10 Ways To Make Him Realize He Needs You

10 Ways To Make Him Realize He Needs You

Sometimes, a relationship gets to that point where people forget they need to fight for one another, because they’re so sure of their feelings for each other. But we all need to feel some appreciation, we all need to feel like we’re loved and wanted.

Being ignored and neglected are horrible things to feel in a relationship, especially if we truly love our significant other. But if we’re not ready to talk about it, what should we do?

Well, we have certain ways and games to play to show him that he’s actually losing you and how much he needs you. These should do the trick to make him fight for you and work harder to keep you around.

1. Show him that you’re more than just a body

You’re not just someone to keep his bed warm or to help him to get off. You have feelings, you have needs, same as him. Show him that you’re more than just an object in a house. Instead of rolling around in the sheets, tell him that you have the need to talk about your problems and emotions.

Show him that you’re best friends, lovers and lifetime partners, not just fuck buddies. Men tend to forget certain benefits of having an amazing woman beside them because they get so consumed by their fast lifestyle. But reminding them of having those things again will certainly make them slow down a little bit and actually enjoy the moment.

2. Show him that you trust him

One of the reasons why men pull away is lack of trust or feeling that there isn’t any of it in a relationship. Maybe he feels bad leaving on business trips without you because he’s worried you’re pissed. Maybe he’s not able to enjoy the moment, because he sees shadows of jealousy everywhere. Show him that he has your trust. Show him that you trust him with your body, with your emotions, with your fears. There’s no heavier bond than fear and hope. Sharing your biggest emotions and horrors, alongside love, is something no man could turn his head away from.

3. Make time for each other—not just you for him

10 Ways To Make Him Realize He Needs You

Maybe he’s so used to having you around that he forgot that he actually has to make an effort so that could stay that way. Next time he calls you, don’t answer. Pick up a new hobby, meet new people. Show him that he now has to fight to spend time with you, that you’re not a puppy who’d answer the second he called your name.

You are a person who needs to feel wanted. Once he shows interest in fighting for you, work slowly on compromising. Sometimes there’s no easy way to show him that he’s losing you.

4. Show appreciation

Just like you need to feel appreciated and loved, he needs that too. But instead of the regular things you compliment him on, try to play it differently this time. Say how you had no doubts about him succeeding with that project at work.

Tell him how you love the way he makes you feel safe. Tell him how you can’t wait to have some time alone with him so you can enjoy his great body. How you need him to be close and to fall asleep in his strong arms because you’re feeling broken. Show him that he’s appreciated, that there’s more than one reason you decided to give yourself to him.

5. Go out without him

You used to go out together all the time, but lately you’re spending all your nights at home watching Netflix and sometimes (rarely, really) making love. If you want more, if you’re not satisfied with that kind of lifestyle, but you’re not ready to openly admit that to him, show him. Go out without him. You wanted to watch that movie so badly, but he doesn’t feel like it? Go alone, go with your friends, don’t settle to stay home with him. You feel like clubbing, but he doesn’t? Go girl, you were clubbing long before you met him. Just show him that you don’t need him to accompany you everywhere, show him your independence.

6. Show off your confidence

Confidence is not something we’re naturally given and it’s usually easier to lose it than to gain it. But if you have it, if you’re working hard to keep it, show it off! You love how your body looks in that tight dress, but you’re worried he might be jealous? Wear it, and if he doubts you, if he doesn’t trust you, that’s a totally different problem you have.

But if he’s sure of your love, what could possibly go wrong if you remind him how much of an amazing woman he has beside him? What could possibly go wrong if you show him that you’re still that strong and independent woman he fell in love with?

7. Let him take care of himself sometimes

Don’t run to his aid if he’s sick, or if he’s having problems at work. If he said he can handle it, he only needed to share that with you, let him do it. You’re not his mama to be around him all the time. Let him iron his shirts once in a while, or tell him you want him to cook you dinner because he’s so good at it. Little accomplishments can go a long way.

8. Make the people around him love you

10 Ways To Make Him Realize He Needs You

If his parents accepted you and love you, if his friends keep telling him how he’s lucky to have you, he has to be a special kind of moron to not to see it himself. If you already have the love of his people, but he’s pulling away, there could be something serious going on. If he hasn’t reacted to any of the tactics you have used, then it’s time to sit down and address the issue. Neither of you is happy and you have to do something about it—together.

