Angel with a Broken Wing – Chapter 1

My new book, Below the Wheel, drops on June 22. Here’s a little taste over the next 3 days from last year’s novel, Angel with a Broken Wing.

 

ONE

Christian Blackmore sat quietly in the law office of Timmons and Weiss in Miami, Florida. He looked around the room at his mother and three sisters as the executor read the Will for his uncle’s estate.

He ran his fingers through his blonde hair and rubbed his eyes. He still felt hungover from last night after the funeral, but the dark cloud of alcohol was beginning to lift from his head.

“And to my dear nephew, Christian, I leave the following possessions… my entire record collection, because I know how much he loves music. My 1974 Ford Pinto, because I want him to have quality transportation. All of my custom luggage, because I know how much he loves to travel. Finally, my favorite briefcase, so that when he goes off to work, he’ll always think of me! HA, HA.”

“Excuse me, sir… But what’s so funny?”

“I’m not laughing, Christian.”

Mrs. Blackmore interjected. “Mrs. Weiss, I just buried my favorite brother. I think it’s nice that he thought enough of my son to leave him some of his personal belongings. I don’t think your attempt at levity is appropriate.”

“But I didn’t laugh, Ma’am.”

“We all heard you, Weiss. It’s the part about the Pinto, isn’t it?”

“Christian, Please. You don’t understand. It says here: ‘and my favorite briefcase so that he can always think of me when he goes off to work. HA, HA.’ That’s what’s written in the will, the words ‘HA, HA.’ See for yourself.”

Christian snatched the document from the old lawyer’s hand and read it closely.

“It does say that, Mom.”

“I told you…”

Mom… is this some kind of joke?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t know, Christian. I just don’t know.”

The next morning, Christian loaded the Pinto and headed back to his home in Woodbury, New Jersey.  The old ‘gas crisis classic’ held up rather well over the two days it took him to get home. As he drove he had some time to reflect on his life.

“Five years.”

For five years he had worked for Midland Bank. It was a pretty good gig working down at the seashore. Though it was very busy during the summer season, it was dead during the winter months. He had had enough of the resort/retirement community and needed something more. Something that was at least consistent twelve months a year. He had tried to get a transfer within the company to the Philadelphia area. He figured at least there’d be more opportunity and exposure in a more populated area. After months of trying he finally resigned from his position with the bank.

He took a job with a finance company in Turnersville, New Jersey. It was in Gloucester County, a few miles outside Philly on the Jersey side of the Delaware River.

He found that the differences between banks and finance companies were radical. He was asked by management to refer to the firm as financial services, not a finance company.

One day he asked his boss why, and he told Christian that the phrase finance company held a certain negative image.

Christian figured that the job wouldn’t be much different from the one he held at the bank. But he couldn’t have been more wrong. It was like comparing apples to oranges.

When he managed a branch for the bank his duties were, do your audit and compliance books, open checking and savings accounts, develop new business, oversee branch operations, and most of all, keep your tellers happy.

If you get the occasional customer who wants to borrow money, it’s a no-brainer. If he or she had even one delinquent account on their credit report, you simply denied the request. It was that easy. The bank has the lowest rates, so they only lend money to the best customers.

But what if you had a good reason for your late payments? What if you lost your job, or your child was sick in the hospital and medical bills were piling up?

The bank doesn’t care that bad things happen to good people. Sorry.

So what does this customer do to get a loan? Where can he go to get a loan to help meet the needs of his family?

He goes to a finance company. The customer needs money to buy Christmas presents for his kids, or his daughter needs braces, or maybe she needs tuition for school. Whatever the client needs…Christian is there.

As he navigated the old Pinto North on Interstate 95, He thought of the hundreds of customers he had served over the years at Midland Bank. He visualized the typical customer walking out of his chosen branch where he kept his money after being declined for a loan. The bank where he deposited his paycheck every week. The bank where he had his savings account. The place his wife made her weekly payments into their Christmas Club. The bank where his grandfather renewed his certificates of deposit every six months. This man walks out of his bank and comes across the street to see Christian. Christian Blackmore. Finance Company Man!

He thought about how the meeting would go. Turning it over in his mind. They were all just different players in the same game.

His game.

“Hey Joe, how’s it going?”

“Not good, Chris. My bank just turned me down for a loan. I’ve been banking there since the joint opened!”

“Well Joe, maybe we can help you here.”

“Really? That’d be great!”

“Why were you declined?”

“I got hurt on the job a year ago, and I got behind on some of my payments because I was out of work for a couple of months.”

“Are you current with everybody now?

“You mean up to date on all my bills?”

“Yes.”

“Absolutely.”

“How much do you need to borrow?”

“About $1,500 would do it I guess.”

“Okay, that’s going to be $63 a month for say…18 months?”

“Yea sounds good. Hey, what’s the payment on $2,000?”

“Well Joe… let me get some more info and we’ll see if we can get this done today.”

“Thanks, man!”

Christian took a sip from the paper cup filled with bitter black coffee. He turned up the radio to drown out the hammering of the old engine as it pushed the tiny old Ford through the night.

He continued to relive his daily life as he drove on. His loathing for his job helped keep him alert as he entered his sixteenth hour on the road. He thought about how that very same customer would enter his office the same afternoon to sign papers and receive his check for $2,000.

Pretty amazing, Christian thought as he lit a cigarette. Quick and easy. The client’s happy. He can send his little girl to summer camp or get his leaky roof fixed, or pay off his gambling debt to his bookie in Atlantic City.

Who cares. He’s only got to come up with $100 a month. What a super job. What a great guy Christian Blackmore is. What a satisfying vocation he has chosen. Guy had a need, and he satisfied it. The client had some delinquent payments in the past but he’s current now. Handed him a check the same day. The bank would have taken a week and charged him about 12% had they approved him.

But they didn’t.

But Christian did. He charged Joe what his boss told him to charge on every unsecured loan he made, no matter what the credit score looked like. He charges them all the State Maximum for the state of New Jersey.

That rate is 30%!

30%! That’s only 20% less than the loan sharks in South Philly charge.

Christian thought about his boss. That pig Andy. He could almost hear his voice now… “Don’t lose any business boys. If they balk at the rate, cut it back to 28%. Show ’em we’re flexible.”

“Oh yea, thanks, Andy. They’ll love that rate. Don’t people usually like to have their clothes off when they’re getting screwed?”

