Use These 12 Habits for Texting in the Early Stages of Dating

Texting in the early stages of dating isn’t easy, especially when you don’t want to screw anything up. Here are 12 texting habits you should have.

Are you caught up in the early romance of dating? It can feel uncertain, wondering if they really like you or not. Luckily, you have all the information you need to help you develop healthy habits for texting in the early stages of dating.

The early stage is pretty sensitive because you aren’t a couple yet. Naturally, I know you want this person to like you back and want to be with you, so there are a couple of things you should do to make sure you play it cool and have them come to you.

It’s easy to get caught up in feelings and excitement. Follow these tips, and you’ll be able to text the person you’re dating with ease. [Read: How to start a conversation over text and get them texting back]

Texting in the early stages of dating: 12 texting habits to have

When I was growing up, texting wasn’t even a thing. In fact, you had to pay per text message! I remember texting for my first time, and thinking, “this is never going to become a thing.” I was so wrong. Within a year or two, I found myself texting like crazy and driving my dad’s phone bill through the roof.

It wasn’t until much later I was texting with guys I liked. And let me tell you, there wasn’t any rule book to teach you how to text someone you liked. I would write essay-length messages, ask question after question. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. I was so annoying. But that’s not the point!

Who said texting someone you like was easy?

#1 Take a deep breath. Yes, you like this person, and you’re all excited, but chill. Take a couple of deep breaths, and take it easy. If you work yourself up, it’ll get you overthinking everything you say. The person you’re dating should never be up on a pedestal. They’re human, and if they don’t like you, that’s okay. There’s someone out there who will.

#2 Don’t text obsessively. I know talking to them all day long is fun and exciting, but you also have a life outside of your phone, right? Being overly available isn’t a good look. Why? Because it’s waving the “I’m codependent” flag. Do you have anything else going on besides texting them all day long? I know you do, and they need to see that.

#3 Texting shouldn’t replace face-to-face contact. You’re in the early stages of dating; this is the time where you should spend more time with them in person than over text. You need to see the person they really are, not the one they’re showing via text or social media.

Texting can be used to talk about everyday things, but it should mainly be used to arrange in-person dates.

#4 Don’t question your messages. When we like someone, we want them to think we’re funny, smart, and all the other good qualities people have. And when you’re texting someone, you want them to see these qualities.

But that doesn’t mean you should be second-guessing every message you’re sending them, making sure it doesn’t offend them, or turns them off. Don’t question what you write, just make sure it’s honest.

#5 You both need to initiate conversation. If you’re the only one who’s doing all the texting, that’s not a great sign. I think we’re all guilty of being that person, and that never ends up well. In a healthy texting relationship, you’re both comfortable enough to initiate and carry on a conversation. If you see you’re the one putting in all the effort, stop.

#6 Reply when you have time. That’s right. You don’t need to stay glued to your phone. If you’re at work or at school, keep those activities a priority. When you have time, text the person you’re dating. You don’t need to play games, but you shouldn’t jeopardize yourself to send them a text message.

#7 Use actual grammar. I know this sounds lame, but you need to use proper grammar and spelling. A typo here and there isn’t a big deal, but people like to read sentences they don’t need to decode. You probably didn’t know this, but people are turned off by poor grammar and spelling. So, shape up.

#8 Know when to end the conversation. You don’t need to text all day and night to show the person you’re interested in them. Know when it’s okay to end the conversation. If you feel it’s dying, then end the conversation early. You can start a new conversation in a couple of hours, that’s fine. But don’t try to keep a conversation alive when it doesn’t have to be.

#9 Be mindful of your tone. If you’re someone who has a dry or sarcastic humor, it may not always come across right on text. But that doesn’t mean you can’t show off your personality. Use a couple of emojis here and there to get the point across clearly, and read your message to yourself to make sure what you want to say is actually getting across.

#10 Save the important conversations for in person. You don’t need to have a deep conversation about your childhood over a text message. There are some conversations that are better left for in-person dates.

People have a lot of time to think about what they want to say, and that’s not always a good thing. Sometimes you need to see a person’s facial expressions and their reactions for specific conversations.

#11 Move past the text message. Texting, in the beginning, is fine and dandy, but eventually, you should talk on the phone. I know! Gasp! No one talks on the phone now, but hearing someone’s voice is much different than texting each other. Plus, it shows both of you a level of comfort in the relationship.

#12 Don’t ever just text ‘hi.’ What are we, ten? Come on! If this is someone you like, you can do a little bit better than ‘hi.’ Seriously. Never send a message with ‘hi.’ Instead, add a question to the end of it. It’s too generic and lazy; it gives off the impression that they’re not good enough for anything more.

