Karate Lessons

Philadelphia, PA – 1975-1976

I was picked on and bullied in Fel’s Junior High School. I never experienced this in grade school. It just didn’t happen there. Maybe all the disfunction in families comes to a head when kids reach the age of puberty, but I just don’t know.

It was hell for me for much of the whole 3 years I spent at Fel’s Junior High school. It felt more like a juvenile detention center than any sort of educational facility. When I think back on my life my memories are pretty sharp and I have great recall and detail. But when I think back to Fel’s, there isn’t much info. It’s as if during those formative years my mind blocked out much of that horrific pain to save me from mental illness later in life.

There was a show on TV at that time called Kung Fu. My parents used to watch it and my dad loved it. I remember watching a few episodes and although I never saw the pilot, I knew what the show was about. It seemed that this Chinese/American guy wanders around the American west and gets into these different situations. Normally there would be some bad guys who would get their butts kicked by the main character each week.

I thought it was all very cool, and Kung Fu and Karate were hot back in the 70s. There were lots of movies about the subject. Even the Green Hornet had a chauffeur named Kato that could do karate. It was Bruce Lee, who sadly died back in 1973, but he had already established himself as a bonafide star in his short time in show biz. He was the real deal.

I figured if I learned kung fu or karate, I could defend myself from all of the animals at school and in my neighborhood. I remember I had gotten a book about Judo and was reading about some simple moves, and I guess maybe I put it to my parents one day that I’d like to take karate lessons. It just seemed practical, cool and I liked the idea and philosophy behind it all. You have this amazing fighting skill but you only use it for the forces of good. You never pick a fight, you only use it to defend yourself and your loved ones. That’s like some superhero stuff right there. I figured that would be perfect for me since I loved comic books and the dudes that were in them defending the world against evil.

So, my parents signed me up for karate lessons. I remember it was $10 a week and back then and my father thinking that it was kind of expensive.

They sent me off to American Karate Studios in Rockledge Pa. That sounds far away, but it was just a bus ride away from my house. I would go there I think a few times a week. For my dad’s money, I would get 2 group classes and 1 private lesson per week.

I would finish school and then walk north on Oakley street to Martin’s Mill Road and hop on the N bus. Which I think either doesn’t exist anymore or they’ve simply changed the name of the bus route. I googled it looking for any old photos online and came up with this:

https://www.yellowpages.com/philadelphia-pa/mip/american-karate-studios-464769411

https://businessfinder.pennlive.com/1977929/American-Karate-Studios-Philadelphia-PA

Could that place still be open?

I would carry a plastic bag that had my Gi in it. That’s the white outfit the karate guys wear. I thought it was super cool and felt like a real kung fu dude when I wore it. It really allows the freedom of movement when you’re doing your moves.

Here’s a couple of old photos my sister dug out of me wearing my karate Gi doing some moves. Future Kung Fu Dragon!

A photo on the wall of my mother on her wedding day hangs on the wall behind me. Check out that ancient vacuum cleaner in the corner!

Anyway, I remember there being a series of belts you had to earn to move up to be a kung fu master.

Everybody started out as a white belt. That’s the beginner level Then you moved on to an orange belt. Then a purple belt. Followed by blue and then green. There were 3 degrees of brown, and 8 degrees of black.

The dream was obviously to become a black belt karate master. That would take years and years to achieve and I didn’t see myself ever getting there. But if I could learn enough moves, maybe I could defend myself against the minions in the neighborhood who picked on me.

There were a couple of kids that were already members and they wore some of the higher level belts. There was a little guy who had a green belt and he was really fast and had killer moves. I figured if that kid could do it, so could I. There was also this girl who was older than me who had a purple belt. She was really cute and always wore her hair back in a thick braid. The only way I ever saw her was with her hair back and in her Gi. I kind of had a thing for her, but I basically didn’t exist in her world and would never have a chance to get to know her. At least in some way, I was invisible to her… like a ninja!

The group classes were rigorous and filled with a bunch of skinny kids like me. We would exercise the moves that had taught us, like snap kicks and punches. It was fun to play/spar with the other boys because it was like we were fighting but no one really hit anyone else.

Once the instructor made us put a smaller kid on our shoulders and we had to do a series of front snap kicks. So while there is this kid sitting upon your shoulders you had to kick to the knee, midsection, and face to an imaginary adversary in front of you. This all had to be done without putting your kicking leg back down. It felt like some real next-level kung fu stuff!

Another time during the exercise and strength training portion of the class, we had to all lie on our backs on the mat and lift our feet up 6 inches off the floor. This was a great way to strengthen the muscles in our core. But the crazy thing was, they would make you hold it up until it was nearly unbearable. Then the instructor would walk through us and step on our stomachs. It didn’t hurt because our stomach muscles were so tense but it was wild. You wouldn’t think that would work but it did. He stepped on everybody. No pain. Future kung fu dragon!

My favorite part of attending karate lessons was the private lesson with my teacher. That’s where you learned all of the new moves and skills associated with your belt level. It was really cool. Like, if someone grabbed you by the lapels there were a series of moves you could perform to immobilize and destroy your opponent in seconds. I love this!

There’s also a dance you learn along with your training. It’s called a kata. It’s a series of punches and kicks you do in a formation and you have to memorize it and be able to perform it. It included many of the basic techniques that you were being taught for your belt level.

(I just got up from my desk to see if I still remembered any of that kata. Guess what? I went right into the routine like it was yesterday. Wow!)

Thank you, Sensei!

I even ordered some cool patches for my jacket. I had a round patch on the back of my jacket with the American Karate Studios logo on it. I also had a tiger and a dragon patch on each one of my sleeves. I was going to be like Kwai Chang Cain in the Kung Fu show on TV!

By the time the semester ended and I was supposed to go to the shore for the Summer I took my test, with one of the owners, (who was a black belt) and I passed! I earned my orange belt!

Of course, my dad said, “They better give you that belt after all the money I gave them for those lessons!”

I should have drop-kicked him.

Karate lessons were a welcome little repose in my tortured life back then. I think it really helped me. I never used any kung fu moves on anybody, but it did feel good learning something new, get some exercise, and be with other kids like myself.

Thank you American Karate Studios and to all of the staff who were kind to me and taught me some cool fighting skills!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Dating Game Teetotaler Dating: How to Date When You’re Sober & Don’t Drink

verything from how to date when you’re sober to telling your new partner why you don’t drink can be complicated. Drinking is such a major part of today’s dating culture, so navigating it as a sober person adds a new level of uncertainty.

Dating should be full of fun and excitement. You should have butterflies, not knots in your stomach.

It can be nerve-racking to share that you don’t drink for any reason. People can be judgmental, confused, or even offended. So, navigating the world of dating when you’re sober takes some patience and practice. 

How to talk about dating when you’re sober

Dating when you’re sober starts out the same as it does for anyone else. Whether you’re on a dating app or meeting in person, even at a bar, you start with flirting.

You don’t have to tell someone you don’t drink right off the bat. That is your business. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone. But, unfortunately, because drinking is such a social norm, people expect it. And they question it when you don’t.

When you decline a drink from someone hitting on you they might take it as a rejection, in reality, you would much rather enjoy a side of fries. If they don’t assume you’re turning them down, they will probably assume you are driving, not that you don’t drink at all.

In my experience, as a sober person in the dating world, it is best to let them believe what they want to at first. Getting into why you don’t drink from the start can erupt a lot of peer pressure.

You may not drink because you don’t like the taste or because you are a recovering alcoholic or for any other reason. Whatever the reason, it is totally okay. But, I cannot tell you how many times someone has said to me that I just haven’t found the right drink or that I’d have fun if I drank with them.

Choosing not to drink for that night or forever is a personal choice. Although dating when you’re sober may weed out your options a bit more, it is possible to find someone who accepts your decision. 

When to tell your date you’re sober

If the fact that you’re sober or choose not to drink didn’t come up before your first or second date, don’t fret.

On a first or second date, you don’t have to share all of that. Just have a nice time. Some people may not even ask why you’re not drinking. That is a good sign.

If you see things moving forward, you may want to clue them in. They should respect that you choose not to drink but may have questions about why. Whether you want to talk about it or not, they should accept it. Try not to get defensive if they are curious. They may truly just want to understand you better.

If not, this may not be someone you want to continue dating. Some people simply cannot understand any reason why someone would choose not to drink. You can list off all the reasons why: from health concerns to addiction, money, taste, and so on, and they will still argue.

And for some, they may have a hard time with it because it is so opposite to their chosen lifestyle.

For instance, it would be hard for me to date someone who goes out drinking every weekend and keeps a lot of liquor in their house when I don’t drink at all. We would have such differing lifestyles.

But currently, I’m dating someone who has a beer here or there with dinner and drinks when he’s out with his friends, but, simultaneously, completely respects my choice not to drink.

Once you mesh with someone that respects the fact that you don’t drink, you can get into learning how to date when you’re sober. 

How to date when you’re sober

The ‘go-to date’ has almost always been dinner and drinks. But, that can be dicey when you don’t drink. Whether you never drink, want to avoid drinking too much, or just want a more unique date, here are some awesome ideas that will be sure to impress your date and actually let you get to know them.

#1 The Adventurer. Whether you live near a hiking trail, an indoor rock-climbing wall, or a national park, physical dates are a great way to bond. Get moving, work up a sweat, then grab a smoothie or pack a lunch with plenty of water to turn a fun workout into a romantic picnic.

Getting fresh air and some exercise in with a new romantic partner leads to a much stronger connection than a few drinks at a bar.

#2 The Artist. A museum is always a great way to share a common interest. You can tour a museum and discuss your opinions on the artist and their work.

And why not take it a step further and get involved with the art? Find a pottery painting studio or even an art class in your area. You can show off your talents or bond over learning some new techniques. Plus, you’ll likely walk away with a moment from your date together.

#3 The Competitor. Some friendly competition between you and your date is a sure-fire way to start some flirty banter. Take your date mini-golfing, bowling, or even to the batting cages. Ax throwing is a popular date spot as of late.

Whether you’re a skilled sportsperson or not, it’s guaranteed to be a memorable date. 

#4 The Kid At Heart. For a purely fun day loaded with games and cotton candy, head to an amusement park or arcade. You’ll have a blast. You could even win your date a stuffed animal from a claw machine. *Just don’t eat too much before going on a roller coaster.

#5 The Foodie. Whether you’re a master chef or can barely boil water, take your date to a cooking class. Not only will preparing a meal with your date bring you closer, but you’ll learn how to make a delicious new recipe, which will last you a lifetime.

Cooking together is very sensual and creating something to enjoy can really ignite a bond you may not feel by just going out to eat.

#6 The Daredevil. Escape rooms are popping up everywhere and are such an exhilarating date idea. If you’ve never heard of this, the gist is that you’re locked in a room and have an hour or so to search for clues to escape.

You can do this as a double date or team up with some strangers. It is sure to fill your day with lots of mystery. It will get your adrenaline pumping and bond you two immediately. Just make sure your date isn’t claustrophobic before making reservations. 

#7 A Little Bit Of Everything. If you’re not quite the planner, but want to do something fun – throw it back to those middle school dates and head to the mall. Go shopping, grab a pretzel, giggle your way around Spencer’s Gifts, play with the puppies if your mall has a pet store, or even build a bear.

Just walk around and do what catches your eye. The possibilities are endless. You’re sure to feel like a lovestruck teenager again.

Which one of these dates will you try out? Hopefully, learning how to date when you’re sober comes easily to you and your future partner.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Phicklephilly reaches 300,000 Page Views!!!

Wow.

Just wow.

Another milestone in our short 5-year history as a blog.

I’m so happy to report this. We hit a quarter of a million back around the beginning of the year, and here we are now at 300,000!

Thanks to all of my WordPress readers, Facebook, and Instagram followers. I appreciate all of the views, likes, and comments from you all.

Because of the pandemic, I couldn’t go out and make any new stories so I was forced to look inward around the end of last year. I decided to tell stories from my past in Philly and Wildwood. The response was overwhelming over the last year. It turns out people like to read about all things nostalgic and from our collective past. I did my best to convey the feelings of those moments from my youth.

I think that brought us more subscribers and fans and for that… I’m grateful. I’ll continue to bring you the best dating and relationship advice through the end of the year. But there will be a few historic tales tossed in there every other week until Christmas.

One of the best things to come out of the pandemic and what I was writing was that it helped me reconnect with some great people from my past.

The next book I’m going to write will be about growing up in Northeast Philly in the 70s, followed in 2023 by a book about all of my memories from Wildwood in the summer of the same decade. Both should be worth reading.

I’m still kicking around some different works of fiction and will experiment with some of that next year in the blog. Maybe in the form of short stories.

The blog continues to march forward just like me!

Thanks again to everyone who reads and follows Phicklephilly and I appreciate every single one of you around the world!

See you all at 500,000!

… and now, a cool french song from the 60s with all the things I like in it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock – Craziest Rock and Heavy Metal TRUE Stories

As much as you want to believe, most rumors about famous rockers are completely FALSE. But considering the lifestyle, it’s not surprising that almost every rock star has a few rumors surrounding them. But, again, most of these simply AREN’T true.

However, don’t despair, because, in the jumble of countless made-up or exaggerated tales out there, some of these rock star rumors are actually true! Hopefully, this 100%, actual, we’re-not-lying-at-all, real-life true stories about rock giants will give you something to think about.

Keith Moon and Mama Cass Died in the Same Apartment

Rock stars are taken from us too young way too often, and it just so happens that two brilliant musicians died in the same apartment. On September 7, 1978, Keith Moon of The Who overdosed on a sedative in an apartment he rented from musician Harry Nilsson; on June 29, 1974, Mama Cass of The Mamas and The Papas died of heart failure (not of choking on a sandwich as the rumor goes) in the very same apartment.  Flat #12 at 9 Curzon Square, Mayfair, London, England.

Axl Rose Recorded Himself Having Sex for Rocket Queen

There’s a rumor that, on the Guns N Roses song “Rocket Queen,” which closes out the band’s debut album Appetite for Destruction, you can hear Axl Rose having sex with a woman who may be Adriana Smith, a 19-year-old stripper and drummer Steve Adler’s girlfriend. According to Steve Thompson, an engineer on Appetite, “Axl wanted some pornographic sounds on ‘Rocket Queen,’ so he brought a girl in and they had sex in the studio. We wound up recording about 30 minutes of sex noises. If you listen to the break on Rocket Queen it’s in there.”

Do you think Adler cared? According to Smith, Adler “fucking freaked out” when he discovered what happened. “I ended up drinking and using drugs over this for a really long time because I had this extreme shame and guilt and stuff,” she admitted to Rolling Stone.

Ozzy Osborne Snorts Ants and Will Apparently Bite the Head Off Anything

Yes, Ozzy, old news perhaps but we’re not going to have someone say hey, WTF, you’re not going to mention the Prince of Darkness?

You could do a whole list of true Ozzy Osborne stories, but this true rumor is particularly hard to believe. While on tour with Motley Crue, Osborne allegedly got into a one-up-the-other contest with Nikki Sixx that ended with Ozzy snorting a line of ants.

We’ve all heard the story of Ozzy Osborne biting the head off of a live bat while on stage, but that wasn’t the first time that Ozzy decapitated a flying friend. Apparently, when first meeting with Columbia Records, Sharon Osborne told Ozzy that he would make an impression on the executives if he released two doves in the office. Instead of letting them go, Ozzy grabbed one and bit its head off in front of the executives. I’m sure he definitely made an impression.

Steven Tyler Adopted a 14 year old Girl So He Could Date Her

Steven Tyler was known for having relationships with some of the most beautiful women of their day, but one of his most substantial relationships arose from much different beginnings. In 1975, Tyler somehow managed to have custody of a 14-year-old groupie signed over to him from her parents so they could live together. They were together for three years, during which time she drank, used drugs, and kept up with the wild rock star. They split when she was 18, partly due to the strain that an abortion put on their relationship. (I love Aerosmith’s music in the 70s but, dude… you were a filthy drugged-out savage back then.)

Van Halen Really Didn’t Want Any Brown M&Ms in Their Dressing Room

Some people use this story as an example of all the prima donnas in rock music, and others use it to show that rock stars aren’t quite as hardcore as society thinks they are, and still others simply can’t believe it’s true. But Van Halen really would not allow any brown M&Ms in their dressing rooms before a show. But it’s not for any of the reasons listed above: in fact, it was a safety concern. Van Halen had extensive contract and safety guidelines, so in order to make sure that the venue had followed all of their safety requests, they buried a line in the contract about the candy. If there were brown M&Ms in their dressing room, it proved that the venue had not done their job.

Led Zeppelin Defiled a Groupie with a “Snapper”

On July 17, 1969, Led Zeppelin was staying at Seattle’s famous Edgewater Inn, and from their balcony, they could fish in Seattle’s Puget Sound. So the story goes that after a few days of fishing, and a few days of rocking, the Zep had a raucous party at their hotel room. While there, a few bandmates stuck some of the fish that they caught into a groupie’s um… sensitive areas. There are many versions of this story that differ on the particulars, but it is safe to assume that something fishy happened that night.

Wanna be a better guitarist? Click this link to learn the secret!

https://beginnerguitarhq.com/guitar-exercises/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

8 Reasons You’ve Been Ghosted

Rejection and breakups are hard enough, but being ghosted can be traumatic. It can leave you with unanswered questions that make it hard to move on. Although ghosting also occurs in friendships, it’s usually associated with dating. More devastating, but less common, is when a spouse disappears after years of marriage. It’s like the sudden death of the person and the marriage. But even the unexplained, unexpected end to a brief, romantic relationship can feel like betrayal and shatter your trust in yourself, in love, and in other people.

It’s a shock to the heart whenever you care about someone who suddenly cuts you off without any explanation. If you insist on one and get a response like, “I just don’t feel it anymore,” it isn’t satisfying. You still want to know “Why?” We are information-seeking animals. Our brain is wired to wander and search for solutions. Once we pose a question, it looks for answers. This is compounded by the fact that we’re also wired to attach and to experience rejection as painful. We try to reconnect — why do babies cry fiercely when they need their mother. Rejection can cause obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior, like stalking your ex’s social media, which fuels more pain and more questions.

Ghosting a Romance

In a romantic relationship, breakups are always harder during the early stage, when ghosting usually occurs. You don’t know your partner that well and are still in a blissful haze of idealization. Your hopes for the future may be abruptly and inexplicably dashed. Normally, after a relationship progresses from the romantic “ideal” stage into the “ordeal” phase, couples struggle with ambivalence and conflicts. If that ends the relationship, at least you have an understanding of why it didn’t work and perhaps agree.

If couples can communicate and accommodate each others’ needs and personalities, they get to the “real deal” — a real relationship based on mutual understanding and acceptance. This takes two people compatible and committed to making the relationship work. They must also have enough self-esteem and autonomy to give without feeling unappreciated or robbed and receive without feeling unworthy or smothered.

Date Ghosting

In dating, often there is less accountability, depending upon various factors: The way you met (a chat room or hookup app), the individual’s maturity and values, length of the relationship, and frequency of face-to-face contact. Technology promotes less emotional involvement. If instead, you met through mutual friends, there’s more incentive to be on good behavior or other friends will hear about it.

Ghosting might start with an unanswered text or call, or long silences between replies until there are none. Here are eight reasons why a person might ghost instead of communicating:

1. They’re chicken: People who don’t handle conflict well fear confrontation. They expect drama and criticism and want to avoid a breakup conversation. They may rationalize to themselves that they’re sparing your feelings by not admitting that they no longer want to continue the relationship. However, leaving without a word, let alone closure, is more cruel and painful.
2. They’re avoidant: Ghosts are more likely to have intimacy problems, which explains why they leave a relationship that’s getting close. They’re emotionally unavailable and may have an avoidant attachment style.
3. They’re ashamed: People with low self-esteem want to avoid criticism and the shame they’ll experience if you get to know them better — one reason for avoiding intimacy. They also expect to feel shame for hurting you. Their lack of boundaries makes them feel responsible for their feelings, though the reverse is true. They’re responsible for how they communicate, but not for your reaction. If they want to end a relationship, you’re entitled to an honest explanation. Thus, in trying to avoid false responsibility, they err by not taking responsibility for their own behavior, causing you the unnecessary pain they were trying to avoid.
4. They’re busy: When you’re not exclusive and acknowledge that dating someone else is okay, your partner may assume the relationship is casual. While dating other people, you and/or your messages might have been overlooked or forgotten. Your date may have already moved on or just not made time to respond. When later realizing this, he or she is too embarrassed to reply and rationalizes that your “thing” wasn’t serious in the first place.
5. They’re game-players: To some daters, particularly narcissists, relationships are solely a means to satisfy their egos and sexual needs. They’re not interested in a commitment or concerned with your feelings, though they may feign that when they’re seducing you. They’re players, and to the relationships are a game. They’re not emotionally involved and can act callously once they’re no longer interested, especially if you express needs or expectations.
6. They’re depressed or overwhelmed: Some people can hide depression for a while. The ghost might be too depressed to continue and not want to reveal what’s really going on in his or her life. There may be other life events you don’t know about that take precedence, like a job loss or personal or family illness or emergency.
7. They’re seeking safety: If you’ve raged in the past or are violent or verbally abusive, the ghost may avoid you in self-protection.
8. They’re setting a boundary: If you’re annoyed and smothered your friend with frequent texts or calls, especially if they’ve asked you not to, then their silence is sending a message because you’ve ignored their boundaries. You likely have an anxious attachment style and are attracted to people with avoidant styles. See “Breaking the Cycle of Abandonment.”

What to Do if You’ve Been Ghosted

The main thing to realize is that in the vast majority of cases, ghosting behavior reflects on the ghost, not you. It’s time to let go. Here are some do’s and don’ts to follow.

Face Reality

The other person has decided to move on for whatever reason. Accepting that is more important than knowing why. The ghost is also demonstrating that he or she doesn’t respect your feelings and lacks essential communication and conflict resolution skills that make relationships work. Your feelings aside, consider whether you really want a relationship with them.

Allow Your Feelings

Realize that you can’t figure out the ghost’s motives in your head. Let go of obsessive thoughts, and allow yourself to feel both sadness and anger, without falling into shame. Give yourself time to grieve. Open your heart to yourself with extra doses of self-love — all you wanted from the other person.

Avoid Self-Blame

Deal with the rejection in a healthy way. Rejection can be painful, but you don’t have to pile on unnecessary suffering. Don’t blame yourself or allow someone else’s bad behavior to diminish your self-esteem. Even if the ghost believes you weren’t what he or she was looking for, that doesn’t mean you’re undesirable to someone else. You cannot make a person love you. You simply might not have been a good match. He or she is not your last hope for a partner!

No Contact

If you’re tempted to write or call, think about how the conversation will go, how you will feel, and whether you would get a truthful answer from the person. Oftentimes, the person ending a relationship won’t be honest about the reasons or may not even be able to articulate them, because they’re just going with their gut feelings. Men tend to do this more than women, who analyze and ruminate more. In addition, the odds are you’ll be rejected a second time. Would that hurt more?

To heal faster, experts advise no contact after a breakup, including all social media. Read more tips on how to recover.

If you find it hard to let go of your ex and pursue a conversation, resist any temptation to lure him or her back. You may later regret it. Instead, communicate that his or her was hurtful and unacceptable. In other words, be resolved that you’re now rejecting them. Then, move on.

Beware that if you’re still hurting and vulnerable, contact may prolong your grief. If you don’t feel strong, such a conversation may not help you let go. Also, remember that anger isn’t always strength. It may be a temporary stage of grief, followed by more longing.

Don’t Isolate

Get back into life, and plan activities with friends. You may need a break from dating for a while, but socialize and do other things that you enjoy. Don’t allow yourself to fall into depression, which is distinct from mourning.

I ghosted a friend last year. They just got to a level of crazy with their mental illness I couldn’t take their lies anymore, so I cut them off. I did email them to tell them after so many years of this person’s nonsense I just couldn’t do it anymore. Yea… he needed to go.

My life is better without him in it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

5 Bad Habits People Have While Dating That Make Looking For Love Even Harder

You’re driving everyone nuts with these things.

Dating is fun but, unfortunately for those looking for love, it doesn’t always result in a relationship.

There are some common bad habits people have that prevent love from entering your life when you’re trying to find it — but chances are you don’t realize what you’re even doing!

Do you find yourself always asking, “Will I ever find love?”

The truth is that you can, as long as you’re following the right relationship advice and can do damage control when you find yourself behaving badly.

So, are you ready to love and be loved?

Here are 5 bad habits you need to quit if you want to find real love and a healthy relationship.

1. Acting insecure and clingy

You’re worried and insecure that the person you’re dating is going to take off, stop loving you, or start pulling away, emotionally. And doing this will cause them to actually take off, stop loving you, and pull away.

Fear is one of the most detrimental forces in relationships. When you start acting clingy, you come off as very insecure.

Cut the clinginess by cutting the insecurity at its root.

Work on affirming that you are secure in the relationship. Or, if your relationship isn’t actually secure, work on developing your confidence so you don’t feel the need to cling to anyone like saran wrap.

Unless you have an established monogamous relationship, date multiple people at once. Develop the mindset that if your relationship ends, you will be all right, no matter what.

The feeling that you are whole alone is essential to not falling into insecure and clingy behavior.

2. You’re jealous and possessive

Jealousy and possessiveness are huge turn-offs. Have you ever had a partner get super jealous of you?

It feels like you have to constantly keep proving yourself to the jealous partner, hoping they believe that you haven’t done anything wrong. And it sucks!

Honestly, it makes you feel like you should just go out and do whatever it is you’re being accused of so you at least had some fun. After all, you’re going to get accused of wrongdoing anyway.

You have to cultivate your self-confidence. There is no replacement for a solid view of yourself. Do whatever you have to do to make sure that you’re not smothering your partner or accusing them of things they haven’t done.

Don’t let your imagination run wild.

3. You have emotional outbursts

Did you let your emotions get the best of you and have some kind of angry outburst? Is it possible that you might yell?

This used to be me. It’s still a challenge to keep a firm hold on my emotions when I disagree, but it definitely can be done.

People’s conflict styles start from childhood. Having a tendency to get out of control when angry or having a disagreement is a massive challenge to overcome, but you must practice managing conflicts with your partner in a healthy way.

Study and practice techniques like taking time outs to calm down, trying to see the other person’s perspective, and active listening.

If you have a legitimate anger management problem, do the work on yourself to get past it.

4. You overcommunicate

Do you text and call a lot? It may be tempting to text them at work, call them during your lunch break, and generally take up a lot of their time with communication when you aren’t actually in the same room.

Since you’re thinking about them so much, it can make sense that you want to reach out. However, it’s a mistake to be in constant contact.

And to fix this mistake, pull way back. This doesn’t mean disappearing or ignoring their attempts at communication — just become a bit more reserved.

Initiate communication about half the amount you used to. Also, hobbies and distractions are a good idea.

5. You keep hinting about wanting a commitment

While you think that hinting might help you figure things out when you’re wondering what the heck the two of you are doing together, this is a bad idea. Hinting comes off as very insecure and not at all subtle.

Either you have the conversation about commitment or don’t, but don’t go halfway and try and drop hints that you want more. When you do this you are putting the ball firmly in the other person’s court.

It’s like you’re saying, “Since you’re driving, where are we going?”

It’s okay to have a conversation about what you want out of life. But, constantly making veiled references to commitment without having an actual frank conversation is a bad idea.

If your casual relationship has been going on for over a year and you have no idea whether they want to commit to you or not, it is time for a conversation about your mutual goals. But “hinting” sounds a lot like nagging.

Healthy relationships require confidence, trust, and the right amount of communication. So, if you’re looking for love that lasts, it’s time to quit these habits.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

If He Does These 7 Things, He Likes You Way More Than You Think

Buying you flowers, paying for your dinner, making uninterrupted eye contact with you during said dinner — these are all classic signs a guy likes you.

These signs he’s into you are so “run of the mill” that they’re impossible to mistake.

But relationships aren’t always that black and white and figuring out how to tell if a guy likes you isn’t always so simple. If you’re asking yourself, “is he into me?” you aren’t alone.

Aside from the obvious signs of affection, there are a few unexpected signs someone likes you more than you think.

Since every relationship is as different as the people in them, it’s impossible to generalize the exact signs he likes you.

The way your new potential partner acts around you may be completely different than the behavior of an ex at the beginning of your relationship, which can cause you to question whether or not they really like you at all.

But believe it or not, the nuanced, subtle signs that you might not expect are oftentimes even more powerful indicators of someone’s true feelings than the grand gestures or stereotypical come-ons.

Instead of calling it quits because your new partner isn’t giving you the cues you expected, take a step back and evaluate their behavior through some of these more unexpected but important signs a guy likes you more than a friend.

1. He follows through.

In the beginning stages of a relationship, many people are focused on building trust and will go to great lengths to follow through on promises.

Although many people expect lavish promises at the beginning of a new relationship, The Huffington Post noted that the opposite might be true.

The site noted that if the person you’re seeing takes extra measures to make sure that they call when they say they’ll call, or follow through in other ways, you can assume that your relationship means something to them.

2. He takes it slow.

Although passion and speed might be common at the start of a new relationship, one piece from Thought Catalog pointed out that slowness isn’t a bad thing when it comes to relationships.

In fact, if someone wants to take it slow, it’s probably because the fear of messing things up with you is greater than their desire to get too intimate too soon.

3. You cultivate a friendship first.

Similar to taking it slow, if you have a genuine friendship established before jumping into anything romantic, you can rest assured that they like you in a deep way that goes beyond a crush.

4. He acts awkward toward you.

If your significant other seems to be calm, cool, and confident in front of everyone else but you, Elite Daily noted that they might just like you more than you think.

It’s common for people to be unsure of how to act in a new relationship, even when they typically seem to have it all together.

5. He acts ‘formulaic’ around you.

In one of his YouTube coaching videos, relationship coach Clayton Olson said that “formulaic” behavior is a bizarre behavior that a potential partner will sometimes exhibit at the beginning of a relationship.

This, he explained, means that they will follow an already established formula when it comes to your interactions, avoiding spontaneity or situations where they don’t feel comfortable.

Although it may make you feel like they’re being too reserved or boring, it’s simply a way to mask their initial feelings of being outside their comfort zone.

6. He mirrors your movements.

Mimicry has to do with a lot more than sympathy (i.e. the way we reel back sympathetically when someone gets hurt) it has something to do with affection too.

One study from the American Psychological Association noted that subtle mirroring is a sign of attraction in humans.

7. He doesn’t mind the inconveniences to be near you.

Are they willing to drive extra long hours to be with you for a short amount of time?

If things that would normally seem like an inconvenience aren’t a big deal to them, chances are, they’re head over heels.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

11 Things That Attract A Younger Woman To An Older Man

Have you ever been attracted to an older man? Suddenly your friend’s father or his/her older brother or even your college professor seems like a forbidden fruit you want to indulge in. When you see Milind Soman, you can’t stop drooling over this silver fox and his mature personality. Young woman-older man relationships are common nowadays, especially among celebrities. From George Clooney and Amal Clooney, Hillary Burton and Dave Morgan, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively to Beyonce and Jay-Z, they all have been in marriages with a huge age difference. So, what attracts a younger woman to an older man? Let’s find out.

According to a study conducted by St. Mary’s University’s (Halifax), Sara Skentelbery, and Darren Fowler, women who date older men are looking for father figures. There’s a possibility that they were neglected by their fathers as children and now they are looking for attention from older men. The study also says that older men come with financial security that women often look for and when older men go for younger women they could be looking to reproduce at an older age. Whatever the reason maybe we will look into what really attracts a younger woman to an older man.

So why would a younger woman choose an older man? What do younger women actually look for in older men? Are they just sexually attracted to older men or it is something more? The attraction between older men and younger women sets some obvious sparks which are hard to resist. Sometimes it’s just sexual attraction while there are times that it turns out into something more meaningful. Whether or not the relationship is meaningful or sexual, purely depends on compatibility and differs from person to person. Here are 11 things that attract a younger woman to an older man.

When you actually fall in love, age is just a number.

1. They are more responsible and mature

We all agree that men act like grown-up kids or are as a man child. They run away from responsibilities and maturity is something you can’t expect from them. Many times, women find men of their age to lack a sense of responsibility. Women get tired of doing all the work and seek someone who is responsible and will look after them, instead of vice versa. In the long run, married men become lazy and women feel that older men would still be able to understand their problems because of their maturity levels.

Women mature faster than men and seek someone to match their level of maturity. Older men are more responsible which make them ideal for such women.

2. A sense of security

Older men provide a sense of security which is an essential criterion for a happy relationship. Most of the time, older men are more accomplished in life. As and when they reach heights in their career, they procure certain assets to secure their future. Women seek emotional and financial security, especially when they are thinking of settling down. Finding a man, who is able to make them feel both emotionally and financially secure, is something that draws them towards older men. They feel more comfortable knowing that their future is secure with such a person.

3. They are more experienced

Older men have played the field for a longer time and are more experienced in handling women. Their experience with women makes them adept at handling women. They can handle a woman’s mood swings and can also comfort them with the right words and actions. Younger women feel more comfortable with older men because they know all the right words to say when they feel pulled down. Older men make them feel emotionally secure.

Related Reading: He thought he’d have a good time with a younger woman, she asked him for a loan

4. The daddy issues

Women with daddy issues usually get easily attracted to older men. They want the next male figure to be someone who is the opposite of their father. Someone who understands her like her father didn’t. In the attempt of seeking someone unlike their father, younger women find older men as a replacement for their father. They seek a mentor, a friend, and someone to give them advice. In the process, these younger women get attracted to the wisdom and maturity of older men and fall for them.

5. They know what they want in life

If you ask a guy of your age what he wants in life, he will either stare at you with a blank expression or will give you some immature answer like, “Playing video games all my life” or “Nothing but sleep”. The same response from an older man will be about his ambitions, his career objectives, and his future prospects. Older men are driven by goals and direction which is what makes younger women get attracted to them. And then by the time you figure that you are married to a wrong person, it is too late. This is because women are usually more mature than men and they look for someone who would match their level of maturity.

6. Their mysterious aura

Sexy older men have this sense of mysteriousness around them. The frowns on their forehead or the seriousness in their face says that there’s something deeper to them and you can’t help but want to know more about their story. The lesser an older man talks about himself, the more you want to know about him. Blame it on chick flicks or rom-com movies, you feel as if he has a dreadful past and you want to act like the girl who revived him from it and brought happiness back into his life again.

Related Reading: 8 Relationship Problems Faced By Couples With Huge Age Difference

7. They are more understanding

Older men are more understanding than younger men. They don’t fight over small issues and make a big deal about them. Older men are more patient and will try to find the root of the problem and resolve the issue rather than playing the blame game. Their conflict resolution skills are exceptional. They keep their calm and will try to understand you first before jumping to conclusions. Women find this attractive because they feel like older men understand their feelings, value their emotions, and know how to respect them.

8. They aren’t afraid of marriage

Younger women eventually get tired of heartbreaks and look for settling down with someone who isn’t going to break their hearts anymore. Older men make the perfect match because at that time they are looking towards settling down with someone. They aren’t afraid of marriage and make such women feel secure and assure her that this is not going to end up like another fling of theirs. Younger women feel that finally, they aren’t going to suffer another heartache.

9. They make a good sugar daddy

Younger women get easily attracted to older men because sometimes all they are looking for is to be a sugar baby. Younger men and women like easy money and don’t mind dating older people for it. They want someone to pay their bills and give them a lifestyle they wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford. Some younger women want sugar daddies to give them expensive gifts that they can show off in front of others, something which would make them socially desirable and boost their ego. An older man would give them all these perks which she would otherwise not be able to afford.

Related Reading: 6 Bollywood Movies Where The Lead Characters Have Had A Huge Age Difference

10. They’re good in bed

If there’s one more thing older men have more experience in, it’s with women. Older men are more experienced in bed too and know how to satisfy their women. They understand s*x is not only for them but also for the women. There’s this chemistry between an older man and a younger woman that does wonders in bed too. It’s hard for the spark to go off when you’re dating an older man.

11. The heart wants what it wants

Sometimes a younger woman dating an older man has nothing to do with his age. We say that love is blind and the heart wants what it wants. After all, there is no set age difference for a great marriage! Sometimes it’s just compatibility and understanding that just makes them click. Cupid can strike anywhere and at any time. It can bring two totally opposite people together, even if they have a huge age gap. For people whose age isn’t a factor, a huge age gap doesn’t make a difference.

Can an older man love a younger woman? How does it feel like dating older men? Dating an older man will make you feel that you’ve finally found someone who wants the same thing as you.

However, there are some important things that you need to think about. Will this person be able to handle your immaturity or will he treat you like a child? What are his plans for children? Where do you see your future with him? You need these questions answered as you don’t want to end up like Monica Geller who had to leave Richard because he didn’t want kids.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock: Man photographed as baby on ‘Nevermind’ cover sues Nirvana, alleging child pornography

The man who was photographed naked underwater as a baby and later ended up on Nirvana’s iconic “Nevermind” album cover filed a lawsuit Tuesday alleging that he was a victim of child pornography.

The album cover shows Spencer Elden, now 30, in a swimming pool as a then-infant with his penis exposed.

The image used for the cover of Nirvana’s sophomore 1991 album includes a digital imposition of a dollar bill on a fishhook that the baby looks like he is trying to grab. The cover was widely considered a rebuke of capitalism.

Non-sexualized nude photos of infants are generally not considered child pornography under law. But Elden’s lawyer, Robert Y. Lewis, alleges that the inclusion of currency in the shot makes the baby appear “like a sex worker.”

Kurt Cobain “chose the image depicting Spencer—like a sex worker— grabbing for a dollar bill that is positioned dangling from a fishhook in front of his nude body with his penis explicitly displayed,” the suit, filed in the U.S. District Court’s Central District of California, stated.

Elden is asking for at least $150,000 from each of the defendants, who include surviving band members Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic; Courtney Love, the executor of Kurt Cobain’s estate; Guy Oseary and Heather Parry, managers of Cobain’s estate; photographer Kirk Weddle; art director Robert Fisher; and a number of existing or defunct record companies that released or distributed the album in the last three decades.

Original Nirvana drummer Chad Channing is also named as a defendant, even though he had been replaced by Grohl in 1990, before the album was recorded or the cover photography shot.

The cover of Nirvana’s 1991 album “Nevermind.”

Entertainment Weekly reported in 1992 that Elden, at 4 months old, was cast for the shoot along with three other babies. Cobain commissioned the shoot after he had seen a documentary on babies being born underwater and “thought the image would make a cool cover,” Fisher told the magazine at the time. “That vision was a bit too graphic, so we went with the swimming baby instead.”

Weddle took the pictures in an Olympic size pool at the Pasadena Aquatic Center in California.

“Weddle took a series of sexually graphic nude photographs of Spencer,” the suit said. “To ensure the album cover would trigger a visceral sexual response from the viewer, Weddle activated Spencer’s ‘gag reflex’ before throwing him underwater in poses highlighting and emphasizing Spencer’s exposed genitals.”

“Weddle produced these sexually graphic images with the goal of enhancing and increasing the commercial success of Nirvana, L.L.C.’s Nevermind album.”

The album was selling about 300,000 copies a week when it reached number one on the U.S. Billboard 200 in early 1992. The album, with the classics “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Come as You Are,” has spent at least 335 total weeks on the Billboard 200.

The cover image did receive pushback, at which point Cobain agreed to release the album with a sticker over Elden’s genitals that said: “If you’re offended by this, you must be a closet pedophile.”

“The sticker, however, was never incorporated into the album cover,” the lawsuit said.

As a result, Elden “has been and will continue to suffer personal injury” and “permanent harm,” including “extreme and permanent emotional distress with physical manifestations, interference with his normal development and educational progress, lifelong loss of income earning capacity, loss of past and future wages, past and future expenses for medical and psychological treatment, loss of enjoyment of life, and other losses,” the suit stated.

Neither Elden nor his guardians signed a release authorizing the use of the image, according to the suit said. The family was paid $250, Entertainment Weekly reported in 1992.

In 2008, Spencer’s father, Rick, recounted the 1991 shoot to NPR. His friend Weddle, the photographer, “calls us up and was like, ‘Hey Rick, wanna make 200 bucks and throw your kid in the drink?'” the father recalled. “I was like, ‘What’s up?’ And he’s like, ‘Well, I’m shooting kids all this week, why don’t you meet me at the Rose Bowl (Aquatic Center), throw your kid in the drink?’ And we just had a big party at the pool, and no one had any idea what was going on!”

The NPR story went on to say that the family didn’t think more about it until, three months later, they saw a 9′-by-9′ blowup of the cover on the Tower Records wall on Sunset Boulevard.

“Two months later,” the article said, “Geffen Records sent 1-year-old Spencer Elden a platinum album and a teddy bear.”

Elden has repeatedly recreated the pose as a teenager and adult, diving into pools to pose — with swim trunks on — on the occasion of the album’s 10th, 17th, 20th, and 25th anniversaries.

However, in most of the interviews accompanying these photoshoots, he expressed mixed feelings about being famous for the “Nevermind” cover and whether he was exploited by it. Until now, despite his ongoing ambivalence about the photo’s legacy, he hadn’t described it as pornographic.

In previous interviews, he’s also said he tried to get in touch with Grohl and Novoselic, on a friendly basis, but never got a reply.

In 2016, the last time Spencer recreated the pose as an adult, he told the New York Post he wanted to take the shot naked.

“I said to the photographer, ‘Let’s do it naked.’ But he thought that would be weird, so I wore my swim shorts,” he said.

“The anniversary means something to me. It’s strange that I did this for five minutes when I was 4 months old and it became this really iconic image,” he said at the time. “It’s cool but weird to be part of something so important that I don’t even remember.”

He added that he prefers The Clash over Nirvana.

Phicklphilly: This is not child pornography. This is an artistic photo of a naked baby in a pool. There is nothing sexual or lascivious about it in any way.

This sounds like a cash grab 30 years after the fact by a desperate person.

Wanna be a better guitarist? Click this link to learn the secret!

https://beginnerguitarhq.com/guitar-exercises/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock: SPECIAL REPORT – Charlie Watts, Dead at 80 Years Old

Charlie Watts, the legendary drummer for The Rolling Stones, has died. He was 80 years old. The news came via a statement from his publicist, Bernard Doherty.

“It is with immense sadness that we announce the death of our beloved Charlie Watts,” Doherty said [via NBC News].

“He passed away peacefully in a London hospital earlier today surrounded by his family. Charlie was a cherished husband, father, and grandfather and also a member of The Rolling Stones one of the greatest drummers of his generation. We kindly request that the privacy of his family, band members, and close friends are respected at this difficult time.’’

Watts joined The Rolling Stones in 1963 and remained their drummer for over five decades. He’s the only member of the band aside from Mick Jagger and Keith Richards to have played on all of their studio albums, and he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with the group in 1989.

“The Stones were just another gig, but then we started touring around England… I was waiting to start another job, but I never went back to it,” Watts told the Guardian of when he joined The Rolling Stones.

“I was a bit out of sync with all of them, Brian [Jones], Mick and Keith, but Keith taught me to listen to Buddy Holly and things like that. Mick taught me a lot about playing with songs, really, the melodies and that.”

In addition to the Stones, the drummer released several studio albums between 1986 and 2012 with the Charlie Watts Quintet, The Charlie Watts-Jim Keltner Project, and The ABC&D of Boogie Woogie.

We send our condolences to Watts’ loved ones and fans. Rest in peace.

Read More: Legendary Rolling Stones Drummer Charlie Watts Dead at 80 | https://loudwire.com/rolling-stones-drummer-charlie-watts-dead-80/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral

You were one of my favorite drummers, Charlie.

Wanna be a better guitarist? Click this link to learn the secret!

https://beginnerguitarhq.com/guitar-exercises/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1