Cherie – Chapter 63 – I’m Kind Of Mad

“So I’m kind of mad.”

“What happened?”

“I’m horny and angry because I can’t have any.”

“I think it’s good you’re horny again.”

This is the nymphomaniac girlfriend that had hit the kill switch a month ago.

“Well I’m mad.”

“I love you no matter what.”

“I know. I love you too.”

The day passes, She sends me and emoji of a girl humping a rock.

“That rocks!”

“Me… all day.”

“Aww! You need to take care of that, dear!”

“No. You do.”

“I promise I will, sweetheart.”

“I can’t wait. It’s too long and my hormones are raging.”

“It’s been pretty sudden. What brought back your sex drive?”

“I’m horny. I don’t have time for games.”

I don’t know what this means and she hasn’t answered my question.

“But what brought back your drive?”

“I’m off my period and I’m horny. I need to feel you inside of me.”

This is all wonderful news to me but she’s been chilly to me last weekend. I need to pay close attention to her cycle. She gets moody, gets her period, is chilly and then changes back into the woman I fell in love with a year and a half ago.

“I love it! My girlfriend!”

I love the nympho Cherie with the insatiable lust for sex.

“The suspense is killing me. This is my problem. I need it all the time.”

She’s back. Cherie the sexual animal has somehow returned. Problem is the beast returns and I won’t be able to see her and be with her to satisfy her lust for two weeks. I kind of don’t like that she does this a lot. She puts me off and then I get all of these super horny texts how she can’t live without sex and we’re two weeks out of any feasible contact.

It’s like she’s not thinking any of it through, but…. She’s a great girl and I love her so I’ll put up with whatever she’s going through.

But the crazy horny texts become tiresome when you know it is crystal clear that there is nothing I can do to satisfy her lust in this moment.

Why would you lay all of that sex on your man 40 miles away when you know there is absolutely NOTHING he can do about it?

She does this all of the time. It just makes me feel bad I can’t bang the frustration out of her and give her what her mind and body SO desires.

I know… you’re reading this and you’re all probably like: “Oh, this middle aged fucker with is sexual problems with his hot, fit, smart 28 year old girlfriend that he can’t get to out of distance. If I could have such problems.”

Cherie’s been distant and things are not completely even right now, but we’re fine.

But it actually makes me feel bad when her young libido kicks in and there is NOTHING I can do to help her with her plight. It sometimes almost feels a little bit selfish to tell me she needs me and she’s so suddenly so super horny and we are 10 days out of seeing each other.

But again… I look at guys my age and they don’t have these problems. So I will navigate this for the blog and because of who I am.

I’m blessed and so grateful to have sweet Cherie in my life.

“You’re an amazing girl! Perfect!

“No.”

“Well, I love you”

“I love you too, but I’m fucking horny.”

What 55 year old man wouldn’t love this from his 28 year old girlfriend? But there’s nothing I can do. Time, schedules and geography keep us apart. I have a clear understanding of all of this. She is simply torturing me and doesn’t even realize it. She’s simply being honest and raw in her emotions. I love her so much, and admire her raw response, but there’s nothing I can do to satiate her.

“I’ll take care of you.”

“But you can’t now.”

“I’m sorry honey.”

“I need to fuck so bad.”

This is coming from the girl I took to the movies on Saturday and was frosty to me for the second time.

“What are you going to do until he next time we meet on the 24th?”

“Cry.”

That’s killing me a little bit because I know Cherie’s back and she’s still a prisoner to her sex drive. I just need to channel her and please her. That’s all I can think of to do.

I take a risk.

“You should have last Saturday. You know I don’t mind swimming in the water during Shark Week.” (She was on her period so we went to the movies. Her idea, not mine. I like it all no matter how messy. I’ve seen it and done it all.)

“I didn’t want to and gross… I need it now.”

“I don’t know what to do Cherie. If you have any ideas, let me know how it can happen sooner than the 24th.”

She sends me a sad emoji. I decide to let her have it.

“What can I do??? You’re cold to me and then 2 days later you’re super horny and there’s nothing I can do but feel bad about it.”

I needed to draw the line. She’s done this shit before.

Cherie: “I’ve jerked off everyday since thinking about having sex with you. I can’t cum. Well, I can’t hit my climax.”

Okay. At this point she’s totally forgiven because this is my nyphomaniac girlfriend completely back. She’s ignored my admonishment and has responded with her brazen hoensty about how she is absolutely insatiable to be with me. My God. I love this girl and her devotion. She is completely devoured with thoughts of sex with me. I couldn’t pay someone to give me this at my age. All is forgiven. I am one lucky man.

“I feel sad, Cherie. I wish I could help you, Cherie.” (weak)

“I love you too!”

“If you can get down here before the 24th I’ll make that happen.”

She’s gone from the frigid girlfriend to the wanton animal. (I do love all of this thrust and parry)

“I’ll try to get down to Philly.”

Me: Heart emoji (weak)

“I need to fuck you so bad. I need to feel you inside me.”

“I’ll give you my best, love.”

“Promise.”

“I promise.”

“Ok.”

 

And it ends there for the night. It’s been a fascinating journey in this relationship. I love Cherie. She’s been the perfect girlfriend for me. Young, fit, smart, sexual athlete, and doesn’t want any more kids and most of all…hardly around.

I like to work and be busy and love my alone time. Cherie fits the bill for the perfect girlfriend for me.

But will I be able to sustain this?

I think I can. This love affair is unlike any I’ve ever known and Cherie is maybe the best woman I’ve ever met. There is a simplicity and calm in our life together. She has a complicated and busy life that is full of school, work and child rearing.

I, on the other hand have a simple singular life filled with work, social life and creativity.

Could Cherie and I ultimately work as a couple? No idea. I would probably stop smoking and drinking. That could be hard, but at my age I should probably give that shit up anyway and it wouldn’t be too difficult.

Cherie has such a good heart and has her education firmly ensconced along with her foothold at CHOP. She has a great future ahead of her. If she can pull it off and become a doctor she’ll live her dream.

What if I’m the one guy she met that was sweet to her and really loved her? I treated her well for years and she and I could be a couple? What if I finally met my soul mate? What if that happens?

There was that one time in Rittenhouse we were walking. She was wearing that outfit and she was half-naked. Back out. Sweet luscious legs out.

I looked at her and thought:

Wife.

Okay… Lets see what happens on the 24th.

 

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9 Mantras To Recite After Calling Off An Engagement As You Move On

Whether you’ve been thinking about walking away from your relationship for a while or you just realized you were meant to be with someone else, ending a long-term commitment to someone is difficult. And in the heat of all the stress and confusion, knowing some empowering mantras to recite after calling off an engagement can help you feel strong and stable as you start to move forward.

No matter who you are, if you realize that you’re not ready to get married, it’s always OK to take a step back to re-evaluate. At any stage of a romantic relationship, it’s important to listen to your heart and do what’s right for you. From taking some time away from your partner to discussing what you want your future to look like, your life is yours, and you get to decide the actions you take moving forward. While it may initially feel intimidating to take the next steps, if you don’t want to get married, following your truth can help you live a fuller and happier life.

If you’ve recently broken off your engagement and you’re feeling a little overwhelmed, these nine mantras can help you find clarity as you move on.

Portrait of beautiful young woman walking with umbrella under rain,raincoat
Shutterstock

1. I’m doing what’s right for me in this moment.

If you start second-guessing yourself or you’re wondering if you did something wrong, remember that you are doing what’s right for you at this very moment. Things may change in the future, and if that happens, you’ll be ready for it. Prioritizing your mental health and happiness can be a really good thing.

2. It’s OK if someone doesn’t understand why I’m doing this.

You don’t need to validate or justify your choices to your ex-fiancé’s sister’s boyfriend, your old college roommate, or whoever the heck else. You know what’s right for you, and that’s all that matters. Not everyone is going to understand your actions, and honestly, not everyone needs to.

3. I will not feel ashamed for following my heart.

While it may feel painful in the moment, taking steps to live your truth is honestly something to celebrate. This isn’t anyone’s “fault,” and you don’t need to blame yourself for calling it off. You never need to feel ashamed about doing what’s right for you.

4. I will only share what I feel comfortable sharing.

People may have a million questions about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Though you may want to discuss some of your feelings or actions with your loved ones, you certainly don’t owe anyone an explanation. No one is entitled to hearing all the details of your personal life. You can decide how much you want to share with whom, and how you go about sharing.

woman walking in the garden
Shutterstock

5. I will grow as I go.

You don’t know all the answers and you don’t need to know all the answers. You will figure it out as you go along. You will grow through this whole process. And you will listen to your intuition and do what feels right for you.

6. Healing looks different for everyone.

You get to process and heal in your own way and on your own timeline. Whether you need to get away for a while or want to spend time with friends and family, you get to decide what moving on looks like and how it happens. Healing looks different for everyone, and you get to follow your own heart.

7. I’m proud of myself for speaking my truth.

Following your heart and living your truth doesn’t make you a “bad person.” It makes you a brave person, and you should be proud of yourself for being true to who you are.

8. I deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

You deserve to feel happy, loved, and supported. You deserve to have the types of relationships that you want to be in. And in time, you will find everything that you’re looking for.

9. It’s going to be OK.

You are going to survive, you are going to get through it, and you are going to figure out what the best next steps are for you. While it may sound simple, reminding yourself that you are going to be OK can be incredibly affirming.

 

 

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The 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make After Getting Divorced

Avoid these mistakes so you can find love again.

If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, then you know what a struggle it can be figuring out how to start dating after divorce.

Getting over your marriage ending and being able to move on without baggage is difficult, so making sure you’re ready to start dating and knowing how to get a date are equally important.

Whether you’ve already started dating after divorce, or you’re about to take the plunge, chances are good you’re going to be tempted to give in to three behaviors that will sabotage either your ability to move on from your marriage, or seriously reduce the chance you’ll find a wonderful new man.

Here are 3 mistakes you need to avoid in order to start dating after divorce so you can find a healthy new relationship and be happy again:

1. Thinking all guys are like your ex.

Trusting a new man once you’ve been hurt by your ex-husband is difficult. But if you don’t get rid of this distrust toward men, it will destroy your chance of finding someone new.

This distrust often shows up in online dating profiles when you say things like “no head games,” or “no dishonest men.”

When you write those things in your profile, you’re broadcasting on a billboard that you’ve been hurt and that you’re distrustful.

You’ll scare away the men who have it together because they’ll recognize your distrust immediately. And most of the men who really do play head games or are dishonest haven’t admitted to themselves that they possess these massive flaws … this makes it likely that they aren’t going to stay away from you just because you ask them to in your profile.

And when you do get into a relationship after divorce, even if the guy is faithful to you and is madly in love with you, you may not believe anything he says.

If you assume all men are like your ex-husband, you’ll have this ongoing chorus playing the back of your mind: “All men are no good. All men cheat. All men fall out of love and break up with me.”

It plays like a country song accompanied by an out-of-tune guitar. Replace that chorus with something more melodious, something like, “I’m having a lot of fun getting to know my new man (or my date) and finding out what good qualities he has.”

With each man you meet, you want to start with a clean slate.

Look at him as an individual. Notice all the ways your new man or date is different from your ex-husband.

2. Getting involved in a rebound relationship.

If you’re lonely after your divorce, it’s easy to get involved with someone new before you’re truly ready to move on. But how do you know whether that new relationship is the real thing or whether you’re simply on the rebound?

First, ask yourself if the person you’re with has the qualities you’d want in a long-term partner. Do you have lots in common with this person? Or is the physical attraction blinding you to how wrong you really are for each other?

Another question to ask: Am I happy alone even without a man in my life? If the answer is yes, then you’re ready to get involved in a new relationship.

If the only reason you’re getting involved in a new relationship is that you can’t stand to be alone, then your new relationship may indeed be a rebound relationship.

As you heal from your divorce and think about the lessons you learned from it, your new relationship can be transformed from a rebound relationship to a real relationship, as long as it’s based on more than just physical attraction.

3. Unintentionally holding onto baggage.

No one is a blank sheet of paper. We’ve all been hurt in the past. The key is to find ways to release the baggage so it doesn’t get stuck inside of you. In fact, much of the time, you’re probably not even aware of your baggage.

It’s time to start having an internal dialogue with yourself. Did you spend enough time alone after your divorce to really think about what caused the collapse of your marriage? While your ex-husband likely played a part, did you have any destructive habits? Blame is one of the most common destructive habits I’ve seen in couples.

