Use These 12 Habits for Texting in the Early Stages of Dating

Texting in the early stages of dating isn’t easy, especially when you don’t want to screw anything up. Here are 12 texting habits you should have.

Are you caught up in the early romance of dating? It can feel uncertain, wondering if they really like you or not. Luckily, you have all the information you need to help you develop healthy habits for texting in the early stages of dating.

The early stage is pretty sensitive because you aren’t a couple yet. Naturally, I know you want this person to like you back and want to be with you, so there are a couple of things you should do to make sure you play it cool and have them come to you.

It’s easy to get caught up in feelings and excitement. Follow these tips, and you’ll be able to text the person you’re dating with ease. [Read: How to start a conversation over text and get them texting back]

Texting in the early stages of dating: 12 texting habits to have

When I was growing up, texting wasn’t even a thing. In fact, you had to pay per text message! I remember texting for my first time, and thinking, “this is never going to become a thing.” I was so wrong. Within a year or two, I found myself texting like crazy and driving my dad’s phone bill through the roof.

It wasn’t until much later I was texting with guys I liked. And let me tell you, there wasn’t any rule book to teach you how to text someone you liked. I would write essay-length messages, ask question after question. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. I was so annoying. But that’s not the point!

Who said texting someone you like was easy?

#1 Take a deep breath. Yes, you like this person, and you’re all excited, but chill. Take a couple of deep breaths, and take it easy. If you work yourself up, it’ll get you overthinking everything you say. The person you’re dating should never be up on a pedestal. They’re human, and if they don’t like you, that’s okay. There’s someone out there who will.

#2 Don’t text obsessively. I know talking to them all day long is fun and exciting, but you also have a life outside of your phone, right? Being overly available isn’t a good look. Why? Because it’s waving the “I’m codependent” flag. Do you have anything else going on besides texting them all day long? I know you do, and they need to see that.

#3 Texting shouldn’t replace face-to-face contact. You’re in the early stages of dating; this is the time where you should spend more time with them in person than over text. You need to see the person they really are, not the one they’re showing via text or social media.

Texting can be used to talk about everyday things, but it should mainly be used to arrange in-person dates.

#4 Don’t question your messages. When we like someone, we want them to think we’re funny, smart, and all the other good qualities people have. And when you’re texting someone, you want them to see these qualities.

But that doesn’t mean you should be second-guessing every message you’re sending them, making sure it doesn’t offend them, or turns them off. Don’t question what you write, just make sure it’s honest.

#5 You both need to initiate conversation. If you’re the only one who’s doing all the texting, that’s not a great sign. I think we’re all guilty of being that person, and that never ends up well. In a healthy texting relationship, you’re both comfortable enough to initiate and carry on a conversation. If you see you’re the one putting in all the effort, stop.

#6 Reply when you have time. That’s right. You don’t need to stay glued to your phone. If you’re at work or at school, keep those activities a priority. When you have time, text the person you’re dating. You don’t need to play games, but you shouldn’t jeopardize yourself to send them a text message.

#7 Use actual grammar. I know this sounds lame, but you need to use proper grammar and spelling. A typo here and there isn’t a big deal, but people like to read sentences they don’t need to decode. You probably didn’t know this, but people are turned off by poor grammar and spelling. So, shape up.

#8 Know when to end the conversation. You don’t need to text all day and night to show the person you’re interested in them. Know when it’s okay to end the conversation. If you feel it’s dying, then end the conversation early. You can start a new conversation in a couple of hours, that’s fine. But don’t try to keep a conversation alive when it doesn’t have to be.

#9 Be mindful of your tone. If you’re someone who has a dry or sarcastic humor, it may not always come across right on text. But that doesn’t mean you can’t show off your personality. Use a couple of emojis here and there to get the point across clearly, and read your message to yourself to make sure what you want to say is actually getting across.

#10 Save the important conversations for in person. You don’t need to have a deep conversation about your childhood over a text message. There are some conversations that are better left for in-person dates.

People have a lot of time to think about what they want to say, and that’s not always a good thing. Sometimes you need to see a person’s facial expressions and their reactions for specific conversations.

#11 Move past the text message. Texting, in the beginning, is fine and dandy, but eventually, you should talk on the phone. I know! Gasp! No one talks on the phone now, but hearing someone’s voice is much different than texting each other. Plus, it shows both of you a level of comfort in the relationship.

