Cherie – Chapter 68 – So Here We Are

“I don’t know what to do at this point, so I don’t know what to say to you.”

As bad as things are between me and Cherie. This week of Phicklephilly is chock filled with fun, frolic, and frivolity!

Stay indoors!

And as my mom would say… Wash your damn hands!

Enjoy!

 

“I don’t know what to say at this point, so I don’t know what to say to you.”

This is the wrong response for Cherie. She has the opportunity to be mature and accept that we have chemistry. There is the distance factor. There is the extreme differences in our lives, ages, and lifestyles.

But we’re good together, but maybe the strain of her life and the stresses of being a parent and coupled with work and school, has become too much.

“I know we’re both busy and you’re under a lot of pressure right now. But just know that I love you and I’ll provide you all the time and space you need. I’m patient, Cherie. I love you.”

“I love you too, but I honestly just don’t know what to say anymore.”

I don’t understand this. How does an adult in a relationship have no words? This tells me something about my mate.

Then there’s this sudden reveal.

“If you can take off I’d like you to come to my graduation next Friday at 9:30.”

“What’s the date?”

“May 11.”

“Where’s it being held?”

“Liacouras Center.”

“And that’s at 9:30?”

“Yes.”

And then it’s just radio silence from there.

Should I go see her graduate from Temple with her BS in Psychology?

It hasn’t been going well. The sex is always amazing, but what else do we have? She’s beautiful and sweet but we’re in two different places in our lives.

Should I be proud that a 28 year old woman loves me and rocked my world and my bed? I am that the old horse still had some great races left in him, but do I want this?

When I started writing phicklephilly, it began as a tome about the crazy women and dates in my life. Then it grew into settling the relationships in my past. Then I started telling stories about my life and it felt so good. By writing about everything I settled everything in my mind and expressed it in my art.

It was incredibly liberating in a way I never suspected. It brought me a clarity and peace I had never experienced in my life.

I’ve enjoyed my time with all of these people and there’s so many more stories to come. My life is rich in history and I’m glad I’m making new exciting memories everyday. I truly am blessed with a life that’s fun to wake up to every day.

Two years ago I started writing a dating blog. It was about how fickle I am and how I fall in love every day. But that’s not true. I fall in love with being alive every day. To no longer cling to the bars of anxiety, depression, low self esteem, bad relationships, child support, debt, and all of the rest of the horrors of adult life for some us.

I live a simple and elegant life now in middle age. I don’t want anything.

We come from a dark and embarrassing past in this country. My current girlfriend (for the moment) is black. All of her ancestors came here as slaves.

At least they knew they were slaves.

Today we don’t even see that we’re all slaves.

We can’t live without our cell phones without having a panic attack. We have 20 different products that were once separate items we had to buy at Radio Shack in our cell phones now.

Social media is obnoxious and self absorbed. It’s all nonsense. Why do you need to see what I ate for lunch today or where I am on vacation?

None of it brings you joy. I know for a fact that all of this technology had dumbed down all of us as a culture.

People still call the salon and can’t find it. They’re calling me from the greatest piece of personal affordable technology homo sapiens have ever possessed and they still can’t find the place.

I come from an analog world and I’m proud of my mind. I work hard and came from a place where you never got a pat on the back or a trophy for participating. You failed and you felt the consequences of that failure. That’s evolution.

Now everybody’s so buried in their phones, they can barely communicate with the people around them of navigate their own lives, (Don’t even get me started on spatial awareness)

But I digress…

Once I started writing phicklephilly, I knew I had to start dating again. I needed content.

If you go back to the early posts you’ll see me struggling on shitty dates with sad leftovers.

I didn’t know. I tried the dating game, but at my age met a bunch of women that I didn’t really feel a spark for.

I met Cherie and all of that changed.

But it was because I was trying again. Like I did with Michelle, Annabelle, and others.

I’ve learned something along the way, and I think I’ve finally arrived at the elegant answer.

So many men never evolve and are stuck in their development. I know a couple that I haven’t cut off and it’s pathetic. You really need to come to know yourself as a man as you grow older. If you don’t you’re a fucking asshole.

No, you really are and you’ve squandered your life and those around you because they hate you or secretly hate you.

Here’s my revelation.

