How to Shut Down the Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

Manipulative people are difficult to deal with. There is often no end to the tricks they will use to guilt trip you, twist situations, and get what they want from you. The good news is that most of them use the same statements to get their way, so you can prepare to deal with them.

Learning how to respond to the most frequently used psychologically abusive tactics can help you keep yourself safe from even the most brutally manipulative individuals.

How To Shut Down The Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

1. I trust you; I just don’t trust other people.

A manipulative person, especially a partner, might constantly try to control your life. When you ask them why they don’t trust you, they’ll insist that they do, but that it’s other people they can’t trust. They may use this as an excuse to:

  • Check your phone and email
  • Run background checks on your friends
  • Refuse to let you go anywhere on your own
  • Prevent you from spending time with certain acquaintances

This turns the onus around on you, making you seem unreasonable while they look protective and strong. The problem, of course, is that this doesn’t make any sense – if someone untrustworthy is able to convince you to cheat, then you yourself weren’t trustworthy to begin with.

What’s the best response to this situation? Well, it should go a little something like this:

“I’m the person who you are dealing with here. It makes no sense for you to have to trust other people in order to talk to me. By reacting this way, you are making the assumption that I am weak-willed or prone to doing something bad if someone else entices me. It’s very disrespectful and you should trust in my honesty and faithfulness.”

2. You’re being too sensitive/crazy!

This is a type of gaslighting and it can really make you second-guess yourself. When something goes wrong and you try to talk about it or call it out, a manipulator will belittle you for your lack of positive thinking. They might say:

  • Calm down, it was just a joke.
  • Why do you always take everything so seriously?
  • You’re being crazy right now.
  • Stop being so sensitive!
  • You’re overthinking this entire situation.
  • It’s not actually that big of a deal.
  • You’re just misunderstanding me.
  • Lighten up!
  • Nothing you’re saying makes sense.
  • You really need to learn to loosen up a bit.
  • This is so unreasonable of you.

It definitely doesn’t help that manipulators naturally prey on people who are sensitive, in a positive way – people who are empathetic, understanding, and emotionally intelligent. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive to begin with, and it shouldn’t come up when you’re voicing a valid concern.

Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re the crazy one, or like you’re overreacting and being insane. It’s a common manipulation tactic to trick you into giving in. Don’t fall for it! Here’s what you should say instead:

“This is something that is very important to me and it would mean a lot to me if you would listen and hear me out. It’s not fair of you to call me crazy or sensitive just because we don’t see eye-to-eye on something.”

3. I already said sorry; what else do you want?

Apologies are always a good way to go. But manipulators don’t use them when they truly are sorry and seeking forgiveness. Instead, they use it as a quick way to get out of a nasty situation and stop you from being angry or calling them out.

Unfortunately, that’s not how apologies work, especially for more serious transgressions. It’s normal to need to take some time to deal with the aftermath of what the other person did to you. You can’t switch to positive feelings right away.

This is reasonable and perfectly understandable – but a manipulator doesn’t think so. They think that since they’ve dropped the magic word, everything should stop right then and there. Demand a fair amount of time to recover from what happened by saying something like this:

“I really appreciate your apology, but apologizing doesn’t automatically heal all wrongdoings and wounds. Give me some time to process this and heal.”

4. Look what you made me do!

One key sign of a manipulator is that nothing is ever their fault. They refuse to take the rightful blame for anything wrong they do and will find any way to twist it so someone else is at fault. Manipulators are unable to take ownership of their mistakes, so they often try to pass the responsibility to someone else.

These types of people might say a number of different phrases to try to pass themselves off as innocent and pin the blame on you. Of course, it’s ridiculous to be blamed for something you didn’t do at all, especially when it’s the other person who is hurting you. To shut them down, say this.

“I am only responsible for what I do, and you’re responsible for what you do. It was your decision to act how you did, and I cannot make you act in a certain way, nor can I do that to anyone else.”

