What Kind of Women Do Men Never Leave?

Men do not throw first of all skillful manipulators. In general, the majority of women are manipulators, it helps them catch, and then and give life to a man forever.

The manipulator’s master has two skills: she is able to choose the victim correctly and keep the length of her required leash. She can pretend to be a weak woman who needs a constant burn, then suddenly begins to exert pressure. Only thanks to this skillful and thoughtful work with emotions, she can keep her husband tense and with a constant sense of guilt, while not giving a minute to enlighten the brain and to understand what a terrible situation he was in.

We can assume that in her youth she was not very popular, but “that only person”, whom she could catch, from her already certainly will not go away.

What Women do Men never leave?

Men also do not throw arbitrary, strong and independent women. I will not talk about women who seek a lot without help. A typical example is a business lady who “made herself.” As a rule, such women have a lot of problems with the opposite sex. Men do not want to be close to a strong and independent woman, because there is no way to put pressure on her directly. Such a woman has, in essence, male power, which she does not face.

We are talking about women who show “feminine strength”. Such a woman will not try to seem weak, she is independent, but all her desires are performed by men in running. She can afford a crowd of admirers to choose any, sip his all juices and throw away the waste material on the trash. Such women are not thrown – they are thrown.

Such women are not interested in why in this life someone is thrown by men ..

There is another category of women who are not thrown. Such a woman does not try to control, use and manipulate men. She lives only for herself, working on herself, not sucking on the energy of other people, trying to “correct” at least one man for their needs and their own notions.

Women are afraid to be abandoned, while believing that the husband is constantly, she is to blame for something. And after all, you can control only yourself, otherwise – happiness will not be.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Lenore – She Who Comes Bearing Gifts

This girl I worked with asked if I would meet her friend for a date. I’m always apprehensive about these sort of things. But I had a great work relationship with my friend at work. So I took the friend’s number and called her. We chatted on the phone a few times. One topic of conversation was me always eating Pringles potato chips when we were on the phone. One of my bandmates worked at a supermarket, and we would clip a few items occasionally for his poor bandmates.  (this becomes relevant later). She seemed like someone I’d enjoy spending time with, so we decided to meet for dinner.

I was excited to meet. In hindsight, there were a few warning signs that this might not turn out well for me.

1. In one phone conversation, the topic of butt size came up, and she said something to the effect of, “don’t be scared by how big mine is.”

2. When discussing our dinner date, she said, “You have to promise me that no matter what, we’ll meet again after our date, even if it doesn’t work out, we can have drinks and laugh about it.”

3. When she was describing how I’d recognize her outside the restaurant, she said, “I drive a purple Camaro.”

Being young and naive, I didn’t think much of it all, and arrived at the restaurant that evening with an open mind. How soon things changed. After waiting outside a few minutes, up pulls a purple Camaro convertible. If you’ve ever seen the movie Friday, where Smokey gets set up with “Janet Jackson”, you know what comes next. Back then I weighed about 118 lbs. and am 5’9″. That’s a lean build. This girl had at least 50 lbs. on me, if not more. “HEYYYYY!!!” She greeted me, and I did my best not to look scared to death.

In addition to her purse, she was carrying a brown paper bag. I didn’t really want to know what might be inside. We went in and got seated at our table and after a minute or two of uneasy conversation, she said, “I brought you something.” Out comes the paper bag, from which she pulls out a Ken doll, dressed as Superman, with “Mr. Pringles” written on the cape. My face felt like it was on fire and I could feel everyone in the entire place staring at me.

After ordering dinner, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. On the way back to the table, I passed the front door and seriously considered making a run for it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Defeated, I slowly walked back to the table and we had our dinner.

We had also planned to go to a comedy club afterwards. I intended to offer to drive us both there, but instead told her to follow me in her car. Again, I considered maybe trying to drive fast and lose her on the way, but figured my VW minibus couldn’t outrun her Camaro. Fearing getting heckled by the comedians all night, I found a table in a dark corner towards the back and the rest of the evening was fairly uneventful. After the show, we said our goodbyes and before I could turn to go, she grabbed me and, giving me a giant bear hug, whispered, “Make sure you call me.”

Needless to say, that was the last I ever saw of Camaro girl. I learned a lot about dating the “friend with the great personality” that night. But to be totally honest, I would have hung out with her again, but that whole “Mr. Pringles” thing really creeped me the fuck out.

 

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3 Dating Mistakes That Keep You From Getting Close With Your Soulmate

Don’t make these mistakes.

 

There is plenty of relationship advice out there but when it comes to your soulmate, you want to ensure that what you have is not only healthy but also your best relationship.

If you want to know how to build a better relationship with your soulmate, there are 2 things you need to know first:

  • What is a soulmate?
  • Is the person I’m currently in a relationship with my soulmate?

One question I get asked a lot, “Is he my soulmate?” And, I mean a lot. And that may be running a tie with, “When is he going to call?”

The term “soulmate”, while certainly open to interpretation, has in many cases come to mean “the one person with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life in blissful happiness.”

There’s a well-known poem that’s been around for quite a while about people who come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. In many respects, it reflects my personal understanding of what a soulmate is:

  • Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to be with us for our entire lifetime.
  • Not all relationships are soulmate relationships.
  • Not all soulmate relationships are romantic. Our soulmates might be our parents, siblings, close friends, and others with whom we are not romantically or sexually involved.
  • Not all soulmate relationships are happy.
  • Not all of our soulmates are our life mates.

To delve deeper into the concept of soulmate relationships, authors Brian Weiss and Michael Newton have both written beautifully in-depth books on this subject, and their ideas and experiences are useful and enlightening.

There’s a different approach that may be more helpful and practical when applied to the dating and mating game we all play.

But, before you can do that, you need to be aware of 3 relationship mistakes and major stumbling blocks that push your potential soulmate and life partner away from you.

1. You perceive and want to believe (hope!) that your desired partner is your soulmate

That creates the expectation that the shorthand definition (“The one person with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life in blissful happiness”) applies to your relationship with this person.

2. You have a distorted perception of love

The expectation I just described above makes you accept and tolerate the opposites of a healthy, loving relationship: abuse, neglect, disrespect, and co-dependence.

If you are suffering and tormented by what’s supposed to be “love”, if your self-esteem and self-respect are being crushed by what’s supposed to be “love”, or if you have abandoned your safety and happiness for the sake of what’s supposed to be “love”, you’re in deep trouble.

You may be in a soulmate relationship, but the ending won’t necessarily be the happily ever after one.

3. Your force the facts to fit your desired outcome

Basically, you place the cart squarely in front of the horse. You start by believing the soulmate shorthand. Then, you set out to find that soulmate. And often, you disregard the facts regarding the person or situation you find.

You try to pretzel yourself and/or every potential partner you meet into that belief system, often with disastrous results.

You want to find the special person with whom you can share true love and a deep bond, and make a life with them. But if that erroneous belief in the “ideal” is blinding you to what’s actually happening in the relationship, and if it’s blinding you to another’s bad behavior or ill-treatment of you, you’re unlikely to reach that “ideal” you so desire.

As mentioned above, there is a better approach to building a better (and healthier) relationship with your soulmate.

Even if you and your significant other are fortunate enough to mutually fall in love at first sight, there are some things that still need to happen in order for you to know if this is truly your mate (either true soulmate and/or life partner).

The good news? You get to choose whether or not to participate in the relationship, to improve and positively influence it, or to let it go.

Here are the 3 steps to do it.

1. Date

So for starters: date. By that I mean, interact with each other, spend time together, talk with each other about the things you enjoy; whether that’s opera or sports, trivia games or Shakespeare’s sonnets.

If you keep an open mind and focus on the interactions, you’ll know very soon whether this person is going to remain just a “date” rather than a soul mate. Or you may find he is a soul mate who is not a life mate. Or happily, you both realize you have found your life mate in each other.

2. Mate

Ask yourself, “How does this person treat me? How do I treat him?” Along with the giddy, riding on the rollercoaster flush of love and passion, is there respect and consideration in your treatment of each other?

When he says he will do something, does he actually follow through? Do you? If what people are feeling, saying, and doing are all consistent, the foundation is there for loving and healthy relationships. In other words, these things can show you if you are able to mate — to be soulmates who are also life partners.

3. Evaluate

If things seem to be hitting a major snag it’s time to take a deep breath, step back, and evaluate. Are there changes you can make to your behavior? Compromising on things like activities and accommodating each other’s preferences can be great ways to build on your relationship.

This week, it may be pizza and watching sports for him. Next weekend might be sushi and a museum visit for you.

You can also practice active listening with your partner to find the best communication style for both of you. In this way, you hear what he is saying and he can also learn to truly hear you.

All of these are examples of healthy adaptation and can bring about positive changes and growth. These are ways to improve and build your relationship with your soul mate.

But if you are compromising your principles — doing things that demean you or lower your self-esteem, it’s time to take a long hard look at what’s happening.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable and anxious, that is your intuition or gut instinct trying to protect you from potential harm. It may be time to let the relationship go, either temporarily or permanently.

Even if the person with whom you are involved in a harmful relationship is your soul mate, you still get to choose — and one choice may be not to go through life in this kind of pain. You can choose not to be life mates.

Are there changes the other person can make? We can’t control another’s behavior or make them change. What we can do is communicate honestly about our own feelings and experiences.

If they’ve heard us, they then have a choice — to adapt in order to improve or positively influence the relationship. Or not. And if not, the soul mate relationship may not be a life mate relationship.

No matter what happens, give yourself the benefit of getting to know your partner. As you move through different stages of your relationship, you will discover things about him — and about yourself.

That awareness will guide you to build a better relationship with your mate. Soul mate? Life Mate? Build the best relationship possible, and you’ll know in your heart.

 

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Kita – Chapter 26 – Round and Round – Part 2

“Kita, I’ve asked myself the same quastion several times. It’s because we’re good people with good hearts and we give and believe in people. But unfortunately we sometimes make choices that aren’t right for us and we get hurt. But we learn from that and go forth stronger and better. Worked for me. I believe in you Kita.”

“Yeah. It’s a good trait that we have. It just sucks for us if it doesn’t end up working out. Thank you!!!”

“As a friend I am sorry this is happening to someone I care about but this is how we grow as people.”

“It’s definitely one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life. I know once I’m over it, I’ll look back and be so happy. It’s just getting there.”

“I’m sad for you, Kita but you’ll come out on the other side of this experience stronger and more wise.”

“I’m sad too. I really loved him and just wanted to make him happy. But we’re not good together.”

You’re right in your thinking, Kita. You’re already curing yourself. Just take some time and center yourself. Hold on dear. I’m worried about you.”

“I’ll be okay! Thank you though. I’m just going through some rough times.”

 

And it ends there…for now.

 

My girl has some issues. She’s struggling with the obvious loss of a long term and very deep love to her. She’s confused and lost. Why else would she be spinning like this right now. It has to be horrible. You’re in love with someone and then they leave you. This blog has been about that. I get it. If you’ve been following it, I went through that with Annabelle and it was awful. That was five years ago for me and of course after two years I was fine. But it took two years! Kita has the capacity even as a young girl to love very deeply. I know it’s alien to her to feel this way but I am all to familiar with the bitter burn and searing pain of lost love. It’s like the withdrawal symptoms from coming off drugs.

I’ve got my circle of friends and family. I’m fine now. I cut all of the crazy people out of my life and keep the borderline ones at arms length or in small doses. I can manage that.

But Kita has no idea to navigate that. It’s killing her, poor thing. Sadly she’ll just have to ride it out like we all have. Each and every one of us.

I’m doing everything I can to support her during this dark period. People need that and I’m in a position to do that now.

No more crazies. Just good people that are wounded and need me right now. I’m ready to offer whatever they need. If I charged by the hour I’d be a wealthy man.

But as long as I’m here on this Earth, if I can help people get through their pain and move forward with their lives then that’s what I’m going to continue to do.

I believe in you Kita. I love you. You don’t know it, but I do in my own way. I’ll get you through this. But sometimes I just feel like we’re going round and round.

Right now, Kita just needs my presence. Not my presents.

 

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The Best Opening Message To Send On Tinder Is Foolproof — Here’s Your Guide To Using It

The only thing harder than writing your Tinder bio? Choosing your opening line. You only get one chance to get a match to reply, so if you find yourself typing, “Hi,” or “How are you” then you might want to tap that backspace key. A clever or thoughtful opener is far more likely to get a reply, and though I graduated from Tinder five years ago (and recently married the man I met on the app), I like to think that my old go-to opener is still a winner. What’s the best opening message to send on Tinder, you ask? Asking their opinion on a topical debate is the way to go.

The problem with using “Hi” and “How are you?” as conversation openers is that — besides being totally lazy — there’s little opportunity for your match to engage with you. Sure, you might get a half-hearted reply. For most potential matches, however, that opener won’t inspire a response from your matches (or at least not an interesting one). Not to state the obvious, but your opener should allow your match is open up, and since nothing sparks Twitter engagement quite like a viral dispute, why not try the same technique on Tinder?

Alberto Bogo/Stocksy

Now when I say “topical,” I don’t mean anything involving politics, religion, money, or any other potentially contentious subjects. You may value your match’s opinion on the current political climate above all else, but if you jump into something too personal or sensitive too soon, you risk alienating (i.e. freaking out) your match. By topical, I mean whatever hilariously random debate that currently has the internet in a tizzy. From the “black-and-blue versus white-and-gold dress” debate to the “Yanny versus Laurel” conundrum, the internet provides endless fodder for Tinder openings, and it would be a missed opportunity not to take advantage.

“So have you done the Ice Bucket Challenge yet or do you refuse to succumb to peer pressure?”

“Do you love pretending to care about soccer whenever the World Cup comes around or do you hate on the fake fans?”

“Yes or no: Would you see Sharknado 2 in theaters with me?”

Some of my matches gave lame responses, but the ones who engaged actually helped stimulate some pretty great conversations.

Stocksy/Saptak Ganguly

So what would work nowadays? Here are a few responses I’ve come up with for friends looking to stand out in a match’s inbox.

1. “Where do you stand: Did you believe Daenerys Targaryen was always destined to go mad, or did you sign the petition to remake Game of Throne‘s last season?”

2. “Which celebrity had the most epic cameo in Taylor Swift’s ‘You Need to Calm Down’ video? Go!”

3. “I’m taking a poll: Do you take the time to wash your legs in the shower?”

4. “Disney’s live action remakes: Yea or nay?”

5. “Which Jonas Brother and J-Sister pairing do you ship the most and why?”

6. “Crinkle-cut, curly, wedge, or waffle — what’s your fry type?”

7. “I’m curious: Would you kick Mick Mulaney out of the room for coughing?”

8. “OK, do you think over 30 million people have watched Murder Mystery on Netflix, or are you calling BS?”

Sure, your match may not be as up-to-date on pop culture as you are, but even if they have no clue what you’re talking about, I feel pretty confident that you’ll get a response regardless.

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Handful of Dates – Part 5

Mentally Ill –  This story is a bit sad. I was on the internet on a Saturday morning around 9 am and on some dating sites you can IM the person live if they are on. I get my first live IM ever and start talking to this girl. She is not at all bad looking. She asked what I was doing today, and I said nothing. She then asked if I wanted to hang out. She was only two miles away from where I lived and since I wasn’t doing anything, I said sure. I should of talked to her more or over the phone.

Someone dropped her off in a large white van. It turns out she lived in a group home and suffered from severe head trauma from a car accident she had when she was 17 and the passenger died. She had seizures, and had to be watched, but was allowed to do normal things day to day, even meeting guys on dating sites. She was very clingy and after a few hours of hanging out she flat out asked if I would have sex with her.

I can tell it has been a long time for her and she was extremely lonely, but she also has normal women desires. Now I felt kind of bad and almost went through with it out of sympathy. I thought, “hmmm if I was handicapped and a girl offered me sex out of sympathy I would of probably jump on it”.

I’m glad I DID NOT go through with it because after the date she called and texted me constantly. Also the text were, I cant wait to have your kids, we should go away together to Hawaii, I can’t wait to feel you inside me, I almost had to change my number because  these messages went on for a few weeks.

 

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Why Using This One Little Word Is Slowly Killing Your Relationship

Small word, big damage.

You can’t understand why your boyfriend or husband claims you don’t show him any respect. You’re baffled that your wife or girlfriend says you’re “impossible” to please.

None of what your partner says makes sense to you because, in your mind, you’re always loving and supportive. As much as you try to figure out how to use more effective communication skills in order to communicate better with the person you love, nothing works, because you don’t really know where the heart of the problem lies.

How you can save your marriage or fix what seems to be a broken relationship if you don’t even know what you’re doing wrong?

Before you totally discount what your special someone alleges, take some time to observe your the common words and habits and think about the way you’ve been communicating.

It could be that a certain 3-letter word is creeping into your comments to and about your partner, and this average, ordinary word is contributing to the increasing distance and disconnection in your relationship.

This seemingly harmless word is “but”.

Unfortunately, it’s commonly used by both men and women all of the time in casual and more serious conversations.

This word not only stands in the way of effective communication between you and your partner, but also, ultimately, your capacity to have a long-lasting, healthy and happy relationship.

Here are just a few examples of the way “but” can creep into conversation and destroy your best intentions:

  • “I love you, but I wish you were more romantic.”
  • “I respect you, but you do have a tendency to be wishy-washy.”
  • “You are beautiful, but you’ve put on a few pounds lately.”
  • “I want your input, but here’s what I’ve decided to do … “

The “but” in each of these statements essentially wipes away the compliment or appreciation that precedes it.

“But” is almost always a word of exclusion and negation.

Many of us use it to deliver what we really think with an intention to soften the harshness. Despite this attempt, the emphasis is on what we’re disappointed about or critical of.

Your partner sees right through this. He or she will mostly hear whatever comes after the “but” and is likely to feel confused, hurt and angry because of it. This is why trying to communicate better has, up until this point, failed.

Luckily, there is hope! You just have to watch your “buts”.

Try this experiment for two or three days: Listen closely to what you say to and about your partner.

When you hear yourself using the word “but” — or even just thinking it — pay attention to these three things:

  • How you’re feeling
  • What you really want to say
  • How your partner reacts once you’ve said it

If you notice that you have a habit of including a lot of “buts” in your speech, you’re not alone.

With any damaging habit, it’s necessary to first notice what you’re doing. That is the simple first act toward saving your marriage or solving your relationship problems.

Next, learn how to say it a new way.

Get curious about what it is you’ve been really wanting to say to your partner but haven’t known how to express effectively. This could be something you’ve been hinting at and hedging around, or maybe it’s something you’ve already said, but not tactfully.

Your “buts” may also sneak in when you made a request or share your opinion, then don’t seen much follow through or positive change from your partner as a result.

Sometimes, promises or agreements are made but then ignored. Nobody wants to be a nag or a complainer, but …

The point here isn’t that you’re doing anything wrong or bad by peppering your talk with “buts.” It’s that “buts” rarely invite follow through or engaged, active listening from your partner. The “buts”, in essence, shut down your best efforts at effective communication.

As unfair as it may seem that you have to do anything different when it’s your partner who is stubbornly clinging to their ways, if you want to see a change, there will be times when you simply have to take the lead.

Finding new, more productive ways to communicate is a way to do that.

Before engaging in a conversation with your partner about something you would like to see change, experiment, in your mind or on paper, with different words and phrasing you can you use to explain how you feel in a way that is authentic and true for you and may be easier for your partner to hear.

It’s not necessary — or advisable — for you to fake or deny how you feel or what it is you want.

Instead, focus in on your priorities related to the situation and come up with ways you can phrase your requests to clearly and effectively communicate what it is you do want.

As you learn to improve your communication skills by using more effective phrasing, follow these helpful guidelines:

1. Make specific requests

Be clear and precise in explaining terms of action and timeliness.

2. Speak confidently

Ask for what you want without apologizing for or second guessing your wishes and needs.

3. Be realistic

Keep your request doable, and, if necessary, break it into achievable steps.

4. Stay focused on resolving the issue at hand

Don’t allow yourself to get side-tracked by secondary issues or questions of who’s to blame.

5. Keep an open mind

Be open to feedback and possible discussion, but know your non-negotiables.

6. Express appreciation for what works

Acknowledge the improvements you do see.

Above all, remember to focus in on your priorities related to the situation, come up with requests that clearly explain what you want … and leave the “buts” out of it.

 

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