Christian knew he needed to get out of this job. He could feel the rage rising in him. He took a deep breath and exhaled so as to not drive faster due to his anger. He spoke out loud to himself in the car.

“They love that low payment I quote them. Yessiree! That low payment is packed with Life, Disability, and even Unemployment insurance. It’s sick! People pay so much in interest and insurance we pack into these loans. We make a fortune from their misfortune. ‘At least we get ’em the cash when they need it.’ Andy says.”

“Yea… but what a price they pay. Jeezus, what I do to these hard-working people every day is criminal. I should just go put on a mini skirt and a pair of fishnets and heels, and just grab a handful of credit applications, and go stand on the corner of Mickle Street and the Admiral Wilson Boulevard in Camden, and peddle my wares with the rest of the hookers!”

Christian maneuvered through the traffic around the beltway in Washington, DC. The little Pinto would sputter and buck whenever he would gun the accelerator. He thought about how a huge part of his job was collecting payments from slow-paying customers. That was the worst part of the job.

“I gotta find another job. As soon as I get back, I’m going to do it. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Damn slow accounts. Calling those people every Tuesday and Thursday night to see if they’ll make a payment on the overpriced loan I made them.”

Christian pushed on for another three hours until he arrived home. He pulled into his driveway. He began unloading his ‘inheritance.’ He was too tired to carry all the junk into the house so he locked it all in the garage, went inside his house, and fell onto his bed to disappear into blissful sleep.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Reasons He Suddenly Stopped Chasing You – Even When You Wanted Him To

He pursued me, then suddenly stopped.”

If there’s one thing that men like, it is the chase. They love it when you play hard to get and it makes them want you even more. Yes, we women enjoy it too. But what happens when they suddenly get tired of the chase and decide to move on? When he pursued you, there was slight teasing, you played hard to get and wanted him to pursue you just a bit more. You felt that everything was going well while you played the game of chase with him when suddenly he stopped chasing you.

When it comes to love, dating, and relationships, it is so hard to guess what the other person wants. The moment you feel that it is leading somewhere, he stops pursuing you, leaving you clueless about what happened.

The first question is how does a man pursue a woman? If he always initiates conversations, talks about meeting up, responds to your texts at lightning speed, gives you small surprises, then these are the sure-shot signs he is pursuing you, or in your case, “was pursuing you”. You feel that something has suddenly gone off about him and he doesn’t chase you like he used to before.

You want him to pursue you now but are worried that it’s too late. If you really like this guy a lot and want him back, you need to first identify the reasons why he has suddenly stopped chasing you. It could be nothing, but it’s better to get it cleared out before it’s too late. Here are 10 reasons why he suddenly stopped chasing you.

1. He feels that you’re not into him

He feels you don't like him

When a woman constantly turns a man down, they begin to think that the woman isn’t interested in him. They don’t want to sound all clingy and desperate in front of the woman and begin to feel that it is time they stopped chasing a woman who isn’t into him. Men like the chase, but when the chase gets difficult, they tend to chicken out, at times concluding that the girl is out of his league. If you are among the women, who have turned him down more than once, it means that the guy feels that you’re not into him. This isn’t the time to keep thinking about, “Why he stopped chasing me?”, but about, “How to get him to ask me out again?”

2. He feels like a rebound

Many times, when a man starts pursuing a woman who has just come out of a serious relationship, they feel that the woman is keeping them hanging because she wants him to be her rebound. He spots the signs of being a rebound, and he backs off. He doesn’t feel like he belongs there and realizes that pursuing someone who has just got out of a serious relationship was a big mistake.

3. He’s dating other people

Perhaps he is dating other people

Twenty-First Century dating is more about keeping all options open, weighing the pros and cons, instead of looking for cupid to strike you with an arrow. If this guy has suddenly stopped chasing you, there are chances that he’s dating other people or has found someone else more compatible. Of course, pursuing you does not translate into being exclusive with you!

You might have thought that he was exclusive but that was probably not the case. For him, the meaning of commitment might have been different from yours. If he’s dating other people, it’s time to move on.

4. He feels like a backup

Many people like to have backups. Backups are people which one person keeps to fill a void or when things get lonely. They know that their backup will always be there at their beck and call and thus prefer to keep them hanging. You may not be one of those women, who keeps men as their backup but if this guy has experienced being someone’s backup before, then he might feel so. He may read signs that he is your backup plan. If you are unintentionally keeping him away from your personal life, he might feel that you don’t consider him important enough to be a part of it. Making him a part of your life will solve this problem.

5. He doesn’t see it going anywhere

He feels lost

You might be wondering why he suddenly stopped pursuing me? After chasing you and trying to impress you for some time, he might realize that it isn’t going anywhere. He might be going around in circles without any actual results. If you were playing hard to get too much, he might have got the wrong signals and thought that you weren’t interested in moving it forward. A guy doesn’t like waiting for too long, they prefer in getting clear signals instead. Once he is tired of waiting, he will stop pursuing you and move on.

6. You’re a control freak

How you behave before getting into a relationship has a lot to do with men pursuing you. Men usually like to do all the planning. They like to lead with things and surprise their loved ones. If you’re a control freak and have taken control of things even before getting into a relationship, you’ve probably scared him away. He pursued you because he was attracted to you, but on seeing how fast you’re taking it without even asking him, is the thing that has probably scared him off.

This guy pursued you, went out with you for some time and you thought that it was finally leading somewhere. Before anything significant happening, this guy suddenly chickens out like Chandler in the first four seasons of Friends. There are high chances that this guy is scared of commitment. If you really like this guy and think that something could really happen, talk to him and see how he feels about commitment. If he admits to having commitment issues, take it a bit slow.

8. He’s not interested in you anymore

He is not interested in you anymore

If a man is interested, he will pursue you but when he realizes that he’s not interested anymore, he will decide to move on. Well, this is just how dating works. When a person is interested, he/she will pursue you to get to know you on a personal level. You either hit it off or you don’t. If he doesn’t feel a connection or feels like you aren’t someone he sees himself with, then he’ll stop pursuing you.

If he’s a gentleman, he will own up and tell you that things weren’t working out. But if he has stopped chasing you without telling you, you know what to call him.

9. His deadline has ended

Most men have a mental deadline when it comes to chasing women. It is because they don’t like chasing women for too long. They prefer in living in the moment rather than leaving it on fate to make something work. If you’ve kept him hanging for too long and he’s suddenly stopped chasing you, it means that his deadline has ended. He doesn’t want to keep chasing something that has a dead end and is thinking about moving on from you.

10. He has found someone else

He may have found someone else

Men stop chasing someone or put a halt to their chasing when they find out that someone else is into them. He could have also fallen for someone else instead. Your guy might have grown tired of waiting around and in the process might have found someone else. If he has been avoiding your calls and texts and is making excuses and ignoring you for someone else, then rest assured he has made his choice and you can’t do much about it.

When a man chases you, it is because he wants to prove his worth to you. He likes playing chase but when he doesn’t get the response that he was hoping for, he feels like it’s better to move on instead. If you really like this guy and are thinking that, “He stopped chasing me, but I want him”. There is some damage control that you can do. You might be tempted to taking him on a guilt trip or making him jealous, but the best thing to do is to talk to him openly about it. Knowing his side will help you understand the situation and clear misunderstandings if any.

If he’s still into you, you’ll be able to start things again and if he’s not, you will get some closure and will finally be able to move past it.

 

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock – 5 Songs That Only Became Popular Because We Missed Their Meanings

Ronald Reagan famously misinterpreted “Born in the U.S.A.,” thinking it was about how awesome America was, spacing out during the lyrics about out-of-work vets hounded by memories of dead friends lost in a pointless war. The Gipper wasn’t the only one to miss the point. Pop music can be deceptively deep, and so some songs are only beloved and remembered due to us being completely oblivious.

Funny enough, when those smash hits make millions of dollars, artists generally don’t seem in too much of a hurry to correct us …

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” Is About A Father Destroying His Family’s Lives For Money

Commissioned for the musical Meet Me In St. Louis, Ralph Blane & Hugh Martin churned out one of the most memorable Christmas songs ever written and one of Judy Garland’s signature numbers. Everybody loves a warm, cozy Christmas song. Too bad “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” isn’t one.

It’s actually about hard times and the economic necessity to pack up and take your family away from your small, close-knit little community to relocate to New York City, left only with pale memories of better times. Near the end of the film, Garland sings of friends and memories that are lost and might never be recovered, echoed in the line, “Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow,” with the scene culminating in a child’s emotional breakdown. Not to mention that when Judy Garland sings of trauma, alienation, and lost innocence, she speaks as an authority.

Loew’s Inc.
“Hey, I think you lost your whiskey flask in that mound of asbestos, Judy.”

The song was so depressing that it was altered twice. First changed only superficially, altering the breathtakingly-nihilistic line: “Have yourself a merry little Christmas, It may be your last,” to the slightly less pathetic: “Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light,” the song remaining very downbeat. And then a second time, the song altered by Frank Sinatra, who made it a habit of changing other songwriter’s lyrics, turning it saccharine and easily digestible. While Garland’s rendition remains the more iconic, the melancholy truth has been wiped away by a cheery erasure … which is probably the most on-point message for child stardom imaginable.

“The Clown Song” Was Written as an Epic, Heroic Theme

Nobody knows what it is called, but once you hear “clown music,” you’ll know it immediately.

If you have coulrophobia, shoot, we probably should have given you a trigger warning or something before we dropped that song. Sorry.

The disconnect between intent and interpretation apparent when you learn that the goofy-sounding tune was originally titled: “Entrance of the Gladiators.” And, no, the title is in no way being sarcastic; this was intended to be a grandiose, dramatic, awe-inspiring march to be played by a real military band or orchestra instead of an organ grinder in a circus.

The piece was written in the era when marches were the hottest genre of music, with no shortage of wars to play it during. Tonally, it was conceived to summon the pomp and life-and-death struggle that was armed combat in the Coliseum to life. It was composed by Czech military bandleader and prolific composer Julius Fucik, who, in all certainty, did not have a fez-bedecked simian sidekick.

Library of Congress
His monkey wore miniature gladiator armor.

Fucik approached his craft with great pride, studying under the tutelage of master Antonin Dvorak and touring across Europe, a respected figure. All well and good until one day, his song, also known as “Grande Marche Chromatique,” was reworked by a Canadian arranger as “Thunder and Blazes,” forever destroying Fucik’s creation. The tune would never be taken seriously by anyone not wearing greasepaint and a red nose ever again.

“Baba O’Riley” Is an Ode to Meditation and Warding off Peer Pressure

The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” — or as it is usually referred to by everyone who isn’t a Rolling Stone writer, “Teenage Wasteland” — quickly attained status as a stoner classic. It’s a go-to title or reference for anything involving kids experimenting with drugs and rebelling against their parents.

Need background music to illustrate the generation gap while you give attention-seeking adolescents national TV coverage? Got ya covered:

“What are your kids doing in a back alley when you’re at work? Footage at 11!”

However, The Who’s Pete Townshend was not a dropout nor a casual-drug enthusiast like every other rock idol when he wrote “Baba O’Riley.” He penned the song when he was fed up with the cliched rock persona, making a point about drug dependency as a literal case of wasted potential. Townshend was really interested in trying to persuade us to open ourselves up to love and nourish our consciousness in a land of spiritual desolation. He failed, drowned out by the sound of a million bubbling bongs.

“Baba” refers to mute guru and avowed living god Meher Baba, of who Townshend was a zealous adherent. The mystic preached abstinence from drugs, with The Who songwriter gushing, “I felt more keen about getting into Meher Baba than I felt about being stoned all my life.” Listeners? They just wanted an awesome keyboard riff and refrain they could blast out a car window as they peeled out of the high school parking lot to pick up munchies.

“Song 2” Is a Smug Criticism of American Musical Tastes

The English “Brit-pop” outfit Blur was mostly overlooked by America in the mid-90s, with the grunge bands stealing all the spotlight. In response, “Song 2,” off their fifth studio album, was conceived as a joke. It imitates American grunge groups’ distorted, wailing guitar sound while also mocking their fan bases’ hyperactive antics, whom the band perceived as having trash taste. Even the title reminiscent of a hunk of molded plastic that rolls off an assembly line.

“Song 2” was a rebuke of everything that grunge stood for and a celebration of Blur’s Brit Pop genre. But, just like today, no one in America gave a shit about British musical pretensions, with listeners blasting it alongside grunge band de jour. Joining the pantheon of incoherent but catchy rock staples, the song was locked in at sports arenas and frat-party playlists.

