3 Reasons Women Over 50 Have Trouble Finding Love (IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK)

Why do otherwise dauntless women in their 50’s and 60’s struggle so much when it comes to dating? Do you feel, as a mature woman, you should have your love life figured out by now? Take heart – you’re not alone and help is on the way!

Dating Expert Lisa Copeland and Margaret Manning of Sixty and Me talk about why dating in your 50’s and 60’s can be difficult. Lisa explores some of the real reasons for your struggle and has some great tips on what to do about it.

Don’t Play Mind Games With Yourself

Have you ever noticed that you almost can’t help but smile at someone who smiles at you? You probably don’t really even notice if they are attractive or not, the smile just draws you in. That’s personality at work.

Women in their 50’s and 60’s often worry that they won’t measure up to a man’s standards. “This just isn’t true”, according to Lisa, “Men fall in love with who a woman really is, while women tend to fall in love with a man’s potential.” The truth is; if you have a great personality and positive energy, men will love you for it.

You Are More Than Your Body

We all know our bodies change as we age. Do you worry that your wrinkles, grey hair, or thick waist makes you unlovable? Many women feel like they simply have too many flaws to be attractive to anyone.

Want some good news? While you may be comparing your body to what it was in your 20’s, the men you are meeting now can’t do that because they don’t know what you looked like then. Relax, have fun, and know that he will love you for who you are right this very minute.

Never forget just how amazing you really are!

You’ve Got To Have A Plan

Would you leave on an extended trip without knowing what to take and where you want to end up? Dating is no different than any other complex undertaking in your life. If you want to be successful, you have to have a plan.

“You can’t just flounder around, not really knowing what you want,” says Lisa, “the most important part of your plan is to be super clear about the type of man you want to end up with”. Lisa also suggests you have 2–3 different ways to meet men, other than online. Baby steps are your best friends in this process since they help you see your accomplishments as you go along.

Rejection is Not About You

Do you hesitate to approach a man because he might say “no”? Being turned down can be a hard pill to swallow. Take heart, there is a trick that helps sweeten the bitterness of rejection.

“A man who says “no” isn’t rejecting you,” Lisa assures us, “you just don’t fit the picture of what he wants”. When you think about it, you do the same thing to men, don’t you? In fact, since men tend to be the one to initiate contact the most, they are given the brush off much more often than we are.

Pay It Forward With Online Dating Etiquette

Speaking of rejection, have you thought about the way you refuse men who don’t match your ideal picture? With the surge in online dating, our manners have perhaps slipped a little. Hiding behind our keyboard, we often say things we simply wouldn’t in a face–to–face situation.

Good manners are important in women of all ages and women in their 50’s and 60’s are no exception. Be polite, thank the man for his interest and decline gently. Your courtesy could be extended to the next person he talks to and may eventually come back to you.

Even if it doesn’t, it costs nothing to be nice.

 

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Phicklephilly Special Report: Men in California Oversaw a Romance Scam that Targeted Women Worldwide, Feds say

In March 2016, a man claiming to be a US Army captain stationed in Syria reached out to a Japanese woman on an international site for digital pen pals.

 

Within weeks, their relationship grew into an internet romance with the man sending daily emails in English that she translated via Google. The man who called himself Terry Garcia asked for money — lots of it — from the woman identified as FK in federal court documents. Over 10 months, she sent him a total of $200,000 that she borrowed from friends, her ex-husband and other relatives to make her love interest happy.
But in reality, Garcia did not exist. It was all an international online scam ran by two Nigerian men in the Los Angeles area with the help of associates in their home country and other nations, federal officials say.
And Thursday, US prosecutors charged 80 people — mostly Nigerians — in the widespread conspiracy that defrauded at least $6 million from businesses and vulnerable elderly women.
Of those, 17 people have been arrested in the US so far and federal investigators are trying to track down the rest in Nigeria and other nations.
“We believe this is one of the largest cases of its kind in US history,” US Attorney Nick Hanna said.

