Dating and Relationship Advice – Should I Buy A Girl A Drink?

Question: Hey, love phicklephilly and what you do, but I’ve always wondered why all the PUA community always says you should never buy a girl a drink.  I’ve always considered it a classy act and it shows her that I’m interested. What’s the big deal with spending a little money on her?

Answer: While there really isn’t anything wrong with buying a girl you just met a drink, it really has no effect whether she likes you or not. About the only thing it’s good for is emptying out your bank account quickly, leaving you having to head back to the ATM early and often. Most often a girl will turn down the offer because then she would feel “obligated” to talk to you. Once she’s done with her drink, her obligation is over and she is gone and you are left alone and $12 shorter than when you started.  The biggest reason you hear not to buy a girl a drink is because it makes you just like every other guy, and I constantly tell you that in order to attract women, you need to stand out and be different than everyone else.  Every guy uses the, “Can I buy you a drink” pick up line.  Women are instantly programmed to respond negatively to it, even if she finds you attractive.  Why? Because she’ll hear that line at least 10 times that night and you’re number 11 to ask her that question, so she’ll shoot you down before you can get another word in.  What made you stand out from the other 10 guys?  Nothing!

A few weeks ago my friend Robert and I were out.  We were just getting the night started and took a seat at the bar. There were two really cute girls, a blonde and a brunette, seated to our right.  Normally we would have been quick to act on that opportunity but we hadn’t gotten our drinks yet so we weren’t really in a hurry and just scoping everything out.  A few minutes later this guy walks up, I’ll call him Mr. High Roller. He walks up to the girls, pulls out a thick roll of bills, throws a couple of $20s on the bar and tells the girls, “This drinks on me.”  Robert, thinking quickly, taps the brunette and says, “Hey if that guys buying drinks, we’ll take two Rum and Cokes.”  The brunette laughs and says, “I’ll see what I can do.”  She turns around and says something to the guy, which I could tell by High Roller’s face he did not want to hear, and he pulls out another $20.  The brunette turns back around and tells us, “It’s all taken care of,”  and Rob and the brunette start talking. Mr. High Roller continues talking to the blonde, which I could tell by her body language she was not interested in him at all, she just felt obliged to talk to him because he just dropped $30 for drinks for all of us.  After the drinks came and went, the blonde thanked Mr. High Roller, and then she joined our group.  Besides from getting free drinks from this chump, we had something to banter the girls about all night long, like how they were our new drinking buddies and we would be using them for free drinks at every bar, or that I’d like to find Mr. High Roller and thank him for introducing me to my new girlfriend, maybe he would like to pay for our first date.  They were eating it up

I don’t buy girls drinks, because I’m at the point where I know I can get a girl to buy a drink for me. It’s more of a game then anything.  I like to see how many I can get, but this doesn’t mean I never buy drinks for a girl as a rule. After talking with a girl I just met for a while and knowing that we have built a connection and have a future date setup (meaning I already have her phone number), then I may spring for a drink or two.  By this time it’s a sure bet.  I know that she won’t be running off after she finishes her drink and it’s money well spent.  Money spent on getting her to relax, open, up and have a fun time with me that I use to build sexual chemistry.  So use your own judgement about whether you should buy drinks or not, just don’t make it your opening line.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly     Facebook: phicklephilly

Cherie – Chapter 13 – Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It’s been two weeks since I saw Cherie because she had to work multiple shifts at the hospital last weekend. It had also been three weeks since our intimate marathon at the Club Quarters. (See: Cherie – Hammer into Anvil)

We were both really feeling the strain of being apart. She was over her cold, but now her son was sick. Work and school were stressing her out, and Thanksgiving was also in the mix. I was having my usual challenges with everything I’m currently working on and finally over my cold after nearly a month of a nagging cough. She told me she did enjoy seeing her grandmother who is in her eighties and still kicking ass. She still has a job! Cheri’s mother was showing her the finer points of cooking a turkey. So at least that took the edge off her stressful life.

I have been doing a lot of cleaning around the bat cave lately. I think when your home space is clean and tidy it just makes you feel better. Two weeks ago I cleaned the bathroom with a vengeance. Every tile. Every crack and crevice, with every cleaning agent at my disposal. When I was finished the place crackled with light. When my daughter Lorelei saw it she was so happy. My only response to her glee was: “Let’s keep it this way.”

I have like five things in the bathroom I use. Lorelei is a twenty year old girl. She has over fifty different items in there. It’s incredible what a young woman needs to be beautiful. She owns that room, so she’d better be mindful of its cleanliness.

I even went out and got new rugs, new toilet seat, new towels, soap, shampoo rack, and a shower curtain. I went to this store that literally carries everything in the world. It’s at 13th and Chestnut. I love this store. Everything is reasonably priced and like I said…they carry everything! So my bathroom was looking great and color coordinated in white and lavender. The First Lady herself would be happy to go in there to powder her nose.

I could tell myself that I was trying to make the house better and our living space cleaner, but I knew what was happening. And I knew I was going to do more. So much more.

The next Saturday was the first Saturday Cherie and I hadn’t spent time together. I got up and went to Rachael’s for breakfast and had my usual awesome $8 breakfast. I then cleaned my room like I’d cleaned the bathroom. Threw out bags of trash, organized and cleaned every inch of the space. I scrubbed the hardwood floors and polished them. The place was looking so much better. Even threw out an old 19″ TV that belonged to Michelle that I never watched anymore. The busted VHS player below it went bye-bye as well. I then headed back to my favorite store in the world.

I bought these beautiful sheer blue curtains for the two big windows in my bedroom. I’ve never had curtains in there. Just the venetian blinds that came with the apartment. I picked up a navy blue sheet set for the bed, and a comforter. I couldn’t find a matching bed skirt so I ordered one on Amazon for $10.

I lugged all of the bags home and put it in the corner of my bedroom. I’d wait until Saturday to set it all up.  I could sleep on the old sheets for another week. I also went to the dollar store in Suburban Station and picked up 10 little candles for the house. I gave 5 to Lorelei because she likes to burn incense and candles in the livingroom. I picked some nice warm Christmas scents. I also picked up some candy. Cherie likes milk chocolate, so I grabbed a bag of Lindt’s truffles and a bag of Ghirardelli caramel filled milk chocolate squares. They are so delicious and remind me of her.

 

Saturday arrives and I get showered and go to Manhattan Bagel in Rittenhouse  for breakfast. I realized when I stripped the bed that morning my mattress liner had not been changed for a long time. It was time for a new one. Also my pillows looked like they had come from some fleabag motel on the side of a highway, so back to the Everything Store!

Picked up what  I needed and chatted up the girl at the counter. I was telling her how I’d been to this store several times in the last two weeks to get things for my house. She’s being cordial but doesn’t really give a shit. She’s attractive and exotic and probably gets hit on by every swinging dick that comes through the door. As I was walking out the door, I noticed on a side window they have a wall of shame. I figured pictures of bounced checks, but it was photos of actual shoplifters holding the stuff they were trying to steal. It was funny and hardcore in the same moment. I especially liked the grizzled old guy with the little jar of Vaseline. I don’t even want to know.

I get back to the house and unwrap everything. I’m breaking a sweat wrestling my mattress to not only get the bed skirt on but get the mattress liner on it. It’s the kind you have to slide over the matress and then zip it shut at the top. I was wrestling with it and the matress. It was like trying to get a condom on a drunk bull elephant.

I finally got it on and put the rest of the sheets together on the bed. Once I had it all on and the bed was made, it all looked terrific. I put the candies in a little dish of what would be her side of the bed. The candles in spots around the room to create the mood. I set my Pandora account to an elegant light music station.

You can see what’s happening. I’ve been cleaning up my house and making it beautiful for the first visit of Cherie. The house looks great and I want to keep it this way. I’m not having the initial crazy, manic euphoria with Cherie, like I did with Michelle and Annabelle. (See: Michelle – A Brand New Day & See: Annabelle – Nice to Meet You) This feels like a slow rise of solid energy. I’m not doing crazy things like I did with Michelle. I’m not having the agonizing frustration like I did with the confused and immature Annabelle. This feels like something else. I’m really looking forward to Cherie coming to see me here tonight.

I’m also keeping this off social media. Lorelei doesn’t even know about her. For now, this is my secret. This is my sequel. But I would love to see the hilarity of the following scene play out:

Lorelei: “House looks great, Dad.”

Me: “Thanks! I’m really happy with it. (smiles) Let’s keep it that way…”

Lorelei: “Are you seeing somebody?”

Me: “What makes you say that?”

Lorelei: “I remember how good the house looked a few years ago when you started dating Annabelle.”

Me: “Did it? I don’t remember…”

Lorelei: “Yes you do. So basically the only time this house gets the full cleaning overhaul is when you get a new girlfriend.”

Me: “Do you like living here instead of with your mom, Lor?”

Lorelei: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you enjoy getting an allowance from me every week?”

Lorelei: (Laughing) “Alright, fine! I’m going to my boyfriend’s house for the weekend.”

(Lorelei exits out front door.)

Me: Love you!!!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – Create a Professional Image for Under $20

We constantly preach that looks and style matter very little in the pickup game.  Your body language, Alpha Male presence, and ability to create sexual attraction is what ultimately will win over any woman. In the world of business and social networking, your appearance matters just a little bit more, as impressions are made within the first four seconds of meeting a potential client or business partner, and those crucial first four seconds will make the difference between you closing the deal and you looking for a new line of work.

In a business setting you always want to dress to impress, and by this I mean you want to out dress your client by about 15%.  If you out dress them too much you may make them feel uncomfortable and if you under dress you will appear lazy, sloppy, and unbusinesslike.  15% means if they wear jeans and a t-shirt, you wear a button up shirt.  If they wear a button up shirt, you add a tie.  This goes in hand with knowing who your client is, just like in the pickup game, the know you more about your potential target, (cold reading, observations, profiling) the better chance you have at succeeding with said target.

Sooner or later throughout your conversation with a woman, it will come around to what kind of work you do.  For those of you with a really sweet job you probably have already told her twenty times what you do for a living, which is annoying in itself, but if she’s still asking you questions about your line of work, she probably digs it.  If you are the one who keeps bringing it up, she’s bored of you and in another five minutes or so you’ll be telling some other girl what you do for a living.

Now what if you have a real crappy job, or no job at all.  Well you can still create a professional appearance, and for under $20.  What’s the secret?  Business cards.  Not just any kind of business card, a card to promote you.  Because in the pick up scene what are you doing?  Promoting yourself to potential women, right? To quote the late great comedian Mitch Hedberg, “I got a business card because I want to win some lunches.  That’s what my business card says, “Mitch Hedgerg, Potential Lunch Winner.  Give me a call, maybe we’ll have lunch, if I’m lucky!””

So create a business card to promote yourself.  Let’s say you’ve just gotten yourself a girl’s number and she asks for yours.  Instead of being like everyone else and typing it into her phone, say, “Let me give you my business card.”  She’ll definitely remember you.  If you’re a student, how many other cheese dicks out there do you know who have a business card? Zero. Because it is something that’s reserved for professionals.  As girls come close to their senior year of college, who do you think they will pay more attention to, the frat boy or the guy with the professional image who actually looks like he’ll be successful after he graduates?

What better way to make new contacts than to hand them a business card after meeting them? Especially if you’re looking for a job. You won’t always be carrying your folder of resumes around, but you can easily have 10 business cards in your pocket.

Now I know what you’re thinking, where do I get mine?  Well, there are two things to remember at first, who is going to design it, and who is going to print it.  The first option to do is design it yourself.  You can buy business cards at any office depot that will fit in your home printer, download a template for word and create and your own.  It’s quick and easy and it’s how I used to do mine, but after wasting all my ink and my printer jamming for the hundredth time, I decided to go online.  Just google business cards and find a site online that will print them for you.  They’ll look better, they have pre-made templates where all you have to do is type in your information and a week later your cards will arrive in the mail.  The choice is yours, and now you know.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly     Facebook: phicklephilly

Tales of Rock – Barbara Ann

The original version of Barbara Ann, recorded by The Regents in 1961, was actually release after the group no longer existed. The record sat around the studio months after the group recorded it. After the group broke up, the demo was discovered, and then became a hit for a band that didn’t exist.

Four years later in 1965, a live cut from the Beach Boys’ Party album became a hit record, reviving The Regents originally recorded version of Barbara Ann.

The song was a hit for the Beach Boys, but it was Dean Torrence (of Jan and Dean) who sang lead on the song.

The Beach Boys recorded their version on September 23, 1965. Dean Torrence of Jan and Dean is featured on lead vocals along with Brian Wilson. Torrence is not credited on the album, but Carl Wilson is heard saying “Thanks, Dean” at the song’s conclusion.

The song entered the Billboard Hot 100 chart the week ending January 1, 1966. The week ending January 29, the song leaped from No. 15 to No. 2 and was in position to replace “We Can Work It Out” by The Beatles as the next No. 1 song. However, “My Love” by Petula Clark unexpectedly vaulted into the No. 1 position the week ending February 5, 1966. Consequently, “Barbara Ann” peaked at No. 2 on the US Billboard Hot 100 (No. 1 in Cash Box and Record World) and at No. 3 in the UK in January 1966. It also topped the charts in Germany, Switzerland and Norway. It was The Beach Boys’ biggest hit in Italy, reaching No. 4.

Variations of the Beach Boys’ recording have seen release. A version without the party sound effects can be found on the Hawthorne, CA album. The group sang the song as an encore on their Live in London album. As a solo artist, Brian has a rendition on his live album Live at the Roxy Theatre, and in 2001, performed it himself, with the ensemble, on An All-Star Tribute to Brian Wilson.

In 1987, the group re-recorded the song as “Here Come the Cubs” with re-written lyrics about the Chicago Cubs. It became the team’s official theme that year, replacing “Go, Cubs, Go“.

The Who perform “Barbara Ann” in the film The Kids Are Alright with Keith Moon on vocals. Moon, a massive Beach Boys fan but a notoriously limited singer, plays and sings much to the delight of his fellow band members.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – 5 Online Dating Profile Tips To Win The Ladies Over

Whether you’re new to the world of online dating or you’ve been in the game for a while, making a profile is tough.

How do you explain what you’re looking for without using cliches? Should you be yourself or play it cool with a few suave pickup lines?

And should you really mention that your friends say you look like George Clooney?

Don’t worry. We’ll cover all that and more. Here are five online dating profile tips guaranteed to win the ladies over.

 

1. Just Say No to Selfies

It’s true that selfies are a huge part of our culture. And on Facebook and Instagram, selfies are fine.

But not on your dating profile.

You don’t have to run to a studio for professional photographs, but you do want to show that you care enough to have a decent photo taken.

Enlist a friend to take a few shots of you, both close-up and full-body. Another tip: It should be just you in the photo. Save the pictures of your dog or best friend for another time.

2. 70% About You, 30% About Her

We didn’t invent these numbers. Studies show that profiles using this ratio get the most response on online dating sites.

Catch her eye with an interesting opening, perhaps an exciting travel tale or a funny anecdote. Give her a glimpse of your personality and tell her just enough to make her want to read more.

Next, mention your occupation and a little bit about your daily life. Focus on aspects of your work and lifestyle that you truly enjoy, and play them up. The more positive emotions you can elicit, the better.

Finally, describe your ideal woman. Be honest and specific, and don’t be afraid to set the bar high. Women like confidence.

3. Be Honest, But Not TOO Honest

You want to be honest on your profile, but there such a thing as too much honesty.

If you feel the need to mention you’re divorced or separated, go ahead. Most women will appreciate knowing that up front.

But avoid using sad words like “alone,” “desperate,” or “lonely.” While it may be true, it will detract from the more attractive parts of your profile.

What if you’re lacking in the self-confidence department? Sign up for a course like Social Attraction to help you feel more confident around the ladies.

4. Use Proper English

You only get one chance to make a first impression, so make sure your profile is spell-checked and error-free.

Skip the slang, emoticons, and abbreviations. These are fine for social media and text messages, but on your profile, you want to come across as an intelligent, educated adult.

On that note, steer clear of colloquialisms like “baby” or “doll.” It might have worked for Humphrey Bogart, but modern women aren’t the biggest fans of chauvinism.

5. Don’t Make a Checklist

Finally, remember that you’re looking for a real, live human being.

If you list every single quality you want, women who read your profile will feel like they’re in a livestock competition instead of looking for a date.

Women want to know about you, not fifty things you’re looking for in a mate (refer to the 70/30 rule). So tell her about yourself and let her decide if you two are a good match.

Final Thoughts

Creating a strong dating profile is challenging, but it’s doable.

With these online dating profile tips, you’re ready to log on and make a profile that will win the ladies over.

Be sure to check out our recent relationship posts for more helpful dating advice.

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                            Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – 10 Online Dating Etiquette Tips

According to a new survey from Intel, nine out of 10 U.S. adults feel that others divulge too much information about themselves online, and 88 percent said they wish people “thought more about how others will perceive them when sharing information online.” However, the same survey found that 33 percent of people are more comfortable sharing information online than off. So what’s appropriate when it comes to sharing information in your online dating profile and via social media? In our exclusive interview with Anna Paost, the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post, and a co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition, she told us some “golden rules” to keep in mind when online dating and when using social media in general.

1. Be authentic and genuine. “Be truthful,” said Post. “Your online self needs to match your in-real-life self.” After all, you have real-life relationships with many of the people you’re “friends” with online.

2. Keep it neutral. Four out of 10 people typically don’t associate with people with whose opinions they disagree online, according to the Intel survey, so when it comes to politics, try to keep the language neutral on Facebook and Twitter — unless you are so convicted that you would make the same statement in front of a crowded auditorium.

3. Be consistent across social media. While your professional persona may live on LinkedIn, and your casual self resides on Facebook, don’t play Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde with social media platforms. You may play up different parts of your personality in different places, but make sure it all sounds like one person. People can’t say, “I feel like I don’t know this person,” said Post. “That’s where you end up with trust issues.”

4. Keep online-dating emails to a minimum. When you first meet someone through an online dating website, you want to exchange a few emails before you meet them in person — say two to five. But the idea is to meet in person, not be an online pen pal, so get out there and go on a date.

5. Look for common interests. When getting to know each other in those first few emails, you want to give your best impression of yourself. Don’t make too many comments about physical appearance, especially ones that may be perceived as too intimate. And don’t talk about politics too much right away. Instead, look for common connections, which are usually positive and not divisive, such as activities you can do together when you do meet. Keep the tone positive or neutral, at least until you understand each others’ sarcasm and humor.

6. No sexting. Just don’t.

7. First Date? Put away your phone. Pretty self-explanatory!

8. Wait to friend each other on Facebook. Once you’re dating , wait until a little bit into the relationship to friend each other on Facebook, and even longer to friend each others’ friends. Before becoming Facebook friends, you should have a conversation about your relationship and about whether it’s okay to friend each other. “If you feel too awkward to talk about it, that’s not a good sign,” Post said.

9. Ask before tagging each other on Facebook. If you’re going to put up any type of photo that implies you’re in a relationship, you have to be 100 percent sure you’re in a relationship. Asking “Is it okay if I post this?” is always a good idea. And of course, never share other people’s personal information online, whether it’s private photos or something they’ve said to you in confidence.

10. Ask a friend. If you’re still unsure about whether you’re representing yourself well, whether it’s in your social media or online dating profile, “take a look in the digital mirror,” said Post. Have a friend look at your profile and ask: “Does it really sound like me?”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – Remembering A Girl’s Name

A target’s name is her keepsake. To know it is a privilege and a curse. If she tells you her name she’s sharing a part of herself with you, and that in itself is important. The problem most guys have is our memory. It doesn’t matter how many time they tell us their name, we just don’t remember it. Every time we forget is like a slap in the face to the target. I recommend to most guys, don’t even bother asking for her name. You won’t remember it when she asks you.

The problem most guys have with remembering names is that we just don’t hear it in the first place. The bar can be crowded and loud, so rather than being rude and asking her to repeat, we just shake our heads in agreement that we understood. There’s no need to be embarrassed about it. It can be very flattering to the target that you are making such a big fuss in making sure you know her name.

Names are easy to remember, you just need to know a trick or two.

The first thing you want to do when the target tells you her name is to repeat it. Say it out loud as if you were asking a question, so the target will respond yes or no if you say her name correctly. This allows us to start the memory process. Repetition is the most common memory technique. Now that we are sure of their name, we want to be able to visualize their name. For example, if the target’s name was Heather, I would think of a heater. If her name was Amanda, I would think of a big dumb jock going, “Duh!”Stephanie would be stuffing falling out of a knee. Use your imagination, the more crazy the idea, easier it will be to remember.

We are a visual society, therefore, it’s easy to accept that most everyone is a lot better at remembering faces then they are at remembering names. First impressions are very helpful when it comes to remembering the targets name.When you look at her face, there is always one prominent feature that will stick out in your mind. A high forehead, big nose, small nose, gap tooth, nice smile, blue eyes, big ears, birthmark, whatever sticks out first remember it. Not only does that feature stick out now, buy also every time you see again after that. By studying her face, you are forcing yourself to remember what she looks like.

Now that we have her name and can visualize the name in our heads, and we have their most prominent facial feature, we want to link the two together. Suppose our target’s name is Heather and the thing we noticed about her was a high forehead. I want to visually link her name to her high forehead. I visualize scorching heat coming out of vents located on Heather’s forehead. You want to make this as ridiculous as possible. Let’s take Stephanie, suppose she has a gap in her front teeth. Again I want to visually link her name to the gap in her teeth. I visualize taking my knee and striking Stephanie in the face with it, knocking out a tooth, in place of blood, there is stuffing coming out of her mouth. The more ridiculous the visualization the easier it will be to remember. (Stuffing? Knee? Stephanie! Got it?)

Start practicing this concept as part of your daily routine and before you know, it will become second nature.

Does anyone out there have any other sytems to remember people’s names?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly     Facebook: phicklephilly

Wildwood Daze – El Morro Motel

North Wildwood, New Jersey – Summer 1977

It had been the worst year of my young life. I was 14 going on 15 years old. But Junior High at Fels was finally over and I was at the shore for the summer in Wildwood. I was basically what my father called a Prisoner of Love. That meant limited time out. You don’t get rewarded with a bunch of fun and free time after having such a shitty school year. I think if some of the bullying laws were in place back then like they are now maybe I wouldn’t have had such a horrible time in school.

When a child is being abused at school and at home you just can’t concentrate in school. I was a smart kid, but I hated my life and didn’t want to apply myself like my more compliant and solid sister Janice.

My father was going to keep me busy all summer doing chores around the house. First of which was to scrub all of the rust off of all of the bicycles. The salt air oxidizes all things metal at the shore. It was going to be a horrible arduous task.

I was walking down 10th street one day with my friend Dominic. We were probably coming from our favorite arcade, Botto’s. We were nearly to the corner of 10th and Ocean ave. It was a warm day in June. That corner property was the El Morro Motel. It was a cute classic seashore motel. (That’s the best pic I could find of it, but that’s the genuine article)

On the door to the office was a Help Wanted sign for a pool boy. I went in and applied. I had never had a job before and didn’t even know how to go about it. But I went in and spoke to the owner. He told me to fill out a little application, and come back with signed working papers. I think you need that if you’re under the age of 18. (Maybe 16?)

My skin was clearing up in the summer sun and sea. My top braces had been taken off, and I didn’t need to wear my glasses all of the time. So I was emerging from puberty as an okay-looking boy. I felt a little more human.

 

I go home and tell my parents. My mom said we’d go to the local city hall and get the necessary forms. But when my father found out he was overjoyed. That’s all it took. This was the beginning of my teenage years getting better. No more prison time, I was treated better, and especially no rust scrubbing job for me. This was actually the turning point for me as a young man.

I got the job and started that Monday morning at 7 am.  I made $40 a week. But for a 14-year-old kid in 1977, that was serious money. I was living on $5 a week allowance from my mom and doing fine. Comic books were 20 cents back then so for a buck you could get five! A slice of pizza was fifty cents and a soda was a quarter. Pinball was twenty-five cents for three games. So five bucks went a long way back then. The rest of the time we were on the beach playing. That was summer back then.

I go in and the owner is there to show me how to do the job. I thought I’d be skimming the pool and whatnot, I had no idea what a job was but I actually had a somewhat complex job description. Pool Boy sounds like a nothing job but here is what I did all morning at the El Morro Motel.

Bring out all of the cushions for the lounge chairs around the pool. Empty and clean all of the ashtrays between each one. Sweep around the pool area. Mix the cleaning agent in a bucket and scrub all of the tiles around the entire pool above the water’s surface. Skim the bugs and detritus off the surface of the water. Hook up the aqua vacuum and clean the bottom and walls of the pool under the water. Check the PH balance of the water in the pool and add chlorine as necessary. Clean the baby pool the same way you clean the big pool. Sweep up around the hotel in front of the rooms. Vacuum the Astroturf on the second floor outside the rooms. Empty and clean all of the ashtrays in front of every motel room. Sweep the walkways, and pick up any trash around the parking lot. Then come back at night around 7 pm and bring in all of the cushions from the lounge chairs around the pool. Take out the trash cans every week. So basically Pool Boy means the entire motel maintenance crew!

Funny thing is, now that I think about what I was being paid per week back then wasn’t all that much. $40 a week to a 14-year-old kid in 1977 was a small fortune. What do I need money for all week? Cigarettes. 50 cents a pack. Candy? 10 cents for a chocolate bar. Comic books were 20 cents apiece. Record albums were a whopping 6 bucks but worth every penny. Pizza? 50 cents a slice up at Sam’s on the boardwalk. Speaking of the boardwalk, what’s that expense? to go on an amusement ride only costs probably 75 cents. Pinball was 25 cents for 3 games, and to play games of chance was a quarter. So who needs a lot of money in the summer of ’77? Not me!

But… I worked there every day, 7 days a week for $40. That’s from 7 am to 12 noon every day. Then I go back each night and spend 10 or 15 minutes bringing in the cushions from the lounge chairs around the pool each night before I could go out and play. So let’s look at the math. 7 days a week, 5 hours a day. That’s 35 hours right there, then add the daily trips back for the cushions and that adds another hour or so of my time spent there each week. So it starts to add up.

I was only making like a dollar an hour!!!

I didn’t care. I was having a good time and had my own money and my parents didn’t hate my very existence for once in my life.

Around 11 am I would finish and punch out. This was my favorite time of the day. I would smoke a cigarette. (Fuckin’ punk I was) Then I would go back home two blocks away. The best part was, my mom would still be at the beach with the girls. Janice would be working over at Russo’s Market, so she wouldn’t be home, and as I said, my mom wouldn’t be back to the house with little April and Gabrielle until noon. So there was only one thing to do.

Put the album Aerosmith “Rocks” on my dad’s stereo and crank that shit up and play air guitar and pretend I was in a rock band and chicks were screaming my name. It was glorious. Girls hated me in junior high because I basically looked and acted like a leper, but a boy can dream for a half hour alone in his house.

So things were looking up for me. As long as I got up every morning and went to work and behaved myself, I was in the good graces of my parents.

Life was good. But it was about to become wonderful…

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1977 – El Morro Motel

It had been the worst year of my young life. I was 14 going on 15 years old. But Junior High at Fels was finally over and I was at the shore for the summer in Wildwood. I was basically what my father called a Prisoner of Love. That meant limited time out. You don’t get rewarded with a bunch of fun and free time after having such a shitty school year. I think if some of the bullying laws were in place back then like they are now maybe I wouldn’t have had such a horrible time in school.

When a child is being abused at school and at home you just can’t concentrate in school. I was a smart kid, but I hated my life and didn’t want to apply myself like my more compliant and solid sister Janice.

My father was going to keep me busy all summer doing chores around the house. First of which was to scrub all of the rust off of all of the bicycles. The salt air oxidizes all things metal at the shore. It was going to be a horrible arduous task.

I was walking down 10th street one day with my friend Dominic. We were probably coming from our favorite arcade, Botto’s. We were nearly to the corner of 10th and Ocean ave. It was a warm day in June. That corner property was the El Morro Motel. It was a cute classic seashore motel. (That’s the best pic I could find of it, but that’s the genuine article)

On the door to the office was a Help Wanted sign for a poolboy. I went in and applied. I had never had a job before and didn’t even know how to go about it. But I went in and spoke to the owner. He told me to fill out a little application, and come back with signed working papers. I think you need that if you’re under the age of 18. (Maybe 16?)

My skin was clearing up in the summer sun and sea. My top braces had been taken off, and I didn’t need to wear my glasses all of the time. So I was emerging from puberty as an okay looking boy. I felt a little more human.

I go home and tell my parents. My mom said we’d go to the local city hall and get the necessary forms. But when my father found out he was overjoyed. That’s all it took. This was the beginning of my teenage years getting better. No more prison time, I was treated better, and especially no rust scrubbing job for me. This was actually the turning point for me as a young man.

I got the job and started that Monday morning at 7am.  I made $40 a week. But for a 14-year-old kid in 1977, that was serious money. I was living on $5 a week allowance from my mom and doing fine. Comic books were 20 cents back then so for a buck you could get five! A slice of pizza was fifty cents and a soda was a quarter. Pinball was twenty-five cents for three games. So five bucks went a long way back then. The rest of the time we were on the beach playing. That was summer back then.

I go in and the owner is there to show me how to do the job. I thought I’d be skimming the pool and what not, I had no idea what a job was but I actually had a somewhat complex job description. Pool Boy sounds like a nothing job but here is what I did all morning at the El Morro Motel.

Bring out all of the cushions for the lounge chairs around the pool. Empty and clean all of the ashtrays between each one. Sweep around the pool area. Mix the cleaning agent in a bucket and scrub all of the tiles around the entire pool above the water’s surface. Skim the bugs and detritus off the surface of the water. Hook up the aqua vacuum and clean the bottom and walls of the pool under the water. Check the PH balance of the water in the pool and add chlorine as necessary. Clean the baby pool the same way you clean the big pool. Sweep up around the hotel in front of the rooms. Vacuum the Astroturf on the second floor outside the rooms. Empty and clean all of the ashtrays in front of every motel room. Sweep the walkways, and pick up any trash around the parking lot. Then come back at night around 7pm and bring in all of the cushions from the lounge chairs around the pool. Take out the trash cans every week. So basically Pool Boy means entire motel maintenance crew!

Around 11am I would finish and punch out. This was my favorite time of the day. I would smoke a cigarette. (Fuckin’ punk I was) Then I would go back home two blocks away. Best part was, my mom would still be at the beach with the girls. Janice would be working over at Russo’s Market, so she wouldn’t be home, and like I said, my mom wouldn’t be back to the house with little April and Gabrielle until noon. So there was only one thing to do.

Put the album Aerosmith “Rocks” on my dad’s stereo and crank that shit up and play air guitar and pretend I was in a rock band and chicks were screaming my name. It was glorious. Girls hated me in junior high because I basically looked and acted like a leper, but a boy can dream for a half hour alone in his house.

So things were looking up for me. As long as I got up every morning and went to work and behaved myself, I was in the black with my parents.

Life was good. But it was about to become wonderful…

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                             Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – The 12 Most Important Questions That Never Get Asked In A Relationship

When you’re in a relationship, you probably ask each other a lot of questions. Some are about day-to-day life, some are asked in an effort to get to know each other better, and some might be about your future plans, together or separately. In order to build a life together, there are things that you both need to know. Unfortunately, there are some important questions that never get asked in a relationship, according to divorce and relationship experts, that probably should be asked more often.

Asking questions and getting to a point where you know where the other person stands is important for successful and lasting relationships. If you don’t explicitly ask some questions, however, you might not actually understand the relationship that you have and what your partner needs and wants, as well as you might think that you do. Going into a marriage or any other serious commitment without knowing for sure how your partner feels about certain things can potentially make things harder for the two of you later on, should that particular thing ever come up. Knowing where you both stand on important issues, how you handle conflict, and how you can support one another can make your relationship — and any commitment that goes along with it — stronger and more stable.

1. How Much Debt Do You Have & How Will It Be Paid?

All too often, couples don’t have concrete conversations about finances, especially before making a serious commitment. “Young couples with student loan debt are failing to disclose the amount of student debt owed and failing to discuss how that debt will be paid (i.e., individual responsibility vs. joint obligation),” James DeStefano, an attorney at Einhorn, Harris, Ascher, Barbarito & Frost, P.C., tells me in an email exchange. If you have student loan debt, especially if you’re thinking that it’ll be something that the two of you will tackle together, it’s important to talk about that, rather than assuming that your partner knows. If you’re on the same page, it won’t be an unwelcome surprise later on.

2. How Do You Deal With Conflicts & Disagreements?

Though you might not think that the specifics of how your partner deals with conflict truly matters, that’s not exactly true. “Do you collapse into tears? Do you attack…fight or flight? Do you retreat into silence? Or, are you able to handle and tolerate listening to your partner’s point of view even when they don’t agree with yours,” Dr. Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, the author of The Self-Aware Parent, a regular expert child psychologist on The Doctors, CBS TV, and co-star of Sex Box on WE TV, tells me via email. Knowing that you and your partner will be able to work through conflicts and that you’ll both be able to understand how the other deals with it will help when conflicts inevitably arise.

3. What Can I Do To Make Your Day Better?

“Most people want to get their own needs met and hence are very quick at judging and blaming their partners instead of asking what it is that they can do to improve their partner’s life,” Irina Baechle, L.C.S.W., a relationship therapist and coach, tells me by email. Simply asking your partner what you can do to make their day better or cheer them up when they’re down shows that you care and that you’re invested in the relationship.

4. If We Get Divorced, Who Will Claim The Kids On Tax Returns?

This question might not be important right when you meet or even right before you get married, but if you have kids or if you’re separated or going through a divorce, it’s something that you need to more explicitly address. “If both parents claim the children on a separate return, they are asking the IRS to come knocking,” Devon Rood Slovensky, of Slovensky Law PLLC, tells me by email. “Separated parents should also coordinate on claiming exemptions.”

5. What Are Your Sexual Needs, Desires, & Boundaries?

It’s important for couples to discuss sex, and many don’t. “Many people often commit to relationships assuming they are aware of their [partner’s] sexual intentions, desires, and needs,” Noni Ayana M.Ed., a sexologist, principal consultant, and founder of E.R.I.S. Consulting LLC, tells me by email. “Although multimedia overwhelms us with sexual content and imagery, we still tend to underestimate the importance of healthy sexuality and intimacy in love-based relationships. We assume partners will be monogamous. We assume partners are sexually healthy. We assume partners want children. We assume sex will be often or at least consistent.” Making too many assumptions can leave you feeling confused, disappointed, or otherwise unsatisfied.

It’s also of the utmost importance to talk about boundaries. “Even such simple questions as ‘does this feel good?’ or ‘is this ok?’ while engaging in sexual activity can go a long way towards providing safety within the relationship and giving one another the opportunity to be open about your concerns and desires,” Shira Galston, A.M.F.T., a marriage and family therapist, and cofounder counselor, tells me in an email exchange. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about sex with your partner.

6. What Are We OK Keeping Private From One Another, And What Do We Want To Be Open About?

Knowing what you’re going to share and what you (and they) will keep to yourselves is very important. “Some people believe that privacy between partners is a high priority, such as keeping emails, texts, financial information, even entire friendships separate from one another,” Galston says. “Others feel it is important to maintain transparency, to the point of sharing passwords and accounts, and checking in with one another before spending time alone with someone there could be a potential attraction to. There is no one right answer here; each couple needs to discuss the issue of privacy vs. transparency and decide together what feels right for them, which often means compromising and meeting somewhere in the middle. “

7. Are You Married Or Living With Anyone?

It sounds basic, but if you’re thinking about getting more serious with your partner, it’s a conversation you might need to have. “You’d be surprised at how many people simply assume another person is single,” Kevin Darné, dating expert and the author of My Cat Won’t Bark!, tells me. “Should they discover later on that’s not the case the other person is quick to say: ‘You never asked me if I was married or living with anyone!'” It might be better to have the conversation and know for sure than be blindsided later on.

8. Do We Want Children And Do We Share The Same Ideas For Raising Children?

You might think that you know exactly how your partner feels about having and raising kids, but, well, you may actually know less than you think. “Couples often believe that they both do or don’t want children just because they’ve had a peripheral conversation about it, but there needs to be explicit, clear questions asked about timing of children — or not — and if so, how a child will be raised,” Dr. Jill Murray, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in relationship counseling, tells me. “Women, especially, believe that if a man says he doesn’t want children, he will change his mind after marriage. That’s a dangerous belief to have. If a woman wants children in her future, she needs to set her timeline in advance of marriage and be very clear about it. Don’t leave it to chance.”

9. Do You Believe In Seeking Outside Help?

This is a question that you might not even consider asking, but one day, it might be valuable information to know. “Many couples sail through the honeymoon phase without ever asking each other about their beliefs regarding seeking help from a third-party when times get tough in the relationship,” Weena Cullins, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells me. “It’s important to ask your partner if they feel comfortable participating in therapy or speaking with a trusted person who may help get the relationship back on track if problems occur. Waiting until problems develop may be a difficult time to discover your partner is not on the same page.”

Asking your partner whether or not they believe in asking for outside help and if they’re willing to do so if necessary can help you be prepared to broach the topic of conversation if you, yourself, want to seek help at some point.

10. What Constitutes Infidelity?

Cheating means different things to different people; there’s no one singular definition. That’s why it’s so important to ask your partner what it means to them. “One partner may consider it fine to hang out alone with an attractive coworker, while the other may feel hurt by that. One might think an on-going email chain with an ex is no big deal, while the other might consider that emotional infidelity,” Galston says. “These views are often based on cultural and family of origin differences, as well as past experiences of infidelity. By asking these questions early on and establishing mutually agreed upon and healthy boundaries, couples will be more aware and sensitive to one another’s feelings and boundaries, and can avoid unnecessary feelings of betrayal and hurt later on.”

11. Are We Getting Married For The Right Reasons?

Deciding to get married is exciting and important and so many other things, but you also might want to think about if you’re making that decision for the right reasons. “People get married for multiple reasons that have nothing to do with love and commitment,” David Bennett, a certified counselor, relationship expert, and author, tells me by email. “Getting married because you feel like you’re getting older, because of pressure from family and friends, or even just to have that special day when ‘all eyes are on you’ are bad reasons to take that step.” It’s a big commitment and you might not want to take a step like that if you’re unsure whether or not the reasons behind it are sound.

12. Is  There Anything Either Of Us Is Feeling Resentful About Or Hurt By, That Has Never Been Said Out Loud? Is Either Of Us Still Waiting For An Apology?

Leaving things left unsaid can ultimately make things worse if you blurt them out or lead to resentment if you’re waiting for an apology you haven’t received. “Couples need to be able to check in with one another and bring up difficult topics without fear of causing a fight,” Galston says. “Resentment will fester over time if it is never addressed; it’s always better to explain to your partner what you are feeling, and give them the opportunity to understand, apologize, and respond with their own feelings. And if you sense some unspoken tension with your partner, don’t be afraid to ask about it. Just make sure to do so in a soft way, focusing on how you feel, and inviting your partner to discuss what happened without feeling attacked.”

Asking questions can be scary, but not asking them, assuming that you know the answers, can be stressful and complicated as well. The conversation might be nerve-wracking, but ultimately you’ll be better off for having had it.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am  & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                                Facebook: phicklephilly