California Dreamin’ – Ashley – 3 Strikes – Part 3

Wildwood, NJ – 1984

When I got back to Wildwood, NJ I would write letters and sometimes talk to Ashley on the phone. One night I had been drinking while I was on the phone with her and the conversation turned to sex.

Ashley became enraged, that I was gone from her life and all I wanted to do was talk about how great our sex had been. She yelled at me and told me she never wanted to speak to me again. She was peevish, ex-lover spurned with jealousy and rage.

I was fine with that. I was already seeing someone else by then.

Philadelphia, PA – 2008

25 years later, I’m living in Rittenhouse with my girlfriend, Michelle. One day I go on Facebook, and I have a friend request from Ashley! I was happily surprised to hear from her after so long. Facebook was still pretty new back then and people were reconnecting with all of their old friends from the past. Whether that’s a good idea or not, I don’t know. I’m going to say it’s a good thing. I’ve been able to chat with many of my old friends and it’s nice to see some of them after all of these years.

But after about a week or so, Ashley writes me a message that I’m not being a good Facebook friend and she’s cutting me off. I didn’t understand what that meant. I guess I was supposed to be more attentive on this social media platform. It seemed weird to me at the time, but after all that time I didn’t care. She just seemed crazy. Mental illness is an insidious thing. I’ve met enough crazy people here in Philly, and I just don’t care anymore.

Philadelphia, PA – 2020

Here we go again. We’re all in lockdown due to the global pandemic. Out of the blue, I get a message on Facebook from Ashley. Now it’s been 37 years since I laid eyes on her.

She and I would message each other on Facebook. It was nice to chat with her again after all of these years. We had a shared history from a long time ago when we were young and free in L.A. in the early 80s.

She had been to school and became a chef, married for over 30 years, had no children and had been living in Italy for many years. It was fun to catch up.

But after a short period, I started to notice a very angry tone in her messages. She seemed bitter and preachy about certain subjects. I’ve been around for a long time and have a wealth of life experience. I can pretty much read people through the written word as if I’m listening to them in person. It sounded like when she’d get mean in her messages, she was drunk.

I think she searched my blog looking for some heartfelt story about her and there just wasn’t any. I wrote about a bunch of wild things that happened to me and the boys when we got to LA but never got around to writing about her.

She gave me a really hard time about some of my posts. I felt violated and insulted by how corrosive her words were about my blog. So many cruel, words. It hurt, but I’m accustomed to trolls by now. I’m sure it was just her drunken bitterness coming forth from a life not lived. Just silly, juvenile, embarrassing behavior from a middle-aged woman.

It’s a shame when you find out a person has lived over half a century and hasn’t ever evolved as a person.

I have a low tolerance for drunk people even though I have a high tolerance for alcohol. (Not anymore, thank you) But she seemed drunk and rambled on in some of her messages. It felt uncomfortable and I felt bad for her. When I looked on her Instagram it was just a bunch of pictures of locations where she lived. She seems lonely. That’s the vibe I got. No kids, married for 30 years and has almost no info or photos of her husband.

I suppose what happened to her is that she’d sadly lived a life that’s been unfulfilled. She speaks and acts as though she hasn’t grown as a person or matured as an adult. She was still pissed about me leaving her back in 1983!

We spoke on the phone one morning and it was lovely. But she wanted to chat so much on Facebook messenger that it started to feel like too much. She said, “Promise me we can do this every week.”

Who says that? Promise me? I’m not making any promises to some 60-year-old woman who lives on the other side of the planet. I haven’t seen her in 37 years! Anything we ever were was finished a long time ago.

I also noticed how she would message me on Facebook, and if I didn’t respond, she would delete them all which seemed juvenile and weird. Sadly, Ashley’s never matured as a person and hasn’t evolved through the years. I can’t relate to any of that nonsense.

I think poor Ashley’s bored in her life and where she’s ended up, and has turned to alcohol for solace. But that never works. That’s just a band-aid covering up your real issues.

I spoke to my daughter about it and she said it all seemed kind of weird after all of this time.

I would have been happy to chat with her ocassionally on messenger. That would have been nice. But I don’t want to be in constant touch with someone and have them sending me clips of a bunch of music and songs I have zero interest in. It all seemed juvenile. I guess if you marry too young and don’t live a full life, you kind of get stuck behaving a certain way. I don’t know how her husband has put up with all of this childish behavior for so many years. I’d have divorced this woman/child years ago. But that’s his life, not mine. I don’t know the man.

So, at one point she sends me a message about how it’s been great talking to me and hopes I have a nice life. I saw it and didn’t respond. I could tell it was just an attempt to get my attention. But I simply don’t care. I feel nothing for this person.

There were a few more drunken messages that were later deleted. I’m assuming she writes a bunch of wild things when she’s half in the bag, and then the next morning when she’s sober, takes them down.

I figured she’d wait until the end of December of last year. If she hadn’t heard from me, she’d cut me off for the third time.

Had she just reached out to chat and behaved like an adult, we could have remained friends, but she hasn’t the ability to do that. I’m thinking possible bipolar and alcoholism at this point. But I’m not spending any time thinking about it at all. I’m too busy.

I was promoting some of my stuff on Facebook the other day, and I noticed the message chain from her was gone. I thought, “This is it.”

I searched for her on Facebook. She didn’t cut me off or block me, but she had unfriended me. So silly.

So, 3 strikes and it looks like I’m out.

But… like I always say. No matter what happens, good or bad… at least I got a story out of it…

 

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What Makes Men Fall in Love Hard With the Wrong Girl

It’s called “Shadow Side Attachment.”

Do opposites attract? We’ve all seen at least one couple that just didn’t make sense, especially when you’d learn more about the two of them. For me, the first time I saw it was with a casual acquaintance. He was a high-earning, super-conservative banker who had just divorced his kind, sweet, emotionally stable wife of 20 years.

He was now dating a woman who had no degree, a serious drug issue, and a history of getting on the wrong side of the law. Everyone, including his own wife, was left in disbelief that he was falling in love with this woman.

What I later found out was that this story was far from unique. This is, in fact, a pretty common occurrence — or, at the least, more common than I thought it’d be. And, after doing some research, I realized there’s actually a lot of psychology at play in these kinds of relationships.

According to relationship guru Dr. J. Cookerly, much of this has to do with something called “Shadow Side Attachment.”

As the name suggests, many of us have an interest in things that we don’t normally show other people. This is what one might call our “Shadow Side.”

For some of us, that shadow side could be an interest in dating someone who is unusually conservative for our tastes. For others, it could be the desire to do wild and crazy things with people we really shouldn’t be interested in. This is the basis behind the old adage “Opposites attract.”

The funny thing about Shadow Side Attachment is that it often manifests when we’re trying to repress the way we feel.

The good girl wants to escape her “good girl” image for a while and ends up with a “bad boy” who does all sorts of crazy things involving sex, drugs, and maybe a motorcycle.

The bad girl wants to date a good boy who can give her the stability her lifestyle can’t afford her. She wants to have moments where she can bake cookies and just be a normal person. You get the picture.

People who get Shadow Side Attachment don’t necessarily fall in love with the person as much as they fall in love with the fact that the person represents their ability to explore a side to them that they don’t normally get to explore. This is why Dr. Cookerly calls it a form of “false love.”

For the most part, it’s not really sustainable. After all, the thing about people who are polar opposites is that they generally have clashing lifestyles and goals — and that’s usually a dealbreaker in the long run.

While the forbidden nature of a shadow side love may be sexy at the start, it often dissolves into bickering and quarreling about every little thing. As a result, these relationships are typically short-lived, but highly passionate flings.

In the case of the acquaintance and his mistress, it lasted a good two months before he tried to return to his wife, tail between his legs.

However, once in a blue moon, you’ll see a couple that is based on Shadow Side Attachment that actually does turn into a serious, stable, and loving relationship.

I’ve personally seen wild girls end up with conservative guys who never even drank liquor before he met her. However, they tend to be the exception to the rule rather than the rule itself.

So, do opposites attract? Absolutely. There’s just no saying that they’ll stay together.

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Clearing the Cache

I wanted to do this a few years ago, but NOW is the time.

I’ve come to a revelation lately. The older I get, the wiser I become. I remember thinking and saying to my dad how smart he was. He would just say, “I’m just older, son.”

He was right.

He knew he wasn’t better or smarter than anyone else, he simply knew he’d been around for a bit and learned some things along the way.

He was absolutely right.

Although there were certain aspects of my father’s persona he never addressed, he still was a man who had developed cognitive intelligence along the way through experience and through books he’d read.

Socially he was a master and really perfected the art of charming people through manners and diplomacy.

My dad was a great actor and politician.

He knew it, and used it to his advantage.

I’ve met so many people along the way in my journey, and because I’m a giver and sensitive to the human condition, I give people a lot of chances.

Too many chances.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but there’s a moment when you have to draw the line and decide to let go of certain people.

If not, you’re continuing to evolve but still have some human detritus in your cache that need to be jettisoned.

They’re not bad people, but they just aren’t a match for your life anymore.

It isn’t an event, or a day when it happens, but you just sort of have a feeling that these people don’t have a place in your life anymore.

You have nothing in common with them, and no longer align with their lifestyle or mindset.

You’ve acquired them on your journey, sometimes by accident or by choice, but there comes a point when you realize as you continue to grow, you have no use for them anymore. They’re stuck. Probably stuck when you met them. You just didn’t notice.

Again, they’re not bad people, but you can no longer carry them in your life.

You continue to evolve and move forward with your life, but sadly realize they are so far behind or stuck they can no longer be in your life.

It’s hard. And if you’re kind you’ll actually think about them for a while. But happily in time… they’ll fade away.

I wanted to cut this person off over a year and a half ago, but I knew they would only stalk me at my job. But now is the time to finally cut the very last toxic person out of my life.

Cut them loose with no remorse. You’ll feel an incredible sense of relief they can no longer live in your mind rent-free.

 

 

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This Is What It’s Like to be in a Relationship with Someone who has ADHD

It’s a condition that affects an estimated 3-4% of adults, but as many as 90% of people with ADHD go undiagnosed. That adds up to a lot of individuals – and couples – wondering… is this how it is for everyone else? As a woman with a ‘typical’ brain, 30-year-old Kari Biondi* reflects on the challenges she faced with her non-typical boyfriend.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it became clear that Tom’s brain was built differently to mine – like most other people’s.

We met we were in our early twenties and I was struck by how easily he wore his emotions. He was always super affectionate, would cry openly if he was moved and was able to empathize and strike up a rapport with anyone. He didn’t talk about his feelings or inner life as such, but I suppose I thought it wasn’t necessary given how open he seemed. Other people – men – found his comfort in expressing himself confusing, and when we started dating one friend of his told me that he was surprised: because Tom was so ‘in touch with his feminine side’, as the friend saw it, he’d always thought he was gay.

The flip side to this was what I came to term WTF moments – rare bursts of anxiety triggered by thinking someone was taking the piss. Often people were being lax or just had their own stuff going on – that’s life – but he’d take it personally, becoming hurt and defensive. This is where I got confused – how could someone be so empathetic in some situations but so damning in others? A lot of his friends have been dropped over the years simply for being crap at arranging to meet for drinks.

It was only after we moved in together that some aspects of his behavior began to grate. Overall we had a cozy routine, interesting plans and lots in common – we went to work, came home and chilled – but his reaction to snubs or unfairness could create tension. He would freak if I was late home without letting him know, despite it being something he was guilty of himself. Years passed like this until he admitted that he saw my tardiness as a sign that I’d stopped caring about him and it started to dawn that there was more going on under the surface than I’d thought. Other habits I just found annoying. Cooking together was a nightmare: I’m lazy about following recipes but when Tom cooks every single ingredient has to be weighed exactly. He takes ages, and gets frustrated by that and the inevitable mess from all the precise prep he does.

There are times when I lose him to his deep dives – what I’d later learn were actually just distractions that tap into his brain’s reward center rather than some noble effort to educate himself. As well as airplanes, over the years he’s had obsessions with drones, Japan’s role in WWII, Westerns and watches. I’d joke that he’d be a total boss in any pub-quiz team, but when he comes across a new topic he loves he can be impossible to reach, burying his head in his iPad, scrolling until his interest wanes. I’d call it ‘nerd mode’ to lighten the mood but when he was like that nothing got done and it was lonely. I would get frustrated seeing him ‘entertain’ himself while I’m picking up his shit. More frustrating was when his distractions were more fleeting and he’d be even more difficult to pin down. I’d ask him to help clean up and he’d pull out the hoover, but five minutes later I’d find him online shopping for random things – an oven thermometer and trick yo-yo are two recent purchases that still sit in their boxes. Jobs would frequently get started then dropped.

I coped with this by being pragmatic, accepting that that’s what life with Tom was like. But then, a close friend died and Tom became depressed. He dropped far, sometimes hidden, sometimes loud and dramatic but was even harder to reach. He needed professional help.

His first appointment was with a psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis before moving into therapy and the doctor confirmed the obvious depression but also ran some question-based tests which suggested another thing – that Tom had ADHD. When he came out of the appointment it was almost like he was looking at himself for the first time. He was relieved that support for his depression was coming, but had to feel his way around the ADHD and what it meant for his past and his future. A week later, after more tests, the diagnosis was confirmed.

We both researched the condition but this was where I went full nerd: ADHD didn’t capture Tom’s imagination the way planes had. The more I learned, the closer I felt to Tom and the more I understood his view of the world and found ways to work with him on it – and for him to work with me. Now, if I’m going out, I never give him a ‘home by’ time and check in regularly so I keep control of my space and he doesn’t get worked up. If he’s distracted, I offer up things we can focus on together like going out to eat or watching a film. It’s taken time, but he’s come to understand why he’d act one way when everyone else seemed to behave in another. It opened the door to his inner world, his confusion, his sense of fighting against the world. One thing we still have to overcome is his resistance to seeing some of his behaviors as ADHD and not just ‘Tom’ – that’s a thing for him, that being ADHD somehow depersonalizes his experiences and responsibilities. But the diagnosis has given us the right language to talk about feelings and behaviors and improve our relationship. It’s been a blessing.

What’s the deal with ADHD?

Melissa Orlov, author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage, explains the unique qualities – and trials – of being in love with someone with ADHD.

People who have ADHD have a different kind of neurochemistry and a different physical setup of the brain than people who don’t have it and it’s usually a hereditary condition. It results in very specific symptoms that can include hyperactivity, difficulty initiating and following through on tasks and emotionality, which means that you respond more easily and quickly emotionally than other people do. ADHD also goes hand in hand with anxiety, depression and substance abuse issues.

Chronic distractibility is the number one symptom of adult ADHD, and when you’re a neurotypical – ie, non-ADHD – partner it can leave you feeling unloved or ignored. It’s not that the person doesn’t love you, it’s that the person is distracted. The other big issue has to do with difficulty following through on tasks. Over time, because so many promises are made and broken, the trust in the relationship will erode. Again, it’s not because the person doesn’t love you or is untrustworthy, it’s because they have these unmanaged symptoms.

Between 80% and 90% of adults with ADHD are undiagnosed, and a diagnosis helps the ADHD partner understand the strategies they can use to improve their reliability and performance in the relationship, and for both people in the relationship to understand and interpret the behaviors. If you don’t know that you have ADHD in the relationship, you don’t understand why things are happening or why they’re so pervasive, which is frustrating for both partners.

Almost all of the people that I have worked with who have ADHD are quite emotionally sensitive. It’s a lot to do with shame: ADHD partners have been told their whole lives that they’d be happier and more successful if they work harder and pay attention and so by adulthood they can be sensitive about that and taking blame for things that are beyond their control. Both partners have to understand that they make a contribution to the issues between them.

 

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How to Spot a Female Sociopath by these 6 Traits and Behaviors

Sociopaths move through society in the shadows. In terms of danger, female sociopath is the most powerful.

With so many mental and personality disorders, it’s no wonder it’s hard for us to differentiate between them. I know I sometimes have a difficult time with this as well. When studying narcissism, I sometimes get lost in the complicated indicators and characteristics.

With sociopaths, it can be even harder to understand. For instance, the female sociopath, being one of the most conniving personalities, can confound and confuse the best of us, even being worse than their male counterparts.

Who is the female sociopath?

Did you know that gender can influence the kind and severity of sociopathic behavior? It’s simple, really. Different genders possess different hormones which act in…well, different ways.

While the male sociopath has traits like lack of empathy, inability to understand emotion and the use of manipulation, they are fairly easy to spot for someone who has done their fair share of study on the subject.

Female sociopaths, on the other hand, are harder to recognize because of their feminine wiles and ability to blend into society. Females are able to use their cunning and sweet demeanor to weave their way into the lives of unsuspecting victims.

That’s why it’s so important to learn the traits and behaviors of the female sociopath in order to stay free from their snares. Let me reveal their secrets.

1. Mirroring

The female does something that I have often joked about with various people. I have often talked about females who pretend to like the same activities and hobbies of certain men just to get their attention. Well, all jokes aside, this seems to be a real trait of a female sociopath.

Say, for instance, you like a certain football team or you’re a die-hard fan of a series, well a sociopath will mirror this in order to get closer.

She will even go as far as to research the things you like in order to prove she has the same interests. I guess it depends on how well she does her research as to how long she can keep this going. If you’re smart enough, you’ll be able to see through the veneer.

2. Love bombing

A female sociopath has many attributes and characteristics that can catch and hold a man’s attention for a long time. She will use her feminine wiles while “love bombing” you, or rather placing you on a pedestal.

If you’re none the wiser, you will think you’ve found the perfect mate. She will pour on the attention and then pull back in a well-rehearsed dance of sorts. This ensures that she keeps your interests perfectly focused on her and her alone.

3. An unnerving calm

Unlike the normal anger expressed during an argument, the female sociopath will stay calm. When there should be a certain level of anxiety or stress present, she will keep her voice soft and soothing, exuding an atmosphere of sanity around her.

The angrier you get, the calmer she becomes until you look as though you are the monstrous one in the room. Although it is a good thing to remain calm during disagreements, there are times when every normal person becomes angry.

The female sociopath works this to her advantage and utilizes her unnerving demeanor to make you look like the enemy.

4. Quiet destruction

Here’s a tactic that is absolutely one of the most distasteful maneuvers of all. The female sociopath will plant seeds of doubt in anyone associated with her target. Her mate’s family will see her as a good person and every time trouble brews, she will make it look like it’s all in the imagination of her mate.

I’ve seen this happen, and I’ve also lived through it as well. I am thankful that there were people who were smart enough to see the cracks in my sociopath’s plans. Of course, it was a male sociopath in my case.

Anyway, if the female sociopath is successful in planting seeds and seeing them grow, she can watch the total destruction of her mate as family and friends take her side. It’s despicable and sad.

5. There is no remorse

When it comes to the female sociopath, there is little to no remorse for things she does. If she sees something she wants, even if it belongs to another, she will take it anyway. This is especially true in the case of stealing boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends or wives.

This is because of a lack of empathy. The female sociopath cannot feel others’ emotions or either doesn’t care to. Be careful, she will get what she wants or she will fight ruthlessly trying.

6. Expert liars and deceivers

The female sociopath is an expert liar. I am not sure if they actually believe their lies, or if they just enjoy telling them. They will say anything just to get what they want, that’s for sure. And there is no limit as to what they will lie about either.

When they’re not lying, their hiding things yet to be discovered. Sociopaths of this nature, especially females, are good at hiding things and keeping secrets. It is extremely hard to discover the truth…and when you do, they will go into fits of rage deflecting the blame somehow on you.

Please be careful in your relationships

Although there are many types of mental and personality disorders, this is one of the most dangerous. Women are beautiful creatures, but unfortunately, they can use this beauty in a negative way. There are many beautiful people in the world, it’s just important to understand who you’re dealing with beforehand.

Speaking as a woman myself, whenever I see any of these traits or anything remotely similar, I take the time to analyze myself. Believe it or not, it’s easier than you think to crave this sort of power.

I wish you well and hope you cultivate healthy and productive relationships.

 

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Tales of Rock – Kurt Cobain Kills Himself Twice

“Like Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison, he was 27 years old when he died.

And let us not forget Amy Winehouse who also died at age 27.”

Few musicians’ experiences with drug abuse have been as complex and intense as Kurt Cobain’s. For proof of this, see the index of Charles Cross’ 2001 Cobain biography Heavier Than Heaven. If you check, “Cobain, Kurt Donald; drug use of…” you’ll basically be instructed to read the entire book. He started off heavily averse to heroin; during his formative years, a friend suggested they try it and he stopped hanging out with him in response. He eventually tried the drug; when asked how it was by Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic, he shrugged, “Oh, it was all right.” But his habit escalated.

By the time Nirvana appeared on Saturday Night Live in 1992, Cobain was so deep in heroin addiction that he was vomiting and barely able to stand right until the time came to perform. He somehow pulled it together long enough to play “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Territorial Pissings” on live television. In March 1994, Cobain attempted suicide for the first time by washing down a large dose of flunitrazepam with champagne while in Rome. He nearly died and ended up in a coma for a day (Novoselic claimed that, mentally, he was never the same after this).

Within weeks he was back in Seattle, crashing on his daughter’s junkie nanny’s girlfriend’s couch and popping out occasionally to purchase speedballs and burritos. Cross quotes the girlfriend as saying, “He’d sit in my living room with the hat with the ear coverings, and read magazines. People came and went; there was always a lot of activity going on. Nobody knew he was there or recognized him.” By the end of the month, Cobain was given an intervention and packed off to rehab in California. But he soon escaped the facility by scaling a six-foot wall and, improbably, found a seat on a flight back to Seattle next to Guns N’ Roses bassist Duff McKagan.

Despite beef between Nirvana and Guns N’ Roses, the two bonded, finding a great deal of common ground as famous musicians from the Pacific Northwest with heroin problems. Once back at his house, Cobain reattempted suicide and this time he meant business. He injected a lethal dose of heroin and then blasted himself in the head with a shotgun, effectively killing himself twice. Like Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison, he was 27 years old when he died.

And let us not forget Amy Winehouse who also died at age 27.

Another sad rock and roll tragedy. Showbiz is the only industry that eats it’s young.

Check this out:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club

A footnote from phicklephilly: “I never understood suicide. You get one chance to be here, why leave early if you don’t have to? Suicide’s for quitters. I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life. I’ve beaten the shit out of them both (without drugs) and now we’re all on the same side. Suicide is always a long term solution to usually a temporary problem. I just don’t get it, Kurt. I was in a band when I was younger. It was an amazing experience. Kurt, you play music for a living. You’re in a famous genre inspiring band. You’re surrounded by a gaggle of moist women. Your bank account is full and your nuts are empty. WTF?”

 

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What It’s Like Dating Someone with a Mental Illness

That is like dealing with care, with the difficult parts of someone, who is already broken. The broken pieces have to be mended and always bear the label, ‘handle with care’. Not to be taken with negligence or granted, a relationship with someone having a mental illness is a challenge at some point. You want the person to be as happy, because you love them, but are also sometimes shattered because they fail to stand tall in times of your emotional needs.

Mental illness refers to disorders relating to anxiety, depression, diet, compulsion and so on. Although curable, they are not easy to overcome. Have a look as we discuss how is it to date someone fighting with a mental disorder.

Cancellation of plans is very frequent.

Due to mood swings, they are not sure of what do they exactly desire at the moment. Thus, there are chances that you may be sacked for the plan, impromptu.

It feels like a swing of emotions, when height brings delight and any low, simply seems a bore, but a torture, here.

What It Is Like Dating Someone with a Mental Illness

And you are left figuring out what wrong you have done. While, all this time, you were helping them heal.

Mental illness often encounters diverse emotions, and thus, rules set in the relationship are tweaked due to the mental state.

Communication often turns out to be a problem, because you have to think, A LOT, before speaking anything.

A real problem, but can be gradually resolved with deeper understanding.

Instead of always trying to heal them yourself, stand tall with them in their difficult time, be their strength and they will fix themselves for you. They have their issues to face, thus, simply being the shoulder to cry on helps immensely.

 

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Keila – Fleas, Ticks and a Series of Bad Decisions

I told Alice not to hire Keila. I just didn’t feel that she had the discipline, experience, skill set and focus to do the job at Alice’s recruiting firm.

I’ve decided to stop writing about Alice and Keila. Alice is a dear friend, but we don’t do anything interesting enough to write about. Hopefully, this will be the last time I write about Keila.

I told Alice not to hire Keila. I just didn’t feel that she had the discipline, experience, skill set and focus to do the job at Alice’s recruiting firm. She lasted about two years there. Alice felt that she would be a good match, because she was a fearless networker and had no problem meeting new people.

But Keila has severe ADD. It’s really annoying to the rest of us who can calmly focus.

I’ve decided to cut her off, because of what she’s done to Alice. My loyalty is to Alice, and I don’t even really see Keila anymore.

Then I realized something. Some of the worst women I have ever met in this city all came through Keila. Birds of a feather flock together. Keila is like this big poodle that’s crawling with fleas and ticks. Because that’s what some these people are. Here’s the list:

Carol (See: Carol – 2014 to 2016 – There’s No Fun in Dysfunction) Crazy wacko who lives with her crazy mother and can’t keep a man or a job. Mess!

Harper (See: Harper – 2014 to 2015 – Plane Crash) Just a straight up lying, fraud and a whore who uses people. Awful!

Bibi (See: Bibi – 2015 – Matinee Madness) Rude, alcoholic loser who can’t keep a job or stay out of rehab.

Brooke (See: Brooke – 2015 to Present – Legs for Days) Okay this one came through Keila but I like her. She doesn’t see Keila anymore.

And many more whack job people along the way.

I’ve cut off all of these people (Except Brooke) and what I’ve needed to do all along was to cut off the head of this two legged dragon. So that’s what I’ve done. I’m done with Keila. She has these networking events and all of these desperate women and nutjobs go to thesee events. She always introduces them as “her new frends” but they’re not her friends. They’re normally desperate souls that attach themselves to her temporarily but after she gets what she wants from them she’s on to the next shiny object that’s her current distraction.

So after what Keila pulled on my friend Alice, I’m done with this one.

There’s some other people I need to slowly faze out as well. There not as godawful as Harper and Carol, but it’s time to start thinning the heard.

Live and learn baby. Step over the detritus in your life and move on.

Stay tuned!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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Harper – Part 2 – Plane Explodes. No Survivors

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

South Street

I once hung out with her on South Street. She bought little Indian finger bells to clear the aura or feng shui of a room she was working on. Then she bought a chair and had me carry it on my head across town back to her apartment. It really was the easiest way to transport it, but I looked like a wicker turtle walking around with that on my head. When I got to her place she gave me a glass of scotch. Then she asked me to turn a big rug in the living room. What am I, the hired hand?

She lived with two or three other people in this house in a crappy neighborhood. She said she used to have sex with her one roommate, but then he got a girlfriend and stopped banging her. So now she says she has to listen to them have sex in the next bedroom. She doesn’t like that. I think it’s funny that she thinks it’s ok to shit where you eat. We had a cig and then she took me up to her room.

For an “interior designer’ it was a bit messy. Her underwear on the floor and what not. She showed me that the room was broken into four “stations” and each one had different magic stones or crystals on the furniture in that space. It was supposed to give off different energies. Yea, just crazy shit. But I will tell you this… Crazy is only good in one room of the house and it’s not the kitchen. At least I got to take that kind of her crazy for a test drive that afternoon.

Seaport Museum

I was invited to an event at the Seaport Museum. I was with Harper on South Street. We were at a bar called Tattooed Mom’s. There was going to be tons of free food and booze at the event. It was if she wanted to get a few drinks into her before she went. Maybe she has social anxiety. But then she tells me she rode her bike to South Street. WTF? So I have to call an UBER, but one that is an SUV, because we have to pack her bike in the back of it. Then drive to her house. Then she has to get changed, so we can then get to the event. I was aggravated and pissed, but I still liked her.

So we finally get to The Seaport Museum. We’re late and you know how much I hate lateness. I get a drink and as I literally walk outside to smoke a cigarette, these dudes bum smokes from me. But before I can lie and say I left them inside, fucking Harper says, sure! Then looks at me for the cigs. I fucking hate that. I’m taking it on the chin for $10 a pack now. That shit isn’t cheap. These guys are around her age and she immediately starts chatting them up like I’m not even there. You treat her really well and she just goes and starts flirting with other guys. She’s awful.

I go inside to get away from these turds and to get another refill because I need it. I run into my pal Johnny R. and I’m happy to see him. He can see I’m stressed about getting down here and her behavior. We get some drinks and chat a bit. He’s with his girlfriend and another couple so he has to hang back with them. I run into another friend and he can see I’m stressed but the booze is helping like always. Knocking the edge right off.

I see another girl who is equally nuts that I know, and I just avoid her and get back to Harper. (See: Kylie – 2014 to 2015 – Broken Wing) She’s done chatting with the smoke bums and gives them her business cards. I know they’re just going to call her to try to bang her. But I can’t worry about that. I think I had such a good buzz on that night I almost bought her a painting she liked. I was not thinking clearly back then.

I once took her to Matyson (One of my favorite restaurants that sadly isn’t around anymore) and she acted like a drunk asshole. Spilling champagne, etc.

Horrible Night

One night we went to a nice wine bar called Tria near Washington Square. I knew the waiter so I got the hookup. She was somewhat well-behaved there but it seems the more she drinks, the crazier she becomes.

After that we went to Indeblue in mid-town. It’s a cool Indian bar. All I remember was her putting stupid cocktail napkins on her head and having me take her picture with the bartender, Awful. Then she wants to stop for one more drink at Fergie’s pub. We go in there and she makes everybody at the bar move down so we can sit down. She proceeds to make fun of the bartender, saying how she thinks he’s mentally dim-witted. She starts chatting with some older dude on the other side of her and then said she was leaving. She asked if I was going to leave as well, and I told her I was staying. She left and I was already chatting with a pretty black girl to my right.

Once she came over to do tarot cards with me and started rearranging the furniture in my house. Oh, and drank non-stop. Insane! Who does shit like that?

I heard from a good friend of mine that on one of her interior design gigs, she rolled a chair into a closet and onto a $5,000 wedding dress. That was after she just dropped her keys onto the client’s Steinway piano when she came in. She didn’t get the job.

I can’t talk about this idiot anymore. It’s making me angry just writing about this lunatic.

This could all be chalked up to a few things. Mental illness mixed with alcohol and drugs.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly       Facebook: phicklephilly.

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