The Best Opening Message To Send On Tinder Is Foolproof — Here’s Your Guide To Using It

The only thing harder than writing your Tinder bio? Choosing your opening line. You only get one chance to get a match to reply, so if you find yourself typing, “Hi,” or “How are you” then you might want to tap that backspace key. A clever or thoughtful opener is far more likely to get a reply, and though I graduated from Tinder five years ago (and recently married the man I met on the app), I like to think that my old go-to opener is still a winner. What’s the best opening message to send on Tinder, you ask? Asking their opinion on a topical debate is the way to go.

The problem with using “Hi” and “How are you?” as conversation openers is that — besides being totally lazy — there’s little opportunity for your match to engage with you. Sure, you might get a half-hearted reply. For most potential matches, however, that opener won’t inspire a response from your matches (or at least not an interesting one). Not to state the obvious, but your opener should allow your match is open up, and since nothing sparks Twitter engagement quite like a viral dispute, why not try the same technique on Tinder?

Alberto Bogo/Stocksy

Now when I say “topical,” I don’t mean anything involving politics, religion, money, or any other potentially contentious subjects. You may value your match’s opinion on the current political climate above all else, but if you jump into something too personal or sensitive too soon, you risk alienating (i.e. freaking out) your match. By topical, I mean whatever hilariously random debate that currently has the internet in a tizzy. From the “black-and-blue versus white-and-gold dress” debate to the “Yanny versus Laurel” conundrum, the internet provides endless fodder for Tinder openings, and it would be a missed opportunity not to take advantage.

“So have you done the Ice Bucket Challenge yet or do you refuse to succumb to peer pressure?”

“Do you love pretending to care about soccer whenever the World Cup comes around or do you hate on the fake fans?”

“Yes or no: Would you see Sharknado 2 in theaters with me?”

Some of my matches gave lame responses, but the ones who engaged actually helped stimulate some pretty great conversations.

Stocksy/Saptak Ganguly

So what would work nowadays? Here are a few responses I’ve come up with for friends looking to stand out in a match’s inbox.

1. “Where do you stand: Did you believe Daenerys Targaryen was always destined to go mad, or did you sign the petition to remake Game of Throne‘s last season?”

2. “Which celebrity had the most epic cameo in Taylor Swift’s ‘You Need to Calm Down’ video? Go!”

3. “I’m taking a poll: Do you take the time to wash your legs in the shower?”

4. “Disney’s live action remakes: Yea or nay?”

5. “Which Jonas Brother and J-Sister pairing do you ship the most and why?”

6. “Crinkle-cut, curly, wedge, or waffle — what’s your fry type?”

7. “I’m curious: Would you kick Mick Mulaney out of the room for coughing?”

8. “OK, do you think over 30 million people have watched Murder Mystery on Netflix, or are you calling BS?”

Sure, your match may not be as up-to-date on pop culture as you are, but even if they have no clue what you’re talking about, I feel pretty confident that you’ll get a response regardless.

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Handful of Dates – Part 5

Mentally Ill –  This story is a bit sad. I was on the internet on a Saturday morning around 9 am and on some dating sites you can IM the person live if they are on. I get my first live IM ever and start talking to this girl. She is not at all bad looking. She asked what I was doing today, and I said nothing. She then asked if I wanted to hang out. She was only two miles away from where I lived and since I wasn’t doing anything, I said sure. I should of talked to her more or over the phone.

Someone dropped her off in a large white van. It turns out she lived in a group home and suffered from severe head trauma from a car accident she had when she was 17 and the passenger died. She had seizures, and had to be watched, but was allowed to do normal things day to day, even meeting guys on dating sites. She was very clingy and after a few hours of hanging out she flat out asked if I would have sex with her.

I can tell it has been a long time for her and she was extremely lonely, but she also has normal women desires. Now I felt kind of bad and almost went through with it out of sympathy. I thought, “hmmm if I was handicapped and a girl offered me sex out of sympathy I would of probably jump on it”.

I’m glad I DID NOT go through with it because after the date she called and texted me constantly. Also the text were, I cant wait to have your kids, we should go away together to Hawaii, I can’t wait to feel you inside me, I almost had to change my number because  these messages went on for a few weeks.

 

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The 10 Types Of Men That Women Hate

Women have different opinions when it comes to the best types of men, but they are practically the same when it comes to which types they do not like, some men have an incredible facility to cause repulsion in women and it is important to know which 10 types of men less attractive to them and find out if you are in that category.

1- Men who think the soap opera: Women like handsome men but hate the thugs of the soap opera of the eight, if you have been graced by nature do not need to remind them of it all the time, you have the right to find yourself beautiful and have self-esteem but do it subtly and let your beauty be just one of your qualities.

2- Men who prioritize work: Women like ambitious men who want to rise in life, but hate the type who only thinks about projects, meetings and qualification courses, work is very important in a man’s life and you need it to achieve his goals, but never consider him more important than his wife.

3- Men without initiative: They like men with attitude and do not wait for things to happen, it is you who should guide the woman and not the opposite, give her options of places to have fun and when you reach a restaurant have the initiative to find an empty table or call the waiter, never expect the woman to do it.

4- Men without money: You do not have to be rich, but you will never get beautiful women completely broken, you need money to take you in fun places, pay the motel and restaurant, even women with stable financial condition do not like to split the account, when that happens she feels undervalued, so if your salary is short, put your bills up to date and multiply your creativity to find fun places and you do not have to spend a lot of money.

5- Men who talk about previous relationships: They hate the cheap conqueror type and tell their intimacies with other women, so do not talk about ex-girlfriends, they abhor this, if you’ve seduced thousands of women do not worry about telling them why surely she will discover this alone.

6- Mountain Men of Muscles: They are attracted to strong men and not to mountain of muscles, women love to know that you knit hard in the gym, but be careful not to overdo it and look like the Incredible Hulk.

7- Bully Men: Treat the waiter badly, argue in the traffic and face someone who looked at it are unforgivable attitudes, no woman likes to be on the side of a bully man where anything can happen.

8- Stupid men: For extinct men are accustomed to look at any pair of breasts or thighs that are on display, but when you are with a woman on the side know to control, a simple glance can be expensive and cause you to miss a night which could be a lot of fun.

9- Controlling men: Every day is less the number of women who like and find interesting the type of bossy and controlling man, do not like to know that being a partner is interested in exercising power over them, women value freedom and want to be side of someone who cares about her and not the size of her dress.

10- Rude Men: Education, gentleness and seduction are words that match, so learn to treat women well because their biggest complaint is that it’s hard to find polite and kind men.

 

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Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

More crazy online dating profiles!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Maureen – Finance Manager – Part 2

She’s on her second martini and I can see it is bringing forth the real Maureen. I like this because when most people get foggy with alcohol everything becomes more clear to me.

I get to Marathon 40 minutes before Maureen. I’m happy she’s hung in there and is coming to meet me tonight.

The bar is empty and I get a seat on the end which I love. My favorite bartender Mike is behind the stick and makes me my usual. Bulliet Rye Manhattan, up with a brandied berry and a side of ice. Delish.

I see my man Branson the beverage manager and I can see he’s dealing with some crisis, so we simply wave. I love Marathon. Think of an upscale diner with locally grown farm fresh food. Just a cool vibe with terrific consistent dining.

I’m watching the Winter Olympics on the TV behind the bar and surfing on my phone. Currently on the TV is women’s track. All powerful women with great legs.

My friend who I got a job there as a server Francesca rolls over to me. She leans in for a hug and a kiss. (See: Francesca – Monday Feels Like Friday) I’m happy to see her and notice the musculature of her back. My girl’s really in great shape.

She tells me how she’s had a horrible week. She’s recently tried to get back together with her ex boyfriend who is a great guy but has anger issues. Never hurt her, but… just too much rage. A personality disorder. He was supposedly going to therapy, but apparently he didn’t and just lured Fran back into his life and is still the same fucked up, violent dude he was a month ago.

She tells me she’s done with him. It’s sad. I really feel her pain. Francesca is a great girl, and I know she really cared for this dude, but he needs to get help.

“I’m sad but I got laid this week.”

Classic Francesca.

“Yea. You know him. It’s Michael. He comes in to your salon to tan occasionally.”

“Oh, yea… him.”

“Yea. I had a horrible week, so I needed to unhook my belt.”

I love Fran and I know she’ll be fine. It’s called being on the right side of thirty and the wrong side of romantic experience. She’ll find her way. I like that’s she’s confident and empowered in her sexual identity as a woman.

I tell her I’m meeting a lady tonight.

“What about your girlfriend?”

“Everything’s fine.”

“Then what is this?”

“I don’t know. Just a meet up for drinks.”

“Does she know that?”

“Don’t judge. Nothing’s happening.”

 

Maureen rolls in on time. It’s been raining and I see her near the hostess stand getting herself together. I stand and wave to her. She approaches and it feels a little to corporate with the handshake, but it’s early.

She is obviously not 24 and I would put her age somewhere between mine and 60.

She seems fine, and I’m one Manhattan in, so I’m low and ready. She orders a vodka martini straight up with a twist and olives. Okay. Let’s see what that looks like.

I give her my whole rap sheet and she exchanges hers with me. Seems she’s been driven by work her entire life. Very successful, and has lived all over the world for her jobs.

Never married. No kids.

That’s a red flag nowadays.

Why no one?

We order food and I get my usual barbecued chicken sandwich with fries. (Which is always glorious) She gets the crab cake platter and sweet potato fries. (Which is equally magic)

Here’s the thing. I don’t see myself doing this again. She’s a nice lady. She’s smart and worldly. But I’d rather just drink with Francesca for an hour and go home. This lady is just too old. She’s missed it all. All of the things people my age have gone through she’s missed.

She’s taken care of her parents for the last 12 years and now they’re both dead. Now she wants to get out and meet men.

No.

That’s not my scene. I have a girlfriend. Maureen was persistent and present. My girlfriend Cherie isn’t. I love Cherie. I don’t want to go on dates with women anymore. Especially ones as far removed from my world as Maureen clearly is.

She’s on her second martini and I can see it is bringing forth the real Maureen. I like this because when most people get foggy with alcohol everything becomes more clear to me.

I’m telling a story and she calls me out on the way I tell the story. She says I look away when I tell a tale, as if I’m talking to the character in the story. No one has ever said that to me in a half a century. I just met her. If I’m telling a story I’m not going to look right at her when I do the dialogue. I think it’s to imposing to a woman to speak to her like she’s actually in the story. I know people who do this and it’s uncomfortable.

So I look away as if I’m addressing the person and I don’t direct it at my guest.

She says it’s weird and it looks like I’m doing a performance.

I don’t like this, and she seems like she’s not only stepped over the line socially but the martinis have loosened the reasons why she’s alone.

I look at the bartender Mike, and swirl my finger in the air. (Wrap it up)

She sees her misstep and how I’m done, and desperately tries to backpedal. I’ve already decided that we’re done, but I actually agree with her and admit that I do it. I’m just buying time. The die has been cast. I’m not going to waste my time with any more of these lost women.

We actually kiss (drunkness) and on a second kiss she slips me the tongue. Its fine but how gross is it for me to be doing PDI with an old lady in my favorite diner? Has she no moral code? It feels clumsy and gross.

She goes to the bathroom and I joke that I always do that when the bill comes. Maureen is totally cool with splitting it, (Which redeems her for a second) I also notice that one of my Manhattans has been taken off. (Thank you, Branson. My man!)

Francesca floats by and says hello.

“I saw some tongue action over here.”

“Stop it.” I laugh “This ones not going to make it. I may be in here tomorrow with another one.”

“Holly shit! Really? You’re as bad as me!”

“Kidding. I’m done and my Marathon rewards card still isn’t working.”

“Not my problem. Talk to the owner. He works out at your gym.”

Again…classic Francesca.

Maureen returns and we wrap it up. This has been a real lesson for me.

I need to continue on the path that I carve and that which is carved for me on the path of least resistance. That has always worked for me. All of these dating sites are just cast off people. It’s nonsense. Just like social media, online dating is a sad desert of sadness.

Real sharks swim in the ocean.

I need to embrace Cherie and write about my life. It’s plenty exciting and I’m done with all of this dating nonsense. It ends here. Anything that happens from here on out will be purely organic.

But I’ve said that before.

I text Maureen that I got home safe and she does the same.

I’ll not call upon her again.

 

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Maureen – Finance Manager – Part 1

I matched with Maureen on Bumble. Let’s take a look at her profile.

Maureen, 24

(Okay. Clearly something’s wrong from the start. This woman in her photos is not 24 years of age. She’s at least in her 40’s. But I’m sure it’s just a typo.)

Finance Manager

Location

PHILADELPHIA

About

Easy going, adventurous, generous, an excellent friend, very bright, witty and a whole lot of fun, with a great smile. A good listener, companionable, accomplished, cook extraordinaire and definitely glass half full. Thanks to my friends for the above comments about me.

 

Seems nice enough.

Because it’s Bumble, ladies go first. So if she doesn’t message me on the app in 24 hours, the match will expire.

But sure enough, she does.

“Hello – In addition to your nice blue eyes, I also enjoy to laugh a lot. What do you like to do in your spare time? I look forward to chatting!”

“Hello Mary! Thank you for the compliment you seem lovely as well. I enjoy socializing when I’m not working and writing.”

“Socializing sounds good – I like times with friends, entertaining, celebrations. I see we are both in Philadelphia. I think it would be worth our while to chat. When is good for you to connect?”

(Wow. She got right to the point. This lady’s not wasting any time.)

“Lunch next week?”

“Charles – ok, how does next Thursday 2/1 or Friday 2/2 work for you? – Mary”

(At this point I must have gotten distracted or busy with work because she reaches out again on 1/31)

“Charles – I am not sure if you got my message. Would you still like to have lunch? Does Thursday Feb 1 or Monday Feb 5 work for you – Mary”

(On Feb 2 I get back to her. I don’t know what took me so long. Could be that she’s really pushing hard early for a date.)

“Sorry Maureen. Death in the family.” (Bold faced lie.) Could you do a drink at Square 1682 on 2/5?”

“Sure, Charles. Monday as proposed works for me. Let’s get on the phone very briefly for details.”

(Why do we have to talk on the phone? She seems pushy.)

(On the 5th Maureen messages me again.)

“I am confirming that I will meet you for a drink at 8:30pm tonight at Square 1682.”

(I’m really being a dick here. I didn’t get back to her. What’s wrong with me? Am I becoming like my shitty dates?”)

“Since I have not heard back from you, I am assuming tonight may not work for you. So let me know if you would like to meet another time for a drink. – Mary”

(I don’t get back to her until the 7th. I really suck on this one. She’s been more that patient with my loser ass.)

“I’m sorry Maureen. What does your Saturday look like. Also here’s my number, 267-555-1212.”

(February 8th I reach out again. Maybe I’ve lost her with all my jerking around.)

“Saturday after 5?”

“Sure. Sounds fine. I texted you.”

“And I texted you back, dear. (smiley emoji)”

(Now we switch over to actual texting)

“Charles Saturday evening is fine to meet in person – Center City, I imagine. Do you have a preferred place? Look forward to meeting. Mary from Bumble.”

(She certainly is thorough. But I have been a piece of shit through all of this.)

“Let’s meet at Marathon at 16th and Sansom at 6pm.”

“Sounds fine. See you then.”

“Great. Looking forward to meeting you.”

 

(So today at 11:00am I texted her again.)

“Still good for 6pm at Marathon today?”

“Yep.”

“Great.”

(So we’ll see how it goes tonight. I will be leaving the salon in about 20 minutes from now. I should get to Marathon around the corner. I’ll get there probably at 5:15. Which gives me a 30 to 45 minute window to smoke a post work celebratory cig and then have a Bulliet rye Manhattan straight up at the bar to decompress before my first meeting with Maureen.

So if she shows up, (I’m sure she will) They’re be a chapter 2 on Thursday!

See you later!

 

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Worst Online Dating Profile Examples: What Not to Say

App dating is brutal. Your likability is determined by a few photos and a brief bio that can’t be too generic or overly quirky. Striking the right balance is tough, and sometimes you may seem downright annoying.

So what shouldn’t you say? For starters, never claim to be the “CEO of [LastName] Industries,” as your job title, according to a recent Reddit thread. One user asked the community to describe the “bitchiest, most pretentious/entitled” online dating bios they’ve encountered, and people had a lot of opinions.

Singletons also hate when you write, “Studied at: School of Hard Knocks.” Just admit you grew up in a suburb.

If you want matches, avoid touting that you’re “fluent in sarcasm” or “always the smartest person in the room.” Redditors agree that people who think their IQs rival, well, everyone, are pretty dumb.

“Only idiots think they’re always the smartest person in the room,” one person replied. If you think you’re the smartest person in the room, you are either mistaken, or you’re in the wrong room,” a dater chimed in.

Although everyone knows dating sucks, it’s a good idea to remain optimistic–at least in your profile.

Guys, females hate when you write, ‘“Prove to me that this app works’ or ‘prove to me that not all women are…,'” according to a post. “Like. Get out of here. I don’t owe you anything buddy,” one woman wrote.

Men, you’re not alone in side eyeing height and salary requirements on a girl’s profile. Plenty of dudes list this among the most obnoxious line.

And finally, there are two words that should never appear in anyone’s profile: “No drama!”

“Usually means they are just full of it,” commented one dater. “They just don’t want you to bring your own and sully theirs.”

 

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