You Are What You Eat

Philadelphia, PA – September 2021

I’ve been on the Paleo diet for 50 days now. Five years ago I gave up cigarettes. Three years ago I stopped drinking oceans of booze. Now I’m a teetotaler that drinks less than the average American male on a weekly basis. At the time of this writing, I’m determined to shed the excess pounds and fat from my body.

During the pandemic, all I did was write my blog and my books. I was no longer running around working 55 hours a week at some horrible sports bar anymore. But sitting around and eating and drinking will make you fat.

I started walking back in 2020 and as long as the weather was nice I’d try to do 5 miles a day a few times a week, but I didn’t lose any weight. I’m sure my respiratory and cardio were improving and I was getting good circulation and moving my muscles but I still looked out of shape.

I was always a skinny kid and recently saw a friend of mine from back in 1980. He’s 60 years old and looks physically the same as he did when he was 20. That could be just his genetics and physiology but the guy looked great. He lost his hair and shows the lines of age but physically he looked the same. I knew I could get back to at least close to the size I was when I was 20.

I’ll be 60 years old in August 2022! But there’s no reason for me to be flabby and carrying extra weight. Cigarettes and booze are basically gone. What’s missing? That’s right. My food intake. I looked at what I was consuming on a daily basis and knew that it was the key. You are what you eat is such a valid statement. There are no fat and out-of-shape animals in the wild. Why? Because they’d be killed and eaten by something else. Humans don’t have to worry about food anymore. We’re surrounded by it everywhere. The media is always waving delicious tacos, pizza, and burgers in front of our hungry eyes. I needed to make a change. A life change. Not to lose weight and look better for some younger attractive girl I was dating, but for me.

You don’t need drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. You can live a perfectly happy and healthy life without them. They’re a luxury. But all addictive. You don’t even need candy or coffee. But the world loves all of the above and can’t live without many of them.

But you do need food. You don’t eat… you die. There’s no way around that. So I turned to Paleo for the right reasons. Paleo is based on the original diet of our ancestors. Lean meat, fish, fruits, vegetables, and nuts. That’s it. Eat all you want. It’s probably the easiest diet in the world and the most simple in its design. No refined carbohydrates… but vegetables contain carbs and you can eat them. Because they’re the good carbs. Not french fries or bread or any fried stuff. Cut out the sugar. No desserts, donuts, candy cake, muffins… nothing! No caffeine. You don’t need it. People become addicted to caffeine and crave the free lift it gives them. An apple contains far more nutrients and more good energy than any cup of coffee on the planet.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love the smell and taste of coffee. Who doesn’t love a nice warm cup of coffee with a nice dessert or donut? It’s amazing. But I’ve never been a person who needed coffee. For some reason, I’ve been blessed with a natural get-up and go. Just sunny energy that emanates forth from within. I love it. I don’t need sweets, caffeine, nicotine, or booze. I actually enjoy being clean and eating properly. My guitar goes straight to the amp. Nothing in between the thought and the sound.

It’s not a hard diet to do. I have scrambled eggs and bacon each morning. Lots of lean protein. For lunch, I’ll have a little salad with some chicken. For dinner, I’ll have chicken, pork, steak or fish with some sort of vegetables. Spinach, broccoli green beans… anything veggie works. How about eating fruit for dessert? There’s sugar in fruits. They’re sweet and delicious. But they’re filled with natural sweetness. Not all that processed sugar and high fructose crap that’s in everything else.

I used to know a guy who stopped drinking booze and has been sober for 5 years. He’s 300 pounds! Why? because he stuffs his head with all of the wrong foods and doesn’t get any exercise.

You don’t need to go to the gym unless you want to really build muscle. Most of us just want to look good and for our clothes to fit properly. I see this girl I know on Instagram working out like crazy in the gym. She’s 30 and does it so she can eat and drink all she wants and still remain fit. But here’s the thing. All the working out in the world won’t change your face or your personality. In every other photo on Instagram, she has a drink in her hand. She’ll always attend a lot of weddings over the next few years but always be a bridesmaid. Because no one will tell her she’s a functioning alcoholic. It’s a shame.

But none of this is my concern. I don’t see any of these people anymore. They need to find their own way. But you really are what you eat. You can exercise all you want but if you’re not putting good healthy whole food as fuel in your body you’re going to be a fat load. Take it from me. You can not smoke or drink and walk all you want. If you don’t change your diet and let your body function the way it should, you’re kidding yourself.

I miss carbs like a long-lost lover. I love nothing more than to stuff my head with pizza, cheesesteaks, burgers, fries, tacos, and wings. I love all of the things that are bad for me. But I had to let them go. Not forever but I had to lay off all of that processed food. I want to look at all of those foods as the occasional treat, not the food I live on. It’s just not good for you.

I hope by the time you read this I’ll have been on a balanced diet for the last 8 months. But it’s not about losing weight. It’s about eating right and taking care of the vessel that houses your soul. I’d like to be around for a while and get to live off my social security and travel a bit. Take good care of your body. It’s the only one you have and it will wear out. Try to slow that process. You’ll thank yourself for it.

“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” – Dean Wormer, Animal House – 1978

July, 2022 – 25 Pounds of fat…GONE!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every week.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

My Wicked Mistress – Part 3 – The Final Piece

Back in ’13, I was sloshing through life smoking cigarettes, drinking booze, and eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

But then I met Annabelle, and everything changed. I stopped smoking and went on the Paleo diet to look better for my new girlfriend.

I went from a 36″ waist to a 32″ waist in about two months.  It was miraculous. I never slowed down with my boozing, but the ciggies were gone and so was the fat off my body. It was great.

But what I later realized was, that I didn’t do it for myself. I did it to look good for a 26-year-old girl whom I just met at age 52.

I was never in love with her. I was in love with the idea of being in love. The rush of new love and romance. That dopamine drop I got from falling in love was better than any glass of liquor or drug you could ever take. It’s a euphoric high.

But it’s not healthy. I simply traded ciggies and fatty junk food for something else. All for the wrong reasons. I didn’t realize any of this at the time, but it’s just a weird cycle of events that one can spiral through at the onset of a new relationship.

The relationship only lasted 9 months for obvious reasons. We had nothing in common. She had no idea who she was or where she was going. And she was too young for me and from a world that was different than mine. The fundamental things that make for a good relationship between two people just weren’t present.

I didn’t mind that she was gone, but I didn’t like that she kept coming back every month for these little drunken hookups. It never allowed either of us to heal. It just kept the wound open and I had to put a stop to that. So I cut her off for good.

It’s all well documented in the series on this blog, and in my first book, Phicklephilly: One Man’s Journey to Find Love in Philadelphia.

You can read about that disaster here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

So, once she was gone I went back to smoking cigarettes and eating and drinking whatever I wanted. But I remained active and never really gained the weight back.

But in 2018 I gave up cigarettes for life. I was just sick of them and no longer enjoyed any part of it so I ended it. But in the first part of this series, you can see how I traded it for the JUUL vapes. I like them and at least nothing’s burning, there’s no carbon monoxide, there’s no mess, no dirty cigarette smell on me and my clothes and house, and no dirty ashtrays. Just a cleaner vice. (For now!)

Then in 2018 I had the health scare and cut out the consumption of the “oceans of chardonnay and the lakes of vodka” I consumed like I was in Motley Crue in the 80s. Now I consider myself a teetotaler. I probably drink less than the average American now and it’s great. Like cigarettes, I’m just not that into it anymore. I like feeling good and being clear and sober.

I used to write this blog drunk all the time in the beginning. The booze helped loosen my mind and my tongue to release all that content from my brain. But now I only write sober and hardly drink at all anymore. It’s great!

Now here we are in 202o-2021 and I go from running the sports bar on 11th street and 18th street on weekends to sitting at my desk all day writing my blog and my books during covid. This goes on for the rest of 2020 into 2021.