I absolutely adore women. I’m great at charming and courting women. I’m great at dating. I’m a gentleman, and know how to treat a lady to make her feel special. I’m a good father. I know that based on how Lorelei has turned out and my relationship with her.

But I like to be alone. I enjoy your company but I need my alone time. I’m not good at being a boyfriend or being in a relationship. I can’t do it.

I can write a dating blog, and dole out relationship advice but I can’t be in a relationship.

I want to be alone.

I realized that this last relationship worked because Cherie was never around.

Even my close friends said it was the perfect relationship for me because of my personality.

Cherie is young, beautiful and often unavailable. Me too. It was perfect. The sex was mind bending, and then I take her to breakfast and she’s off the property.

I tried to be married and be in relationships but I just don’t like it. I like to be free. To come and go as I wish with no ties.

When I’m with you, you’re the only person on Earth and I’ll give you a show you won’t forget, but I need you to go after a few hours.

Sorry. That’s me.

Not sorry. That’s Chaz.

I’ve found in middle-age I want to work. I love to work. Not in a shitty job where I make high 5 figures and am beholden to some asshole that is only there to justify his shitty existence, just to simply work.

I get my energy from people.

Picasso was found dead at 92 working on a sculpture. I want that in my 70’s! (If I make it)

My social life is so rich. I have so many wonderful people in my life that I do my best to squeeze in around my work. (Thank you one and all that you still want to spend time with me)

I was always prepared for Cherie to leave me. I established that on our very first date. I vowed to never fall into the dopamine induced stupor I fell into with Annabelle (See: Annabelle – Guy walks into a bar)

I have a friend that’s a workaholic. He’s a millionaire at 50 but he has squandered real living for really living. He’s my best friend and I love him, but he’s on his own journey. (See: Duncan)

I just what my simple happy life here in Philly.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with Cherie, but it looks like it’s dead.

I’ll have to see if I’m going to attend her graduation.

I’ve never met her family and I’m sure they’ll all be there. (Meet the old white guy)

I think the saddest thing about all of this after 60 plus chapters, is that I feel nothing.

I think her indifference killed it in the end. How she was chilly to me during our last two encounters.

Normally I’m sad for a long time after the demise of a relationship, but not this time. Maybe because I went into it with my eyes open and my dopamine in check.

 

I never flew too close to sun, but loved I her just the same.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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21 Messages To Send Someone You Matched With Months Ago, To Reconnect

Sometimes, you match with a cutie, and before you can even overthink what you’re going to say, you drop a witty first line just to get the conversation rolling. Of course, other times, you match with a cutie, and as you’re drafting your opening message, your Postmates order arrives, your mom calls, and you completely forget to start the convo. You might even be too nervous to ever break the ice! Whatever the case, if you’re thinking about finally hitting up that online meet-cute, these messages to send someone you matched with months ago will make it feel like no time has passed at all.

Although digital messaging can make conversations lighting-fast, there’s nothing wrong with waiting a little while before sending the first message. Whether you weren’t sure what to say at the time or took a little break from the online dating game, reconnecting with an old match can be easier than you may think. From asking about their day to making a joke about meeting online, there are tons of funny and low-key ways to message a match from months ago.

And if you’re looking for some #inspo, here are 21 messages to send an old match to get some new conversations started.

Woman texting in a smartphone - Christmas and Winter Season

Shutterstock

  1. Going to Trader Joe’s, you need anything?
  2. Hey, I know we connected a while back, but I was just looking through my matches, and you really jumped out at me.
  3. Have you seen *topical movie* yet?!
  4. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you, my phone died for three months.
  5. Wow, I just woke up from the longest nap ever. How are you doing?!
  6. You’ll never guess what happened to me today.
  7. So, come here often?
  8. *Spotify link* I can’t stop listening to this! What have you been listening to lately?
  9. Has anything exciting happened since we matched?
  10. Not for nothing, but how is it possible that you’ve gone so long without messaging me?
  11. I mean, I’ve been waiting for you to message me, but I guess I’ll get the ball rolling.
  12. This is #random, but were you just at the yoga studio next to the downtown Target?
  13. Should I start this conversation with a bad pickup line or by saying hello?
  14. I’m making the first move with this message, and, honestly, you’re welcome.
  15. I see we’re in a pretty heated game of Who Can Go Longer Without Messaging The Other. I guess I just lost.
  16. Um, if you had the time to match back, how come you’ve never found the time to ask for my number?
  17. I’m not great at starting conversations. Do you want to try?
  18. Hey, I’m deleting this app soon, but you seem really cool! If you want to get a coffee sometime, here’s my number.
  19. So, I guess we’ll tell our kids we matched and never talked until I eventually reached out to you?
  20. So… how’s it going?
  21. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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3 Zodiac Signs With The Funniest Dating App Bios, So Swipe & Smile

