want a fucking cheese steak!

I go back up to the room and obviously, my girl is deeply asleep. The cheese steak and fries is sooo good. It’s just what I need. Oh, that and the large Diet Coke to wash it all down.

After I stuff my head I’m so satisfied. It’s been an electric day and night. I crawl into bed and pass out within a few minutes.

Here’s why I shouldn’t have done that.

  1. My body knows its own schedule in regard to diet. It’s pretty consistent.
  2. I’ve been drinking oceans of booze with Ambria tonight. We didn’t quit drinking early. We boozed for hours. Despite the alcohol the sex wasn’t affected at all. (That I know of. Everything was fully functional and it was hot.)
  3. I just ate a pile of greasy proteins and carbohydrates.
  4. And now I’m passing out.
  5. When you’re boozed up you pass out, but don’t really get a solid nights sleep. Part of that time you’re unconscious, your body is busy still processing the alcohol in your system.
  6. Now you’ve added a whole food digestion event into this nocturnal slumber. You’re probably going to feel much worse tomorrow morning.


The next morning I felt like shit. It’s rare I ever feel hungover anymore because I always drink a lot of water when I’m out drinking. But that drinking is usually a happy hour that consiste of two cocktails in two hours and then home. Or, a few glasses of wine and then home.

It’s not oceans of hard liquor and then greasy food tossed in on top of it all. That just turns into rocket fuel.

The best thing to do is moderation, hydration and then solid sleep. The next morning a good breakfast with fruit and protiens and vegtables will bring you forward through your day.

Ambria is already up and getting dressed. She seems fine. I feel like I’ve been thrown into a dumpster. I know I’ll feel better later but probably not until well after 3pm.

I jump into the shower and that helps. When I’m finished, I pack up and we head out of the room. Ambria says something about some breakfast place she likes to hit when she’s in town and asks if I want to do that.

Normally I’d be down for a new breakfast spot but right now I just feel too sick. The Irish flu is upon me.

I tell her I’d just like to get on the road and hit up a Wawa and get some crackers, a banana, some water and ginger ale.

Ambria seems annoyed, but I’m really not feeling well and I’m kinda done with being here today. Had I felt better, I would have done whatever she wanted, but i just wasn’t feeling it anymore. I just wanted to feel better.

I’m set in my ways at my age, and even though I am very flexible and affable, I’ve been with the same girl for the last 48 hours and I’m done. I want to be back in Philly. It’s the fourth of July today, and I don’t have to be in work until tomorrow, so I just need my solitude and recovery.

I’ll be fine by late afternoon.

Ambria and I have been dating for a few months. We just had cataclysmic sex. It was her idea. I did what I was supposed to do. I performed accordingly. The vodka/urethra incident was painful, but I get a story out of it. I am in a place in my life where there’s only some key things I need in my life.

The good thing was, it was a nice day. A clear day helps clear ones head. We stop at Wawa and I get the things to help cure my self inflicted illness. Ambria picks up a couple of items and we’re back on the road.

As time passes the conversations are fine, and there’s no traffic which is great.

We get back to Philly in about 2 hours and I’m happy to home and off for the rest of the day.

Ambria pulls up about a block from my house, I kiss her and tell her what a wonderful time I’ve had and thank her for making my 4th of July extraordinary.  I grab my bag and get out of the Jeep. I wave bye and tell her we’ll text and probably meet up again next Monday. (Our usual date day because we’re both off)

Ambria drives off and I walk up to my house. Once in I unpack and sit down at my desk and open my laptop. I do some writing, and just feel relieved it’s over.

The whole weekend has been a challenge. (You may be thinking… a chalenge? You just got taken to the shore and ate, drank and fucked away at the Ritz Carlton!)

But I run my life a certain way now. I like to work. I have a set schedule, and if I hang out with someone I know exactly how that’s going to be. Where, when, and for how long. There was a lot of unknows here, travel, strage place, pressuer to perform, and retched excess.

I don’t do that anymore, but I’m glad it’s behind me and Ambria and I can move on from here. I kind of want to get back to the dating part of our relationship.

We’ll see what happens now.

Either way, I have Cherie so I’m in a position  of power here.



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