The Reasons Why Married Women Cheat on Their Husbands

It’s not something most people want to face, let alone talk about or even consider. But the truth is, even in the happiest marriages, affairs can happen. Maybe a close relationship with a colleague goes too far during a long night at the office. Or an unexpected dalliance occurs on a vacation with friends. Or maybe, it’s a longer-running situation, where a husband or wife turns to someone to fill a physical or emotional void left unfilled by their spouses. The fact of the matter is that infidelity is not surprising. What is surprising, however, is who’s doing the cheating.

© LaylaBird / Getty

“We have this idea socially that men are cheaters, all men are susceptible to cheating, men are dogs, right?” says Alicia M. Walker, an associate professor of sociology at Missouri State University. But the data tells a very different story”

Walker is the author of The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity. She was inspired to write the book after coming across a number of stories on infidelity. “I saw a study that said some 90 percent of people who cheat never leave their spouse,” she says. “And I feel like, that’s not what we hear about. We hear about people cheating and then the marriage breaking up. Then I saw another study that some high 80 percent of folks never get caught cheating and that number is even higher if you’re a woman. So that really got me thinking like, ‘Something is going on here besides what I think is going on here.’ Because we sort of have this social idea that if you’re cheating you’re always going to get caught eventually.”

“Something that some of the women in my study brought up that I never thought about was that when they were searching for an affair partner, they were having these candid, frank discussions about sexual compatibility and sexual preferences.”

After reading a study that said most women are vulnerable to infidelity in their 40s, the idea became lodged in her mind. “Those three pieces of information together kind of got me thinking,” Walker says. “And, over the course of the next few months, it seemed like every movie I saw, every conversation I had, this topic just kept coming up. So, in looking to answer my own questions about this, I realized there was really not much research out there about infidelity. We just kind of act like it doesn’t happen.”

What she noticed from her work, is that women are cheating at at least the same rates as men. And, depending on the age group you’re looking at and the behavior that you’re looking at, sometimes they’re outpacing men.

“Way more women are cheating than we think,” she says. “We just don’t like to talk about it and we don’t like to think about it. You don’t want to think that your neighbor, your Sunday school teacher, or your friend is doing this. But the reality is, you know a woman who’s cheating, you just don’t know that she is.”

Now, Walker makes clear, there’s no one specific reason for infidelity. Some women cheat to avoid boredom; other women cheat because they feel neglected. Still others say it’s because they f**king want to.

“A lot of the time the reasons are physical, sometimes they’re emotional, and, sometimes, as much as we don’t want to admit this or know this, sometimes it’s just a matter of somebody having an opportunity,” says Walker. “There’s a lot of data showing that a woman will have an affair with a coworker and are more likely to report that ‘My marriage is great and I’m super satisfied. I literally saw an opportunity and took advantage of it.’ ”

“You should really start looking at your own behavior in the bedroom and really make sure that you’re holding up your end of the table. Because, if you’re not, there’s somebody out there who’s more than willing to do that.”

The notion of the cheating wife is something that tends to be swept under the rug, per Walker, mostly because it goes against everything that we as a culture have been conditioned to think about women.

“We want to think of women as not particularly sexual unless they’re deeply in love or they’re married or in some monogamous relationship of some kind. We just don’t want to think that women are just as sexual and just as interested in having sex with multiple partners or a variety of partners or they get bored with marital sex.”

However, if we want things to change, it’s time to not only start thinking about the idea of female infidelity, but also to figure out what we can do to improve things. Walker says that begins with having honest conversations about sex, preferably before marriage.

“Something that some of the women in my study brought up that I never thought about was that when they were searching for an affair partner, they were having these candid, frank discussions about sexual compatibility and sexual preferences,” says Walker. “When I got married, I never had any of these conversations, and I started thinking, ‘You know, that’s true, we don’t have those conversations.’ We kind of wander into these romantic pairings and we fall in love and we kind of think that the sex is going to take care of itself. But, according to the data, that’s not true.”

Part of those frank discussions is being open to what your spouse is interested in. A lot of the women Walker interviewed said that when they talked openly about their fantasies or desires to their husbands, they were met with disgust and made to feel ashamed.