Texting in the early stages of dating isn’t easy at all! You’re nervous and want to impress your date. But don’t worry, if you follow these habits, you’ll be on the right path.

 

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Stashing Might Be The Worst Dating Trend Yet

You might have been ghosted, breadcrumbed, or paperclipped. But have you ever been stashed? Even if you haven’t heard the term, you might be familiar with the experience. “Stashing” is what you call it when you date someone who’s happy to spend time with you one-on-one — but they never introduce you to their friends or family. More often than not, their social media profiles don’t show any evidence that you exist. Used in a sentence, you’d tell your friend, “It’s been two months and I haven’t met a single one of his friends yet. I think he’s stashing me.”

 

Stashing is insidious because it’s pretty normal to focus on one-on-one time when you first start dating. Early on, you probably don’t think twice about this behavior. But as time goes on, your partner’s excuses for keeping your relationship weirdly private start to get more far-fetched.
His parents are in town but they’re too busy to see you because they’ve… got to go shopping. You can’t meet her friends because she doesn’t have a plus one… to happy hour. When you post a cute photo of the pair of you to your main Instagram grid, they simply share an Instagram Story that shows the bottle of wine you’re sharing… and they tag their local wine shop, but not you.
We have Metro UK writer Ellen Scott to thank for coining this oh-so-useful dating term back in 2017. Her definition: “Stashing is a super fun dating trend in which someone is dating someone else, but has decided to hide them away from everyone in their life… A victim of stashing is hidden from every other part of the stasher’s life – from their tagged photos to their casual chats with their parents. Why? Because that way, they’re able to pretend that they’re not really dating the person they’re stashing, meaning they can justify getting with other people, doing whatever they fancy, and being generally inconsiderate and awful.”
The term clearly resonated, because it was quickly covered by Cosmopolitan, the New York Post, and even the Today Show. And today, the behavior, if not the word, is getting new attention thanks to a TikTok trend. In it, people lip sync to a 2016 parody song by comedy rap duo Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson, “Questions Part 3,” while scrolling through an Instagram feed (often a celebrity’s, but sometimes someone they’re actually involved with).
The song begins: “I just think it’s funny, we’ve been talking for so long but no one knows I exist / I was scrolling through your IG, why we ain’t got no pics / You tryna keep us a secret, why you ain’t posting me? / Oh I get it, you don’t want your other hoes to see.” Sounds like stashing, all right.
While being stashed can make you suspect your partner is dating other people and trying to keep you in the dark, it is possible something less nefarious is going on. Maybe your partner just moved to your city and they don’t have many friends or family nearby to introduce you to in the first place.
Still, if you think you’re being “stashed” and it bothers you, ask your partner about it. Say something like, “I’d love to meet your friends,” and see how they respond. Think of it as something like the define the relationship talk. While it’s probably nerve-wracking to have the conversation, in the end, at least you’ll know where you stand. And if that doesn’t work, you can always make a TikTok about it.

 

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How To Spot An Alcoholic: Signs Of Problem Drinking

An alcohol addicted individual cannot operate without it; what is more, they are no longer in control of it, instead, booze takes command over them.

To stop them from spiraling down into their dependency, you need to recognize alcoholic tendencies immediately. By doing so, they will reduce harm to both the physical and social facets of someone’s existence.

A problem drinker does not always have the physical ability or cognitive precision to realize their initial symptoms of alcohol addiction, let alone put a stop to them. Many abusers will go to fantastic lengths to hide their drinking.

It’s worth saying that drinkers are nowhere near as good at hiding their drinking as they think. Chewing gum never really covers up the smell of alcohol on the breath!

 

Not As Clever As They Think!

It lands on us to identify the actual clues of alcohol addiction and the alcoholic activity habits they display. Only then can we help somebody eliminate this harmful substance addiction.

Having alcoholic drinks available is an expected component of most parties and get-togethers.

Consuming alcohol within ‘safe’ limits, for that reason, should logically bring no intrinsic injury and should generally not trigger problems. However, if taken a step further, drinking alcohol can become a harmful routine and needs to be cut short.

Specific symptoms and signs can assist individuals to identify if the individual they know could be coping with alcohol addiction.

The Habits of The Problem Drinker:

  1. Getting drunk often, daily or in binges.
  2. Experiencing regular and generally painful hangovers.
  3. Feeling regretful or embarrassed regarding their drinking.
  4. Frequently requiring an alcoholic beverage to unwind or feel better.
  5. Memory problems and blackouts.
  6. Losing the capacity to regulate the number of drinks.
  7. Experiencing withdrawal when they can’t get a drink or go cold-turkey.