#12 Don’t ever just text ‘hi.’ What are we, ten? Come on! If this is someone you like, you can do a little bit better than ‘hi.’ Seriously. Never send a message with ‘hi.’ Instead, add a question to the end of it. It’s too generic and lazy; it gives off the impression that they’re not good enough for anything more.

Texting in the early stages of dating isn’t easy at all! You’re nervous and want to impress your date. But don’t worry, if you follow these habits, you’ll be on the right path.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Stashing Might Be The Worst Dating Trend Yet

You might have been ghosted, breadcrumbed, or paperclipped. But have you ever been stashed? Even if you haven’t heard the term, you might be familiar with the experience. “Stashing” is what you call it when you date someone who’s happy to spend time with you one-on-one — but they never introduce you to their friends or family. More often than not, their social media profiles don’t show any evidence that you exist. Used in a sentence, you’d tell your friend, “It’s been two months and I haven’t met a single one of his friends yet. I think he’s stashing me.”

 

Stashing is insidious because it’s pretty normal to focus on one-on-one time when you first start dating. Early on, you probably don’t think twice about this behavior. But as time goes on, your partner’s excuses for keeping your relationship weirdly private start to get more far-fetched.
His parents are in town but they’re too busy to see you because they’ve… got to go shopping. You can’t meet her friends because she doesn’t have a plus one… to happy hour. When you post a cute photo of the pair of you to your main Instagram grid, they simply share an Instagram Story that shows the bottle of wine you’re sharing… and they tag their local wine shop, but not you.
We have Metro UK writer Ellen Scott to thank for coining this oh-so-useful dating term back in 2017. Her definition: “Stashing is a super fun dating trend in which someone is dating someone else, but has decided to hide them away from everyone in their life… A victim of stashing is hidden from every other part of the stasher’s life – from their tagged photos to their casual chats with their parents. Why? Because that way, they’re able to pretend that they’re not really dating the person they’re stashing, meaning they can justify getting with other people, doing whatever they fancy, and being generally inconsiderate and awful.”
The term clearly resonated, because it was quickly covered by Cosmopolitan, the New York Post, and even the Today Show. And today, the behavior, if not the word, is getting new attention thanks to a TikTok trend. In it, people lip sync to a 2016 parody song by comedy rap duo Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson, “Questions Part 3,” while scrolling through an Instagram feed (often a celebrity’s, but sometimes someone they’re actually involved with).
The song begins: “I just think it’s funny, we’ve been talking for so long but no one knows I exist / I was scrolling through your IG, why we ain’t got no pics / You tryna keep us a secret, why you ain’t posting me? / Oh I get it, you don’t want your other hoes to see.” Sounds like stashing, all right.
While being stashed can make you suspect your partner is dating other people and trying to keep you in the dark, it is possible something less nefarious is going on. Maybe your partner just moved to your city and they don’t have many friends or family nearby to introduce you to in the first place.
Still, if you think you’re being “stashed” and it bothers you, ask your partner about it. Say something like, “I’d love to meet your friends,” and see how they respond. Think of it as something like the define the relationship talk. While it’s probably nerve-wracking to have the conversation, in the end, at least you’ll know where you stand. And if that doesn’t work, you can always make a TikTok about it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Love Notes

My band was playing a gig at a local bar in Santa Monica. When you do some regular shows at a place you get to know the staff. This one waitress, I don’t know how old she was but she didn’t even look 18. She would always come and chat with me between sets. I think her name was Faye.

This went on whenever we got to play there. It went on for a few months. But one night she hands me a note after her shift and tells me not to read it until she was gone.

Well, I thought a note was a bit weird since that was grade school stuff but whatever. I open the note and it says things like:

“I love you. I want to be with you. You’re beautiful. We need to have children together even though I’m only 16, and it just prattled on and on. An overly attached girlfriend has nothing on this chick.

I used to get lots of phone numbers scrawled on napkins, notes and letters occasionally, but it was nothing like this. The next night, she asks sheepishly if I’ve read her note and I said yes but I wasn’t really looking for a relationship at the time. Her face lost all expression for a second and then she smiled and said something to the effect of ‘No worries, I thought I’d try’ and we continued playing there without incident.

