10 Signs You’re With A Good Man

Here is the list of signs he’s a good man and how this type of guy will act while in a relationship.

1. He’s always honest with you.

When building a foundation for a happy, healthy relationship, a good man will understand that honesty is always the best policy.

 

2. He stands by you, no matter what.

When a man commits his love and his time to a woman, there are no stipulations or circumstances required. There will be good times and there will be not-so-good times. There will be challenges and unexpected situations that arise. But he will stay by your side and be your teammate through it all

 

3. He never lets you forget how much he loves you.

I cannot tell you how many conversations I’ve had with women who tell me that there is no affection in their relationship. The man in their life does not make them feel loved, wanted, or appreciated. This is a profoundly important piece of the puzzle: a good man will always remind you how much you mean to him.

I understand men can be less communicative or affectionate than women are, but this does not excuse the severe lack of effort put forth by our generation. If someone truly loves you, you will know it and feel it. If they don’t, you’ll be wondering all the time if they do.

 

4. He always supports you.

Regardless of whether you want to go back to school after 20 years to get your Master’s degree, start a singing career, or stay at home to raise a family, a good man will always support you and what you want out of your life. He will never discourage you or make you feel as though you can’t do what you set out to do.

He will be beside you every step of the way, cheering on your victories and comforting you during your defeats.

 

5. He works to gain your trust.

A good man will want you to be comfortable and confident in your relationship. The very cornerstone of this is being able to trust someone, and he will realize that. Without trust, there is no foundation for love or respect.

He will understand that trust is not just handed over to someone — it has to be earned, and then it has to be kept.

 

6. He always makes you feel beautiful.

He will understand that making you feel beautiful does not just mean saying the words to you. It will mean truly making you feel beautiful. In the ways he looks at you, touches you, and treats you. He will notice details when you put effort into your appearance and remind you how attractive he still finds you even when you don’t.

A good man will understand that whether you are in your sweatpants on the couch or in your evening gown heading to a gala, when you love someone for who they truly are, everything about them becomes beautiful.

 

7. He makes you feel safe.

I have always said that I believe one of the best compliments a woman can give a man is telling him that she feels safe around him. Regardless of how attracted she is to you or how funny she thinks you are or how much money you have, if a woman cannot sleep soundly by your side at night, none of it matters.

 

8. He’s always trying to improve himself.

Whether it’s learning new things, developing a new skill set, reading a new book or watching a documentary, a good man who prides himself on continuous self-improvement will always be intellectually challenging you and keeping your attention. He will be doing these things for himself, but the added benefit will be the positive impact it has on your relationship.

 

9. He’s never abusive.

Perhaps the most important point of all. Whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically, a good man will never even think about being abusive towards you or harmful in any way. If this happens to you, please have the courage and respect for yourself in order to talk to someone or walk away immediately. No good person would ever act like this and it will not get better on its own.

 

10. He opens up to you.

It can be difficult for some men to express their emotions, fears, and even inner-most desires, but having the right woman in our life often helps to open those doors. A good man, while understanding, of course, that some things are to be kept private, will not hide things from you or bottle up his feelings knowing it will cause tension and frustration.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly Facebook: phicklephilly

Advertisements

3 Red Flags You’re Not Comfortable With Your Partner

With more and more women coming forward about issues of sexual misconduct, it’s becoming increasingly clear that rape culture impacts every level of relationships. As a society, we have been conditioned to believe that predatory “locker room” talk is simply something that has to be expected and endured and that discomfort is an inevitable part of engaging in relationships. These are untruths rooted in an unjust system. If you are experiencing these red flags, you’re not comfortable with your partner, likely because of the social conditioning that both of you have been brought up in. It does not have to be this way.

You deserve to be in a relationship that is supportive of who you are and what you want out of life. You deserve to be in a relationship that bolsters you and makes you feel stronger. Any alternative is going to be a source of discomfort and will deplete your vital force.

Fortunately, there is potential for healing whether with your partner or on your own. It begins with identifying what is making you uncomfortable and speaking with honesty. If your partner is not hearing you, then you can find someone who will. If you’re experiencing one of these signs, then you are uncomfortable within your relationship, and it’s not your fault. But you do have the power to make a change:

 

1. You Are Anxious

There’s a difference between butterflies in your stomach on a first date and paralyzing anxiety, says psychotherapist and dating expert Allison Abrams. “Listen to your body as well, meaning be aware of any uncomfortable sensations that signal a fear response,” she says.

What does a fear response feel like? Well, it’s basically that pit in your stomach that’s telling you to run. Acute stress can make it harder to make clear decisions, but understand that your body is telling you everything that you need to know. You don’t need to provide a case for your discomfort. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be listened to.

 

2. One Or Both Of You Are Engrossed In Your Phone

“The focus should be on you, not the phone,” says Abrams. If the person you are with is more concentrated on their phone than on you as a person, then it means they aren’t engaging with you.

If your date is not engaging with you, then they’re less likely to hear you when you express discomfort, either verbal or nonverbal. And if you are burying your head in your phone, then it might be a way of avoidance coping. If you’re using your phone to shield yourself from your partner or as a passive way of placing distance between yourself and them, it might be because they are doing something that is making you uncomfortable. (And on the flip side, you might be less likely to hear your partner this way if they express discomfort.) You might not even be recognizing this discomfort because of the degree of social conditioning you have experienced. If you suspect that your partner is doing something that makes you feel ill at ease, keep track of your responses to find your answer.

 

3. You Feel Your Boundaries Are Not Respected

“Your feelings around physical intimacy should always be respected — whether on a first date or in a relationship,” says Abrams.

With that being said, you don’t have to have sex or any physical contact whatsoever if you aren’t comfortable with it. If you feel uncomfortable asserting your boundaries, then it might be because you think this person will not respect them. That’s either because of something they have done to you in the past, or another experience that you have had that you are now relating to this person.

If you experience hesitation about engaging in physical intimacy with someone and they don’t listen, then it’s natural that you would be feeling anxious. Disengage from the relationship. There are plenty of people who are capable of listening. It’s not only on you to make yourself heard.

 

Was this helphful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

What Is A Relationship Supposed To Be Like?

So I was with this girl for 2 years and obviously I learned a lot, but what has me lost is what I thought relationships were supposed to be? I think I might have been too controlling, and I was wondering if it was wrong of me to basically treat it like we were married when we weren’t?

I always thought when you found someone special, even though there are loads of others in the world, you’d work at the relationship and commit to each other.

If I came across another person that made me feel something for them, out of respect and love for my partner I’d step away and keep distance with the person and go back to my partner. I’d consider my partner in my future decisions like career goals and if I moved, not expecting them to come with me or change their life around, but holding out the option.

I guess I’m just confused here as to what’s the point of being with people anymore? I guess it’s not to have a partner in crime, as opposed to just experiences of pain and holding back feelings and honesty and emotions. It’s fickle and fragile and even if they say they love you, they won’t sacrifice a damn thing for you.

But I shouldn’t expect them to right? So what shall I do? Should I not date anymore? Am I wrong now? I feel so silly for thinking and believing this way. Love is not a special emotion and an act of devotion and commitment? It’s not kindness and sacrifice and compromise?? It’s not honesty?? It’s an experience?

How do I prepare myself for a world of dating?? I hated my past relationships so much because I had to hold back every part of myself with them. I couldn’t trust them or love them. So what do I do now?

What are relationships supposed to be like? Is love more of an experience and not commitment? If you just date someone for the fun they bring you, and then toss them aside when it’s too hard and another opportunity arises, how do I prepare myself for a life like that?

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Serena – The Succubus

This happened a few years ago. I met Serena on OkCupid. She was absolutely gorgeous. Our first date was nice but I’m convinced that she isn’t into me so I’m resigned to never seeing her again.

To my surprise, she wants to see me again.

Next date, I take her to this nice place and we have hors d’oeuvres and share a bottle of wine. She suggests we continue hanging out. I’m house and dog sitting for my friends and they have a pool table, so I suggest we go back there and have some more drinks and play pool.

She was a little spazzy and I was a little worried she’d had too much to drink, so I suggest we hang out awhile to sober up and she insists she’s fine and wants to go now so I have her follow me. She gets lost following me on the freeway, takes the wrong exit and we have a few phone calls and it takes her about 45 minutes to find my friend’s house.

She finally arrives. Great.

There’s good sexual tension and we’re getting along and having a great time. She suggests we go outside and smoke some pot she had brought with her. I tell her I’ll have a hit (I’m a lightweight when it comes to the stuff) but she can go right ahead.

This is where shit gets weird. I’ve never seen someone smoke themselves retarded faster or with such fervor. She just fully bakes out. Hit after hit after hit. The weird thing is that it makes her really argumentative and aggressive. She starts bashing “my place” and I have to keep reminding her that it’s my friend’s place. “These chairs are fucking ugly.” “Why is the deck shaped like this? It’s really stupid.”

Weird shit like that. I gently remind her again that it’s my friend’s place and I didn’t make the decisions.

She wants to play pool now. Oh boy. Maybe this will change the tone of things. She’s so high that she can’t hit the cue ball. She whiffs multiple times and grows increasingly agitated. I’m trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. My thoughts are racing. “Was that weed? Was it laced? Is she high on PCP or some shit? It tasted and smelled like weed. Am I going to get all crazy too? I feel fine, but she smoked a metric butt-ton of it.”
I try to bring it back to a positive place. I think it’ll be cute to try to get closer to her and help her hit the ball. Bad idea. She wants to do it herself.

“Back the fuck up! I can do it!”

Woah.

Okay, this date is screwed. She hates me now. Everything has taken a turn. I’ll just be cordial and kind and let her sober up a bit and we can get her on the road.

“Let’s watch TV.” She says.

Okay. I turn the TV on for her. She starts bitching that I don’t have any of the channels she likes. Why don’t I have them? I remind her again that it’s my friend’s place. She seems really agitated. Then she’s suddenly on me like a facehugger. She’s furiously making out with me. Whichever Lovecraftian horror has possessed her obviously needs my seed to make the anti-christ. I am completely confused by everything.

She asks to see my room. I tell her that I have no room, I remind her AGAIN that this is my friend’s place. She wanders off down the hall and finds the guest room which has a futon.

“Why don’t you have a real bed?”

“Not my place. My friend’s place.”

“I think it’s really weird you don’t have a bed.”

She mentions the futon a few more times in case I missed it.

I excuse myself to use the bathroom. What I’m actually doing is staring at myself in the mirror asking what the fuck is going on. I have entered the Outer Limits. Neither the horizontal, nor the vertical, are under my control any longer. (Google it millennials) What is she on? Should I ask her to leave? She’s SO attractive but this is not going well. Maybe I should ask her for more of her weed and she and I can succumb to the darkness together, and we can burn this motherfucker down.

My dick and my brain are at war. Both mean serious business.

I exit the bathroom and return to the living room.

She’s butt naked sitting on the couch watching TV. I don’t see her clothes anywhere. She’s acting like this is perfectly normal. Unfortunately, she’s a sight to behold. Perfection in human form. Her dark hair snakes down her back (I’m pretty sure I see it move of its own volition), her pink nipples glow in the light of the TV and the electric power of the palpable crazy. She’s like some dark succubus from an evil, yet sensual dimension.
My brain is fighting the good fight, but my dick is winning. This girl just dropped the A-bomb on me.

At possibly the furthest from my finest hour ever, my brain loses. I allow myself to fully give in to her crazy embrace. I carry her writhing form as she licks my neck and ears and face as though she’s dedicated to finally knowing the timeless mystery of just how many licks it takes to get to the center of the tootsie pop, but instead the prize is my blood. Her hands are everywhere. I struggle to hold on as this many-armed Kali goddess touches every part of my body at once. Picture frames are thoroughly knocked off the wall, and we finally make it to the guest room and the despicable futon.

I go down on her and she bucks like a rodeo horse. She doesn’t want that, she explains. She wants one thing, and she wants it hard. During our sexual rendezvous she continues to complain about the house and the futon. I’m growing irritated. She says she wants me to choke her and suddenly, a thought comes to me.

Is she purposefully trying to irritate me so that I fuck her in some violent and vengeful fashion?

If so, it has the opposite effect. I stop. My mind has cleared. What the fuck am I doing? What’s going on?

“What are you doing? Don’t stop! Fuck me!”

I ask her to stop complaining about the bed. It’s out of my control. I try to reel things back in. I try to slow things down, maybe connect with this stranger I’m naked with. It’s a little too late for that. She tells me so. She asks me again why I don’t have a real bed.

Something gives. I don’t know if she’s been trying to manipulate me into hating her, if she’s on something that has removed her ability to be in control of herself, or if truly the futon is the worst thing that has ever existed.

Either way. I’m done. I can’t go on.

I stop the crazy sexual olympics we’re engaged in and I tell her that I don’t feel comfortable continuing. She’s up and off the futon in a flash, like a martial artist kipping up from a sweep. She begins to furiously get dressed.

Ah. Her clothes were in here. She took them off in here. In preparation?
She seems more lucid now than she has for the last hour. She decides she’s leaving and I walk her to the door. I’m feeling strange, I don’t know if I was manipulated, or disrespected. I don’t know what to feel. Irritated, a sarcastic quip escapes my mouth.
“Well this was so much fun. Next time maybe I can come over to your friend’s place and complain about all their stuff.”

The look on her face is pure rage.

“YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO COMPLAIN. BECAUSE THEY HAVE A BED!”

I usher her out the door. I close and quickly lock it. I feel relief. I think maybe I just avoided being eaten by the devil. She sits in her vehicle in the driveway for 30 minutes. I peek out the blinds occasionally like a nosy grandmother to see if she’s gone. All she does is sit in her SUV and stare straight ahead. Probably trying to sober up, possibly trying to decide if she wanted to drive through the garage door.

EPILOGUE: I felt guilty about the whole thing. I decided to message her later and ask her what happened, and apologized for the way we left. She actually messaged back and apologized and said something about sometimes people just don’t work out. I wondered how much of that night she remembered.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                              Facebook: phicklephilly

Cherie – Chapter 25 – Anything Goes

“Once she gets going, you only get a few hours of repose while the eye of Cherie’s hurricane passes over you. But then she returns. Gently caressing your back and arms. You slowly awaken, and the wind increases, and within a short time you are both back at it and the sex storm is back to full force.”

So last weekend, baby was sick and so was her son. She texted me that she wasn’t coming down Friday night because of all of that. She just couldn’t do it. I want her to be well, and I also don’t want to catch whatever she has. Oh, and it was also shark week. I swear this girl has more periods than a Hemingway novel!

So I was a little relieved that for the first time in a month, I could simply go home on a Friday night after working at the salon, and chill. I could sleep in, and take myself out to breakfast on Saturday. Nothing to do. Just quiet solitary bliss.

Which I got. So I figured that the next weekend, she’d be all better and I’d see her. But then I got a message from my buddy Duncan, that his flight was getting in on Friday of next week. There was no way I could be with Cherie. Duncan had made this plan and booked his flight eight months ago! Yea, that’s Duncan for you. (See: Duncan – Concetrated Dosage)

So I had to break the news to Cherie. I didn’t know what her reaction would be, but when I told her she understood and was totally cool with it. (I mean, she sort of had to accept it. There was nothing I could do.) But she seems really good at accepting disappointment. I’m sure she’s had enough of that in her short life. My daughter Lorelei is the same way. She lived with her mother for so long she became accepting that life would be full of grinding disappointments. But instead of resentment, these two Scorpios, just knuckled down and made themselves better people. They haven’t met yet, but when they finally do, I hope I remember to thank them both for that wonderful trait.

So this was going to be a three-week intimacy drought. I know that’s really hard on her. I’m used to not getting laid. I’m just happy to be once again having sex. So I decided I should at least take her out to lunch during the week so we could at least see each other.

We met on a Tuesday, at where else? Ruby Tuesday’s! I just realized that connection. It was really nice to see her, but the embers are always smoldering under the surface with us. That feeling that we want nothing more than to rip each others clothes off and tear each other apart. I’m looking at her across the table. She’s telling me some story, and I’m listening, but I’m just letting my eyes dance all over her. Her lovely face, full lips, her lovely skin. She’s wearing her hair down, but in a pony tail pulled to the side. She looks very collegiate with her official Temple I.D.

I want her. But I can’t have her. Not today. Not for another week and a half. She looks lovely today. I tell her every time I see her she becomes more beautiful. She’s grateful and sweet about it, but I can see in her dark eyes what she really desires.

Sometimes I think I like writing about the non-sexual encounters because there’s more to think about. The obvious and easy part of the relationship is just the collision of our bodies in a celebration of pulchritude, but sitting and breaking bread with her and not being “allowed” to be intimate, is somewhat titillating. The forbidden. The denied. I’m a very patient man. I can wait years for things to come to fruition. A week and a half won’t kill me, but to her, it’s making her crazy.

She tells me she thinks about sex with me all day, and it’s driving her crazy. I’ve never experienced a woman like this. I was always a hyper-sexual growing up, but I have truly met my match. Mine has settled with middle age, but the fires can still burn brightly when they are fanned. She says she’s a nymphomaniac, and the only thing stopping her from being a whore is self-respect, control, and loyalty.

All great qualities. Wow. It’s like I’m banging Storm from the X-Men or something. Because when the lightning strikes it is extremely powerful. And once she gets going, you only get a few hours of repose while the eye of Cherie’s hurricane passes over you. But then she returns. Gently caressing your back and arms. You slowly awaken, and the wind increases, and within a short time you are both back at it and the sex storm is back to full force.

I love it, and I love Cherie, but it’s like I’m in some sort of sexual training program. It’s funny… you really do have to be careful what you wish for. I remember reading this book that my ex-girlfriend Michelle once lent me. (See: Michelle – 2007 to Present – A Brand New Day) It was called The Secret. I don’t know if this book was something that helped a lot of people but I do remember reading that if you think hard enough things that you want, and you do the right activities, you will actually start to ‘pull’ those things toward you. I started to do it back when I met Michelle, and it started to work.

But Cherie almost seems like a ‘reward’ of some kind. I’ve suffered at the hands of so many for so long, I was finally granted a reprieve from all of the bad drama and problems all of these women suffered from. Cherie was the perfect girl for me. Smart. getting her education. (Graduating next year) Hard worker. Doesn’t want anymore kids. I don’t see her all of the time, so I have my alone time. Super chill, zero drama chick. And of course, there’s the mad sexual appetite.

So we finish eating. We’ve brought each other up to date on what’s been happening in each others lives. I walk her to the train. She has to stop back at school, and then go to work over at CHOP. We’re sitting on a bench that’s a bit further away from the crowd on the platform. I get to steal a few kisses from my lovely lady. She even offers me her soft slender neck. I tell her I love her and she always returns the same.

We agree that another lunch next Tuesday should at least bridge the canyon of desire until next weekend.

“And when I do see you next weekend, and we’re together…”

“Yes, Cherie?”

“I want you to fuck me, and fuck me, and fuck me. Please promise. ”

She says this with all seriousness, like it is something she needs more than desires.

In ten days I’ll fulfill that wish.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

8 Experiences Couples Should Go Through Before Getting Married

“Experts say these things may help prepare you for the long haul of marriage.”

Building a strong foundation for marriage or another long-term committed relationship doesn’t happen in an instant. There are certain experiences couples go through over time that help them understand each other on a deeper level.

“We date and spend time together to figure out if a person is right for us, but time together is important also because the experiences that we have together build a bond, piece by piece,” marriage and family therapist Becky Whetstone told HuffPost. “The bonds are what helps the relationship withstand good times and bad.”

So ideally, what things should a couple go through together before taking a walk down the aisle? We asked marriage experts for their suggestions. (Note that what’s listed below are just that — suggestions. Every relationship is different, so this is by no means a be-all, end-all checklist.)

1. Take a big trip together.

“Whether you opt for a road trip across the U.S. or spend a few weeks backpacking through Southeast Asia, you need to see how it feels to truly rely on your partner when navigating novel experiences together. How do they cope with challenges like a flat tire or being immersed in a society without the ability to communicate in English? Are they able to roll with the punches and stay positive, or do they get pessimistic, moody or unreliable? This can be a litmus test for how they deal with the challenges that will arise later in life.” ― Spencer Scott, psychologist

2. Successfully resolve a big argument.

“Can you talk about things in a mutually respectful way? Can you communicate and collaborate without shutting down, attacking, blaming or getting defensive if you don’t immediately get your way? Or can you notice such reactions and then take a breath, step back, soothe yourself and continue the conversation? Can you arrive at some solution that feels okay to both of you? Facing and working through differences and conflicts creates an important foundation for your relationship going forward. If you can’t deal with conflicts at some point during dating, then how can you expect to deal with inevitable conflicts that arise in even the best relationships after marriage?” ― John Amodeo, marriage and family therapist and author of Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships

3. Have an in-depth conversation about your childhoods and family histories. 

“Understand who your partner is and what they believe in. Spend time understanding one another’s history, learn about their family, what they loved and didn’t love along the way. Are they open or closed off? Do they believe they should put their parents above the marriage? What do they value and believe in? The more you know and understand about each other, the more solid your relationship will be.” ― Becky Whetstone

4. Make a shared budget and stick to it.

Finances are the No. 1 reason partners who share a household fight. Before commitment, you need to know if you can rely on your partner to stay true to a budget and effectively manage your shared pool of money. It might be a good idea to start small, like agreeing how much money you want to spend as a couple one weekend, then trying to have fun within that set limit.” ― Spencer Scott

5. Hit a rough patch — like a job loss, health scare or other stressful event — and come out the other side.

“It’s easy to love when things are going well. However, it’s the thunderstorms and difficulties that arise that show us if the relationship is based on real love or infatuation. Ultimately, in every relationship, frustrations happen, storms arise and our unhealed wounds come out of the shadows for healing. It is important to have a ‘rough waters’ game plan when the inevitable problems, fears, anger or regressions hit. Nothing builds trust more than a good storm. That’s when you learn what you are made of, how secure the relationship really is, and how committed you both are. When it gets tough, do you fall apart, run away or hold hands and talk it out?” ― Sheri Meyers, marriage and family therapist

6. Go to couples therapy

“Couples need to take the time to learn from someone who solidly understands the dynamics [of communication in a relationship]. The goal is to be able to transmit and receive messages in a way that remains respectful and doesn’t damage the relationship. This sounds easy and simple, but it isn’t ― especially when people are sensitive and tend to get feelings hurt or take things personally.” ― Whetstone

7. Live together. 

“You’ll be able to find out how you live together, how compatible and how tolerant you can be toward one another. Sharing a living space will help you figure out what annoys and upsets you in regard to your differences, needs and priorities and whether the two of you can manage and accept them. Also, when you live together, you realize the importance of teamwork and respect while dealing with chores and responsibilities.

Managing shared lives is much more difficult than managing life by yourself. Through the experience of living together, you get to know your partner and yourself better. You are forced to develop boundaries, intimacy and relationship skills and hopefully you move toward personal growth.” ― Moshe Ratson, marriage and family therapist

8. Go through a sexual rut. Then be willing to talk about it. 

“While it’s natural for couples to experience peaks and valleys in their sex lives, when a valley happens or stays too long, hurt, disappointments and rejection creep in. If your partner is starting to feel more like a roommate than a lover, this is a prime opportunity to come together and talk truth, all masks off about your desires, turn-ons and sexual expectations. How much sexual contact do you both want? What makes you feel connected and intimate? What are you going to do on the ‘off’ days? What do you each need to feel desired? How much experimentation is allowed?

“Look at ways to keep it fresh and stretch your comfort zone. Creating some conscious strategies early on will eliminate some of the disappointment that occurs when the sexual excitement shifts or goes temporarily dormant.”

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men

Dating in 2018 can be tricky, especially for women. Even though we have more options than ever at our fingertips (technology in the form of Tinder and other dating sites), the dating world can be a frustrating pool to wade around in. A lot of the time, women keep their guards up in order to properly filter through a sea of jerks that are swimming around out there, so much so that one surefire guard happens to be turning into a jerk herself. While, yes, this can keep the creepers at bay, it can mess with the psyche of the men who are actually good and decent.

Okay, yes, I get it – those are few and far in between it seems, but they ARE out there, and when women start using especially toxic dating manipulation tactics, it’s the nice men who can unknowingly become random collateral damage. Sure, we women like to go off about the men in our pasts who have burned us and tell people who THEIR tactics have hardened us. So, when we do it to others, while we’re trying to step back into the dating world again, we can’t see the damage we cause to the men who clearly AREN’T our idiot exes.

Here are 15 ways women’s manipulating dating tactics have an effect on the good guys.

 

15. Dangerous Tactics Can Give Them Low Self-Esteem

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Self esteem

Sometimes, if a woman has been burned before in the past while dating, it can knock her self-esteem down a few notches, and that can be one of the worst feelings in the world. So, sometimes, as a defense mechanism, a good woman will turn around and do the same thing to a different man after the fact. It’s not like she’s INTENTIONALLY attempting to break this new guy, it’s that she’s demonstrating what she’s technically been through herself. Now, this can work when it comes to absolute trash dudes, but if you do it to a good-natured man, it WILL have the same effect that it did on the woman – it will give him low self-esteem that can follow him around for a long while.

 

14. Trust Factors Fly Right Out The Window

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Trust

Trust is the key component in ANY relationship. EVER. If a woman happens to be manipulative in the dating phase of a relationship, she WILL be found out. It’s the same with anyone – man or woman – if you’re a manipulative rube, you will be discovered. And when you’re discovered, the trust is shattered. And we all know how long it takes to build that back up again. And even if a couple is able to, the structure in which the new trust is built upon is shaky at best. If a nice guy finds out that a woman is being manipulative at the start of a relationship, he will most likely forgive her, but it’s never forgotten, and the entire relationship will end up liquefying.

 

13. Cause Them To Have Intimacy Issues… Even Drive Them To Cheat

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Cheating

It’s one thing if a woman is coy and witty when dating – THAT’S a turn on. If she’s emotionally manipulative, that will come back and bite her in the rear. I know some women think it’s a quid-pro-quo thing if a man is that way to her, why can’t she be that way back to him? But if you manipulative the wrong type of man, it’s going to come full circle back. Once found out, this can drive them to have intimacy issues since they can probably never look at you the same way again. So what do they do? The worse case scenario is it drives them into the arms of someone else – someone who ISN’T manipulative and will treat them with respect without playing mind games.

 

12. They Can Shut Him Down Emotionally

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Emotional

Dating can be innocent enough, at least to someone who dates frequently. Sometimes, if one person is more invested than the other person, things can get out of hand pretty quickly. Feelings are overlooked and people start to get hurt. If a woman is playing the puppet master with a nice guy in the salad days of a relationship, eventually, the guy will figure it out. It may not be right at first, but the inevitable will come, and it will have some startling repercussions. Especially emotionally. If a woman is tugging at the heartstrings of a guy she’s only messing with, it will cause decent men to begin to shut down emotionally – first to everyone around them, and then to her. And that stuff will follow him from relationship to relationship.

 

11. Can Cause Him To Start Lying To Himself

Lies

In the beginning of a relationship, if a man is completely consumed by the woman he’s dating, he won’t BELEIVE that she’s manipulating him if she actually is. But there are stages to this: not believing she’s doing anything wrong is first, followed by realization and then not caring that she is. At least, that’s what he’ll tell himself. He’ll start lying to himself – telling himself that he doesn’t care. Pretty soon, he’ll start to believe his own lies and become numb. It’s a sad process, but it happens unfortunately to good guys. He doesn’t want to believe the girl he’s dating is manipulative and pretty soon, he’ll teach himself to not actually see it, which is more dangerous in itself. He thinks if he doesn’t believe it, it won’t be true, even though it’s staring him right in the face.

 

10. They Begin To Project

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Projecting

Now, we all know that men tend to project when THEY’RE doing something wrong. Say, if they’re cheating, or thinking about cheating, they’ll be the one to accuse THEIR partner of cheating because if they’re doing it (or thinking about it) their partner has to be doing the same thing. However, if they were once a decent guy who got caught up in a woman’s manipulative dating rouse, they’ll begin to project not only big things that they’re considering (oh, like cheating) but other things as well. You see, they’re actually the victim in this dangerous little game, but they won’t want to see themselves as such, so they start projecting HER as the victim, which, if a woman is cunning enough, will play right into.

 

9. He Can Begin Manipulating Himself

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Ah yes, the classic case of the student becoming the teacher. Yes, this can happen, and when it does, it’s usually at the hands of some karmic force coming back to bite us in the rear. Sometimes, a nice guy is just done being that – a nice guy (and no, I’m not talking about those dudes who claim that “all women like the bad boys why can’t they go after the nice guys like me” but are, in fact, whiners) if they discover they’re being manipulated by the woman he’s dating. So what do they do? Well, if they’re smart, they’ll start doing it right back. Now, I know that may seem like a match made in heaven, but if he truly is a nice guy, manipulating himself will leave a sour taste in his mouth and he’ll bail on the relationship.

 

8. Cause Them To Be Submissive (Or Weak)

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Weak

I have never been fond of submissive men – while I despise aggressive men, usually falling someone where in the middle of the spectrum is usually the best place to be. However, it takes one manipulative individual to break down a man emotionally, and leave him a shell of a man. And it takes a special sort of witch to do this in the beginning of a relationship and is able to break a man so quickly and effortlessly – even if she doesn’t mean to do so. Depending on the type of manipulation tactics performed (and yes, there is a great deal of them depending on the woman), a man’s head can be left spinning and strip him of any sort of willpower he has over himself. He’ll become submissive and at her beck and call.

 

7. They Can Allow Men To Act In Ways In Which They Normally Wouldn’t (You Know – Like A Moron)

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Moron

No one wants this. And why? Because there are enough male morons in the world today. Just look at Hollywood – Tinsel Town is in the middle of spring cleaning all their male morons out of the industry, and women are slowly starting to take over (yessssss, more of that please). Now, while those men acted on their own accord, stupidity, and masculinity, there are some impressionable men who, when in a relationship with a confusing and devious woman, he can start changing the way he acts… meaning, he starts to act like an idiot. Now, what type of idiot he starts to act like is entirely dependant on his personality ahead of time, but know this – no moron is a good moron. Be sure to keep that in mind, ladies.

 

6. Switch Their Taste In Women Altogether

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Taste

So when you first got with your guy, he was attracted to strong-willed, brilliant women? Oh, but what’s that? After the relationship faltered, he’s starting to date the bimbo type? The ones who giggle at everything and need to be rescued every five minutes whenever they get stuck inside a revolving door? There may be a reason for that. If a nice guy, who has always been drawn to intelligent women, gets burned by a smarty in some sort of manipulative fashion, it could possibly change his taste in women altogether. He’ll be drawn to the less complex because he believes they wouldn’t hurt him in the same, devastating way. The less complex, the less the chance the woman will be able to hurt him in a manipulative fashion.

 

5. They Can Start To Release Their Anger Randomly

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Anger

In a good relationship, two people start to reflect and project each other’s best qualities in one another. However, this usually comes after the dating phase of the relationship when the two know each other on a deeper level. However, if one party is manipulative, it will wear on the other person, and things can get pretty out of hand. If a guy dating someone who is even a little bit manipulative in her tactics, he won’t want to release his anger on her, so he’ll start taking it out on those around him, especially if he’s blinded by her. He’ll take it out on his friends and family, but not her – at least not yet. Frustration sets in and when it does, anger follows suit.

 

4. They Can Make Them Take Out Their Aggression On The Next Girl

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Aggression

So you managed to manipulate a guy at the beginning of your relationship (you know, the dating phase), but it just so happened he was a nice guy… or at least he started out as one, and now he’s starting to change a little bit for the worse. If a manipulation tactic you took with the nice guy you’re seeing happens to be the whole “be mentally aggressive” tactic, chances are, if you’re just looking for a fling to be flung, he’s going to attempt to do so with the next girl. And if it ended badly with you, he’s going to take out all his aggression on her. Nice guys can be impressionable at times and if he’s hurt to a point, he’s going to assume that EVERYONE is out to hurt him (like we women tend to at times) and his aggressive walls will go up.

 

3. Change Their Taste In… Movies And TV? Okay

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Nope

OH YES, THIS IS VERY POSSIBLE. Women are very interesting creatures who have powers beyond people’s (especially men’s) comprehension. And one of these powers happens to be… we can change the taste of movies/tv/music etc in a person we find desirable and who happen to find us desirable. It’s called being in a relationship. Though, if WE happen to be the ones who use our powers for evil instead of good, and happen to screw up a perfectly decent human being, we can end up changing a lot about them – including changing their taste in entertainment. If a manipulative woman is figured out by a nice guy, and the guy was burned, he won’t want to watch or do anything that reminds him of her. His tastes will start to change. Maybe that’s for the better if he was a Nickleback fan.

 

2. Change Their Train Of Thought (And Not Always For The Better)

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Thought

This happens more so with the more impressionable men: manipulative women have a power over men, especially when dating. It’s like they’re messing with their brains, which can have a lasting effect on them. If a woman who is skilled in the art of getting men to do her bidding gets her hands on an impressionable nice guy, she can change his way of thinking – and it’s never for the better. She can harden him into a brutal and all too real stone-like figure. This once nice guy who had a positive outlook on life has been tainted, and a shadow has fallen over his realm of thought – especially when it comes to other women. If you think this is a good thing, ladies – you’re out of your mind.

 

1. The Tactics Can Stop Men From Believing In Love Altogether

Check Out!!! 15 Ways Women’s Manipulating Dating Tactics Affect Men!?

Love

Being in a horrible relationship can have a lasting effect on a person and even ruin them for life. It literally changes everything – from how they see and act around other people, to how they see and act in the world itself. When our hearts and souls are messed with, it can rip us apart from the inside out. When we find out that we’re the victim of scheming while in the dating phase of a relationship, it hurts. Some men are just as vulnerable as women are whether we ladies want to believe it or not. If we happen to come out of a manipulative relationship and are the same way with the next guy, it can ruin him just as much as it ruined you. It can make them stop believing in love altogether. And yes, this happens more than one thinks.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 2pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly Facebook: phicklephilly