5. I would never hurt you.

This sounds like a good statement with kind intentions. It sounds reassuring and gentle. But manipulators don’t use it that way – they use it so you brush less obvious forms of abuse under the rug.

For many people, the deal breaker line is drawn at physical abuse. Meanwhile, emotional abuse becomes more and more prevalent, but you’re not as aware of it. This allows many forms of toxicity classified as psychological and emotional abusive to continue.

A manipulator is very aware that your limit likely lies here too, so they’re careful to never cross that limit. Instead, they are abusive in “sneakier” ways that they hope you won’t notice, and they throw you off the scent with phrases like these. So if someone is feeding these lines to you, respond like so:

“You can hurt someone in more ways than physical. Understand that a lack of physical assault doesn’t mean that there isn’t emotional pain.”

6. I already did something nice for you; why are you still angry at me?

Just like with the apologies, manipulators may do a nice thing for you so that you’ll drop some issue. They might buy you something expensive or do you a favor in hopes that your gratefulness will cause you to forget their problematic behavior.

It’s easy to fall victim to this kind of ploy. When someone is kind to you, you might feel bad demanding further apologies or may feel guilty when you are still mad at them. But keep in mind that there is nothing that can “buy” forgiveness. It has to be earned graciously with patience and changed behavior.

If a manipulator is trying to make you feel bad because they bought you a gift, say this:

“It was very kind that you bought this for me, but there’s no price tag on my forgiveness. If you’re attempting to use this present as a bribe for my forgiveness, you can take it back.”

Or, if they didn’t buy you presents:

“It was very kind that you did this for me, but you cannot buy my forgiveness with chores and errands. If you have an ulterior motive for helping me and doing these nice things, then I’d prefer you didn’t do them.”

7. I will hurt myself if you leave me.

This is one of the most dangerous forms of emotional manipulation. Someone who stops you from leaving them, or stops you from doing anything they don’t want you to by threatening to harm themselves, is incredibly toxic and a danger to themselves and to you.

Why is this so problematic? Well, this is the clearest type of manipulation. They don’t want you to do something, so they make it so you will feel guilty and suffer immediate consequences if you do it. That way, they can make themselves look like the victim and paint you in a bad light.

Many people feel pressured into staying with abusive partners because of tactics like this. They force themselves into positive thinking to “save” their manipulative significant other. Don’t fall prey to it. Stand your ground and let it be known that you will not be swayed with a statement like this:

“If you are experiencing these thoughts, please call a suicide hotline or an emergency number. I can help provide numbers for you if you like. I have told you why I have chosen to leave, and my decision is made, so please respect it.”

8. I understand your feelings, but trust me – I know what’s best!

No one should be allowed to make your decisions for you. A manipulator will pretend to be looking out for you but is instead pulling your strings to convince you to do what they want. They’ll use any types of words and phrases to convince you that they understand you when they either don’t at all or really don’t care.

Yes, everyone could use an outside opinion sometimes, but at the end of the day, you still know yourself best. A manipulator isn’t actually seeking what’s best for you – they are selfish and want specific things for themselves, so they’re just trying to rope you along.

In any partnership, you deserve to be respected and heard. Your opinion matters just as much as the other person’s; a lack of willingness to compromise or talk it out, instead resorting to cheap tricks like this, is a huge red flag. Don’t fall for it. Instead, say this:

“To presume that you know what’s best for me, even when I tell you my opinion, is very controlling. I would like for what I have to say to be listened to and respected. I believe that the best thing for us is to make these big decisions together, as what is best for you may not actually turn out to be what is best for me.”

Final Thoughts On How To Shut Down The Most Common Phrases From Manipulators

Dealing with manipulators is exhausting. Although we referenced romantic relationships for many of these instances, they work for all types of people, regardless of your connection to them.

Manipulators come in many forms. They can be your partner, a family member, a friend, a colleague, or even a mere acquaintance who you barely know. Regardless of who someone is to you, manipulation is wrong, and it’s important that you know how to protect yourself. Shutting down their most common phrases will show them that you’re not someone they can play their mind games with.