That night, when I left the venue there were about 10 notes taped to my VW mini bus. Long notes too! I have no clue how she wrote this much in a day. The notes said things like ‘I hate you, you’re a fucking asshole, I hope you die’ and other notes said things like ‘I’m sorry for writing that note that called you an asshole. I really like you and want to be with you ❤ ❤ <3’

She would then try luring me with innuendos. When she was on her break she would do things like bring these long cucumbers out from the kitchen, come up and say things like ‘Do you think this pickle is for lunch or personal pleasure?’

She would also still put notes all over my van.

Eventually, after a few months she completely lost interest in me and started chasing a guitarist in another band that would play there on occasion.

Oh, my broken heart!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Rebecca – Chapter 5 – Cypress and the Oak – Part 2

I met Rebecca 3 years ago on a date. Rebecca has recently made an appearance in my life so I thought I’d re-run this series so everyone won’t have to go back and search for her series to catch up. Enjoy!

Fall of 2016

“So we decide we want to go someplace else. We leave the bar and start walking. Simon pulls out a couple of joints and we’re all smoking. Just smoking weed walking down the street. We didn’t care. We’re all giggling and Derrick has his arm around me. We end up at some really dark bar. I don’t even remember where it was. We’re drinking and we’re all pretty messed up. The place is full of people. We’re in the back. Derrick is like, Do you ever go skiing? and I’m like, yea, I have been but I’m not that great at it, but I have good balance. Then he pulls out this little bag with white powder in it. I assume it’s cocaine. I go, Oh… skiing. I had never done coke before, but I know Amber has and she says it’s great. So they look around all paranoid and shit, and literally start spooning it out. Derrick does a hit and then offers me a bump. I just do it. I don’t know why. Amber’s like, “gimme some!” Then she and Simon do some. I couldn’t believe it. Doing coke in a bar? It felt cold in my nose, and I could feel this clear euphoria. It almost felt sobering to do it. But different. Higher. Intense. I can see why people love it so much. You were in a band in California. You must have done it right?”

“I saw what drugs did to my peers. I was more of a beer and whiskey guy. I smoked weed occasionally but never really liked it. A little drugs an alcohol can loosen the mind to create, but I knew people who did loads of drugs and it literally sledgehammered their talent and destroyed them. So no. I steered clear of coke.” (White lie) Get it?

“Oh well, that’s good. But anyway, I know I’ve been blabbing on about this. Long story short, these guys come back to our place and we end up fooling around with them. It was crazy. I guess we were all just caught up in the moment. I think we stayed up most of the night. Well, Derrick and I ended up being boyfriend and girlfriend after that. It felt like he really loved me. I loved him.”

She takes a sip and a deep breath, looking off into the distance, as if trying to visualize a faded past. An image that vanished in her rear view mirror long ago.

“What happened?” I say, concerned.

“We went out for about a year. It was intense. We moved in with each other. Amber had gone off to school anyway so it was perfect timing. Things were great at first. But they always are in the beginning. We always did things together and went places together and partied together like a really great couple. I know he was focused on his music and really wanting to make it. But there were a lot of times when he wasn’t around. Times I wouldn’t hear from him and couldn’t get in touch with him. A girl starts to wonder what’s going on. I even started spying on him. Going to places they were playing. He wouldn’t see me, but I wanted to know what he was up to. I wanted to trust him, but you know when you get that weird feeling in your gut that something’s wrong. Well, his behavior had become more and more erratic. I know he was doing drugs but I just wasn’t into it like he was. We just weren’t connecting like we did in the beginning. Like maybe he was just tired of me.”

“Sometimes he would even get really mad about things that didn’t make any sense. Well, one night I followed him after he left me to do a show, and I saw him making out with this redhead at a bar. He wasn’t even playing with his band that night. She was like all emo or whatever with tattoos and shit. I was devastated. I just jumped on the train and went home. I’m sorry I’m telling you all of this.”

I could see that her eyes were wet with the beginnings of tears. “It’s okay. You can tell me. I’m here.” I took her dainty hands in mine. She sniffed and nodded, holding back the tears.

“That night he had the gall to come home and try to do it with me. I pushed him away. He got all mad at me and I told him what I saw. He denied it at first, but I told him I followed him and saw him. He got really mad and started throwing stuff around. He broke this little snow globe he gave me in the beginning. At that moment I didn’t even care about the globe. He had already broken something far more precious than that stupid thing.”