Physical Indicators Of A Problem Drinker

Apart from the behavioral habits the individual may have, there are physical indicators of alcohol addiction which typically help to identify an alcohol abuser quickly.

Physical indicators that can help in identifying an alcoholic consist of:

  1. Slurred speech
  2. Falling over or stumbling
  3. Impeded reflexes
  4. Complaints of abdominal discomfort
  5. Throwing up
  6. Queasiness
  7. Inflammation of the skin

Problem Drinking Epidemic

Problem Drinking Epidemic

How To Spot An Alcoholic 10 Warning Signs

An individual who is dealing with an alcohol abuse challenge will the majority of the times fit into the framework of the 10 warning signs of alcohol addiction. These signs and symptoms vary from physical to attitudinal clues which adversely impact a person’s individual and professional daily life.

The following checklist isn’t definitive but can present you with advice on how to spot an alcoholic.

How to spot an alcoholic? Here’s what they are most likely to do:

Skipping Family Obligations

A mysterious absence from work decreased efficiency, and disregard of home duties by an otherwise responsible person are indications that the man or woman perhaps does not have the physical stamina or psychological focus to carry out his/her normal responsibilities.

This is not always because of an alcohol abuse issue but is typically a good starting point for recognizing one.

Consuming Alcohol in Risky Situations

Frequently, a person will maintain their alcohol consumption routines even in circumstances they understand present an enhanced risk to themselves and those around. Consuming alcohol while or before driving a vehicle, for instance, is among such scenarios.

 

Combining booze with illegal substances like marijuana and heroin or prescribed medications are also scenarios which serve as indications of alcoholism. Appreciating the risks is an indicator that the individual is prepared to take chances for the sake of satisfying their alcohol consumption addiction.

This maligning alcoholic conduct may be frightening for family and loved ones observing its materialization.

 

We are drinking too much

We are drinking too much

Displaying Unusual Mood Swings

Alcohol abuser can have inexplicable emotional state fluctuations throughout the inception of withdrawal symptoms. Abrupt and unusual mood swings in a steady man or woman or somebody who does not struggle with mood afflictions might suggest the initial stage of alcohol addiction.

If an individual displays alcohol withdrawal signs and symptoms, it is quite likely that she or he has been consuming alcohol for quite a long time.

Lying About Alcohol Use

This suggests that the individual knows his/her drinking routines are troublesome or unusual but is attempting to hide them or play them down. This is among the most powerful indications of alcoholism.

The problem for any liar is the more they lie the more lies they have to remember. It’s often very easy to trip up a liar who is forced to keep compounding the narrative.

Showing a High Resistance to Alcohol Consumption

This is an indication of persistent drinking or full-on alcoholism. The individual not only consumes more but also presents the signs and symptoms of resistance to alcohol when compared to his/her friends.

 

Their system has become used to having an elevated level of alcohol in the bloodstream.

 

alcohol and depression

Displaying the Physical Indications of Alcohol Addiction

These will be more substantial problems like those noted above. An alcohol abuser is also less likely to care about aesthetics with a flushed-looking skin, shivering hands, and reddish or mottled skin being the common tangible indications of alcohol addiction.

Weight gain and sloppy appearance go hand in hand with bloodshot eyes and pallid skin tone.

Being Incapable of Sustaining A Loving Relationship

Decreased consideration to their significant other, deceptive conduct or deceit, and worries over financial resources take a toll on romantic relationships.

If an individual is not able to stop drinking for the sake of saving their marriage, it is clear that she or he values drinking greater than the happiness of their significant other.

Alcoholic tendencies in relationships is an excellent way to identify a way of alcoholic reasoning.

dui

Getting into Trouble with the Police

If regular confrontations with the police on charges of operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol, breach of the peace, or ruinous behavior in an intoxicated state cannot keep an individual away from drinking, what can? This kind of a mindset securely she or he focuses on drinking over daily life, security, and appropriate societal conduct.

When an individual is manipulated by problem drinking their decision-making capabilities end up being damaged, as well.

Drinking at Improper or Abnormal Moments

Alcohol withdrawal is uncomfortable and painful plus they know they can stop that pain at any point with a simple drink.

Even when an individual wishes to stop drinking, the discomfort may be intolerable, and they find short-term release in their next alcoholic beverage. When it comes to many problem drinkers, these signs and symptoms begin to materialize within a day of having the final drink.

For that reason, people affected by more severe drug addiction have a tendency to consume alcohol in abnormal periods of the day. Early mornings or afternoons are a few of these abnormal times of the day.

Not every one of the above-mentioned alcohol addiction indicators might appear altogether. As a matter of fact, a few may never show up at all.

So if you observe somebody who is displaying unusual alcohol consumption habits which are regularly landing that person in trouble, encourage them to get specialist support.

When these indications appear, it is a clear mark that drinking has already begun to impact the body and the mind and actions of the person.

 

The biggest tip I can give you when it comes to how to spot an alcoholic is to trust your gut! If you suspect it, the chances are you are right.

 

how to spot an alcoholic

How to spot an alcoholic

How The Stop Drinking Expert Can Help

Spotting an alcoholic is one point, but extending a helping hand is the action that requires courage.

Challenging somebody about an alcohol issue may be a difficult thing to do, particularly if the alcoholic is in deep denial about their dependency. In such an issue, it is essential to consider the impact you will have made to somebody’s life.

It may be a life-saving thing that you do for them.

You should approach the person carefully and use reassuring words to make them feel comfortable, letting them understand they are not the only one in this battle. Send them a copy of my book ‘Alcohol Lied To Me‘ or even better have them attend the daily free quit drinking webinar.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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31 Happiness Quotes From Buddha That Will Change Your Life

I LOVED RESEARCHING THIS POST!!! HAPPY 2020!!!!

As one of the greatest minds of our time, Buddha is viewed by many as the embodiment of true wisdom, joy, and positivity. In Buddha’s teachings, we learn to be happy in life despite whatever suffering we experience.

While life won’t always be filled with happy moments, we can find a way to see the positive through it all. Read on for 31 of our favorite happiness quotes inspired by Buddha.

1. Don’t focus on the past, do not daydream about the future; think about the present moment.

It can be hard to let go of our past failures, but in doing so we will be able to focus entirely on the present. The same is true for the future—while we should set our goals for a better future, we must center all our energy on today.

2. Your mind is everything. Protect your mind and your thoughts—what you think about, you will become.

Many of us go through the day letting our thoughts go unchecked. While it’s important to let our minds wander at times, we also must exercise intentionality in what we choose to think about.

3. Joy is the companion of a pure mind. Focus on pure thoughts and happiness will find you.

This happiness quote inspires us to clear our minds. When our thoughts are pure, happiness and joy aren’t far behind.

4. Only you can save you—no one else.

When we go through difficult times in life, it is natural to search for someone to give us a way out. The truth is that whatever we go through, only we can save ourselves. We have to be strong enough to keep going.

5. In life, your greatest mistakes are not starting and not following through.

This happiness quote shows us that our mistakes are just lessons to learn in life. The only real mistakes are choosing to quit or not starting in the first place.

6. An undisciplined mind leads to confusion. If we can train our minds, our thoughts will become obedient to us.

Our minds naturally want to wander—we have to discipline ourselves to change the way we think.

7. In life, we must be virtuous, wise, and of right mind. The purer we live, the more we enjoy life.

We are all born with a purpose. This happiness quote reminds us what really matters in life.

8. Many of us spend a lifetime searching for something. Stop looking long enough to realize that what you are searching for is already within you.

Many of us are searching for direction in life without realizing that we have the answer within ourselves. This happiness quote shows us that we have the ability to create our own destiny and we must trust and follow our inner desires to reach our destination.

9. Peace is found on the inside; it cannot come from an outside source.

Oftentimes, society will encourage us to do more, buy more, or be more to find happiness. This happiness quote teaches that true peace can only be found within.

10. Doing something good for another person will also have a positive impact on you.

The power of goodness is that it acts as a beacon of light for all that are exposed to it. When we do something good for someone else, we are shining that same light of positivity on ourselves.

11. Few people in life have the maturity to truly be a companion to you. Instead of searching for a partner in the wrong person, choose to walk through these moments alone.

We all long for companionship in life, but oftentimes, our greatest adventures and challenges must be experienced alone.

12. Compassion is the world’s greatest strength.

This happiness quote teaches us the truth to inner strength: we must be compassionate to others.

13. Happiness cannot be discovered. It is always there—we must learn how to see it.

We can’t FIND happiness. Happiness is the path we walk along in this journey of life.

14. Our anger is a punishment we give to ourselves.

Many people choose to become angry and remain that way without realizing that it is this very emotion that is destroying them. If happiness is your goal, you cannot let anger overtake your mind.

15. To truly live and exist in power, we must live without fear.

Fear can be our greatest setback or it can be a lesson in the secret to success: when we move beyond our fear, we are able to accomplish whatever we set our minds to.

16. Pain is a guarantee in life, but suffering is a choice.

In life, we are guaranteed to experience painful moments. However, we don’t have to linger in that pain.

We can move on from the suffering by letting go of these painful feelings.

17. We can use a single candle to light other candles. Sharing this flame doesn’t decrease the light of the other candle. Such is the case with happiness.

Joy and happiness are meant to be shared. When we invite others to experience these happy moments with us, we are increasing this joy within others.

18. When we transform our minds and purify our thoughts, we are cleansing our lives of wrongdoing as well.

Though transforming the mind is a lifelong process, the more we align our minds with pure and positive things, the less negativity will remain.

19. Don’t try to control anyone else—you should only seek to control yourself.

We should never aim to be in control of someone else’s thoughts, emotions, or actions. We must strive to gain control of ourselves.

20. If you are seeking Enlightenment, you must first control your mind.

The more we can control our minds, the closer we will get to Enlightenment. At that point, wisdom will be second nature to us.

21. Leading a wise life allows one to spend every moment intentionally. Leading such a life leaves no man or woman afraid of anything—even death.

We all die. Though we all have various beliefs regarding what happens after death, those of us that live our lives intentionally have nothing to fear—we will know our time on earth was spent wisely.

22. These three things will always come out: the moon, the sun, and the truth.

Just like the moon and the sun, the truth will always find a way to shine through. If you truly take this happiness quote to heart, you must make a commitment to always telling the truth.

23. Our lives are made of little moments. One perfect moment will change a day, another perfect day will change a life. One life may change the world.

Never underestimate the power of one day. Each day has its own potential and may be the day that changes your life forever.

24. The words we speak matter. We influence others to do evil or good based on our words alone.

We must remember to choose our words carefully. Even if we have no ill intentions in mind, others will always interpret our words in one way or another.

25. Hate is not snuffed out by more hate. To bring light to the dark, you have to shine something bright.

We can’t stop hate with hate. Only love can bring about positive change in our lives and the lives of others.

26. Each new morning is an opportunity to start fresh.

Each day, we have the opportunity to begin again. Whatever may have happened yesterday is in the past—today is what matters.

Discover the wisdom of Buddha.

27. We all are connected and have some influence over each other. Nothing exists in a vacuum.

This quote reminds us that no matter how alone we may feel at times, we are never truly alone in life.

28. Evil is always a choice. We are never lured to evil by anyone other than ourselves.

At times, we can be our own worst enemy. Though we may believe another person is to blame for our lack of happiness in life, the truth is that we are in control of our feelings and thoughts.

29. Our thoughts are powerful. Negative thinking can hurt us more than we know.

Buddha was a champion for positive thinking. The more we think about something, the more it affects us. With negative thinking, we invite negativity into our lives.

30. A foolish friend is no friend at all. It’s better to be alone than to befriend a fool.

Going through life alone can seem scary. Though you won’t be alone forever, taking the time to be by yourself is better than finding companionship with individuals that have negative qualities.

31. The words we say and the opinions we have don’t matter nearly as much as the actions we take.

We can say all the good things in the world, but if we only speak without taking action, our words will be nothing more than that.

Final Thoughts on Buddha’s Happiness Quotes

Buddha knew a thing or two about focusing on positive thoughts and retraining the mind. If you’ve been searching for happiness, the Buddha’s teaching can help you on your journey.

Keep each happiness quote in mind as you work to cleanse your mind and life of negativity. In your quest for happiness, remember that it’s about finding joy in the journey, not the destination.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Dating Goals For 2020, According To 11 People

It’s the start of a new decade, baby, and that means coming at dating and relationships with some extra intentionality. While New Year’s resolutions can look different for everyone (and you don’t need to change yourself just because another 365 days have passed), thinking about some dating goals for 2020 can help you feel empowered and inspired as your mix and mingle your way through the year.

From expressing your needs to working through healthy conflict, creating and maintaining a relationship with someone can take a lot of work. Though movies may depict dating as serendipitous (think: meeting someone in a coffee shop and running off into the sunset while a Norah Jones song plays in the background), in real life, connecting with someone you care about can mean putting yourself out there and constantly striving to maintain an open mind. While it’s important to check in with yourself all year long, the start of a new year can be an extra special moment to look back at past relationships and think about how you want to move forward in your love life.

I asked 10 people about their romantic goals for 2020, and what they said will have you dating more deliberately for the rest of the decade.

woman in a cafe drinking coffee
Shutterstock

1. Date Someone Who Goes To Therapy

This year I want to find a nice person with shared interests, who asks me questions and texts me first, reciprocates my kindnesses, is emotionally available, and goes to therapy. That’s my goal.

— R.J., 27

2. Be Single

Honestly, my ‘dating goal’ is to not date for a while in 2020. In the past, I’ve gone from relationship to relationship, and I haven’t taken time to just be with myself and see what I really want. This year I want to try being single for a while or see people casually without getting so emotionally invested.

— Charli, 23

3. Pour My Heart Into It

2020 is the year of eager boyfriend energy. I want to be an eager boyfriend. Literally, all I want is someone to accept gifts from me and to kiss my face in public. I want to love fully and really show up for people.

— Sarah, 26

4. Embrace My Independence

I guess my serious goal is to gain independence within my relationship. Because I’m dating my best friend, we can get a bit insular, really ‘us against the world,’ and the reality is we both need other friendships outside our workplace and our romantic relationship. I want to value my friendships the same way I value my romantic relationship.

— Luna, 23

5. Be Unashamed Of Vulnerability

My dating goal for 2020 is to be unashamed of my vulnerability and allow myself to be indulgent in my emotions. Basically, I’m trying to get my heart broken in 2020. LOL, but actually? To really feel every moment of my relationships without fear.

— Kaylee, 21

Portrait of a beautiful woman walking in the beach
Shutterstock

6. Know When Something Isn’t Working Out

I tend to stick around in relationships that I’m not really happy in because I think, ‘What if I’m not really giving them a chance?’ I think my ‘goal’ for 2020 is to be better at balancing my intuition around feeling like a person or situation isn’t right for me.

— Lyndee, 30

7. Go On More Memorable Dates

My goal is to go on more memorable dates with people, even if we’re not ‘seriously’ dating yet. You don’t need to be seriously committed to someone to have a fun night out or go on a unique date that isn’t drinks or dinner. I want to bring more people flowers and make more people playlists. I want to go on hikes and road trips and do fun things with the people I’m casually seeing.

— Campbell, 22

8. Advocate For My Needs

I want to learn how to better advocate for my own emotional needs instead of only prioritizing my partner’s, or the people I’m seeing. I love how much I care about people, and I think it’s really special that I can be so attentive, but I need to make sure my own needs are getting met as well.

— Georgia, 25

9. Use More Lube

Use more lube. 2020 is the year to use. More. Lube. By that, I really mean, I want to communicate better during sex. Say if something hurts. Say if I’m not into it. Prioritize my body and comfort.

— Rebecca, 23

10. Heal From My Breakup

My dating goal for 2020 is to allow myself time to heal from my breakup, to be patient, and if I happen to meet someone I like, to take things slow and not rush into something just to fill the void of my breakup. And to remember to have fun!

— Shell, 28

11. Stop Trying To Force Things

I think my biggest goal for dating or anything relationship-wise is to remember that you can only control what you do. I want to stop bending over backward for people and working so hard just to get a kernel of attention from someone. It can be tricky to remember in the moment when you have a crush on someone, but if you have to try so hard just to get their attention, it’s just not going to be worth it. You don’t need to force anything.

— Jenna, 28

 

 

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7 Ways To Tell Someone Has Real Feelings For You, According To Experts

One of the toughest parts about dating is investing your time and energy into a building a relationship with someone who may not be as invested as you. It’s not always easy to tell if someone is sincere and has real feelings for you or if they’re just playing around. But according to experts, there are some things you can watch out for.

“Pay twice as much attention to how someone treats you than what they say,” Christine Scott-Hudson, psychotherapist and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells Bustle. “Anybody can say they love you, but behavior doesn’t lie. If someone says they value you, but their actions indicate otherwise, trust their behavior.”

For instance, someone who is serious about you will always make time for you no matter what. As Kate O’Connor, professional matchmaker and dating expert with It’s Just Lunch D.C., tells Bustle, having a packed schedule and being busy is not really an excuse.

“They could be stringing you along while dating other people, or they’re simply not interested in making room for you in their life,” O’Connor says. “And don’t be fooled by someone who takes the time to send you a quick text or DM throughout the day. Those two seconds of flirting may seem sweet on the surface, but it doesn’t make up for the lack of real time spent together.”

It’s one thing to be with someone who’s into you, and it’s another to be with someone who actually has feelings for you. Here’s how to tell if it’s the latter, according to experts.

1. They Do Thoughtful Things For You Just Because

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When someone is serious about you, they’ll display a level of selflessness that you won’t always get with someone who’s into you for more shallow reasons. For instance, they’ll do nice things for you because they know it’ll make you happy, not because they want something in return. “You might’ve said something about your dog being sick, and the next thing you know, they’ve bought chew toys, medication or even consulted their veterinarian pal for you,” Cherlyn Chong, breakup recovery and dating specialist, tells Bustle. “This is a person who doesn’t want credit or validation from you, they just want to make things better and see you smile again.”

2. They Care About What’s Going On In Your Life

“Being friendly is one thing, but consistently having tons of conversations is another,” Celia Schweyer, dating expert at Dating Scout, tells Bustle. A person who has real feelings for you will want to stay up-to-date on what’s happening in your life. If you’re not in contact throughout the day, they’ll make it a point to check in just to see how you’re doing. They’re always there for you if you need to vent, and they’re more than happy to give advice if you ask. They’ll also find a way to turn simple small talk into a full-blown conversation. A person who makes this kind of effort not only likes you, but actually cares about you.

3. They Make You Feel Like What You Say Really Matters To Them

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

“You can tell that someone has real feelings for you if whenever you talk, you feel like they appreciate everything you say and do,” Celia Schweyer, dating expert at Dating Scout, tells Bustle. For instance, when you’re having a conversation face-to-face, they’ll try to make eye contact as much as possible. They’ll put any distractions away and keep their focus on you. When you talk about something, they’ll ask thoughtful follow-up questions or offer up comments that let you know they’re paying attention. “It might feel like they’re clinging on to every word you say,” Schweyer says. They just have a way of making you feel like everything you say is important.

4. They Remember The Details

Sometimes the signs of someone having real feelings for you can be subtle. According to Schweyer, someone who’s serious about you will remember the details. They’ll never forget basic things like your birthday or your favorite food. They’ll also make note of the small things you say in passing like wanting to check out the newest restaurant in town. You’ll know they’re really into you if they take it a step further and actually do something about the knowledge they have. For instance, if you did mention wanting to try out that new restaurant, they’ll make it happen on your next date night.

5. They’re Open And Honest With You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

When someone is sincere about their feelings for you, they’ll have no problem sharing their life with you. They’ll open up about their insecurities, fears, and dreams for the future. “When someone opens up to you and you know it wasn’t easy for them to speak out, that’s a sign they have real feelings for you,” Schweyer says. “They want you to know that they trust you, and that you can trust them in return.” They’re allowing you to see their true self in hopes that you’ll accept them despite any flaws or shortcomings. This is how you build intimacy and connection.

6. They Respect Your Boundaries

In order to have a healthy relationship, it’s important to know that your partner respects you. As life and dating coach, Treva Brandon Scharf, tells Bustle, someone who truly has feelings for you will always take “no” for an answer without question. They’ll never try to push, force, manipulate, or pressure you in any way. “They’ll respect your decisions and your boundaries,” Scharf says. “If you say ‘no’ to something you’re not comfortable with, they honor it.” Your comfort and happiness means way more to them than whatever it is they want in the moment.

7. They’re Consistent And Follow Through On Their Word

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“The best signs someone has real feelings for you are consistency and follow-through,” Elizabeth Stone, love coach and founder of Attract the One tells, Bustle. When someone wants you in their life, they’ll make you a priority. They’ll be consistent with their communication, and make plans with you and follow through. If they can’t make it for whatever reason, they’ll apologize and set a new date. “When people are truly interested, your time and communication with them begins to cut through the other noise in their life,” Stone says. “They want more of you — to know more, experience more and spend more of their resources (time, energy, etc.) on you.” You’ll never have to question their interest.

While it’s always nice to hear that someone likes you, actions do speak louder than words. If the person you’re with does any of these things, you can trust that their feelings for you are real.

 

 

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Why Does Texting Fizzle Out So Easily During Early Dating? It’s So Common

If you’ve ever been texting with someone new and it seems to be going well (the conversation is flowing, there’s mutual interest on both sides), having them suddenly taper off or go silent can be frustrating AF. It can also be hella confusing. You’re left wondering, “What happened? Did they just suddenly lose interest? Was it something I said? Were they abducted by aliens?” OK, it probably wasn’t that last one, but as frustrating as it can be to have your text conversation fizzle out quickly early on, dating experts tell Elite Daily it’s not uncommon. So, at the very least, you know you’re not in it alone. Still, it can be helpful to understand why this happens, if only so you can see it coming or even avoid the texting fade out in the future.

Here’s what the experts say about text conversations drying up in the early stages of dating — and what, in some cases, you can do to prevent it from happening next time.

They’re Talking To Multiple People.

If you’re texting with someone you met through a dating app, Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships says it’s likely they’re chatting with multiple people at the same time. In that case, the fizzle might have resulted from their divided attention. “An app like Tinder reports 1.6 billion swipes every day. This means your latest crush on a dating app is chatting with multiple people, and early on they could focus on one person, or just be overwhelmed and let a few conversations slide,” she tells Elite Daily. “It’s hard to keep that level of conversation going with multiple people. If someone isn’t feeling it as much, their response time will increase, until you get to the point that you could get ghosted, or your digital love connection will fade away.”

While this can be discouraging, Spira counsels to not let this modern dating issue get you down. “Don’t let it get to you. There are so many singles who’d like to chat, meet, and find a meaningful relationship. Find someone who’d like to be in it for the long haul,” she says.

The Chemistry Isn’t Quite Right.

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Texting can be a great way to start getting to know someone. Sometimes, the more you chat, the more you realize there’s a great vibe between you. But not always. As Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast tells Elite Daily, a text conversation fizzling out might be a sign that the chemistry between you isn’t quite right. “Attraction may die down,” explains Leckie. “People [can also] realize they have less in common as time goes on.”

Eric Resnick, an online dating coach, agrees that a lack of chemistry is usually the cause for texting conversations to fade out. “It could be that the initial pull you felt toward each other wasn’t anything more than a passing attraction with no real chemistry,” he tells Elite Daily. Resnick adds, however, that it’s important not to let this experience make you try to be someone you’re not when texting. “Don’t worry about being cool and just try to be you. That will lead to much more genuine text conversations that lead somewhere, not ones that peter out because you don’t know how to outdo the last message you sent,” he says.

Over-Texting Can Be Detrimental To The “Vibe”.

When you first start texting with someone you’re attracted to, it can be easy to get caught up in the experience, and this, in turn, can lead to over-texting. Resnick warns this is another common cause for texting to fizzle out. “Early relationships can breed some over-exuberant behaviors. I’ve seen new couples where one person is so into the other that they’ll send three to five texts before even getting one back. This is a good way to push the other person away,” he warns. “If you are doing this, stop. If you send a text and don’t get a response in an hour or two, that’s fine. You don’t need to follow-up. In theory, the person you are dating has a life of their own,” Resnick explains.

It’s Just The Normal Slowdown In Texting Frequency.

Not all causes of text conversations slowing down are reasons to panic. A decrease in texting frequency may simply be a sign that your relationship has entered a new phase, explains Leckie. “It’s common to want to text non-stop when you first meet in the ‘butterfly stages,’ but naturally it will slow down as time goes on. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing,” she says. “It’s just a natural progression of a relationship and should only really be a cause for concern if it gets to the point where you are barely texting or feeling ignored.” That is to say, if all other signs in the relationship appear to be positive, it’s OK to just take a breath and not sweat fewer or less frequent texts.

How To Prevent The Fizzle In The Future.

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“Sometimes the text fizzle is just part of the natural cycle of things,” says Resnick. But that shouldn’t prevent you from doing something if you sense the conversation is dying out prematurely. If you think that’s the case, Resnick’s advice is fairly straightforward: “Don’t try so hard. Sometimes forcing it can kill it faster. So, relax. Don’t feel like you’ve got to send X amount of texts in a day. They don’t all have to be witty comments or hilarious memes. If you don’t give it too much power in your life, you can relax and use texting for what it’s meant to be: just a quick way to pass a periodic communication,” he says.

If you’ve been talking longer and feel like your connection is meaningful, Spira says it’s worth mentioning how you’re feeling. “Let the person know that you enjoy getting daily texts from them and that hearing from them puts a smile on your face. If they feel the same way too, they won’t let the conversation fade,” she explains.

The best approach, says Leckie, is to not sweat it too much and let nature take its course. “If two people really like each other and are a good fit, they will just automatically text more, have more to talk about, and make more of an effort. So then it really doesn’t have to be something that is thought about or worried about,” she says. “It’s important for people to make a concerted effort to touch base. It’s especially nice to reach out in the mornings and before you go to bed, if nothing else. You don’t want to start going a day or more without sending a text, because then not only will the texting be fizzling out, the relationship as a whole will as well,” she concludes.

In other words, conversation fizzle sometimes. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just a sign that this person wasn’t the right one. Just keep being yourself, stay relaxed, and when it’s right, it’s right — with no fizzle in sight.

 

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