9. Prioritize yourself and make him understand why that is necessary

Neglecting yourself, only to keep him satisfied and happy, is not the way to maintain a relationship. He’s so used to having you around, so used to you taking care of him, that he has no need to take care of himself or your relationship, because he still believes that you will do it.

Show him that you won’t, put yourself first. Instead of going to his parents for the third weekend trip in a row, go somewhere you always wanted to go, whether alone or with friends. Stop respecting his wishes if he doesn’t respect yours.

If he shows you that he’s hurt, don’t add to the tension. Calmly try to make him understand that you really need that getaway weekend, that you really need to have some time for yourself and that you really need to feel wanted. And right now, you don’t feel that way.

10. Don’t let him always have things his way

This is not the 16th century anymore, we fought hard to accomplish things we have today and, damn, we’re still fighting like crazy. The time when a man’s word was the ultimate law in a relationship is long gone. Show him that you’re having none of it. He will either come to his senses or walk away. It’s a win-win situation, really.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

Advertisements

Duncan – Superbowl Sunday – Part 3

We’re a little burned out. We’re not in our thirties anymore. Duncan comes to the gym and works out. He’s eating better. We’re not doing Philly Tacos anymore. (Philly Cheesesteaks rolled in giant slices of pizza from Lorenzos on South Street.) There is no Heavy Metal here. I think Duncan wishes his father was here to share this moment with him. My father is long gone and so is my mother and I’ve already forgiven and buried them.

Duncan speaks of a time when he and his father would watch the Eagles together when he was a kid. They are some of my friend’s finest memories with his father. His dad was a hard man but this was something they shared.

I get it. My father and I shared a love of film.

If the Eagles win the Superbowl Duncan would love nothing more than to go to the parade with his dad. But his father has already declined, but that sucks because that motherfucker should be at that parade with his boy. Just another failure as a parent when you could actually do he right thing by your son.

But I digress…

I’m at the salon until 4. We have no plan. It’s horrible,  Duncan is worried. He expected the King of Philly to have it locked down. No dice. Ticketed events and no idea where to go for a sporting event.

Duncan shows up at the salon an hour before closing and I ply him with soft pretzels and Tastycakes. (I knew it would work because he’s a Philly guy and I’ll figure it out)

It bought me some time before I closed the salon and I have no idea where we’re going to watch the Super Bowl.

I tell him I brought a flask and he can fill it with whatever he wants.

Duncan heads down the street and buys a fifth of Plantation Rum. It’s $50 a bottle so I’m down with drinking that.

He actually figures out a way to get the booze into the flask without spilling it by using the card that the Tastycakes rest on as a cylinder to pour the booze. Pure genius. A McGyver moment on this Super Bowl Sunday.

We’re set. Like we’ve been set in the past but tonight it’s raining and we have no idea where we should go. For the first time we’re at the hands of fate. I feel bad I haven’t set up a cool spot for my friend who has traveled 1500 miles and paid for a hotel and paid for food and drinks and now I can’t deliver on the only thing my friend wants.

But then we come up with an idea…

We head to the Ritz Carlton. Maybe the bar won’t be packed. Hopefully the people who are there won’t be a bunch of animals like everywhere else in this fair city.

Normally on a day like this you should already have your spot to watch the game staked out. But I closed the salon at 4 and now we’re trudging through the rain towards Broad Street.

We get to the Ritz and have no problem getting in. There are a few clusters of tables throughout but most are Reserved.

See the source image

Yea… this bar is amazing.

We get to the bar and there are no seats available. We drop our wet coats and umbrella. We decide the best course of action is to order beers. The bartenders are really busy so when we finally snag one, we order four beers. He’s happy to oblige and Duncan starts a tab.

We know we need to eat so we grab a menu and decide what we want. That’s when the bartender comes back and tells us there is one seat at the back left corner of the bar. We jump on that. It’s a perfect seat. I tell Duncan to take it. He says we’ll take turns. I don’t care. I’m accustomed to being on my feet for long periods of time at the salon. The seat is directly in front of a big flat screen TV.

We’ve done it. This is the most important moment of the entire weekend. Duncan has a front row seat to watch the Superbowl, a drink in his hand, and food on the way.

For me? Mission Accomplished.

To be honest I don’t care about sports. I never have. Do I enjoy watching the important games? Absolutely. But I’m just not a die-hard fan like most men.