“It was really pretty sobering, to be honest with you,” Walker says. “This is a person who’s pledged to love you for all time and you say to them, ‘Hey, I want to try role-playing,’ or whatever it is, and then think about having the person that you love and trust the most say, ‘That’s disgusting. What’s wrong with you?’ If you listen to that for years, and then in walks somebody who’s not only like, ‘That’s not disgusting,’ but they’re into it, you can see how attractive that would be.”

A lot of the women Walker interviewed said that when they talked openly about their fantasies or desires to their husbands, they were met with disgust and made to feel ashamed.

In conducting her research, Walker was surprised to learn that a lot of the women that she interviewed were interested in the prospect of an open marriage.

“They don’t want to leave their husband, they love their husband, they’ve got a great life, but what they really want is variety in their sexual partners,” she says. “It’s not just, ‘Oh, I want my husband, and I want this one affair.’ It’s, ‘I want my husband and I want to taste all the parts of the menu!’ ”

Additionally, she discovered that women who cheat see it as an exercise in power. The socially accepted norm when it comes to coupling is that the man asks the woman out, the man pays for dinner, the man proposes marriage. While the ideas behind these traditions may be chivalrous, Walker says that the women she spoke to eventually felt confined by them.

“They always felt like they had been chosen, rather than choosing themselves,” she says. “And then they go online to Ashley Madison, or any other site, and there’s all these men, and now they’re choosing rather than being chosen.”

In the end, attentiveness is the key. When you’re with your spouse, Walker says it’s vital to make sure you’re thinking of her needs as well as your own.

“Any man who is concerned about this,” she says, “you should really start looking at your own behavior in the bedroom and really make sure that you’re holding up your end of the table. Because, if you’re not, there’s somebody out there who’s more than willing to do that.”

 

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Philadelphia’s New Year’s Tradition Reflects Our Racist Past — And May Overcome It

The Mummers Parade is growing more diverse, showing how longtime traditions can be recast.

Correction: An earlier version of this post stated that Frank Rizzo’s quoted comments came during a 1978 mayoral campaign. In reality, they came during a campaign to change the city charter so that Rizzo could run for a third consecutive term the following year.

 

For more than a century, Philadelphia has celebrated New Year’s Day with the Mummers Parade, a regional tradition that brings thousands into the streets to wear costumes, play music, dance and perform satirical sketches on local and national politics.

Almost every year, however, the parade sparks controversy. In 2019, for example, City Council President Darrell L. Clarke denounced the mummers because he incorrectly thought that the rapper Jay-Z had been portrayed by a white man in blackface, not an African American. While Clarke was wrong, the mistake was plausible, given that black Philadelphians, who make up more than 40 percent of the city’s population, have never participated in the parade in large numbers. And until the city imposed a ban on blackface makeup in the parade in 1963, many mummers marched in blackface, a practice inherited from the 19th-century minstrel show.

Even today, the Mummers Parade is imbued with performances reminiscent of blackface minstrelsy. The “strut,” the mummers’ signature dance step, for example, can be traced to the cakewalk, an antebellum plantation dance adopted by the minstrel show.

In many ways, the history of the Mummers Parade is a microcosm of the halting movement toward racial integration in the United States. The persistence of minstrel-show stereotypes in the parade mirrors and magnifies the persistence of racism in American society at large. But the parade is also one of the most prominent expressions of Philadelphia’s distinctive history and culture and, thus, also a potential source of civic strength in an increasingly diverse city.

Throughout much of northern Europe and colonial North America, groups of costumed “mummers” roved from house to house during the Christmas season, entertaining their hosts and expecting food, drink or a small tip in return. As early as the 17th century, immigrants from England and Sweden introduced this custom to southeastern Pennsylvania.

By the 19th century, most mummers were young, working-class white men, and their streetside antics were infused with forms of racial impersonation borrowed from the Indian melodramas and blackface minstrel shows popular in the contemporary theater. According to the Philadelphia Public Ledger, New Year’s Day 1876 witnessed impromptu parades by men dressed as “Indians and squaws, princes and princesses, clowns … [and] Negroes of the minstrel hall type.”