A plan to smuggle diamonds

The whirlwind online romance between FK and Garcia was all conducted on a Yahoo email address with no phone calls. Garcia told FK he wasn’t allowed to use a phone in Syria, according to federal authorities.
Demands for money started after he told her he’d found a bag of diamonds in Syria and needed her help to smuggle it out of the war-torn nation. He said he was injured and could not do it himself — and introduced her to associates he said would help facilitate the transfer, court documents allege. One said he was a Red Cross diplomat who could get the diamonds shipped to FK, court documents show.
Shortly after, another man who claimed to work for a shipping company asked FK for money to ensure the package was not inspected at customs, the complaint alleges. Requests for additional money kept coming, with the fraudsters citing different reasons each time on why the package was stuck at customs.
“FK estimates that she made 35 to 40 payments over the 10 months that she had a relationship with Garcia. During that time, the fraudster(s) emailed her as many as 10 to 15 times each day, and Garcia was asking her to make the payments, so she kept paying to accounts in Turkey, the UK and the US,” the federal criminal complaint says.
The loss of money has left FK angry and depressed, authorities said. “She began crying when discussing the way that these losses have affected her,” the criminal complaint says.

17 arrested and dozens on the run

The scams were not just limited to romance, Hanna said. They included business schemes where fraudsters hack escrow company email systems, impersonate employees and direct payments that funnel money back to themselves.
“In some cases, the victims thought they were communicating with US servicemen stationed overseas, when in fact, they were emailing with con men,” Hanna said. “Some of the victims in this case lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in this way.”
Of the 80 people charged, federal authorities arrested 14 people mostly in Los Angeles, the local US Attorney’s Office said Thursday. At least three other defendants were already in custody. The remaining suspects live in other countries, mainly in Nigeria, and investigators said they’ll work with the respective governments to extradite them.

How the scam worked

Investigators detailed an intricate scam traced to two key suspects who oversaw the fraudulent transfer of at least $6 million and the attempted theft of an additional $40 million.
Once co-conspirators based in Nigeria, the United States and other countries persuaded victims to send money under false pretenses, the two Nigerian men who lived in Southern California coordinated the receipt of funds, the indictment says.
The two men provided bank and money-service accounts that received funds obtained from victims and also ran the extensive money-laundering network, the complaint alleges.
The two men were arrested Thursday. All defendants will face charges of conspiracy to commit fraud, conspiracy to launder money, and aggravated identity theft. Some also will face fraud and money laundering charges.
Paul Delacourt of the FBI’s Los Angeles warned people to be careful as romance scams escalate nationwide. The Federal Trade Commission has said scams that prey on vulnerable people cost Americans more money than any other fraud reported to the agency last year. More than 21,000 people were conned into sending $143 million in such schemes in 2018 alone, it reported.
“Billions of dollars are lost annually, and we urge citizens to be aware of these sophisticated financial schemes to protect themselves or their businesses from becoming unsuspecting victims,” Delacourt said.

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Crazy Eyes

Here we were living in Santa Monica, and living the dream. Just a bunch of poor musicians having the time of our lives.

I was at a party at a friend’s place. One of his friends had been flirting with me all night, but it wasn’t normal flirting — she wouldn’t say a word to me. She’d only touch me and giggle as I walked by. Towards the end of the party, she took my hand and quietly led me to her room, which has a bed and just a bunch of clothes everywhere. Less than sixty seconds into making out, she started to go down on me. Which I accepted. I realized how creepy and weird the situation had been to that point, but it was head. What nineteen year-old dude turns down oral?

She finished up, and put her head on my chest to rest. At that point, I was thinking this girl was loony tunes, but I didn’t want to be an ass, so I began to reciprocate. But she grabbed my hand and stopped me, and said, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.” I looked at her totally dumbstruck. She must have misinterpreted my dropped jaw to mean that I was hurt, because she immediately came back with, “But it was really nice sucking your cock.” These were the first words she’d said to me all night.

So we were both quite high, we decided to head back to my place. Everything seemed normal. She finally decides to get it on with me. Sex was good and then we got to talking. Since we’re both high, we started talking about death and what happens to your body after you die and she asks me whether I have ever thought about killing anyone. I could sense a creepy story coming my way and just shook my head.

She then proceeded to narrate how she has always thought about killing someone by suffocating them, with a pillow. And since we were on the bed, there were 2 pillows around us and of course, I was majorly creeped out. She was looking at me with the crazy eyes and I was so confident that I wouldn’t see the sun rise the next day. I turned around and pretended to sleep. After a couple of hours, she left without saying a thing.”