 

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Farrah Fawcett’s final days remembered by Jaclyn Smith, other friends in new documentary

“I love you, Farrah.”

Nearly 10 years after her death, loved ones are sharing new details about Farrah Fawcett’s final days in a documentary set to premiere Thursday night.

Fawcett, whose acting credits include the ’70s hit TV show “Charlie’s Angels” and 1984 TV movie “The Burning Bed,” was born on February 2, 1947, in Corpus Christi.

In 1965, Fawcett enrolled at The University of Texas at Austin. The following year, she moved to Los Angeles to begin modeling and acting, according to a press release from ABC News.

Fawcett, who earned an Emmy Award and six Golden Globe Award nominations during her successful career, was diagnosed with cancer in 2006. She died three years later.

“This is Farrah Fawcett,” a two-hour special, presents rare footage from the intimate video diaries of Fawcett’s fight against cancer.

It also features Barbara Walters’ interviews with Fawcett and actor Ryan O’Neal, the actress’ partner at the time of her death.

As well, some of Fawcett’s closet friends were interviewed, including Houston-born actress Jaclyn Smith, Alana Stewart, hairstylist Mela Murphy and photographer Bruce McBroom, according to the release.

Dr. Lawrence Piro, Fawcett’s primary physician, and Dr. Ursula Jacob, Fawcett’s physician in Germany who used alternative treatments for her cancer, were also interviewed.

In clips of the forthcoming documentary, Smith said Fawcett’s relationship with actor Ryan O’Neal was volatile and spontaneous.

“It was everything that made a relationship not boring,” Smith said.

Stewart recalled how no one was prepared to hear that the Hollywood star had been diagnosed with cancer.

“Farrah was the Golden Girl to everyone so it was such a shock, to the whole world, when she got cancer,” Stewart said. “It kind of goes to show you that you know, cancer doesn’t play favorites.”

Stewart helped record Fawcett’s experience with cancer, including the day the icon said goodbye to her signature feathered hairstyle by shaving her own head.

“It was very important for Farrah to shave her own head so that she was removing her hair, and cancer treatment wasn’t removing her hair,” Piro said.

“It’s kind of like that fine line between being a victim and a victor.”

At the end of her three-year battle, Fawcett declined quickly and suddenly, Stewart said.

“She started to hemorrhage, she had an infection. One thing led to another and she ended up back in the hospital,” said Stewart.

“We kind of knew there wasn’t going to be a miracle at this point.”

Fawcett passed away on June 25, 2009, in Santa Monica, California, with O’Neal and Stewart by her side. She was 62 years old.

 

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Sabrina – More Good News

When I last wrote about Sabrina she had just gotten a great new Marketing job with a company down on the waterfront.

She sent me some photos of her office and view. She has a really nice space and a clear view of the boats docked in the harbor. I’m really happy for her!

She asks if I’m doing my usual Monday routine. I tell her I’m over at Cavanaugh’s writing about when I lived in California n the early eighties with my band. So, yes just a regular Monday.

“I’m so proud of you, Sabrina! You really stepped up and made that new job happen. You’re office is amazing!”

“Thank you! I spoke it into reality with a little help from my friends.”

“You did it. Determination and drive. Proud of you! Now get divorced and get your alimony and freedom!”

“Yes that is next on my list!”

“This is your year, Sabrina! Rise up! Rise above!”

“Yes the last two years I lost everything! Now I’m coming back for everything that I lost and more.”

“Yea! Drop the bars of the cage you’ve been in and walk the heck out! You’re free!”

A week passes…

“Sunday brunch?”

“I work 11 to 4pm at the salon on Sunday, but would love to see you after 4.”

“Yea, then Sunday dinner. Would you be coming to my house in Havertown?”

(Could she mean sex?)

“No way to get there.”

“Oh right. I guess you can Uber? It’s $10-$11 bucks. Or I can meet you in the city if that’s better. I want to get my spray tan soon too. And give you a hug!”