Okay, now I was getting upset. “My God, Rebecca. I’m so sorry.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks. She took a healthy sip of her drink. I wiped the tears from her face with my thumb. She hugged me. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s not your fault, Rebecca. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

She sniffed and I offered her a cocktail napkin. (Note to self: Start carrying a clean handkerchief in your lapel pocket.) She wiped her face, and her nose. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m a mess.”

My bartender showed up at the table. “Is everything okay?” he asked. “Yes…yes. She’s just suffering a loss.”

“I’ll bring you another round, yes?” I glance at her. “She smiles and blinking her eyes, nods in affirmation.

He quickly returned. “These are on me guys.”

My man at Tippling is always on point.

“Okay, so that was over a year ago, right?”

“Yes. He took his stuff and left me. I was crushed. Destroyed. I cried for months. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I drank so I could get some sleep. When I would wake up in the morning, I’d just go to the bathroom and dry heave over the sink.”

I could see she was struggling. “So did something happen recently?”

Heavy sigh. “Yes. He reached out to me on social media. I had blocked him from Facebook and in my phone, but I was on Instagram and he got to me that way. I had a panic attack when I saw his name.”

“Let me guess. This happened sometime after you and I went to the art museum.”

“Yea. I know it’s so stupid. He said how he missed me and how he was wrong and had grown so much. And like the idiot I am, I unblocked him in my phone. We met up and as crazy as it seems I was actually happy to see him. He looked a little older and a little more haggard, but it was still my Derrick. We were at a bar up in Northern Liberties. Things felt different. Time had passed. Too much time. I had grown and healed. But old habits die-hard. I just wanted to take a look at him. He said he was really sorry for what he had done. He said it hadn’t worked out with the redheaded slut. She actually ended up cheating on him with some drummer in a band that opened for them. I was actually kind of glad to hear that. But I’m sure he didn’t feel the loss that I had experienced. I had scar tissue on my heart from what he did to me. But I couldn’t let him tear open the sutures and open my old wounds. I work in a hospital emergency room. That shit hurts!”

Rebecca actually laughed at that moment. It had been the first time the whole night. That sound was like magic to my ears. I smiled a knowing smile. Because she didn’t know that I have been down that road twice in my life, and it’s a nightmare.

Love is a many splintered thing.

“So yea, that was a two months ago. I told him that I’m glad he was doing well, but I had moved on after a year and that I was in a relationship with a really nice guy in financial services.” She laughed again. “I could see he was disappointed, but I couldn’t let myself go through that shit again. It was a small chapter in my life and I had to draw the curtains on that dead body. He had me, and he squandered it. I think in that moment he realized that it was really over for good. It was hard to do, but I told him I had to get home to Cole, my investment banker boyfriend. He hugged me, and I knew I would never smell him again. It was like pulling the plug on a fatally injured patient.”

“So that was it?” I took a sip of my rye infused medicine.

“Yea. I went home and put on and episode of Stranger Things and ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s and had a good cry. So… that’s why I disappeared for a while. I just needed to think about some things and move forward with my life. So, I’m glad you met up with me tonight. I’m sure you never expected our second date to be this confessional. I really appreciate you listening to all of that, but it felt really good to get it out. I was like a little tree blowing back and forth in the wind, but now I feel more calm. Like the storm is finally over and I’m safe.”

“Well, I’m glad you trusted me enough after one date to see me again and confide in me, Rebecca. Like my profile says, I’m a good listener.”

“Yea…Thank you.” Taking my hand again in hers. “You’re like a strong tree. Good roots  with unwavering branches.”

“Yea, and my bark is worse than my bite!”

She cracked up.

Rebecca was back.

“You’re awesome.” she said as she again hugged me tightly. Oh, that lovely slender neck and her fragrance was sobering and intoxicating in the same breath.

We had our intimate moment, and then paused.

“Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving!” she laughed.

“There’s a great bar called Mix that’s one block from here that has delicious 12 inch brick oven pizzas.”

“That sounds like the greatest idea I have heard all year! Do you think I’m overdressed for pizza?”

“I’m sure you’ll pass they’re rigid dress code, Rebecca.”

And with that she pulled from her hair the thing that was holding it in place, and those rich ribbons of dark chocolate tumbled over her lovely shoulders.

It’s hard to believe that this story could get any better at this point, but it does. The bill came and my guy placed it on the table. I reached for it to access the catastrophic damage to my bank account that 6 drinks at 1 Tippling Place would cost me… plus tip.

But Rebecca was faster, and she grabbed it first. “Uh, uh. This is on me.”

I was in shock. My face, a mask of disbelief and mute protest. “Are you sure?” She looked at the bill. “Yep.” She whipped out her credit card and stuck it in the flap, as she nodded to the bartender.

I instinctively reached for my wallet. “Can I at least help with the tip?”

“Put that way.” She said firmly, giving me a wry smile.

“Will you at least let me buy a lady some pizza?”

She ran her fingers through her hair, fluffing her dark locks. “I’ll think about it.”

The bill returned. She signed it and handed it back. “Come along, Sir. I’m hungry.”

I liked that she called me Sir. I also like that she took my hand, and led me out of there. When we were outside she locked arms with me.

I was in heaven. We’re on our way to eat delicious pizza.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Alicia – Chapter 4 – I Have To Do This Now

I really want to go to lunch with a girl from behind bulletproof glass. She handles my money. I like that. Alicia always seemed quiet and sullen, but I loved that pretty face and the hair on her forearms. (I know, but to be it shows super feminine independence to me. In an age where every girl I know has been affected by the porn industry and all of the loser guys in the world that think that hair is gross. Alicia is cool with her pretty arm hair.) Unique always drives me wild.

It’s the differences in women that affect me. It’s your unique signature. Most women are all the same now. No hair below the eyebrows. Why?

The hair on your body is your maturity. It has function and symbolism. You’re an adult. You’re beautiful. Leave your stuff alone.

But sadly women won’t. They will yield to what foolish men want. A bunch of idiots that watch porn everyday and see bald pussies to get the better shot of sexy, clear genital shots has become the norm. It’s so sad.

Women should look like adult women. I don’t mean crazy unruly hippy bushes, But leave it! The hair is supposed to be there.

I grew up in an age when all women had it. You hit puberty and the hair is there. Us too! I keep my instrument trimmed so he doesn’t look like Gandalf from The Lord of The Rings (That’s a real thing at my age)

But ladies, leave it. Why bend to the porn industry and a bunch of loser guys that think that hair is gross because they’ve been jerking off everyday to bald pussies on their phones for the last 10 years?

It’s total bullshit and just another manipulation of women and their bodies. But you’re all bald now. It’s just stupid nonsense.

But when I saw Alicia’s arms it lit me up. I don’t know anything about her and she may very well shave her box for whatever reason, but when I saw her arms I had hope. Not to sleep with her, but that she was comfortable with her body and a solid girl.

Most men (boys) today would be grossed out by that but I found her natural freedom incredibly attractive. I wanted to get to know her. Even if it were just for lunch.

My partner Achilles at the salon and gym thinks I’m a fool for spending all of this money on girls on all of these dates but I’m enjoying all of the stories I’m getting. I also love the company of all of these interesting ladies.

After my conversation with Alicia where it certainly felt like the tables had turned, I really made an effort to find her french toast.

I talked to clients and friends and did my research on Yelp and I came up empty handed.

Everything was too far away and breakfast ended before Alicia’s 11am lunch. I searched far and wide and came up with nothing.

How was I going to get the one thing Alicia wanted without taking her to a shitty diner that served breakfast all day? That’s now a cool first date especially with a special girl like Alicia.

I had to get creative.

I went to Square 1682 that was the host to my first date with my girlfriend Cherie. It’s my favorite bar in the city and a very accommodating spot for my desires.

I stopped in today looking for the chef, because he was instrumental in saving my first date with Cherie. We’ve been together for a year and a half so maybe its good he wasn’t there. I don’t want him to think I was cheating. It’s just lunch with a teller that handles my money.

I know it looks bad.

I walk in and go to the kitchen and ask for the chef. They tell me he’s not there but the guy there I’m talking to tells me he’s the General Manager and he remembers me from Monday when I was there with my buddy Church.

That’s good. He knows I’m a regular and there is a connection.

I tell him my dilemma about Alicia’s 11am lunch and how she like french toast and how two weeks ago I had it and it’s slamming.

He gives me his business card and asks that I email him the day I’m coming with my client.

I tell him I know that breakfast ends at 10:30 and that you can’t get french toast after that, but he says he’ll make that happen for us.

Now I have a story for this blog and I get to take sweet Alicia to lunch for what she wants.

Now I just have to sell this to her when I deposit my next check on Monday and get her number.

We have reached critical mass!

I never dreamed this would happen.

I’ve had phicklephilly feelings for her for the last two years.

To sit across a table and have lunch with this aloof pretty girl that I phicklephilly love will be amazing.

I can’t wait to learn about her life.

I’m going in there Monday with my deposit and a mission.

It’s game time, Alicia.

I adore you and I can’t believe we’re actually going to meet. It proves to me that ANYTHING is possible.

To my friends… If I have this kind of mad game you all need to step up.

I’l help you!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Why Does Texting Fizzle Out So Easily During Early Dating? It’s So Common

If you’ve ever been texting with someone new and it seems to be going well (the conversation is flowing, there’s mutual interest on both sides), having them suddenly taper off or go silent can be frustrating AF. It can also be hella confusing. You’re left wondering, “What happened? Did they just suddenly lose interest? Was it something I said? Were they abducted by aliens?” OK, it probably wasn’t that last one, but as frustrating as it can be to have your text conversation fizzle out quickly early on, dating experts tell Elite Daily it’s not uncommon. So, at the very least, you know you’re not in it alone. Still, it can be helpful to understand why this happens, if only so you can see it coming or even avoid the texting fade out in the future.

Here’s what the experts say about text conversations drying up in the early stages of dating — and what, in some cases, you can do to prevent it from happening next time.

They’re Talking To Multiple People.

If you’re texting with someone you met through a dating app, Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships says it’s likely they’re chatting with multiple people at the same time. In that case, the fizzle might have resulted from their divided attention. “An app like Tinder reports 1.6 billion swipes every day. This means your latest crush on a dating app is chatting with multiple people, and early on they could focus on one person, or just be overwhelmed and let a few conversations slide,” she tells Elite Daily. “It’s hard to keep that level of conversation going with multiple people. If someone isn’t feeling it as much, their response time will increase, until you get to the point that you could get ghosted, or your digital love connection will fade away.”

While this can be discouraging, Spira counsels to not let this modern dating issue get you down. “Don’t let it get to you. There are so many singles who’d like to chat, meet, and find a meaningful relationship. Find someone who’d like to be in it for the long haul,” she says.

The Chemistry Isn’t Quite Right.

urbazon/E+/Getty Images

Texting can be a great way to start getting to know someone. Sometimes, the more you chat, the more you realize there’s a great vibe between you. But not always. As Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast tells Elite Daily, a text conversation fizzling out might be a sign that the chemistry between you isn’t quite right. “Attraction may die down,” explains Leckie. “People [can also] realize they have less in common as time goes on.”

Eric Resnick, an online dating coach, agrees that a lack of chemistry is usually the cause for texting conversations to fade out. “It could be that the initial pull you felt toward each other wasn’t anything more than a passing attraction with no real chemistry,” he tells Elite Daily. Resnick adds, however, that it’s important not to let this experience make you try to be someone you’re not when texting. “Don’t worry about being cool and just try to be you. That will lead to much more genuine text conversations that lead somewhere, not ones that peter out because you don’t know how to outdo the last message you sent,” he says.

Over-Texting Can Be Detrimental To The “Vibe”.

When you first start texting with someone you’re attracted to, it can be easy to get caught up in the experience, and this, in turn, can lead to over-texting. Resnick warns this is another common cause for texting to fizzle out. “Early relationships can breed some over-exuberant behaviors. I’ve seen new couples where one person is so into the other that they’ll send three to five texts before even getting one back. This is a good way to push the other person away,” he warns. “If you are doing this, stop. If you send a text and don’t get a response in an hour or two, that’s fine. You don’t need to follow-up. In theory, the person you are dating has a life of their own,” Resnick explains.

It’s Just The Normal Slowdown In Texting Frequency.

Not all causes of text conversations slowing down are reasons to panic. A decrease in texting frequency may simply be a sign that your relationship has entered a new phase, explains Leckie. “It’s common to want to text non-stop when you first meet in the ‘butterfly stages,’ but naturally it will slow down as time goes on. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing,” she says. “It’s just a natural progression of a relationship and should only really be a cause for concern if it gets to the point where you are barely texting or feeling ignored.” That is to say, if all other signs in the relationship appear to be positive, it’s OK to just take a breath and not sweat fewer or less frequent texts.

How To Prevent The Fizzle In The Future.

ljubaphoto/E+/Getty Images

“Sometimes the text fizzle is just part of the natural cycle of things,” says Resnick. But that shouldn’t prevent you from doing something if you sense the conversation is dying out prematurely. If you think that’s the case, Resnick’s advice is fairly straightforward: “Don’t try so hard. Sometimes forcing it can kill it faster. So, relax. Don’t feel like you’ve got to send X amount of texts in a day. They don’t all have to be witty comments or hilarious memes. If you don’t give it too much power in your life, you can relax and use texting for what it’s meant to be: just a quick way to pass a periodic communication,” he says.

If you’ve been talking longer and feel like your connection is meaningful, Spira says it’s worth mentioning how you’re feeling. “Let the person know that you enjoy getting daily texts from them and that hearing from them puts a smile on your face. If they feel the same way too, they won’t let the conversation fade,” she explains.

The best approach, says Leckie, is to not sweat it too much and let nature take its course. “If two people really like each other and are a good fit, they will just automatically text more, have more to talk about, and make more of an effort. So then it really doesn’t have to be something that is thought about or worried about,” she says. “It’s important for people to make a concerted effort to touch base. It’s especially nice to reach out in the mornings and before you go to bed, if nothing else. You don’t want to start going a day or more without sending a text, because then not only will the texting be fizzling out, the relationship as a whole will as well,” she concludes.

In other words, conversation fizzle sometimes. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just a sign that this person wasn’t the right one. Just keep being yourself, stay relaxed, and when it’s right, it’s right — with no fizzle in sight.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Sun Stories: Jazmin – Guess Girl – Chapter 6

“I trust you. I just want the feeling more than the fear I am feeling now.”

“Charles…. I think I’m ready.”

I tap on the closed-door. It’s now 8:30pm.

“Come in, please.”

When I enter the room, Jazmin is sitting on the edge of the sun bed. Her red blouse looks angry with me because of what’s on my mind.

Jazmin’s eyes look frightened and worried. But I know from her words she wants to try.

I smile warmly and enter the room.

“You okay?”

“Yea.”

Jazmin is sitting there like a patient in a doctor’s office. The yellow towel covers her lap. She’s done everything I’ve asked her to do, and as alien as this, I feel this is how it should go down. (Literally!)

She looks beautiful, nervous, and hopeful all in the same moment. Her dark eyes are innocent and she smiles weakly.

Gone is the sultry goddess.

I like that.

I’m about to use my expertise on a neophyte. She may be breaking some rules but I think she’s tired of waiting and horny. That’s okay. I’ll help relieve her of her burden and I hope we’re not breaking any rules.

“I’m really nervous. What do I do now Charles?”

“I’m going to grab some towels for my knees. The floor is hard and I’m not getting any younger, sweetheart.”

“Okay…”

“You’re fine. Just stay there. You’re doing great.”

“I’m actually feeling excited about this now.”

“Good. That’s the way this should be, dear.”

I grab some towels from beneath the counter because I know my old knees will break on the goddamn hardwood floors. It’s weird when even when you’re in the middle of a curious sex act shit can go wrong on a functional level.

I position the fluffy towels on the floor to cushion my knees and I think we’re ready to go.

As long as Jazmin is ready to go.

Lovely Jaz is on the sunbed. She’s laying vertically across it and her legs are hanging off the edge. Her skirt is folded on the table and her panties are laying on top of them. They’re white and lacy.

Jazmin is on the sun bed and her bottom is at the edge of the bed as if she’s ready to go, but she has a yellow towel over her sex.

This is a side of our clients I should never see. But here we are. There’s some mad extortion shit going down right now. It’s a mess I need to get myself out of because I need to protect the salon. (Yea, right.)

But my heart wants to please Jazmin. It’s like a mission to me. That’s how I’m a giver and a pleaser of girls. It sounds juvenile, but that’s how I am with women. I live to please and love them. I ‘ll give all until there’s nothing left of me. (Michelle knew this about me)

I slowly walk into room 9 and Jazmin is lying back on the bed. Her caramel thighs are spread and the little yellow towel is draped between her legs.

