Amelia – Chapter 3 – Getting To Know You

Amelia could actually be the best employee we’ve ever had. I don’t know it for sure yet and neither does she, but that could be a trust statement.

I’ve never had two girls working with me at night during the busy season at the salon.

But I love it. I have busted my ass for 9 months on my own there. We were desperate to find some help. I hung up signs. We may have gone on Craigslist. We had a few girls apply but they were mostly alcoholics and hookers. (Not kidding) It’s hard to find quality help that’s willing to work those hours for $9 under that table.

But by some cosmic miracle I’ve been blessed with not one but two girls that are my comrades during this crazy Spring tanning season.

Initially I was apprehensive of a stranger like Amelia coming in from one of our trainers from some gym, but I have grown to adore her.

I’m so accustomed to running this entire place on my own it almost feels odd that I suddenly don’t have to be responsible for everything.

There’s someone else taking care of cleaning the beds, doing the laundry, and vacuuming.

I have the whole night mapped out in my head and now I have a helper that makes all of these chess moves without my guidance.

I love it.

Amelia is a wonderful woman. She’s the perfect hire. Beautiful, smart, fit and progressive in her approach.

It’s hard to teach her the computer when it’s mad busy. I have to do it. I know it. Fast and efficient. I don’t want Amelia to have to be baptized by fire. There’s no reason for it.

I’ve worked for shitty managers and they drop you into the fire. You learn quickly but its a painful experience. I’d rather have Amelia watch me rock and watch me and learn without the searing pressure. But if I’m at the helm and she’s cleaning beds I can cross sell and up sell more and that’s what we need right now.

It’s our busy season and I need to kill it.

I”ll train her, but cash is king right now and I need to be at the wheel.

Amelia is very utilitarian like a soldier. She’s on top of the cleaning and the laundry. That’s what I need right now. Perfect. Stay on top of the beds and let me keep the clients moving.

Amelia is on it. I like that about her.

She’s more proactive than Eileen. Both good but different. It’s something I have to deal with and Achilles can sit in his hot tub and collect the money.

The night is cranking. We have new clients and the place is making money.


My buddy Church rolls in to tan and hang. (See: Church – Brand Ambassador)

Normally we go to dinner after I close the salon. This time we invite Amelia.

She accepts and we all head over to Marathon. I know everybody over there and so does Church.

I’m happy to hang with my new hire and Amelia is lively. Because she’s military, she and Church connect which is good for him. He needs to get better at talking to girls.

We grab food and drinks and it’s a lovely meeting. I’m stupid happy I finally have staff and they’re actually cool. And… we can hang. Love that. (I never hung out with any of my former employees.)

Amelia could actually be the best employee we’ve ever had. I don’t know it for sure yet and neither does she, but that could be a trust statement.

The thing that really struck me about Amelia was her diversity.

I had an image of her when I met her.

Fit. Workout girl. Worked at a gym. Getting her certification in personal fitness. Air Force reserves. Uber on the weekends. A worker. (Loved that)

We’re sitting in the booth and I’m plowing a Manhattan, Rye up, with a brandied berry and she’s having a whiskey ginger. We start to talk.

She went to theater college. She wanted to be an actress. University of the Arts. She’s done acting. She’s done Stand Up.

I love her more.

She starts to sound and look like Annabelle. (See: Annablelle – Nice To Meet You) Not the bad parts of Annabelle, because there are plenty, but the good parts.

Here’s a girl who has risen from the grinding failure of show biz and has made her way out of that and worked her butt off to move forward.

She’s a bit more progressive over the salon than Eileen. More on top of the operations.

but I love Eileen and she is SO good on the computer.

This is new ground for me.

I adore them both and I’m so happy we’ve found not one, but two great women to work for our salon!

Going for drinks with Amelia at Square 1682 next Monday with or without Church!!


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Sun Stories: Eileen – Chapter 2 – Getting to Know You

I feel like when I was doing all of those things I was a ghost in my own life.

Eileen started tonight. She’s 18 and beautiful. You’ve been reading phicklephilly, I have to get to that.

She arrives and is wearing a grey shirt and tights. All of the girls wear that now. I have no idea why. It’s too revealing of their curves.

Imagination is the king of fantasy.

I have three sisters and a daughter that lives with me. Our salon is built on respect to women and that’s maybe one of the reasons they choose us. We’re all about respect. (Well that, and the best pricing and the best equipment in the city!)

It’s Thursday. I miss Amelia who is awesome. I love having her here to help me navigate the nights here at the salon. But tonight I get to meet my hire.

Eileen arrives. She is wearing a grey shirt and black tights. She looks fine to work here. It’s sporty and conservative. She’s fine.

When it’s super busy in here she’ll probably go with a tank top and shorts but I digress. (Kidding!)

Eileen is my hire. I chose her. I knew she was amazing from the start.

Eileen is beautiful. She’s studying criminal law at Drexel and is a freshman.

No worries. I’m training her and she’s following me around like a pup and cleaning beds.

Just so you all know. I’ve had many opportunities to exploit my underlings but I never did that. I learned that from my father, Because he ALWAYS did that. And my daughter Lorelei and I are too BARR, (My mother’s side of the family) to pull that shit)

Eileen is doing a great job. I adore her.

I’ve killed myself for so long over so many shifts. I’m just happy to have the help. I have Cherie. I’m not going to try to tap Eileen. She’s like a daughter or a niece for god’s sakes.

“My patents split up when I was 3.”

“Me too. Lorelei was three and a half.”

“I have a half-brother. He’s nine and looks just like me.”

Shows me pics and that kid looks a lot like her.

Cute kid.

I show her pics of my daughter.

I love being around lovely Eileen.

New people intrigue me and we need help. She’s so pretty. I love that I always liked that. I love the sound of her voice. So sweet and like a song. I’m happy she made the call to join our team.

Last year it was Summer and me. I love Summer. So efficient and cunning. I love her as friend and a co-worker. I miss her so much. (See: Sun Stories: Summer – Night Shift Girl)

“I had a sister who died when I was 9.”

“Oh my god. What happened?”

“She was born with a heart murmur. She had so many operations. It was so sad. She died after five weeks.”

“I’m so sorry. What a horrible way to come into the world if even for a brief time.”

“Yea. It was really sad. My mom still wears a little pendant with her name on it.”

We turn the conversation to happier thoughts.

The night passes and I’m training her on cleaning the beds, when and how to do the laundry, vacuuming the salon and folding the towels.

Eileen is a quick learn. I even notice she’s watching the computer screen intently while waiting to go clean the beds. That’s what we hired these girls for. Clean beds while I manage the salon, sales and the clients.

But while Eileen is standing there with her spray gun and towels, I notice her eyes are on every transaction I’m doing. She’s very visual and smart. She’s learning the system even on her first night wiping down beds.

She’s my hire. I chose her the minute I met her. She’s extraordinary. I can see she’s working out. An 18 year old teenager raised in the digital age. Her brain is wired to learn looking at a computer screen.

Me, the old horse, grew up in an age when there were no computers. Only books. I learn slowly. These kids today are like lightning. Say what you want about millenials. You just don’t understand them. You brought them into this world, but their learning abilities are beyond anything you know.

Sure they have no game, and no sense of direction, or spacial awareness. They are slaves to their phones, but they learn the software of anything faster than any of us born even 30 years ago because of technology.

Achilles always complained about his staff. They were a bunch of young girls he was paying $9 an hour. Of course she has the flu the day after St Patrick’s Day. They all would call out sick and were never reliable.

This crap went on for 10 years! He had three salons and he closed two of them because it was, “same headache, times 3” he said.

I get it. It’s hard to find good staff in the retail and hospitality industry industry. I never knew this because I worked in corporate america in banking and advertising my whole life. But for $9 an hour you’re going to get a lot of bubble head kids. It’s just the nature of the business.

But then he got me.

Everything changed.

He finally had an anchor. An older mature man that would give you the $80K employee experience for coolie wages. (As my mother would say)

I know he appreciated it and couldn’t believe his good fortune, but always treated me like any other employee. I get that. That’s all I wanted. I wanted to work. I realized after being in the rat race for my whole life that it was all folly.

The suit and ties. The houses, the cars, the marriage, the children, the stuff.

So much stuff.

I was living the life I thought I should be living to fit into some American dream.

It’s all bullshit.

All of it.


Don’t get me wrong. It’s good to work hard and make money and move up and build a life for yourself.

You make more money, and become an executive and get a good pretty wife and a house and a mortgage, but is that what you really want?

We all follow the same path our parents did. Just that. But does it work for all of us?

Not so much. But we get caught up in it because that’s what we’re taught. We’re children and we are told by our elders that it’s the key to a happy and secure life.


Work hard. Eat shit sandwiches in a job you hate, sacrifice your happiness, and make a bunch of money and secure a bunch of STUFF.

Stuff and possessions is you filling your empty heart with a temporary hamburger.

You’re full for three hours and then you are you again.

I never want to go back to that. I’ve had all of that and none of it means anything.

I hated all of it. I now want for nothing.

I feel like when I was doing all of those things I was a ghost in my own life.

I live a simple life now and my daughter Lorelei lives with me since she was 18 years old.

The universe has somehow righted itself.

I’ve worked at this salon for 2 years and now we have this fitness center and it’s starting to take off. But I’m no longer harnessed to the bridle of corporate america. My best friend of 20 years is owned by Wells Fargo and he’s rich, but his life sucks royal Canadian moose cock everyday. I love him, but his wife is gone. He has no kids, and he’s left in a pool of mediocrity with his fifty something Asian girlfriend. He’ll never marry again because he feels like a failure and it’ll just be him at the end of the day with a pile of money and his rhumetoid arthritis.

I smoke and drink and work all of the time. I love my life. Everyday I’m looking forward to doing something and seeing a friend or lover.

I can’t believe my good fortune.

But then I pause and think, I built that.

We can look back on our lives and see it as a bunch of crazy events and stories, but if you really look at it, it’s a lovely novel woven by you.


Eileen finishes vacuuming and folding towels.

She’s had a great first day and I’m proud of her. I knew she’d be wonderful.

I’m on my feet everyday and active. I’m interacting with our clients and selling my ass off. I’m training this lovely girl, and she is laughing at my jokes.

How bad is my life?

We lock up and I show this raven haired beauty how sometimes the lock box can be a bit temperamental.

The lights are out so I use my flashlight app to guide her downstairs.

We say goodbye. I tell her that she’s done a good job on her first day.

She gives me that firm handshake that I loved upon our first meeting.

Off she goes.

“See tomorrow, Charles!”


I finally hired a winner.


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Sun Stories: Amelia – Chapter 2 – Finally

So I wasn’t sure about Amelia at first. She came through one of the trainers at our gym and was an Achilles hire the morning before I got Eileen. So I had some concerns.

Amelia came in and we made our acquaintance.

She’s 24, new to Philly. I thought she was gay. Works at a gym in Midtown. She’s about to be certified as a personal trainer. Which is awesome because she could bring her clients to our gym and train people and pay us.

She’s blonde and cute. Irish Catholic and from a family of 10. She’s number 8. Wow. What the fuck is that college bill like? I told Achilles and he was like, “That many fuckin’ kids and you can never get divorced.” (He is absolutely correct in his answer)

I don’t know anything about Amelia, but once I met her I liked her.

Solid citizen. Air Force Reserve, and fit. Seems nice and personable. I like the military aspect. Maybe she’ll actually be on point unlike all of the other knuckleheads that have worked here.

First night is always the same. Here’s where to hang your coat. Here’s the bathroom. Just clean the beds when they get dirty.

I’ve got her Monday through Wednesday. The days are busy. I give her the skinny on all of the characters. We build report. I love getting in the heads of everyone I know. Young people are easy. I need to get to know her.

I show Amelia what to do with the basic functions of the salon and she immediately adapts like a good soldier.

I’m happy at my good fortune. Initially I was cross at Achilles for hiring someone I didn’t know. He told me to hire who I wanted. I really wanted Eileen. I wanted her to have all of the shifts. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. But now I have the Achilles hire I have to deal with.

But Amelia is so good on night one I start to question my own choices.

In the three days she’s here, Amelia is really on top of the cleaning and the laundry. I notice at 24 she’s taking the initiative with everything.

Her military training has taught her to think ahead and be preemptive. I love that.

My buddy Church stops in and we’re going to grab dinner after work, and I introduce them. They hit it off because he’s Navy and she’s Air Force. That’s a good connection and he needs practice talking to women in general. Amelia’s a lovely girl.

She’s a natural beauty new to Philly, that lives on her own with a cat which in everybody’s opinion isn’t good. (But she’s young and stop it you y’all.) Amelia’s great and does a great job cleaning.

It’s early in the training and she really takes to the vacuum. I like that. We’re all about the cleaning at our salon. She loves our new cordless vac so much she says she wants to get one for her own apartment.

I really like Amelia.

She’s so good I start to question the Eileen decision.

Could we have finally found not one but two girls that are absolutely amazing for our salon?

We have as a team waded through oceans of shit for so long, could we have finally found a couple of seasonal girls that will actually be good?

I loved Summer, and Haley, but could we have actually found good people that would stick around and work hard for us?

Amelia has a solid week and actually stays ahead of the laundry. The towels can make or break your night. It’s all about service and timing.

But I ask Amelia about it and she tells be they’re in the dryer or coming out in 20 minutes.

I like her!

I’ve been dreaming of good staff for our salon.

I think we’ve finally hit it.

Achilles is oblivious because he’s so wrapped up in the daily grind and the gym now, but I see it.

I’ll train these girls. Not just to clean beds, but to perform every aspect of this business to make them more valuable to us and themselves.

Eileen is Criminal Justice at Drexel. Her dad is a professor, so education is free, but she’ll have to deal with law school later.

These are great girls we have wiping down our beds at the salon this season.

I love them both. I’m happy we finally found good staff!


Oh, one side note: I had to tell Amelia about Eileen. I didn’t want to and I wanted to keep them separate, but since Amelia works here she gets free tanning. She said she was going to come in on Thursday and I knew Eileen was working so I told her about how Achilles hired her in the morning and I hired Eileen that night. She was cool with it, but when she came in it was a moment.

“Hey, Amelia.”

“Hey Charles. I’m ready to tan.”

“Yea. It’s been two months, I need to do that too so I can look like I work here.”

“Oh yea…Totally.”

“This is Eileen. Achilles hired you the same day I hired her.”

(Eileen, beautiful with a firm handshake) “Nice to meet you!”

So, worlds collide but my girls have to eat it.

They do and are fine because women are awesome.

“I like your make up it looks awesome.” (Amelia to Eileen)

“Thank you.”

“Maybe I should do more.”

(Me being the dick I always am) “Yea maybe you should. I point to Eileen) “My hire.”

I know I’ve made a joke here. They both like and respect me. But I’ve divided them and I like it.

Amelia’s great, but she has to stop biting her nails. (I’ll help her) I want to.

We all chat and I find out that Eileen likes to drink. She’s not any good at it but I like that she likes to drink.

I thought Amelia was the bad one but I love that Eileen likes to party.

All I think of is how I can take these girls for free drinks at all of my hookups around town.

Not to bed them of course, but I know these girls are my saving grace. It’s so busy at the salon. I’m so happy that I’ve met these women. They can’t even fathom how valuable they are to us right now.

Entering our most busy season. We can’t live with out them.

I’m just happy I’ve had the great fortune to meet two girls who are absolutely amazing. Normally, we get the crazies at $9 an hour under the table. But for some reason I’ve met two girls who are amazing and really work hard and get the system.

I just need to train them right so they don’t lose their shit on a Saturday.

I think we finally have a couple of winners and I’m betting on both of them!


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Sun Stories: Eileen – Chapter 1 – My Hire

Happy New Year!

A girl calls the salon and asks if we need help. We’re hitting our busy season and it’s getting nuts in here by myself. I’ve been fucked for the most part. We’ve had little inquiries and I’m worried. I’m getting run over every night here. We’re making money, but I have to keep the level of service up. I need another person here.

If someone walks in and has never tanned before or it’s simply a new client that’s going away and need to ‘get a base’ I have to spend time with them.

If 5 people walk in behind them I’m screwed. I have a waiting room full of people wanting to get into beds and I’ve got people leaving.

I can’t be in three places at the same time. People are signing up, people are waiting, people are leaving, beds need to be cleaned, what’s going on with the laundry? It gets crazy in here.

I tell her we do need help and that she should come in. She tells me she’ll stop in tonight. I literally forget about it when I hang up because I’m so busy.

It’s hard to find talent for the salon. You get what you pay for. But that’s just part of this business. I’ve learned this in the 2 years I’ve been here.

I hung a shitty Help Wanted sign on the end of the counter. It got wrinkled and mauled by all of the customers that lean on the counter.

We have this cool rich dude that comes in and tells me the sign looks like it was written by Michael J Fox. I let him go on our system and make a better sign. He makes two and hangs one on the wall behind me. I appreciate that and he’s right.

But still.. very little bites. I work so much that people just think I need a day off.

But that call came in. I forgot her.

I’m blazing through clients and it’s busy. I’m getting run over.

I put a girl in a sunbed and there is a girl behind her. I speak:

“Last name?”

I need to keep them moving.

“I called and I’m here about the job.”

She looks 24. Attractive. Fit. Dark hair, fair skin, glasses and dressed to impressed.

I love her.

We’ve had so much shit come through here and Eileen is like a breath of fresh air. She almost seems too good to true.

Beautiful girl. Firm handshake. I can sense professionalism.

Gotta have her. I can feel it. My hire.

I immediately send texts to my partner.

“Where are the applications? I have a live one I really want. She seems amazing!”

Achilles as awesome as always literally signs on to the system from home and prints off the application.

I’m amazed and love him for this, because he can feel my earnest on this applicant. Which also shows he trusts my judgement.

Eileen is dressed professionally and I am floored by my good fortune this late in the game. I can just tell. Criminal Justice major at Drexel. This is a serious girl. I already adore her.

She’s from Missouri. We’ll get to that. She can kill it for us during our busy season and then go home for the summer and work as a hostess at Olive Garden. She started at 8 bucks and is now at $9.70 and hour. You don’t get that kind of raise as a teenager in a year.

This is a quality girl. I can see we here at the salon have hit tanning gold.

I like her for this job and so I’m impressed with her.

I tell her I’ll text her if she has the gig and she’s cool with that.

I didn’t even know about Amelia at the time. I thought I would have my new magic girl all week but that was still in question.

I still needed to find out what the hell was going on. Quite suddenly we went from nothing to two girls.


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Sun Stories: Amelia – Chapter 1 – Seasonal Hire

I’ve been working at the salon for the last two years. We opened the gym in the new location and it’s been a struggle. But nothing stops the super influx of clients in the Spring. Proms, graduations, Spring Break, weddings, and tans for the summer. We’re ready for it all.

We’re the best salon in the city. We have the best equipment, staff and prices. We destroy Yelp reviews and we are beloved. We do one thing and we have the best service and the best packages.

Oh, and now they’ve had me for the last two years.


Achilles had 3 salons over the last 10 years. He closed the Ardmore and South Philly locations. When I was doing his advertising at Philly Weekly, he said is was all due to staff.

I asked why, and he told me that running 3 tanning salons was just 3 headaches times 3. Which means all shitty employees, non-stop.

I get it.

He has me now. A guy that is an $80k a year guy giving all to his business. The other girls get fired or quit and I pick up more shifts while working for Philly Weekly.

I just like to work and be busy. I start working for my client and the place starts to swing. We’re getting better Yelp reviews and we’re selling better packages and blowing out lotions and accessories like mad.

It’s because he has a deadly sales guy from the rat race that is committed to his business.

Achilles almost doesn’t know how to handle this animal in his zoo.

But he embraces it and is happy with the requests.

We’ve burned through so many shitty employees and there have been so many ideas of new businesses we could create.

I am gravely disappointed in how we have failed as a partnership for a business together. It was poorly planned and we got heat from a gym on the third floor from us and it has caused a lot of problems. They’ve hurt our plan, but we’ll march on.

I love Achilles, and I know him better than anyone, but it’s better if I keep my money in the stock  market and just work with him.

I feel like I’m digressing, and I don’t want to write anything negative about a man I really respect and trust. But I just don’t think a partnership is in the cards for us.

I need to focus on Amelia.


We were trying like crazy trying to get a girl to help at night during the busy season.

The salon will explode over the next three months and I need another employee.

I need a girl who will be like Haley. (See: Haley – Lightning In a Bottle) I need Summer. (See: Summer – Night Shift Girl) Great girls that helped me run this business like a machine. I adore them both. (Just go find them in the blog)

Achilles is trying to find someone. One of the trainers says there is a girl who works at a gym he knows is looking to pick up some additional shifts.

I don’t know this girl. I’m out of the loop and I don’t like it. Who is this chick? I haven’t met her and know nothing about her. Achilles sort of hires her without my knowledge.

He’s been in this business for 12 years and has seen it all. I have to trust his instincts. Or do I? His biggest headache has been staffing for over a decade. I’ve been his stable saving grace. He’s hired some shitty people.

Not really. What do you get for $9 an hour under the table? You get what you pay for.

I’m apprehensive. Amelia is starting next Monday at 4pm. I have no idea what to expect.

Well, I hope she’s not some 30 year old buffed fitness lady that isn’t a match for this salon.

But time will tell.


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Sun Stories: Sasha – Chapter 3 – Return of the Queen

“Sasha is the most beautiful woman who has entered our gates at the tanning salon.”

I’m fed up with Kita’s neglect. Now granted Kita is 21 and has no idea to navigate the world. She is an adopted daughter from China that has been rescued by a pair of extremely rich parents. When I gave her all of the things I gave her, I did it willingly. I liked her. She needed guidance an I did everything I could do to help her.

Kita was the perfect client. EFT client and non-stop tanning. I bought her tons of gifts and gave her a multitude of extras at the salon. Kita is so ignorant she never realized all of the things I did for her and squandered them all.

She illustrated this clearly to me when she vanished during her Winter break from Temple in Florida. I’ve realized she is a fucking zero and a waste of my time. Some girls can be helped and tutored but this one is just a boring loser. No wonder she has so many problems with boys.

She has no experience and is incredibly boring. Can you imagine being 21 and having no fun factor? That shit was built into all of us back in my day. We all wanted to party whenever we could.

So putting time in on little Kita has been a waste and a misstep on my part. I don’t regret all of the things I did for her. I’m just a little amazed that she was too stupid to realize that what I did for her was the model of what her dating life should have looked like with these boys.

Kita was too dumb to realize that the things I was doing for her were the actual model of what dating looks like. Kita blew it. It matters nothing to me. I have a girlfriend. I know dating and relationships better than everybody I know. I’ve done nothing wrong but try to help a young girl find her way and she completely missed it.

Which makes an important point. You can lead a horse to water. I spelled out the perfect relationship out to Kita. All the while counseling her and she still never saw it. She blew it. Kita… still the fool. That tells me she sucks and needs to go.

I would love to spell it out to her one day, but that would be contrived and silly. Too late for you Kita. I’m sorry.

Then there was her eager successor, Delaney. Sexy, drunk and ready to play. I let Delaney use Kita’s lotion and was angry at Kita for never texting me once while she was gone in Florida. I was forsaken by my number one.

Delaney was a band-aid who wanted to so badly be my number one. She’s so beautiful and I love her but she can’t follow-up on anything.

I know this is a little game I play at the salon to keep things interesting at pretty much a mundane job, but there are stories here.

Delaney has promised much and failed miserably. As pretty as she is and her lust for tanning and her pretty legs, she’s just not #1 material.

After her promise of booze for an exclusive bottle of tingler. Sweet and Sexy lotion that I personally bought her I’m disappointed.

On both occasions to collect said lotion she never showed up.

Huge fail.

“Is my experience wanting to give you expensive, free lotion just an exercise in taking it back and forth to my house?”

It should never be that. That is an amazing lotion. It smells like pastries, and bakes you up delish. I bought that for you because I like you. You make me happy when I see you.


Two days later I’m cranking at the salon and we’re doing well.

One of the loveliest girls I know comes in. Her friend preempted her and said she’s be in. I miss this girl, She’s a sweet curvy angel that I need in here. I love her. A sweet, giggly baby that knows and loves my blog.

I send her to her bed of choice and then I see My Queen behind her. Everything becomes clear at our salon in that moment.

Sasha is the most beautiful woman who has entered our gates at the tanning salon. Can you imagine standing before someone and they are number one? (See: Sasha: Chapters 1 & 2)

And then it hits me.

You loved Kita. You’ll figure it out, you idiot.

Delaney’s too busy.

Sasha…. she’s working three jobs at her current gig, Baby is broken. She’s at the same company that Delaney works at but her life is hell.

Sasha needs to get out. Baby’s waiting for the Cadillac and she’s so stressed. She flops her lovely, slender legs over the chair.

I feel like I need to help her. I want to ease her stress. Then I get an idea.

I run to the back of salon and go in the cabinet under the sink. When I return to her I hand her something.

“Sweet and Sexy lotion! For me?”

“Yes, Sasha. It’s yours. A gift from you to me.”

“How come?”

“Because you’re my number one and I should have never let you not be my number one!”

“Thank you! I love it!”

“It’s my pleasure, Sasha.”


I can hope one of the following things happen:

  1. Delaney walks in and Sasha comes in behind her and I say: “Hey there number one.” And Delaney goes: “Hey.” And then I say: “I wasn’t talking to you.”
  2. Delaney: “Hey. Didn’t you say you got a new lotion for me? Me: “Yea. I sort of gave that to your co-worker, Sasha.
  3. Sasha addresses the girls at work with the following: “That Charles over at the salon is so nice. I was over there the other night and you know what he did? He gave me a brand new bottle of Sweet and Sexy bronzer! That runs like $45 a bottle!

Hopefully everything goes back to normal after all of this nonsense.

To be perfectly honest, I’ve been such a childish, little bitch about everything.


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Sun Stories: Delaney – Chapter 3 – Girl Walks Into A Tanning Salon…

Delaney always wears black. (Just like me!) But tonight she’s wearing a skirt. If you’ve been reading this blog you know I am an avid leg man. She looks amazing. This is truly my new number one.

Her black skirt is just above her knees. Lovely calves. Beautiful slender tan legs. I adore her more in this moment. My new queen of tanning has arrived on a Friday night with her legs exposed. It’s winter and pretty legs are few and far between, but here is Delaney with the well turned calves out.

I tell her I’m a leg man, and she kicks her legs up and says she isn’t tan enough but I’m delighted to see her legs. Delaney is so beautiful and I think I’ve finally found my rock and roll queen of tanning.

The right amount of corporate, experience and sin. I made a misstep with Kita.

Delaney is the perfect Number One.

Delaney hands me $5 to upgrade to the premium bed. I almost don’t want to take her money but I send her to the premium bed. The system is acting up but I make it work. The salon’s computer system which rules this place like a HAL 9000 has never beaten me. I feel like the Dave Bowman of this salon.

After 15 minutes my beauty opens the doors and says she has to go back to work. She has a dinner date with her boyfriend the CFA guy at 9:30.

She mirrors my joke about Kita. If I walked into Sampan where they were having dinner and she said, “Hey Number One.” Her boyfriend would be like, “Hey.” and she would say, “I’m not talking to you.” and then I would roll in.

I love our playful banter.

Delaney gets it.

Kita is dead to me. I’m relieved I don’t have to spend hours giving her things and shitloads of advice that is basically wasted on this foolish little girl.

I prefer a bright girl who’s a little crazy, loves tanning and enjoys getting black out drunk.

As a writer, I can relate to that.

I think CFA average dude/decent catch will bore her and he’ll hate her partying ways as beautiful as she is.

Delaney comes out of the sun bed holding Kita’s bottle of Sweet and Sexy lotion. I’m happy I’ve let her use it for free. It’s given me a bit of vengeance against Kita for ghosting me. It feels good.

I tell her I’m working all weekend and I have a little something for her.

“Oh really?”

“Come in and find out, love.”

I have to do some shitty Women’s March tomorrow with my friend that I totally don’t want to do, but I’ll come in and see you at some point.”

Delaney emerges from Room 2. The Max 10. The king of tanning machines. She looks darker, prettier and a bit rosy from the tingler. She loves to tan and loves the idea of destroying my former number one. I love this innocent drama, and this game I play with my clients. MY Yelp reviews are soaring!

Delaney walks out of room 2 and all I see is her lovely face and her smashing calves and knees. I’ve been saved by this delightful lady. I love to work and adore working here, but Delaney just made it magic, She doesn’t know the rich life I’ve led. I’m just a kind clerk at a tanning salon.

But she’s sweet to me and I make her feel special and that’s enough for me. I love her. (In a classic phicklephilly way!)

Delaney emerges out of the booth, the bottle of Kita’s Sweet and Sexy lotion in hand.

“It’s done. I used the end of it.”

Delaney looks at me and holds the bottle aloft for a moment before dropping it in the trash can.

“Sorry bitch. There’s a new girl in town.”

She releases Kita’s bottle of lotion. The bottle lands with a crash among whatever Achilles didn’t finish for lunch, (usually a bunch of rice that looks like throw up in our trash can) spent lotion packets, winkease, soda cans, and other gross trash.

I think the shift of power has just happened.

I felt a sense of pride in Delaney using the last of Kita’s lotion I got her. This is fun. I love this little drama I’ve created at the salon to keep it interesting. Kita fails me and Delaney appears and hopefully works hard to be the better number one I imagined. How great would be if Delaney actually came through as the girl who loved tanning? A baby obsessed. The perfect client. I would give her gifts and some how she would return my favors?

I have been there two years and now I totally understand the industry. I have the client the services on autopilot. That’s why I’m getting 5 star Yelp reviews on a weekly basis now.

Dalaney says she’s coming in tomorrow. I have a gift for her. I have a fresh brand new bottle of Sweet and Sexy tingle bronzer for sweet, hot Delaney. She deserves it. I want to give it to her so bad. When I bought it I knew I would give it to one of my favorite girls at the salon. I really didn’t know who would get it.

I secretly hoped I’d give it to Kita. But she has failed me so much I’m done with her.

I almost can’t believe a girl could be so callous, self absorbed and lost. But after getting to know Kita, Now I know.

I can’t wait to give Delaney the Sweet and Sexy Lotion. I can’t even accept any payment for it. Baby loves to tan and I’m going to bring that lotion to work Saturday.

I hope she comes in. Because even though she has a boyfriend and they’re meeting at Sampan tonight, I’m still the guy that makes her beautiful.

I know Delaney needs to find her way, but I will find a way to have a drink with her at Square 1682.

I will make that happen.

My Number One needs to evolve.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Instagram: @phicklephilly       Facebook: phicklephilly     Twitter: @phicklephilly