Sounding like nothing the band had made to date …

… nobody understood the joke, assuming Blur were altering their sound and trying to appeal to Americans, yet more identical, skinny white dudes wailing over electric guitars. Their hit came to represent everything the singers were opposed to, as it became the most requested rock song on MTV. In America, it remains their only recognizable song despite a sizable back catalog. Blur seemed to forget about their message too and embraced it as their career-defining hit:

“Stayin’ Alive” Details Escaping a Depressing, Crumbling Dump

 

Soaring into the zeitgeist, fresh off the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, “Stayin’ Alive” was the biggest hit and most recognizable single of the Bee Gees, the song emblematic of the disco era and decade. As the lyrics: “Somebody help me,” and “Life goin’ nowhere,” clearly hints at, the song was not designed to chronicle the local discotheque’s joys.

The Gibb Brothers were Brits, raised in Australia, and the song recorded in France. Their knowledge of America was limited to hotel rooms, buses, and newspapers. “The lyrics very obviously state the scenario of survival in the city, and it’s not about disco dancing at all,” Robin Gibb said. The city is New York, and survival is used quite literally. In 1977 the Big Apple was a laughingstock. If you know anything about its reputation as a failed, crime-ridden, miserable dump, you can figure it out what reality the song was really getting at…

The Bee Gees were trying to be profound, and we didn’t give them a chance. The line “New York Time’s effect on man,” is explained by the co-writer Barry Gibb, describing the song as bleak and intended for “desperate” people “crying out for help,” explaining why the music video was shot in a rubble-laden slum. There is a line about “dancing shoes,” but considering the rest of the song’s content, it’s metaphorical at best; according to Robin Gibb, the band completed “Stayin’ Alive” without even knowing the John Travolta film’s plot.

Wanna be a better guitarist? Click this link to learn the secret!

https://beginnerguitarhq.com/guitar-exercises/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

‘Micro-cheating’ is the new dating trend you need to know about

As if the world of dating wasn’t complicated enough, it’s now been revealed your partner could be cheating on you by doing something some might consider relatively harmless.

The concept of cheating is pretty straightforward; when someone in a relationship strays away from home. Yet now, experts at eHarmony and telling us to look out for a partner ‘micro-cheating on you too.

The dating website defines ‘micro-cheating as “a term which encompasses smaller, albeit questionable acts” from a partner.

Think like the social media posts of someone else you’re attracted to, or sliding into their DMs, something tech-savvy millennials seems to feel most strongly about.

“Advances in technology and the multitude of available platforms means that people often feel there is an endless choice. This choice can sometimes lead people to make toxic decisions,” eHarmony dating expert Rachael Lloyd revealed.

“It might start with a bit of flirting online and build towards full-blown emotional affairs in the digital environment. The fallout from these situations can be as devastating as a physical affair.”

She added that a couple of Instagram likes here and there might not seem so bad but it’s the intent behind them you need to consider.

Rachael also suggests setting clear boundaries as soon as possible in a new relationship, so your partner isn’t surprised when you challenge them on being too friendly with others online.

“The modern dating world can be a minefield, but clear communication can really help,” she added.

Why do people cheat?

According to relationship expert Michelle Rose, there are a number of reasons why men and women choose to cheat, with a big one being that they try to destroy what they don’t feel worthy of having in the first place.

“If they’ve got a belief that they’re not really worthy, that they’re not really enough, then they will destroy it because we’ll always live up to our beliefs and our identity,” she told Yahoo Lifestyle previously.

“The closer they get towards love, the more likely they are to do something crazy and destroy it when they actually don’t believe they have it in the first place. Even though externally they’ve got it, they will destroy it.”

Michelle believes that love is one of the biggest fears of the human race because it is a reflection of who we really are.

“The energy of love is so unfamiliar for a lot of people that when they start to go deep they’ll stuff it up, they’ll do something. Because they can only handle the superficial,” she said.

Woman touching the wedding ring on her finger nervously while having coffee and waiting in a cafe.

Relationship expert Louanne Ward claims people can be addicted to love and sex and have no idea that their actions are leaving a trail of destruction and broken hearts behind them.

She added people are often genuinely shocked and heartbroken to discover their spouse has been unfaithful yet, in many cases, there were a number of key signs they simply failed to see.

She recommends looking out for signs of ‘change in behavior’, such as your partner ‘staying back at work late more often than before, having a renewed interest in their appearance, unexplained and secretive social media activity or any other new and different activity that could and should have your radar alerted’.

“Most people will have an inner sense that things are not quite the same and may question their partner about their suspicions,” she said.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

 

There’s A Right Way To Apologize To Someone You Hurt — Here’s How

Simply saying ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t always enough.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry …” Is there any more worthless a platitude?

When you’re in a relationship, especially for any significant period of time, you are going to have to apologize for something.

There are different ways to apologize, for sure.

There’s the “Oh, sorry,” apology you cast off when you just want someone off your back and aren’t really sorry.

There’s the blunt “I’m sorry, okay?” when you sort of mean it, but that doesn’t really do any good because let’s face it, do you really mean it?

Being on a receiving end of a non-apology apology sucks.

We all do it. And there’s a time and place for it. But when you really, truly need to apologize for something you’ve done, something that has wronged or insulted or hurt your partner, you need to understand what a true apology consists of.

So, what makes for a good apology?

You have to mean it, sure. But, there’s a narrative structure that a good apology should follow.

Roy Lewicki, professor emeritus of management and human resources at Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business, is an expert in the art of negotiation as well as rebuilding trust.

He’s spent years researching the ideal apology and he’s broken down the perfect apology into six distinct components:

  • Expression of regret
  • Explanation of what went wrong
  • Acknowledgment of responsibility
  • Declaration of repentance
  • Offer of repair
  • Request for forgiveness

Understand these six steps and you’ll be able to craft an apology that really, truly means something. It sounds a little complex, but Lewicki explains that, when followed properly, these six steps are not only very simple, but also quite effective.

We asked Lewicki to break down each one and explain how and why they work so well.

Here’s his expert guidance on how to apologize to someone you hurt.

1. Expression of regret

To start, you simply must tell the other person that you’re sorry for what you did.

It’s important that you get this part right because it will set the tone for everything that follows.

Tone is crucial. If you sound insincere, sarcastic, or at all annoyed, then whatever else you have to say next will ring hollow.

“What this does from the speaker’s point of view is, is try to express how sorry they are for the offense,” Lewicki explains. “This is where tone can make a difference. You can say, ‘I’m really genuinely sorry,’ and communicate some emotionality in that. Or you can be sarcastic and say, ‘I’m sorry, did I offend you?’ and totally diminish the content of your apology.”

2. Explanation of what went wrong

Here is where you have a chance to explain your side of the story and try and let your spouse or partner know that, whatever mistake you made, there was a reason behind it.

This can go a long way toward letting your spouse see what your thinking was behind your actions and perhaps change their perspective on why they’re upset.

If they think you did something wrong, because you’re thoughtless or don’t care, but then hear your actual reasoning behind your error, it can soften them up a lot.

“It’s trying to help the other party understand how this happened in a way where they can understand that it was a mistake or an error,” says Lewicki. “It’s an effort to put them in your shoes to get a sense of how and why it happened.”

3. Acknowledgement of responsibility

This is a hard one for some people to do because it requires them to step out from behind their own ego and defensiveness and simply fall on the sword.

If you did something wrong, you just have to own it.

This is key, as it can signal to your partner that you’re aware of your actions and that you accept your role in them.

A non-apology or shifting of the blame will only make things worse here.

“This is saying, ‘I was wrong when I did that and I accept responsibility for my actions,’ ” says Lewicki. “As opposed to saying something like, ‘the Devil made me do it,’ or some other effort to put the blame on somebody else for what happened.”

4. Declaration of repentance

Here’s where sincerity really comes into play.

You have to step up and promise that whatever happened will never happen again.

It’s a promise to not repeat your actions.

“In the second study we did that turned out to be the most important element. It’s saying, ‘I regret this happened. I’ve learned my lesson,’ ” says Lewicki. “But if you make that promise, then you have to not do it again. Kids are notorious for this. They promise they won’t do X and then 10 minutes later they do it again. If you do that, [subsequent apologies] lose credibility.”

5. Offer of repair

So you’ve said that you’re sorry, but what are you going to do to make it right?

How will you move forward from here?

Letting your spouse know that you’re not just sorry in the moment, but that you’ve established a plan to go forward and fix things in the long-term will make the apology go down a lot easier.

“If there were actual damages you can offer to pay for or repair the damages, or if there were [emotional] damages, then a dozen roses, or a box of chocolates might do the work,” says Lewicki. “I’m serious about that. Token offers of repentance that are above and beyond just the words are often quite symbolic.”

6. Request for forgiveness

Interestingly, Lewicki’s research marked this as the least important element in the apology.

Provided you nailed the other five, this one should just be a formality.

“Here’s where the severity of the violation comes in,” says Lewicki. “I mean, if you promised to bring home a pizza for dinner and forgot, that’s different than if the spouse finds that you’ve been seeing another woman. But, if the violation is correctable and the violator shows real intent in not repeating, then it’s much more likely to rebuild fundamental trust, but it’s going to take time. It doesn’t spring back immediately.”

 

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Hunt’s Pier – Chapter 2 – Fun Chase

Wildwood, New Jersey – 1938

My father, (Horace) his brother Jack and his mother, (My grandmother) stayed in a house on Rio Grande Avenue in Wildwood, during the summer. I don’t know if his dad visited on the weekends or not.

Here’s an early photo my sister sent me.

Horace, (My dad)  Alice, (Their mom/my grandmother), and Jack. (My favorite uncle)

My dad told me the following story about Ocean Pier. (Fun Chase)

One day, his mom gave him some money to take his little brother up to the boardwalk to enjoy the day on Ocean Pier. It was an enclosed facility, and for one price you could enter and do whatever you wanted for the whole day. They had rides, movies, cartoons, and places to eat inside. As you can see from the photo above, it was an enclosed space so you could play in there rain or shine.

I think my dad was around 9 years old then, and his little brother Jack was a few years younger. My dad didn’t really want to hang out with his little brother all day, but he did it to please his mom. Who wants to be stuck all day with your annoying little sibling?

But my dad was amped for a fun-filled day at Fun Chase. When they got there they paid the cover and entered the little world of fun amusements. Once inside, my dad saw all the fun things to see and do, and having his little brother Jack along wouldn’t be so bad after all.

But then the unthinkable happened.

Little Jackie approached his brother with the following development. He had been suffering from some stomach disorders and had accidentally crapped his pants. (What began as a fart, quickly became a shart.)

This elevated the situation to a crisis level. My father, thinking quickly, was determined to have a fun day no matter what the unexpected, brown circumstances may be. He had been dealt a stinky hand in the game of life and there was no way he was going to let his little brother ruin his fun. Money had been paid, and fun was to be had, not forfeited by the weak bowels of little Jackie.

He took his brother by the hand and led him into the restroom. He took him inside one of the stalls and closed the door. He removed his brother’s shoes, socks and pants. He grabbed a bunch of toilet paper and wet paper towels and proceeded to clean his brother’s dirty butt. He disposed of Jack’s filthy underwear and put him back together.

The day resumed and they had a wonderful time. There was Horace and his brother going on rides and watching movies and having a grand old time together. My father, the savior of the moment, and Jack going commando, free balling his way through the day.

That evening, the boys got home and had dinner with their mom. Sharing with her all of their fun adventures of the day.

Later that night their mom was getting little Jackie ready for bed. She laid out his pajamas and proceeded to remove his clothes for his bath. She got his little trousers off when she made the discovery.

“Jack… what the hell happened to your underwear?”

“Horace flushed them down the toilet at Fun Chase!”

 

Wildwood, New Jersey – 1943

And so begins our rich history with the Hunt’s Corporation. Hunt’s owned all of the movie theaters in Wildwood. As a teenager, my dad worked for Hunt’s theaters as an usher.

I remember him telling me that when he and his coworkers were on break they would step out onto the boardwalk, and chat with girls. Hunt’s was always a classy operation. The ushers wore white shirts with ties. Blue blazers, and trousers with a gold stripe that ran along the outside of each pant leg.

When girls would ask him what was with his uniform, he would tell them that he and his coworkers were Merchant Marines. (It is the early 1940’s and WW II was going on, so this was a pretty sweet lie.)

He would go to the railing on the edge of the boardwalk, and point at the sea at one of the many buoys out in the ocean.

Teen Horace: “See that flashing light way out there?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Teen Horace: “That’s our ship out there.”

Girl: “That’s so neat!”

He and his buddies would maybe later meet the girls down at the big old merry-go-round at Midway pier. It was a big fast ride with a wild, loud calliope. It even had the spot where you could lean out and attempt to catch the brass ring to win a free ride!

Some things never change, no matter when you live. We used to tell girls we were in a band back when I was 14 years old.

Boys. The same everywhere, in every generation.

 

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A Trip to the Orthodontist – Part 2

Philadelphia, PA – Spring – 1976

I was hanging with my buddy, Michael. We were kindred spirits. Neither good at sports, both had bad skin and bad teeth. But where I had terrible pimples all over my face, chest, and back, Mike had full-blown acne. Which is worse. My skin would eventually clear up once I exited puberty in a couple of years, but acne-scarred his face. The classic pockmarks that seem unfair for a kid to have to live with just for being a teenager. Mike also had buck teeth, but for whatever reason his parents never got his teeth fixed. I never understood why. I don’t remember his older brother or sister ever having buck teeth. Why not fix the one kid who needed a little help? But, not my business.

Mike and I had become close over the years. Just two peas in a pod trying to navigate our way through our young lives. When he was punished his dad beat him with his belt. My father never did that, he just used his hands. But there was one time he made me pull down my pants and took off his belt. He laid the leather against the back of my legs and said, “Do you feel that? Because that’s what you’re going to get the next time you do what you did.”My dad never did fulfill that promise. It was an empty threat. I get his frustration. I brought nothing to the table as a kid. I was bright and simply bored with school and had no interest in learning all the nonsense they were feeding me in that institution. I could somehow see through to who they all really were. Just like when my dad told me that if I didn’t straighten up and fly right he was going to send me off to military school. That sounds terrifying to a young boy, but I learned from an older kid that it was way too expensive to send your kid there. So, I knew his threats were hollow.

But can you imagine in your adult life how that sort of behavior towards a child or anyone for that matter would be acceptable? Violence and the threat of violence. Being terrorized by the very person who loved you and took very good care of you. If the father is violent, you normally would run to the mother, but she could be violent as well. There’s nowhere to go and no one to tell. You’re a prisoner in your own home. It was terrifying.

“Why are you crying? I’ll give you something to cry for.”

“I’ll beat you within an inch of your life.” He would say.

Where does that come from? What made him that way? I can’t even imagine getting that angry with anyone. Especially not my own child. It’s inconceivable to me.

Michael’s father was a decorated policeman. He worked highway patrol and rode a cool motorcycle in the thrill show and everything. He was a tough Irish cop who knew only the bad side of Philly during the Rizzo administration in the 70s.

Michael and I both agreed that we wished when our dads were hitting us when we misbehaved that they would accidentally injure us. Then we’d have to go to the hospital and they’d be sad and maybe never do it again. But that never happened.

Mike told me that his dad would knock his older brother around for whatever misdeed he’d recently committed, and he in turn would take it out on him. He said he was so frustrated after a beating he would go over and kick his dog, Greta because he had nowhere to channel his rage. He told me he would always cry after that and hold her begging his loyal canine’s forgiveness. Praying the cycle of violence wouldn’t continue anymore.

I remember my mom telling me she stopped hitting me because I had gotten so big it hurt her hand too much to give me a good thump. My dad probably stopped hitting me around 14. He would turn to use his words to hurt me after that. He was great at that. Words are far more cutting than any blade you can ever wield.

But, I digress.

He and I were sitting on the curb at the corner of Newtown and Passmore Street. We were just taking a break from our adventures to smoke a cigarette. We were a couple of punks, but all kids smoked back then. Cigarettes were still beloved in the 60s and 70s despite the obvious health warnings from the Surgeon General.

Michael was sitting there counting his dollars to see how much he had on him, in case he wanted to buy some candy or a soda. I was holding one of the bills and we were looking at it. We were trying to figure out what all of the weird symbols on the bill meant. Why the unfinished pyramid with the eye over it? Why does money have reference to God on it?

With my cigarette, I burned the corner of the bill just for badness. I think it was just to see if you could burn money. Michael snatched it from me and put it out. It was just the corner and I told him it was still good and that I was sorry. I was just fooling around. He stuck it back in his pocket and off we went.

I told him I had to get ready to go to the orthodontist later. He told me he’d walk up there with me. This was nice because then you had somebody to talk to on the long walk there and we could check out different surroundings. If you’ve been reading these stories, we all loved going on little journeys to see new things. The orthodontist’s office was miles away, but like I said… if you’ve got the time.

Michael sat patiently in the waiting room, while Dr. Beiler performed his medieval deviltry on my teeth.

When I was finished, I picked up my next appointment card from the front desk and we left to head home. As we walked South on Castor avenue, a shaggy-looking dude approached us. He wasn’t threatening or anything. He just looked like a drug addict or something. I sort of slid past him, but he caught Michael. I thought Mike was right behind me, but the guy had Michael close to a wall and was speaking intently to him. The whole incident didn’t last longer than a minute or two, and Michael soon stepped away from him and joined me a few feet away.

“Do you know that guy, Mike?”

“No.”

“What did he want?”

“Money.”

“Did you give him any?”

“Yea. I was scared so I gave him what I had and he walked away.”

See? You didn’t think this story was going this way, did you? You thought it was going to be about a bunch of buck teeth and humiliation.

We chalked it up to just a weird guy bothering us and talked about it on the way home. Neither of us was injured in any way so we were just happy to be away from him.

But when we got back to our neighborhood, Michael and I went into his house and told his father who was sitting at the dinner table drinking a cup of coffee. We gave him a full account of what had occurred earlier on Castor Avenue.

He immediately gathered both of us and put us in the backseat of his car. We both sat in silence glancing back and forth at each other.

When we got up to Castor Avenue, Mike’s dad drove up and down the street looking for the guy. He flagged down a police car and identified himself. He must have conveyed the story to him because within a few minutes there were more cops suddenly appearing in the area.

Michael and I sat quietly in the car for what seemed like forever but it was probably only a half hour. Mike’s dad came back to the car and parked, and asked us to get out. There was a paddy wagon that had pulled up behind us. Mike’s dad took us to the back of the paddy wagon where the doors were open so we could see who was inside.

It was the guy who had taken Mike’s money! He was handcuffed and looking out at us.

Mike’s dad spoke. “Is this the guy?”

We both nodded yes.

“Is this the money he took from you?”

“I think so…. no wait. It is. Look! The corner of that bill is burned. I burned it earlier today down on Passmore street.”

“With what?”

“Umm… a cigarette?”

“I don’t like that you boys are smoking, or that you damaged US currency, but you just gave us the proof we need to lock this guy up. Thanks guys. Now get back in the car. Both of you.”

We both climbed into the backseat of his father’s green Chevy Caprice.

“Do you think we’re in trouble?”

“No, Mike. We’re innocent. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

We peeked out the back window of the car and could see through the windshield, past the cage, and into the back of the paddy wagon.

Out of nowhere, the bad guy started bouncing around inside the back of the van like he was having some sort of seizure. The wagon was literally shaking from his violent movements.

Mike’s dad got back in the car and we drove off. He looked angry and his face was red. He wanted to stop at the station to let the precinct know what had happened. We had a couple of questions for Michael’s father on the way there.

“What was going on with that guy in the back of the paddy wagon?”

“What? Nothing.”

“It looked like he was bouncing around back there.”

“I bounced him around.”

When we arrived at the station, we saw the other police officers unloading the perp from the van. He was handcuffed as they walked him into the precinct. His face was looking pretty beat up. We went inside with Mike’s dad. One of the cops there spoke with him.

“This is the guy they called in about. He’s been trouble in that neighborhood. What happened to him?”

“He fell.”

All of the officers just smiled and went about processing the guy. We left and Mike’s dad drove us home.

About a month later we all had to go to court and identify this guy as the man who frightened and robbed my friend. It was a short process and I was glad the whole mess was over. But it was nice to get a day off from school.

It wasn’t right what happened that day. Not to Michael or to the guy that mugged him. But that’s how it was back then. It showed the violence in his father. But, you never know what that feeling is like until you’re a parent. I understand. I mean… if anybody ever did anything bad to my daughter, I wouldn’t mind a little time alone with the guy.

But in the end, we’re all equal. We’ll all depart this place and leave little behind but our children and our memories.

But looking back… Michael Mitchell was my very best, and enduring friend in Lawndale growing up.

 

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A Trip to the Orthodontist – Part 1

Wildwood, NJ – Summer – 1974

We spent our summers in Wildwood, since 1970 when my dad bought a house there. On Wednesday nights the old school at 10th and Central Avenues would show cartoons in the playground.

The kids would play on the swings and jungle gyms, etc. I was climbing on the monkey bars and some random girl who appeared to be a little older than me started making fun of my oversized, protruding central incisors.

“Hey, bucky. Look at his buck teeth.”

This would be the first of many times I would be verbally abused in my life as a kid.

While watching the lame cartoons on a small movie screen while a projector ran, I told my mother about it. She said she understood that kids can be mean. My older sister already had braces to fix her naturally crossed front teeth that came in exactly like my father’s. Funny, my father had such a big personality and presence I never really noticed his crossed teeth. It was just how he looked and I never thought it detracted from his looks. He was probably more self-conscious about losing his hair in his twenties. But that’s why he probably never smiled in photographs and thought it was dumb. Because he was self-conscious about his teeth. He could have paid to have his teeth fixed but he spent thousands of dollars in the 70s paying for his kid’s teeth to be straightened. All four kids!

Anyway, I needed help, and when we got back to Philadelphia in the Fall, and I got braces. I remember the whole process as barbaric and bordering on medieval. I suppose technology was so primitive back then. I think dentistry only began to really evolve in the 80s.

I remember when I was 6 I needed to get some fillings in my teeth for cavities. It was a grueling experience. I could smell my teeth burning as the drill vaporized the enamel on my molars. It was such a long and painful process it almost felt as though the dentist was pedaling the machine to make the drill spin.

But braces were going to be a long and painful process. First, I had to go to the dentist and have FOUR perfectly good teeth pulled from my jaw to make room for my teeth to be pulled back by the future braces. I was with my mother, and we had to take the bus to the dentist’s office. They put a mask over my nose and mouth and gave me sleeping gas so they could mutilate me while I was unconscious. I know this was all so I wouldn’t have buck teeth anymore but I didn’t like the idea of any of this. It just didn’t make sense to me. I wondered why they had to take four things from me that were perfectly healthy and functioning just to give me a pretty smile. It didn’t make sense to try to alter my whole mouth and jaws to straighten my teeth. Why rip out good healthy teeth? Why not come up with a different process? Examine some other options. I used to think about things like this, even at 11 years old. What if they could somehow, simply widen my bridge? Figure out a way to widen my mouth so that the front teeth moved back as the bridge expanded. But, when you’re a kid, you don’t question because you’re basically an inmate to your parents and teachers. Adults know best. Sadly, we all know now that simply isn’t true. I knew this could have some long-term effect on my body in general.

But they ripped out four teeth and in an hour or so, the process was over. My mother and I got back on the bus and headed home. I remember when we got off the bus I threw up in the grass at the side of the road. The gas they had given me had made me terribly nauseous.

So then I got braces. The office was up on Castor Avenue in Northeast Philly. Far from the house by today’s standards, but back then we walked everywhere. Everything was in walking or biking distance if you had the time. I was old enough to know where it was and how to get there, so I could go on my own to fulfill my quarterly appointments.

The man that did the work on my sister and me was named Dr. Beiler. I don’t know if he was a good orthodontist or not, but he didn’t seem all that great. But what did I know about dentistry? I do remember him having halitosis though. I used to think if anybody should have healthy oral hygiene, it would be a guy that specialized in matters of the mouth. That’s his job!

I remember he would have two fingers in my mouth and then ask me a question while he walked around the head of the chair. So I would try to answer him, while I choked on his fat fingers that stirred in my mouth while he walked around the chair. It was awkward and dumb.

But what could I do? It was a necessary evil so the kids would have one less thing to make fun of me about my physical appearance. I remember them giving me a little packet of soft wax when I first got the braces. You were to rip off a tiny bit of the wax and put it over the front clasps of braces where they ran the wires through. They were square and had sharp edges, so it hurt the inside of your upper lip. The wax was used to cover them until your inner lip toughened up to adapt to the metal in your mouth.

Metal mouth, tinsel teeth, chrome dome were just some of the delightful taunts from the children in school.

Then they give you a bag of tiny rubber bands you have to wear. top… front to back. Top to bottom, and another pair from front to back on the bottom. So at any given time, you’d have six rubber bands in your mouth. It was like some sort of oral slingshot!

I once yawned in science class and a rubber band shot out of my mouth and hit the blackboard next to my teacher’s head.

It was a tough four years, but it paid off.

To be continued tomorrow!

 

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Undeniable Signs Your Ex Wants You Back After A Breakup

It’s obvious.

Relationships aren’t always a straight line. While movies teach us that there is an order to which things must go if we’re going to make our relationships go the distance, the truth is that most of the time life is just too kooky to follow any prescribed guidelines.