(I like that last part)

“Can you come to the city?”

The next day…

“Hey are you at the tanning salon?”

“I am!”

“Ugh actually I gotta get back to work. I was gonna stop by real quick. I’ll see you Sunday.”

“Cool. See you Sunday.”

 

And it ends there. So Sunday we’ll meet up for some dinner. She doesn’t have to buy me dinner. I think she feels that because of the positive energy I provide and the snap to it assistance in trying to find her additional work, she feels she has to do something for me. I want nothing from her. I’m happy to help people. But if she wants to meet up for dinner, I could at least get the tip. (Remember how I used to always complain about the wallets never coming out? I need to seize her offer and enjoy her company!)

I know a place we can go that has reasonable priced food and is quiet. I was there recently with my friend Mary. (See: Mary – 2015 to Present – Unexpected Table for Two) I’ll figure out some options. But, in the end I’ll just be happy to see Sabrina.

 

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Phicklephilly – Here We Go Again

WARNING: This Post Is NSFW

Go here to read it:

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/2019/04/21/phicklephilly-here-we-go-again/

 

 

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Racquel Writes! – Remembering Jason

via Remembering Jason

 

http://www.racquelwrites.com

 

 

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Tales of Rock – Kurt Cobain Kills Himself Twice

“Like Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison, he was 27 years old when he died.

And let us not forget Amy Winehouse who also died at age 27.”

Few musicians’ experiences with drug abuse have been as complex and intense as Kurt Cobain’s. For proof of this, see the index of Charles Cross’ 2001 Cobain biography Heavier Than Heaven. If you check, “Cobain, Kurt Donald; drug use of…” you’ll basically be instructed to read the entire book. He started off heavily averse to heroin; during his formative years, a friend suggested they try it and he stopped hanging out with him in response. He eventually tried the drug; when asked how it was by Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic, he shrugged, “Oh, it was all right.” But his habit escalated.

By the time Nirvana appeared on Saturday Night Live in 1992, Cobain was so deep in heroin addiction that he was vomiting and barely able to stand right until the time came to perform. He somehow pulled it together long enough to play “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Territorial Pissings” on live television. In March 1994, Cobain attempted suicide for the first time by washing down a large dose of flunitrazepam with champagne while in Rome. He nearly died and ended up in a coma for a day (Novoselic claimed that, mentally, he was never the same after this).

Within weeks he was back in Seattle, crashing on his daughter’s junkie nanny’s girlfriend’s couch and popping out occasionally to purchase speedballs and burritos. Cross quotes the girlfriend as saying, “He’d sit in my living room with the hat with the ear coverings, and read magazines. People came and went; there was always a lot of activity going on. Nobody knew he was there or recognized him.” By the end of the month, Cobain was given an intervention and packed off to rehab in California. But he soon escaped the facility by scaling a six-foot wall and, improbably, found a seat on a flight back to Seattle next to Guns N’ Roses bassist Duff McKagan.

Despite beef between Nirvana and Guns N’ Roses, the two bonded, finding a great deal of common ground as famous musicians from the Pacific Northwest with heroin problems. Once back at his house, Cobain reattempted suicide and this time he meant business. He injected a lethal dose of heroin and then blasted himself in the head with a shotgun, effectively killing himself twice. Like Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison, he was 27 years old when he died.

And let us not forget Amy Winehouse who also died at age 27.

Another sad rock and roll tragedy. Showbiz is the only industry that eats it’s young.

Check this out:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club

A footnote from phicklephilly: “I never understood suicide. You get one chance to be here, why leave early if you don’t have to? Suicide’s for quitters. I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life. I’ve beaten the shit out of them both (without drugs) and now we’re all on the same side. Suicide is always a long term solution to usually a temporary problem. I just don’t get it, Kurt. I was in a band when I was younger. It was an amazing experience. Kurt, you play music for a living. You’re in a famous genre inspiring band. You’re surrounded by a gaggle of moist women. Your bank account is full and your nuts are empty. WTF?”

 

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