 

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Cherie – Chapter 55 – State of the Heart – Part 2

It’s glorious. I know some guys would want some more time with their girl but I like being alone. It’s perfect.

Can you imagine having a loyal, chill girl who is fit and loves sex that you don’t have to see all the time, and can split like a ripe melon twice a month?

I know it sounds like a booty call but it’s just the distance and busy factors that keeps us apart. When she can come down and she’s on her monthly cycle we go to the movies and dinner and I get a break. Sex with Cherie is the best I’ve ever had based on her raw satisfaction and how much she cums. Guys, can you even imagine having a girl nearly 30 years your junior that goes wild and is unbelievably satisfied every time you fuck her? It’s like living in a parallel universe. It’s like God himself has sent me the perfect girl to fuck.

No drama.

She keeps all of her family drama from you and just gives it to you the way you want it.

She’s a woman who wants you all the time. Super horny. She is a neuroscience major at Temple, works at CHOP and is a cool mom. But in the bedroom she wants you to flip her every which way and fuck the shit out of her. Whatever you want. Very much running her life every minute of the day, but in bedroom you use her like a fuck doll.

It’s glorious.

But sweet and nice and normal. It’s almost like God said “You took in your daughter at 18 when she was at a breaking point with that piece of shit ex-wife of yours… I’ll give you one more girl. She’s on the right side of thirty. She’s going to love you unconditionally and make you feel like a fucking god when you fuck her.”

I’m a good person and everyone in my life knows it but I haven’t been the best boyfriend to Cherie.

But she’s been really absent at times.

I know that’s no excuse for my gross behavior but I’ve been careful. The blog isn’t going to write itself. I know that’s no excuse, but I’ve done what I’ve done because I’m not getting any younger.

I tell my friends like Johnny R. to compartmentalized their lives. I’m great at that but most guys I know aren’t. It’s sad that they don’t see the big picture. You can absolutely love a woman and be true to her in your heart and mind. But you can still act out for activity that seems interesting and is of a certain variety. It’s not cheating. You’re committed to her. You’re just exploring some other entertainment.

I can’t replace Cherie. I love her. I cherish that she actually is committed to me and loves me over the distance and hasn’t dumped my old ass at the side of the road.

But like I said, the blog won’t write itself and I’m always looking for new content. Sometimes I feel now after two years, I’m driven by the art. I probably am. I need to feed my child. I created this tome and I must keep her nourished. But I can’t sacrifice my relationship with Cherie.

She may be the greatest girl I’ve ever met. Young, fit, smart, and so easy to be with. She’s always telling me how she loves me more than I love her. That’s amazing, easy and fun.

I haven’t seen her in two months and it’s working on both of us. Cherie has been dealing with finals at Temple and everything else. Her two jobs and her son have to be a lot. We text a lot and I think we’re cool but she’s really frustrated. I kind don’t know why she can’t hop on the train to come here and get what she claims she needs so badly.

But I don’t want to press. I know we’re good from our texts and I just have to deal with our crazy schedules.

I want this relationship to survive, because I don’t want anybody but you, Cherie.

You’re that good. You could be my final girl.

Can you imagine that you win the prize as a doctor that gets to push me around in a wheelchair when I completely fail?

I suck, and you’d do it because you are that magnificent as a woman.

I think of your experience and I know it’s very difficult and there is a lot of moving parts to your life that I can’t see, Cherie. But I love you so much when you’re with me for no reason other than you’re you and I’m me. Every day with you has been magic. Every time I’m with you it has always been easy and loving and sweet. We’re a match. I love you with all of my heart, Cherie.

I can see myself married to you.

I was walking through Rittenhouse and it was a hot summer day and you were half-naked, and I found that hot as shit. But the thing I felt talking to you was in that moment, was I’d love to be married to Cherie. She’d be an incredible wife and mom.

I had sworn off marriage in 2001 and here I was looking at Cherie knowing I’d love to wake up every day next to my sweet queen, Cherie.

Not anyone else…

I’ve been a pig.  But have I? We’re fine. I’ve had some dalliances in a very British way. Nothing came of it and we’re fine. It’s been two months since I’ve seen you and it’s killing me but let’s figure it out, doll. Even if you can come down for a couple of hours I’ll do whatever you want honey….

Anything….

 

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California Dreamin’ -1982 to 1984 – Dariella – Into Darkness

Let me preface this by saying that I’m no prince charming, but even I have limits. I met Dariella one night after a show at Madam Wong’s West in Santa Monica, and she seemed interesting and metal. Naturally I wanted to see her again.

The First Date:

I found out she doesn’t drive, which isn’t a problem. I also found out that she lived down in Long Beach, not great, but I wanted to spend time with her so I took the drive to pick her up. When I arrived I also found out she lived with her parents, and was unemployed, again, see seemed great so I decided it wasn’t a big deal. We went to one of the local haunts to get some food and get to know one another better. That’s when I found out she was a part time Dom in a local dungeon. Okay to each their own, people have different tastes. Everything else during the date went smoothly. She was hot and exotic. The night ended and I drove her home.

The Second Date:

She wanted to go to this great bar that she knew about. I was all for it, something new. It turned out to be a really seedy dive bar. It was like something out of a movie. Everybody knew her, and she even had some family there. She proceeded to get wasted while I took in the sights and got to know the people. There was an old Hell’s Angel that told me about his youth, and how he was the king of the skating rink back in the day. I got to see a midget line dance to Copper Head Road. My date ran into a friend she’d met in county lockup. (Nice) All in all, it wasn’t too bad. I really enjoyed the place more than spending time with her though. She ran up a HUGE bar tab while we were there and expected me to pay which wasn’t really cool.

The Third Date:

Back to the bar! This time I brought the guys from the band and a few of my friends along. Everyone loved the place. Crazy group of people that looked like, rockers, punks, goths, hookers, bikers, and hippies. It was nuts. But things took an odd turn on the way to the van to drop off my date and her cousin. Her cousin stops and makes a comment about having just about the right amount of people for an orgy. My date replied that it wouldn’t be the first time. What did her cousin think she did at all those parties she went to? The level of crazy just went way up. Her cousin was smokin’ hot too, so we went back in the bar and put it to the group. Everybody was down, so off we went back to somebody’s house.

Sadly, phicklephilly is a dating blog, not a sex blog so I can’t go into all of the details of the orgy back at her cousin’s house. But it was insane and my first one!

Here’s and excerpt of a conversation I later had with my buddy, bassist, Frank.

Me: “That shit was crazy, right?”

Frank: “Fuck sake, mate. Remember the one I was with?”

Me: “Dariella’s hot cousin or that chick with that Bow Wow Wow Mohawk?”

Frank: “Mohawk.”

Me: “Okay.”

Frank: “After I gave it to her she said she’d been smoking meth with her boyfriend earlier that day.”

Me: “That’s fucked up.”

Frank: “And she said how she hoped she wasn’t pregnant!”

Me: “By you or her boyfriend?”

Frank: Fuck sake, I wore a sweater with her, thank fuck!” (condom) But that’s not the worst part.”

Me: “What?”

Frank: “She stole like $80 out of my wallet!”

Me: “I told you that chick was a hooker!”

 

Sadly, that was the last time I went out with Dariella. I think the band was all to weirded out by what had happened.

I miss that bar though.

 

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Why Are Some Men Obsessed With Barely Legal Girls?

When I was young and received unfettered access to a computer, I looked up porn out of curiosity. The most fascinating part was the category “barely legal” and how… popular it was. Women around my age or slightly older depicted as some kind of sexual prize. As a developing person, and thus with many questions about their sexuality, the sorts of scenarios that played out on the screen that afternoon confused me.

Did girls my age (or older) really behave like that? Was this normal? Should I feel that way? Act that way? Is this why my parents became more concerned the older I got? If a boy came onto me in such a manner, should I respond like that? Finally, I clicked off, erased my search history, and tried to put the matter out of my mind completely.

The way that some men obsess with barely legal girls has confused me for a long time. Perhaps I would have felt less uncomfortable if I had more comprehensive and accurate information about sex. Or, if I had parents who would have frank discussions with me. Neither of those scenarios happened.

Instead, we made condom balloons in sex ed classes and laughed at naked scenes in movies at school. Moreover, we would also watch classmates spend the weekend with their 30-year-old “boyfriends.” (As if that was a normal thing to do.) Hence, I did not fully grasp the extent of the problem until I came across the following quote:

“She informed me, matter-of-factly, that she was old enough to know the difference between intriguing and fucked up. “You should go for younger women,” she advised me. “They can’t always tell.”

― Tana French, In the Woods

Then, things started to fall a lot more in place after this quote sunk in.

I had always entertained wildly romantic notions of love — notions that I tended to keep behind a smokescreen of snark and violence. Moreover, I assumed that my partner would be someone who would treat me with respect, care about my boundaries, and see me as an equal (otherwise, why bother?). I wondered why certain boys my age, and even some older men, treated me as an alien, sometimes to the point of abuse. I asked myself if maybe I was the problem if I was expecting too much. Nevertheless, turns out, I was not expecting too much — they just wanted to give too little.

Some men’s obsession with “barely legal” girls is based on misogyny, pure and simple. They want to see us as fragile little flowers, while they get away with all sorts of shit. Young women with no idea what relationships are like will put up with all sorts of abuse. Grown women are terrifying to these abusers in comparison, and for good reasons.

Grown women don’t accept wishy-washiness about condoms and STI-testing. And they never will.

Grown women don’t put up with bullshit like cheating or ghosting. Period.

Grown women are not afraid to dump you on your ass if you don’t treat them like queens.

Barely legal girls are still children. Some men can take advantage of them and make them comply easily. Some men can convince them to do what they want, and not hear a peep. If those girls are afraid or sad or unhappy, they may just convince themselves they are not working hard enough. That’s attractive to certain men – this vulnerability, the lack of experience. It’s disgusting, but it’s also true.

Society talks a lot about girls growing up too fast today. However, there is something to be said about women stepping into their own power and responsibility sooner than our mothers or grandmothers. We are here. We are strong. And we are more than just some porn category to jerk off to.

And we are not sitting down anytime soon.

 

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‘PAPERCLIPPING’ is the Most Infuriating New Dating Trend That’s Also Irresistible

It’s not an embarrassing pretzel-like sex act: it’s worse. Oh, and it’s also irresistible. How so? Allow us to explain.

Tinder trills. Soon enough you’re meeting for a drink, heading back to your place and enjoying some spontaneous displacement of linen. You fall asleep in a pile of rumpled glory, only for them to sneak out in the early hours.

“Fair enough,” you think. It’s too soon to spoon anyhow. You sigh, make some coffee, and wait for their charming morning-after text.

Nothing.

A few days pass and you start seriously questioning your pillow talk. Then, just as you give up hope, they follow you on Instagram.

You play it cool, like a few pics, and ask what they’re up to next weekend.

No interest.

Why did you bother following me then? You vent your frustration to a friend and move on with your life, while they proceed — for the next few months — both to ignore you and also to religiously watch every single one of your Instagram stories.

Whatever: you find someone something else to do with your time, throwing yourself into your career, hobbies, side hustle and a bunch of other dates. Then, just as your life reaches Marie Kondo alignment, your old flame — who ghosted you after one date — suddenly hits you up with a friendly message.

Whether this has anything to do with the gym selfie you just took or the career update you just posted is irrelevant. Fact is; they have popped up with no pretext, sending you a message you have no time for: much like Clippy the irritating Microsoft Office assistant who used to goad you with random questions on word, often when you least needed it.

As reported by Metro and Yahoo, this has become such a common faux pas that it now has an official name: paperclipping, a piece of nomenclature that was made Instagram official earlier this week by New York artist Samantha Rothenberg, who posted a too-close-to-home illustration of the phenomenon to her 125k followers.

As Metro put it, these unexpected messages are never malicious or rude, “they’re just designed to bait and baffle… aim[ing] to get a response by reeling you in with their absolutely baffling timing.”

“Upon receiving one, you’ll be struck with many questions. What do they want? Why now? Is something horribly wrong? Are they madly in love with me? Should I respond?”

Or course it can be supremely tempting to message them back, even if only to try to get to the bottom of their unexpected text. But — if you’re looking for payback — this is the wrong road to go down as your reply “could condone their initial bad behavior” and “it’s unlikely to end well,” (Yahoo).

But as gluttons for punishment ourselves, we’re not going to judge. Either ignore them or type yourself silly: but whatever you do, don’t assume you are now a priority for them; they most likely just got bored.

 

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