Prince Andrew: I didn’t have sex with teenager, I was at home after Pizza Express in Woking
Why do otherwise dauntless women in their 50’s and 60’s struggle so much when it comes to dating? Do you feel, as a mature woman, you should have your love life figured out by now? Take heart – you’re not alone and help is on the way!
Dating Expert Lisa Copeland and Margaret Manning of Sixty and Me talk about why dating in your 50’s and 60’s can be difficult. Lisa explores some of the real reasons for your struggle and has some great tips on what to do about it.
Don’t Play Mind Games With Yourself
Have you ever noticed that you almost can’t help but smile at someone who smiles at you? You probably don’t really even notice if they are attractive or not, the smile just draws you in. That’s personality at work.
Women in their 50’s and 60’s often worry that they won’t measure up to a man’s standards. “This just isn’t true”, according to Lisa, “Men fall in love with who a woman really is, while women tend to fall in love with a man’s potential.” The truth is; if you have a great personality and positive energy, men will love you for it.
You Are More Than Your Body
We all know our bodies change as we age. Do you worry that your wrinkles, grey hair, or thick waist makes you unlovable? Many women feel like they simply have too many flaws to be attractive to anyone.
Want some good news? While you may be comparing your body to what it was in your 20’s, the men you are meeting now can’t do that because they don’t know what you looked like then. Relax, have fun, and know that he will love you for who you are right this very minute.
Never forget just how amazing you really are!
You’ve Got To Have A Plan
Would you leave on an extended trip without knowing what to take and where you want to end up? Dating is no different than any other complex undertaking in your life. If you want to be successful, you have to have a plan.
“You can’t just flounder around, not really knowing what you want,” says Lisa, “the most important part of your plan is to be super clear about the type of man you want to end up with”. Lisa also suggests you have 2–3 different ways to meet men, other than online. Baby steps are your best friends in this process since they help you see your accomplishments as you go along.
Rejection is Not About You
Do you hesitate to approach a man because he might say “no”? Being turned down can be a hard pill to swallow. Take heart, there is a trick that helps sweeten the bitterness of rejection.
“A man who says “no” isn’t rejecting you,” Lisa assures us, “you just don’t fit the picture of what he wants”. When you think about it, you do the same thing to men, don’t you? In fact, since men tend to be the one to initiate contact the most, they are given the brush off much more often than we are.
Pay It Forward With Online Dating Etiquette
Speaking of rejection, have you thought about the way you refuse men who don’t match your ideal picture? With the surge in online dating, our manners have perhaps slipped a little. Hiding behind our keyboard, we often say things we simply wouldn’t in a face–to–face situation.
Good manners are important in women of all ages and women in their 50’s and 60’s are no exception. Be polite, thank the man for his interest and decline gently. Your courtesy could be extended to the next person he talks to and may eventually come back to you.
Even if it doesn’t, it costs nothing to be nice.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
In March 2016, a man claiming to be a US Army captain stationed in Syria reached out to a Japanese woman on an international site for digital pen pals.
A plan to smuggle diamonds
17 arrested and dozens on the run
How the scam worked
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Another one from one of my female followers!
It was gradual at first, one red flag, then two.
We were the picture-perfect couple, so bright and shiny on the outside, the ones everyone wanted to be like.
It looked like we had it all, the car, the home, the life. He was the successful sports person, overcoming feats no one thought possible and I was the rock that stood beside him. The one who was always there, supporting him, praising him. But behind closed doors, things are not always what they seem.
I thought he was the love of my life, till death do us part, through sickness and in health. We said these vows in front of hundreds of our friends and family. I thought we would travel the world, have children, support each other as we built our empire. How little did I know that once I had served my purpose I would get kicked to the curb and replaced by a newer version that could give him the next leg up in life.
My world came crashing down two years ago today. I thought the man I had married was kind, caring, generous, selfless. However, this was all a rouse, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with what has happened and what I endured over the almost five years of our marriage.
It all started when I was 18, the world was my oyster, I had a great job, lots of friends, a loving supportive family and was having the time of my life. Then I met him. He swept me off my feet, filled me with compliments, showered me with gifts and affection, made me feel safe and loved. Our whirlwind romance continued for the next 18 months when we got engaged. He pulled out all the stops. I felt like the luckiest woman alive. Our wedding then followed, an extravagant affair, the party of the year. 300 of our closest family and friends laughed, danced and drank the night away. There were emotional speeches, and an endless array of kisses and laughter and to top it off I was spoilt with my own fireworks display (lucky right!). We were going to have the greatest love story ever. I was on an emotional high that felt like a drug cocktail as potent as cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy, all rolled into one dose.
Over the next few years we traveled, moved, built houses, bought cars and he continued to thrive and flourish in his sporting career. Everyone thought we were perfect. I, on the other hand, was living in a state of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness.
It was only gradual at first, one red flag, then two. The love-bombing and idealization phase of our relationship was over. The gaslighting and devaluation had begun.
He had started to withdraw, sometimes affection sometimes compliments, but mainly time (which he knew was a trigger for me). He would start to blame me, we would fight, he would get nasty, say things he knew would cut deep. He would accuse me of having no life, of having no friends when this was the roadmap he had drawn for me over the past five years. He had alienated me from my friends and family, always giving reasons why I should cut them off or saying things like “why do you care, they don’t do anything for us”.
His interest in his perception to the outside world and the image he displayed became the most important thing. While to the public he would praise me as his rock, would thank me for always supporting him, things were not as they seemed. He had me hook, line and sinker. I was his, I craved his love and affection, he had made me so emotionally reliant on him that my happiness was drawn from his success. My friends were really his friends. I had lost all sense of self.
Then the infidelity started. Sneakily at first but over time he didn’t even try to hide it. When I would question messages, photos, fake online profiles he would say I was crazy, that I was making things up, I was overreacting (another trigger point for me). We would fight, he would apologize then drip feed me compliments to keep me coming back. He knew just the things to break me but knew just the things to keep me running back. To have the person, who you love more than anything, make you feel so low is the most hurtful and painful thing someone can endure.
Family tried to intervene, they could see how toxic things had become, could see the pain I was enduring. I started counseling, alone at first, and then in one final stint to try and save our marriage I asked him to come along. He attended three sessions, the therapist saw through the crocodile tears and called him on it. He didn’t return after that.
Our marriage was over. It didn’t abruptly end one day, the pain was drawn out for a further few months until I told him to leave our home. I was now truly alone, alone in the home we had built to start a family in.
The discarding phase was the most painful and brutal. It was public and it was mortifying. I was kicked to the curb and very swiftly replaced by a more successful, shinier model. Someone who could serve a new purpose of helping him get ahead in life. Money and power were always his key drivers and he had found someone that could accelerate that. Even when separated, he tried to keep the power, control the narrative, lying to anyone who would listen about the reasons we separated, alienating and shifting the blame to his family. Anything and anyone was fair game if it kept up the exterior persona.
As I reflect on our relationship (and after reading the book – Power, Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse) I realized, holy crap, I was married to a narcissist. It’s sometimes not until you remove yourself from a situation that you truly see the red flags, triggers and defining moments.
I wish I had the gift of hindsight, I wish all the people who had wanted to speak up had done so earlier, I wish I had taken back control of my life earlier. Don’t get me wrong, I was not perfect in this situation, I did things I am not proud of. I was in survival mode, protection mode.
To this day, he has still taken no ownership over his actions, apologized to me – not that I expect it – or his family for the immense pain and suffering he has caused them. I reflect on the good times now with a sense of sadness, in the moment, they felt so real, so pure but I will never truly know if he meant them, or if it was all just a plot to make me his puppet.
Whilst I would not wish such pain and suffering upon my worst enemy (or the newer model), I know that I have come out the side a better person. I am finally content with who I am as a person, I have grown through this experience, know who I am, what I want, what I deserve and what I am capable of. I have realized how strong I really am, how much I have to give and how much I deserve to get in return. I have become a better, happier more content version of myself.
I am in a relationship with a man I adore, who treats me with the utmost respect and admiration, I am standing on my own two feet for the first time in my adult life and I’m taking back control. It has taken a lot of dark days, tears, anger and self-doubt to get to this point and writing this article is the final chapter. He did not come out on top. He did not win.
I hope this helps anyone who is currently sitting at home not knowing what to do about their current relationship, whether what they are going through is normal if the grass is greener on the other side. Take my word, through all the rain, there is a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end. It may take weeks, months, years to reach it. But I promise you, it’s worth it.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Here we were living in Santa Monica, and living the dream. Just a bunch of poor musicians having the time of our lives.
I was at a party at a friend’s place. One of his friends had been flirting with me all night, but it wasn’t normal flirting — she wouldn’t say a word to me. She’d only touch me and giggle as I walked by. Towards the end of the party, she took my hand and quietly led me to her room, which has a bed and just a bunch of clothes everywhere. Less than sixty seconds into making out, she started to go down on me. Which I accepted. I realized how creepy and weird the situation had been to that point, but it was head. What nineteen year-old dude turns down oral?
She finished up, and put her head on my chest to rest. At that point, I was thinking this girl was loony tunes, but I didn’t want to be an ass, so I began to reciprocate. But she grabbed my hand and stopped me, and said, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.” I looked at her totally dumbstruck. She must have misinterpreted my dropped jaw to mean that I was hurt, because she immediately came back with, “But it was really nice sucking your cock.” These were the first words she’d said to me all night.
So we were both quite high, we decided to head back to my place. Everything seemed normal. She finally decides to get it on with me. Sex was good and then we got to talking. Since we’re both high, we started talking about death and what happens to your body after you die and she asks me whether I have ever thought about killing anyone. I could sense a creepy story coming my way and just shook my head.
She then proceeded to narrate how she has always thought about killing someone by suffocating them, with a pillow. And since we were on the bed, there were 2 pillows around us and of course, I was majorly creeped out. She was looking at me with the crazy eyes and I was so confident that I wouldn’t see the sun rise the next day. I turned around and pretended to sleep. After a couple of hours, she left without saying a thing.”
New relationship, new rules.
We are setting boundaries every day.
We drive in our own lane. We obey the limits marked by a colleague’s desk or cubicle. We maintain a respectable distance in a queue. Yet, many of us think that boundaries are unnecessary and even offensive in a romantic relationship.
Many women don’t set healthy boundaries in their relationships. Instead, they think their partner should be able to anticipate their wants and needs. Some even fear that setting boundaries in relationships will interfere with the romance and spontaneity. Others feel that boundaries are downright callous.
Why should you set boundaries in new relationships from the get-go?
A healthy relationship, like every other area of your life, requires boundaries. Boundaries define responsibility in the relationship and create natural limits. These limits work to your mutual benefit since the overall expectations are clearly worked out.
Learning how to set boundaries is essential for eliminating blame in the relationship. According to clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, clear boundaries determine where you end, and your partner begins. When you are both clear on which responsibilities are yours and which ones are his, you have less conflict and fewer misunderstandings.
Boundaries communicate your tolerances to each other. You and your partner have different emotional thresholds. When you set boundaries, you are letting your boyfriend know there are certain things you will not tolerate: being lied to, shouted at, being silenced or mistreated. Limits make more healthy and peaceful relationships.
Not all men are going to have the same values as you so it’s important to get it right from the start.
What happens when you don’t set healthy boundaries?
Not only will you be in an unhealthy relationship, but you also cannot hope to be a woman of high self-esteem as you mourn the behavior of a man who is crossing boundaries and treating you indecently.
Failure to set boundaries means that you will have to deal with:
- Messy habits
- Jealous spying
- Broken promises
- Dangerous lifestyle: alcohol or drug abuse
- Angry behavior
- Oppression and resentment
- Power struggles
If you do not believe in boundaries and accept anything and everything, the problems that may arise in future are yours, not your boyfriend’s.
The core determinant when establishing patterns of behavior in your relationship is acceptance and rejection. Boundaries help you to clearly communicate with your boyfriend what things you accept and which ones you reject. If you don’t do one, you do the other.
Here are 6 healthy boundaries all new couples need to discuss.
1. Sexual expression
You and your boyfriend will have some different ideas about sex. For example:
- You may like sex in the morning while he enjoys it in the evening.
- He may love sex in odd places while you may enjoy sex more in the comfort of your home.
- You may be wild, he may like it slow and sensual.
The point is, if you and your boyfriend don’t know where your sexual boundaries lie, one of you will spend their time in the relationship faking sexual satisfaction.
Determine your sexual needs and preferences as well as how much wiggle room for adventure exists within your relationship. Violating sexual boundaries in a relationship is not just unhealthy, it can be abusive.
There’s typically no more of a sensitive topic in any relationship. Money is powerful and can turn a good relationship sour. Your incomes, spending methods, saving patterns: all these could bring some significant trust issues in the relationship.
You and your boyfriend should regularly sit down and discuss financial boundaries. Ask each other, “What dollar figure is the limit that we need to discuss together before we decide to buy or not buy it?”
It is also important to decide how you will spend your money, create a budget, and be on the same page where financial goals are concerned.
The above is easy to understand and get the message across that money is a shared topic. You are a team, and you must operate as such to be successful in your relationship.
Discussing financial boundaries is not an expectancy of a failed relationship; it is a matter of convenience which will help you avoid sticky entanglements later in the relationship.
3. How you settle disagreements
All relationships have conflict,
If you adequately address how you will fight in your relationship, you can quickly solve all your problems. According to an article on Psychology Today, conflicts and arguments do not necessarily jeopardize your relationship.
Indeed, there are times when disagreements can bring you and your boyfriend together. The key is how you and your boyfriend decide to handle your conflict.
- Give the silent treatment?
- Laugh when there is conflict?
- Make underhanded comments?
- Get the person out of your physical space?
Once you are aware of how you both handle conflict, then you can set up a rule in advance when you are both more level headed. (For example, agree that if one gives the silent treatment for two days, tell them that they are being silly and the point has been made.)
Conflicts, when mishandled, can ultimately break the relationship up. Work together with your boyfriend to determine the appropriate way for you to deal with anger and how you will treat each other when you are upset.
4. Social media
Social media has completely permeated romantic relationships. Jordan Gray, a sex and dating coach, indicates that as of late, relationship therapy sessions are filled with stories about social media interference with relationships like snooping on partners’ Facebook accounts, a lot of suspicions, and anger when partners follow their exes on Instagram.
A survey by Pew Research Center in 2014 revealed that 45 percent of the respondents said that their social media account had a major impact on their relationships.
You may be hesitant to discuss boundaries on social media usage since you may think that social media is too frivolous to argue over. However, you must realize that social media stirs up real feelings, and those feelings matter.
As such, agree with your boyfriend on:
- How to prioritize quality time together without social media
- What you should and should not post.
- To what extent you should engage your exes online.
5. How you spend your time
Your relationship will thrive when you spend quality time together — and separately. Therefore, you need to set boundaries on how you will not only spend time together but also have some solo time scheduled with friends and family.
If you do not set up time boundaries in your relationship, you will have problems in your relationship and also in the relationships with your family and friends. Talk with your partner about your expectations for time together and time alone and you will have a more fulfilling relationship.
6. Your limits
Bear in mind that the concept of boundaries may be unnatural to your boyfriend. Therefore, to make your boundaries efficient:
- Be firm, yet kind. Do not be mean or hurtful when you set a boundary. The more you approach the boundary conversation with love and compassion, the better the conversation will go.
- Be consistent. Once you set a boundary, do not dismiss it or ignore it. When you undermine the boundaries, you will have taught your boyfriend to disrespect them too. As such, stand behind your words at all times.
Remember the signs of a healthy relationship include boundaries and boundaries are not static. The types of boundaries in relationships can change as your relationship progresses or as you find out more information about each other.
Feel free to revisit the boundaries when the need arises.
When it comes to first-date ideas, there’s a lot of options out there, from the standard dinner-and-a-movie to more atypical ideas, like going for a walk or hike. But you may wonder what the best first-date idea is if you want a long-term relationship. Luckily, one dating platform found out the top first dates that lead to marriage.
Between August 16-20, 2018, PlentyOfFish (POF) surveyed more than 400 former users from the U.S. who married partners they met on the app. After all, it’s best to go straight to the source and see what date ideas worked best.
“It’s important to pick a first-date location that encourages conversation,” Kate MacLean, resident dating expert at POF, tells Bustle.“Dates that foster conversation will help you get to know someone better and will determine whether or not date #2 is in your future.” She also suggests selecting a location you’ve been to before so you’re relaxed and familiar with your surroundings. “That way, when you’re at ease on a first date, there’s less room for any awkward interactions,” MacLean says.
So, when you think about your own first-date locations, do you do the same type of activity with each date? Do you have a go-to first-date spot? Or does the location vary depending on the other person? In any case, the below are good #firstdateinspo, so take note.
1. A Sit-Down Meal At A Restaurant
Having a sit-down meal at a restaurant was the #1 first date that lead to marriage, popular with 55.1 percent of respondents. Yes, with someone you meet online or through an app, a dinner date may seem like a bigger first-date commitment than, say, meeting for drinks. However, it seemed to work for more than half of those surveyed, so food for thought — literally and figuratively.
2. A Romantic Walk
Going for a romantic walk came in second place as far as first-date ideas go, with 29.9 percent of those surveyed doing this as their first date — and now they’re married, so… it works! You can either walk to another location if you two click, but if you’re not feeling the person, you can just walk away. Plus, if you prefer dates that don’t involve alcohol, a walking date is perfect for that, too!
3. Drinks At A Bar
Having drinks at a bar came in third place, with 27.7 percent of people doing this for their first date, and it makes sense — you can limit the date to one drink or have more if things are going well. And with rooftop bars so popular, you can also have drinks-with-a-view.
4. A Movie
If you’re looking for a first date where you don’t have to talk much — at least, not right away — a movie may be your best bet. It was for 18 percent of those surveyed, at least, and then it’ll be a natural conversation-starter — you’ll have plenty to discuss about the movie afterwards.
5. A Quick Coffee
Having a quick coffee was the fifth most popular first-date activity among those surveyed — 15 percent of them, at least. Just like meeting for a drink at a bar, meeting for coffee is easy, and you can always add dinner or dessert to the date if it’s going well.
6. The Beach
For summer first-date ideas, the beach also came in the top nine, in sixth place, with 10.3 percent of respondents choosing it for their date. And why not, right? It’s usually free (unless you have to rent chairs or an umbrella), it’s beautiful, and also romantic. Who can ask for more than that?
7. A Music Festival Or Concert
Going to a music festival or concert with somebody is also a great first-date idea, and 5.6 percent of those surveyed agreed. Just like a movie date, the music performance will be a conversation-starter for you two.
8. A Sporting Event & A Bike Ride
There was a tie for eighth place: watching a sporting event and going for a bike ride; each came in at 4.7 percent of respondents choosing them as summer first-date activities that led to them getting married.
While some people are definitely sports fanatics more than others, sporting events, like a baseball game, are great for first dates — not only can you enjoy the game, but you can also eat, drink, and talk. Plus, you can bond over your favorite team — or tease your date if they’re rooting for the other team.
As for going on a bike ride, renting bikes is getting more and more popular and economical in many cities, whether you rent them for a half-hour, an hour, or all day. Plus, like some of the other date ideas on this list, you can extend the bike ride if you and your date are enjoying each other’s company, and even ride to some of the other date suggestions, too.
9. Amusement Park Or Carnival
Going to an amusement park or carnival came in ninth place in popularity, with 1.9 percent of people who married their POF date choosing this as their first-date activity. Plus, you can stay at an amusement park or carnival as long as you want, making a day (and night) of it, or not. And both settings provide built-in, child-like fun. Who doesn’t like when their date plays Skee-Ball and wins them a prize?
As you can see, many of the above first-date ideas that led to marriage can also be done year-round — depending on where you live, of course. As MacLean said, it’s good to choose a date location that encourages conversation, then take it from there.