My goal is for Duncan to be happy. He came all the way up here for his 50th birthday and to watch the Eagles play in the Superbowl and hopefully win. I’m happy to see him and we’ve had a great weekend together.

The game begins and it’s a tense match. The Patriots have won five Superbowls. The Eagles have never won. There is a stressful exchange of power during this game. When our team gets a goal, the place erupts in cheers. But when it goes the other way, a nervous hush falls over the crowd here at the Ritz.

Like I said, I’m not a sports fan. But that game was probably the greatest sporting event I have ever seen. It was a nail biter to the final minutes.

Finally….

The Philadelphia Eagles Win the Superbowl!!!

 

The place goes crazy. Duncan jumps on me and hugs me like it’s his last time. I’m high fiving and hugging people I don’t even know who have come out of the kitchen to watch. It was one of Philadelphia’s most glorious moments in history. We witnessed it at a lovely bar near a big TV. We really lucked out. Every place was packed or sold out. Duncan had a ringside seat and we were together for this moment.

That’s all that matters to me.

I turn around and the whole place is emptying out. Duncan says he’s going to watch the award ceremony. I tell him I’m going out front for a celebratory smoke.

When I was out here smoking earlier it was pouring raining. There was only two people out on the street.

Now I can’t even see Broad Street.

It is a sea of people.

Thousands and thousands of people have poured out of every bar, tavern or tap-room, and are now marching in the streets of Philadelphia. Cheering, waving flags, chanting, and carrying swag. There are idiots climbing the light poles, but that always happens when we have a major win. There’s a guy trying to rip the Broad Street sign from the pole. There are people dancing on the top of the newsstands. Groups of drunken revelers sitting on top of the bus stop shelter.

But, it’s surprisingly peaceful. There’s just so many people. If something erupted, I don’t think the cops could do anything. People are high fiving and hugging. It’s just such a happy joyous moment in our city’s sports history.

Duncan joins me and he’s loving it. Neither of us have ever seen anything like this in our lives. In 2008 when the Phillies won the World’s Series, the same thing happened, but this seems bigger. We’ve NEVER won the Super bowl. This is huge!

People were going crazy all over the city. I saw people riding on the top of cars like it was nothing. They’re firing fireworks off right over the crowd. It’s insane. Duncan and I hung out on the front of the Ritz for what seemed like two hours. Just watching the spectacle of this celebration from our safe perch. I’d occasionally whip out the flask of Plantation Rum and pass it to him. It was cold out there that night but the rum warmed our bellies.

We were going to leave through the side exit instead of diving right into this madness. But we were told by security that a bunch of people climbed onto the canopy over the door and it collapsed. All I saw was a twisted pile of rubble blocking the exit.

We eventually made it back to Duncan’s hotel. We both flopped in a couple of comfy chairs in the lobby trying to process what just happened. The Eagles beating the New England Patriots and winning their first Super Bowl. The frenzy in the streets that would probably last all night. It was probably one of the best times Duncan and I ever had together.

I’m glad I got to share it with my very best friend.

Here’s a glimpse of what we witnessed.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                             Facebook: phicklephilly

When A Woman Stops Loving A Man, She Begins To Feel These 8 Things. Is It Happening To You?

When A Woman Stops Loving A Man, She Begins To Feel These 8 Things. Is It Happening To You?

In many relationships, there is a time when the love is no longer there and one or both of the persons are looking for a way how to end this journey. Most commonly women are the one who is the ones who fight for the relationship to work, but there is certainly a breaking point.

However, today you will know some attitudes and what a woman feels when she stops loving a man, it is impressive. So do not miss it and find out what they are, take note of these 8 things that a woman begins to feel.

1. When eating together is no longer enjoyable.

When the meals start to get boring and there is no longer any more romance when having a dinner then it is clear the relationship is not on the right path. Especially when no words are exchanged and the only thing you’re sitting together is the food.

2. You start to stop worrying about whether you are okay or where you are, without realizing it.

It is women’s nature to be worried most of the time where their man is or is he ok. However, sometimes when women don’t feel any connection with their men they stop having this feeling and start caring more for themselves and other people. This does not mean that that person is bad, it is just an indication that there is no more love left in this relationship.

3. When you say goodbye you do not feel anything at all.

When the men leave and the women don’t really care for how long and when would they return than something is wrong.