Philadelphia’s new, central police force eventually cracked down on unruly holiday celebrations, and H. Bart McHugh — a newspaper reporter and theatrical agent — led the effort to corral the mummers into an organized parade, with prizes funded by the city. In 1901, the city government sponsored the first official Mummers Parade, and the Public Ledger reported that “three thousand men and boys in outlandish garb frolicked, cavorted, grimaced, and whooped while the Mayor and members of Councils, Judges, and other officials, State and municipal, looked on.”

From the beginning, most mummers’ clubs specialized in fancy dress, music, dance or comedy, leading to an elaborate structure for judging a varied assortment of parade performances. Three African American groups competed for prizes in Philadelphia’s first city-sponsored Mummers Parade, and regular African American participation in the parade continued through 1929, when the Octavius V. Catto String Band (named for a martyred 19th-century civil rights leader) made its final appearance.

Sociologist Patricia Anne Masters attributes the withdrawal of independent African American clubs from the 1930 Mummers Parade to the Depression, which hit Philadelphia’s black community especially hard. Deteriorating economic conditions, along with the Catto String Band’s last-place finish in 1928 and 1929, clearly discouraged African American groups from competing, but black brass bands continued to march as paid accompanists for white mummers’ groups through the 1930s, a practice that remains common today.

Yet, Mummers documentarian E.A. Kennedy III suggests that the prolific use of blackface by white mummers also contributed to black disillusionment with the parade. This disillusionment erupted into full-blown conflict in December 1963, when Cecil B. Moore, head of the Philadelphia chapter of the NAACP, and Louis Smith of the Congress of Racial Equality (CORE) successfully pressured parade director Elias Myers, a city official, to ban blackface from the Mummers Parade. This ban precipitated an unsuccessful legal challenge, as well as protests and counter-protests by mummers and civil rights activists.

The result was an uneasy detente over the issue of race in the Mummers Parade. Even in 1975, 12 years after the blackface ban, the New York Times described it as “essentially a white man’s event,” overseen by Mayor Frank Rizzo, who famously enjoined his white working-class base to “vote white” during a 1978 campaign to change the city charter so he could run for a third consecutive term.

 

Over the past six decades the parade has grown considerably more inclusive, even as brownface, redface and yellowface makeup have remained common sights in the parade, and blackface still appeared at the nighttime party after the official parade has ended. In the 1970s, most mummers’ clubs began admitting women for the first time. (Women had long worked behind the scenes, helping to stitch costumes but rarely appeared as performers). In 1984, the Goodtimers Comic Club, with an African American president and hundreds of minority members, started competing in the parade, just as W. Wilson Goode, Philadelphia’s first African American mayor, took office. And in 1992, a group of Cambodian American artists and students teamed up with the Golden Sunrise Fancy Brigade to stage a Khmer dance drama along the parade route, reflecting the rapid growth of the city’s Cambodian American population.

Over the past six decades, the Mummers Parade has grown considerably more inclusive. (Ed Jones/AFP/Getty Images)
Over the past six decades, the Mummers Parade has grown considerably more inclusive. (Ed Jones/AFP/Getty Images)

By 2016, participants in the Mummers Parade included a Caribbean steel band, a Mexican American carnival organization, an African American drill team, a Puerto Rican bomba group and a brigade of drag queens — even as videos of individual mummers using racist and homophobic slurs along the parade route have also gone viral in recent years.

This bifurcation captures the complex state of the parade when it comes to race as we enter a new decade. Some mummers embrace the growing diversity of the parade out of conviction, whereas others view it as a pragmatic antidote to the declining participation and attendance that have afflicted the parade since the 1990s. Indeed, many if not most new mummers over the past decade have come from outside the white ethnic communities that traditionally sustained the parade.

 

Progressive and racially integrated mummers’ groups like the Vaudevillains, the Rabble Rousers and the Lobster Club have sought to change the political tenor of the parade, with performances that confront climate change, nuclear proliferation, big agriculture, student loan debt, access to health care and fracking in rural Pennsylvania. (Full disclosure: I was a member of the Vaudevillains from 2009 to 2012). These groups have realized that joining the parade is the only way to bring about a more pluralistic future for the mummers, offering a local lesson in direct political action that applies to struggles over diversity, equity and inclusion at the national level.

The Mummers Parade offers a carnivalesque bully pulpit to communicate directly with one’s fellow citizens, and as a city-sponsored event, participation is open to anyone. The reach of the parade has diminished from its peak, but roughly 8,000 marchers and 50,000 spectators crowd the parade route each New Year’s Day, and hundreds of thousands watch the parade on local television. Because Philadelphia is the largest city in America’s second-largest swing state, the vibrancy of the city’s political life has national implications, especially in a presidential election year.

A populist tradition like the Mummers Parade has the potential to point the way toward a more inclusive future or to remain mired in the racism that has characterized America’s past. Rather than abandon or decry the parade for its attachment to minstrel-show stereotypes and its history of racial exclusion, Philadelphians of all backgrounds would do well to embrace mummery as a powerful civic rite, with the potential to make the city’s growing diversity a force to be reckoned with.

 

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Should You Ask Your Partner To Spend The Holidays With You? Experts Weigh In

If you only started dating someone this year, you may be wondering whether you should ask them to spend the holidays with you or not. While the holiday season can bring you and your partner much closer together, is can also give your relationship some added stress. Since it’s going to be your first holiday season as a couple, you never know which way it’s going to go. With the holidays being right around the corner, it’s about that time to discuss your plans especially if you’re thinking of asking your partner to spend the holidays with you. But is your relationship actually ready for it this year?

“The holidays are stressful for everyone,” Ashley Campana, matchmaker with Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, tells Bustle. “Multiply that by two people together for the holidays, a dash of family, and a sprinkle of expectations, and it’s a likely scenario that the stress level will be higher than it would be alone.”

There’s no set time frame for how long you should be dating someone before you spend the holidays with them. As dating coach Anna Morgenstern, tells Bustle, “It’s less about how long you’ve been with your partner, and more about how far the relationship has progressed.”

Every relationship moves at its own pace. While inviting your partner to come home for the holidays can seem like a harmless idea, navigating the holiday season in a new relationship can be really challenging. Here are some things you may want to consider first, according to experts.

1. Is Your Partner Ready To Meet Your Family?

Inviting your partner to spend the holidays with you may involve meeting your family for the first time.

Shutterstock

“If you just started dating, the last thing you want is your 92-year-old grandmother asking the both of you when you are getting married and reminding you that by your age, she had already delivered a child,” Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist who specializes in relationships, tells Bustle. “No new relationship needs that pressure, as much as we love grandma.”

According to her, meeting the family is without a doubt the largest challenge of spending the holidays with a partner. There’s always that stress to impress, which can cause anxiety in the most confident of people. If your holiday tradition includes having a large family gathering or there are major cultural differences, it can be a little overwhelming. You want to make sure that your partner is ready and willing to handle whatever gets thrown their way.

2. Is Traveling In Your Partner’s Budget?

A 2018 Experian survey found that Americans spend an average of $930 on holiday travel. “New relationships walk the line of being new but committed, so holiday traveling can be a challenging aspect because of the expenses,” Hafeez says. Your partner may want to spend the holidays with you, but it’s important to be realistic. According to Hafeez, someone may ask themselves if they can really justify spending hundreds of dollars to travel, especially if the relationship is still pretty new. If you know that your partner is struggling financially, or if they’re saving up to buy something big, you may want to wait until next year.

3. Is Your Relationship Mature Enough?

You don't need to date someone for a long time before asking them to spend the holidays with you.

Shutterstock

There’s no set amount of time you should be dating someone before you decide to take them home for the holidays. Some people know they’re meant to be together after a month, and some people take years to figure that out. According to Hafeez, you can’t measure the maturity of a relationship in days or months. But you can assess it by asking yourself this one question: Am I proud to be with this person? “You can be happy with a new relationship but may not be confident enough to bring your partner around the family,” Hafeez says. When you’re confident in the status of your relationship and you know that your partner is going to stick around when things get tough, you’re ready to spend the holidays together. If not, that’s OK. “It’s completely valid to give yourself more time before bringing your significant other to the family holiday, especially if you have a birthday coming up a few months later,” Hafeez says.

4. Do You See A Future With Your Partner?

It’s nice to have someone you can bring along to your big holiday gathering. But the holiday season can have a way of making new relationships feel like they have to move faster than they’re actually ready for. According to Morgenstern, you should only introduce someone to your family that you truly see a long-term future with. Spending the holidays with someone can be a pretty big deal. “If you’re not completely sure about them, asking them to come home with you will mislead them with your intentions,” Morgenstern says. “Make sure you’re on the same page about your relationship before deciding to spend the holidays together.”

5. What Does Spending The Holidays Together Mean To Your Partner?

Talking about your holiday plans can strengthen your communication skills.

Shutterstock

“Spending the holidays together is generally an intimate activity that communicates you care about someone and intend to deepen the relationship,” marriage counselor Brent Sweitzer, LPC, tells Bustle. “But don’t assume it means the same thing to your partner as it does to you.”

Some people may see this as the next big step in the relationship, and others might see it as just another thing you can do together. It’s important to talk to your partner about your feelings and expectations. It can even open up a discussion about your family’s traditions and unspoken family rules. “This will set in place good communication habits for both of you about expectations (particularly around the holidays), regardless of whether the relationship becomes a fully committed one,” Sweitzer says.

As nice as it would be to spend the holidays with your partner, it’s important to consider if your relationship is actually ready for it first. If you feel like it’s the right time, talk to your partner. Having an open discussion with your partner can help you decide what’s best for your relationship this year.

 

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21 of our Favorite Holiday Gag Gifts — All from Amazon

I love this crap!

Happy Holiday, Everyone!

 

A warning to those who leave their children unattended in cafes

unattendedchildren

Amazon

“Unattended children will be given espresso and a free kitten” sign, $12.99

Perfect for that friend who owns a cafe and just can’t figure out how to deal with the unbridled children of their caffeine-fiend clientele.

 

A (loudly) screaming goat figurine and booklet

screaminggoat

Amazon

“The Screaming Goat” book and figure, $7.55

If they still can’t get enough of that Screaming Goat video on YouTube, this is as blood-curdling — and annoying — as you might imagine. Trust me, I have one on my desk. My colleagues love me.

Blinker fluid, for the uninclined

blinker fluid

Amazon

Blinker Fluid, $6.95

We can all think of someone who this is for. Maybe they’ll get the message now.

The world’s smallest violin

violin

Amazon

3-Inch Miniature Violin Replica (with case), $11.98

Sorry, no pony this year, either, kiddo. Play it, momma.

A mock video game to drop the hint that it’s time they pull their weight around the house

extremechores

Amazon

Extreme Chores: Motion Controlled Video Game (empty box), $7.49

For little Lord Fauntleroy. Yeah, maybe coal didn’t quite get the message across, but this ought to do the trick. Note that this box comes empty, so you can also fill it with coal, if you so please.

Your face on a pair of socks

facesocks

Amazon

Custom Photo Face Socks, $15.59

Put the mug of their best friend (or worst enemy) on a pair of socks. Either way, they’ll wear them. Trust us.

For those who ask too many questions

'what if? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions'

Amazon

“What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions,” $11.49

Great coffee table (or commode) material for the coveter of useless information.

Help them slow that little tyke down

toddler tamer gag

Amazon

Toddler Tamers (gag kit), $7.99

Parents, rejoice!

An ice cream lock, so they’ll stop blaming you for being the culprit

icecreamlock

Amazon

Ben & Jerry’s Euphori-Lock Ice Cream Lock, $24.19

For the stingy one who’ll never share their ice cream.

Poems by cats about what cats do best

icouldpeeonthis

Amazon

“I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats,” $9.89

For your friend, family member, or housemate who’s just a little too in love with their feline and could stand a reality check.

A muffler whistle, to terrorize both them and the neighborhood

mufflerwhistle

Amazon

Muffler Whistles, $8.79

To the know-it-all mechanic(s) in your life: Fix this!

Your face (or theirs) on a real potato

potatoface

Amazon

Potato Pal, $17.99

Your face on a potato. How could they not savor this forever and ever?

One dozen rattlesnake eggs (keep warm for best results)

rattlesnakeeggs

Amazon

(Fake) Rattlesnake Eggs, $7.99

Best delivered incubator-warm.

A bag of “the world’s strongest coffee”

deathwishcoffee

Amazon

Death Wish Coffee Co. Coffee, $19.99

We only hope they’ll get this is a gag.

An impossible-to-solve puzzle

ravensburgerpuzzle

Amazon

Ravensburger Puzzle, $15.68

Something to finally stump that very special whiz kid you know.

A remote-controlled scorpion (be sure to pre-open and gift-wrap this one)

rcscorpion

Amazon

Remote-Controlled Scorpion, $15.99

Have the remote handy for when they open this one; it’ll work a lot better.

A game for the whole family

relativeinsanity

Amazon

Relative Insanity Party Game, $14.16

Think “Cards Against Humanity,” but for some wholesome fun for the whole family.

A personal cleansing wheel (in lieu of the bidet they keep asking for)

rotowipe

Amazon

Roto Wipe Personal Cleansing Wheel, $7.99

So they’ll finally stop pestering you for that exorbitant bidet thing they all love so much over in Europe. (Note: This is just an empty box in which to wrap your real gift.)

Instructions for gracefully approaching (and achieving) senescence

crotchety

Amazon

“How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man,” $6.39

Dear Dad (or Grandpa)…

Snot (and tear) mittens, for those who work outdoors, or just won’t stop wiping their nose on their sleeve

snittens

Amazon

Snittens, The Original Snot Mittens, $19.99

One side for snot, the other for tears. Maybe after receiving this, they’ll stop wiping their nose on their sleeve, or their bare hands. Probably not. Either way, they actually work!

A practice putting green for the bathroom

toiletgolf

Amazon

Toilet Golf, $9.95

If their Golf Digest subscription just isn’t cutting it on long trips to the john anymore, they can always stand to work on their short game.

 

 

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Tales of Rock – Steppenwolf – First Love

“You’ve got love a Farrah Fawcett before you can truly love an Alessandra Ambrosio.”

When I set down to write this piece it was going to be about my most beloved rock band, Aerosmith. But as I began I realized you just can’t jump right into Aerosmith. I realized for me it was an acquired taste that I grew to love. So I started to write about the band that inspired the type of music I would always love. Hard rock and eventually Heavy Metal. It’s a musical progression.

So now it’s about these guys. It’s like, you’ve got love a Farrah Fawcett before you can truly love an Alessandra Ambrosio.

(Don’t worry. I’ll get to the boys from Boston next.)

When I was a kid, the first time I heard hard rock was probably the song, Born to be Wild, by the band Steppenwolf. My father had an 8-track player in the glove compartment of his 1969 VW Minibus. (Which later became mine and I drove that beast to California) He had a an 8-track cassette of the soundtrack to the film Easy Rider. The album would open with Steppenwolf’s song, The Pusher, and then you’d hear the roar of motorcycle engines and then it would go into Born to be Wild. I remember bouncing up and down in the seat beside my Dad rocking out to the sheer fury of that song. No other song that I had ever heard in my life up to that point made me feel that way.

My father also had Iron Butterfly’s record, In A Gadda Da Vida. Iron Butterfly’s sound was heavy and more psychedelic, but this Steppenwolf song was on fire. I was maybe 9 years old at the time. Something about the energy and power of the song and it’s lyrics really moved me.

It was almost as if that was what my soul sounded like.

Screaming in silence to escape.

We were out as a family one night. Probably stopping at a store after eating at Burger Chef’s on Cottman Street in Northeast Philly. The store was called Korvette’s. I suppose you could compare it to maybe Kmart of their day. I remember they had an abundance of electrical appliances. Record players, radios, TVs, etc. They’re out of business now but very popular in the mid 20th century.

So we’re in the store and I see some records (Vinyl, LPs) in a rack. There was one that really caught my eye. It had photo of a real wolf’s face that took up the whole cover. That LP was entitled, “Steppenwolf Live.” It was a double album! It had Born to be Wild on it and The Pusher, but it had a bunch of other songs I’d never heard. The best part was it only cost $3.99! My mom was a big believer in if you like that one song so much you should probably get the whole record to hear what more of their music sounds like.

I love you Mom.

She bought me that record and I went home and listened the shit out of the album. I turned all of my close friends on to Steppenwolf’s music and still love all of their work to this day. They marked me deeply and forever. This band shaped the type of music that would speak to my soul and inspire me to make music.

Thank you John Kay and the rest of you guys. You’ve brought me 50 years of joy!

That’s producer, Phil Spector! That crazy bastard!

If you have a chance, check out the film, Easy Rider. It doesn’t hold up all that well over time, but is a solid work that sort of is a final signature to the sixties. Altamont, the deaths of Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison, the Manson murder all signaled that the summer of love was long over.

While searching for the above video I came across a few cover versions of the song. Here’s one that caught my eye, but not so much my ear. About 30 seconds in I turned the audio off on this one and put the original back on!  Enjoy!

 

It’s a terrible version but a feast for the eyes, boys. (Turn down the sound and listen to the original! Have a great week!)

You’re welcome!

 

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Romantic Thanksgiving date ideas

A lot of people believe that Thanksgiving isn’t Thanksgiving unless you spend it stuffing yourself silly with food, surrounded by annoying uncles and aunts. But for couples without children or whose families are far away, Thanksgiving can be a wonderful opportunity to spend some romantic time together without distractions. So skip all of the stress this Thanksgiving and plan a special day for just the two of you with one of the ideas below.

Cook a meal together for two

While playing hostess to your in-laws and simultaneously cooking a Thanksgiving meal for 10 may seem like a recipe for panic attack, cooking a turkey together with your best guy is filled with sexy opportunities. Envision sipping wine together as you stir the cranberry sauce and let your imagination run wild!

Have someone cook a meal for you

For those of you who think cooking is a chore rather than a delight, there’s nothing like enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner out on the town. Simply make a reservation, show-up and voila! While other women are spending the day slaving over a stove, you and your man can enjoy all of the pleasures of eating a five-course, candle-lit meal with none of the work.

Stay at a B&B

Holidays are so few and far between, why not extend your Thanksgiving into a Thanks-weekend and spend four days being thankful you’re not at home?

Go somewhere warm

Or even better, chuck the idea of a traditionally chilly Thanksgiving and relax the weekend away, basking in the sun at a tropical resort. The trees may not change color in Florida or the Bahamas, but there is still a lot of holiday cheer to be found there.

Watch a parade

You don’t even need to go anywhere to enjoy a romantic Thanksgiving. Sipping hot chocolate and holding hands together while watching a local parade can be just as lovely.

Or snuggle on the couch

Don’t even get dressed! Thanksgiving is one holiday that’s made for sleeping in, so don’t hesitate to ignore that alarm for once. You can always TiVo the parade and watch it later.

Volunteer at a soup kitchen

For couples in pursuit of the true meaning of Thanksgiving, soup kitchens and charity organizations are always in need of volunteers on the holiday when attendance is even higher than usual.

Go see a movie

One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is going out to the movies with my boyfriend, just the two of us.

 

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10 Signs Your Relationship Is Serious, According To Love Experts

There comes a time in many long-term relationships, after things have been progressing for awhile, when you might step back and think to yourself, “Wow, we’re really in this for the long haul.” Maybe it’s one super romantic moment that brings about this realization, or maybe it’s a collection of shared experiences that build up that deepening bond. The signs your relationship is serious aren’t always easy to spot, but when you know what to look for, you can feel more confident in your growing connection.

When you start to establish a routine together as a couple, you might not even notice how serious things are becoming. After all, relationships take hard work, and there will definitely be days when you’re frustrated and angry at one another. But these challenges, if worked through in a healthy way, can help your partnership grow strong enough to weather the storms. Before you know it, your friends might be asking, “So, things between you and your boo seem pretty serious!” And you realize… wow, they’re totally right! But if you want some expert approval that your partnership is super solid, look no further than this list of reliable signs. If several of them feel like they apply to you, congratulations! You and bae share an amazing connection that took real time and energy to build. And if you’re not quite there yet… don’t sweat it! Keep spending time together and making memories, and you’ll be heading in the right direction

1. YOUR WALLS ARE TOTALLY DOWN AROUND EACH OTHER

“You don’t need to pretend to be a different person in order to please your mate,” said love and life mentor Susan Winter. When you’re not embarrassed to throw on your comfy old toothpaste-stained T-shirt (you know the one) or sing Beyoncé songs out loud in the shower, you know you’re super comfortable around bae. “Your partner has seen your best moments and moments you wish you could delete,” Winter said. “At the end of the day, you feel safe being the real you.”

2. YOU TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE

According to behavioral scientist Clarissa Silva, you know you’re on solid ground when you start openly considering your future together. “You begin discussing what your life goals are and begin evaluating the other person’s fitness in your life,” she explains. Whereas early relationships are usually focused on the present moment, serious relationships require thought about how you’ll work together in the long run. Do you catch yourself evaluating your compatibility often? And are you and bae talking about it regularly? There’s definitely a future on your mind.

3. YOUR BOO IS ALWAYS ASKING FOR YOUR ADVICE, AND VICE VERSA

If you find yourself running big decisions by your partner, or when they come to you for help with work or friendship struggles, it’s evident that you trust one another’s opinion. “[If your partner] regularly asks for your suggestions on advice and includes you in important decisions in their life,” that means you’re in a good place, intuitive dating coach Diana Dorell told Elite Daily. Trust is essential for a relationship to grow and thrive, and if you’re each other’s go-to source of advice, it means you really value one another’s perspective.

4. YOU’RE SUPER CLOSE TO EACH OTHER’S FRIENDS

Silva says that when you’ve gotten to know your partner’s closest friends (and vice versa), it’s a sign that your relationship has really progressed. It’s a way to have more shared experiences together through your mutual friendships, which “show the level of commitment the person has for you,” Silva explains. And if their friends have welcomed you into their lives, it’s pretty likely they’re on board with your love.

5. YOU’RE ALL OVER EACH OTHER’S SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS

When you’re comfortable sharing your relationship with friends and family on your social networks, Silva explains that you’re in a good place. “Instagram is all about celebrating you,” she says, and your willingness to post about each other reveals that you’re proud to show each other off.

6. YOU SHARE A NETFLIX ACCOUNT… AND WATCH SHOWS TOGETHER

“Sharing a Netflix account is a strong indicator of trust and future planning,” Silva explains. It’s a way for couples to plan date nights together and bond over shows they both love. “Having and watching your show together indicates that you want to experience novelty with your partner,” Silva says. Sharing a TV show will build up your bank of inside jokes and give you something to geek out over together while you wait for the next episode.

7. YOU’VE NAVIGATED YOUR SHARE OF FIGHTS AND ARGUMENTS

Fighting is never fun, but it’s part of any serious relationship. No couple is going to experience smooth sailing through every moment of every day. “All couples argue and have differences of opinion,” Winter noted. “You and your partner are able to weather the storm and come out on the other side. This is essential for having a healthy relationship and maintaining a future together.” The more you learn to work through conflict in a healthy way, the better you’ll get at navigating arguments and coming out stronger.

8. YOUR SO’S PARENTS TREAT YOU LIKE PART OF THE FAMILY

When you’ve met your partner’s parents, and they start treating you like a member of the fam, it probably means your SO has told them how important you are. This also goes for how your parents treat your partner. “When your parents start buying your partner gifts, that usually means you have their approval and you’ve been the topic of conversation,” Silva explains. So when your boo’s mom sends you a birthday gift, you can rest assured she knows you’re someone special.

9. YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOUR PARTNER IS EVERY SECOND

This goes back to those feelings of trust you’ve developed together. When you’re in a healthy partnership, “you’re not wondering where your partner is at night, if you’re being played or if they’ll be there in the morning,” Winter explained. You trust each other — it’s that simple. And you can have independent lives and priorities without worrying where your relationship stands.

10. YOU CAN READ EACH OTHER’S EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS

When your daily communication becomes almost like a shared language, you know you’re in it for the long haul. You’ve become so in tune with each other’s emotions that you can sense when your partner is upset, worried, or angry. “The two of you have found your own communication style,” explained Winter. “You know how to read your partner and they know how to read you.” Your open dialogue allows you to be vulnerable with one another, which in turn deepens the bond you share.

If some of these signs apply to you, it’s a good indicator that you and bae are serious about each other, which is such a beautiful thing! You should be proud of the partnership you’ve built. A great relationship takes dedication, patience, and love to grow, and you’ve clearly got those in spades. Now go kiss your boo — you’re doing the dang thing together!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly