Kita – Chapter 28 – Hair Done & No Fun

Today is the Saturday I wanted to take Kita to Dave and Buster’s but it was the only day she could schedule her hair appointment. So I will continue to pursue her to get some fun in her life. I’m just floating around the city when I get a text.

“Hey, Charles. Look at my hair now.”

“You look like Storm from the X-Men.”

“Hahahaha”

“It’s like a silver head dress!”

“So happy I’m going blonder!!!”

“It’s going to look so awesome! I’m running some errands in the area. Need a Frappuccino?”

“I ate a banana recently, but thank you! It’s too cold outside to be running errands.”

“Yay! Bananas are better for you than coffee drinks. Oh, and it’s not too bad out now.”

Hours later…

“I talked to Achilles about working there! I want to do it. I am just looking at logistics with my classes and me going away for breaks. My classes are different so I’m making my schedule next week, so I’ll have a decision by then ok? Also, thank you for the Honey Grow card. (Smiley emoji)”

“Sounds great. No worries. We’ll work with your schedule. Take your time working out. You’re welcome! I knew the one person that could put that card to good use!”

An hour later…

“Can you make sure Achilles knows I’m still pondering it? I feel like he thinks I told him 100% yes. I brought up the schedule thing but I think he thought differently. Oh yea, I used the Honey Grow card today and it was delicious!”

“I’ll talk to him Monday. He and I already have decided to split the schedule between the two of us until we find someone. We’re going to open the gym in December so I may take more of his shifts while he runs the gym. Don’t stress, Kita. Take your time and we’ll figure it out.

Two hours later…

“Thanks Charles. I fell asleep. I’m exhausted for no reason.”

“I’m sure you’re tired, Kita. Big day. Hours at the salon creating the perfect blonde highlights! I hope you like it.”

“I do, I’m just so dead right now. And the weather and darkness so early never helps. Haha.”

“I get it. I just wrote an article for the salon that we’re going to send out to our members about Seasonal Affective Disorder. We worked on it today and I know it’s important that we communicate with our clients about the importance of how we can help them.”

“That’s awesome! Yeah, it really does affect your moods/emotions.”

“It’s paramount that we communicate the importance of controlled UV emissions to our clients for their well being during these cold, dark winter months in the Northeast. I’m glad you get it.”

“Yes because it definitely helps!!!”

“Well we’re here for you to absorb your power through our light! I’m going to do a stand up session before I start work tomorrow. Oh, and I have some new ideas to get you darker!!!”

“Thank you!!! (Smiley emoji) Thank goodness for tanning! And what are your ideas?”

“I have a special lotion, (Only for you my #1) and I want to try a 12 minute over exposure session and see what that does. Always creative.”

“Oh my! A special lotion???? The tingling one?”

“Yes! But it has a very gentle tingling vanilla and chocolate scent that I’m giving only to you. Always working hard for my Yelp reviews.”

“Wow sounds delicious!!! Hahah.”

 

By then it was almost midnight, so we both went to sleep.

Thing was, I wish she were sleeping next to me.

 

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Should You Break Up? 7 Major Signs It’s Time for You to Leave

If you’re waiting for a sign, this is it.

Growing up, I always thought dating would be the one easy part of life.

Money, travel, jobs, those things were complicated. But dating? Simple. You’d find someone you liked, they’d like you, too, and you’d hang out until you got married. Then you hang out some more, pop out a few kids, and get buried next to each other. The children you had together would stop by once in a while to drop off a few flowers. Not a bad life.

If you’ve dated at all you know real life is basically the same thing, except the person you like doesn’t like you, your house is on fire, you never sleep because of the kids you popped out, neither of you makes enough money to live your dreams, which causes resentment and you didn’t really like each other to begin with, so you hate each other for the rest of your lives and people tell a fake love story at your funerals because they didn’t really know you to begin with. Sound about right?

 

Dating/marriage is never easy. People tend to think that if you just stick together you’ll be okay. But realistically, that isn’t always the case. Being with someone should make you happy. It should give you a support system, an extra leg to stand on.

If you’ve been with someone for any length of time, you’ve probably struggled with this question: How do you know when it’s time to leave?

Here are 7 telltale signs it’s best to go your separate ways and move on.

1. You don’t want the same things.

In any relationship, there will be things that you don’t agree on. But the difference here is lifetime goals.

A big one is having kids: if one partner wants children and the other absolutely hates the idea, this can cause tension in the relationship. If your significant other is set on living their days out in another country or traveling the world and you can’t stand the thought of leaving your family behind, this can become a major problem. These are the big-picture ideas that most people are much less willing to compromise on. Even if someone gives up their lifelong dream to be around you there is no guarantee that they will be content with that choice. Resentment can build, causing cracks in the entire foundation of the relationship.

2. You are constantly trying to make them happy and they don’t reciprocate.

In any kind of relationship, you shouldn’t be the only one putting in the work. It isn’t fair to expect one person to carry the burden of a relationship. Both partners have to be invested for it to work.

If you are the only one doing any sort of gestures, the only one inviting them to hang out, the only one trying to make sure they’re happy, then you’re in for a world of hurt. This kind of relationship usually ends up paining you more than anything and that’s just not sustainable.

3. You’re not interested/invested anymore.

The honest-to-goodness truth is that sometimes feelings fade. It’s tough to admit, but you notice your love fading, despite the fact that you still have a respect for your SO. This is when you have to own up to those feelings and try to do the least damage possible.

You should be honest and tell your partner how you feel (or more accurately how you don’t ). At least this way you’re not leading them on. I know from personal experience that that’s almost harder to take than the actual breakup. Your SO deserves someone who wants them and loves them: if that isn’t you, its time to let them go so they can find someone who truly will.

4. You’re starting to feel like life would be easier without them.

Some people genuinely make your life harder. This is tied back to number two, meaning you shouldn’t be with someone who is asking so much of you and not giving that back, but also to the idea that some people honestly begin to have a negative affect on your life when you date them.

If your SO is begging for extravagant gifts they know you can’t afford, making unfair ultimatums, causing fights left and right, or demanding more than you are able to give, they don’t respect your needs. If you think life would be easier without them, chances are you’re right. Just make sure you make this decision with a clear head and not out of spite.

5. You’re together because you feel obligated to be, not because you want to be.

If you’ve been with someone for years and you’re sick of the relationship, get out of it. If the dinner table is silent or the bedroom lonely, you may have lost that spark.

You can try to fix this by going out of your way to make time for your partner, spending time getting to know each other again, going to counseling. But if nothing works and you’re unhappy, it’s better for everyone to end it than to suffer through just for appearances.

As a child of divorce, with many friends who are also children of divorce, children aren’t a ‘good’ reason to stay in an unhappy marriage. I could write a book on this topic. Everyone deserves to be the happiest they can be. Your children will suffer just as much if not more with two regretting parents than with functional divorced parents.

The point here is that if you’re unhappy, there’s a reason. If you’re trapped in a relationship, I don’t think it really qualifies as a love connection anymore.

6. You aren’t interested in a continuing relationship.

If your partner is expecting this relationship to grow into something more and you don’t see it going anywhere, it’s probably time to cut things off. Leading someone on or letting them believe that they have a chance at a future with you is cruel. Dating casually is also totally normal and acceptable, but if one person doesn’t know that’s what you’re doing, then you’re being unfair to them.

The difference between both people knowing it’s a fun but not serious relationship, and a ‘serious’ relationship you know will never be long-term for you is that your partner has a choice in being involved. If you know, you know. And that’s OK! Just don’t let someone think otherwise.

7. You feel yourself turning into someone you aren’t proud of.

One of the biggest hardships in dating is letting yourself become something you aren’t. It’s easy to slide into a persona of what someone wants you to be, or the ‘ideal’ girlfriend or boyfriend figure. In a good relationship, you should feel comfortable being exactly who you are, with no boundaries. The person you’re with should value you for who you are, flaws and all.

The other problem could fall under this category is that you feel yourself becoming manipulative or aggressive. If you’re becoming that way as the result of a toxic relationship, get out of it and make some time to focus on you. The same goes for if someone is treating you poorly; get out as soon as you can.

 

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What Kind of Women Do Men Never Leave?

Men do not throw first of all skillful manipulators. In general, the majority of women are manipulators, it helps them catch, and then and give life to a man forever.

The manipulator’s master has two skills: she is able to choose the victim correctly and keep the length of her required leash. She can pretend to be a weak woman who needs a constant burn, then suddenly begins to exert pressure. Only thanks to this skillful and thoughtful work with emotions, she can keep her husband tense and with a constant sense of guilt, while not giving a minute to enlighten the brain and to understand what a terrible situation he was in.

We can assume that in her youth she was not very popular, but “that only person”, whom she could catch, from her already certainly will not go away.

What Women do Men never leave?

Men also do not throw arbitrary, strong and independent women. I will not talk about women who seek a lot without help. A typical example is a business lady who “made herself.” As a rule, such women have a lot of problems with the opposite sex. Men do not want to be close to a strong and independent woman, because there is no way to put pressure on her directly. Such a woman has, in essence, male power, which she does not face.

We are talking about women who show “feminine strength”. Such a woman will not try to seem weak, she is independent, but all her desires are performed by men in running. She can afford a crowd of admirers to choose any, sip his all juices and throw away the waste material on the trash. Such women are not thrown – they are thrown.

Such women are not interested in why in this life someone is thrown by men ..

There is another category of women who are not thrown. Such a woman does not try to control, use and manipulate men. She lives only for herself, working on herself, not sucking on the energy of other people, trying to “correct” at least one man for their needs and their own notions.

Women are afraid to be abandoned, while believing that the husband is constantly, she is to blame for something. And after all, you can control only yourself, otherwise – happiness will not be.

 

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The Beach House – Chapter 21 – Conclusion

“It went too far. She thought I was going to fire her.” I was pleading my case to deaf ears.

“Ahh, Monica, I’m so sorry it came to this. ” Mia wrapped Monica in her arms. Monica was still in shock, and I don’t think she even recognized Mia.

“I was about to tell her when you walked in…” I didn’t want Mia upset with me on our wedding day.

“Well you should have told her sooner.” She started rubbing Monica’s back. “You probably had her in tears all day.” She sat Monica on a nearby chair and looked back at the smiling Wally. “Wally, grab some water and a towel or something.” He left, chuckling. Monica’s mouth was still standing open. “Well, tell her, Dale. I won’t have any tears at our wedding.” Monica’s mouth opened wider. Mia’s hands were on her hips, waiting for me to comply. I softened my voice as I dropped to one knee in front of Monica.

“You remember Mia Perez, Monica.” I smiled trying to make sure she understood I had no ill will. “We kind of hit it off during the detox.” I grabbed one of Mia’s hands off her hip. “We’re getting married today, and I needed you here as a witness.” Monica mouth was still wide open, looking between Mia face and mine. I gently took hold of Monica’s hand. “Are you alright?” I heard Bob re-enter the chapel.

“You’ve known her for a week.” Monica looked back to me. “You don’t like anybody.” I laughed and patted her hand.

“I assure you, I love this woman more than life itself” I smiled at Mia who dropped her other hand off her hip and smiled back.

“I didn’t even know you could smile.” Monica was still in shock. Bob exchanged the water and towel for Mia’s bouquet. Mia sat down next to Monica.

“Your mascara is a bit askew.” Mia dipped the end of the towel in the water and began wiping the worst of it off her face.

“Making me take care of Mia was the best thing you could done for me.” I stood back up. “I needed her as much as she needed me.”

“I never met the Dale you know.” Mia kept cleaning Monica’s face as she talked. “I fell in love with a very tender man with a strange SpaghettiOs fixation.” Monica laughed at that. Leave it to Mia to move us past the tears. Wally leaned down near Monica.

“These two share a very compatible type of insanity.” He chuckled again.

“You see, Monica, I have no intention of firing you. You are my second favorite woman on this whole planet.” I smiled at her, figuring that should settle it. I saw tears welling up in her eyes. She jumped up and wrapped her arms around me and started bawling. I looked at Mia for help, and she was crying too. I looked at Wally.

“I knew this would be an insane wedding.” Wally started chuckling again. I was beginning to think he was a bit on the insane side.

Once the girls had fixed their makeup, the wedding went off without a hitch. Mia surprised me with a little poetic vow about me pulling her from a pit of darkness into “my heart full of light.” I had to think fast, and I could see in her eyes that this was payback for a handful of paint.

“Mia, before you entered my life, I thought love was only a word for poets.” I smiled into her eyes. “I now know poets are just souls who ache for what I have through you. You are my ocean, my waves. You are my SpaghettiOs.” I heard a whimper from Monica and I saw the water in Mia’s eyes. Wally was holding back another chuckle.

Mia and I took our witnesses out to dinner after the wedding to celebrate. We spent the entire dinner laughing and telling Monica all that had happened over the last week. We were into our fourth bottle wine when Mia decided to give her gift to Monica.

“Dale told me why you made him take care of me.” Mia was glowing. “I felt bad that my thoughtless husband would do such a thing.” I interrupted.

“Hey, I didn’t know you then!” Mia smacked me lightly in the shoulder.

“A tenth anniversary only comes around once. It deserves to be recognized.” Mia looked at me like I might forget some future event. “We wanted to buy you a second honeymoon to make amends.” Mia smiled handing an envelope over to Monica.

Monica opened the envelope with wide eyes. “Oh my God!” she said as she looked at the three-week cruise to the islands and South America.

“And everything is planned.” Mia was all jumpy. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t have to think about a thing, just like when you take care of Dale.” Mia was really proud of herself. “Dale cleared the time with Charlie’s boss, and I’ll make sure Dale doesn’t try and call during the trip.” Monica started tearing up again.

“Oh my gosh, guys! This is amazing!” Monica was wiping the tears from her eyes. Mia hugged her and started crying too. You would have thought we were poking them with burning sticks.

I was excited, because I saw the dessert tray heading our way. I slipped the pastry chef a hundred to make something special for me. The waiter went around, delivering the desert, leaving Wally for last. I was getting antsy. The waiter smiled at me and reached under the tray and pulled out a small top-hat-shaped cake. It was perfect. He placed it in front of Wally, who for once looked very confused.

“I don’t think this is what I ordered.” He looked up at the waiter who just smiled and nodded at me.

“I quote: ‘If you two are friends at the end if this I’ll eat my hat.’ ” My timing was perfect. Mia burst out laughing which infected all of us. To his credit, Wally ate the entire thing. I think he liked being the center of attention even if it was a joke at his expense.

Over coffee, Monica was whispering to Mia. Monica reached into her purse and removed what looked like an old envelope that had seen better days. Monica looked at me. “I made a promise a few years back that earlier today, I thought I would have to break.” Her eyes were getting watery. “I think I was planning to throw this at you Dale.” She was indicating the envelope, half smiling and half crying. Women were becoming confusing again. “Now, I get to keep that promise.” She handed the envelope to Mia, then wiped some tears from her eyes.

Mia seemed a little confused herself. The envelope didn’t have any markings and seemed to contain more than just paper. She broke the seal and looked inside, and I saw her eyes tear up. I tried to see what was inside as she pulled out a single folded piece of paper. Mia opened it and began to cry which was echoed by Monica. They hugged each other.

I reached over and looked into the envelope. My eyes began to water as I looked at my Grandma’s butterfly brooch. Mia handed me the letter and hugged me as I read:

To whomever has found my Dale’s heart,

Please take care of it. It is very precious to me.

Love Eleanor.

 

THE END

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Lenore – She Who Comes Bearing Gifts

This girl I worked with asked if I would meet her friend for a date. I’m always apprehensive about these sort of things. But I had a great work relationship with my friend at work. So I took the friend’s number and called her. We chatted on the phone a few times. One topic of conversation was me always eating Pringles potato chips when we were on the phone. One of my bandmates worked at a supermarket, and we would clip a few items occasionally for his poor bandmates.  (this becomes relevant later). She seemed like someone I’d enjoy spending time with, so we decided to meet for dinner.

I was excited to meet. In hindsight, there were a few warning signs that this might not turn out well for me.

1. In one phone conversation, the topic of butt size came up, and she said something to the effect of, “don’t be scared by how big mine is.”

2. When discussing our dinner date, she said, “You have to promise me that no matter what, we’ll meet again after our date, even if it doesn’t work out, we can have drinks and laugh about it.”

3. When she was describing how I’d recognize her outside the restaurant, she said, “I drive a purple Camaro.”

Being young and naive, I didn’t think much of it all, and arrived at the restaurant that evening with an open mind. How soon things changed. After waiting outside a few minutes, up pulls a purple Camaro convertible. If you’ve ever seen the movie Friday, where Smokey gets set up with “Janet Jackson”, you know what comes next. Back then I weighed about 118 lbs. and am 5’9″. That’s a lean build. This girl had at least 50 lbs. on me, if not more. “HEYYYYY!!!” She greeted me, and I did my best not to look scared to death.

In addition to her purse, she was carrying a brown paper bag. I didn’t really want to know what might be inside. We went in and got seated at our table and after a minute or two of uneasy conversation, she said, “I brought you something.” Out comes the paper bag, from which she pulls out a Ken doll, dressed as Superman, with “Mr. Pringles” written on the cape. My face felt like it was on fire and I could feel everyone in the entire place staring at me.

After ordering dinner, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. On the way back to the table, I passed the front door and seriously considered making a run for it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Defeated, I slowly walked back to the table and we had our dinner.

We had also planned to go to a comedy club afterwards. I intended to offer to drive us both there, but instead told her to follow me in her car. Again, I considered maybe trying to drive fast and lose her on the way, but figured my VW minibus couldn’t outrun her Camaro. Fearing getting heckled by the comedians all night, I found a table in a dark corner towards the back and the rest of the evening was fairly uneventful. After the show, we said our goodbyes and before I could turn to go, she grabbed me and, giving me a giant bear hug, whispered, “Make sure you call me.”

Needless to say, that was the last I ever saw of Camaro girl. I learned a lot about dating the “friend with the great personality” that night. But to be totally honest, I would have hung out with her again, but that whole “Mr. Pringles” thing really creeped me the fuck out.

 

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Handful of Dates – Part 5

Mentally Ill –  This story is a bit sad. I was on the internet on a Saturday morning around 9 am and on some dating sites you can IM the person live if they are on. I get my first live IM ever and start talking to this girl. She is not at all bad looking. She asked what I was doing today, and I said nothing. She then asked if I wanted to hang out. She was only two miles away from where I lived and since I wasn’t doing anything, I said sure. I should of talked to her more or over the phone.

Someone dropped her off in a large white van. It turns out she lived in a group home and suffered from severe head trauma from a car accident she had when she was 17 and the passenger died. She had seizures, and had to be watched, but was allowed to do normal things day to day, even meeting guys on dating sites. She was very clingy and after a few hours of hanging out she flat out asked if I would have sex with her.

I can tell it has been a long time for her and she was extremely lonely, but she also has normal women desires. Now I felt kind of bad and almost went through with it out of sympathy. I thought, “hmmm if I was handicapped and a girl offered me sex out of sympathy I would of probably jump on it”.

I’m glad I DID NOT go through with it because after the date she called and texted me constantly. Also the text were, I cant wait to have your kids, we should go away together to Hawaii, I can’t wait to feel you inside me, I almost had to change my number because  these messages went on for a few weeks.

 

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Why Using This One Little Word Is Slowly Killing Your Relationship

Small word, big damage.

You can’t understand why your boyfriend or husband claims you don’t show him any respect. You’re baffled that your wife or girlfriend says you’re “impossible” to please.

None of what your partner says makes sense to you because, in your mind, you’re always loving and supportive. As much as you try to figure out how to use more effective communication skills in order to communicate better with the person you love, nothing works, because you don’t really know where the heart of the problem lies.

How you can save your marriage or fix what seems to be a broken relationship if you don’t even know what you’re doing wrong?

Before you totally discount what your special someone alleges, take some time to observe your the common words and habits and think about the way you’ve been communicating.

It could be that a certain 3-letter word is creeping into your comments to and about your partner, and this average, ordinary word is contributing to the increasing distance and disconnection in your relationship.

This seemingly harmless word is “but”.

Unfortunately, it’s commonly used by both men and women all of the time in casual and more serious conversations.

This word not only stands in the way of effective communication between you and your partner, but also, ultimately, your capacity to have a long-lasting, healthy and happy relationship.

Here are just a few examples of the way “but” can creep into conversation and destroy your best intentions:

  • “I love you, but I wish you were more romantic.”
  • “I respect you, but you do have a tendency to be wishy-washy.”
  • “You are beautiful, but you’ve put on a few pounds lately.”
  • “I want your input, but here’s what I’ve decided to do … “

The “but” in each of these statements essentially wipes away the compliment or appreciation that precedes it.

“But” is almost always a word of exclusion and negation.

Many of us use it to deliver what we really think with an intention to soften the harshness. Despite this attempt, the emphasis is on what we’re disappointed about or critical of.

Your partner sees right through this. He or she will mostly hear whatever comes after the “but” and is likely to feel confused, hurt and angry because of it. This is why trying to communicate better has, up until this point, failed.

Luckily, there is hope! You just have to watch your “buts”.

Try this experiment for two or three days: Listen closely to what you say to and about your partner.

When you hear yourself using the word “but” — or even just thinking it — pay attention to these three things:

  • How you’re feeling
  • What you really want to say
  • How your partner reacts once you’ve said it

If you notice that you have a habit of including a lot of “buts” in your speech, you’re not alone.

With any damaging habit, it’s necessary to first notice what you’re doing. That is the simple first act toward saving your marriage or solving your relationship problems.

Next, learn how to say it a new way.

Get curious about what it is you’ve been really wanting to say to your partner but haven’t known how to express effectively. This could be something you’ve been hinting at and hedging around, or maybe it’s something you’ve already said, but not tactfully.

Your “buts” may also sneak in when you made a request or share your opinion, then don’t seen much follow through or positive change from your partner as a result.

Sometimes, promises or agreements are made but then ignored. Nobody wants to be a nag or a complainer, but …

The point here isn’t that you’re doing anything wrong or bad by peppering your talk with “buts.” It’s that “buts” rarely invite follow through or engaged, active listening from your partner. The “buts”, in essence, shut down your best efforts at effective communication.

As unfair as it may seem that you have to do anything different when it’s your partner who is stubbornly clinging to their ways, if you want to see a change, there will be times when you simply have to take the lead.

Finding new, more productive ways to communicate is a way to do that.

Before engaging in a conversation with your partner about something you would like to see change, experiment, in your mind or on paper, with different words and phrasing you can you use to explain how you feel in a way that is authentic and true for you and may be easier for your partner to hear.

It’s not necessary — or advisable — for you to fake or deny how you feel or what it is you want.

Instead, focus in on your priorities related to the situation and come up with ways you can phrase your requests to clearly and effectively communicate what it is you do want.

As you learn to improve your communication skills by using more effective phrasing, follow these helpful guidelines:

1. Make specific requests

Be clear and precise in explaining terms of action and timeliness.

2. Speak confidently

Ask for what you want without apologizing for or second guessing your wishes and needs.

3. Be realistic

Keep your request doable, and, if necessary, break it into achievable steps.

4. Stay focused on resolving the issue at hand

Don’t allow yourself to get side-tracked by secondary issues or questions of who’s to blame.

5. Keep an open mind

Be open to feedback and possible discussion, but know your non-negotiables.

6. Express appreciation for what works

Acknowledge the improvements you do see.

Above all, remember to focus in on your priorities related to the situation, come up with requests that clearly explain what you want … and leave the “buts” out of it.

 

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