Though dating can be emotionally draining, sometimes, you’ve just got to giggle about it. Of course, if you’ve recently matched with a Libra, Sagittarius, or Gemini — aka, one of the zodiac signs with the funniest dating app bios — you may be literally rolling on the floor laughing on you read through their profile.

Whether you list the types of connections you’re looking for or share about your interests, your dating app bio can give prospective matches (and potential IRL boos) a little taste of who you are. Whether you write a silly one-liner about your job or a detailed story about why your parents named you what they did, there are plenty of ways to pepper in a little joke or personal anecdote as your peruse your page. Of course, no matter your sign, your online dating profile is your space to express who you are. If you’re not trying to be super funny on the apps, you never need to feel pressure to make a joke or be anyone but your amazing self.

Still, if you just swiped right on the funniest dating app bio, like, ever, chances are your new match may be one of these three signs.

Close up of happy female indian employee holding smartphone texting message to friend, smiling ethnic woman having pleasant chat or conversation on cellphone, laughing watching funny video online

Shutterstock

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)

Social Libra knows exactly what to say to win over a crowd. Though they prefer to meet in person or hang in big crowds, they’re no stranger to falling love on the internet. When it comes to the apps, these scales are likely to wow their matches with witty one-liners and totally relatable jokes in their bios. Likely the “class clowns” when they were growing up, Libra isn’t afraid to poke fun at themselves or go to the extremes to get a laugh. Libra loves making other people giggle and feel good, and they’ll be happy to use their dating as bio as the perfect way to make someone’s day.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

Don’t be fooled by their wandering souls — Sagittarius loves to sit down for a while and tell a good story. When it comes to crafting the perfect dating app bio, they’ll feel no shame in typing out something totally niche and detailed, including all sorts of jokes and personal anecdotes. Sag could write a story about walking down the street to get a coffee, and it would sound like a standup bit from your favorite comedian. Their adventurous spirit makes life feel out of the ordinary, and they have a way of recounting their tales and describing themselves that will leave you literally laughing out loud.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

The sign of honesty and communication, it’s no wonder that the twins can whip out funny dating app bios faster than beauty influencers whip out their signature palettes. (Tea?) Quick-witted and smart, this air sign has a way with words that will leave their matches howling laughing through the phone. Geminis are able to laugh at themselves and enjoy encouraging those around them to do the same. Likely to flirt by teasing, their dating app bio is probably observational and totally hilarious. Even when they’re looking for love, these twins don’t take anything too seriously and will have no problem throwing caution to the wind and filling their bio with tons of jokes.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

 

 

6 Traits Of Immensely Attractive People

What makes us immensely attractive? Well, it depends on who’s asking.

Let’s face it, like it or not, the law of attraction has this spot on for many of us – we don’t really attract what we want, but we attract what we ARE.

Sometimes it’s pretty hard to put in words what makes someone attractive.

Usually, it’s a combination of many things that include looks, logic, intellect, personality and many more. More often than not one factor is not enough when it comes to attraction. Imagine this, you meet this amazingly looking young lady or gentleman with a hot body, but with the mindset of a child, and I don’t mean it in a good, cheeky way. Face it, even if you’re in just for the sex, it will probably become boring sooner than later if there is no emotional or intellectual connection.

Some of us are crazy about unavailable people, others like kind people, angry people, crazy people, funny people, serious people,

So yeah, we are all different and therefore we find different things appealing. Yet, there are some basic things that most of us find immensely attractive.

Below I’ve listed 6 of them.

1. Sense Of Humor

Good sense of humor is immensely attractive. End of discussion. 

There are even volumes of research that proves this, some of which you can read here. Sometimes life gets tough and we have to deal with all sorts of difficulties, but having someone who can easily make us laugh and forget our troubles is a real treasure.

Sense of humor is also connected to good cognitive fitness, creativity, high intelligence and ability to think out of the box, and all of those things are pretty hot.

2. Self-confidence

Confidence makes you shine in all fields of your life, but when it comes to attraction, it’s the king.
Most of us are insecure about something, but we have to focus on our virtues instead.

But why is self-confidence so attractive?

I’m sure there’s some deep psychological or evolutionary reason for this that dates back to the Stone Age, but there’s also a social factor. Imagine someone who is extremely confident(but not cocky!), genuinely happy, secure in themselves…someone who got their shit together and they know it damn, well, wouldn’t you want to be around them? It makes people wonder what’s the deal with that fascinating and confident person and they want to discover more. Self-confidence also makes you more approachable and easier to talk to, which breaks the ice when meeting new people.

3. Kindness

Who wants to be around mean or rude people? Imagine going on a date with someone who kicks puppies or is rude to the waiter, would that make you feel good? Doubt that, unless you’re totally messed up. There’s something heart-warming when watching someone perform an act of kindness to a total stranger.

Kindness towards others and oneself is something that is really attractive to most people. And don’t worry, it doesn’t make you seem weak, just the opposite – it’s a sign of immense emotional strength.

4. Passion

As the popular internet meme says, “People are prettiest when they talk about something they really love with passion in their eyes”. Passion is immensely attractive. It shows that the person in front of you is enthusiastic and has a strong will and a purpose in their life.

Your passion defines you and puts you on a pedestal, it makes you shine. Even better, if you have the self-confidence to express your passion without giving a damn what the others think, makes you a real rockstar in the eyes of most people.

This reminds me of the story of how Elon Musk hooked up with his children’s mother – he talked to her about…electric cars! They weren’t so popular back then, but imagine sitting in a bar, talking to someone like Elon about his passion…so electrifying!

5. Being open-minded

Ignorant people are immensely attractive…not!

Open-mindedness is linked to optimism and ability to solve problems and make better decisions. Open-minded people don’t rush to any particular judgment too quickly, which helps them make more informed decisions. It also prevents you from jumping to conclusions without knowing the full story, which could lead to huge limitations in all fields of life. Being open-minded gives you more opportunities, which helps you have a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. All of that makes you a better person to be around, therefore – a more attractive one.

6. They make others feel important

Immensely attractive people know that every person is important and can make the world better.
They listen to the person in front of them carefully without interruptions and show a genuine interested in them. They also notice things about other people. They make a note of something they said or did well and point it out. Wouldn’t you be attracted to someone who makes you feel really special?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Social Distancing Pick-Up Lines Have Arrived & They’re The Comic Relief You Needed

Finding love in the time of coronavirus may be difficult, but the internet certainly isn’t letting that stop it. Amidst growing numbers of COVID-19 lockdowns and CDC-recommended social distancing, it was only a matter of time before #SocialDistancingPickUpLines started trending on Twitter. If you’re looking for a way to stay salacious but sanitary, let these tweets be your guide.

Though we’re all practicing social distancing — you’re doing that right? Staying home or at least six-feet from other people? Good, just checking — we can still keep it sexy from afar. There’s sexting, sexy video chatting, phone sex, foot pics, toe pics, sending nudes, sliding into someone’s DMs, self-isolating but as a euphemism, and, of course, Facebook pokes.

Yes, you can still poke someone on Facebook. Now, more than ever, we need to bring back the strange and stupid practice of clicking a button that notifies another person “you have been poked.” Is poking any less creepy while the coronavirus pandemic is going on? Who knows! Maybe! Probably. You’ll just have to find out. Poke your COVID-19 crush. It’ll be a cute story to tell the grandkids.

Or you could just try one of these 20 #SocialDistancingPickUpLines.

1. Notting Hill Part 2: Let’s Not Get COVID-19

Hollywood Exposed@AndstuffL

“I’m just a girl, standing 6 feet away from a boy. Asking him to maybe move back another foot. Thanks.” #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

View image on Twitter
2,027 people are talking about this

Dibs on being Julia Roberts.

2. Will You Be My Quarantine?

Vixera@carpe_flamma

Are you a pandemic because you’ve got my heart on lockdown
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines

1,334 people are talking about this

Word play, especially during a pandemic, is welcome.

3. Six-feet, Please.

Sentient Bunny Suit🐰@SentientSuit

I saw you from across the bar. Stay there. #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

715 people are talking about this

Don’t you dare move.

4. Remix Of An Old Classic

Not Will Ferrell@itsWillyFerrell

You can’t spell quarantine without “u r a q t” #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

1,113 people are talking about this

Time to brush up on those AIM skills.

5. Funny Because It’s True

Jill in Virusland@Jillinvirusland

“If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I’d be in the highest tax bracket and then I’d be able to get tested for coronavirus.” #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

485 people are talking about this

Raya has left the chat.

6. Team Keep The Alphabet The Same

Joy Eilene@joyeilene

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d keep U and I exactly where they are, with eleven letters of longing between them. #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

229 people are talking about this

AEIOU and sometimes Y don’t you stay away from me.

7. The Greatest Of All Love Stories

🍒Acidic Blonde™️@Acidic_Blonde

Wanna make plans that we have to cancel? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

210 people are talking about this

Honestly? A good pickup line at any time.

8. Don’t You Dare Hold It Against Me

John C. B.@CatBirder27

#SocialDistancingPickUpLines if I told you that you had a nice body, would you keep it six feet away from me?

124 people are talking about this

Britney Spears, we need a remix.

9. The Only Thing I’ll Be Taking Out For A While

Anthony Jimenez@antyabstract

I’ll have what she’s having!

for delivery

and please leave it at my doorstep thank you so much #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

See Anthony Jimenez’s other Tweets

Extra wet wipes, too, thanks.

10. A Pickup Line To Let Them Know You’re Literate

Jill in Virusland@Jillinvirusland

“Since all the public libraries are closed, I’m checking you out instead.” #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

325 people are talking about this

Reading is sexy.

11. Girl Next Door Vibes

Joy Eilene@joyeilene

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past your house on the other side of the street again? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

See Joy Eilene’s other Tweets

I literally have nothing better to do than pace around my block.

12. An Amended Chorus To The Adele Song

Jeff Dwoskin

@bigmacher

Hellooooo
I said hello
I’m not sure I can scream any louder
Never mind
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines

65 people are talking about this

I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to… have a conversation over FaceTime?

13. Wink Wink

Vlada R@Vlada_Ruggiero

Hey baby, I got some rubbers we can use… on our hands… they’re gloves. So we don’t have to touch anything #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

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Always use protection.

14. *dances to Jamiroquai*

Levi the Totally Not Extinct Dinosaur@levi_bullen

I saw you liked and retweeted my tweet, so this is getting pretty serious huh? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

Embedded video

308 people are talking about this

Don’t be jealous because I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.

15. The Bar Is So, So Low

Zvjezdan Patz@zvjezdanpatz

I wash my hands when there’s no pandemic too #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

364 people are talking about this

You better be washing your hands.

16. It’s Truly Our Only Option

Michael@Sckswithsandals

FaceTime and chill? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

217 people are talking about this

Could I interest you in a romantic Zoom meeting?

17. We Stan A TP King

Roman Phoenix@RomanPhoenix4

Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because I can be your Prince Charmin. #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

Embedded video

1,147 people are talking about this

Better than a bouquet of flowers.

18. Say Anything… But At A Reasonable Distance

Ryan Cappo@RyanCappo

I will stand in front of your house with my emergency radio from the 80’s until you are out of quarantine, babe.#SocialDistancingPickUpLines

View image on Twitter
91 people are talking about this

I love you (staying six feet from me). How many more times do I have to say it?

19. I Repeat, The Bar Is So, So Low

Mr. Bagels@fartbagels

I have toilet paper #SocialDistancingPickUpLines

434 people are talking about this

If you have hand sanitizer, I will put a ring on it immediately.

20. Can’t Tell If I’m Terrified Or Turned On

Leanne Sandusky@LeanneSandusky

If covid-19 doesn’t take you out.. can I? #SocialDistancingPickUpLines #stolenfromsomewhere

703 people are talking about this

Honestly, at this point, perhaps a simple heart emoji and virus emoji will woo them.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Rebecca – Chapter 15 – Reprise

“I never want to retire. I’m not a workaholic, but I love to be busy. I want to have something to do every day for the rest of my life until my sister Janice pats me in the face with a shovel.”