4. When you feel that your partner is no longer the protagonist and does not even appear in your thoughts.

This is something really sad when you feel that this man does not appear as part of your future, where even you visualize without it and feel what is the best.

5. When you wake up and not even look at him first, you just feel like “it’s just another day”.

When you feel love, it always makes you happy to wake up with him; You look at him, give him a kiss and give him good morning, being one more day of love in their lives together.

6. When he is not at home, you feel that you do not miss him and prefer to be better alone.

If you feel like the longer he is absent the more time for yourself you have.

7. You realize that when you are enjoying when he is not near you.

This is when you realize that you don’t need him to be happy, moreover, you feel better when he is not around you.

8. WHEN YOU BEGIN TO PROJECT A NEW LOVE.

When you constantly imagine you’re with someone else and not just in an intimate way but to have something more.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

Duncan – Saturday – Part 2

“There is a peacefulness in middle age. I love that we’ve both finally arrived there together.”

Duncan is chill and he’s just happy to be in Philly. He swings by the salon and has resigned himself to the fact that I need to work a million hours at the salon to get our business going.

He knows that It’s down to me and Achilles to keep the business going. Instead of crying that we can’t spend the day stalking comic book stores and strip joints he comes to the gym and works out.

I love this.

My schedule is stuck and I have to do what I have to do for the business. It’s just the world I live in now and we all get it. (It won’t always be like this.)

In the old days Duncan would come up and we would spend a whole week living in the same house. I would drink, he’d smoke pot, we’d watch movies and listen to music.  We’d watch some crazy videos on TV and barbecue, but those days are long gone.

We’re so much older now. Duncan doesn’t crash on my couch anymore. My daughter Lorelei lives with me. Duncan stays at 5 star hotels now. He’s successful. We’re middle-aged. No more crazy times. We still enjoy laughing our asses off at our own jokes and finding things to get into in the city.

But it’s different now. There’s no AC/DC concert today. (Those guys are too old and banged up to play anymore!) Just us. I have to run my business. He’s on the phone with his team at Well Fargo.

But they can’t take our core from us. When he finishes working out in my gym on Walnut Street, we’re going to go drink at City Tap House and get the hookup from my man Zach.

As we get older I see that Duncan has become so much more patient and less impetuous from our younger years. He’s putting up with the fact that I have a different lifestyle now. A salon and fitness center needs attention beyond the 9 to 5 we were so accustomed to.

We do get some special guests that show up unexpectedly

There was this delicious slender Kuwaiti girl who started tanning here last season that suddenly shows up with her friends late in the day. We know these babies come from rich families because there is no other way they could be here in Philly right now.

“Hey do you remember me?”

Shahed?

“Well done! Is it Charles?”

“Well done!”

I have brought my friends with me!”

(They’re all smoking hot)

Related image

I’m stupid happy to see Shahed again and her hot friend Baba and send them both to tan. There is another girl there named Malak that blows them both aways and is Kardashian Hot. Raven hair, milky skin, lips, tits, and body all amazing.

Duncan is a good-looking and fit man but clueless when it comes to the fairer sex, so I lead in with just some general questions.

I don’t want the non tanner to feel threatened or isolated from her friends.

We have a great conversation. I light it like always. She’s a finance major and Duncan is  CFA god, so she’s fascinated. If these guys could just turn their work gifts into picking up girls gifts they’d be fine but they can’t join the two, Sales and power is the same thing. They just don’t connect and can’t see that sales and dating are the same things.

I help him and I can see he;s actually doing well with this Persian cutie.

I love Duncan. My goal has always been same since the 90’s is. If he’s going to make the trip here, give him everything you can. I’ve always trued to do that every time.

I’ll never forget the moment when the girls were done tanning and they all just perched around Duncan like pretty birds and chatted with us. We discussed different restaurants.

They spoke of a really good restaurant in University City that served food that was similar from where they came from.

I joked that we had no idea where it was so they should take us there. surprisingly they seemed cool with that. (Only I could close that)

They are all gorgeous middle eastern babies and I loved the time we spent with them but in the salon. But like my own life, everything is fleeting.

We may never see them again. But surprisingly the Kardashian did inquire about personal training. So that could be a miracle in 2019.

All of these girls are super smart and will take all of their gifts back to Kuwait, But I do have a plan to take one of these girls out to gelato at Gran Caffee L’ Aliquila.

I know. I want to do it. I really want Shahad, but I’d settle on the tall one who keeps looking at me.

I don’t care.

I’ll figure it out like I always do.

The birds giggle away and bound down the steps. I plot my next move. I don’t share this with Duncan, but I’ll eventually tell him how I deflowered at least one of these sweet girls.

I wrap it up at the salon, and Duncan has stretched himself and worked his body out hard enough that he’s ready to be in the next Mission Impossible movie. I think Duncan has really enjoyed the presence of these fresh Kuwaiti babes.

Smart and beautiful. I know Duncan and I find them both intoxicating. But the presence of these girls is what it is and we must let go.

We lock the salon and make our way to City Tap House. My man Zack is behind the stick and I know my Manhattans are FREE.

We hit this big sports bar and Duncan follows my lead. We luck out and land a pair of seats at this enormous sports bar. Tons of tables and a bar that goes on forever

I spot Zack and he’s running. We are here on the day before the Superbowl . It’s a celabratory mess. But my boy Zack is running. I don’t even think he see’s me/my friend. Duncan is happy we got some seats.

Suddenly a Manhattan neat lands in front of me with a brandied cherry at her core. I want to take her so bad. Hot bartender Nicole grabs Duncan and they settle on a draft.

I’m so happy to be with my friend. He gets his beer and asks the server for a plate of carrots and celery. I don’t get it. A side of wings would have worked for me. But for the last 20 years, what ever my friend wants. Normally all he wants is my six-gun ribs, but I never make that anymore.

We hang at the bar. Zach is God. (And when I say God… I mean Free Bulliett Rye Manhattans with a brandied berry)

I chat with lovely Devon and she tells us that most events are ticketed so we’re fucked for the Superbowl. (But we’ll figure it out)

Our bar bill is zero.

We’re happy. But Duncan needs comfort food so we go to Marathon at 16th and Sansom.

He destroys a salad and helps me with an order of mac n cheese that is a $10 dish. Clearly my boy doesn’t eat enough.

My boy Brandon (Beverage Manager for all three locations) stops by the table and says hello. So that one Manhattan’s is free. I get my favorite barbeque chicken sandwich and we’re good. I tell them my Marathon Reward Card doesn’t work and they give me another one. (That one failed too, but we’ll figure it out) I don’t give a shit as long as my friend is happy… I’m happy.

My friend Francesca stops by the table. (See: Francesca – 2014 to Present – Monday Feels Like Friday) She and some other of her co-workers got laid off at her job, so I hooked her up with a job here at Marathon. She used to waitress down the shore in college so she’s already a seasoned pro here. I tell her we’re going back to the Hotel Palomar to hang at Square 1682 after dinner. She says if she gets cut early she’ll swing by for a drink.

Duncan and I have evolved in our friendship. We used to get plowed and hit South street. Now we go to better eateries and bars and sip fine liquor and eat better food. Just a couple of middle-aged men that don’t like a too much noise or drama.

From Tattooed Moms to the Ritz Carlton. Duncan points this out to me. I like it.

There is a peacefulness in middle age. I love that we’ve both finally arrived there together.

I don’t see Duncan for long periods of time but I fucking love this guy. I hope I know him until I die. He’s one of the best people I know.  Just a good man who I’m glad has chosen to keep me in his life.

Dinner is great and our waitress is a doll. We close with one more at Square 1682 at his hotel.

Tomorrow is the Superbowl and we have no plan. We have no tickets to anything, and I’m working until 4pm so we’re basically fucked.

I need to come up with a plan for me and my friend tomorrow. He’s come up here for his 50th birthday and the Eagles are in the Superbowl.

They’ve never won.

They’re playing against the 5 times winning New England Patriots. Apparently Tom Brady is the most hated man in sports since Derek Jeter.

I need to come up with something. I don’t want my friend to be disappointed tomorrow. Every bar in the city will be packed and insane. I don’t finish at the salon until 4pm.  Anybody that wants to watch the Super bowl should already have staked out there space at the bar somewhere.

Duncan has put up with me working through his birthday/Superbowl weekend already. I just feel like I’m failing him as a host and a friend. But I have to do what needs to be done and we’ll make it work just like we always do. But I still feel bad that I don’t have a plan for the Superbowl.

But there is something between us where when we’re pressed against a wall, we always prevail.

Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday and we will make it work.

We always do and it’s glorious.

We’ve done it before and we’ll do it again. Just like we always do.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                             Facebook: phicklephilly

18 Things Women Accept In Relationships That Men Would Never Tolerate

18 Things Women Accept In Relationships That Men Would Never Tolerate

 

Here’s an interesting piece by one of my female followers. I thought I’d share it.

Why do we put up with this stuff?

When it comes to relationships, women are so much more patient than men. They put up with more, they let more slide, and they realize that it isn’t always going to run perfectly smooth all the time. Women aren’t perfect, we’re just a little more patient.

However, I’m not sure our male counterparts wouldn’t stick around as long as women do with certain things, because when it comes to what men want in relationships, they can be sticklers.

Here are 18 behaviors that women tend to accept and overlook, all of which may be signs you’re settling in a relationship, especially since men wouldn’t be caught dead doing the same.

1. Being on the phone consistently

18 Things Women Accept In Relationships That Men Would Never Tolerate

Apparently, there is always something so mesmerizing on your device that you can’t even put it down while at dinner.

2. Selective listening

How many times do we have to repeat the same sentence because you can’t focus long enough to listen?

3. Extreme laziness or messiness

We all have our moments, but never picking up after yourself? Seriously? When the garbage can is three steps away and you still can’t put your trash away, there’s a problem.

4. Expecting your other half to do all the housework

Women work just as hard as you do all day, but we are expected to clean the entire house while you watch TV?

5. Not meeting each other half way

18 Things Women Accept In Relationships That Men Would Never Tolerate

Have you ever heard of compromising? We both can’t always get what we want, yet we seem to be the one to cave and give in.

6. Showing one-sided romance

If there is anything romantic in this relationship, we know who is providing that. Small gestures are nice ways to show your partner that you appreciate everything they do for you, but it seems she’s the only one giving them.

7. Dealing with a cold

You’re not on your death bed and you’re not a child. Take some medicine and a nap, and stop acting like you need catered room service.

8. Telling white lies

18 Things Women Accept In Relationships That Men Would Never Tolerate

Why do you feel the need to create stupid lies that would have saved you an argument if you just admitted what you did, instead of backpedaling your way out of it? That works zero percent of the time.

9. Double-booking yourself

It’s frustrating when you have made plans, only to be told last minute that your partner planned something else. It’s even worse when you’ve told your partner how important this event is.

10. Not taking each other seriously

When you brush things off and act like they aren’t important, even though they really were, it’s exhausting.

11. Not showing affection

Not liking PDA is okay, but not giving any affection isn’t.

12. Always expecting to “receive” but never willing to reciprocate

18 Things Women Accept In Relationships That Men Would Never Tolerate

Don’t be a jerk. Relationships are all about give and take, not take and take.

13. Spending too much time apart

Personal time is important, but letting days or even a week go without seeing one another sends a message that their absence doesn’t bother you.

14. Waiting hours to respond to text messages

If you’re working, that’s fine, but if you’re scrolling through Facebook or Twitter, it’s rude to make someone wait hours to hear back from you, especially if they’re always quick to answer you.

15. Flipping an argument

Instead of acknowledging you’re wrong in an argument, you flip it to make the other person look wrong. Why you can’t just be an adult and admit when you’re wrong? Instead, you slither your way out of it and spin the tale.

16. Not putting in the effort to make plans

One person shouldn’t be choosing what to do for date nights or where to go to dinner. You also shouldn’t have to expect to do the same thing all the time unless you plan it yourself.

17. Never working on bad behavior

Your partner doesn’t work on behaviors that are annoying or have turned into bad habits. After hearing about it for the fifth, sixth, or seventh time, it gets old.

18. Having exaggerated bromances​

18 Things Women Accept In Relationships That Men Would Never Tolerate

We understand the importance of hanging with your guys, because we need time with the girls, but that shouldn’t always your go-to excuse to get out of doing something.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

Duncan – Touchdown – Part 1

“Whenever his plane lands he always texts me the signal: “Touchdown.” I know he’s landed in Philly and the fun is about to begin. But in that moment I didn’t realize how his phrase would ring true this fateful weekend.”

Duncan had planned on coming into town to visit me. It had been a while since we’d hung out. But this was a very special weekend. He was turning 50 and the Philadelphia Eagles were playing in the Super Bowl.

Whenever his plane lands he always texts me the signal: “Touchdown.” I know he’s landed in Philly and the fun is about to begin. But in that moment I didn’t realize how his phrase would ring true this fateful weekend.

My schedule has changed since he last was up here in Philly. I work every day and only get every other Saturday off. I don’t mind because I love to work and stay busy. We’ve got two businesses to run and this blog’s not going to write itself.

While I was walking into work today, I realized that even though we don’t see each other very often, Duncan is my very best friend. We’ve known each other for 20 years.

He later rolls into the salon on Friday afternoon. It’s great to see him. He walks up to me and practically jumps into my arms.

I give him the tour of the gym and salon. It’s been over a year since he’s seen it. The last time he was here the space was an empty husk of a fallen restaurant. Now it’s a busy tanning salon with a personal training fitness center up front. We’ve come a long way since then. He’s impressed.

We takes a seat in the waiting area and we chit-chat. This time together gives us a chance to catch up on what’s happening in each other’s lives. It’s been slow at the salon so we can talk. Duncan also likes all of the young attractive women that come in to tan. It’s like an endless pageant of beauty.

I get a couple of cheese steaks and sodas delivered and we happily munch them, while bringing each other up to date. We discuss current events, business, work, the women in our lives, and most of all Super Bowl LII.

When I finish we decide to go to Duncan’s favorite bar at the Ritz Carlton. He stayed there last year and we loved it. I got him a more modern and less expensive room at the Hotel Palomar at 17th and Sansom. But there’s no bar that looks like what’s at the Ritz Carlton. It’s a vast space with high ceilings surrounded by pillars. It’s like you’re having a drink at a beautiful white marble bar in ancient Rome. (But with all the modern amenities) If you ever get to Philly, check it out.

We park it at the bar and Duncan goes for his favorite: Rum, Bailey’s and Cream. It’s like a White Russian but more like a milkshake for adults. I like my drinks with a touch of evil so I go for the Manhattan, Bulliet Rye, Sweet Vermouth and brandied cherries. A lethal and elegant classic cocktail.

We get into it. We’ve been friends for 20 years. We know basically everything about each other. But there’s always new material. Stuff you know, but we go for the deeper dive. We both have issues with our parents. Who doesn’t our age? Especially boys.

We agree that the only way we could have moved forward in our lives was to forgive them and embrace all of the great things they did. Not dwell on the horrific things they did to us growing up.

We used to just listen to heavy metal and go to concerts and eat and party in the old days.

We relive those days of simple joy. Building our time together around concerts, meals, drinks, drugs and fun. But now we’re both men in middle age that have held our friendship through truth and our common interests. But mostly growing up in the same era and loving all of the same things.

The pain we suffered growing up has always been there, but tonight in middle age we let loose and agree to forgive. My gentle friend’s childhood was way worse than mine. Our parents were so good to us and they did the best they could, but why the violence against us?

Nothing good came from any of that. It was all just an emotional and physical release for them to escape from their own pain and frustration. None of our sisters knew this, but the sons did. The humiliation. The beatings. It was awful.

How could you do that to a child. By today’s standards, it is a 911 call.

I know my best friend’s life was worse than mine. There is always someone who’s had it worse than you.

I Love Duncan and treasure him as my distant best friend. We are always connected even though there are miles between us.

Our cylinders run an engine of friendship that transcends time and space. Business, values, marriage, relationships, philosophy, politics. comedy, film, Star Wars, comics, music. Everything. I just adore him.

20 years. You can’t build that without your ups and downs but there’s love there. It’s something we both have wanted our entire lives. I met my very best friend 20 years ago through the banking industry.

You never know when you’re going to meet a best friend. Sometimes you don’t even know who they are when you have them. But you open your eyes one day in this fleeting life and there they are 20 years later and you are just as you were when you first started.

You love all of the same stuff. There’s a little bit of new stuff, but the vein runs through it and it is pure. That’s your guy. He gets you. He knows your secrets and all of your fuck ups and weaknesses and he hangs in there anyway.

You can tell him anything and he won’t ever judge you. That’s a friend. He has all of his shit, and you have yours. You have both taught each other to forgive those that have hurt you. They only were doing the best they could with what they had.

They’re lives were so much harder than ours. Their parents came from a harder place and were even more ignorant than we are. But we’re the next generation and we love them. They did so many great things and that outweighs most of the awful mistakes that they made with us.

 

I’m plowing Manhattan’s and Duncan is destroying his White Russians like he’s John Bonham. Then for the first time in our 20 year relationship we finally dig into the darkness.

The agonizing pain of our childhoods and how ignorant our parents were. I describe what happened to me and with Duncan I feel safe in telling him what my childhood was like.

Then he describes incidents from his childhood and I am horrified and tears come to my eyes because I can’t imagine that happening to my friend.

It’s way worse than any of my punishments and almost seem like a call to child services would have been in order back then.

But as awful as it all is as we laugh and throw our cocktails back we discuss forgiveness and understanding. We both realize where our parents were in their lives back then. Where they came from and how far they came with all of us kids.

It was a different time back then and they didn’t know any better. They really did a lot of great things. Fantastic things for us kids, but there were moments where they made missteps that marked us forever.

They could never have foreseen the long-term effect on how what they gave us would propel us into greatness, but in that same moment, provide a weight, a nearly disabling weight that could destroy us in the same moment.

Some of their children would prevail and soar high and clean. Others would crawl from the wreckage of their upbringing broken and fragile, but would still find their way.

Maybe these birds cast from the nest would find their way and eventually fly back to the nest and rescue their own parents from their on demise.

Simply as an act of kindness.

Because they had become good people.

They were able to take the best of what they learned from their parents, and forgive the worst. Learn from it and be the best people they could be.

That’s my Duncan.

It’s late and we’re elated but wiped out. The bill comes and it’s $200. My God.

Duncan pays it.

I feel a twinge of regret but he insists. The weekend is only getting started and I’m stupid happy to see him.

I love Duncan. Our history is so rich, we could write a phicklphilly book just about our stories. (I probably will)

Our friendship has aged beautifully. Middle age hasn’t been kind to any of us, but we’re still tight as super glue. Our friendship has transcended time and space. We still love and hate all of the same stuff together. Now we’re in our fifties and I would love nothing more than to sit beside my dear friend watching whatever new Star Wars incarnation Disney can create and be happy.

We just want to share a moment, a drink, and a laugh.

We’ll do more than that this weekend, but for now… I’m just happy to have him in my life after all of this time.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                    Facebook: phicklephilly

10 things to never tolerate in a relationship

10 things to never tolerate in a relationship

1- Everything is going in one direction

You listen to your partner. You advise. You help. You give your time and attention. You offer Gifts. You care about your partner. However, you get almost nothing in return. You’re not a pigeon or a fish. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love him/her back and makes you happy. You’ll find that elsewhere not in this relationship.

2- He/She is not interested in your childhood?

He never asked you a question about it. Your passions? You bet it does not know (and especially does not care). Something good or bad happened in your life and he does not ask you about the way you feel. You may think “well he is just shy or he wants to take his time”! No, you are wrong. He is simply not interested! So don’t waste too much of your time with this one.

3- He wants to change me

The horror! With our faults and qualities, each of us is unique, and that’s awesome! Indeed throughout the relationship, we might need to adjust or change some of our behaviors or habits. However, when you are the only one doing the effort or always asked to change here and there, you might need to consider your options.

4- He hides me.

Having been with your partner for over 6 months and you have never seen his family or colleagues or friends (and obviously he does not care to meet yours), we say: “Flee”. Loving someone is to love him and his life and therefore know the important people within it.

5- He flirts with other girls.

Either Mr. is a dumb, or he is playing with your emotions. In any event, Mr. better walk away. If you are not in an open polygamous relationship, that’s what we call a great disrespect.

6- He does not keep his promises.

He lies, he is abusive (verbally or physically). Above everything, there should be trust and respect. Never tolerate such behaviors under any circumstances.

7- He is stingy.

He is not generous with you. He hardly offers you anything or shares anything with you. He only thinks about himself. Very very bad.

8- He changes moods like socks.

One day it’s true love. The next it’s ignorance. Is it a passionate relationship or a sign of a very unstable character? Maybe both … In any case, if you want to be happy and have your head straight, you have to make a decision right away.

9- He cares about me after 10 pm.

Ok, He may have a busy schedule. But he shouldn’t make you believe that he cannot ‘have a Saturday afternoon off and dedicated to you! If it’s a friend with benefits kind of relationship then that’s clear enough. However, if you want more, then keep the door closed(with him out)!

10- It makes you cry more than laugh.

The sure reason to leave. Now. Right now.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly