10 Truths Women Above 25 Years Should Know.

It’s dangerous if not suicidal for a lady to enter 30 years still carrying the traits of her teenage days. Admittedly, the teenage days are absolutely fantastic but you can’t carry them along as you grow older.

There are some things as a lady you need to learn as you grow older and there some things you defiantly have to unlearn as you grow.

Here are 10 Truths every woman above 25 years should know. Read and implement them if you are not already doing that and DON’T FORGET TO SHARE!

1. You need to stop caring about what other people think about you. You should learn to be yourself. When you start being yourself and less of what others think of you, life gets better because the expectation of pleasing others is removed.

2. At this stage in most women’s lives, they start thinking of settling down. Just because your friends are getting married doesn’t mean you should rush into one. Get married because you feel you’re ready and you have found the right one and not because that person is the only choice you have.

3. Being in a relationship just for the sake of having a boyfriend was cool in your younger years but I believe at this stage of your life, you should see potential in a relationship before heading into it. If you don’t see longevity in the relationship you are in, it’s best you quit.

4. Stop trying to please everyone because it’s really impossible doing so. You should also understand that when you say no, you do not have to justify your no.

5. It’s time to let go of the negative friends in your life. You do not have to put up with all those negative vibes.

6. You can’t be free if you don’t forgive. You must have been hurt by several people at this stage of your life but you need to forgive because when you don’t forgive, you stop yourself from being happy.

7. Make giving a habit. It’s rewarding investing your time in putting a smile on someone’s face. When you make giving a habit, you begin to see life differently.

8. At this stage in your life, you should have started savings. I wonder what you are waiting for if you don’t have savings. Start saving for the unexpected today.

9. Love who you are and stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others does nothing but destroy your self-worth. There will always be someone prettier, or curvier than you. Learn to accept yourself for who you really are. Stop trying to be someone else.

10. A relationship is a two-way street. It shouldn’t be just you trying to make the relationship work. Compromising is important in every relationship but you should understand that your partner also has to meet you halfway. It’s time you quit that relationship if it is one-sided.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12 pm EST.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

Advertisements

11 Signs You Mean EVERYTHING To Him

He’s so in love with you.

Honestly, the number of crappy relationships we’ve been in has blinded us from the actual good guys out there. The right guy is out there, we just need a little help spotting him in a sea of jerks.

1. He’ll never go a day without reminding you how much he loves you.

You’ll constantly feel like a priority in his life. Finally, you’ve found someone who means as much to you as you do to him.

2. And will do everything in his power to earn your trust.

He wants you to be comfortable and confident in your relationship. The very cornerstone of this is being able to trust someone , and he will realize that. And he knows this isn’t something that’s just handed over to someone, he has to work for it.

3. He’ll be your courage when yours go missing…

No matter where life takes you, he’ll be your backbone through all of your weak moments. He will be beside you every step of the way, cheering on your victories and wrapping you in his hands during your defeats.

4. …And your motivation when you can’t get up off the couch.

He will never give up on you or your dreams… even when you want to. His drive and ambition will even rub off on you as he pursues his own dreams.

11 Signs You Mean EVERYTHING To Him

5. You’ll always look beautiful in his eyes…

Making you feel beautiful does not just mean saying the words to you, it’s in the way he glances at you, touches you and treats you.

6. Even when you’re the furthest thing from beautiful.

He doesn’t care if you’re in sweatpants laying in bed with morning breath… all he cares about is being with you.

7. ‘Actions > words’ is his mantra…

There will be no such thing as empty promises or feeling forgotten.

8. And he’ll prove that to you in all the little things he does.

Do you need a prescription filled, but have to stay late at work? Did you forget your lunch at home? No matter how small, he will understand they really matter the most.

9. With him, you’ll feel so undeniably safe.

You’ll always be able to sleep soundly knowing he’s there, right by your side.

10. You’ll never have to worry about him hurting you.

It is natural to have disagreements and even arguments in a relationship, but there is no reason to make things personal, become insulting and never, ever to become abusive .

11. He will stand by you forever.

11 Signs You Mean EVERYTHING To Him

There will be good times and there will be not-so-good-times, but through it all he’ll be there. He wants to work out everything with you because his love runs deep for you.

Any guy can be by your side on the sunny days. The real test of character is whether or not he will hold the umbrella over you during the rainy days.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts in regard to this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly         Facebook: phicklephilly      Twitter: @phicklephilly

Marriage Preparation: Tips & Advice for the Groom

Marriage preparation for a groom is really not all that different from how a bride should prepare. Like any bride, you also need to ask yourself some crucial questions. There also feats of (emotional) strength you must perform in support of your spouse.First, you need to be sure you are ready for a marriage. Is your girlfriend ready too? Does she also want the same things as you do from this relationship? If yes, then great! Congratulations!

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

1. You are a team

Do not contradict in public. Form a united front even if you know she is wrong. Discuss your disagreements when you are alone at a later time. You have moved on from your mother so it is important to cut the apron strings and side with your spouse – at least in front of her. Always. Do not let your relationship with your mother (or best friend, child, or anyone) overtake your partnership with your spouse. No meddling allowed.

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

2. Know your limits

We are human and know what we are good at. There are many stereotypes that you don’t have to live up to (and frankly aren’t expected to). Call the plumber, find an accountant, don’t let ego make a mess of major things.

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

3. Discuss money/career/children/religion

Discuss any sticky subject matter that is important to you. Get on the same page and manage each other’s expectations. Plan your budgets. Are you saving for a house? Where? Do either of you have to go back to school? What is the debt scenario? All uncomfortable topics need to be hashed out and compromises need to be found for the road to be laid out smooth for the future.

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

4. Always maintain respect and composure

There will be disagreements. This is a guarantee. Handle them with grace and patience; No name calling, no grudge holding, don’t ever retaliate. Fight fair. When it’s all over and the two of you have taken your space let your spouse know they are the most important person in your life.Expectations come from both parties. Live up to yours. If you make agreements be sure to stick to them. If assistance is asked for, get up and assist when asked the first time. Be strong and be patient & your spouse will look to you to be their pillar when times get dark. Deliver on that and you will receive the same treatment in return.

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts in regard to this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12 pm EST.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

Elisany da Cruz Silva

‘I have always wanted to go out with a tall girl and she came and fit that perfectly.”

 

The world’s tallest bride: 6ft 8in Brazilian teenager to marry her 5ft 4in boyfriend.

  • Elisany suffers from gigantism from a tumour on her pituitary gland
  • Couple have been together three years and have lived together for a year
  • Elisany still draws stares but Francinaldo says he is proud to show her off
  • The pair want a long engagement but are already planning the wedding
  • Although only 18, she hopes to conceive soon due to fears over her fertility

 

Brazil’s loftiest teen is set to become the world’s tallest bride after her compact fiancée popped the big question.

Aspiring model Elisany da Cruz Silva – who is a staggering 6ft 8ins tall – has been dating 5ft 4ins Francinaldo da Silva Carvalho for more than three years.

Despite a massive 1ft 4ins between them, Francinaldo had no problem increasing the distance by dropping to one knee after a romantic stroll along the beach.

With well over a foot difference between their heights, Elisany and Francinaldo have more difficulty than most couples kissing after becoming engaged

With well over a foot difference between their heights, Elisany and Francinaldo have more difficulty than most couples kissing after becoming engaged

Brazil's tallest teen Elisany Da Silva accepts her new fiancee Francinaldo Carvalho's proposal on March 29, 2014 in Salinopolis, Brazil

Francinaldo gets down on one knee to ask his girlfriend of three years to marry him

Brazil’s tallest teen Elisany Da Silva accepts her new fiancee Francinaldo Carvalho’s proposal on March 29, 2014 in Salinopolis, Brazil

The lovestruck pair have shared a small home in the Brazilian town of Salinopolis for one year and are hoping to soon hear the pitter patter of tiny feet.

Elisany is so stuck on having a child that she is willing to adopt if she does not fall pregnant soon – despite being only 18.

The youngster is worried that she may not conceive because of a form of gigantism that was caused when a tumour grew on her pituitary gland.

Despite this the couple are still looking forward to a long and happy life together.

Remembering the romantic proposal, Elisany said: ‘I told him many times, ‘do not ask me to marry you because my answer will be no’ – I think that’s what he was thinking.

‘I was so nervous when I saw him there. I don’t even know how I coped.’

Construction worker Francinaldo added: ‘I have always wanted to go out with a tall girl and she came and fitted into that perfect.

Elisany

Despite planning a long engagement, Elisany has already picked out her wedding dress

Despite planning a long engagement, Elisany has already picked out her wedding dress

Elisany's height still draws stares, even in her hometown, but Francinaldo says the attention doesn't bother him and he is proud to show her off

Elisany’s height still draws stares, even in her hometown, but Francinaldo says the attention doesn’t bother him and he is proud to show her off

The couple is planning on a long engagement despite Elisany already having a dress for the big day.