Please go back and read: (Rebecca – Dark Wings of Destiny – Chapters 1 through 14) to fully understand the history I have with this person.

Present Day

Just when I thought everything had gone to shit with Cherie, I get a text.

It’s Rebecca.

I haven’t heard from her in over two years. I don’t even know what she’s been doing. I thought she was gone forever.

So much has changed in my life since meeting Rebecca. I’ve been on a million dates, I’ve changed jobs, I’ve had a sort of girlfriend for over a year and a half. That’s what it is and has been well documented here.

Cherie and I are teetering between love and loss. I’m fine with whatever way it goes, but it would be nice to retain the passion we once had. I think Cherie wants that and so do I, but our schedules are killing us both.

Cherie’s 40 miles away, super busy and so am I, but when we’re together it sings. But lately it’s been really difficult. Cherie’s texts tell me so.

Her life, the distance, her son, her family, her jobs, school, finals, graduation, and beyond.

We’re in two different worlds right now.

Well, we’ve always been in two different worlds.

Cherie’s a 28-year-old attractive, smart, girl faced with the reality of growing up and going forward in her life.

I’m a middle-aged guy who’s realized that corporate america and sitting in a cubicle is bullshit and would rather work two jobs really hard than work one he hated. I love my life at the salon and the restaurant. I’ve found the happy balance.

My daughter Lorelei works right down the street. It’s great. There’s harmony in that.

But when I got the text from Rebecca it threw me for a loop.

I really like Rebecca and she’s always been flighty, but I always loved her company. I know she was trying to find her way in this world and I was always there for her, like I’ve been for all of my friends… but Rebecca was different.

I kind of loved Rebecca.

I would say in a “phicklephilly way” but I think there’s something more than that here. I know it seems crazy. Rebecca’s 24 years old, but if you’ve read the previous Rebecca posts, I always felt a connection to her.

I’ve never been after her. I’m not after anybody.

They always come to me.

But Rebecca has always had a certain pull that the other ones don’t possess. Rebecca haunts me when she’s gone, but I never feel that depressing loss I have with the others. Maybe because the others are just a dopamine drop and I miss the rush of their beauty once it’s gone, but I’m relieved because they were trouble.

Rebecca was never any of those things.

Rebecca was always herself. Honest. Vulnerable. Beautiful.

She thought enough of me to spend time with me.

I’ve lived a charmed life. I really have. I’ve survived on my charm, sense of humor and skills.

Nothing more.

At my age, I’m delighted at my life. I know so many men my age that are lost and confused. It’s so sad.

I love knowing exactly who I am at my age and what I want. After half a century on the planet I finally got it right and it feels joyous.

I never want to retire. I’m not a workaholic, but I love to be busy. I want to have something to do every day for the rest of my life until my sister Janice pats me in the face with a shovel.

My life is rich in experience and memories. I can wrap myself up in them every night like a warm blanket. It’s really lovely after 50 years of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.

I’ve rebuilt my broken self into an elegant old analog machine that runs so well in the digital age. I work with young people. I love that I can inspire them with my experience just like my dad did when he was my age.

I’m grateful that everyday I get to wake up again, and nothing hurts, and everything’s working. (everything!) The sun is shining and I look forward to the day.

For years I was mired in corporate life. Wearing a suit and tie, going to meetings, working for assholes who couldn’t do what I could do, but were only there because they had no where else to go.

All a joke.

I want to work.

My sister Janice says, “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

She, like my father is only quoting because they’re not the best in original thought, but yes! She’s right, or whoever wrote that bit.

So here I am, in a relationship that’s been distant but’s still alive. For me this has been a great relationship, because unlike all of my other relationships, this one actually met my perfect relationship model.

I know I’ll feel some backlash on this, but it’s been perfect for me.

All of my other relationships have been traditional. Boyfriend/girlfriend. Living together, and moving towards a destination I’ve already experienced and been killed in virtual immolation, and hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support.

I’m never getting married again. Definitely not having any more kids.

My last three relationships have been with younger women and I know how this looks. I did not pursue these wonderful ladies. It just happened.

But the definition of crazy is, doing the same thing over and over hoping you get a different result.

That’s not me, but, my last handful of girlfriends have been young and beautiful.

The ends were inevitable.

They were all doomed before they began, but they were all wonderful. Thank you one and all, girls!

So here I am at a precipice with Cherie, who is the sweetest woman in the world and whom I love very much, and the prospect that she could shit-can me any day now, simply out of not having any time to see me.

We’re amazing when we’re together and I absolutely adore her. I should probably go to her graduation on Friday, but I know I won’t because I hate getting up early anymore and I don’t really want to deal with the whole event in general.

I probably should go.

It would mean the world to her.

Do I really want to meet her family?

She’s worked so hard for so many years. This could be the thing that fixes us.

I really don’t want to go, but I don’t want Cherie gone from my life.

Ahhh… what should I do loyal readers?

 

I reluctantly texted Rebecca back.

“Hey. It’s been a minute. I feel like we kind of left it all hanging. Hope you’re doing well.”

A day passed…

“Charles…. I miss you. I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch. Been busy with work and life. Up and down. Can you meet for a drink?”

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The 5 Worst Tinder Scams: Tips for Dating Safely on Tinder

Since online dating is so popular, online dating platforms are a perfect tool for scammers. And with Tinder being one of the most popular apps, Tinder scams are common.

Here are are the Tinder scams that you should look out for, along with advice on how to avoid them. Because we want you to keep swiping right without being scammed.

1. Tinder Account Verification Code Scam

The Tinder account verification scam involves a match asking whether you have verified your profile on the app. The match, who is actually a bot, then asks you to verify your account through a link that they provide.

However, the link sends you to a third-party website. The site requires you to fill in personal information such as your full name, your email address, your birthdate, and your credit card number.

Instead of being used to verify your account, this information is used to register you (and your credit card) for costly subscriptions to adult websites. Users who fall for this scam report that the subscriptions can run up to $120/month and are very difficult to cancel.

How to Avoid This Scam

Tinder does actually have verified accounts, but this verification is never done through a third-party.

According to the Tinder FAQ, “Some Tinder profiles are verified to confirm their authenticity. Verified profiles include public figures, celebrities, and brands. If a Tinder profile is verified, a blue verified badge will appear next to the user’s name.”

However, you have to send a verification request to an email address at Tinder to start the process. Furthermore, verification is limited to only certain public figures and brands. Therefore, the average person won’t be verified.

2. Tinder Bot Profiles

The bots mentioned above are just one type of bot using Tinder. In reality, many different types of bots try to lure users into different scams.

These bots can usually simulate a real conversation. However, after a short while, they will send you a link, asking you to visit it. The link usually sends you to an app, an online game, or some other online service.

The bot may talk about wanting to play the online game with you, suggest downloading a chat app so that you can have a more adult conversation, or say that they recommend the service and you should try it out.

Unfortunately the links they send you will likely end with you providing personal information to a fake site or downloading malware to your phone, so be sure to learn how to spot online fakes used by scammers.

You can’t trust everything you see online. Here are seven commonly faked elements online and some advice for identifying them.

How to Recognize a Tinder Bot

The easiest way to avoid a Tinder bot scam is to learn to recognize one as fast as possible. However, recognizing a bot is more difficult than you might think.

Improvements in chatbot functionality make them a lot harder to identify. Bots do very well with the kind of conversations you have in online dating—short, direct questions and responses.

Here are a few ways to spot a potential bot:

  • Be on alert if the profile only has between one and three very similar photos (especially glamour or professional modeling shots).
  • Profiles with limited info, nothing in their bio, and very suggestive images are more likely to be bots.
  • Bots often reply very quickly—sometimes faster than the time it takes to type their message. They are also more likely to message first.
  • 99 percent of the real people on Tinder will not ask you to follow a link, download an app, or to play a sketchy online game. If the person you’re talking to asks you to do this, the chances are it’s a scam.

If you suspect a Tinder match is a bot, there are a few strategies for testing your suspicion. Challenge suspected bots by asking complicated or very specific questions. This could be as simple as asking the bot to explain something in one of their photos or asking a two-part question.

You can also try using a nonsense word in place of a noun while asking a question. If the bot uses the nonsense word back (instead of asking you what you’re talking about), you know it’s not a real person.

3. Catfishing on Tinder

Many scams are run by real people using fake profiles. Also known as “catfishing”, these scammers use a fake persona and make you believe that they are interested in you.

These scammers are difficult to identify, don’t have the tell-tale signs of bots, and are often willing to play a long game. Tinder takes some steps to prevent these kinds of scams by linking profiles to Facebook and Instagram, but this isn’t always enough.

Human scammers generally create fake Facebook profiles with images sourced online and create elaborate stories about their fake lives. Once you match with a scammer, they will probably be very quick to suggest moving to another chat platform such as Skype. They may even talk to you on the phone and suggest starting a relationship.

Inevitably, some sort of disaster will supposedly affect the scammer. After this, they’ll request money from you. Sometimes they claim to need money to travel to meet you; other times they’ll claim there’s some family emergency and they need financial help from you.

By playing to your emotions, master scammers can make thousands of dollars using these techniques.

How to Recognize a Catfish or Fake Account on Tinder

social catfish

If someone has a very limited profile and you’re suspicious, consider using a site like socialcatfish.com to check whether their account is real. This site’s search engine can help you verify that their images, emails, phone numbers, or usernames aren’t being used with multiple accounts.

Many people running a catfish scam will want to talk on other forms of social media as soon as possible so that you don’t flag their Tinder account for spam. So be sure to delay speaking to someone on WhatsApp, Skype, or text until you’re sure that you can trust them.

Another great way to avoid a catfish scam is to actually meet up with your matches. A catfish will usually find excuses or not show up to meetups since they’re hiding behind a fake profile.

Finally, don’t give money to people you meet through social media or dating apps.

4. Tinder Blackmail Scams

Scammers also target Tinder users for blackmail schemes. This scam involves Tinder profiles that solicit nude pictures from other users in order to blackmail them. Once you send through nudes, the scammers demand money in exchange for not releasing the images.

Unlike Tinder bots, these scammer accounts are run by real people who carefully groom potential victims for days. Once they establish trust, they ask for these images.

How to Deal With Tinder Blackmail

To avoid this scam, do not send any compromising images of yourself to matches—especially if you’ve never met them before. This is just one way to protect your privacy while dating online.

Online dating can leave you vulnerable to privacy risks. In this article, we explain how to stay anonymous and protect your privacy on popular dating apps.

However, it’s not too late if this has already happened. If you are being blackmailed on Tinder or other dating apps, there are organizations and companies that can help you. You should get in contact with an organization that deals with removing private images from the internet.

Find an organization in your country that deals with takedown requests for private images. Google has a dedicated takedown request form for these types of issues if your images appear in search results.

Furthermore, the UK has a dedicated helpline for people whose intimate images appear online.

5. Venue Promotion Scams on Tinder

Another scam on Tinder involves people hired to attract customers to a specific venue, such as a restaurant. The match will tell you that they will be at a venue soon with their friends and you should stop by if you would like to meet up.

However, when you arrive, your match isn’t there. Rather, you’ll find other people who were also told to stop by by the same profile.

Another version of this scam is especially popular in China. The online date will want to eat at a specific venue and will rack up a huge tab that you have to pay for. After the date, you’ll never hear from your match again.

How to Avoid This Tinder Scam

Look out for any matches that suggest meeting up at a specific venue after very little interaction. Most people want to at least chat a while before they suggest meeting up.

If you’re suspicious of a potential date, maybe suggest an alternative location to meet up, such as a coffee shop. This makes it unlikely that they’ll rope you into an expensive dinner and shows whether they’re willing to budge on where to meet. If they were hired to get customers to a specific venue, they won’t want to meet up somewhere else.

Stay Safe While Online Dating

So there we have it. These are the Tinder scams you need to watch out for while swiping right on people you want to date. But thankfully, scams are still a small part of online dating as a whole.

There are a few rules to follow when online dating, such as not sharing too much information, not lying on your profile, and using the right platform for your goals. So make sure you check out our online dating mistakes you should never make and these mistakes to avoid when using Tinder so that you can enjoy a positive experience.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

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