Prince Andrew: I didn’t have sex with teenager, I was at home after Pizza Express in Woking
Here we were living in Santa Monica, and living the dream. Just a bunch of poor musicians having the time of our lives.
I was at a party at a friend’s place. One of his friends had been flirting with me all night, but it wasn’t normal flirting — she wouldn’t say a word to me. She’d only touch me and giggle as I walked by. Towards the end of the party, she took my hand and quietly led me to her room, which has a bed and just a bunch of clothes everywhere. Less than sixty seconds into making out, she started to go down on me. Which I accepted. I realized how creepy and weird the situation had been to that point, but it was head. What nineteen year-old dude turns down oral?
She finished up, and put her head on my chest to rest. At that point, I was thinking this girl was loony tunes, but I didn’t want to be an ass, so I began to reciprocate. But she grabbed my hand and stopped me, and said, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.” I looked at her totally dumbstruck. She must have misinterpreted my dropped jaw to mean that I was hurt, because she immediately came back with, “But it was really nice sucking your cock.” These were the first words she’d said to me all night.
So we were both quite high, we decided to head back to my place. Everything seemed normal. She finally decides to get it on with me. Sex was good and then we got to talking. Since we’re both high, we started talking about death and what happens to your body after you die and she asks me whether I have ever thought about killing anyone. I could sense a creepy story coming my way and just shook my head.
She then proceeded to narrate how she has always thought about killing someone by suffocating them, with a pillow. And since we were on the bed, there were 2 pillows around us and of course, I was majorly creeped out. She was looking at me with the crazy eyes and I was so confident that I wouldn’t see the sun rise the next day. I turned around and pretended to sleep. After a couple of hours, she left without saying a thing.”
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
New relationship, new rules.
We are setting boundaries every day.
We drive in our own lane. We obey the limits marked by a colleague’s desk or cubicle. We maintain a respectable distance in a queue. Yet, many of us think that boundaries are unnecessary and even offensive in a romantic relationship.
Many women don’t set healthy boundaries in their relationships. Instead, they think their partner should be able to anticipate their wants and needs. Some even fear that setting boundaries in relationships will interfere with the romance and spontaneity. Others feel that boundaries are downright callous.
Why should you set boundaries in new relationships from the get-go?
A healthy relationship, like every other area of your life, requires boundaries. Boundaries define responsibility in the relationship and create natural limits. These limits work to your mutual benefit since the overall expectations are clearly worked out.
Learning how to set boundaries is essential for eliminating blame in the relationship. According to clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, clear boundaries determine where you end, and your partner begins. When you are both clear on which responsibilities are yours and which ones are his, you have less conflict and fewer misunderstandings.
Boundaries communicate your tolerances to each other. You and your partner have different emotional thresholds. When you set boundaries, you are letting your boyfriend know there are certain things you will not tolerate: being lied to, shouted at, being silenced or mistreated. Limits make more healthy and peaceful relationships.
Not all men are going to have the same values as you so it’s important to get it right from the start.
What happens when you don’t set healthy boundaries?
Not only will you be in an unhealthy relationship, but you also cannot hope to be a woman of high self-esteem as you mourn the behavior of a man who is crossing boundaries and treating you indecently.
Failure to set boundaries means that you will have to deal with:
- Messy habits
- Jealous spying
- Broken promises
- Dangerous lifestyle: alcohol or drug abuse
- Angry behavior
- Oppression and resentment
- Power struggles
If you do not believe in boundaries and accept anything and everything, the problems that may arise in future are yours, not your boyfriend’s.
The core determinant when establishing patterns of behavior in your relationship is acceptance and rejection. Boundaries help you to clearly communicate with your boyfriend what things you accept and which ones you reject. If you don’t do one, you do the other.
Here are 6 healthy boundaries all new couples need to discuss.
1. Sexual expression
You and your boyfriend will have some different ideas about sex. For example:
- You may like sex in the morning while he enjoys it in the evening.
- He may love sex in odd places while you may enjoy sex more in the comfort of your home.
- You may be wild, he may like it slow and sensual.
The point is, if you and your boyfriend don’t know where your sexual boundaries lie, one of you will spend their time in the relationship faking sexual satisfaction.
Determine your sexual needs and preferences as well as how much wiggle room for adventure exists within your relationship. Violating sexual boundaries in a relationship is not just unhealthy, it can be abusive.
There’s typically no more of a sensitive topic in any relationship. Money is powerful and can turn a good relationship sour. Your incomes, spending methods, saving patterns: all these could bring some significant trust issues in the relationship.
You and your boyfriend should regularly sit down and discuss financial boundaries. Ask each other, “What dollar figure is the limit that we need to discuss together before we decide to buy or not buy it?”
It is also important to decide how you will spend your money, create a budget, and be on the same page where financial goals are concerned.
The above is easy to understand and get the message across that money is a shared topic. You are a team, and you must operate as such to be successful in your relationship.
Discussing financial boundaries is not an expectancy of a failed relationship; it is a matter of convenience which will help you avoid sticky entanglements later in the relationship.
3. How you settle disagreements
All relationships have conflict,
If you adequately address how you will fight in your relationship, you can quickly solve all your problems. According to an article on Psychology Today, conflicts and arguments do not necessarily jeopardize your relationship.
Indeed, there are times when disagreements can bring you and your boyfriend together. The key is how you and your boyfriend decide to handle your conflict.
- Give the silent treatment?
- Laugh when there is conflict?
- Make underhanded comments?
- Get the person out of your physical space?
Once you are aware of how you both handle conflict, then you can set up a rule in advance when you are both more level headed. (For example, agree that if one gives the silent treatment for two days, tell them that they are being silly and the point has been made.)
Conflicts, when mishandled, can ultimately break the relationship up. Work together with your boyfriend to determine the appropriate way for you to deal with anger and how you will treat each other when you are upset.
4. Social media
Social media has completely permeated romantic relationships. Jordan Gray, a sex and dating coach, indicates that as of late, relationship therapy sessions are filled with stories about social media interference with relationships like snooping on partners’ Facebook accounts, a lot of suspicions, and anger when partners follow their exes on Instagram.
A survey by Pew Research Center in 2014 revealed that 45 percent of the respondents said that their social media account had a major impact on their relationships.
You may be hesitant to discuss boundaries on social media usage since you may think that social media is too frivolous to argue over. However, you must realize that social media stirs up real feelings, and those feelings matter.
As such, agree with your boyfriend on:
- How to prioritize quality time together without social media
- What you should and should not post.
- To what extent you should engage your exes online.
5. How you spend your time
Your relationship will thrive when you spend quality time together — and separately. Therefore, you need to set boundaries on how you will not only spend time together but also have some solo time scheduled with friends and family.
If you do not set up time boundaries in your relationship, you will have problems in your relationship and also in the relationships with your family and friends. Talk with your partner about your expectations for time together and time alone and you will have a more fulfilling relationship.
6. Your limits
Bear in mind that the concept of boundaries may be unnatural to your boyfriend. Therefore, to make your boundaries efficient:
- Be firm, yet kind. Do not be mean or hurtful when you set a boundary. The more you approach the boundary conversation with love and compassion, the better the conversation will go.
- Be consistent. Once you set a boundary, do not dismiss it or ignore it. When you undermine the boundaries, you will have taught your boyfriend to disrespect them too. As such, stand behind your words at all times.
Remember the signs of a healthy relationship include boundaries and boundaries are not static. The types of boundaries in relationships can change as your relationship progresses or as you find out more information about each other.
Feel free to revisit the boundaries when the need arises.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Here’s one from one of my female followers.
At this point, it’s as cliche as U-Hauling and flannel shirts. It’s a storyline on “Orange is the New Black,” the plot of a teen show on MTV, and the premise of millions of questions posted to advice forums across the internet. Whether predatory or pining, some lesbians live their love life like Sisyphus, doomed to spend eternity rolling a boulder uphill, only to watch it roll back down, and try again.
Female friendship, independent of sexuality, is intense. It’s a relationship with someone who celebrates you, supports you, and fosters growth without the mess that is dating and sex. In a society where platonic love is undervalued, it’s not a surprise when those lines get blurred and someone ends up falling in love with their straight best friend. We project that mentality on the relationships we see in the media. Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift, Gayle and Oprah — we, as a whole, have a hard time celebrating deep platonic friendships, so romance becomes the only explanation and the next logical step. And then it gets messy. If you are gay, bisexual, or queer, you have probably ended up falling for a straight girl. It’s a lesbian rite-of-passage. Sometimes, it’s the beginning of long-term partnership, but more often than not, it usually ends in heartbreak on both sides, and even the end of a friendship.
And then there are the girls who go out of their way to chase after straight girls, trading in unrequited love for straight up lust. Somehow, despite being all female, certain elements of lesbian culture can be deeply rooted in traditional gender constructs. Straight women are seen as conquests and the girls that chase after them boast about it over Coors Light at The Cubbyhole. In a time where female empowerment is so important and so celebrated, it’s absurd to me that women can still objectify other women for their own sexual validation. As a lesbian, I’ve been on the receiving end of straight dudes telling me that they could turn me on a weekly basis. Everyone has. It’s creepy and uncomfortable and it’s the reason why, despite being out for over a decade, I’m still not comfortable being affectionate with my girlfriend in straight bars. No one wants to attract that kind of attention, so what does it mean for the queer community when we project that same mentality onto straight women?
It’s easy to understand the appeal. It’s great for the ego when you’re someone’s “exception to the rule” and we, as humans, are attracted to challenges like a moth to a flame. At the same time, is it really that fun to sleep with someone where attraction isn’t fully matched? And hasn’t every ’90s teenage rom-com taught us that there is nothing sexy about someone’s first time? Add in the “first time with a woman” thing and you’ll find your way to third base interrupted by a straight girl gushing about how weird it is that you have boobs. And to be clear, women are NOT blessed with a full-fledged knowledge of how to have sex with other women. You put anyone under that pressure for the first time and it’s like trying to watch someone navigate the New York City subway system with no map until you finally give up and Uber home.
A lot of these scenarios are born out of a vulnerability. If you’ve reached your mid-twenties, you’ve probably slept with someone that you didn’t mean to when you were feeling particularly raw. They’ve always been persistent and you’re a couple drinks in and your self-esteem could use a lift. But, to be that person, you’re treading the lines of consent and taking advantage of someone’s emotional vulnerability. If you were a straight male, that kind of behavior usually comes with a fedora.
I celebrate sexual fluidity. I identify as queer over identifying as a lesbian, even if Ryan Gosling couldn’t even get it. I don’t believe that there are hard and fast rules to sexuality, but people need time to marinate and figure themselves out. Sexuality is complicated and no one should be chased or manipulated based on theirs. More importantly, women aren’t conquests and should definitely not be seen as such in a community based on loving women.
By: Morgan Cohn
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
A solid relationship calls for mutual appreciation and respect.
If one person is putting in all the work while the other sits back and takes without giving anything in return, it could mean serious trouble ahead.
Sometimes, it’s obvious when you are being taken for granted, or when your love is not appreciated by your partner. Other times, it’s not so easy to tell if your partner is taking advantage of you.
It’s only natural for the partner who’s feeling undervalued to gain resentment and animosity, as people want to feel appreciated and cared for when in a relationship.
But there are plenty of signs that that’s not the case.
Your partner can show they’re taking you for granted in subtle ways, which might be hard to miss if you’re very infatuated or in love with them.
If that’s the case, you might try to deny that these things are happening or focus only on the good in order to settle with the bad.
But nobody should have to settle, ever.
If you think your partner might not be reciprocating your feelings or gestures, it’s time to stand up. Here are some signs you that you’re being taken for granted, or that your partner likes to take advantage of your love.
1. They never thank you
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, forensic psychologist specializing in familial dysfunction and traumatic experience, and marriage and family therapist and certified relationship expert, explains to Phicklephilly that if your partner doesn’t ever thank you for doing favors or being a great partner, they’re not appreciating you for all you’re worth.
Likewise, if your partner never acknowledges any of your personal sacrifices for him/her or the relationship, it’s a red flag, too.
2. They make huge demands
If they’re making some big demands, like making you spend excess time with them, forgo certain relationships or connections, or prioritize their interests over yours without reciprocating, ditch them now.
“If your partner expects and often demands that you contribute more to the relationship than he/she is willing to do, it’s a major sign of underappreciation,” says Bates-Duford.
3. They make all the plans
If your partner is busy making plans for the two of you without consulting you first and then makes a fuss if you try and arrange something that they may not be super interested in, it’s a clear sign that they’re taking you for granted, explains Bates-Duford.
Instead, you should both be discussing plans and compromising to see inside each other’s world as a couple.
4. They don’t care to learn about you
If your partner has no interest in trying activities you love or sharing in moments that matter to you, they’re taking you for granted, says Bates-Duford.
Plus, if you keep inviting them to spend time with your friends or family and they refuse because they want to be around their network, it shows a selfish disinterest that won’t progress your relationship.
5. Your partner spends more time with others
If your partner only makes time for friends and no date nights (and just chooses to spend less time with you overall), it means they don’t fully value or appreciate quality time with you, the relationship, and the commitment, Dr. Wyatt Fisher, licensed psychologist and marriage counselor, explains to Phicklephilly.
6. They refuse to compromise
Relationships require equal work and compromise in order to make both people happy and to show willingness to adapt and care for each other.
However, if your partner is refusing to compromise on both big and little issues and always set in their ways, it shows they just string you along without thinking of you as a valued factor in the matter, says Fisher.
7. You always feel guilty
If your partner is always making you feel insecure, they’re probably treating you with inadequate appreciation.
“If you’re constantly feeling guilt — the feeling you may be hurting or harming someone else, especially in the absence of doing anything intentionally hurtful — a person may be taking advantage of your sensitivity and compassion for others,” Carrie Krawiec, LMFT, tells POPSUGAR.
8. They take forever to text you back
“If your partner used to respond very quickly to messages or always answered calls but have been less responsive lately, that’s another sign they might be taking you for granted,” Anna Morgenstern, dating coach and matchmaker, explains to Phicklephilly.
If the communication has waned, they aren’t keeping you at the top of their minds. And they should be!
9. They aren’t affectionate
If your partner is less affectionate than usual, it’s also a sign they’re taking you for granted.
Besides, that spark should still be there in a happy relationship.
“Physical touch is really important in a relationship, and it helps reassure both people that the connection is still there,” says Morgenstern. “When that starts to decrease, it can cause the other person to feel hurt and confused and definitely taken for granted.”
10. They criticize your quirks
Maybe your partner used to love the way you chewed your gum or how you laughed during a movie, but if now it’s an annoyance, they’re not appreciating you for you the way they used to.
“You might notice your partner finding your little quirks less cute. In fact, they might even annoy them. That’s definitely a sign they are taking you for granted,” says Morgenstern.
11. They never include you in plans
If you’re never invited to a night out with friends or when the family comes in for a visit, it means they don’t value you as an important enough person in their life that they want around and want people to know better, explains Morgenstern.
You should be with someone who wants to make you a part of their lives and allow relationships to build in order to see a future.
It’s glorious. I know some guys would want some more time with their girl but I like being alone. It’s perfect.
Can you imagine having a loyal, chill girl who is fit and loves sex that you don’t have to see all the time, and can split like a ripe melon twice a month?
I know it sounds like a booty call but it’s just the distance and busy factors that keeps us apart. When she can come down and she’s on her monthly cycle we go to the movies and dinner and I get a break. Sex with Cherie is the best I’ve ever had based on her raw satisfaction and how much she cums. Guys, can you even imagine having a girl nearly 30 years your junior that goes wild and is unbelievably satisfied every time you fuck her? It’s like living in a parallel universe. It’s like God himself has sent me the perfect girl to fuck.
She keeps all of her family drama from you and just gives it to you the way you want it.
She’s a woman who wants you all the time. Super horny. She is a neuroscience major at Temple, works at CHOP and is a cool mom. But in the bedroom she wants you to flip her every which way and fuck the shit out of her. Whatever you want. Very much running her life every minute of the day, but in bedroom you use her like a fuck doll.
But sweet and nice and normal. It’s almost like God said “You took in your daughter at 18 when she was at a breaking point with that piece of shit ex-wife of yours… I’ll give you one more girl. She’s on the right side of thirty. She’s going to love you unconditionally and make you feel like a fucking god when you fuck her.”
I’m a good person and everyone in my life knows it but I haven’t been the best boyfriend to Cherie.
But she’s been really absent at times.
I know that’s no excuse for my gross behavior but I’ve been careful. The blog isn’t going to write itself. I know that’s no excuse, but I’ve done what I’ve done because I’m not getting any younger.
I tell my friends like Johnny R. to compartmentalized their lives. I’m great at that but most guys I know aren’t. It’s sad that they don’t see the big picture. You can absolutely love a woman and be true to her in your heart and mind. But you can still act out for activity that seems interesting and is of a certain variety. It’s not cheating. You’re committed to her. You’re just exploring some other entertainment.
I can’t replace Cherie. I love her. I cherish that she actually is committed to me and loves me over the distance and hasn’t dumped my old ass at the side of the road.
But like I said, the blog won’t write itself and I’m always looking for new content. Sometimes I feel now after two years, I’m driven by the art. I probably am. I need to feed my child. I created this tome and I must keep her nourished. But I can’t sacrifice my relationship with Cherie.
She may be the greatest girl I’ve ever met. Young, fit, smart, and so easy to be with. She’s always telling me how she loves me more than I love her. That’s amazing, easy and fun.
I haven’t seen her in two months and it’s working on both of us. Cherie has been dealing with finals at Temple and everything else. Her two jobs and her son have to be a lot. We text a lot and I think we’re cool but she’s really frustrated. I kind don’t know why she can’t hop on the train to come here and get what she claims she needs so badly.
But I don’t want to press. I know we’re good from our texts and I just have to deal with our crazy schedules.
I want this relationship to survive, because I don’t want anybody but you, Cherie.
You’re that good. You could be my final girl.
Can you imagine that you win the prize as a doctor that gets to push me around in a wheelchair when I completely fail?
I suck, and you’d do it because you are that magnificent as a woman.
I think of your experience and I know it’s very difficult and there is a lot of moving parts to your life that I can’t see, Cherie. But I love you so much when you’re with me for no reason other than you’re you and I’m me. Every day with you has been magic. Every time I’m with you it has always been easy and loving and sweet. We’re a match. I love you with all of my heart, Cherie.
I can see myself married to you.
I was walking through Rittenhouse and it was a hot summer day and you were half-naked, and I found that hot as shit. But the thing I felt talking to you was in that moment, was I’d love to be married to Cherie. She’d be an incredible wife and mom.
I had sworn off marriage in 2001 and here I was looking at Cherie knowing I’d love to wake up every day next to my sweet queen, Cherie.
Not anyone else…
I’ve been a pig. But have I? We’re fine. I’ve had some dalliances in a very British way. Nothing came of it and we’re fine. It’s been two months since I’ve seen you and it’s killing me but let’s figure it out, doll. Even if you can come down for a couple of hours I’ll do whatever you want honey….
The beginning of a relationship is, without a doubt, sexy AF all around. You can’t keep your hands off of each other (sorry, everyone in your vicinity, not sorry). Even a mere graze of their fingers on your lower back feels like it sends electricity shooting down your spine. But the honeymoon phase is called a “phase” for a reason. That kind of all-consuming infatuation can’t possibly last forever. That said, it’s totally possible to keep this kind of attraction alive in your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together. So, if your relationship isn’t so sexy anymore, rest assured there’s something you can do about it.
How can you tell if your relationship has lost its sexy appeal? The first thing that may come to mind is your sex life, and while your satisfaction in that department does play an important role in your relationship, it’s not the only thing that makes it sexy. In fact, there are so many ways in which a relationship can be sexy that have nothing to do with how many times you’ve gotten off together recently.
A lot of it comes down to a combined feeling of intimacy, spontaneity, and desire. But if you suspect that your relationship may be lacking in sexiness, keep a lookout for these telling signs that it’s time to turn up the heat.
EVERYTHING IS PREDICTABLE AF.
You have your go-to moves in the bedroom, your typical places for takeout, and your dinner dates at the same rotation of restaurants on Friday nights. TBH, even your kisses feel routine — a smooch on your way out the door, and upon coming home from work. It’s normal to fall into certain routines when you’ve been dating someone for a while, especially if you live together. And in fact, having a couple of standing traditions, like watching your favorite show together on Sundays or making a pizza together on Fridays can be totally romantic. But if basically everything has started to feel predictable, that could be a problem. After all, predictability kind of kills the opportunity for sexy vibes.
When was the last time you did something like surprise your boo with a handwritten note in their work bag or plan a spontaneous picnic lunch for the two of you? When was the last time they caught you off guard with a new technique while you were getting frisky? These are the kinds of things that make a relationship undeniably sexy.
THE COURTING HAS COME TO A DEFINITE CLOSE.
When you think of the idea of “courting,” you probably refer back to the early stage of dating someone, when you were both trying to win each other over. Maybe your boo planned thoughtful dates a week in advance or cooked you extravagant dinners. Maybe you bought them little thoughtful gifts now and then just because. If this whole notion of courting has gone out the window, that could be a sign that your relationship isn’t exactly sexy anymore.
“If you’ve been together a long time or have started to live together, you must remember to continue dating,” says Pricilla Martinez, CEO of Regroop Online Life Coaching. “Especially if you’re living together, you need to remember that your partner is not your roommate.”
The bottom line? Just because you’re in a secure, long-term relationship doesn’t mean you should stop putting any effort in, because that can seriously hinder how sexy your relationship is.
FLIRTING IS NONEXISTENT.
Flirting plays a massive role in keeping a relationship sexy. It keeps you both feeling wanted, and we all want that, don’t we? And it can be just as simple as sending your boo a quick text to let them know that you’re thinking about them, or making a playfully racy comment as they walk by. One of the easiest and most effective ways to flirt, without a doubt, is giving bae a genuine compliment.
“Make sure you’re stroking their ego and making them feel sexy,” adds Martinez. “Give what you’re hoping to get and it will pay off.”
So, have you told your boo something you love about them lately or let them know when you thought they looked fine AF? If the flirting has died in your relationship, there’s a good chance the sexy factor has, too.
PHYSICAL TOUCH ONLY HAPPENS IN THE BEDROOM.
The truth is, not everyone’s love language is physical touch. So, for some people, it plays more of an important role in terms of relationship satisfaction than it does for others. However, physical touch definitely breeds intimacy and trust and also contributes to how sexy your relationship is overall. Something as simple as a lingering kiss, a playful butt squeeze, or a sensual shoulder rub makes you and your partner feel connected to each other.
That means that if sex is the only time you and bae are making physical contact, then that spark may have faded somewhat. Do you know how your partner prefers to be touched, and do they know what kind of touch makes you feel loved and appreciated? Have you spontaneously wrapped your arms around them while they’re washing the dishes lately? Have they randomly given you a smooch while you were watching a movie, or held your hand while running an errand? Pay attention to how many of these kinds of affectionate gestures you participate in because they can be a solid indicator of how sexy your relationship is.
So, you’re starting to realize that your relationship is less than sexy. Now what? Fortunately, Martinez says you’re not powerless — there are certainly ways to get out of your rut and reignite the spark. Martinez advises thinking back to the early stages of your relationship to recall what worked rather than reinventing the wheel.
“At one point you both were doing things regularly that you found sexy, so start there,” she says. “One of the easiest ways to get someone back into the flow of things is to remind them that they turn you on and that you want them. Leave them notes, send them texts, change up the sexual routine, get intimate in non-sexual ways.”
But that’s not to say that novelty doesn’t play a part in keeping things exciting, either.
“A lot of people stop feeling sexy because their partner’s attention wasn’t the same even if nothing changed,” Martinez explains. “In other words, you could have been doing all of the same things that used to turn them on, but they may have become desensitized to it. You need to ramp it up.”
Infusing some spontaneity and elements of surprise into your relationship, keeping the flirting and courting going, and finding new ways to connect physically are all ways to give your relationship the jolt it may need. Remember — the more effort you put into keeping your relationship sexy, the more your SO will likely feel inclined to do the same. It’s a team effort, after all. The point is, while you may be beyond the honeymoon phase, that doesn’t mean you can’t reclaim that sense of wanting your partner oh so badly and feeling just as wanted back. And what’s sexier than that?