You want to blame your significant others for the way you feel. But your emotions have your name tags on them. You own them. Rather than telling your partners “You’re making me angry,” it’s much better to say, “When you did X, Y, or Z, I didn’t feel so good. I felt really uncomfortable.”

Whether it’s avoiding blame or any other relationship-sabotaging factors, is there anything you could do differently in a new relationship to stop it from going the way of your marriage? It’s only when you answer this question that you can say goodbye to your baggage and hello to a wonderful new relationship.

 

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The Reasons Why Married Women Cheat on Their Husbands

It’s not something most people want to face, let alone talk about or even consider. But the truth is, even in the happiest marriages, affairs can happen. Maybe a close relationship with a colleague goes too far during a long night at the office. Or an unexpected dalliance occurs on a vacation with friends. Or maybe, it’s a longer-running situation, where a husband or wife turns to someone to fill a physical or emotional void left unfilled by their spouses. The fact of the matter is that infidelity is not surprising. What is surprising, however, is who’s doing the cheating.

© LaylaBird / Getty

“We have this idea socially that men are cheaters, all men are susceptible to cheating, men are dogs, right?” says Alicia M. Walker, an associate professor of sociology at Missouri State University. But the data tells a very different story”

Walker is the author of The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity. She was inspired to write the book after coming across a number of stories on infidelity. “I saw a study that said some 90 percent of people who cheat never leave their spouse,” she says. “And I feel like, that’s not what we hear about. We hear about people cheating and then the marriage breaking up. Then I saw another study that some high 80 percent of folks never get caught cheating and that number is even higher if you’re a woman. So that really got me thinking like, ‘Something is going on here besides what I think is going on here.’ Because we sort of have this social idea that if you’re cheating you’re always going to get caught eventually.”

“Something that some of the women in my study brought up that I never thought about was that when they were searching for an affair partner, they were having these candid, frank discussions about sexual compatibility and sexual preferences.”

After reading a study that said most women are vulnerable to infidelity in their 40s, the idea became lodged in her mind. “Those three pieces of information together kind of got me thinking,” Walker says. “And, over the course of the next few months, it seemed like every movie I saw, every conversation I had, this topic just kept coming up. So, in looking to answer my own questions about this, I realized there was really not much research out there about infidelity. We just kind of act like it doesn’t happen.”

What she noticed from her work, is that women are cheating at at least the same rates as men. And, depending on the age group you’re looking at and the behavior that you’re looking at, sometimes they’re outpacing men.

“Way more women are cheating than we think,” she says. “We just don’t like to talk about it and we don’t like to think about it. You don’t want to think that your neighbor, your Sunday school teacher, or your friend is doing this. But the reality is, you know a woman who’s cheating, you just don’t know that she is.”

Now, Walker makes clear, there’s no one specific reason for infidelity. Some women cheat to avoid boredom; other women cheat because they feel neglected. Still others say it’s because they f**king want to.

“A lot of the time the reasons are physical, sometimes they’re emotional, and, sometimes, as much as we don’t want to admit this or know this, sometimes it’s just a matter of somebody having an opportunity,” says Walker. “There’s a lot of data showing that a woman will have an affair with a coworker and are more likely to report that ‘My marriage is great and I’m super satisfied. I literally saw an opportunity and took advantage of it.’ ”

“You should really start looking at your own behavior in the bedroom and really make sure that you’re holding up your end of the table. Because, if you’re not, there’s somebody out there who’s more than willing to do that.”

The notion of the cheating wife is something that tends to be swept under the rug, per Walker, mostly because it goes against everything that we as a culture have been conditioned to think about women.

“We want to think of women as not particularly sexual unless they’re deeply in love or they’re married or in some monogamous relationship of some kind. We just don’t want to think that women are just as sexual and just as interested in having sex with multiple partners or a variety of partners or they get bored with marital sex.”

However, if we want things to change, it’s time to not only start thinking about the idea of female infidelity, but also to figure out what we can do to improve things. Walker says that begins with having honest conversations about sex, preferably before marriage.

“Something that some of the women in my study brought up that I never thought about was that when they were searching for an affair partner, they were having these candid, frank discussions about sexual compatibility and sexual preferences,” says Walker. “When I got married, I never had any of these conversations, and I started thinking, ‘You know, that’s true, we don’t have those conversations.’ We kind of wander into these romantic pairings and we fall in love and we kind of think that the sex is going to take care of itself. But, according to the data, that’s not true.”

Part of those frank discussions is being open to what your spouse is interested in. A lot of the women Walker interviewed said that when they talked openly about their fantasies or desires to their husbands, they were met with disgust and made to feel ashamed.

“It was really pretty sobering, to be honest with you,” Walker says. “This is a person who’s pledged to love you for all time and you say to them, ‘Hey, I want to try role-playing,’ or whatever it is, and then think about having the person that you love and trust the most say, ‘That’s disgusting. What’s wrong with you?’ If you listen to that for years, and then in walks somebody who’s not only like, ‘That’s not disgusting,’ but they’re into it, you can see how attractive that would be.”

A lot of the women Walker interviewed said that when they talked openly about their fantasies or desires to their husbands, they were met with disgust and made to feel ashamed.

In conducting her research, Walker was surprised to learn that a lot of the women that she interviewed were interested in the prospect of an open marriage.

“They don’t want to leave their husband, they love their husband, they’ve got a great life, but what they really want is variety in their sexual partners,” she says. “It’s not just, ‘Oh, I want my husband, and I want this one affair.’ It’s, ‘I want my husband and I want to taste all the parts of the menu!’ ”

Additionally, she discovered that women who cheat see it as an exercise in power. The socially accepted norm when it comes to coupling is that the man asks the woman out, the man pays for dinner, the man proposes marriage. While the ideas behind these traditions may be chivalrous, Walker says that the women she spoke to eventually felt confined by them.

“They always felt like they had been chosen, rather than choosing themselves,” she says. “And then they go online to Ashley Madison, or any other site, and there’s all these men, and now they’re choosing rather than being chosen.”

In the end, attentiveness is the key. When you’re with your spouse, Walker says it’s vital to make sure you’re thinking of her needs as well as your own.

“Any man who is concerned about this,” she says, “you should really start looking at your own behavior in the bedroom and really make sure that you’re holding up your end of the table. Because, if you’re not, there’s somebody out there who’s more than willing to do that.”

 

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January is unofficially considered ‘divorce month’ in legal circles due to a peak in filings. Here’s a divorce lawyer’s advice on how to survive your own separation.

Matrimonial attorneys across the nation have prepared for this January, when divorce filings peak. Unofficially dubbed “divorce month” in legal circles nationwide, there’s a variety of reasons why couples have historically chosen to separate after the holidays — and a number of ways for clients to cope.

The phrase “divorce month” became so prevalent in matrimonial law that, in 2016, a study from the University of Washington was conducted to see if there was any statistical evidence to back up the anecdotes. Researchers examined divorce filings from 2001 to 2015 in the state of Washington and determined that filings did indeed increase in January, compared to December.

Ohio, Minnesota, Florida, and Arizona were also found to exhibit similar patterns; according to Google Trends, the topic of “divorce” peaked the week of January 6 through 12. But while divorce filings spike in January, couples begin their search for legal resources during the holidays when many attorneys are out of office.

On Pinterest, searches for “divorce party” rose an average of 21% from December to January in 2019. This interest is confirmed in matrimonial law offices, where the last two weeks of December are often the busiest of the year as attorneys prepare for the influx of filings.

But why the increase in the first place? For many, the new year often reminds us that we need a fresh start. This is particularly common in unhealthy relationships and dead-end marriages, where couples may decide the best resolution is to part ways. It’s also important to remember that winter and summer holidays are culturally important times for families with children, and filing for divorce during them may be seen as inappropriate.

Other troubled marriages may see the holidays as a time to patch things up, with hopes that things will improve. People often raise their expectations during the holidays, despite past troubles in their relationship. Coupled with an expectation for positive change at the new year, many couples attempt to stick it out through the holidays.

But for others, the University of Washington study found the holidays to be exhausting and emotionally demanding, exposing cracks in their marriages. According to the report, “the consistent pattern in filings, the researchers believe, reflects the disillusionment unhappy spouses feel when the holidays don’t live up to expectations.”

But anyone considering divorce should always remember that fear of separation and holiday tunnel vision are never rational reasons to stay in toxic relationships. While most clients fear divorce, very few ever regret going through with it. In the end, all parties end up happier and better off, and the experience becomes liberating.

Sometimes couples are advised by tax professionals to delay filing until the new year. In most instances, filing jointly as married can help couples take advantage of tax breaks before separation. Attorneys may also advise clients to wait until the new year to take advantage of or avoid new legislation, such as The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, which enacted new tax rules regarding alimony payments.

In divorces finalized after January 1, 2019, spousal support can no longer be deducted from taxes. And for those receiving alimony, spousal support is no longer considered taxable income. This significantly increases the burden on the individual paying alimony and ultimately means more money for the government.

So before making an appointment with an attorney in January, there are a few things couples should consider. First of all, it’s not uncommon for couples considering separation to simply be victims of holiday stress. Take some time to reflect upon your relationship and determine if it is really worth salvaging. If both partners agree it’s time to move on, it’s typically in everyone’s best interest to proceed with commencing the divorce process.

If you do decide to proceed with divorce, don’t be afraid to ask your therapist, attorney, or a support group for help, and be sure to make time for self-care and positive thoughts. The holidays are a stressful time, and the New Year can bring much needed clarity, regardless of your ultimate decision.

During the separation process, your attorney will help you decide how to best reach your financial and parenting goals. As previously noted, they will consider, among other things, the tax implications of your decision and potential new legislation that may take effect in the new year.

When clients decide to begin the divorce process, we advise that they should explore therapy as early as possible. There is no longer a stigma attached, and you cannot afford to neglect your feelings — negative emotions and hurt feelings can cloud judgment. Therapy can help you prioritize your thoughts, providing you with a trustworthy third party while separating knee-jerk emotional reactions from what’s best for you, your children, and your future.

Clients should also reach out to their attorneys for as much information on the process as possible. The more they know about the legal process, the less stressful it’s likely to be. Lawyers can also give advice on how to reach support communities, as well as ways to best proceed emotionally.

We recommend staying off social media, and urge clients not to use it to air grievances. Avoid following your spouse’s feeds too closely so that you can stay focused on ending your marriage as quickly and equitably as possible.

Practice self-care instead. Make sure you’re eating right, exercising, and taking time for your own recreation. Twenty minutes of exercise a day goes a long way in helping clients cope by lowering anxiety and stress and helps to deter depression and negative emotions.

A healthy social life is another excellent way to maintain positive thoughts. Focus on staying out of the tunnel vision divorce can cause and remember that life will go on. Many clients fear the end of the process the most, but, once it’s over, the vast majority of them experience instant relief and go on to happier relationships.

If your marriage is putting pressure on you this holiday season, just know you’re not alone should you make the decision to file for divorce. The holidays can be a stressful time, but remember that in addition to your attorney, therapists and other wellness providers can be great resources.

Overall, take your time and do what’s right for you. And, once you make your final call, don’t look back.

 

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7 Reasons to Break up With Someone That Are Perfectly Valid

When it comes to ending relationships, the “right” reasons to break up with someone may not always seem so clear-cut. You may be caught up in the positive aspects of the relationship, which is totally understandable. Do you two argue about how often to have sex? You may be OK with it, since that person is kind, caring, and basically your rock. You’re always the one initiating texts and phone calls? You may let it slide if your partner doesn’t have easy access to their phone during work or school. It’s easy to ignore seemingly “smaller” problems in a relationship when it seems like for the most part, things are good. You don’t want to end something so great for a reason so trivial. However, those problems or issues could well in fact be valid reasons for breaking up.

There are more obvious red flags that many people are aware of, like if your partner is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, or you know that they have cheated on you. In those cases, things might seem more black and white for you to end the relationship. But there are other circumstances that you could easily overlook that may actually be really valid reasons for ending things. Read on for several valid reasons to break up with someone.

The chemistry isn’t there.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel excited to be near them, and you just feel an attraction when they’re present.

“It felt more like a friendship than a relationship and the awkwardness in public made me feel uncomfortable,” Reddit user JakeCryo said. “After awhile I knew it wasn’t going anywhere so that’s when I made the hard decision of breaking up with her.”

The relationship feels like a job.

If you start to feel like your partner’s therapist or mother more than their partner, it could be time to call it quits.

“I broke up with him because it felt like I had to take care of him a lot of the time and I didn’t like that,” said Redditer Careless_Crow. “It was too much pressure. He’s a great guy and we often had fun, but he expected a lot out of me that I felt was unreasonable. I guess at heart, I wasn’t really ready for commitment, and he only wanted a commitment.”

You’re stressed about the relationship.

A relationship, the majority of times, should make you feel relieved, calmed down, and at peace. If you’re stressing about the relationship, that’s not good.

“I couldn’t accommodate to him enough without without being stressed about it and losing myself,” said Reddit user Areann. “So I broke it off after seven years and a couple of weeks. He’s still my best friend though, and I still see him every week.”

You’re giving more to the relationship than the other person is.

Maybe reaching a fully equal relationship is difficult, but it should be at least close in terms of effort.

“We had to do long distance for the first time, and after a while I realized that I would start most conversations, and talk most, and be the most open and honest,” Redditer IambABanana said. “It just felt like she didn’t care as much as I did, and it made me feel almost resentful because of that. I’m still not sure if she was at fault, or maybe I was just too clingy and expected too much from her.”

Something is missing that you can’t put your finger on.

“I just broke up with my boyfriend of [five] years and in that last year we were engaged,” said Redditer Ilmcats. “I loved him and there was nothing wrong with our relationship. We got along well, had like interests and goals, but something in my heart just didn’t feel right.”

You don’t want to be intimate with them.

Of course, if you are on the asexual spectrum, this may not be indicative of whether or not you want to stay in a relationship. However, if there was once a stronger desire to be intimate with your partner, but now that’s gone, that could mean something.

“When you start to avoid any situation that could lead to an opportunity for intimacy,” said Reddit user Kolyahavn. “Also, you suddenly find you’re too busy and making time for your significant other isn’t a priority anymore.”

You’re actively thinking of breaking up with them.

If you’re continuously thinking about breaking up with your partner, this could be your mind giving you a sign for what you want to do.

“Honestly, for me, when I start wondering if I should break up with them,” said Redditer Insidia. “Once I start having this thought, it usually means that things have deteriorated enough that I should probably just get out.”

All in all, what you choose to accept in a relationship and not tolerate at all is up to you. If the above situations are your breaking point and you choose to break up with your partner? It’s totally, 100 percent valid.

 

 

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You Can Apparently Tell if a Man Will Cheat on You Based on His Face

There are a few options available to you if you suspect your partner is being a 24 carat love rat.

You could just cut your losses and dump them. Or you could confront them. Or you could snoop through their emails and texts and keep a beady eye on their spending, but you also risk driving yourself mad that way (and getting caught).

Then again, if your partner is a man, maybe the signs were there all along – quite literally stamped over his face – and we’re not talking lipstick marks or love bites.

A new study has found that, if you know what to look for, male cheaters actually give away their adulterous antics.

You could just talk them? (Image: Getty Images)

When it comes to their extra-curricular shenanigans, men who stray cannot keep a poker face, a study published in the Royal Society Open Science journal found.

Their findings also stated that men and women could in fact predict when a man was being unfaithful to a decent degree of accuracy simply by looking at a photo.

Interestingly, women were pretty much impossible to read.

Male cheats will quite often have more typically masculine “angular” features.

These include squarer jaws and chins and prominent brows.

 

The research was conducted by the University of Western Australia and researchers who worked on it said humans may have developed the ability to spot a love rat because this could have given ancient humans an evolutionary advantage.

“Given the reproductive costs of being cheated on, evolutionary theories predict that it would be [beneficial] for individuals to evolve strategies to prevent sexual infidelity,’ they said.

They arrived at this conclusion after asking 1500 people to look through photos of 200 men and women who’d been quizzed on their fidelity and whether they’d pursued anyone outside of their relationship.

Apparently women are more inscrutable (Image: iStockphoto)

Both men and women were able to judge faithfulness for men with a level of accuracy that was significantly better than chance alone.

20 per cent of the subjects were even able to definitely detect unreliable men.

Yet when it came to women, they proved to be impossible to read in the same way.

 

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