Sure, some people do meet their partners, flirt, date, fall in love, and get married. But then there’s, you know… everybody else on planet Earth. You meet, you flirt, and then you lose their number. You start dating and break up abruptly only to get back together three years later. Relationships and “plans” don’t exactly go together brilliantly.

Is it any wonder then that people get so confused about where they stand when it comes to the person they are dating? Figuring out if someone is flirting with you is tricky enough on its own, but trying to decode the signs your ex wants you back after a breakup, that’s like advanced level mathematics.

If you split up with a girlfriend and she’s still in your life, chances are you have asked yourself at least once “Does my ex miss me?” and thought about whether or not the two of you should get back together. You’ve probably also wondered if she misses you.

Since you can’t exactly come out and ask her that (at least not without ingesting several different beers and probably some questionable snack foods), we’re here to help you figure out if there’s a possibility she’s still harboring those romantic feelings from days of yore!

Here are 15 signs your ex misses you and wants you back.

1. She picks a fight with you for no reason.

Actually, there is a reason. The reason is that she’s still harboring feelings for you and just straight-up doesn’t know how to deal with that.

So what does she do instead? Yell at you because your car is “stupid.”

2. She finds silly reasons to reach out.

“I saw a guy wearing a coat on the street that looked just like yours so I had to call and see if it was you!” No, she didn’t. She missed you and needed the excuse to call you u

3. She’s all over your social media.

Sure, nothing noteworthy about liking a couple of pics on Instagram, but liking every pic posted since you guys split? She’s missing you.

4. She tries to make you jealous.

Speaking of social media, take a peep at her feed. Is she rocking new hair, a low-cut top, a new dude or two? It’s no accident — she’s trying to get your attention.

5. She complains about her current relationship.

Sure, the two of you agreed to be friends, but all this griping about her new guy could indicate that she wants to be with you and not him.

6. She gets jealous of the women you date.

Of course, she doesn’t see it that way. She just thinks you could do better. Like, you know, getting back together with her

7. She won’t return your stuff.

You know she still has your favorite t-shirt, but she denies it. Why? Because it still smells like you and she can’t let go of that.

8. She talks about you with your mutual friends.

You hear from one friend or another that she’s talking about you fondly. She’s trying to get back into your life and it’s a truly grassroots campaign.

9. She gets nostalgic out of nowhere.

As far as you’re concerned, the first time you met her parents was a disaster… which is why it’s so weird she’s telling the story like it’s sweet and funny now, and you didn’t totally set her dad on fire during the fondue party. My girlfriend misses you!

10. She booty calls you late at night.

Hell, if she’s booty calling you at all it could be evidence that she’s still hooked.

11. She refuses to talk to you after you split.

You thought everything was cool but now she’s giving you the cold shoulder. She isn’t mad, she’s hurting and she misses you.

12. She hasn’t dated anybody new.

She’s holding out, not because she couldn’t get someone new easily, but because she wants to get back together with you!

13. She shows up to all the same events as you do.

She wasn’t always a party girl, which makes her sudden appearances at the same social gatherings as you a little obvious. She wants to reconnect and she’s making sure it happens.

14. She mentions things about you that she misses.

“I miss your smile” doesn’t just mean you have a great set of teeth. It means she misses you and saying she misses just one piece of you is a lot easier.

15. She’s sending you romantic texts and sexts.

How much more of a clue do you need, man? She wants you, needs you and misses you. She is basically telling you so.

 

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Tales of Rock – 4 Crazy Tour Stories

Rock ‘n’ roll isn’t quite the same these days is it? We don’t hear quite as many crazy touring stories, fueled by drugs, alcohol, and god knows what else. But at least we still have the memories of the true rockstars; here are some of the more memorable:

ZZ Top’s buffalo escaping
ZZ Top had a real-life, living, and breathing buffalo on one of their tours, and it wasn’t the only animal tagging along. They also had a longhorn steer, two vultures, and two rattlesnakes for their famous 1976 and 1977 Worldwide Texas Tour.

You can imagine that having wild animals on tour is probably going to end badly, and you would be right – the animals escaped after a show on 12th June 1976 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, doing damage to the stadium field. The buffalo escaped again in November that year, close to wrecking the nine rented limos parked at the venue.

Marilyn Manson doing $25,000 worth of damage to a hotel
After a concert in New York City in 1998, 29-year-old Marilyn Manson and his bandmates trashed the dressing room of the venue in a very ‘rock ‘n’ roll’ move. They then returned to their hotel where they started a food fight and proceeding to completely trash one of the rooms.

The posse ended up causing up to $25,000 worth of damage, including telephones struck in the middle of walls, burns on carpets, and stained bathtubs from their purple hair dye.

Van Halen’s equipment ruining venue stage
Van Halen used to have a very specific request for their shows backstage – a bowl of M&Ms with no brown ones. While this seems ridiculous, the request was actually part of a larger tactic. Compared to other bands of the time, the band had quite an impressive stage production, including nine 18-wheeler trucks full of equipment. So the M&Ms request was actually to make sure the promotor had read all the requirements of the tour, including some strict safety measures – like whether the venue floor can withstand the weight of the stage set.

At a concert at a university in Colorado back in 1980, the band found one brown M&M in the bowl – so they decided to trash their dressing room in true rockstar style. And it turned out the M&M trick worked – the contract was clearly not read correctly, and the venue floor couldn’t hold the stage set. $80,000 of damage (a lot more in today’s money) ended up being caused by the stage collapsing.

Ozzy Osbourne goes missing on Black Sabbath tour
Ozzy single-handedly made some crazy rock ‘n’ roll stories over the years, some odd like snorting a line of ants, and some offending entire states of the US like urinating on Almano in Texas.

A more amusing story though is when Ozzy went missing during a Black Sabbath tour in 1978. The band checked in to a hotel in Atlanta, and as they were preparing for their show that evening they realized Ozzy wasn’t in his room. His luggage was there untouched with a made bed, proving he had never even arrived. The police and local TV and radio were notified, with alerts sent out to the public.

Van Halen did their opening slot, then Black Sabbath got up on stage and apologized for having to cancel the show. Fast forward to 9 am the next morning, and the band gets a call from Ozzy asking when they’re leaving for the venue. Turns out he had drunk a bottle of something, went into the wrong empty room, and blacked out for over 24 hours. When he woke up he thought he’d only slept for one night.

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