‘We think how will the preparations for the wedding be, the church, the best men and bridesmaids,’ added Francinaldo.

‘We have taken just one step towards the wedding – which was me asking her to marry me.

‘We are giving it some time to get it all in order.’

The newly engaged couple have not always seen eye to eye and Francinaldo had to work hard to get the ring on Elisany’s finger.

‘When we met I had already turned 16,’ she said.

‘I was still a bit childish and so I was just playing around with him for a while and I got so annoyed with him – as if he was a rival that I hated.

‘I just didn’t like him and wanted to hit him every time we met.’

But little Francinaldo has a big heart and remembers their meeting a little differently.

He said: ‘The first time I saw her I went to get some bread and I noticed her from a distance.

‘I checked her out and she also checked me out straight away.

‘Then I just thought, “I need to be with that girl”. I always found her beautiful.’

The newly engaged couple have not always seen eye to eye and Francinaldo had to work hard to get the ring on Elisany's finger

The newly engaged couple have not always seen eye to eye and Francinaldo had to work hard to get the ring on Elisany's finger

The newly engaged couple have not always seen eye to eye and Francinaldo had to work hard to get the ring on Elisany’s finger, but the couple now can not wait to wed

And the hate eventually turned to love for Elisany when she became jealous of Francinaldo’s prowess with the ladies.

‘He was talking to another girl and I was jealous,’ she said.

‘He intrigued me – I wanted to know more about him.’

Despite the pair being completely in love, not everyone is as happy about the new engagement.

Elisany’s mother, Ana Maria Ramos, said: ‘I don’t know how this could happen – this proposal.

‘It was a surprise – no-one was expecting it.

Elisany seen here as a young, aspiring model,  is so stuck on having a child that she is willing to adopt if she does not fall pregnant soon - despite being only 18

Elisany seen here as a young, aspiring model, is so stuck on having a child that she is willing to adopt if she does not fall pregnant soon – despite being only 18

‘In spite of everything she is still a very young girl with a lot ahead of her.

‘She is sometimes a bit difficult to him but I’ve never seen him treating her badly.

‘He has been an excellent person.’

Elisany still draws stares while walking down the street where she has lived her entire life and is often referred to as the giant girl.

Francinaldo said: ‘I keep telling her to get out more so that people don’t feel so curious about her.
‘When we go for a walk people keep staring saying ‘look at that giant girl’.

‘It really bothers me because people don’t have the consciousness of thinking that she’s also a human being.’

But despite drawing stares Francinaldo cannot wait to show off his new fiancie.

He added: ‘ am always boasting about being with her.

‘Everyone thinks she is beautiful – my friends think she is beautiful.

‘They always ask me to take her to meet them but she won’t go because she’s embarrassed.

‘She is a person that is very different and I know I can make her happy.

‘Our relationship is special because she understands me and I understand her.’

The world’s tallest teenage girl walks hands in hands with her boyfriend, the picture of young love despite a staggering 1ft 6in height difference.

Elisany da Cruz Silva, 17, measures an unbelievable 6ft 8in tall and has to bend down to plant a kiss on her 5ft 4in lover Francinaldo da Silva Carvalho, 22.

The youngster, from Salinopolis in Brazil, has a form of gigantism because of a tumor on her pituitary gland, which regulates growth. Doctors have since removed the tumor.

Okay. I love this 5’4″ little guy closing this incredible queen.  Because as we all know now at phicklphilly I love women’s legs. To have a woman like this would be like winning the lottery. Sure her head seems a little small, but she has miles of legs. I would worship Elisany forever. I’ve never seen anyone like her and probably won’t again. I love that this dude had the power at his small stature to pursue this amazing woman.

When I look upon her I want to chop her down like a tree and make mad love to her. (Sorry they’re all the same size on their backs) Haters gonna hate. If you have a fetish and you love something, if it can be more or bigger or more intense you want it more. Like any drug, anything worth doing is worth overdoing. 

Elisany is an extraordinary lady and I am smitten. I’m happy for this couple but Elisany represents the overdose that I crave of my love of women’s legs. They go on for days!

It’s my thing and I’m just so happy I stumbled upon an article about this extraordinary woman.

If you love something, you always want more of it. That’s me.