She looks really beautiful and vulnerable. Here is a girl who’s a business person and is the sole architect of this unique sexual predicament.

“I’m ashamed about how you’ll feel when you see me.”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, Jaz.”

“But maybe I’m not as pretty and prim as girls you know.”

“Breathe, Jaz. I’m here to bring you joy for a few minutes if you still want it. The way you look has nothing to do with how happy you’ll be.”

“What if I have an ugly sex? No man will want that.”

“Okay. Breathe. There’s no such thing as that. That’s just how you’re made and it doesn’t matter. All women are different and all beautiful.  There are no ugly girl parts! Men love them all and are just happy to spend time with you.”

“Okay. I’m so stupid.”

“No. You’re a lovely woman. You’re learning things about yourself right now.”

“Okay… So what now….?

Jazmin was sitting on the edge of the sun bed. She was dressed from the waist up like I told her. I saw her skirt folded on the table and her panties folded on her skirt. (My eyes dart back and forth to consume the memory) I could see she had taken a towel from the sink outside the room and put it under herself as a little cushion. She also had another towel in her lap covering herself. But I couldn’t see anything. At this moment, we’re all business and nerves.

“Okay, Charles… So I’m scared. Thank you for turning the music back on. Shall we get to it?” She started to cry a little bit.

“Aww Jaz… You don’t have to do this. You can go home right now. I mean it.” (I’m actually tearing up) She’s completely covered by the towel but her skirt and panties are off and she’s only covered by a little hand towel.

This has to be incredibly difficult for her. Gone is the cocky woman I met a few weeks ago.

“I’m scared Charles, but I’m excited and I’m thinking I’m ready for the thing you do.”

“Okay. Time for the thing you asked for Jazmin.”

“Wait.”

“Yes… love?”

“I’m afraid to look upon you when you perform this act upon me.”

“Well… look away, dear. Because it’ll be magical and you don’t need to see it to feel it.”

“Wait.”

“What dear?”

“What if you wear a blindfold so you don’t have to look upon me. Then you won’t see my  sex.”

“I need to see what I’m doing , Jaz. I can’t please you blindly. It’s impossible. I need to see what I’m doing.”

 (Total bold-faced life. I can totally eat a sweet box with zero vision. I’ve done it since the 70’s in the dark.)

“Okay, what if I wear a blindfold so I only feel it and never see it?”

“That’s up to you Jaz.”

“I want that. Let me only feel the tactile. I want to see nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

I hate this interruption, but I have to do what must be done, and I go to room 5 and grab a tie I left hanging in there from my old corporate days.

 

I return to room 9 with my nervous girl.

“Ready? I have this.” I hold the black and red tie my daughter gave me for my birthday years ago.

“Mm, hmm” she murmurs to me….. accepting the inevitably of her twisted wish.

“You okay?”

“Yes. I’m ready.”

“Everything’s fine. You’re almost there, Jazmin.” I say, as I tie the fabric over her eyes covering her vision from what I’m about to do to her.

This act has just heightened the experience for me. More control.

Now we have a perfectly beautiful 24-year-old girl blindfolded on a sunbed with her pants off and her legs spread prepared for the inevitable.

“Are you okay, Jaz?”

“Yes. It’s better this way. If I can’t see I will be less ashamed.”

“Do you feel safe?”

“I do. I trust you. I just want the feeling more than the fear I’m feeling now.”

“That’s good Jazmin. Just breathe. It’s going to be nice.”

I step back for a moment. Here is a young Persian beauty that was going to blackmail me because of something she saw, and now has turned it into a secret desire. I’m in a classic predicament here.

She’s gorgeous and sitting in bed 9. No pants on. Legs spread and now blindfolded for the taking. This is beyond anything I could have imagined happening in my life. But I want to do it. Jazmin is ready. She wants me to perform. I’m a pleaser and a giver and I’m used to this with whoever I’m with.

I have to do this.

Kita’s face appears in my mind. Giggling and squealing. I push her vision aside.

We’ve reached critical mass.

I just need to drop to my knees and do what I’m good at.

I feel a twinge of guilt.

I push it away.

“Okay, Charles.” She is breathing heavily and my lovely girl leans back and spreads her legs wider.

“Help me.”

“Okay, Jazmin.”

I slowly pull the towel away to reveal the beauty we are both about to receive.

The blog writes itself…

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly