7 Golden Rules for Maximizing Right Swipe Potential on Tinder

“It’s not rocket science.”

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A 2015 study by Global Web Index revealed what most Tinder users already know: whether they’re looking to find love or make love, men far outnumber women on the dating app. The study found that 62% of Tinder users were male, while only 38% of users were female.

This creates a situation where women overwhelmingly have the upper hand, because they have more options to choose from. As a result, many men remain baffled by Tinder and how to effect the seeming phenomena of matching with someone who is not a sex bot, doesn’t work for a live cam website, is not a prostitute, and is not too scared to meet in person.

So regardless of your gender and sexual preference, here are seven golden rules for increasing the likelihood of right swipes on your Tinder profile.

1 – Be An Active Tinder User

Many of the people complaining about lower than average matches on the site are hardly ever on it. Do a lot of swiping, and interact with the matches you already have to increase your chances of keeping them. Users often clean up their Tinder matches over time by unmatching the people they don’t interact with. Reduce the likelihood of being unmatched for this reason.

2 – Identify what you Need and Want

Some dating experts insist that dating is a numbers game, and you should create a profile which will appeal to the majority. This may work for those looking for casual encounters, but to develop more intimate connections – whether platonic or intimate – tailoring your account to the kind of person you want to attract is key.

As a result, knowing what you need and want in a relationship (or lack thereof), and from a person, should set the tone for the rest of your interactions on Tinder.

3 – Pick Better Pictures

If you don’t have a picture with your Tinder account, then you’re already doing it wrong. Some people may swipe right out of curiosity, but most will not, even if you have an amazing bio.

Your profile picture should be a recent, general favorite as decided by not just yourself, but your friends. Pick the ones that got the most likes on Facebook or Instagram, because this implies that it is the most attractive one you have.

The rest of your pictures should reflect not just the life you live, but the kind of things your match will be included in if he or she becomes involved with you. For instance, if you’re an active man, bring out the hiking and climbing pictures. If you’re a dog lover, post a picture of you with your four-legged friend.

4 – Fill Out Your Bio

A lot of people don’t fill out their bios. Reasons range from “Nobody even reads that” to “I don’t know what to say”. But the truth is many people do read it and use the content of your bio to break the ice.

Some potential matches also wonder, If you don’t know what to say in a bio, will you make good conversation on a date? Few things are as awkward as being stuck on a date with someone who doesn’t know how to carry on a conversation.

If you’re looking for something shallow, then perhaps a bio isn’t that big of a deal. For the people looking to create deeper connections, even when it doesn’t lead to a relationship, find some witty words to throw in that bio.

5 – Capitalize on the Power of Social Media

Tinder allows users to link their Instagram pages to their dating profile. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to let potential matches see more pictures of you and the things that interest you. You might also gain yourself a few new followers in the process.

In addition to this, Tinder shows mutual interests between you and your potential matches, which often helps to establish common ground. The more interests and pages you like on Facebook, the greater the likelihood of catching someone’s eye based on shared interests.

Don’t go crazy on liking pages though. Stick to the ones you’re genuinely interested in, so as not to create a false perspective of who you are. Overselling and under-delivering may get you more matches, but won’t work in your favor in the long run.

6 – Don’t Judge a “Book” by its Cover

Don’t judge potential matches based on their pictures alone. That lumberjack beard could be shaved off by now, and those muscles could have recently dissolved into twenty pounds of extra fat.

Similarly, accounts with bad pictures are often owned by people who are just not photogenic – I wasn’t. Take it from a former user who met up with maybe a dozen people from Tinder: almost every user looked even better than they did in their photos.

7 – Widen Location Settings

Only dating within a 20 mile radius doesn’t do much to expand your dating pool. Be open to matching with people no matter how far away they are, or if they live in a different country and are only in your area on vacation.

I met my husband on Tinder, while on vacation, and ended up marrying him and moving to his country. You never know what can happen.

Also, often times when people are planning to relocate, they will check out the dating pool in the area prior to moving. Don’t miss out on that opportunity by confining yourself to men and women up the street.

 

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How to Make Your Relationship Stronger with 15 Simple Methods

Learning how to make your relationship stronger is all about working together. You’re a partnership. That means you each have to put forth the same effort in order to make it strong and successful.

When it comes to longevity, knowing how to make your relationship stronger certainly helps. Here’s how you can make your relationship last forever.

Not all relationships start out on great terms. You may be happy at first and then after that honeymoon phase ends, you’re left struggling to keep things together. But if you really care about that person, you want to know how to make your relationship stronger so it can last.

You’re not alone in feeling this. A lot of people have to work hard to figure out how to grow as a couple. Relationships are hard work in general. The fact that you’re trying and putting forth an effort to make things better already shows so much.

The key to a healthy relationship is trying

That’s it. It’s simply trying. A lot of people will say communication saves a relationship, and while that’s completely true, making an effort is the very first step. As long as two people are trying, progress will be made and the relationship will improve.

Those who don’t try have already lost. Without putting forth any effort, nothing can get better. Someone who isn’t trying is a person who doesn’t care. And when one person doesn’t care, the relationship is already over. [Read: 20 ingenious ways to keep a relationship exciting]

How to make your relationship stronger so it can outlast anything

You will have to go through tough times together. That’s just the reality of relationships. But the stronger your relationship, the better chance you have of making it. Here’s how you can bond more, delve deeper, and make your relationship as strong as it can be.

#1 Talk to each other. I know you do talk to your partner. I mean to talk about more than just the weather and how your days were. Ask for details and really listen to them. Usually, people mean an awful lot more than what they say and by talking regularly, you’ll learn to read between the lines. [Read: 15 things to talk about in a perfect relationship]

#2 Show how much you care. Don’t just say it. Words hardly mean anything if there aren’t actions to back them up. So do nice things and show your significant other they’re in your life because you really want them to be. They’ll be grateful and happy to see it.

#3 Talk about the important stuff. With this, I mean you have to talk to each other about the deep stuff. Discuss how you feel about major issues and make a point to dig deep. Staying strong is about staying close and this is how to do that. The more you talk about difficult things, the better.

#4 Always work to improve your sex life. Sex is a major part of any healthy, happy relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. That being said, you’ll have to work hard in order to keep it fun and exciting.

If you’re both always trying to improve and make things better, it’s unlikely you’ll ever be unhappy with things. Talk about what you both need and then follow through with your plans to make it better. The better your sex life, the stronger you’ll be together. [Read: 30 ways to keep your sex life the best it can be]

#5 Stay playful. Keep your fun, flirting attitude alive throughout the relationship. It’s usually present for the first few months and then fizzles out. Don’t let it. The more you’re able to sit back and laugh together, the stronger your relationship will be.

#6 Be romantic whenever you can. Romance is needed in all relationships. Once again, this is something that’s usually really strong in the beginning but goes away over time. The key to learning how to make your relationship stronger is finding new ways to be romantic and loving toward your partner.

#7 Always show your appreciation. It doesn’t have to be a big display, but a simple “thank you” can go a long way in making your relationship stronger. When your partner’s actions are appreciated and they know it means a lot to you, they’ll keep doing them.

Plus, the more they do for you, the more you’ll want to do for them. It’s an endless cycle of both of you giving to each other. That can never be bad for a relationship. [Read: 16 ways to show your appreciation for someone you love]

#8 Fully discuss your arguments. Arguing and then forgetting about it is pointless. In fact, it makes things much worse. The more you fight and then don’t figure out the real issue, the further apart you’ll grow. Meaning, your relationship will be very weak. Fully talk about your problems and come to a conclusion about them.

#9 Try getting to know them more every day. We change a lot as time goes by. The person you were when you first entered your relationship might be different than who you are today. The same is true for your partner.

#10 Laugh at the embarrassing, silly stuff. When you’re in a long-term relationship, stuff can get messy. You get very up close and personal with many things about your partner.

You have to be able to laugh off those embarrassing moments and move on. Your relationship will be really strong if you can always do this. [Read: How to smile and laugh more to improve your life and relationship]

#11 Always go on dates. Date night isn’t really an option. You have to have them. Even if you can only go twice a month instead of once a week, it’s important that you both carve out time to be intimate with one another.

Making it a priority is essential. Don’t back out on date night unless your reason is really important. And even then, make it up to them.

#12 Do things they love but you don’t. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. They might really want to go see that new action movie you think looks awful. Take one for the team and go ahead and do it. They’ll do the same for you. The more selfless you are, the stronger your relationship will be.

#13 Acknowledge when things aren’t okay. Every relationship has hard times. That’s okay. Be the person who decides to open up and talk about it. Most people have a hard time with this and will end up holding everything inside. That’s the last thing you want. So discuss when things are bad and you want them to be better. [Read: 10 big problems in relationships and how you can fix them]

#14 Stay patient and learn how to forgive fully. Holding grudges really isn’t a great thing for relationships. You have to be able to forgive and then mean it. You also want to work on staying patient with your partner. Everyone has issues they might need to work through before they can make a relationship stronger.

#15 Always try to impress them, no matter how long you’ve been together. This is one of the best pieces of advice for learning how to make your relationship stronger. Keep trying. Always work on impressing one another. The more you do this, the happier you’ll both be and the stronger your relationship will become.

[Read: 34 ways to build a stronger bond in your relationship]

Learning how to make your relationship stronger is all about working together. You’re a partnership. That means you each have to put forth the same effort in order to make it strong and successful.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 16 – Brief Repose

Cherie is off for winter break from school, so she has some flexibility. Not much, but a little. She was able to come downtown today to meet me for lunch. If my daughter Lorelei was working the lunch shift instead of dinner at her job today, lunch with Cherie would have been a completely different experience.

But I’m always happy to see my love. Cherie had an appointment in the morning. She texted me to say she was finished and available to meet. We met at 17th and Chestnut. It was raining today and I remembered my umbrella this morning, but forgot it when I left the office for lunch. So this time, instead of me sharing my umbrella with her like on our first date, she was sharing her purple one with me. I’m holding it over her head. She doesn’t seem to mind the rain as usual.

We arrive at Devil’s Alley. It’s a little after 11am, which is brilliant because the place is dead. The food at Devil’s is great, but the service has always been a little slow. It’s been that way for years. But… if you get there early it’s a whole different story. The place is dead.

The host gets off the phone and asks us where we want to sit. I say upstairs and up the steps we go. We get a nice quiet table in the back. Our server is on point with the specials, but we know what we want. We order the amazing dry rub wings to start. I think they’re the best in the city. She goes with the blue cheese burger and I get the pulled pork sliders. Mine comes with coleslaw and hers with fries. She likes slaw and I like fries, so we’ve got the perfect share plate.

It’s really nice to see her. She’s wearing her glasses today and she looks sexy smart. I tell her than I noticed she wore her contacts last time we were together. “That’s so I could see you!”  she says. I tell her that men are visual animals and it’s always better in bed when we can see our partner.

“I know, that’s why I woke you up at 6am last Saturday to fuck me again, so you could see me.” she says.

I just laugh as the waiter approaches. She loves to play with me like that. It only makes me want her more. But we’re in a restaurant, and our next intimate encounter is a week away.

We’re chatting about the holidays and life. She finally got a new phone from her dad for christmas. She loves it. I don’t know what she had before, but she didn’t like it. It seemed like it was always going dead. She whips out the iPhone 7 and it is brand new. My phone seems old in comparison. (As long as it works I don’t care what kind of phone I have) It’s lean and slim like her.

I’m happy to be having lunch with her. Just sitting across the table from her is wonderful. Looking into her eyes and holding her hand. She never wants anything. She didn’t even want anything for Christmas. I had a glorious Christmas with her, but the gifts we exchanged didn’t come from a store. She says she really doesn’t want things. She’s happy with what she has. If she wants something, she’ll work and save for it. I asked her if she and her son’s father ever exchanged gifts at Christmas. She said they did, but it was no big deal. She said that she would rather see him put the money for her gift towards something else for her son. That’s really sweet and selfless.

It’s a good week for me to spend time with her. Work is slow. The rain has stopped, so after lunch we head down to the store to get a case for her new phone. I can’t believe how expensive some of these cases are now. That’s a cottage industry unto itself. I saw cases that were over sixty dollars! For a hunk of plastic? That seems like a ripoff to me, but if you drop one of these new elegant phones on the pavement…

The sales girl who was helping us showed the strength of  the case on her phone. While talking to us, she literally tossed the phone like twenty feet away. It bounced against the front of the counter. She goes over and picks up the phone and it was fine. We were sold. I found it a brilliant sales tactic and I congratulate the girl.

Cherie picks out a winner and it’s the same make as mine. (Otter Box)

The rain has stopped. Cherie says she has to use the restroom. I know where every liquor store and clean bathroom is in Philly. “Follow me.” I take her to Sofitel. They have super clean and very private bathrooms. It’s the only place my buddy Church will go for an ‘away game!’ The Ritz Carlton has my other favorite bathrooms in the city. You gotta know stuff like this when you live in a city.

Cherie’s been working so many hours at her two hospital jobs, that I can see that she’s just tired. I think between finals at school, raising her son, and all the hours she works, it’s taking a toll on her. She says that she may have to leave the one job once school starts again, because it’s just too much. Sometime you have to choose between money and health. I really care about her and her well-being is far more important to me than anything else. She did really well in school this past semester, so she’s moving forward with her education.

She said she walked past a place called the Velvet Lily earlier today. I know the place and the owner. It’s a high-end sex shop down in Midtown Village. They sell all sorts of toys and what not. I tell her we’re too far to go back down there, because I have to be at the salon at 3pm and she has a 2:38 train to catch. But there’s a place on Walnut called The Passional that has stuff like that. I have never set foot in the place, but Cherie loves sex and I may get some ideas based on what she looks at in the store.

We go in, and it’s downstairs from a head shop called Wonderland. First thing I see is a bunch of silly bachelorette party crap. Which I find sort of obnoxious. Cherie isn’t interested in it either. I point out a wedge-shaped pillow that improves the angle of things during sex. “As if you don’t twist me and flip me around every which way enough?” She smiles. I laugh and move on. The store isn’t that good, and I wonder how they stay in business. Don’t most people buy all this stuff online now? I’m thinking about getting some things, and I can probably just go through Amazon.

It looks like Cherie is unenthused in regard to this store, so we leave. I think it’s cute that she always asks where we’re going because she doesn’t know her way around Philly. I always assure her where we are, and where we’re going, and when we’ll get to where we have to be. I don’t mind it at all. She makes so many decisions every day, that she likes relying on me to do all of that when we’re together.

We know it’s coming. The time when we’ll have to part. I take her into the BNY Mellon building to escape the damp chilly day. I know the whole Suburban Station network like the back of my hand. I can even tell you at any point where we are in relation to the street level when I’m down there. Like my father before me, I’m an explorer. My dad could always find ways to locate things and shortcuts to everywhere. That’s when having anxiety and OCD are a good thing. You’re always looking for and angle or an alternate escape route.

I take her to her train platform and we sit down on one of the red metal benches. I’m close to her. I take her hands in mine. The train is coming soon. I kiss her neck, and whisper to her:

“I miss you already.”

She whispers back. “We’ll be together soon.”

A slight breeze. It’s coming. A light appears down the track, and the train roars into the station. We rise and I walk her over to the door.

We kiss, and she’s gone.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Are Money And Social Status More Important Than Looks, Confidence And Determination Regarding Dating Success?

As in many other pieces published on phicklephilly, space, coherence and readership adaption call for less extensive reasoning about other positive factors, as well as constraining factors. I will now address some of these and explain why these three still determine the bulk of one’s dating success. I will also add a number of particular points that have not been emphasized in earlier articles.

Dating success
First I would like to explain what I mean by dating success. Since it seems more or less self-evident, many choose to not explain this. As I see it, though, dating success primarily means notch count understood as a decent balance between quality and quantity. One or two hot girlfriends over a period of 20 years do not make you successful by any means, although it might make a person happy if those long-term relationships have been mostly positive experiences and of course are preferable to dating average girls.

Conversely, 100 5s cannot be understood as substantial dating success either. For dating success to occur, a man most be able to bang a larger number of 7s, 8s and 9s, and not that many 5s and 6s in relationship to the total notch count. Sure there are guys who have claimed that three-digit numbers are required to be called a Don Juan – and indeed there are several levels of Casonova-ness – but those in the two-digit span can also be fine if the average quality is relatively high. Balance is important and one should not be too obsessed about sheer numbers, if not for other reasons than because there are other important things in life than raw score (pun intended).

Money and social status
I fully agree that a large degree of money and/or social status really are important factors. However, a large portion of these are generally outliers. Few men can compete with actors, pop stars, successful sportsmen and billionaires, but then most men do not belong to any of these categories, nor is it realistic to do so in the future.

Money and social status can be measured as continuous rather different variables. So to have a monthly salary of 10 000 US dollars is much better than to earn only 5000, which in turn is preferable to 2500 and so on. To have a relatively large network of friends and acquaintances and significant popularity within those circles, are of course better than a small network.

However, given that a man who is determined to improve himself in order to get laid will almost automatically try to improve his earnings and social status. But to use the money wisely and appropriately are even more crucial components. A man who is determined will not buy a Playstation 4 unit or gaming computer. He will not buy an expensive yet fairly mediocre car and drive around with his average girlfriend in it. He will, on the other hand, perhaps buy a ticket to Bogata, Madrid or Tokyo, a Hugo Boss suit and fitting shoes.

Regarding social influence one must realize that a lot of hunting occurs more or less alone. To have social proof is important sometimes, but day game, online game and night game mostly go hand in hand with individual efforts. Social circle game can be a powerful way to perform, but you must have looks and confidence within that circle, because otherwise it will be friend-zoning that awaits you. Agreeableness, extroversion and likeability only go so far.

Further, as Troy Francis logistics is one of the keys. A guy who is determined to have more dating success will try to fix that as well. It could be to pick a hotel instead of a hostel, rent an apartment closer to a club, or find a love hotel in Tokyo around 7:30 in the morning.

Sure one needs some degree of money for that, but that are the amount of resources that you have saved by making proper hacks and priorities. Most guys have that kind of money as they are clustered somewhere in the middle of the income spectrum in the West. The real issue is to figure out how to maximize one’s potential with disposable means, whether economic, physical or mental.

Constraining factors
Furthermore there are a lot of constraining factors involved. A guy can fall on the rope due to reasons that go beyond looks, confidence and determination. Being too introvert, mildly autistic, depressed, living in the completely wrong place, or making minor mistakes along the way will not serve you well.

I am not sanguine that everything can be fixed either, if not for other reasons than because genes largely     underlie personality and behavior. Still the extreme game-detrimental personality profiles are outliers, and since most men are clustered somewhere in the middle also in this regard most can improve themselves a lot in the proper direction.

Conclusion
Money and social status are indeed very important factors that underlie dating success. However, since most men are clustered somewhere in the middle of the income and social status spectrum, how and for what purpose he uses his disposable resources are more crucial than the earnings and network size. Constraining factors linked to personality and behavior are likewise outliers. The key is for the middle-man to work hard and figure out how he will accomplish the most with the least resources, which is linked to the determination factor.

 

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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The Most Popular Way to Meet a Significant Other Has Nothing to Do With Online Dating

 

Is it time to say so long to swiping?

While dating apps are as popular as ever, they might not be the best way to meet a potential romantic partner. That’s the takeaway from a recent survey, which found that only 8% of people polled said that they hooked up with their significant other via online dating or a dating app.

What was the most common way for couples to meet? Through mutual friends, according to the survey, which was conducted by market research company ReportLinker. An impressive 39% of respondents replied that they met their spouse this way—just like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

Meeting at work came in second place, with 15% of respondents answering that they met their significant other at the office. Next on the list was in a bar or public area (12%), through a sport/religion/hobby events (9%), family (7%), and school (6%). Just 1% of poll takers said that they met their beloved at a speed-dating event.

The poll results cast doubt on the prospect of finding lasting love online, and instead relying on friends (or your local pub) to help you find The One. When asked what they thought was the main drawback of online dating, 30% of single respondents said that potential love interests on sites and apps were “not serious” and 21% said “more lies.”

Still, singles continue to search for a significant other digitally. Respondents who said that they were currently dating online had a profile up on an average of 2.4 websites.

The results were based on replies from 501 singles and 551 coupled-up people in the U.S. Speaking of couples, the survey also found that 6% of the people who described themselves as having a spouse were still registered on a dating website or app.

 

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7 Things Women Expect On A First Date

Landing yourself a first date is only the first step in securing a smooth transition into an eventful and exciting night. A first date is about an impression. A woman wants to feel that the man she’s with has not only thought about the date, but also prepared accordingly.

Let me help you decipher her unspoken expectations for the evening and what she wants you to do but would never actually say.

1- Go the extra mile… or two

If you greet her with a red rose and a smile you’re sure to get a warm response. But why not turn up the heat and offer her a less stereotypical treat? If you already know some details about this woman, use the information to your advantage. If her favorite color is purple, give her a purple flower. Otherwise, use your imagination.

If she’s the playful type, she might enjoy a bouquet of lollipops to sweeten the night. Or, if she’s of a more intellectual persuasion, perhaps offering her a copy of your favorite book might stack the odds in your favor. The key is creativity — she’ll be impressed if you’ve shown that you not only got her something, but that you thought about her while doing it.

2- Be polite, not pushy
She may not tell you that etiquette is a priority, but be sure that she’s keeping an eye on what you are, and perhaps more important, what you aren’t doing. It’s the little details that make the difference, like chewing with your mouth closed. Remember; nothing you have to say is either important or funny enough that it can’t be said after you swallow.

Do offer to open the door for her, but if she insists on doing it herself, be sure and let her. Another rule to remember: any stories that involve vomit or secretions of any sort (no matter how funny or appropriate you think they are) will generally be a complete turnoff to a woman.

3- Be complimentary
Many men forget to notice and compliment their date’s appearance. There must be something about her outfit, her hair or the way she smells that you like. You can rest assured that she’s spent a good portion of her time primping and preparing for this first date, and it’s important that you acknowledge her efforts.

Find out what you should do during dinner and how to leave her with a lasting impression…

4- Be curious about her
You’re nervous and trying to make sure that she thinks you’re better (and more original) than the last guy who showed up at her door with a red rose. The result can often be you talking about all the things you’ve accomplished while neglecting to ask her about her interests. Your intentions might be to keep the conversation flowing, but a monologue actually makes for a more uncomfortable evening than a few awkward pauses. So be sure to ask her about herself; just don’t turn it into an interview.

5- Be assertive, not aggressive
It’s important that you show her you’re confident. But, it’s also important not to blur the line between being assertive and aggressive while interacting with her, as well as those who might even prove to be allies on your first date. When dealing with your waiter, she’d prefer you be courteous than cantankerous. If what you order isn’t what you get, then by all means tell your waiter, but don’t raise your voice and demand it be taken back. A polite smile and a simple assertion that your order has been confused is the perfect time for you to show your willingness to forgive while your waiter tries to make it up to you (all the while making you look even better). Likewise, if the movie you both wanted to see is sold out, take it in good humor and most importantly…

6- Always have a backup plan
If the plans you made unravel at the last moment, relax. You can always rely on plan B to make the most of what might have been a wasted night. She’ll either be impressed by your on-the-spot creativity or glowing at the thought of you considering a “just in case” scenario for your date. It doesn’t have to be overly extravagant, just make sure you have some other ideas in the event the night doesn’t come together exactly as planned. From ice skating to salsa dancing to coffee drinking — any backup option is better than no option at all.

7- Leave her impressed

The evening seems to be coming to a close; time to pull that proverbial ace from up your sleeve. You want to leave her with a lasting impression about what a wonderful time she had and how lucky she was to spend it with you. Seeing her to her door will no doubt get you further than the front door. But give her the option to welcome you in by taking it one step at a time. Offering a polite end to a wonderful evening just leaves her wanting more and gives her the chance to assert herself if she’s craving more than a kiss at night’s end. Of course, if you’ve played your cards right, she’ll be wanting more than just this one date anyway…

Go get ’em

These seven effective steps are sure-fire ways to not only impress the woman you’re with, but also to exceed her expectations. Remember; being sincere and thoughtful each step of the way guarantees success. By taking care and control of the details, you will exude confidence and keep her craving more.

 

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How To Make Your Relationship More Fun, According To Experts

No matter how much you love your partner, no matter how great you think your relationship is, it can sometimes feel a little… boring. But there’s no shame in that; it’s something that happens naturally and you may have to put in some extra effort to make your relationship fun again. “After you’ve been with your partner for a considerable amount of time, it’s normal for the honeymoon phase to end,” says therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. “As we get into daily routines and have outside responsibilities — such as work, our social life, and self care — we often find our relationship becomes stale. If you prioritize and focus on getting the spark back, it certainly can be fixed.”

It’s easy to think that a relationship should naturally be at 110 percent excitement levels at all time — that if you’re really compatible then it will be non-stop fireworks without any work. But that’s just not true. “When things get boring, there needs to be an effort made to make things fun and exciting again,” relationship therapist Carolyn Cole, LCPC, LMFT, NCC tells us. “Things won’t become exciting without putting in some work. But, it can be fun and doesn’t need to feel like work!”

So if you feel like your relationship needs a little boost of fun, don’t panic about it. Here’s what you should try.

Surprise Each Other

Surprising each other is an easy way to make things feel more fun. “Routines can kill even the most loving relationships and make them feel boring. Bring back the spontaneity,” dating coach Shawnda Patterson tells Bustle.

My girlfriend and I regularly swap who plans date night and we don’t tell the other one what we’re doing until the day. It’s not hard to do, but it still manages keeps things a little more exciting then going to the same restaurant every Friday.

Try A New Activity

It can be fun to try something completely different with your partner, so go ice skating, rock climbing, or try a sushi-making class. And if you’re terrible at it? All the more fun — you can laugh through it together. Just be careful how you breach it with your partner. “Instead of blatantly telling your partner that you are bored, perhaps you suggest that you’ve been stuck in [a] rut … and you think it would be fun for the both of you to do something new together,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Sarah Williams.

Give Yourself Some Phone-Free Time

If you want to really have fun with your partner, you need to connect with them — and that means putting the phone away. “Mobile phones can have a negative impact on our attention span, as well as our ability to open up and communicate with others,” David Brudö, co-founder and CEO at mental wellbeing and personal development app Remente, tells Bustle. So make an agreement to put the phones to one side and really focus on each other. You may just remember why you fell in love with them in the first place if you stop mindlessly scrolling.

Flirt More

Couples who stop flirting are couples who stop anticipating,” Certified Relationship Coach Chris Armstrong tells Bustle. “Things go blasé and what was once an unpredictable stroll is now an expected lull.”

So make sure you keep the flirting going. Send sexy text messages, kiss more, compliment each other, and inject some of that fun back in that came so easily when you were first together. It may feel awkward at first, but try your best to start flirting again.

Goof Off

Sometimes it’s fun just to be totally goofy with each other. “When we get to the comfortable, stable place of knowing we have ‘secure’ status with someone else, it’s common to lose the playfulness that got you together in the first place,” Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. My girlfriend and I spend around 99 percent of our time alone acting like idiots, and I love it.

Give yourself permission to be silly — it’s easy to take relationships way too seriously,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship/dating coach and owner of The Popular Man, tells Bustle. “You don’t always have to be on your best behavior. Sometimes, it’s OK to simply have mindless laughter and goof around with your significant other.”

Travel Together

If you really feel stuck in a rut, don’t be afraid to change your scenery — it’s an easy change that can do a lot of good. “Changing your environment will help create new emotional responses to your partner, instead of triggering old undesirable ones,” says relationship expert Miyoko Rifkin. You don’t need to hop on a plane across the world (although that sounds like fun), even going to a new town or a new restaurant can trigger a change.

Come Up With A Bucket List

If you have trouble coming up with fun things to do on any given day, then coming up with a big list with your partner will give you something to refer back to. “Come up with a ‘bucket list’ and think about things you’ve always wanted to try that you can do together,” therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, tells Bustle. “Doing something out of the ordinary can add both excitement to the relationship and help you feel more connected to your partner.” Then, when you’re both feeling bored or out of ideas, pick something off of the list to try.

Relationships don’t have to be a constant rollercoaster — and you should definitely enjoy some quiet moments with your partner — but it should still be fun. Keeping relationships feeling exciting takes a bit of effort sometimes, but know that it’ll be well worth it.

 

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