Francinaldo (Her boyfriend) casts a great shadow and at 5’4″ is a giant among men.

Well done Sir!

My last two previous girlfriends were 5’11 and 6 foot. You are a King in my book! You’re my hero, dude.

And lastly… It must be nice knowing a woman you can always look up to!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                           Facebook: phicklephilly

How To Make Your Relationship More Fun, According To Experts

No matter how much you love your partner, no matter how great you think your relationship is, it can sometimes feel a little… boring. But there’s no shame in that; it’s something that happens naturally and you may have to put in some extra effort to make your relationship fun again. “After you’ve been with your partner for a considerable amount of time, it’s normal for the honeymoon phase to end,” says therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. “As we get into daily routines and have outside responsibilities — such as work, our social life, and self care — we often find our relationship becomes stale. If you prioritize and focus on getting the spark back, it certainly can be fixed.”

It’s easy to think that a relationship should naturally be at 110 percent excitement levels at all time — that if you’re really compatible then it will be non-stop fireworks without any work. But that’s just not true. “When things get boring, there needs to be an effort made to make things fun and exciting again,” relationship therapist Carolyn Cole, LCPC, LMFT, NCC tells us. “Things won’t become exciting without putting in some work. But, it can be fun and doesn’t need to feel like work!”

So if you feel like your relationship needs a little boost of fun, don’t panic about it. Here’s what you should try.

Surprise Each Other

Surprising each other is an easy way to make things feel more fun. “Routines can kill even the most loving relationships and make them feel boring. Bring back the spontaneity,” dating coach Shawnda Patterson tells Bustle.

My girlfriend and I regularly swap who plans date night and we don’t tell the other one what we’re doing until the day. It’s not hard to do, but it still manages keeps things a little more exciting then going to the same restaurant every Friday.

Try A New Activity

It can be fun to try something completely different with your partner, so go ice skating, rock climbing, or try a sushi-making class. And if you’re terrible at it? All the more fun — you can laugh through it together. Just be careful how you breach it with your partner. “Instead of blatantly telling your partner that you are bored, perhaps you suggest that you’ve been stuck in [a] rut … and you think it would be fun for the both of you to do something new together,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Sarah Williams.

Give Yourself Some Phone-Free Time

If you want to really have fun with your partner, you need to connect with them — and that means putting the phone away. “Mobile phones can have a negative impact on our attention span, as well as our ability to open up and communicate with others,” David Brudö, co-founder and CEO at mental wellbeing and personal development app Remente, tells Bustle. So make an agreement to put the phones to one side and really focus on each other. You may just remember why you fell in love with them in the first place if you stop mindlessly scrolling.

Flirt More

Couples who stop flirting are couples who stop anticipating,” Certified Relationship Coach Chris Armstrong tells Bustle. “Things go blasé and what was once an unpredictable stroll is now an expected lull.”

So make sure you keep the flirting going. Send sexy text messages, kiss more, compliment each other, and inject some of that fun back in that came so easily when you were first together. It may feel awkward at first, but try your best to start flirting again.

Goof Off

Sometimes it’s fun just to be totally goofy with each other. “When we get to the comfortable, stable place of knowing we have ‘secure’ status with someone else, it’s common to lose the playfulness that got you together in the first place,” Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. My girlfriend and I spend around 99 percent of our time alone acting like idiots, and I love it.

Give yourself permission to be silly — it’s easy to take relationships way too seriously,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship/dating coach and owner of The Popular Man, tells Bustle. “You don’t always have to be on your best behavior. Sometimes, it’s OK to simply have mindless laughter and goof around with your significant other.”

Travel Together

If you really feel stuck in a rut, don’t be afraid to change your scenery — it’s an easy change that can do a lot of good. “Changing your environment will help create new emotional responses to your partner, instead of triggering old undesirable ones,” says relationship expert Miyoko Rifkin. You don’t need to hop on a plane across the world (although that sounds like fun), even going to a new town or a new restaurant can trigger a change.

Come Up With A Bucket List

If you have trouble coming up with fun things to do on any given day, then coming up with a big list with your partner will give you something to refer back to. “Come up with a ‘bucket list’ and think about things you’ve always wanted to try that you can do together,” therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, tells Bustle. “Doing something out of the ordinary can add both excitement to the relationship and help you feel more connected to your partner.” Then, when you’re both feeling bored or out of ideas, pick something off of the list to try.