I’m writing my blog, which I’ve monetized, there are book royalties that roll in, and I write freelance commercial articles for companies across the country. So there are a few revenue streams but I still want something to do once my year and a half of being on the dole runs out.

The first retail place I drop my resume off hires me the next day. Spectacular. Any fear that I’d be too old or not able to find work after the pandemic vanished. I’ve got the gift of gab and a myriad of talents, so off I go again into a new vocation and social chapter of my life. I have no fear about anything now. I have no one to impress. I’ve had a colorful life and I just want to keep living and feeling good.

They gave me a couple of T-shirts to wear while working there. But I quickly realized the only ones that fit me comfortably were XL. Extra-large? Really, Chaz? You’re 5’9″ and have been a relatively slim guy your whole life.

But I haven’t been slim. I’m supposed to be, but my boozing and poor diet kept me looking bloated and paunchy. I could hide it with a black button-down shirt and a blazer, but there’s no escaping what your body really looks like. I’m not fat. I’m just out of shape and carrying too much weight for my sized frame.

So I decided to go back on the Paleo. It worked like a charm back in 2013. But I did it for the wrong reasons. I did it to look good for some young lady. You have to do things for yourself. Not someone else. That never works. You’re lying to yourself. You have to eat right and exercise and live right because you want to look and feel healthier for YOU. You should look like you’re supposed to look.

It’s pretty hard because you don’t need cigarettes. That’s a toxic poison. You don’t need drugs. You don’t need booze. You can live perfectly well without any of that. But you must have food. If you don’t eat, you’ll die. And that’s why it’s so difficult for most people to lose weight. We’re surrounded by food in our culture and so many of the things that make us fat or are bad for us taste soooooo good!

But you have to discipline yourself. Cut out the refined carbohydrates, sugar, and caffeine and you’re on your way. Fish, lean meat, nuts, fruits, and vegetables. All foods found in nature are all you need to be healthy. (Sure you need some carbs, but you can always add them back after you’ve turned your weight around)

By the time you read this, I should have already achieved my target goals months ago, but I thought it important to talk about these negative elements that have been in my life for so long.

I’m happy to be free from them and living the healthy happy life I’m supposed to be living and should have been living for my entire adult life.

It took a long time working through my anxiety, depression, and self-medicating to survive. But don’t get me wrong, I had a great time doing all of that bad stuff for years. I wouldn’t trade any of it, because it’s all been a part of my journey.

But I’m happy to say, I finally added the final piece to my health puzzle and it is now complete!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Breakfast Cereal – Part 1

Philadelphia, PA – 1960s-1970s

Growing up in the suburbs in Philly was great. We lived in a pleasant, quiet neighborhood. It looked like a snapshot from nostalgic America back then. All of the dads headed out in the morning in their cars to their jobs and the moms stayed home and took care of the house and kids.

Breakfast was the most important meal of the day. Sure, lunch usually consisted of a sandwich on white bread with some potato chips and a drink, and dinner was a protein, a vegetable, and a carb. You got a couple of cookies for dessert and a glass of milk.

All good, but breakfast was the most fun meal of the day. That’s because back then, we had so many cool cereals to pick from. Many of them tasted the same and were just manufactured into different shapes and brands. But they had such great personalities. No other food in your life as a kid had funny characters and mascots like breakfast cereals did. You also never got a prize in a bag of peas or a can of baked beans.

I used to love going to the supermarket with my mom. She would be off somewhere in the store pushing the cart and collecting items from the handwritten list she’d made at home. I would be standing in the cereal aisle for the entire hour. Time moves slowly when you’re a kid, and normally doing errands with your parents was boring. Unless there was the promise of some treat at the end of the trip for good behavior, it was a drag.

But looking at all of the cereals in the aisle made the trip worthwhile. So many cool cereals to choose from. Most of our moms worked on a pretty strict food budget. They had to think of the five people at home and how to make the food money go the farthest.

But as a kid, you have no concept of money because you simply don’t have any, nor the skills to earn any of it for yourself. (Unless you had a paper route, then you were an earner!)

I would stand in that aisle and read all of the boxes carefully. Never worry about any nutritional value or cost. The big questions in my mind were always the same. What kind of prize is the best out of all of these cereals? How many box tops do I need to send away to get an even better free prize?

Before I begin, remember Tang? That weird orange drink that the astronauts drank on the Apollo spacecraft? I tasted it as a kid, and it reminds me of the flavor of today’s Sunny D. We never had Tang as a kid. My mom would buy these rolls of frozen orange juice concentrate in bulk. I remember her mixing it up in the kitchen. Chopping through the slushy mess until it became orange juice. She was always nice enough to strain the pulp out of mine. I thought pulp was gross. It always felt weird in my mouth. Like I was drinking something that had some weird stuff in it that shouldn’t be there.

I write these nostalgic pieces and I really enjoy it, but sometimes I like the reader to come away from it having learned something.

Do you know why kids like candy and sugary cereal? Why do we crave sugar in any form as a kid? The reason goes back millions of years to the origins and development of our species.

What’s usually the first thing a baby does when you hand it something. Yep. Right in the mouth. Why? Because we’re predisposed to test objects we find as babies to see if they are a potential food source. That’s how we learn what we can and can’t eat to survive. Over thousands of years of evolution, babies developed a taste for sweets.

Why? Because most things that are sweet are not poisonous. That’s why little children like sweets. They won’t die if they put it in their mouth like everything else. So the next time you reach for that Kit Kat, you’re just doing what your ancestors knew was right.

Let’s talk healthy first. I remember my dad never agreed with us chowing down on bowls of sugary cereal every day. “It’s not good for your teeth!” “It’s a bunch of sugary crap that has no nutritional value!” “It’s junk!”

All the while he was chowing down on fried eggs, and greasy bacon every morning. Cholesterol and fat city, dad!

He once had the idea that we should all try cream of wheat instead of eating sugary cereals every day. We all tried it one morning on a weekend. It was horrible. We’ve already been eating the crunchy, sugary deliciousness of store-bought fun cereals. Why would we ever want to eat this swill? A big warm bowl of gruel? What sort of medieval torture is this? Gross! No, thank you.

I will say this. My mom was awesome. Every morning for 20 years I would roll downstairs and have a seat at the table. I ate a bowl of cereal while intently reading the back of the box. Next, 2 pieces of bacon, a slice of buttery toast, and a glass of orange juice.

remember waking up in your bed, and you could smell the bacon cooking downstairs? there’s nothing like that in the world. Why does bacon crackle and sizzle when you fry it in a pan? Yes, because it sounds like applause. Bacon has rightfully earned that ovation!

My daughter is Vegan, and I feel sad for her as I write these words.

i could have drunk more than the small 6oz glass of orange juice each morning but you simply don’t need that much juice to get your daily dose of vitamin C. “It’s full of sugar and citric acid! It’s going to irritate your stomach.” Yes… dad again.

But it was a balanced breakfast. Oats, protein, carbs, and vitamin C. Sounds good to me. I think that’s why I love breakfast so much even today. Did you ever go into a 24-hour diner and have breakfast for dinner? Brilliant!

Oh, and when my dad brought home some donuts from the bakery? Cream-filled powdered donuts? My favorite! Good bagels? yes, please! A well-made bagel doesn’t even need anything on it to be awesome.

But I digress…

Let’s talk about some of these breakfast cereals we had as kids.

I’m just going to cruise over the boring adult cereals and get to the fun stuff, but they’re worth mentioning.

1. Cream of Wheat – Awful
2. Wheaties – Popular with the athletic sports set
3. Shredded Wheat – Parent breakfast food. I’m assuming dad needs a bit more fiber
4. Spoon-Sized Shredded Wheat – Let’s make the same thing smaller so they can shovel more of our product into their gaping maws.
5. Rice Chex & Wheat Chex – Looked like something you dumped into at a party to snack on. (But I always wondered how they made those little ventilated squares)
6. Corn Flakes – No taste. Gets instantly soggy, and is really Frosted Flakes that have been stripped of their sugary deliciousness. So sad.
7. Special K. – Also crap. No, thank you. As bad as Corn Flakes. There’s a reason we called that one girl, Special K  who rode the short bus to that ‘other school’.
8. Product 19 – Did anybody even buy this cereal that sounds like a failed experiment?
9. Rainin Bran – What’s Bran? No, mom, I don’t want to eat raisins as a snack and especially not in my cereal. Just chewy grossness.
10. Life – Is this boring cereal what adult life will eventually become for me? Probably. But, no.
11. Grape-Nuts– No one believes anything Wilfred Brimley is saying about this cereal. As Seinfeld says, No Grapes. No Nuts. What’s the deal?
12. Total – I don’t know or care. Totally boring, okay?
13. Cheerios – Okay… these are good and I still eat them when I get the munchies if you get what I mean.

Remember those variety packs of cereal they used to make? I think they still make them today. But back then they looked cool because they were tiny replicas of the real cereal boxes. I once asked my mom what these little boxes had an I-shaped perforation along the face of each box. She told me, that if you opened it that way and tore open the bag inside, you could pour milk in there and the box would serve as an on-the-go bowl of cereal. I never did that but thought it was an innovative idea. But I thought, what if I went through all of that and then realized I had forgotten to bring a spoon with me?

Tune in tomorrow for Part 2. We’ll talk about the fun cereals!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Karate Lessons

Philadelphia, PA – 1975-1976

I was picked on and bullied in Fel’s Junior High School. I never experienced this in grade school. It just didn’t happen there. Maybe all the disfunction in families comes to a head when kids reach the age of puberty, but I just don’t know.

It was hell for me for much of the whole 3 years I spent at Fel’s Junior High school. It felt more like a juvenile detention center than any sort of educational facility. When I think back on my life my memories are pretty sharp and I have great recall and detail. But when I think back to Fel’s, there isn’t much info. It’s as if during those formative years my mind blocked out much of that horrific pain to save me from mental illness later in life.

There was a show on TV at that time called Kung Fu. My parents used to watch it and my dad loved it. I remember watching a few episodes and although I never saw the pilot, I knew what the show was about. It seemed that this Chinese/American guy wanders around the American west and gets into these different situations. Normally there would be some bad guys who would get their butts kicked by the main character each week.

I thought it was all very cool, and Kung Fu and Karate were hot back in the 70s. There were lots of movies about the subject. Even the Green Hornet had a chauffeur named Kato that could do karate. It was Bruce Lee, who sadly died back in 1973, but he had already established himself as a bonafide star in his short time in show biz. He was the real deal.

I figured if I learned kung fu or karate, I could defend myself from all of the animals at school and in my neighborhood. I remember I had gotten a book about Judo and was reading about some simple moves, and I guess maybe I put it to my parents one day that I’d like to take karate lessons. It just seemed practical, cool and I liked the idea and philosophy behind it all. You have this amazing fighting skill but you only use it for the forces of good. You never pick a fight, you only use it to defend yourself and your loved ones. That’s like some superhero stuff right there. I figured that would be perfect for me since I loved comic books and the dudes that were in them defending the world against evil.

So, my parents signed me up for karate lessons. I remember it was $10 a week and back then and my father thinking that it was kind of expensive.

They sent me off to American Karate Studios in Rockledge Pa. That sounds far away, but it was just a bus ride away from my house. I would go there I think a few times a week. For my dad’s money, I would get 2 group classes and 1 private lesson per week.

I would finish school and then walk north on Oakley street to Martin’s Mill Road and hop on the N bus. Which I think either doesn’t exist anymore or they’ve simply changed the name of the bus route. I googled it looking for any old photos online and came up with this:

https://www.yellowpages.com/philadelphia-pa/mip/american-karate-studios-464769411

https://businessfinder.pennlive.com/1977929/American-Karate-Studios-Philadelphia-PA

Could that place still be open?

I would carry a plastic bag that had my Gi in it. That’s the white outfit the karate guys wear. I thought it was super cool and felt like a real kung fu dude when I wore it. It really allows the freedom of movement when you’re doing your moves.

Here’s a couple of old photos my sister dug out of me wearing my karate Gi doing some moves. Future Kung Fu Dragon!

A photo on the wall of my mother on her wedding day hangs on the wall behind me. Check out that ancient vacuum cleaner in the corner!

Anyway, I remember there being a series of belts you had to earn to move up to be a kung fu master.

Everybody started out as a white belt. That’s the beginner level Then you moved on to an orange belt. Then a purple belt. Followed by blue and then green. There were 3 degrees of brown, and 8 degrees of black.

The dream was obviously to become a black belt karate master. That would take years and years to achieve and I didn’t see myself ever getting there. But if I could learn enough moves, maybe I could defend myself against the minions in the neighborhood who picked on me.

There were a couple of kids that were already members and they wore some of the higher level belts. There was a little guy who had a green belt and he was really fast and had killer moves. I figured if that kid could do it, so could I. There was also this girl who was older than me who had a purple belt. She was really cute and always wore her hair back in a thick braid. The only way I ever saw her was with her hair back and in her Gi. I kind of had a thing for her, but I basically didn’t exist in her world and would never have a chance to get to know her. At least in some way, I was invisible to her… like a ninja!

The group classes were rigorous and filled with a bunch of skinny kids like me. We would exercise the moves that had taught us, like snap kicks and punches. It was fun to play/spar with the other boys because it was like we were fighting but no one really hit anyone else.

Once the instructor made us put a smaller kid on our shoulders and we had to do a series of front snap kicks. So while there is this kid sitting upon your shoulders you had to kick to the knee, midsection, and face to an imaginary adversary in front of you. This all had to be done without putting your kicking leg back down. It felt like some real next-level kung fu stuff!

Another time during the exercise and strength training portion of the class, we had to all lie on our backs on the mat and lift our feet up 6 inches off the floor. This was a great way to strengthen the muscles in our core. But the crazy thing was, they would make you hold it up until it was nearly unbearable. Then the instructor would walk through us and step on our stomachs. It didn’t hurt because our stomach muscles were so tense but it was wild. You wouldn’t think that would work but it did. He stepped on everybody. No pain. Future kung fu dragon!

My favorite part of attending karate lessons was the private lesson with my teacher. That’s where you learned all of the new moves and skills associated with your belt level. It was really cool. Like, if someone grabbed you by the lapels there were a series of moves you could perform to immobilize and destroy your opponent in seconds. I love this!

There’s also a dance you learn along with your training. It’s called a kata. It’s a series of punches and kicks you do in a formation and you have to memorize it and be able to perform it. It included many of the basic techniques that you were being taught for your belt level.

(I just got up from my desk to see if I still remembered any of that kata. Guess what? I went right into the routine like it was yesterday. Wow!)

Thank you, Sensei!

I even ordered some cool patches for my jacket. I had a round patch on the back of my jacket with the American Karate Studios logo on it. I also had a tiger and a dragon patch on each one of my sleeves. I was going to be like Kwai Chang Cain in the Kung Fu show on TV!

By the time the semester ended and I was supposed to go to the shore for the Summer I took my test, with one of the owners, (who was a black belt) and I passed! I earned my orange belt!

Of course, my dad said, “They better give you that belt after all the money I gave them for those lessons!”

I should have drop-kicked him.

Karate lessons were a welcome little repose in my tortured life back then. I think it really helped me. I never used any kung fu moves on anybody, but it did feel good learning something new, get some exercise, and be with other kids like myself.

Thank you American Karate Studios and to all of the staff who were kind to me and taught me some cool fighting skills!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Men Who Attract “Crazy” Women: It’s All Your Fault

I’m truly fed up with men complaining that they always wind up with “crazy women” or saying that all of their exes are “crazy.” You want to know why I’m fed up with it? Because when men say this, they are taking no accountability for their own actions. They are refusing to see that they are the common denominator in all of their relationships with these alleged “crazy” women and are unwilling to admit that if they don’t like what they attract, it’s probably because they don’t like themselves. Water seeks its own level aka crazy attracts crazy. The use of the word “Crazy” is also very derogatory, and that’s frustrating in and of itself. But, if you are a man who continues to attract women who wind up being rather unstable, do not complain that that “just happens” to you. You’re causing it. Here’s how.

You first comment on looks

I’ve noticed one thing in common with every man I know who claims he “attracts crazy women”: the stories of how they first pick up these women involve these guys laying on the compliments about the women’s appearances—heavily. Those first interactions are all about telling the woman she’s really hot. Unfortunately, only women who do have some personal emotional work to do would ever go for this. Emotionally healthy women would not like that all of the focus and attention is on something superficial.

And go after the very put-together women

And, to add to that last point, these men who claim to attract unstable women only go after extremely hot women. I mean that level of hot that is only achieved through $500 haircuts, hours of makeup, every waist cincher and bust lifter available, extensions, and freshly manicured nails. Every day. I’m sorry to say it again but there is often a personality type (hello: high maintenance) that comes with this look. But these silly men who “attract crazies” are just drawn to that look, and aren’t perceptive enough to pick up on the beauty of women with a more subtle appearance aka ones who are stable enough to not overdo it on the hair/makeup/designer clothes thing.

One male acquaintance starts every relationship by showering the woman with monetary items. Whether that’s highly expensive jewelry, meals, or trips, the money is obvious and everywhere. I still state again that, gentlemen, if you want to attract a woman who is down to earth, you won’t find her on the other end of a Ferrari wrapped in a ribbon.

This is so common: a man seduces a woman out of a relationship she’s already in, into a relationship with him, and then things turn out to be toxic and turbulent. Oh wow, no way? A woman who was willing to cheat and relationship jump isn’t stable? You’re kidding me. Who would’ve thought?

You like women who mimic your personality

The man who winds up in these turbulent relationships also tends to like this trait in a woman: she mimics his personality. She’s a chameleon. Whatever hobbies or restaurants or people he loves, she loves, too. This is where a man’s ego can really get him in trouble. I have news for you, men: if a woman seems to love everything you love, it’s an act. And if there is some sort of act going on now, there will be some sort of drama going on later. Stable women will have their own personalities and interests. They won’t pretend to love everything you love.

You demand all of their time at first

Funny enough, the men I know who later claim their exes were “crazy,” are usually very needy in relationships. I see them calling and texting a new interest constantly, wanting to see her regularly, and always wanting to know where she is and who she’s with. Another newsflash, men: if a woman tolerates all of that jealousy and paranoia it’s because she’s also going to exhibit it. Men, if you want a woman who is laid back and not controlling, you yourselves must be laid back and not controlling.

Then you’re shocked when they demand yours

These same men are also completely shocked when they go from calling a woman every hour to ghosting her for weeks and she goes a little nuts. What did they expect? They gave her the impression this was going somewhere and then they disappeared. That would make anyone upset.

You move too fast

I know one guy who falls into this same pit over and over again. He always wants that next thrill (it’s just a form of running from himself and some serious healing that needs to happen). So he’ll move fast with a woman, wanting to live with her or get engaged within just a few months. Again, I will state that, as a man, if you try to move fast, you should know any woman who goes along with it will not be stable. Stable women take things slowly.

Then you abruptly put on the breaks

Then, once these men decide that their new, shiny toy is no longer that new or shiny, they put on the breaks abruptly. One month it’s, “Move in with me” and the next month it’s, “Why are you always in my space?” And, shocker, this can result in some “crazy” behavior on the female’s part. Who wouldn’t be upset by that total 180?

You want something all-consuming

Every relationship that ends up in flames begins as a “whirlwind romance.” Have you noticed that? If two people just take the time to get to know one another, see each other at a reasonable frequency in the beginning and still maintain their individuality, nobody winds up slashing tires or burning down houses. But the men I know who claim their exes are “crazy” always dive into things head first, are attached at the hip with these women, and go totally MIA on the rest of their friends while in relationships.

But stable women aren’t about that

Emotionally healthy women want to maintain their individuality. They want to keep up with their own social lives. They want time to themselves. So, fellas, any woman you meet who is willing to dive into this relationship that consumes the both of you probably won’t be, um, emotionally stable.

You’re looking for a massive ego boost

So, here’s the thing: I’ve noticed that the same men who call their exes crazy also like women who are highly impressed with their money, status, fame, and other superficial elements. These men are deeply insecure and must rely on superficial things to get attention. So they wind up with women who are equally insecure and drawn in by that BS.

Again, stable women won’t give you that

Again, a healthy woman will be repulsed by a man who tries to use his status to gain affection. Sorry, guys, but if you’re going to find quality relationships, you can’t take the easy way of flashing your money around.

You either like extreme partiers

I’ve also noticed that the men I know whose relationships go up in flames are often drawn to women who are huge partiers. These men are usually insecure, and to compensate for that they like the competitive nature that comes with dating a woman who is out at clubs each night. They like to pick fights. They like a reason to be possessive. And women who spend most of their nights partying until the sunrise probably aren’t on the most stable ground right now, either.

Or extreme introverts

The other personality I see these men attracted to is the introvert. Again, men who “just happen” to fall into turbulent relationships (again, it’s totally their own fault) are often controlling. So many of them like women who are introverted and very shy because they know they can trust them to just stay at home and wait for them. But if a woman is so introverted that she’s essentially a hermit, she will likely develop codependency issues on the one relationship in her life. I mean really men what do you expect?! You actively seek out these unstable relationships and then play the victim card when things get unstable.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Do You Love An Addict? If So, Here Are 10 Things You Need To Know

Here’s another great post that was shared with me by one of my followers. 

The word “addict” has become a commonplace word in today’s society, and almost all families have been affected one way or another. Even games like Fortnite took a blow, with at least one lawsuit alleging its popularity among teens was as addictive as cocaine.

But as commonplace as drug addiction has become in this modern-day, it is still widely misunderstood. There are many conflicting viewpoints regarding the causes and nature of addiction, however, one thing is for certain: it takes lives and destroys families.

In my experience as both an addict — now an author, speaker, and counselor to families of addicts — I have dealt with a lot of pain and heartache. I have seen both tears of frustration and of guilt and regret. While, there is no sure way to change an addict from the outside (they must want the change, and initiate the change themselves), there are ways to encourage them to heal while also protecting themselves.

Too many times I’ve seen families and loved ones of those caught in the grips of addiction struggle with some of the hardest decisions of their lives, and inadvertently end up pushing that person further into their addiction when they were actually trying to save them from it.

I have compiled a very important list of ten basic tenets that we should follow when dealing with a loved one who is an addict. Some of these may seem obvious, and some may even seem counterintuitive, but after decades spent on both sides of the addiction fence, I guarantee you that these are things that are necessary.

1). Do not give them money. This may seem like an obvious suggestion, however, addicts are master manipulators. They will use any excuse to get money, and will more than likely use threats and ultimatums as techniques to get it. No matter what, it is not your job as a family member or loved one to support their drug habit or their lifestyle. No one should be buying cigarettes, gas, clothing, or anything else for a using addict who is currently destroying themselves. Stand firm, do not let them guilt you into it.

2). Make their life as uncomfortable as possible. A using addict will continue to use until they are unbearably uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it takes an immense amount of pain and misery to motivate a person to stop using their drug of choice. Families will often follow their loving instincts and provide comforts for the addict, but when you are letting an unproductive adult live in your household, and sleep whenever they want, and not contribute or work, you are sending a message to them of encouragement.

I was tossed out in the streets when I turned eighteen because I was an addict and being cut off from my family, and my stream of resources, forced me to hit my pain threshold much faster than if my family had supported and enabled me through my addiction. Had I been given a roof over my head, money, and basic necessities I may still have been using today, or even dead.

3). Be supportive when they are reaching out for genuine help. As important as it is that we don’t enable someone in active addiction, it is equally important that we are there for them when they want to stop. In our active addiction, there are times where we want to continue using, and then there are times (usually when we’re under the comfortable influence of the drug) when we realize that we have a serious problem and we want to seek a better life. The next morning when the drug wears off, these feelings of a desire for change fall to the wayside, and the desire to get the drug and feel “normal” again usually take over.

The best thing that a loved one can do is to support the addict when they show a genuine interest in changing. Research available forms of treatment, and centers that are available and be ready to present them to the addict when they are seeking help. Be available to offer rides or other services to the addict who is currently active and successful in recovery. It’s important that we express zero support for their use of drugs and alcohol, and yet show as much support as possible for their recovery. This is the best and only time that you should be willing to help if you want to see maximum results.

4). Get educated about addiction and recovery. It is very important that you learn as much as you can regarding the addiction that your loved one is battling. The more that you begin to understand addiction and the inner turmoil that an addict faces, the more you will be equipped against their lies and manipulation tactics. It is very important to yourself and to them that you are guarded against their schemes. An addict lies to themselves, just as much as they lie to others. The more that you learn, the more that you can see clearly from the outside looking in.  There are too many families and partners of addicts that “turn on” their ignorance in order to avoid the scary truth that their son, daughter, partner, is addicted to drugs or alcohol. By trying to maintain a “blissful ignorance” then we are doing the addict themselves a disservice.

5). Do not become co-addicted, put yourself first always. The most important person in your life is you. Your child, husband, wife, parents, or whoever else simply cannot come before you. You must always protect yourself, your property, sanity, and overall well-being before trying to help someone else. Too many people out here become codependent on their loved one’s addiction and end up reaping worse consequences than the addicts themselves. There have been many people that I have met that have become so codependent on a family member’s addiction that they’ve neglected their other children, spouses, etc all to focus on one person’s issues. In this case, no one ends up being helped, and everyone falls apart.

6). Get Narcan training and keep two on hand. Naloxone is an opioid overdose antidote that is almost only exclusively available now under the brand name Narcan. As of 2019, there are some generic versions of Naloxone pending, however for now Narcan is the most widely available. It is now available in not only an injection form but in a nasal spray as well. The drug acts as an immediate opiate blocker which will bring a person instantly out of an opiate overdose and directly into the withdrawal stages. For the stronger opiates like Fentanyl, it is not uncommon to need a couple of doses of Naloxone in order to bring the user back to life, which is why I suggest keeping at least two on hand.

7). Seek outside help from professionals. Do not try to do it all alone. Professionals are there for a reason. Reach out to and speak to recovering addicts, doctors, mental health professionals, peer recovery specialists, or anyone else that you can find in the mental health area. Every case of addiction is an individualized case, and the drugs and alcohol are just a symptom of a deeper-lying issue. Do not try to diagnose and treat these things without professional help or they may flare up worse or even backfire.  When they do, you will be left with a tremendous load of guilt, so please contact someone who deals in this area of expertise every day.

8). Join a support group. The stigma of addiction isn’t what it used to be. Do not try to cover it up or keep it a secret, and do not isolate it. Always welcome outside help and support, get second opinions, reach out to friends and family. Share what is happening so that those who care about you who aren’t clouded with emotion can speak clearly to your circumstances. For the best results, you must have a network of people that you can trust that can walk along the outside of this struggle with you. There are Nar-anon meetings and Al-anon meetings for the loved ones of addicts and alcoholics. These meetings are a wealth of information and support for people who are dealing with addiction in the family, or home. Not only will you actively learn about addiction, and how to cope with an addict but you can also meet a great support group of people who are in the same boat as you are.

9). Give them ultimatums. Addicts and alcoholics generally begin using due to pain and fear and usually stop using for the same reasons. Ultimatums will generate a sense of fear that could possibly push an addict towards change. They also give a softer option than completely cutting the person off. Giving them choice makes them feel more in control and generates a sense of responsibility for what happens to them. Because most addicts and alcoholics are stuck in a cycle of self-obsession, cutting them off due to their own misdeeds will still perpetuate a victimhood cycle in their minds. For example; “My mother threw me out, she doesn’t care about me.” versus “My mother told me I had to either go to rehab or leave the house. I chose to be homeless.”

When giving these kinds of ultimatums, it is important that there is a solution involved. For instance, telling an addict to “stop getting high, or stop drinking or else” is setting them up for failure. Chances are if they were able to just flick a switch and stop the misery they are bringing upon themselves and you, they would. Instead, there must be a solution at the end of the ultimatum, such as go to treatment, counseling, recovery housing, etc.

Lastly, stand firm in your ultimatum. If they fail to live up to their end of the bargain then you must follow through with your deal. If you don’t then you expose a weakness, and they will exploit it every time. Do not give an ultimatum that you aren’t ready to follow through with. Don’t threaten to leave them, divorce, or throw them out of the house unless you are willing to stand firm on that.

10). Know that you are doing your best. As a recovering addict myself, I can attest that I literally disappointed myself thousands of times over, let alone the people that cared about me. That is the nature of addiction. Some people get recovery right on the first time, some take dozens of times, and unfortunately, some die trying. There is no one else responsible for an addict’s drug use other than the addict. If you follow these suggestions, you have absolutely done your best. Even if you don’t or didn’t and you followed your heart, you still did your best.

Remember, relapses can and do happen often to people in recovery. Do not give up or get disheartened, be there for your loved ones when they are ready to brush themselves off and get back on the right path towards recovery.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Want To Meet The One? These Are The Top Places To Look

Knowing how to get a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner, especially without the help of a dating app, might seem like an impossible task in the modern age. However, it’s not as difficult as you might imagine. According to a new study from Compare the Market, 45% of couples still meet either at a social gathering or through mutual friends, and only 7% meet on a dating app. Alas, there is hope!

So fear not, it’s definitely still possible to meet your dream boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, in real life. You just need to know where to find them. Sex and relationships expert for Lovehoney Annabelle Knight breaks down the best places to meet your next partner face-to-face.

Through your uniVERSITY or former school

Somebody you went to school, college or uni with can be a really compatible option for a long-term partner. If you’ve grown up together or come from the same area, then you’re likely to already have a tonne of things in common. Plus, Compare the Market found that 9% of people still meet their partner through education, so it’s definitely a good place to consider starting a relationship.

And even if you didn’t get together with your partner when you were actually at school, there’s still hope later in life. Plenty of us has some kind of missed connection from our uni, college, or school days, someone we wish we’d dated but never actually managed to make it work with. Keeping in touch with uni, college, or school groups and going to meet-ups and reunions can be a great way to get together with old friends, relive your youthful memories, and maybe even hook up with that person that you never got the chance to with at school.

Photo credit: Hinterhaus Productions – Getty Images

Social media, obviously

Meeting a potential partner online doesn’t just have to happen through a dating app. There are plenty of ways to meet people through other forms of social media too, with 6% of people meeting their partner on socials, according to Compare the Market. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can be great places to reconnect with people from your past, but they can also be somewhere to meet cool new people. Friends of friends can be easy to start a conversation with, as you already have somebody in common. Meanwhile, if you see someone you fancy on Insta, take the leap and slide into their DMs (respectfully, of course). What have you got to lose?

Plus, you don’t need to spend time getting to know someone when you do meet up IRL, cos you can find out everything you need to know online beforehand. Put those deep dive ‘research skills to good use…

However, age is also a massive factor when it comes to social media, with 14% of 18 to 24-year-olds meeting on socials, compared to 7% of 25 to 34-year-olds.If you do decide to opt for a dating app or site to find love (or just fun), the top place people surveyed by Compare the Market found a partner was Plenty of Fish, followed by Tinder and Match.com.

Volunteer

Donating your time for a cause you’re passionate about will help you to meet someone with similar values, and that can create cute shared experiences. But, obviously, don’t volunteer somewhere for the sake of getting a date. You should only do it if you want to broaden your network of friends, help an organization that means something to you, and learn. But, it’s through that network that you might potentially meet a new partner.

Photo credit: Juj Winn – Getty Images

Get out of the house

As simple and basic as it sounds, staying at home is not going to get you that many dates. If you do genuinely want to meet someone, be proactive with your friends and suggest new places to go – galleries, museums, gigs, bars, etc. Basically anywhere that’ll shake you out of your comfort zone and introduce you to new people. If you’re able, try and do something new every week or month which will bring you into contact with new people, whether that’s joining a club or meet up, or a class for whatever hobby you’re into.

Going out the old-fashioned way is still the most common way to meet a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner. As found by Compare the Market, 27% of couples meet at a social gathering like a party, pub or night out. So, don’t be afraid to get out there and start a conversation with somebody new.

Make eye contact

This is like swiping photos in real life. But the difference is the person is right in front of you and able to make a direct connection. You instinctively know who you are attracted to, and there’s nothing wrong in making that clear through eye contact when you are out. Just obviously be respectful of other people’s boundaries, and don’t creep any out – that goes without saying.

Use your friends

In the nicest way possible, use your pals. After all, they know your great qualities, likes, and dislikes. And, crucially, they know better than anyone if someone is a good fit for you. Plus, you know that any potential dates they put you in touch with already have a bangin’ group of pals. Compare the Market’s study found that 18% of people meet a partner through mutual friends, so don’t be afraid to let your mates know you’re up for introductions to new people – you never know where it could lead. Make sure you return the favor and do the same for your single pals too.

Coworkers can also be a great route to finding love, as you likely already have the same interests and goals in life. Plus, the research found that 18% of people still meet their partner in the workplace. That person who caught your eye across the office? Don’t be afraid to start a conversation.

Photo credit: FG Trade – Getty Images

More

Work out

Only 2% of people meet a partner in the gym, according to Compare the Market, but it can be an easy place to start a natural conversation. Just ask them to help spot you or to move some equipment. Plus, if you go to regular classes you’re probably going to see some friendly faces you can chat to.

But the gym isn’t the only workout location perfect for meeting a partner. Try joining a club or a team for whatever kind of exercise you like: triathlons, yoga, hockey, football, etc. Meeting weekly to work out and going for a drink afterward will mean you meet a whole new set of people – and therefore their friends… it’s all about widening your network.

Accept invites

Yes, of course, it can be intimidating to go to events on your own, but it’s normally possible to get a plus one and bring a friend. If not, try and get out of your comfort zone if you can and go on your own. It’s daunting but gets easier with practice. Plus, the chances are your friends who invite you to these events will have cool and interesting mates you’ve never met before. You can always ask them to intro you if you’re feeling shy or awkward.

How to turn dating into a relationship

Sadly, actually going to the right places to find your potential partner is just half the battle when it comes to starting a relationship. Compare the Market found that 33% of relationships started with casual dating, while 32% actually started as platonic friends. Meanwhile, 20% of relationships began through a series of formal dates, with just 9% evolving out of a purely physical relationship. So, next time you start daydreaming about your friend with benefits or f**k buddy turning into an actual thing, think again as it’s not super likely to happen.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

The Perfect Man and Woman — According to Other Men and Women

What physical characteristics do you consider hot? Sexy? A turn-on?

Well, if you’re a man trying to come up with what the ultimate woman looks like, your answers will be far different than what a woman believes is attractive about another woman.

That’s the finding from lingerie brand Bluebella, which polled people from both genders to find out what celebrity attributes they preferred. When it came to building the perfect female form, it shouldn’t be too surprising that men like bigger and rounder attributes — think Kim Kardashian’s chest and Scarlett Johansson’s big hair period. Women, however, went for smaller and perkier options, like Jennifer Aniston’s chest.

One fun fact, when it came to picking attributes for the perfect man, men and women were much more closely aligned. Both sexes love a ripped body, quibbling between things like Brad Pitt’s biceps versus Hugh Jackman’s, which we think may have more to do with who the current movie stud is rather than an actual difference in diameter. The biggest difference? Women liked floppy Harry Styles’ hair, while men went for a classic Brad Pitt buzz.

To illustrate both these points, Bluebella melded the different celebrity body parts into the sexiest Frankenstein creatures you’ve ever seen.

It would be interesting to know whether or not the respondents saw random body parts when making their selections, or if they knew the celebrity those appendages belonged to. Why? Because if you look at the perfect woman pictures, men seemed to select slightly wilder women than the gals did, perhaps letting personality influence their decisions.

As a side note, Bluebella is a London based company, which is why some of the celebs are more Euro-focused; if you’re a US reader, you may not necessarily recognize all the names mentioned. That said, the results seem to hold true no matter what side of the world you live on.

Check out the results below, then let us know if you agree.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Conan the Barbarian

 Philadelphia, PA – 1970s

I always loved comic books as a kid. I liked the artwork and the stories. Something that many people don’t know is that Marvel Comics were always written at a college reading level. So reading comics is a good thing.

I was never really into superhero comics because I just felt that those stories had been played out by the 1970s. I loved horror comics like The Unexpected, Tales from the Crypt, The Witching Hour, etc. The stories were always fun, and many had cool twists at the ends of them.

But my favorite comic series of all time was Conan the Barbarian. What I loved about the character is the same reason my father always loved Batman. He was just a regular guy. No superpowers. Just his strength and wits.

Whereas Batman was a millionaire playboy who donned a costume to fight crime with his cool car and gadgets, Conan solved most of his problems with a broad sword.

Here’s a link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conan_the_Barbarian

Conan lived in a savage world, filled with other barbarians, crazy kings, wizards, scary monsters, and hot women.

I wasn’t good at sports and was kind of a nervous wimp as a kid. I would disappear into my fantasy world of comics for hours on end as I listened to my records. I liked Conan because he was buffed, brave, and nearly indestructible. He was constantly pitted against those who wanted to destroy him and rule the world. He solved pretty much every problem he faced with a swift swing of his broad sword. He didn’t even have a costume. Just a necklace, a pair of shorts, and sandals. That, and his trusty cutlass.

There’s only way to deal with the coils of the Man-Serpent!

Being a timid kid I wished I could solve my problems with the bullies and teachers in school in much the same way as Conan faced his adversaries. On top of all of that, Conan was always surrounded by attractive scantily clad women. What teenage boy wouldn’t want to be Conan the Barbarian? A kick-ass warrior and a chick magnet? Count me in!

Red Sonja

Valeria

Belit

All babes, that could kick ass side by side with Conan!

Conan was a beast and a ruffian, but he always had a soft spot in his hardened heart for the fairer sex. But I digress…

The series began in 1970 and were based on the stories by Robert E. Howard. So it was some hardcore sword and sorcery stuff originally written in the pulp paperbacks and now had been brought to life in the Marvel series.

The stories were amazing, filled with twists, turns crazy battle sequences, and loads of huge monsters of every kind imaginable. The writing was on point and I owned them all! But the best part of the series in the first 22 issues, was the incredible artwork by Barry Smith.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_Windsor-Smith

Other than Neal Adam’s Batman, and Johnny Romita’s Spiderman, Barry Smith was my favorite comic book artist. The way he drew Conan and the other characters made you feel like you were living back in that time and place. It really added to the realism of the stories from that period. Each panel on every page was like a little piece of artwork. If you get a chance, please look up the art of Barry Smith. Conan was the only comic he ever drew. It’s what made those first 22 issues so incredible. That coupled with the great stories made for an amazing storytelling experience. I’m going to look for a compendium of those early issues and read them all again!

Being an insane fan of the American hard rock band, Aerosmith I would listen to their music while I read the comics. I loved guitarist Joe Perry and guess who Barry Smith’s Conan looked like?

Yep… Joe Perry.

So it made me love them both even more!

I was a wimp and Conan and Joe were superheroes to me. They both had long black hair and rocked out the only way they knew how. Conan with his broad sword, and Joe with his guitar!

I would vanish into the music and stories in my bedroom and wished I could one day become one of these guys. I would sneak a little flashlight into my room at night and read the comics in bed. The trick was to place the flashlight in your armpit and then you could hold the comic while the light shown on the pages.

So Conan and my other comics helped me survive my adolescence.

 

1983 – California

I was working at Merlin McFly’s in Santa Monica as a cashier at the kitchen. I was the guy you came to if you wanted to order food at this magic-themed bar and grill.

I wrote about my experience there last year:

https://atomic-temporary-111921946.wpcomstaging.com/2019/06/07/california-dreamin-1982-to-1984-merlin-mcflys/

And here…

https://atomic-temporary-111921946.wpcomstaging.com/2020/07/28/chinese-chicken-salad/

Anyway, I was standing there like any other night taking people’s food orders and just doing my thing. It was maybe around 7 pm and night when this tall gentleman walked up in a green polo shirt to place his food order. The first thing I noticed was his huge biceps.

“Can I get a Merlin McFly Burger and a Southwest salad?”

“Yes, Sir!” I nervously wrote down his order on a ticket to give to the cooks behind me. Thinking quickly, I reached for the only piece of paper I could find. It was a laundry receipt that was in a bag of freshly washed blue cloth napkins we used to line the baskets of fried appetizers.

Here’s the Packing List for 100 Blue Visa Napkins

I pushed a scrap of paper and pen toward this customer and spoke:

“I loved you as Conan the Barbarian, may I have your autograph?”

“What’s your name?”

“Chaz!”

The man begins to write my name and sign the paper.

“I spell Chaz with a Z!”

He makes a quick correction and slips the paper back to me.

“Thank you! We’ll call you when your food is ready, Sir!”

There he was, the living personification of my comic book hero. The actor and bodybuilder who brought my hero to the silver screen standing before me ordering a burger.

But at that moment I saw this guy:

Conan!

Conan holding his “Problem Solver!”

It was such an exciting event to meet one of my heroes.

To be honest, I’ve never felt that any Conan the Barbarian films ever captured the true spirit of the early Marvel Comic books. Conan was never as popular as many of the beloved superhero characters that people adore today, but that never mattered to me. Conan will always live in my heart as a fond childhood memory that belongs to me.

Here’s the back of the slip with Arnold’s autograph!

Just think, back then I would never have guessed Arnold would become a character even more famous than Conan, (The Terminator) but also later become the governor of California!

On a final side note, my father once met his wife Maria Schriver in Atlantic City and got a chance to speak with her at an event. He told her how much I loved her super cool husband and his movies!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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10 Shocking Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

Here’s one from one of my female readers I thought was worth sharing…

1. Texting does not mean what you think it means.

“Please, tell me why a girl thinks texting or snapping her equals I want her to be my girlfriend,” says Mikey. Blunt, but we like blunt. Mikey is in the majority when it comes to flirting. Nearly every guy we talked to says when he texts, he’s really just trying to get you know you better. A text is just a text, not a confession of love. “It’s like texting a girl means I’m admitting I like her, but that’s not what’s up,” explains Mikey. “It’s more like I’m texting because I might like her. I hate it because the next day the girl acts like she owns me. Or, if she’s shy, suddenly she can barely talk to me because she’s scared. It’s stupid.”

Basically, a text or a snap from a guy isn’t some hidden signal to decode. “I’m just texting because you’re cute or nice or whatever,” says Jordan. “If you treat me like I’m a dog just because I think you’re cool enough to text, that’s not cool.” In other words, exchanging texts with a guy isn’t a reason to change your behavior. Just be yourself, take it slow and feel out the situation. Sure, a text could lead to something more, but for now, it’s just a text, so there’s no need to stress or DTR right away. And if you’re feeling nervous? Keep your cool. Texting your crush can be just as easy as talking to your BFF.

2. You don’t need makeup to impress guys.

Judging from our survey, boys just don’t get makeup. In fact, a lot of guys even complain about it. Sure, they all like pretty girls, but they also have a problem with a face that looks full-on painted.

“Why do girls think they need to have so much crap on their faces?” asks Billy. “Girls at my school wear all this black crap on their eyes, and their lips are, like, thick with brown goop. It’s ugly. Do they really think that will get them a guy?”

Don’t worry, we set Billy straight about one thing: Girls don’t apply makeup to “get them a guy.” We wear makeup because we like it, full stop.

Still, guys’ hatred for cosmetics is no joke. But remember, boys are not the authority on fashion and beauty. You may be a girl who prefers to go au naturel every day, or you may love using every shade of eyeshadow in your Naked palette on any given Tuesday at school. Either way, you do you, girl! Sure, it’s good to know that you don’t need to put in a ton of effort every morning to impress someone, but it’s your choice if you want to apply enough purple mascara to impair your vision. Go for it.

3. A lot of times, guys’ are at a loss with girls’ emotions.

“What is up with girls hopping up and down when they’re happy about something?” asks Pete. “I really do want to know why are girls so excited about normal stuff,” says Pete. “Every other thing, it’s like, ‘Ohmigosh! No way!’” Clearly Pete just doesn’t get that a new season of your favorite show or the return of the PSL are pretty much the best things since sliced bread. But really, what Pete’s saying is something a lot of surveyed guys struggled with: unpacking how girls are feeling, and why.

Colin, a self-described shy boy, has an interesting theory: “I think girls like attention, and being excited about something makes people look and wonder what she’s so happy about.” Hmm…While Colin the amateur psychologist has certainly thought a lot about the topic, we’re not sure he’s cracked the case yet.

Arnie, a jokester, has a theory of his own: “I think girls are just different. You’re raised to let your feelings out, even if they’re bad. I’ve never seen a guy friend cry, but I’ve seen a chick fall apart because some dude she liked didn’t pick her for his volleyball team in phys ed.” Arnie may be onto something. It’s true that because girls are viewed as more emotional, our emotions are seen as more acceptable to express in public, while phrases like, “Man up!” tell boys to keep their feelings, whether it’s sadness or excitement, hidden away.

Here’s the deal: boys are just as emotional as girls, but a lot of times, they don’t show it. That may explain why our guys are so confused about girls’ displays of emotions. Hang in there girl, and remember, there are some things guys just don’t get.

4. Gossiping and being mean to others makes *you* look bad.

“Girls are always passing notes around or texting each other in class, and it’s just so friggin’ dumb,” says Joey. “Or they’ll look right at me, then whisper to each other and laugh. Do they want me to think they’re talking about me? ’Cause I do. And if it’s really true and they are talking about me, then that’s just lame.”

Rude is the word, actually, Joey. Whispering and gossip can seem pretty immature, especially when you’re spreading rumors or being mean to another girl. “When I hear one girl talk trash about another girl, it’s like I can’t believe it,” says Dominick, “like I’m in a bad movie about how mean girls are. If I heard my friends were talking about me like that, I’d transfer schools.”

So don’t trash talk or put down other girls to seem cool. Guys certainly aren’t impressed, but more importantly, you don’t want to hurt others. Sure, people talk about other people. That’s life. But there is a big difference between gossip and character assassinations. You wouldn’t like it if the gossip was about you. It’s bad form to let anyone believe you’re saying negative things about him. If you absolutely must exchange information, be discreet. Oh, and be sure that the “information” isn’t going to hurt someone’s feelings, OK?

5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes.

“My best friend is a girl, and the other day she said my hair looks exactly the same every single day,” says Luis. “I couldn’t believe it because some days my hair is jacked up.”

Guys may not talk about their insecurities to girls, but they totally think about their appearance even if they don’t say it out loud. “I had to ask my mom to take me to the dermatologist because I was breaking out on my cheeks and back,” says Jay. “I couldn’t stand it.”

His friend Robert has a different issue: “Girls like guys with good bodies but, when I try to get six-pack abs, it never works. I just feel like I have a spare tire all the time.”

If you could get a view of Robert, you would tell him what we told him: He’s out of his mind—the boy is a total babe! But here he is worrying about looking like a model. Moral of the story? Boys have body image issues, too. Isn’t it a relief to know that?

6. PMS is no excuse to be mean.

“I know girls get weird when they’re on their period, but I don’t get why they have to act like I’m their worst enemy,” confides Sean. “Sometimes, my sister acts like she wishes I were dead because I won’t give her the remote control, but all that’s going on is she’s PMSing. Screaming at me and freaking out on me isn’t right.”

We know what you’re thinking: Boys just don’t understand what it feels like to wake up with serious cramps, bloating, breakouts and headaches. So, yeah, we feel your pain—and we really mean feel it. But that’s the point: Boys don’t.

Let’s face it—the hormones that come with menstruation affect moods and being cranky around your time of the month is beyond understandable. But that doesn’t mean you should take our your pain on anyone, much less a guy who doesn’t get it. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Just deal the best you can by taking care of yourself. Avoid things that aggravate physical and emotional symptoms like caffeine, sugar and greasy foods. Ever wondered what your cravings mean? We’ve got all the answers. But seriously, get plenty of sleep, drink loads of water, get some exercise and take lots of warm baths—yes, even in the afternoon when you get home from school. Soaking in bubbles while daydreaming is a girl’s best friend.

We’re not saying you should become a recluse just because you’re wearing a maxi-pad. But don’t feel bad for bowing out of a social opp if you’re really not up to it. What’s the point of going to a party if you’re not gonna have a good time? Oh, and if you do snap at your boy for no other reason than those nasty hormonal intrusions, a short, simple apology (“Sorry—I was in a bad state of mind yesterday”) could go a long way. No lengthy, drawn-out explanations necessary.

7. Guys care way less about your body than you think.

“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when a girl asks me if she looks fat,” says Stephen. “I don’t know if you’re fat.” And a lot of the boys echo his sentiment. The truth is, you’re a way harsher critic of yourself than a guy will ever be. Guys can’t tell slight differences between sizes, and honestly, they don’t really care.

All guys have different tastes when it comes to the feminine physique. Some guys like booties. Other guys like their girls thin as a fence post. Who cares? You are what you are. Worry more about your own health and happiness and less of guys’ opinions on your looks. Need some self-image pick-me-ups?

Whether you’re questioning a guy friend for his honest opinion or fishing for a compliment from a guy you like, asking about your body is usually a no-win situation. You’re just putting the guy on the spot. And, guess what—if a boy likes you, he likes you for the way you are right now, this second. A shy boy named Paul says it awesome: “Girls’ bodies are an endless mystery to me. I think you’re all beautiful.”

8. Don’t feel pressure to wear revealing or tight clothes just for guys’ attention.

“I think girls get mixed up because of how how people dress on TV,” says Matthew.

Matthew’s not wrong, fashion on TV is all about skimpy looks and attention-grabbers. But remember, the fashion you see on TV are really just costumes designed for performing. The point is, girls should wear what they feel comfortable in, not what TV or movies tells them to wear and definitely not what they think guys are looking for. If you’re still wondering what guys look for in a wardrobe, the truth is, it depends.

“I like the way my last girlfriend dressed,” says Miguel. “She wore some stuff that showed off her great athletic body, but it wasn’t like all hanging out. Sometimes she wore baggy pants and just a little of her belly showed. Or sometimes, if she wore those tight jeans girls always wear, she wouldn’t have her boobs all out.”

In other words, for a lot of guys, less is more. You don’t have to look like a pop star or a character from Riverdale, you just need to wear clothes that make you comfy and happy. And if you’re feeling yourself, the right guy will too!

It’s good to know that guys aren’t looking for runway models, but some guys just don’t get fashion altogether. I mean, you wouldn’t let your brother pick out your outfit, would you? So who needs them to tell you what to wear?

“My sister complains that boys always stare at her boobs, but she wears tight shirts that totally show off her boobs,” says Chad. “I’m confused.”

Ugh, Chad, girls’ fashion choices aren’t an invitation to stare. The truth is, a lot of guys are not fashion experts, and they won’t be impressed just because your outfit shows a ton of skin. Bottom line? You do you girl, and the rest will fall into place.

9. Most boys are looking for the right girl.

Daniel puts it so eloquently: “I would love to find a girl who’s cool.” Being “cool” does seem pretty vague, but our guess is that Daniel is looking for a girl who can be herself around him.

Whatever he means, Daniel is not the only boy looking for a girl to like! Don’t believe it? “I’m sick of everyone acting like boys aren’t as mature as girls,” says D.B. “It’s just that we also think about other stuff. If it happens, it happens, but I’m not going to talk to my friends on the phone about girls every day.” So even if a guy plays it cool about girls, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested. The truth is, a lot of guys are just as interested in finding the right person as girls.

That doesn’t mean all guys are as mature as D.B. His friend Raymond, for example, gives another, ummm, interesting perspective. “So many girls at my school are hot, but me and my friends just wait for them to figure out who they want because that’s what girls seem to do at my school. It’s like they’re all spazzed out about finding a boyfriend all the time. We just have to wait and see.” Hmm…Seems like Ray might not be ready for a relationship.

A lot of surveyed boys agree with Ray on one count, though: some girls may put too much emphasis on finding a boyfriend. As Eric says, “Do girls want any guy or the right guy?” Sending signals to the guy you like is different from going full boy-crazy. Do you and your squad constantly discuss guys? If so, maybe scale it back a bit, and not just because of what boys think. Remember, you have so much more interesting things to explore than “who-likes-who,” as fun as that can be sometimes. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to show guys (like Ray) what’s really on girls’ minds.

10. If you like him, just tell him.

There was one major statement that kept popping up on our surveys: “Girls should not flirt and act like they like me, and then later ignore me.” Maybe the flirting thing is to girls what the phone is to boys: You’re just flirting to feel him out, and it doesn’t mean you want a relationship. We get that.

Sadly, guys are obviously confused, and sometimes take your friendliness as flirting. Can we trust guys to know the difference? “There is a big difference between just being cool and flirting,” says James. “I can tell if a girl is just talking to me or if she likes me.” A lot of surveyed guys aren’t as confident as James. You may be feeling confused if he likes you, and chances are, he’s in the exact same boat.

So what do you do when you want to make friends with a boy, but you’re worried that striking up a random convo could be misinterpreted as major flirting? Just be honest. “If you like me, just tell me. If you don’t, say you’re not into me like that,” says Ray. It may seem tough to tell a guy you’re just not into him like that, but in the long run, he’ll appreciate knowing the truth instead of feeling led on.

OK, just telling a guy you like him isn’t as easy as it sounds. But all the guys agreed on this one, which means it should work. Courage to be honest? You can do it. Plus, telling your crush how you feel can be a major confidence booster. You can offically consider yourself fearless.

What do you think girls? What surprised you the most about what guys think? Let us know in the comments!

 

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