Relationships don’t have to be a constant rollercoaster — and you should definitely enjoy some quiet moments with your partner — but it should still be fun. Keeping relationships feeling exciting takes a bit of effort sometimes, but know that it’ll be well worth it.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly Facebook: phicklephilly

The 12 Most Important Questions That Never Get Asked In A Relationship

When you’re in a relationship, you probably ask each other a lot of questions. Some are about day-to-day life, some are asked in an effort to get to know each other better, and some might be about your future plans, together or separately. In order to build a life together, there are things that you both need to know. Unfortunately, there are some important questions that never get asked in a relationship, according to divorce and relationship experts, that probably should be asked more often.

Asking questions and getting to a point where you know where the other person stands is important for successful and lasting relationships. If you don’t explicitly ask some questions, however, you might not actually understand the relationship that you have and what your partner needs and wants, as well as you might think that you do. Going into a marriage or any other serious commitment without knowing for sure how your partner feels about certain things can potentially make things harder for the two of you later on, should that particular thing ever come up. Knowing where you both stand on important issues, how you handle conflict, and how you can support one another can make your relationship — and any commitment that goes along with it — stronger and more stable.

1. How Much Debt Do You Have & How Will It Be Paid?

All too often, couples don’t have concrete conversations about finances, especially before making a serious commitment. “Young couples with student loan debt are failing to disclose the amount of student debt owed and failing to discuss how that debt will be paid (i.e., individual responsibility vs. joint obligation),” James DeStefano, an attorney at Einhorn, Harris, Ascher, Barbarito & Frost, P.C., tells me in an email exchange. If you have student loan debt, especially if you’re thinking that it’ll be something that the two of you will tackle together, it’s important to talk about that, rather than assuming that your partner knows. If you’re on the same page, it won’t be an unwelcome surprise later on.

2. How Do You Deal With Conflicts & Disagreements?

Though you might not think that the specifics of how your partner deals with conflict truly matters, that’s not exactly true. “Do you collapse into tears? Do you attack…fight or flight? Do you retreat into silence? Or, are you able to handle and tolerate listening to your partner’s point of view even when they don’t agree with yours,” Dr. Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, the author of The Self-Aware Parent, a regular expert child psychologist on The Doctors, CBS TV, and co-star of Sex Box on WE TV, tells me via email. Knowing that you and your partner will be able to work through conflicts and that you’ll both be able to understand how the other deals with it will help when conflicts inevitably arise.

3. What Can I Do To Make Your Day Better?

“Most people want to get their own needs met and hence are very quick at judging and blaming their partners instead of asking what it is that they can do to improve their partner’s life,” Irina Baechle, L.C.S.W., a relationship therapist and coach, tells me by email. Simply asking your partner what you can do to make their day better or cheer them up when they’re down shows that you care and that you’re invested in the relationship.

4. If We Get Divorced, Who Will Claim The Kids On Tax Returns?

This question might not be important right when you meet or even right before you get married, but if you have kids or if you’re separated or going through a divorce, it’s something that you need to more explicitly address. “If both parents claim the children on a separate return, they are asking the IRS to come knocking,” Devon Rood Slovensky, of Slovensky Law PLLC, tells me by email. “Separated parents should also coordinate on claiming exemptions.”

5. What Are Your Sexual Needs, Desires, & Boundaries?

It’s important for couples to discuss sex, and many don’t. “Many people often commit to relationships assuming they are aware of their [partner’s] sexual intentions, desires, and needs,” Noni Ayana M.Ed., a sexologist, principal consultant, and founder of E.R.I.S. Consulting LLC, tells me by email. “Although multimedia overwhelms us with sexual content and imagery, we still tend to underestimate the importance of healthy sexuality and intimacy in love-based relationships. We assume partners will be monogamous. We assume partners are sexually healthy. We assume partners want children. We assume sex will be often or at least consistent.” Making too many assumptions can leave you feeling confused, disappointed, or otherwise unsatisfied.

It’s also of the utmost importance to talk about boundaries. “Even such simple questions as ‘does this feel good?’ or ‘is this ok?’ while engaging in sexual activity can go a long way towards providing safety within the relationship and giving one another the opportunity to be open about your concerns and desires,” Shira Galston, A.M.F.T., a marriage and family therapist, and cofounder counselor, tells me in an email exchange. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about sex with your partner.

6. What Are We OK Keeping Private From One Another, And What Do We Want To Be Open About?

Knowing what you’re going to share and what you (and they) will keep to yourselves is very important. “Some people believe that privacy between partners is a high priority, such as keeping emails, texts, financial information, even entire friendships separate from one another,” Galston says. “Others feel it is important to maintain transparency, to the point of sharing passwords and accounts, and checking in with one another before spending time alone with someone there could be a potential attraction to. There is no one right answer here; each couple needs to discuss the issue of privacy vs. transparency and decide together what feels right for them, which often means compromising and meeting somewhere in the middle. “

7. Are You Married Or Living With Anyone?

It sounds basic, but if you’re thinking about getting more serious with your partner, it’s a conversation you might need to have. “You’d be surprised at how many people simply assume another person is single,” Kevin Darné, dating expert and the author of My Cat Won’t Bark!, tells me. “Should they discover later on that’s not the case the other person is quick to say: ‘You never asked me if I was married or living with anyone!'” It might be better to have the conversation and know for sure than be blindsided later on.

8. Do We Want Children And Do We Share The Same Ideas For Raising Children?

You might think that you know exactly how your partner feels about having and raising kids, but, well, you may actually know less than you think. “Couples often believe that they both do or don’t want children just because they’ve had a peripheral conversation about it, but there needs to be explicit, clear questions asked about timing of children — or not — and if so, how a child will be raised,” Dr. Jill Murray, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in relationship counseling, tells me. “Women, especially, believe that if a man says he doesn’t want children, he will change his mind after marriage. That’s a dangerous belief to have. If a woman wants children in her future, she needs to set her timeline in advance of marriage and be very clear about it. Don’t leave it to chance.”

9. Do You Believe In Seeking Outside Help?

This is a question that you might not even consider asking, but one day, it might be valuable information to know. “Many couples sail through the honeymoon phase without ever asking each other about their beliefs regarding seeking help from a third-party when times get tough in the relationship,” Weena Cullins, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells me. “It’s important to ask your partner if they feel comfortable participating in therapy or speaking with a trusted person who may help get the relationship back on track if problems occur. Waiting until problems develop may be a difficult time to discover your partner is not on the same page.”

Asking your partner whether or not they believe in asking for outside help and if they’re willing to do so if necessary can help you be prepared to broach the topic of conversation if you, yourself, want to seek help at some point.

10. What Constitutes Infidelity?

Cheating means different things to different people; there’s no one singular definition. That’s why it’s so important to ask your partner what it means to them. “One partner may consider it fine to hang out alone with an attractive coworker, while the other may feel hurt by that. One might think an on-going email chain with an ex is no big deal, while the other might consider that emotional infidelity,” Galston says. “These views are often based on cultural and family of origin differences, as well as past experiences of infidelity. By asking these questions early on and establishing mutually agreed upon and healthy boundaries, couples will be more aware and sensitive to one another’s feelings and boundaries, and can avoid unnecessary feelings of betrayal and hurt later on.”

11. Are We Getting Married For The Right Reasons?

Deciding to get married is exciting and important and so many other things, but you also might want to think about if you’re making that decision for the right reasons. “People get married for multiple reasons that have nothing to do with love and commitment,” David Bennett, a certified counselor, relationship expert, and author, tells me by email. “Getting married because you feel like you’re getting older, because of pressure from family and friends, or even just to have that special day when ‘all eyes are on you’ are bad reasons to take that step.” It’s a big commitment and you might not want to take a step like that if you’re unsure whether or not the reasons behind it are sound.

12. Is  There Anything Either Of Us Is Feeling Resentful About Or Hurt By, That Has Never Been Said Out Loud? Is Either Of Us Still Waiting For An Apology?

Leaving things left unsaid can ultimately make things worse if you blurt them out or lead to resentment if you’re waiting for an apology you haven’t received. “Couples need to be able to check in with one another and bring up difficult topics without fear of causing a fight,” Galston says. “Resentment will fester over time if it is never addressed; it’s always better to explain to your partner what you are feeling, and give them the opportunity to understand, apologize, and respond with their own feelings. And if you sense some unspoken tension with your partner, don’t be afraid to ask about it. Just make sure to do so in a soft way, focusing on how you feel, and inviting your partner to discuss what happened without feeling attacked.”

Asking questions can be scary, but not asking them, assuming that you know the answers, can be stressful and complicated as well. The conversation might be nerve-wracking, but ultimately you’ll be better off for having had it.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am  & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                                Facebook: phicklephilly

10 Huge Mistakes Women Always Make In Relationships

As the author of phicklephilly, I’m on the front lines every day hearing all the latest and most common ways that otherwise good people mess up their intimate relationships. While there are a million stories in the big city, the truth is that breakups usually tend to fall into a few primary categories. Sometimes there are even multiple issues that overlap. That’s the beauty of pattern recognition. So for ease of reading and maximum reach, I decided to catalog a list of some of the most common forms of self-sabotage out there.

Now before you accuse me of blaming women for all breakups, just know that I have a top 10 list of ways that men also self-sabotage relationships that will be posted soon — and they are about as different as the genders themselves. We all have our own unique challenges related to the way we see and interact with the world around us. The good news is that a lot of it could be avoided if more people became conscious of the huge differences in how men and women navigate the world. That’s why I do what I do and help so many people turn their love lives around for good. So here they are in no particular order, the 10 Biggest Mistakes Women Make In Relationships:

1. You Don’t Know Your Own Value

This might be one of the most common areas where I work with my female friends. Do you chase after the bad boys who treat you poorly and only want them more? Are you attracted to all the unavailable guys? Are you afraid to ask for what you want? Do you put up with nonsense expecting that “one day” it will magically change? If so, welcome to the club — you are far from alone. You, my dear, do not know your value. The truth is that there are only two fears in the human condition: one is that you’re “not enough,” and two is that you won’t be loved. Let’s be clear: this will keep you single until it changes. Ironically, the thing that will keep you stuck here for years or even decades is that no man can really respect a woman who will allow him to treat her so shabbily, so this truly is a self-inflicted wound. I’m sorry for being so blunt, but the truth will set you free — even if it makes you angry or defensive first. If that’s the case, don’t bother getting mad at me. I cared enough to level with you so you can actually have all the love you truly deserve. I arrived at writing phicklephilly based on my personal experience.

2. You Over-Rely On Your Masculine Energy

Many of my friends are highly successful women and well-known in their communities. They’re doctors, lawyers, executives and entrepreneurs, but they can’t attract or keep a man. Ironically, their success is oftentimes a result of the fact that deep inside, these women also have huge doubts about their self value. (Do you see a theme here?) In fact, it’s their over-compensation that often leads to their success. The problem only gets dramatically worse if they’re divorced or are single parents because in order to be the sole provider or protector, too, their entire day is spent living in their masculine, achiever energy. While that may be effective in paying the bills, when you spend too much time there, it’s nearly impossible to transition out of that and re-embrace your feminine energy again. The fact is, if you can do it all by yourself, a man will look at you and see no role for himself; unless, of course, he’s looking for a sugar mama. I definitely don’t recommend that arrangement either. If you think it doesn’t sound so bad, re-read item #1.

Thank you. I’m being brutally honest and trying to help, ladies.

3. You Simply Don’t Get Or Understand Men

Women who understand how men work and appreciate them for their masculine gifts have a way of kissing frogs and turning them into princes. Likewise, women who are jaded, frustrated or have been burned too many times can kiss a good man and turn him into a frog. The fact is, women are far more complex and men are fairly simple creatures who actually are pre-wired to want to serve you — if you know how to inspire them. Bottom line, most of my friend’s success comes when I teach them specifically how to understand and appreciate men so they can bring out their best, rather than suffer through their worst. I can teach you how to make a man crazy about you and then condition his behavior to treat you like his queen. Of course, that’s assuming you want to do what it takes to be his queen.

4. You Try To Change Him Or Don’t Accept Him As He Is

There’s nothing that turns off a man like meeting a woman he’s trying to impress and then having her immediately try to turn him into her latest “project” that she’s going to fix. Maybe it’s criticizing the way he dresses, insulting his table manners, or ridiculing his appearance or grooming habits. Women have a way of doing that because they tend to be caretakers by nature but frankly, it usually doesn’t end well for either party, and it just feels bad all the way around. At best, unrequested suggestions are usually unwelcome. At worst, they’re insulting and emasculating. People want to be seen, heard and appreciated for who they are; if you feel the need to change him with your complaints, ridicule, teasing or even unrequested “helpful hints,” let me ask you a question. How would you like it if he did that to you? Enough said!

5. You Don’t Really Appreciate What Men Do For You

On the other extreme of women not knowing their value, are the self-centered women who seemingly believe they are “owed” something. They are not grateful that a man opted to spend his time, talent and treasure with her. In fact, they have an attitude of entitlement. You may be surprised how many women stay in relationships with men — or even multiple men — for the gifts and prizes. It’s also not unheard of for women to accept free dinners, order the most expensive things on the menu and then disappear or be busy when a man tries to ask them out again. If you think the term “gold digger” sounds bad, consider how it feels to be on the receiving end of that kind of behavior. Ladies, you’re not the only one who can develop trust issues. If you’ve treated a man this way before, just know that some of your dating struggles might be dating karma coming back to you. Taking advantage of others for your own gain is not only unattractive — it’s indefensible.

6. You Don’t Share Your Gifts

The gift of the masculine sex is his ability to protect and provide. In fact, he takes great pride in it and will oftentimes even willingly risk his health or life in order to do that effectively. In fact, elderly men who seemingly “lose their purpose” or ability to provide as effectively after retirement may spiral into depression, suffer anxiety or even die prematurely when they no longer feel “needed.” Those two things are that hard-wired into masculine energy that they are a matter of life and death. So what, you may ask, is the gift of the feminine sex? The essence of femininity is the innate desire to nurture, caretake or look after your man. It’s about reciprocation and putting one another first. If you’re not doing that, you’re more interested in taking than giving, and healthy relationships aren’t about taking. They’re about giving. You need to figure out what exactly you bring to the table for him and then understand his love language to see whether he even values what you’re offering.

7. You Create Drama Instead Of Memories

As I said earlier, men are relatively simple creatures who navigate the world via logic and reason — it just doesn’t make sense to be all worked up constantly. They love to prove their value by solving problems and making things easy. They tend to be laid back and easy-going when they’re not working, and they also typically hate to waste effort if they can’t see a potential upside. That’s why masculine energy quickly tires of the drama that arises when femininity gets caught up in emotion and upset. Just be aware that if you kind of like the attention you get when you stir things up, it just might turn into a very short-term gain, if you know what I mean.

8. You Either Didn’t Build Trust — Or You Broke It

If a man is going to consider a future with you, he has got to believe that you respect him and have his back while he has yours. Inside every little boy is a desire to grow up and be a hero and a good man who feels connected to you will give his all to be your hero. In fact, he may even give his life to protect you. His commitment is that deep. In return, he must be able to trust that you have his best interests in mind also. Men also tend to strongly resonate with the concept of honor which is the backbone of the military code. Bottom line, a good man has high standards and you’ll have to as well if you’re going to keep him.

9. You Tried To Tie Him Down Too Soon

This may be one of the biggest mistakes women make over and over again. After one date, one kiss, or even one intimate encounter, women often seem to think they’re now magically in a “relationship.” Actually, not so fast. First of all, that’s not the time to negotiate your terms, and masculine energy has a very different criteria for that designation. The truth is men have an almost primitive drive and preference for the concept of freedom that practically lies in their DNA. Add to that it’s basic human nature that as soon as you grab someone quickly, they instinctively and reflexively pull away. While that may sound like men have no interest in monogamy, that’s not exactly true. Masculine energy will absolutely commit and voluntarily give up their freedom, but only after they’re convinced that you offer something better. The key is — timing is everything. Let a man pursue you and never try to take his freedom; it can only be surrendered.

10. You Didn’t Inspire Him Enough To See A Future With You

Here’s the truth: dating is a competitive environment. Every one of us, men and women alike, wants to be with a partner that makes us feel like we definitely got the better part of the deal when it comes to our partner. In fact, it’s ideal when both partners have such a strong appreciation and gratitude for one another that they both feel blessed to have attracted their partner. Basically, it’s about finding someone who just “gets” you and resonates with you. Believe it or not, this isn’t as rare as it seems; you can learn how to get better at attracting this, and I help my friends dramatically increase their odds of finding this kind of partner.

The Bonus Mistake That Didn’t Make The List:

I had one more that’s quite common, but it wasn’t prevalent enough to make my top 10. That’s partly because it’s more of a misunderstanding that leads to a belief or attitude than a mistake. You’re looking for a man to “complete” you when that’s your job. Those who invest in themselves and do some personal development work have a huge advantage when it comes to attracting and keeping all the love they deserve. They’ve done the work to heal their wounds. They understand how to elegantly, effectively and efficiently connect with another human being. Like anything else in life, it all comes down to the right amount of preparation and perspiration to have what you want in life. I certainly hope this article has added a fair amount of inspiration, too.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this piece.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                          Facebook: phicklephilly